Indeed it is! Not replying within hours, short answered just like Ok, after you expressed your feelings. It's crazy, and you become insane eventually because of their behaviour. They just feed themselves on that.
My mother has done this to me my entire life. When she brings it up now, she laughs about it because she thinks it’s funny because she thinks it worked. She would ignore me for days & even weeks until I apologized to her. She always said it was because I treated her badly. This coming from the mother who told me when I was about 8 years old, she said I know you love your father more than you love me. I was confused. But I knew that I was closer to my dad because he respected me & showed me love. I brought this up to her recently & she said because you always took your dads side. I have no idea what she’s talking about. I was never close to her because she always hurt me. I dont remember any good times with her. I’m sure there must be but I have blocked out almost my entire childhood. I dont remember most of it. I wish I could forget the bad memories & remember the good ones. I have never felt so alone since losing my dad. He was my best friend. She never reaches out to me unless she needs something. I check in on her a few days a week to make sure she’s ok. She loves to play tit for tat with certain people. She is so good to some people & so bad to others. And she calls herself a Christian. But a good person doesn’t play tit for tat, especially a Christian. No one is perfect but that is done intentionally to hurt people. So many people think she’s this lovable old Christian lady. Yeah until she’s angry. It’s always about her. I went 45 years without ever telling her how I felt. I have only told her a few things. Thinking maybe she would apologize but no, she just says, oh I was a bad Mom. Then I just say, no you weren’t. And it never goes anywhere. It’s absolutely awful. She always makes me feel bad when I just want to feel better.
I feel your pain and hurt and confusion it’s hell on earth and really hurts deeply to have a mother who can’t show or give love only take and bleed you dry. I have been I’ll my entire adult life running after looking after and draining my mental and emotional physical health. I honestly didn’t even realise this was my life because of childhood brain washing. Every relationship is hindered and hard because you don’t know how to love and respect yourself, so you attract people who treat you like crap. As this is how you feel about yourself. I am saying this to you because it sounds like me. Very sorry to say I am now 58 years old yes I can’t believe it myself. She still treats me like crap and she is worse with old age please look after yourself. Learn how to love yourself and not need her love or approval as it honestly will never come. Don’t waste your life as I have because a sadistic cruel vindictive narcissist mother brain washed me please don’t waste your life like I have Sending you lots of love like we all deserve even if narcissistic parents can’t give it give to yourself unconditional love ❤️
Too true. They get caught in their own net. The Silent treatment makes you detach from them. I soon began to mirror his silent treatment. Not abusive; it was time to be Assertive (silently). As the silent treatment intensified, I began to focus on new hobbies, acquiring new skills, new friends and soon, we were fading away. To fade away is softer on the heart and Soul than to suddenly walk away without closure, I learnt 💫
Let's not make excuses for them. They know what they're doing. This is what they do . It's about getting their own way. It's simple, easy to see what their game is. Think more of yourself. You are entitled to better!!!!!!
Thank you so much!!! I’ve had years of this type of treatment from my husband. You’d think I’d be over it by now and could handle it….I still get hurt tho. This video has really helped me to understand and yours and others comments are so incredibly helpful!!!!
When you realize how pathetic they are, you stop being bothered. They think they are punishing you putting you in Time Out but they are actually throwing a tantrum, as a sulky small kid who doesn't get his own way would do. Even so, their immaturity hurts you...if you let it. In any case, you deserve so much better. Slowly dig your way out of that prison.
💯 sulky small kid not getting his way and throwing a tantrum is exactly how I explained it earlier to someone. He’s 57. Pathetic, some people never grow up ever.
I think they get mad when you dont care. Usually silent treatment is all about control and conditioning and if the victim refuses to play into it then they srent getting their way and therefore have no control.
I will say when he decides he wants to ignore me, as the days go by i start to feel happier and happier, whereas when he decides he actually wants to speak to me i feel all these impossible emotions too many at a time and soo many expressions and wishful thinking all to be ruined and chattered by crumb like responses i receive from the narc. which only grows within me a hopeless despair trying to grasp a black void of nothingness. Hey i think i kinda like it without all the games who needs it, atleast now I'm actually smiling. 😊😊
I don't know what's happening to me this days I don't react to the silent treatment anymore.. I just continue with my day like nothing is happening.. Before it used to eat me up
I was just on silent treatment for a week, even though I begged him to talk to me. He lured me back in with a vulnerable text and when I took the bait he yelled at me for 10 minutes last night. I said nothing. Now we’re back on punishment and the silent treatment is back in place. What he doesn’t know is that during the time that he’s been giving me the silent treatment, my best friend of 23 years unexpectedly died, and when he yelled at me I had just gotten home from her viewing. We buried her today. He doesn’t understand that we are now on no contact forever. But he’ll figure it out I guess when he starts hoovering. He can go to hell.
Read your post .it bought tears too my eyes..as u was already going through so..much.. and had that too ..that's ofton a problem with people..they don't think...u too could ne going.. throught. So..much.... very sorry for your loss. .I'm going throught a similar thing and yes it's painful .pls take care...God bless
@@deborahocampo852 thank you so much for your kind words. I’m sending so much love your way because it sounds like you’ve got a lot going on too. You take care of that beautiful soul of yours. ❤️
My sister doesn't reply to my messages for days because she is too busy but she's on her phone all day. She intentionally ignores me for months. I'm over it and cutting ties for other reasons. She talks poorly about me toany. I deserve better since I'm worth and I give her sooooucj love and attention.
You do care because you are here crying for a text back & probably watching her on spy cams giving you the “silent treatment” while silently minding her business
@@vodkavuitton My guess is, he would prefer to NOT have a partner who abuses him in this way. He is probably here because it's a behavior that is very difficult to understand for him, and he still tries to understand it by watching videos... and, yes I do believe him, that he does not care ANYMORE about it, because that is where PEACE is at, for him, in this season of his life...
I just had a relationship for about 4/5 months with a lady. At first she appeared really nice, but after a while i would see different behaviour. Late responses in texts, short answers, strange whereabouts and such, caught her in lying. when i asked questions because i had my doubts about her honesty she would just ignore the questions. all the time actually. I was going to think it would change, we made certain promises to eachother, like just answering instead of jumping around them. Next day she continued doing it. I got so frustrated and became angry, and violent eventually. This is actually what she wanted, then she would tell everyone i've beaten her, and i was a narcissist etc. they dont look at their own behaviour. It made me doubt about myself so much, almost selfdestructive. This is day #1 for me to recover from the emotional abuse. wish me luck!
See yourself in a year, 5 years, 10 - is this the future you want for yourself? He won't ever change. Try reading Louise Hay's You Can Heal Your Life to build your self-esteem & learn to love & value yourself. If you take on board what she's saying, you will fly & won't look back
My father used silent treatment for 3 years. We lived in the same house. This painful situation gave me power to raise out of the situation and I left the country of origin in order to create distance. We did patch up afterwards but, apart of one yearly visit, I stayed away from this toxic environment for over 30 years. I did work on inner healing and learned how to set boundaries with this kind of people. Thank you for this great video💜🌟🦋🌸
When we share something important to us that has hurt us the narcissist will have no response to make sure we know they don't agree to invalidate our feelings about how we are treated.
I’m giving him the silent treatment right back😅 I’m almost out of the door anyways. To make a long and toxic Married story short; I was married and he was not, I was single and did not even know it. God has my back and I’m coming it on top of this🙌🏾🙏🏾
I’m so sorry Kira Same story with me I was married He was not So there really was no marriage I was a single mom while he went off with hundreds of others He’s giving me the silent treatment Im trying to heal and gain strength and grow close to the Lord during this time God bless and heal You and fill you with His love and joy and peace. Amen 🙏🏻❤️
See I learned from my narcissist mother to give it right back. She didn't talk to me I thought good riddance. This is from a woman who told me at birth she didn't want me because I was a low birth weight. It took a year but she called and I didn't say anything and she hung up. She called back and I said how do you like it. She said I don't know what you r talking about and I said neither do I. Whatever she did or said I mimicked her. She put me down I did it right back. She doesn't bother with me anymore and you know what I don't care. It's reallyvhard but when she tried to use me at a punching bag I punched right back. fight back
I'm dealing with the silent treatment right now from my husband. i honestly feel so much joy and comfort when he does this. it took some time getting used to, but i hate when the conversations are forced and about nothing. it took a while to get to this place, but here i am.
I've been on a silent treatment for almost 6 months except for a month ago when he yelled at me. I am on no contact again and this time I'm not breaking down. I'm a super empath but I can feel his games sometimes.
You can do this. And you will do this. You deserve better than this, Debbie. You deserve love and respect and someone who genuinely cares about your feelings and what’s happening in your life. You deserve a partner you can depend on. He does not deserve you. Let him go so you can pour all of that energy back into yourself and be renewed and ready for when real comes along. You can’t be open to someone better until you’ve let him go. You got this. ❤
I’ve had a fantastic childhood but my body went into defence mode simply because I was so disgusted that another human being could be so evil with their put downs, tactics,traps. I would never treat someone so cruelly and it’s just a game to them
I agree!! I did have a Narc mom but thank GOD my eyes were open at a young age and my Father was so kind and wonderful. It truly is hard to imagine. Someone you love could treat you w such contempt and wickedness. I get disgusted as well, but then I remember what and who I am. We are Gods Children and that makes us so strong!!!!!
