How to Test Your Emotional Maturity: 9 Signs to Look For
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- Опубліковано 5 січ 2023
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Knowing how emotionally mature you are is a good starting point if becoming more mature is one of your goals. Once you know your level of emotional maturity, you can take an honest, and self-compassionate look at what you want to be working on. Emotional maturity is something that anyone can build with the right tools.
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Signs of emotional immaturity:
1. Being defensive
2. Needing to be right
3. Refuting the perspective of others
4. Looking down on others to feel good about yourself
5. Getting very angry / ghosting during conflicts
6. Blaming others when things go wrong / not taking responsibility
7. Taking everything personally
8. Passive-aggressive behavior
9. Using guilt to control others
8 out of 9 Sigh.........
Fortunately, emotional maturity can be learned later in life. It is never too late.
I think it’s a lifelong journey into ourselves. It comes in layers and little pods that pop up!
Yes, but only if they want to change. Some people are too stubborn.
@@ellenoid Yes, very true. Such people do not realize that they are in fact immature.
...except for narcissists...etc.
Well, this is hard-wired into their brains...
They do not realize what they are doing.
@@jogriffiths5766
That's me. In an argument or disagreement I often feel my ego is threatened I always go on the offensive and attack the other person. I think this is a trait I picked up by watching my mother as I was around her most of the time growing up. I hate this trait because it has driven away real friends and folks that I care a lot about.
The broken record in my mind since I made the conscious decision to work on my triggers is "react differently this time", over and over. If fail in a small or a big way, I am stopping the self defeating mantra by recognizing that I am still maturing emotionally because I see the negative behavior coming out of me immediately. I am now willing to acknowledge my reactions are not always appropriate to the situation. I will keep going forward and celebrate all victory's no matter the size of it.
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I resonate with literally all of these🤦🏻♂️
After a recent breakup, I’m looking at all the mistakes and realizing I have so much work to do and that I’m very emotionally immature. Thank you Julia for this very informative video, I’m looking forward to the next one. I’ve been desperately looking for answers on HOW to do the work of building emotional maturity so your next video is much anticipated.
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Hi Coach Julia!! Welcome back on UA-cam!
I LOVE this video! And of course, being a Senior Shifter, I have been working on each of these things and yes absolutely nothing wrong if we still struggle with some of these - no shame at all. It is understandable if we grew up in an environment where we weren't taught NOT to do these things. I am learning now, and I am feeling so much better! Some of these I still need to work on more than others, so I am looking forward to continuing my journey!
Here are my notes:
• No blaming or shaming ourselves for learning and observing emotional immaturity in formative years.
• Emotional immaturity can look like reactive, defensive, take things personally, you blame others, stuck in overthinking situations or try to control people through guilt or manipulation.
9 Signs:
1. You find yourself highly defensive.
2. Needing to be right.
3. Have a hard time creating space for or tolerating other people's perspectives.
4. Looking down on others to feel better about yourself.
5. Shutting down or lashing out when you are feeling threaten in conflict.
6. Constantly blaming others when things go wrong.
7. Taking everything personally.
8. Passive aggressive Behavior.
9.Trying to control others.
To anyone who may need this reminder, remember that you are worthy and valued. As Julia says, we are worthy and valued because we were born! That is the only prerequisite we need. Sending love and hugs! ❤
Chris, you are always so helpful and awesome!! I really appreciate your summaries!
@@kirstenvzumba9246 Aw - you're very welcome! Thank you for you support too !
@chrisdigitalartist what do you mean by Senior Shifter?
@@theshiftmastersessions I am a member of Julia's Shift Society. I have been in it for 3 years now since its beginning, so I am a Senior shifter. ;)
@@chrisdigitalartist I love that!
I am VERY defensive, not only for myself, but also for others, Taking everything personally, Guilt sometimes.
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I love your honesty. Taking things personally is our cultural conditioning, religious influences, family generational dysfunction. Working on the part that is in emotional protection and telling her that she can trust you to protect her.
Hello! Helle here! Currently watching and can already notice I struggle with some of these. But I know a lot of it is due to things from childhood, and it is a relief to hear that it is something I can now work on and improve as an adult. It takes a lot of time though, but hopefully I can improve my emotional maturity.
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I just had a really bad break up and everything that my boyfriend told me that upset him We’re pretty much exactly these traits. I questioned if I was a narcissist, but then my therapist told me if I was a narcissist, I would not be asking that question lol however, I just found the topic of EIP today and realize that this is my exact problem and one I really want to be working on.
The sibling example reminds me so much of myself haha. When I was younger I would tease my brother a lot, and one time he hit me by accident. And I remember my parents got angry at me for teasing him, but then they saw I was bleeding from my mouth due to my brother's reaction. And like growing older it makes a lot of sense. Cause even if I was at fault for teasing him, it was very harmless, and didn't deserve that intense form of reaction back. Now as an adult I keep that in mind too. That regardless of what people do to you, don't react in a way that you sink to their level or do worse than what they did, because then you are not any better.
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This is the best talk about being able to self reflect to ease into self understanding.
Being able to say to myself, “ah, that’s what happened to me, that’s how I’ve integrated this behavior, THATS my guide to undoing and moving forward.
