Hey Heidi, you've very quickly become one of my favorite resources for accurate commentary to describe how I think! I went through your boot camp as well (yes, I actually finished it and DID NOT binge it!) and have felt so much more confident in the qualities I bring to the table. - ENFP, Rebel and a highly sensitive person ;) Keep the content coming!
Warning: what I thought was going to be a quick comment ended up being a whole novel 🤦♀️ short version: I'm an ENFP rebel with (I think) secondary obliger tendencies. As an adult, I'm rebellious in the sense that I want to do what makes sense, and I'll question and rebel against things that I don't think make sense. As a kid, I was rebellious just for the sake of being rebellious. If I was already cleaning my room and my mom told me to clean it, I would absolutely refuse to continue cleaning it. I wanted to clean my room, but I would rather be grounded than do the thing I wanted because my mom told me to do it. I believed nobody could make me do anything because I did what _I_ wanted and couldn't be influenced by anyone, completely unaware of the fact that I happily let people influence me into not doing what I wanted... I sure hope we were all that dumb as kids 😂 I tend to fall into the obliger role at work or when I'm too stressed or tired to bother questioning external expectations, but even my obliger behaviors are often rebel-influenced. When I'm at work and am told to do something that doesn't make any sense, sometimes I follow the instructions knowing good & well I should be doing it differently. Like, my boss is going to regret this later, but that's not my problem. I'm just here to do what I'm told and get a paycheck. If I don't have to deal with the fallout of their bad shot calling, I'm not going to bother trying to reason with the manager. I've also outright refused to follow directions that would make my job more difficult or result in me wasting time. It's weird how much respect I've gotten from some managers for this. I'd expect managers to get mad about any kind of defiance. I had a waitressing job where I frequently butted heads with one of my managers for this sort of thing. Once, there was a big event in town that ended at 10pm. I normally went home around then, but my manager asked me to stay until midnightjust in case there was a rush. I was stoked to stay late because I knew we'd get swamped and I'd probably double my tips for the night in just 2 hours. He told me to clock out for a 30 minute lunch break _at 10pm._ I told him no, absolutely not. There was a little back and forth until I told him, "we're going to get slammed in 10-15 minutes. Everyone will show up at the same time. The other girls will get all the tables, and then I'll clock back in just in time to help them do half the work for their tables and clean up without making any of the tips. If you want me to clock out, I'm going home. Otherwise, I'm staying on the clock." He agreed to let me stay on the clock. 15 minutes later, as if on cue, a flood of customers filled the restaurant. After a couple interactions like this, that manager started asking my opinion (and sometimes permission) before making decisions about breaks or sending people home. Moral of the story? There is none, I'm just rambling at this point.
This is me to a t! At work I have no problems meeting expectations, but then I’m also working towards my dream career I hope to get at my place of employment, so it makes perfect sense for me to meet the expectations. But yeah, outside of work, I’m completely the person who will stop doing something I want to do because someone wants me to do it. I hate being told to do something, always have. Is it so hard to ask?????
I am an INFP & I related to the questioner by default, then rebel second. Sticking to my personal judgements about decisions after intensive research is definitely how I operate. I also tend to dislike and rebel when someone tries to impose expectations on me, even myself, without adequate reason or information.
I'm an INFJ and 4 on the Enneagram. I'm mostly an Obliger, especially when I was a young people pleaser/codependent. I was also super anxiously attached early in life, but then experienced a long marriage that pushed me into an avoidant role. Now after much work, I consider myself a learned secure (mostly), and less of an obliger than before. I'm leaning into the personal accountability side more and more. I more often keep promises to myself, but often need a "good girl" tracking system where I basically keep daily records and give myself credit for doing healthy habits like intermittant fasting, exercise, etc. So in watching this video I realized that the tracking system is the "external accountability" I need to do these things. If I did not get some sort of credit for doing these things, I'd be much less motivated to do them even though I do enjoy them. Plus I really nerd out on the tracking systems themselves. It's a data gathering thing that makes me feel smart, organized, and like I know what the hell is going on! The fact that I have to log my weight once a week is highly helpful in keeping me from going off the rails. It's like without the logging system, I'm just floating around in the universe. So I think there's a progression that can happen as you get healthier. Like with the Enneagram where you get less fixated as you get healthier, I think you get less fixated on your motivation tendency as you get healthier. For instance, I imagine a "rebel" who becomes more self aware, will stop knee-jerk reacting to requests. And on obliger like me will start to balance out inner and outer obligations, so that there is more attention to self and less attention to blindly following other people's rules.
Enfp, rebel (also highly sensitive like someone else mentioned too) Im struggling a lot with my personality (along with traumas and anxiety) for a long time now. im actually doing an ADHD test this week, to see whether i get diagnosed. I learnt about cognitive functions during my research on personality and I found your channel, which has helped me alot. I also bought your book about ENFPs! Thank you so much ❤️
INFJ, 5w4. Questioner! This video made so much sense to me. I havent been able to figure out for the life of me why I just resisted working for others for such a long time. I kept questioning that tendency of mine too(The irony!) Thanks, Heidi. Finally I have another explanation for why I am, the way I am ❤️
Hey Heidi! I am also an EFNP with a Questioner tendency (and Rebel backbone). I definitely see the correlations here and I feel that this is why I relate to you more than most other ENFP educators/channels. I appreciate this video because the other video sparked my own curiosity and research as well. (for context, I teach online meditation workshops for a living and love the intentionality, excitement, and schedule setting.) I felt it in my core when you said that questioners feel literal pain when they don't see the point of a task, and this has been the #1 reason that I have quit jobs in the past. So I built a path based on what brings be joy, purpose, and variety all simultaneously. Love this video!
I took the test on Gretchen Rubin's page and I came up as a Rebel, I'm also an ENFP. I should read more about it, because the Questioner kind of hits home for me, too.
INTJ here, with largely Upholder and some Questioner tendencies. I'm so glad you explained how this actually makes us quite critical of which projects we take on, because I've had people talk about how I am very committed to my courses of action to the point of being called a stickler. Yet I find it very liberating to know I can and typically will accomplish what I have decided is worth doing. It gives me confidence in my abilities, and makes me dependable, which I have never heard anyone complain about 😆
Nicely done! Rebel here and I always thrived as the "firefighter" at jobs who handled last minute deadlines or things past deadline since I'm not troubled by the deadline itself.