My little sister is a narcissist and when she uses the silent treatment I am relieved that I am not being bombarded with her DRAMA !!! I do not need her trumped up Drama in my life so I am glad not to hear from her. I have my own family (husband of 32yrs and two sons) a great home, job and great life. I am very happy and want for nothing. She is miserable, divorced and alone with a daughter who has broken ties with her. So I do not need her pain nor her whining about her life. She made her bed now she has to lay down in it. The only time she would call me over the last several decades was to ask for money or for a shoulder to cry on. I do not need that S_ _T. I am happy without her in my life. She tries to drag me down into her messed up world and I do not need that.
It doesn't make me feel anything anymore, I've passed that stage. When my partner dishes out the silent treatment she gets it right back (and she hates it). I regard it as self inflicted damage. Working on getting out of this relationship, not hanging around for more emotional abuse, being ignored, devalued and used for money / stability.
I’ve been living like this for 11 yrs and 4 months… I just discovered this today… “ Covert Narrisist “ I didn’t think he was like anyone else… I started feeling crazy…. My stress level has been out of control… Thank you for this video…
I’m currently married to a covert narcissist and they’re the worse kind because of their charm and love bombing. Make plans to leave very soon and don’t tell him. ❤🙏🏾
This happens outside of actual human interaction too. Sending a thumbs up to every text message, or even worse leaving you on seen for weeks/months until you say something about it, then they say something like "how dare you?" or "you're too sensitive" or "i havent got time for this". Then you will see them moaning at various times how peoplr are rude for doing the same thing
My narcissist sister didn't speak to me for 8 months. During this time she didn't send me a birthday card, nor did she tell me she was travelling abroad to a cousins wedding (which I couldn't go to because I care for our mum). Today, I had to see her and it ended in a terrible way 🙈 not only with her being really angry and shouting at me but with me having to protect myself by responding so very very badly. I told her she was a narcissist and was gaslighting me, I told her she has learnt from the best, her husband. I feel so so terrible having lost my control in response. I wish I could have walked away but I was in a situation I couldn't escape from.
I’m so sorry you have to deal with her A friend gave me great advice Don’t react Just respond “I’m sorry you feel that way” and let it go It saved me when my sister was abusing me when we were preparing for our fathers memorial
@@GodisLove4Eternity that's good advice, I'm dreading the day my mother passes, not only because of the sadness I'll feel - but having to cope with her during that time
There a 2 ways that my narcissist communicates with me: Narcissistic rage including gaslighting, and the silent treatment. I'll take door number 2 any time until I can manage No Contact. Am feeling all of the things described in this vid, but will work on considering the silent treatment as a blessing.
Silent treatment is only annoying when you actually care for the person in question and strive for a better realtionship with them (even if they seem to not want to sometimes). If you don't then it's a blessing. Eventually though people who strive for positive change (which is impossible through silent treatment because communication is key) are driven to the not caring anymore stage
As a child, i was given daily silent treatments from my mother, when she was angry she wouldnt even aswer at all with even a word, she would tap her fingers hard on the table or slam kitchen doors. Interestingly enough, she mainly gave silent treatments when she was watching tv and smoking but completely didnt answer wen angry, what usually made her angry was when i wouldnt hold a conversation with her. I never ignored her but it seemed like the only time she wanted to talk was when i just got home from school or was watching a tv show i was really interested in. I felt like she was the CIA and interrogating me instead of talking to me, it was like being drilled with one question after another and it made me feel attacked. So i would get frustrated and answer with a few words of irritation. She would explode and cry, i would apologize and hug her but this cycle repeated about 4 times a year for years. I always wondered why she wouldnt talk or conversate other then when i was just walking in the door or busy, even when i was doing home work.
My sometimes violent, wife-beating, nearly 7ft father punished any "dissent" (read that as whenever he couldn't get his own way) in this manner. It could go on for days until he graciously decided to forgive whoever had dared to offend his lordship - me, my brother, my mum. I don't know what was worse - this (as kids we never knew what we'd done & walked on eggshells every day of our childhood) or the terrifying, incandescent with rage violence (he was so bloody big & tall). When he died in 2010 I felt nothing
I understand but in a smaller way. I felt nothing either when my father died. Although he wasn't violent he was silent. He could argue with me, a little child of 6,7,8 years old and then use that to withhold a measerly 5p of pocket money. A very sad individual.
At first I hated the silent treatment and now I look forward to it because im more at peace and functional when he's out inbetween someone elses sheets . I gained control of our child and thats the only reason he comes around is to attempt control of our child . Im glad I only have one child to protect because its been a very long and stressful battle to get to this point
My ex would put the phone down on and not answer my messages or calls all weekend and when Id had enough and would message to say I can’t do this anymore he would say he’s sorry and we would end up back together he used to say it was because he needed to calm down ! The last time he did it I ended it for good I have been no contact for a month nearly and I haven’t heard from him at all so I’m thinking he won’t contact me again and you’re right I felt it was always my fault I would feel panicked and abandoned and need to talk to him, I had already told him several times that I can’t cope with this behaviour I was sexually abused as a child and he knew everything about me but it made no difference I have started counselling and I am determined to not have this type of relationship again thank you for your videos they really help
One of the better channels here on UA-cam. I became the scapegoat of my family because of the narcissist smear campaign. They wrecked my image so that now everything i say or any topic i bring up that I KNOW is valid and interesting gets met with a reply " YOUR THE ONLY ONE THAT CARES ABOUT IT" further trying to make me the odd man out. My brother in law now talks to me this way all the time due to my sisters smear campaign which is set in motion by the ring leader~my mother. It's a no win situation with them. There all 4 year olds trapped in the bodies of adults .(arrested development )
I’m so glad I found this video! My ex won’t talk to me. And both my parents died !! He wasn’t there for me and I got mad at him so he gave me the silent treatment for 5 months ! Then I ignored him- then he ignored me back. It’s been this stupid game ! Now I’m at 10 months and I tried to call him and he did answer !! But he yelled at me about calling him at a decent hour . 🙄 I’m so over it by now I almost think it’s comical at this point Bye! I’m good and pretty much healed and over it by now
The key to handling it is to not internalise any meaning from the silence. So that their own silly emotions aren't empowered or validated. Get attention and validation out side of them. And redirect however these garbages make you feel back onto them.
I'm in the fight or flight situation right now. He just walks away and doesn't say anything. Tells me that he wants to give me space while I cool off. I can't take the control and yelling and defensiveness he does in me.
My 79 year old father is a grandiose narcissist that is a delusional hoarder. I tolerate him barely. My wife and teenagers can't stand him and I don't blame them. Your video really helped me... It took me over 40 years to learn what he is! and can't be changed...
Wife does this to me.. Everything is my fault and she is absolutely never wrong. About 2X a month she threatens to leave and goes immediately into silent mode. Sleeps on couch and treats me like I don't exist in my own home and I panic and convince her to stay each time. It lasts for a week or two and cycle starts over. She told me she was done again this past Sunday before church and hasn't spoke to me in 3 days. It's miserable.
If she is the powerful one in making decisions and regulating your life than it can be more torturing but if you are the one in more charge of affairs and decision making than it can't be narcissism but is actually the person's way of making spouse realize that your actions are hurting.... Many times both parties are right and need to communicate. Speak out about this behaviour's impact on your mental health and and encourage her to speak about hers ... Listen to her carefully.
Thanks for this. I left my partner 10yrs ago but I still carry the pain. He would go for weeks without speaking to me, he lived in the front room which then meant I lived in the bedroom. I would go from begging for conversation to just existing, I felt Ill and distressed constantly though I looked fine from the outside. And we worked together too. Bad times.
@Tropical StormXoX if you understand narcissism it's not that simple. It's called a trauma bond. The back and forth between love and abuse creates trauma bond much like a drug addiction which is difficult to break. You look for affection and love from the same person who abused you. You think maybe they are having a bad day or are depressed or whatever. You try to give them benefit of doubt but ya it takes a lot to break free. Don't be ignorant.
@Tropical StormXoX because you are trauma bonded by then! It's s psychological term that actually works as an addiction. So many victims when they try to leave the abuser become suicidal. It changes your brain chemistry.
@@tropicalstormxox9444 Why are you on this YT channel if you are not able to have empathy for people who are suffering from CPTSD? Oh, wait... maybe you are getting your narc supply from watching these videos? That would explain your behavior.
I remember even waiting for her to conversate as an adult, she would stay silent. So i got bored and i remember i was very tired, i was working 16 hrs a day and going through a divorce and taking lots of antidepressants and depressed cause of all my exs abuse so i would fall asleep on her couch and she would get irritated and try and wake me up and get my attention, talk to me so i couldnt fall asleep, then get mad and tell me to go sleep upstairs. It was confusing. Never wanted to talk but wen i gave up try to pry me to talk abd get upset wen she didnt get my attention. I never even saw this pattern until now, i thought it was normal. I was raised that way.
