10 Toxic Tactics of the Female Covert Narcissist
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- Опубліковано 4 тра 2024
- In this video, I will give you 10 toxic tactics that the female covert narcissist uses to dominate you psychologically and turn you into her human pet.
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Hi! I'm Lise Leblanc. I am a therapist, life coach, and author of 9 self-healing guides. I have over 20 years of experience in therapeutic, educational, and leadership roles.
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DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION IN THIS VIDEO IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL ADVICE, DIAGNOSIS OR TREATMENT. All content is for general information purposes only and does not replace a mental health care of consultation with a health professional.
If you have thoughts about harming yourself, get help right away by taking one of these actions:
Call 911 or your local emergency number immediately.
Call a suicide hotline number. In the U.S., call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) In Canada: 1.833.456.4566
Call your mental health provider, doctor or other health care provider.
Reach out to a loved one, trusted friend.
DISCLAIMER: THIS IS FOR INFORMATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR MENTAL HEALTH CARE.
#narcissist #narcissistic #narcissists #npd
Hearing this and reading a top comment about a FemNar's decades of canibalizing her husband, I suddenly felt strong sympathy for my dad who remained stoic and all-supporting thru the divorce and onward whereas my mom still behaves in many of the ways described in the vid whenever I bring up anything tangentially unpalatable to her. She's constantly reading some new self-help book yet she's stuck in an adversarial non-update'able version of reality: of events, and of people she once knew - their behavior is summarized into a handful of unflattering experiences and that's how they're remembered - as faulty (new characteristics are only invented if she hears they've achieved smth, whereas if they've sunken then "she always knew they would"). She blames me for being twisted, narcissistic and manipulating her whenever I try to break thru that noise and reach her. Real problems are ignored and replaced with melodrama and farce, much like in the TV soaps she watches (should be banned, it's like opium for psychologically mal-adjusted addicts). Love is the only cure but it requires a lot of clarity and stability from me to both be authentic and respect the eggshell trench-lines between us. Every time I meander closer it seems some new reason is found why I'm not allowed "inside". I am considered as "a dangerous porcupine" by my mom, and my hugs "aren't real" and I remind her of my supportive but disheartened dad. Her allies dwindle, her stance remains. Don't know how to help her so I focus on healing myself💖 forgiveness 🙏 and responsibility IRL (cursed games can only be opposed by building a new architecture from the ground up and moving base there)
So true… I love the way you put “adversarial, non-updatable”. You are wise to focus on your own healing and wellness
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Allah may praise your Dad ❤❤
My gf is a narcissist. She doesn't seem to realize or she chooses not to acknowledge that she is. But she acts exactly like that.
Wow stay strong and be yourself and good luck
My dad spent 67 years with my narcissistic mother. My father was a handsome man, with hobbies and many achievements before he met her. She took it all away from him, little by little. She constantly put him down. She was really cruel. She neglected him, never cared for him or appreciated his loyalty and dedication to his family. It’s very sad.
So very sorry to hear that. God bless your dad🙏
Probably she was Jealous as Hell that he had more quality than she could even dream of.
My God that's sad, I'm so sorry. I feel like having you as a daughter would have helped him immensely though - your love will have meant so, so much to him.
My ex wife exactly! Never appreciated anything or showed me any respect.
You can't imagine how reassuring it is to even know that you grew up to KNOW the truth. So many children and fathers are lost forever from the endless lies, rumors and deception. Take care of your pops to the highest degree bro/sis.
"That didn't happen…
And if it did, it wasn't that bad…
And if it was, that's not a big deal…
And if it is, that's not my fault…
And if it was, I didn't mean it…
And if I did, you deserved it…"
The Narcissist's playbook when caught.
So true
'that didn't happen' is the most commonly used one in my family...
The narcissist's memory trick
Don’t forget idk what to tell you
The Narcissist's Playbook: Rev. 2
1) That didn't happen.
2) If it did, it didn't happen the way you remember it.
3) If it did, you're overreacting. It wasn't that bad.
4) If it was that bad, it's really not as big a deal as you say.
5) And if it really is a big deal, well, I didn't do anything wrong. So it's not my fault.
6) And if it was my fault, well, it wasn't deliberate, so I'm not responsible.
7) And if it was deliberate, you made me do it, so you're to blame.
8) And if you're to blame, you deserved it, and owe me an apology. 😮
You've clearly had to deal with a narcissist yourself. I found your Playlist very informative. I couldn't have organized the pattern that well. It opened my mind to be able to offer my Rev. 2 Thank you ! You've done us all a great service.
It's crazy how these people will slowly turn you into someone you're not.
It's so messed up😢
Forced framing if you don't act as they want.
Bro me and you both
@@GavinHarris-jl4nk they're undercover cult heads. If you don't battle them then they consume you and then if they use you eventually you become targeted anyway. They did it to my cousin my aunt and other family members. So I had to start studying more of what it actually was. Cuz they're more where most of the time than we are until you really start to understand energetic issues and debris. I had somebody trying to frame me where they all keep trying actually it's not nothing new I've been learning how to dodge that stuff, even since I was a child. But there's a bunch of them in on it even random strangers it comes through them too and these strangers can be normal humans until you come around them and then it's something different that utilizes them energetically takes them over scalps them. They look to feed off of our energy. And a lot of people they have issues with their biomagnetism fields right now because of all of the I hate to say it this way but system medications and vaccines have caused them to be entity scalable and AI looshable, and it is a combination of both. I've been studying it very closely. That's funny that your name is Gavin somebody was threatening me with you. Or somebody with your name anyways. But they're a crazy stalker. They have monetary gains they're looking for intentionally. To fuel their what they think is a privy lifestyle while forcibly and maliciously trying to put somebody else down and with lots of help. One of my buddies he was a Harris I always helped him out because he had a bad heart and several open heart surgeries. So I let him live in my house where me and my ex-wife used to have when we were paying for that place before they pulled a frame job too. A lot of people are dealing with ancestral curses here and grid energy spikes that goes through them as well. In a lot of those people that are called narcissists they were really messed up as children by their parents total mind fucking. And if you can't live inside your heart you become like them.
These people take kindness for weakness and methodically take away your confidence, so you end up as a submissive shell they can control and manipulate. I've been there. Trust your instincts. If something doesn't feel right, it usually means, there's something wrong.
I spent 5 years with a woman like this. It was the most stressful 5 years of my life. She did every single one of these things almost daily. She literally had me questioning reality half the time. I was chronically stressed with her. The worst type of human beings in my opinion. My new girl has shown me more love in two weeks than I got in 5 years. Never settle kings. If you have a woman like this…LEAVE IMMEDIATELY.
I'm on to it 🍻
Facts
Man…been life for me the past 10.5 years. I’ve never faced a challenge like this woman. “Questioning reality “ sums it up perfectly. I’ve lost my mind and soul man. Finally had the courage to say I want out, now I’m dealing with the sobbing and crying might have to go full no contact.
@@TJ-015 no contact is literally the only option my man. It’s so incredibly difficult, but it’s the healthiest and only option. They do not change.
Nothing is more powerful in a relationship than the ability to walk away and never look back. Never put up with someone's BS mind games or abuse.
Thank you,,
Such a great statement...
This is a 'VITAL' survival skill when getting into a "relationship"... Which are potentially very dangerous involvement. Caution is advised, and FYI, people who's world and lives revolves around "relationships" are often cluster-B ('narcissists' and 'borderline', less so for true-psychopaths).
The existence of narcissits (especially female variants; with evolutionary-narcissism, when a human female has NPD - it is SO much worse! Especially given the society a person lives in). The world is vast, there is no need to self-mutilate by getting into a "romantic relationship". Most women don't want emotional peace. Too many narcissits/NPD and borderline prey on people via "relationships" and parading themselves as attractive relationship prospects.
Bit, but, the sec bombings 😢
@xX_YourMumIn1080p_Xxgrow up
agreed very true statement..you have to be actually intelligent with very good intuition to know about some of these .. especially when there good looking 👌
My ex girlfriend always made me feel guilty. I gave her attention, gifts, trips around the world, great restaurants, everything. This video absolutely nailed her personality. Anytime I called her out she, deflected and then she blamed me. People like her never change. I told her who she was at the end and why I left her. I'm just glad I didn't marry and have kids with her. Life is good now.
Same bro!!!
You dodged the bullet my friend. She deserves to be miserable, and lonely.
You are very blessed to have escaped. Having children would have imprisoned you forever with her.
WARNING!!! Hell is real!!!! Your soul is the "real you". When your body dies, your soul will continue to live forever, in Heaven or in Hell. We can not hide our sins from God. Jesus Christ loves you and He died for your sins. We must REPENT!! If you will REPENT of your sins and put your faith in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, believe in and follow the gospel, you will be saved and your name will be written into the Book of Life.
Revelation 20:15 Anyone whose name was not found written in the book of life was thrown into the lake of fire.
"Confession Prayer" (Repeat Aloud)
Father God, I come to you, to confess that I am a sinner. I have done some things in my life that I am not proud of and I repent of my sins. I believe that Jesus died on the cross for my sins and that He arose from the grave and that He is alive today. I ask that you forgive me of my sins. I confess with my mouth, that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. AMEN...
Same!!! Did and gave her everything!
All this sounds like my first wife, she came from a very disfunctional family and nothing ever made her happy. Giving up on her was the biggest relief I ever felt in my life.
Well on similar path, i was warned about her but i didnt listen. Later i paid hevay price
Everything made this girl happy for me but I cheated and turned her into somebody unrecognizable
This is my GF too(I guess ex now), from a very disfunctional family. For 2 years she always put me down and disrespected me, nothing made her happy and I was apologizing like 20 times a day sometimes over literally nothing, and she always uses her depression as an excuse, because she is depressed it is justified to treat me like this. I just broke up with her, and now she is trying to guilt trip me by saying she is gonna commit suicide.
@@Luodai235you can say ‘do you want me to push you? Or open a window for you?😅’ she’ll know that her suicide means nothing to you and back off
@@busystuff23yearsago15i mean thats your fault buddy
You wish you saw this video a year ago button 📍
Holy shit you are so correct. Exactly a year ago would have been good.
I wish my son had seen this ages ago ,He has been diminished so much , it's heart breaking , He's so weary , and worn , She knows how to make him suffer , He's dying daily because he loves her. All of your descriptions are what he's enduring ,just , He does think he is the problem . I cannot do anything but pray for them, and the children. I trust God for His supernatural help , I've seen Him do impossible things before, God Help us all , ❤❤❤
@@angelashort1331 I was in a mentally abusive relationship for 2 and a half years... I went through very similar struggles as your son most likely... I got into it when I was 17 (young and naive) and never made a real emotional connection. Over time she became much more shallow up until the point where she eventually got bored of my stability and decided to cheat on me with one of my old best friends, broke up with me and never told me what she had done until I found out myself. I pray for your son, I hope the person he is with isn't as vindictive as the person I was with❤️
constantly having to prove that you're better than her "loser ex" after awhile you'll be "just like her loser ex no matter what you do"
Some point find loser ex and compare notes.
