There are several comments on one part of the video being confusing and I apologize for that. Thank you for everyone that asked for clarification or to point out how it could be confusing. I hope this clears it up! You don't want to acknowledge how their silent treatment is affecting you because this is exactly what they want - to know that what they are doing is upsetting you. To give the silent treatment back will just lead to butting of heads and a power struggle which will go nowhere positive. The best approach is to go about your day as normal. Talk to them even if you feel like you are talking to a wall. The narcissist stops the silent treatment when they feel it no longer benefits them. What that is may not be known but keep focused on living your life and hopefully the narcissist will get past this punishment tactic. If they don't, you need to consider whether remaining in a relationship with them is worth your mental well-being.
So basically leave the relationship all together but what about if it's an aging narssistic parent and they feel entitled to your help but don't want anything in writing
I love getting the silent treatment. I consider it as a gift. It's a chance to get peace and quiet. Carry on like you are unbothered. Do you really need to keep hearing from them? Return their gift with your low energy. Enjoy the performance from a distance. Chat up a friend, play music and dance to it, take a bath, finish that book. Enjoy it. It's an opportunity to do you.
Agreed. Was always funny when it wasn't working so she'd try and make noise, walk in front of me, sigh, etc. in order to get the attention she craved. I never understood this tactic.
Must be nice, when my narc is giving the silent treatment, he goes out of his way to be obnoxious and loud at all hours of the day and night. Trying instigate a conflict. He does shitty ass mean things like turning my dog who has no recall loose then saying he accidentally got out and I have to go chase her down in hte middle of the night, because she is a minpin and everything in alaska including hte weather will kill her….he knowingly lets her out. He ruins my things, makes messes of my things….so silence is not a break or peaceful for me. It is a nightmare. Top it off with how dangerous my narc is….30 year military vet with special ops training, told me flat out he could make me disappear and no one would ever question him….and he is not wrong, everyone seems to love him because no one has seen what a monster behind closed doors he is….then mental abuse he put my kids through drove my adult son to say he will never come home again. My husband is a monster and i am afraid if I try to leave he will kill me. He has killed for the military…and sleeps just fine at night.
@@michellesimmons3150 Deepest sympathies. Sounds like the anti-social (malignant) narc type. The worst of the cluster b disorders. I do not have danger. I am praying for you. 😰🙏🏼
@@michellesimmons3150seems like so many people here have such an easy answer huh? Lol. Sometimes it's just not that easy. Maybe you could slowly educate him on communication? I don't have the answer though. That's why I'm here
What I have learned about Silent Treatment is to not ENGAGE. May not be easy but it can be done. Don't DEFEND, ENGAGE, or PERSONALIZE when spoken to during the Silent Treatment. Don't REACT. Use the words No. Yes. I don't know. I love the Silent Treatment because it gives me peace. Also I match energy. It works for me everytime someone does this to me, might not work for everyone. Hope this helps.
I’ve been putting up with it for two and I’m at my edge. That’s exactly what it is. They can’t do wrong. He told a friend in front of my today “I’m not wrong here”… okay… okay.
My narc husband has been giving me the silent treatment for over 3 years to punish me for not going along with the lies of the Trump cult he’s given his whole life to. We live on separate sides of the house and only really run into each other passing by in the kitchen. 😢 I’ve tried to stay above it but at this point my mental and emotional state is deteriorating. I can’t see a way to leave because of some serious health issues keeping me dependent on him for some practical needs. I’ve tried to explain how he’s hurting me and damaging what’s left of our marriage…no effect. No compassion or empathy. I have to learn to stop feeding his sick need to feel powerful and controlling by just talking to him normally not letting him see my pain. I’ll give that a go and see how he responds.
Todays Day 7 of receiving the Silent Treatment from my husband. After 8 years I now think Ok how long will this one last?! It used to break me down so badly until the day I realized he was unhappy with himself!!! Im not perfect but I am definitely not the issue here. His issues go wayyyyyy back! I enjoy this time because I focus on myself and my kiddos! It doesn’t bother me anymore and I stay away from him and go about my life! I refuse to let his nonsense bring me down! Not anymore buddy!
What about he gives me silent treatment for months? He is a truck driver, and recently he comes back home twice a month- that time we speak, but when he goes back on the truck, he doesn't want to talk to me at all. He doesn't want to talk to our daughter as well. I asked him why- he doesn't want to answer me. This behavior continues for months, and I don't have opportunity to move out because I am financially dependent of him. 😔😔😔
@@Stasunger I had a similar situation. I found myself some part time work and then started saving. Won't it be a lovely suprise when he comes home and you have moved to another area and the lawyer drops off the divorce papers ? It may take some time . Good luck. I hope you can get your life back and a chance at being happy. I put up with the silent treatment for 10 years.
Today is day 17 of the silent treatment. The first few days I was a mess. I cried and begged him to speak to me. I have stopped that because frankly, I have stopped wanting to feel like shit. He can keep ignoring me, but I'm not going to let it affect me any longer.
@@wifeytypefem I have finally accepted that the relationship is over. He never did end up talking to me. It's been 3 and a half months. And now he's in a new relationship with someone who he had been talking to before he met me. I am still very angry but I am no longer crying and feeling so down. I guess life does go on!
I love how people say how many days each of us of our silent treatments is. I love how each of us has different problems but still strives. I'm wishing for the universe for everyone of us will be ok soon. You are not alone.
I have about 5 narcs that give me the silent treatment quite often, anywhere from months to years of no communication. But once I realized it was this cat and mouse game of wanting to be chased, I just stoppèd playing and started focusinng on my life, my health, my needs and what was important to me and took the focus off of them and enjoyed my peace and quiet. Since they were the ones who chose to walk away, they should be the ones to initiate contact again. But until then, I will be living my best life.
I think i am worse than my narc bf😂.I used to care but now that i know what he is, i stopped caring and it’s working. He doesn’t know but I’m leaving his place and his bs in 2 weeks. I’m so excited!!!
What you do? You STAY SILENT. They always come running back. It may take months but they do and they pretend like nothing happened. When they knock on your door, you treat them with disguist like give them a look of "euw" and if they ask if anythings wrong, you reply: "Everythings fine" That way YOU have the upper hand. They'll get nervous bc they can treat others this way but not take it themselves. They get NERVOUS, scared of losing you but you keep at it and now YOU'RE top dog.
@@ramnagpal260 Well the one I knew keeps returning and its been 8 years so.. Pretty sure. Its due to control. And he also promised again and again he wouldnt return but did. So nothing they say has any significance, its meaningless words to them, all that matters are them them and them.
Yes, I experienced the silent treatment many times. I don't care because I give him the silent treatment at times when I am upset. In the long run it's not a good feeling.There is no true love with a narcissist.
I feel so sorry for all those who are at present enduring this cruel and childish form of abuse. I suffered through the whole gamut of narcissistic abuse, including this, for exactly forty years! All those internal battles with myself and the constant "should I stay, should I leave" struggle manifested itself physically. After 25 years, I developed a scoliosis of the spine. No one on either side of my family tree has had this disability. It's amazing how the mind finds a way of channelling great pain and turmoil. I had no idea about NPD until after he left. I had begun living my life separate to him, basically keeping my self to myself. His answer to not having control of me was to look up an old girlfriend he knew before me. Don't know how long he was grooming her, but I called him out, after seeing it in his eyes. I then told him to leave and we divorced. Five years now and only now do I feel like me again. It's great to feel totally free and at peace.
I am currently in silent treatment for months. He walks around like i did something. I work and come home. I have no friends and Im constantly saying should i stay or go but I fear the unknown. I am a loyal wife but constantly get falsely accused of many things. I never thought that my older years were going to be spent getting treated like this. I dont deserve any of this. I cry myself to sleep and he has no empathy for me. What is wrong with me that I continue to put up with it.
@@glory5260 That's how I was, until I made a plan. I saved as much money as I could and was ready when the time came. We all fear the unknown but being prepared helps, and that might be the very thing you are supposed to learn in this life. I cannot tell you how wonderful freedom and independence feel now that I have it. Make a plan and take the steps towards your new life. X
The silent treatment was his main tool. I had zero knowledge of narcissism and was bewildered by what was going on. He never raised his voice or hit me, yet managed to annihilate me and reduce me to ash simply by remaining silent. Yet, just like things that are reduced to ash I sprouted one small stem and inch by inch built my life back up from there. Thank you for education such as yours. I hope this saves many people in years to come by not wasting their precious lives on an investment with no return.
I disagree slightly. If the Narcisst gives the silent treatment I would do the same to let it blow over until narccist changes his mind to talk again. If not then so be it! At least that is in my books. Apologize for what if one hasn't done nothing! I wouldn't even wish Narcisst goodbye or say to "Have a nice life"
I kinda agree with you. I give the silent treatment too by making sure I'm living my best life and keeping busy. When the narc decides to reach out, I don't ask any questions or act bothered they didn't call nor act bothered they are calling now. Then when they ask what I've been up to I mention some of the fun I've had which then makes them upset which is kinda funny. Then they go silent again lol. Of course you have to be in a state of mind of not caring too much for the narc because if you're still all in love and you brag about the fun you had without them, they will try to make you suffer.
@@doglover5519 Yes this been going on now and we live together I'm always the one kissing up to him and trying to talk and now I'm taking my power back by giving him the same energy
I use it as opportunity to flirt, date, develop other relationships. It's a "hall pass" 🤷🏻♂️. Who knows if they'll ever talk again. If she does, i tell her i met someone else and will entertain that relationship . She can stay or go .
My husband is avoidant and has narcissistic traits, silent treatment is his favorite. Once I got so fed up that I'd been ignoring him for more than a week - no eye contact, no affection, no talking... He ended up breaking down and promising to improve. He tries to give me a silent treatment now, but as long as I don't react, usually he is the one who approaches me with apology a couple of hours later
I have to disagree about not engaging in the silent treatment right back at them. in my nearly 50 yr relationship with my husband with narcissistic tendencies, I've found that the ONLY thing that works to alleviate the silent treatment is to silence myself to him in retaliation. he can't stand it and invariably breaks down and starts talking to me, pretending like nothing happened. at that point I CHOOSE when our communication resumes, not him. and it makes him think twice before initiating the pattern again. I lived for years apologizing when I hadn't done anything wrong, or at least didn't know what I did. it only emboldened him. not anymore. I've grown to neutralize the effect the silent treatment has on me. he hasn't. it's a lousy way to live though. it sucks the life, the joy out of you. I chose to stay. my husband also has some very good qualities as well. I sure wish I knew then what I know now.
After 2 months that he did not speak to me , I told him I wanted to break up, he started telling me that here I was once again sabotaging the relationship … I told him yes , you are right , it was always me , I just don’t see you the same way anymore , I don’t love you anymore… he said ok. When I had packed all my bags and a friend came over to help me pick up my things , he told me I couldn’t leave till he checked my bags , that I could be taking something by mistake -- I cursed him out and left … it took me about 3 moths to get out of the couch and stop eating ice cream but I’m healing now and I am just happy I took the decision to actually dump his ass, little by little I start understanding more how fucked up he was.
I caught a narc in a lie and he didn´t see it coming. He got aggressive immediately, how dare I accuse him, how mean of me since I knew how much stress he is under and shut the conversation down. Never once said, he didn´t lie though ;) The next day he texted what was wrong with me yesterday, I should know how much he hates lying, it´s a misunderstanding, not lying, you know I would never lie to you. My response: We can agree to disagree on this one. Silence since 1 Week. I´m not responding, not to punish back, but to find peace of mind. I no longer wish to pursue this relationship. I want to be left alone by him.
Same exact thing hes doing to me now...I need to get out of this nightmare, why would I put up w this?? ..He owes me money and I'm doing my best to get thru this just to finally get my money back and finally leave and get my sanity back...🤯🤯
I caught my friend in a lie too. She made a mistake again and I ended up getting angry. I said a sarcastic comment and she wasn't happy. She's giving me silent treatment over mistake she repeated.
...thank u for this, i am coming out of a 6 years relationship. He has been giving me silent treatment for 2 months. Today, I decide to come out of this drama, though it is painful, i will find myself.😊☺️
I received the silent treatment from a formerly close sibling. She triangulated other family members to join her as well. A therapist helped me to see the emotionally abusive and manipulative behavior I was experiencing. Sadly, I had to go no contact and have found peace. While not what I wanted, I realized I can’t tell others how to feel. She is miserable, I choose not to be.
Today is day 8 of receiving the silent treatment from my fiancé. It’s happened in the past, but this time I am choosing to not try to fix the problem, apologizing, or engaging unnecessarily. It’s very hard because I am a problem solver, I don’t like to leave things unresolved, that is not healthy. It hurts, and I constantly find myself fighting anger and sadness through this whole process. This is the longest period of time the silent treatment has lasted, and it is the hardest, for many reasons, but mostly because I don’t know what I may have said or did to bring this about. My question is, how do I not engage, and not be silent in my own regard? Don’t know what to do. I feel like walking away completely, but the thought of that breaks my heart.
