5 Signs Someone is Insecure
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- Опубліковано 19 бер 2019
- 5 SIGNS SOMEONE IS INSECURE
Sometimes it can seem like someone is confident and secure, but you find that they do things that just don't sit right with you and you can't figure out why. Well, chances are, if something seems off, it likely is, and it could very well be that the person is secretly insecure.
But how do you know? How to you tell if someone who appears confident on the outside is secretly insecure on the inside?
But how do you know if someone is really insecure?
In this episode of GoodForMeTV, I'm going to teach you 5 signs that someone is insecure, even if it appears differently on the surface.
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The truth is, we all struggle with feeling insecure at times. What's a tell that you notice in others (or yourself) that they/you are not feeling as centered in themselves/yourself as they/you could?
Everything that you covered in this video hit home with me. I recognize all 5 in myself and others. I think that it would be really helpful to be able to communicate more assertively. It would certainly help with my own self esteem!
Apologizing for beeing yourself is a big one.
Why does it matter if we see insecurity? When I see people like this, I feel sad for them. I’m not trying to figure them out.
@@vikith1 Yes!! Oh my gosh - that is huge and we all need to stop doing that - STAT!
@@jb-0481 so we can understand what's really going instead of being confused by unhelpful behaviour. Insight and understanding are the foundations for taking constructive action.
I've found that insecure people most often are insanely jealous and continually find fault with others.
True 💯
Totally agreed
So I guess I'm not insecure
Yep
My wife to a tee
confident people never try to bring you down
Thank you my exact feelings...confident ppl NEVER try to bring you down.
Confidence is having to ability in oneself to do and accomplish any goal they have risimg people up offcoarse
Cause they are self sufficient and focused in their goals that’s don’t have time for it.
TRUE! I've noticed this. When approached, they will lift you up. Someone who lacks confidence emits... almost like a foul stench; negativity that brings people down!
@@warriorhi516 Yes, being self reliant and self motivated is a key component in staying level minded through goal achievement. The best of them lift people up as they climb. It gives me hope every time I see it.
1. Talk about themselves all the time, don't care to hear about you 2. Judgemental 3. Inability to say sorry 4. Dish it out but can't take it in 5. Expect others to make them happy and blame others for their unhappiness
Oh, so you’ve met my husband then 🤣🤣
This should have been in the description
You wrote everything about my brother except for 5
RIGHT. ON!!!!!!
3 out of 5 ain't bad!! He overflows with "I'm sorry" but it's ineffective AF Because He says it so much ! Smh
Keyword: PROJECTION!
Yes! Totally.
@synchromorph
Wow!
That's a rather poetic phrase! Quite insightful and meaningful, yet so simply phrased!
Love it!
Pride comes before the fall.
And a haughty spirit before destruction!
But it is not pride, quite the inverse, the whole point of this video!
I would add people who.gossip compulsively ....it's an effort to bring everyone else down to the low level where they feel they exist.
True!
SO VERY TRUE
Trueee!!!
Some people like inside info so gossips use it to win them over. It's a way to get others to go against the person being talked about too.
I worked with someone who spent more time looking for other's mistakes but eventually her incompetence was revealed in an audit. Did that stop her from being a busy body? Maybe for a day or 2.
their life is everyone else's lives
People who lie are insecure! 🔥🔥🔥
Yes! That is a strong indication of someone being insecure.
Facts
Well depends on the situation really. What about white lies? The conflict of telling the truth, or hurt someones feelings because you are a people pleaser?
UNLEASHING POTENTIAL - PSYCHOLOGY VIDEOS I totally agree. I also try to think of being honest being really vulnerable. ♥️♥️
@@kilipaki87oritahiti a lie is still a lie
99% of people are emotionally fluid beings... There are times when most of us feel supremely confident for a while and then something happens and we take a blow to our self-esteem... feelings of insecurity are not the end of the world... The biggest mistake I see people making is that we take too much of the characterisations other people make about us on-board. You know the type... the ones who highlight your negative traits and forget about the million and one things you've done or said that were positive, uplifting or reinforcing... The statement "You ALWAYS do/say... blah blah blah" is highly destructive if you are the type of person (or are just in that place of absorbing toxicity for an extended period) who places too much value on the judgements of others especially if you are close to them and tend to value their insights.
