You and your partner should be Yin and Yang. You should be a part of each other while maintaining your sense of self. You should remain balanced in exchanging affection in your own ways. You need trust and care respectively. But you need to remember that you are not an extension of your partner, and they aren't an extension of you. You should never be the only person giving or the only person taking, or the only person telling the truth or the only person listening. Your partner is your equal, and you are theirs.
That's idealism talking. As much as we want that, humans are flawed and carry their baggage without working through it and above all humans seriously lack the ability to communicate effectively to a possible mating partner.
@@Psych2go I'm having a feeling of sustained shock right now after drinking coffee, wow! I can't describe how happy this makes me feel, thank you. I find it funny that you think so highly of this as I have never been in a romantic relationship in my life. Just goes to show that you don't always need to have experienced it to learn from the wisdom of others, and I'm glad to say that a lot of this wisdom has come from your channel, and I'm very grateful that you share it. Keep making content, Psych2Go, you're the Yang to our Yin.
*Toxic behavior #9:* They threaten to leave the relationship often, or often tell you that you can leave the relationship if you don't see it their way on an issue. Always letting you know that you're replaceable.
I used to be guilty of this 🌧 it’s because I didn’t have the guts to actually leave back in that relationship. Now I never say that the relationship is over because I know how serious it is, it corrodes the foundation of the relationship and makes it so trust slowly ebbs away. It teaches you that your voice isn’t honest and shouldn’t be listened to the first time. So yeah don’t do that. It makes you a liar and you lose respect for yourself when you’re unable to leave. But… I also have some compassion for it. Leaving a relationship is ridiculously hard regardless.
I will say though if someone tells you you’re replaceable that’s horrible. Threatening to find someone else js a big no for me even when I would talk about leaving but couldn’t follow through… for me it wasn’t about “i can do so much better” and more like “I would probably be more content on my own”…
that's... not how percentage allocation works my dude. Pardon me for being a smartass, but wouldn't it be more apt to say that 50% of both of your contributions be 100% of both of your effort?
I don’t agree…what about the people that can only give 50%. Like someone dealing with mental health issues. Isn’t the whole point of a relationship to accept your partner as they are and not by what they can “provide”?
@@Alexis-co7nb normally yes but in our cursed generations good luck with finding someone like that you'll need it since in this age most People looks at what you can provide and doesn't want to deal with anyones short comings it's probably more logical to not being together th anyone and Just accept yourself as you are and try to be your Best without needing anyone
I see it, in myself. Lack of trust, a bit too clingy, sometimes lying (mainly about past bc I feel like I ruined myself and hated myself), and false accusations. Tho I gotten better. I given my partner space, trust them more, and learnt to love myself bc it’s the sole cause of it. To anyway who’s like me, learn to love yourself and remind yourself your partner isn’t like your ex or a partner. If the trauma or your depression is extremely bad, talk to a therapist. And remember, don’t use your issues as the excuse every single time you f up. Take responsibility of your actions and learn from your mistakes. It’s hard but remember, you’re not alone. Your partner and friends can help but don’t take frustrations on them. And if you have a choice to get therapy then i suggest you get it.
The way you have internalised and reflected on yourself is commendable. I hope more people can do the same. I especially love the line that past issues are not excuses for messing up constantly
@@Crystals10000 I’m so sorry for all the things you may have put up with. I don’t know you, but I know that no one deserves to have a partner who breaks the trust by cheating. You deserve loyalty and stability.
I hate the phrases "once a liar always a liar" and "once a cheater always a cheater" (5:37). They make it seem like people can never change, when in reality, they definitely can. Just because someone does something bad once doesn't mean they will always repeat it.
The bad thing about toxic relationships is that once you begin to allow the little compromises, toxic people will keep exploring you and exhibiting more toxicity till it has gone full blown and out of hand. This is why it is important to always pay attention and nip toxic behaviours in the bud anytime you notice them in your relationship.
I didn't realize how my clinginess was seen as toxic. I'm slowly unlearning the toxic behaviors that have followed me through the years. This video was a huge help. There really should be a class on how to cultivate a healthy relationship.
When I'm single I have this strong, independent personality that makes me feel confident and safe. Things change whenever I'm in a relationship :( I kind of become this insecure and lost person that needs a constant reassurance from the other person. I fear abandonment, I'm kind of clingy and my identity feels threatened by getting lost in my significant other.
Spend as much time alone as you can in the relationship. That means when you're alone, you're actively redirecting your thoughts inwards whenever you start to think about your significant other. All I can say for now, best of luck to you on your path 💗💖
Toxic behaviour doesn't exist, but immature behaviour does. I belive this video will help you to understand yourself better. Educate yourself: ua-cam.com/video/E9THwbJFUM4/v-deo.html
I can't tell you how much I appreciate this video. I've felt like I've been in a toxic relationship for a while, but was surprised to see some ways that I was contributing to the toxicity after watching this video. It's definitely bolstered my determination to look inside myself and clean up my side of the street, so to speak.
Important caveat: this doesn’t just apply to romantic partners. These traits can take many different forms and can apply to relationships with parents, children, even friendships.
Girl, I've been single my whole life yk..... GUYS, THIS MIGHT BE AN UNPOPULAR OPINION, BUT BEING SINGLE IS GOOD TOO. Nothing is wrong with being single..... Inner peace>toxic ppl
Something i have been struggling with lately is that I feel that im annoying/clingy. Im a very physical person, so I like to hug people and just in general touch them (hold hands, lean on them etc). My problem is that with certain people i just feel like I’m being clingy and I don’t know what to do. If you could make a video on this topic it would be extremely helpful, thank you. Have a good day everyone!
@@Mel0nMel it’s pretty much ur love language. I’m the same. Physical touch lovers are very affectionate/physical. You just gotta find one with the same or one who enjoys/doesn’t mind
Some people have a problem being touched. It makes people uncomfortable. It's hard for me to understand how someone could be comfortable touching another body or being touched by another especially too early in a relationship. Obviously a person like myself wouldn't be a good fit for you because I would probably make you feel insecure but it's not about you, it's about my discomfort. Find someone who is not only okay with being touched, but someone who likes it and you'll probably be golden. Also make sure you get to know them long enough to know if they are telling the truth or if they're just trying to be nice. Sometimes I say it's okay just to be nice but it is a problem I have and it is a lie when I say that because it is not okay....
I think a lack of trust is how every relationship starts and trust is built from there. You should have a lot of trust before you are exclusive with them in my opinion.
"Reaching out for help" is not that easy or simple especially when you have too much to say that triggers others so easily so you have to hold it all in.
@@Psych2go but when does one draw the line between help and dependence? Why not try to solve issues yourself or with the help of people close to you, instead of going to those who get paid insane amounts for essentially talking and telling a bunch of bs.
@@saintdolanchirosius3704 I'm sorry to hear you believe that we get paid insane amounts of money to tell you a bunch of bs. It's quite possible that your therapist wasn't a good fit for you. And, I get a modest income for the work I do helping others and work 45-60 hours an week.
@@kathleengeorge-bol5012 I never went to one nor plan to pay insane amounts of hard earned money for some societal parasite to listen about my secrets(and possibly blackmail me) only to get prescribed ineffective drugs(and be dependent on pharmacists) I'd rather talk to my family or if I need a third party, a friend.
I see some of the points in myself. My ex called me toxic and broke up with me i wasn't accepting that I'm the toxic one but after watching this video i know what's wrong with me I'll improve my toxic traits. Love your videos
the lack of trust and clinginess sections I think should be renamed. There's a difference between genuinely not knowing whether to trust someone vs what is described, same for clinginess. Wanting to hang out with your friend, especially if you're really close, isn't "clingy", what is is constant monitoring and obsessing from the start. I say this because people HAVE thrown "you just don't trust me and are clingy" when they DELIBERATELY broke my trust and became secretive to toxically test my loyalty, and when I naturally freaked out and started checking to make sure I wasnt going crazy they threw it back in my face to make me out to be THE big problem. Videos like this need to be careful, and I know it is triggering for me. I am not untrusting or clingy for having needs. I am not lacking trust and toxic for someone breaking that trust. I am not clingy for checking if my friend was lying to me after a month of healthy breaching of the topic so we could work on it together.
That's a really good point. I have no idea if I'm genuinely clingy and obsessive or not and I'm thinking I have developed a very unhealthy attachment style. If I'm scared of losing my close friends does that make me a clingy person? I used to unintentionally spam them but now I'm trying not to. They are their own person and I don't need to always get involved. Thanks for this, you've made me consider more about the reason I think this way :) When would you consider someone being clingy??
exactly... idk why people are always saying clinginess is a red flag and same for trusting people, some of us have trust issues and its not even bad to wanna be around someone often, so im a bit confused why its "bad"
@@naomi9657 If they are close friends, IMO there should atleast be a dialogue of how each others needs can be met, and pray that they follow on their end, because if they repeatedly don't, you'll have to leave. I think true toxic clinginess is actually extremely rare. On a relationship by relationship basis (ie not introducing pathological traits) clinginess is when someone actively takes up your time in a disrespectful manner that does so against your boundaries repeatedly. Talking everyday isn't clingy. Wanting communication isn't clingy. Wanting emotional connection isn't clingy. Communicating that you aren't getting the communication you want isn't clingy. Ironically in my life, I was called clingy by this person for wanting to talk to them, and telling them that their unrealiable communication was harmful to me. Yet they were actually clingy because they would message me with major news expecting me to immediately get to it, despite being clear during those times that I wasn't available. They were clingy because they refused to acknowledge my needs and instead demanded me meet theirs. They deliberately lied so that I would meet their needs. And most wouldn't say they were "traditionally clingy" because she was quite avoidant towards me. She was unrealiable and at times ignored me for long stretches of time, but if I wasn't there for her the moment she needed, there was hell to pay
@@losingcait The first two traits on this video are RADICALLY different from the rest. Some of that nuance is added in the video itself rather than the short phrase, but psych2go has to understand a lot of people use the titles without hearing the exposition.
This is the exactly what happened with my ex, at first he was fine but after awhile it got worse and worse, today you need to keep in mind abusers are really good at putting on a fake face and acting good at first, the only way to really avoid this is to get to know the person really well first and see how he/she/they act towards other people, and ask the persons friends how they act to them to find any red flags like in the video, stay safe and be careful who you choose
Me and my boyfriend, we've been together for 7 years now and we had our ups and downs. I think we all have/ had some toxic traits at some degree. But that doesn't mean we should give up instantly on the other person without first trying to understand their perspective or without trying to make ourselves understood. We also tend to act in a toxic way when we're hurt. But instead of hurting back someone by invading their boundaries, or by treating them poorly, we should try to understand that we are team players in our relationship and hurting the other means hurting the relationship, and in the end hurting ourselves. Therefore, the best way to avoid being hurt by others is to honestly communicate our feelings. And also, try to give up on your defensiveness and be opened about other's feelings too: maybe the other person didn't mean to hurt you as you perceived, or maybe you are hurting someone without realizing. Trying to be aware of our toxic traits and remembering that we are in the same team as our partner really strengthens the relationship. As my grandma said: It takes 2 to build a relationship and the same 2 to wreck it.
I came to realize that my best friend was someone who I would talk to almost every day to check up on her and see how she's doing, I was being clingy and I didn't even realize it, we put our friendship on hold and we both needed the space for ourselves for now but hopefully, with enough time things can get better for the both of us to rekindle our friendship. I always love your videos for tips on how to be better for myself and others and how to recognize what needs to change within the relationships I have, thank you💙
imma be real, it's not worth sacrificing your desire to talk and connect with them on the idea you are "clingy". I had similar, where me and a friend mutually were very close and active, but then she started getting flaky and toxic and shit, but I always saw the best in it. I would constantly lower my expectations to meet her effort, and EVERYTIME she purposefully dropped her effort. It was abusive. Not saying you faced that, but seriously, if someone cant put in the effort you need, and the effort you need is based on good comfortable boundaries and logic, they should not be a friend.
