Handling Interruptions: How to Keep Your Voice Heard
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- Опубліковано 1 лис 2024
- You want to handle interruptions kindly, but you're not sure how to assert yourself without escalating the situation.
In this episode, I'm revealing 3 simple ways to handle interruptions effectively. These strategies will help you maintain control of the conversation and make sure your voice is heard.
Plus, I share common mistakes people make when dealing with interruptions and how to avoid them.
You can stand up for yourself while keeping the conversation productive and respectful. This episode will show you how.
Like what you hear? Subscribe to this podcast and leave a 5 star review.
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As a professional with ADHD - I really appreciate you being mindful that sometimes interruptions are NOT intentional. That said, it's important for AuDHD folks to remember to keep your notebook nearby to jot down responses so we don't forget and be mindful that a conversation is a two way road.
Sad but true!
I realize I am the interrupter. Through years of counseling, I learned the reason was my dysfunctional family communication skills.
As a child , experiencing physical and mental abuse, I
talked, begged, pleaded through the abusive actions.
My learned communication skills was more of a survival technique.
When I enter in to a conversation with somebody authoritive, arrogant or just being a bully survival kicks in.
Sometimes i'm not even aware of it until after the conversation is over.
Thank you for acknowledging those of us that are aware.
This is my top technique. But I also feel that people feel that I'm not paying attention especially if it is a casual conversation between friends. I get looks like why are you taking notes we're just chatting.
What is your email address please Jefferson?
Your children are so lucky to have such an understanding Dad.
It would be good to know the best way to handle bullying.
Bullies are weak seeking power and attention. You may have already approached this subject. Cheers Elly😀
I'm with you on this and I really try to catch myself!
@@DottyparsonSame page Friend you are not the only one now I just decided not to talk to anyone because my interruption not intentional but so true there is something from our childhood life that is pulling a wire every time we are in the middle of a conversation What shame of myself I feel 😢sometimes
“I need to understand, are we having a conversation or am I attending a lecture?” Priceless‼️ I love it‼️😁
Your book will be the number one selling book in the world🥰
Besides the holy bible
If one cannot be interrupted, are they giving a lecture?
@@maclllU2 😊
Some people never stop talking long enough for you to join the conversation, those people I have a tendency to interrupt 😅
its all true what you say. Its selfish. @@kimjohnson5385
Jefferson, I am 68 yrs old. It appears you are somewhere in your 30's and wise beyond your years. You are the only person I follow and find your posts on how to argue enlightening and helpful even at my age. Just wondering,..how where you raised by your parents? What kind of action-reaction, cause-effect discipline did your parents apply in your early childhood? You have so much wisdom to offer! Please share!
What frustrates me the most is that when someone interrupts me in the middle of my thoughts I find it hard at times to remember where I left off. If I'm sharing something personal I'm not looking to be told what I should do. I am simply trying to be heard . Listening is a dying art .
listening is a dying art your right my brothers that way my friend is that way twe of my neighbors are like that its like they only want to talk about them and not really want to hear what i have to say.so i just listen and say ho ya i see .
Talkers need to be mindful to let others have the opportunity to speak
Because people think their stuff is more important. Self absorbing
Be interested not interesting
Too many presume that someone is looking for advice or solutions, when they're not. It's important to find out or to be sensitive to learn through listening what the speaker's goal is, what they need, and not offer what they're not wanting. It is that sensitivity that is rare.
People are operating through their own filters, through their own personal processes, rather than putting themselves in the other guy's shoes to *_listen from the heart._*
ADHD guy here, and yes I am not trying to interrupt. And it drives me just as crazy when I do. Kind reminders are helpful. Be patient, I’m working on it
You come across as kind, polite, having high emotional intelligence and well spoken. Your parents raised you well.
When my 92 year old mother was trying to say something to me when we were visiting her doctor, the nurse kept babbling to us, making idle small talk. She was being dismissive of my mom because of her age and worsening dementia. Finally, my mom saId to me in a dead-pan voice, “I'll write you a letter.” Perfecto!!
How did the nurse react, or was she completely obtuse to the situation?
@@LeisureLizard Excellent question! I'm curious, too.
I confess I’m an unintentional serial interrupter😢 I come from a big family and that is exactly the way we communicated (in a happy way) - if I had to wait until no one was speaking, I would have never gotten to speak. I am definitely working on being a better listener and not interrupting. thank you for acknowledging that not all interruptions are intentional rudeness.
I have 3 sister and I brother. It gets LOUD. My husband of 20 years still hasn't gotten used to it lol
Yes!!! I carefully and politely interrupt when I need to. Some people naturally talk more than others. Those of us who speak less can feel captive to those who talk nonstop at times :).
I rarely meet anyone who is good at listening for any length of time. I spend most of my time listening. It's difficult to have genuine exchanges with most people. I can count on one hand the people with whom I can have a give-and-take conversation and exchange of thoughts and ideas.