That happened with me. At the time i was shocked. But now with hindsight I can see it all so clearly. Live and learn at least.
YES!!!! ALLLLL of her exes were "losers", "crazy" and "jealous". I jumped through hoops to be better and do better but NOTHING was ever good enough...down to what I stored my food in.
They don’t treat anybody any better it’s not about the partners all about her delusional self
@@eottoe2001 yes indeed. Is it possible that EVER single one of her exes is crazy or a loser? Nope. It's these narcissists who 1. Make things up and 2. Actually MAKE people crazy with their nonsensical behavior. My ex had nothing nice to say about ANY of her exes. Her ex husband was a loser according to her (mind you, he looks like he is a pretty decent guy to me. Happily remarried and he now has a kid). It was HER the entire time. She even told me that her ex husband told her brothers thashe bankrupted him. I believe it. She was well on her way to draining me too.
"It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman". This was written thousands of years ago and rings true more now than ever.
Proverbs 17:1-2
It is better to eat a dry crust of bread in peace than to have a feast where there is quarreling.
Yes! Better to sleep on the roof, than with a quarrelsome woman.
I’m a Christian and God delivered me from a toxic woman. I’m happily married. I went from being told I was a failure and that everything was my fought to a loving and nurturing woman that thanks me everyday for my effort. We argue but never ever fight. My ex and I fought bitterly almost everyday. Pray and work on your relationship with God. A proverbs 31 woman is the only woman worth marrying
@@joelfigueroa1309 Great choice of scripture ty 🙏🏻 Psalm 31 describes the nature of a woman without the dysfunction of NPD, projecting God's love, how amazing 👏🏼
Amen
The days I fear the most are the days when she appears to be happy and everything feels good. The days after are the worst.
Its so sad when you are trying to be good and get treated badly by someone you love ❤
It's even sadder when they use those same words against you, like in an attempt to beat you to that punch.
It's incredibly painful too.
You never loved them, not for a second. If you think they..are the one that ' made' you feel then you are still under their control, you're still wrapped up in their neverending inner delusions/dar-k-ness, and you learned nothing. The truth is, you were loving YOURSELF the entire time you were interacting with them as they were doing nothing more than mirroring you at the start, there is nobody inside them in the first place, therefore there was nobody for you to love but yourself...(as they themselves are incapable of true empathy/love). ..
Stating that they made you feel is like saying a robot made you feel, or an empty soda can made you feel. And in the same way it's completely ridiculous to think a Narc made you feel anything...As they were doing nothing more than mirroring you in the beginning...Based on a lie and you cannot truly feel for lies.
They are completely incapable of processing their emotions, they don't know how to. And that is why when you state that you love them they greatly resent it, they turn you into an enemy and play their games. Because inside they ask themselves- " how can you possibly love this ? '
Unless you get over these massive hurdles and understand the bigger picture of Universal spiritual truths in your relationships then you will never be the truly empathic powerful loving spirit being you truly are to love the world/heal the world. .. Much love !
Furthermore, You must come to the realization that none of it was personal...Narcs don’t know how to love; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else. Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissists value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. Loads of them brag about being a good parent and seek compliments for that only to hide their masks.
When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing....They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves..
When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal....
They’re too terrified to have close personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain. This is not personal. None of it....
The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection. .
Was just released from a 9 day stay in the psych ward after finally getting away from a 5 year relationship with a narcissist. It's doable, it just hurts alot. Stay safe, kings.
Congrats man. I have been in the process of separating myself from my family as well
U spin poi bro?
@@Drewkhat Orbit
This lady is kinda hot
@@nyoom7495 nice one
This happened to me word for word. I spent three years with her until the anxiety left me unable to handle basic things. I had alcohol problems, gained 10 kg, etc. Despite my fears, I broke up with her last May.
It was a very difficult time. Since then, I've lost 14 kg, I'm in the best shape of my life, I do martial arts, I have new friends, and I'm improving mentally and physically every day. I feel alive again!
Great courage, keep working on yourself and learn from your mistakes.
Hell yeah!!!
so proud of you!! It seems so easy on the outside looking in but I too have experienced something very similar, spot on to everything mentioned in the video! It's clear after plenty of time & space away that she was the problem. This is not to say I don't have flaws, but I'm sure you understand what I am saying! Anyways, good on you, and keep up the journey of developing a relationship with your self
Proud of you. I am dealing with a similar situation since I left last Fall. Keep up the good work. 🙏🏻
i can't break free. I am ruined. a husk of my former self. i had gone througj divorce with a wife and she took my daughter. i never really recovered but almost, but got attached to another unhealthy relationship that has went in for 13 years. and it has destroyed me. top college education, socialable, confident, great music talents, art. writing, understanding, kind, moral, easily advanced at every job... now i am nothing. a pc of shit with social phobias that cant answer the phone or even get my stuff organized. can't even bring myself to do laundry, dishes, or shower daily. im ruined.
watching this video was like watching the 6 month cycle of my life which has been on repeat for over a decade.
This was wild to hear. Its literally my whole relationship. All of it.
"There are not enough resources for men who have been psychologically abused." Actually there are virtually none. These females are causing major societal problems in family court, CPS, PTA, etc etc. Good to see more awareness on this ubiquitous problem.
Been there its horrible x
its only going to get worse as "strong, independent" women go into old age alone and take it out on every man they see. My entire life has been being treated like shit by middle aged women, in HR, at the DMV, at school, every job you have to kiss every woman's ass or she will have it out for you and try to get you fired. But dont kiss the ass of the women the other women hate, they hate that too. Women have made me hate them.
It's all by design. The state wants fatherless homes so they can indoctrinate the children early. The women too blind to see the trap have sold out her children's happiness for a few trinkets. Now that's toxic.
Well i have god to help me get through this
No one cares about men. But men that turn into women get the attention that normal men always dream about getting.
Sad world
To all the men in the comments that went trough abuse and got out intact…. Still have will and power to fight on and get well. Firstly I want to say congratulations. If you ever at doubt with yourself or yourself worth - don’t be. By leaving addictive and toxic relationship you have demonstrated how strong you are. It’s one of the hardest decisions any person can make in a lifetime. Takes strength, courage and immense dedication. You can be many things but you are definitely NOT weak.
You can be proud of yourself when you look at the mirror.
I must also add: If you let in a toxic person into your life, ignored all the red flags and stuck in the relationshit for certain period of time…. Then there is also a present issue within yourself. Such as codependency, people pleasing. Maybe some trauma in the past you are not aware of. You would do yourself good by tackling these issues to improve your life and avoid toxic ppl in the future.
Stay well kings 👑
How to leave? I have been so oblivious, have no friends left, no contact to my family. Have been burnt, punched and stomped on. My inlaws all moved in our house last week, i have nowhere to go.. i have 0 confidence left, for the first time in my life I actually think of committing suicide. I need help people :,(
@@mediacarepro4590 Highly recommend "Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist" by Margalis Fjelstad. Don't know if you have kids. If no kids you just need to save some money and leave. No conversation and go no contact! No contact got 2 days to 2 weeks.
Thank you Emil 🙏
❤❤❤❤❤
Absolutely true, you are a king and you deserve better
but you deserve what you tolerate
The key to dealing with narcissists is knowledge. Once you understand that these people exist, and if you're unfortunate enough to have one or more in your life. The next step is always the same.
Disconnection from them. Don't fall into the delusional trap that you might be able to fix them, or show them who they are as if they care and will try to fix themselves.
You can't fix anyone, you can only inspire them to want to change. Most people shouldn't try to fix narcs because they aren't capable of understanding them. Leave that to those of us who can handle it.
From their point of view, they aren't broken and there is nothing to fix because they usually get their way by acting the way they have. It's win win from their point of view. They have the control they crave, or they move on to the next person to do the same thing. There is no empathy, and if you let them get away with their game, you deserve what happened to you.
@yXL9 What are you handling? TNT, because that sht is going to blow up in your face. Get the cops called on you, because she's fake crying and see if you don't take a trip down to the station. Cops protect women, and if she knows what she is doing, she plays into societies, protect women at all cost mentality (like women aren't capable of lying). All it takes is one accusation, I promise everyone believe the narc over you initially. Especially if they have never dealt with them previously.
My relationship only lasted 8 months. Ironically, my difficult and stubborn personality rescued me from a lifetime of misery. I was one of the “lucky ones” who was discarded.
I would often have moments of clarity where I saw through her bad behavior, but then I would excuse it because I loved her so much, so I’d lie to myself about the type of person she really is.
It’s been over 2 months of no contact (though she has tried; I ignore her). The most difficult part is that I will never know how much of her affection was authentic and how much was pure manipulation.
Update: it’s been over 6 months. Still sticking with no-contact and it’s the only way to go.
Damn, I broke up with my girlfriend yesterday and I went, and am going through exactly what you described. I broke up after she told me an obvious lie just to see if I would try to prove her wrong with the proof she wanted me to go after just to prove that I am a lunatic, controlling, abusive, etc. After that, I found out that she reactivated a profile on social media hidden from me, and had been using it for days after telling me that she had deleted it. And this was only one of the many lies I've come across and that she denied until the very end, even qhen I had proof of what I was saying.
We date the same person?
Everything they do is powered by manipulation. It’s hard to accept that fact but its freeing once you do.
@@Apequeijo we all dated the same girl bro
It took me 8 months too... did she keep leaving for "breaks" and then lure you back in? Gosh! I'm so glad I'm free. It's only been a month but I know that I've got this freedom thing figured out. I wish you the best!
3:30 transfer all pressure and work on you
5:50 passive aggressive behaviour
6:55 defensive, never apologizes
7:35 zero empathy
8:15 you are always wrong and can't win
8:40 compare you with others to make you feel unworthy
9:46 grading your performance, chronic dissatisfaction with you
11:30 double standards for boundaries
11:53 gestapo needs to know everything you do
12:48 strip you of your self respect and self worth
Thanks 🙏🏾
My ex 💯
Hero
@@quietmousse We are lucky that they're exes now. I'm glad i found this video.
Thanks
Many women I’ve dated tried to do this to me. I always said “happiness comes from within, if you’re not happy in your heart you won’t be happy with me.” And the fact that I wouldn’t bend to their manipulation would signal the end of the relationship. Which now I see I was dodging many bullets.
That is what I teaching my boys. Not your job to make her happy.
Narcs are a big part of the world we live in, and it's so prevalent, so many of them, it's considered acceptable, and normal.
That is the good one
YESS!!!
Wise words
Wow. On point. "It's a no win situation". Facts. After 20 years together I've never felt worse about myself. When the words , "you win" are being used you know it's been a game for her.
Many of us needed to hear this. Thank you.
