3 Red Flags He's An Emotionally Immature Man | Dating Advice by Mat Boggs
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- Опубліковано 11 лис 2022
- Mat Boggs shares dating advice for women and 3 Red Flags He's An Emotionally Immature Man
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Mat Boggs Bio:
As a sought-after dating and relationship coach for women and international speaker, Mat Boggs has helped thousands of women understand men, improve their relationships, and attract the relationship they want.
As the best-selling author of Project Everlasting, and creator of Cracking The Man Code, Mat Boggs? dating and relationship advice has been featured on national media including The Today Show, CNN, Headline News, Oprah and Friends, and many more.
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Mat Boggs highly acclaimed relationship programs have served women around the world in all age groups from 20yrs old to over 70yrs old.
If you’re interested in receiving help attracting love or improving your relationship click here: www.crackingthemancode.com/coa...
Directed and Editing By: Alexis Garcia
Written By: Mathew Boggs
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Hey I need your advice I tryd to get it from someone else but I have to bay it's very important to me can I DM you and ask you some questions for free please 🥺oh and good work
When you go to them with a concern or worry and they take it as an attack, they don’t create a safe space for you to express yourself
This is SO true! You feel guilty at the end of the day.
Yep I was dating a guy three months and it was exactly that. I immediately addressed poor communication. In two weeks everything spiraled quickly. Three separate times he got upset and would say this exact thing - “you don’t have to worry about me anymore!” Then storm out/hang up call. The first two times he’s calm down after 20 mins and apologize admitting he acted like a child. The third time it was right after I said “you’re being sarcastic to me right now as I’m trying to talk about poor communication.” He said “well someone has to bring humor to the situation!” Then he grabs all his stuff and storms out saying “you don’t have to worry about me anymore!” 48 hours later I get the long apology text about how he had self improvement to work on and sorry for his impulsiveness - that he acted out of character and now had to live with it. Yep, Buddy you sure do! Three strikes you’re out. I think he’s played this act out many times before dating me and someone tolerated that behavior from him. I don’t think he’ll be successful working on this alone without therapy.
This is what I’ve been dealing with but I’m about to throw in the towel
Yep, you try to talk to them about anything contentious and they flip the script on you and don't give your feelings any consideration. They claim they didn't do anything wrong and you're just misconstruing the situation. I had a relationship with a man like this and ultimately just walked since I didn't feel safe speaking my truth.
An emotional stable Guy will never yell. The best way is to notice how he treats other persons. The bartender, waitress... If he's acting disrespectful or making other people feel less. Big red flag. He will speak his mind and if he does not agree, he will tell, but always in a calm respectful matter. Guys are wired totally different then women. If we are having a problem, we get in a solving mode and we need time for ourselves to fix the problem. Advice for women: Give him the space and time. Just say, if you want to talk about it, let me know and let him be. 100% sure, when he solved the problem, you (as his partner) will be the 1st he talks about. Moreover he will love you more for this.
When a man is emotionally unavailable, you try to talk to him about how you feel and what is bothering you in a calm respectful way and he quickly changes the subject.
Yess! This happened to me every time!
emotionally unavailable is not also emotionally immature
Or he turns things around on you, or acts like you’re being too emotional (even when you calmly explained what you’re feeling)
or turns the table around and says you're making him feel inadequate because you're trying to tell him how you feel. It's a vicious cycle.
@@AnayahPMcKay Exactly 💯
1. Victim mentality - blames others for everything that happens to them
2. Can't process bad events. - lets outside events control their mood for hours/days.
3. Will punish you instead of communicating their feelings - will not talk and be cold, or will attack you.
😂😂😂 i am 3/3
Yep
It's never too late to learn thank you for the explanation and to grow up wiser.
@@pinkithecat9101 try therapy, it could help 🤍
When a man lies and tricks you in order to protect himself he is treating you like his mother. This is immature. When you call him out on his dishonesty, he invalidates you and tries to make you feel like you are the crazy one. This is like gas lighting. This is emotional immaturity turned to abuse.
Yes its called Narcissistic abuse . Narcissists can never make anyone happy...you or themselves. All others can do is RUN!
@@mandyg5747 I ran. I saw all these signs and broke up with him.
I’m still reeling from the pain of the split although he is the one who called it off for me to look back objectively but all my friends are telling me he is a narcissist
I hope to process the pain and begin healing asap
Big YES
Narcissism - run run like the gingerbread man!!!!!!!!!! Run for your life really !!!!
I would add a fourth to your list. A man who is emotionally immature will always try to get his way through coercion, bullying, manipulation, intimidation.