When I get interrupted, I immediately stop talking, mid-sentence. I let them say whatever was so important that they couldn't let me finish.
When they are done, I pick up EXACTLY where I left off, mid-sentence, and finish my thought.
I have never had to do this more than twice for them to get the message.
Works best in group settings.
Jefferson you are a born diplomat! I am your latest fan from New Zealand. Communication skills are lifelong and ought to be taught in school(s) particularly in a culture of bullying. Cultural norms are an important aspect you considered. Quality content. Well done, Norelle.
My husband, daughter and co-worker do this. I love your coaching.
I have been a chronic interrupter for my whole life. I haven’t been able to help it. ADHD. Thank you for the affirmation that it’s a thing. I have, however, begun, making an effort to not interrupt because I hate it when people interrupt me. I have a few of those in my life as well. my sister introduced me to you and I am forever grateful to her for it. I have to listen to your podcast a couple of times and take notes. I don’t want to forget anything I learned from you.
Thank you for addressing those who interrupt because they are afraid they will forget what they were going to say if they don't interrupt. I have been one of those people who interrupt & that is exactly my problem at the moment. I don't do it to be rude or to take over the conversation. Thank you for your advice & and how to handle these situations. You have a wonderful way of speaking in a soft voice & so calming. ❤
I have the same condition as the OP and it’s hard because when a thought comes in and I don’t express it then it goes away and bottles up and I really can’t focus anymore on the conversation.
The biggest issue I have is when someone starts but there is no indication that the monologue willl EVER end. So I check out and become an empty shell.
If I interrupt them it’s because the amount of info dump coming from them is so vast and broad that there’s really no way to pay attention.
So here’s what he is saying:
Let them interrupt the first time & let them talk; (so not get defensive, controlling, insecure). Its a strategy move & prime move for their second interruption.
After they are done, pick up from where you left instead of addressing their point.
If they interrupt again, use their “name” & say the power phrase “I can’t hear you when you interrupt me”!
Another way for repeated interruptions “I want you to listen to you but you need to let me finish “
If they keep interrupting, then it’s time to assert a boundary:
“I need to make sure, am i on a way street, or a two way street?” Or “ are we having a conversation or am i attending a lecture?”
“If you continue to interrupt me i need to end the conversation” and then stick to it & hang up or get up & walk out.
When you are the one who needs to interrupt in a dominant conversation,
Say using their name “i know i am interrupting” or “i need to interrupt you “ use this when clarifying an objective fact like a date eg.
If they continue talking use their name slowly but repeatedly.
For chronic interrupters change the mode of communication saying “ is that ok we pick up this conversation another time” and then just change the game saying “ I find we communicate better over text, email or some other instant messaging. If they ask why say “ i find that you interrupt me pretty frequently and it slows down the conversation” or “when you interrupt me that way i feel like you are being dismissive of my ideas. “
Thanks Jefferson, love your content.
All the best everyone 😊
Jefferson you explain very clearly. You have a very kind way of dealing with subjects and you have very kind eyes, thank you.
❤also very handsome
I hate this trait but I admittedly have a habit of interrupting. I grew up this way, in a very vocal family that talked over each other. Very hard habit to break. I don't mean to be rude at all, but it IS rude...sometimes I am aware I'm doing it and sometimes not. I had a new coworker that I quite liked so far, and he and I were talking about some topic in an animated conversation. I interrupted him during it. He didn't like it and chose to call me on it immediately. I completely owned it and apologized--didn't deflect or get defensive whatsoever. I told him I was aware I do that sometimes and I will try to listen better and not interrupt. Our conversation continued and I tried to stay focused on doing what I'd said. I listened attentively as he spoke, and after a few minutes of his comments, it was my turn to speak. I started saying my comments and then this man INTERRUPTED ME to interject more things he wanted to say, while I was in mid-sentence. I was like OH HELL NO. Just took ME to task for being rude, then did the exact same thing?? No way I was gonna let it slide. I said, "Did YOU just interrupt ME now?" He was stone-cold busted and he knew it. You could see it on his face. And he did in fact apologize. He realized that while I might've been an unintentionally rude interrupter, HE was either a hypocrite or extremely un-self-aware. We had a bit of a laugh about it, but I didn't miss the opportunity to remind him that pretty much all people do interrupt others at times, and before one chastises someone else for it, one ought to make sure one NEVER does it themselves. Especially in the same conversation with the same person! Derrrrrr
Australian Greg - maybe you've watched The Wiggles.
I love how you in a elegant way say it straight & properly. Thank you
I taught school for 17 years. Each week we had to meet as a team with others on our grade level. I HATED those meetings because I was never heard! I was constantly interrupted. I tried saying someone’s name and they would turn Theo head towards me and look “through” me, then in the middle of my sentence they would turn away and address someone else. I tried raising my hand, standing up, touching their arm…. Nothing worked. For 17 years I cam away from those meetings befuddled, disappointed, confused and overlooked. I wish I had these techniques back then. I could have had a better school career. Thank you
@katiesandberg9248 I’m sorry that you never felt heard. Not feeling heard can be soul crushing, for sure. I hear you and respect you and your pain. ❤
I love these longer segments. If only I can remember your advice when I am in the middle of a situation. Thank you for sharing!
