How to succeed with your goals as a "Rebel" | Coaching strategies for The Four Tendencies
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- Опубліковано 14 лип 2024
- Strategy Coach Imogen Roy shares powerful strategies to help "Rebels" to achieve your goals and stick to your habits.
Here's what I cover in the coaching session:
* Why no one understands Rebels
* Rebel Strengths & Weaknesses
* Fun and challenging strategies to maximise your chance of achieving your goals
* Why as a rebel you must find a cause
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The Four Tendencies is a personality framework created by Gretchen Rubin for distinguishing how different people respond to expectations.
We are all wired very differently when it comes to how we find motivation to meet expectations, both of ourselves (inner expectations) and of others (outer expectations). The Rebel tendency is the rarest tendency - you can recognise a rebel because they struggle to meet others' expectations as well as their own.
Take the quiz here to find out if you're an Upholder, Questioner, Obliger or Rebel: quiz.gretchenrubin.com/
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Dear Rebels, I have a mission for you if you choose to accept it. I'm curious to know whether an exercise to fully approve of and celebrate your rebellion might change the way you experience this tendency. The instructions are thus:
***The Rebellion Celebration List***
Each time you notice something you're actively rebelling against, write it on a piece of paper, and keep your Rebellion Celebration List in full view somewhere you see it multiple times per day.
For instance, over the course of a day, you might write:
I celebrate I am rebelling against asking my brother for the favor he already said he would do me.
I celebrate I am rebelling against the meal plans I made for myself on monday
I celebrate I am rebelling against helping my colleague with X project
etc.
This purpose of this list is NOT to make you to do these things. Do not do them! Celebrate your rebellion! Each time you glance at the list, it's an invitation to say to yourself: Yeah, I'm such a rebel! Ha.
And who knows, maybe you'll get bored of the list and rebel against celebrating and get the things done, all at once.
Anyway, if you take this challenge, please let me know how you get on. I'm so curious!
Yours, Imogen
I can already tell you it will happen not many people do this. and If they decide it might work they won’tfollow the directions
I will start making a list because they get bored and they will keep not doing what they don’t want to do
I am so going to try this!
@@FknNefFy I can vouch for this based off of myself lol. I think we just need more of emotional support and validation/trust for what we need to do and eventually we will want to do this when we have that freedom security as motivation. But again freedom is key, it CANNOT be repeated. Something MUST be different.
@@FknNefFy I can also mention that if the rebel really respects and likes someone who is trying to keep them accountable for whatever reason (whom they can trust to be understanding of their needs and also expect what they know you’re capable of) the rebel will be motivated by their choice to actually do what is needed.
I wont even read this, sorry
I'm a rebel. I don't tell anyone about my goals or projects. The LAST thing I want is to have people asking me how it's going or worse... offering input.
Right on, Jessica...Keep those projects secret!
And im sure that you could rip somebody lungs and kidneys just for the changes and passions you want?
Maybe its just me😒
If only I could figure out a way not to tell myself as well then maybe I'd do it! Haha.
“Sometimes rebels might enjoy rebelling against the rebel tendency itself” Welp, I have been CALLED OUT!! 😅
Agreed! Once I found out I was a rebel- I have been kind of rebelling against being a rebel 😀😀
I see what you did there😂😂😂
I was today years old when i found out these tendencies are a real thing. Just because my mom always tells me: ever since you were young, you were always stubborn; anything I tell you to do, you do the opposite. And wow this makes so much sense why I can't stick to a routine ONCE someone tells me I have a routine. Also this explains why during working out, I HATE being told "COME ON", "YOU CAN DO IT", "LET'S GOOOO". I'll be like: no, you go, watch me NOT go, bye. This is so good. Now on to how to nake studying fun haha. Thanks!!
I’m over 60 and recently retired. I can look back over time and see now exactly what worked when I’ve been most successful in life. It wasn’t planning and organizing. It was being inspired, passionate and in tune with getting what I wanted. I’ve heard it said that success is 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration, but now I’m sure that is not true for me. Plowing through the work is not that hard when I’m in touch with the drive that wanting something gives me. Definitely a rebel with a cause situation. Such a helpful video! Thank you!
Hello, I'm a younger rebel (31 years old). Can I ask you, looking back in your life, how did you find your passions at times when it felt like you've lost all your passion?
