💯💯💯Cause what if you meet someone after him that worships the ground you walk on?! Or find peace because you no longer have someone in your life that's stealing yours!.... women really need to let go of these scarcity mindsets.
Yep. My ex-husband found a younger preference to give him a kid because I refused to. I don't know what he told her about me, but the little hussy showed her pregnant behind by calling me and bragging that he chose the "real" woman because she agreed to have his kid. She really thought she was doing something. Now, mind you, he didn't bother to marry her. Four months after she had his daughter, he up and left her to be a single mother. She had to humble herself and come to ME to help her with getting his information to start a child support case. I actually did help her because I realized she was young and dumb, and I wanted her to stick it to him via a child support order. We have to remember, some women are still under the patriarchal fog and have not woken up yet. Men have to deliver a healthy dose of FAFO to women for them to finally see the light.
I call it glancing back in the rear view mirror to make sure nothing is gonna bite you in the ass. But if you stare at the rare view mirror you WILL crash and burn. So we focus on right now and the future and occasionally glance back there.
Better to be able to move on than to be stalked. And sometimes it's the _new woman_ who does the stalking! A lot of the time the new woman does it because the man, ironically, will brag on what you did for him to her in order to control her behavior by keeping her insecure. And it makes her obsessed with copying you and hating you.
Sometimes a tough pill to swallow is that she might have a better experience with him than you did and that’s okay too. You don’t have to find happiness in another woman’s potential misery. You should move on either way. Humans can change.
Wishing that a woman has the same or worse experience than you is like when “nice guys” think that the next man is gonna beat on us because we didn’t use them. It’s two sides of the same coin.
@@vespertine2326 Well majority of the time that doesn’t happen. There is know human on this earth they will go from being a demon to an angel lol that just doesn’t happen.
I think my secret weapon is that once an ex is out of my life, I don't stay in touch. I tried that once - staying friends bs, and I will never do that again. I don't have social media like that - no IG or snapchat so there's no way for me to know what they're doing. They can't even hear about me from the grapevine. So yeah, I genuinely have no clue what my exes are up to at this moment and that gives me peace.
That too. I don't stay in touch if it didn't end well and if we weren't really friends to begin with. I move the fuck on it. It usually freaks them out but it's for the best.
The funny thing is he kept coming back.. Sometimes, they don’t come back because they genuinely miss you. Sometimes they miss what they could get away with while they were with you.
Come on and preach! I wish more women understood that! There are too many women out here that love to holler out “ he won’t leave me alone” or “ he will always want me”! And I promise , that used to make me feel so bad, but then I realized when these men “ go back” they rarely come back with better behavior. I realized after growing up some, that most men “ go back” to those that don’t hold them accountable for anything. These are the chicks that don’t care if they sleep around on them or not, so long as they “ come home”. These women are praised by these men simply because the women put the men before everything else in their lives, including their children. And usually these women aren’t even their wives- just longtime “girlfriends”. She hit the nail on the head- these women lack healthy boundaries , and abusive men love that!
And that is why we block and ignore. I assume they miss what they could get away with most of the time. Or they miss having a chick and not having to put in all the work, because now they have to go out and hunt again.
The more I hear this stuff... The more I realise that males have to be trained on how to behave... Like dogs?? Wtf. A badly behaved man is a person who failed the childhood maturation process... Now women have to enforce boundaries.. To protect themselves from creepy dude's. Ugh
The majority of men never mature beyond adolescence. It doesn't matter how well they were raised. They'll stay with a woman who puts up with them. When she won't anymore, he'll move onto the next and do the same.
My mom always said that to me regarding my 😒 husband, "You gotta train him, baby." ATP I've trained myself. I don't have the time and energy to do such a thing.
Imagine the heights I would reach if I used the time, skills and energy for training a man and invested in myself. Now imagine millions of women doing the same thing. There wouldn't be a single glass ceiling left to break.🤦🏽♀️
A man who is bad to ONE woman is bad to ALL women because what is he going to do when he don’t like the next woman anymore? Men don’t have the right to treat a woman bad because she’s not “the one.” Things change, and what seems like “the one” at one point might not be the same later. So just keep dogging women out because they’re not the one. Nah that’s just their character and another way to blame women for something.
What’s nasty is how women talk about the “rebound women”, as if she is less than the ex or as if she is trying to help him get revenge on the ex. A lot of times the rebound doesn’t know that they are a rebound at first. They don’t know the story of his past relationship and so what are they supposed to do? Only date guys who have never been in relationships? They can still be toxic. The rebound is not a better or lesser person. She is just the next fly in the trap, and you should pray that she also manages to escape like you did
But that goes both ways. Because the man lies about the ex the girl hates her. He Lord about the ex while also putting her on a pedestal. Which is weird.
He's not a better version. He's in the start up phase of the relationship like he was with you when you still liked him. He just got factory reset and is working again. Don't worry give him time and he will start malfunctioning with her just like he did with you.
And if she gets a good version of him for her entire life it's only because he picked a younger woman and she outlived his inevitable degradation into the true self that you rejected him for.
Why would you be so worried about your ex that you’re giving him “time”? How long are you going to occupy your life with your ex’s affairs to even know if she “outlived his inevitable degradation”? He should be a thing of the past not someone you’re giving your time to.
Exactly. Most of the time men are incapable of significant change anyway. That's why so many of them can't figure out their woman is leaving them even though she told him like 50 times she was unhappy.
I ahve a feeling this new girl is his dream girl. The dream girl Barbara the builder is left for. This is the proof that men DO understand what romance is, what a proper date is, and they will show up and put effort into the woman they want to. What we can learn from this is not to tolerate when someone treats us less then, don't be a placeholder. She is not better than you, you were just not his type.
That's nonsense. The way he treated you is who he really is. He's putting on a front right now to lure in his "dream girl" but as the girl who is usually the dream girl. Eventually they're treating all of us like shit. It's not the girl. It's his own selfishness and entitlement.
sorry to burst your bubble but a self centered "man" has no "dream girl". soon as his dream becomes a reality he shows his true colors. it's all about the chase for many men.
If he is treating her better, that's okay. I hope he's treating her better. It doesn't say anything about me or her. It's about him, and I hope he has grown as a person.
Pick-me life is hard lol. I used to think like this and I have empathy for women who feel broken when it feels like a man discarded of her and picked another woman who she thinks might be better than her. It truly takes over your mind and I wish we didn’t feel this way.
I agree no need to try to figure out why he's changed for her and not me I think the best thing is to realize that u two weren't meant to be and your dating life isn't over. No need to spend thought on picking yourself apart to try to figure out why he's a better man now for some one else just focus on yourself as cliche as it sounds its the truth
I don’t know what happened to my ex since I blocked him on social media and I moved away but my ex then boyfriend used me for money and cheated on me with his female “ best friend “. He would constantly disrespect me and allowed his white friend to disrespect me by saying the n word. As soon as I called him and his friend out, I was the angry black woman. He also gave me some sob story about how he couldn’t pay his rent because he lost his job. I loaned him money after he promised to pay me back. He never paid me back. I left him after I found out that he cheated on me with his female best friend. Most likely he took that money I loaned him to spend on his “ best friend “. That is a lesson learned. After that, I went to therapy and I started setting boundaries. I no longer accept disrespect from men. Now I’m with a good man who treats me right.
Yes there is a reason. Because they are too nice (pretends to be a good man) to ever outright reject them. They are too clingy for you to be rude. They don't understand or they pretend not to understand wen you give them hints or act uninterested. Overall, they are a pain in the ass. And have no healthy ego to be outright rejected. So they are kept in the friendzone, mostly to not make yourself feel bad about rejecting such a 'nice guy'. god i hate ppl like that. Its like, take a fking hint and leave. Leave me alone and stop cornering me.
Some people don't change. They just change who they abuse, they just learn to be more careful, so we also gotta learn how to be more careful with ourselves
This is true. Just remember their tactics so they don't ever work again, either by them or someone else. That's all that matters. Guys usually share the same tactics anyway so when you see one use them, recognize it for what it is, it makes it that much easier to ignore the next clown who tries the same thing. They're not even original, most of them.
I do believe that women need to let go and let God once a relationship or marriage ends. Getting caught up in the idea of he’s treating someone else better , is too competitive for me. I have heard of women who get cheated on , lied to, even beat up by “their men” and once they finally receive the blessing of being rid of him- they start investigating his new life & trying to get him to “ cheat” on the new woman as a way to get back at her. Women need to hold these men accountable period. Stop competing with other women for a man that mistreated you, because when he “ comes back” it’s going to be the same thing that it always was. That’s often times why men “ come back”, not love or not being able to “live without you” but because you are easy. You cater to him even though mistreatment . You act like his mother, etc etc etc
My ex from hs got married and in the same week, he was PM’ing me on FB trying to “get a cup of coffee” and he has been “searching for me for years” cause I’m not on FB and don’t have social media besides YT. I quickly blocked him. Bro literally just got married. Tf
Same. He was so busy trying to run after me that his wife called me. I asked her if she saw me answer his calls or respond to his msges. She unalived herself a few months later. He must have put her through alot.