@@jeffreychandler8418 The Thing is that I was being toxic in my friendship with my best friend, I want to put in the effort to fix things but like I said me and her need our space from each other before I'm ready to talk again and in the meantime I'm working on myself both mentally and physically so that I can be a better person to others whether or not me and my best friend can talk again is up to her at this point.
i dont see how thats clingy tbh but alright.. i talk to my best friend basically everyday too lol its really not clingy unless you're texting them like every hour or less to check on them lol
@@losingcait I loved texting and talking to my best friend everyday, one day she stopped talking to me and took a break from social media ( I didn't know that until a month later) and I felt empty without her, we would have such fun and meaningful conversations but now I'm half and half, half missing her a lot and half wanting to leave her alone for a long time until I figure things out about our friendship and whether or not after all the time that's past if she still wants to be friends.
The last relationship I had which was in 2019 contained numbers 1,2,5,7 and 8... I should have left much earlier than I did but I'm free now and feeling a lot better.
You also need to be weary of a partner who is dismissive, someone who always plays the victim, someone who would rather not bother bringing up things that are pushing the relationship to a breaking point because bringing them up always upsets the other person so "it didnt seem worth it", someone who acts like their way is the right way, someone who isn't patient with any mental or emotional struggles their partner has ,someone who always claims that their partner is being emotionally manipulative (yes sometimes it was true but other times it was just a very bad response to dealing with certain feelings developed from a childhood trauma) and someone who says their partner hasn't made any progress after years of therapy (because a person apparently can't have generalized anxiety and social anxiety and fear of failure and fear of disappointing others and depression and freezing when they don't know what to do in a situation and the constant feeling that since nothing bad has happened to them yet, they are due for something bad, etc, etc)
I used to be in a relationship with someone who had all these behavioral traits, least to say it was draining but I'm glad that I got out of it! Take good care of yourselves always and if anything makes you feel uncomfortable by *anyone*, express it. If they react terribly to it and refuse to respect it, you might wanna back pedal and rethink if things would work out in the future with that person no matter if it's romantic or platonic.
I didn’t realize how toxic my current relationship is until I watched this video. I already felt like maybe the person was toxic because I always felt drained, sad, and out of sorts when with them. Thank you.
This video made me see the toxic behaviours within myself . I was aware of most of them but I didn’t know the severity. I want to be a good person to my partner ❤
I broke up with my boyfriend because I noticed he only ever calls or reach out to me when he needs my help. Sometimes,I take the liberty to reach him but he always claims he's busy.Then I found out he was still hanging with his ex.I just had to get out.
I would add “Not Fighting Fair”. If you have a disagreement and one party starts bringing up unrelated issues or stuff from you past you’ve already dealt with, it’s so exhausting. Also similarly, keeping score - it’s toxic.
Oh my gosh my parents do this all the time and I never put it into words. One minute it's you forgot to buy bread, next minute its everything you ever did in the last 12 years. Or bringing up past favors and past kindness as a way to guilt trip. Mostly to eachother, occasionally to me. It's disgusting.
Ik i have my fair share of issues and problems by never bringing them up or talking about It’s just so hard to but i do sometimes I’m usually at a point where I feel it’s just my partner that deserves to be okay and not me so I’ll keep on a face or happy face Growing up I never complained, did what I was told kept it all in In my ex-relationship same happened i sulked most of time I do this it’s good I do that it’s not good Him complaining about almost everything and keeping score I don’t even know how to behave anymore or see myself as a whole It’s exhausting for me too
After watching this, I immediately thought that I was doing #3, and went right to my partner. He outright said that what is implied in the video is a little different than my situation. For me, I don't expect things to get done unless I do it. I have a few mental health hurdles that keep me from keeping up on my chores. My partner knows this, and does the chores because he feels he's up for them. On the other hand, I'm very often doing things to support us in other ways, including financial and social. Long story short: if you see these qualities in yourself, talk to your partner about that, too, not just if you see these qualities in them.
Thank you so much for this. Reminding myself that she was the problem and the cause of all my overthinking and stress really puts in perspective that she wasn't for me. It's hard to admit because I love her so deeply and I'm the type to never stop loving.. but I'm taking each day at a time. I want to meet new people who are interesting but it's hard these days.
Don't be too quick to play victim. Oftentimes these videos lack much necessary nuance but i understand the need to keep them short and sweet. Without this nuance it's easy to not put in the work to be self-aware and take a good hard look at yourself. This is how you change. If you find you have zero faults then that's great but until that honest introspection and reflection reveals things accurately then playing the victim doesn't serve anyone and ultimately it serves you the least. in regards to overthinking, i highly recommend creating a meditation practice. You will learn that no one controls your thinking and in all actuality you do not author your own thought but instead they are spontaneous and out of your control. It is in recognizing which thoughts are useful and which are not (ruminating about past or future events beyond the necessary time it takes to learn from them) that allows them to be witnessed and letting them go otherwise you are a slave to your emotions and next thought. I wish you the best mate.
@@バート I'm not a victim by a long stretch I know I fucked up lots but I was honest about my intentions the entire time. I do meditate from time to time but she made me restless when we would argue lots. I know I got my problems and I'm addressing them.. I just really used to blame me for the stuff she would pull and blame myself for her mistakes
@@phantomchef2217 To be clear i was just offering up some cautionary words in case you hadn't considered them already. They are for myself as well. It's a tough balance to achieve... having boundaries but also doing your best to be self aware and fair. Sounds like you respected yourself with boundaries which is amazing. It's easy to loosen them a bit too much when you want things to work badly. I just got out of a 6 years relationship last month that I thought was the forever relationship. Ultimately she was tired of putting in the work and i was just getting started by FINALLY reading books like "the five love languages" and "Men are from mars and women are from venus" and much more in hopes that we could utilize new tools to improve the relationship. A little too late.
I used to do points 1 & 2 most of the time. To be honest it's hard for me to trust someone after all the times my heart got broken, not to mention most girls around their 20s are already in a relationship with someone so i always felt like i should have the right to know if the person I'm talking to is already in a relationship, so i don't get disappointed later. As for my clinginess, it's hard to live without feeling anxious, wanting to feel the happy presence of your loving partner, so i would try to text that person when i get the chance, but not too much to the point of annoyance, however, my messages were ignored most of the time, which made me even more anxious. Honestly I'm bad at relationships and talking to people, especially women, so no wonder why i gave up at this point.
You need to act cool. When you feel the jealous nervousness, resist sending that text, resist asking questions that show your partner that you don't trust them. If they don't answer it means you were already draining them by texting too much. With time, holding back your unhelpful emotions, not acting them out, will build trust and you will both feel better in the relationship.
@martin i dont agree with you. I am someone who is very open and like to share daily things that occur or sometimes dtuff i find funny (i was in LDR). My ex (? On a break) did this and was super clingy in beginning but i thought it was cute. I sent gradually more and not like every 5mins no, we were not inmediatly responnding . But she changed suddenly to ignoring my thoughts i shared for hours, i felt annoying having to ask things3 times or more sometimes... A text with 1 or 2 questions abkut certain event and getting a "yes" is awful. But it got even worse wgen i expressed feelings, askes how she felt sbout it and always went "idk (what to say)". Really tiring but NO we dont ahve to change, you saying we should change is manipulating itself lol.
@@TheRScousins I meant constantly demanding information like where they are and what they're doing, as it's coming out of jealousy and feelings of insecurity, being scared to be abandoned or replaced by someone "better". What you describe doesn't sound unhealthy, but I can see how it can get tiresome for the other person at times. In your case, keep sharing experiences and thoughts of the day. I'd say just be you and hopefully the other person can handle your frequent barrage and appreciates you as you are.
This definitely reminds me of a friend I had, I don't know if she sees me as a friend anymore, but I feel like she's using me. She always looks for me when she doesn't have someone to hang out with. It feels like I can't get out of this toxic relationship
An extra one id like to add is breaking of boundaries. My ex slept over at another place and had a boy best friend by the time we broke up even though we had those boundaries since day 1.
Some of these can apply to family dynamics or even friends too. There was this one time when my father literally clinged to me when I was trying to leave to get a breath after an argument. He was literally being clingy. I told him it was not cool and he told me that he wouldn't do it again. Set healthy boundaries in all relationships you have with people... people.
I’m guilty of a few of these but have definitely learnt from my experience of being toxic, and I have also been on the receiving side which also helped me better my toxic behaviours
Tldr: trust your partner, give them space, be responsible/respectful of their time, dont expect your partner to do everything help each other and be 50/50, don’t gaslight (their perspective is valid, don’t change it/make them doubt it for your benefit), be 100% honest even when it’s hard, don’t accuse something you don’t factually know, don’t cheat and it’s not your fault if your partner cheats and if they do leave them for your own good 💕
Simple one is when somebody puts on their profile anywhere "good vibes only" or "no BS/drama" That's severely toxic. But 90% of the general public does that. Simple gaslighting for those who don't live happy lives.
"If I find someone better, I will let you know". That's what my ex told me several times during the relationship. I should have opened the door: "go and find". I felt really bad and cried. He has never apologized. When he dumped me, he said it has never been seriously relationship, that I should be grateful to him for being honest. Because in the past his ex fiancee cheated on him, I have no idea how painful it is, so he confirmed it's better to let me know I have been just temporary toy and easily replaceable. It was kind of revenge for his trauma and frustration... Only because I'm a woman, just like his ex fiance...
Toxic behaviour doesn't exist, don't feel sad. It's not meant to be, there is someone better out there for you. I hoop you learned your lesson. Instead educate yourself: ua-cam.com/video/E9THwbJFUM4/v-deo.html
Awe i' m sorry that' s sad and sick, sounds like you dodged a bullet, you deserve better. He should of stayed single and/ or healed if he was that broken and full of hate still.
Sadly in my last relationship which ended like 4 years ago... I really was feeling super heavy with the points 4 and 7. They made me a huge damage in my mind and heart. Although not so long ago my heart healed itself from those feelings... my mind hadn't. It caused anxiety that I will end bad after a break up again because I did in my 3 relationships, which I ever had. I always had to be the one who leave, but not because I didn't cared for those persons, but to save myself from being completely destroyed emotionally. To heal myself... I would need a super caring and kind calm person.
After recognizing so many of these behaviors over the last few years, we have decided to divorce. Dont lie to yourself, if they want to change, they will, if not, protect your heart and move on.