I spent my 20's working hard to defy everyone's expectations of me. I had great passion about something and what fueled me as a rebel, was that almost everyone was against me. Either "you can't do that" or "you shouldn't do that" or "you're just dreaming" and was met with a lot of rejection on the way, but in the end, I'm here, I've made it despite everything. My problem is ... after actually reaching here, achieving the thing I dreamt about since I was 18, challenging the world to reach here. I'm suddenly finding myself ... lost!! I'm already bored, I've lost my passion for what I'm doing (after years of trying to achieve it) Literally the moment I reached there I was already bored. People suddenly were clapping for me, suddenly are impressed by me, I even became a national celebrity in my country, even my parents became proud of me. But for some reason I hated that recognition so much. I now feel lifeless and confused. Without a cause, without a passion. It felt like kept going against everything everyone had expected of me to the point where I'm now at the 'nowhere'.
I miss my old self. The kid that believed in themselves so much, that kept going forward. Now it feels like yea I'm there, I reached my goal, now what? I'm bored. I don't want anything else anymore. I became a very lazy person. I became my worst self. I just wake up every day for nothing, heading to nowhere. No passion what so ever. I don't know what to do next.
I literally just received my very expensive, beautiful 2024 daily planner, only to realize that planning and scheduling turns everything into drudgery for me. I really thought that if I just got organized and figured out a system for everything, I would finally get where I wanted. No wonder I’m over 60 and still trying to figure things out. Luckily, I don’t waste a lot of time or energy rebelling against others anymore, just against myself. I need to honor my authentic self and make life fun again!! I am a high achieving rebel, so it’s not like I can’t do what I determine to do. Very helpful video, thank you!
I've always had really large aspirations, but they would just fizzle out when I shared them because I felt like they became other people's expectations, not my own. It's very difficult sometimes because I want to celebrate victories with people and also not share my goal in fear it won't be mine anymore
Amazing summary of the Rebel personality. It’s like you know me better than I know myself.
What’s it like to be a Rebel? It’s extremely frustrating. I regularly set out concise, well laid plans for myself, then almost immediately respond with, “I’m not going to do that.” Also, other people think you’re just trying to be difficult and disagreeable.
It helps me tremendously to understand how to think about myself within this framework. To know what works and what doesn’t. Thank you!
Hi brad, I'm so glad to hear it's helped you. Indeed, planning is only ONE way to approach getting things done. It's not the only way! You rebels tend to be geniuses at applying imagination over effort to get what you want. Good luck!
I am an ENFP Rebel. I have learned not many people think like me, and that is actually awesome. I've learned to seek out the beautiful and interesting things and chase my passions. I know what I can hold myself accountable with and to make friends with "doers". If it doesn't spark excitement in me, I probably won't give it time unless I can justify a direct benefit
Hey there fellow ENFP REBEL CHILD OF GOD! 😍 Are you also an HSP by any chance? That would make us identical twins 😂
Also enfp rebel! 😊
@@bloom4096 I don't know if you'll see this a year later, but... we're definitely identical twins! LOL I'm also an ENFP Rebel and HSP. What a mix, right? It's nice to know we're not alone!
Hahaha, how nice to meet a kindred spirit! ♥@@ChantillyWhite
@@bloom4096
I appreciate your awareness in the words you chose so you didn't trigger resistance 😆 It's nice to know why I feel so intensely angry toward my planner after I write everything out, and then absolutely refuse to open it and look at my schedule. I'm so glad I found your channel, this is definitely helpful.
Kindred spirit!! I just admitted to myself that I hate my planner.
That was extremely helpful. I just found out I was rebel today and didn’t realize how it was affecting my life. My whole life I had goals but I struggled to reach them. I never realized I had these rebel tendencies. When I learned I was a rebel everything started to make sense and even some of the strategies you mentioned I used but didn’t realize I was doing them. Thanks so much bc now I realize how I’m wired and how I can used that to my advantage.
Same!! The Could-Do List is revolutionizing! I have been doing it for so long but I didn't know that's what it was called! I just know that i have a forever on-going list of what i want to do...and whenever i have a free day that's where i look to find stuff to accomplish. And it totally made a difference for me.
Check out Additude magazine on UA-cam (for add/adhd) and also How to ADHD on UA-cam… what is described in the “rebel” perfectly aligns to add… and it’s about 10% of population, so it adds up that Gretchen Rubin said rebel is the smallest of the four categories. The reason is that w add/adhd/or brain injury… it affects dopamine and so our brains to just work differently. Recommend book The ADD Advantage… really leveraging our differences and getting super creative about it helps so much… also I just watched a video a week back about ADD and toxic positivity… it was so good! We basically have to “game” our lives and make those games fun… life isn’t a “game” per se but games help us most of all… we need games and play with how we sail our lives… seriously. And we have to accept that fact too… and in order to accept that I had to see the other ways fail over and over and over… look into index card systems and find a way to do it that’s FUN. Games are part of humanity… there is ethical strategy and unethical strategy and of course I want to always do ethical strategy--and the thing is games ARE strategy (on small or large ways) except for the added elements of fun/interest/play! 💜
Same ❤
What I love about being a rebel is that I never live in the so called reality. I just see the way to a goal in a different way, for the normal people I'm very brave, creative or unrealistic but I don't resonate with any of those adjectives, I just follow my own inspiration and problem solving why I was called an intrapreneur back in the day when I worked in corporates, before I got burnt out and realized that I need to work for myself or with other "crazy" entrepreneurs.
