0:00 intro 0:41 1、controlling behavior 1:23 2、there's a lack of communication 2:10 3、the give and take is consistently only one way 2:43 4、there are no boundaries in the relationship 3:25 5、your partner uses your personal information against you 4:09 6、they do not acknowledge your relationship in front of other people 4:35 7、you are constantly surrounded by negative energy 5:21 conclusion 5:39 outro
@Psych2Go would be great if you can add chapter markers like this to all your videos. I like to get an overview of anything (am dyslexic) before diving in.
Yup, basically just happened with my former friend and I today, I was trying to reconnect after three months with a potential home visit. But she lied to me and said it wouldn’t be possible. She then told our mutual friends to not tell me about her because I was being “creepy and obsessive.” After all I’ve done for her she treats me like dirt. I’m glad she’s gone now.
@@itdobelikeda yeah, that’s why I always asked her stuff before I did anything. I’ve let friendships drift slip away from me before and I didn’t want this one to. Just turns out she awful with guys and couldn’t handle me getting close to her again.
@@KycenPetersen you've left friendships drift away in the past. So now you may be trying to hold things tightly (of course without your awareness). That would've appeared obsessive and creepy to her. It doesn't make her a bad person. Clearly she felt unsafe with you. And you seem to be expecting a lot from her. You need to give because you "want" to give not because someone will give it back to you or treat you well. It sounds hopeless but I believe we all can improve. So don't give up on yourself or others and try to find a balance. You will make it one day.
1.) Controlling Behavior 2.) Lack of Communication 3.) Give and Take is constantly one side 4.) There are no boundaries in relationship 5.) Your partner uses your personal information against you 6.) They don’t acknowledge your relationship in front of others 7.) You’re constantly surrounded by negative energy
Yep. Just ended mine. It was 2, 3, 4, and 6 that was going on with her. It's to think about what could've been yet will never be realized. However, it helps me think that I'm feeling healthier, more balanced, now that it is over
As someone who has come across many people in this type of relationship, I can truly say that toxic relationships can be very draining and damaging to both our physical and mental health. I really hope more people recognize the toxic traits in their relationships and run away from them. And I wish that more resources like this video will be available to guide people on how to identify and deal with toxic relationships.
(I know this comment is old) but that's exactly what I'm dealing with right now. A woman who I'd hooked up with a while back wouldn't even give me a day to myself. She basically would stalk me until I gave in. Any suggestions?
This was so helpful…I didn’t know how toxic my relationship was until I watched this video. He’s been controlling and manipulative since the beginning and I was SO blind. I will be breaking up with him to keep what self esteem and dignity I have left he hasn’t already shattered. In my deepest regards, thank you.
For me, it was with him messaging me about stuff only to disappear for days then come back and say "sorry for being so late" and this happened through the relationship.
literally every single one of these with my close friend from undergrad. She was so incredibly abusive. I was really good about communicating, being forging, working hard to improve the relationship, hell I flat out gave her the tools for a healthy relationship by the communication. At every step she would pretend to go for better and closer, then turn away from it, by actually punishing me for DARING to speak up. She hid me from her friends and family. She was so judgemental towards others and then it all turned to me. I told her vulnerable stories about my life and she twisted them to suit her biases and desires, hurting me in the process. I expressed dozens and dozens of boundaries, all of which she ignored (she then accused me of not following boundaries). It was a relationship that was, without a doubt, 100/0 effort. Yet she called me the transactional one. Anytime I communicated she would shut down. Anytime I asked her to set a boundary so we could prevent further problems she wouldn't give one (better yet, she started changing boundaries retroactively to paint me as worse). Instead of just FUCKING TALKING WITH ME she would disappear for days or weeks then come back as if nothing happened, and would be incredulous if I called her on it. Which leads to the final one, She admitted to purposefully witholding conversation to punish me, then blamed me for it. This is in addition to constant invalidation of my values, my feelings, my interests, my existence. This is in addition to her promises of more whilst actively rejecting. This is in addition to her demanding affection at extremely odd times while being downright furious if I dared ask for 1% of what she demanded from me. What an absolutely horrible person. The damage has been... permanent. Just an absolutely awful experience. Thank you psych2go for doing something to help raise awareness about these problems and how to identify them. the more people we can get out of such relationships the better.
I had a girlfriend with some of the traits in this video. The biggest one was definitely hiding the relationship. She hated when I told people, especially around her friends. That’s how we got into a fight and why she broke up with me. :/
1. 0:44 controlling behavior 2: 1:25 lack of communication 3. 2:12 give and take is one sided 4. 2:44 no boundaries 5. 3:29 uses personal info against you 6. 4:13 don’t acknowledge relationship in front of others 7. 4:37 surrounded by negative energy
it took my s/o & i almost 4 years & 2 kids to put all of our effort in, & we learned so much after paying attention to what actually needed to be done. some days it’s 50/50, others it’s 80/20. it takes patience, it takes tolerance, it takes being able to pick your battles, & it takes respect & communication ! 🥰
7 red flags of a toxic relationship 1. 0:42 controlling behavior 2. 1:24 lack of communication 3. 2:11 give and take is constantly only one-way 4. 2:46 no boundaries 5. 3:29 uses your personal information against you 6. 4:10 not acknowledging your relationship in front of other people 7. 4:36 constantly surrounded by negative energy
I just went through a massive break up bc of all this. Tbh.. we were both in the wrong. We both brought negative energy into the relationship and were constantly stressed about eachother. Yes, we always had fun together, we always had great times, but we were never okay In private. We broke up about 3 weeks ago on mutual understanding. We are still buds, and possibly might take another jab at the relationship thing. But we made it a point to better ourselves first before we can even consider it. Now we are using eachother as motivation, and we never been happier!
Five, six, and seven were my parents growing up. I learned in therapy years ago as a man in my twenties to call them out for their behavior, and they got upset , but overtime, it became less
I experienced number 5 with my most toxic ex. Left me devastated and lost a lot of my friends. But eventually, truth came to life and I do still feel bad when the people who sided with her left her for the liar and how manipulative she was.
It must have been really hard to lose not your ex but also also the people around her. You must have felt very betrayed and alone. How are you doing these days?
@@Psych2go I regained most of my friends that she took away from me, though I feel bad that she forced herself to be distant from us. But I guess that's just how things go. I'm happy for her now that I've seen her with a new circle of friends. That relationship of mine taught me how to be extremely on guard, but it's scary now that I'm seeing myself being toxic at times with my new one just because I'm trying to keep myself from the hurt. Thank goodness she's way too understandable and communicative
Over giving gifts and attention are also red flags.. It might seem so sweet at the first time but eventually it became "tools" to manipulate the other person .. For example : I was having an argument with my ex and they always said, "I gave you everything and aren't those things enough? You should be thankful that I provided you anything you need" And at that moment they only wants me to feel guilty for being ungrateful to the things that I never asked in the first place -_-
Timestamps for everyone who just wants to check out: 1. Controlling behaviour (0:43) 2. Lack of Communication (1:23) 3. Give & take is consistently only one-way (2:12) 4. No boundaries (2:44) 5. Your partner uses your personal info against you (3:25) 6. Not acknowledging your relationship in front of other people (4:08) 7. Constantly surrounded by negative emotions (4:35) It's okay to stay fighting and believing, but please do remember that what you also feel about the relationship itself must be taken care of and heard as well, stay safe everyone!
