Why you keep falling in love with strangers, actors & people you barely know (*limerence*)
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- Опубліковано 6 сер 2024
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#healing #limerence #love #selfworth #unrequitedlove
I think, one of the obstacles on the way to discovering your self-worth for someone who's suffered from neglect is the message "you can do it yourself". It's a great message, and very important. But inevitably there's this sense of bitterness that arises from hearing that once again in your life you gotta be the only adult in the room, just like when you were little and had to make sense of your emotionally unavailable parents and their immature behaviors. Basically, you have no one but yourself to rely on. Again.
There's a lot of grief in knowing that your parents were not there for you when you needed them, and there's no one there for you right now. Eventually, you'll be able to set yourself free from old patterns and find people to build connections with. But you're not quite there yet, and some days the longing to have somebody loving and accepting by your side is almost unbearable. I wouldn't mind laying my head on someone's chest right now, as I'm grieving and while in pain. "In the future" sounds too distant for the amount of pain and grief I'm experiencing in the now. I know how to be patient, but some days it's just too much.
Every day I do my best to remind myself that the entire journey is totally worth it. I'm also making my first shy attempts to get out of my head and connect with real people around me. But still, I find this in-between stage extremely difficult. I'm not my old disconnected self anymore, but the full agency is yet to be gained.
This comment isn't intended as criticism or disagreement. Quite the opposite, I wholeheartedly agree with the message in this video. However, I wanted to write all this down for anybody who's at a similar stage. Our courage to keep going despite all we've been through inspires me every day. It's one of the only sources of togetherness available to me right now. I know we can make it through. At the end of the day, we were always worthy of love and connection. It's time to finally reclaim that.
I hear you. The grief of letting go of the hope that it can happen “for us” & this is another yet thing we have to do ourselves is devastating. The painful longing, the unmet needs - this wasn’t supposed to be like this, but somehow, it became the experience we ended up living through. Glad you shared this. I wish you & nobody had to make up for the shortcomings of those who raised them, but here we are. Overcoming.
I think the main problem is our hunger for love that we feel SO intense. We're trying to fill the void inside us with limerence and it works until we start to realise what is really going on in our lives. Almost all of my friends are in a relationship or already married. It's not a question of being with someone just not to be alone. Even when I was in relationship I wasn't satisfied. My partner always disappointed me because I expected them to be my parent. It's very hard, but we have to be stronger and become parents to ourselves.
I wish you strength, you can handle it 🫶🏼
What an amazing comment
@@mitzy47 thank you! I’m glad you found value in it ❤️
are you doing better now? @@blueheadmargaret
I became very Obsessed with a UA-camr especially when he showed " me attention" by saying my name a few times. Sadly, this has gone on too long as did other limerant relationships in my life. I discovered your channel today and after listening to you, I feel like I can once and for all, stop my limerance obsession. Ironically, UA-cam was my downfall and UA-cam helped me overcome this...Thank you Evita!🙂🙏
loved reading this. I am so glad the videos helped you so much!
I am also watching this video because of this limerence I am feeling towards a UA-camr. 🤧
I’m so happy for you love.
Thank you for tackling this. I’ve been suffering this for the longest time. Pining over literal social media influencers. Even doing manifestations in the hopes of meeting them. Researching everything to the point of knowing even relatives that they don’t expose. I knew something is lacking in my life but didn’t know how to address them.
This was me omg. We really were in need of help😂😂
Thank you a lot! Finally see what is limerence at all. It's not only about love obsession. I think that limerence is a symptom of infantilism and fear of adult life. I'm healing by myself now after several years in therapy, but I've never told my therapists about limerence because of shame. Moreover, it was my secret and place where I could hide from reality. The most challenging thing in therapy for me is to take the responsibility for my life on myself. When I feel a tendency to limerence I just ask myself: "Ok, what do you want now?". The answer is quite certain. I definitely can reach it by myself, but I must do something for it. Limerence is a selfdelusion, you feel like you are in relationship with "that ideal person" or whatever. Fast dopamine tricks your brain 😕
You said it perfectly. Embodying adulthood is key ❤️
I think it will take us a lifetime to understand ourselves! I am learning new things about myself every day! Yes, many people have used me and treat me bad, but it was part of my journey. So in a way I feel sorry for them, because they didn't learn and I did. Аnd they have yet to go through what I have already gone. 💗
So true 🫡
My LOs are all real people, people whom generally have been over to my place (at least a few times), exchanged light or deep conversations, were fun, fairly attractive, and above average intelligence. Never were they strangers.
But what I got out of this video was the need for us to "have agency" in our lives, and that LO's can stunt that growth or direction we should aspire to.
I’m so glad people like you exist. I’m exhausted of the true love narrative. 💔💔 it’s led me to nothing but pain of years wasted. I’d have limerance and fantasies 24/7. At 30, I’m finally healing after spending at least 5 years engrossed in finding the one. I’m free💃🏽💃🏽
I would recommend to work with the Jungian theory of projection and transference to understand that phenomenon. Also our brain is tought to recognize a person which falls into a category of type of people who are not exactly good for us and who we already have an experience with. This is why we perceive them as something very familiar, someone we have known for years. I believe we should be especially allert in these instance and do reality check.
How am I only knowing Evita and what you’ve said now. Would have saved me so many mistakes in search of love😂😂
He was such a great home decorator and cook. He used a wood pellet grill every evening. I loved it. I do cook as well but he took it over from the start.
Yes. I have a very broken relationship with my mother. What I yearn from my LOs are the things I need at the moment from my own mother. 😭 Especially when I'm going through a very hard phase in my life. And I need hard support and love, that's when I enter limerence 😭😭😭
Thank you so much for your well explained videos, you are dissipating the confusion around this painful way of being.
I have one question so, is limerence the same as eurothomania ?
All the best to you
True I agree I think I started limerence from a very young age fantasizing scenarios in my head a lot and I don’t remember anyone listening to me or catering to me seeing me I was just a product who grew up to serve my parents needs which they could not fulfill from each other .. & I see people who seem sad lonely maybe like my mother & the need to provide for them & take care of them so they can take care of me .. an unfulfilled need to be loved tahen care of & seen as a normal child .. I rem my mother acknowledging one day to my complaints of motherhood that she dint learn those things from her family or whatever as an excuse .. if children are brought into this world as a reason to keep two parents together I pray for these children growing up into distressed adults
omg this is the best video i've watched on the topic, thank you, truly eye opening !
Thank you so much for your advice and words ... so encourages me to move on and look at myself to discover "ME"
Always great content
Best video ever!!🎉Heart is opening up ❤ to me!!
Great video
I’m becoming used to abandonment and not being picked by people I pick. It’s freeing but Is that a good thing?
Wow..🙏
Can you talk about limerence in the following context please: a husband living a 4 years limerence for a woman whith whom he had a singular extraordinary sexual affair. (3 sexuals physical encounters and many texts, calls for 3 months). He nourished his addiction to her body type and kinks he was able to realise with her, through his consomption of porn. I search all internet and no links are made between porn and limerence. Thank you.
Can you help me stop feeling like celebrities/famous people are harassing me / stalking me? Every time I follow a celebrity on social media feel like they know me & I don’t know why
You need to completely delete all social media including UA-cam. Go and see a therapist. This is not normal
@@NB-lx6gz can’t afford one
@@NB-lx6gz well thanks a lot even though I can’t afford therapy