This ^^ I don’t think I’ve encountered any rebels (or any who have connected to me like this) irl except on these videos. I’d love to make some rebel friends hehe thanks for leaving the comment, I love reading them.
Sweet jesus, I'm SO happy I found this session.
Ouch. I've been a rebel without a purpose for 5 years. I rebel against that. I WANT to fix it cuz I AM that kind of person.
You can rebel against your rebellion, Melissa! Rebels are so ingenious at playing the game of life when you get to change the rules every day. Good luck!
All this time I just thought I was broken. I am so glad to have found this information bc I feel a lot more hopeful lmao
Thank you so much!! Being a rebel was so horrible as a teenager bc I didn’t have any purpose. But my rebellious nature led me to amazing work. Massage therapy, doing things holistically, spirituality and healing is my purpose and I really resonated with this video! 🤲🏻🧡 to all the rebels. You can do amazing things.
My experience as a teen was being very misunderstood and getting into trouble. Struggling with self hatred. But this suffering forced me into healing which is so beautiful and worth it. There’s always a plus. Being rebellious is a beautiful thing really
As a rebel - you totally nailed this ... I always that I was broken and did not have my shit together. The best advice is to put myself in a place where I have a mission and a cause!
I LOVE the idea of putting tasks on a piece of paper in a Jar and randomly pick one.
(Might be difficult with deadlines… but one could figure that out)
still - so appealing !
Way to describe my entire ID in 20 minutes!
I’m a rebel, but I often pretend to be an obliger/upholder because I always get into trouble with bosses.
You're a genius
Thank you for your video! I found The Four Tendencies test yesterday and I was shoched that I am a Rebel. I've always struggled with the things I want to do and what I need to do, and this theory of Rebel explains everything. Phrase ''What I want to do'' describes me the best :D During quarantine I'm at home just doing nothing and I was wondering why I have this mental wall in my head that doesn't let me to achieve my goals even the small ones. I was interested in procrastination because I thought it was the answer but now I understand it is much more deeper. I have same inspiration and knowledge now to motivate myself to act.
Hi Ginta, so glad you found the 4 Tendencies helpful. The conditions of quarantine are challenging for everyone right now. But I'm sure you can apply your Rebel ingenuity to make it stimulating and fun. Good luck!
THANK YOU. I am just onto GR today with the brilliant follow up extrapolation from you. A breath of fresh air! I am a female electrician by trade, real estate renovator in practice (my love). I am happy, zen, supportive, and easy to get along with as long as I do what I want. Haha. Your explanation helps me so much with my personal motivation…to be a rebel WITH a cause. This is a game changer for me on an inner level. Your ripple effect is great, such flow in your delivery.
4:30 your asking if i had a similar experience??
Damn it i just found out about these stuff today and all of a sudden my whole life started to make sense
I blew a chance of being a professional football player due to the expectations, i spoke 3 languages because no one expected me to do it, I'm leaving this comment here to remember this day, the day i opened a door inside myself and took a closer look at what i am, it took me a long thorough research, and years of questions, and now i feel closer than ever to myself, thanks
Standing/Being/Marinating In Full & Expanding Awareness/Full Sensory Vision of Universal Positioning & Power
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Tuning Into Breath, Body, Identity
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Waiting To Act Until All Emotional Centers Are Aligned With External Opportunity
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Strike Like Lightning
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Retreat Back Into Marinating
Brilliantly said 💕
this helped me a lot, because before i knew anything about these types, i was often wondering why is it so hard for me to do things that I WANT to do. i used to make endless to-do lists, weekly or monthly plans, but i never managed to stick to them, even though those were things that i knew were good for me, and i was so angry at myself for being lazy and unmotivated. this video gave me a new perspective, and i am sure that this will be helpful for achieving my goals and actually doing things i need to do, instead of just wishing and planning those things. thank you!