This is a sign for anyone going through a toxic relationship. I just left my abusive ex around 3 hours ago, and I feel so relieved. It’s like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders and I finally feel free from a relationship that was holding me back. I hope you all realize your worth and realize that there are plenty of fish in the sea. Often times, we are scared to leave these individuals because they have made us feel unloveable, invaluable, and we believe that there is no one else out there for us. Please do you and your inner child a favour, and seek the happiness you deserve by leaving the toxicity and abuse. You can get through this dark time ❤
i always ended up hurting my self by loving and giving my all to someone 😭 it's indeed hard to find someone who would cheerish you everyday and cares for you endlessly 😭
Me and my partner are in a bit of a rough time atm, this has helped me see things a lot. I've been worried because (as usual) they were complaining about something in their life, despite me and a few of our friends having a conversation about trying not to dump everything so casually, and is constantly saying that they have bruises and cuts from rugby. They're getting injured daily so I gently suggest that maybe it isn't worth it because you're always saying everything hurts, and then they quit and act like it's all my fault cause I was worried for their health. I can't open up to them because A) They're always trauma dumping and I feel like my problems don't matter and B) They consistently mention their processing disorder, which is fair enough but at this point it's becoming an excuse for everything. I know very well that disorders make things hard, but again, just a few days ago we had a discussion about the fact that everyone has issues, not just you. Advice?
i never realized the red flags until now. we’ve been together for five months now, and are now doing long distance after my family moved. only now do i realize some of the things that should be considered red flags. -cheating when we were together the first time -signs of cheating again this time -called my friend hot (literally when he was talking to me) -watches lots of porn/ hinti -gets upset/ jealous when i talk about other guys -constantly talks about how his ex got over him too fast (the girl he broke up with me for after cheating on me multiple times) -telling my secrets/ trusted info to people -trash talking my friends constantly -bad attitude constantly -rude to his family/ friends -wanted to keep the relationship private/ hidden (and got mad at me when people find out because his own friends told people) -when trying to schedule hang outs, he’s very dismissive and has my parents text his instead of us setting it up -forcing sexual things on me (forcing me to sit on his lap, kiss him, let him touch my 🍒, etc) -insults my family
having recently got out of a toxic relationship, there was a question from the other partner that stood out as the turning point in our time together. after i found i was putting all i could into us, their answer was simply "are we just... getting by on each other?" sadly i waited 22 months hoping that our 6 years of work to that point wasn't for nothing, but oh man did it ever get worse. now i'm out of it and they have no idea what hit. haven't been this relaxed in years lol
I used to have an online friend who called me names, often ignored me, and was draining to be around. They also most likely talked about me behind my back, but im not sure. I want to know if I was justified in ending the friendship, because im anxious that it wasn’t deserved. They did more things, but i cant think if them right now.
thank you for making these type of videos. these videos always help me and i know they help others too, you are my comfort youtuber and thank you for always putting effort into your videos.
My partner and I are both red flags waving. I am all in and want a lot of attention and sort of trying to provide the best support, giving quite a lot, meanwhile I am very jealous and sort of controlling. Also, I am taking jokes seriously most of the time, and my partner do make jokes that are quite mean to me and made me anxious. They have negative energy and sometimes warm and sometimes cold to me, but mostly kinda push me off while I am excited to hang out with them. Denial often, most reasons, is too much work, while trying to maintain their friend circle, I have less time and attention from them. Which kinda drains me when I wanted to hang out and have 1v1 quality time, and they just mostly hang out in the group with our friends... I am trying to fix my jealousy issue here and be more independent, while try not to overthink and let loose and put more trust in. Hope I can become a better person for my partner and myself. I think we can both do better for this "Relationship" and not making it only as a "title of status". It's my first, I can't expect it to be a calm sea to sail, though it hurts like hell sometimes due to the fact that I am very sensitive.
I have noticed all of these signs and I honestly, feel a little more comfortable being understood, it’s a little freeing when we educate ourselves about our emotional state it’s very calming and helps us to make the tougher decisions in life.
I had an ex meet my parents for the first time on a plane ride. We were taking her with us on a ski trip. She proceeds to get absolutely wasted on the plane, decides to scream at me the whole time about not wanting to be there. Once we land and she sobers up, she acts like nothing was wrong, and takes zero responsibility for embarrassing the sh*t out of me. LOL Holy red flags Batman
Even though looking at my relationship with my ex and seeing that there was 6 or possibly all 7 depending on how you look at certain things she did, I still love and miss her. I still want to spend the rest of my life with her, I swore that I would never get married but shortly before she broke up with me I changed my mind and was actually looking for a ring because I was certain I had found the one. I know she love bombed me from the start, that she lied to me, that she exaggerated things to get attention, that she tried to manipulate me into thinking and feeling whatever she wanted, that she cheated on me, and plenty more horrible things to do to someone.... But I could forgive all of it. I never felt anything negative towards her because of the things she did, in actuality all the red flags or flaws I saw in her just made me lean in and love/want her more.... Those things are what proved to me she was perfect.
i also had this kind of relationship.. blinded by those sweet words, colorful promises after he hurt me, i always wanted him more after all, but he never change his attitude towards me, yelling at me without hesitation, pointing his fingers at my face while shouting at me while im crying 😭 i wish i never love someone more than my self .
Thank you for the video I needed it I feel like there's alot of weird stuff happening around me and I do feel like I'm surrounded by negative energy and like I said controlling behavior in relationships is downright unattractive and honestly drains your energy.
Yes I had that too recently the energy of my partner was so negative and draining I couldn't wait to get of my place it was that bad. Yes I am an empath sensitive and feel others moods but never in my life did I feel so strongly these bad feelings only when my b/f was around. Wasn't constantly but during 2 months he had "4 of these turns" deathly silence detachment sarcasm and indifferent to my attempts to communicate and talk about the issue. I was the "intense" one. How ironic he was the one with the intensity and controlling behaviour. He kept changing things around my place and once even told me wasn't right time to feed the cats! I retorted "bad enough you bossing me around but now the cats..I ignored him and fed them. I asked him to leave my place last week couldn't stand the atmosphere any longer. I don't think he saw it coming. Glad I got out of that one for sure. Started to even question myself...Not good
@@DiscoDiva747 Glad you got out negative energy is no joke how are you right now do you more energetic and full of life because you do deserve it you sound like your a kind and thoughtful person.
I'm feeling the same way right now 😔 seems like nothing is good happening to me emotionally and mentally 😭 i wonder how it feels like to have someone you can cry on whenever those feelings will strikes 😕
I feel like I needed to see this. 1. Controlling behavior: Yes. My bf wants me to be k*nky all the time, and it's suffocating because I know I can't live up to what he wants in the bedroom. 2. Lack of communication: Yes My bf always tells me he is the way he is, and he doesn't want to take a break. I feel so suffocated that he's clingy. 3. Give and take is one-sided: Yes Bf buys me gifts, which I'm super appreciative of, but he also takes from me so much. I give him my intimate self more often than I should. And after finding out I was r*ped by him (long story: I consented to drinking a little bit of alcohol while waiting for my mom to pick me up; he fed me the alcohol pretty much by his hand, and proceeded to record videos as he did terrible things to me that I don't remember. All I remember is telling him I need a break from us after my mom had to carry me up the stairs because I blacked out, and he didn't want to take a break), it made my PTSD go into overdrive while also making me see him less and less. 4. No boundaries: Yes (Read the last section. I don't want to go into further details.) 5. Partner uses personal information against you: Not sure He knows about my trauma, but keeps saying, "You treat me like I'm your ex," when I don't feel like talking to the bf (The ex was also s*xually a*usive to me). 6. Don't acknowledge the relationship around others: Not sure. I mean, I think he acknowledges our relationship around others? I'm not too sure. When we're alone, it's different. All he wants to do is t**ch me inappropriately and be s*xual. I'm ashamed of myself for the relationship. 7: Constantly surrounded by negative energy: Yes. When we see each other, I don't feel right. I have this pain in the pit of my stomach when I know we're going to be alone. There is such a thing as "being too caring" as well. I told my bf I've been sick the last couple days so I couldn't talk to him. And he said, "Is it enough to have you checked into hospital?" Or when I tell him, "You don't have to keep texting or calling me, or go as far as to message my mom when you can't get a hold of me." And he says, "Oh, so you want me to stop being the caring boyfriend?" --- I'm really gonna have to do some thinking on this one...
@@einsamerkeks5977 Because in the past, he's loaned money and bought me gifts. My therapist shared a poem with me that kinda helps me feel better, as I tell him about my bf a lot during our sessions. Here's the poem: You Learn... After a while you learn The subtle difference Between holding a hand And chaining a soul... And you learn That love doesn't mean security, And you begin to learn That kisses aren't contracts And presents aren't promises. And you begin to accept your defeats With your head up and your eyes ahead With the grace of a woman Not the grief of a child... And you learn to build all your roads on today Because tomorrow's ground is Too uncertain for plans And futures have a way of falling down In mid-flight. After a while you learn That even sunshine burns if you bask too much So you plant your own garden And decorate your own soul Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn That you really can endure That you really are strong And you really do have worth. And you learn... With every goodbye You learn
As someone who stayed in a toxic unhealthy relationship for way too long, please get out of that relationship as fast as you safely can. His behavior has gone past “red flags” into abuse. You deserve love and compassionate and to feel safe with someone. There will be others better than him.