1. He's never at fault, it is always someone/something to blame for. He doesn't take responsibility for what he does.
2. He doesn't like deep conversations.
3. He can sulk the whole day for the slightest thing that happens.
4. It is always about right and wrong, not looking for a solution together to solve the problem.
5. When you call him out for his doings, he gives you the cold treatment and punishes you for calling him out.
Last month I was walking along the ocean boulevard and it was very busy. I saw this guy see a kitten that was alone, stuck in the crosswalk. It was obviously stray and he stopped all the foot traffic, picked the scared kitten up, soothed it after seeing there wasn't an owner anywhere, git on his phone to call a vet. Now, that's a man
Yes!
Oh yes, those moments that restore the belief in the male sex for a second 💘💘💘
True 🙂♥️
I've met men very pleasant to animals. But in the other hand, it did not ooze over into his treatment of people. Don't be fooled.
@@rrb2895 that is true sometimes 😉
I almost married a man who sometimes wouldn’t talk to me for days… I was supposed to figure out why he was upset without him telling me what I did wrong 😠 what a baby. so glad I left an emotionally immature man. we would have not had a happy marriage
You did the right thing! Stonewalling is so painful
Did he happen to be a Scorpio?
Narcissistic behavior. My ex did this and he is a covert narcissist. Covert meaning covered or hidden. Also known as vulnerable narcissist. It's definitely a trait of narcissism. You dodged a bullet.
I did marry & divorce one like that! He never did it during dating for 2 years, but once we were married his true colors came out. He’d stonewall for weeks at a time. Thankful to be away from that BS.
Lord
Emotionally immature men hurt women not only through their harsh actions and behaviors but words as well. Words either grow an individual or crush and stunt them. We need to build relationships by speaking LIFE over one another and behaving respectfully towards eachother.
I was married to a man who had tantrums over the smallest things. He once screamed at me for not serving him up enough potatoes. The relationship became all about meeting his needs and nothing about me. Exhausting.
I had one that raised his voice during a calm discussion. And then yelled at me and said “see you’re making me yell. “
If I ever told him to stop doing something over text. He would say “ I don’t want to get yelled at again”
What he meant to say was “ (you saying no to me implied to him I was yelling)
Weirdest shit ever
I said how do you yell over text? Boggled my mind
Very similar always wanted his needs met but didn’t want to meet mine. And only on his terms.
Most selfish man I’ve ever met in my life, and I dated a narc. He wasn’t even this bad.
The immaturity of some people. Just go to therapy and work on yourself. It’s really not that hard!
😳
Same😢
Yes something I'm experiencing it's all about him and not ny needs - mines aren't getting met
Not serving him enough potatoes? Ridiculous!
That sounds abusive... If he gets really mad instead of saying how it affects his self image and triggers him. Unless of course you just don't notice him being around or something like that @@knowbodiesfull5768
At this point I’m just giving all my love and energy to my dog. He is worthy of my time and attention
Praying for Godly emotionally mature and Biblically sound men to rise up and be the fathers and husbands they are called to be.
I notice when a man is emotionally immature he will discard in-depth conversations and say a women is being a nag if we have standards. And he is unable to initiate any conversation beyond a level 1. And unable to be consistently stable in any aspect for that matter.
The 22 year old man baby neighbor I have actually started humming like a 2-year-old playing in a sandbox while trying to talk to him about important neighbor issues like his wild 175lb. dog knocking me down. As a MAN, I wanted to knock HIM down for being so disrespectful.
When you attempt to communicate your concern, boundaries and expectations. They just roll their eyes.
A man who tries to make me jealous and hurt me and can’t communicate his feelings and be vulnerable is a total turn off for me.
Same!
Currently, a week in of silent treatment for asking a question. He did this three times during our first year together, I told him it was unacceptable behaviour and if he ever did it again that would be the end. Two blissful years silent treatment free, then last week he pulls it again. Gone through the heartache again, but have to follow through. I've met his silence with silence. I'm moving on. Such a waste of something I thought was good.
Mines said one time don't talk to me for 30 days it lasted 7 😢just know I feel your pain I'm getting the strength to leave
Stick to your decision, girl.....he'll never change, in fact it will only get worse because he's found it gets him through situations he refuses to deal with as a mature man. RUN!!!! And DON'T let him con you into going back!!!!!!
Congratulations to you. Just move on and let that adult immature toddler live his misery life by himself
I left my last boyfriend because I rarely felt refreshed and closer to him when we talked. I felt like he was intentionally trying to find ways to disagree with me. Whenever we got into an argument, he would get so cold and defensive, and no matter how hard I tried he would not budge to explain his feelings and instead invalidated mine. He made me feel like I was always in the wrong, and it made me feel anxious just expressing and being myself with him. It was really hard to connect with him emotionally.