Yes! Not all of us are here to be planners, and that's ok! If there are things you want to do in life, focus on making the process of doing those things as enjoyable and unconventional as possible :)
My favorite thing as a rebel is to describe to anyone else the four tendencies is and every time, without fail, they say, "you know what, I think I am a rebel too!" simply because the title of rebel sounds cool. Spoiler: none of them are rebels, not by a long shot. And I certainly do not think anyone should want to be one... Now if you would excuse me, I need to return to not doing what I should be doing right now!
This is amazing. I'm a rebel myself and it's tough sticking to most things.
Hi Craige, so glad it resonated with you! Are there any Rebel strategies you're curious to try out?
@@ImogenRoyCoaching making sure i'm super clear on what I want and why I want it. It's only then I can really commit rather than letting others dictate actions through words
I recently found out I'm a Rebel. I have a jar with household tasks in it and I didn't even know that was a "thing" lol.
It's such a thing! :)
No wonder life is so difficult....I recently realized that I have ADHD to THE MAX And now tonight I realize that I am a rebel type so this basically makes getting what I need to get done impossible
Thnks, that explains why all these years Any self help books in the world didn't help me to fit in the world or corporate environment !
We Don't have to try fit in...
Time to rebel - find a cause & action will follow.😊
Thank you, this was really helpful. I just found out about this rebel tendancy and how it literally destroyed 12 years of my life... was rebelling against everything, could not finish anything i started (school, courses, diet) or follow a simple plan and as you say when someone told me you can do this, i believe in you, i was just going the opposite way. For me it has been self destructive. I am grateful i know now were the problem was. I can start working on it.
Hi Mapie, I'm so glad you found my video helpful. I hope you can start living true to your rebel nature and tapping into what makes you different. Good luck!
@@ImogenRoyCoaching Thank you so much!
Wow! You nailed this. I am new to realizing why so many of my behaviors are the way they are. I tend to be highly accomplished and thrive when I think I’m doing things others won’t or don’t. I rebel against things once I believe “everyone is doing it.” I can’t get myself to do basic things I want to do but I handle extreme things very well. For me- the main driver that keeps me from rebelling is making something part is my identity.
Thank you!
Yesss. It's so hard when I have to and soooo easy when I want to.
flexibility, choice & fun is very helpful for the rebel in me
You are my gift.Thanks for that video. 10 minutes ago I realize that maybe I'm rebel, now 5min of your video I'm holding back my tears. All this years..........., unconscious. Now this understaing is slowly coming to me when I'm writing this. Thia is my whole life. For example my biggest fear and enemy is routine, as you just said it.
Welcome Andrzej, may you find freedom in your rebel gifts.
My mom used to say that I was super easy to manipulate as a kid because I'd so reliably do the dead opposite of whatever I was told. 😆
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
She totally nailed it.
Brilliant video, thank you so much! Just discovered that I've always been a rebel and its giving me a relief of not expecting myself to fit into the idea of how the perfect me should be. Will relearn how to motivate myself based on this advice. I tried all generic advice and it was never working for me
I literally though I may be adhd due to not being able to get things done, this is so eye opening
They put me through a lot of therapy and I became very open with my plans and actions etc, when I used to be more reserved, and now it's like the video says: I don't feel like doing even the things I used to enjoy doing for my own sake. Sigh. I want to be a rebel with a cause again, because life is not making any sense atm
Being a rebel is so hard sometimes, but it can be very rewarding. Doing the hardest things just because someone told you that you couldn’t and then showing them what you did (sometimes even though you knew the were using reverse psychology on you) is the best feeling. Now if you excuse me, this video gave me a great idea and I’m going to go do that. Hopefully I don’t die of the gas produced when plastic burns! Cya!
Here's my problem - reverse psychology is easily spotted from a mile away. When someone uses it on me I rebel against it. "I know you can't do xyz." "Yeah, no kidding!! I've been trying to tell you that for about the last month. What finally brought you to this shocking conclusion?!"
@@gia5018 haha agree. I think it helps if it’s sarcastic or made as a joke, cause then you can’t take it seriously
And then surprise them when you actually do it bc they thought it was a joke which it was but you made it real (assuming it’s an actual task that needed to be done)
What a fantastic reframe of the Rebel!
Thank you so much for this! I just recently discovered that I'm a rebel and looking back, now I realize why even though I have plans for myself, I tend to feel burdened by the seemingly mundane process to reach them (practicing, scheduling, exercising, etc. basically anything that I have to do repeatedly). I hated the feeling of disappointing myself and others and I've been stuck not knowing what to do or knowing why it is that I'm feeling this way until I've come across the four tendencies. Thank you so much for these tips. I will definitely try the tasks-in-a-jar strategy because I love surprises hahah.