Find the biggest “problem” and just focus on corrections or performing that advice. Also, practice at home so it will come off with confidence.
I have difficulty remembering these lessons. Sometimes I let it repeat over and over and as @inspire2respire382 said I practice it at home.
Watch it again. Make brief notes. Turn it into briefer statements and Pin it up somewhere. Use the techniques in low key situations or conversation so you give it a try.
writing it down and practicing helps me. 14:50
Thank you for your podcast! Admittedly, I've been the interrupter and my daughter has called me out. She let me finish, then came straight back with "As I was saying..." I felt I'd been put in my place. It was uncomfortable. I apologized. I often interrupted bc I was sure I'd forget my point otherwise. I've attended Celeb🎉ate Recovery for years. In small groups, there is no crosstalk. I've become a better listener and I count on God's Holy Spirit, living in me, to give me the right words to speak, when it's my turn. Your words are so helpful. I appreciate the manner with which you communicate. Both parties can feel respected and the conversations are productive. Five Stars Jefferson!!! !🎉❤
Concur👏
Hormones cause forgetfulness ..I have it too 🌈✝️🕊️😇😘🥰😍 x x x
Hi Jefferson ... I'm an Aussie ... nearly 80. Your tips on how to communicate effectively (especially in terms of how to deal with a 'serial interrupter) have probably come a little too late in life for me. In my past I've walked away from friendships when I felt that my opinions weren't being heard ... or when I didn't feel of value. So thanks for the advice ... I really love your videos ... and to be honest, at my age I find I get 'talked over' ... and this makes me feel even older!
“Let them interrupt” and say what they need to say but pick up where you left off when they stop. That’s damn genius!! I’m using this on my interrupting husband. I interrupt too sometimes so maybe this will stop me from doing it back!
That won’t work for some, for people like me. I lose my track of though and the whole time they are talking, I’m not even listening because I am trying so hard to cling on to my last thought where I was interrupted until they stop talking. And for some people who interrupt, they can spin the whole conversation with what they have to say, it makes my point completely invalid anymore. It’s extremely frustrating and makes me not want to talk totally them anymore. What they have to say isn’t any more important than what I had to say just because they can cut me off to be able to say it. It’s not an ego thing for me, but a lack of attention needed to be required to communicate effectively on my part. I’ve noticed for some that if you continue to allow them to cut you off, they will just do so out of habit even more because they don’t know they are even doing it. Some will do so because they just don’t care what you have to say, but even so, doesn’t give them a free pass to be rude just because they don’t want to listen to you, so don’t give it to them! It’s a boundary thing.
@@Lacroix999
I had an acquaintance that could talk (and *would, if allowed) for 8 hours unabated, and they would go from subject to subject to subject, and it would always start when I said something that they could relate to. I'd never get to finish my subject, they would go down tangent after tangent and bunny trail and bunny trail, and would never finish a subject or a thought. I learned it was a great way to waste many hours with them, that they had no sense of staying on topic or fulfilling a purpose in conversation. With folks like that, it's a great opportunity to learn how to enforce conversational boundaries, that it required self-assertion to get back on track, or to relieve myself of the conversation. Many people don't have focus or purpose in conversation, and that can be maddening to those who do. I learned that talking with them was rarely, if ever, wisdom.
I did this the other day
I work at a homeless shelter.
Much of our population is distressed. They have much to say but very little time for one on one interaction.
Interruption in a constant mode.
Patience is the key to most dealings. Mutual respect is necessary.
My compliments to your suggested approach.
I think your techniques will work in most situations.
This is some of the best advice I’ve ever heard. I deal with this every day. Everything that was said is absolutely 100% true. Thx for this insight.
The person I report to interrupts constantly. I hate needing to have a conversation with her or even talk about something important. This is absolutely brilliant! I'm going to try it on my husband, too. He's a professional interrupter!
I used to interrupt because I had a thought to share that I couldn’t contain. Once I heard an example of it’s like someone is holding a microphone that is speaking to you and you grab it from them and then I realized how rude it was. Another example is you give someone a gift. They open it as in telling their story and you take it from them. This visual has served me well and I have been able to change this habit that I was initially fairly unaware of. I have also taken a course on reflective list. I love how you present it with kindness and grace yet not being walked on. I feel like I’m on the other side of this coin now where I get overrun and interrupted and I greatly appreciate your insights, and practical instruction.
Shalom. When I lived in Hong Kong, I learned that its a very big cultural no no to raise ones voice during a conversation. Respect is lost to that person. Allowing each person to finish their sentence is ingrained. It was a calm environment to function within. Then of course if you didn’t agree you gave out a karate chop (ha, ha). Thank you Mr. Fisher for giving us such insights, communication in a calm and respectful manner can only lead to success. Thank you. Michal from Jerusalem, Israel.