Me too honey, me too. All I did was try to fix my Fiance' a nice lobster dinner, and I made the mistake of adding peas and rice with it. Suddenly he's staring at it like i just served him poop. So, I got up and put up my food and went to bed. Day 2 of the silent treatment again. God help me.
@@joywurdemann5752 I am divorcing my wife of 28 years after 3 months straight of the silent treatment. GET OUT. GET OUT before you marry them and you are a captive audience. It only gets worse.
I’m afraid you have to walk away! These people prey on people pleasers problem solvers and those who are generous in spirit and loose with boundaries. Do not marry them! Look at the UA-cam videos of experienced divorce lawyer Jonathan Noble Esquire! It will only get worse.
I don't know if I was dealing with a narcissist or not, but this was actually a friend I had for many years. periodically the friend would give me the silent treatment for a week or two, but then a few years ago the friend began to give me the silent treatment for months or what I call the equivalent of ghosting. I wrote a letter as the friend lives in a different state to try to resolve the issue and after a month or so they began calling like nothing happened, at that point, I realized that since the root of the behavior was not addressed it would happen again, which it did so I decided then to ghost back and although it was very difficult, I'm glad I did. I basically ended the relationship (after several months the person called one time) because I refused to continue to be controlled by an on again off again, silent treatment, and that was a turning point for me and in new relationships as soon as that trait pops upimmediately cut the relationship because I don't have time to play analyst with people who do not communicate effectively, and I have learned the hard way that it tends to be a recurring behavior, and I'm not going to tolerate it
My mother has used the discard /silent treatment on me my entire like. I’m 63 and she still does it to me. I don’t even remember how she ends up communicating with me , but recently after getting silent treatment from her, I found out I had/have breast cancer. And my brother told her. But she actually doesn’t care. She’d call me during my radiation treatment and talk about her own problems. She had no empathy for me whatsoever. Long story short…I’m now getting her silent treatment again. Today was her birthday. But she didn’t hear from me.
My partner often does this to me. Usually over some fight she started. Honestly. The fact she gives me the silent treatment I consider as golden. I have peace. Spend time with my daughter doing activities and do less.chores at.home (she is not very ckean) I have learnt during those times to live with the mess and have some me time. I would have left if it wasn't for.my daughter as the courts always favour the mother. Instead I just look forward to the next.time I get the silent treatment as.they usually last a few joyful weeks.
It's very hard to stay in that situation, but kudos to you for putting your child first. I had 3 children and live in the same situation., but my kids always had to come first. They are now grown and all doing well. I am now saving as much money as fast as I can, and living my life in spite of the disrespect, the ignoring, and the infamous silent treatments. 50 years. Staying strong!
People don't understand why we stay. We stay cos of the kids. We brought then to this world, can't just abandon them and divorce, then kids are in limbo. But I teach my kids at narcissism and what NOT to tolerate with their future partners. Meanwhile, am learning ( with pain and withdrawal symptoms) to be happy during their silent treatment cos it kills them.
This has been going on for decades with my sister and mother. I am finally setting boundaries for my health and sanity. Let God deal with these abusive miserable people!
After 28 years of verbal and mental abuse, 50 days ago it turned physical. He pushed me after an argument and I feel hurting my shoulder and leg that he grabbed. At first there was absolutely no communication. He has been sleeping in guest room for over 12 years. Now that has escalated into not eating, watching tv or any other activity together. Closes all doors at night that lead into the guest room, bathroom and office. Now he talks, but only when he wants to, as though nothing has happened. I respond in like, because I refuse to give him anymore power over me. This is very hard to deal with, especially trying to recover from a diagnosis of breast cancer, two major surgeries almost 2 years ago..at which he showed no empathy. Never in a million years did I think I would have been so stupid to fall for all the lies and betrayals these people can inflict. I am an empath so maybe I was like the perfect prey. I appreciate your videos, they help to give me the strength I need to make some very hard decisions.
Stuck with a narcissist and I can totally relate to each and every word in this video. I felt she's just explaining my whole life to everyone. Hoping to get all my strength together asap and make myself happy again. It just doesn't affect you but it affects your parents too.
When I caught on to my sister’s silent treatment punishment I asked once “ok, what did I do wrong this time.”. Of course no answer. So I told her “ok, so here we go again, I’m done, see ya”. Weeks go by and then I’ get a fun little video of fuzzy puppies and duckies. Never an acknowledgement that anything ever happened. I told her where she could put her cute little duckies and when she was willing to discuss things like an adult she knew where to find me. No reply. Weeks later she invites me to a family gathering. I replied, Nope, I refuse to pretend like nothing happened and then wait for you to decide I’m shit again. Twice, after months of the silent treatment, she has actually said “how about a no questions asked truce.” I’m not allowed to ask any questions about how she treats me. The last time was 12/31/20. I replied “I’m off the crazy train. Have a good life”. She absolutely cannot acknowledge any fault on her part, she refuses to be held accountable for ANYTHING. I’ve maintained no contact for 13 months now and am so not missing the drama and chaos. While some may say I shouldn’t have replied to her at all, I wanted to be clear about what I was thinking and why I was behaving the way i do. I do not want to be like her. I abhor mind games.
Thank you for sharing your experience! Unfortunately, I think many others will be able to relate to what you have been through and it will be helpful for them to feel less alone.
Reading this made me feel like im not alone, i also have issues with my sister at the moment where she is giving me the silent treatment. I dont want to stop talking ever again though, because she has kids and i would like to be there for them especially my niece that i have grown a good relationship with these past few years. I feel sooo stuck.
After 8 yrs I've grown, and am working to heal and tolerate my siblings passive/aggressive attempts at control. Yes, this truly sucks. Notice how quickly the Narc gives their opinion, will constantly interrupt, rage, and yet does not ever listen. 100% Judge, jury, and executioner. This tactic was employed to punish and exile me, as a person since they're unable to list any poor behaviors. Beyond cruel / sadistic. They will not change, and I cannot leave. Outside of a happy birthday text, or a holiday meal, I do not engage. How one treats others is their karma. How we react is ours.
I've received the silent treatment from many. Over my years I have discovered, in essence, by catering to the others, I was giving myself the silent treatment! Each day letting a piece of myself drift away. Now I spend time with myself, getting back or building new parts of ME. I appreciate the brief video that reminds me again - where love comes from and how to keep the flow strong - at all times. Thank YOU!
I'm past the second week plus of the silent treatment. It used to bug me and make me feel alone but I decided u know what whilst he's playing the game I'll use the time to cook healthy food watch motivating lectures learn about narcissism in depth and enjoy every moment of life. It's ME Time
Going through it right now 😂😂😂 The last one was 6 months ago just 5 days after losing my mother and my unborn child on the same day. It went on for 10 days or so. It's getting tiring. Thanks for the video.
The second one is a naive one! By getting back to them, you are succumbing but fighting out until they comeback is the way to go ! If they do not come back, let them go and this is called strength and fortitude !! Let them remain silent, and you stay silent !!
I been getting trough this for 20 years I'm married to a narcissist that accused me and abused me and cheated on me and blamed me for his actions and gives me the silent treatment and he Is controlling but not anymore I'm going to my dad tomorrow and I'm not coming back
Giving the silent treatment back is different than making a conscious decision to step away for your own mental health. For those interested in better understanding the difference you can check out my video on this topic here! ua-cam.com/video/IPrUPYNVkZg/v-deo.html. As a non-narcissist who isn't trying to control the situation, moving on from a person is oftentimes the best approach and you are making the right decision! Thank you for the comment and pointing out the differences.
I don't have any advice. I'm abused daily with this. I just keep trying to pretend it doesn't bother me and it's almost impossible when you have kids not to try and talk to him. He refuses to help with anything.
What you do? You STAY SILENT. They always come running back. It may take months but they do and they pretend like nothing happened. When they knock on your door, you treat them with dusguist like give them a look and if they ask "everythigns fine" that way YOU have the upper hand. They'll get nervous bc they can treat others this way but not take it themselves. They get NERVOUS, scared of losing you.
I have four kids w/ a psychopath! He grows more evil by the day! We’ve been married for over 21 years. I’ve done everything!!! He’s never profited a finger, but makes our life hell. I’m ready to go, but financially dependent upon him--- I have no family and nor friends. Hugs to you
I lay it on whenever I can and rarely fall silent. It fuels them for narcissistic control on one hand but robs them from narcissistic domination on the other. When they ghost I actually get an alright break from things that the mind therefore can unravel back to a sense of sanity and self reward and that they are actually stuck in their routine of irresolvable cognitive distortion. This is simply due to the fact they are repulsed by means to engage in almost any healthy or mutual understanding. I ruminate at times but use it as an educative form of understanding and the logical means of learnt survival awareness.
Hard a stupid disagreement yesterday. He gave me a silent treatment and so did I. INFACT he messaged me at 8am and I haven’t responded. He just called at 6pm I have ignored the call as he did me. I have a PHD in ignoring and I just want him to know. I do not want childish men. You got this ladies no one deserves to be mistreated
Never react. Move on and talk to someone new during the silent treatment. Act like you didn’t even notice. Their goal is to get a reaction out of you or see you upset. That “trains” them that they can keep doing this in order to control your emotions and the relationship
I’m going through this right now. My husband woke up this morning and just acted mad at me. Kept giving me dirty looks throughout the day and I didn’t even do anything. I have considered divorce bc We’ve been married for 18 yrs and it’s just a cycle with him. I don’t think he’s ever gonna change
I'm thinking unexpected releasing of frustration and making it all about him for 5min of manipulation if you get my meaning if you been together for 18 years he probably won't ask for that kind of satisfaction on his own I'm only trying to help.ive been married 30 years.
Going through this right now with my parent. She decided I did something wrong and so she hasn't spoken or looked at me in 2 days so far. She's done this in the past before, the first time for 3 days and the second time for 7 days. Both times in the past I gave in and apologized for whatever it was I thought she was upset about. Don't know how to tolerate how uncomfortable the silence makes me without going silent and hiding away myself
Accept their silent treatment as it will not change (until they decide to). Worry about loving yourself and bettering yourself in the meantime. That has helped me a lot (grew up with a narcissistic mother and am now dating a narcissist- clearly I dont learn lol). But it helps to focus on making yourself happy and building your self esteem up- stop looking to the narcissist. We must validate ourselves instead of waiting for the narcissists approval (because we will never receive it). 🌈💝 you are stronger than you think.
I hate my father. I’m in high school and throughout my entire life he has been giving me silent treatment and becoming emotionally unavailable as soon as we faced the slightest disagreement. This only got worse when I reached my teenage years and is still ongoing to this day. I wish I could just push him out of my life and become fully independent but things aren’t that simple. I hate that I have to rely on him financially and wish I could just break free and forget him and all the trauma, stress, self-esteem issues, and anger he brought into my life, but I can’t.. thank you for posting this video, I’ll do my best to follow your advice.
I personally love the silent treatment. Everytime I get it, I try to extend it for as long as I can. I find it is the only way to hear peaceful silence when I get home. Don't apologize, ever! specially to the woke mob.
My narc. did the 2 week silent treatment he thought I would chase after him and beg or grovel , No way in hell was I gonna apologize for nothing that I did wrong! nope I’am not putting up with it! His lies about the cheating couldn’t even cover up all the other lies! Then he thought he was gonna return as if nothing happened! I kicked him out on the spot! Goodbye to garbage!
3:20 " The narcissistic silent treatment leaves you feeling helpless and out of control." I am so thankful for how you wordered THAT about the cruel and intentional way it is. I NEED to stay NO CONTACT after standing up for myself fairly but firmly and politely enough for myself--one too many times
My mother doesn't even recognise that she's giving me the silent treatment. She is so convinced that there is only one perspective that she perceives my appeal to make her see that she hurt me as an act of aggression I have perpetrated against her. If we were talking about other people she would understand that it's wrong. But when it comes to me, she feels so entitled to silence me. My Dad and my brother back her up. I'm a middle aged adult btw.
It's almost 3 weeks of the silent treatment.. I am learning how to deal with it. After 14 years of mental abuse, I am now doing me..I never suffered from anxiety or heart problems until I met him. Now I am letting go and doing me for once.
Hi I really enjoyed your video, and everything you are saying is exactly what is happening to me, he will give me the silent treatment for 2 weeks, then all of a sudden starts talking to me like nothing was wrong. I would like to hear more on this subject thank you
I am in this exact situation right now and I am giving the silent treatment to him. I can't function or speak to him at all. We are not living together at this time, he had moved out last month after us living together for 11 years. Right now there is nothing so I'm not understanding what I should be doing at this point. I'm just coming to the realization that he is a full-blown psychotic narcissist that has manipulated me completely. I thought I was just dealing with alcoholism but it's a whole different concept under narcissism. I'm lost I'm alone I'm abused I'm scared and I don't want to believe anything he says if I speak to him at all. Do they ever realize that they've done something wrong?
For most people with narcissism, they realize they have done something wrong when they see that they don't get what will serve them best. They rarely see how they have done something wrong that affects someone else because they lack empathy and the ability to consider other's feelings.