The Mystery Jar! Glad that resonated with you. Every time a Rebel breaks up with mundane processes, you remind the rest of us that there are a million other ways to do things and that life is so much more magical than we allow ourselves to believe.
Being a true Rebel myself I don’t want to do any mission or anything I don’t want to. the fact of even thinking of writing things already makes me upset 😢! I only write ✍️ something inly only only if I feel like it . I do like everything you said in the video it’s right on ! I thought I liked to hurt myself on purpose and don’t do the things I needed to do even if it was for my own benefit ! It’s difficult because I we rebels hurt ourselves by being this way! I am trying to find my Why and my Cause ! I think about my children as my biggest cause but sometimes it’s not enough ! If I don’t care about myself many times how can I care about anybody else even if I love them so much ! Identity , clarity and cause are my major causes I need to focus 🧘 and find a way to incorporate into my personal , business life . Thanks 🙏
that was the best tips and advices for rebels! thanks
Im a rebel with time blindness.. things that take much time i get overwhelmed. Im very present moment centered. But thank you for the content.. it was helpful.
thank you for this!
This is very helpful! Thank you!
I come back to this video at least once a month! It’s so helpful and encouraging. ❤
Thank you so much Imogen. I pray the best for you ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you this is very helpful.
This has changed my life thank you so much !! being a rebel is exhausting these tips of managing resistance is a game changer ! thank you !
Very interesting ! Definitely am one 😱
Thank you ❤
CORE of cores 10:17. Whole life building and algorithmic reaction, not be a slave to some one. Realizing that reaction is also working on me is a game changer.
Oh my God. Thank you sooo much. Your channel is so underrated. You should have millions of followers. Love every bit of it. Thank you thank you thank you 💖
I'm a rebel and this hits home for me, in some ways this is this first feeling understood and even understanding myself a bit more. Starting the list. We'll see how this goes. I like to keep a lot of alone time and I have set daily, morning, and evening lists of rituals that are helpful but I often take parts of them, using them more as ideals. And sometimes I find myself getting very frustrated with myself for not having a crisp keep up with all of these desires or creations, so learning about the Rebel mindset helps me understand this better. I love the movie Rebel Without A Cause and have been saying I want to be a Rebel With A Cause feel totally misunderstood in that, until this video, thank you. More, please. My mom was a hoarder. You really nailed it roughly.
This is absolutely brilliant. Thank you enormously for bringing much clarity with perfect delivery. Much gratitude. 🙏🏼
This was really helpful, thank you!
Dear god this is relatable! This paralysis after expectations is very real.
I adore this video. Thanks for sharing this.❤
Maybe we can motivate ourselves by saying, for instance, " I am smart, I want to be smarter and I want to prove others that I am smarter than them" ~ inspired by Imogen
thank you for this video and explanation. Finally confirmed to me that I should embrace it and not think that something is wrong with me. Going to read the book now and control this in the correct direction.
thank you youtube for recommending this to me. i studied a lot of personality test but this video helps me a lot to know who i really am and yeah i'm a rebel and right now my mom is cursing at me for not doing what she wants me to. i don't feel obligate at all
So happy my counselor told me about this quiz. I wanna read the book now. And this video is so so helpful!!!🙏🏼🙏🏼
Amazing ❤️
Thank you so much! I always knew.. Today my wife forwarded me the quiz i took it and it confirms why I am the way I am. And that praising thing is so so true!
Now i need a cause.
thankyou
Loved this vid! Resonated so deeply!
That's great to hear! Thanks
Understanding this will change my life. I’ve always thought something was wrong with me or had a type of ADHD, I think this is a type of ADHD. But I am 100% a rebel and actually love it because it gives me permission to be free, as long as I can use it to my strengths
I skipped the video and skimmed the comments to see what the content of the video was - Rebel Viewers
I love this! Such a great rebel hack.
Hahaha I did watch the whole video. Thank you it was very helpful, thanks for taking the time to understand
thank you! this was lovely. I have seen some things that suggested rebelling against yourself was an indicator of low self-worth and similar issues but that never sat right with me b/c I'm usually at ease with myself even when I'm going against my self-interest lol. Rebellion has been frequent in my life and yet a bit of a mystery. This gave me great strategies for creating a life where I can freely and happily rebel or not as much as I please. TY!
Nope, nothing to do with low self-worth or self-esteem! Many of the most confident, bold and accomplished people around are rebels. Rebellion tells you so much more about *how* you're trying to go about something rather than *what* you're trying to do. I've watched many rebels go from frustrated and stuck to soaring once they give themselves permission to do things in easy, fun, unconventional ways that make no sense to anyone else. I wish you well as you embark on your authentic rebel journey!