I had the same thing done to me when I was 18. My ex cheated on me and broke up with me for the woman he cheated on me with. Few months later, he gets back in touch, whilst he was still with her, asking me to not date anyone else 😂 She clearly needed to do better because it's definitely not a good enough job if he keeps coming back to me whilst dating and lovebombing her.
My ex husband left me for “better”👀 he was 36 and she was 16 when they married (they are arab and her family signed her off to this) i was so traumatized and spooked for years by the fact that i married a creep..i only know bc we have a child so I occasionally see them.. lord have mercy.. i just pray for her.. she is just a victim and his family bullies her as he cheats on her and isolates her…but i know she will get ahead of it all
It’s interesting that they utilized their culture to sign off a 16 year old getting married to a 36 year old, but don’t utilize their culture to tell him that he shouldn’t be having sex with women he isn’t married to and infidelity is a sin 🙄
“She’s just a rebound” “she’s lesser than you” GIRL move tf on. You are so bitter and jealous to talk about women that way, and I rarely say that about other women. That is so unhealthy to try to think of the ways you are “better” than her. It’s also pretty dang sexist to view women in this matter. Meditate, journal, workout, get therapy. MOVE ON.
I'm shocked too. It's a shame that a woman feels the need to demean another woman because of a man who never chose her! Whatever happened to decentering men!!
@@Karaa-J exactly!! You are giving him WAY too much mental space. Plus it’s always gross to hate the woman when the source of all that is the guy. Like can we stop using women as a scapegoat.
What helped me was to understand my self worth and value is NOT tied to how my significant other treats me (good or bad). By separating that, I can move on with my life after heartbreak. If he gets into another relationship (which he will) and treats her better than so be it. It DOESN’T determine my value!!!! Hopefully, he has evolved and become a better person; if not and he’s faking it with the new gf, then it is not my problem. How he treated me is a reflection of him, NOT me!!!
These type of men never change. They think the relationship didn’t work because of you! When they are not able to comprehend that they are doing something wrong, they feel they have nothing to change. Believe me. I spoke with my ex’s ex and she gave me the closure he never gave me because he did the same thing to her that he did to me like 15 years earlier. The new girl was you in the beginning of the relationship. Don’t feel jealous of her because she will have to learn who he really is in her own time.
My ex husband’s new wife came to me years later and said that he treats her the same and he treated me. She said she never blamed me entirely for our divorce and even said she’s very unhappy, wants out, and that me and her should look for land together to raise my girls and her girls (they had 2 daughters together too) to get away from him. I think nearly every man is pulling the same crap on the new woman.
They all get the same treatment sometimes they get treated worse .. I thought my ex was treating everyone well because he said the problem was me I heard reports from associates and he was putting her thru the ringer put to the public he pretended that’s the public face… men are a waste of time single since 2018 men not worth the headache for dating
I admit to being cynical, so I don't believe in talking to the woman of a bad man, especially if that man is my ex. Too many women get jammed up being in the mix (i.e., someone else's relationship), often for the couple to stay together, feel more united by making you the interloper. Nah. I won't ever trust it. Her bad marriage to a man I moved on from is not my business. I watch too much true crime for that.
@@LadyAstarionAncunin I never asked her to divulge their marital problems. Of course I had to interact with both my ex and her to exchange custody of the kids for visitations. It’s a simple story of what happened, not some intrigue or dramatic goal to break up a family. She knew I was the only one who’d understand how he treated her. Period.
A persons past behaviors, is a GREAT indicator of their present behaviors. The ONLY time that statement is incorrect, is when the person is ACTIVELY trying to become a better person. He or she has looked within themselves and made a CONSCIOUS decision to change. The VAST majority have not reached that conclusion, therefore she’s getting the same man that you had. 😏
Yup! Repeated actions will not change no matter how many times you try to correct them and tell them how it makes you feel. Don’t believe the false promises when they say “I’m trying to change”. Trying is not doing!
I was wondering how my ex changed... then one night he came over tried to break in and slashed my tire. No he got worse, and suddenly I cannot get myself to give a f about him anymore.
Ladies please stop talking trash about your ex's new girl. Calling her a rebound and downgrade of you is wrong. Its low self-esteem, cant cope with a breakup BS. Stop putting down women to make yourself feel better! In most cases the new girl isn't even thinking about you. (Only some new girlfriends do that). If you need to call the new girlfriend a lesser version of yourself to feel better about your breakup then then you need to fix that low self esteem within yourself. Lets be real, if you are with man and he's dated before then YOU ARE the next girl. How would you feel if his ex girlfriend was on the internet calling you the downgrade rebound?
It doesn’t matter even if he did become a better person, don’t forget he wasn’t willing to makes those changes when y’all were together which is proof he was never your person. People who want things to work put in the effort. Just remember what you didn’t like and filter out those who have such traits in the future.
It’s musty fresh meat all around. Let them have each other. The glow up is being manifested after you dropped the dead weight. Be patience and stay focused. NEVER spin the block.
20 years ago I had a boyfriend who left and went with another girl. I was so heart brown. A couple of months later they both were killed in a motorcycle accident. It could have been me so she saved my life
This stuff reminds me of my past anxieties. Worrying about if I’m “the one” for him, am I his “dream girl” “if he wanted to, he will” regarding marriage. I dunno, I don’t like these phrases anyway, it sounds too “pick me.” Like we’re just lined up for the men to take their pick and we need to figure out what role we play in the guys life: is he learning from us, leveling up for us, intending to marry us, just sex. And if he doesn’t want us we just get discarded and we weren’t “the one” for him. Sorry that’s long, but I don’t like thinking that way. We should come first in their own lives.
I understand what you're saying. I was reading an article recently where Gail King was talking about her son's engagement and she for some odd reason she made mention of the fact that her son had been with many women before his fiance but they just were not "the one" and literally my first thought was typical boy mom😂 Would she feel the same if her daughter had her time wasted by a man who ended up marrying someone else just because oh well she is not "the one"?
I know it might be hard but it’s time for us to not care about what our exes are doing in their next relationship. Could he be treating her better? Maybe. Doesn’t change that he’s your ex and there’s a good reason you’re not together. All my exes are blocked everywhere even on my social media. I don’t know what they’re up to in their new relationships and frankly I don’t care 🤷🏾♀️
Frankly, it doesn't matter if he treats another woman better. It only matters how he treats *you* . Staying with them is simply cutting off your nose to spite your face. You can't force someone to choose you. Why would you want to?
I needed this video today. I am saving this one for my darkest days. I put my abusive husband out in February and I am so worried about out him getting a new wife that he treats well and then I’ll have to try to explain to my kids why he’s good to his new family and treated us so bad. I just can’t imagine. I needed this
Remember honey, if it looks like she's being treated better, he's just love bombing her the way he did to you. You're been there, done that 💅 all you need to do now is keep your and your children safe. You got this!
I just went through this not too long ago. An ex got married to a woman who has my same name and damn near my same birthday (only reason why I know is because we attend the same church and they got a shout-out during a church event). I just had to laugh and thank God. I truly hope he’s happy and treating her well if only so no other woman has to go through any more foolishness at his hand. I don’t envy them for a second.
And the “future faker” man doesn’t always avoid marriage. They might marry if it serves them and brings them more social capital. Men gain social capital when getting married and having children. My abusive ex got married within a year of us splitting and it was the same person he cheated on me with the entire time. He was lying to us both for years and then “chose” her and she really does think she got picked😂
This is true. My ex and I use to get in a lot of arguments. I ended up leaving. Years later I find out he ended up choking his wife, which I think they ended up divorcing shortly afterwards. I always think 🤔 🤔🤔 if I stayed that could’ve been me. Glad it’s NOT!!!🎉🎉🎉
This is one mistake I never make. I always assume that the next chick is getting the same guy I got. They might be a little slicker because they've learned a few new tricks and what works vs what doesn't but most of the time, I know I can move on in peace because they haven't learned enough to not be an asshole to the next person too.
This!! It's been over 2 weeks since I broke up with my bf. I just have this immense anger with how I just wasted my time prepping him for the next girl. So thank you for the reminder that I was not the problem ❤ He was my everything but I'm just a placeholder for the "best girl" he's going to be with (if he ever finds contentment but I highly doubt it) 😂
@@Priscilla_Boye Thank you!!! 🥺 I still cry about it but I just know that I made the right choice. The glow up after walking away is REAL AF 🥰 I love your channel btw! Please keep going ♥️
You need to stop worrying about that guy or whatever next woman he is on to. Your focus now should be purely on yourself and what you want for your life.
Every time you feel sad, just call to mind something that you disliked about him/ the relationship and say to yourself "Thank god I don't have to put up with THAT anymore!" while mentally picturing whatever it was and feeling the bad feeling you had about that thing, to help "counter' those regretful feelings; this really DOES work well to keep you from dwelling on "the good times" and falling into the trap of letting those memories deceive you into believing you should "try again"/"give another chance". And no you did NOT "waste time"; as long as you LEARN from experiences, the time was NOT wasted!
I look at some of my friends ex's and I feel sorry for the new women in his life. I remembered how he treated my friend and my gut is usually right about how he never changed and the new woman is his new victim.
“…on to the next…” That’s facts 😅 it’s like some men have a mission to have as much women as possible. And it’s crazy because their leaving women with soul ties and demons 😳 even other things 😢😬
This is not always true. If you lack boundaries and allow people to run over you , you will get a different outcome than someone else. Sometimes we can say “she is getting by the same” to make ourselves feel better for our lack of boundaries. People can change, and they will evolve for the better if they value something and it’s important.