This one of the best videos I’ve seen about narcissism. The way you just described their SILENT TREATMENT was profound, and I understood in a way I never have before. Thank you! 😊 #Freedom #Healing
Thank you so much for sharing I was in a very narcissist relationship he was a narcissist person and it got really dangerous my friend had to call the cops I was locked in a building for days it was terrible. Since then I said nope I'm not getting into another relationship I'll stay single I think that's best decision I made. The worst decision I made was that I gave him all my heart and trusted him gave him chances and it ended up being lies and ended with a broken heart. And im empath I have always been highly sensitive person my whole life. Your totally amazing I'm glad I found your channel. Your a blessing 🌹💓 love Mel
I once got silent treatment from people I worked with and eventually started challenging people about because my work rate dropped due to not enjoying the job, to which they were of course dismissive of it, or literally carried on giving me silent treatment right there. One of my then "friends" said "If they dont want to speak with you just let them be. You dont get to tell them how they should behave". When I explained that its been going on to the point where something needs to be said otherwise if not challenged they just carry on doing it. He then replied "so what deal with it or quit". At this moment I lost all respect for him. After I was forced out he did little to defend me despite pretending to be one of my best friends for years. There is a reason I am not friends with them anymore obviously
Thank you. Because you are a therapist that instructs you on how to cope and gives tips on the solution. Because every other video does not do that. All they do is discuss what we already know, their traits, games, evilness, ect. things we already know
Hi Caroline, Matt here from NZ. I just wanted to comment about someone in our house who has not been diagnosed for "mental health and not been properly diagnosed for schizophrenia for many years". During the years, I have been living at our house here. I have been told to shut up and suffer the "consequence" of the individuals "mental disorder", for quite a long time. I understand that there are privacy laws, and doctor/patient confidentiality to be considered about anywhere you go in any nation. My question to you is "Should mental health, be kept silent, so that other's in the family or in other situations suffer that person's issues or should mental health be made for everyone to have open discussions about what is happening to people's lives or families?" My take on Narcissism is that I don't judge anyone on this planet. Narcissism, can be used to control other family member's life and well being, stop them from seeking support either from ringing someone or just wanting to seek help from a local counsellor (saying that is what is happening in our household situation at present). Just wondering in your situation when you married, your other half was wondering about who you going to ring in the way of getting support or just trying to reach for help groups over the phone??? Again just asking the question because the individual in our house, does not me to ring any support group or ring people of any place here in Auckland in NZ here about Mental Health. Would you call this over stepping the mark, and trying to abuse to threaten your life to keep your household and the situation quiet??? Hear from you soon. Matt
I spent the ENTIRE day trying so hard not to react. And by the last 15 minutes I said something. I was worried I would go home and fester. But I could tell She LOVED it. Ugh.
Thank you so much for this video, it's the most helpful one I've seen on coping with the silent treatment and UA-cam recommended it and your channel to me at just the right time. You're an angel, thanks again. ❤
I was told to eff off so i went. But after few weeks i text to ask how they were. They said okay and asked how i was . I said good and then i signed off by empathetically telling them to "take care." So empowering
I welcome the silent treatment. When he states that he will take a week off because he is so upset with me I say fine. I need the week off also. I start literally packing his bag.
But he is just manufacturing a way to be in and out of the relationship. This is my situation also. Its kind of like getting you to believe you chose it in the first place, but making you get so hurt and upset that you choose disconnection as well.
@@viciouscircle7802 hasn't worked out that way for me. I would hope he would just stay away, but usually he goes around the block then comes back. I expressed to him I can love him from a distance. I can let go. He doesn't like that.
Do note there are people that are not narcs that would be great male/female for you. Both my sister and her husband has zero narc traits and they fit well together. I left my narc 2002 and have remained single since then. Also God showed me a way to spot narcs. So i avoid them like potholes in the road.
I'm seeing their silence as my reward for not disturbing them. I went no contact last November, 6 months ago, because they traumatized me with their screaming, yelling, and accusing rages. When they couldn't hoover me back by changing the subject (without apologizing), they went silent. That's when I realized they are dangerous Narcissists, and I wanted nothing to do with them. But they have commandeered my house, locked me out of their seized spaces, and they move about freely through my rooms with entitlement. I really have to be careful not to react in my anger toward them, as I suspect they are hoping I will do, because I am terrified of bringing on another raging attack and further punishment. Law enforcement will not help me; they are happy only to come out and tell me what I cannot do to limit the charming Narcs' from fully accessing my whole house, including utilities and resources. Their silent treatment is only a respite from the nightmare I can't find a way to wake myself from.
My recent ex used the silent treatment for control. I ignored her right back so it never moved beyond short term silent treatments. Had I reacted emotionally she would have increased the duration. We broke up after 3 months and I walked away and have gone no contact. She wanted to end the relationship because all of her manipulation tactics failed and she had little to no control of me.
Mine lasted for almost a year and started after I became upset at the narcissistic person that made fun of my disability. On my birthday the person reached out again, in a cheerful way, as if nothing had ever happened. I thought why now? I moved on and did not look back.
my mother has been giving me the silent treatment for four years (so far). Four years and one week. But when she agreed to speak to me briefly last year, she told me that it was merely my perception that she was giving me the silent treatment. whaaaaaaaat. I lost my sh1t and screamed at her so she has the comfort of being The Victim. I have been thinking about it over the last year obviously and I think she believes that she is protecting herself from my perspective. In her eyes there is *one* perspective, hers, and I'm not entitled to have my own subjective experience of her. She (not I) will be the judge of whether she has done anything wrong. She says she has done nothing wrong. She (not i), will be the judge of whether or not I'm hurt. She says I'm not. I'm hurting *her* by claiming erroneously to be hurt. So she has withdrawn to protect herself from my ''hurtful'' perspective that I deserved to be heard. Respect in a relationship means Reflect back MY VIEW OF ME. So if I don't do that, I'm hurting her. In the family, she is more powerful than me. All of the family has stood behind her and backed up her right to accept nothing but total acquiescence to her narratives.
Silent treatment is what my youngest daughter, when she was 5 years old would do, when I would say "NO" to her... It's the reaction of a YOUNG CHILD.... You need to understand you are dealing with the psyche of a YOUNG CHILD, even if the body is one of an adult... DO NOT STRESS OUT OVER IT... You are the stronger one, the stable one, the mature one, if you understand that... REGAIN YOUR OWN CONFIDENCE AND AUTONOMY OF CHARACTER, if it is your weakness and if you needed VALIDATION all your life... seek validation to the most CREDIBLE PERSON IN THE WORLD... YOU... Validate yourself. Be mature, be stable.
Its so painful to be stonewalled and ignored for days on end. Im in the process of trying to to find my own place. He would not treat me how he does if we didnt live together. I cant say anything or its me with the issues and problems. Im the issue and stresser of the relationship. Calls me the covert narcissist. Maybe its because i mirror what he does. A year ago when i started speaking up he would kick me out every time. I started to stay quiet again for fear of upsetting him. Hes fine if I dont have any issues or feelings. He can be mad, frustrated or upset but I cant. If i say something I can leave I know where the door is. All I said was I wanted kind consistent and loving communication and to have more dates and quality time just us. I have to just face reality that this is not a healthy environment and staying in a relationship where we cant communicate means its time to make a change as hard as it is.
I live with two Narcissist family members and the silent treatment has just begun! 2 days of locking themselves and family members in different rooms, and laughing out loud when i move around the house. Normally they detest each other, but have closed ranks and she is right you do go into freeze flight mode. If i say anything before the silent treatment started i just get told come on now why you being like this for pack it in now. And i have not even argued with them, I just have to put up with it I guess, till i move on with my life. They are driving me insane
My husband will ignore me and not speak to me for up to a month. He does this often. He will call me names and put me down daily(loser, stupid, useless, c-word, b-word, he tells me no one likes me etc. and then he will ignore me withholding any communication for days weeks, a month. I have no self esteem left. I am exhausted mentally and emotionally and physically. This is ruining my life. I have said if he feels this way a divorce is the right thing to do (he wont go to counselling) Then he is even nastier. He threatens to leave me with nothing. He will say demoralizing things about me in front of our kids. It is a nightmare. I cant win. I feel defeated and weak and I cant see a way out.
Wife does similar to me.. Everything is my fault and she is absolutely never wrong. About 2X a month she threatens to leave and goes immediately into silent mode. Treats me like I don't exist in my own home.of course I panic and convince her to stay. She told me she was done this past Sunday before church and hasn't spoke to me in 3 days. It's miserable.
I’m getting married and my sister the narc is so angry she shows no interest in my wedding day coming up hasn’t even asked me one question just zero when I asked her if she was coming she said she has another wedding a girl she fell out with and hated just last week who’s wedding is one month before mine so I don’t understand what it has to do with attending my wedding . When I told her she is very self involved and hasn’t even asked me one question about my wedding or shown any interest she started an argument when I responded she refused to listen to me and started the silent treatment. It’s sad she’s my sister but I’ve reached the point I want to block her out of my life completely.
Im using this times silent treatment to literally take care of myself. I turned off my phone i use for calls and messenger so i cant even communicate with my husband or even know if hes still giving me the silent treatment. He got mad and took off lastnight in the only vehicke we have, slefish, yes. Iv been taking the day to take xare of myslelf and have myself prayed up for the moment he returns. I am going to take a shower and comb my hair and get dressed and do my laundry and just ignore him and his game. I am also reaching out to family to help me get out. Im also fogiving myself and just being in my own mind and body and since im the one with the job im looking at my finances and deciding ehere i can start putting money back to get out. Hes beaten me down for yesrs and im not going through it abother year.