I always thought I was an obliger or even upholder so I was surprised that any of the strategies for these types did’t work for me. As I’m guessing now, I am a rebel by nature who adopted the habit of people pleasing. It seems like if I let myself relax and let things flow naturally, I will disappoint everyone and that thought scares me tremendously. I’ll try to nurture this part of myself from now on and try to see good that comes from it.
This how how incredible life is...I came across your video while looking for something for my future client who is an "Obliger" and I saw your rebel video which I always felt being part of me or apart from other...This single video just explained everything I am and all the things I have been struggling with all my life! I really thought that I had an issue, that something was utterly wrong with me because I just could not stick to the external or internal rules. Got deadly bored very quickly which made me very impatient and not able to keep focus on something for very long. I always had/have a lot of ideas and could not do most things like everyone else i.e dressing up with bright orange on a grey day. I could keep on going about my experiences but this is not point of this message...I simply wanted to say THANK YOU so much for this video, it will have a tremendously positive impact in the way I will see myself and what/how I do from now on...I laughed quite a lot where I could find situation I was in and I am now going to really be observing my triggers to make them work for me rather than against my happiness...Only the best coming your way Imogen x
Lol, ENFJ rebel here .... I almost even rebelled on not listening to the whole video. Triggered me just slightly didnt like what I was hearing because it rang so true. This makes so much since I'm glad I stayed. This has helped me quite a bit. Thank you!
I wish I knew all of this about myself sooner - I just recently discovered I'm a rebel; this sit down was so helpful and letting this all sink in and thinking about ways I can manage my energy better. I have a partner who's a questioner; it can get extremely hard at times, especially when it comes to keeping my own goals and reminding myself of my why; I share things and they're constantly put into question. The notion of keeping my goals closer to me resonates, but I also love sharing. Definitely a lot of self-work ahead of me. Thanks again Imogen!
You are so welcome, Miki. I bet the Rebel Questioner dynamic can get super tense at times. Hopefully you both have some insight into understanding each other better and giving each other the space and support you need, even if it means overriding one's tendency in that particular moment. I'm a Questioner, My partner is an Upholder. He gets super frustrated why I have to question the purpose of everything and can't just "get on with it" like he does :D This work has definitely helped us release some of the tension and laugh a little at ourselves.
I'm so thankful I took a quiz (friend sent me a link) from Rubin's book. Found out my tendency and it all is very clear to me how self-sabotaging I've been for so damn long. Makes me mad. I feel like I can make real change knowing my tendency. Thank you for clarifying these points. I'll also have to read her books. I was recommended her book "Better than Before". Do you think I should listen to that one or "The Four Tendencies"? Thank you again.
Thank you for this life changer video, you just gave me the key of a lot of questions I had to my self and my future .
the way you explain is breathtaking .
So glad it helped you, Rafi!
Upholders: turn up speed to 1.7x. Get to the point. 2:41 lesson starts
I don’t know my”cause” my cause is to fix whatever is in my way at that exact moment. It’s constantly changing. Clarity on what we want is in the moment. To know what we want on the future is impossible because once we want it and it’s decided on we feel trapped and want something else. Or we get it and get bored.
That's a genius way to identify your cause! Whatever is grabbing your attention in the moment
After about one minute in to the video, I could feel a sensation of not wanting to be pigeonholed!! :) Great video thank you
Haha, I bet! You have full permission to rebel against everything I say
I just found out I’m a rebel. OMG! I’ve been so depressed and numbed because I wanted to dominate this. The worst part is that I would follow a routine for 1-2 months and the completely stop it. Even the most basic higiene routines. Cus I was mad. The only thing I don’t do is destroy what I built or have. But I can, and tend to plateau.
Wow, this explains me so well, even as far back as primary school! I have (sadly undiagnosed because the NHS sucks) ADHD and executive function disorder, so discipline is a real pain in the bum. These strategies seem great and I’m so interested to integrate them
Hey Effy, so glad these strategies resonated with you. From my anecdotal experience working with rebels, it's not uncommon for the Rebel tendency to track alongside ADHD. Someone who I have learned a lot from in this space is Diane Wingert www.diannwingertcoaching.com who teaches ADHD mastery.
I'm an ENFP Rebel and an HSP, which has been challenging to say the least. It's frustrating for me, it frustrates my family--parents, husband, even my (grown) kids, friends, everyone. I'm also a creative person--I'm a writer, I paint, I do a bunch of other things, but AS SOON AS someone asks me to do any of those things, which I LOVE, or wants me to join an accountability group or what have you, I immediately don't want to do them.