Always trust your own instincts... Nobody... and I mean NOBODY knows you as well as you know yourself. Sure, they may be able to tell you the things they are observing about you... but don't take it as gospel. Of course, listen to them and try to do it without feeling defensive, which can be difficult if you are already in that insecure place... just keep in mind that whoever is making those observations has their own psychology and it's very possible that person is not aware of their own misgivings and may be wrongfully projecting their behaviour onto you.
Very rrue... I enjoyed the read.
I never thought of "not apologing" as a sign of insecurity. Good insight.
Thank you!
Constantly apologizing is insecure
insecurity has to do with your beliefs, if you constantly feel like you're crossing the line then obviously you're going to aplogize because you would want someone to do the same if they crossed your line. It's a treat people how you want to be treated kind of thing, and if you think that its being insecure, clearly your on the insecure spectrum yourself, takes one to know one, thas all im saying
People who have the need to control others. Drives me nuts. I feel like that person think that I have a hollow head and I'm incapable of analyze and get to my own conclusions. I guess they are afraid that my conclusion is not in agreement with theirs. I catch them in a heart beat now. They can be very subtle.
The person in need to control has an underlying fear that needs addressing
I've had all of these from a narcissist who was trying to tell me I was the insecure one. I think another to add to the list, is insecure people often are accusing others of being insecure.
So true
so you're saying anyone pointing out an insecure person is insecure?
Definitely not all the time. The person who made this video isn't doing it out of insecurity at all.
People that gossip
YES! Very true. I've definitely fallen into this trap when I've felt threatened.
Narc Off yes! This! ♥️♥️
Absolutely agree on this one! I have seen this my whole life. I don't like taking part in gossip, so hurtful and yes shows that person is very insecure!
Billiejo Bernal I definitely agree! I find that when I do engage in gossip I’m not doing well myself. This is one of the signs in myself that I might need to dig deep and do some work. ♥️♥️♥️
Warm feelings are a winner for all events. I love to be with and around great balance folks not picture perfect but Organic .
I used to expect others to make me happy, till I lived alone, now I try to make myself happy, I go for a coffee alone, or food, shopping, or lovely long walks in green spaces. When we can make ourselves happy, we don’t depend on others.
this is how I am feeling the same has you,
You got a little late today lol I
good for you....Im a loner & lotta folks (friends/family/colleagues) dont get it...ive got no problem heading anywhere (bars/restaurants/movies/trips), or living (house), alone....most folks stay in unhealthy relationships/jobs/circumstances cause theyre the polar opposite... its about confidence...ive been up/down...but, i walk my own path...so be it!
So agree with you all alone except at my job gotten no choice ...
Agree 100%! Especially, the inability to say your sorry. I started from 1 day modeling saying I’m sorry to my boys.
I love this Lynn - me too. I make a very intentional point of apologizing to my children and taking responsibility for my unhelpful behaviour. SO glad we're on the same page with this one.
This is fantastic!!! I totally agree with this! What a great way to learn- by seeing our parents modeling!
If you do it enough you'll be Japanese
I work with someone like this. Always want to be better than others even when we know they're not.
I used to have a friend that would never say sorry it was so bad that sometimes she would make you apologize for what they did wrong.
N usually they play victim role I don't like such people.
Vesna Djordjevic yess and then when you try the call them out on it they say your trying to play the victim to push you down
@@Angryoyster as I said I don't like such people, so I keep them on distance..
YES! That is REALLY tough to deal with. You have to know yourself so well so you don't get sucked into that stuff and can hold your ground.
@Oh No Your freind isn't a monster or a screw ball. She probably has a personality disorder and needs better freinds
I had this insane need for validation for others. Thank God, I m recovering from this. I no longer have this insane fear of judgement or need for validation anymore. Sure, it feels good when someone acknowledges my talents and accomplishments, but I no longer crave for that.