I’m an INTJ and, without a doubt, a Questioner. Upholder is probably my #2. My ESFP ex was totally a Rebel. My BFF (ENFP) is probably also a Rebel, but not as much as the ESFP. My current partner (ENTJ), is also a Questioner. Great stuff! Thank you, Heidi.
Super interesting (like all of your videos!!)!!! I'm an ENFP and I think I'm an upholder. It's really hard when I decide of something for myself, I feel extremely strongly about it, but then if other people make me feel like I'm not being accountable to them in my decision, it makes me feel torn and stuck. I definitely see how my education made me like this. Or maybe I'm a questioner who has decided she was going to show up for my commitment? Hmmm! All the possibilities need to be explored! I'll research the 4 tendencies a bit more :D This was a great introduction!! Thank you!! (If I may? I think the title of this video doesn't reflect what we can discover by watching the video. If you don't know about Gretchen Rubin's 4 tendencies system, you may not click on it although you may be interested in learning about "what motivates you?" as a topic. By just adding this question in the title "What motivates you?" (or something equivalent) I think viewers would have more of an idea what this video is about and click on it and be mind-blown :D This is just a thought :D)
ENFP Rebel - I really fail at doing those mundane tasks, so I am highly creative and motivated to get rid of them, either through automation, delegation, or just general avoidance. My resume was riddled with these stories, something I thought added value to the company, but really it was my tendency system at play. Further, I figured out it's not my introverted thinking function, because I tried that route, and spoilers: it didn't work.
I find I am an obliger at home, and a questionnaire or rebel at work. Thanks for this video, I read the book then found this video. Then I watched other videos of yours about attachment theory and it has really helped me through a recent conflict at work. Thank you so much!
ENFP 1-Rebel for sure, 2-questioner I think? I’m constantly analyzing everything. Questioning how things work and if/why they make sense. I actually can’t think at all if i’m not doing this, I tried it. Also CONSTANTLY trying different things/exploring ideas that may or may not make sense- that’s for me to find out! And I really enjoy doing things that aren’t supposed to happen but I made happen some how, some way, and people are perplexed at it because it “shouldn’t be able to.” It’s especially satisfying when I have an inclining that it will and it does! I do wish I was able to do things in a more organized manner, as it would prevent the majority of my self sabotaging tendencies (always in my own way)! and prevent burnout, my 2 enemies. Meeting more deadlines would be nice, since the world prioritizes that for efficiency (makes sense). It’s just not natural for me unfortunately. Makes it hard to function but I do my best and I am certainly led by my own personal values/feelings in terms of motivation to do work. I absolutely love appreciating diversity, socializing/gaining peoples trust, and usually give people the benefit of the doubt, which doesn’t always go in my favor as I’m used. Ironically I struggle to ever feel like I can truly trust anyone-may or may not be related to the rebel. If you’re reading this, thanks! I wonder if anyone can relate- I did see a lot of rebels in the comments. It’s been a bit heartbreaking to see my creativity die bc I’ve had to act accordingly to function in society. Hopefully I can find a good career spot that allows me to get it back without forcing it and still make enough money to make it.
I'm an ENFP - I'm 50/50 Questioner/Rebel. With clients I have them make a piechart of the primary and secondary. I have a coworker who is an INFP and is 80% Obliger/ 20% Rebel. What I find with Rebels is they come in 2 forms - the ones where authenticity is the primary motivator or the "don't tell me I can't do this, I'll show you" motivation. 2 of my favorite Rebels - Michael Jordan and Dennis Rodman. Dennis Rodman is totally authenticity based. Michael Jordan is the "Ill show you" Rebel.
This is interesting. I think I'll take on reading the book just to get a better grasp on it...but going off what you've said & comparing it to how I do things, I'm an enfp, my primary tennet is questioner(for me I always have to first figure out if something matters & means something to me, & once it does, I'll follow through on it until I get it done, I rarely follow through on external expectations unless they come from within, before which I've questioned to see if it makes sense to me), my secondary tenet is the rebel..because after some time I'll have to access if it's rational for me to keep doing it/following through..I also prefer to work under pressure more often than not
I'm an ENFP and the same as you Heidi. Definitely a questionner primary and rebel secondary. However I think that came with maturity. In my younger yrs I think that switched until I realised rebel wasn't achieving the goals I want.
INFP or ENFP (not really sure). I kind of identify with all of these types, depending on the context. I think having ADHD complicates things a bit lol 😅
I’m ENFP, Rebel with Obliger tendencies (which is weird 😂) also dismissive avoidant. I usually am very motivated to do anything creative and things that make most sense, but when someone butts in what I’m doing it demotivates me so much I don’t touch that for another half a year. I’ve always been critical towards that quality in me and it is super hard for me to finish anything. However, when I live alone, I am usually easier on myself and much more productive. Obliger happens around routine, it was always easier for me to take care of others ( cook, clean) than for myself
Questioner makes much sense to me. In the past, people often asked me to do things, which i have never fully felt motivated by. Hence why i hardly relied on therapists. But the 4th, Rebel,is worth contemplating.... interesting. It might actually be my primary, because upon feeling into it, it lit me up very much! Being creative is what i love to be.i did indeed challenge myself in the past, such as speed runs in video games where you just complete games as fast as possible, which felt stimulation. I challenged myself in my yoga practice as well, motivating myself to hold poses for longer. Love how you keep bringing things up that interest me like this :) One thing is certain, external expectations have hardly been positive in my case. I often push through things if they matter to me personally, but i love the flow of just responding to inspiration in the now.
Hey Heidi, can you make a video on information overload, how too much information kills exploration/adventure and creativity, and how to move out off info gathering mode? Hopefully this all makes sense...