As an example, I wrote and published 13 books and short stories, but as soon as people started really encouraging me to write more or asking for particular stories to get written, I quit. I didn't discover that I love painting until I was in my late 40s (my oldest badgered me into going to a Paint & Sip with her, and it was fantastic.) I don't necessarily have any real talent in it, but I absolutely love it. Naturally, I immediately bought every book I could find on painting, I think I bought almost every tool and type of paint that exists. I dove in hard. I started painting every single day, I painted gifts for everyone because I was so excited about it. My mom loves birds, so I painted some for her, which--to my surprise and pleasure--she really loved. Then she asked me for a series of specific birds. Four years ago. I still have not done them. In fact, I stopped painting pretty much all together. Part of that was logistics--trying to find the best place in the house (it was driving me and my husband both crazy to have my stuff all over the kitchen table), to get my stuff organized, etc., then we redid our floors and the house was in turmoil for nearly a year. I have almost completed my new craft room and truly cannot wait to get back to painting now, but I have that bird series hanging over my head. I'm going to do my best to make that my first project and get them done, then I am never taking another request for as long as I live.
I lovelovelove the idea of the jar and pulling tasks out as little surprises instead of--or in conjunction with--a (small, targeted) to-do list. I've tried for years--decades, really--to develop routines, schedules, systems that will work for me, and I'm a master at designing them. Following them is an entirely different matter. But the jar sounds like fun.
Something that has been working really well for me is creating the absolute lowest barrier to entry to whatever task I need/want to do possible. This was adapted from the book Tiny Habits. Make it so stupid easy that you almost can't NOT do the thing. So for the walking habit I wanted to develop, all I have to do is walk for three minutes every day. I CAN walk as long as I want, but the habit is to walk every day regardless of length of time, speed, distance, whatever. Sometimes I do only walk for three minutes, sometimes I walk for four hours, sometimes at 4 AM before going to bed to get it in, but I always get it in. But the key is I walk every single day, and I did make it part of my identity, as you mentioned in the video. I am a person who walks every day. The details of the walking don't matter. I have walked every single day for almost a year now. Because I never stopped or quit, I never had to restart or get back on the wagon or any of those things that trigger my rebelliousness. I make it fun by walking with my eyes closed (on the treadmill, holding the rails) and listening to my favorite 80s rock playlist, which I consider my theme songs. Every one has a personal message for me. I put cuticle oil on my nails, lotion on my hands, and wear gloves, I put an oil or scalp treatment on my hair, wear a super lush lip balm, etc., to make it a little bit of a pampering spa experience. Afterward, I take a bubble bath when I feel like some extra pampering. I finally feel like I'm learning to work WITH myself instead of against myself as I have my whole life. I've also learned to stop listening to what everyone else tells to me to do or try. I'm 56, but it's never too late!
INTP rebel here and this helped a lot
Same
wow thank you so much! I read the book yesterday, but your insight was super helpful! I'm actually quite excited now to try to figure out what strategies I can use to get myself to do the things I need/want to do!
One strategy I already used to get myself to make exercise a habit was to pick something unique. I signed up to do Kun Khmer (Cambodian kickboxing), and I actually managed to go four times a week simply because it was something nobody else did. Therefore I went not because of the exercise, but because this was something I could identify with!
I am also an enneagram 4, any other rebel fours?
So glad you found my video helpful, Debora, LOVE your thinking. I have to admit, I get such a kick out of working with Rebel clients because your imagination inspires me. And there is no-one more passionate than a Rebel with a cause!
I think something is wrong with me 😂 I am a rebel and an INFJ
GIRL YOU AND ME BOOOOTHHHH. Cryyiinnng! LOL
Same here!!!
What su like to be a rebel, how have I faced these challenges, and how have I succeeded in life and business
I accepted that I was a rebel today, which, I guess explains why it took so long, and how frustrating it was for me to not understand why I couldn't do what seemed so easy for others, but then again you talked about how rebels are capable of incredibly hard things and doing them easily.
This has been true in my life, I am currently seventeen, but when I was thirteen I saved up ~500 dollars to go to a church camp I decided I wanted. Ridiculously easy, I needed to have the money before the summer and I had most of it by late November.
But it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows, favorite class intro to business, I got a D, I loved that class, I loved the teacher, I made almost all of the ads for the school store, I ran the school store on most the days that I could and had an absolute blast doing it.