I think its understandable if you feel annoyed or angry with the silent treatment. You should tell them how you feel if you can and if they dont care that is their problem. If they willl continue doing that, that that hurt you, that that should be formally illegal, you are going to keep away as you want a normal relationship and not this mess. So with all respect you tell them that you are sad, frustrated and even getting angry and they mau know it and you dont want that so if they are not able to change something has to happen, and you think thats trying to end yhe relationship with all the pain that that involves. As you wanted a good relationship as you have possibly experienced before. I know it can be painful as you feel attracted to them but things just dont work well. What can you do?
What if the narcissists are your adult children, and you know you’ve done nothing to warrant their behavior? My husband is also a narcissist, and has alienated my two adult children against me. They are like a click and they leave me out of everything pertaining to family issues as if I were a stranger, and I don’t belong. My narcissistic son and my husband still live with me.
This will sound brutal, but may help with your healing. Without realising it, you may believe you have "done nothing" but it is possible that you lived out your programming of being a "good wife" and mother and without seeing it, your husband used you from the moment you met. I'm not saying that you did anything wrong, just that the act of "doing nothing" is unfortunately doing something. I have to ask, is there a threat of violence if you were to call out any of their words or actions? Do you have a support unit so you can get away from them? I've seen homes where the husbands have used their wives as the butt of jokes and they play it off as "just having fun." It looks innocent when the kids are young, but what it does is condition the children to disrespect their mothers once they become adults. It's a form of triangulation.
Oh. My. Goodness. My husband has modeled terrible behavior/treatment to our son & he treats me the same way. It's like I'm invisible. I didn't realize til I read your statement that it's a form of triangulation. He is leaving for college in 2 months. Spose he'll try triangulation with our daughter who is a senior.😢
There's so many forms of abuse is it really worth it to learn about them ? If abuse is everywhere, can't escape it. I always get fired by them and im sick of it.
Knowledge is power. Knowing a pothole is coming towards your car and avoiding it is better than not knowing. Fear controls anger, fear drives us when we dont know. If you empower yourself to know, then you become friends with your fear and that way you are the winner. Ever seen those athletes running hurdle races. That is what we must become as empaths. vs narcs.
They are acting like a complete manchild but it's to regain control over a situation person, freind, husband, wife, child, etc. Control it's all about Maintaining control.
My husband hasn’t talked to me in almost 24 hours. We have a child and he hasn’t even called to check on our child. I already have a very deep wound of being neglected by my father and I told my husband that and how I felt about when he does the silent treatment.and he still does it and will not respect me. It gives me a lot of panic which eventually leads to a panic attack so I end up cracking and calling him first
I wish i could afford it but sadly i cant i am in a family shleter with my 8 hr old daughter and just left mine and i dont get help or anything im teying tl fix damage he caused
33 years of silent treatment on and off didn’t know when it was coming the longest one year I realised that in all these years he never ever said my name out of it now because he left me
Thank you for your effort, Mrs Strawson! He started silent treatment 4 months ago. I totally disappeared and he haven't heard of me ever since. I wonder, why didn't he try to reach me out at all? It's been 4 months🤔🙄
This was such a fantastic video. Thank you so much!! I was just wondering, I heard you use the word “Thrivers Community” and I was wondering if that was taken from Melanie Tonia Evans’ channel? I listened to her a few years ago and she seems like such a lovely person (with a very similar accent) and I would feel bad if that was taken off of her channel? Thank you very much! 🙏
My ex currently claimed I wasn't paying him the money for the bills I "owed" him when I left because I was using that to talk to him, but I actually didn't have the money because I put myself first for once. As soon as I gave him the money, he tried telling me I owed him more and didn't care about him or his kids...😩 and that he had to sell his xbox to catch up on bills, but someone in his life told me he didn't have to sell it, and he had bought the new Harry Potter game that just came out. I feel like a fool. Everything was always my fault, and when I tried explaining things to him he kept telling me I was only fitting it to my narrative!? I left because I was getting uncomfortable, and felt like he was using me as babysitter for his 2 kids. And he has me blocked on most social media, except for the one I blocked him on....He has done this 4 times in the past 8 years....This was the worst experience I have had with him. I hope he stays away, he always catches me when I'm FINALLY happy with life. He comes back after his relationship doesn't work....
Keep reading the last sentence you wrote. And go no contact! If he can contact you, your not doing it right. Narcissist think they own you. And think they can come back anytime “. Especially if you keep taking them back. And each time that they do they treat you worse. Cause they want to see the limit they can bring….Cause in their eyes you must like the way they treated you cause he/she took me back…..
Are you serious? He comes back? Cold day in hell. Then you say after you're happy? He comes back again? Seems to me if you were happy apparently you don't need him. Block the loser!
I wish I seen these signs early on in my marriage 😢 my husband did that to me too often. & of course he started cheating smh. I’ve been with this guy too long I’m planning on filing for divorce this year. Now that I’m able to & my finances are getting back on track 😊I can’t wait to be set free!
The Silent Treatment was her go to weapon of choice when she wanted to make me feel like I would lose her. I Finally stopped playing along a few months ago. She can be someone else's migraine now, and quite frankly will be a lonely old woman. The dating field isn't so green for someone in their mid 50's who acts like she's an EMO High School Teenager.
It is so SHOCKING that he kept doing it to ME he wouldn’t stop 🛑!!!! I have NEVER 👎 in my life had anyone do this to ME !!! It is absolutely disgusting their evil 👿 behavior!!!! It is so SHOCKING that he can’t take RESPONSIBILITY for how he treated me
@@chrishellmax it’s so SiCK how warped and stuff a few people told me along time ago that he had BRAIN 🧠 DAMAGE!!!! I didn’t want to believe them but now I see the signs loud and crystal clear !!! He even said he couldn’t REMEMBER Anything!!!! He does has done so many cruel, horrible, vindictive, violent, SHOCKING things that I have NEVER in my life had anyone treat me like this not even the guys I thought 💭 were bad !!!! They look 👀 like Angels 👼 compared to this GUY!!! No I would never 👎 ever date those guys either !!! I’m so mad 😡 at myself I have wasted 15 years of my life thinking 🤔 things would get better ❤️🩹!!! He was stringing along a ex girlfriend I had to tell her the truth and I’m glad her parents found out because they can protect her !!! Their is no telling how many of her years he has wasted !!! He doesn’t care how much time he has wasted or what I have even been threw !!!! I didn’t ever think 💭 that I could put up with !!! It was absolutely horrible!!’ He threatened to leave me on the side of the street and leave my bags and everything with ME!! I have never 👎 even had a man treat Ms like that !!! He is the devil 👿 He
The silent treatment is one of the most vile forms of abuse
Indeed it is!
Not replying within hours, short answered just like Ok, after you expressed your feelings. It's crazy, and you become insane eventually because of their behaviour. They just feed themselves on that.
It is extremely vile. It's like are they are human! Only demons do that
My mother has done this to me my entire life. When she brings it up now, she laughs about it because she thinks it’s funny because she thinks it worked. She would ignore me for days & even weeks until I apologized to her. She always said it was because I treated her badly. This coming from the mother who told me when I was about 8 years old, she said I know you love your father more than you love me. I was confused. But I knew that I was closer to my dad because he respected me & showed me love. I brought this up to her recently & she said because you always took your dads side. I have no idea what she’s talking about. I was never close to her because she always hurt me. I dont remember any good times with her. I’m sure there must be but I have blocked out almost my entire childhood. I dont remember most of it. I wish I could forget the bad memories & remember the good ones. I have never felt so alone since losing my dad. He was my best friend. She never reaches out to me unless she needs something. I check in on her a few days a week to make sure she’s ok. She loves to play tit for tat with certain people. She is so good to some people & so bad to others. And she calls herself a Christian. But a good person doesn’t play tit for tat, especially a Christian. No one is perfect but that is done intentionally to hurt people. So many people think she’s this lovable old Christian lady. Yeah until she’s angry. It’s always about her. I went 45 years without ever telling her how I felt. I have only told her a few things. Thinking maybe she would apologize but no, she just says, oh I was a bad Mom. Then I just say, no you weren’t. And it never goes anywhere. It’s absolutely awful. She always makes me feel bad when I just want to feel better.
I feel your pain and hurt and confusion it’s hell on earth and really hurts deeply to have a mother who can’t show or give love only take and bleed you dry. I have been I’ll my entire adult life running after looking after and draining my mental and emotional physical health. I honestly didn’t even realise this was my life because of childhood brain washing. Every relationship is hindered and hard because you don’t know how to love and respect yourself, so you attract people who treat you like crap. As this is how you feel about yourself. I am saying this to you because it sounds like me. Very sorry to say I am now 58 years old yes I can’t believe it myself. She still treats me like crap and she is worse with old age please look after yourself. Learn how to love yourself and not need her love or approval as it honestly will never come. Don’t waste your life as I have because a sadistic cruel vindictive narcissist mother brain washed me please don’t waste your life like I have Sending you lots of love like we all deserve even if narcissistic parents can’t give it give to yourself unconditional love ❤️
@@susanmeadows4680yes it is demonic; it helps to see it as such
I just keep telling him he's teaching me how to live without him
Same
Stop yelling him. As Nike says, "Just do it."
Too true.
They get caught in their own net.
The Silent treatment makes you detach from them.
I soon began to mirror his silent treatment. Not abusive; it was time to be Assertive (silently).
As the silent treatment intensified, I began to focus on new hobbies, acquiring new skills, new friends and soon, we were fading away.