Hello there, and thank you for your content that greatly simplified mental health and relationships. I just want to point out something concerning lying: - People always make mistakes, and they do learn from them. - Once a liar, one can correct himself if he's aware that this is a fatal mistake and can be a better person, not "always a liar" and the same happens with "cheating". This is a harsh judgment on people that can destroy the process of rebuilding trust. So, "one a liar not always a liar, once a cheater not always a cheater"
About the part about jealousy: I am extremely jealous, but I mostly keep those thoughts to myself as they are plain stupid and it can be hurtful for my partner, also I have some sort of distrust towards everyone, but the one I have towards my partner is emberrasingly larger and I really don't like it that way About the part about clinginess: I am an overly clingy person for sure, and I do constantly ask my partner the questions featured in the video and I do that because I wanna talk to her all time (which is bad for both of us, I know), and when she says that she doesn't have time to talk, or just doesn't wanna talk, I respect her choice but also internally spiral into a pit of guilt uncontrolably and question my recent actions to the point where I can't think of anything else About the part about manipulation: I don't manipulate her, but I constantly feel like I am displaying manipulative behavior and feel guilty about it uncontrolably I wanna be the best partner possible, and I don't intend to harm or control her, but I feel like I am constantly harming her and I want to put and end to it as soon as possible Are these traits still toxic? If so, how do I fix them? I would really appreciate some advice
Wanting to be better for her sake is a wonderful first step! I'm going to tell you a few things I did to overcome my own pitfalls, which are similar to yours. First of all. Don't be so hard on yourself. Nobody is perfect and you are doing the best you can. It's good to strive to be better, to learn how to love and be loved better. Like any learning experience it will be a process and with practice and consistency you'll get there eventually! What helped me with my clinginess is 1. Getting a life. In the sense that I just filled my time and focused my energy on other things. And 2. Trusting and letting it flow. Sometimes we just don't align in our timing. Sometimes the other person just doesn't feel like talking and that's okay! We don't always feel like talking to other people in our lives. About the jealousy. Maybe you could talk to her about it if there is something very specific that causes you real pain. But ultimately this is a you problem if she has done nothing to make you mistrust her. You need to remind yourself that she chose you for a reason. Trust her choice :) Manipulation.. Unfortunately I have been on the reveiving end of that one. But I guess just trusting, not feeling the need to control the situation, and being more empathetic are good starting points. Hope this helps! Good luck :)
@@guesswho5790 thanks for the advice I already have a life aside from my relationship with her, I have multiple friend groups that I chat with frequently and I've been focusing on my hobbies like drawing and writing more than before About the advice about jealousy, there is literally nothing off with her, it's just my overthinking ass filling my mind with bad thoughts And about the advice about the third topic, I don't really like having control in most situations to begin with, it just makes me feel stressful, guilty and overall really bad. My motto in any kind of relationship is "if you love them, set them free" which is definitely an original quote. Also I think I'm empathethic as I am, but again, overthinking kinda ruins it for me
@@rubyeverred_ okay. I can tell you are manipulative bc just reading how you twist things to justify your ways is so annoying and triggering. You can try to bull$hit all you want. But deep down you know what the truth is. I guess it's up to you to make a choice between living a lie or living truthfully, even if the latter would mean not getting your way and may hurt your ego somewhat. I choose to live truthfully. You know why? Because it makes me feel good in a real way. It makes me feel more genuine, like I am okay. I am enough. I do not need to justify or to lie or to twist things so they sound better than they are. When I own up to my own $hit in a real way I feel great! Because it is a starting point of really improving. Getting closer to what I truly want out of life while being my whole authentic self, no bs... That's why living truthfully is worth it. If not for others, do it for your own insecurities and self-esteem issues. The more you do it the better you feel about yourself and the less you lie, which makes you feel better... It's a positive snowball effect. Good luck stranger on the Internet!
You are not harming her, you are harming your self with that shit in your head and she most likely wonder why you just dont relax. There is a difference between hurting someone and pissing off someone.
I had all 8 signs of behaviours and I blocked it out until I couldn't and the relationship ended I believed things will get better and unfortunately they didn't. Thankyou for making this video it helps me a lot I really appreciate it. 😄
I started showing a lot of these traits when my partner came clean about loving someone else but we didn’t break things off right away. I feel guilty about putting them through so much pain with my behavior when they already had a hard time accepting their forbidden feelings, but I also can see how my issues with jealousy got worse. I hope they are doing well now.
I was in a toxic relationship like this and didn’t realize it until I left . It took so much for me to leave I was so attached and co-dependent he’s an Amazing human but he’s not very self aware therefore he would manipulate me without me knowing bc I never thought he’d be capable of it he was my everything and I still miss him but I know I’m better off with out him
Toxic behaviour doesn't exist, but mature behaviour does. Well done by being selfish and taking care of yourself first. But I'm here to let you know that toxic behaviour doesn't exist. Educate yourself: ua-cam.com/video/E9THwbJFUM4/v-deo.html
Oh Shantel le. I'm going through this now. I know I should leave it in the past and move on but I love him so much. We worked though somethings but eventually there is more loss than gain. Big hug for you. You deserve someone who is going to kiss your hands and hold you in arms and treat you like a queen Girl! We deserve it!
I would say (I’m not a therapist or anything, just interested in the subject) 1. [Persistent] Lack of trust (also, look at what YOU may be doing??) 2. (Once again, are you doing anything, such as even just acting shady?) 3. Avoiding responsibility… (why are they avoiding it? Are they depressed?) 4. Gaslighting (agree) 5. Constant lying (totally agree with all of it!) 6. Super flakiness (why are they being flaky? Is it conscious? Are they just having a hard time? 7. False accusations (once again, is it all the time? Imo) 8. Cheating (don’t know enough on this subject but I think people can change, and you also have to know the why…. But YOU know yourself best and you will know intrinsically if you can forgive or not)
I was the toxic partner more than once, and I've worked hard to be a better person and partner. That said, I got cheated on long ago, and I'm actually glad! It showed me that infidelity is absolutely not for me, that I never want to cheat, and I hold that value very strongly. Whether others do it isn't my business. For me, it's a line I don't intend to cross.
What's just as gross as being cheated on is cheating 'with' someone because they neglect to tell you they already have a partner. Happened to me twice. All the pain of being cheated on while also feeling like a POS!
You're better off being single. Being in a relationship is only going to hurt in the long run, regardless of how healthy it is. If you really want to be in a relationship, do it out of necessity, not love.
While I agree with most points, I think it can be harmful to say "Once a liar, always a liar. Once a cheater always a cheater." It's true that people tend to repeat their past behaviors, but it's also true that people are capable of change. The message here is to get out of/ stay away from toxic relationships and if these behavior patterns are current, absolutely dissolve the relationship as they have not matured out of those behaviors yet. If these were past behavior patterns and the person has a good track record of healthy honesty behavior now, I think it's fine to proceed with trust and understanding. One of the quickest ways to push someone back into their negative behaviors is to ignore and/or deny the progress they've made.
Be mindful of what is actually good for you and the other person in every relationship. Sometimes that means leaving them to protect yourself and your love! I was that toxic person and now wish I had not caused so much pain and suffering. I am sorry for the spirit killing toxicity many of you have had to experience… you never deserved that and it was very wrong. May you be blessed with complete healing and deep peace now and always!
So the mother of my child is almost exactly this video everything down to cheating while pregnant. I’ve been taking care of her for the last 9 months while she’s been holding our child. This video has helped me realize that I’m not crazy. I sent it to her and she pretty much just said I know but I love. It hurts so damn bad. I don’t want to be in this relationship I just can’t see myself out of it. I tell and ask her to leave I sit down and have gentle talks about my feelings usually the gaslighting or something of the sorts is a result. My baby boys coming any time now and I don’t know what to do. She doesn’t have anybody but I’m so damn miserable. If I kick her out I’m worried on where she’ll go what she’ll do. I’m worried about her taking my son away. Idk but I feel wrecked. I constantly feel wrecked. Lately she’s been trying very hard to get me to see that she actually does love me but I simply don’t believe it and it makes me angry. Haven’t been this angry and miserable since I was very very young.
I'm so sorry to hear this! Men have it the worst in a situation like this, as she's the mother and has the power...the hand that rocks the cradle...literally! It sounds like your dealing with a manipulative narcissist, but you seem to be a sensitive empath who knows what love really is! If it doesn't feel right, you're whole being is telling you it's wrong for you! It is YOUR DECISION, whether or not to tell her to leave your place, but you definitely need to heal and the best way to do that is to have distance! Most pregnant women qualify for council/public housing (depending on your country), she will not be homeless. You cannot be a better you with her around! I'd like to say in your life, but as you are about to be new parents together, I'd say, you need to be able to at least communicate with each other to raise your son. If that means getting legal advice or representation, I'd say get it! EVERYONE needs their dad, especially boys. You deserve to be loved, respected, honoured and cherished, like everyone else and you can't do that for yourself if she's in the way, blocking your blessings and peace of mind! As a child of a narcissist, I completely empathise and struggle with still loving myself more than others, but it's something you will have to learn to do to survive! I'd also recommend you get a paternity test, which you can do after 2months pregnancy, if I recall correctly. 30% of paternity claims are false, and those are the ones that have been discovered, so I'd recommend all men to do this! I have 4 brothers and would hate for them to be compromised like that, so if it's possible, do that too. I'd also recommend listening to Dr. Ramani, who has some great videos on understanding narcissm and personality disorders. There is also a psych2go video about narcissistic victim syndrome/disorder, which I'd recommend watching. Just being able to talk to someone who truly listens and empathises, also helps, so if you can't get a therapist, you can speak to the Samaritans or me? Lol it's always good to talk and get it off your chest, out of your mind and get someone else's opinion. I hope this has been helpful? If not, please know there is at least one person in the world who's in your corner! Sending a little love from London ❤️
there is family court for a reason bro..if she cheated, how do u knw if the child is even urs. how can u say she has no one if she is cheating..she clearly isnt alone if she has someone to cheat with..if she cheats, she doesn't care abt ur feelings or u..do u want ur son to grow up seeing that type of relationship and accepting it as normal..?? u cant see urself with her because ur still with her..nothing is scarier than the unknown..i have forced myself to let go of someone i really loved and it was worth it..he cheating several times..effort isn't supposed to be one sided
Toxic behaviour doesn't exist, are you mature enough to be selfish in your situation?. Instead educate yourself: ua-cam.com/video/E9THwbJFUM4/v-deo.html
Always a liar, Always a cheater is not necessarily true. People grow, I think it really depends on the persons age. If you cheat on someone when you're 13 for example, I wouldn't say you'd always cheat for the rest of your life. Also, there is at least once case where if someone cheats on you it could be your fault. If you are an abuser and it's near impossible for the other person to leave, I think it's understandable why they'd cheat.
Not really any red flags in my relationship so far, but thanks to this I’m gonna try and pretty much say what’s currently on my mind that has upset me a bit to him… little things but they’re important to me Thanks for the great vids
appreciate this! but must say, the whole 'once a cheater, always a cheater' is a statement that leaves no room for people to change and grow, which is unfair... often in life we embody the morals we hold most solidly having done the complete opposite, witnessed the fallout and the consequences of the pain we've inflicted on those we love, learnt the hard way, and from that come to a place where we KNOW we wont behave that way.. sometimes the person u can trust the most is those who did wrong in the past and learnt the hard way how to actualise the morality
I like this video! It showed up in my recommendations so I decided to watch it. Very true points were made. I especially relate to the gaslighting part. I never used such tactics, and I am not in a relationship. However, a lot of people try to gaslight me into not playing with a certain brand of Beyblade toys I like (yeah... something as little as me liking certain toys gets me hate). Doesn't hurt me much, anymore. My whole YT channel is now based off of the toys I like, and it's growing! I love Beyblade. Thank you for this video!
I used to have a friend like this, many points hit home... She was my best friend and my crush. Last year i whished to forget her, now i can tolerate to see her. At the beginning was difficult but now i accept she is part of the past. i might have no best friend now, but i have many others good friends. they respect me and make me feel better. to whoever reads this: times gives answers and heals. you just have to wait for the pain to go away. you're not alone.
This video reminds me of how I used to be, especially the "clinging" , the "always running late" & sadly, the "lying". I was raised around this 😔. Early this year, I started going to counseling due to severe "Post-Covid" depression & she recommended this channel to me. I have GREATLY improved myself emotionally & psychologically over the past 10 months. I have learned that it quite OK to still be single since 2011, when my divorce from a VERY abusive man was finalized (which in "redneck" North East Texas is very, VERY outside of the "statis quo"). I have learned, thanks to this channel that it is quite alright to be "not normal" & what to look for if I get into another relationship that is more on the "romantic" side. We all are different, but we MUST be true to ourselves & take care of ourselves, even if we play by are FAR from normal.