No, they dont and should they doube their inner core takes over and thinks "No it was her..I didnt do anything" bc if they admit it to themselves their fragile ego gets a slam it cant take and they break down. Mine got psychotic, narcissism is no game, they are per definition insane. Now heres what you do: You STAY SILENT. They always come running back. It may take months but they do and they pretend like nothing happened. When they knock on your door, you treat them with disguist like give them a look and if they ask "everythigns fine" that way YOU have the upper hand. They'll get nervous bc they can treat others this way but not take it themselves. They get NERVOUS, scared of losing you.
No they don't even see their wrong. They drive you to do things you never thought of doing. Drinking, leaving . Etc. Best thing to do nis leave walkbaway to keep your own sanity...if you don't is your health at stake. I suffer from things I never had.. anxiety, heart problems...etc...walk away.
Fascinating to witness once realized what an entire family adopts for themselves with the non-responsive/silent treatment mode of communication. How that not only speaks their unwillingness to be wrong about anything with the matter, being above my position, but also minimizes and shames me as if due punishment. Borders on criminal.
He does this, I found your video, and I thank you for the advice. I’m getting to know him better now. I won’t deal w any bullshyt, I already went a 3 month round of confusion and chaos. These people are sick.
I walked away & left. Finally realized how bad it was affecting my well-being. Now my sister whom lives where I moved to is giving me silent treatment but because of this information I now am in control of the situation, that I’ve been living with prior 😂😂❤😊😅🙏 Thank you, Thank you, Thank you 🙏🙏
i went for a solid month of the silent treatment. when she finally decided to come back into my life, she acted like nothing happened. no real explanation or apology and she asked me to tell her if i was angry and i wrote out all the things I was angry about, which she ignored. [one of the issues being literal sexual abuse which i learned in therapy] when the contempt started back up instantly, I said that wasn't going to keep happening, especially in regards to my hearing impairment, my severe and life long hearing impairment trumps her knowing deaf people growing up, just because I'm so good at masking my deafness, because i was trained to when i was 6, doesn't mean I'm not always struggling with hearing what is being said. period. and she disagreed, so I cut her out of my life. best decision I ever made and I highly suggest cutting out the narcissist in your life who treats you this way. use that silent treatment as time to focus on the reasons why you're staying. if you're in danger, obviously this doesn't really apply and my heart breaks for your suffering.
If we shouldn't treat them silently it means that we should pretend nothing is happening? Because the narcissist keeps ignoring and causing pain on their victims and it's quite difficult not to be disturbed
Thankyou for your insight. . This is happening now, every day. And we are under the same roof full-time and not working now as we have full-time care of 3 year old grandson. I know he's enjoying hurting me. I'm not coping well....I feel stuck and can't see a way out. This is evil.
My mother does this a lot. It was many years before I realized it was a form of abuse. The last time it happened, I told her I was going for a walk. I called my daughter to let her know what was going on. That helped me to blow off some steam. When I got back and Mom was still doing it, I was calm and said since she wasn't in the mood to talk, I'd come over another time and I was leaving. And I left. I am VVVLC at this point because she can't really show any kindness anymore.
I've been in a narcssistic relationship for 4 months. I've never had one of these types. At first, I tried everything to find out what the problem was. Then about 3 weeks ago I aksked her and she told me. Things weren't pretty well. We were talking everyday and there didn't seem to be any issues. Now about a week ago she started getting a bit strange, leaving my hanging while talking, not returning shorthly. Now it's back to every 2-4 days of silence. All I do is ignore her. She knows I love to talk but I'm not reaching out. Eventually she reaches out but only if she thinks I might disappear on her. Then the processes starts all over again. She has some abandonment issues and so do I. I'm pretty easy to talk to and she knows it. The silence I give her works very time. It may vary a day or two but it works. They're nothing else you can do. Just get busy with yourself so as not to focus on her so much. Just be patient. :D
Stonewalling is often used by narcissists and avoidants to avoid all responsibilities... If you're avoidant, you most likely have said to family members - who had a major role in your childhood: "You only accepted me or liked me when I was happy/obedient/emotionless." This one simple statement fits with ALL the core symptoms of avoidant attachment: 1. Being overly self-reliant (and in doing so, you hide your needs, emotions, problems, and acute illnesses) 2. Pushing down anger until it explodes and manufactures the boundaries you crave but can't/don't/won't always ask for 3. Not wanting to burden others with your problems 4. Wanting to fix your own issues to avoid looking incompetent or even getting bullied and teased/mocked 5. Numbing out emotions with self-soothing behaviors that are either totally unhealthy or pseudo-healthy (like getting addicted to working out and healthy eating) Remember ALWAYS this process is all about YOU!!! Not him. He is just a catalyst. Consider, he may be your twin flame. Look into that. After he initiated your trauma, you're now left to deal with and to heal: all that has come to the surface. GOOD! This is a blessing. Albeit painful. A necessary blessing, nonetheless. HUGE-HUGE gift! Major advice!!! Listen closely!!! NEVER ever CHASE HIM. He will run further and you will lose yourself more. You are the feminine. You are the divine goddess. You just be and approve (or disapprove) whoever comes along. It's a yes: you meet my requirements, or: it's a no, you do not. Be clear on whom you're accepting as a partner and DO NOT settle for less (or you just delay what's actually really divinely meant for you). Accept your struggle, anxiety, fear, sadness. Whatever comes up. It's all human, and in need of your attention. If you push it away, deny it, block it, hide it, or run from it... You will just have to deal with it later... And when later comes, those emotions will be: intensified/amplified/magnified! 1) Put yourself first and foremost! 2) Fall in love with yourself. Be your own dream girl. 3) Rejection is redirection. Embrace the energies of miraculous possibilities. And, Any time you have a painful thought/memory/flashback/worry/belief: 1. Find the belief... 2. Write 11 DISADVANTAGES to having the belief 3. Write 11 ADVANTAGES to having the belief If you can NOT find advantages then that’s EXACTLY why you're stuck!! When you finally see both sides... Your mind will STOP thinking about it 'cause your brain will be rewired. So you gotta keep at it, until you find the positive to the negative... And therefore, ultimately rewire your brain! AND REMEMBER: STOP making it all about manifestation when really, it's actually all about VIBRATION!
I can understand what you mean by not responding with the silent treatment,but I know from experience with a mid-range, that if you still care for the narc and try responding with silence the narc will sense it and feast on your arse,but if you just go on like the narc don't exist while implementing silent treatment ,it cuts them like a knife and they're the one left wondering what's up, then you can be sure to look for a grand hoover at sometime in the future believe me.
True. If they are silent, we go about our business. That works best because their manipulation doesn't work. I just wonder... how to respond when this narc friend comes back?
I’m 3 months Into my divorce of 26 years and hopefully it’ll be over soon !!! I’ve never known what a narcissist was until i filed for a divorce and man has it been enlightening . Silent treatment is one of his most used & abused treatments , besides no affection , no attention, no sex , no communication, nothing . I’m giving him back his own medicine .
Thank you the added commentary helped clear on what to do to empower yourself in this situation..which is.very important for those of us on the other side dealing with people like this!
My wife I come to find out through research, questioning my own sanity that she exhibits behavior that of a covert narcissist. Especially when she drinks it’s almost heavy to breathe around her. She will attack me on small issues where I will be somewhat agreeable just to pass up conflict that I know will inevitably happen if I were to talk or engage. However, I’m very emotional and I do love her with all my heart so I do end up, giving into a certain degree and engage only to defend myself against accusations, but just like the typical narcissist will spin it to make it look like I’m the aggressor from the reaction abuse. The silent treatment seems to be the favorite and her toolbox along with the manipulation, and in the past before, knowing what this condition was, I would become very concerned and question what it was that has put her into this phase of neglect. And it’s very exhausting to try to tamp down the core emotions behind it only to figure out this late in the game in my life that it was tactic used against me to illicit guilt and shame. Like clearly as I’m writing this it has been only three days of my diligence in researching myself to come to find out that I was actually the victim and not the problem. I can’t help but think deep down inside that, I really love her with all my heart and I can’t stop thinking that this will affect her life later on and it breaks my heart. I know a lot of people will say yeah but she’s a narcissist, yes, but she is my wife and life and it hurts me to think that she doesn’t realize what she’s doing. I also feel like I’m stuck because we have kids together and I don’t want that to affect them like it did to me growing up with a narcissistic mother. Although I was too young to recognize that there was an issue like I am now, I still love her and know that, she will never love me as much as I do her. It’s the most devastating feeling, and it breaks you down to the point of health issues. I’ve contemplated suicide, however, I’m not selfish and do not want to put that stress on my children, especially leaving them in the situation. So I remind myself that I need to keep living for them. I have 25 years vested in this relationship and feel like I’m losing everything. Between the silent treatment, gaslighting, stonewalling, and manipulation for reaction, it’s almost like being in a state of Stockholm syndrome. Or in this case trauma bonding. And yes, I questioned myself and still question myself on certain things and similarities of narcissism that I feel that I exhibited throughout this. But to come to find out, it was a way to cope rather than my true nature. I’m so lost and slowly through this research. I’m starting to feel like I have my legs again, but it’s hard to walk away from someone you’ve dedicated your life too for so long and have deep emotions for even though they don’t share the same feelings. I know I’m not perfect and I could definitely better myself, but to know that somebody was hurting me for now reason so they can fill their supply is hard shattering to say the least. Especially when I really do love her so much. But between the sexual neglect, emotional neglect, and the silent treatment, abuse, and reaction abuse, how am I supposed to remain sane? I’m 45 years old with two kids, and I constantly feel like my wife does not want me for me but rather to be a puppet for her addiction. I am at a loss beyond grieving, I feel like I’ve already died and I’m watching life go on without me in a very insensitive way. I just I hope that I’m strong enough to be there for my children more often. I’ve been so down and out due to this abuse, that I have isolated myself to the point of not being involved in my child’s activities and spending time with them. I’ve been so wrapped up in this mind fu?k that I have neglected them while at the same time feeling neglected. And I’ve never been this way. I’ve always sold myself as a good father and a good husband way before I was. And honestly, I still have things that I may need to approve on as I’m not perfect. but when you have somebody that doesn’t believe in the same values or only does when it convenience them then where else do I go or do or say? I’ve been devalued without knowing and character, assassinated, and smeared so much that it feels like it’s common place. I’m very, isolated and antisocial where I used to be very social and outgoing. And the things I’ve been told by my wife, in the middle of reaction abuse, the words of hate and deception, and pushing the fear of losing my life I’ve vested in dangling by a string, while being laughed at has seriously put me in a state of confusion almost to the point of insanity. How does somebody that supposed to love me? Do these things to me? I’m losing myself as I write and have been abused mentally all my life. Now I know why, she was attracted to me. She found vulnerability that she could exploit and had a long game for how she was going to be able to control me. This love was never real and the pain I’m feeling and the loss of self-worth are so overwhelming. I don’t know what to do.
Day 9 for me, and I just saw this video. Great insight into what is going on. Will certainly adopt the teachings in this video. It's been a tough ride, and I will hopefully get to the other side soon.
So am I love! I am sorry for you. I am sorry for any of us stuck in a position of now knowing we have been abused and manipulated to stay and play while we beat and freak thinking it was our fault. Once you know and get stronger it makes staying even harder. Some of us are stuck bc of financial reasons, some can't move right away, some have kids to think about. To those who can bounce, good for you beautiful people. I left her 3 months ago but am financially screwed bc I'm on a fixed disability monthly income that is like being poor. I have end stage primary progressive multiple sclerosis. I can't afford living on my own and have no where else to stay. So...boo I feel for you, I understand you and know you are not alone, I am not alone hell none of us are alone. Some just can leave their hell faster than others who have to now have awareness of the abuse and want to leave but can't. I am in day 6 of silent treatment and months 3 of her moving out of our bedroom and into the other room. This is bc of a fight we had and it was my ah ha moment that something is wrong here. I figured it out and she didn't like it. Blamed me, did her typical snide hurtful comments, blamed me again. This is why I said I am leaving. She had moved rooms.before my leaving and during our fight. Recently she has been using control of when I need help bc for 4 out of our 7 years I have battled Multiple sclerosis. I have had to reply on her for errands and for physical help. No it's ignore my request for help until she decides she now wants to and I am supposed to be ready to go and do it. She knows it takes time for me to plan ahead bc of the disease. I called her out on it bc she tried blaming me and accusing me of being mad that she didn't do what she said she would do. I said I am not even upset but truth is she has been not following through with requests for help. I also said... so I reached out for help from a family member. Since then we aren't separated and being cordial or superficial anymore she is just not talking to me anymore. Just Sharing my current story about my narc abuser so that you know you aren't alone. Not trying to get sympathy from anyone of bitch about it, rather just know they are seriously messed up in the head. It is about their BS baggage and trauma that they will never get help from bc their tools of hurting people to feel better is like heroin to a drug addict or food to sooth emotions, or gambling to distract from the pain. Unfortunately they are so highly checked out of reality that we have to do our own work and they continue on being azzholes for the rest of their lives. DR. RAMANI SAYS it is almost impossible or so rare to ever see a narc do work to change. They won't change bc they can't accept personal accountability ever, have no inner personal understanding of their own self and blame everyone else. I am here if you need a reboot, as we are not alone in this cruel dark place of emotional abuse. Just because there are no physical bruises doesn't mean there aren't any. Emotional, mental abuse is a form of abuse, and is real even if others around us down play it. Tell us that's just relationships..no ot isn't. There are healthy relationships, but don't be told that there is no such thing as healthy relationships that it's normal what is happening. no no and no. Stop believing those loes,stoo believing your narc will ever change and stop believing it is your fault. Sending prayers and positive vibes to you.