How did you solve ? Congrats
@@nnaled458 well, reading self help books, watching videos like Julia Kristina counseling, Marie Forleo, Oprah's super soul sessions, journaling, meditating specially meditating (stops mind chatter), spending more time with genuine supportive friends than Debbie downers (Big one and the most influential one)
Sadly, I don't have much supportive friends in my close circle, but people on UA-cam community or Facebook or Whatsapp or Marie Forleo community, or Julia's community here on UA-cam and Facebook good for me are my uplifting crew. People like you. You're a complete stranger but still you read my long comment and replied and congratulated me and asked me how did I do that. That's amazing 😍❤️🙏thank you. That's what helped me the most. With Debbie downers, I just spent as little time as possible. I don't share anything personal and vulnerable with them like I m doing with you.
Long comment! Thank you for reading.
Good for you 👍🏼that's impressive 👏🏼 It's what I hope to reach someday. I don't seek validation as much as I used to but I still need to work on it more.
@@fatimasamira3695 How many Debbie downers did you have to pluck off of you?
I have done it. I am not a ashamed of it. I learned from it and i become better. Work in progress. Lol
Thanks for being honest - I think most of us have done many of these things too, if we're honest ;-)
keep it up!!! you are doing better each day!! yaaaa
It takes confidence to be transparent as you are being right now!
Actually majority of people are like this in the world especially women and soy men
I heard work in progress many times😂😂that’s a lie
Okay, here is what happened to me and it's really sad, honestly...
My best friend, who I haven't seen for two years due to college, we reunited today, just a few hours ago. I was sooo excited to see her again cause we've been best friends for about 10 years.
When I saw her I run up to her, hugged her, told her how much I missed her and the first thing she said was "You've gained a lot of weight, you need to go on a diet, ew".
I was shocked.
Truth is that I've actually LOST a ton of weight and I look fine while SHE was double the size from when I last saw her.
I know she is probably just really insecure but today, I got really hurt and I'm crying. :(
Gurll oh no ;(
You don’t have to explain about your weight. Real friends would not even said it
Gurll She was projecting her insecurity and depressed feelings onto you because she’s gained so much weight and is very ☹️ unhappy. She was afraid you were thinking that about her. Sounds jealous to me. Keep losing weight and feeling better and better about yourself and forget her!
Cut her out that's nasty
stay strong always! don’t ever stoop down to their level, trust yourself 💯🔥
The truth is we all get insecure. This is life people get insecure about things all the time, even people who are drop dead gorgeous. Women get insecure about there looks, especially body parts men do too it's not just women.
Absolutely! We all get insecure some times no matter who you are.
People have all kinds of insecurities, like we all do have all kinds of emotions, even if they 'don't rise to the surface'/are noticable. Doesn't mean 'being insecure about some body part' should make you feel insecure: Compensate it with character: Be a nice person, have interests people value (but are at least valuable to you) ... most 'drop dead gorgeous' people use loads of make-up and 'photoshop' (thrust me: you don't wanna see those people without fake-up) and it shows/is noticeable: They're insecure. Fact they need all that stuff just shows how insecure they are! For most people, looks are the least of their problems to actually feel secure. Yet most use it to try and feel like they are ...
There is a difference between insecurity and a toxic personality. An insecure person is not always toxic, but a toxic person is ALWAYS insecure.
@@juliakristinamah
I disagree.... not everyone are insecure about other people being "better" than them... there are all kinds of insecurity, but not everyone dwell on jealousy and envy of others 🙄😊
Then there’s the toxic insecure person...there’s guy I work with and he’s insecure asf...I wanna tell him so bad but, I’m not a dick head because if I put him in his place I’ll feel bad lol
I use to struggle with talking about myself a lot, not saying sorry and being able to dish out advice, opinions etc but not take it. Now I realize that I can sit back and relax and not try to prove things. I am definitely getting better with these things. This is a perfect start to growth. 🌱☀️
I have a friend that's like this. It makes me not want to hang out with them.
It can be super tough, right?
always fun spotting a fellow gundam fan
Don't hang out with them
Haha I used to be that friend, it is what it is I grew up. Good thing we were all insecure and all grew out of it similar stage
Same I been thru that narrasstic abuse I never knew he was using me as pawn to after play with other human emotions
My work is filled with clicks. So high school. I refuse to be a part of it. So much insecurity. Dear God, please let me win the Lotto tonight. :)
lol. Yes, cliques in the work place can be really tough to be around.
