I’ve beat up myself for years trying to make a break through with my parents brother and sister. What I realized painfully years later was that none of them actually care about me that much and the best thing I did for myself was to distance myself and start self educating watching videos like this and others. It’s been a long road to recovery after dealing with my toxic family for almost my entire life. It feels like I’ve been to hell and lived there for way too long. My wife is helping me try to break a lot of bad habits I observed growing up and has been clutch at helpful me understand just how toxic all of it really was
I like the example about the balls coming out you and not to catch all of them and the words falling to the ground however, in some relationships, the mental and emotional abuses so bad. Imagine yourself in a room with no windows no door and that person is just yelling and saying, obscenities, nonstop, lying, and so forth, I feel or believe that a person’s mind can only take so much and I really believe that that’s why some people develop personality disorders in order to escape the abuse
How did you get so smart? ...and you are able to put it into words so easily. This should be taught in elementary schools... imagine if our children had these tools.. Thank you Thank you Thank you
I admire you. And for what you are teaching, in communication and guiding in what I hear as setting boundaries and negotiating. Navigating through our thoughts and emotions and feelings requires skill, and to convey our goals and intentions through the ability to have these intimate conversations. Thank You and I will continue to follow and learn.
My sisters are undermining rapid fire insult machines so I left. They say I left the family. And told me not to see my parents because i only upset them. Im the youngest and every adolescent moment had to go through the family machinery and shaming and isolating me was often the result.
You’re better off leaving. I wish I’d left home at 15. My parents used to fight all the time. It’s only recently that I began to realize my mom was the one picking fights. My dad was sweet and passive and sadly completely devoted to her.
Rejection protection. I wish I knew how demonic they are, They love God and are perfect in text book exact behavior. I have found that we are a chosen few, God knew before creation we would be willing and could cut it. We have conquered Mercy and Love. We sacrifice our pleasure and comforts to suffer for the sins of all who hurt us, they will be paid back 100 fold. You obey the Word of God, find Jesus in the one Church, The Holy Family, the angels and the saints, we are all called to be a saint, a sinner that tried.
I was raised in the tit for tat method. You can get rid of a person who likes to provoke quickly. Or throw a possibly good relationship down the toilet. I'll never know because I didn't give it a chance. Or make them hate you and look to retaliate. Only be with those who co-sign my craziness because I can't take criticism. I'm happy to learn a better way. The suggestion to breathe first is very helpful. Thank you.
How do you deal with the threats - besides ignoring them. And magically the next day the next or 5 min they act like they never said the mean nasty vindictive things they said. It does help when you realize that it will be like it never happened. Just keep in mind ignoring them can heap more crap on the pile. Stay strong.
I guess, it’s about changing or choosing to change learnt patterns of thinking, beliefs and behaviour, because all of the above changes our actions how we show up
This is very interesting and very hard for me because I have an adult daughter who is 54 and she is very angry about many things and does not like me and is very much into anger control and nasty words to her mother for everything pretty much if I don’t agree. I’m trying to learn your techniques. But when she is so nasty, I tend to reach out and be kind. Maybe I shouldn’t. Because I’m not going to get her to be nice to me, but I always give her the chance to do so. Should I just not do that anymore? Please give me an answer on that? She knows I like peace in the family and she’s just to make sure I don’t have it. She thinks I don’t care about her and do not support her. Well, I don’t always, but am I supposed to pretend I do? I really need help.
WHAT TO DO SAY WHEN YOUR HUSBAND SAYS TO ME ""SHUT UP "" YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO LISTEN YOU Don't KNOW HOW TO TALK TO PEOPLE 😢😢 it's crazy to me I'm angry at myself to continue to allow this 😢🇨🇦
A husband or wife should never tell their spouse to shut up. That is extremely verbally abusive. It's degrading and doesn't bring connection. If you can talk to your husband about how that makes you feel however if he doesn't take ownership of his hurtful words then you'll need to make some decisions. Clearly therapy for yourself or couples counseling is needed. If he chooses not to connect for the betterment of your marriage then you will need to make some hard changes. I'm sorry you're going through this.
I get the same thing - first, look around in your life ask if anyone else says these things to you. Chances are NO. So second, let it be his problem (which it is). Third, don’t react; just sit and look him in the eye and show you are confident in yourself. Next,ask if he’s done or if he has any more criticism. Chances are he’ll get snarky and say “oh there’s plenty more!” or something similar. Say, “Great, I’m happy to continue this conversation as soon as you can speak to me with respect.” Walk out. Leave the house. Sit in the parking lot at WalMart and cry if you must. Stay gone as long as you need to (hopefully he’ll have already gone to bed; if not, he’ll be raring to go at you again. Just smile and say “That doesn’t sound respectful to me. I’m going to bed.”) What he’s doing is projecting his crap on YOU. Stop being the mirror, because he’s blaming the mirror instead of looking at his own conduct. Let him sit with himself. If he keeps pressing you, remind him of your boundary. Don’t give in until he stops the accusations. And tell him in addition to being respectful, he will also need to let you speak while HE listens to YOU (because I sense that’s the ACTUAL problem to begin with - he’s conversationally dominating you. Search for other content about “how to talk to a narcissist”. I’m not saying your husband is one, I’m saying bad patterns need to be broken and the more knowledge you have, the better prepared you are). It IS abuse. It is WRONG. And if he can’t stop it, YOU will need to learn how to. Shutting the conversation down and walking away are perfectly legitimate boundaries for protecting your self esteem. Very best wishes to you!!