I'm ENFP no question rebel with obliger tendencies. No one is going to make me do anything I don't want to do; even me. But if someone else is counting on me, I am more than likely going to follow through because I like helping people and like having an activity buddy
I just did the 4 tendency questionnaire and came out as rebel primarily and questioner secondarily. My Myers’s Brigg’s type is ENFP. Finding out about rebel tendencies made so many things make so much more sense.
Hahaha I’m an obliger married to a questioner and I feel the frustration 😂 I couldn’t convince my husband to take the quiz 🙃 thanks for the summary, very helpful
🌿I always live your videos!! I totally agree that understanding several different personality systems & theories helps fill in our own gaps & pieces of the puzzle! I personally identify as an INFP, & based on my experiences so far being self-employed, I really suspect I have your same tendencies of "questioner" followed by "rebel." I always want to help & be there for others, but whenever I'm honest with myself, I have to work from a place of my own goals, values, & principles that also align with what someone else wants, or I won't feel motivated.
ENFP Rebel :) Maybe TMI but whenever people would tell me to schedule sexy time with my hubby or I would tell hubby/myself internally it would be later on that night *that's* the only time I *couldn't* get in the mood. It HAD to be spur of the moment or else my body would NOT cooperate. It's really nice to know why now!
I am a fluid ENFP-INFP, more like E, the older I get, or maybe it has to do with Covid changing the culture of our time. I have evolved from a pleaser to a questioner, with the pleaser coming through in the end. I find the two reasons I mentioned also a possibility why I am a little fluid and ambiguous at times. It causes me a lot of emotional stress. I do miss Life feeling “knowable,” but I can’t go back to that, I just feel disempowered if I just please all the time without any reasoning or thought around it. Now I need to feel that my parts are happy. I have also done parts work (from internal family systems therapy mod developed by Schwartz), and have a distinct understanding of my previously dominant part and still don’t know my hidden self yet, but she’s often hungry and a bit sick of being dismissed. Maybe Heidi or someone who reads this will understand what I’m talking about. I found IFS very helpful but very difficult to do. Working on yourself is quite hard emotionally.
In general, isn’t the ideal to be the kind of person that follows through on what they say whether it’s a promise to themselves or two others? How is self trust possible if we habitually break our word either to ourselves or to other people? And without self trust, how is it possible to feel safe in the world? I’m asking as somebody who habitually breaks my own word, overcommits, and then ends up having to cancel plans, or routinely doesn’t go to the end of my own projects, and feel like this is a big reason why I like self-esteem, and this is why I am working on committing less, being more discerning about what I do commit to, and following through on what I commit to regardless of whether it involves other people or not. I’m not sure that there’s that much of a difference between promising something to someone else and promising it to yourself when it comes to how it impacts yourself trust. I think developing the ability to commit to other people and to oneself and following through is important to be a well rounded individual. But perhaps this 4 tendencies system is simply meant as a way to describe what different types of people struggle with more.
I'm an INTJ 5 w 4. I read this book years ago. More than 10 years ago I think. I believe I figured out I was Upholder first and Obliger second. I think there has been a shift since then. I would see myself still as the Upholder first and Questioner second. That's after burning out 5 years ago with codependency issues. I know, INTJ with codependency issues, that seems it should be rare. I like to think through my commitments. I feel now that committing to myself helps me to commit to others in a healthy way. The goal is being interdependent with others. So I have a lot more of a balance. So I think Questioner is becoming my second because now I think more about balancing my commitments to others with myself. It's probably healthy to have a little of all four tendencies show up in your life just not in equal proportions. We are all different. I also have come to terms in the last year that I'm also a highly sensitive person. An HSP INTJ also seems it should be rare to me. I'm also 48, so I may also be more in touch with Fi now than when I was younger. Those are some thoughts off the top of my head. I enjoy your channel because I wanted to learn more about ENFP. I can recognize TJs fairly easily but ENFPs seem so interestingly different to me. And I enjoy your other content as well.
I am an ENFP that has a rebel tendency with questioner as my second. I have spent 18 months now trying to figure all this out as well as creative ideas Ive been receiving during this exploration time. And I keep stopping these ideas from taking off for reasons that align with those 2 tendencies.
I'm a questioner. This is the first "typing" system that I got my type right away. Even my clarifying what my type is helps me clarify my type. I laugh so hard every time I try to consider I'm a different tendency. Just by the way I approach it shows I'm a questioner. HA!
Oh... well... Rebel really sounds like me.... I think I repressed that part of me to "fit in" at work but it is exhausting... I am either an ENFP or INFP probably the latter even if I tested as ENFP since I was 14... I had a tendency to repress my Fi and it did lead to growing my Te in the workplace but as I said it is exhausting.
Hi Heidi! I am definitely a rebel then questioner as an INFJ! I'm very creative but it's impossible for me to plan anything as I even rebel against myself...
I just tested and it came back with Rebel, but I also felt like I have a lot of Obliger. Typically, though it's painful to commit to doing something for someone else, I'll follow through on it. I'm a Myers-Briggs ENFP and Enneagram 7w8, so keeping my options open is always preferable. :)
Hey howdy!!! I fall into the following: ENFP for Meyers Briggs! 2w1 for Enneagram, and I probably am an Obliger based on my understanding of the four tendencies!
I think it all vastly depends on the recipient of the commitment. With my dysfunctional family, I was definitely an obliger, sometimes not even questioning the logic behind what I was asked to do - for fear of abuse and beratement. At work I'm a rebel all the way, and I hate it when I'm asked to do things that make no sense. I'm a questioner with the administrative body of my spiritual community (one kind of has to be, we both have to consult AND carry things out unquestionably, but only AFTER everyone on the team has agreed with the course of action). But then, with the people who depend on me, I do my utmost to be an upholder (e.g. my undergrad students when I was their TA, or kids in my junior youth group)
Obviously late to this party, but: INTP (very I, VERY P, fairly N, and pretty much split between T/F). By nature I'm a Questioner, but when I make a commitment to something exterior to myself, I'm very much an Upholder. For example, I was a teacher for many years. I got into teaching from a Questioner perspective, but once I committed to a new year of teaching I'd become very Upholder. BUT functionally that was because I made the inner commitment first, whence the outer obligations became binding. However, when my work/relationship commitments become unhealthy, then I become an Obliger, which eventually degenerates into Rebel. (Not that rebel is bad, objectively.) So my point in saying this is that, for me, the four tendencies actually form a life cycle of sorts: Questioner-->Healthy Upholder-->Unhealthy Obliger-->Resentful Rebel-->End Of Relationship. And then it starts anew. This holds true in pretty much every relationship I have: romantic, professional, etc.. I'm wondering if I'm the only person who goes through this life cycle, or if other people go through their own iterations of this. Like, are there people out there who go: Obliger-->Upholder-->Questioner---Rebel? They start out from a sense of duty, then they find meaning in the duty themselves, then they realize that it's meaningless without the external pressure? Or pick your order.