I kinda do #3 and I am trying so hard to be better. I'm defensive, even at times when it doesn't make sense, and I felt kinda called out with "they hesitate to make future plans," because I really don't like planning out whole lives because things change so often. I want to move in with my bf, i want to stop being long distance, but I am so scared of moving, of leaving my family, getting a new job... but i don't want to be distant for another 3-4 years while he finishes grad school... I'm trying, I swear.
went through all of this with my ex husband. it was to the point, that he was going through my discord messages. he'd get on my comp claiming he was fixing a game's mod folder for me. but there were multiple times where i caught him going through my messages. he was constantly accusing me of cheating on him with my closest friends. or he'd accuse me of not being supportive of him, when i'd go above and beyond - at least attempt it - to be there for him (which being disabled, made it hard at times, but would still try). he took off his wedding band at work, was flirting with girls i know. then would lie and say he wasn't - the girls in question came forward and told me what was happening. by end of it, he was mentally and psychologically abusive. borderline physical. he cut my hair when i was sleeping, woke up to a chunk of it on the under side missing. there was a night i caught him standing behind me with his fist withdrawn, as if he was going to strike me. i was in voice call at the time with a friend. was terrified when i seen him holding his hand that way. he stormed out though, but it still scared me pretty badly. he lied to me at the very end. said he was going to see his ailing mother. turned out, she talked him into leaving. told him not to tell me what he was planning. his mistake was lying to my face. saying he was coming back. saying he loved me. only to tell my mother and my sisters that he was not coming back, and that he hated it here. when i cornered him on it, he accused me of being hostile. when all i did was ask for the truth and tell him to be honest. 15 years of that bs.. of tolerating it. as of this month, it's been 9 months that he's been gone. it still feels surreal to realize i have my "wings" back so to speak. that i'm free to be me, without having to constantly look over my shoulder. to have to constantly watch for signs of betrayal or possible attack. still have nightmares about him. i don't have to constantly be put down by a man who claimed to love me. or be fearful of him bringing people to my home that used to bully and torture me growing up, as he at one point tried to force me to befriend the very people that made my childhood hell. i sincerely hope anyone dealing with shit like this can get out. toxic shit like the video and the stuff i've endured, i hope no one has to deal with it. if you encounter it, i got one suggestion. run, get away from them. cut them out of your life as quick as possible. trust me. the suffering and pain just aren't worth it in the end.
I honestly experienced this recently and I was feeling scared that my fiancé was acting different but I do recognize some of the signs like we end up lack of trust or communication because few days ago, he didn’t answer back until like morning or evening. In my mind, my emotion was all over the place and I been crying my eyes out. There are several red flags, like not answering and I tried to not to bother my fiancé private space or trying not to wait to get notified on phone like 24/7. Luckily today, what I learned from this was I tried not to end up those situations every single day. However, it can change or make things better. So wish me luck ❤
A friend of mine is in a relationship like this and it hurts me knowing i can't do anything to help her, just can't take the drama that comes with it. i was once friends with the guy abussing her but i cut ties with him once my eyes started to open up about what kind of person he really is.
Going through a difficult time - don't have the energy to explain what I'd do - let's just say I'll try my best. I can relate to all the points in this video. 💞
this vid made me cry my recently ended marriage was like this in many ways and I can't believe she did that to me smh I loved her more than myself so much so I've bled for I've starved for her I've fought for her I've danced on the edge of razor blades in her hands to stop her from killing her self when she's had mental snaps but she decided to up and leave 2 wks ago literally walked out of nearly 10 yrs the last 2 of those years we were married and tho there was plenty of struggles and pain there was always an abundance of love and loyalty on my part that had stayed unbroken...... unlike her and YET STILL I LOVE HER MORE THAN MYSELF BECAUSE I AM WHO I AM AND I CHOOSE TO LOVE EVEN WHEN IT HURTS BUT I DIDN'T KNOW THIS IS WHAT SHE WAS DOING TO ME AND MAKING ME SOMEONE IM NOT......
I feel that trust is often a big stigma for many. There's no good and evil, there's only damaged people clinging to life through unhealthy and often times destructive coping mechanisms. I'm fortunate to have a loving and patient partner now. And while I trust her, I am highly skeptical of her friends. It's difficult for me to feel safe knowing her friends are infamously flirtatious and prone to cheating/disrespecting others' relationships. But I try my hardest to respect her choices and hangouts with them.
I'm in a toxic relationship, I got cheated on, hit, verbally abused, accused of cheating, blamed when I got harassed and even when I cry and get breakdowns. I got manipulated, I always apologise and try to make things up. I'm a people pleaser, and they used this against me making me give up my principles. I get controlled in the name of love and jealousy.. how I dress, where I go, what I do, who I talk to, and even my life decisions aren't mine anymore. I don't feel attracted to them or even in love with them anymore. However, I'm so attached to them and can't leave. Even when I gathered my courage to actually break up with them, they threatened me to hurt or even kill themselves, and it would be on me, and I'll have to live with that for the rest of my life. He's my first love and first relationship ever. I just want to leave in peace, I know he'll never change, and things will never work out. How do I get out, please. I don't feel like myself anymore, I miss the old me.
My partner was using me to get their chores done and used me as free labor and lied that we are doing those for us even though she didn't want us to be together. Knowing she didn't want this relationship but also knowing that me being around is very beneficial for her so she lied and kept me around and drained me.
So sorry to hear.. I think knowing that we were just being used really makes us doubt ourselves as men. What are you doing now to ensure this same pattern doesn't happen in your next relationship?
I wasn't in love with him but gave him a chance of a lifetime. He's in my home, he's got stuff going on and took it out on me. The insults, the raising of the voice, and then the hitting!!! I felt awful and stressed out losing so much weight. And I've noticed that those I have been friends with benefits with are showing some of these behaviors. I'd rather be alone. And get my weight back...
Edit: I DID IT. WE’RE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE-i feel so much better after ending it with him. Ive found new friends and they treat me better. Thank you for helping me fully recognize how toxic it was.
There are a few more I'd add, such as: lacking empathy, focused on themselves, etc. So, today, think long-term but only act short-term and use protection. Peace.
I was with someone who had BPD for two years. Never trusted me, kept tabs on me at all times, very possessive and controlling, constantly pushes me away. I tried to understand but it was exhausting. It wore me down til both of us were completely unhappy
A huge one for me was when she refused to respect reasonable boundaries. She had men that were texting her flirting, when I had asked for her to either just be friends with them or not talk with them since I didn't feel comfy with it. She refused to do either and it turned out ots because she was cheating on me for almost a year. Trust your gut no matter what
I would prefer to not put labels on people; "Once a cheater, always a cheater" etc. It is not conctructuve, plus it doesn’t allow space for growth. People change, they sometimes release their actions and they improve.
I'm deciding to go to therapy today after having not seen my therapist in over a month, and my relationship this month honestly has had its moments of making me feel frustrated... I know that my partner and I have history together, and we've definitely been on a journey, but I can tell that certain things and behaviors on my end need to be worked on still, and maybe on his end as well...
The fact I had someone who fit all of these boxes (with the exception of the last one) lol glad I left them. Luckilyi knew them my whole life and now I can’t make decisions without someone else saying which one to choose and telling me how to feel while dealing with stuff or I’ll completely break down from anxiety!!!! I need help but I’m scared I’ve been a lot more open about this relationship to my friends and family but it has left a huge massive hole in my heart since I grew up with them and put all of how to feel about stuff to them so when I’m put into a completely different world I psychologically, mentally, and sometimes physically can’t survive and thrive. Also a lot of trauma and religious trauma plus gender dysphoria with a hint of body dysmorphia makes this monstrosity!!
I struggle with trust sometimes because their body behavior suggests that they are feeling more negatively than positively and I’m really guilty of that so instead, I’ll try to improve and ask only once
after you are drained you start becoming like them smh then you are the liar and become defensive and mad when they approach you about something they will always make sure to blame you and not take responsibility. it’s so hard to walk away when you’re so deep into the relationship
My wife was married once before. Her ex cheated on her, ran up credit cards in her name and then ran off with the other woman. Oddly enough, he was always paranoid about her cheating and would frequently accuse her. I've heard so many stories about men or women who cheat and invariably contains some similar story of paranoia and accusations from the one who is actually doing the cheating. It's enough for me to see a pattern in the cheating personality, male or female. I would advise anyone that if your partner doesn't trust you, is constantly monitoring you, is accusing you when you're innocent, then maybe you need to be watching them carefully.
I’m actually number three and I’ve never realized it until now… it’s definitely not fair to my husband at all and I’m definitely guilty of it. Certainly need to do better…
I wish I saw this sooner, this would have really helped me out. My ex avoided responsibility often, was really flaky with me, and he cheated on me.. Atleast I'll be more aware now and cautious when I enter a new relationship in the future
1, 2, 3, 4, 5 all of these my ex girlfriend did them. I was with her for 2 years and i broke up with her yesterday night. I have tried to help her so many times but nothing worked. So eventuele i was fett up with it. It was heart breaking for me to do and it still hurts. I really loved that girl and i hope she gets the help that she needs to get a good life. And this video helped me see that i really did make a good choice thank you. 💯💪🏻
Had to end a 5 year relationship, we were engaged even. In hindsight, lots of these were part of the relationship but I wasn't paying attention, I wanted to believe that things would be better in the future but after so many years I just couldn't do it anymore. I was losing myself, avoiding making female friends so she didn't feel insecure, sometimes skipping work because "I worked too much" to spend time with her instead, and lots of guilt. It was hard at first but I quickly learned that I was better off
I watched this trying to self examine my relationship. I see that my wife and i both show various forms of these. Her being clingy, untrusting, and flaky, and my avoiding responsibility, lying, and cheating.
You and your partner should be Yin and Yang. You should be a part of each other while maintaining your sense of self. You should remain balanced in exchanging affection in your own ways. You need trust and care respectively. But you need to remember that you are not an extension of your partner, and they aren't an extension of you. You should never be the only person giving or the only person taking, or the only person telling the truth or the only person listening. Your partner is your equal, and you are theirs.
That's idealism talking. As much as we want that, humans are flawed and carry their baggage without working through it and above all humans seriously lack the ability to communicate effectively to a possible mating partner.
This extends to other relationships as well, including (but not limited to) friends, family, and work colleagues.
This is beautifully written. Going to pin this.
@@Psych2go I'm having a feeling of sustained shock right now after drinking coffee, wow! I can't describe how happy this makes me feel, thank you. I find it funny that you think so highly of this as I have never been in a romantic relationship in my life. Just goes to show that you don't always need to have experienced it to learn from the wisdom of others, and I'm glad to say that a lot of this wisdom has come from your channel, and I'm very grateful that you share it. Keep making content, Psych2Go, you're the Yang to our Yin.
Exactly
*Toxic behavior #9:* They threaten to leave the relationship often, or often tell you that you can leave the relationship if you don't see it their way on an issue. Always letting you know that you're replaceable.
Or threatening suicide
I used to be guilty of this 🌧 it’s because I didn’t have the guts to actually leave back in that relationship.
Now I never say that the relationship is over because I know how serious it is, it corrodes the foundation of the relationship and makes it so trust slowly ebbs away. It teaches you that your voice isn’t honest and shouldn’t be listened to the first time.
So yeah don’t do that. It makes you a liar and you lose respect for yourself when you’re unable to leave. But… I also have some compassion for it. Leaving a relationship is ridiculously hard regardless.
I will say though if someone tells you you’re replaceable that’s horrible. Threatening to find someone else js a big no for me even when I would talk about leaving but couldn’t follow through… for me it wasn’t about “i can do so much better” and more like “I would probably be more content on my own”…
This was the last straw for me recently.
In our fights he would dare me to leave him…it took me so long to realize how damaging it was
0:33 1# Lack of Trust
1:03 2# Extreme Clinginess
2:07 3# Avoiding Responsibility
2:37 4# Gaslighting
3:08 5# Constant Lying
3:43 6# Super Flakiness
4:24 7# False Accusations
5:00 8# Cheating
5 of 8. :(
1. Lack of Trust
3. Avoiding Responsibility
4. Gaslighting
6. Super Flakiness
7. False Accusations (projection)
Sounds like bpd
Husband had 6 of the 8 😬🤯 ... Did not recognize those signs wen we dated 4yrs. Current Status: Happily Divorced, Peaceful and Grateful!
me reading 1-7 damn i do that
Thank you 😊
I endured a relationship with a narcissistic person and I’m glad it’s over.
If so, bless u, and great, however, how'd u know they're "narcissistic" ?
Glad your away from that person your the strong one you should be super proud of yourself
Congrats. A narcissist broke up with me, now I'm trying to figure out what even happened.
I'm happy for you that you got out.
@@han_brolo5473 don't bother. Its over and youre free, don't sulk about it too much or it'll consume you
Relationships aren't 50/50, they are 100/100. I need to be at my 100%, and be happy with the life I have before I try to share it with someone.
It's so hard
truest comment
that's... not how percentage allocation works my dude. Pardon me for being a smartass, but wouldn't it be more apt to say that 50% of both of your contributions be 100% of both of your effort?