Me and my ex are co-parents so we've developed a pretty solid friendship. He sometimes tells me about his dating experiences and I can't help but laugh about it. He's having a horrible experience because these women aren't taking his bullsh!t like I did. He's 40 so he's even tried to date younger girls in their 20's but the young women are even more cutthroat with him, lol. After bombing with women from age 20-50, he's finally in therapy so hopefully he can figure something out. I hate to toot my own horn but BEEP BEEP mutha phucker...I'm not perfect but I always knew that I was/am a PHENOMENAL woman. If he dropped the ball with me, he'll drop it with any decent woman he meets... and that's exactly what's he's doing. He also tried to act like he was a "changed" man for his new relationship but that relationship didn't last longer than 6 months 😂😂😂😂
My friend divorced her lazy, financially irresponsible husband. He quickly knocked up a woman who refused to work and suddenly he had to be the breadwinner. And the two times i ran into him in public, he tried hitting on me
Yeah, this topic is so odd to me. Why do you have to wish that the next girl will get treated poorly in order to feel better after a breakup? If the only way you can feel good is to imagine the next woman going through it, you have A LOT of healing to do. I don't care what my ex is doing with the next woman. I know that he isn't my person. If he finds the woman that IS his person and treats her like a queen, good for them. I'm not in competition with my exes new woman. I don't need to soothe myself with thoughts of her getting played and treated badly, and honestly how fxcked up is that to sit and wish poorly on the next person to make myself feel good. This whole mentality is just fxcked up and reeks of brokenness and bitterness, I hate to even use that word but I'm sorry. We gotta collectively heal and TRULY de-center men and relationships because this ain't healthy. I want yall to really hear yourselves wishing pain and suffering on other women because you experienced it. Maybe this is why you aren't finding happiness and peace, because THIS is the energy you're putting into the universe.
Hmmm wow 👏👏👏 it’s nice to see that some women can move past hurt so smoothly and sad that it takes others a while to heal but if we support women like we claim then let’s keep them also in our prayers so they can also heal and move past it instead of being judgmental towards them 🤷♀️because while you are busy pointing fingers remember that 4 fingers are pointing back at you. Love and peace to you all.
When I break I break like Mariah said. I don’t check in and I don’t let them check in with me and not their family or friends either. I keep it moving and even hope the best for him as far away from me as possible. Blocking calls and social media helps too.
Honestly I know they will never find better than me. So I don’t care, 🤷🏾♀️ it’s not my business. An Ex is an ex for a reason never a season. Congratulations 🥂 on 26K.
I kinda want to save the next girl. he's a serial cheater. he also tried to pressure me into having kids early on. I said no. for context I was 20 so it's not even that i don't want kids. I don't want anyone to feel how i felt but I'm not a super hero
I don't even think you can convince the woman in a lot of these scenarios. It's hard because women want to be loved and will make excuses for these guys in MOST cases.
Serious question: what is it with 'the culture' and not switching the smoke detector alarm? I've never come to my friends house to hear that ish beeping again and again without ppl doing something about it, yet I see video after video online with people going about their day acting like this is normal. What the heck is going on ?
Smoke detectors beep when they haven't paid the utility bill and power gets cut off by the city, or the power is down because of weather and/or rolling blackouts. Sometimes those suckers are just tricky to figure out, and there's something faulty in the wires. Maybe they have it mounted on two-story ceiling, and haven't gone to buy a $200 ladder that stretches 20 feet. Maybe they just don't know you have to replace the battery with some types of smoke detectors, as some are connected through a line. You never really know what's going on.
My ex baby daddy is only getting 💆🏻♂️from meth heads looking for a hit proudly king of the homeless meth heads! I have found the jelly to my peanut butter got to raise our awesome children and have a secure roof over my head! The best revenge is moving on and not looking back!
Men hurt other men. We dont say to victims of mens crimes, "well you were the man (he stabbed and robbed) to teach him how to be a better man for his new employer". No. He goes to jail. Excusing men is pick-me behavior. Depending on the virtue of a woman to heal a man is blasphemous. And shaming the woman instead of insisting she leave a toxic situation has not helped to improve men's behavior.
I'm quick as hell 😂 but they're right, men just don't want to work on a relationship and actually respect women, they're not kids who need process to learn respect, basically the simplest thing that they grant their male friends easily but for some reason not their partners ? They will respect a FICTIONAL male characters more than women 😂 so let's stop being delulu and leave when they show the first sign of disrespect
Too many women , especially those who practice struggle love” believe that disrespect from a man is him “ not knowing any better”. They refuse to accept a man’s nasty behavior as what it is. It happens all the time, they say he will learn how to treat me after I show him how etc, I have never understood this mentality. Never been able to make sense of it .
@AmberColeman-gq1wn Yikes, that's sad. If a man behaves like an idiot, that's not my problem. His parents didn't teach him better and as a grown man he hasn't decided to learn for himself...once again, not my problem. Some women love staying in abusive relationships.
And the men that do- here comes the dust mites calling him “simp” and “beta” and “weak”. According to my husband if you a good family man and love your wife and kids proud of the family you have, you a fool. This is the BS that is circulating and the reason men don’t want to be better for women. It is miserable lonely men with the loudest voices. So sad. 😔
@@AmberColeman-gq1wnthey delusional. You can’t change a man. He is who he is. You want to know a man true intentions - tell him “NO” and watch how he acts. Very telling about the type of man and husband or father he can be. Tell him “NO” and watch.
My ex boyfriend told me that after I blocked him, he was miserable, hurt and lonely. She told him that I had blocked him for 3 months and she convinced him that he should move on because clearly there was no way that I was still waiting for him. He moved on and said because I helped heal his emotional scars and even made him trust again. He gave her everything that I ever wanted and expensive trips and gifts. Only he realised that she only saw and opportunity, took advantage of him and used him! We talk now but I can never be with him, he opened his heart to her because she played him, pretending like she’s okay with his lifestyle, milked him dry and then started complaining
My ex found his next victim while he was with me before it ended. He kept stringing me along and I just got fed up and left after years of putting up with his behavior. Found out about the other girl after we broke up and I feel sorry for her. Hopefully she leaves early.
All of my exes have tried to come back, except 1. I ain’t never GAF about the next girl. Once we’re done THATS IT. I don’t do backsies, good luck sis! Cause he can’t spin the block my way. 😂
My abu$ive, toxic, narcissistic ex told me that if I left, I would miss out on him finally doing all the things I wanted him to do because he would be doing them for someone else. He literally tried to manipulate me by saying he'd treat someone the way I wanted him to treat me... toxic, I know. Yes, sometimes you wonder if they treat new girl better, and the truth is HE MIGHT treat her better. The thing is, he wasn't treating YOU right, and probably never consistently would without you having to cycle through copious amounts of toxic cycles to "get what you want." If you have to work THAT hard to get a man to treat you how you want to be treated, he is not for you. Toss him back and move on, alone or not. He isn't for you.
This is indeed the biggest fear in my narcissistic abuse group. I always remind them that they were also posting happy pics on social media but it didn't tell the truth about the relationship. Also, this is why 'no contact' is so important once you do leave.
I use to feel like that when a man I was with for five years got married after we broke up & before me. It hurt. And honestly... she did get the better version. I wasn't his wife & he wasn't my husband. We were never meant to be together 🤷🏾♀️ God told me that and then showed me. That was her husband. I accepted it, let go & moved on. You can't dwell on what's not meant for you. You'll miss what God has for you dwelling on what was never even meant for you in the first place.
Even if he does treat the next woman better so damm what?? You shouldn't even care what he does with the next woman. You no longer have to worry or stress yourself out about him. Its time to put yourself first and put what YOU want at the forefront!
exactly..I dont get this concern of if he's a better version or not I really don't care all I know is iam not with him any longer what he does and who he does it with isn't my business. I dont understand ppl need to know this and sadly it's women who are occupied with this way of thinking than men and it's a waste of time regardless . Simply accept the relationship is over and move on focus on your life and live it to the fullest no need to pick yourself apart trying to figure out why he's better with the new one create a new chapter in your life just like he's doing even if that chapter doesn't involve a new man
From the last 2 relationships I was in. I learned something you are. Who you attract in the past few relationships? I was in. I have to self reflect and realize. I need to grow and change myself. But half of these men that co-op move on are still treating their New Girl the same way he used to treat me. In half a time they will attract a woman that is just like him. And she has 0 boundaries and 0 expectations for him. In my head, i'm thinking he's treating her way better, but he's reaping what he's so and realizing who he's attracting in his life
I think this mindset is toxic if it ISNT a rebound they’re with … someone can grow and change. I know for a fact guys are getting a better me than they would have 3-4 years ago. It is OKAY to not WAIT on the potential for them to change and don’t build them into a changed person. But yeah, some women do get a better version of your ex than you. Ik some of my exes have treated women well and some continue to try to talk to me knowing they’re not single (same cheating behavior as before)
My friends ex was putting the new chick thru all the ish he put her through. My friend moved on and got married. Years later she and her husband were expecting their first child when she bumped into the new girl at a store. When the girl saw that she was pregnant she calls the guy to ask if the baby was his. That's when my friend realized he's putting the new girl through the same nonsense. He was still a habitual liar and cheater.