Good thing you left him! you bring up good points.
Great video, Mat, just add there that immature men are also narcissistic and egoistic. They are not flexible enough and want everything done their way. They talk and talk about themselves, all their exes and how they were badly treated in past relationships and don't really care about you. They just want someone to tell them that they are awesome.
The woman who texted a man to confirm a date for the next day and heard nothing from him then or for entire previous week was NOT at fault in any way. The man dropped the ball, spewed anger on her and I’m glad she dropped him.
Happened to me: almost 2 weeks after setting a date and not getting any response to texts from me, I didn’t show. He attacked me by text, calling me irresponsible, a horrible person etc. when I mentioned he’d never replied or confirmed, he lectured me on his making a decision and always sticking to it. How the f… am I supposed to know that? I’ve never met the guy. Blocked him. Then ate chocolate to recover
Ha ha ha!!❤ LOVE the chocolate reaction!! I even cut my hair off after a breakup with a guy like that.... stupidest thing I could have done--- took a couple years to grow it out again!*🙄
Smart smart smart you saved yourself so much heartache because he would have been exactly this way about everything ❤
Bringing up the past when you think is has been resolved. Insulting you and name shaming you. Telling you that your positivity is exaggerated
I dated my emotionally immature ex for a year and a half. I think I only stuck around so long because he was my best friend before we ever dated, I loved him deeply and genuinely and I stayed even though I deserved better. I thought I could help him, I certainly tried. After an argument one night, he ended up blaming me and leaving me without ever discussing it. It’s been 3 months and we’re basically strangers now. I love him so much and I’m hurt that in his mind, things are my fault, when all I ever did was try to communicate. I was definitely somewhat at fault in the argument that was never discussed.. but I feel that it was a buildup of anger and hurt on my side after so much time being shut down, unheard, stonewalled etc. I wish he could see he threw away the relationship with his best friend and an amazing committed girl.. just because he couldn’t handle conflict or his emotions.
Same happened to me. Exact story.. did he ever contacted you back?
When a man is afraid of confrontation, so he doesn’t communicate properly, and when he let’s his family dictate his life. Bigs signs
This !!!!!
💯
From the fault in our stars: We don't get to choose if we get hurt in this life and/or suffer pain but we do have a say in who hurts us or continues to hurt us-- if we allow it.
Mine is giving me the silent treatmemt after expressing how I felt..its been a week I really do want a man who can communicate to me that is important.
Red flag I am running
Yes, run. That’s abusive.
That's huge clue/redflag telling you to get out of that relationship pronto..!!
I have finally decided to leave when a red flag, or deal breaker pops up. It is so hard to change people, so why bother? I am so over Drama Kings.
@@Katrn30 me too
Keep in mind, it's not your BF responsibility to make you feel better or feel good. Had a bad week? Yeah, it'd be nice to have a partner who is willing and able to do things special for you, like running you a bath, giving you a neck massage.... But, ultimately, you're happiness is your responsibility.
Saying no or creating some sort of boundary will tell you quite a bit about a person . Also someone who is always defensive.
Good point!
Absolutely!
Thank you Mat, just clarifying what I went through in a 14 month relationship that has since ended. Great reminder for the one who’s about to enter my life!! I will be ever so ready and watch for these signs!! ❤ TY always
I'm only two videos in and I must say that you are incredibly gifted in your craft. This is the channel and content that I didn't even know that I needed, and I have since created a playlist that I named "Marriage Goals." Your channel has been a huge blessing to me and I thank you for all that you do!
I love it! Me too. I wanna get married too 🥰 I wish you all the luck in the world, darling xx
Great video, thank you! No more emotional immaturity on either side for me, healing, maturing and growing and accepting only mutual relationships ❤️🔥🙏🥰
When someone baits you or verbally attacks you in order to attempt a fight because they have a need to release a lot of pent-up emotional turmoil and are feeling overly challenged. If you fight with them then you can be blamed even if it had nothing to do with you, and they can rationalize their need to tantrum. It’s like they need to turn up the heat in order to boil so they’re able to get enough stream in order to blow the lid off- and release what they’ve been stuffing or holding onto instead of dealing with the challenges head on and self-caring. What would be some alternatives? Meditate, journal, workout hard, use creative part of brain, wake up other senses- sound therapy, aromatherapy; primal scream somewhere private; seek counseling, adrenaline rush - zipline, bungee, etc. or just accept that these emotions are ok and they can be given back to the universe.
Wow, this is exactly what my bf has been doing lately. And it's always my fault, and he then has an excuse to withhold affection. Wtf
A man who overreacts to something you say and shuts down the conversation by walking away or getting off the phone abruptly. The reaction is unwarranted.