What if you are gaslit and emotionaly abused.... And the straw that breaks the camels back... You think for one minute its easy to stand there like a robot and smile and kindly say ok you are right im not fighting this... To hold up my good name and care what they they think of you ... Or is there a time when u have to say no matter how kind good and allowing you are. Do u draw the line.... Or do we just do all that u say to the better detriment of keeping the peace.... Some people are ao controlling and manipukative to the point it feels like you are being bitten by ants that burn your skin... This is where u end up..... Well 23 years of this will make u lose it.
This is very interesting and very hard for me because I have an adult daughter who is 54 and she is very angry about many things and does not like me and is very much into anger control and nasty words to her mother for everything pretty much if I don’t agree. I’m trying to learn your techniques. But when she is so nasty, I tend to reach out and be kind. Maybe I shouldn’t. Because I’m not going to get her to be nice to me, but I always give her the chance to do so. Should I just not do that anymore? Please give me an answer on that? She knows I like peace in the family and she’s just to make sure I don’t have it. She thinks I don’t care about her and do not support her. Well, I don’t always, but am I supposed to pretend I do? I really need help.
I’ve beat up myself for years trying to make a break through with my parents brother and sister. What I realized painfully years later was that none of them actually care about me that much and the best thing I did for myself was to distance myself and start self educating watching videos like this and others. It’s been a long road to recovery after dealing with my toxic family for almost my entire life. It feels like I’ve been to hell and lived there for way too long. My wife is helping me try to break a lot of bad habits I observed growing up and has been clutch at helpful me understand just how toxic all of it really was
I don’t so much view you as an influencer, but rather as an encourager. Just your statement about this explains your growth.
9/26/24 Many of the arguments you see on TV and in movies are bad examples. What you taught us today was so wonderful. I will practice and apply. 🙏
So good! The first 5 minutes basically consisted of reflective listening skills. Love the lawyer's perspective on it. Thank you
I like the example about the balls coming out you and not to catch all of them and the words falling to the ground however, in some relationships, the mental and emotional abuses so bad. Imagine yourself in a room with no windows no door and that person is just yelling and saying, obscenities, nonstop, lying, and so forth, I feel or believe that a person’s mind can only take so much and I really believe that that’s why some people develop personality disorders in order to escape the abuse
How did you get so smart?
...and you are able to put it into words so easily.
This should be taught in elementary schools... imagine if our children had these tools..
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you
I totally Agree!!..& they should teach our kids about toxic behaviors..& Toxic Personality Types!!! (That can ruin your life)!!!🙏🙏🙏🚫💔😭🚫😈👿
I'm grateful that you are sharing your gift with me and others online
I admire you. And for what you are teaching, in communication and guiding in what I hear as setting boundaries and negotiating. Navigating through our thoughts and emotions and feelings requires skill, and to convey our
goals and intentions through the ability to have these intimate conversations. Thank You and I will continue to follow and learn.
My sisters are undermining rapid fire insult machines so I left. They say I left the family. And told me not to see my parents because i only upset them. Im the youngest and every adolescent moment had to go through the family machinery and shaming and isolating me was often the result.
You’re better off leaving. I wish I’d left home at 15. My parents used to fight all the time. It’s only recently that I began to realize my mom was the one picking fights. My dad was sweet and passive and sadly completely devoted to her.
Rejection protection. I wish I knew how demonic they are, They love God and are perfect in text book exact behavior. I have found that we are a chosen few, God knew before creation we would be willing and could cut it. We have conquered Mercy and Love. We sacrifice our pleasure and comforts to suffer for the sins of all who hurt us, they will be paid back 100 fold. You obey the Word of God, find Jesus in the one Church, The Holy Family, the angels and the saints, we are all called to be a saint, a sinner that tried.
I was raised in the tit for tat method. You can get rid of a person who likes to provoke quickly. Or throw a possibly good relationship down the toilet. I'll never know because I didn't give it a chance. Or make them hate you and look to retaliate. Only be with those who co-sign my craziness because I can't take criticism. I'm happy to learn a better way. The suggestion to breathe first is very helpful. Thank you.
How do you deal with the threats - besides ignoring them. And magically the next day the next or 5 min they act like they never said the mean nasty vindictive things they said. It does help when you realize that it will be like it never happened. Just keep in mind ignoring them can heap more crap on the pile. Stay strong.