To fade away is softer on the heart and Soul than to suddenly walk away without closure, I learnt 💫
You can only control two things: your thoughts and actions. You are not responsible for anyone else's actions.
Let's not make excuses for them.
They know what they're doing.
This is what they do .
It's about getting their own way.
It's simple, easy to see what their game is.
Think more of yourself.
You are entitled to better!!!!!!
💯🙏👍.
Thank you so much!!! I’ve had years of this type of treatment from my husband. You’d think I’d be over it by now and could handle it….I still get hurt tho. This video has really helped me to understand and yours and others comments are so incredibly helpful!!!!
When you realize how pathetic they are, you stop being bothered. They think they are punishing you putting you in Time Out but they are actually throwing a tantrum, as a sulky small kid who doesn't get his own way would do. Even so, their immaturity hurts you...if you let it. In any case, you deserve so much better. Slowly dig your way out of that prison.
💯 sulky small kid not getting his way and throwing a tantrum is exactly how I explained it earlier to someone. He’s 57. Pathetic, some people never grow up ever.
When a narc tried the silent treatment with me I pretended that I didn’t even notice they got upset because it showed them how pathetic they are
I think they get mad when you dont care. Usually silent treatment is all about control and conditioning and if the victim refuses to play into it then they srent getting their way and therefore have no control.
This is the best approach I think!!❤🎉
"How dare you ignore me ignoring you!!!"
When the narcissist ignores me I am in heaven
I will say when he decides he wants to ignore me, as the days go by i start to feel happier and happier, whereas when he decides he actually wants to speak to me i feel all these impossible emotions too many at a time and soo many expressions and wishful thinking all to be ruined and chattered by crumb like responses i receive from the narc. which only grows within me a hopeless despair trying to grasp a black void of nothingness. Hey i think i kinda like it without all the games who needs it, atleast now I'm actually smiling. 😊😊
❤❤❤ me2
Damn right!
Yes, that is the best part. Been divorced for almost 5 years. It is so wonderful!
I don’t because it’s my mother.
I don't know what's happening to me this days I don't react to the silent treatment anymore.. I just continue with my day like nothing is happening.. Before it used to eat me up
I called it acceptance. It’s their conditioning us.
I was just on silent treatment for a week, even though I begged him to talk to me. He lured me back in with a vulnerable text and when I took the bait he yelled at me for 10 minutes last night. I said nothing. Now we’re back on punishment and the silent treatment is back in place. What he doesn’t know is that during the time that he’s been giving me the silent treatment, my best friend of 23 years unexpectedly died, and when he yelled at me I had just gotten home from her viewing. We buried her today. He doesn’t understand that we are now on no contact forever. But he’ll figure it out I guess when he starts hoovering. He can go to hell.
Read your post .it bought tears too my eyes..as u was already going through so..much.. and had that too ..that's ofton a problem with people..they don't think...u too could ne going.. throught. So..much.... very sorry for your loss. .I'm going throught a similar thing and yes it's painful .pls take care...God bless
Stay strong you can do it
@@deborahocampo852 thank you so much for your kind words. I’m sending so much love your way because it sounds like you’ve got a lot going on too. You take care of that beautiful soul of yours. ❤️
@@kristina7901 thank you so much. I appreciate your vote of confidence. 💪🏻❤️
How long did u cope with this narcissistic boyfriend ? (Months, Years?)
I hope u’ve left him ...And no turning back
I'll never beg anyone for anything. Tell them to get lost, your worth more than that.
- The silent treatment .. Return to Sender !
When a person gives you the silent treatment get out of the relationship real silently lmmao
😂😂😂😂 HAHAHAHA😊
Yes take it as your opportunity to move on 🙏 in peace
I actually love it when she ignores me. It’s a huge relief.
My sister doesn't reply to my messages for days because she is too busy but she's on her phone all day. She intentionally ignores me for months. I'm over it and cutting ties for other reasons. She talks poorly about me toany. I deserve better since I'm worth and I give her sooooucj love and attention.
Silent treatment is the best! Peace and quiet. She don't realize I don't care haha. I can do this forever.
EXACTLY
But you do care, that’s why you watched this video. It’s just easier to say you don’t.
You do care because you are here crying for a text back & probably watching her on spy cams giving you the “silent treatment” while silently minding her business
@@vodkavuitton My guess is, he would prefer to NOT have a partner who abuses him in this way. He is probably here because it's a behavior that is very difficult to understand for him, and he still tries to understand it by watching videos... and, yes I do believe him, that he does not care ANYMORE about it, because that is where PEACE is at, for him, in this season of his life...
I love this. Narcississt out of my house again. I need y'all more than ever. I dont want him back, but I need strength.
You have to do this go No Contact so u can heal 🙏🏽💯♌️💯🙏🏽
I just had a relationship for about 4/5 months with a lady. At first she appeared really nice, but after a while i would see different behaviour. Late responses in texts, short answers, strange whereabouts and such, caught her in lying. when i asked questions because i had my doubts about her honesty she would just ignore the questions. all the time actually. I was going to think it would change, we made certain promises to eachother, like just answering instead of jumping around them. Next day she continued doing it.
I got so frustrated and became angry, and violent eventually. This is actually what she wanted, then she would tell everyone i've beaten her, and i was a narcissist etc. they dont look at their own behaviour. It made me doubt about myself so much, almost selfdestructive.
This is day #1 for me to recover from the emotional abuse. wish me luck!
@TheEmperor Greatest hopefully you didn't hit her.
@@TEG221 you should never put your hands on anyone. If you ever feel the need to do that, walk away from the person.
See yourself in a year, 5 years, 10 - is this the future you want for yourself? He won't ever change. Try reading Louise Hay's You Can Heal Your Life to build your self-esteem & learn to love & value yourself. If you take on board what she's saying, you will fly & won't look back
Thank you! So very helpful. The silent treatment hurts so much. These narcissists can't have any heart at all.
My father used silent treatment for 3 years. We lived in the same house. This painful situation gave me power to raise out of the situation and I left the country of origin in order to create distance. We did patch up afterwards but, apart of one yearly visit, I stayed away from this toxic environment for over 30 years. I did work on inner healing and learned how to set boundaries with this kind of people. Thank you for this great video💜🌟🦋🌸
Definitely narcissistic, they probably don't even know WHY they're doing it. They just have to punish u
my dad stopped speaking to me for 5 years when i was 17 over nothing -
When we share something important to us that has hurt us the narcissist will have no response to make sure we know they don't agree to invalidate our feelings about how we are treated.
I’m giving him the silent treatment right back😅 I’m almost out of the door anyways. To make a long and toxic Married story short; I was married and he was not, I was single and did not even know it. God has my back and I’m coming it on top of this🙌🏾🙏🏾
I’m so sorry Kira
Same story with me
I was married
He was not
So there really was no marriage
I was a single mom while he went off with hundreds of others
He’s giving me the silent treatment
Im trying to heal and gain strength and grow close to the Lord during this time
God bless and heal You and fill you with His love and joy and peace. Amen 🙏🏻❤️
You can edit YT comments without the edit now?
See I learned from my narcissist mother to give it right back. She didn't talk to me I thought good riddance. This is from a woman who told me at birth she didn't want me because I was a low birth weight. It took a year but she called and I didn't say anything and she hung up. She called back and I said how do you like it. She said I don't know what you r talking about and I said neither do I. Whatever she did or said I mimicked her. She put me down I did it right back. She doesn't bother with me anymore and you know what I don't care. It's reallyvhard but when she tried to use me at a punching bag I punched right back. fight back
I'm dealing with the silent treatment right now from my husband. i honestly feel so much joy and comfort when he does this. it took some time getting used to, but i hate when the conversations are forced and about nothing. it took a while to get to this place, but here i am.
My husband is silent treating me right now too after abandoning me 😮in the middle of a disagreement! Just walk out and said good bye
@@judithgakiilegei4765 so what are you going to do about it ?
You feel joy? You are as sick as he is
@@epicweldepicweld5857 🤣🤣🤣
I have to let this sink in, their disrespect is not a reflection of my worth and dignity ❤❤ more love within.
I've been on a silent treatment for almost 6 months except for a month ago when he yelled at me. I am on no contact again and this time I'm not breaking down. I'm a super empath but I can feel his games sometimes.
My silent treatments go for at least 2 years at a time, and boom he is back.
Go Debbie! Go Debbie! 🏆🤗🙋♀️❤️
Using dark empathy to manipulate you ? That’s messed up
You can do this. And you will do this. You deserve better than this, Debbie. You deserve love and respect and someone who genuinely cares about your feelings and what’s happening in your life. You deserve a partner you can depend on. He does not deserve you. Let him go so you can pour all of that energy back into yourself and be renewed and ready for when real comes along. You can’t be open to someone better until you’ve let him go. You got this. ❤
I’ve had a fantastic childhood but my body went into defence mode simply because I was so disgusted that another human being could be so evil with their put downs, tactics,traps. I would never treat someone so cruelly and it’s just a game to them
I agree!! I did have a Narc mom but thank GOD my eyes were open at a young age and my Father was so kind and wonderful. It truly is hard to imagine. Someone you love could treat you w such contempt and wickedness. I get disgusted as well, but then I remember what and who I am. We are Gods Children and that makes us so strong!!!!!
You want someone to care so bad. Go take your meds & leave us alone 😂😂
@@vodkavuitton huh? What are you even talking about ?