1/Controlling behaviour - youre choices arent even youre anymore 2/Lack of communication - Defensive Victum blaming 3/no give and take. Contantly taking never giving. Takung yoyre effirets for granted 4/ no boundaries VAMPIRISM Contsrant favours ignoring you're needs. Below the belt underhand dirty fighting Using their partner only to further their own goals 5/Using your information against you just so they can look good 6/Hide the relationship 7/Constant negative energy emotional stress. Constantly finding reasons for shutting it down
Omg there were a lot of red flags from my last relationship. I brought up something that bothered me and they apologized… At first. A few days later, they bring the incident up again and said “That’s the way I am.” There was no equal give and take at all. I paid for every date, got flowers, gifts, but they still wanted more. (pay for literally everything) Post break up, we tried to remain friends even while I was hurting inside but they would only text me for favors or to vent and receive validation. One night after they vented to me, I had enough mental stress and completely cut all communication. Not to mention the love-bombing within 3 weeks of talking. “I’ve never met anyone like you” “I feel so comfortable around you” “i think you’re my soul mate” only to end the relationship in 3 months because she’s used to dating “weird older men with money” Luckily I was going to therapy and my therapist at the time brought out the DSM-5 and asked me a few questions. As it turns out, she was a textbook narcissist. I was ready to settle down and have a kid with this person smh. I saw the signs early on but being in-sync with someone like that drew me in. Like we would finish eachothers sentences or mirror eachother it’s like we were aligned. Anyway, I’m glad that’s all over but I’m still not fully over that relationship.
Now I definitely had my faults, but when we broke up, I thought EVERYTHING was MY fault until my therapist told me otherwise. During that session, she told me, “You don’t have to change for anybody, remember that” and I cried more than I wanted to.
I used to be toxic towards my partner, and they once snapped at me and I took that as advice. We are still together and very happy with eachother. I was just smart enough to understand my wrong doings and well, lucky enough that they didn’t leave me there and then. So, please. Try to acknowledge if you’re doing something wrong before it gets out of hand. Have a happy relationship.💞.
I didn't knew much about dating and relationships.A simple straightforward person fell for someone.I was true and transparent to them in all aspects. In terms of obedience and loyalty totally devoted.Never asked for any help except for once for a financial help,that too I later found guilty of myself. They wanted to pour me with gifts and would ask if I wanted any materialistic things.Once they had sent Rupees 10k in my bank account for purchasing clothes,shoes and a watch of my choice which I later returned the amount in their bank account. On their birthday too they wanted to send me something to which I politely denied for it was a very special gift.I didn't want them to lose their dignity and hurt my self respect.I had never asked for that gift ever after. Neither I wanted to feel offended nor offend them.
I get too nervous and shy around her and don't get along with her , i feel like she wants to say or do things but i push her away. Moreover we both chose to hide our relationship
0:41 1、controlling behavior 1:23 2、there's a lack of communication 2:10 3、the give and take is consistently only one way 2:43 4、there are no boundaries in the relationship 3:25 5、your partner uses your personal information against you 4:09 6、they do not acknowledge your relationship in front of other people 4:35 7、you are constantly surrounded by negative energy
@@Psych2go firstly, thank you for the reply. It's very kind of you. It has only be one month since I left the relationship, so I'm actually still struggling with all the side effects, mainly bad ones, if not, I won't have decided to leave. But of course, there are a few good ones, mingling together with lots of devaluation, contempt and gaslighting... I don't know what to look for yet, because I think I need to find out who I am, or who I have become after this relationship, before I would truly move on... I don't know, I think this is what I need.. I have been troubled by insomnia for more almost 2 months now...😥 Again, it's wonderful to hear form you. I've been following your channel for years. Thank you for all the sharing.
@@crisagor2111 sorry to know that you are in a similar situation... I also hesitated for a long time before I finally left. I admit it was not at all a easy decision. But if you don't see any hope of happiness, why stay? Yes, it's painful, I lost my sense of self, not as confident as I used to be. Towards the end of relationship,I was suffering anxiety and almost daily panic attack... I think two things made me leave, one, my ex is a liar and has been lying to me about a very important issue for more than one year, the second, I was and still am.feelig ill both physically and mentally. All this is to say, relationship is a very large part of our lives, if It's not healthy, you will probably be sick too... So think things through and make a wise choice. If your partner doesn't cherrish you, you should at least learn to cherrish yourself. Good luck.
@@user-kehakvajbfk78646 thank you for these. it's such an eye opener for me. I believe I can get through it someday. God bless. Let's love ourselves more and find positivity in all the sadness we're been trying to hide .
My bestie has this kind of relationship with his ex. They constantly fight in horrible ways and always get back together in the end. Everyone who sees them together, says that they're toxic but they're so codependent, that they just can't seem to be able to stay away from eachother.
This is really us (my relationship also kind of it) I have been living together with my boyfriend for 2 years. Eating sleeping doing bad or nice things together, and I bite or slap him or kick him brutally when I'm get mad, I highly regret about that but he also did the same thing like slapping me, bite me. We are in a serious dangerous situation, we hurt each other. And I cheat on him. And he might also cheat but he is good in hiding the prove. But I don't trust him 100%. And then after we hate and abusing each other we always comeback together and we always have sex after we fight, like a stupidity which is never changed.. I'm tired with this situation, but my feelings are larger than my hate, I'm not sure about that guy but when he found out I was cheating he would furiously anger so bad but after that he would kiss or hug me still or still follow me everywhere I go, I don't know when this situation is over it seems really hard to get rid of this thing, Soo hard that all people who knows us would say we would not separate ever.. -_-
What I find very interesting about this is that if one of these things occur, the relationship can spiral down the other ones with both parties involved who start to display this behavior. Once I finally figured I didn't like the person I've become around them, it was very easy to end the relationship. One thing can lead to another and we need to pull ourselves out of this before it's too late.
This is a point of view from the other SIDE, but what about the toxic one ? IS it kind of controling love and obsession ? It really hurts when you see what your friend thinks about you when he's in a toxic relationship, some kind of avoiding talking, etc...
I once dated someone and when I felt comfortable, confident in being able to tell them my insecurities they started using them as comebacks to whenever we fight. They were prob the worst ever partner I had ever had.
I had to cut one of my friend’s off because of her mental health and I’m not talking to the person anymore. She said she can’t be my friend anymore and I tried apologizing to her, but it didn’t work out so we stop talking. I am trying not to think about it
Communication was one of our worse issues. Whenever I would try to be open and vulnerable (as a man) and tell her what she did hurt me and why/how it did, she would just go into how I hurt her. Now the shift of the conversation is off of me, and invalidates my feelings and concerns to address hers and apologize to her. When her and I first met and started dating every conversation was fun and a joy to have. We smiled just from seeing each other and spent time together often. But when it turned toxic, it seemed as if we could not even hold a conversation without someone misinterpreting what the other person is saying, or cant have a simple convo without someone getting offended. A huge turn off for the both of us. 😔
i recognize that my boyfriend is toxic and fits most of these but i enjoy talking to him more than others when it’s a normal conversation. it’s very upsetting, he always fights with me and my pulse is always so high from anxiety and stress that i can’t even do some of the things i used to like and he always blames me. “that’s just who i am. that never happened. you’re causing issues.” i guess he doesn’t actually love me
i have been during some tough times in my relationship, feeling like i am the only one trying to keep things normal, i really love your videos, thank you very much P2G
I'm gonna chime in with an important note here: its toxic only depending on the person! I'm gonna make myself vulnerable and say I portray a couple of these mainly I'm quite controlling and I struggle with communication, however those two stem from a long line of CPTSD amongst other stuff I don't want to share, running away from "toxic" people isn't always the answer. my partner is very patient and while my partner has toxic traits too we are both patient and working on them. IF said toxic person is willing and ACTIVELY changing their behaviour even if slow but there is progress, its not necessary to cut them out of your life, in fact its sometimes giving a vulnerable and hurt person a chance to become a better them and blossom the relationship be it friends family or SO (significant other). now I'm not saying EVERYONE who displays these behaviours will change, because not all will. All I'm saying is give people a chance, mistakes are made and NO ONE can change if they don't know what and HOW to change, communication is key and even that needs to be learned. not everyone has great parents or has been taught all necessary skills and need I remind people, cultures are a thing! don't push your culture on others.