INTP/INFP rebel, with questionner potential. I don’t commit to much, but I know I decay fast if not inwardly motivated. Lifestyle and relationships follow this trend to a T. I just hope to be able to find some stability and security one day, but it’s hard when every mold and nook feels too icky to stuff myself in.
I'm an obliger but I don't follow commitments to others just for the sake of it. I make the decision. I only follow an institution/structure if I agree with it or I'll rebel by not doing anything or doing what I think is right. But I follow through commitments better after I make it public and have someone hold me accountable (considering I was the one who made the decision and I agree with that system). So maybe I'm an obliger mixed with a bit of rebel. My primary tendency is obliger and secondary tendency is rebel. I'm an INFJ.
i am an enfp and a well idk really abt what is my tendency. i tend to adhere with expectations from the outside, the norms and mores, in a very unconventional way though. i have experienced every tendency mentioned. whenever i experience grip, i tend to become an upholder. very effective when you are an honor student btw. an obliger in settings where there is a strict ruling. and ive been walking the path of a questionnaire atm because it brings out the potential of having to decide by yourself that had been kept when you are in a strict environment. but i tend to rebel most of the time because it is fun, more fun that when youve been abiding to rules. enfps are very flexible and adaptable to situations. so i think even if these tendencies are flawed individually, enfps can make anything work no matter the expectation
INFP, stuck between questionnaire and rebel. Anyone got an advice or a suggestion for a job/career which will pay bills and keep me engaged so I don’t die of boredom. I already figured out thanks to some help that my personality type is NOT for an employee, and having a few projects/side hustles/small business are the best thing for someone like me to feel fulfilled and busy. I have a PHYSICAL need to be busy while engaged at the same time, and I have struggled finding work I find interesting. To make matters worse, I have a variety of interests and I have worked at over 20 different jobs in the past 15 years. Thanks for the insight Heidi.
ENFP, upholder when healthy, obliger when unhealthy 😁 so the more stress I'm under the more I'll start to slip up on commitments to myself but I cannot stand going back on my word to other people and will do things I don't want to if I told someone else I would, that's pretty set in stone :)
I'm fairly confident I'm an intj and I think I'm a questioner by nature, an obliger by nurture and a rebel when I've been obliging too much 😅 being this type with a predominantly anxious attachment style is mental hell
If you want all my "categories", I'm an ENFP, enneagram 7w6, high openness and agreeableness and horrifyingly low conscientiousness (although I fight against that always), have ADHD, and to me the Obliger and Rebel are the most familiar. Not sure which one is uppermost.
INFP Rebel Enneagram Type 9. I’m great under pressure or in rapidly evolving situations. But ask me to make a detailed plan and follow it exactly is just… the worst.
INFP, Rebel.... I am not sure which one is my secondary. because Rebel is sooooo dominant ... I think that in the past (when I was a kid and adolescent) I may have been a questioner dominantly, rebel secondly. But then I stopped pushing myself too much and became a Rebel. However, now, I might do something for others even when it doesn't make sense to me at all (not only in the moment) but I think that part comes from the anxious in FA. So second might be obliger....
I've always been a rebel for sure, at least what comes to external expectations, but I'm not super consistent with internal expectations either... so I guess a rebel with a hint of questioner.
I’m apparently an ENFP people-pleasing questioner. It's actually terrible 😂. I want to make you happy but if I don't want to do it, I’ll say yes and then be secretly mad about it lol.
Rebel here! infp 4w5 i also have an 1H aqua mars that's sq 10h Pluto🥲. don't tell me what to do, please. cuz I really wanted to do it til you said it. also I found that if I don't say my goals/plans out loud im more likely to do them. it also allows me to not do it and no one shames me but myself🙃
I am a Rebel and an ENFP. You made me feel a lot better about being a Rebel, thank you. I have been so annoyed with my Rebel tendency.
Similar experience:)
Now I know why Darth Vader hated the Rebels so much.
saaaaame
Hey Heidi, you've very quickly become one of my favorite resources for accurate commentary to describe how I think! I went through your boot camp as well (yes, I actually finished it and DID NOT binge it!) and have felt so much more confident in the qualities I bring to the table. - ENFP, Rebel and a highly sensitive person ;) Keep the content coming!
So nice to meet fellow ENFP-HSP-Rebels here! 😃🥰🤪
Questioner who secretly wants to be an upholder. I find that consistency really attractive.
Warning: what I thought was going to be a quick comment ended up being a whole novel 🤦♀️ short version: I'm an ENFP rebel with (I think) secondary obliger tendencies.
As an adult, I'm rebellious in the sense that I want to do what makes sense, and I'll question and rebel against things that I don't think make sense. As a kid, I was rebellious just for the sake of being rebellious. If I was already cleaning my room and my mom told me to clean it, I would absolutely refuse to continue cleaning it. I wanted to clean my room, but I would rather be grounded than do the thing I wanted because my mom told me to do it. I believed nobody could make me do anything because I did what _I_ wanted and couldn't be influenced by anyone, completely unaware of the fact that I happily let people influence me into not doing what I wanted... I sure hope we were all that dumb as kids 😂
I tend to fall into the obliger role at work or when I'm too stressed or tired to bother questioning external expectations, but even my obliger behaviors are often rebel-influenced. When I'm at work and am told to do something that doesn't make any sense, sometimes I follow the instructions knowing good & well I should be doing it differently. Like, my boss is going to regret this later, but that's not my problem. I'm just here to do what I'm told and get a paycheck. If I don't have to deal with the fallout of their bad shot calling, I'm not going to bother trying to reason with the manager.