My ex is happily engaged and I'm so happy for the both of them. I think they make an amazing couple and i even had to encourage him to not hurt her bc she seemed like a good woman when he first met her. Our son is happy, he likes her and is excited that he's going to be an uncle. I'm proud of my ex for stepping up, being a better person and learning how be a committed partner. Ppl can indeed change and that may be hard for some to admit bc it could hurt. Your ex could indeed be treating them differently than they treated you. It is a possibility.
Warning, this is a little long: Reminds me of the guy I was with before I met my husband. 😆 We were together for like 6 months and to the outside world he didn't claim me as his girlfrien, he called me his "home girl" 😒 he would stand me up on dates, and I allowed it for a little bit because I was young and dumb. I even lost my virginity to this guy. I was in love and doing the pick-me thing. Once I saw it wasn't going to lead anywhere, I nicely ended it, when I say nicely, I basically acted like I was in the wrong and that he can do better, my self-esteem was in the ground. We got back together and after a month I just didn't feel the same and ended it. That last conversation I told him I was done and told him that those feelings were gone. He told me the following, "I'm Columbian so I'm raging with lust and told you what you wanted to hear", that broke me, after he said that, I said "wow, so you used me? I'm glad I know that, we're done, I dodged the ultimate bullet with you", he got quiet and then apologized, and I didn't see him again. I've heard bits and pieces about him over the years since we have friends in common, the girl he was with after me turned out to be crazy AF, at least that's what I was told, my guess he made her crazy. Fast forward to now, he is still single, and moved to Colombia, even though he was born in the states, his family thinks he's running away from life. He denies it, but whatever, me being from a third world country, I grew up in the slums, I have ZERO interest in going back there, so for him to voluntarily leave the opportunities the U.S. has to go to Colombia makes no sense, he is definitely running away from his life. Oh well. Lord blessed me with an amazing husband and I'm grateful. Sometimes you gotta kiss some frogs. Even then at 22, I was looking for a husband. I took a break from dating and didn't meet my husband until I was 29, now at 36, I'm very happy in my married life. When I was with the first guy, I was so concerned about him leaving me, but truth be told, I never had him. My husband claimed me immediately was talking marriage by month 7. Got married in 2021. It's ok to let go of what's not working ladies, that guy is just the dude before husband enters the picture. Wish the dude the best. I'm just going to continue to live my best life. 😎 P.S. I forgot to add that a couple of months ago he loved not "like", LOVED a photo of me on Facebook, we stopped dating around 2012, the photo was ofa party I went to 2017, why? I don't know and don't want to know. I'm updated with a new last name on married status on Facebook, curious he didn't like any of my recent photos, maybe is because they are of me and my husband doing fun things. 🤔 It's weird but I don't care enough to pursue the reason why. 😆
Better “ version “ that means he’s just adjusting to cater to the new person. They always fall back to their normal state once the honeymoon period wears off. They will get worse in my opinion
the lady at 5:13 is ON TARGET. I got involved with a man and it didn't last three months and when we split, I was so friggin elated but the one I felt bad for, even though they were divorced, was his last wife because she put up with that for over fifteen years.
The thing I dislike about this conversation and how many women (including those in these clips) tend to vilify and down talk the rebound or new woman, as if she isn’t just as innocent and unknowing as you were when you met the guy (this is not for women who were side chicks or helping a man cheat, I’m talking about genuinely innocent women who just happened to meet the same terrible guy). A lot of these women are speaking without an ounce of grace for the new woman, some of them even speak in a tone of disdain and contempt towards the woman which to me cancels out the whole conversation if you’re trying to uplift women, because if you can’t hold grace for another woman who unknowingly entered the same situation as you previously did, did you really learn/grow from the situation? Sounds like someone who’s still not over the situation or too male-centered to realize other women need the same support. I wish anyone who’s dating any of my exes luck and if they happen to get a better version of that person than I received, then so be it, it’s no longer my concern, good for them. ❤
For me my ex treating someone better is not an indication of my self worth . I know the truth of how they are as a person . Thats enough for me . Whether he treats someone very good after me or bad after me is none of my buisness he stopped being my buisness the day we split . That’s it
I left my ab*sive husband whee we n I couldn’t take the lies, gaslighting, tantrums, and holes in walls anymore. I was still on Facebook when he found a new woman, and clearly he painted me in a bad light, because she was on there calling me stupid, a wh*re, etc. Last I saw about them, he talked her into being a stay at home wife. Just like he did to me before the real ab*se started. She’ll learn soon enough.
This makes me think of that woman crying because after 17 years her ex husband was “taking” his finance out of the country and she had always begged him to do that for her.
DEPENDS ON THE WOMAN... SOME MEN CAN'T TREAT ALL WOMEN THE SAME WAY BECUZ ALL WOMEN NOT CUT FROM THE SAME CLOTH.... SOME WOMEN AS SOON AS WE SEE BULLSHIT WE LEAVE, SOME WOMEN SIMPLY STAY!!!
Cap. A person's character reveals themselves. I don't lie or cheat cause I'm not a liar or cheater. If it changes according to who I'm with it was never my character in the 1st place. Saying this doesn't mean a person cannot learn from their mistakes, grow & change. I have seen it happen.
Some of my exes ended up with women who were all the things he told me he didn't want. So for me it's funny to see them in that mess. One ex inadvertantly showed me his pattern of using women to step up in his life without any regard for her. He even told me that. I dodged that bullet.
I have a better version of my husband than anyone before. It’s because he was dating from 16-23 and then he and I grew up together and learned so much together. So because I was equally flawed and we luckily are good at communicating, we are better versions together than we were for anyone else.
Even if she is getting a better version, that’s no longer your concern. Just move on. It’s just a man.
Yess👏🏽
This is the comment I was looking for
Salty 😭
Exactly! I would never wish a toxic ex on the next woman. One would hope that they mature at some point for the goodwill of society.
💯💯💯Cause what if you meet someone after him that worships the ground you walk on?! Or find peace because you no longer have someone in your life that's stealing yours!.... women really need to let go of these scarcity mindsets.
Yep. My ex-husband found a younger preference to give him a kid because I refused to. I don't know what he told her about me, but the little hussy showed her pregnant behind by calling me and bragging that he chose the "real" woman because she agreed to have his kid. She really thought she was doing something. Now, mind you, he didn't bother to marry her. Four months after she had his daughter, he up and left her to be a single mother. She had to humble herself and come to ME to help her with getting his information to start a child support case. I actually did help her because I realized she was young and dumb, and I wanted her to stick it to him via a child support order.
We have to remember, some women are still under the patriarchal fog and have not woken up yet. Men have to deliver a healthy dose of FAFO to women for them to finally see the light.
Omg! I pray they all wake up sooner rather than later.
you're an angel because I would just laugh in her face and walk away. 👀
Yeah, like calling young inexperienced women a hussy. You're obviously still hurting but you should still do better.
😂 hope that little runt finds out
@@kattodoggo3868 okay! She better than me for sure
If a romantic relationship ends just keep it moving. No need to look backwards. Be thankful the ex leaves you alone.
Exactly. Be careful of the ones that keep looking to spite you. Other than that, no reason to look back.
I call it glancing back in the rear view mirror to make sure nothing is gonna bite you in the ass. But if you stare at the rare view mirror you WILL crash and burn. So we focus on right now and the future and occasionally glance back there.
Better to be able to move on than to be stalked. And sometimes it's the _new woman_ who does the stalking! A lot of the time the new woman does it because the man, ironically, will brag on what you did for him to her in order to control her behavior by keeping her insecure. And it makes her obsessed with copying you and hating you.
Sometimes a tough pill to swallow is that she might have a better experience with him than you did and that’s okay too. You don’t have to find happiness in another woman’s potential misery. You should move on either way. Humans can change.
Wishing that a woman has the same or worse experience than you is like when “nice guys” think that the next man is gonna beat on us because we didn’t use them. It’s two sides of the same coin.
100 percent. Maybe he IS better, maybe he DID grow up. So? The healthiest thing to do is to put that chapter behind you.
@@vespertine2326 Well majority of the time that doesn’t happen. There is know human on this earth they will go from being a demon to an angel lol that just doesn’t happen.
@@babygirla5717exactly they’re being delusional. No one goes from scum to an angel in the space of 2 weeks 😭
U got the boy, she got the man, get over it.
I think my secret weapon is that once an ex is out of my life, I don't stay in touch. I tried that once - staying friends bs, and I will never do that again. I don't have social media like that - no IG or snapchat so there's no way for me to know what they're doing. They can't even hear about me from the grapevine. So yeah, I genuinely have no clue what my exes are up to at this moment and that gives me peace.
Youre onto something with this!
That too. I don't stay in touch if it didn't end well and if we weren't really friends to begin with. I move the fuck on it. It usually freaks them out but it's for the best.
Facts. Ive hd to many guys try to reach out again and its always the same shit
I'm a cold turkey kind of person. Once I'm done with something or someone, I'm done.
Me too I don’t have social media and I like it that way.
The funny thing is he kept coming back..