Truth!
I went to 4 different high schools. I became a click-floater, visiting but not belonging to several cliques. You might wanna try that.
If you win...please remember me!
Good luck I will pray u win
Very, very helpful. My bucket list? To finally be somewhat emotionally stable and have an assertive voice and healthy boundaries! #tryingugh
small, intentional steps everyday is what it takes! You've got this.
My husband...all of them.
It took me YEARS to discover and finally see his true colors.
I cannot believe I wasted 11 years of my life.
If you are dating someone like this, please pay close attention to these characteristics and run for your life!
Don't make the same mistake I did...please!
Hahaha I don't even know why people sign contracts to be pin down with someone they think they know 😂 marriage is nothing but business, a support system for that person that pretends to love you, a way to exploit and get everthing they want.
Kim O, that’s why it’s better to get to KNOW THE PERSON before marrying them. Like many people prob marry the person within a few months or so which half the time ends in divorce
I started catching on to all of these traits and finally realized that I could no longer trust this person. He will always blame me for everything and I'm okay with that because I know which parts are mine and which are his.
We are all capable of insecurity and not being our best selves but it's those who will never acknowledge their s***.
Proud that you left because you are growing! Congrats for breaking the cycle and best wishes.
The guy I was talking to showed all of these signs!! I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’m really glad I was able to get away from him when I did!
You’re right, Julia. When someone is highly judgmental and putting others down, they themselves are lacking in confidence. Deep seated shame/insecurity also prevents people (be they: parent, employer, friend or colleague) from apologising. The worst are ones who blame others for their unhappiness. Nurturing healthy boundaries and healthy relationships with ourselves (and others) is the best way forward.
I'm insecure but I admit it and apologize I'm not perfect but through Jesus I can be my best.
Mariah Guerrero Amen Mariah!
I wish you were my counsellor, you're amazing.
I totally agree.
I don't judge people only judge them for their actions.
Hell yeah. Not so much pointing out the flaws of others but feeling their flaws and seeing it
When someone posts several selfies on social media. Man I hate that.
Posting selfies on social media so they'll get public compliments for others to read. It's sadly an obvious attempt to get external validation. Ugh.
My Sister
One of my biggest pet peeves.
To my recollection, the only times I've bothered to attempt putting someone down have been when they put me or someone else down.
I love how you give some solutions. So many times people identify the problems but don’t offer the solutions. Thank you.
Really glad you found it so helpful Kathryn - that's what I'm here for
Finding your voice.. that's a great way of saying it. Often I find myself being afraid of saying what I need or just unable to because nobody teaches you how. I feel that assertiveness is one of the best tools for good relationships and it should be taught in school.
I really appreciate the advice that if you love someone you will tell them what you need. Thank you, Julia, for sharing this
Thank you for this. This hit the nail on the head for me. Especially the part about those who can dish it out but can't take it. This person always thinks they're right, always giving unsolicited advice, telling others they're wrong.. etc. etc. I need to refer to this video again. You hit the nail on the head! Kudos!
Set people up for success... That's one of the best things I've ever heard in my life about communicating one's needs to another.
Really glad it connected with you - it's a game changer, right?
@@juliakristinamah It really is. A different mindset and approach entirely.
Wow this is so accurate. Such a clever lady
One of the best videos I’ve ever seen on UA-cam
Such a transparent diagnosis
I recently found you and I am HOOKED! You are absolutely on point! thank you!
She is so underrated.. Honestly, I feel like people who are not interested in psychology, at least basic psychology are losing in the long run. We all have a consciousness and we need to know how it works, it can only makes our lives better.. And then there's Kristina, beautifully explaining us how it works and she has only 1k views? I know people will wake up, but I'd expect more than 1k views.. Anyway, thank you, Kristina!
I never thought about someone not being able to say sorry could be a sign of them being insecure. Thank you for opening my eyes I think it will help me be a bit more understanding towards that person in my life. Great video as usual
Isn't that interesting? Makes sense, though, right? So glad it connected Honor.
People who can't realize they made a mistake ('say sorry') can't advance/improve their personality on errors they make in life ... it doesn't mean they're insecure (most likely, even if just in their own minds, they are 'secure'), it means they're not mature and willing to 'advance'/improve their personality' though!