So glad I found your channel! Love listening to you. You give great advice!
I'm a training presenter, I'm constantly interrupted and side tracked as I'm trying to get through the material in time limited back to back calls. Listening to you gives me a sense of calm. I do let them interrupt and I usually can real them back on track, but I love your approach as it gives me reassurance and a sense of relief that I got this. Thank you. Love your presenting skills and delivery. I share these everywhere.
Love your suggestions.
Help me with someone who gives monologues to quick questions.
I used this lately and it actually worked! They were stunned. Thank you so very much Jefferson.
I'd love to watch your take on helping deaf people who use speech reading to augment the limited range of sounds that we can hear, but can hardly discern the message.
Your statement, "I can't hear you when you interrupt" takes on a whole new meaning for me.
Fabulous information! As a paralegal (25 years) I find that many divorces and human conflict arise from poor communication.
Love this channel. I'm teaching my older kids your ideas as well.
Most people, anymore, are not taught the rules/guidelines of proper communication. They just spill whatever out of their mouths, and not even consider the consequences. No one taught them, and they need instruction very badly. As a result, they are virtually anti-social, and people have to walk away from them all the time. Because they don't understand what they're doing to their relationships, they likely play the blame-game, attributing the failure of the relationship to someone else, when they are the ones doing a great deal of hurtful mishandling.
You are a gift. Effective communication is essential for all manner of living.
My best friend is 81 and you're so right, his memory is not good and he remembers something and wants to share it immediately. I've learned over time to just allow him to interrupt me.
Also I believe that in my family some people interrupt as their lifestyle, as one of the younger ones I learned from them. Once someone pointed out that I did I've had to retrain myself to stop that habit.
Thank you so much for demystifying the art of communication. Not only do I learn news skills but I’m becoming a better person for it.
I tried the comment, "I can't hear you when you interrupt me," twice, with my husband. His face said he was not thrilled. Lol, Im still going to keep using it. Lol
This is SO helpful. The attention to the name, what a good tactic!
Would love a video on how to shut down "baiting". How to assertively but politely put an end to someone just looking for information out of you.
Thank you for your empathy for interrupters. I've been an interrupter my whole life and I'm 42 now.
I don't want to be rude or make people feel dismissed or diminished or unheard. I hate that I do that. But I've tried everything - counting, just waiting, being an active listener, putting my hand over my mouth. I always forget what I needed to say or ask or feel like a little kid who has been grounded. The one time I seemed to do better for a few days everyone kept asking me if I was OK and I had to keep following up meetings with emails with questions I forgot to ask or points I didn't bring up. I may have been more polite, which is good, but I was just miserable and felt like I was being fake to everyone. And from _my_ perspective communication diminished.
So now if/when I get (justified) feedback about this, I'll just start avoiding verbal conversation with the person and stick as much as possible to messaging or email. I feel a bit disconnected from some colleagues I like and may want to get to know better, but at least I'm not pissing anyone off.
Meanwhile, my fellow interrupters and I have these great, long convos that go all over the place and leave me feeling intellectually stimulated and way closer to these friends.
So the empathy here for those of who really are trying and failing miserably is deeply appreciated.
My husband has ADHD, and this two way conversation are very rare between us. I am listening lectures most of the time. So often I just remome myself from his precense. Now I will try this , thank you❤ greetings from Finland
Show him too, so he will know what to say, before he interrupts you. :) I love this video, it teaches us both.
Some people need to be taught/instructed on the rules/guidelines of proper communication. Many were not taught. That causes a lot of problems. It is part of interpersonal social skills, which many don't have. It seems that they are completely unaware of such things. They need to be taught! Without that, the issue will continue.
Dear Mr. Fisher, I would encourage you to write a book with all of these topics. I need this book in my life desperately. I'll look into this deeper in case you have a book. Thank you for your communication skills.
That you are sharing with all of us
I concur !!
He is!
😊 It's already written. Last update, they're working on the cover.
What is the title?@@elisabethj.gawthrop9312
I'm hoping it's small little snippets, just like what he does in these videos.
Thank you, Jefferson for your conversation classes! I only wish I knew this earlier in my life! Jefferson, you’re very charismatic and you keep my attention with great examples! You are a superstar! God bless! I’m looking forward to more learning. Thanks again Rob.
I was having a conversation with someone once when another person walked up and interrupted us. I simply stood there and didn’t say a word while she droned on and on. Finally, she looked at me and said “you sure are quiet today”. I said I didn’t want to interrupt her😂 I think she got the message.
People really like you because you are very smart and you are incredibly in touch with your whole being. You genuinely care and want to help people and I believe in you. Thank you for being you Jefferson Fisher❣
Love your work, Jefferson. Thank you. I'm also from Australia. Years ago when the Women's Liberation Movement (now somewhat blandly and unclearly called Feminism), I used to run classes for women. I called the course "If Only I'd Said ...". Similar ideas. I'm still learning and thoroughly enjoy learning from you. Bravo.