Excellent.
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I agree except that we have to ghost and cut off toxic people who are narcissistic or other mental issues who are abusive in many areas. We all need to take accountability for our own feelings and actions yes.
I agree! I also believe we need to be taught boundaries at a young age. Good boundaries would have saved many people from manipulation and maltreatment. Happy day!
I agree… im teaching my teen boys about that.
Omg 😳 some points sounded familiar. Some I feel like maybe I got over them, but others still need work. 😢 a couple struck a cord about not being included or the need for control. I felt like you were talking straight at me!
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This was so helpful. I continue to benefit immensely from Julia's messages and almost everything I can identify with. I continue to work on being better and happier person. ♥️
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I needed this.. ❤
I haven't been able to comment on ur videos yet but I've been watching alot and they're all very good.
So good girl
You're good with a lot of knowledge. Thank You
Sending love and support to all 💜xx
You’re awesome thank you !❤️
Thank you! 😊
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Wow. Thanks. I've got some work to do...
Thank you for this excellent summary
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Love your material! You are so helpful & such a blessing! Thank you for sharing your wisdom, insight,& advice! 😍🥰
Can't wait to learn how to be better. Thank you!
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This was excellent!!
Yeah sure,it's quite lovely.. Write ✍️ Me 💬 Above, I'll shear you some Analysis '' and beneficial enlightenment..
Very powerful stuff!! Thank you Julie. First time viewer, I've subscribed to hear more! Love it! ❤️
You are welcome, contact my private whatsapp Above 💬..you where luckily selected by my team to participate in this conversation..
I love the reminder in the beginning ♥️ makes a difference
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I checked a few boxes, lol. I'm going to check email out now because I got mega triggered this weekend and I'm grateful that the little bit of life I have didn't unravel 😅
Thank you for this updated emotional maturity video, Julia! I'll be watching the next video on this series. Greatly needed it.
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Glad I'm subscribed to your channel. I learn a lot. I have Emotional Immaturity because I've been hit by almost everything you just said and I'm not sure how to start working on them. I'll look forward the next video!
U r always soooooo good! Ty...hearing the 4goveness at the end...it meant a lot
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very interesting, and cool
Just want to say thank you for your help, Dr Julie.
I'm working on it.
Emotional immaturity just means we were not taught or raised on how to properly deal with difficult situations and emotions. I notice a lot of behaviours from adults are a reflection of their own behaviours in childhood where they were not taught personal development. Additionally, another one to add is worrying a lot about what other people think of you is a sign of emotional immaturity. This is one of the issues I struggle the most
"behaviours from adults are a reflection of their own behaviours in childhood" so true. Caring what other people think is our cultural conditioning and our familial messages on top of that. As a therapist, I love helping clients let go of giving a F what people think. This is when we can show up fully and reach our potential. Best to you!
I think all of us deal with these problems .
Thanks so much for the awesome video and information Julia. I can relate to everything you talked about in this video. If a person wants too it’s never to late to change your outlook and consider the other person’s point of view, and we don’t have to agree with them. Hope you and yours had a happy New Years. All the best to you in this new year
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Thank you so much Julia, I needed this. I know that I was never taught, I was ignored but I would like to improve. Looking forward to your next one.
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Thank you I have learned so much from this video. Can't wait for the next one, I definatley get too upset and annoyed with people at work and my ex. People at work leave me with the crap jobs and don't do what they supposed to do. When I approached colleagues at least 2 got very angry towards me and I get very up set and ghost them.
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Thank you so much for sharing this, and admitting to things you used to struggle with… What you mentioned about looking down on people… I’ve been at the opposite end of little annoying comments like the ones you mentioned… and it caused me to distance myself from people who had that tendency… because it was as if they actually expected me to worry more about their expectations of me than about living my life… Some act as if I created distance for no reason at all… like I have a problem, or I’m antisocial…🙄🙄🤔🤔 So confusing to me. I’m loving my peace…
I felt like a victim for a long time… until I blew up 🙄… That’s when I began taking responsibility for my part in it… Still learning boundaries, and my triggers… work in progress…
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...likes your voice.
Very comprehensive list. I wonder why companies do not list this courses as mandatory as these behaviours are prevalent
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Awareness is key to becoming the person you want to be. So
Many of these resonate from over the years. Defensiveness has certainly gotten me in trouble. I learned perfectionistic behaviors early in life and worked hard to always do it right. It was hard to take any critical feedback. I heard it as you aren’t good enough. You’re not smart enough. Turns out they are lies I would tell myself. You can’t turn back
Time but you can learn new ways to talk to
Yourself with respect.
Thank you for speaking to this relevant topic, Julia!
I can actually own that I have some of these triggers. I don't like hearing it but a smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.🙏
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Loved this.
What’s the name of the part 2 video please, I’m having trouble finding it 😮
I have struggled with all 9.
I have recognized and worked on myself in all 9 ares. And helped me express myself, and communicate better with my family..
I'm very happy,my video on UA-cam is muchly impactful to you 🥰
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I tend to shut down when there is any conflict. My sister hates it because she is very combative. I didn’t know that it was because we are both emotionally immature. Now that I know this, I can work on whenever I’m triggered not shutting down.