This is game changing. Thank you!
This is really invaluable. Thank you’
thank you ~ these are true Wisdom Teachings
Thank you.
God bless you for helping
I guess, it’s about changing or choosing to change learnt patterns of thinking, beliefs and behaviour, because all of the above changes our actions how we show up
Thank you . Very wise
I appreciate hearing your story. I had no idea about the IG thing, as I rarely use it
Thank you so much for your vlogs.Refreshing and timely wisdom ----- Practical as well.
Will be checking out the full episode on this one. Super interesting so far!!
Did you hear that he said he's married
Did he say, “tic-for-tack”? That’s adorable ☺️
Thanks v much
This is very interesting and very hard for me because I have an adult daughter who is 54 and she is very angry about many things
and does not like me and is very much into anger control and nasty words to her mother for everything pretty much if I don’t agree.
I’m trying to learn your techniques. But when she is so nasty, I tend to reach out and be kind. Maybe I shouldn’t.
Because I’m not going to get her to be nice to me, but I always give her the chance to do so.
Should I just not do that anymore?
Please give me an answer on that?
She knows I like peace in the family and she’s just to make sure I don’t have it.
She thinks I don’t care about her and do not support her.
Well, I don’t always, but am I supposed to pretend I do?
I really need help.
WHAT TO DO SAY WHEN YOUR HUSBAND SAYS TO ME ""SHUT UP "" YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO LISTEN YOU Don't KNOW HOW TO TALK TO PEOPLE 😢😢 it's crazy to me
I'm angry at myself to continue to allow this 😢🇨🇦
A husband or wife should never tell their spouse to shut up. That is extremely verbally abusive. It's degrading and doesn't bring connection. If you can talk to your husband about how that makes you feel however if he doesn't take ownership of his hurtful words then you'll need to make some decisions. Clearly therapy for yourself or couples counseling is needed. If he chooses not to connect for the betterment of your marriage then you will need to make some hard changes. I'm sorry you're going through this.
I get the same thing - first, look around in your life ask if anyone else says these things to you. Chances are NO. So second, let it be his problem (which it is). Third, don’t react; just sit and look him in the eye and show you are confident in yourself. Next,ask if he’s done or if he has any more criticism. Chances are he’ll get snarky and say “oh there’s plenty more!” or something similar. Say, “Great, I’m happy to continue this conversation as soon as you can speak to me with respect.” Walk out. Leave the house. Sit in the parking lot at WalMart and cry if you must. Stay gone as long as you need to (hopefully he’ll have already gone to bed; if not, he’ll be raring to go at you again. Just smile and say “That doesn’t sound respectful to me. I’m going to bed.”)
What he’s doing is projecting his crap on YOU. Stop being the mirror, because he’s blaming the mirror instead of looking at his own conduct. Let him sit with himself. If he keeps pressing you, remind him of your boundary. Don’t give in until he stops the accusations. And tell him in addition to being respectful, he will also need to let you speak while HE listens to YOU (because I sense that’s the ACTUAL problem to begin with - he’s conversationally dominating you. Search for other content about “how to talk to a narcissist”. I’m not saying your husband is one, I’m saying bad patterns need to be broken and the more knowledge you have, the better prepared you are).
It IS abuse. It is WRONG. And if he can’t stop it, YOU will need to learn how to. Shutting the conversation down and walking away are perfectly legitimate boundaries for protecting your self esteem.
Very best wishes to you!!
Where did the full episode disappear? I listened to it yesterday
"learn to speak like this" is the name of the full video
VV good podcast
What if you are gaslit and emotionaly abused.... And the straw that breaks the camels back... You think for one minute its easy to stand there like a robot and smile and kindly say ok you are right im not fighting this... To hold up my good name and care what they they think of you
... Or is there a time when u have to say no matter how kind good and allowing you are. Do u draw the line.... Or do we just do all that u say to the better detriment of keeping the peace.... Some people are ao controlling and manipukative to the point it feels like you are being bitten by ants that burn your skin... This is where u end up..... Well 23 years of this will make u lose it.
Sometimes u wish they saw u as horrible mean and awful and hope they leave you.... Just to find peace afterwards.
Look up his video on dealing with a narcissist
I’m watching this play out on the world 🌎 stage- what a disaster!
Robinson Jeffrey Gonzalez Shirley Jones Lisa
This is very interesting and very hard for me because I have an adult daughter who is 54 and she is very angry about many things
and does not like me and is very much into anger control and nasty words to her mother for everything pretty much if I don’t agree.
I’m trying to learn your techniques. But when she is so nasty, I tend to reach out and be kind. Maybe I shouldn’t.
Because I’m not going to get her to be nice to me, but I always give her the chance to do so.
Should I just not do that anymore?
Please give me an answer on that?
She knows I like peace in the family and she’s just to make sure I don’t have it.
She thinks I don’t care about her and do not support her.
Well, I don’t always, but am I supposed to pretend I do?
I really need help.