I’m loving that most videos are in the car. I spy a car seat! Even JF, the most talented attorney and valuable social media content creator knows that his peace and quiet ends the minute he closes the car door. 😂❤
Your humanity is relatable and your generous wisdom is appreciated. Thank you, Jefferson. From a mom, a therapist, and a child of God who benefits from your content. 😊
Future video suggestion:
A common thing I run up against with certain people is when I'm talking and they make an assumption and misunderstand what I'm trying to say. By the time I realize what is happening, it's like we would have to rewind a minute and start over. I honestly think it results from a different way of thinking. Sometimes it is defensiveness and sometimes just random ideas and I know it will happen with specific people I know but I don't know how to head it off.
💯 My complaint, too! Double the work!
There are people that assume they know what you're going to say before you say it. They enter the world with a confident, know-everything outlook that handicaps their interactions, because so often they are wrong, and they are oblivious to that fact. People walk away from them as a result. They don't listen, and they need to humble down and listen, pay attention, and stop assuming. People like that rarely listen, it seems. Likely half of them are narcissists, a subject that Dr. Ramani has taught much about on UA-cam.
People have their own thought processes, ideas and "filters," but if they're not developed enough to know that they need to actively listen and to not assume, then there are going to be problems. I don't think it is something that their friends or family is going to be able to fix.
I wish I'd known these skills a couple of weeks ago. I had someone that was constantly rude to me and I didn't really even know them. The rudeness got worse every time I was around them. I was told to tell them "you can't treat me like that anymore" ... They did to me what you are saying in this video and I just got more and more upset as they smiled and laughed at me as I listed everything they'd done. I was the monster and they became a victim out of me accusing them of things they could deny and call me "extremely sensitive" ... I had to just leave. I'll never go back and I'll never see them again, but this has happened to me before and I believe I'll handle it differently next time.
What you described is a narcissist. They treat many people like that, they use and abuse people for their own purposes of ego > they are bullies. There are many channels here on YT that address the subject of narcissism or how to deal with narcissists, Dr. Ramani being a wise teacher on the subject and Dr. Carter being another (channel name "Surviving Narcissism.") Narcissists play games to abuse people, and now you know part of what they do. They are not good friends to anyone, and people have to walk away from them all the time, even "going No Contact" to get away from them. They are the abusive bosses or spouses, and they tend to want to be in authority so they can wield power over others. They are not well, they can even be dangerous. They do not respect boundaries, they scoff at them. In the realm of "not well," they are just a step below that of Psychopaths and Sociopaths. It's not wisdom to have anything to do with them. They cause much destruction, sorrow and damage in many people's lives, and create hell for their families. Be very glad that you are not having anything further to do with them.
Thanks for this episode. The method you provided to help us interject in a conversation is vital and much more polite. Now that I know them, I will use them more often to avoid fraying my relationships. Additionally, the fact that you include cultural differences is important. In meetings in Italy, it is normal to interrupt others or talk over one another. Sadly, I was not born there, though my family is from there. This masked my ADHD until my 40s. When it was discovered that interrupting was also part of a neurological issue with our working memory, which wants to interrupt before we forget a point, adjunct, or clarification to whatever someone is talking about, it was a revelation. It truly is not meant to be rude. Thanks for your kind advice. Once we get to know someone and trust them, I will ask them to tug on their ear to let me know I’ve strayed or am monopolizing the conversation. It is a form of “active listening” that we do. We truly are neurologically different and thus have different communication styles. Does that mean Italy is filled with ADHD? (My theory: yes, I mean, we have a lot of creativity, hot heads, and tardiness…lol).
Thank you for tackling these topics. Communication has been one of my limiting factors for quite sometime. I struggle on both sides of communication (speaker and listener). I watch your content often and appreciate what you are doing.
⭐⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐
Thank you for your wisdom and kind observations.
I just realized, in part because of your topic here, that I most likely have, and had ADHD all of my life, my brain works differently and interrupting is just one of the symptoms.
Just recently, I've been working hard at putting systems in place, to prevent myself from interrupting.
I realized I interrupt because of two things: I always felt that a conversation was meant to be a back and forth exchange of ideas and stories, which would be an indication that I was attentive to the speaker or intersted in more details. Secondly, because I forget, within seconds, the input or questions that zip through my brain. Therefore, I tend to be less attentive If I'm trying to hold back those thoughts instead of blurting them out immediately. Needless to say, I am a work in progress, but I appreciate all of your insights on this and other topics.
I need to follow you and learn these things too. I didn’t realize it until I read your post, but I too was raised tot think that reflecting back a similar anecdote demonstatres understanding. But even more so, how to manage the distraction that comes from the reactions to the conversation, and how to stay in the conversation, when you’re already reacting to it? Gets worse the more interesting the conversation is. Writing an idea down isn’t always feasible. If you find anything on how to manage this, I’d be interested in it.