I've also outright refused to follow directions that would make my job more difficult or result in me wasting time. It's weird how much respect I've gotten from some managers for this. I'd expect managers to get mad about any kind of defiance. I had a waitressing job where I frequently butted heads with one of my managers for this sort of thing. Once, there was a big event in town that ended at 10pm. I normally went home around then, but my manager asked me to stay until midnightjust in case there was a rush. I was stoked to stay late because I knew we'd get swamped and I'd probably double my tips for the night in just 2 hours. He told me to clock out for a 30 minute lunch break _at 10pm._ I told him no, absolutely not. There was a little back and forth until I told him, "we're going to get slammed in 10-15 minutes. Everyone will show up at the same time. The other girls will get all the tables, and then I'll clock back in just in time to help them do half the work for their tables and clean up without making any of the tips. If you want me to clock out, I'm going home. Otherwise, I'm staying on the clock." He agreed to let me stay on the clock. 15 minutes later, as if on cue, a flood of customers filled the restaurant. After a couple interactions like this, that manager started asking my opinion (and sometimes permission) before making decisions about breaks or sending people home. Moral of the story? There is none, I'm just rambling at this point.
This is me to a t! At work I have no problems meeting expectations, but then I’m also working towards my dream career I hope to get at my place of employment, so it makes perfect sense for me to meet the expectations. But yeah, outside of work, I’m completely the person who will stop doing something I want to do because someone wants me to do it. I hate being told to do something, always have. Is it so hard to ask?????
Thank you for posting your ramble because it helped me realise rebel is definitely not my dominant tendency 😂
I am an INFP & I related to the questioner by default, then rebel second. Sticking to my personal judgements about decisions after intensive research is definitely how I operate. I also tend to dislike and rebel when someone tries to impose expectations on me, even myself, without adequate reason or information.
I'm an INFJ and 4 on the Enneagram. I'm mostly an Obliger, especially when I was a young people pleaser/codependent. I was also super anxiously attached early in life, but then experienced a long marriage that pushed me into an avoidant role. Now after much work, I consider myself a learned secure (mostly), and less of an obliger than before. I'm leaning into the personal accountability side more and more. I more often keep promises to myself, but often need a "good girl" tracking system where I basically keep daily records and give myself credit for doing healthy habits like intermittant fasting, exercise, etc. So in watching this video I realized that the tracking system is the "external accountability" I need to do these things. If I did not get some sort of credit for doing these things, I'd be much less motivated to do them even though I do enjoy them. Plus I really nerd out on the tracking systems themselves. It's a data gathering thing that makes me feel smart, organized, and like I know what the hell is going on! The fact that I have to log my weight once a week is highly helpful in keeping me from going off the rails. It's like without the logging system, I'm just floating around in the universe. So I think there's a progression that can happen as you get healthier. Like with the Enneagram where you get less fixated as you get healthier, I think you get less fixated on your motivation tendency as you get healthier. For instance, I imagine a "rebel" who becomes more self aware, will stop knee-jerk reacting to requests. And on obliger like me will start to balance out inner and outer obligations, so that there is more attention to self and less attention to blindly following other people's rules.
I relate to this SO much! Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
"A rebel is never as productive as they are 24 hrs after the deadline" My life in a nutshell🤣🤣🤣🤷🏾♀ #enfp #rebel #hsp
Enfp, rebel (also highly sensitive like someone else mentioned too) Im struggling a lot with my personality (along with traumas and anxiety) for a long time now. im actually doing an ADHD test this week, to see whether i get diagnosed. I learnt about cognitive functions during my research on personality and I found your channel, which has helped me alot. I also bought your book about ENFPs! Thank you so much ❤️
So nice to meet fellow ENFP-HSP-Rebels here! 😃🥰🤪
INFJ, 5w4. Questioner! This video made so much sense to me. I havent been able to figure out for the life of me why I just resisted working for others for such a long time. I kept questioning that tendency of mine too(The irony!) Thanks, Heidi. Finally I have another explanation for why I am, the way I am ❤️
Great summary of Gretchen Rubin's book! And fabulous to hear your insight.
Hey Heidi! I am also an EFNP with a Questioner tendency (and Rebel backbone). I definitely see the correlations here and I feel that this is why I relate to you more than most other ENFP educators/channels. I appreciate this video because the other video sparked my own curiosity and research as well. (for context, I teach online meditation workshops for a living and love the intentionality, excitement, and schedule setting.) I felt it in my core when you said that questioners feel literal pain when they don't see the point of a task, and this has been the #1 reason that I have quit jobs in the past. So I built a path based on what brings be joy, purpose, and variety all simultaneously. Love this video!
Hello!! I’m also an ENFP Questioner, so cool that there are so many other people that exist similar to me! Nice…
I took the test on Gretchen Rubin's page and I came up as a Rebel, I'm also an ENFP. I should read more about it, because the Questioner kind of hits home for me, too.
INFP and Obliger... Very helpful video - thanks!
INTJ here, with largely Upholder and some Questioner tendencies. I'm so glad you explained how this actually makes us quite critical of which projects we take on, because I've had people talk about how I am very committed to my courses of action to the point of being called a stickler. Yet I find it very liberating to know I can and typically will accomplish what I have decided is worth doing. It gives me confidence in my abilities, and makes me dependable, which I have never heard anyone complain about 😆
I'm INTJ who also identifies as an Upholder first and Questioner second.
Nicely done! Rebel here and I always thrived as the "firefighter" at jobs who handled last minute deadlines or things past deadline since I'm not troubled by the deadline itself.
I’m an INTJ and, without a doubt, a Questioner. Upholder is probably my #2. My ESFP ex was totally a Rebel. My BFF (ENFP) is probably also a Rebel, but not as much as the ESFP. My current partner (ENTJ), is also a Questioner.
Great stuff! Thank you, Heidi.