Sometimes, they don’t come back because they genuinely miss you. Sometimes they miss what they could get away with while they were with you.
Come on and preach! I wish more women understood that! There are too many women out here that love to holler out “ he won’t leave me alone” or “ he will always want me”! And I promise , that used to make me feel so bad, but then I realized when these men “ go back” they rarely come back with better behavior.
I realized after growing up some, that most men “ go back” to those that don’t hold them accountable for anything. These are the chicks that don’t care if they sleep around on them or not, so long as they “ come home”. These women are praised by these men simply because the women put the men before everything else in their lives, including their children. And usually these women aren’t even their wives- just longtime “girlfriends”.
She hit the nail on the head- these women lack healthy boundaries , and abusive men love that!
Lock your door 🔐🗝️🚪, so he will _never_ come back!
When they come back, they’re trying to find out if you would still put up with it. Shut the door, double lock it, don’t answer when he knocks.
That’s what users do.
And that is why we block and ignore. I assume they miss what they could get away with most of the time. Or they miss having a chick and not having to put in all the work, because now they have to go out and hunt again.
The more I hear this stuff... The more I realise that males have to be trained on how to behave... Like dogs?? Wtf. A badly behaved man is a person who failed the childhood maturation process... Now women have to enforce boundaries.. To protect themselves from creepy dude's. Ugh
The majority of men never mature beyond adolescence. It doesn't matter how well they were raised. They'll stay with a woman who puts up with them. When she won't anymore, he'll move onto the next and do the same.
Lmao!!! No lie! I was literally just telling my bestie this yesterday. They're like dogs! U gotta train em! 😂
My mom always said that to me regarding my 😒 husband, "You gotta train him, baby." ATP I've trained myself. I don't have the time and energy to do such a thing.
Imagine the heights I would reach if I used the time, skills and energy for training a man and invested in myself. Now imagine millions of women doing the same thing. There wouldn't be a single glass ceiling left to break.🤦🏽♀️
Yup
A man who is bad to ONE woman is bad to ALL women because what is he going to do when he don’t like the next woman anymore? Men don’t have the right to treat a woman bad because she’s not “the one.” Things change, and what seems like “the one” at one point might not be the same later. So just keep dogging women out because they’re not the one. Nah that’s just their character and another way to blame women for something.
What’s nasty is how women talk about the “rebound women”, as if she is less than the ex or as if she is trying to help him get revenge on the ex. A lot of times the rebound doesn’t know that they are a rebound at first. They don’t know the story of his past relationship and so what are they supposed to do? Only date guys who have never been in relationships? They can still be toxic. The rebound is not a better or lesser person. She is just the next fly in the trap, and you should pray that she also manages to escape like you did
Right?? Clearly shows that you haven’t moved on and really don’t respect other women. The only thing you should feel is empathy for the next woman.
Yup! I’ve been the rebound! If I would have known, I wouldn’t have participated.
So nasty and bitter just hoping and praying for the worst it's really sad 😂
Oh BRAVO 👏🏽 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 you said this perfectly
But that goes both ways. Because the man lies about the ex the girl hates her. He Lord about the ex while also putting her on a pedestal. Which is weird.
One thing i have learned is that bad people rarely change
This also. They're usually getting something out of being that way.
He's not a better version. He's in the start up phase of the relationship like he was with you when you still liked him.
He just got factory reset and is working again. Don't worry give him time and he will start malfunctioning with her just like he did with you.
And if she gets a good version of him for her entire life it's only because he picked a younger woman and she outlived his inevitable degradation into the true self that you rejected him for.
Exactly!!
Why would you be so worried about your ex that you’re giving him “time”? How long are you going to occupy your life with your ex’s affairs to even know if she “outlived his inevitable degradation”? He should be a thing of the past not someone you’re giving your time to.
Exactly. Most of the time men are incapable of significant change anyway. That's why so many of them can't figure out their woman is leaving them even though she told him like 50 times she was unhappy.
I ahve a feeling this new girl is his dream girl. The dream girl Barbara the builder is left for. This is the proof that men DO understand what romance is, what a proper date is, and they will show up and put effort into the woman they want to. What we can learn from this is not to tolerate when someone treats us less then, don't be a placeholder. She is not better than you, you were just not his type.
That's a fact.
*less than
That's nonsense. The way he treated you is who he really is. He's putting on a front right now to lure in his "dream girl" but as the girl who is usually the dream girl. Eventually they're treating all of us like shit. It's not the girl. It's his own selfishness and entitlement.
sorry to burst your bubble but a self centered "man" has no "dream girl". soon as his dream becomes a reality he shows his true colors. it's all about the chase for many men.
If he is treating her better, that's okay. I hope he's treating her better. It doesn't say anything about me or her. It's about him, and I hope he has grown as a person.
This!
Yes! Mature, healthy thinking 👏
Pick-me life is hard lol. I used to think like this and I have empathy for women who feel broken when it feels like a man discarded of her and picked another woman who she thinks might be better than her. It truly takes over your mind and I wish we didn’t feel this way.
I agree no need to try to figure out why he's changed for her and not me I think the best thing is to realize that u two weren't meant to be and your dating life isn't over. No need to spend thought on picking yourself apart to try to figure out why he's a better man now for some one else just focus on yourself as cliche as it sounds its the truth
@@letrice2892 Yes. Thank you. 🩷
I don’t know what happened to my ex since I blocked him on social media and I moved away but my ex then boyfriend used me for money and cheated on me with his female “ best friend “. He would constantly disrespect me and allowed his white friend to disrespect me by saying the n word. As soon as I called him and his friend out, I was the angry black woman. He also gave me some sob story about how he couldn’t pay his rent because he lost his job. I loaned him money after he promised to pay me back. He never paid me back. I left him after I found out that he cheated on me with his female best friend. Most likely he took that money I loaned him to spend on his “ best friend “. That is a lesson learned. After that, I went to therapy and I started setting boundaries. I no longer accept disrespect from men. Now I’m with a good man who treats me right.
You ever think there is a reason why women "friend zone" certain men? 😂
Yes there is a reason. Because they are too nice (pretends to be a good man) to ever outright reject them. They are too clingy for you to be rude. They don't understand or they pretend not to understand wen you give them hints or act uninterested. Overall, they are a pain in the ass. And have no healthy ego to be outright rejected. So they are kept in the friendzone, mostly to not make yourself feel bad about rejecting such a 'nice guy'. god i hate ppl like that. Its like, take a fking hint and leave. Leave me alone and stop cornering me.
Some people don't change. They just change who they abuse, they just learn to be more careful, so we also gotta learn how to be more careful with ourselves
This is true. Just remember their tactics so they don't ever work again, either by them or someone else. That's all that matters. Guys usually share the same tactics anyway so when you see one use them, recognize it for what it is, it makes it that much easier to ignore the next clown who tries the same thing. They're not even original, most of them.
@@Liz-wz8dh Exactly. And remember: he fooled you, he can fool her too. He didnt change, he Just up-ed his game.
@@NothingNew4You Facts!
I do believe that women need to let go and let God once a relationship or marriage ends. Getting caught up in the idea of he’s treating someone else better , is too competitive for me.
I have heard of women who get cheated on , lied to, even beat up by “their men” and once they finally receive the blessing of being rid of him- they start investigating his new life & trying to get him to “ cheat” on the new woman as a way to get back at her.
Women need to hold these men accountable period. Stop competing with other women for a man that mistreated you, because when he “ comes back” it’s going to be the same thing that it always was. That’s often times why men “ come back”, not love or not being able to “live without you” but because you are easy. You cater to him even though mistreatment . You act like his mother, etc etc etc
💯💯
Oh hell no.
My ex from hs got married and in the same week, he was PM’ing me on FB trying to “get a cup of coffee” and he has been “searching for me for years” cause I’m not on FB and don’t have social media besides YT. I quickly blocked him. Bro literally just got married. Tf
Same. He was so busy trying to run after me that his wife called me. I asked her if she saw me answer his calls or respond to his msges. She unalived herself a few months later. He must have put her through alot.
@@beewest5704unalived herself oh no 😢
I had the same thing done to me when I was 18.
My ex cheated on me and broke up with me for the woman he cheated on me with. Few months later, he gets back in touch, whilst he was still with her, asking me to not date anyone else 😂 She clearly needed to do better because it's definitely not a good enough job if he keeps coming back to me whilst dating and lovebombing her.
@@ak-47intelligence75She needs 2 break up with him. Him cheating is about him, not her.
@@ak-47intelligence75or he is just an AH who is never satisfied.
My ex husband left me for “better”👀 he was 36 and she was 16 when they married (they are arab and her family signed her off to this) i was so traumatized and spooked for years by the fact that i married a creep..i only know bc we have a child so I occasionally see them.. lord have mercy.. i just pray for her.. she is just a victim and his family bullies her as he cheats on her and isolates her…but i know she will get ahead of it all
It’s interesting that they utilized their culture to sign off a 16 year old getting married to a 36 year old, but don’t utilize their culture to tell him that he shouldn’t be having sex with women he isn’t married to and infidelity is a sin 🙄
“She’s just a rebound” “she’s lesser than you” GIRL move tf on. You are so bitter and jealous to talk about women that way, and I rarely say that about other women. That is so unhealthy to try to think of the ways you are “better” than her. It’s also pretty dang sexist to view women in this matter. Meditate, journal, workout, get therapy. MOVE ON.