Finally! A podcast that gives me tips and tricks to better communicate. In the few short podcasts I've learned so much ! Thank you.
This!!!! 😅yes !
Thank you! I’m Italian & I talk fast & tend to interrupt. This is very helpful for me.
I think it was on a podcast with John Delony that I first heard you speak. I was an immediate fan. LOVE your podcasts and the Instagram posts. I have been a customer service professional for many years and realize that you really can "teach an old dog new tricks"! Thanks for that!
Thank you for noting that some people really can't help interrupting. I'm ND, if I don't blurt out what I need to say when I think of it, I'll end up just checking out of the conversation because I won't remember what I wanted to say until 3am a week later. My vocabulary is way better written than spoken. So that's my preferred method of communication.
Just found your channel a couple days ago and found it so unbelievably useful!!!! Many thanks for what you're doing. I can't imagine how you came to collect all that insight but I'm here to absorb all the wisdom you're sharing 🙏🏼 thanks
I really enjoy your podcasts. Practically my entire family is ADHD, or have been made this way by the rest of us. To hear a human acknowledge there are times when interrupters cannot help it was so appreciated. Thank you for making that point.
With Severe ADHD and Asperger Syndrome I tend to sound like I’m talking over around and through, but that is actually a sign I am engaged and listening.
I have had some people point out my talking and interrupting; and they try to make me feel bad for it. Like I don’t have ADHD or Autism.
I have also had family and friends say you talk so much how did you get all that information from that person?
I don’t know how or why, but I am near 50, I was diagnosed in my forties, and I find now when I say this happens because of my brain I am told that it’s no excuse.
You are right personalities and culture are ways that cause issue with interrupting and In reality barriers to clear communication. Thank you for your time.
Just love and appreciate your words
My problem is that I interrupt myself! LOL Jefferson, your content is truly TOP LEVEL! 👋👋👋
@@DonyaLane That’s ok, we are all a work in progress. 😊
My receptionist coworker has a great tactic that really works! When someone interrupts her on the phone, she says, "go ahead". She says it in a calm flat voice. The most I've ever heard her have to use. It is three times before the person realizes what they're doing and corrects themselves. I've instituted this.
Love your videos and your approach!
Such very good intelligent information that you have. Sometime older people do that because they have to hurry up and say what’s on their mind before it leaves their mind.
Absolutely! Interruptions can derail conversations in a heartbeat. I once had a coworker who would steamroll over everyone during meetings, leaving us all frustrated. After trying some strategies from the Sense of Humor Improvement Program by Habit10x, I realized that using humor helped ease the tension and regain control of the dialogue.
It’s funny how people don’t realize they’re interrupting-like they think they’re on a game show and need to buzz in! Remember, communication is a two-way street, and laughter can bridge the gap. Keep working on those skills; humor makes all the difference in connecting with others!
I get interrupted a lot by a loved one. I know it is a habit he learned from his family. When he interrupts, I stop talking, listen to what he has to say, then give a short, genuine response. After that, I don’t finish what I was saying and do something else. I end the conversation. If he says, “what were you saying?” I say, “I don’t remember.” His interrupting has reduced.
To sometimes do this may be a good resolve, but if you do it all of the time, that’s not good for you and eventually not good for your health.
I think Jefferson has some great ideas here and he’s right, sometimes you have to be more direct. I would say not just for you, but you may actually be helping them to grow. 🫶🏻
Sometimes, it happens with people with ADHD. It happens to me in my family. My conversations go from A to D and then back to A. For some people, it's exhausting because they can't focus on the jump around of the conversation. For people with ADHD it's normal.
My response to people who tend to be quiet or reserved, who don't talk much, is that if I want to hear what they have to say, I better hush and listen when I have the chance. If I don't, I'll never hear what they want to share, and I'll miss out. People can't blow past quiet people, they need to listen when they get the chance. When we listen, we're showing value to people, we're showing them that we value them and what they have to say. Conversation isn't just mechanics, it matters.
At least he realized "what were you saying?"
I've finally learned to do that, too.
Thanks for these useful ideas and techniques. Thanks for being clear that some of us can't help but to interrupt--I grew up in a household that interruptions meant your full engagement and were welcome--added energy to the conversation. It's taken me years to not interrupt others.
Hey, my first time commenting here! I'm Tatyana, tuning in from Canada (eh!). First off, I just want to express my gratitude for the valuable content Jefferson provides-your insights are truly the most practical and impactful I've come across on social media. Thank you for your hard work; you genuinely make a difference!
Now, onto why I'm here. I noticed that the tips shared in this episode seem more applicable to situations where the person who is handling interruption isn’t concerned about maintaining a good relationship afterward (more like court opponents). But when it comes to family, friends, or good co-workers-where preserving those relationships matters-I’d approach it slightly differently:
1. Similar to your advice, but instead of just resuming after being interrupted, I’d say something like, 'Now, let’s get back to where I was interrupted (eye contact).' This subtly points out the interruption without being direct, and a smart listener will catch on without feeling offended.