One more conversation with this friend was about an appointment.I asked a simple question "Is your appointment on 1st or 2nd of this month?"She was like its in my calendar and I have reminders.I asked this question twice but she never told me what date.Is this passive aggressive behaviour?Thank you for your insightful videos.
Thank you. I dont think hes a narc but Im about at the end of an on again off again silent treatment thats had me shut out for the better part of the last 5 weeks. Its like he just shut off the lights on all the affection and warmth that he used to show. It sucks.
I love this comment! Not all people who give the silent treatment are narcissists. The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse anyone can give. Yes, this video is on narcissists but the silent treatment can come from many different types of people. Narcissist or not, it is still difficult to go through that and I am sorry that is the immature way he is trying to work through issues.
I was on the both end of silent treatment. In both case, first thing that comes in mind is: peace, finally! I really don't have a problem with silent treatment when I'm on the receiving side. Nobody should have problem with that. Just go in with your life as usual. The most interesting fact is that no one ever asked: what causes silent treatment? I can answer you from my perspective. I use silent treatment as a tool of cooling down myself, when I'm overwhelmed by the current conflict/situation. My partner knows that I'm conflict avoidant. Also, she knows that I hate going over and over again about the same thing/situation. I asked her nicely to stop. She don't listen, and continues with the confrontation. I asked her again, nicely, to stop. But she continues again. In that moment, I feel that anything I said will be used against me. That she just won't listen to me. That situation will get worse if I say something. And then I can only do the one thing - shut down completely. To protect myself from being overwhelmed, from being hurt, from being unhearded of. In that moment, I just don't know anything else to do. So, because you call somebody narcissist because of silent treatment, first ask yourself what causes that? Maybe the person on the other side is overwhelmed with the conflict and the overall situation and don't know how to stop that conflict, because nothing other works.
I am currently having this issue not with my partner but my work partner that I spend 90% of my day with. There is a very clear power imbalance between the two of us. And they don’t respect my boundaries very well. They also don’t listen to the things I said before or after the incident that brought the silent treatment on. I have to interact with them. It’s sad cause we were pretty close before but now I see someone who clearly doesn’t respect me and talks down to me like I’m stupid. It’s been an eye opening few days
Been living and loving a partner who I realized was giving me silent treatment and silent violence for 9 months… but I don’t wanna leave, he’s dealing with depression and his life closed him up enough as it is. He’s a good guy overall, just very innocent and narcissistic so he thinks he not getting played by the people around him He’s always willing to work hard when needed, but still goes back to that He said that it feels like something is holding him back from saying anything. He’s been living the crime life although fruitless, it might’ve affected him. He’s never been in a relationship, and he keeps saying that’s the reason he’s so lacking understanding, even when I keep saying the same thing. I’m always shut down, but he doesn’t really care unless I scream and shout and cry. Is this normal for such relationship? I’m a cptsd person He comes back happy whenever it’s perfect And my smile disappeared because I’ve been opening the door for him but he was always poke faced
Hi. Love your teaching as it’s very clear and so helpful too. Im new to your channel and experienced the silent treatment with my husband way back and now it’s back again as I’m in it now. He knows as we talked about it before but looks like no change in regards to this topic!! He was told from the psychologist as he went one time that he has borderline personality disorder. Not diagnose but told out of one session and that’s why he in therapy as I convinced him. I feel when someone works on themselves and know their doing wrong and still it’s terrible and I been always through the years with him and raised his children as well. I told him get therapy and he was not going to do it and then he decided he will and just had few sessions but not sure where our marriage will be as he does not fully agree in marriage counselling and don’t want him to do as he got told by me and his counsellor before too. Other things where up against in the marriage and stories in that matter but want to say thank you. Much appreciated in your work and care for others as well. We need to understand they got issues and don’t need the abuse and stand our ground!! I subscribe to your channel and looking forward seeing your videos also. God bless. 😇💜🌻☕️🧡🙏🏻
Thank you for the kind words and support of my channel! I hope the information I provide continues to be helpful and reminds you that you are not alone. Continue to focus on you and making yourself a priority!
This is Jennifer Sinclair. My mother is a covert passive aggressive narcissist and loves the silent treatment. She does it all the time. I told her the next time she wants to talk with me, it must be in the presence of our family counselor (that she quit seeing). I told her to coordinate a date with me and the therapist the next time she wants to converse with me. I never heard from her again. But she is still welcome to communicate with me any time she wants - she just needs to coordinate a date and time with me and the tberapist.
I did something similar. He'd screamed and yelled at me for 3 nights, so I told him the next time he wanted to talk to me he had to make an appt. Apparently, what he heard was "Don't talk to me anymore." So that's what he did.
Day 7 seven today of silent treatment... honestly I am just fed up and I don't feel anything anymore he has done this so many times and I have told him how this makes me feel but I guess he just doesn't care what annoys the most he is the one who is always on the wrong and when I confront him he goes silent on me.....I usually break the silent because I like solving our issues but this time around am going to just keep quiet and when he decides to communicate I will just keep quiet I think I have reached my breaking point.
Being in a long distance relationship and someone giving you a silent treatment it hurts 🤕... I feel like moving on bear in mind our relationship is 3 months old.
i am suffering this treatment all the time. its destroying me. thanks for this video to help me understand. from teh comments it sounds like it's mostly men that do this, but in my case it's the woman. it doesn't make sense that someone would want control so badly that they ruin communication. How can you feel close if this person is intentionally putting you at a distance? It doesn't feel like they even care.
I used to cry, feel anxious, beg, plead.. Its soul destroying. Now i just ignore. Every little bit of love, compassion, and care for this person has gradually wasted away...i no longer care and just wish he would leave(which is the last sentence i hear from him before the ST 'im leaving' ...he never does just makes my life miserable. Good luck
IT's funny to see my own comment from 6 months ago, and to see i'm still going through these silent treatments with this person. lol. And i am back watching these videos desperately to get advice to cope with the abuse....lame. The doctor above says "don't respond with your own sielent treatment hoping they will crack because you will always lose" does that mean we're supposed to keep talking to this person that is treating us badly? Not begging and pleading, but talk about the weather or some tv show you saw or something random? lol. This doesn't make sense. You should just get out of the situation if this is a pattern of behavior because a relationship without communication is going to be caustic to the end.
Hello! I like your videos- they all made me realize that I am in an emotionally abusive relationship with my husband. And thanks to your videos I am somehow getting strength to survive each day. However, this video left me a bit confused: your advice #2 and #3 seem to contradict each other. I am not supposed to give him silent treatment but on ghe other hand I shouldn’t engage with him at all. So what can I do? He is giving me silent treatment right now, so I have been pretending that he didn’t say anything, he never yelled at me, and I am doing small talk with him like I would normally do except his answers are very brief and cold hearted.
Thank you for your comment! That is great to hear the videos are giving you more strength in your current relationship. I appreciate you pointing out the apparent discrepancy in the video! Someone else might have the same question as well. When I refer to "engage" this means to get on the same level of the person who is giving the silent treatment and to occupy their attention. I am referring to specifically engaging with their silent treatment through apologizing, commenting on how it affects you, or doing it back. When you engage with their silent treatment, either directly by pointing it out, or indirectly by also giving the silent treatment, you keep the control in their hands because they see how it affects you. The best way to interact is to continue on as you normally would in conversation. His responses might be short or rude, and that can be frustrating to have to deal with, but its best to try to stay strong and let this pass. Over time, people who give the silent treatment will ideally see it does not benefit them. If you haven't already, also check out my video on the Grey Rock Technique because it will give you some other ideas.
If he's not talking to you leave him alone and get busy doing things you like watch a nice movie, play a game, read your bible, pray every day and ask God to cover your mind and your heart and take the pain away it work for me now I'm mute to his behavior. Once you don't have anything to say don't say nothing if he says something to you answer briefly with one or two words no attitude behind it. Then continue to be silent it's time we stop allowing people or letting people feel that it's ok to abuse us. Stop letting them feel that they can abuse you and it's business as usual no way you must be strong and stand up for your mental health, protect yourself from being sick, because while they hurting you they're looking healthy and strong you need to be healthy and strong too so pray every day sit at JESUS feet and watch him fight for you
What's the point of being with him.... You are wasting a lot of valuable time.... Me myself I don't like wasting time.... We are not going to live forever.... Think about it.....S
I had a short 9 month relationship. There was a small incident when he reached out to an ex and I saw it and confronted him. A month later we had a date, he canceled and gave the silent treatment that night. He'd never done that before. The next day was very cold acting and silent treatment again. I got nervous something is going on. The next day silent treatment again with one message. He is processing my accusation about him.and the ex communicating. He blocked me in the middle of the night on social media. I questioned him in the morning and he said I am stalking him and can't be trusted. I broke up with him and wished him good luck. He never responded. Not one word to the break up, nothing. Is he using silent treatment to show his disgust at how quickly I broke it off? It's been 8 months since then. Not one word from either of us. The relationship was fine up til that last 4 days.
My mother is almost 87, and I am now going through another episode. As always, I must let the storm pass. She is and has always been SICK. I am thinking about no contact. This has rarely been a healthy relationship.
There are several comments on one part of the video being confusing and I apologize for that. Thank you for everyone that asked for clarification or to point out how it could be confusing. I hope this clears it up! You don't want to acknowledge how their silent treatment is affecting you because this is exactly what they want - to know that what they are doing is upsetting you. To give the silent treatment back will just lead to butting of heads and a power struggle which will go nowhere positive. The best approach is to go about your day as normal. Talk to them even if you feel like you are talking to a wall. The narcissist stops the silent treatment when they feel it no longer benefits them. What that is may not be known but keep focused on living your life and hopefully the narcissist will get past this punishment tactic. If they don't, you need to consider whether remaining in a relationship with them is worth your mental well-being.
Hi my names joe I've bin with this girl 10 years shez 35 now and her communication with Me is threw text even in are own house is this unhealthy?
@@joegladue8863no I've been in that situation before. It doesn't work. It makes it worst
So basically leave the relationship all together but what about if it's an aging narssistic parent and they feel entitled to your help but don't want anything in writing
I love getting the silent treatment. I consider it as a gift. It's a chance to get peace and quiet. Carry on like you are unbothered. Do you really need to keep hearing from them? Return their gift with your low energy. Enjoy the performance from a distance. Chat up a friend, play music and dance to it, take a bath, finish that book. Enjoy it. It's an opportunity to do you.
Agreed. Was always funny when it wasn't working so she'd try and make noise, walk in front of me, sigh, etc. in order to get the attention she craved. I never understood this tactic.
Must be nice, when my narc is giving the silent treatment, he goes out of his way to be obnoxious and loud at all hours of the day and night. Trying instigate a conflict. He does shitty ass mean things like turning my dog who has no recall loose then saying he accidentally got out and I have to go chase her down in hte middle of the night, because she is a minpin and everything in alaska including hte weather will kill her….he knowingly lets her out. He ruins my things, makes messes of my things….so silence is not a break or peaceful for me. It is a nightmare. Top it off with how dangerous my narc is….30 year military vet with special ops training, told me flat out he could make me disappear and no one would ever question him….and he is not wrong, everyone seems to love him because no one has seen what a monster behind closed doors he is….then mental abuse he put my kids through drove my adult son to say he will never come home again. My husband is a monster and i am afraid if I try to leave he will kill me. He has killed for the military…and sleeps just fine at night.
@@michellesimmons3150 Deepest sympathies. Sounds like the anti-social (malignant) narc type. The worst of the cluster b disorders. I do not have danger. I am praying for you. 😰🙏🏼
@@michellesimmons3150seems like so many people here have such an easy answer huh? Lol. Sometimes it's just not that easy. Maybe you could slowly educate him on communication? I don't have the answer though. That's why I'm here
What I have learned about Silent Treatment is to not ENGAGE. May not be easy but it can be done. Don't DEFEND, ENGAGE, or PERSONALIZE when spoken to during the Silent Treatment. Don't REACT. Use the words No. Yes. I don't know. I love the Silent Treatment because it gives me peace. Also I match energy. It works for me everytime someone does this to me, might not work for everyone. Hope this helps.
I moved on with another partner during the silence & made my life amazing..winning.
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Congratulations!!!
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That's awesome!
Love this 😄🙌🏾😍
I put up with it for 5 years until I just walked away. Mental health is way more important than being with someone who sees no wrong in themselves.