ENFP - Rebel is my default
Super interesting (like all of your videos!!)!!! I'm an ENFP and I think I'm an upholder. It's really hard when I decide of something for myself, I feel extremely strongly about it, but then if other people make me feel like I'm not being accountable to them in my decision, it makes me feel torn and stuck. I definitely see how my education made me like this.
Or maybe I'm a questioner who has decided she was going to show up for my commitment? Hmmm! All the possibilities need to be explored! I'll research the 4 tendencies a bit more :D This was a great introduction!! Thank you!!
(If I may? I think the title of this video doesn't reflect what we can discover by watching the video. If you don't know about Gretchen Rubin's 4 tendencies system, you may not click on it although you may be interested in learning about "what motivates you?" as a topic. By just adding this question in the title "What motivates you?" (or something equivalent) I think viewers would have more of an idea what this video is about and click on it and be mind-blown :D This is just a thought :D)
I’m ENFP. Between uploaded and questions too!
ENFP Rebel - I really fail at doing those mundane tasks, so I am highly creative and motivated to get rid of them, either through automation, delegation, or just general avoidance. My resume was riddled with these stories, something I thought added value to the company, but really it was my tendency system at play. Further, I figured out it's not my introverted thinking function, because I tried that route, and spoilers: it didn't work.
I'm ENTP-A (Debater) and my tendency is Questioner first, then obliger, upholder. Thanks for the video!
I find I am an obliger at home, and a questionnaire or rebel at work. Thanks for this video, I read the book then found this video. Then I watched other videos of yours about attachment theory and it has really helped me through a recent conflict at work. Thank you so much!
ENFP 1-Rebel for sure, 2-questioner I think? I’m constantly analyzing everything. Questioning how things work and if/why they make sense. I actually can’t think at all if i’m not doing this, I tried it. Also CONSTANTLY trying different things/exploring ideas that may or may not make sense- that’s for me to find out! And I really enjoy doing things that aren’t supposed to happen but I made happen some how, some way, and people are perplexed at it because it “shouldn’t be able to.” It’s especially satisfying when I have an inclining that it will and it does! I do wish I was able to do things in a more organized manner, as it would prevent the majority of my self sabotaging tendencies (always in my own way)! and prevent burnout, my 2 enemies. Meeting more deadlines would be nice, since the world prioritizes that for efficiency (makes sense). It’s just not natural for me unfortunately. Makes it hard to function but I do my best and I am certainly led by my own personal values/feelings in terms of motivation to do work. I absolutely love appreciating diversity, socializing/gaining peoples trust, and usually give people the benefit of the doubt, which doesn’t always go in my favor as I’m used. Ironically I struggle to ever feel like I can truly trust anyone-may or may not be related to the rebel. If you’re reading this, thanks! I wonder if anyone can relate- I did see a lot of rebels in the comments. It’s been a bit heartbreaking to see my creativity die bc I’ve had to act accordingly to function in society. Hopefully I can find a good career spot that allows me to get it back without forcing it and still make enough money to make it.
I'm an ENFP - I'm 50/50 Questioner/Rebel. With clients I have them make a piechart of the primary and secondary. I have a coworker who is an INFP and is 80% Obliger/ 20% Rebel. What I find with Rebels is they come in 2 forms - the ones where authenticity is the primary motivator or the "don't tell me I can't do this, I'll show you" motivation. 2 of my favorite Rebels - Michael Jordan and Dennis Rodman. Dennis Rodman is totally authenticity based. Michael Jordan is the "Ill show you" Rebel.
This is interesting. I think I'll take on reading the book just to get a better grasp on it...but going off what you've said & comparing it to how I do things, I'm an enfp, my primary tennet is questioner(for me I always have to first figure out if something matters & means something to me, & once it does, I'll follow through on it until I get it done, I rarely follow through on external expectations unless they come from within, before which I've questioned to see if it makes sense to me), my secondary tenet is the rebel..because after some time I'll have to access if it's rational for me to keep doing it/following through..I also prefer to work under pressure more often than not
ENFP Questioner, but weirdly Obliger under stress which is a total flipflop, and then go to Rebel under extreme stress (but very rare)
ENFP/Questioner here. Many thanks for this. Don't tell GR but I thought your explanation and examples helped me zero in on my tendency more clearly.
I'm an ENFP and the same as you Heidi. Definitely a questionner primary and rebel secondary. However I think that came with maturity. In my younger yrs I think that switched until I realised rebel wasn't achieving the goals I want.
INFP or ENFP (not really sure). I kind of identify with all of these types, depending on the context. I think having ADHD complicates things a bit lol 😅
I’m ENFP, Rebel with Obliger tendencies (which is weird 😂) also dismissive avoidant.
I usually am very motivated to do anything creative and things that make most sense, but when someone butts in what I’m doing it demotivates me so much I don’t touch that for another half a year. I’ve always been critical towards that quality in me and it is super hard for me to finish anything. However, when I live alone, I am usually easier on myself and much more productive. Obliger happens around routine, it was always easier for me to take care of others ( cook, clean) than for myself
Questioner makes much sense to me. In the past, people often asked me to do things, which i have never fully felt motivated by. Hence why i hardly relied on therapists. But the 4th, Rebel,is worth contemplating.... interesting. It might actually be my primary, because upon feeling into it, it lit me up very much! Being creative is what i love to be.i did indeed challenge myself in the past, such as speed runs in video games where you just complete games as fast as possible, which felt stimulation. I challenged myself in my yoga practice as well, motivating myself to hold poses for longer.
Love how you keep bringing things up that interest me like this :) One thing is certain, external expectations have hardly been positive in my case.
I often push through things if they matter to me personally, but i love the flow of just responding to inspiration in the now.
Hey Heidi, can you make a video on information overload, how too much information kills exploration/adventure and creativity, and how to move out off info gathering mode? Hopefully this all makes sense...
Very good and needed topic for 21st Century People.
I'm ENFP no question rebel with obliger tendencies. No one is going to make me do anything I don't want to do; even me. But if someone else is counting on me, I am more than likely going to follow through because I like helping people and like having an activity buddy
I just did the 4 tendency questionnaire and came out as rebel primarily and questioner secondarily. My Myers’s Brigg’s type is ENFP. Finding out about rebel tendencies made so many things make so much more sense.