2. If there’s a second interruption, I’d gently say, 'Sorry (eh, Canada!), but let me finish first, or I might lose my train of thought.' This way, you assert your right to speak without coming off as harsh.
3. And hopefully, we won’t need a third step when it comes to family, friends, or co-workers, haha!
Thank you!
This is personally relative for me... you provided some great awareness for me as a violator and victim...Thanks Jefferson
Christopher, you're not alone. It was a double lesson for me, too.
And Jefferson, thanks. I have confidence that we'll all be better in many respects because of your excellent lessons in the art of communication . 😊
yeah I tuned in because lately I witness interruptions by my woman friend. I understood that I paused to long sometimes between sentences. This interruption gives me the feel I am talking to slow, I'm perplex, let her... and then another and another time. But it makes me feel a bit helpless. Now I have Tons of good advice! Thanks
I'm glad you addressed the awareness of other cultural behaviours. In the work that I do I communicate with multicultural backgrounds, and saying anything that would call one out would be considered bad form. Often I wait for a pause then jump right in, which I observe in the individual blabbing away is that they then pause to listen without knowing any difference nor feeling offended.
Your tip about inserting one's name as a pause marker is also a good one. Thanks for that
Thank you so much with my horrible ADHD I am a chronically interrupting person and I am used to loosing all my memory and feel stupid because of it and it makes me feel very low
Thank you!!!!! I have a friend who constantly interrupts. She is very sweet, but she has ADHD. Giving her grace is exactly what I needed to hear.
I love the perspective of understanding that some people are wired in a way that makes them need to express their thought immediately. As a teacher, I have several little people like this when I am delivering my three minute focus lesson for the whole class. I am going to try your strategies. I think the second one, "NAME, I cant hear you when you interrupt me," could be very effective in the classroom.
THANK YOU
Greetings from Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia 🇲🇾
This is perfect to learn and tech my friend who is okay with interrupting me but not when I interrupt him.
When he interrupts me I pause to let him speak only to feel bad as just when I think he’s done he interrupts me again and then I interrupt and he tells me to let him finish not to interrupt.
I’m going to listen ti this video till I get it & hopefully it’ll rub off.
I came up with something in high school. I noticed that when people interrupt you, you instinctively cut yourself off. I started setting an intention before starting to speak, that I would focus on getting to the end of my phrase no matter what, and nothing was going to stop me. If someone missed something important because they were trying to talk over me, that was their problem because they should have been listening the first time, and I wasn't repeating myself. I have an uncle who likes to constantly interrupt me every two or three words to argue against what I had just begun to say. I developed an approach for that as well. When he tried to interrupt, I just got loud for a couple of syllables. For example, something like "What I was TRYING to say is that I DISAGREE because of THAT ASPECT of the situation."
Belligerent people are not worth trying to communicate with, as they are clearly only interested in arguing and being combative, as they will never truly hear/appreciate/comprehend what one is saying. It's a giant waste of time and energy. They are conflict-driven, which means they are either fighting constantly or going in circles going nowhere.
The YT algorithm recommended me these vids.
Yep, totally agree. Been doing something similar for almost 2 decades now. I ask for people's cooperation and set boundaries. But when people do not respect the boundaries, I just tell them I cannot continue with the conversation and leave.
Not applicable to all situations of course but has saved me a lot of headache and feelings of resentment towards others. And most people change up their behavior when confronted like that.
Great vid.
I get it all t the time!
Serial interruptions!
They seem to lack good manners.
Yesterday I did similar to what you said today!
I had to say “ thank you for all your advice but I am so hungry I have to go right now!
I've found that the biggest interrupters are those who have come from families where their opinions are not valued or that they're the youngest in a family and it's a way to make themselves heard amidst all the noise. Neither of those people are doing it to be rude. It's a learned survival skill. Also, maybe the person is just really excited about what you're saying and it triggers a thought in them. When my group of girlfriends get together, the entire lunch group is interrupting each other yet we all know what the others are saying. My husband often asked, "How can you make sense of all that?" No problem. All that rapid fire response is good energy! LOL
Thank you, Jefferson. I have a close friend who interrupts me. I do excuse it more often than I should. I "let her" because I understand she is just excited and blurts her thoughts out. I will now take it to the second step of using her name and gently letting her know that I want to hear what she has to say, but she needs to let me finish. I appreciate your advice on changing the mode of communication. It actually saved my marriage years ago. When my husband and I would disagree, it often ended in an argument when we communicated verbally. I began writing to him if I had an issue with something. He would write back. There were no raised voices, no saying things we didn't mean in anger, and our "words" were heard. Thank you for that validation.