That's what I'm dealing with right now. Stonewalled yet again over the same topic in a matter of weeks by simply saying "I disagree". First time he got angry and said "forget this conversation..." second time we was on the phone and he said "look I'm going to go bed now..." I just put the phone down and didn't even say goodnight. Its hurtful when someone won't allow you to say how you feel or you feel like you have to be careful with what you say just in case it triggers said responses. 😢
Why can't we just talk things through? Why must it end with someone being upset all the time?
It's making me question alot of things. And the saying "when someone shows you who they are, believe it.." keeps coming up in my mind. Nearly 4 years together and I don't want to throw that away. But neither do I want a life of not being able to voice my opinion when it comes to our relationship. 😢
I sure hope you RAN??!!! I wasted 5 years in this same kind of man until I realized I never came away feeling good or treasured or built up----it was always him wanting me to make *him* feel great but had very little positive to say about me. When he yelled at me for feeling down because a close family friend died was when I realized how immature and selfish he was and cut him out of my life completely. It hurt like nothing I've ever gone through but I know I'm better off----like cutting out gangrene.....painful but necessary for my life.
I've seen all 3 but many more.
Unable to own up his mistakes.
Unable to say sorry. Unable to forgive others.
Revengeful.
Unable to handle conversations about conflicting views.
Great info Mat as usual, thank-you!
Emotional immature men that I've experienced (one in particular) was a Covert Narcissist. My input was not only my part but his too.
Anyway, back to your question. The emotionally immature man took things away from me when I wanted to discuss a way that he had behaved. He didn't like me highlighting what he wanted to keep hidden. Thing is its so noticeable when someone is emotionally immature 🙃
I hope you blasted that dude all over media so other women in your town/area could know to stay away from him. Lol sounds petty but I promise it's not.
Good morning ..keep it up the good work..very well said...godbless you
Thank you SO much for this video, Mat. It solidified my uneasy feelings about this guy I've been seeing for over 3 years. Thank you, thank you, Thank you!
Your content rocks, thank you!
When he does not respect your bounderies
Thank you. This was very informative
Thank you for that video, my husband is exactly like this.
I was married to a man that when I did the slightest thing like open a pack of toilet paper not knowing there was already an opened pack; he would scream and cuss me. Others had to conform to HIS schedule and if they didn’t there would be Hell to pay.
NEVER AGAIN!
It is wonderful for a man to live his mother but..when it is all the time I feel not only is he attached to her in a way that is dependent but he’s reliant on her…he’s not independent of her..another huge sign aside from blame deflection is an inability to communicate…when the lines of communication are not open there can be no successful relationship of any type…there’s others, but those are key 🔑 and I didn’t see it until it was too late and I was believing that this was the way it is and I loved him for the positives in him…I ignored the red flags…but in the end, it was a lesson learned..I have never learned a lesson in a way that was not painful…
On point, totally last bf 😕. Much love Matt for all the insights that help people recognize unhealthy ways of being in a partner 💗
This is so spot on!
The second one is relatable. I experience it personally. Due to my depression and anxiety disorder I get affected easily and it can affect me for hours. But I try to move on. It’s just hard for me.
Great content, Mat! I always appreciate the concrete examples and solid advice. Everything in this video you said is applicable to emotionally immature people in general regardless of gender. Another big red flag to point out is to see how the person deals with stress management. Specifically, unhealthy coping mechanisms like self-medicating with drug/alcohol use or other addictive behaviors. These are common in people who have trouble with emotional self-regulation
Felt security and the ability to take measured risks is often dependent on being taught to self-soothe by an emotionally mature guardian who models the healthy behavior to a child.
No modeling=no learning.
No learning leads to a lot of lonely people who cannot sustain relationships.
This is the biggest epidemic( bar none) I now witness daily, and it is sad, bordering on depressing.
Lola: yes, excellent point about self medicating drug/alcohol use! My ex had those too!
How about when a guy tell you “I’m a very difficult person to get along with..?” RUN RUN RUN..!!
Even the Bible says “Out of the wickedness of their hearts, their mouth speaks”
Girl, you are so right. I met a man that told me that everyone in his past thought he was an assh*le. Despite my forgiving, accepting, loving heart, four years later I found out they were right.
Good that the warning came early!
I just thought yesterday about how sad it is that some men's emotional states are dictated by the win or loss of their sports team!
Also I feel like it's way more than that. I think those are men that never allow themselves to show or feel emotions except their team wins or loses. Meaning they indeed depend on a win to show all the stored up happiness and depend on a loss to express alllll their stored up sadness through anger!