My little sister is a narcissist and when she uses the silent treatment I am relieved that I am not being bombarded with her DRAMA !!! I do not need her trumped up Drama in my life so I am glad not to hear from her. I have my own family (husband of 32yrs and two sons) a great home, job and great life. I am very happy and want for nothing. She is miserable, divorced and alone with a daughter who has broken ties with her. So I do not need her pain nor her whining about her life. She made her bed now she has to lay down in it. The only time she would call me over the last several decades was to ask for money or for a shoulder to cry on. I do not need that S_ _T. I am happy without her in my life. She tries to drag me down into her messed up world and I do not need that.
It doesn't make me feel anything anymore, I've passed that stage.
When my partner dishes out the silent treatment she gets it right back (and she hates it).
I regard it as self inflicted damage.
Working on getting out of this relationship, not hanging around for more emotional abuse, being ignored, devalued and used for money / stability.
I’ve learned to be most productive when he’s giving me the silent treatment. It’s when I get the most done - I can finally think.
Same! My plan is to disappear when they least expect it. These people are terrible.
I’ve been living like this for 11 yrs and 4 months… I just discovered this today… “ Covert Narrisist “ I didn’t think he was like anyone else… I started feeling crazy…. My stress level has been out of control… Thank you for this video…
I’m currently married to a covert narcissist and they’re the worse kind because of their charm and love bombing. Make plans to leave very soon and don’t tell him. ❤🙏🏾
This happens outside of actual human interaction too. Sending a thumbs up to every text message, or even worse leaving you on seen for weeks/months until you say something about it, then they say something like "how dare you?" or "you're too sensitive" or "i havent got time for this". Then you will see them moaning at various times how peoplr are rude for doing the same thing
My narcissist sister didn't speak to me for 8 months. During this time she didn't send me a birthday card, nor did she tell me she was travelling abroad to a cousins wedding (which I couldn't go to because I care for our mum). Today, I had to see her and it ended in a terrible way 🙈 not only with her being really angry and shouting at me but with me having to protect myself by responding so very very badly. I told her she was a narcissist and was gaslighting me, I told her she has learnt from the best, her husband. I feel so so terrible having lost my control in response. I wish I could have walked away but I was in a situation I couldn't escape from.
I’m so sorry you have to deal with her
A friend gave me great advice
Don’t react
Just respond “I’m sorry you feel that way” and let it go
It saved me when my sister was abusing me when we were preparing for our fathers memorial
@@GodisLove4Eternity that's good advice, I'm dreading the day my mother passes, not only because of the sadness I'll feel - but having to cope with her during that time
@@bygrace24 lord please give you wisdom and peace and help! 🙏🏻❤️ amen
There a 2 ways that my narcissist communicates with me:
Narcissistic rage including gaslighting, and the silent treatment.
I'll take door number 2 any time until I can manage No Contact. Am feeling all of the things described in this vid, but will work on considering the silent treatment as a blessing.
Silent treatment is only annoying when you actually care for the person in question and strive for a better realtionship with them (even if they seem to not want to sometimes). If you don't then it's a blessing.
Eventually though people who strive for positive change (which is impossible through silent treatment because communication is key) are driven to the not caring anymore stage
As a child, i was given daily silent treatments from my mother, when she was angry she wouldnt even aswer at all with even a word, she would tap her fingers hard on the table or slam kitchen doors. Interestingly enough, she mainly gave silent treatments when she was watching tv and smoking but completely didnt answer wen angry, what usually made her angry was when i wouldnt hold a conversation with her. I never ignored her but it seemed like the only time she wanted to talk was when i just got home from school or was watching a tv show i was really interested in. I felt like she was the CIA and interrogating me instead of talking to me, it was like being drilled with one question after another and it made me feel attacked. So i would get frustrated and answer with a few words of irritation. She would explode and cry, i would apologize and hug her but this cycle repeated about 4 times a year for years. I always wondered why she wouldnt talk or conversate other then when i was just walking in the door or busy, even when i was doing home work.
My sometimes violent, wife-beating, nearly 7ft father punished any "dissent" (read that as whenever he couldn't get his own way) in this manner. It could go on for days until he graciously decided to forgive whoever had dared to offend his lordship - me, my brother, my mum. I don't know what was worse - this (as kids we never knew what we'd done & walked on eggshells every day of our childhood) or the terrifying, incandescent with rage violence (he was so bloody big & tall). When he died in 2010 I felt nothing
I understand but in a smaller way. I felt nothing either when my father died. Although he wasn't violent he was silent. He could argue with me, a little child of 6,7,8 years old and then use that to withhold a measerly 5p of pocket money. A very sad individual.
Explains so clearly about the child response to the silent treatment. Will be able to catch what’s happening in the future when narcissists do that!
At first I hated the silent treatment and now I look forward to it because im more at peace and functional when he's out inbetween someone elses sheets . I gained control of our child and thats the only reason he comes around is to attempt control of our child . Im glad I only have one child to protect because its been a very long and stressful battle to get to this point
My ex would put the phone down on and not answer my messages or calls all weekend and when Id had enough and would message to say I can’t do this anymore he would say he’s sorry and we would end up back together he used to say it was because he needed to calm down ! The last time he did it I ended it for good I have been no contact for a month nearly and I haven’t heard from him at all so I’m thinking he won’t contact me again and you’re right I felt it was always my fault I would feel panicked and abandoned and need to talk to him, I had already told him several times that I can’t cope with this behaviour I was sexually abused as a child and he knew everything about me but it made no difference I have started counselling and I am determined to not have this type of relationship again thank you for your videos they really help
Omg this is my story I am not alone 👌🏽
This is my story too 😢
This is my gf’s go-to tactic and it frustrates me to no end. I’ve started to just leave the room after a few minutes of the behavior.
One of the better channels here on UA-cam. I became the scapegoat of my family because of the narcissist smear campaign. They wrecked my image so that now everything i say or any topic i bring up that I KNOW is valid and interesting gets met with a reply " YOUR THE ONLY ONE THAT CARES ABOUT IT" further trying to make me the odd man out. My brother in law now talks to me this way all the time due to my sisters smear campaign which is set in motion by the ring leader~my mother. It's a no win situation with them. There all 4 year olds trapped in the bodies of adults .(arrested development )
How awful
I’m so glad I found this video!
My ex won’t talk to me.
And both my parents died !! He wasn’t there for me and I got mad at him so he gave me the silent treatment for 5 months ! Then I ignored him- then he ignored me back. It’s been this stupid game !
Now I’m at 10 months and I tried to call him and he did answer !! But he yelled at me about calling him at a decent hour . 🙄
I’m so over it by now I almost think it’s comical at this point
Bye! I’m good and pretty much healed and over it by now
The key to handling it is to not internalise any meaning from the silence. So that their own silly emotions aren't empowered or validated. Get attention and validation out side of them. And redirect however these garbages make you feel back onto them.
Not all silent treatment is a narcissistic behavior it depends on the situation,Amen🙏
I realised my mum had pituitary and thyroid problems and vitamin deficiencies, which were untreated throughout my childhood, and her own childhood.
I'm in the fight or flight situation right now. He just walks away and doesn't say anything. Tells me that he wants to give me space while I cool off. I can't take the control and yelling and defensiveness he does in me.
He yells and becomes defensive?
Spread those wings and put flight ✈️ mode on .
Wait for a better day and join us on a beech of happiness 😊
@@rtphotos4691 tell tail sign of a defence mechanism
My ex uses silent treatment then when I call him out for it he blocked me he comes and goes when he feels like it tries to blame things on me
My 79 year old father is a grandiose narcissist that is a delusional hoarder. I tolerate him barely. My wife and teenagers can't stand him and I don't blame them. Your video really helped me... It took me over 40 years to learn what he is! and can't be changed...
I'm so done. I don't talk to ghosts they get confused when you do it back 😅 why ?? So surprised when you do the what I call the narc back..
Wife does this to me..
Everything is my fault and she is absolutely never wrong. About 2X a month she threatens to leave and goes immediately into silent mode. Sleeps on couch and treats me like I don't exist in my own home and I panic and convince her to stay each time. It lasts for a week or two and cycle starts over. She told me she was done again this past Sunday before church and hasn't spoke to me in 3 days. It's miserable.
If she is the powerful one in making decisions and regulating your life than it can be more torturing but if you are the one in more charge of affairs and decision making than it can't be narcissism but is actually the person's way of making spouse realize that your actions are hurting.... Many times both parties are right and need to communicate. Speak out about this behaviour's impact on your mental health and and encourage her to speak about hers ... Listen to her carefully.
Thanks for this.
I left my partner 10yrs ago but I still carry the pain. He would go for weeks without speaking to me, he lived in the front room which then meant I lived in the bedroom. I would go from begging for conversation to just existing, I felt Ill and distressed constantly though I looked fine from the outside. And we worked together too. Bad times.
All i am hearing is blaming the so called narcissist. People can chose who to speak to. Break up with them if u dont like it simple
@Tropical StormXoX if you understand narcissism it's not that simple. It's called a trauma bond. The back and forth between love and abuse creates trauma bond much like a drug addiction which is difficult to break. You look for affection and love from the same person who abused you. You think maybe they are having a bad day or are depressed or whatever. You try to give them benefit of doubt but ya it takes a lot to break free. Don't be ignorant.