I don’t agree…what about the people that can only give 50%. Like someone dealing with mental health issues. Isn’t the whole point of a relationship to accept your partner as they are and not by what they can “provide”?
@@Alexis-co7nb normally yes but in our cursed generations good luck with finding someone like that you'll need it since in this age most People looks at what you can provide and doesn't want to deal with anyones short comings it's probably more logical to not being together th anyone and Just accept yourself as you are and try to be your Best without needing anyone
I see it, in myself. Lack of trust, a bit too clingy, sometimes lying (mainly about past bc I feel like I ruined myself and hated myself), and false accusations.
Tho I gotten better. I given my partner space, trust them more, and learnt to love myself bc it’s the sole cause of it.
To anyway who’s like me, learn to love yourself and remind yourself your partner isn’t like your ex or a partner. If the trauma or your depression is extremely bad, talk to a therapist. And remember, don’t use your issues as the excuse every single time you f up. Take responsibility of your actions and learn from your mistakes. It’s hard but remember, you’re not alone. Your partner and friends can help but don’t take frustrations on them. And if you have a choice to get therapy then i suggest you get it.
The way you have internalised and reflected on yourself is commendable. I hope more people can do the same. I especially love the line that past issues are not excuses for messing up constantly
Amazing advice! Thank you. ✨
Thank you so much. I was worried about my relationship because I relate to what you've stated and it gave me hope.
#1 lack of trust 0:35
#2 extreme clinginess 1:05
#3 avoiding responsibilities 2:06
#4 gaslighting 2:37
#5 constant lying 3:10
#6 super flakiness 3:45
#7 false accusations 4:25
#8 cheating 5:01
Thanks now there’s no need to watch the video 😂😂 I think that’s why she doesn’t post time stamps 😅
I know someone who fits all but #2
Duh. And people wonder Why im cranky with others.
@@veronicarams6 I disagree because even if you know what the points are..watching the video does still provide positive thoughts and insights
@@Crystals10000 I’m so sorry for all the things you may have put up with. I don’t know you, but I know that no one deserves to have a partner who breaks the trust by cheating. You deserve loyalty and stability.
I hate the phrases "once a liar always a liar" and "once a cheater always a cheater" (5:37). They make it seem like people can never change, when in reality, they definitely can. Just because someone does something bad once doesn't mean they will always repeat it.
The bad thing about toxic relationships is that once you begin to allow the little compromises, toxic people will keep exploring you and exhibiting more toxicity till it has gone full blown and out of hand. This is why it is important to always pay attention and nip toxic behaviours in the bud anytime you notice them in your relationship.
I didn't realize how my clinginess was seen as toxic. I'm slowly unlearning the toxic behaviors that have followed me through the years. This video was a huge help. There really should be a class on how to cultivate a healthy relationship.
When I'm single I have this strong, independent personality that makes me feel confident and safe. Things change whenever I'm in a relationship :( I kind of become this insecure and lost person that needs a constant reassurance from the other person. I fear abandonment, I'm kind of clingy and my identity feels threatened by getting lost in my significant other.
Spend as much time alone as you can in the relationship. That means when you're alone, you're actively redirecting your thoughts inwards whenever you start to think about your significant other. All I can say for now, best of luck to you on your path 💗💖
It can totally resonate with the same traits , im confident as a single man , but I am fearful land anxious while in a relationship
I feel the same 🥺 Almost like my happiness only comes from them!
I totally get that!! I am there right now in my life.
Toxic behaviour doesn't exist, but immature behaviour does. I belive this video will help you to understand yourself better. Educate yourself: ua-cam.com/video/E9THwbJFUM4/v-deo.html
I can't tell you how much I appreciate this video. I've felt like I've been in a toxic relationship for a while, but was surprised to see some ways that I was contributing to the toxicity after watching this video. It's definitely bolstered my determination to look inside myself and clean up my side of the street, so to speak.
Me too
💯
Same. I can see where I was at fault too
Toxic behaviour doesn't exist, don't feel guilty. Instead educate yourself: ua-cam.com/video/E9THwbJFUM4/v-deo.html
Important caveat: this doesn’t just apply to romantic partners. These traits can take many different forms and can apply to relationships with parents, children, even friendships.
My dad tries to control me, which is unnecessary. I wish he would stop!
Girl, I've been single my whole life yk..... GUYS, THIS MIGHT BE AN UNPOPULAR OPINION, BUT BEING SINGLE IS GOOD TOO. Nothing is wrong with being single..... Inner peace>toxic ppl
Yeah, it's good to have personal peace.
Coudn't agreed more! There's more perks with being single than in a relationship sometimes! The key is to find your own happiness in it.
@@Psych2go Exactly.... By the way, I just wanna say that I like ur channel
Im AroAce so i havent even bothered with relationships
@@Jubbinn_ what is AroAce??
1) A lack of trust
2) Extreme clingyness
3) Avoiding responsibilities
4) Gaslighting
5) Constant lying
6) Super flakiness
7) False accusations
8) Cheating
Something i have been struggling with lately is that I feel that im annoying/clingy. Im a very physical person, so I like to hug people and just in general touch them (hold hands, lean on them etc). My problem is that with certain people i just feel like I’m being clingy and I don’t know what to do. If you could make a video on this topic it would be extremely helpful, thank you.
Have a good day everyone!
I have the same thing, I can't tell if it's gaslighting on their end or if I'm too much or just right but over thinking
@@Mel0nMel it’s pretty much ur love language. I’m the same. Physical touch lovers are very affectionate/physical. You just gotta find one with the same or one who enjoys/doesn’t mind
True, if we are the physical type, it's really hard..
Some people have a problem being touched. It makes people uncomfortable. It's hard for me to understand how someone could be comfortable touching another body or being touched by another especially too early in a relationship. Obviously a person like myself wouldn't be a good fit for you because I would probably make you feel insecure but it's not about you, it's about my discomfort. Find someone who is not only okay with being touched, but someone who likes it and you'll probably be golden. Also make sure you get to know them long enough to know if they are telling the truth or if they're just trying to be nice. Sometimes I say it's okay just to be nice but it is a problem I have and it is a lie when I say that because it is not okay....
U too. I miss her
I think a lack of trust is how every relationship starts and trust is built from there. You should have a lot of trust before you are exclusive with them in my opinion.
"Reaching out for help" is not that easy or simple especially when you have too much to say that triggers others so easily so you have to hold it all in.
That's why you have cousenlors who you can talk to. They know how to help you navigate the impossible discussions.
@@Psych2go but when does one draw the line between help and dependence? Why not try to solve issues yourself or with the help of people close to you, instead of going to those who get paid insane amounts for essentially talking and telling a bunch of bs.
@@saintdolanchirosius3704 I'm sorry to hear you believe that we get paid insane amounts of money to tell you a bunch of bs. It's quite possible that your therapist wasn't a good fit for you. And, I get a modest income for the work I do helping others and work 45-60 hours an week.
@@kathleengeorge-bol5012 I never went to one nor plan to pay insane amounts of hard earned money for some societal parasite to listen about my secrets(and possibly blackmail me) only to get prescribed ineffective drugs(and be dependent on pharmacists) I'd rather talk to my family or if I need a third party, a friend.
@@kathleengeorge-bol5012 maybe you honestly care for your clientele, *MAYBE*, but majority of your colleagues do not.
I see some of the points in myself. My ex called me toxic and broke up with me i wasn't accepting that I'm the toxic one but after watching this video i know what's wrong with me I'll improve my toxic traits. Love your videos
the lack of trust and clinginess sections I think should be renamed. There's a difference between genuinely not knowing whether to trust someone vs what is described, same for clinginess. Wanting to hang out with your friend, especially if you're really close, isn't "clingy", what is is constant monitoring and obsessing from the start.
I say this because people HAVE thrown "you just don't trust me and are clingy" when they DELIBERATELY broke my trust and became secretive to toxically test my loyalty, and when I naturally freaked out and started checking to make sure I wasnt going crazy they threw it back in my face to make me out to be THE big problem.
Videos like this need to be careful, and I know it is triggering for me.
I am not untrusting or clingy for having needs.
I am not lacking trust and toxic for someone breaking that trust.
I am not clingy for checking if my friend was lying to me after a month of healthy breaching of the topic so we could work on it together.
That's a really good point. I have no idea if I'm genuinely clingy and obsessive or not and I'm thinking I have developed a very unhealthy attachment style.
If I'm scared of losing my close friends does that make me a clingy person? I used to unintentionally spam them but now I'm trying not to. They are their own person and I don't need to always get involved.
Thanks for this, you've made me consider more about the reason I think this way :) When would you consider someone being clingy??
exactly... idk why people are always saying clinginess is a red flag and same for trusting people, some of us have trust issues and its not even bad to wanna be around someone often, so im a bit confused why its "bad"
@@naomi9657 no thats not clingy to be scared to lose people
@@naomi9657 If they are close friends, IMO there should atleast be a dialogue of how each others needs can be met, and pray that they follow on their end, because if they repeatedly don't, you'll have to leave.
I think true toxic clinginess is actually extremely rare. On a relationship by relationship basis (ie not introducing pathological traits) clinginess is when someone actively takes up your time in a disrespectful manner that does so against your boundaries repeatedly.
Talking everyday isn't clingy.
Wanting communication isn't clingy.
Wanting emotional connection isn't clingy.
Communicating that you aren't getting the communication you want isn't clingy.
Ironically in my life, I was called clingy by this person for wanting to talk to them, and telling them that their unrealiable communication was harmful to me.
Yet they were actually clingy because they would message me with major news expecting me to immediately get to it, despite being clear during those times that I wasn't available. They were clingy because they refused to acknowledge my needs and instead demanded me meet theirs. They deliberately lied so that I would meet their needs.
And most wouldn't say they were "traditionally clingy" because she was quite avoidant towards me. She was unrealiable and at times ignored me for long stretches of time, but if I wasn't there for her the moment she needed, there was hell to pay
@@losingcait The first two traits on this video are RADICALLY different from the rest. Some of that nuance is added in the video itself rather than the short phrase,
but psych2go has to understand a lot of people use the titles without hearing the exposition.
TIMESTAMPS!! ❤
1) 0:35
Lack of Trust
2) 1:05
Extreme Clinginess
3) 2:07
Avoiding Responsibility
4) 2:37
Gaslighting
5) 3:10
Constant Lying
6) 3:45
Super Flakiness
7) 4:24
False Accusations
8) 5:01
Cheating
thx
Timestamps
1). Lack of trust 0:35
2). Extreme clinginess 1:05
3). Avoiding responsibility 2:06
4). Gaslighting 2:37
5). Constant lying 3:08
6). Super flakiness 3:45
7). False accusations 4:23
8). Cheating 5:00
Hopefully this helps you out.
This is the exactly what happened with my ex, at first he was fine but after awhile it got worse and worse, today you need to keep in mind abusers are really good at putting on a fake face and acting good at first, the only way to really avoid this is to get to know the person really well first and see how he/she/they act towards other people, and ask the persons friends how they act to them to find any red flags like in the video, stay safe and be careful who you choose
Me and my boyfriend, we've been together for 7 years now and we had our ups and downs.
I think we all have/ had some toxic traits at some degree. But that doesn't mean we should give up instantly on the other person without first trying to understand their perspective or without trying to make ourselves understood.
We also tend to act in a toxic way when we're hurt. But instead of hurting back someone by invading their boundaries, or by treating them poorly, we should try to understand that we are team players in our relationship and hurting the other means hurting the relationship, and in the end hurting ourselves. Therefore, the best way to avoid being hurt by others is to honestly communicate our feelings. And also, try to give up on your defensiveness and be opened about other's feelings too: maybe the other person didn't mean to hurt you as you perceived, or maybe you are hurting someone without realizing.
Trying to be aware of our toxic traits and remembering that we are in the same team as our partner really strengthens the relationship. As my grandma said: It takes 2 to build a relationship and the same 2 to wreck it.
Your comment is wiser, more human and more useful than the video itself.
That' s true to a certain extent
but sometimes one does mess much more and after sooo long it' s too much.