High school, I get an English assignment, 20 minute essay, or at least it should have been 20 minutes, but then my English teacher said the magic words 'Isaac, you have to turn in this essay.' and I can only describe it as a mental breakdown, because I stared at the unnamed Google doc for four hours! Do you know how frustrating that is!? My brother did it in 30 minutes, we were in the same room, and he wasn't even focused on it.
But now I know I guess, and I don't have any advice really to give as much of what me and my family have stumbled into can be found in this 20 minute video.
If I have started a youtube channel by the time you read this it will be under the name of American Dream Teen, reference to BNHA for those in the know. Who knows maybe I've screwed myself telling you this, maybe I will become the American dream Teen, or maybe my dreams are so unreasonable and unrealistic to the rest of the population I will rebel against their inappropriate judgement of my capabilities and character.
Or maybe I'm putting internal expectations upon myself.
The quarrels of a rebel, put in rambling form in the youtube comment section, what more could you want 😁
Wow, Isaac - you have amazing self-awareness for a 17 year old. Amazing. School can be so painful for Rebels - full of abritrary tests and standards that are not only meaningless, but can feel designed to bring out the worst in you. The good news is that school is almost behind you. Not only do you have tools to succeed as a Rebel, but you also have your own success stories already, and at such a young age. I have no doubt that you will thrive. Don't let anyone tell you what to do or how to do it, ask for advice only from those who deeply trust and who see you for who you truly are. Thank you for taking the time to ramble - we all appreciate you sharing your experiences here :)
Any Aries Rebels here?
💎💎💎🙏❤
Wow, that's me, to the T. The rebel! haha
This is an interesting way to frame what I think may be, at least for me, a high need for autonomy and a tendency to experience psychological reactance, especially in regards to social norms (and especially social norms for women) that don't make sense to me. I'm returning to school at midlife to study psychology and I'm currently dealing with a lot of psychological reactance against having to take the GRE. (I took a class in psychometrics, so I know _why_ the GRE is required, but I think this it's a poor predictor for an odd duck like me, who has already worked in research (in a different field) and, as who, as a professional software engineer, is really good at the analytical reasoning stuff, if I'm not under too much time pressure.) I really struggle with seemingly arbitrary administrative rules, so having to take the GRE is just getting under my skin to the Nth degree. I haven't found an effective way to get myself to study for the GRE yet. But I can totally feel the "I'll prove them wrong if it's the last thing I do!" Rebel cry as I construct my plan B scenarios (if my GRE scores are terrible, I'll relocate anyways and just audit graduate-level classes and volunteer as a student assistant until the professors have no choice but to admit me). ...sigh...Now, if only I could crack the code for rebelling against having to work for a living. Seriously, it's the "having to" work that spoils it. I'd be SO happy volunteering for the job I have now (it's related to helping public health officials manage COVID outbreaks), if only I didn't "have to" work ....sigh....
Yeppppp. I'm married to a rebel. This is him 100%.
Myself, I'm a questioner.
I'm a rebel too🙈🙊
Hey imo I saw your video on UA-cam about the rebels and I totally related with it. In that video as the last tip you said that Rebel should not disclose their biggest goals to the people. But already did it. Do have any suggestions to undo it.
I'm a rebel and i wanna change my tendency because the things i have to do to achieve my goals as a rebel are too much work, i'm gonna check out the other tendencies and find one that i like and then i'll live as someone like that
Rebel would never be sitting on a rocking chair unless there was a sign on it saying “do not sit in this rocking chair”. Like your video and I like learning about this stuff but I don’t think there is any helping a rebel to be honest because anything you tell them to do they won’t do anything that you suggest they will get bored of
Hello, Rebelsssss 😅
The ONLY THING That has ever worked for me is someone telling me they doubted that I could do some thing from BET Me that I couldn’t do some thing but it had to be something I initially wanted(And something that I would usually fail the expectation otherwise). ...Basically competition or proving someone wrong and exceeding expectations.
That's awesome that you know that!
Im a rebel according to Rubins Quiz, although I thought I was an obliger.
The very unique thing about my rebellion is that it shows up as physical symptoms stopping me from achieving my goals as well as responding to the never ending requests of family members, friends and government work.
I have spent a fortune on healing these physical symptoms which seem to be psychosomatic, so I wasted an even bigger fortune on a life coach who promised after 6 months ill be everything I want. But unfortunately she was either: dishonest or under qualified, either way, I truly am frustrated with myself.
I am a mum, a medical student and I'm trying to go back to my fit healthy energetic body I had 5 years ago, and I'm Failing miserably I all my goals 🙉
Ps I hate the governments guts, all of them 🤭
Jake Peralta is a perfect example of rebels