@@nikis7098 i understand that but you also need to be boundaried. Why would you bother with someone not speaking to you
@Tropical StormXoX because you are trauma bonded by then! It's s psychological term that actually works as an addiction. So many victims when they try to leave the abuser become suicidal. It changes your brain chemistry.
@@tropicalstormxox9444 Why are you on this YT channel if you are not able to have empathy for people who are suffering from CPTSD?
Oh, wait... maybe you are getting your narc supply from watching these videos? That would explain your behavior.
My husband does this EVERY full moon. It's bizarre.
I remember even waiting for her to conversate as an adult, she would stay silent. So i got bored and i remember i was very tired, i was working 16 hrs a day and going through a divorce and taking lots of antidepressants and depressed cause of all my exs abuse so i would fall asleep on her couch and she would get irritated and try and wake me up and get my attention, talk to me so i couldnt fall asleep, then get mad and tell me to go sleep upstairs. It was confusing. Never wanted to talk but wen i gave up try to pry me to talk abd get upset wen she didnt get my attention. I never even saw this pattern until now, i thought it was normal. I was raised that way.
Thank you so much for your help .I agree with you silent treatment is really a torture .Great information
Thanks for watching & so glad it's helping you 🥰 x
This one of the best videos I’ve seen about narcissism. The way you just described their SILENT TREATMENT was profound, and I understood in a way I never have before. Thank you! 😊
#Freedom #Healing
Thank you so much for sharing I was in a very narcissist relationship he was a narcissist person and it got really dangerous my friend had to call the cops I was locked in a building for days it was terrible. Since then I said nope I'm not getting into another relationship I'll stay single I think that's best decision I made. The worst decision I made was that I gave him all my heart and trusted him gave him chances and it ended up being lies and ended with a broken heart. And im empath I have always been highly sensitive person my whole life. Your totally amazing I'm glad I found your channel. Your a blessing 🌹💓 love Mel
I feel all the pain. I fight until i can't.
I once got silent treatment from people I worked with and eventually started challenging people about because my work rate dropped due to not enjoying the job, to which they were of course dismissive of it, or literally carried on giving me silent treatment right there.
One of my then "friends" said "If they dont want to speak with you just let them be. You dont get to tell them how they should behave". When I explained that its been going on to the point where something needs to be said otherwise if not challenged they just carry on doing it. He then replied "so what deal with it or quit". At this moment I lost all respect for him. After I was forced out he did little to defend me despite pretending to be one of my best friends for years. There is a reason I am not friends with them anymore obviously
Thank you. Because you are a therapist that instructs you on how to cope and gives tips on the solution. Because every other video does not do that. All they do is discuss what we already know, their traits, games, evilness, ect. things we already know
Hi Caroline, Matt here from NZ. I just wanted to comment about someone in our house who has not been diagnosed for "mental health and not been properly diagnosed for schizophrenia for many years". During the years, I have been living at our house here. I have been told to shut up and suffer the "consequence" of the individuals "mental disorder", for quite a long time. I understand that there are privacy laws, and doctor/patient confidentiality to be considered about anywhere you go in any nation.
My question to you is "Should mental health, be kept silent, so that other's in the family or in other situations suffer that person's issues or should mental health be made for everyone to have open discussions about what is happening to people's lives or families?"
My take on Narcissism is that I don't judge anyone on this planet. Narcissism, can be used to control other family member's life and well being, stop them from seeking support either from ringing someone or just wanting to seek help from a local counsellor (saying that is what is happening in our household situation at present).
Just wondering in your situation when you married, your other half was wondering about who you going to ring in the way of getting support or just trying to reach for help groups over the phone??? Again just asking the question because the individual in our house, does not me to ring any support group or ring people of any place here in Auckland in NZ here about Mental Health.
Would you call this over stepping the mark, and trying to abuse to threaten your life to keep your household and the situation quiet???
Hear from you soon.
Matt
So helpful to reflect on why we react to mean treatment
Ive been in silent treatment since December 2022 then now Feb 2023 he came back with a test Hoover and ghosted when I answered the hoover
I spent the ENTIRE day trying so hard not to react. And by the last 15 minutes I said something. I was worried I would go home and fester. But I could tell She LOVED it. Ugh.
I am utterly stuck in this disgusting trauma bond. It’s fresh I hope it begins to pass soon. Thanks for your time❤️
Thank you so much for this video, it's the most helpful one I've seen on coping with the silent treatment and UA-cam recommended it and your channel to me at just the right time. You're an angel, thanks again. ❤
I was told to eff off so i went. But after few weeks i text to ask how they were. They said okay and asked how i was . I said good and then i signed off by empathetically telling them to "take care." So empowering
I welcome the silent treatment. When he states that he will take a week off because he is so upset with me I say fine. I need the week off also. I start literally packing his bag.
But he is just manufacturing a way to be in and out of the relationship. This is my situation also. Its kind of like getting you to believe you chose it in the first place, but making you get so hurt and upset that you choose disconnection as well.
@@viciouscircle7802 hasn't worked out that way for me. I would hope he would just stay away, but usually he goes around the block then comes back. I expressed to him I can love him from a distance. I can let go. He doesn't like that.
Do note there are people that are not narcs that would be great male/female for you. Both my sister and her husband has zero narc traits and they fit well together. I left my narc 2002 and have remained single since then. Also God showed me a way to spot narcs. So i avoid them like potholes in the road.
I'm seeing their silence as my reward for not disturbing them. I went no contact last November, 6 months ago, because they traumatized me with their screaming, yelling, and accusing rages. When they couldn't hoover me back by changing the subject (without apologizing), they went silent. That's when I realized they are dangerous Narcissists, and I wanted nothing to do with them. But they have commandeered my house, locked me out of their seized spaces, and they move about freely through my rooms with entitlement. I really have to be careful not to react in my anger toward them, as I suspect they are hoping I will do, because I am terrified of bringing on another raging attack and further punishment. Law enforcement will not help me; they are happy only to come out and tell me what I cannot do to limit the charming Narcs' from fully accessing my whole house, including utilities and resources. Their silent treatment is only a respite from the nightmare I can't find a way to wake myself from.
My recent ex used the silent treatment for control. I ignored her right back so it never moved beyond short term silent treatments. Had I reacted emotionally she would have increased the duration. We broke up after 3 months and I walked away and have gone no contact. She wanted to end the relationship because all of her manipulation tactics failed and she had little to no control of me.
I am so thankful I found your channel today.
Mine lasted for almost a year and started after I became upset at the narcissistic person that made fun of my disability. On my birthday the person reached out again, in a cheerful way, as if nothing had ever happened. I thought why now? I moved on and did not look back.
my mother has been giving me the silent treatment for four years (so far). Four years and one week. But when she agreed to speak to me briefly last year, she told me that it was merely my perception that she was giving me the silent treatment. whaaaaaaaat. I lost my sh1t and screamed at her so she has the comfort of being The Victim. I have been thinking about it over the last year obviously and I think she believes that she is protecting herself from my perspective. In her eyes there is *one* perspective, hers, and I'm not entitled to have my own subjective experience of her. She (not I) will be the judge of whether she has done anything wrong. She says she has done nothing wrong. She (not i), will be the judge of whether or not I'm hurt. She says I'm not. I'm hurting *her* by claiming erroneously to be hurt. So she has withdrawn to protect herself from my ''hurtful'' perspective that I deserved to be heard. Respect in a relationship means Reflect back MY VIEW OF ME. So if I don't do that, I'm hurting her.
In the family, she is more powerful than me. All of the family has stood behind her and backed up her right to accept nothing but total acquiescence to her narratives.
Silent treatment is what my youngest daughter, when she was 5 years old would do, when I would say "NO" to her... It's the reaction of a YOUNG CHILD.... You need to understand you are dealing with the psyche of a YOUNG CHILD, even if the body is one of an adult... DO NOT STRESS OUT OVER IT... You are the stronger one, the stable one, the mature one, if you understand that... REGAIN YOUR OWN CONFIDENCE AND AUTONOMY OF CHARACTER, if it is your weakness and if you needed VALIDATION all your life... seek validation to the most CREDIBLE PERSON IN THE WORLD... YOU... Validate yourself. Be mature, be stable.
Its so painful to be stonewalled and ignored for days on end. Im in the process of trying to to find my own place. He would not treat me how he does if we didnt live together. I cant say anything or its me with the issues and problems. Im the issue and stresser of the relationship. Calls me the covert narcissist. Maybe its because i mirror what he does. A year ago when i started speaking up he would kick me out every time. I started to stay quiet again for fear of upsetting him. Hes fine if I dont have any issues or feelings. He can be mad, frustrated or upset but I cant. If i say something I can leave I know where the door is. All I said was I wanted kind consistent and loving communication and to have more dates and quality time just us. I have to just face reality that this is not a healthy environment and staying in a relationship where we cant communicate means its time to make a change as hard as it is.
wow you really helped me a lot with this video. I'm going through this right now with someone I thought was my best friend who is also my roommate
I live with two Narcissist family members and the silent treatment has just begun! 2 days of locking themselves and family members in different rooms, and laughing out loud when i move around the house.
Normally they detest each other, but have closed ranks and she is right you do go into freeze flight mode.
If i say anything before the silent treatment started i just get told come on now why you being like this for pack it in now.
And i have not even argued with them, I just have to put up with it I guess, till i move on with my life.