🚩🚩🚩
I'm ever sadder because I notice just as bad immaturity issues with women that were supposed to be the more mature ones - we keep hearing how men are big children but so many young women now act like little babies throwing tantrums and blaming everybody else but themselves 😔 It's very disappointing and sometimes I wonder if we shouldn't have workshops for women how to be emotionally mature and not-toxic first, before we go looking for amazing men because this way we only hurt ourselves and them (and we corrupt even more good men).
My co-worker would unleash on her husband every time she messed up a line in her makeup or, even worse, if she broke a nail! Really sad 😔
I experienced all of these in previous relationships turned marriages...exhausting! 😔
Now, Thank God for my emotionally mature husband! ❤
Great advice! Thank you!!
he is so ferious if things does not goes his way!
All such good points
Mat, WOW! You JUST described my ex boyfriend who broke it off 2 weeks ago. If you had not given examples then I may not have caught on that he was emotionally immature, but because you gave examples like the traffic, that's a huge one, things with work, and a family member's diagnosis, etc. He actually had ALL 3 of those situations and was in a horrible mood because of all 3 of them!! You explained the exact circumstances that changed his mood and it was an ah-ha moment for me! THANK YOU for the examples!! If you had just said in general about the reasons and didn't give an example I don't know that I would have realized it!!
same girl
Oh how I wish I had watched your channel years ago I stupidly married a man emotionally immature in 2014 but it’s at the end… we are separated now and my peace has returned but the 3 things you described are exactly him… I just didn’t realise before… I can see it now I’m on the outside but when I was in I was blinded by love :-( sadly but Ty for these very informative videos they are very helpful 😊
This guy is describing my son..who is almost 27 and it's been my biggest challenge to observe him play the "victim" blaming others and rarely taking responsibility..for serious stuff..I won't go into detail. I very much appreciate this video. All stuff I know and was looking for some videos to share with some friends who needs to hear this..although often those who really need to hear this may be in denial and not ready to hear something too close to home because then they will have to do something about it.
Hold on to your own truth ❤
This guy that i was about to date already punished me on the day we met 😂
Hey Matt, great video. I appreciate your clips - very helpful! An emotionally immature man1) seeks constant attention and admiration, 2) is strongly confirmation - biased when it comes to topics such as politics and religion and thinks his point of view must automatically be the right point of view , 3) is a crowd pleaser but doesn't have clearly defined values, 4) the victim mindset that you've been describing - 100%, 5) showing (through behaviors such as punishing as you mentioned) instead of verbalizing frustration and distress, 6) believes in cliches, 7) is overly pleasure-seeking and pleasure-driven; lazy, 8) expects the world to give him stuff and treat him more special than others.
Thank you for this video, it was very clear and helpful!
I do have a question, though: What do you do if you, yourself, have emotional immaturities?
If you _do_ want to put-in-the-reps and build a healthier more mature self, what books/resources can you recommend for us to actually do that work? (Other than therapists -- in part expense, but also because the ones I've tried have been like: "You're OK just as you are," rather than actually helping me improve areas in which I want to become a better person.)
Thankyou very much I really needed this because my husband seems a little bit immature in our marrage❤
I'm watching from PAPUA NEW GUINEA🚩
The content of your videos is so RICH Matt, that you don't need the "Special effects" with the camera "cuts". It's distracting. Completely unnecessary!. You are so ENOUGH! Your knowledge, your personality, your unique charm are perfect to our growth. It's really visually bothering those "cuts". Gratitude & Respect LM
I agree. You don't need gimmicks or oddball humor----just keep laying it out there like you do: clearly, understandably, and with your positive heart. We deeply appreciate *you*. Hugs.
Jealousy! I went out with a man twice and things just didn't feel right with him. On the second date, i told him I was meeting a male friend for lunch just to talk. He showed me exactly how jealous he was in an instant! HIs take was that he already cared about me so he was just showing that by being jealous. NOPE!! It's a control issue and it would have only gotten worse. I broke things off with him immediately!!
Absolutely!!! Jealousy is just controlling behaviour and unacceptable
Proud of you for breaking things off
When you do something that everyone does on occasion (snap or have a tone) and apologize and explain it was a miscommunication, and the man overreacts and not only says he can't get past it but reads into everything you say after that and accuses you of things you're absolutely not doing, to the point where you feel bewildered and there is nothing you can say to calm him down or to see reason. His emotions and past baggage just take over, and he puts all of that on you for accidentally snapping at him (and apologizing for it, no less). Unsure if that's emotional immaturity or just too much past baggage.