I am an interrupter at times. I wasn't always that way. I don't know when I started doing it. I'm embarrassed about it when I realize it. I think it is anxiety from working in very toxic environments from extended periods of to es. I catch myself at times. Sometimes, I've worked with plenty of people who do it too and I guess you catch it yourself if you aren't aware. Also, when growing up parents could shut things down when us kids were talking about something with quick replies and settle an issue. That was that. They were just doing things how it was done back then. I do not have bad intentions but it can be several reasons that I'm unaware of when I do it to others. I consider my self a kind and considerate person. I just make these mistakes and correct if I notice. Lots of times people do it too without realizing it.
Perfect reminders. Not only being respectful regardless, importantly set boundaries gracefully . All of the above to achieve the most effective communication. Love it
Thank you Jefferson. My wanting to correct others behavior and watching your vids, actually helped me improve my own conversational flaws..... a bit. And ty for helping others understand why some interrupt.... as a part of their personality.... or inability to remember what they want to say later.
Thank you. My Australian husband is a big extrovert - he also likes to dominate conversations and interrupt constantly. I find I don't talk as much as I did 15 years ago, and it's quite embarrassing when I see him with most American people.
That is not healthy
As I was growing up here in Sydney, Australia people from the UK were labelled whingeing Poms, the Americans were known as loud & brash & chronic interrupters who hated to wait in line for anything.
I wish I had a photographic memory so when all these tips are needed, I could recall. I’ve been following you in YT, FB and IG all for over a year….i appreciate all of everything you say. I am constantly being interrupted and people also talk over me. Usually, I let them ‘rant’ then when they finally stop, I ask, if I may now speak.
Another great video and more great advice. Thank you.
As a therapist I find many clients come in with the idea that TALK therapy means that’s what they are going to do…all the talking. Added to that is a higher %, than say my friends, that have ADHD. Your techniques may be helpful (and a relief w/some). Thank you, Jefferson!
Brilliant and practical advice Jefferson! Keep up the good work!
Thanks so much for your wisdom in social interactions. It’s occurred to me that I’m able to learn by “wearing the other shoe” as I am not perfect and may have done something negative within a conversation with one person or more.
I'm working on not being the interrupter 😮😶 love everything shared with my adult children and during a family talk we all
commented on what we learned all different 🥳we all feel a closer bond bless you 💕 and your family 😊😊thank you 💕
Jefferson, thank you for your enlightening discussions on communication. There’s been a gap with the pandemic that left so many of us with deficient communication skills. So grateful for your help!
perfect timing
my nephew ALWAYS interrupts, and it has it has become exhausting
i will try this--thank you
Hello 👋, Jefferson, Your Communication with your ideals of interruptions was fundamentally easy to understand , no more frustrations Communication Thank you 🙏 .
Great advice! Seldom are we educated in the art of communication! Thank you, Jefferson!
There is no word to describe your knowledge.
I am so happy I found you here and listen everything you say and following in my day to day life .
Great stuff .
Thank you .❤
I am always feeling smarter when I listen to these thoughts. I could watch them repeated.
I have one particular employee who interrupts CONSTANTLY, but only when you really need them to listen. During specific feedback time he will interrupt. Just a general meeting- not problem. He does this to EVERYONE. It’s wild, and I can seem to get him to understand how difficult that is.
Did you mean 'can't?'
Huh... I always believed that I hated all lawyers, but your approach, your demeanor, your sharing of valuable communication skills, is making me challenge that belief. I'm getting a lot out of your videos, thank you.
My husband can NOT stop talking over me. He does it every time I open my mouth. These tips are priceless!!! Thank you!!
Honey, it’s time for you to take assertiveness training classes and couples counseling.
Jefferson, I love how you handle people whose brains I have a neurodivergent brain so ADD or ADHD or whatever you wanna call it and sometimes I interrupt not thinking that I’m interrupting because I’m worried I’m gonna lose the thought because it zips out of my brain that fast if I’m aware of it, I try to catch it, but it is important to teach people that there are some people who can’t help it you know it just Are it’s just the way our brain works. It’s the thought moves through our brain so fast that we actually lose it if we don’t speak it or take action with it or write it or whatever and sometimes it’s important and sometimes we can’t go back and get what that thought was because it moved by so fast so I just wanna say thank you thank you thank you for also addressing this issue and I would love to hear more Thoughts you have or techniques on me working with my own divergent brain in communicating with other people you know sometimes it’s not just handling the other person. It’s how we handle ourselves better thank you thank you thank you I have been you. I think you and I just love it at least I found you God bless your wonderful addition to this world. You are serving this world so well. society isn’t teaching manners and politeness and conversation techniques and we used to learn this. It’s it’s important. It’s really important. It’s like taking cursive handwriting out of school. Yes you need to learn curse of handwriting ha ha ha ha at least that’s my old mindset. I’m 67 so maybe curse of handwriting isn’t important anymore, but I can’t imagine my life without being able to sign my name.
Hello Jefferson: You have wonderful advice and I already gave some of your advice to a co-worker regarding rudeness! Your family must be blessed to have you. Thank you for all your wonderful advice. Heidi