@@CommDante Yes all this portrays a very immature person.
It is also a textbook sign of a narcissistic personality.Ask me how I know...🥵
On the flip side if you apologize too often or even just to placate someone in certain situations, that isn't good either.
I'm really glad to hear you say you've been there,you've done that,thank you for being honest, because ppl seem to have a hard time admitting they are human and feel insecure, fearful,and not enough. I like your vibe and I will be back thank you.
Oh my gosh Julia, you hit the nail on the head for me. My wife very rarely ever says sorry. She has been through at least two or three traumatic addiction related relationships. Her ex was also a raging alcoholic. Having a fragile ego makes all the sense in the world. Thank you for clearing this up you are an absolute saint and I love your work. I worked in psych for a few years myself-you are awesome :-)
Thanks for this - super honest and reflective. I started noticing judgemental people. I never knew what it was.
I have judged others but it never felt right.
I’ve also noticed folks who don’t apologize - we don’t say sorry we apologize.
Thanks so much for this - super appreciated this.
Thanks friend. Really glad it connected.
Wow. I have learned so much from watching this video that I watched it more than once. You're the best. Thank you!!!
The suggestion to not get pulled in is HUGE. I struggle with this one big time. Going to work on it. Thanks for mentioning this!
You are an angel julia, your compassion and relating with everyone is the most effective way to motivate everyone.
13:36 "I don't have to attend every argument that I'm invited to" :P (You know --- as if the "argument" is some fun or desirable event/gathering that you'd get "invited to", such as a party of a business-meeting :D)
@@juliakristinamah Hahaha... I LOVE that expression!!! Did you make that up, or is that an expression you heard somewhere? :D
Lol love this! gonna keep this in mind
This is making so much sense. I used to think I am such a broken person, after losing dear friends by being accused of something I didn't feel totally justified. I always end up feeling hurt and withdrawn but at the same time wondering if on my part there is something I can learn to see my blind spots or if I am overly sensitive. I am interested for that workshop you mentioned about. Thank you for putting this video up. Gratitude from Istanbul.
Another gem of a video, Julia. Thank you!
Defensiveness with a know-it-all tone.
I love all your videos. I am shocked and appalled that for the most part counselling is not covered by the BC government. There aren’t many options available for people with low incomes, but it is well known and understood how critical and vital counselling is for mental health. Having access to videos like yours are a life saver! Thank you for taking the time to make these videos.
I feel like this is one of your best videos yet (that I've seen)! I would say that people aren't either "secure" or "insecure", and that that they can be drawn into or out of either state by things that happen to them, if they let it. Our society and age are full of things that antagonize security: social media with its perfectly curated pages of highlight reels and algorithms that present the best and most shocking of the world, texting and other forms of communication that aren't in-person that invariably lead to misunderstandings and to relationships that can be hollow because the only interaction is also filtered.
Having these five signs in mind is an awesome self check!
I couldn't agree more. That we all go through ups and downs with feeling more or less insecure depending on what's going on in our lives and in our minds. Thanks for your super thoughtful comment.
Wow- fantastic comment!!! I couldn’t agree more! ♥️
Julia Kristina, I like the way you speak to people. You are very nice and classy.
I F coming from a presenter. She’s one of the best I’ve seen. She is truly magnetic. Glues people to the screen. She’s one of the best presenters I’ve ever seen. Completely phenomenal
Excellent video. Thank you for this! Very insightful!
Very good info for those who struggle with insecurities themselves. Thank you so much😊
Hi Julia!!!! Haven't been commenting but i still love and continue to watch your videos!!
I love your helpfulness tips
Finally video that talk sense and straight forward to the point
I can 100% relate to the point #5.... This is vitally important!!!
Gossip is big!! My sister n law is huge on this! Makes me sad when she gossip's about family members :(
Kandi_Cane H. Ohh that’s so sad not nice 🌸
The one sign of insecurity that connected with me was the "dish it out but can't take the push back". That hits home.
It's a big one, right?
@@juliakristinamah yea it's a big one for sure
You explained it well. Thanks. ❤
Gossiping, backhanded compliments, belittling.