They are driving me insane
My husband will ignore me and not speak to me for up to a month. He does this often. He will call me names and put me down daily(loser, stupid, useless, c-word, b-word, he tells me no one likes me etc. and then he will ignore me withholding any communication for days weeks, a month. I have no self esteem left. I am exhausted mentally and emotionally and physically. This is ruining my life. I have said if he feels this way a divorce is the right thing to do (he wont go to counselling) Then he is even nastier. He threatens to leave me with nothing. He will say demoralizing things about me in front of our kids. It is a nightmare. I cant win. I feel defeated and weak and I cant see a way out.
Wife does similar to me..
Everything is my fault and she is absolutely never wrong. About 2X a month she threatens to leave and goes immediately into silent mode. Treats me like I don't exist in my own home.of course I panic and convince her to stay. She told me she was done this past Sunday before church and hasn't spoke to me in 3 days. It's miserable.
I’m getting married and my sister the narc is so angry she shows no interest in my wedding day coming up hasn’t even asked me one question just zero when I asked her if she was coming she said she has another wedding a girl she fell out with and hated just last week who’s wedding is one month before mine so I don’t understand what it has to do with attending my wedding . When I told her she is very self involved and hasn’t even asked me one question about my wedding or shown any interest she started an argument when I responded she refused to listen to me and started the silent treatment. It’s sad she’s my sister but I’ve reached the point I want to block her out of my life completely.
Im using this times silent treatment to literally take care of myself. I turned off my phone i use for calls and messenger so i cant even communicate with my husband or even know if hes still giving me the silent treatment.
He got mad and took off lastnight in the only vehicke we have, slefish, yes. Iv been taking the day to take xare of myslelf and have myself prayed up for the moment he returns.
I am going to take a shower and comb my hair and get dressed and do my laundry and just ignore him and his game.
I am also reaching out to family to help me get out. Im also fogiving myself and just being in my own mind and body and since im the one with the job im looking at my finances and deciding ehere i can start putting money back to get out.
Hes beaten me down for yesrs and im not going through it abother year.
That was so useful to hear … Thank You
It is such a painful behaviour
I think its understandable if you feel annoyed or angry with the silent treatment. You should tell them how you feel if you can and if they dont care that is their problem. If they willl continue doing that, that that hurt you, that that should be formally illegal, you are going to keep away as you want a normal relationship and not this mess. So with all respect you tell them that you are sad, frustrated and even getting angry and they mau know it and you dont want that so if they are not able to change something has to happen, and you think thats trying to end yhe relationship with all the pain that that involves. As you wanted a good relationship as you have possibly experienced before. I know it can be painful as you feel attracted to them but things just dont work well. What can you do?
I'm taking back control
U made me cry thank you .
Well done !!! Thank you :) !
What if the narcissists are your adult children, and you know you’ve done nothing to warrant their behavior? My husband is also a narcissist, and has alienated my two adult children against me. They are like a click and they leave me out of everything pertaining to family issues as if I were a stranger, and I don’t belong. My narcissistic son and my husband still live with me.
This will sound brutal, but may help with your healing. Without realising it, you may believe you have "done nothing" but it is possible that you lived out your programming of being a "good wife" and mother and without seeing it, your husband used you from the moment you met. I'm not saying that you did anything wrong, just that the act of "doing nothing" is unfortunately doing something.
I have to ask, is there a threat of violence if you were to call out any of their words or actions? Do you have a support unit so you can get away from them?
I've seen homes where the husbands have used their wives as the butt of jokes and they play it off as "just having fun." It looks innocent when the kids are young, but what it does is condition the children to disrespect their mothers once they become adults. It's a form of triangulation.
Oh. My. Goodness. My husband has modeled terrible behavior/treatment to our son & he treats me the same way. It's like I'm invisible. I didn't realize til I read your statement that it's a form of triangulation. He is leaving for college in 2 months. Spose he'll try triangulation with our daughter who is a senior.😢
Run.
There's so many forms of abuse is it really worth it to learn about them ? If abuse is everywhere, can't escape it. I always get fired by them and im sick of it.
Knowledge is power. Knowing a pothole is coming towards your car and avoiding it is better than not knowing. Fear controls anger, fear drives us when we dont know. If you empower yourself to know, then you become friends with your fear and that way you are the winner. Ever seen those athletes running hurdle races. That is what we must become as empaths. vs narcs.
They are acting like a complete manchild but it's to regain control over a situation person, freind, husband, wife, child, etc. Control it's all about Maintaining control.
They are the reason the planet is collapsing...
My two Narc Brothers live in my childhood house with my very elderly mother and they both haven't spoken to each other in 7 years -
My husband hasn’t talked to me in almost 24 hours. We have a child and he hasn’t even called to check on our child. I already have a very deep wound of being neglected by my father and I told my husband that and how I felt about when he does the silent treatment.and he still does it and will not respect me. It gives me a lot of panic which eventually leads to a panic attack so I end up cracking and calling him first
I wish i could afford it but sadly i cant i am in a family shleter with my 8 hr old daughter and just left mine and i dont get help or anything im teying tl fix damage he caused
33 years of silent treatment on and off didn’t know when it was coming the longest one year I realised that in all these years he never ever said my name out of it now because he left me
I have felt exactly what your saying. And you were able to just calm me down.
Thank you for your effort, Mrs Strawson! He started silent treatment 4 months ago. I totally disappeared and he haven't heard of me ever since. I wonder, why didn't he try to reach me out at all? It's been 4 months🤔🙄
I am coming up on 7 weeks of silence this Sunday. I have no idea why he's doing this. It's so hard, but I REFUSE to contact him first.
This was such a fantastic video. Thank you so much!!
I was just wondering, I heard you use the word “Thrivers Community” and I was wondering if that was taken from Melanie Tonia Evans’ channel? I listened to her a few years ago and she seems like such a lovely person (with a very similar accent) and I would feel bad if that was taken off of her channel?
Thank you very much! 🙏
My ex currently claimed I wasn't paying him the money for the bills I "owed" him when I left because I was using that to talk to him, but I actually didn't have the money because I put myself first for once. As soon as I gave him the money, he tried telling me I owed him more and didn't care about him or his kids...😩 and that he had to sell his xbox to catch up on bills, but someone in his life told me he didn't have to sell it, and he had bought the new Harry Potter game that just came out. I feel like a fool. Everything was always my fault, and when I tried explaining things to him he kept telling me I was only fitting it to my narrative!? I left because I was getting uncomfortable, and felt like he was using me as babysitter for his 2 kids. And he has me blocked on most social media, except for the one I blocked him on....He has done this 4 times in the past 8 years....This was the worst experience I have had with him. I hope he stays away, he always catches me when I'm FINALLY happy with life. He comes back after his relationship doesn't work....
Keep reading the last sentence you wrote. And go no contact! If he can contact you, your not doing it right. Narcissist think they own you. And think they can come back anytime “. Especially if you keep taking them back. And each time that they do they treat you worse. Cause they want to see the limit they can bring….Cause in their eyes you must like the way they treated you cause he/she took me back…..
Are you serious? He comes back? Cold day in hell. Then you say after you're happy? He comes back again? Seems to me if you were happy apparently you don't need him. Block the loser!
I wish I seen these signs early on in my marriage 😢 my husband did that to me too often. & of course he started cheating smh. I’ve been with this guy too long I’m planning on filing for divorce this year. Now that I’m able to & my finances are getting back on track 😊I can’t wait to be set free!
So basically a healed person does nothing about it and doesn't care about it right?
A healed person cant change the outcome ..
But adapt and learn from the controller's mistake
@@MattMussett can you be more specific?
@@zion367 Basically move on with your life without the narcissist 😊
@@m.m.m531At the moment I am implementing indifference. It feels pretty good.
This helped a lot!
The Silent Treatment was her go to weapon of choice when she wanted to make me feel like I would lose her. I Finally stopped playing along a few months ago. She can be someone else's migraine now, and quite frankly will be a lonely old woman. The dating field isn't so green for someone in their mid 50's who acts like she's an EMO High School Teenager.
It is so SHOCKING that he kept doing it to ME he wouldn’t stop 🛑!!!! I have NEVER 👎 in my life had anyone do this to ME !!! It is absolutely disgusting their evil 👿 behavior!!!! It is so SHOCKING that he can’t take RESPONSIBILITY for how he treated me
The worse part is . They will never take responsibility. Remember. They are victims in their minds.
@@chrishellmax it’s so SiCK how warped and stuff a few people told me along time ago that he had BRAIN 🧠 DAMAGE!!!! I didn’t want to believe them but now I see the signs loud and crystal clear !!! He even said he couldn’t REMEMBER Anything!!!! He does has done so many cruel, horrible, vindictive, violent, SHOCKING things that I have NEVER in my life had anyone treat me like this not even the guys I thought 💭 were bad !!!! They look 👀 like Angels 👼 compared to this GUY!!! No I would never 👎 ever date those guys either !!! I’m so mad 😡 at myself I have wasted 15 years of my life thinking 🤔 things would get better ❤️🩹!!! He was stringing along a ex girlfriend I had to tell her the truth and I’m glad her parents found out because they can protect her !!! Their is no telling how many of her years he has wasted !!! He doesn’t care how much time he has wasted or what I have even been threw !!!! I didn’t ever think 💭 that I could put up with !!! It was absolutely horrible!!’ He threatened to leave me on the side of the street and leave my bags and everything with ME!! I have never 👎 even had a man treat Ms like that !!! He is the devil 👿 He