Hahaha I’m an obliger married to a questioner and I feel the frustration 😂 I couldn’t convince my husband to take the quiz 🙃 thanks for the summary, very helpful
This was insanely helpful!! Love it!! I'm an ENFP that is most definitely a questioner! My whole life makes sense now.
🌿I always live your videos!! I totally agree that understanding several different personality systems & theories helps fill in our own gaps & pieces of the puzzle! I personally identify as an INFP, & based on my experiences so far being self-employed, I really suspect I have your same tendencies of "questioner" followed by "rebel." I always want to help & be there for others, but whenever I'm honest with myself, I have to work from a place of my own goals, values, & principles that also align with what someone else wants, or I won't feel motivated.
ENFP Rebel :) Maybe TMI but whenever people would tell me to schedule sexy time with my hubby or I would tell hubby/myself internally it would be later on that night *that's* the only time I *couldn't* get in the mood. It HAD to be spur of the moment or else my body would NOT cooperate. It's really nice to know why now!
I am a fluid ENFP-INFP, more like E, the older I get, or maybe it has to do with Covid changing the culture of our time. I have evolved from a pleaser to a questioner, with the pleaser coming through in the end. I find the two reasons I mentioned also a possibility why I am a little fluid and ambiguous at times. It causes me a lot of emotional stress. I do miss Life feeling “knowable,” but I can’t go back to that, I just feel disempowered if I just please all the time without any reasoning or thought around it. Now I need to feel that my parts are happy. I have also done parts work (from internal family systems therapy mod developed by Schwartz), and have a distinct understanding of my previously dominant part and still don’t know my hidden self yet, but she’s often hungry and a bit sick of being dismissed. Maybe Heidi or someone who reads this will understand what I’m talking about. I found IFS very helpful but very difficult to do. Working on yourself is quite hard emotionally.
Both me (ENFP) and my wife (INFP) is a Rebel 🤣🤣🤣🥳🥳
In general, isn’t the ideal to be the kind of person that follows through on what they say whether it’s a promise to themselves or two others?
How is self trust possible if we habitually break our word either to ourselves or to other people?
And without self trust, how is it possible to feel safe in the world?
I’m asking as somebody who habitually breaks my own word, overcommits, and then ends up having to cancel plans, or routinely doesn’t go to the end of my own projects, and feel like this is a big reason why I like self-esteem, and this is why I am working on committing less, being more discerning about what I do commit to, and following through on what I commit to regardless of whether it involves other people or not. I’m not sure that there’s that much of a difference between promising something to someone else and promising it to yourself when it comes to how it impacts yourself trust.
I think developing the ability to commit to other people and to oneself and following through is important to be a well rounded individual.
But perhaps this 4 tendencies system is simply meant as a way to describe what different types of people struggle with more.
I'm an INTJ 5 w 4. I read this book years ago. More than 10 years ago I think. I believe I figured out I was Upholder first and Obliger second. I think there has been a shift since then. I would see myself still as the Upholder first and Questioner second. That's after burning out 5 years ago with codependency issues. I know, INTJ with codependency issues, that seems it should be rare. I like to think through my commitments. I feel now that committing to myself helps me to commit to others in a healthy way. The goal is being interdependent with others. So I have a lot more of a balance. So I think Questioner is becoming my second because now I think more about balancing my commitments to others with myself. It's probably healthy to have a little of all four tendencies show up in your life just not in equal proportions. We are all different. I also have come to terms in the last year that I'm also a highly sensitive person. An HSP INTJ also seems it should be rare to me. I'm also 48, so I may also be more in touch with Fi now than when I was younger. Those are some thoughts off the top of my head. I enjoy your channel because I wanted to learn more about ENFP. I can recognize TJs fairly easily but ENFPs seem so interestingly different to me. And I enjoy your other content as well.
Thanks Heidi! 4th-type dominant and 2nd-type auxiliary. ~INFP
I'm an ENFP, rebel.
I’m an ENFP rebel/obliger. Thanks for covering this topic!
I am an ENFP that has a rebel tendency with questioner as my second. I have spent 18 months now trying to figure all this out as well as creative ideas Ive been receiving during this exploration time. And I keep stopping these ideas from taking off for reasons that align with those 2 tendencies.
Enfp, 4w3
Questioner who's done a lot of obliging due to my values. Mum's an upholder :(
Literally same!
I'm a questioner. This is the first "typing" system that I got my type right away. Even my clarifying what my type is helps me clarify my type. I laugh so hard every time I try to consider I'm a different tendency. Just by the way I approach it shows I'm a questioner. HA!
Oh... well... Rebel really sounds like me.... I think I repressed that part of me to "fit in" at work but it is exhausting... I am either an ENFP or INFP probably the latter even if I tested as ENFP since I was 14... I had a tendency to repress my Fi and it did lead to growing my Te in the workplace but as I said it is exhausting.
Hi Heidi! I am definitely a rebel then questioner as an INFJ! I'm very creative but it's impossible for me to plan anything as I even rebel against myself...
I just tested and it came back with Rebel, but I also felt like I have a lot of Obliger. Typically, though it's painful to commit to doing something for someone else, I'll follow through on it. I'm a Myers-Briggs ENFP and Enneagram 7w8, so keeping my options open is always preferable. :)
Thank you for your video.
I'm an ENTP with Questioner as my dominant, under pressure I flip to the obliger. (Myers brings in action Ti vs Fe...)
Hey howdy!!!
I fall into the following:
ENFP for Meyers Briggs! 2w1 for Enneagram, and I probably am an Obliger based on my understanding of the four tendencies!
I think it all vastly depends on the recipient of the commitment. With my dysfunctional family, I was definitely an obliger, sometimes not even questioning the logic behind what I was asked to do - for fear of abuse and beratement. At work I'm a rebel all the way, and I hate it when I'm asked to do things that make no sense. I'm a questioner with the administrative body of my spiritual community (one kind of has to be, we both have to consult AND carry things out unquestionably, but only AFTER everyone on the team has agreed with the course of action). But then, with the people who depend on me, I do my utmost to be an upholder (e.g. my undergrad students when I was their TA, or kids in my junior youth group)
Obviously late to this party, but:
INTP (very I, VERY P, fairly N, and pretty much split between T/F).