I'm shocked too. It's a shame that a woman feels the need to demean another woman because of a man who never chose her!
Whatever happened to decentering men!!
@@Karaa-J exactly!! You are giving him WAY too much mental space. Plus it’s always gross to hate the woman when the source of all that is the guy. Like can we stop using women as a scapegoat.
For comment sections pass the vibe check. ✨
Yeah I disagree with that but bad people rarely change, I just hope the next women gets out like I did, she should date me instead
What helped me was to understand my self worth and value is NOT tied to how my significant other treats me (good or bad). By separating that, I can move on with my life after heartbreak. If he gets into another relationship (which he will) and treats her better than so be it. It DOESN’T determine my value!!!! Hopefully, he has evolved and become a better person; if not and he’s faking it with the new gf, then it is not my problem. How he treated me is a reflection of him, NOT me!!!
These type of men never change. They think the relationship didn’t work because of you! When they are not able to comprehend that they are doing something wrong, they feel they have nothing to change. Believe me. I spoke with my ex’s ex and she gave me the closure he never gave me because he did the same thing to her that he did to me like 15 years earlier. The new girl was you in the beginning of the relationship. Don’t feel jealous of her because she will have to learn who he really is in her own time.
My ex husband’s new wife came to me years later and said that he treats her the same and he treated me. She said she never blamed me entirely for our divorce and even said she’s very unhappy, wants out, and that me and her should look for land together to raise my girls and her girls (they had 2 daughters together too) to get away from him.
I think nearly every man is pulling the same crap on the new woman.
They all get the same treatment sometimes they get treated worse .. I thought my ex was treating everyone well because he said the problem was me I heard reports from associates and he was putting her thru the ringer put to the public he pretended that’s the public face… men are a waste of time single since 2018 men not worth the headache for dating
I admit to being cynical, so I don't believe in talking to the woman of a bad man, especially if that man is my ex. Too many women get jammed up being in the mix (i.e., someone else's relationship), often for the couple to stay together, feel more united by making you the interloper. Nah. I won't ever trust it. Her bad marriage to a man I moved on from is not my business. I watch too much true crime for that.
@@LadyAstarionAncunin I never asked her to divulge their marital problems. Of course I had to interact with both my ex and her to exchange custody of the kids for visitations.
It’s a simple story of what happened, not some intrigue or dramatic goal to break up a family. She knew I was the only one who’d understand how he treated her. Period.
Okay, but, seriously....never do that lol
@@ThisIsBogus never do what? Marry someone who eventually treats you like crap? Or listen to her when she’s talking to me?
A persons past behaviors, is a GREAT indicator of their present behaviors.
The ONLY time that statement is incorrect, is when the person is ACTIVELY trying to become a better person.
He or she has looked within themselves and made a CONSCIOUS decision to change.
The VAST majority have not reached that conclusion, therefore she’s getting the same man that you had. 😏
Yup! Repeated actions will not change no matter how many times you try to correct them and tell them how it makes you feel. Don’t believe the false promises when they say “I’m trying to change”. Trying is not doing!
And you have to watch out for them trying to act like they're becoming a better person too. Narcissists use that trap a lot.
Past is prologue.
You can't teach an old 'dog' new tricks; leopards don't lose their spots!
I was wondering how my ex changed... then one night he came over tried to break in and slashed my tire. No he got worse, and suddenly I cannot get myself to give a f about him anymore.
Chileee my exes new partner is better than me…she is MOST DEFINITELY BETTER…I’m giving her the flowers and the props and sending my condolences!! 🤣🤣
Ladies please stop talking trash about your ex's new girl. Calling her a rebound and downgrade of you is wrong. Its low self-esteem, cant cope with a breakup BS. Stop putting down women to make yourself feel better!
In most cases the new girl isn't even thinking about you. (Only some new girlfriends do that).
If you need to call the new girlfriend a lesser version of yourself to feel better about your breakup then then you need to fix that low self esteem within yourself.
Lets be real, if you are with man and he's dated before then YOU ARE the next girl. How would you feel if his ex girlfriend was on the internet calling you the downgrade rebound?
It doesn’t matter even if he did become a better person, don’t forget he wasn’t willing to makes those changes when y’all were together which is proof he was never your person. People who want things to work put in the effort. Just remember what you didn’t like and filter out those who have such traits in the future.
It’s musty fresh meat all around. Let them have each other.
The glow up is being manifested after you dropped the dead weight.
Be patience and stay focused.
NEVER spin the block.
20 years ago I had a boyfriend who left and went with another girl. I was so heart brown. A couple of months later they both were killed in a motorcycle accident. It could have been me so she saved my life
Ctfu what the hell
😮
Uhm 👀...
😮😮🙏🏽🙏🏽
Don’t look at it that way. It was just her time. Her life wasn’t meant to be collateral damage for you.
This stuff reminds me of my past anxieties. Worrying about if I’m “the one” for him, am I his “dream girl” “if he wanted to, he will” regarding marriage. I dunno, I don’t like these phrases anyway, it sounds too “pick me.” Like we’re just lined up for the men to take their pick and we need to figure out what role we play in the guys life: is he learning from us, leveling up for us, intending to marry us, just sex. And if he doesn’t want us we just get discarded and we weren’t “the one” for him. Sorry that’s long, but I don’t like thinking that way. We should come first in their own lives.
I understand what you're saying. I was reading an article recently where Gail King was talking about her son's engagement and she for some odd reason she made mention of the fact that her son had been with many women before his fiance but they just were not "the one" and literally my first thought was typical boy mom😂 Would she feel the same if her daughter had her time wasted by a man who ended up marrying someone else just because oh well she is not "the one"?
@@omphilemoerane2569 thank you! Yea that phrasing just sounds so messed up. I’m pretty sure she would not feel that way about her daughter.
You have a good point of view 💙
I know it might be hard but it’s time for us to not care about what our exes are doing in their next relationship. Could he be treating her better? Maybe. Doesn’t change that he’s your ex and there’s a good reason you’re not together. All my exes are blocked everywhere even on my social media. I don’t know what they’re up to in their new relationships and frankly I don’t care 🤷🏾♀️
All the guys it didn’t work out with for me, are doing the exact same thing they were doing when we broke up.
Frankly, it doesn't matter if he treats another woman better. It only matters how he treats *you* . Staying with them is simply cutting off your nose to spite your face. You can't force someone to choose you. Why would you want to?
I needed this video today. I am saving this one for my darkest days. I put my abusive husband out in February and I am so worried about out him getting a new wife that he treats well and then I’ll have to try to explain to my kids why he’s good to his new family and treated us so bad. I just can’t imagine. I needed this
So glad it is helpful 🤗♥️
Beaucoup de courage ma chère. Soit forte et tout ira bien. Je peux comprendre votre peine...
Remember honey, if it looks like she's being treated better, he's just love bombing her the way he did to you. You're been there, done that 💅 all you need to do now is keep your and your children safe. You got this!
Please seek therapy. Surviving domestic abuse is no joke and you need to rebuild and heal so many parts of yourself.
@@jessikajane4967 yes! I started therapy for myself and my kids about a year before I put him out. I would never made it that far without it.
Im at the point in my life im content with being alone i don't want kids or drama so I rather being alone
same for me🥰
I am so glad that I have never had a boyfriend.
Your Safe and not missing nothing. My life is peaceful the past 2 years without them🥰💆🏾♀️💇🏾♀️🧘🏾♀️
@@kayshawnsimmons5585 Thank you.
Chuckling because with most men every new woman is a rebound 😢
I just went through this not too long ago. An ex got married to a woman who has my same name and damn near my same birthday (only reason why I know is because we attend the same church and they got a shout-out during a church event). I just had to laugh and thank God. I truly hope he’s happy and treating her well if only so no other woman has to go through any more foolishness at his hand. I don’t envy them for a second.
And the “future faker” man doesn’t always avoid marriage. They might marry if it serves them and brings them more social capital. Men gain social capital when getting married and having children. My abusive ex got married within a year of us splitting and it was the same person he cheated on me with the entire time. He was lying to us both for years and then “chose” her and she really does think she got picked😂
This is true. My ex and I use to get in a lot of arguments. I ended up leaving. Years later I find out he ended up choking his wife, which I think they ended up divorcing shortly afterwards.
I always think 🤔 🤔🤔 if I stayed that could’ve been me.
Glad it’s NOT!!!🎉🎉🎉
This is one mistake I never make. I always assume that the next chick is getting the same guy I got. They might be a little slicker because they've learned a few new tricks and what works vs what doesn't but most of the time, I know I can move on in peace because they haven't learned enough to not be an asshole to the next person too.
This!! It's been over 2 weeks since I broke up with my bf. I just have this immense anger with how I just wasted my time prepping him for the next girl. So thank you for the reminder that I was not the problem ❤ He was my everything but I'm just a placeholder for the "best girl" he's going to be with (if he ever finds contentment but I highly doubt it) 😂
Oh hunny 🤗 this too shall pass wishing you all the best in every aspect of your life and may he receive what he deserves.