I already struggle with thinking I'm not a good person, I'm pretty awful to some of those around me that aren't close friends and I don't mean to do that, but I had spoken to my now-ex about it a fair few times and each time it got progressively worse. The first time was the cheesy and open lie of "no your a good person" which yea, it's a lie but it's better than later on being told either "eh" or "yea you are" when I say I'm an awful person. I've done things I regret and I've never really fully gotten over them, I always say "time stops for noone so move past it" to my friends but I'm still stuck back on things that happened 2 years ago so I should take my own advice lol (it's always in a context of "well time stops for noone so hope things get better so your able to keep up")
Words are a fluctuation of ones own weaknesses and insecurities, the first perceived problems with others is only a reflection within oneself, as weaknesses fluctuate so does strength, it's because of weakness that one can perceive different aspects that others can't, that's you're biggest advantage
If you are not sure whether you’re in a toxic relationship or not, ask yourself these two most important questions. How has this relationship affected my self-esteem? How do I feel when I am around my partner? 💙UA-camr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
help.. am i being toxic to my best friend? so basically, i told her about someone that confessed to me. she spread it to everyone and all of them stated turning on me because the guy that confessed had a bad history with another girl. i was definitely angry but i let it slide. after a while, we start dating. i didn’t tell her because i didn’t want more drama and i knew it would further ruin our friendship. i think i’m at fault for not telling her since.. we’re best friends but.. she snatched my phone one day after school and started reading through all my texts with my bf without any consent. i was genuinely so hurt by it and cried a lot.. but mustered up the courage to text her about it. she said that she didn’t understand why i wouldn’t tell her and i was just so scared of what she would do.. so i apologised she still seemed angry when we got back to school the next day.. and i could hear her whispering to everyone behind my back.. telling them that we were dating i want to believe i am not in the wrong but i just don’t know anymore.. i’m so lost
I haven't experienced this in romantic relationships, but I've had some "friendships" that this happened in. I had to break off the relationship with those people.
Controlling partners have some seriously issues and really needs to be address its time to get out of the relationship and tell their families about their behavioral problems and move away far.
I can relate to some of these because I have been in a toxic relationship with a friend of mine and she would give me the silent treatment. And it was hard for me and her to get along with each other and she started being very mean and disrespectful to me
When you see what little good a person has it makes you ignore all the things that give you more than enough reason to back out and head for the hills!
Im guilty of some of this. Although at the time, they were legitimate questions. I was confused up until you defined negative energy. Now I realized I've been gaslit my entire dating life. Why is it so important for some to controll others?
This relates to every kind of relationship and though I’m not currently in a relationship this is always good advice for things you should avoid. Hope this helps someone 💜
This video actually hit the nail on the head. I was definitely in a toxic relationship. But she didn’t get to the point where she was spouting personal information. But all the other things were dead on. I kept my cool and didn’t concede my values though, so in the end the breakup was the next best thing that happened in our relationship.
Very on point with my relationship with my group mates, and they’re mostly girls. Also what makes the relationship toxic was to never treated equally with the specific person.
Number 3 was what led me to cut off alot of friends. I feel loads better being on my own without expecting to hear back from them. One contacted me months later and didn't apologize after I was honest. No regrets on leaving
This breaks my heart because I knew I was the problem. I'm so sorry. I wish I believed in myself as much as you believe in me. I hate how hard I have fallen for you.
These are all things that catfishers say and do. They are also terrible at spelling and grammar when communicating online. While that last part doesn't always signal a toxic relationship (because not everybody speaks English as their main language), those can come off as "red flags" if their social media username has a string of random numbers, if their page barely has any content, or if they send messages without any context. Another key warning is if they give you their phone number, but they never answer or keep making excuses for why they couldn't call you.
All of these red flags are present in my parents relationship and they have been married for 24 years now. I am 23 and you guys have no idea how horrible it is to survive in such a household. Their fights make no sense, both of them are not prepared for marriage and kids. I really want to move out but I don't have any job yet. I am surviving in a horror nightmare every f*cking single day. Their behaviour is influencing me not to get married ever again. I know someone would say , your husband will not be like your dad or you won't end up fighting like your parents but you know , when you see the same fighting, insulting, screaming and mean things over and over for fu*king 23 years , you will get afraid to go down that road. It's scary... It's traumatizing.
I felt this way with a roommate/friend. I dunno if he truly understands the severity of his actions or if he ever will but I've distanced myself and I need him to stay away.
I hate to say this but this is a 50/50 between me and my boyfriend and it sucks so bad. I've been so distant towards him because he hurt me recently and he keeps being controlled by his own parents and is a 23 year old MAN living with him. There's other stuff too but the lack of communication and controlling thing is so relatable.
Where do I start... From the one way comunication, not like a spiked fence but like I wasn't suposed to interrupt the monologue, just contemplate it? The victimization on whatever I told, good, bad or just plans I had? Dispensing my personal information like it was suposed to be public knowledge? Instead of hiding our relationship, managing to hamper or trying to sever every other conection I had with other people? "What is mine is mine, what is yours is Ours"? The worst part, I have only myself to blame for the hubris of thinking I could "fix" her and make it work... Lost seven years of my life on that experiment. But hey, At least I can start a new life from almost scratch, it's not a complete waste...
Sadly I’ve done one of them, and that’s awful. Made me also realize my partner is toxic too, he’s done every single one of these and is extremely jealous of even knowing I’ve dated a person before.
Wow. I just broke up with my girlfriend. And...I think I made the right decision. Regardless, it doesn't seem to be the case that it was a toxic relationship, it just didn't work.
2 months ago I left my husband ,his quarrelling was unbearable for me ....and he always started threatening me with divorce and break up and makes a big issue of everything - it was really stressful with him - I could not bear the stress and tension he puts on me and with everything he had a problem - I just want my peace of mind ,I am very happy I left him and I do not want this tension in my life anymore ....
Some of this, I've been guilty of. Some of this, I've seen in other partners. My current relationship feels sustainable with work from both sides, but knock on wood; no one knows the future
For me and the communication, every time I was upset at my bf at the time he would then thrown a giant pity party for himself making me feel bad about getting upset. Usually over things like helping around the house....ever
I am in constant stress whenever I am not actively talking to my partner, I feel bad whenever I leave her to go do stuff with my family. She keeps on saying “you’re leaving me” in a joking sort of way but it makes me feel bad. I don’t know what to do. And yes I’m going to a UA-cam comment section for this.
I don't know if I was the toxic one, or if they were, or maybe both of us. putting what I am feeling into words feels impossible, and I feel lost. I could never do anything right
How's everyone doing today?
Not well
I'm trying to get rid of the toxicity right now... so... I guess decent
Ok, I guess
Pretty good.
Good
0:00 intro
0:41 1、controlling behavior
1:23 2、there's a lack of communication
2:10 3、the give and take is consistently only one way
2:43 4、there are no boundaries in the relationship
3:25 5、your partner uses your personal information against you
4:09 6、they do not acknowledge your relationship in front of other people
4:35 7、you are constantly surrounded by negative energy
5:21 conclusion
5:39 outro
I have all 7!
Thank you
@Psych2Go would be great if you can add chapter markers like this to all your videos. I like to get an overview of anything (am dyslexic) before diving in.
@@neurohealthfocus 😁
Why did she describe my whole relationship lmao
i’m currently not in a relationship, but this is always good advice to look out for when I am in one.
It doesn't just go for relationships, all these go towards friendships and friends as well.
@@AtkataffTheAlpha I was just about to say that XD
Same here
@Cactuss why so mean. Hmm guessing that you are on a toxic relationship UA-cam video you must really need therapy.
@@The-hamster2471 they’re just wanting attention, the internet, but they got their attention so yeah
Yup, basically just happened with my former friend and I today, I was trying to reconnect after three months with a potential home visit. But she lied to me and said it wouldn’t be possible. She then told our mutual friends to not tell me about her because I was being “creepy and obsessive.” After all I’ve done for her she treats me like dirt. I’m glad she’s gone now.
Sometimes toxicity runs two ways. Check yourself and then check them. Always check yourself first! ...just saying....
@@itdobelikeda yeah, that’s why I always asked her stuff before I did anything. I’ve let friendships drift slip away from me before and I didn’t want this one to. Just turns out she awful with guys and couldn’t handle me getting close to her again.
@@KycenPetersen okay?
@@KycenPetersen you've left friendships drift away in the past. So now you may be trying to hold things tightly (of course without your awareness). That would've appeared obsessive and creepy to her. It doesn't make her a bad person. Clearly she felt unsafe with you. And you seem to be expecting a lot from her. You need to give because you "want" to give not because someone will give it back to you or treat you well. It sounds hopeless but I believe we all can improve. So don't give up on yourself or others and try to find a balance. You will make it one day.
@@luckycharm1212 couldn't have said it better myself 👏🏻
1.) Controlling Behavior
2.) Lack of Communication
3.) Give and Take is constantly one side
4.) There are no boundaries in relationship
5.) Your partner uses your personal information against you
6.) They don’t acknowledge your relationship in front of others
7.) You’re constantly surrounded by negative energy
Yep. Just ended mine. It was 2, 3, 4, and 6 that was going on with her.
It's to think about what could've been yet will never be realized. However, it helps me think that I'm feeling healthier, more balanced, now that it is over
8) You wonder if your relationship might be toxic
my cousins be like:
Oh shiiiiiiiit…
Yeah, it checks. My previous relationship was toxic as hell.