I spent close to 9 years in a relationship precisely as you described. I’m so much happier after walking away. Of course she took zero accountability and everything was my fault. A hard lesson learned but a much better life now 👍🏼
Fellow soldier. You're not alone. We all are in this together.
It is Vital to not take anything ' personal ' with them, as nobody is inside them in the first place. Narcissists don’t know how to love; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else.
Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissists value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. Loads of them brag about being a good parent and seek compliments for that only to hide their masks...
When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing... They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves.
When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have close personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain..
.. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection., .
And, Moreover, if you think They are the one that 'made' you feel then you're still under their control/spell, you're still wrapped up in their neverending inner delusions/dar-kness, and you learned nothing. Truth is, you were loving YOURSELF the entire time you were interacting with them as they were doing nothing more than mirroring you, as there is nobody inside them in the first place, therefore there was nobody for you to love but yourself (as they themselves are incapable of true empathy/love).
Stating that they made you feel is like saying an empty robot made you feel, or an empty soda can made you feel. And in the same way it's completely ridiculous to think a Narc made you feel anything...As they were doing nothing more than mirroring you in the beginning. Based on a lie and you cannot truly feel for lies.
They are completely incapable of processing their emotions, they don't know how to. And that is why when you state that you love them they greatly resent it, they turn you into an enemy and play their games. Because inside they ask themselves- " how can you possibly love this ? '
Unless you get over these massive hurdles and understand the bigger picture of Universal spiritual truths in your relationships then you will never be the truly empathic powerful loving spirit being you truly are to love the world/heal the world. ..
Much love !..
Males seem to be the scapegoats of our society. Thank you for being honest and standing up for them
You mean, White males.
the fuck are you talking about
Yes in westren society its why more and more men are going to the east
Well, unfortunately it’s a bit of a cycle. One of every three women is sexually assaulted, so when women get into positions of power especially over men, how is this toxicity not supposed to come flooding out somehow? So these damaged women wield _real_ power and _and_ they have _sexual_ power. Guess what. This is what has been done to women for centuries. We have emotional land mines all over the place waiting to be stepped on. If one of these damaged women sees you coming her way, all she has to do is lure you with a kind gesture into walking directly onto one of them.
Well, you're not learning the lesson here dude. For everything this therapist is bringing up, there's a woman who is also in a relationship with a male covert narcissist (who you need to understand also very, very much exist). Narcissism is the issue here, not gender. It's global and it's awful. But yes we need better LANGUAGE for what is happening to men in this particular way.
The double standards with boundaries is something so evil. it’s like they want everything about you to be theirs, and as soon as you ask something very little of them they freak out like how dare you! Super selfish behavior is all I experienced.
From these comments sounds like we were all dating the same girl. All 10 traits.
That's so true. What I remember vividly from my ex is that she didn't have any capacity to understand other people's behavior. It was really like she could punch me in the face and then think I was an abusive asshole for raising my voice and telling her not to do that ever again. That sort of treatment will make anyone crazy.
@@scheck006 literally the same thing happened with my ex also. She even went to most of the people that know me and told them I was abusive and controlling!! I never laid a hand on her or raised my voice, but she would slap me and say I had to take it like a man? I still don’t understand how she would think anyone would still be with her after doing those things. Sorry you had to go through that also. Just because a girls pretty doesn’t mean she’ll make a good partner is what I learned
Yeah, she described every western woman...
@@DaMnVorteX got punched in the face and told me she wanted to see how I'd react. Like why do people do this to others. It's sad. She also pushes me around and I'm stupid for thinking that's okay.
I have casual sexual relationships with narcissist then dump em they are needy and easy to read. I used to be their victim but they are so easy to read now
6:50
Very good explanation. My mom has destroyed generations
My mom is a very covert narcissist. She lied about my dad beating her and not paying child support. Everyone was always out to get her. I remember when I was 12 she begged me to never move out. I didn't see my dad for 17 years. He missed so much of my life and I had so many problems not having him around. Thankfully as I got older I realized some dots didn't connect and got suspicious. Asked around and got the truth. Good riddance crazy mom, hello brokenhearted dad. 😥 Hopefully we can make up for the lost time.
That’s sucks when so much time passes and you get disconnected.
You two take good care of each other. You will heal ♥️
My baby mother is doing this to me right now
I am going through this now as the dad...
I'm so happy for you. And so sad at the same time. My youngest daughter has spent the entirety of her teens without me in her life. I hold on to hope that one day she will have the strength to do exactly as you have. I blame myself for her suffering every single day. I ruminate about things I could have done differently so she could have grown up happy and loved. It's taking the life out of me. I've been very diligent in trying to care for myself and prepare for that day if it ever comes by staying active and healthy. I cycle 30 miles daily. I try to eat healthy. I try to keep the stress and depression at bay but depression is not something that a person can always control even with modern science and medicine. I hope your dad has fared better then me and that you are able to make up for every minute that you lost with each other. ❤️
My jaw dropped when you said she would tell you her darkest secrets and then accuse you of something later... This exact thing happened to me two days ago.
Please get out while you can.
yuuup, my ex covert female narc trauma dumped on me after only a few weeks of us dating, telling me how she had been viscously physically abused by an ex. It made me feel deeply bad for her. She then proceeded to belittle, demean and control me until I was a husk of my normal self. Luckily I managed to slip out of her grasp after a couple months but its literally been a year since we have dated and the scars she gave me in such a short time run deep.
@@craigburch464 Something very similar happened to me. I am a deep empath and felt so sorry for her (now I know that she was making me into the "hero" of her narrative, a role my unhealed inner child wanted to play as I gave her multiple opportunities because I saw the best in her, thought I could help her, and believed things would get better as she promised. They did not. They got worse). Her past was riddled with deep trauma and I truly felt empathy for her and saw her inner light. She was also someone with high intelligence and prestige (a university professor), espoused politics, values, and life vision/goals that perfectly aligned with my own, was highly compatible with me in other regards, and had a public persona of being an awesome community member (so different from how she was in private). So, it was complicated as there were good/positive times that made it hard to label someone as just being one thing. We are all complex. And to be sure I made my share of normal relationship human mistakes. Her behaviors/actions, however, told another story and were extreme and exhibited covert narc, BDP, and disorganized attachment. Generally, when she would get triggered, she would accuse me immediately of doing something intentionally to abandon, hurt, or reject her and she would engage in self-sabotaging and self-harming behaviors that she would blame on me (at the end I learned she did this with exes in the past and she expected them to just take it. But because I stopped putting up with this, she discarded me). She would vilify me, devalue me, and dehumanize me before her friends/family and quickly discard me (quick to breakup, then apologize) and blame me for her toxic behaviors (including her self-harming behaviors; she kept secret that she was an alcoholic for about 7 months). Unfortunately, my unhealed self believed her and carried the weight of her gaslighting. I now understand these were tactics to guilt trip me (and they worked unfortunately) and keep me in her control (though she struggled to and said I was "difficult to love and be with" when I stood up for myself). Nothing was ever enough for her (i.e., even the way I made her coffee everyday or planned our weekly dates were an issue. In turn, she rarely planned dates and rarely, if ever, made me breakfast/coffee). She would explode randomly and I walked around on eggshells everyday wondering what her mood would be like as she constantly ruminated and came up with the worst stories in her mind by taking normal relationship mishaps/misunderstandings and distorting them to an extreme (even after we talked about them and apologies were issued). It was like she was building a case against me that she could use anytime, meanwhile I would apologize/forgive and move on. When I would try to bring things up about her behavior, she would explode, say she was a victim and survivor of so much trauma and abuse, say I was unempathetic, and blame me (gaslighting me saying I was the problem). I was quick to take responsibility because I wanted to improve the relationship and I felt sorry for her past traumas (I understood the complexity of humanity and like anyone in any relationship, I made normal mistakes, but I was too hard on myself and she would weaponize those mistakes and my apologies and weigh them over my head for months/years). She recruited her highly educated friends to believe her narratives and gaslight me. It was so wild. When things were good, they were great, and she said I was her ideal partner (she would love bomb me and say I was 99% perfect, get me gifts, amazing sex). But, when things were not good or she created chaos, she would tell me and her friends I was the problem and accuse me of so many things, like cheating (though I eventually found out that she was cheating).
In the end, I am so so glad that I listened to my intuition (after rationalize with it for years). Getting into therapy and sharing with friends/family who were shocked was a gamechanger. I got out during another dangerous chaotic episode that she manufactured (two years to the day after she did nearly the same thing). This time, after she quickly discarded me and blamed me, I learned my lesson and moved-out (she was so aggressive, manipulative, and harassing/threatening when I did). She tried her manipulation tactics again but this time they did not work. She said so many hurtful things that I now understand were projections about herself. She accused me of being autistic (when I said I wasn't, she said there was nothing wrong with being autistic), said I should have tougher skin to take her words, said her therapists thinks I am a narc, said her friends think I am a liar. None of that worked. By the grace of god, I was protected. I packed my things and moved cross country with the support of my friends/family. When I made it home, she tried to fight me on the parting finances that she agreed to and she made a vague threat. I responded from an emotional distance by presenting her with the facts and told her to never contact me again. I blocked her, deleted all pictures, and cut off all contact.
Months later, and after processing so much of the pain and grieving, I have found a deep inner peace that I did not find at all during that relationship. I am genuinely happier, lighter, full of self-love, and thriving. While I still grieve from time-to-time, I've undergone a profound transformation and I am so grateful for my experience because I learned so much about myself. The hardest thing has been processing my anger in healthy ways for allowing myself to stay in that relationship for so long, allowing that level of mistreatment, uncovering her lies/manipulations after I left, and being so upset because of her lack of accountability or a genuine apology. Forgiveness has been key to free myself from harboring these feelings. My healing journey has been powerful and transformative and I am attracting an abundance of love, light, joy, and happiness in my life (and a new romantic partner who is incredibly healthy, loving, and way different). I now understand that my ex has been my greatest teacher in the sense that I had to go through that relationship to heal core parts of myself. I do not condone at all what she did and I never want to see/talk to her ever again. But, I am so thankful that I got out before I got married or had kids (she constantly pressured me and, at the end, said that she wished I just got her pregnant). I still have empathy for her trauma and struggles and I understand that she is not just all one thing. However, our deep empathy, understanding, love, tolerance for complexity and difficulty, and resilience are strengths that narcs, unfortunately, take advantage of and I am no longer allowing that. We are now free from this. I wish you all the best on your healing journey.
My ex was molested, abused by mom physically and emotionally, didnt know who her dad was, bipolar. Got mad at me if i brought any of it up
Did you tell her yours in return? I hope you didn't, because if you did, be prepared -- those will be used against you.
Thank you , you described my life for the last 15 years. it feels like I'm trapped in a hole.
After ending a 4 year toxic relationship with a female covert and listening to this video….it’s scary and enlightening at the same time.