My girlfriend is extremely insecure and has put a big dent in my happiness. I am no longer myself due to her issues. On top of being insecure, she is extremely manipulative and forces me to say sorry for things I didn’t do or that I don’t find wrong.
Been in a negative environment at work for the past 3 years and I barely recognise myself they've dragged me down so much I'm thinking of leaving and I've been signed off sick for two weeks urrrrh !😷 Its like that experiment with plants ..put two in separate rooms talk to one with love it thrives😘🌻 talk to one with negativity and it dies 🍂..I'm defenately the latter plant at the moment 🎭🌾🍂☔😢
So understand. Plants can get stronger. You can too. You are worthy. You are worth it. I have got some awesome plants in my yard that bloom beautifully every year among the weeds! Their roots go deeper. Their leaves are thicker. Their boundaries are secure against these weeds. You are much more awesome than you probably think. By the way, these plants are Foxgloves.
@@kheidy331 Thanks that's a real nice message back I'm just being pushed to do something I should have done years ago😰 it's just when its time for the next move the universe gets mad and really kicks your ass as when you HAVE to move and ascend😇 to be honest I blame myself I've become lazy so yeah I'll be out of this horse shit in the next month or two. I have learnt a lot from it ...going to look up fox gloves now and my name is actually Heidi ...Thankyou 😉🙏😉.
@Oh No I hope you find the strength to stand up for yourself you don't have to stay in this crap forever that's how I get through each day because nothing lasts forever good or bad 👍keep strong friend 🙏😉🙏😘
Get out of a toxic environment. The universe??
@@personincognito3989 been in better places than this for sure in my life I'm 45 ...I do believe in destiny though but I've learnt enough to put a end to this chapter and move on to happier times 😇 there's people who've been there for 16/17 years and I don't want to mirror them so I'm off I can always get another job or home but I've only got one me 😉😇😉
Thank you Julia. This sheds a lot of light on the behavior of someone who's important to me.
Goodness, this is incredible insight. Thank you for sharing.
Very helpful video Julia. Appreciate all you do.
Really grateful it connected - thanks for being here Paula.
A few people close to me who I don't want to have in my life anymore.....thanks for the video ....lately this has made me feel down
Really glad you found it helpful.
Being assertive for positive results and having boundaries
This is very good and extremely helpful!
I know someone like this. After being in their company for any length of time I come away feeling deflated and awful. After thinking hard about why I was feeling like this I pin pointed it to one particular person. They come across as really confident, the spotlight always has to be on them, they’ll give back-handed compliments, say things that plant a seed of doubt in your head.
They’re so good at it, that you don’t even realise they’re doing it until you’re in a pit of your own despair. It’s as if they can’t see anyone else happy and need to bring them down, and that makes them feel good (although it’s a horrible thing to do). I’m working on not letting this person get inside my head.
Thanks for sharing these symptoms of insecurity. It helps me to be less judgemental of others although I get mad at myself when I feel that way. I would never feel judgemental toward you but I do dislike interacting because I don't like to be judged. (my anxiety intensifies).
I have ADHD & IBS.
Thanks for sharing Karen - And I'm really glad you're here and shared this comment!
You do amazing work!
Ur such truth.
People can shell it out but can’t take it. It’s a need for what u do.
👋🙂👍🏼
I knew it! The majority of the people I'm no longer friends with, because they treated me like shit. Tired of being the victim, and constantly made fun off, bullied, and belittled! Even family...sure I used to do it too. Group pressure, but also surrounding my self with toxic, and people who didn't truly care about me nor anyone else for that matter, and after awhile you realize that it's not who you are, or who you wanna be, so you seperate your self from such negativity. BUT in truth tho, don't we all have insecurities? It just varies from person to person.
Yes, we all definitely have insecurities and it's up to us to be mindful of them, and intentional about working through them, and be responsible for how we treat others along the way.
Absolutely love this video
Karen, I'm so so glad!
Thanks for that. Answers some issues I have with some people. Especially those that put you down.
Thank you for reminding us to be more self aware every day.