As someone who has come across many people in this type of relationship, I can truly say that toxic relationships can be very draining and damaging to both our physical and mental health.
I really hope more people recognize the toxic traits in their relationships and run away from them. And I wish that more resources like this video will be available to guide people on how to identify and deal with toxic relationships.
(I know this comment is old) but that's exactly what I'm dealing with right now. A woman who I'd hooked up with a while back wouldn't even give me a day to myself. She basically would stalk me until I gave in. Any suggestions?
This was so helpful…I didn’t know how toxic my relationship was until I watched this video. He’s been controlling and manipulative since the beginning and I was SO blind. I will be breaking up with him to keep what self esteem and dignity I have left he hasn’t already shattered. In my deepest regards, thank you.
@Habiba Isah musa I’m so happy for you two!✨ I’m glad your relationship was fixed because not many of them do.
For me, it was with him messaging me about stuff only to disappear for days then come back and say "sorry for being so late" and this happened through the relationship.
yeah, it's what I'm dealing with now...
I feel you I jus came out of a relationship which had all of these signs 🥲
literally every single one of these with my close friend from undergrad. She was so incredibly abusive. I was really good about communicating, being forging, working hard to improve the relationship, hell I flat out gave her the tools for a healthy relationship by the communication. At every step she would pretend to go for better and closer, then turn away from it, by actually punishing me for DARING to speak up. She hid me from her friends and family. She was so judgemental towards others and then it all turned to me. I told her vulnerable stories about my life and she twisted them to suit her biases and desires, hurting me in the process. I expressed dozens and dozens of boundaries, all of which she ignored (she then accused me of not following boundaries). It was a relationship that was, without a doubt, 100/0 effort. Yet she called me the transactional one. Anytime I communicated she would shut down. Anytime I asked her to set a boundary so we could prevent further problems she wouldn't give one (better yet, she started changing boundaries retroactively to paint me as worse). Instead of just FUCKING TALKING WITH ME she would disappear for days or weeks then come back as if nothing happened, and would be incredulous if I called her on it. Which leads to the final one, She admitted to purposefully witholding conversation to punish me, then blamed me for it. This is in addition to constant invalidation of my values, my feelings, my interests, my existence. This is in addition to her promises of more whilst actively rejecting. This is in addition to her demanding affection at extremely odd times while being downright furious if I dared ask for 1% of what she demanded from me.
What an absolutely horrible person. The damage has been... permanent. Just an absolutely awful experience.
Thank you psych2go for doing something to help raise awareness about these problems and how to identify them. the more people we can get out of such relationships the better.
I had a girlfriend with some of the traits in this video. The biggest one was definitely hiding the relationship. She hated when I told people, especially around her friends. That’s how we got into a fight and why she broke up with me. :/
I think she did you a favor right there, bud. Breaking up with you.
@@taylermuilenburg5029 The drama was never fun so I agree.
That's really toxic.. if someone is not proud to present you, that could be a sign they are not fully committed. It's good you got out.
@@mileven3ggo3njoyer Well, I'm happy you got out!
@@Yumeyori_Luna Glad you hopped out of that "relationship".
1. 0:44 controlling behavior
2: 1:25 lack of communication
3. 2:12 give and take is one sided
4. 2:44 no boundaries
5. 3:29 uses personal info against you
6. 4:13 don’t acknowledge relationship in front of others
7. 4:37 surrounded by negative energy
it took my s/o & i almost 4 years & 2 kids to put all of our effort in, & we learned so much after paying attention to what actually needed to be done. some days it’s 50/50, others it’s 80/20. it takes patience, it takes tolerance, it takes being able to pick your battles, & it takes respect & communication ! 🥰
This is great to hear. It's amazing to read a success story in the comments for a change. I wish you all the best.😁
I would add that RELATIONSHIP is a general term and the mentioned flags could (in my opinion also should) be applied to family members as well.
Yes, this can apply to any type of relationships.
@@Psych2go😢 Right
7 red flags of a toxic relationship
1. 0:42 controlling behavior
2. 1:24 lack of communication
3. 2:11 give and take is constantly only one-way
4. 2:46 no boundaries
5. 3:29 uses your personal information against you
6. 4:10 not acknowledging your relationship in front of other people
7. 4:36 constantly surrounded by negative energy
Just to let y’all know, this happens all the time in platonic relationships too, not just romantic
I just went through a massive break up bc of all this. Tbh.. we were both in the wrong. We both brought negative energy into the relationship and were constantly stressed about eachother. Yes, we always had fun together, we always had great times, but we were never okay In private. We broke up about 3 weeks ago on mutual understanding. We are still buds, and possibly might take another jab at the relationship thing. But we made it a point to better ourselves first before we can even consider it. Now we are using eachother as motivation, and we never been happier!
Five, six, and seven were my parents growing up. I learned in therapy years ago as a man in my twenties to call them out for their behavior, and they got upset , but overtime, it became less
It’s Happens, but we’ve always got some rough moments and a few stuff but will always be together as bravery!
love and lack of self-respect are never synonyms, if somone is trying to make you believe they are RUN
I experienced number 5 with my most toxic ex. Left me devastated and lost a lot of my friends. But eventually, truth came to life and I do still feel bad when the people who sided with her left her for the liar and how manipulative she was.
It must have been really hard to lose not your ex but also also the people around her. You must have felt very betrayed and alone. How are you doing these days?
@@Psych2go I regained most of my friends that she took away from me, though I feel bad that she forced herself to be distant from us. But I guess that's just how things go. I'm happy for her now that I've seen her with a new circle of friends.
That relationship of mine taught me how to be extremely on guard, but it's scary now that I'm seeing myself being toxic at times with my new one just because I'm trying to keep myself from the hurt. Thank goodness she's way too understandable and communicative
Over giving gifts and attention are also red flags..
It might seem so sweet at the first time but eventually it became "tools" to manipulate the other person ..
For example :
I was having an argument with my ex and they always said, "I gave you everything and aren't those things enough? You should be thankful that I provided you anything you need"
And at that moment they only wants me to feel guilty for being ungrateful to the things that I never asked in the first place -_-
Timestamps for everyone who just wants to check out:
1. Controlling behaviour (0:43)
2. Lack of Communication (1:23)
3. Give & take is consistently only one-way (2:12)
4. No boundaries (2:44)
5. Your partner uses your personal info against you (3:25)
6. Not acknowledging your relationship in front of other people (4:08)
7. Constantly surrounded by negative emotions (4:35)
It's okay to stay fighting and believing, but please do remember that what you also feel about the relationship itself must be taken care of and heard as well, stay safe everyone!
These 2 are the biggest ones in my relationship with my boyfriend.
I haven't started a relationship yet and I'm a little afraid to but with these videos I'm confident that I'll know what I'm doing♡
That's good, at least you will know what to spot, but keep in mind the real thing is also more complicated when emotions are involved.
i think i am the toxic one in my relationship... but i don't want to break up and he doesnt either
Then, change it, learn from your mistakes, and move on to change your habits
Why do you feel like youre the toxic one?
recognising this is a good step towards change :D
This is a sign for anyone going through a toxic relationship. I just left my abusive ex around 3 hours ago, and I feel so relieved. It’s like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders and I finally feel free from a relationship that was holding me back. I hope you all realize your worth and realize that there are plenty of fish in the sea. Often times, we are scared to leave these individuals because they have made us feel unloveable, invaluable, and we believe that there is no one else out there for us. Please do you and your inner child a favour, and seek the happiness you deserve by leaving the toxicity and abuse. You can get through this dark time ❤
This stuff is good to look for in all kinds of relationships- not just romantic ones.
Yep! Which of these do you find the most helpful?
@@Psych2go Am I allowed to say all of them? If I had to be specific, I would definitely say give & take, (Mis)communication, and control
i always ended up hurting my self by loving and giving my all to someone 😭 it's indeed hard to find someone who would cheerish you everyday and cares for you endlessly 😭
This channel is hooked up to my brain and we are living in a simulation
Every time something is on my mind this channel posts that exact thing
Me and my partner are in a bit of a rough time atm, this has helped me see things a lot. I've been worried because (as usual) they were complaining about something in their life, despite me and a few of our friends having a conversation about trying not to dump everything so casually, and is constantly saying that they have bruises and cuts from rugby. They're getting injured daily so I gently suggest that maybe it isn't worth it because you're always saying everything hurts, and then they quit and act like it's all my fault cause I was worried for their health. I can't open up to them because A) They're always trauma dumping and I feel like my problems don't matter and B) They consistently mention their processing disorder, which is fair enough but at this point it's becoming an excuse for everything. I know very well that disorders make things hard, but again, just a few days ago we had a discussion about the fact that everyone has issues, not just you. Advice?
i never realized the red flags until now. we’ve been together for five months now, and are now doing long distance after my family moved. only now do i realize some of the things that should be considered red flags.