I came to realize that my best friend was someone who I would talk to almost every day to check up on her and see how she's doing, I was being clingy and I didn't even realize it, we put our friendship on hold and we both needed the space for ourselves for now but hopefully, with enough time things can get better for the both of us to rekindle our friendship. I always love your videos for tips on how to be better for myself and others and how to recognize what needs to change within the relationships I have, thank you💙
imma be real, it's not worth sacrificing your desire to talk and connect with them on the idea you are "clingy".
I had similar, where me and a friend mutually were very close and active, but then she started getting flaky and toxic and shit, but I always saw the best in it. I would constantly lower my expectations to meet her effort, and EVERYTIME she purposefully dropped her effort.
It was abusive.
Not saying you faced that, but seriously, if someone cant put in the effort you need, and the effort you need is based on good comfortable boundaries and logic, they should not be a friend.
@@jeffreychandler8418 The Thing is that I was being toxic in my friendship with my best friend, I want to put in the effort to fix things but like I said me and her need our space from each other before I'm ready to talk again and in the meantime I'm working on myself both mentally and physically so that I can be a better person to others whether or not me and my best friend can talk again is up to her at this point.
i dont see how thats clingy tbh but alright.. i talk to my best friend basically everyday too lol its really not clingy unless you're texting them like every hour or less to check on them lol
You're welcome! Glad you have someone you can talk to everyday. If your friend likes it too, then there's nothing wrong with that.
@@losingcait I loved texting and talking to my best friend everyday, one day she stopped talking to me and took a break from social media ( I didn't know that until a month later) and I felt empty without her, we would have such fun and meaningful conversations but now I'm half and half, half missing her a lot and half wanting to leave her alone for a long time until I figure things out about our friendship and whether or not after all the time that's past if she still wants to be friends.
The last relationship I had which was in 2019 contained numbers 1,2,5,7 and 8... I should have left much earlier than I did but I'm free now and feeling a lot better.
You also need to be weary of a partner who is dismissive, someone who always plays the victim, someone who would rather not bother bringing up things that are pushing the relationship to a breaking point because bringing them up always upsets the other person so "it didnt seem worth it", someone who acts like their way is the right way, someone who isn't patient with any mental or emotional struggles their partner has ,someone who always claims that their partner is being emotionally manipulative (yes sometimes it was true but other times it was just a very bad response to dealing with certain feelings developed from a childhood trauma) and someone who says their partner hasn't made any progress after years of therapy (because a person apparently can't have generalized anxiety and social anxiety and fear of failure and fear of disappointing others and depression and freezing when they don't know what to do in a situation and the constant feeling that since nothing bad has happened to them yet, they are due for something bad, etc, etc)
Yes, when someone plays the victim it's a manipulative tactic.
I used to be in a relationship with someone who had all these behavioral traits, least to say it was draining but I'm glad that I got out of it! Take good care of yourselves always and if anything makes you feel uncomfortable by *anyone*, express it. If they react terribly to it and refuse to respect it, you might wanna back pedal and rethink if things would work out in the future with that person no matter if it's romantic or platonic.
When you start to feel drain, that's when you know.
I didn’t realize how toxic my current relationship is until I watched this video. I already felt like maybe the person was toxic because I always felt drained, sad, and out of sorts when with them. Thank you.
This video made me see the toxic behaviours within myself . I was aware of most of them but I didn’t know the severity. I want to be a good person to my partner ❤
Good luck to you!
I broke up with my boyfriend because I noticed he only ever calls or reach out to me when he needs my help.
Sometimes,I take the liberty to reach him but he always claims he's busy.Then I found out he was still hanging with his ex.I just had to get out.
Glad u ran far
Great 🎉🎉🎉
I would too.
I would add “Not Fighting Fair”. If you have a disagreement and one party starts bringing up unrelated issues or stuff from you past you’ve already dealt with, it’s so exhausting.
Also similarly, keeping score - it’s toxic.
Oh my gosh my parents do this all the time and I never put it into words. One minute it's you forgot to buy bread, next minute its everything you ever did in the last 12 years. Or bringing up past favors and past kindness as a way to guilt trip. Mostly to eachother, occasionally to me. It's disgusting.
Keeping score
Ik i have my fair share of issues and problems by never bringing them up or talking about
It’s just so hard to but i do sometimes
I’m usually at a point where I feel it’s just my partner that deserves to be okay and not me so I’ll keep on a face or happy face
Growing up I never complained, did what I was told kept it all in
In my ex-relationship same happened
i sulked most of time
I do this it’s good
I do that it’s not good
Him complaining about almost everything and keeping score I don’t even know how to behave anymore or see myself as a whole
It’s exhausting for me too
After watching this, I immediately thought that I was doing #3, and went right to my partner. He outright said that what is implied in the video is a little different than my situation. For me, I don't expect things to get done unless I do it. I have a few mental health hurdles that keep me from keeping up on my chores. My partner knows this, and does the chores because he feels he's up for them. On the other hand, I'm very often doing things to support us in other ways, including financial and social.
Long story short: if you see these qualities in yourself, talk to your partner about that, too, not just if you see these qualities in them.
Thank you so much for this. Reminding myself that she was the problem and the cause of all my overthinking and stress really puts in perspective that she wasn't for me. It's hard to admit because I love her so deeply and I'm the type to never stop loving.. but I'm taking each day at a time. I want to meet new people who are interesting but it's hard these days.
Yup! You have to remember your worth and not idealize the relationship that is over.
Don't be too quick to play victim. Oftentimes these videos lack much necessary nuance but i understand the need to keep them short and sweet. Without this nuance it's easy to not put in the work to be self-aware and take a good hard look at yourself. This is how you change. If you find you have zero faults then that's great but until that honest introspection and reflection reveals things accurately then playing the victim doesn't serve anyone and ultimately it serves you the least.
in regards to overthinking, i highly recommend creating a meditation practice. You will learn that no one controls your thinking and in all actuality you do not author your own thought but instead they are spontaneous and out of your control. It is in recognizing which thoughts are useful and which are not (ruminating about past or future events beyond the necessary time it takes to learn from them) that allows them to be witnessed and letting them go otherwise you are a slave to your emotions and next thought. I wish you the best mate.
@@バート I'm not a victim by a long stretch I know I fucked up lots but I was honest about my intentions the entire time. I do meditate from time to time but she made me restless when we would argue lots. I know I got my problems and I'm addressing them.. I just really used to blame me for the stuff she would pull and blame myself for her mistakes
@@phantomchef2217 To be clear i was just offering up some cautionary words in case you hadn't considered them already. They are for myself as well. It's a tough balance to achieve... having boundaries but also doing your best to be self aware and fair. Sounds like you respected yourself with boundaries which is amazing. It's easy to loosen them a bit too much when you want things to work badly.
I just got out of a 6 years relationship last month that I thought was the forever relationship. Ultimately she was tired of putting in the work and i was just getting started by FINALLY reading books like "the five love languages" and "Men are from mars and women are from venus" and much more in hopes that we could utilize new tools to improve the relationship. A little too late.
I used to do points 1 & 2 most of the time. To be honest it's hard for me to trust someone after all the times my heart got broken, not to mention most girls around their 20s are already in a relationship with someone so i always felt like i should have the right to know if the person I'm talking to is already in a relationship, so i don't get disappointed later. As for my clinginess, it's hard to live without feeling anxious, wanting to feel the happy presence of your loving partner, so i would try to text that person when i get the chance, but not too much to the point of annoyance, however, my messages were ignored most of the time, which made me even more anxious. Honestly I'm bad at relationships and talking to people, especially women, so no wonder why i gave up at this point.
the way they talk about the first two, frankly, is completely different from the rest and I would say it's best to ignore what this video says.
You need to act cool. When you feel the jealous nervousness, resist sending that text, resist asking questions that show your partner that you don't trust them. If they don't answer it means you were already draining them by texting too much. With time, holding back your unhelpful emotions, not acting them out, will build trust and you will both feel better in the relationship.
@martin i dont agree with you. I am someone who is very open and like to share daily things that occur or sometimes dtuff i find funny (i was in LDR). My ex (? On a break) did this and was super clingy in beginning but i thought it was cute.
I sent gradually more and not like every 5mins no, we were not inmediatly responnding . But she changed suddenly to ignoring my thoughts i shared for hours, i felt annoying having to ask things3 times or more sometimes...
A text with 1 or 2 questions abkut certain event and getting a "yes" is awful. But it got even worse wgen i expressed feelings, askes how she felt sbout it and always went "idk (what to say)".
Really tiring but NO we dont ahve to change, you saying we should change is manipulating itself lol.
@@TheRScousins I meant constantly demanding information like where they are and what they're doing, as it's coming out of jealousy and feelings of insecurity, being scared to be abandoned or replaced by someone "better". What you describe doesn't sound unhealthy, but I can see how it can get tiresome for the other person at times. In your case, keep sharing experiences and thoughts of the day. I'd say just be you and hopefully the other person can handle your frequent barrage and appreciates you as you are.
Sounds a little like you have an anxious attachment. Something to look up, if you want. It's helped me quite a bit. Best wishes!
Her voice is so relaxing 😌
would you say the same if it was a male?
@@keip4568 No bc male voices can't sound like that
@@FireRams_arisinglion 😂
This definitely reminds me of a friend I had, I don't know if she sees me as a friend anymore, but I feel like she's using me. She always looks for me when she doesn't have someone to hang out with. It feels like I can't get out of this toxic relationship
An extra one id like to add is breaking of boundaries. My ex slept over at another place and had a boy best friend by the time we broke up even though we had those boundaries since day 1.
Some of these can apply to family dynamics or even friends too. There was this one time when my father literally clinged to me when I was trying to leave to get a breath after an argument. He was literally being clingy. I told him it was not cool and he told me that he wouldn't do it again. Set healthy boundaries in all relationships you have with people... people.
So true...
Yes. These traits can be seen in familial relations as well. Good point
I’m guilty of a few of these but have definitely learnt from my experience of being toxic, and I have also been on the receiving side which also helped me better my toxic behaviours
لم استطع التعلم بل اصبت بصدمة من شخصيتي ادت بي الى الانهيار
Tldr: trust your partner, give them space, be responsible/respectful of their time, dont expect your partner to do everything help each other and be 50/50, don’t gaslight (their perspective is valid, don’t change it/make them doubt it for your benefit), be 100% honest even when it’s hard, don’t accuse something you don’t factually know, don’t cheat and it’s not your fault if your partner cheats and if they do leave them for your own good 💕
Simple one is when somebody puts on their profile anywhere "good vibes only" or "no BS/drama"
That's severely toxic. But 90% of the general public does that.
Simple gaslighting for those who don't live happy lives.
Many of these points are also good for friendships!
"If I find someone better, I will let you know". That's what my ex told me several times during the relationship. I should have opened the door: "go and find". I felt really bad and cried. He has never apologized. When he dumped me, he said it has never been seriously relationship, that I should be grateful to him for being honest. Because in the past his ex fiancee cheated on him, I have no idea how painful it is, so he confirmed it's better to let me know I have been just temporary toy and easily replaceable. It was kind of revenge for his trauma and frustration... Only because I'm a woman, just like his ex fiance...
Toxic behaviour doesn't exist, don't feel sad. It's not meant to be, there is someone better out there for you. I hoop you learned your lesson. Instead educate yourself: ua-cam.com/video/E9THwbJFUM4/v-deo.html
Awe i' m sorry that' s sad and sick, sounds like you dodged a bullet, you deserve better. He should of stayed single and/ or healed if he was that broken and full of hate still.
Sadly in my last relationship which ended like 4 years ago... I really was feeling super heavy with the points 4 and 7. They made me a huge damage in my mind and heart. Although not so long ago my heart healed itself from those feelings... my mind hadn't. It caused anxiety that I will end bad after a break up again because I did in my 3 relationships, which I ever had. I always had to be the one who leave, but not because I didn't cared for those persons, but to save myself from being completely destroyed emotionally. To heal myself... I would need a super caring and kind calm person.