Thank you hun xx I learn alot from your videos xx
So great to connect with you Kathleen- and I'm so grateful you find them useful!
i’m not even gon lie. i’m very insecure all these describe fit me. i don’t really have self love nd only “love” / “feel good” when i look good . i’m trying to work on my insecurities nd i’m taking those steps . i’m glad i could’ve acknowledged my insecurities first
Great guidance ❤. Thank you !!!
Thanks Julia you’ve brought a better understanding to why some things are the way they are...
THANK. YOU SO MUCH....FOR. HELPING. ME .....WHEN YOU SPEAK. IT'S. SPOT.ON!!!!!!!!!😘
Thank you for making this video, it really helped make sense of things during a tough time.
Thanks for the awesome video Julia, your the best😇
Yes the last guy I was with pumped himself up so much and when I got to know him it was a flop. I'm like oh gawd. He tried convincing me so hard and the reality was it was a facade.
that's how I felt about my wife before I married her. Once we were married and living together I saw she was the opposite.
@@Dizzinator2114 damn
@@Dizzinator2114 ouch found out after marriage
Julia these things are so true. You are so awesome with what you do
That means a lot to me - thanks for taking the time to lift a sister up!
Your videos helped me more than my therapist ever did, thank you (I am getting a new a therapist too)! I listen to your videos in the morning before I start my day and during my lunch break. I always put everything in perspective after listening to them. Thanks!!
Great video, great insight to learn from.
All of these are good signs of insecurity in people, the main red flags for me are (1) an inability to just say sorry ; (2) people expecting me to be responsible for their happiness; and (3) backlash when I set a healthy boundary. I have no problem in identifying the insecurities but I sometimes struggle with setting clear and firm boundaries because I am majorly aware that the person I am setting a boundary with is struggling and deep down feels insecure. I can be firm and clear if there is a risk of overt aggression but it takes a lot for me to set the boundary. I tend to want to remove myself from those situations quickly.
I will be checking your workshop on assertiveness.
But I am also interested in how to manage setting assertive boundaries with people who are overtly insecure and just want to talk about their problems and not take responsibility for their issues by seeking support in therapy. I appreciate this comment might sound unfeeling or uncaring, I don’t mean it in this way. I am more than happy to lend a listening ear and shoulder to cry on to any of my close friends and family who essentially behave with responsibility for their feelings, but as humans, from time to time, will become overwhelmed by a specific life situation.
What I am talking about is those people we meet, who drain us if we allow ourselves to become a 24/7 personal therapist for someone whose life is just one drama after another. I call them the ‘whoa is me’ type of personality. The victim, the nobody loves me, the moody drama queens, who complain about everything and almost seem to enjoy their victim hood. How do we set mindful but firm and assertive boundaries with these people.
I should say that I’m one of those natural empaths who seem to attract needy, insecure people. I’m a listener rather than a talker and I know that this doesn’t help me in these situations.
Does anyone else out there share this problem?
Ruth, for this, my Healthy Boundaries Bootcamp program is a must. It will teach you everything you need to know for setting boundaries with all kinds of people in clear, but really kind, empathic and sensitive ways - including with people who are insecure and more emotionally fragile. Registration is closed right now, but we will be opening it up again soon. Are you on my email list?
Julia Kristina Counselling I am interested with this as well
Thank you 🙏 I’ll check to see I’m on your mailing list.
Im also empathic and totally understand i used to get alot of people wanting to hook into me , Look into Dr. Judith Orloff her books helped alot and shes also an empath💚
People who loves extreme attention and loves sucking the life out of people to boost their own energy, number 1.
Social climbers, number 2, they will do anything to get to the top ladder, popularity is their aim and everyone beneath them.
When I’m feeling insecure I eat.
Yes! Emotional eating is definitely something many among us do when we're struggling.
Thank you for your compassion.
Great video! Thanks Julia. It really helped me to know that its not me..and its really them who are insecure.
This is good stuff!!!!!!!!
Thank you friend! So glad it connected.
Amazing tanks💗
I had a boss who hit all these notes. He was a small little man. I keep him in mind whenever I think about the person I don't want to be.
Vittoria Colonna 99% of “bosses” are selected for all the wrong reasons.
I love your style- the way you explain things and your facial expressions are awesome 😊
What a wonderful video .really helpful in situation I am dealing right now.❤😊