By nature I'm a Questioner, but when I make a commitment to something exterior to myself, I'm very much an Upholder. For example, I was a teacher for many years. I got into teaching from a Questioner perspective, but once I committed to a new year of teaching I'd become very Upholder. BUT functionally that was because I made the inner commitment first, whence the outer obligations became binding.
However, when my work/relationship commitments become unhealthy, then I become an Obliger, which eventually degenerates into Rebel. (Not that rebel is bad, objectively.)
So my point in saying this is that, for me, the four tendencies actually form a life cycle of sorts: Questioner-->Healthy Upholder-->Unhealthy Obliger-->Resentful Rebel-->End Of Relationship. And then it starts anew. This holds true in pretty much every relationship I have: romantic, professional, etc..
I'm wondering if I'm the only person who goes through this life cycle, or if other people go through their own iterations of this. Like, are there people out there who go: Obliger-->Upholder-->Questioner---Rebel? They start out from a sense of duty, then they find meaning in the duty themselves, then they realize that it's meaningless without the external pressure? Or pick your order.
INTP/INFP rebel, with questionner potential. I don’t commit to much, but I know I decay fast if not inwardly motivated. Lifestyle and relationships follow this trend to a T. I just hope to be able to find some stability and security one day, but it’s hard when every mold and nook feels too icky to stuff myself in.
I’m a rebel and ENFP and I work in an extremely bureaucratic system. The struggle is real
I'm an obliger but I don't follow commitments to others just for the sake of it.
I make the decision. I only follow an institution/structure if I agree with it or I'll rebel by not doing anything or doing what I think is right.
But I follow through commitments better after I make it public and have someone hold me accountable (considering I was the one who made the decision and I agree with that system).
So maybe I'm an obliger mixed with a bit of rebel.
My primary tendency is obliger and secondary tendency is rebel. I'm an INFJ.
i am an enfp and a well idk really abt what is my tendency. i tend to adhere with expectations from the outside, the norms and mores, in a very unconventional way though. i have experienced every tendency mentioned. whenever i experience grip, i tend to become an upholder. very effective when you are an honor student btw. an obliger in settings where there is a strict ruling. and ive been walking the path of a questionnaire atm because it brings out the potential of having to decide by yourself that had been kept when you are in a strict environment. but i tend to rebel most of the time because it is fun, more fun that when youve been abiding to rules.
enfps are very flexible and adaptable to situations. so i think even if these tendencies are flawed individually, enfps can make anything work no matter the expectation
INFJ. Upholder with a side of questioner. Great video!
INFP, stuck between questionnaire and rebel.
Anyone got an advice or a suggestion for a job/career which will pay bills and keep me engaged so I don’t die of boredom. I already figured out thanks to some help that my personality type is NOT for an employee, and having a few projects/side hustles/small business are the best thing for someone like me to feel fulfilled and busy.
I have a PHYSICAL need to be busy while engaged at the same time, and I have struggled finding work I find interesting.
To make matters worse, I have a variety of interests and I have worked at over 20 different jobs in the past 15 years.
Thanks for the insight Heidi.
Yass, thank you so much for making it♥
ENFP, upholder when healthy, obliger when unhealthy 😁 so the more stress I'm under the more I'll start to slip up on commitments to myself but I cannot stand going back on my word to other people and will do things I don't want to if I told someone else I would, that's pretty set in stone :)
I'm fairly confident I'm an intj and I think I'm a questioner by nature, an obliger by nurture and a rebel when I've been obliging too much 😅 being this type with a predominantly anxious attachment style is mental hell
Obliger-Rebel INFP checking in 🧐
Self-employed ENFP Questioner. Thinking I should keep it that way…
If you want all my "categories", I'm an ENFP, enneagram 7w6, high openness and agreeableness and horrifyingly low conscientiousness (although I fight against that always), have ADHD, and to me the Obliger and Rebel are the most familiar. Not sure which one is uppermost.
INFP Rebel Enneagram Type 9. I’m great under pressure or in rapidly evolving situations. But ask me to make a detailed plan and follow it exactly is just… the worst.
My primary tendency is the obliger and secondary tendency is the rebel. I'm an INFJ.
INFP, Rebel.... I am not sure which one is my secondary. because Rebel is sooooo dominant ... I think that in the past (when I was a kid and adolescent) I may have been a questioner dominantly, rebel secondly. But then I stopped pushing myself too much and became a Rebel. However, now, I might do something for others even when it doesn't make sense to me at all (not only in the moment) but I think that part comes from the anxious in FA. So second might be obliger....
I think I'm a questioner and an obliger? Only if it makes sense to me I'll do it, but please give a deadline!
ESTJ - Questioner
Questioner sounds like me a lot.
ENFP (tests INFP often) and obliger
I've always been a rebel for sure, at least what comes to external expectations, but I'm not super consistent with internal expectations either... so I guess a rebel with a hint of questioner.
I'm a (proud?) ISTP Rebel with probably Questioner second.
ENTP 8w7 Rebel 💥
I am a rebel ENFP!
INFP questioner and rebel 50/50
E/INFP 1st questioner, 2nd rebel
ENFP, Rebel, Obliger
enfp rebel, 2nd questioner
I’m apparently an ENFP people-pleasing questioner. It's actually terrible 😂.
I want to make you happy but if I don't want to do it, I’ll say yes and then be secretly mad about it lol.
ENFP rebel
INTJ cusps INTP, REBEL-Questioner.
I’m a rebel and enfp
Enfp, rebel first, obliger second
Rebel infp
INFJ and Questioner
INFJ obliger.
Rebel here! infp 4w5 i also have an 1H aqua mars that's sq 10h Pluto🥲. don't tell me what to do, please. cuz I really wanted to do it til you said it. also I found that if I don't say my goals/plans out loud im more likely to do them. it also allows me to not do it and no one shames me but myself🙃
INTJ - Pri: questioner secon: rebel