I’ve been putting up with it for two and I’m at my edge. That’s exactly what it is. They can’t do wrong. He told a friend in front of my today “I’m not wrong here”… okay… okay.
So sorry!!!
My narc husband has been giving me the silent treatment for over 3 years to punish me for not going along with the lies of the Trump cult he’s given his whole life to. We live on separate sides of the house and only really run into each other passing by in the kitchen. 😢 I’ve tried to stay above it but at this point my mental and emotional state is deteriorating. I can’t see a way to leave because of some serious health issues keeping me dependent on him for some practical needs. I’ve tried to explain how he’s hurting me and damaging what’s left of our marriage…no effect. No compassion or empathy. I have to learn to stop feeding his sick need to feel powerful and controlling by just talking to him normally not letting him see my pain. I’ll give that a go and see how he responds.
Todays Day 7 of receiving the Silent Treatment from my husband. After 8 years I now think Ok how long will this one last?! It used to break me down so badly until the day I realized he was unhappy with himself!!! Im not perfect but I am definitely not the issue here. His issues go wayyyyyy back! I enjoy this time because I focus on myself and my kiddos! It doesn’t bother me anymore and I stay away from him and go about my life! I refuse to let his nonsense bring me down! Not anymore buddy!
Me too, he has a fragile ego and I'm 10 years in.
Sounds like you are a very strong person. I am struggling but I am getting stronger.
What about he gives me silent treatment for months? He is a truck driver, and recently he comes back home twice a month- that time we speak, but when he goes back on the truck, he doesn't want to talk to me at all. He doesn't want to talk to our daughter as well. I asked him why- he doesn't want to answer me. This behavior continues for months, and I don't have opportunity to move out because I am financially dependent of him. 😔😔😔
@@Stasunger I had a similar situation. I found myself some part time work and then started saving. Won't it be a lovely suprise when he comes home and you have moved to another area and the lawyer drops off the divorce papers ? It may take some time . Good luck. I hope you can get your life back and a chance at being happy. I put up with the silent treatment for 10 years.
So how long does your husband take to come back to normal and how does he do it ?
Don’t talk to them and don’t be silent. Got it.
Right that was my takeaway
Makes about as much sense as dealing with a narc in the first place 😂
My point exactly am so confused
Yeah, I got the same thing.
😂😂😂
Today is day 17 of the silent treatment. The first few days I was a mess. I cried and begged him to speak to me. I have stopped that because frankly, I have stopped wanting to feel like shit. He can keep ignoring me, but I'm not going to let it affect me any longer.
i actually love the silent treatment more peace and quiet and no tasking for me lol
Bless your heart… I’m on day two. I’m looking forward to day 17.
On day 7 and am just tired of this nonsense
@@wifeytypefem I have finally accepted that the relationship is over. He never did end up talking to me. It's been 3 and a half months. And now he's in a new relationship with someone who he had been talking to before he met me. I am still very angry but I am no longer crying and feeling so down. I guess life does go on!
@@kimodonoghue6262 any word from him/her? I'm now going on almost 4 months. He is in a new relationship now and she can have him!!
I love how people say how many days each of us of our silent treatments is. I love how each of us has different problems but still strives. I'm wishing for the universe for everyone of us will be ok soon. You are not alone.
I have about 5 narcs that give me the silent treatment quite often, anywhere from months to years of no communication. But once I realized it was this cat and mouse game of wanting to be chased, I just stoppèd playing and started focusinng on my life, my health, my needs and what was important to me and took the focus off of them and enjoyed my peace and quiet. Since they were the ones who chose to walk away, they should be the ones to initiate contact again. But until then, I will be living my best life.
I think i am worse than my narc bf😂.I used to care but now that i know what he is, i stopped caring and it’s working. He doesn’t know but I’m leaving his place and his bs in 2 weeks. I’m so excited!!!
What you do? You STAY SILENT. They always come running back. It may take months but they do and they pretend like nothing happened. When they knock on your door, you treat them with disguist like give them a look of "euw" and if they ask if anythings wrong, you reply: "Everythings fine" That way YOU have the upper hand. They'll get nervous bc they can treat others this way but not take it themselves. They get NERVOUS, scared of losing you but you keep at it and now YOU'RE top dog.
yes! you are so right i been doing this and tbh i don't care anymore
I agree, works everytime.
@@Vixinaful yes
How sure are you they'll return even after they promised not to ? @Vixinaful
@@ramnagpal260 Well the one I knew keeps returning and its been 8 years so.. Pretty sure. Its due to control. And he also promised again and again he wouldnt return but did. So nothing they say has any significance, its meaningless words to them, all that matters are them them and them.
Silence treatment shit I move on. When he come around he realizes he been playing with his dam self. Unavailable
Silent treatment is for the narcissist the only form of "gratification" possible... They are too distorted mentally. Thank You, Beautiful Sunrise!!:))
Yes, I experienced the silent treatment many times. I don't care because I give him the silent treatment at times when I am upset. In the long run it's not a good feeling.There is no true love with a narcissist.
Very True.
I feel so sorry for all those who are at present enduring this cruel and childish form of abuse.
I suffered through the whole gamut of narcissistic abuse, including this, for exactly forty years!
All those internal battles with myself and the constant "should I stay, should I leave" struggle manifested itself physically.
After 25 years, I developed a scoliosis of the spine. No one on either side of my family tree has had this disability.
It's amazing how the mind finds a way of channelling great pain and turmoil.
I had no idea about NPD until after he left.
I had begun living my life separate to him, basically keeping my self to myself. His answer to not having control of me was to look up an old girlfriend he knew before me.
Don't know how long he was grooming her, but I called him out, after seeing it in his eyes. I then told him to leave and we divorced.
Five years now and only now do I feel like me again.
It's great to feel totally free and at peace.
My life. I developed a scoliosis and have had 40 years. I'm almost free. 😢😢
I am currently in silent treatment for months. He walks around like i did something. I work and come home. I have no friends and Im constantly saying should i stay or go but I fear the unknown. I am a loyal wife but constantly get falsely accused of many things. I never thought that my older years were going to be spent getting treated like this. I dont deserve any of this. I cry myself to sleep and he has no empathy for me. What is wrong with me that I continue to put up with it.
@@glory5260
That's how I was, until I made a plan.
I saved as much money as I could and was ready when the time came.
We all fear the unknown but being prepared helps, and that might be the very thing you are supposed to learn in this life. I cannot tell you how wonderful freedom and independence feel now that I have it.
Make a plan and take the steps towards your new life. X
I became silent once and for all..
Not a laughing matter but wheeef lol
The silent treatment was his main tool. I had zero knowledge of narcissism and was bewildered by what was going on. He never raised his voice or hit me, yet managed to annihilate me and reduce me to ash simply by remaining silent. Yet, just like things that are reduced to ash I sprouted one small stem and inch by inch built my life back up from there. Thank you for education such as yours. I hope this saves many people in years to come by not wasting their precious lives on an investment with no return.
I disagree slightly. If the Narcisst gives the silent treatment I would do the same to let it blow over until narccist changes his mind to talk again. If not then so be it! At least that is in my books. Apologize for what if one hasn't done nothing! I wouldn't even wish Narcisst goodbye or say to "Have a nice life"
I kinda agree with you. I give the silent treatment too by making sure I'm living my best life and keeping busy. When the narc decides to reach out, I don't ask any questions or act bothered they didn't call nor act bothered they are calling now. Then when they ask what I've been up to I mention some of the fun I've had which then makes them upset which is kinda funny. Then they go silent again lol. Of course you have to be in a state of mind of not caring too much for the narc because if you're still all in love and you brag about the fun you had without them, they will try to make you suffer.
That's what I'm doing now!
@@doglover5519 Yes this been going on now and we live together I'm always the one kissing up to him and trying to talk and now I'm taking my power back by giving him the same energy
I use it as opportunity to flirt, date, develop other relationships. It's a "hall pass" 🤷🏻♂️. Who knows if they'll ever talk again. If she does, i tell her i met someone else and will entertain that relationship . She can stay or go .
My husband is avoidant and has narcissistic traits, silent treatment is his favorite.
Once I got so fed up that I'd been ignoring him for more than a week - no eye contact, no affection, no talking... He ended up breaking down and promising to improve.
He tries to give me a silent treatment now, but as long as I don't react, usually he is the one who approaches me with apology a couple of hours later
🎉🎉🎉Great work. I’m on day 3 going on day 4 with my husband. It’s hard but respecting my boundaries is not an option
Update, he finally spoke to me on day 6. Things are better but still keeping things in prayer
He is not a narcissist on a real one.
@@Ngoziscreativity I said "narcissistic traits", Captain Obvious
It just teaches you how to live without them which will eventually backfire on them. ENJOY THE QUIET.
This gal absolutely NAILS IT! 100% Truth. If someone is doing this to you RUN, before they literally put you into the ground for good!
I have to disagree about not engaging in the silent treatment right back at them. in my nearly 50 yr relationship with my husband with narcissistic tendencies, I've found that the ONLY thing that works to alleviate the silent treatment is to silence myself to him in retaliation. he can't stand it and invariably breaks down and starts talking to me, pretending like nothing happened. at that point I CHOOSE when our communication resumes, not him. and it makes him think twice before initiating the pattern again. I lived for years apologizing when I hadn't done anything wrong, or at least didn't know what I did. it only emboldened him. not anymore. I've grown to neutralize the effect the silent treatment has on me. he hasn't. it's a lousy way to live though. it sucks the life, the joy out of you. I chose to stay. my husband also has some very good qualities as well. I sure wish I knew then what I know now.
Do you notice anything off with his general brain functioning at all?
What she said was very contradictory
Don’t give silent treatment but also don’t engage… huh?
After 2 months that he did not speak to me , I told him I wanted to break up, he started telling me that here I was once again sabotaging the relationship … I told him yes , you are right , it was always me , I just don’t see you the same way anymore , I don’t love you anymore… he said ok. When I had packed all my bags and a friend came over to help me pick up my things , he told me I couldn’t leave till he checked my bags , that I could be taking something by mistake -- I cursed him out and left … it took me about 3 moths to get out of the couch and stop eating ice cream but I’m healing now and I am just happy I took the decision to actually dump his ass, little by little I start understanding more how fucked up he was.
I caught a narc in a lie and he didn´t see it coming. He got aggressive immediately, how dare I accuse him, how mean of me since I knew how much stress he is under and shut the conversation down. Never once said, he didn´t lie though ;)
The next day he texted what was wrong with me yesterday, I should know how much he hates lying, it´s a misunderstanding, not lying, you know I would never lie to you.
My response:
We can agree to disagree on this one.
Silence since 1 Week. I´m not responding, not to punish back, but to find peace of mind. I no longer wish to pursue this relationship. I want to be left alone by him.
Same exact thing hes doing to me now...I need to get out of this nightmare, why would I put up w this?? ..He owes me money and I'm doing my best to get thru this just to finally get my money back and finally leave and get my sanity back...🤯🤯
I caught my friend in a lie too. She made a mistake again and I ended up getting angry. I said a sarcastic comment and she wasn't happy. She's giving me silent treatment over mistake she repeated.
...thank u for this, i am coming out of a 6 years relationship. He has been giving me silent treatment for 2 months. Today, I decide to come out of this drama, though it is painful, i will find myself.😊☺️
I received the silent treatment from a formerly close sibling. She triangulated other family members to join her as well. A therapist helped me to see the emotionally abusive and manipulative behavior I was experiencing. Sadly, I had to go no contact and have found peace. While not what I wanted, I realized I can’t tell others how to feel. She is miserable, I choose not to be.
I’m going through the same situation! Somebody please help me out I feel like killing my self 😭 I can’t handle this torture anymore
Today is day 8 of receiving the silent treatment from my fiancé. It’s happened in the past, but this time I am choosing to not try to fix the problem, apologizing, or engaging unnecessarily. It’s very hard because I am a problem solver, I don’t like to leave things unresolved, that is not healthy. It hurts, and I constantly find myself fighting anger and sadness through this whole process. This is the longest period of time the silent treatment has lasted, and it is the hardest, for many reasons, but mostly because I don’t know what I may have said or did to bring this about. My question is, how do I not engage, and not be silent in my own regard? Don’t know what to do. I feel like walking away completely, but the thought of that breaks my heart.
Me too honey, me too. All I did was try to fix my Fiance' a nice lobster dinner, and I made the mistake of adding peas and rice with it. Suddenly he's staring at it like i just served him poop. So, I got up and put up my food and went to bed. Day 2 of the silent treatment again. God help me.
@@joywurdemann5752 I am divorcing my wife of 28 years after 3 months straight of the silent treatment. GET OUT. GET OUT before you marry them and you are a captive audience. It only gets worse.
I’m afraid you have to walk away! These people prey on people pleasers problem solvers and those who are generous in spirit and loose with boundaries. Do not marry them! Look at the UA-cam videos of experienced divorce lawyer Jonathan Noble Esquire! It will only get worse.