When she was de-valuing, she said that my parents don't even like me. That's when I realized she would say anything. "Hurt people, hurt people."
It’s spiritual warfare brother. It’s not about “hurt people hurt people”
@@andre1987eph For me, it's about compassion.
Kick her out, honey!
Wow! Mine would compare me to my father, wich she has never known because he was 3 years deceased when I met her...
there is so much technical information about this disorder, I guess it starts with sexual abuse or lack of understanding from parents
or overcompensation or revisionist personal history for corporate interaction
Every single manipulation tactic all but implies the use of the lying tactic and the gaslighting tactic. I actually dislike it a little calling out gaslighting as a manipulation tactic as it's actually an effect. All manipulation tactics will contribute to it by nature of what manipulation is. Some tactics however certainly take the gaslighting effect to a whole different level. Blatant lies that are so bad they insult your intelligence is one of them. That kind of shit will make you feel like you are in the twilight zone after a while. Here are some of the reasons they do this: To test their control. To feel superior and/or entertainment. This proves to themselves how much control they have over you. In the end, you will give up and you will not leave (trauma bonded). In the process of getting to the giving up stage, you will go through some pretty nasty emotional states ending in massive amounts of cognitive dissonance to swallow all of that. Cognitive dissonance is a trauma defense mechanism where you essentially lie to yourself in various ways so that you can bring back some semblance of equilibrium to the insanity you find yourself unable to escape from. As part of the ‘backing you into an emotional corner’ tactic. This is a tactic where you are manipulated into being emotionally unstable inevitably leading to you losing your shit. This gives the narcissist a big dopamine burst, they feel powerful and superior having so deftly controlled you and manipulated into this emotional state. To finish the little game they play, they make sure to point out how unhinged and unstable you are and suggest that perhaps you need help or medication. Of course, you will internalize all that shame and guilt and the million other raging emotions they have created and swallow all that essentially allowing them to scapegoat their blame and accountability onto you. Bring on some more cognitive dissonance and gaslighting effects. To condition you to expect less respect, and ultimately put up with more abuse. You will tire of the inevitable circular argument trying to convince the narcissist of the blatantly obvious lie and eventually find yourself challenging them less and less as you subconsciously accept the fact that if you do it will just make your life and emotional state more miserable and you will be denied the satisfaction of any kind of ‘win’ even if it is easy to disprove. This is part of the domination process and makes sure all the power in the relationship ends up with them by the end. To turn your mind to mush as the gaslighting effect takes hold more and more over time. This makes you even easier to control. Many times while easy to disprove it requires some kind of concession of some obvious truth that the narcissist can just doggedly refuse to agree with or remember (‘the intentional forgetting’ tactic and the ‘feigned confusion or ignorance’ tactics are often employed for this). So, in fact, it is not so easy to prove when the narcissist refuses to correctly remember what happened 10 min ago or accept sound logic or reasoning. You will just turn blue in the face trying. Of course, in some cases it is indisputable. A phone log or something. My experience is when this kind of stuff happens it wasn’t their intention typically, although sometimes it was. But in these scenarios, you will typically get some sort of angry ‘invalidating’ tactic, with some good old ‘manufactured rage’ and ‘intimidation’ tactics to ‘put you on the defensive’ and get you more susceptible to further manipulation. Maybe something like: “Get over yourself already” followed up by some ‘blame-shifting’ tactics with some good old ‘guilt’ and ‘shame’ tactics, like “Why the hell are you spying on my phone records anyway? What kind of relationship is this? I don’t have any privacy? I don’t know if I can do this anymore! You have major jealousy issues! You need help!” You will walk away as the loser either way. There are resistance tactics that can be used but this is a very difficult tactic to deal with and it is one of their favorites. I won’t get into the counter-tactics here though. The only way to really win in a relationship with a narcissist is to leave them and go no contact. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done Metaspyhub@gmail. com,,
I've found the key to escaping a narc's control is to become one yourself, but only around/with them. Learn every tactic they use, and learn to use it against them as effectively and subtly as possible. It worked with my mother, who was a covert narc. I am now the one mostly in control of our relationship. It's kind of a mutual dependence on each other, but I think she'd be worse off in the long run if we split, while I would only suffer a bit. I treat everyone else with a baseline of common courtesy and regard and make sure I'm not practising the same tactics on them, but Its also helped me identify narcs much easier and deal with them by giving them a taste of their own medicine.
Of course, when all fails and you can't outmaneuver them, the stoic tactic works wonders I've found. Simply refusing to cave to any of their nonsense and refusing to be manipulated by them sending others they have under their thrall after you, leaves them powerless usually. I suppose it helps that I appear to most people to be a quiet and reserved but brutally honest person, so when a narc tries to make people think I'm something other than that, they are hard pressed. Often I've found most narcs are a bit lazy in "training" their thralls, and often I've been able to turn a manipulated thrall "loose" by simply identifying the "mental knots" the other narc has "tied" in that person's brain. When you know how to tie them yourself, untying them is much easier.
This sounds like the mass media
Thanks for this detailled explanation. However, advertising under someone elses channel is a No Go.
Lise, long ago I began to notice family dynamics in who we marry or are attracted to. Here is how I have come to articulate what I've seen. It is a bit long. "Until we get complete with our 'child's point of view' of our parents; who they were, what they did or did not do, to or for us, we will never have an open, authentic relationship of our own. What we will do is mimic one parent and marry the other. This is not connected to gender. We do this so that we can try to work out with our lives, what we believe our parents failed at. What we fail to realize in all of this is that they had parent too and did the same with their parents as what we are doing now with them. The toughest part was when Dad shared with me one day how much he loved his grandfather and how it hurt him to watch his grandmother, mother, aunt, and sister tear him down and belittle him. As Dad was sharing this with me, I could see that my mother, my sister, and two of my brothers were doing the exact same thing to him in the same exact moment!! It hurt me deeply that he was able to see how it happened to his grandfather and not be able to see that it was happening to him in real time. When we break the cycle, we will finally have the opportunity to have a truly honest chance at having a healthy relationship of our own."
I am clearly my dad and I married my mom. I've traced this pattern back through three and four generations of my family; all the way to Sweden and Germany. It is not absolutely perfect, but it is to close a pattern to be ignored. I have been able to have this conversation with my daughter and son-in-law and they seem to have been able to step back from the pattern. My son was, or is at least not yet, willing to have this conversation with me. It is showing up in his marriage and how my grandson and granddaughter are being impacted by this. It is hard for me to watch, yet I know that it is what they are here for.
The video you created had a profound impact on me this afternoon. It allowed me to brilliantly connect the dots of three to four generations AND especially my relationship with first my mother and then my wife. I am by no means a Biblical scholar, but this pattern reminds me of a Bible passage that that I vaguely recall that said something to the effect of, ".......the sins of the father shall be visited upon the sons for seven generations." Let's hope that videos such as yours presented here, will help shorten that timeline many people. Again, thanks for a brilliant video.
I was married to my ex wife for 22 years. I eventually grew tired of her games. When I laid down the law to her, to stop it and just be nice, she left. She was in a new relationship within two weeks. After eight years her new husband took his own life. I felt redeemed at that point because I knew for sure that it wasn't me. It took that long for the fear and doubt to leave and only with a tragedy like that. I am now 53, single, and I will never allow another woman close to me, any little thing sets me off and I push it all away. I'd rather be alone.
I'm happily married, so a lot of this doesn't apply to me, but I get where you're coming from.
Find strength in your solitude, work on making yourself the best version of you that you can.
Stay safe, and resolute brother.
You’re not single. You’re divorced.
@@DrDeuteron
Potato, potato
@@FBI-ju5no no, a 53 year old man who has never been married is a different potato from a divorced one.
@@DrDeuteron
Not really.
One missing point: she tries to ostracise you from everyone. Tells you how bad every one is just so you can be stuck with her alone. This is the ultimate way through which she wants to control you.
100%. My ex used to always tell me how nobody cared about me except her and since I was insecure about people genuinely caring about me, she was more than happy to go along with it
Yup. My ex had a problem with all of my friends. They were either "a loser", "shady", "secretly liked me", "inappropriate", "didn't have any money" or all of the above. They were so nice & welcoming to her too. Looking back, I realize that it was just a ploy to isolate me from them so she could control me. Unreal.
Watching this happen to my brother but 'he's happy so stay out of it'. I know how bad this all goes as it took me so long to heal. Uses his insecurities against him. All his friends and brother are all out to get his girl... And so he's gone. I wish i could impart my experience so he could avoid the pitfalls but alas we must all fall flat on our face our own to grow.
This. 100% this.
Yuppppppp been there. Glad I am no longer in it.
This should be taught in highschool. It would have saved me 2 toxic relationships and 14 years of my life
I am dealing with one right now. This video just opened up my eyes...I got goosebumps followed by tears.
Get out while you still can! Whatever shitstorm she tries to kick up in your face, you're a man and you can take it.
Don't deal with it - just get TF out. Run, and keep running. Like the lady says: there is no win. Ever.
I am still in a relationship with her and after a good research, now the tables have turned 😂
@@divyanshsingh7699 "now the tables have turned" - ahaha - been there, done that... 😁You're not in a relationship - you're in a Psy-Op - and you've forgotten Rule # One: You. Cannot. Win. Ever.
But... enjoy 😂😂
@@harry-james-books true..sir you sound quite seasoned at this 🤠 it's a winning battle and losing war situation for me...but I want to lose 😉
I never heard any of this before. But I lived it 100% in my 22 year marriage. I tried to save my marriage for the family/kids. I wanted so bad not to let the Devil destroy a good family.
Now I realize I was married to a woman that was extremely toxic/narcissistic and it wasn’t me.
8 years later I’m so much happier and just so thankful I got out & away from someone that toxic
You’re not alone, brother. I had no idea who I was married to for 23 years.
Make mine 12 years later and I can copy and paste my comment. I teared up reading it.
Add my comment to same list
Congratulations on finding happiness; which is so to me foreign at this point that I had to spell check it. How has life changed for your kids? Is it better for them? I'm 12 years into mine and my picture is next to this topic when you look it up in a dictionary. I wake up every morning saying, "Why? I already woke up yesterday!" Then I put on my big-boy pants and play with my girls. Their giggles could be bottled as currency. It is grinding me down but I will die for my two daughters. To make it even more tragic, I ain't got not quit in me. Regardless of how she feels, I can't quit anything that I've started. That's the truth. I just don't have the mechanism in my brain without justification.
We both come from divorced parents. I have a annoyingly supportive family 1,000 miles away that all live on the same block. Not joking there. My grandmother and aunt have a gate that physically connects them across a city block. I can throw a baseball and hit a relative's car in 4 directions. Growing up in a different diffused this aura of support. I hated sleeping in a van for months with my two other brothers and a newly single mother. My father, with two degrees from Ivy leagues, went to prison when I was 10 years old and is still there today. At 40 my idol older brother, a US olympic boxer and staff sergeant in special forces after 3 tours in Iraq as an interrogator took his own life two years ago. I'm 35 with two degrees in Aerospace Engineering in Propulsion and Combustion and the younger brother is an Astrophysicist turned EMT turned into whatever he is going to do next.