@@Priscilla_Boye Thank you!!! 🥺 I still cry about it but I just know that I made the right choice. The glow up after walking away is REAL AF 🥰 I love your channel btw! Please keep going ♥️
You need to stop worrying about that guy or whatever next woman he is on to. Your focus now should be purely on yourself and what you want for your life.
@@tessy28 Yes!!! I am slowly learning to pour all my love and effort towards myself these days. Thank youuu 🥰😌
Every time you feel sad, just call to mind something that you disliked about him/ the relationship and say to yourself "Thank god I don't have to put up with THAT anymore!" while mentally picturing whatever it was and feeling the bad feeling you had about that thing, to help "counter' those regretful feelings; this really DOES work well to keep you from dwelling on "the good times" and falling into the trap of letting those memories deceive you into believing you should "try again"/"give another chance". And no you did NOT "waste time"; as long as you LEARN from experiences, the time was NOT wasted!
I wish them all the best.❤
Same because she may just be the perfect one for him.
Me too
Thank you so much for this video… now I don’t feel bad for blocking that man child!
You are so welcome
I look at some of my friends ex's and I feel sorry for the new women in his life. I remembered how he treated my friend and my gut is usually right about how he never changed and the new woman is his new victim.
“…on to the next…” That’s facts 😅 it’s like some men have a mission to have as much women as possible. And it’s crazy because their leaving women with soul ties and demons 😳 even other things 😢😬
This is not always true. If you lack boundaries and allow people to run over you , you will get a different outcome than someone else.
Sometimes we can say “she is getting by the same” to make ourselves feel better for our lack of boundaries. People can change, and they will evolve for the better if they value something and it’s important.
Exactly and i had to accountability for that and it was a harsh reality- still is
Me and my ex are co-parents so we've developed a pretty solid friendship. He sometimes tells me about his dating experiences and I can't help but laugh about it. He's having a horrible experience because these women aren't taking his bullsh!t like I did. He's 40 so he's even tried to date younger girls in their 20's but the young women are even more cutthroat with him, lol. After bombing with women from age 20-50, he's finally in therapy so hopefully he can figure something out. I hate to toot my own horn but BEEP BEEP mutha phucker...I'm not perfect but I always knew that I was/am a PHENOMENAL woman. If he dropped the ball with me, he'll drop it with any decent woman he meets... and that's exactly what's he's doing. He also tried to act like he was a "changed" man for his new relationship but that relationship didn't last longer than 6 months 😂😂😂😂
Girl this! And we only Baskin in it because it's FAFO season. 🥶
My friend divorced her lazy, financially irresponsible husband. He quickly knocked up a woman who refused to work and suddenly he had to be the breadwinner. And the two times i ran into him in public, he tried hitting on me
Yeah, this topic is so odd to me. Why do you have to wish that the next girl will get treated poorly in order to feel better after a breakup? If the only way you can feel good is to imagine the next woman going through it, you have A LOT of healing to do. I don't care what my ex is doing with the next woman. I know that he isn't my person. If he finds the woman that IS his person and treats her like a queen, good for them. I'm not in competition with my exes new woman. I don't need to soothe myself with thoughts of her getting played and treated badly, and honestly how fxcked up is that to sit and wish poorly on the next person to make myself feel good. This whole mentality is just fxcked up and reeks of brokenness and bitterness, I hate to even use that word but I'm sorry. We gotta collectively heal and TRULY de-center men and relationships because this ain't healthy. I want yall to really hear yourselves wishing pain and suffering on other women because you experienced it. Maybe this is why you aren't finding happiness and peace, because THIS is the energy you're putting into the universe.
Exactly! I was just about to say the same thing. Healed ppl don’t think badly for someone else cuz it didn’t work for them.
We don’t wish we know
Misery loves company! It hurts less if they think she going through it too which is sad and kinda pathetic
@@Danny-ii6jn right. Very sad.
Hmmm wow 👏👏👏 it’s nice to see that some women can move past hurt so smoothly and sad that it takes others a while to heal but if we support women like we claim then let’s keep them also in our prayers so they can also heal and move past it instead of being judgmental towards them 🤷♀️because while you are busy pointing fingers remember that 4 fingers are pointing back at you. Love and peace to you all.
When I break I break like Mariah said. I don’t check in and I don’t let them check in with me and not their family or friends either. I keep it moving and even hope the best for him as far away from me as possible. Blocking calls and social media helps too.
Honestly I know they will never find better than me. So I don’t care, 🤷🏾♀️ it’s not my business. An Ex is an ex for a reason never a season. Congratulations 🥂 on 26K.
Thanks darling 🥂💕💕
I kinda want to save the next girl. he's a serial cheater. he also tried to pressure me into having kids early on. I said no. for context I was 20 so it's not even that i don't want kids. I don't want anyone to feel how i felt but I'm not a super hero
I don't even think you can convince the woman in a lot of these scenarios. It's hard because women want to be loved and will make excuses for these guys in MOST cases.
@Liz-wz8dh I tried before. he had gotten married a few months after our relationship started. I think she blocked me. 6 months later she died.
Serious question: what is it with 'the culture' and not switching the smoke detector alarm? I've never come to my friends house to hear that ish beeping again and again without ppl doing something about it, yet I see video after video online with people going about their day acting like this is normal. What the heck is going on ?
Smoke detectors beep when they haven't paid the utility bill and power gets cut off by the city, or the power is down because of weather and/or rolling blackouts. Sometimes those suckers are just tricky to figure out, and there's something faulty in the wires. Maybe they have it mounted on two-story ceiling, and haven't gone to buy a $200 ladder that stretches 20 feet. Maybe they just don't know you have to replace the battery with some types of smoke detectors, as some are connected through a line. You never really know what's going on.
My ex baby daddy is only getting 💆🏻♂️from meth heads looking for a hit proudly king of the homeless meth heads! I have found the jelly to my peanut butter got to raise our awesome children and have a secure roof over my head! The best revenge is moving on and not looking back!
😂😂😂The way I was scratching my head to figure out the word for the emoji and I did
keeping tabs on an ex or concerned about their next victim or spouse, shows you are not over them.
I know she’s not.
Just put him in a jar & keep it moving. 💯
💯💯💪🏾
😂😂😂😂
People need to realise not everyone is a mate
Sometimes they do get a better version because they’re the soul mates not you
Wish I knew this in my twenties. Could have avoided some pain 😢❤
Men hurt other men. We dont say to victims of mens crimes, "well you were the man (he stabbed and robbed) to teach him how to be a better man for his new employer". No. He goes to jail. Excusing men is pick-me behavior. Depending on the virtue of a woman to heal a man is blasphemous. And shaming the woman instead of insisting she leave a toxic situation has not helped to improve men's behavior.
Who cares where the new girls ranks with you?!? You won youre out, his loss and your gain
I'm quick as hell 😂 but they're right, men just don't want to work on a relationship and actually respect women, they're not kids who need process to learn respect, basically the simplest thing that they grant their male friends easily but for some reason not their partners ? They will respect a FICTIONAL male characters more than women 😂 so let's stop being delulu and leave when they show the first sign of disrespect
💨😂 and I agree 💯💕💕
Too many women , especially those who practice struggle love” believe that disrespect from a man is him “ not knowing any better”. They refuse to accept a man’s nasty behavior as what it is. It happens all the time, they say he will learn how to treat me after I show him how etc, I have never understood this mentality. Never been able to make sense of it .
@AmberColeman-gq1wn Yikes, that's sad. If a man behaves like an idiot, that's not my problem. His parents didn't teach him better and as a grown man he hasn't decided to learn for himself...once again, not my problem. Some women love staying in abusive relationships.
And the men that do- here comes the dust mites calling him “simp” and “beta” and “weak”. According to my husband if you a good family man and love your wife and kids proud of the family you have, you a fool. This is the BS that is circulating and the reason men don’t want to be better for women. It is miserable lonely men with the loudest voices. So sad. 😔
@@AmberColeman-gq1wnthey delusional. You can’t change a man. He is who he is. You want to know a man true intentions - tell him “NO” and watch how he acts. Very telling about the type of man and husband or father he can be. Tell him “NO” and watch.
Awwwh...that's not true. Some men grow up and change. But whatever makes u feel better boo
My ex boyfriend told me that after I blocked him, he was miserable, hurt and lonely. She told him that I had blocked him for 3 months and she convinced him that he should move on because clearly there was no way that I was still waiting for him. He moved on and said because I helped heal his emotional scars and even made him trust again. He gave her everything that I ever wanted and expensive trips and gifts. Only he realised that she only saw and opportunity, took advantage of him and used him!
We talk now but I can never be with him, he opened his heart to her because she played him, pretending like she’s okay with his lifestyle, milked him dry and then started complaining
This channel is so addictive!
They don't change. They just get better at hiding their deviousness.
My ex found his next victim while he was with me before it ended. He kept stringing me along and I just got fed up and left after years of putting up with his behavior. Found out about the other girl after we broke up and I feel sorry for her. Hopefully she leaves early.
All of my exes have tried to come back, except 1. I ain’t never GAF about the next girl. Once we’re done THATS IT. I don’t do backsies, good luck sis! Cause he can’t spin the block my way. 😂
My abu$ive, toxic, narcissistic ex told me that if I left, I would miss out on him finally doing all the things I wanted him to do because he would be doing them for someone else. He literally tried to manipulate me by saying he'd treat someone the way I wanted him to treat me... toxic, I know.