-cheating when we were together the first time
-signs of cheating again this time
-called my friend hot (literally when he was talking to me)
-watches lots of porn/ hinti
-gets upset/ jealous when i talk about other guys
-constantly talks about how his ex got over him too fast (the girl he broke up with me for after cheating on me multiple times)
-telling my secrets/ trusted info to people
-trash talking my friends constantly
-bad attitude constantly
-rude to his family/ friends
-wanted to keep the relationship private/ hidden (and got mad at me when people find out because his own friends told people)
-when trying to schedule hang outs, he’s very dismissive and has my parents text his instead of us setting it up
-forcing sexual things on me (forcing me to sit on his lap, kiss him, let him touch my 🍒, etc)
-insults my family
having recently got out of a toxic relationship, there was a question from the other partner that stood out as the turning point in our time together. after i found i was putting all i could into us, their answer was simply "are we just... getting by on each other?"
sadly i waited 22 months hoping that our 6 years of work to that point wasn't for nothing, but oh man did it ever get worse.
now i'm out of it and they have no idea what hit. haven't been this relaxed in years lol
I used to have an online friend who called me names, often ignored me, and was draining to be around. They also most likely talked about me behind my back, but im not sure. I want to know if I was justified in ending the friendship, because im anxious that it wasn’t deserved. They did more things, but i cant think if them right now.
thank you for making these type of videos. these videos always help me and i know they help others too, you are my comfort youtuber and thank you for always putting effort into your videos.
Thank you for the kind words.
I just got out of a relationship where ALL of this was happening. I still love her, but I'm glad that negativity is no longer in my life!
Happy to hear that.. sometimes it really takes the right person to fit in with your values and lifestyle.
My partner and I are both red flags waving. I am all in and want a lot of attention and sort of trying to provide the best support, giving quite a lot, meanwhile I am very jealous and sort of controlling.
Also, I am taking jokes seriously most of the time, and my partner do make jokes that are quite mean to me and made me anxious.
They have negative energy and sometimes warm and sometimes cold to me, but mostly kinda push me off while I am excited to hang out with them.
Denial often, most reasons, is too much work, while trying to maintain their friend circle, I have less time and attention from them. Which kinda drains me when I wanted to hang out and have 1v1 quality time, and they just mostly hang out in the group with our friends...
I am trying to fix my jealousy issue here and be more independent, while try not to overthink and let loose and put more trust in. Hope I can become a better person for my partner and myself.
I think we can both do better for this "Relationship" and not making it only as a "title of status". It's my first, I can't expect it to be a calm sea to sail, though it hurts like hell sometimes due to the fact that I am very sensitive.
I have noticed all of these signs and I honestly, feel a little more comfortable being understood, it’s a little freeing when we educate ourselves about our emotional state it’s very calming and helps us to make the tougher decisions in life.
I had an ex meet my parents for the first time on a plane ride. We were taking her with us on a ski trip. She proceeds to get absolutely wasted on the plane, decides to scream at me the whole time about not wanting to be there. Once we land and she sobers up, she acts like nothing was wrong, and takes zero responsibility for embarrassing the sh*t out of me. LOL
Holy red flags Batman
hahahaha wtf is holy red flags batman! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Henny Klay! 🤣
😳🚩 truly red flag she didnt even say sorry 😶
why is it so hard for someone to love us back tho we almost lost ourselves just to give them all 😭
@@crisagor2111 yes it is really a mystery why cant we find the exact partner that we really need 😄 its been ages before i can truly find mine
The most important thing is to stay positive.
It's impossible
"Bitter ending is better than endless bitterness"
Even though looking at my relationship with my ex and seeing that there was 6 or possibly all 7 depending on how you look at certain things she did, I still love and miss her. I still want to spend the rest of my life with her, I swore that I would never get married but shortly before she broke up with me I changed my mind and was actually looking for a ring because I was certain I had found the one. I know she love bombed me from the start, that she lied to me, that she exaggerated things to get attention, that she tried to manipulate me into thinking and feeling whatever she wanted, that she cheated on me, and plenty more horrible things to do to someone.... But I could forgive all of it. I never felt anything negative towards her because of the things she did, in actuality all the red flags or flaws I saw in her just made me lean in and love/want her more.... Those things are what proved to me she was perfect.
i also had this kind of relationship.. blinded by those sweet words, colorful promises after he hurt me, i always wanted him more after all, but he never change his attitude towards me, yelling at me without hesitation, pointing his fingers at my face while shouting at me while im crying 😭 i wish i never love someone more than my self .
I was overthinking about my relationship and this just got posted at 5 am
we currently are in hot toxic waste
Thank you for the video I needed it I feel like there's alot of weird stuff happening around me and I do feel like I'm surrounded by negative energy and like I said controlling behavior in relationships is downright unattractive and honestly drains your energy.
Yes I had that too recently the energy of my partner was so negative and draining I couldn't wait to get of my place it was that bad. Yes I am an empath sensitive and feel others moods but never in my life did I feel so strongly these bad feelings only when my b/f was around. Wasn't constantly but during 2 months he had "4 of these turns" deathly silence detachment sarcasm and indifferent to my attempts to communicate and talk about the issue. I was the "intense" one. How ironic he was the one with the intensity and controlling behaviour. He kept changing things around my place and once even told me wasn't right time to feed the cats! I retorted "bad enough you bossing me around but now the cats..I ignored him and fed them. I asked him to leave my place last week couldn't stand the atmosphere any longer. I don't think he saw it coming. Glad I got out of that one for sure. Started to even question myself...Not good
@@DiscoDiva747 Glad you got out negative energy is no joke how are you right now do you more energetic and full of life because you do deserve it you sound like your a kind and thoughtful person.
I'm feeling the same way right now 😔 seems like nothing is good happening to me emotionally and mentally 😭 i wonder how it feels like to have someone you can cry on whenever those feelings will strikes 😕
@@crisagor2111 It would be comforting.
@@kyleslavik6324 i don't have anyone except my self
anghirap magmahal 😭 kahit yung taong pinaka mahal mo, hirap na hirap kang bigyan ng pagmamahal na deserve mong matanggap 😭
i like how u keep changing the animation style
I feel like I needed to see this.
1. Controlling behavior: Yes.
My bf wants me to be k*nky all the time, and it's suffocating because I know I can't live up to what he wants in the bedroom.
2. Lack of communication: Yes
My bf always tells me he is the way he is, and he doesn't want to take a break. I feel so suffocated that he's clingy.
3. Give and take is one-sided: Yes
Bf buys me gifts, which I'm super appreciative of, but he also takes from me so much. I give him my intimate self more often than I should. And after finding out I was r*ped by him (long story: I consented to drinking a little bit of alcohol while waiting for my mom to pick me up; he fed me the alcohol pretty much by his hand, and proceeded to record videos as he did terrible things to me that I don't remember. All I remember is telling him I need a break from us after my mom had to carry me up the stairs because I blacked out, and he didn't want to take a break), it made my PTSD go into overdrive while also making me see him less and less.
4. No boundaries: Yes
(Read the last section. I don't want to go into further details.)
5. Partner uses personal information against you: Not sure
He knows about my trauma, but keeps saying, "You treat me like I'm your ex," when I don't feel like talking to the bf (The ex was also s*xually a*usive to me).
6. Don't acknowledge the relationship around others: Not sure.
I mean, I think he acknowledges our relationship around others? I'm not too sure.
When we're alone, it's different. All he wants to do is t**ch me inappropriately and be s*xual.
I'm ashamed of myself for the relationship.
7: Constantly surrounded by negative energy: Yes.
When we see each other, I don't feel right. I have this pain in the pit of my stomach when I know we're going to be alone.
There is such a thing as "being too caring" as well. I told my bf I've been sick the last couple days so I couldn't talk to him. And he said, "Is it enough to have you checked into hospital?"
Or when I tell him, "You don't have to keep texting or calling me, or go as far as to message my mom when you can't get a hold of me." And he says, "Oh, so you want me to stop being the caring boyfriend?"
---
I'm really gonna have to do some thinking on this one...
I'm a straight trans guy and I seriously felt that I wrote that comment lmao we both need to do something hah
Why exactly are you still with him? Sounds like a TERRIBLE person to be around.
@@einsamerkeks5977 Because in the past, he's loaned money and bought me gifts.
My therapist shared a poem with me that kinda helps me feel better, as I tell him about my bf a lot during our sessions.
Here's the poem:
You Learn...