Are you me? Because I just experienced the exact same thing 2 days ago. I was so lost for 2 days of the little thing that I did wrong and he suddenly just snapped and blamed me for everything, then ended the relationship. He said what I said triggerred his past-trauma, but I wasn't aware and I told him we could talk about it and i wouln't do it again. Nevertheless he didn't care about my point of view and all blame was on me in his head
spot on!
When you’re talking to a man, that’s immature he avoid getting into a deep conversation with you he will reference catchphrases from TV shows and cartoons
That would be a “boy” for you
💯 true
Very interesting thanks
I'm in a relationship with a guy and during one of our conversations (the umteenth one I had to instigate because he never wants to address anything) he hit on me not replying to his messages. I always reply 1. out of politeness and 2. because I wanted to carry on communications.
I've also noticed that he tries to turn things around a lot. I've done nothing short of bare my soul, here and there and not all in one go because that's way too much for a person to take, I've been attentive, disarming and patient in order to help him feel comfortable telling me things, I've helped around the house and even gone to feed the 2 month old kitten he claimed he wanted (but didn’t want to be responsible for) whilst he's at work 8-10 hours per day. I basically had to convince him to let me go feed a kitten he was happy to leave alone for such long periods. He just comes across as very self involved and airy fairy. It's not looking like this will last much longer, and honestly, I don't feel good around him. Sadly, he has the backbone of a wet noodle😒.
I know in my gut that he isn't right for me, so once the kitten is grown and strong I'm off.
All of these are the reasons i literally just stop dating after almost a year.
Excellent!!
Oh my gosh, all 3 red flags were being waved enthusiastically by my ex. Every time, Matt says each flags, I keep saying my ex, my ex, my ex. I used to say that he would blame the weather on me if it rains.
I get blamed most of the time for things that I haven't done.. sometime even abuse me and that makes me feel so sad and when I am sad and cry he doesn't like it and he wants me to be okay in a blink of an eye after him behaving with me like that.. we are currently in a long distance relationship
This happened again yesterday and I haven't been talking to him the whole day today I am so confused I don't know what to do 😭
End he relationship. He is not meeting your emotional needs and will never change. I was married for over 20 years to someone who treated me very similarly. Now divorced and happier than ever. you deserve better.
@@nataliehoffman6050 thank you for your advice.. tho it is hard for me to end the relationship I love him so much😭
@@sajidahassam1217 I understand that you love him, but love is a 2 way street. And he is not demonstrating love- he may not be capable of truly loving someone.
Frankly, he sounds like a narcissist- look at some video from Dr. Ramani, Angie Atkinson, Lisa Romano- and see if any of those resonate with you. if they do- RUN. Go no contact and never sepal to him again. Narcissists are master manipulators and will tell you what you want to hear to get you back but it empty promises. my ex husband made my life hell- during and after our marriage.
@@sajidahassam1217 I’m going to recommend a song “I missed me more”. It’s about a breakup where she thought she was going to miss him but realized she had missed herself more. She missed being herself and expressing herself.
I loved my ex and gave the relationship every single chance and should have ended it way sooner than I did. He was verbally abusive and narcissistic. I took my life back, moved on and became the woman I want to be.
I also acknowledged that if loving me turns him into a jerk and loving me means being verbally abusive then that’s not really love. That’s a toxic relationship so I took 6 years getting to know me and then found a guy who loves me for me. Who is sweet and supportive and would never hurt me…he’s the kind of guy that would lay down his life for those he loves.
I think you pretty much got it always thinking they are right! Your feeling are always wrong or funny 😒! They don't communicate there feelings or are open at all! They try to flip on you when in an argument it's always your fault!
Divorce is never the way out, My wife and I have been having issues before I sort out help from a spiritual adviser, i wasn't going to let my marriage of 18years crash.
@Rose Allen well not the orthodox way but i was referred by a friend to a spiritual adviser and healer.
@Rose Allen Her name is Shelly Renee White, and she is great at what she does.
@Rose Allen you can look her name up online and you will find all you need.
I agree that couples shouldn't give up easily but it really depends on if you got married for the right reasons or if your values just don't align anymore. If you love each other it will show in the work that's put in to mend the connection if it's broken.
Thank you!
That kind of guy in your example is the worst. I had a similar thing with a friend, and that ended the friendship real quick !
I swear this title used to say "Baby Man" and that is what made me watch it!
😂😂
I've seen condescension...as a way to undercover anger
" I won't change" ...yea I am starting to hear this A LOT and I'm getting sick of it
My husband blames me for almost all things in life, he even blames me when neighbors fight or even when it rains. Am never anything good to him
The title made me LOL
He gave me the silent treatment.
Now I'm giving him the silent treatment.
It won't get better from here on.
I already know that but I don't really care cause you can't change anyone.
They're already set in their own ways.
Just letting this "play" run its course.