Her parents are both millionaires that would never contribute or help our kids in any way shape or form. Her father hasn't visited our first child since he saw her as a 1 day old at the hospital. She is now 4 years old with a 20 month old baby sister. Physically, he lives less than 1 mile away from us... and has been in that location for a decade before she was born. Their "family photos" are screen grabs from FB messenger or w/e. I've pulled him aside and had a bro moment like, "Dude you are flushing EVERYDAY opportunities that my estranged dad would actually kill someone, in or out our prison for, right down the toilet. You live close enough for me to scream and you to hear it." I thought he got it but it didn't do anything for him. I think he is in this in a similar relationship.... but he has just been ground down to nothing. Their parenting tactics are so horrifying atrocious, I would never trade my circumstances for her's. Still when talking "with" my wife, her worst day growing up as a child would be my sunniest morning. It's hard.
Talking past my wife and her brother, I only care about my children. I've asked my divorced friends in the past is it worth it? Are you AND your kids happier? Without hesitation, yes they the guys and the women are but I've yet to find at what cost. I don't care about suffering quietly in silence for the rest of my life for my children. I just don't know how things balance out in the long run... considering my personal experience and the exposure they will have with the shifting scales to the other side... You know what I am asking about. I just can't find the words.
@@JaredBrewerAerospace My answer would be Divorce is extremely damaging to the kids. It affects each child differently. I have 3 children and each one was affected by the divorce. But I know that what they Feel & Deal with is from the fallout from the divorce. The oldest was is my daughter, didn’t speak to me for 5 years. Living is a small Southern town with a population of 1,400 people. She was 17 when the divorce happened.
She stayed with her mother during that time period.
My two son I had 50/50 custody a 14 and an 11 year old.
They all were affected differently the oldest and youngest had very difficult times!! The youngest still has emotional problems that are directly related to the divorce.
Divorce is the Devil’s Playground….it brings him more lies, pain and more deceitfulness to use against everyone involved in this thing that Everyone Says it’s just a Divorce….No Big Deal. The World says awe it’s nothing, just get a Divorce. I’m telling you, it’s Extremely hard/difficult on the family especially the Children!!
But the narcissist in the household/marriage is just as Bad!! So it’s the Most Difficult decision to make.
I can say the older they are it should lessen the actual impact/burden. I’m not sure….just a personal opinion.
My experience in a relationship with a narcissist taught me that the time they waste in your life is some kind of a sick ego boost for them.
Im financially stuck in a loophole where she devalues me, criticizes me and takes off for long periods of time.
My mom is like this, she doesnt have all 10 but, shes never wrong about anything, the water is too hot in the shower... she inmediatly assumes its someone fault because they moved something. And thats just a trivial example
The one thing I learned from my experience was that "happiness is an inside job." The expectation that you can make anyone happy or it is your job to make sure they are happy, is wrong. A happy wife is a happy life is only true if the partner understands it is his or her own job.
Yep, relationships are 100% and 100%. Not a person, weighing down the other. Don't settle for anything less. PERIOD.
Very well said!! Agreed 💯!!
The Happy Wife Happy Life guy should be thrown down a flight of stairs.
Any woman who can’t regulate her own emotions isn’t worth the time. Low grade cheap feminism has enabled a generation of adult children because they were born with vaginas.
Beam me up.
@@plenaryverbalist it was before feminism.
@@eottoe2001 I’ll keep my own counsel about that, thanks. I’ve learned certain phrases that are employed by these kinds of bottom feeders.
“Every woman deserves…”
“No woman should have to…”
“You need to…” when you ask why, “because I’m your wife!”
Yeah they’re very much connected.
I don't like to say "Oh my God", but Oh my God!!!!!!! You have described my 30+ year marriage. Several years ago I finally realized she was never going to change, and I asked my 56-year-old self, "is this how you really want to spend the rest of your pathetic life?"
My answer was a solid NO, so I initiated a divorce.
After my divorce I found a normal woman, fell in love, and am now happily married again. There has been more joy in my 5 years with my new wife than I could have ever hoped for in a lifetime with my ex.
My pastors and nearly all of our old friends believe that I was 100% at fault for the divorce because my ex was a completely different person to the rest of the world. She saved all of her horribleness for me and me alone. Everyone else was completely fooled. She was an angel to everyone else and something completely different to me.
Best Video to get over my borderline narcissistic ex. She had me so much, her energy was crazy. That was manipulation on a next Level. The dream she was selling was so sweet, at the same time the way she hurt me was mental torture sadistic. The dream was to stay with one guy, to creat a family. So she knew how difficulz she is, but needed me for kids, because I was so nice. Thank god she didnt get kids. She can never be loyal. She can never love. This video is the best reminder.
I hear you man
@@mukesh.dhimar thx bro
Just ghost them. When you’ve tried to show your worth and change to show her who you are, and she still does the same thing, leave her.
I have said about my narcissistic ex, who quite literally accused me of doing everything that she was doing, even abuse, "You've got to break the chain!"
... i've said about her that she is just like the kind of men she hates.
She's a tyrant, a misandrist, liar, bully, lovecheat.
She's the very epitome of what she hates .. herself.
Yes, sadly they do this. My ex accused me over and over and over of being a liar. Meanwhile, SHE is the liar. She even lied about things that were easily verifiable and that I presented solid evidence on. How do you "win" with someone like this? Someone who you present with evidence in front of their face and they sit there and lie? She would not back down.
@@byefelicia7736 Ah! They're just impossible aren't they!
@@hardywatkins7737 they really are. I think for me anyways, when I started to realize that no matter what I did or did not do, the outcome would be the exact same, it helped me START to feel better.
That is a excellent example you posted of true narc cadavers.
They never change that game. Playbook 101. They all do it.
You walked though the fire on that one.
Future suggest Background checks on all potential candidates that want your meat. After all in a narcs mind we are a slab of meat. Background checks has saved my life and wallet x27 now. $29 to $500 dollars. That is cheap for finding out petty privileged sitting across from you wanting to punish your ass any means necessary.
@@kevinowens6010 Yeah i walked through the fire and got first degree burns!
I stepped away with the words on my lips: Damned if I do, damned if I don't. It's painful enough to take responsibility for my own toxic contributions, and ultimately having put myself in that relationship despite the red flags. Self knowledge is the only protection in the face of such toxicity.
You mention your own toxic contributions but perhaps you just reacted badly?
There were several moments when i reacted badly, .. i was mean and cold with her at times in response to her lies and cheating and said things i regretted but this was quite out of character for me. Nobody has EVER provoked me to such behaviour as she did. I was young and inexperienced, stupid and emotionally immature. But i forgive myself because i know that without the crazy-making manipulative torture she was putting me through i wouldn't have behaved and that way. I didn't before and i havn't since, but she coaxed out the worst in myself which is pretty much what she wanted to do. But like you, i take responsibility for my own behaviour and hopefully learn and grow.
I hear you and recognise how environment and relationship is significant in how we behave. All part of knowing oneself. I've no doubt healthy people can be pulled into unhealthy dynamics and sink or swim. But if the relationship burned anything into my awareness, it was a reflection of my own susceptability to unhealthy relationship, forcing me to become aware of my own relational tendencies stemming from my own origin in a toxic family system. Intimate relationship is the best mirror, I find.
Try not feel too bad for “toxic contributions“ it’s really hard if you love or care for them deeply and you have been manipulated and discarded. Anger is an energy and a passion. Just don’t ever get physically violent. 💪🏼
@Truth Teller Talks Yeah, .. it's understandable. We are all works in progress and nobodys life seems perfect. It's been 25 years since my abuse and i was 25 myself at the time. I didn't have a well formed sense of self or what i was about or stood for, but i was a nice, friendy, honest and gregarious young man, but, shy and somewhat inward ... like hiding under a mask of unsurety, ... a little unsure or insecure about myself. I was doing building work, playing in local bands and had a good social and active, happy life. I'd had a few girlfriends, one quite close, ... no aggro, no drama, no manipulation, ect all good.
And then a narcissist gets her talons into you and the shit hits the fan and everything goes crazy, and that's important because they unhinge you and mentally undermine and compromise you and naturally you are not going to be your normal self. Yes we are all responsible for our behaviour and to be fair and reasonable we have to take many many things into consideration.. and for ourselves and the narcissist also.
It's really important to give some quality time and effort to forgiving ourselves, because many of us were brainwashed into believing ... or doubting, wondering, if WE were the abuser or abusive in this picture.
So yeah, there were moments when i can say i was verbally abusive and cold and angry, just three moments really that i regret, but put in context she was cheating and lying, testing, and spinning a false reality and so you've got this cognitive dissonance and confusion going and this must be considered and appreciated.
All in all, to see ones own ugly or dark side can be a blessing because we become conscious of it, and going through the mill/hell, with a narcissist can give us something to learn from, particularly regarding how they manipulate and coax you into reacting, and through this trial of fire, you learn to resist and gain more self control, be less reactive, and more considered about your behaviour.
And we live and learn ... , and learning and learning to love is a lifetimes work.
Man it sounds like you’ve walked the exact same path as me bc I’ve said everything you have verbatim. Great job looking inward!!
I married a woman 6 months ago with 9 of the 10 tactics mentioned here. I’m her 4th husband and, that should have been enough of a red flag but, she was more than convincing with her “love” that I was completely absorbed by her. She made up scenarios in her mind about me being a liar, came at me with a vengeance out of the blue non stop, and then turned my reaction to the baseless accusations against me. It became all about my reaction to her false accusations. The words “I’m not lying to you, I married you” are considered “mean” and, that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Double standards, I had to respect her boundaries (which I did) but, my boundaries and feelings were met with “you’re not letting me be me”. She’s publicly shamed me for things I’ve told her in private. She’s turned the entire situation which she’s at fault for, into it being all my doing. I was positive, loving, loyal, supportive, told her each day how thankful I was for her and, I was met with games, gaslighting, name calling, and the worst case of being passive aggressive I’ve ever encountered. I could type here for hours on the toll this has taken on me. How it’s left me completely drained and second guessing myself. Now, as I see my “wife” blatantly flirt with other men on social media and acting like was never alive 6 months after giving our lives to each other, I wonder if my judgement is completely gone. I don’t know if I’ll ever trust another woman. This one was so convincing, I almost moved 3000 miles away from my family and country. If you’ve read this far, please follow your gut. Don’t be like me and ignore any red flags. The pain, anger, loss and betrayal you will feel isn’t worth it. Take care and wish me luck.
My friend,. It is vital to not take anything ' personal ' with them, as nobody is inside them in the first place. Narcissists don’t know how to love; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else.
Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissists value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. Loads of them brag about being a good parent and seek compliments for that only to hide their masks...
When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing... They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves.
When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have close personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain..
.. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection., .
And, Moreover, if you think They are the one that 'made' you feel then you're still under their control/spell, you're still wrapped up in their neverending inner delusions/dar-kness, and you learned nothing. Truth is, you were loving YOURSELF the entire time you were interacting with them as they were doing nothing more than mirroring you, as there is nobody inside them in the first place, therefore there was nobody for you to love but yourself (as they themselves are incapable of true empathy/love).
Stating that they made you feel is like saying an empty robot made you feel, or an empty soda can made you feel. And in the same way it's completely ridiculous to think a Narc made you feel anything...As they were doing nothing more than mirroring you in the beginning. Based on a lie and you cannot truly feel for lies.
They are completely incapable of processing their emotions, they don't know how to. And that is why when you state that you love them they greatly resent it, they turn you into an enemy and play their games. Because inside they ask themselves- " how can you possibly love this ? '
Unless you get over these massive hurdles and understand the bigger picture of Universal spiritual truths in your relationships then you will never be the truly empathic powerful loving spirit being you truly are to love the world/heal the world. ..
Much love !..
What @robertdemeter5793 describes here is pretty in line with the shell of a person I used to be when trapped in the hell of my own narcissism. It really never was personal. It was always a desperate, practically autonomic function that I seemed to have no control over. Little by little through intensive therapy, transformational personal development programs, and a few years of relative isolation after so many people I cared about finally getting sick enough of my bullshit to stop speaking to me, I still have to make a conscious effort to consider others’ perspectives and remember that their feelings and needs matter. It was a matter of survival for me- the self hate has been so intense most of my life, that facing it directly was terrifying and therefore, losing myself in the myth that someone else’s love could somehow help me love myself, was beyond an obsession. Eventually, I had to face the fact that no one else’s love seemed capable of fixing me. And having to face how horrible I’d been most of my life put me through years of deep depression filled with almost constant suicidal ideation. People walking away from my manipulation was ultimately the greatest gift I could have been given. I was lucky to have a few life long friends still, but their boundaries became very strong as adults and I had to respect them if I wanted anyone in my life who loved me at all. my entire family are narcissists which means almost none of us speak to each other so my childhood friends are the closest thing to family I have. I’m so sorry you are experiencing this. It must be so horrific. But long term, the best thing you can offer both you and her is to leave. It’s impossible to pay attention to others or wxperience empathy when you spend every second in your head strategizing battle with or evasion of all the psychological bullies coming for you. And literally everything you do that doesn’t kill those bullies off (which is impossible) feels like a cruel betrayal-so lashing out and their own cruelty feels totally justified. Get out as soon as you can- hopefully without vilifying her or being cruel- because it’s likely she’s being 100% by her survival brain as a result of some horrible things that may have happened to her when young. maybe leave with no notice. there was no joy in my narcissistic life- it was extraordinarily painful and torturous but I was the only person who could save me. And I am eternally grateful for the people who wouldn’t accept my behavior. It has led to me being able to help others as a result and to find purpose. I wish you the best and hope you find peace and I hope she does as well- it is very difficult to change, but it is actually possible- the best thing you can do is to focus on healing yourself.
Bro, first, thank you for sharing.. I am sure people may be comforted in your story. Thank you for being selfless in this sense..
I pray and plead with God to give you peace, joy and love. May you find Him and may. Happy Sabbath. Check out a sermon by Randy Skeete, " I need Help"..
I hope you find the strength to leave your relationship. You owe it to yourself and deserve better!
@@richardspeciale8828 Thank you for taking the time to read my post and commenting. I’m a Canadian and, I married a woman from the united states (3000 miles away), we dated for 2 years, discussing in full detail our hopes and dreams for our future. She told me I was her best friend and soulmate. We finally met in person after planning so many trips that fell through because of the pandemic and border restrictions. The excitement of finally being able to meet and touch the woman I knew I wanted to spend my life with was almost overwhelming. After a full day of travel, no sleep, I got to the Portland airport from Toronto, and was met with the tightest hug I’ve ever received. I couldn’t believe she was with me in the same place and in person. She was not going to let me come back to Canada without being her husband. I was all in. I loved her so much. She knew I’d do anything for her. We spent 3 weeks last May together, got married, and when I had to come back for a bit, she literally balled her eyes out as I got on the plane. We couldn’t stand being apart. I booked another flight to go back to the Pacific Northwest for 3 weeks later. I flew back out to Portland, spent a month with my new wife, no problems, no fighting, it was love love love. I told my family that I would be moving to the US, they were so happy for me to find that one I’d been looking for. Upon my return from my second trip, literally 72 hours after coming back to Canada, she began gaslighting me hard. Accusing me of stepping outside of the marriage. At 46 years old, 3 kids and a previous divorce , I was not going to just marry anyone or step outside the marriage in any way. I told her this and, it should have been known just by me travelling so far, being with her for 2 years, and giving my life to her. It wasn’t enough. Anyone, no matter how much patience they have, will begin to get frustrated by being accused of something they wouldn’t do, especially 8 weeks after taking lifetime vows. She took my frustration, made my reaction to her baseless accusations the center of the argument. In retrospect, I should have ignored her, but I was so mad that I had just given myself to her and, she was literally making stuff up in her head. It was like, as soon as she got what she wanted, the mask came off. I found out that everything she was accusing me of, she was actually doing to me behind the scenes. Talking to exs, etc. Her boundaries HAD to be respected, while mine were to be ignored. I wouldn’t bend. I stood my ground as she took money from me, smeared me online, shamed me to people, and turned into someone I would have avoided at all costs if I had known what I married. She discarded me 2 weeks after landing from my second trip asking for a divorce. It broke me. I contemplated ending everything. My life was in shambles. I was embarrassed around family. I had to seek therapy, and I’m JUST now starting to feel better. I’ve gone no contact for almost two months now. Allowing her to speak to me even for 2 minutes, erases all my progress. She admitted to me and everyone else that she never loved me, was lying at the altar, and thought I “forced her” into a marriage she planned and we both discussed at length. I’m beside myself. I’ll never understand this. I’m improving each day, with a mind and heart so broken, sometimes I wonder if I want to get out of bed each day. How can someone change so fast? What happened? Why? These are questions I’ll never get an answer for and, I have to accept that. Enough rambling lol. I’m doing much much better since my last post but, I’m not sure I’ll ever truly trust or heal from this one. Much love and take care. 💯
This video is for genuinely good and kind men. If a woman mentions issues in the relationship... that's not the same as her being abusive and toxic and narcissistic. Sharing this because someone shared this but they left out their contribution.
"But I found that there are not enough resources for men who are being psychologically abused" That sentence alone was an instant healing, just in knowing someone cared, and understands the weight of it. I am just realizing that I went thru this w an older woman , when I was a young cub, before I got my wings, or to stand on my own two feet. I have had all of these thoughts , emotions, epiphanies , realizations and hurt in just now understanding what I went thru, and why over 10 years later, I still feel affected. In the last few months, I have found videos on this subject. I am absolutely FASCINATED. Not in a happy way. But to know that this is actually a clinical issue, and to hear the patterns of behavior
Would you be from Canberra? Just wondering if we are both talking about the same girl?
@@deanosaur777 close to Canberra and very possibly
@paul read are her initials YH or previously YD?
and ...interestingly ...
If you would )* naive, enough) to
lookout for help...
(* Counselling, Psychology or Psychiatry ) ... you may get
Additionally hurt and destroyer
.... SIMPLY Because feminiSS Ideology polluted those education institutions highly during last 50 years. ...
Nice observation is made
by
"Shrink4men"
Dr. Tara Palmatye in her video titled:
" Couples therapy with narcissist or borderline personality disorders" .
I too was with an older narcissist woman I was 31 she was 49 I went through it too, it's been 6 months NC and I can see myself being affected long term too. They twisted us up how can we ever fix ourselves.
This info should be teached at primary school in psychology lessons as early possible!
The people in charge will never allow that, if people learned psychology at a young age most people who currently hold political power and most of the world's wealth would become paupers in a generation.
Info should be taught to us not teached to us is how you should word it .
*taught
Amen
Yup.
The family court system breeds this behavior.
😮 Spot on. Geez. I have tears in my eyes bc I've been experiencing all these things with my wife of 3 years.
Thank you for making this video and sharing your wisdom with us. May you be blessed forever more.
The hardest thing for me to deal with is that I never knew anything about CN until my cn died after an 8½ year battle with bowel cancer - and 42 years of marriage; and then reading her journals (which she kept hidden in her underwear drawer) 2½ years after her death. Watching this video, I finally have some understanding and explanations and answers. I'm beginning to not feel guilty for feeling released when I kissed her goodbye and she left this life. Fortunately, I worked out that I had been 'abused' and I did seek help. But there have been days - months - when I have grieved the years and the life and the happiness that I thought I married into in 1978. Thank you. I feel like I'm starting to live the life I thought I had at 26 .... at 71 years of age. Everything - literally - feels vibrant and I'm not numb ('freeze' response) anymore. 😊❤
darn sorry thats sad after 42 years of marriage man oh man why dont people get out sooner
I wasted 20 years. my best most productive years age 20 to 40 complete waste of life but your story is worse. I'm so sorry for your loss of your own life rhat is
If it makes you feel better, your story helps those who are in similar situations at 26-30
Even when you lose someone who is abusive, it still hurts. May God give you peace and comfort.
Thank you for this. The female narcissist feels like it’s talked about less often. And the male victims can be dismissed or trivialized as weak. It hard when your genuine love and vulnerability is used against you. Whoever you are.
I knew something was wrong a week in but crazy puss is the best and i was gold digging which broke my bank. I stayed to long and started to believe her.
Listen to this women brothers. I wasted 20yrs of my life until i figured out what this thing actually was. Me and my son planing escape right now.