We can't ever fix them, there's no closure & it's going to get worse. They are so ungrateful.
@@deenarnctruth!
I’m currently going through the silent treatment over two weeks now with girlfriend and I’m losing control and focus and I’m glad this video will help
I don't know if I was dealing with a narcissist or not, but this was actually a friend I had for many years. periodically the friend would give me the silent treatment for a week or two, but then a few years ago the friend began to give me the silent treatment for months or what I call the equivalent of ghosting. I wrote a letter as the friend lives in a different state to try to resolve the issue and after a month or so they began calling like nothing happened, at that point, I realized that since the root of the behavior was not addressed it would happen again, which it did so I decided then to ghost back and although it was very difficult, I'm glad I did. I basically ended the relationship (after several months the person called one time) because I refused to continue to be controlled by an on again off again, silent treatment, and that was a turning point for me and in new relationships as soon as that trait pops upimmediately cut the relationship because I don't have time to play analyst with people who do not communicate effectively, and I have learned the hard way that it tends to be a recurring behavior, and I'm not going to tolerate it
My mother has used the discard /silent treatment on me my entire like. I’m 63 and she still does it to me. I don’t even remember how she ends up communicating with me , but recently after getting silent treatment from her, I found out I had/have breast cancer. And my brother told her. But she actually doesn’t care. She’d call me during my radiation treatment and talk about her own problems. She had no empathy for me whatsoever. Long story short…I’m now getting her silent treatment again. Today was her birthday. But she didn’t hear from me.
My partner often does this to me. Usually over some fight she started. Honestly. The fact she gives me the silent treatment I consider as golden. I have peace. Spend time with my daughter doing activities and do less.chores at.home (she is not very ckean) I have learnt during those times to live with the mess and have some me time. I would have left if it wasn't for.my daughter as the courts always favour the mother. Instead I just look forward to the next.time I get the silent treatment as.they usually last a few joyful weeks.
Are you that one chicks husband? Bc she exposed you 🤣🤣
Why would you stay in a relationship with sb like that?
It's very hard to stay in that situation, but kudos to you for putting your child first. I had 3 children and live in the same situation., but my kids always had to come first. They are now grown and all doing well. I am now saving as much money as fast as I can, and living my life in spite of the disrespect, the ignoring, and the infamous silent treatments. 50 years. Staying strong!
People don't understand why we stay. We stay cos of the kids. We brought then to this world, can't just abandon them and divorce, then kids are in limbo. But I teach my kids at narcissism and what NOT to tolerate with their future partners. Meanwhile, am learning ( with pain and withdrawal symptoms) to be happy during their silent treatment cos it kills them.
@@tiffinstingkatssimple9112I understand the difficulty of your circumstance, but by staying aren't you teaching them to tolerate unhappiness?
This has been going on for decades with my sister and mother. I am finally setting boundaries for my health and sanity. Let God deal with these abusive miserable people!
After 28 years of verbal and mental abuse, 50 days ago it turned physical. He pushed me after an argument and I feel hurting my shoulder and leg that he grabbed. At first there was absolutely no communication. He has been sleeping in guest room for over 12 years. Now that has escalated into not eating, watching tv or any other activity together. Closes all doors at night that lead into the guest room, bathroom and office. Now he talks, but only when he wants to, as though nothing has happened. I respond in like, because I refuse to give him anymore power over me. This is very hard to deal with, especially trying to recover from a diagnosis of breast cancer, two major surgeries almost 2 years ago..at which he showed no empathy. Never in a million years did I think I would have been so stupid to fall for all the lies and betrayals these people can inflict. I am an empath so maybe I was like the perfect prey. I appreciate your videos, they help to give me the strength I need to make some very hard decisions.
🙏 for you. I too felt stupid to keep falling for this behavior. 38 years of marriage. Now to move on with my life. All the best to you.
Here’s what did to handle it. I let go and moved on. It was the only thing left to me to do.
Good for you!
Stuck with a narcissist and I can totally relate to each and every word in this video. I felt she's just explaining my whole life to everyone. Hoping to get all my strength together asap and make myself happy again. It just doesn't affect you but it affects your parents too.
Wow this was the best advice and explanation on the silent treatment I’ve seen thank you so much
You are welcome! Thank you for the kind comment.
Yes me too.
When I caught on to my sister’s silent treatment punishment I asked once “ok, what did I do wrong this time.”. Of course no answer. So I told her “ok, so here we go again, I’m done, see ya”. Weeks go by and then I’ get a fun little video of fuzzy puppies and duckies. Never an acknowledgement that anything ever happened. I told her where she could put her cute little duckies and when she was willing to discuss things like an adult she knew where to find me. No reply. Weeks later she invites me to a family gathering. I replied, Nope, I refuse to pretend like nothing happened and then wait for you to decide I’m shit again. Twice, after months of the silent treatment, she has actually said “how about a no questions asked truce.” I’m not allowed to ask any questions about how she treats me. The last time was 12/31/20. I replied “I’m off the crazy train. Have a good life”. She absolutely cannot acknowledge any fault on her part, she refuses to be held accountable for ANYTHING. I’ve maintained no contact for 13 months now and am so not missing the drama and chaos. While some may say I shouldn’t have replied to her at all, I wanted to be clear about what I was thinking and why I was behaving the way i do. I do not want to be like her. I abhor mind games.
Thank you for sharing your experience! Unfortunately, I think many others will be able to relate to what you have been through and it will be helpful for them to feel less alone.
Reading this made me feel like im not alone, i also have issues with my sister at the moment where she is giving me the silent treatment. I dont want to stop talking ever again though, because she has kids and i would like to be there for them especially my niece that i have grown a good relationship with these past few years. I feel sooo stuck.
After 8 yrs I've grown, and am working to heal and tolerate my siblings passive/aggressive attempts at control.
Yes, this truly sucks.
Notice how quickly the Narc gives their opinion, will constantly interrupt, rage, and yet does not ever listen.
100% Judge, jury, and executioner.
This tactic was employed to punish and exile me, as a person since they're unable to list any poor behaviors.
Beyond cruel / sadistic.
They will not change, and I cannot leave.
Outside of a happy birthday text, or a holiday meal, I do not engage.
How one treats others is their karma. How we react is ours.
I've received the silent treatment from many. Over my years I have discovered, in essence, by catering to the others, I was giving myself the silent treatment! Each day letting a piece of myself drift away. Now I spend time with myself, getting back or building new parts of ME.
I appreciate the brief video that reminds me again - where love comes from and how to keep the flow strong - at all times. Thank YOU!
I'm past the second week plus of the silent treatment. It used to bug me and make me feel alone but I decided u know what whilst he's playing the game I'll use the time to cook healthy food watch motivating lectures learn about narcissism in depth and enjoy every moment of life. It's ME Time
Great way to focus on you right now!
Going through it right now 😂😂😂 The last one was 6 months ago just 5 days after losing my mother and my unborn child on the same day. It went on for 10 days or so. It's getting tiring. Thanks for the video.
Please don't have more children with this monster. It's just not worth it and children don't need father like this. They NEVER change.
My heart is with you. I am sorry to hear about the passing of your mother and child.
@@runningwithscissors1564 Thank you 🙏
I'm so sorry to hear this.
You poor thing
The second one is a naive one! By getting back to them, you are succumbing but fighting out until they comeback is the way to go ! If they do not come back, let them go and this is called strength and fortitude !! Let them remain silent, and you stay silent !!
I been getting trough this for 20 years I'm married to a narcissist that accused me and abused me and cheated on me and blamed me for his actions and gives me the silent treatment and he Is controlling but not anymore I'm going to my dad tomorrow and I'm not coming back
I don’t view it as “giving silent treatment back” I just view it as detoxing and moving on from this person
Giving the silent treatment back is different than making a conscious decision to step away for your own mental health. For those interested in better understanding the difference you can check out my video on this topic here! ua-cam.com/video/IPrUPYNVkZg/v-deo.html. As a non-narcissist who isn't trying to control the situation, moving on from a person is oftentimes the best approach and you are making the right decision! Thank you for the comment and pointing out the differences.
I used the silent treatment on a narcissist to enable the rage and to think about what they’ve done
I don't have any advice. I'm abused daily with this. I just keep trying to pretend it doesn't bother me and it's almost impossible when you have kids not to try and talk to him. He refuses to help with anything.
When kids are part of the relationship it makes it difficult! Stay strong and I believe in you!
What you do? You STAY SILENT. They always come running back. It may take months but they do and they pretend like nothing happened. When they knock on your door, you treat them with dusguist like give them a look and if they ask "everythigns fine" that way YOU have the upper hand. They'll get nervous bc they can treat others this way but not take it themselves. They get NERVOUS, scared of losing you.
I have four kids w/ a psychopath! He grows more evil by the day! We’ve been married for over 21 years. I’ve done everything!!! He’s never profited a finger, but makes our life hell. I’m ready to go, but financially dependent upon him--- I have no family and nor friends. Hugs to you
HE REFUSES??? you need to get your ass o.u.t.
@@watchmeheal1176 explore other means of finance...divorce him n get s job...find new friends n support groups. Love ya self
Im on day 3 of silent treatment. So glad for this video
I lay it on whenever I can and rarely fall silent. It fuels them for narcissistic control on one hand but robs them from narcissistic domination on the other.
When they ghost I actually get an alright break from things that the mind therefore can unravel back to a sense of sanity and self reward and that they are actually stuck in their routine of irresolvable cognitive distortion.
This is simply due to the fact they are repulsed by means to engage in almost any healthy or mutual understanding.
I ruminate at times but use it as an educative form of understanding and the logical means of learnt survival awareness.
truth is-they're really not worth all that emotional energy...cut your losses.
Hard a stupid disagreement yesterday. He gave me a silent treatment and so did I. INFACT he messaged me at 8am and I haven’t responded. He just called at 6pm I have ignored the call as he did me. I have a PHD in ignoring and I just want him to know. I do not want childish men. You got this ladies no one deserves to be mistreated
I’m experiencing the silent treatment in this very moment and needed a video to help. Thank you!
Same
Never react. Move on and talk to someone new during the silent treatment. Act like you didn’t even notice. Their goal is to get a reaction out of you or see you upset. That “trains” them that they can keep doing this in order to control your emotions and the relationship
@@armanijack2927I reacted previously. Now nothing. Blank zero nada.
I’m going through this right now. My husband woke up this morning and just acted mad at me. Kept giving me dirty looks throughout the day and I didn’t even do anything. I have considered divorce bc We’ve been married for 18 yrs and it’s just a cycle with him. I don’t think he’s ever gonna change
they really can't change. it's how they're hard wired. they are irrevocably broken and cannot be fixed.
I'm thinking unexpected releasing of frustration and making it all about him for 5min of manipulation if you get my meaning if you been together for 18 years he probably won't ask for that kind of satisfaction on his own I'm only trying to help.ive been married 30 years.
Going through this right now with my parent. She decided I did something wrong and so she hasn't spoken or looked at me in 2 days so far. She's done this in the past before, the first time for 3 days and the second time for 7 days. Both times in the past I gave in and apologized for whatever it was I thought she was upset about. Don't know how to tolerate how uncomfortable the silence makes me without going silent and hiding away myself
Accept their silent treatment as it will not change (until they decide to). Worry about loving yourself and bettering yourself in the meantime. That has helped me a lot (grew up with a narcissistic mother and am now dating a narcissist- clearly I dont learn lol). But it helps to focus on making yourself happy and building your self esteem up- stop looking to the narcissist. We must validate ourselves instead of waiting for the narcissists approval (because we will never receive it). 🌈💝 you are stronger than you think.
I've had a parent who has gave me the silent treatment since 2009.
I look at it as the best gift ever!
I'm 14. My mom hasn't talked with me from the past 3 days. Honestly I feel so happy and peacefull 😃
I hate my father. I’m in high school and throughout my entire life he has been giving me silent treatment and becoming emotionally unavailable as soon as we faced the slightest disagreement. This only got worse when I reached my teenage years and is still ongoing to this day. I wish I could just push him out of my life and become fully independent but things aren’t that simple. I hate that I have to rely on him financially and wish I could just break free and forget him and all the trauma, stress, self-esteem issues, and anger he brought into my life, but I can’t.. thank you for posting this video, I’ll do my best to follow your advice.
it’s comforting to hear I’m not alone, thank you :)
You covered an important topic.Before the end of the relationship,I faced it innumerable times....then I didnt know but now I know what it is.🙏
I personally love the silent treatment. Everytime I get it, I try to extend it for as long as I can. I find it is the only way to hear peaceful silence when I get home.
Don't apologize, ever! specially to the woke mob.
I feel the same. I'm so happy my mom has not talked with me from 3 days. It's so peacefull
This I have to frame this! This is epic! Made me laugh out loud!!!
My husband gives me silent treatment without any reason i think he enjoys seeing me unhappy and crying
My narc. did the 2 week silent treatment he thought I would chase after him and beg or grovel , No way in hell was I gonna apologize for nothing that I did wrong! nope I’am not putting up with it! His lies about the cheating couldn’t even cover up all the other lies! Then he thought he was gonna return as if nothing happened! I kicked him out on the spot! Goodbye to garbage!