After a while you learn
The subtle difference
Between holding a hand
And chaining a soul...
And you learn
That love doesn't mean security,
And you begin to learn
That kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises.
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes ahead
With the grace of a woman
Not the grief of a child...
And you learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is
Too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way of falling down
In mid-flight.
After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you bask too much
So you plant your own garden
And decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn
That you really can endure
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth.
And you learn...
With every goodbye
You learn
@@musingsofmessa wasn't it supposed to be a kind gesture?
As someone who stayed in a toxic unhealthy relationship for way too long, please get out of that relationship as fast as you safely can. His behavior has gone past “red flags” into abuse. You deserve love and compassionate and to feel safe with someone. There will be others better than him.
Been there. Done that. The worst part, I feel, is acknowledging how many years I've wasted just putting up with a crappy relationship.
1/Controlling behaviour - youre choices arent even youre anymore
2/Lack of communication -
Defensive
Victum blaming
3/no give and take.
Contantly taking never giving. Takung yoyre effirets for granted
4/ no boundaries
VAMPIRISM
Contsrant favours ignoring you're needs.
Below the belt underhand dirty fighting
Using their partner only to further their own goals
5/Using your information against you just so they can look good
6/Hide the relationship
7/Constant negative energy emotional stress. Constantly finding reasons for shutting it down
Omg there were a lot of red flags from my last relationship.
I brought up something that bothered me and they apologized… At first. A few days later, they bring the incident up again and said “That’s the way I am.”
There was no equal give and take at all. I paid for every date, got flowers, gifts, but they still wanted more. (pay for literally everything)
Post break up, we tried to remain friends even while I was hurting inside but they would only text me for favors or to vent and receive validation. One night after they vented to me, I had enough mental stress and completely cut all communication.
Not to mention the love-bombing within 3 weeks of talking. “I’ve never met anyone like you” “I feel so comfortable around you” “i think you’re my soul mate” only to end the relationship in 3 months because she’s used to dating “weird older men with money”
Luckily I was going to therapy and my therapist at the time brought out the DSM-5 and asked me a few questions. As it turns out, she was a textbook narcissist.
I was ready to settle down and have a kid with this person smh. I saw the signs early on but being in-sync with someone like that drew me in. Like we would finish eachothers sentences or mirror eachother it’s like we were aligned.
Anyway, I’m glad that’s all over but I’m still not fully over that relationship.
Now I definitely had my faults, but when we broke up, I thought EVERYTHING was MY fault until my therapist told me otherwise. During that session, she told me, “You don’t have to change for anybody, remember that” and I cried more than I wanted to.
I used to be toxic towards my partner, and they once snapped at me and I took that as advice. We are still together and very happy with eachother. I was just smart enough to understand my wrong doings and well, lucky enough that they didn’t leave me there and then.
So, please. Try to acknowledge if you’re doing something wrong before it gets out of hand. Have a happy relationship.💞.
Lots of people grows old never mature and wont even respect simple boundaries.
Not sure if this is a new animator but I like this style!
I didn't knew much about dating and relationships.A simple straightforward person fell for someone.I was true and transparent to them in all aspects.
In terms of obedience and loyalty totally devoted.Never asked for any help except for once for a financial help,that too I later found guilty of myself.
They wanted to pour me with gifts and would ask if I wanted any materialistic things.Once they had sent Rupees 10k in my bank account for purchasing clothes,shoes and a watch of my choice which I later returned the amount in their bank account.
On their birthday too they wanted to send me something to which I politely denied for it was a very special gift.I didn't want them to lose their dignity and hurt my self respect.I had never asked for that gift ever after.
Neither I wanted to feel offended nor offend them.
i was in a toxic relationship for 9 months, he was even worse after we broke but i feel so much better now
I get too nervous and shy around her and don't get along with her , i feel like she wants to say or do things but i push her away. Moreover we both chose to hide our relationship
0:41 1、controlling behavior
1:23 2、there's a lack of communication
2:10 3、the give and take is consistently only one way
2:43 4、there are no boundaries in the relationship
3:25 5、your partner uses your personal information against you
4:09 6、they do not acknowledge your relationship in front of other people
4:35 7、you are constantly surrounded by negative energy
you gave me the motivation to create this channel, thank you!
All of the seven!!! Thank God I am out of it! Still feeling hurt, but time will take care of it. Thank you for the video!
No worries! Happy to hear that you are out of something that was extremely not good for you. What will you be looking for in your future relationship?
@@Psych2go firstly, thank you for the reply. It's very kind of you. It has only be one month since I left the relationship, so I'm actually still struggling with all the side effects, mainly bad ones, if not, I won't have decided to leave. But of course, there are a few good ones, mingling together with lots of devaluation, contempt and gaslighting... I don't know what to look for yet, because I think I need to find out who I am, or who I have become after this relationship, before I would truly move on... I don't know, I think this is what I need.. I have been troubled by insomnia for more almost 2 months now...😥 Again, it's wonderful to hear form you. I've been following your channel for years. Thank you for all the sharing.
@@user-kehakvajbfk78646 i wish i am strong as you . i wish i can leave this relationship too and tolerate all the pain and sadness 🥺
@@crisagor2111 sorry to know that you are in a similar situation... I also hesitated for a long time before I finally left. I admit it was not at all a easy decision. But if you don't see any hope of happiness, why stay? Yes, it's painful, I lost my sense of self, not as confident as I used to be. Towards the end of relationship,I was suffering anxiety and almost daily panic attack... I think two things made me leave, one, my ex is a liar and has been lying to me about a very important issue for more than one year, the second, I was and still am.feelig ill both physically and mentally. All this is to say, relationship is a very large part of our lives, if It's not healthy, you will probably be sick too... So think things through and make a wise choice. If your partner doesn't cherrish you, you should at least learn to cherrish yourself. Good luck.
@@user-kehakvajbfk78646 thank you for these. it's such an eye opener for me. I believe I can get through it someday. God bless. Let's love ourselves more and find positivity in all the sadness we're been trying to hide .
My bestie has this kind of relationship with his ex. They constantly fight in horrible ways and always get back together in the end. Everyone who sees them together, says that they're toxic but they're so codependent, that they just can't seem to be able to stay away from eachother.
This is really us (my relationship also kind of it)
I have been living together with my boyfriend for 2 years. Eating sleeping doing bad or nice things together, and I bite or slap him or kick him brutally when I'm get mad, I highly regret about that but he also did the same thing like slapping me, bite me. We are in a serious dangerous situation, we hurt each other. And I cheat on him. And he might also cheat but he is good in hiding the prove. But I don't trust him 100%.
And then after we hate and abusing each other we always comeback together and we always have sex after we fight, like a stupidity which is never changed..
I'm tired with this situation, but my feelings are larger than my hate, I'm not sure about that guy but when he found out I was cheating he would furiously anger so bad but after that he would kiss or hug me still or still follow me everywhere I go,
I don't know when this situation is over it seems really hard to get rid of this thing, Soo hard that all people who knows us would say we would not separate ever.. -_-
Hiii! :) I love these videos, so thank you for making them
What I find very interesting about this is that if one of these things occur, the relationship can spiral down the other ones with both parties involved who start to display this behavior. Once I finally figured I didn't like the person I've become around them, it was very easy to end the relationship. One thing can lead to another and we need to pull ourselves out of this before it's too late.
This is a point of view from the other SIDE, but what about the toxic one ?
IS it kind of controling love and obsession ?
It really hurts when you see what your friend thinks about you when he's in a toxic relationship, some kind of avoiding talking, etc...
I once dated someone and when I felt comfortable, confident in being able to tell them my insecurities they started using them as comebacks to whenever we fight. They were prob the worst ever partner I had ever had.
@Blessing Jabin good 4 you !
I had to cut one of my friend’s off because of her mental health and I’m not talking to the person anymore.
She said she can’t be my friend anymore and I tried apologizing to her, but it didn’t work out so we stop talking.
I am trying not to think about it
Communication was one of our worse issues. Whenever I would try to be open and vulnerable (as a man) and tell her what she did hurt me and why/how it did, she would just go into how I hurt her. Now the shift of the conversation is off of me, and invalidates my feelings and concerns to address hers and apologize to her. When her and I first met and started dating every conversation was fun and a joy to have. We smiled just from seeing each other and spent time together often. But when it turned toxic, it seemed as if we could not even hold a conversation without someone misinterpreting what the other person is saying, or cant have a simple convo without someone getting offended. A huge turn off for the both of us. 😔
i recognize that my boyfriend is toxic and fits most of these but i enjoy talking to him more than others when it’s a normal conversation. it’s very upsetting, he always fights with me and my pulse is always so high from anxiety and stress that i can’t even do some of the things i used to like and he always blames me. “that’s just who i am. that never happened. you’re causing issues.” i guess he doesn’t actually love me
i have been during some tough times in my relationship, feeling like i am the only one trying to keep things normal, i really love your videos, thank you very much P2G
That's good. What are some things that you to do to feel normal.
i can relate with every word you said .