I'm lost. Lost of sense of self. Confidence. Doubt myself. The one who made me feel like a king now makes me feel like nothing. She says I'm crazy. I believed it for a long time. Time to choose.And if anyone else is feeling hopeless and can't decide what to do your not alone. We will get through it. Alone but together
The only way to take control from a narcissist is to get yourself from their domain first. You wont be able to figure out anything until and unless you are out of the hellish world. I will tell you one of my favourite stories. Once a King was too disturbed by everything that was happening around him. He felt as if no one was loyal to him and he was always afraid of his kingdom being attacked by perpetrators. He lost his sleep and his life had become hell. So he thought of taking a brief sojourn in the countryside. He passed through lush green fields and picturesque landscapes. The silent breeze that brushed through his hair filled his heart with joy. That is when he saw a farmer who was putting fence around his farmland. But his farmland had weeds all over and they hardly had any crops. This intrigued the King. He asked the farmer as to why was he putting a fence around the farm when the farm itself was covered with weeds. To this the farmer said that the farm was his own so he could get rid of the weeds whenever he liked. But he cant stop the stray dogs from running over his fields and destroying them. That is why he was putting the fence. To stop the stray dogs from venturing into the field. Once he was very assured about the security of his fields he can work on clearing the weeds and planting crops. On hearing this the King somewhat got the answer which he had been searching for. The human mind is also like the field. You cant control assholes from fiddling with your mind or saying bullshit. But you can definitely put a fence ( figuratively) so that these assholes cant influence you. And until and unless you dont put a fence you can never work on yourself. Once you have distanced yourself from toxic people then you can work on the healing process. Same is the case with narcs. Narcs are these stray dogs who suck your energy emotionally. They play mind games for fun because their mind wants melodrama. They hurt the very people who love them. So total isolation from these narcs is absolutely essential for the well being of your Mind. Once you are out of their mind games you can take decisions rationally. Narcs try to drain you emotionally. So everytime you respond to their low vibrations you tend to come to their level. But when you react confidently without panicking and without responding to their negative vibrations that is when you Win. When someone realises that you arent being influenced or being manipulated by their actions they will get tired of it. And after cutting them off completely from your lives you should work on your healing process. Work on clearing your mental clutter and keep yourself preoccupied. Read books and most importantly try to find your Purpose in life. When you find your Purpose you will be able to bear any pain in this World. Most importantly help others in need. When you find someone else who is stuck with a narc help them to get out of that. I feel this is the way to take control from a narcissist. P.S: I hardly find people around me who know about emotional abuse. But I think everyone should read and know about it. In today’s mean world you will find a lot of people who try to influence you or demoralise you using the sweetest of words. Its about identifying these covert manipulators and distancing yourself from them. I have immense respect for people who have survived narcissistic partners. They happen to be the most strongheaded and emotionally stable people you can come across. I learn a lot of things from them. Truly the broken will always be the most beautiful. Additionally, Here's a clue for anyone of you that think your spouse might be cheating, but you think they are just too clever to be caught, your feelings of being cheated on are not facts and your intuitions are bullshit unless you find out for sure. So before you bring your sickness and blame into the relationship get some fucking proof and some mental help consult a private investigator today Metaspyhub@gmail. com for the purpose know where you stand in your relationship...
Day cost more problems than Ned Kelly
so true ,thankyou
You made me come into relisation. How can I get away from people slowly without them knowing. Why when I call it how I see it they try and twist things. I feel I am too nice and people take advantage of me now that I defend myself I am called crazy. I'm not called crazy when it's not about Them but once it's about them not even trash talking they flip one and try to go personal and I can't prove it but I feel it all starts here at home or people who. I thought where family or friends. Why when I feel assured and confident about myself I feel calm and with patience. I feel I used to be easy to be manipulated. I know I. Never. Say anything I feel everything said about me comes from home.
@@RicardoLopez-ts3sr pointless explaining to them just walk
Wow, this description is completely on point! I'm glad there's a name for it.
This video is the most helpful one I’ve watched on YT in a longtime. Needed this to vindicate what I’ve already been thinking to myself because I’ve also been questioning myself for thinking these thoughts. Sincerely: thank you.
I've been no-contact for 4 years and it's been blissful. What Lise says, 4 years later, is so damn spot on. I can think of a dozen instances for each of the 10 toxic traits. Scary! If you're in one of these relationships, get out immediately! It's hard to do, but there's light on the other side.
Damn, you're lucky. I just realized these traits after 7 years of relationship
I'm coming up on 4 years out and zero contact, its been a tough journey but if I had have stayed that would have destroyed me for sure. Lisa has it spot on with the 10 tactics, pretty much experienced them all in a short space of time, from a dream to nightmare in less than a year! Get out as soon as you can.
Victim men, good days are coming
Married 9 years now. Considered leaving at 3 years but we have kids, and I made a promise. A promise I am paying for dearly. But I can't leave, I have a 9 yo daughter and a 4yo son and her two daughters from before me. If I leave, another man will take my place in that home. No telling if he is strong enough to take this abuse. If he is not, he could take it out on my kids. Not having that. I will be here as long as they are. After they leave, I will too.
2 months out. Determined and motivated. Feel better. The only thing that sucks is looking back on old notes of mine from before this last one, i told myself never ever let this happen again. Went a good year sticking to that. Then i let it happen again… fuck. Back to rebuilding stage
Control should never be confused with love. It is the literal opposite. My ex when she discarded me told me that she should have done so years ago. For once, I agreed.
I'm going through the same....I didn't know how to walk away
@@briankamau8634I hear you. I made excuses for her for years. Waited and waited for her promises to come to fruition. Had hope, albeit bleak...for our future. I meant forever. I think that she knew that it never was. The final discard was a gift at that point in time.
In a word, spot on the description you spoke about it’s the game I’ve certainly been in and only just recognised the repeated cycle.
I was married to this type of woman for 18 months. She was bitterly sarcastic and accused me of doing things I wasn’t doing. Critical of every part of my life and job. It drove me insane with anger to the point of violence and she was then thrilled when it happened because she then won. I’ve never met anyone as evil as she is.
Lmao aye bruh good thing you pulled out
Oh I’ve got one I just got out of a relationship and I am just learning all of this stuff too, I knew she was gaslighting me constantly but I didn’t fully understand all of this stuff and manipulation techniques, it’s just sad that people can’t live in peace and get along with each other, I had one, a French girl from Florida, and like a young idiot I broke up with her because I just wanted to be a whore I guess, bad move,, I never realized, how few are really out there like that French girl, and I’ve never found anybody like her since.
Bad mistake
@thewey - What Nationality was she bro?
I've watched a couple of videos of yours, much of the time with my mouth agape and eyes wide- you are describing my ex wife very well. The confusing blend of putting her on a pedestal and devaluing myself, the small and later, very large smear campaigns she launched against me and the YEARS of self-blaming and recovery I've had to go through. I wish I had heard this years ago although I don't know if I would have believed you fully because it was like being in a cult with her as the guru.
2:54 Thank you for saying that. We live in a world that doesn't believe a man can be abused and it is extremely isolating. Thank you for acknowledging us.
This 100% nailed my experiences. The wrath of a Narcissist has no boundaries.
I live with this every day. Thank you for the information.
I finally got away from my female covert narc (ex-wife) in 2012 after I let her know in no uncertain terms that I was onto her destructive game... Of course, (in true covert narc fashion) she then played the victim card and did everything she could to paint me as an abusive and controlling husband by getting a restraining order against me based on false allegations so that she could retain primary custody. 10 years of parental alienation later and there has never once been any sign of introspection on her part while I still wonder what I could've done better even though, intellectually, I know there is no winning and that she is permanently broken. I now fear she's messed up our children just as bad and committed them to a lifetime of perpetuating her narcissistic patterns and are destined to seek their own codependent relationships. 😢. I wish I had trusted my instincts and learnt about covert narcissism before I was in an untenable position.
I feel for you. I went to check on my ex-GF and then left when she didn't answer the door. Turns out she ended up calling the cops on me and you can guess what she did next. How can someone you cared for some much be that fucked up to do some rotten shit like that? I just recently learned what a narc is. They're absolutely insane. Good luck with the kids
@@offendeveryone17 That's just the tip of the iceberg, my man... You wanna hear about one of the most rotten things she did to not only me but our children (aged 11 & 9 at the time)??
She tried to have me arrested for breaching the restraining order because I had Christmas gifts for my kids delivered to her house on my behalf. When the cops told her to grow up and stop being so petty she retaliated by sending the kids' gifts back to me... Broken beyond repair so I couldn't even get a store credit for them. Covert narcissists are just plain sick-in-the-head filth.
@@consciousbeing1188 sorry to hear that. That's fucked up and sad for the kids but I believe it. Mine had a ton of anger... and I thought I could be an angry dude. She freaks out on the smallest things like making a wrong turn for example. They sure are sick people
same story here, welcome to the club
@@consciousbeing1188 mine crashed her van and called me in tears saying that she was afraid if she reported the accident, that the govt would take the kids(she was on thin ice with social workers already). I was under a restraining order for allegedly confining her to the house, she said I wouldn't let her out. Then she backtracked with me saying that was not true, that the social workers did it all and that she didn't want to go along with it etc. She seemed sincere.
Later, I found out she tried to get the police to arrest me for showing up to help her which I should have not done, of course. She actually told them that I tampered with her brakes, after I left her a note saying that her van had a leaky rear brake cylinder and that it was imperative to get it fixed, and even more imperative to keep the brake fluid topped up, or lose brake pressure. She indicated that she understood, then tried to frame me for attempted murder.
It only got worse from there. The cops said 'we're not charging him, it's obvious he was only trying to help, and was trying not to defy the restraining order. Thank God for sensible cops.
I was engaged to a witch exactly as you described and I was cast into her spell up until the time the very last wedding invitation went out. There were so many red flags I ignored. Finally she let down her guard for one moment and I saw who she really was for the first time! I called off the wedding and haven't seen or heard from her since. Thank you God!
Thank God you saved yourself.
I'm trying to figure out if the last girl I dated and just recently broke up with was a covert narcissist.
It blows my mind how many psychologically and emotionally abused men there are in this world.
I saw under my moms mask a few months ago. I stopped talking to her. I saw her face twisted by hate. Hatred for me, I stood up to her and I saw who she truly is.
What did you see?
I'll just say....Love of money is the root of all evil!@@radiofreealbemuth8540
@@radiofreealbemuth8540the devil
this was crazy eye-opening! Thank you!
I am amazed not all of these applied to my relationship but most of them. I have felt the ways she has explained. I could never put my finger on this before. Thank you so much for this video.
Absolutely had one that destroyed me physically, emotionally and mentally. Thank God that nightmare in my life is all gone
It is genuinely scary seeing how accurate this can be. I felt like someone who didn’t know me was retelling a story I already knew, because I lived it.
Its my life too... Just sick of 12 years of Narcism...my wife no shame of shouting and manipulating. Abusing of money... caught her phone calls to her colleague 114 calls in one night. She got a warning.
Can't believe it's taken me so long to find this. I knew I wasn't crazy. Thank you.
I needed to hear all that - gratitude for the words. 💔
There's one great way you can win: Leave.and never EVER communicate with her again. Especially if you leave without warning, without words, no fight, no argument, no note. Just vanish out of her life, don't leave a morsel of information she can twist into her reason you left, don't give her anything she can blame you for. Make sure she has to perform olympic brain feats in order to rationalize your departure.. She will wrestle with this in all her narcissistic squirm, but deep down, she'll know she caused that event to happen., and maybe she'll even seek help, but not while you're around. (ps don't do this if you have kids with this person)
I have stepchildren it still makes it hard to leave.
Situation is easy without kids
Amen... get out. There is no win.
I feel like crying right now. Everything rings true in this video.