After recognizing so many of these behaviors over the last few years, we have decided to divorce. Dont lie to yourself, if they want to change, they will, if not, protect your heart and move on.
Hello there, and thank you for your content that greatly simplified mental health and relationships. I just want to point out something concerning lying:
- People always make mistakes, and they do learn from them.
- Once a liar, one can correct himself if he's aware that this is a fatal mistake and can be a better person, not "always a liar" and the same happens with "cheating". This is a harsh judgment on people that can destroy the process of rebuilding trust. So, "one a liar not always a liar, once a cheater not always a cheater"
About the part about jealousy:
I am extremely jealous, but I mostly keep those thoughts to myself as they are plain stupid and it can be hurtful for my partner, also I have some sort of distrust towards everyone, but the one I have towards my partner is emberrasingly larger and I really don't like it that way
About the part about clinginess:
I am an overly clingy person for sure, and I do constantly ask my partner the questions featured in the video and I do that because I wanna talk to her all time (which is bad for both of us, I know), and when she says that she doesn't have time to talk, or just doesn't wanna talk, I respect her choice but also internally spiral into a pit of guilt uncontrolably and question my recent actions to the point where I can't think of anything else
About the part about manipulation: I don't manipulate her, but I constantly feel like I am displaying manipulative behavior and feel guilty about it uncontrolably
I wanna be the best partner possible, and I don't intend to harm or control her, but I feel like I am constantly harming her and I want to put and end to it as soon as possible
Are these traits still toxic? If so, how do I fix them? I would really appreciate some advice
Wanting to be better for her sake is a wonderful first step! I'm going to tell you a few things I did to overcome my own pitfalls, which are similar to yours.
First of all. Don't be so hard on yourself. Nobody is perfect and you are doing the best you can. It's good to strive to be better, to learn how to love and be loved better. Like any learning experience it will be a process and with practice and consistency you'll get there eventually!
What helped me with my clinginess is 1. Getting a life. In the sense that I just filled my time and focused my energy on other things. And 2. Trusting and letting it flow. Sometimes we just don't align in our timing. Sometimes the other person just doesn't feel like talking and that's okay! We don't always feel like talking to other people in our lives.
About the jealousy. Maybe you could talk to her about it if there is something very specific that causes you real pain. But ultimately this is a you problem if she has done nothing to make you mistrust her. You need to remind yourself that she chose you for a reason. Trust her choice :)
Manipulation.. Unfortunately I have been on the reveiving end of that one. But I guess just trusting, not feeling the need to control the situation, and being more empathetic are good starting points.
Hope this helps! Good luck :)
@@guesswho5790 thanks for the advice
I already have a life aside from my relationship with her, I have multiple friend groups that I chat with frequently and I've been focusing on my hobbies like drawing and writing more than before
About the advice about jealousy, there is literally nothing off with her, it's just my overthinking ass filling my mind with bad thoughts
And about the advice about the third topic, I don't really like having control in most situations to begin with, it just makes me feel stressful, guilty and overall really bad. My motto in any kind of relationship is "if you love them, set them free" which is definitely an original quote. Also I think I'm empathethic as I am, but again, overthinking kinda ruins it for me
@@rubyeverred_ okay. I can tell you are manipulative bc just reading how you twist things to justify your ways is so annoying and triggering. You can try to bull$hit all you want. But deep down you know what the truth is. I guess it's up to you to make a choice between living a lie or living truthfully, even if the latter would mean not getting your way and may hurt your ego somewhat.
I choose to live truthfully. You know why? Because it makes me feel good in a real way. It makes me feel more genuine, like I am okay. I am enough. I do not need to justify or to lie or to twist things so they sound better than they are. When I own up to my own $hit in a real way I feel great! Because it is a starting point of really improving. Getting closer to what I truly want out of life while being my whole authentic self, no bs... That's why living truthfully is worth it. If not for others, do it for your own insecurities and self-esteem issues. The more you do it the better you feel about yourself and the less you lie, which makes you feel better... It's a positive snowball effect.
Good luck stranger on the Internet!
You are not harming her, you are harming your self with that shit in your head and she most likely wonder why you just dont relax. There is a difference between hurting someone and pissing off someone.
I had all 8 signs of behaviours and I blocked it out until I couldn't and the relationship ended I believed things will get better and unfortunately they didn't. Thankyou for making this video it helps me a lot I really appreciate it. 😄
I started showing a lot of these traits when my partner came clean about loving someone else but we didn’t break things off right away. I feel guilty about putting them through so much pain with my behavior when they already had a hard time accepting their forbidden feelings, but I also can see how my issues with jealousy got worse. I hope they are doing well now.
I was in a toxic relationship like this and didn’t realize it until I left . It took so much for me to leave I was so attached and co-dependent he’s an Amazing human but he’s not very self aware therefore he would manipulate me without me knowing bc I never thought he’d be capable of it he was my everything and I still miss him but I know I’m better off with out him
Toxic behaviour doesn't exist, but mature behaviour does. Well done by being selfish and taking care of yourself first. But I'm here to let you know that toxic behaviour doesn't exist. Educate yourself: ua-cam.com/video/E9THwbJFUM4/v-deo.html
Oh Shantel le. I'm going through this now. I know I should leave it in the past and move on but I love him so much. We worked though somethings but eventually there is more loss than gain. Big hug for you. You deserve someone who is going to kiss your hands and hold you in arms and treat you like a queen Girl! We deserve it!
Your voice always make me crave hugs. It's like the sound of serotonin...
I would say (I’m not a therapist or anything, just interested in the subject)
1. [Persistent] Lack of trust (also, look at what YOU may be doing??)
2. (Once again, are you doing anything, such as even just acting shady?)
3. Avoiding responsibility… (why are they avoiding it? Are they depressed?)
4. Gaslighting (agree)
5. Constant lying (totally agree with all of it!)
6. Super flakiness (why are they being flaky? Is it conscious? Are they just having a hard time?
7. False accusations (once again, is it all the time? Imo)
8. Cheating (don’t know enough on this subject but I think people can change, and you also have to know the why…. But YOU know yourself best and you will know intrinsically if you can forgive or not)
I was the toxic partner more than once, and I've worked hard to be a better person and partner. That said, I got cheated on long ago, and I'm actually glad! It showed me that infidelity is absolutely not for me, that I never want to cheat, and I hold that value very strongly. Whether others do it isn't my business. For me, it's a line I don't intend to cross.
What's just as gross as being cheated on is cheating 'with' someone because they neglect to tell you they already have a partner. Happened to me twice. All the pain of being cheated on while also feeling like a POS!
Yes, and that's when you need to be certain and go slow.
You're better off being single. Being in a relationship is only going to hurt in the long run, regardless of how healthy it is. If you really want to be in a relationship, do it out of necessity, not love.
While I agree with most points, I think it can be harmful to say "Once a liar, always a liar. Once a cheater always a cheater."
It's true that people tend to repeat their past behaviors, but it's also true that people are capable of change. The message here is to get out of/ stay away from toxic relationships and if these behavior patterns are current, absolutely dissolve the relationship as they have not matured out of those behaviors yet. If these were past behavior patterns and the person has a good track record of healthy honesty behavior now, I think it's fine to proceed with trust and understanding. One of the quickest ways to push someone back into their negative behaviors is to ignore and/or deny the progress they've made.
Be mindful of what is actually good for you and the other person in every relationship. Sometimes that means leaving them to protect yourself and your love! I was that toxic person and now wish I had not caused so much pain and suffering. I am sorry for the spirit killing toxicity many of you have had to experience… you never deserved that and it was very wrong. May you be blessed with complete healing and deep peace now and always!
So the mother of my child is almost exactly this video everything down to cheating while pregnant. I’ve been taking care of her for the last 9 months while she’s been holding our child. This video has helped me realize that I’m not crazy. I sent it to her and she pretty much just said I know but I love. It hurts so damn bad. I don’t want to be in this relationship I just can’t see myself out of it. I tell and ask her to leave I sit down and have gentle talks about my feelings usually the gaslighting or something of the sorts is a result. My baby boys coming any time now and I don’t know what to do. She doesn’t have anybody but I’m so damn miserable. If I kick her out I’m worried on where she’ll go what she’ll do. I’m worried about her taking my son away. Idk but I feel wrecked. I constantly feel wrecked. Lately she’s been trying very hard to get me to see that she actually does love me but I simply don’t believe it and it makes me angry. Haven’t been this angry and miserable since I was very very young.
I'm so sorry to hear this! Men have it the worst in a situation like this, as she's the mother and has the power...the hand that rocks the cradle...literally! It sounds like your dealing with a manipulative narcissist, but you seem to be a sensitive empath who knows what love really is! If it doesn't feel right, you're whole being is telling you it's wrong for you! It is YOUR DECISION, whether or not to tell her to leave your place, but you definitely need to heal and the best way to do that is to have distance! Most pregnant women qualify for council/public housing (depending on your country), she will not be homeless. You cannot be a better you with her around! I'd like to say in your life, but as you are about to be new parents together, I'd say, you need to be able to at least communicate with each other to raise your son. If that means getting legal advice or representation, I'd say get it! EVERYONE needs their dad, especially boys. You deserve to be loved, respected, honoured and cherished, like everyone else and you can't do that for yourself if she's in the way, blocking your blessings and peace of mind! As a child of a narcissist, I completely empathise and struggle with still loving myself more than others, but it's something you will have to learn to do to survive! I'd also recommend you get a paternity test, which you can do after 2months pregnancy, if I recall correctly. 30% of paternity claims are false, and those are the ones that have been discovered, so I'd recommend all men to do this! I have 4 brothers and would hate for them to be compromised like that, so if it's possible, do that too. I'd also recommend listening to Dr. Ramani, who has some great videos on understanding narcissm and personality disorders. There is also a psych2go video about narcissistic victim syndrome/disorder, which I'd recommend watching. Just being able to talk to someone who truly listens and empathises, also helps, so if you can't get a therapist, you can speak to the Samaritans or me? Lol it's always good to talk and get it off your chest, out of your mind and get someone else's opinion. I hope this has been helpful? If not, please know there is at least one person in the world who's in your corner! Sending a little love from London ❤️
there is family court for a reason bro..if she cheated, how do u knw if the child is even urs. how can u say she has no one if she is cheating..she clearly isnt alone if she has someone to cheat with..if she cheats, she doesn't care abt ur feelings or u..do u want ur son to grow up seeing that type of relationship and accepting it as normal..?? u cant see urself with her because ur still with her..nothing is scarier than the unknown..i have forced myself to let go of someone i really loved and it was worth it..he cheating several times..effort isn't supposed to be one sided
😢
Toxic behaviour doesn't exist, are you mature enough to be selfish in your situation?. Instead educate yourself: ua-cam.com/video/E9THwbJFUM4/v-deo.html
Sounds like she is holding the child as a hostage to demand your financial support. I know it hurts, but protect yourself.
Always a liar, Always a cheater is not necessarily true. People grow, I think it really depends on the persons age.
If you cheat on someone when you're 13 for example, I wouldn't say you'd always cheat for the rest of your life.
Also, there is at least once case where if someone cheats on you it could be your fault. If you are an abuser and it's near impossible for the other person to leave, I think it's understandable why they'd cheat.
I’m toxic because people have pushed me to that point
Society: "Just be yourself"
Also society: "No not like that"
Rightt
لم اعد اجيد التعامل 😢
Not really any red flags in my relationship so far, but thanks to this I’m gonna try and pretty much say what’s currently on my mind that has upset me a bit to him… little things but they’re important to me
Thanks for the great vids
appreciate this! but must say, the whole 'once a cheater, always a cheater' is a statement that leaves no room for people to change and grow, which is unfair... often in life we embody the morals we hold most solidly having done the complete opposite, witnessed the fallout and the consequences of the pain we've inflicted on those we love, learnt the hard way, and from that come to a place where we KNOW we wont behave that way.. sometimes the person u can trust the most is those who did wrong in the past and learnt the hard way how to actualise the morality
I like this video! It showed up in my recommendations so I decided to watch it. Very true points were made. I especially relate to the gaslighting part. I never used such tactics, and I am not in a relationship. However, a lot of people try to gaslight me into not playing with a certain brand of Beyblade toys I like (yeah... something as little as me liking certain toys gets me hate). Doesn't hurt me much, anymore. My whole YT channel is now based off of the toys I like, and it's growing!