3:20 " The narcissistic silent treatment leaves you feeling helpless and out of control." I am so thankful for how you wordered THAT about the cruel and intentional way it is. I NEED to stay NO CONTACT after standing up for myself fairly but firmly and politely enough for myself--one too many times
I feel amazing I love it when my narcassist mother gives me the silent treatment..I am all good with it
My mother doesn't even recognise that she's giving me the silent treatment. She is so convinced that there is only one perspective that she perceives my appeal to make her see that she hurt me as an act of aggression I have perpetrated against her. If we were talking about other people she would understand that it's wrong. But when it comes to me, she feels so entitled to silence me. My Dad and my brother back her up. I'm a middle aged adult btw.
I just ignore it, remain cordial, pleasant & keep talking as if I never noticed.I found that irritates them
It's almost 3 weeks of the silent treatment.. I am learning how to deal with it. After 14 years of mental abuse, I am now doing me..I never suffered from anxiety or heart problems until I met him. Now I am letting go and doing me for once.
Hi I really enjoyed your video, and everything you are saying is exactly what is happening to me, he will give me the silent treatment for 2 weeks, then all of a sudden starts talking to me like nothing was wrong. I would like to hear more on this subject thank you
Me too
I am in this exact situation right now and I am giving the silent treatment to him. I can't function or speak to him at all. We are not living together at this time, he had moved out last month after us living together for 11 years. Right now there is nothing so I'm not understanding what I should be doing at this point. I'm just coming to the realization that he is a full-blown psychotic narcissist that has manipulated me completely. I thought I was just dealing with alcoholism but it's a whole different concept under narcissism. I'm lost I'm alone I'm abused I'm scared and I don't want to believe anything he says if I speak to him at all. Do they ever realize that they've done something wrong?
For most people with narcissism, they realize they have done something wrong when they see that they don't get what will serve them best. They rarely see how they have done something wrong that affects someone else because they lack empathy and the ability to consider other's feelings.
No, they dont and should they doube their inner core takes over and thinks "No it was her..I didnt do anything" bc if they admit it to themselves their fragile ego gets a slam it cant take and they break down. Mine got psychotic, narcissism is no game, they are per definition insane. Now heres what you do: You STAY SILENT. They always come running back. It may take months but they do and they pretend like nothing happened. When they knock on your door, you treat them with disguist like give them a look and if they ask "everythigns fine" that way YOU have the upper hand. They'll get nervous bc they can treat others this way but not take it themselves. They get NERVOUS, scared of losing you.
No they don't even see their wrong. They drive you to do things you never thought of doing. Drinking, leaving .
Etc. Best thing to do nis leave walkbaway to keep your own sanity...if you don't is your health at stake. I suffer from things I never had.. anxiety, heart problems...etc...walk away.
Fascinating to witness once realized what an entire family adopts for themselves with the non-responsive/silent treatment mode of communication. How that not only speaks their unwillingness to be wrong about anything with the matter, being above my position, but also minimizes and shames me as if due punishment. Borders on criminal.
He does this, I found your video, and I thank you for the advice. I’m getting to know him better now. I won’t deal w any bullshyt, I already went a 3 month round of confusion and chaos. These people are sick.
I walked away & left. Finally realized how bad it was affecting my well-being. Now my sister whom lives where I moved to is giving me silent treatment but because of this information I now am in control of the situation, that I’ve been living with prior 😂😂❤😊😅🙏 Thank you, Thank you, Thank you 🙏🙏
Walking away can be difficult - but sometimes it is the best choice.
i went for a solid month of the silent treatment. when she finally decided to come back into my life, she acted like nothing happened. no real explanation or apology and she asked me to tell her if i was angry and i wrote out all the things I was angry about, which she ignored. [one of the issues being literal sexual abuse which i learned in therapy] when the contempt started back up instantly, I said that wasn't going to keep happening, especially in regards to my hearing impairment, my severe and life long hearing impairment trumps her knowing deaf people growing up, just because I'm so good at masking my deafness, because i was trained to when i was 6, doesn't mean I'm not always struggling with hearing what is being said. period. and she disagreed, so I cut her out of my life. best decision I ever made and I highly suggest cutting out the narcissist in your life who treats you this way. use that silent treatment as time to focus on the reasons why you're staying. if you're in danger, obviously this doesn't really apply and my heart breaks for your suffering.
If we shouldn't treat them silently it means that we should pretend nothing is happening? Because the narcissist keeps ignoring and causing pain on their victims and it's quite difficult not to be disturbed
Thankyou for your insight. . This is happening now, every day. And we are under the same roof full-time and not working now as we have full-time care of 3 year old grandson. I know he's enjoying hurting me. I'm not coping well....I feel stuck and can't see a way out. This is evil.
My mother does this a lot. It was many years before I realized it was a form of abuse. The last time it happened, I told her I was going for a walk. I called my daughter to let her know what was going on. That helped me to blow off some steam. When I got back and Mom was still doing it, I was calm and said since she wasn't in the mood to talk, I'd come over another time and I was leaving. And I left. I am VVVLC at this point because she can't really show any kindness anymore.
I've been in a narcssistic relationship for 4 months. I've never had one of these types. At first, I tried everything to find out what the problem was. Then about 3 weeks ago I aksked her and she told me. Things weren't pretty well. We were talking everyday and there didn't seem to be any issues. Now about a week ago she started getting a bit strange, leaving my hanging while talking, not returning shorthly. Now it's back to every 2-4 days of silence. All I do is ignore her. She knows I love to talk but I'm not reaching out. Eventually she reaches out but only if she thinks I might disappear on her. Then the processes starts all over again. She has some abandonment issues and so do I. I'm pretty easy to talk to and she knows it. The silence I give her works very time. It may vary a day or two but it works. They're nothing else you can do. Just get busy with yourself so as not to focus on her so much. Just be patient. :D
Stonewalling is often used by narcissists and avoidants
to avoid all responsibilities...
If you're avoidant,
you most likely have said to family members
- who had a major role in your childhood:
"You only accepted me or liked me
when I was happy/obedient/emotionless."
This one simple statement fits with ALL
the core symptoms
of avoidant attachment:
1. Being overly self-reliant
(and in doing so, you hide your needs, emotions, problems, and acute illnesses)
2. Pushing down anger until it explodes
and manufactures the boundaries you crave
but can't/don't/won't always ask for
3. Not wanting to burden others with your problems
4. Wanting to fix your own issues to avoid looking incompetent
or even getting bullied and teased/mocked
5. Numbing out emotions with self-soothing behaviors
that are either totally unhealthy or pseudo-healthy
(like getting addicted to working out and healthy eating)
Remember ALWAYS
this process is all about YOU!!!
Not him.
He is just a catalyst.
Consider,
he may be your twin flame.
Look into that.
After he initiated your trauma,
you're now left to deal with and to heal:
all that has come to the surface.
GOOD! This is a blessing.
Albeit painful. A necessary blessing, nonetheless.
HUGE-HUGE gift!
Major advice!!!
Listen closely!!!
NEVER ever
CHASE HIM.
He will run further
and you will lose yourself more.
You are the feminine.
You are the divine goddess.
You just be
and approve (or disapprove)
whoever comes along.
It's a yes:
you meet my requirements,
or: it's a no,
you do not.
Be clear
on whom you're accepting as a partner
and DO NOT settle for less
(or you just delay what's actually really divinely meant for you).
Accept your struggle, anxiety, fear, sadness. Whatever comes up.
It's all human, and in need of your attention.
If you push it away, deny it, block it, hide it, or run from it...
You will just have to deal with it later...
And when later comes,
those emotions will be:
intensified/amplified/magnified!
1) Put yourself first and foremost!
2) Fall in love with yourself. Be your own dream girl.
3) Rejection is redirection.
Embrace the energies of miraculous possibilities.
And,
Any time you have a painful thought/memory/flashback/worry/belief:
1. Find the belief...
2. Write 11 DISADVANTAGES
to having the belief
3. Write 11 ADVANTAGES
to having the belief
If you can NOT find advantages
then that’s EXACTLY
why you're stuck!!
When you finally see both sides...
Your mind will STOP thinking about it
'cause your brain will be rewired.
So you gotta keep at it,
until you find the positive
to the negative...
And therefore, ultimately
rewire your brain!
AND REMEMBER:
STOP making it all about manifestation
when really, it's actually all about VIBRATION!
But how do you know whether they are your twinflame or (narcissist) whos giving you the silent treatment
Thank you so much for your videos! The information is extremely helpful. I appreciate that you get right to it and leave out the "fluff".
I can understand what you mean by not responding with the silent treatment,but I know from experience with a mid-range, that if you still care for the narc and try responding with silence the narc will sense it and feast on your arse,but if you just go on like the narc don't exist while implementing silent treatment ,it cuts them like a knife and they're the one left wondering what's up, then you can be sure to look for a grand hoover at sometime in the future believe me.
I agree
True. If they are silent, we go about our business. That works best because their manipulation doesn't work. I just wonder... how to respond when this narc friend comes back?
@@zion367 greyrock until they push you to have no contact,if you really want out.
I’m 3 months Into my divorce of 26 years and hopefully it’ll be over soon !!! I’ve never known what a narcissist was until i filed for a divorce and man has it been enlightening . Silent treatment is one of his most used & abused treatments , besides no affection , no attention, no sex , no communication, nothing . I’m giving him back his own medicine .
Lady this saved my life thankyou
I enjoyed the peace and quiet of the silent treatment
Thank you the added commentary helped clear on what to do to empower yourself in this situation..which is.very important for those of us on the other side dealing with people like this!
My wife I come to find out through research, questioning my own sanity that she exhibits behavior that of a covert narcissist. Especially when she drinks it’s almost heavy to breathe around her. She will attack me on small issues where I will be somewhat agreeable just to pass up conflict that I know will inevitably happen if I were to talk or engage. However, I’m very emotional and I do love her with all my heart so I do end up, giving into a certain degree and engage only to defend myself against accusations, but just like the typical narcissist will spin it to make it look like I’m the aggressor from the reaction abuse. The silent treatment seems to be the favorite and her toolbox along with the manipulation, and in the past before, knowing what this condition was, I would become very concerned and question what it was that has put her into this phase of neglect. And it’s very exhausting to try to tamp down the core emotions behind it only to figure out this late in the game in my life that it was tactic used against me to illicit guilt and shame. Like clearly as I’m writing this it has been only three days of my diligence in researching myself to come to find out that I was actually the victim and not the problem. I can’t help but think deep down inside that, I really love her with all my heart and I can’t stop thinking that this will affect her life later on and it breaks my heart. I know a lot of people will say yeah but she’s a narcissist, yes, but she is my wife and life and it hurts me to think that she doesn’t realize what she’s doing. I also feel like I’m stuck because we have kids together and I don’t want that to affect them like it did to me growing up with a narcissistic mother. Although I was too young to recognize that there was an issue like I am now, I still love her and know that, she will never love me as much as I do her. It’s the most devastating feeling, and it breaks you down to the point of health issues. I’ve contemplated suicide, however, I’m not selfish and do not want to put that stress on my children, especially leaving them in the situation. So I remind myself that I need to keep living for them. I have 25 years vested in this relationship and feel like I’m losing everything. Between the silent treatment, gaslighting, stonewalling, and manipulation for reaction, it’s almost like being in a state of Stockholm syndrome. Or in this case trauma bonding. And yes, I questioned myself and still question myself on certain things and similarities of narcissism that I feel that I exhibited throughout this. But to come to find out, it was a way to cope rather than my true nature. I’m so lost and slowly through this research. I’m starting to feel like I have my legs again, but it’s hard to walk away from someone you’ve dedicated your life too for so long and have deep emotions for even though they don’t share the same feelings. I know I’m not perfect and I could definitely better myself, but to know that somebody was hurting me for now reason so they can fill their supply is hard shattering to say the least. Especially when I really do love her so much. But between the sexual neglect, emotional neglect, and the silent treatment, abuse, and reaction abuse, how am I supposed to remain sane? I’m 45 years old with two kids, and I constantly feel like my wife does not want me for me but rather to be a puppet for her addiction. I am at a loss beyond grieving, I feel like I’ve already died and I’m watching life go on without me in a very insensitive way. I just I hope that I’m strong enough to be there for my children more often. I’ve been so down and out due to this abuse, that I have isolated myself to the point of not being involved in my child’s activities and spending time with them. I’ve been so wrapped up in this mind fu?k that I have neglected them while at the same time feeling neglected. And I’ve never been this way. I’ve always sold myself as a good father and a good husband way before I was. And honestly, I still have things that I may need to approve on as I’m not perfect. but when you have somebody that doesn’t believe in the same values or only does when it convenience them then where else do I go or do or say? I’ve been devalued without knowing and character, assassinated, and smeared so much that it feels like it’s common place. I’m very, isolated and antisocial where I used to be very social and outgoing. And the things I’ve been told by my wife, in the middle of reaction abuse, the words of hate and deception, and pushing the fear of losing my life I’ve vested in dangling by a string, while being laughed at has seriously put me in a state of confusion almost to the point of insanity. How does somebody that supposed to love me? Do these things to me? I’m losing myself as I write and have been abused mentally all my life. Now I know why, she was attracted to me. She found vulnerability that she could exploit and had a long game for how she was going to be able to control me. This love was never real and the pain I’m feeling and the loss of self-worth are so overwhelming. I don’t know what to do.