It’s okay bro.. let it out. You wouldn’t believe what I’m literally trapped in currently. It’s a golden worst case scenario.. cry. I’ve been crying.. it’s okay my man. Your strong no need to prove that to anyone
Your not alone bro! 32 yrs of marriage on my part here and there is no talking to this woman! This lady is 100% right on!
SIMP!
@@unclesalty7778 Hello, Sir. Start praying over everything and Blessing Her in Jesus name. You will see the spiritual war that you are in with new eyes. Only He can heal these things. God Bless and much respect 🙏
@@alanshumway2541 AMEN AND THANK YOU!
Wow.. you have no idea how much I needed to hear this stuff.. thank you
I'm so thankful to have come across this insight that brings some clarity to what I dealt with in my marriage that recently ended. I instinctively knew it wasn't "all me" that was at fault, but struggled to understand the underlying issues. What you have described resonates loud and clear. Thank you.
Thank you for describing my former marriage of 28 years and why I'm an alcoholic.
Don't give her that power mate.
@@27toten Thanks. Don't worry. Recovered and moved to an acceptance, and quite a feeling of peace now. Really do appreciate the kind words, though.
"You'll never win against a narcissist." So true. I stayed cos I thought there was hope despite being looked down upon and treated coldly. I was constantly there to make her happy and to prove myself - exhausting! I was brought up like this and makes complete sense. Now wonders I get so anxious about getting into another relationship. Better that I keep away from that fire.
The only way by winning, is spotting any type of disrespect or manipulation by a given person and immediately going no contact and walking away permanently even in case of doubt. Your intent has to be in the vision of not being able to see anything long term with the person (due to the given disrespect and that enabling and sometimes even addressing it will open up the door for more disrespect and that showing emotions = making you prone for manipulation). Or as a measure of protecting your self-worth and not to risk it for any potential abuse. Anyway, you basically win by not playing even if you’re not sure about the person, you gotta put yourself and your own protection first
You can win, tell them you know their true self, and that everything else is a fake persona. Deep inside your a scared little person in perpetual pain and I know it. Poof goes the narcissist.
Im so grateful I found this channel. Thank you so much ❤
Wow! This text book of what I have dealt with. Thank you 🙏🏾! This brings a lot of clarity to things.
#1: 3:29 Trial period love bombing turns to paywall intimacy
#2: 5:48 Super passive-aggressive; fabricates arguments to confuse and belittle you, to make you think you're the problem
#3: 6:57 Incredibly defensive, uncompromising, unaccountable
#4: 7:36 Extremely careless and irresponsible with your emotions
#5: 8:15 *You cannot win with a female covert narcissist*
#6: 8:42 Will compare you and your relationship to others (won't appreciate you)
#7: 9:46 Makes you feel like you're constantly on thin ice, trying to keep up with her demands
#8: 11:29 Will *not* respect your boundaries or what you want from a relationship
#9: 11:52 Needs to know and control everything you do (strips away your independence)
#10: 12:49 You are worse off with her. Given enough time, it shows.
Personal addition:
She will do these things in stages and lie about it. Keep an eye on what she does, not what she says. Good faith works only if it is reciprocated.
Thanks, chief
Thanks, I go straight to these comments so I don't have to listen to the narcissist commentator.
@@ArchADBIt is a natural, innate, trait. It will give some women an edge in the game of life.
Its crazy how accurately this describes my last relationship. I was so confused but its amazing to hear all of these deep dynamics described so accurately. Makes it so much easier to let go of the relationship. I can now see it was never going to be a healthy relationship.
Thankyou for these points, many are really helpful,some people are not too bothered about other people's feelings.
You just perfectly described a person you don't even know. WOW....... This was a great break down. Thank you!
I was married to a woman later diagnosed as a psychopath. She strongly displayed every single one of these ten tactics. My life was pure hell until I came to my senses several months after she ran off with another woman to join (and later take over) a cult. I was raise by narcissist parents. My mother was covert, my father grandiose. The familiar repetitive pattern you mentioned as part of tactic #7 was very prevalent in my life and my willingness to put up with all this garbage. I had been programmed from childhood to do so. Fortunately, I have obtained some excellent counseling and deprogramming. Now I see these signs in people and immediately cut all contact. Still a lot of damage done though. I trust no one and have little desire to get into a relationship again. To me, narcissists and their psychopathic cousins are the very definition of evil on this planet.
Interesting comment
I hope you can heal and learn to trust again, since taking on the world with a true partner is an experience that everyone deserves. That said, if you can find happiness on your own then I wish you all the best in that regard, genuinely. I'm sorry you've been hurt by so many who were meant to have your back.
I dated a psychopath for half a year. It was the worst period of my life hands down, and I've led what you might call an 'interesting' life. When I discovered the full extent of her lies, betrayal, and deceit, I had two options: knock ten barrels of shite out of the two men she was sleeping with alongside me, or walk away. I chose to walk away. She's lucky I'm not the type of man to abuse women.
I had 2 long term relationships with women like this. The first one lasted 3 years, the second one lasted about 14 months. There is one thing they both did that wasn't in this video though, which was the constant threat of sleeping with someone else the moment any sort of time apart took place. It was probably the most abusive tactic I endured, because it forced me to either take ownership of completely fabricated and intentionally unsolvable issues or she would go marching right into the arms of another (better) man. And it was usually a man I knew, which in hindsight was by design because it forced me to picture it in my head. The first girl I was with didn't start doing this until about a year in, but the second girl was juggling other guys from day one. I feel like the worst offenders are always dating multiple people, and keeping them at different stages of emotional manipulation (mad at one, happy with the other, etc). Narcissists are such gifted liars, because they don't care about anything but themselves. If the lie serves them, it's the truth as far as they are concerned.
I just got out of a year and a half relationship with a woman who would do this. You nailed it. Thanks for your comment.
I've been through that same shit in 2022-2023 an I just said fuck it. I get accused of sleeping with any woman an she never had facts or video or audio anything, it's just words coming out her mouth but no proof cause it hasn't happened.
My toxic narcissist slept with me then talked about having an open relationship afterwards. This was a tactic to keep me off balance. Little did I know she was already in one with me not knowing. She kept it a secret for 6 long months until I caught them together. That situation got me a restraining order for catching her in one HUGE 6 month lie! Can you imagine sharing your girlfriend 3 days a week with someone and NOT knowing it? What a selfish act. So manipulative, back stabbing and amoral and unethical. Her behavior literally made me sick! I'm recovered now but the scars remain and to be accused of wrong doing by a restraining order was icing on the narcissitic cake she forced me to eat. Gross!
@@SuperTwins09Glad to know that. Never allow any bloodsucking groot in your life again, always keep up your guard, make sure they beg you for your affection and love, Don’t be pleasing don’t be needy, if they leave, they leave. Learn to say no, point out BS. Women may come women may go, all you have in your life is You, and trust me, its always great to be in your company.
Your contribution is invaluable, I greatly appreciate your insight; fantastic!
SHE US 100% ON POINT!!!!!!!. Currently going through this now. I couldn't find anything to help or even describe what I was going through. Thank you for this❤❤❤❤
It took me 9 years to understand that this was happening in my marriage. This explanation was very succinct and explained nearly all of the interactions I had with her. My life nearly did pass me by trying to please her and gain some sort of approval.
Exactly the same story in my 9 yrs marriage as you describe, man.
I'm now on my "utilization" level on the way out, life will be better soon 😊
@@Badenport dudes....Ive been married 13 years im just seeing the light. My wife has never appologized or been " wrong" one time. Happy wife happy life moto has nearly killed me. Ive lost vision (chorioretinopathy) from stress doctors say. These videos are really hitting home with me. Im in the lowest point of my life. Im gonna try hard to start a seperation soon quietly. My self worth is so low and her respect for me so bad she doesnt think ill ever leave. Mocks my disabilty says im "wanting attention" or lying about eye pain/vision issues. Im afraid to go blind. 20% of blindness comes from uveitis/chorioretinopathy if i dont leave now i may get stuck for life. FML. Im ready bro's its leave or im gonna disappear myself..I gotta do it sooner than later.
15 years of marriage but she's only been this way for the past 7 or so. This summer I turned myself around and I'm intently aware of who she is not......and she's not 'happy'....too bad, I'm not in charge of her happiness.
Let me guess. You were last priority in her life. Any time it came down to putting you or another first, she chose the other. It could be her friend, boss, family member or anybody else. This was my experience.
@@Badenport life is better now my friend......because you know and are fixing it...your mind is clearer and focused....bet you feel great and every year it will get better.
Took me 15 years to realize that under the guise of lack of ability and naivety, this is what was happening. I saw all my dreams die one by one based on approval seeking and being manipulated into thinking I am just a bad person from the get go. I dealt with guilt as a child too and met this woman at the age of 19, its almost like she saw it and took me for a ride. I am now 37 and separated, soon be to divorced.
It’s crazy how this personality basically has a playbook. I’ve been in a relationship with a covert female narcissist for 7 years. As a defense mechanism/ trauma response I’ve found myself acting like her in order to protect myself. I’ve realized that’s not the best approach and I’m finally getting healthy and back to myself.
Are you actually acting like her or has she put that on you. I found with my ex wife if she accused me if something I knew she was doing that. They project I think its called
@@garytaylor5937 no I’ve just found myself using the same tactics back towards her once I figured out her game. I think I found it to be effective in both modifying her behavior and also protecting myself from getting hurt more
IT is Vital to not take anything ' personal ' with them, as nobody is inside them in the first place. Narcissists don’t know how to love; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else.
Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissists value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. Loads of them brag about being a good parent and seek compliments for that only to hide their masks...
When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing... They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves.
When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have close personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain..
.. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection., .
And, Moreover, if you think They are the one that 'made' you feel then you're still under their control/spell, you're still wrapped up in their neverending inner delusions/dar-kness, and you learned nothing. Truth is, you were loving YOURSELF the entire time you were interacting with them as they were doing nothing more than mirroring you, as there is nobody inside them in the first place, therefore there was nobody for you to love but yourself (as they themselves are incapable of true empathy/love).
Stating that they made you feel is like saying an empty robot made you feel, or an empty soda can made you feel. And in the same way it's completely ridiculous to think a Narc made you feel anything...As they were doing nothing more than mirroring you in the beginning. Based on a lie and you cannot truly feel for lies.
They are completely incapable of processing their emotions, they don't know how to. And that is why when you state that you love them they greatly resent it, they turn you into an enemy and play their games. Because inside they ask themselves- " how can you possibly love this ? '
Unless you get over these massive hurdles and understand the bigger picture of Universal spiritual truths in your relationships then you will never be the truly empathic powerful loving spirit being you truly are to love the world/heal the world. ..
Much love !..
Wow amazing video , what an eye opener.
Thank for your insightful knowledge. 🙏❤️
I am so glad I randomly clicked on this video. I didn't realize I had been in this situation until now.