I'm gonna chime in with an important note here: its toxic only depending on the person! I'm gonna make myself vulnerable and say I portray a couple of these mainly I'm quite controlling and I struggle with communication, however those two stem from a long line of CPTSD amongst other stuff I don't want to share, running away from "toxic" people isn't always the answer. my partner is very patient and while my partner has toxic traits too we are both patient and working on them. IF said toxic person is willing and ACTIVELY changing their behaviour even if slow but there is progress, its not necessary to cut them out of your life, in fact its sometimes giving a vulnerable and hurt person a chance to become a better them and blossom the relationship be it friends family or SO (significant other). now I'm not saying EVERYONE who displays these behaviours will change, because not all will. All I'm saying is give people a chance, mistakes are made and NO ONE can change if they don't know what and HOW to change, communication is key and even that needs to be learned. not everyone has great parents or has been taught all necessary skills and need I remind people, cultures are a thing! don't push your culture on others.
I already struggle with thinking I'm not a good person, I'm pretty awful to some of those around me that aren't close friends and I don't mean to do that, but I had spoken to my now-ex about it a fair few times and each time it got progressively worse. The first time was the cheesy and open lie of "no your a good person" which yea, it's a lie but it's better than later on being told either "eh" or "yea you are" when I say I'm an awful person. I've done things I regret and I've never really fully gotten over them, I always say "time stops for noone so move past it" to my friends but I'm still stuck back on things that happened 2 years ago so I should take my own advice lol (it's always in a context of "well time stops for noone so hope things get better so your able to keep up")
Words are a fluctuation of ones own weaknesses and insecurities, the first perceived problems with others is only a reflection within oneself, as weaknesses fluctuate so does strength, it's because of weakness that one can perceive different aspects that others can't, that's you're biggest advantage
@@DrPlaguenstein I'm pretty stupid so I only understood like maybe 10% of that
If you are not sure whether you’re in a toxic relationship or not, ask yourself these two most important questions. How has this relationship affected my self-esteem? How do I feel when I am around my partner?
💙UA-camr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
I feel inconfortable, walking on eggshells, and scared.
help.. am i being toxic to my best friend?
so basically, i told her about someone that confessed to me. she spread it to everyone and all of them stated turning on me because the guy that confessed had a bad history with another girl. i was definitely angry but i let it slide.
after a while, we start dating. i didn’t tell her because i didn’t want more drama and i knew it would further ruin our friendship. i think i’m at fault for not telling her since.. we’re best friends but.. she snatched my phone one day after school and started reading through all my texts with my bf without any consent.
i was genuinely so hurt by it and cried a lot.. but mustered up the courage to text her about it. she said that she didn’t understand why i wouldn’t tell her and i was just so scared of what she would do.. so i apologised
she still seemed angry when we got back to school the next day.. and i could hear her whispering to everyone behind my back.. telling them that we were dating
i want to believe i am not in the wrong but i just don’t know anymore.. i’m so lost
About time they made a video about my last relationship
I haven't experienced this in romantic relationships, but I've had some "friendships" that this happened in. I had to break off the relationship with those people.
Me too
Controlling partners have some seriously issues and really needs to be address its time to get out of the relationship and tell their families about their behavioral problems and move away far.
I can relate to some of these because I have been in a toxic relationship with a friend of mine and she would give me the silent treatment. And it was hard for me and her to get along with each other and she started being very mean and disrespectful to me
When you see what little good a person has it makes you ignore all the things that give you more than enough reason to back out and head for the hills!
Im guilty of some of this. Although at the time, they were legitimate questions. I was confused up until you defined negative energy. Now I realized I've been gaslit my entire dating life. Why is it so important for some to controll others?
This relates to every kind of relationship and though I’m not currently in a relationship this is always good advice for things you should avoid. Hope this helps someone 💜
I lost a friendship to depression
This video actually hit the nail on the head. I was definitely in a toxic relationship. But she didn’t get to the point where she was spouting personal information. But all the other things were dead on. I kept my cool and didn’t concede my values though, so in the end the breakup was the next best thing that happened in our relationship.
Very on point with my relationship with my group mates, and they’re mostly girls. Also what makes the relationship toxic was to never treated equally with the specific person.
I dont know if thats intentional but having the bgm of Getting Over It for this topic is just chef's kiss
Number 3 was what led me to cut off alot of friends. I feel loads better being on my own without expecting to hear back from them. One contacted me months later and didn't apologize after I was honest. No regrets on leaving
This breaks my heart because I knew I was the problem. I'm so sorry. I wish I believed in myself as much as you believe in me. I hate how hard I have fallen for you.
These are all things that catfishers say and do. They are also terrible at spelling and grammar when communicating online. While that last part doesn't always signal a toxic relationship (because not everybody speaks English as their main language), those can come off as "red flags" if their social media username has a string of random numbers, if their page barely has any content, or if they send messages without any context. Another key warning is if they give you their phone number, but they never answer or keep making excuses for why they couldn't call you.
This video is very helpful for ppl who are in a toxic relationship.
All of these red flags are present in my parents relationship and they have been married for 24 years now.
I am 23 and you guys have no idea how horrible it is to survive in such a household. Their fights make no sense, both of them are not prepared for marriage and kids. I really want to move out but I don't have any job yet. I am surviving in a horror nightmare every f*cking single day.
Their behaviour is influencing me not to get married ever again.
I know someone would say , your husband will not be like your dad or you won't end up fighting like your parents but you know , when you see the same fighting, insulting, screaming and mean things over and over for fu*king 23 years , you will get afraid to go down that road. It's scary... It's traumatizing.
Thanks for this, it helps a lot and I look forward to your next video!
I felt this way with a roommate/friend. I dunno if he truly understands the severity of his actions or if he ever will but I've distanced myself and I need him to stay away.
I hate to say this but this is a 50/50 between me and my boyfriend and it sucks so bad. I've been so distant towards him because he hurt me recently and he keeps being controlled by his own parents and is a 23 year old MAN living with him. There's other stuff too but the lack of communication and controlling thing is so relatable.
Where do I start... From the one way comunication, not like a spiked fence but like I wasn't suposed to interrupt the monologue, just contemplate it? The victimization on whatever I told, good, bad or just plans I had? Dispensing my personal information like it was suposed to be public knowledge? Instead of hiding our relationship, managing to hamper or trying to sever every other conection I had with other people? "What is mine is mine, what is yours is Ours"?
The worst part, I have only myself to blame for the hubris of thinking I could "fix" her and make it work... Lost seven years of my life on that experiment. But hey, At least I can start a new life from almost scratch, it's not a complete waste...
Sadly I’ve done one of them, and that’s awful. Made me also realize my partner is toxic too, he’s done every single one of these and is extremely jealous of even knowing I’ve dated a person before.
Wow. I just broke up with my girlfriend. And...I think I made the right decision. Regardless, it doesn't seem to be the case that it was a toxic relationship, it just didn't work.
I shouldn't feel like I'm in a work release program.. no boundaries, no fun.. no time for a relationship with myself
2 months ago I left my husband ,his quarrelling was unbearable for me ....and he always started threatening me with divorce and break up and makes a big issue of everything - it was really stressful with him -
I could not bear the stress and tension he puts on me and with everything he had a problem -
I just want my peace of mind ,I am very happy I left him and I do not want this tension in my life anymore ....
The more you love your decisions, the less you need others to love your decisions. ♡
This is so helpful! Thank you. I’ll be creating a video to add to this discussion.
Sometimes easy to say hard to understand never jage a person we don't know how much time he is faced and still facing anyway good advice
Some of this, I've been guilty of. Some of this, I've seen in other partners. My current relationship feels sustainable with work from both sides, but knock on wood; no one knows the future
i can proudly say she does none of these
For me and the communication, every time I was upset at my bf at the time he would then thrown a giant pity party for himself making me feel bad about getting upset. Usually over things like helping around the house....ever
I am in constant stress whenever I am not actively talking to my partner, I feel bad whenever I leave her to go do stuff with my family. She keeps on saying “you’re leaving me” in a joking sort of way but it makes me feel bad. I don’t know what to do.
And yes I’m going to a UA-cam comment section for this.
I don't know if I was the toxic one, or if they were, or maybe both of us. putting what I am feeling into words feels impossible, and I feel lost. I could never do anything right