It can also partly be about our character type. From the test on google. 16 character types test
Emotional Intelligence (EI) is the understanding of emotions, Emotional Maturity (EM) is the application of that knowledge.
Hello, my name is Shawn; I am a wife going through a lot now. Everything you say is so true to what I am going through it. Thank you for being honest.😊
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Hi Julia!! OMGSH Love this video. I have some of these: 1-Being defensive 2-Needing to be right 5-Getting very angry / ghosting during conflicts 6- Blaming others when things go wrong / not taking responsibility. 7. Sometimes Taking everything personally. I believe I have this too. 8. Passive-aggressive behavior. I need help to regulate and learn. I need counseling.
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@@anita_benz90 You're very welcome!! 😃 I signed up for the wait list. I'd like to purchase the GET SPEAK AND FEEL HEARD COURSE as well. Soon!
5:10 skip intro first signs
Thank you so much !
Mine is bad. I already know. Don't even need fo test. How do I improve my integrity, reliability, and trustworthiness?
Love your honesty. "How do I improve my integrity, reliability, and trustworthiness?" When you heal the part that is wounded and let her know that she can count on you to take care of her.
Uh oh, you caught me drunk tonight. Your right it’s was cheap wine 😄. Im home though so I can drink moar! Thank for the video. Always glad to see you
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Please send me the exercise
I tried that whole choice thing with my older boy/younger girl.
It was just awful.
I could not be involved in every disagreement.
And my daughter kept up her verbal taunts while my son kept getting in trouble.
I had to stop that sh*t.
I definitely tuned out tattle tales and was more responsive to sharing feelings in a personal way, not in the context of the other sibling having done something wrong....
Emotionally exhausting, for me.
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It's sad that i wasn't mature enough to call someone that wanted to help me which is u my deepest apologies i thank for your ❤️
👍👍👍👍
All of them are me😫😫
Can you tell me how you can have a discussion with an emotional immature person. every time I want to bring up an issue and try to find a solution the other person shows the 9 signs you discribed and the conversation just derails. How do I approach this...
Silence is very loud. If you confront someone because they did something, if they deflect and blame, look them in the eye, cock your head to the side with no facial expression and WALK AWAY
Do not respond to theirs blame or deflection
Is comparing one's situation to another who has it worse to cease self sabotage a healthy therapy? I'm thinking it's a coping mechanism, but I'm no expert
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9 one 1 question: I just found out my little brother (whom I didn’t grow up with but recently reconnected) belief is just like me or so I thought. Only to find out he fully believes what Kevin Samuel and Andrew tate points of view o. Women. which if you don’t know are horrible horrible 😤 men. They degrade women. it has triggered me so much and I not understand why men think this way. And I feel if I don’t stand up they will continue to teach young impressionable men and women that behavior and thinking women are less then is okay. like how do I step away from not arguing for women rights? And helping them stop believe stupidity?
I am really asking me because it bother me so much. Am I immature for not being able to let it go. But if I do then how many women are going to get hurt? And men grow up to be this way 😢 it sadness me so much. The witch trials for women are never over.
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Mam how to convince parents?
I Won't marry someone stranger by their choice..... I'm happy with myself... I don’t want to marry untill i find my true love.. So that I'm focusing my study... Either my parents never try to understand me, wont listen to me😔😔😔 what to do?🥺
explain to them that you are an independent person and it's against your human rights to force you to marry someone you don't want to marry. if they don't understand that then leave.
@@rongike leave mean?.....to give up on my dream😰
@@asfiarmyot7402 you can't fulfill your dreams if you're married and raising children you don't want anyway
👌🏻 🤍 🤗
I'm subscribed so this is just a comment, you can take or leave. You are talking too quickly. You are breathless, and that makes me feel very tense. It was 5 minutes of disclaimers and explanations, repeated too many times and too quickly, before you delved in to the "signs". I think a script would be helpful. But this is only my experience. The entire presentation was 'breathless' and fast. Pace yourself with sentences that incorporate pauses AND concise thoughtful emphasis. Goos luck. I'll check back.
An emotionally healthy person would have just stopped watching and moved on to find video entertainment more to their liking. Your decision to make a wildly blatant attempt at shaming Julia was highly immature behavior.
@@MorganJServices An emotionally immature person would not give honest adult feedback.Julie talks about that in this lecture. It's a shame you do not know the difference between honest feedback and a person who is struggling with their own immaturity. [Projection?]
@@MorganJServices Darn. Your reply to @sweetpeabrown261 falls in the emotional immaturity category. I don't know if you are open to feedback but if you are truly looking to evolve and grow your EM you would consider how you responded to @sweetpeabrown261. She was simply giving feedback to the creator based on her preferences. She did so in a straightforward manner and respectfully. You felt the need to stick up for the creator perhaps, but if she in fact has great EM, she is open to all feedback and does not take offense. She was not shaming the creator, just sharing. Sure, maybe she could have added a little sweetener, but YT creators, coaches and people who practice EM don't get offended, they actually appreciate any and all feedback. Best you.