Day 9 for me, and I just saw this video. Great insight into what is going on. Will certainly adopt the teachings in this video. It's been a tough ride, and I will hopefully get to the other side soon.
I’m going through a living hell 😭
So am I love! I am sorry for you. I am sorry for any of us stuck in a position of now knowing we have been abused and manipulated to stay and play while we beat and freak thinking it was our fault.
Once you know and get stronger it makes staying even harder.
Some of us are stuck bc of financial reasons, some can't move right away, some have kids to think about.
To those who can bounce, good for you beautiful people.
I left her 3 months ago but am financially screwed bc I'm on a fixed disability monthly income that is like being poor.
I have end stage primary progressive multiple sclerosis.
I can't afford living on my own and have no where else to stay.
So...boo I feel for you, I understand you and know you are not alone, I am not alone hell none of us are alone. Some just can leave their hell faster than others who have to now have awareness of the abuse and want to leave but can't.
I am in day 6 of silent treatment and months 3 of her moving out of our bedroom and into the other room.
This is bc of a fight we had and it was my ah ha moment that something is wrong here.
I figured it out and she didn't like it. Blamed me, did her typical snide hurtful comments, blamed me again. This is why I said I am leaving. She had moved rooms.before my leaving and during our fight.
Recently she has been using control of when I need help bc for 4 out of our 7 years I have battled Multiple sclerosis.
I have had to reply on her for errands and for physical help.
No it's ignore my request for help until she decides she now wants to and I am supposed to be ready to go and do it.
She knows it takes time for me to plan ahead bc of the disease.
I called her out on it bc she tried blaming me and accusing me of being mad that she didn't do what she said she would do. I said I am not even upset but truth is she has been not following through with requests for help. I also said... so I reached out for help from a family member. Since then we aren't separated and being cordial or superficial anymore she is just not talking to me anymore.
Just Sharing my current story about my narc abuser so that you know you aren't alone. Not trying to get sympathy from anyone of bitch about it, rather just know they are seriously messed up in the head. It is about their BS baggage and trauma that they will never get help from bc their tools of hurting people to feel better is like heroin to a drug addict or food to sooth emotions, or gambling to distract from the pain.
Unfortunately they are so highly checked out of reality that we have to do our own work and they continue on being azzholes for the rest of their lives.
DR. RAMANI SAYS it is almost impossible or so rare to ever see a narc do work to change. They won't change bc they can't accept personal accountability ever, have no inner personal understanding of their own self and blame everyone else.
I am here if you need a reboot, as we are not alone in this cruel dark place of emotional abuse.
Just because there are no physical bruises doesn't mean there aren't any.
Emotional, mental abuse is a form of abuse, and is real even if others around us down play it. Tell us that's just relationships..no ot isn't. There are healthy relationships, but don't be told that there is no such thing as healthy relationships that it's normal what is happening.
no no and no. Stop believing those loes,stoo believing your narc will ever change and stop believing it is your fault.
Sending prayers and positive vibes to you.
One more conversation with this friend was about an appointment.I asked a simple question "Is your appointment on 1st or 2nd of this month?"She was like its in my calendar and I have reminders.I asked this question twice but she never told me what date.Is this passive aggressive behaviour?Thank you for your insightful videos.
Thank you. I dont think hes a narc but Im about at the end of an on again off again silent treatment thats had me shut out for the better part of the last 5 weeks. Its like he just shut off the lights on all the affection and warmth that he used to show. It sucks.
I love this comment! Not all people who give the silent treatment are narcissists. The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse anyone can give. Yes, this video is on narcissists but the silent treatment can come from many different types of people. Narcissist or not, it is still difficult to go through that and I am sorry that is the immature way he is trying to work through issues.
Best thing take advantage now and go no contact, if u can
I was on the both end of silent treatment. In both case, first thing that comes in mind is: peace, finally!
I really don't have a problem with silent treatment when I'm on the receiving side. Nobody should have problem with that. Just go in with your life as usual.
The most interesting fact is that no one ever asked: what causes silent treatment?
I can answer you from my perspective.
I use silent treatment as a tool of cooling down myself, when I'm overwhelmed by the current conflict/situation. My partner knows that I'm conflict avoidant. Also, she knows that I hate going over and over again about the same thing/situation. I asked her nicely to stop. She don't listen, and continues with the confrontation. I asked her again, nicely, to stop. But she continues again.
In that moment, I feel that anything I said will be used against me. That she just won't listen to me. That situation will get worse if I say something. And then I can only do the one thing - shut down completely. To protect myself from being overwhelmed, from being hurt, from being unhearded of. In that moment, I just don't know anything else to do.
So, because you call somebody narcissist because of silent treatment, first ask yourself what causes that? Maybe the person on the other side is overwhelmed with the conflict and the overall situation and don't know how to stop that conflict, because nothing other works.
I am currently having this issue not with my partner but my work partner that I spend 90% of my day with. There is a very clear power imbalance between the two of us. And they don’t respect my boundaries very well. They also don’t listen to the things I said before or after the incident that brought the silent treatment on. I have to interact with them. It’s sad cause we were pretty close before but now I see someone who clearly doesn’t respect me and talks down to me like I’m stupid. It’s been an eye opening few days
Been living and loving a partner who I realized was giving me silent treatment and silent violence for 9 months… but I don’t wanna leave, he’s dealing with depression and his life closed him up enough as it is.
He’s a good guy overall, just very innocent and narcissistic so he thinks he not getting played by the people around him
He’s always willing to work hard when needed, but still goes back to that
He said that it feels like something is holding him back from saying anything. He’s been living the crime life although fruitless, it might’ve affected him.
He’s never been in a relationship, and he keeps saying that’s the reason he’s so lacking understanding, even when I keep saying the same thing.
I’m always shut down, but he doesn’t really care unless I scream and shout and cry.
Is this normal for such relationship? I’m a cptsd person
He comes back happy whenever it’s perfect
And my smile disappeared because I’ve been opening the door for him but he was always poke faced
Hi. Love your teaching as it’s very clear and so helpful too. Im new to your channel and experienced the silent treatment with my husband way back and now it’s back again as I’m in it now. He knows as we talked about it before but looks like no change in regards to this topic!! He was told from the psychologist as he went one time that he has borderline personality disorder. Not diagnose but told out of one session and that’s why he in therapy as I convinced him. I feel when someone works on themselves and know their doing wrong and still it’s terrible and I been always through the years with him and raised his children as well. I told him get therapy and he was not going to do it and then he decided he will and just had few sessions but not sure where our marriage will be as he does not fully agree in marriage counselling and don’t want him to do as he got told by me and his counsellor before too. Other things where up against in the marriage and stories in that matter but want to say thank you. Much appreciated in your work and care for others as well. We need to understand they got issues and don’t need the abuse and stand our ground!! I subscribe to your channel and looking forward seeing your videos also. God bless. 😇💜🌻☕️🧡🙏🏻
Thank you for the kind words and support of my channel! I hope the information I provide continues to be helpful and reminds you that you are not alone. Continue to focus on you and making yourself a priority!
This is Jennifer Sinclair. My mother is a covert passive aggressive narcissist and loves the silent treatment. She does it all the time. I told her the next time she wants to talk with me, it must be in the presence of our family counselor (that she quit seeing). I told her to coordinate a date with me and the therapist the next time she wants to converse with me. I never heard from her again. But she is still welcome to communicate with me any time she wants - she just needs to coordinate a date and time with me and the tberapist.
Thats an awesome boundarie! Thanks for the idea!❤
I did something similar. He'd screamed and yelled at me for 3 nights, so I told him the next time he wanted to talk to me he had to make an appt. Apparently, what he heard was "Don't talk to me anymore." So that's what he did.
Some of your points are directly contradicting but most of this information is helpful. Thanks
Thank you for the comment! Check out the pinned comment and it should clear up confusion.
Day 7 seven today of silent treatment... honestly I am just fed up and I don't feel anything anymore he has done this so many times and I have told him how this makes me feel but I guess he just doesn't care what annoys the most he is the one who is always on the wrong and when I confront him he goes silent on me.....I usually break the silent because I like solving our issues but this time around am going to just keep quiet and when he decides to communicate I will just keep quiet I think I have reached my breaking point.
Thank you I appreciate the video. Unfortunately this has become a pattern but I will use the tips you provided.
Being in a long distance relationship and someone giving you a silent treatment it hurts 🤕... I feel like moving on bear in mind our relationship is 3 months old.
3 months!🏃♀️ run now while you can. It only gets worse.
It seems like #2 and #3 are contradictory, no?
what does it mean by dont respond back with the silent treatment? should i still msg him just like what i routinely do?
i am suffering this treatment all the time. its destroying me. thanks for this video to help me understand. from teh comments it sounds like it's mostly men that do this, but in my case it's the woman. it doesn't make sense that someone would want control so badly that they ruin communication. How can you feel close if this person is intentionally putting you at a distance? It doesn't feel like they even care.
I used to cry, feel anxious, beg, plead..
Its soul destroying. Now i just ignore. Every little bit of love, compassion, and care for this person has gradually wasted away...i no longer care and just wish he would leave(which is the last sentence i hear from him before the ST 'im leaving' ...he never does just makes my life miserable. Good luck
IT's funny to see my own comment from 6 months ago, and to see i'm still going through these silent treatments with this person. lol. And i am back watching these videos desperately to get advice to cope with the abuse....lame. The doctor above says "don't respond with your own sielent treatment hoping they will crack because you will always lose" does that mean we're supposed to keep talking to this person that is treating us badly? Not begging and pleading, but talk about the weather or some tv show you saw or something random? lol. This doesn't make sense. You should just get out of the situation if this is a pattern of behavior because a relationship without communication is going to be caustic to the end.
Hello! I like your videos- they all made me realize that I am in an emotionally abusive relationship with my husband. And thanks to your videos I am somehow getting strength to survive each day. However, this video left me a bit confused: your advice #2 and #3 seem to contradict each other. I am not supposed to give him silent treatment but on ghe other hand I shouldn’t engage with him at all. So what can I do? He is giving me silent treatment right now, so I have been pretending that he didn’t say anything, he never yelled at me, and I am doing small talk with him like I would normally do except his answers are very brief and cold hearted.
Thank you for your comment! That is great to hear the videos are giving you more strength in your current relationship.
I appreciate you pointing out the apparent discrepancy in the video! Someone else might have the same question as well. When I refer to "engage" this means to get on the same level of the person who is giving the silent treatment and to occupy their attention. I am referring to specifically engaging with their silent treatment through apologizing, commenting on how it affects you, or doing it back. When you engage with their silent treatment, either directly by pointing it out, or indirectly by also giving the silent treatment, you keep the control in their hands because they see how it affects you. The best way to interact is to continue on as you normally would in conversation. His responses might be short or rude, and that can be frustrating to have to deal with, but its best to try to stay strong and let this pass. Over time, people who give the silent treatment will ideally see it does not benefit them. If you haven't already, also check out my video on the Grey Rock Technique because it will give you some other ideas.
If he's not talking to you leave him alone and get busy doing things you like watch a nice movie, play a game, read your bible, pray every day and ask God to cover your mind and your heart and take the pain away it work for me now I'm mute to his behavior. Once you don't have anything to say don't say nothing if he says something to you answer briefly with one or two words no attitude behind it. Then continue to be silent it's time we stop allowing people or letting people feel that it's ok to abuse us. Stop letting them feel that they can abuse you and it's business as usual no way you must be strong and stand up for your mental health, protect yourself from being sick, because while they hurting you they're looking healthy and strong you need to be healthy and strong too so pray every day sit at JESUS feet and watch him fight for you
What's the point of being with him.... You are wasting a lot of valuable time.... Me myself I don't like wasting time.... We are not going to live forever.... Think about it.....S
I had a short 9 month relationship. There was a small incident when he reached out to an ex and I saw it and confronted him. A month later we had a date, he canceled and gave the silent treatment that night. He'd never done that before. The next day was very cold acting and silent treatment again. I got nervous something is going on. The next day silent treatment again with one message. He is processing my accusation about him.and the ex communicating. He blocked me in the middle of the night on social media. I questioned him in the morning and he said I am stalking him and can't be trusted. I broke up with him and wished him good luck. He never responded. Not one word to the break up, nothing. Is he using silent treatment to show his disgust at how quickly I broke it off? It's been 8 months since then. Not one word from either of us. The relationship was fine up til that last 4 days.
My mother is almost 87, and I am now going through another episode. As always, I must let the storm pass. She is and has always been SICK. I am thinking about no contact. This has rarely been a healthy relationship.