I love Beyblade. Thank you for this video!
I used to have a friend like this, many points hit home... She was my best friend and my crush.
Last year i whished to forget her, now i can tolerate to see her. At the beginning was difficult but now i accept she is part of the past.
i might have no best friend now, but i have many others good friends. they respect me and make me feel better.
to whoever reads this: times gives answers and heals. you just have to wait for the pain to go away.
you're not alone.
This video reminds me of how I used to be, especially the "clinging" , the "always running late" & sadly, the "lying". I was raised around this 😔. Early this year, I started going to counseling due to severe "Post-Covid" depression & she recommended this channel to me. I have GREATLY improved myself emotionally & psychologically over the past 10 months. I have learned that it quite OK to still be single since 2011, when my divorce from a VERY abusive man was finalized (which in "redneck" North East Texas is very, VERY outside of the "statis quo"). I have learned, thanks to this channel that it is quite alright to be "not normal" & what to look for if I get into another relationship that is more on the "romantic" side. We all are different, but we MUST be true to ourselves & take care of ourselves, even if we play by are FAR from normal.
I kinda do #3 and I am trying so hard to be better. I'm defensive, even at times when it doesn't make sense, and I felt kinda called out with "they hesitate to make future plans," because I really don't like planning out whole lives because things change so often. I want to move in with my bf, i want to stop being long distance, but I am so scared of moving, of leaving my family, getting a new job... but i don't want to be distant for another 3-4 years while he finishes grad school... I'm trying, I swear.
went through all of this with my ex husband. it was to the point, that he was going through my discord messages. he'd get on my comp claiming he was fixing a game's mod folder for me. but there were multiple times where i caught him going through my messages. he was constantly accusing me of cheating on him with my closest friends. or he'd accuse me of not being supportive of him, when i'd go above and beyond - at least attempt it - to be there for him (which being disabled, made it hard at times, but would still try). he took off his wedding band at work, was flirting with girls i know. then would lie and say he wasn't - the girls in question came forward and told me what was happening. by end of it, he was mentally and psychologically abusive. borderline physical. he cut my hair when i was sleeping, woke up to a chunk of it on the under side missing. there was a night i caught him standing behind me with his fist withdrawn, as if he was going to strike me. i was in voice call at the time with a friend. was terrified when i seen him holding his hand that way. he stormed out though, but it still scared me pretty badly.
he lied to me at the very end. said he was going to see his ailing mother. turned out, she talked him into leaving. told him not to tell me what he was planning. his mistake was lying to my face. saying he was coming back. saying he loved me. only to tell my mother and my sisters that he was not coming back, and that he hated it here. when i cornered him on it, he accused me of being hostile. when all i did was ask for the truth and tell him to be honest.
15 years of that bs.. of tolerating it. as of this month, it's been 9 months that he's been gone. it still feels surreal to realize i have my "wings" back so to speak. that i'm free to be me, without having to constantly look over my shoulder. to have to constantly watch for signs of betrayal or possible attack. still have nightmares about him. i don't have to constantly be put down by a man who claimed to love me. or be fearful of him bringing people to my home that used to bully and torture me growing up, as he at one point tried to force me to befriend the very people that made my childhood hell.
i sincerely hope anyone dealing with shit like this can get out. toxic shit like the video and the stuff i've endured, i hope no one has to deal with it. if you encounter it, i got one suggestion. run, get away from them. cut them out of your life as quick as possible. trust me. the suffering and pain just aren't worth it in the end.
Everytime something happens you upload a video super conveniently to my situations. I'm grateful but these do serve as reminders sometimes.
When we're talking via the Internet /social media etc./ it's easy to gaslighting people. Thank you @PSI's team for this important topic for everyone☺🙌
Would you do a video about long-distance relationships? I was in one, and it changed my life forever
What you said doesn't pertain to what I said, but alright cool
yes please
Yep! We have one actually. Did you find it?
@@Psych2go whats the title?
how did it change your life?
I honestly experienced this recently and I was feeling scared that my fiancé was acting different but I do recognize some of the signs like we end up lack of trust or communication because few days ago, he didn’t answer back until like morning or evening. In my mind, my emotion was all over the place and I been crying my eyes out. There are several red flags, like not answering and I tried to not to bother my fiancé private space or trying not to wait to get notified on phone like 24/7. Luckily today, what I learned from this was I tried not to end up those situations every single day. However, it can change or make things better. So wish me luck ❤
A friend of mine is in a relationship like this and it hurts me knowing i can't do anything to help her, just can't take the drama that comes with it. i was once friends with the guy abussing her but i cut ties with him once my eyes started to open up about what kind of person he really is.
Thanks for letting us know more about myself ♥ . The good and the bad
Going through a difficult time - don't have the energy to explain what I'd do - let's just say I'll try my best. I can relate to all the points in this video. 💞
Im listening
All we can do is our best! 🩷🩷🩷
this vid made me cry my recently ended marriage was like this in many ways and I can't believe she did that to me smh I loved her more than myself so much so I've bled for I've starved for her I've fought for her I've danced on the edge of razor blades in her hands to stop her from killing her self when she's had mental snaps
but she decided to up and leave 2 wks ago literally walked out of nearly 10 yrs the last 2 of those years we were married and tho there was plenty of struggles and pain there was always an abundance of love and loyalty on my part that had stayed unbroken...... unlike her and
YET STILL I LOVE HER MORE THAN MYSELF
BECAUSE I AM WHO I AM AND I CHOOSE TO LOVE EVEN WHEN IT HURTS
BUT I DIDN'T KNOW THIS IS WHAT SHE WAS DOING TO ME AND MAKING ME SOMEONE IM NOT......
I feel that trust is often a big stigma for many. There's no good and evil, there's only damaged people clinging to life through unhealthy and often times destructive coping mechanisms.
I'm fortunate to have a loving and patient partner now. And while I trust her, I am highly skeptical of her friends.
It's difficult for me to feel safe knowing her friends are infamously flirtatious and prone to cheating/disrespecting others' relationships. But I try my hardest to respect her choices and hangouts with them.
I'm in a toxic relationship, I got cheated on, hit, verbally abused, accused of cheating, blamed when I got harassed and even when I cry and get breakdowns.
I got manipulated, I always apologise and try to make things up.
I'm a people pleaser, and they used this against me making me give up my principles.
I get controlled in the name of love and jealousy.. how I dress, where I go, what I do, who I talk to, and even my life decisions aren't mine anymore.
I don't feel attracted to them or even in love with them anymore. However, I'm so attached to them and can't leave. Even when I gathered my courage to actually break up with them, they threatened me to hurt or even kill themselves, and it would be on me, and I'll have to live with that for the rest of my life.
He's my first love and first relationship ever. I just want to leave in peace, I know he'll never change, and things will never work out. How do I get out, please. I don't feel like myself anymore, I miss the old me.
My partner was using me to get their chores done and used me as free labor and lied that we are doing those for us even though she didn't want us to be together. Knowing she didn't want this relationship but also knowing that me being around is very beneficial for her so she lied and kept me around and drained me.
So sorry to hear.. I think knowing that we were just being used really makes us doubt ourselves as men. What are you doing now to ensure this same pattern doesn't happen in your next relationship?
I wasn't in love with him but gave him a chance of a lifetime. He's in my home, he's got stuff going on and took it out on me. The insults, the raising of the voice, and then the hitting!!! I felt awful and stressed out losing so much weight. And I've noticed that those I have been friends with benefits with are showing some of these behaviors. I'd rather be alone. And get my weight back...
Edit: I DID IT. WE’RE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE-i feel so much better after ending it with him. Ive found new friends and they treat me better. Thank you for helping me fully recognize how toxic it was.
There are a few more I'd add, such as: lacking empathy, focused on themselves, etc. So, today, think long-term but only act short-term and use protection. Peace.
I was with someone who had BPD for two years. Never trusted me, kept tabs on me at all times, very possessive and controlling, constantly pushes me away. I tried to understand but it was exhausting. It wore me down til both of us were completely unhappy
Jealousy or dealing with a person who doubts your loyalty all the time is the worst. Clingy controlling hackers are also terrible.
A huge one for me was when she refused to respect reasonable boundaries. She had men that were texting her flirting, when I had asked for her to either just be friends with them or not talk with them since I didn't feel comfy with it. She refused to do either and it turned out ots because she was cheating on me for almost a year. Trust your gut no matter what
Lying can be something you learned from your toxic family, like in my case. You can certainly reverse it. But the damage done in the past stays. Life.
I would prefer to not put labels on people; "Once a cheater, always a cheater" etc.
It is not conctructuve, plus it doesn’t allow space for growth. People change, they sometimes release their actions and they improve.
I'm deciding to go to therapy today after having not seen my therapist in over a month, and my relationship this month honestly has had its moments of making me feel frustrated... I know that my partner and I have history together, and we've definitely been on a journey, but I can tell that certain things and behaviors on my end need to be worked on still, and maybe on his end as well...
The fact I had someone who fit all of these boxes (with the exception of the last one) lol glad I left them. Luckilyi knew them my whole life and now I can’t make decisions without someone else saying which one to choose and telling me how to feel while dealing with stuff or I’ll completely break down from anxiety!!!! I need help but I’m scared I’ve been a lot more open about this relationship to my friends and family but it has left a huge massive hole in my heart since I grew up with them and put all of how to feel about stuff to them so when I’m put into a completely different world I psychologically, mentally, and sometimes physically can’t survive and thrive. Also a lot of trauma and religious trauma plus gender dysphoria with a hint of body dysmorphia makes this monstrosity!!
I struggle with trust sometimes because their body behavior suggests that they are feeling more negatively than positively and I’m really guilty of that so instead, I’ll try to improve and ask only once
after you are drained you start becoming like them smh then you are the liar and become defensive and mad when they approach you about something they will always make sure to blame you and not take responsibility. it’s so hard to walk away when you’re so deep into the relationship
You know listening to your vids have been one of my saving grace after a bad break up. Thank you for your content and i here's to more 😍
My wife was married once before. Her ex cheated on her, ran up credit cards in her name and then ran off with the other woman. Oddly enough, he was always paranoid about her cheating and would frequently accuse her. I've heard so many stories about men or women who cheat and invariably contains some similar story of paranoia and accusations from the one who is actually doing the cheating.
It's enough for me to see a pattern in the cheating personality, male or female. I would advise anyone that if your partner doesn't trust you, is constantly monitoring you, is accusing you when you're innocent, then maybe you need to be watching them carefully.
But we can work out. We are human we make mistakes. We can work out if we love eachother.
I’m actually number three and I’ve never realized it until now… it’s definitely not fair to my husband at all and I’m definitely guilty of it. Certainly need to do better…
watching this while single 😢
I wish I saw this sooner, this would have really helped me out. My ex avoided responsibility often, was really flaky with me, and he cheated on me.. Atleast I'll be more aware now and cautious when I enter a new relationship in the future
1, 2, 3, 4, 5 all of these my ex girlfriend did them. I was with her for 2 years and i broke up with her yesterday night. I have tried to help her so many times but nothing worked. So eventuele i was fett up with it. It was heart breaking for me to do and it still hurts. I really loved that girl and i hope she gets the help that she needs to get a good life. And this video helped me see that i really did make a good choice thank you. 💯💪🏻
Had to end a 5 year relationship, we were engaged even. In hindsight, lots of these were part of the relationship but I wasn't paying attention, I wanted to believe that things would be better in the future but after so many years I just couldn't do it anymore. I was losing myself, avoiding making female friends so she didn't feel insecure, sometimes skipping work because "I worked too much" to spend time with her instead, and lots of guilt. It was hard at first but I quickly learned that I was better off
I watched this trying to self examine my relationship. I see that my wife and i both show various forms of these. Her being clingy, untrusting, and flaky, and my avoiding responsibility, lying, and cheating.