Yes, sometimes you wonder if they treat new girl better, and the truth is HE MIGHT treat her better. The thing is, he wasn't treating YOU right, and probably never consistently would without you having to cycle through copious amounts of toxic cycles to "get what you want." If you have to work THAT hard to get a man to treat you how you want to be treated, he is not for you. Toss him back and move on, alone or not. He isn't for you.
This is indeed the biggest fear in my narcissistic abuse group. I always remind them that they were also posting happy pics on social media but it didn't tell the truth about the relationship. Also, this is why 'no contact' is so important once you do leave.
Love yourself First Ladies. These men are who they are. Let them do, be whatever. You know the real. Be thankful you escaped. Praise the Lord.
I use to feel like that when a man I was with for five years got married after we broke up & before me. It hurt. And honestly... she did get the better version. I wasn't his wife & he wasn't my husband. We were never meant to be together 🤷🏾♀️ God told me that and then showed me. That was her husband. I accepted it, let go & moved on.
You can't dwell on what's not meant for you. You'll miss what God has for you dwelling on what was never even meant for you in the first place.
Right on time. Thank you 😂
You’re welcome 💕💕
Even if he does treat the next woman better so damm what?? You shouldn't even care what he does with the next woman. You no longer have to worry or stress yourself out about him. Its time to put yourself first and put what YOU want at the forefront!
exactly..I dont get this concern of if he's a better version or not I really don't care all I know is iam not with him any longer what he does and who he does it with isn't my business. I dont understand ppl need to know this and sadly it's women who are occupied with this way of thinking than men and it's a waste of time regardless . Simply accept the relationship is over and move on focus on your life and live it to the fullest no need to pick yourself apart trying to figure out why he's better with the new one create a new chapter in your life just like he's doing even if that chapter doesn't involve a new man
Bingo! Weird this is even a discussion
💯💯💯💯it's giving resentment
Let's pretend she's getting a better version of him: he likely still isn't a prize XD
THIS!!
That "Coach Ashley, Angel Face" lady around 8:18 looks SO MUCH like Nichol Kessinger!!
Always remember this as well. A man getting married is not necessarily his “level up.”
From the last 2 relationships I was in. I learned something you are. Who you attract in the past few relationships? I was in. I have to self reflect and realize. I need to grow and change myself. But half of these men that co-op move on are still treating their New Girl the same way he used to treat me. In half a time they will attract a woman that is just like him. And she has 0 boundaries and 0 expectations for him. In my head, i'm thinking he's treating her way better, but he's reaping what he's so and realizing who he's attracting in his life
Toni Braxton, "He wasn't man enough for me." Fits this to a T! Wooooo.
I think this mindset is toxic if it ISNT a rebound they’re with …
someone can grow and change. I know for a fact guys are getting a better me than they would have 3-4 years ago. It is OKAY to not WAIT on the potential for them to change and don’t build them into a changed person. But yeah, some women do get a better version of your ex than you. Ik some of my exes have treated women well and some continue to try to talk to me knowing they’re not single (same cheating behavior as before)
My friends ex was putting the new chick thru all the ish he put her through. My friend moved on and got married. Years later she and her husband were expecting their first child when she bumped into the new girl at a store. When the girl saw that she was pregnant she calls the guy to ask if the baby was his. That's when my friend realized he's putting the new girl through the same nonsense. He was still a habitual liar and cheater.
My ex is happily engaged and I'm so happy for the both of them. I think they make an amazing couple and i even had to encourage him to not hurt her bc she seemed like a good woman when he first met her. Our son is happy, he likes her and is excited that he's going to be an uncle. I'm proud of my ex for stepping up, being a better person and learning how be a committed partner.
Ppl can indeed change and that may be hard for some to admit bc it could hurt. Your ex could indeed be treating them differently than they treated you. It is a possibility.
Warning, this is a little long: Reminds me of the guy I was with before I met my husband. 😆 We were together for like 6 months and to the outside world he didn't claim me as his girlfrien, he called me his "home girl" 😒 he would stand me up on dates, and I allowed it for a little bit because I was young and dumb. I even lost my virginity to this guy. I was in love and doing the pick-me thing. Once I saw it wasn't going to lead anywhere, I nicely ended it, when I say nicely, I basically acted like I was in the wrong and that he can do better, my self-esteem was in the ground. We got back together and after a month I just didn't feel the same and ended it. That last conversation I told him I was done and told him that those feelings were gone. He told me the following, "I'm Columbian so I'm raging with lust and told you what you wanted to hear", that broke me, after he said that, I said "wow, so you used me? I'm glad I know that, we're done, I dodged the ultimate bullet with you", he got quiet and then apologized, and I didn't see him again. I've heard bits and pieces about him over the years since we have friends in common, the girl he was with after me turned out to be crazy AF, at least that's what I was told, my guess he made her crazy. Fast forward to now, he is still single, and moved to Colombia, even though he was born in the states, his family thinks he's running away from life. He denies it, but whatever, me being from a third world country, I grew up in the slums, I have ZERO interest in going back there, so for him to voluntarily leave the opportunities the U.S. has to go to Colombia makes no sense, he is definitely running away from his life. Oh well. Lord blessed me with an amazing husband and I'm grateful. Sometimes you gotta kiss some frogs. Even then at 22, I was looking for a husband. I took a break from dating and didn't meet my husband until I was 29, now at 36, I'm very happy in my married life. When I was with the first guy, I was so concerned about him leaving me, but truth be told, I never had him. My husband claimed me immediately was talking marriage by month 7. Got married in 2021. It's ok to let go of what's not working ladies, that guy is just the dude before husband enters the picture. Wish the dude the best. I'm just going to continue to live my best life. 😎
P.S. I forgot to add that a couple of months ago he loved not "like", LOVED a photo of me on Facebook, we stopped dating around 2012, the photo was ofa party I went to 2017, why? I don't know and don't want to know. I'm updated with a new last name on married status on Facebook, curious he didn't like any of my recent photos, maybe is because they are of me and my husband doing fun things. 🤔 It's weird but I don't care enough to pursue the reason why. 😆
Better “ version “ that means he’s just adjusting to cater to the new person. They always fall back to their normal state once the honeymoon period wears off.
They will get worse in my opinion
the lady at 5:13 is ON TARGET. I got involved with a man and it didn't last three months and when we split, I was so friggin elated but the one I felt bad for, even though they were divorced, was his last wife because she put up with that for over fifteen years.
The thing I dislike about this conversation and how many women (including those in these clips) tend to vilify and down talk the rebound or new woman, as if she isn’t just as innocent and unknowing as you were when you met the guy (this is not for women who were side chicks or helping a man cheat, I’m talking about genuinely innocent women who just happened to meet the same terrible guy). A lot of these women are speaking without an ounce of grace for the new woman, some of them even speak in a tone of disdain and contempt towards the woman which to me cancels out the whole conversation if you’re trying to uplift women, because if you can’t hold grace for another woman who unknowingly entered the same situation as you previously did, did you really learn/grow from the situation? Sounds like someone who’s still not over the situation or too male-centered to realize other women need the same support.
I wish anyone who’s dating any of my exes luck and if they happen to get a better version of that person than I received, then so be it, it’s no longer my concern, good for them. ❤
For me my ex treating someone better is not an indication of my self worth . I know the truth of how they are as a person . Thats enough for me . Whether he treats someone very good after me or bad after me is none of my buisness he stopped being my buisness the day we split . That’s it
I left my ab*sive husband whee we n I couldn’t take the lies, gaslighting, tantrums, and holes in walls anymore. I was still on Facebook when he found a new woman, and clearly he painted me in a bad light, because she was on there calling me stupid, a wh*re, etc. Last I saw about them, he talked her into being a stay at home wife. Just like he did to me before the real ab*se started. She’ll learn soon enough.
I’m glad you realized and left with your dignity and Life.
When i see my ex with a new woman i feel a deep pity for her.
I give them warning, when possible, and wish them luck.
This makes me think of that woman crying because after 17 years her ex husband was “taking” his finance out of the country and she had always begged him to do that for her.
Exes should be "not my circuis therefore not my monkey"
DEPENDS ON THE WOMAN...
SOME MEN CAN'T TREAT ALL WOMEN THE SAME WAY BECUZ ALL WOMEN NOT CUT FROM THE SAME CLOTH....
SOME WOMEN AS SOON AS WE SEE BULLSHIT WE LEAVE, SOME WOMEN SIMPLY STAY!!!
Different ppl bring a different person out of you.
Cap. A person's character reveals themselves. I don't lie or cheat cause I'm not a liar or cheater. If it changes according to who I'm with it was never my character in the 1st place.
Saying this doesn't mean a person cannot learn from their mistakes, grow & change. I have seen it happen.
Some of my exes ended up with women who were all the things he told me he didn't want. So for me it's funny to see them in that mess. One ex inadvertantly showed me his pattern of using women to step up in his life without any regard for her. He even told me that. I dodged that bullet.
8times out of 10 is really 4/5.
💯💯
I have a better version of my husband than anyone before. It’s because he was dating from 16-23 and then he and I grew up together and learned so much together. So because I was equally flawed and we luckily are good at communicating, we are better versions together than we were for anyone else.