Soon he will ends things or I will end it.
Either way, I'm fine with the outcome.
On to the next man who will repeat the exact same ol' patterns.
On to the next man that will repeat the same patterns? Well it sounds to me like the problem isn't the guys. It might be you. Only YOU can choose to be aware and look for a different kind of man.. but I understand that most men don't show their true colors until much later. But that's what "courting" is for, and nobody does that anymore. 😒
How depressing.
Don't choose these men. End things when you see the red flags & I promise in your perception you'll see the flags early on. We do see them but we ignore them often when we like someone.
Was drawn to this video due to a close friend. Her now boyfriend seems to drain her constantly. We were all having a great time last night at her house, but the tables turned and everyone had to leave because her “boyfriend” was upset about something.
I lived through a toxic relationship/marriage for 23 years, and this new “boyfriend” reminds me of my ex husband in many ways! Trying to figure out the best way to advise my friend without losing friendship. 😢
You can't, really- she has to learn it herself, on her terms. I've tried many times to do so, and it just created a wedge in between us of resentment, bc they just get back together and guess who the bad guy is after? 🤦🏼♀️
Where were you 27 years ago, I’ve wasted my time with this narcissist. Never too late, I’ll free now thank you God!!! Blessings LunaRoseSATx
I went out with a guy who was very critical blaming me for everything that went wrong in his life. I remember it was a Saturday morning I was looking for a mint chocolate and I knew I could buy them at one of two places. Was he cros with me blaming for talking to much to the assistant . Red flags took hom out of the store said this it. He shouted at me I walked away head held high. I think this was the last straw for me
The father figure advice many never had
I'm dealing with a man like this anytime I express he says I'm nagging and I felt unappreciated. I'm done with him and ready to move on with my life in peace. I wish him the best - he's always complain about something always unhappy and toxic. It's all about him and his selfishness.. I've gotten cold and distant from him now. My needs arent getting met and things have changed between us. Its best to close this door between us.
Thank you for this video! This is exactly what I’m dealing with. Ugh…he needs to grow up and accept that life isn’t perfect and stop blaming others for it. Just grow tf up! Geez!
Dealing with all these signs. I dated and even lived with him part time. I made the decision to be on my own and remain friends. He is angry at that as well.
I tell u emotionally immature people irritate and when it's your partner, 😮
This is a very informative video. And I feel heart broken 💔 because I’m 3 years in to this relationship and so wanted to get it right this time, but it appears I chose a guy who is not nor does he want to be in a committed relationship with me. 💔
Hugs. We’re going through the same pain. And I waited for a really long time to get it right this time. 😔
Most often, any guy who tells you that…doesn’t want to be in a committed relationship- with anyone. It’s not you. It’s the responsibility of ANY commitment that he is unprepared to handle. That is very telling, that he only wants hook-ups and ‘fun’…not the responsibility and MEANING of a real, committed, mature relationship. Let him go. You are better free…than playing ‘replacement mother’ to some immature man.
@@zara7276 I understand. I waited for a really long time as well. And I feel like he has misinterpreted a lot of things and convinced himself that I am doing things to sabotage our relationship. Him behaving in a way that shows me he doesn’t trust me really hurts but I know that there is nothing I can do about that. He chooses what he wants to believe. And if there is no trust, this relationship will not work.
Right now, only time will be able to tell what is going to happen. But he really needs to decide if he wan s in or out. We cannot function in a healthy way the way things are now.
I’m hoping to get surprised when he gets back. Maybe I’ll get lucky and things will be clear in his head and he will finally realize and see that we actually have a great relationship, full of love, compassion, understanding, and even passion that has not been tapped in to yet, but is there for the long haul. Maybe he can accept and have faith that I am not going to do him like his exes . I am not them. I am not the enemy. I am on his side too and I want us to be able to relax in our relationship and feel safe. Because it is safe. And will remain safe, provided that is what he wants.
If it isn’t what he wants, he needs to fess up and own that too.
So sorry. ...you have put so much work into this....but sadly that wasn't your job. I speak from experience. No matter how long it takes ...its worth it. When you have finally had enough of being treated in a way that doesn't make you happy....YOU happy. News flash. ..romantic relationships are supposed to be happy. ..being with a man should make your life better not worse. If things become so hard after the newness wears off...ie in a few months...he was probably Love Bombing you to reel you in. Time to leave. Eventually you will simply not put up with any bad behaviour at all.....then and only then...when you are allowing the man to do the work. ..a Man will find you. Happened to me age 55....still happy 3 years later. I had decades of terrible violent relationships as i was taught to put up with tje bad behaviour of my dad. It wasn't mine or my mum's job to manage his mood...it was his. He is still the same age 83....they never change. Please see this as a period of growth fir yourself and move on...things will get better if you stick to your values and don't put uo with bad behaviour. ..or even a man who doesn't want to marry...if you do...then he is not for you.
My ladies, may I tell you what my therapist told me: in an emotional abusive relationship you wait on end for him to show real love, while clinging to the view sweet moments you had.
I know it's heartbreaking but let me tell you YOU'RE BETTER ON ON YOUR OWN THAN WAITING FOR AN EMOTIONAL ABUSIVE MAN TO MATURE, because that will only happen when they are without a partner who's life and love they can feed on. They don't know love. So you better safe your love for yourselves, because that's where it can grow, which will make you magnetic af.
A divine woman never chases a man. We are like the egg in the uterus, we trust, we are magnetic, we let them come to us and choose the best one of em.
❤️✌️
I have been forced to "think about" why he is mad or upset. He wouldn't just flat out tell me. I suggested that we use the " I feel" tools and he looked at me like I was speaking Chinese. Then responded with, " Well, that's never going to happen."
What if you have emotional trauma from past relationships and you really care about the person but sometimes when you get upset you can’t control how you feel but you want to be the person they want you to be
As a women that has been through this with multiple men, my best advice is run away from men like this. These are throw away men.
This is what I keep attracting but I'm getting better at figuring it out quickly. Now to figure out what it is about me that I need to work on to attract someone emotionally mature. I'm sure I could add a lot to your list.
Hey Chris what did you work on to attract someone emotionally mature? I’ve just had my heart broken to my second emotionally immature guy and I’m not sure what I should do or work on :/
@@erikaleigh2365 I'm so sorry to hear that. I'm honestly still working to figuring it out. Interesting timing, Matthew Hussey just put out a video something like, This dangerous guy keeps you single and he has some really good points and some good info in the comments. One comment included that we need to stop being emotionally unavailable to ourselves and I think this is huge. I've also been learning a lot about polarity- masculine and feminine energy and I'm coming to understand the teaching of one coach that includes dating at least 3 people until 1"claims" you and keeping sex out of it until at least then. I hope some of this is helpful. I definitely suggest watching that video at the very least. Good luck to you.
@@erikaleigh2365 I just watched another video I'd like to recommend. Jill Guerin How to Actually Be a High Value Woman. I imagine you're like me and put too much energy into others, in all kinds of ways and not enough into yourself. Again, I hope you find something useful here.
Here’s one: when he’s a 40 year old man who blocks and unblocks you when there is conflict, and when he feels overwhelmed by a discussion about the relationship so he ghosts for 5 weeks….
I had a friend who, in the course of 10 meet ups over 1.5 hours, came late 9 times. No heads up, no apology. I tolerated his behaviour all this time but decided at the 10th meeting, to tell him v v v clearly how i felt. Upset. Disrespected. He said, we all have our quirks, can't you accept mine? I told him being habitually late wasn't a quirk, it was a very bad n potentially harmful habit. You could lose friends, jobs, business etc.
He later asked me out 11th time, promising to be "super early" (his words). Guess what happened. He was late again!
He had other undesirable traits which I was increasingly uncomfortable with. With his behaviour on this 11th meeting, I decided, that was it.
No wonder at age 57, he could not find a partner. Thank goodness he was just a friend. If I had been looking for a boy friend, I would have dropped him long ago.
So true i have that
Experience
Red flags .
Not face a fact & talks & try to WORK things.
So imature
All the relationship he had i hurd him
Complaining, it was everyone fault. He thinks he so perfect.
& the truth is I never seen anyone in my life time ,,with so many faults .
It's
Unbelievable..
I never seen a person with many Red flags..
& he thinks so high about himself,,
Is this a
Narcissistic trait???
For nearly 20 years i was with someone on n off who was emtionally immature. I didn t matter what was offered to him he just couldn t fully commit to trying to have a proper relationship partly because he was fearful of what he thought would be expected. We are just friends now, i moved on into a relationship with a lovely mature man, he is on his own. We stayed friends cos I still care about him but thats it. The Peter Pan syndrome I call it, always wishing on a star but when the lost boys come calling he cant resist that freedom n lack of respondibility.
Waits until the day of your arranged date to say he's working and can't make it. Later that night compliments and flirts with other women on social media.
I have been dumped because I was married twice before and he could see me as his bride-to-be as he was struggling to propose to me. So, instead of proposing he dumbed considering that. Also, he said he couldn't cope with the fact I was a warrant for my first husband and I am still in that after many years, even if I said I can sort that out in one day. That's immature and shallow to me. One day before he was telling me how proud he was to have me in his life as his partner and the next day he split up with me.