My Father: Beats me, offends me, tricks me and verbally totally abuses me Me: Cut off the contact to my father, due to reason not be be injured again My Father: Tells everybody that he did his best, but I am difficult and that I am a bad person because I do not contact him anymore. Portrays himself to be the poor father who has been ignored by his evil son
@@HelenL-je9yn nice of your adult child to have supported you by recognising the wrongdoings of that dominating and abusing mother of yours. It must be quite depressing to realise one has a monster of a mother like that, especially when one goes through her puberty\adolescence period of growing.
@@HelenL-je9yn my mother does the same sort of thing. Behaves in ways that provoke confused, angry reactions in people. when confronted plays the victim and accuses people of being bullies and creates fictitious dramtised stories of how she was attacked by who ever confronts her and gains sympathy.
The worst is someone who abused you your entire life, then gets sick and tells everyone how horrible you are because you don't care about them. The gut wrenching pain, frustration and rage I have at this person is beyond words.
I can relate to this. Lashing out because they have delusions of persecution which only mirror their victims cries, which may include your own. Maddening. But joining their game makes you look like use the truth as a weapon, as they further claim victimhood against your counter attack. No contact is a thing.
That sound totally like I have felt All my life. I just want to growl, scream, kick and in rage tell everyone, how i've been treated. I cannot stand her evil and neglect.. Even she died some years ago.. And even my own doctor is icecold refusing to help me by a therapist... Im extremely tired of life. I was NEVER good enough!!! I knew, suddently, in my deep futs, that I just knew that it wasent me that was wrong!!!! Sov shut up, treading on eggshells. Deeply scared about when she would assult me personal the next and next time... Ive been living in fear and lonelyness, in all my life..... No one that knew my mom believes me.... I hate when she or everybody else. .. , so many i can never count how many there has been. And All my life i was bullied from kindergarden, school, even at a grown up- study where expected that grown ups should have learned to behave themselves to other People. Why do anyone think i chose Heavy Metal music to get my rage and disgust out somehow. But that was a catastroph for mom.... then I certenly wasent good enough.... and she allways tried to smash mevtovpiecen, and then "glue" the shattered pieces togeather, AS SHE wanted, and thought she could brake me. Her words for that was ... "she wanted to "form" me as it fattede her. And that I should grow up. I got to take care of myselv from about 4 and a half years. No real happy safe peacefull childhood. I was ALLWAYS DENIED ALL THE LITTLE PEACES OF FREEDOM TO BE MYSELF, AND ACCEPTED AS I AM. I JUST HAD TO TRY TO REMEMBER, THAT SHE WAS SICK I HER LUTTLE "BRAIN"...THAT I WAS NOT WRONG FOR BEEING MYSELF AS IM BORN. AND THE ONLY TIME I SUCCEDED TO SAY IT ALL TO HER. IVEVEN SAID THE TRUTH, ABOUT THAT THE ONLY THING I EVER REALLY HAD WISHED FOR IN LIFE WAS, THAT SHE HA
I was in college in upstate New York when 9/11 happened, and there was this girl in my dorm who was hysterical because she claimed her brother might have been in the towers. Of course, everyone rallied around her, and was trying to comfort her, and at the time, I felt bad about feeling something was off about the whole thing. We find out later, she didn't even have a brother. Pretty sick.
Wtf. My sister and her husband were in new york a couple days before 9/11, they went on the tour thing where they go to the top or something? Still hits home when they fell because they debated staying longer to see more of new york.
@@jessoftherocks I was actually at Cortlandt Station (aka the World Trade Center subway station) less than 24 hours before. My friends and I went to the NYU film festival, and I ditched my Monday class with the expectation that I would get up early on Tuesday morning to finish a paper that I was working on. I am a very calm and rational person in most cases, but even a photograph of the World Trade center before or after gives me anxiety, even after all these years. Stranger than that, I ran across a movie title on Amazon that for some reason made me queasy; I realized later that it was one of the films that I'd seen at the festival on September 10th. Now if someone such as myself who was lucky enough not to have lost anyone that day, and whose proximity to the event was very peripheral could have the reaction that I have to this day, I still wonder what kind of soulless person would use something like that to get attention.
I think in the recent past, I have tried to manipulate someone into caring for me. My lack of insight into the situation caused me to not realize that people can have sympathy for you but that doesn’t mean that they’re obligated to be in a relationship with you. Sympathy does not equal love. You can’t make someone love you through guilt, sympathy, and/or shame, not only do they recognize what you’re doing but they also resent you and the fact that you’re trying to manipulate them. You can’t make someone love you, they have to choose to. And I’m glad that at 27 ( 3 years after all of this) I finally realized how toxic I was to him. And I am slightly embarrassed and ashamed of myself, but I’m glad I caught this early on in my life.
That is what life is supposed to be, expanding yourself by learning from mistakes. Its a beautiful thing when one has the capacity to open their mind with self reflection.
@@DaveyD187 I don’t think I’m borderline. I just grew up in a household where love wasn’t demonstrated properly to me. I wrote this post for people out there to understand how it can show up in yourself and recognize how it manifests in personal relationships without realizing it.
Thank you for sharing this. I've done the same. Now I know better. I'm actually terrified of coming across as manipulating, mean, needy, all sorts of things. So I end up apologizing too much, just in case.
Definitely a myth... my worthless ex-fiance and ex- bestie/ romantic interest were "victim" narcissists... utter failures at life that were shunned by most people 😁👍
Yes. They think this and surround themselves with lower intellectual people who they fake smart around be believed by them. They'll never go into places where the competition could possibly "out smart" them and bruise their sensitive ego.
It took me a long time to recognize the victim games played by narcissists. I got so caught up, and really believed everything was my fault. For years, I thought I was wrong and deserved every bad thing they did to me. This kind of manipulation and guilt tripping is exactly how people get trapped with narcissists for decades and decades. We're always living in a state of confusion.
I am struggling with this right now. When I told that giving 97 % and he only gives 3% in parenting because he only comes home and talks to them and watch them for less then 30 mins. And he got mad at me, then said that I have to pay half and pay on everything. When I pretty much do everything and plus work 30 + hours in 2 weeks with 3 kids and house load in me. After so many years always felt guilty, and always being my fault. I can relate. After yesterday was the first time I laugh it off. And was like ok I can pay 50% of pills. I can do it. And he after didn’t want to talk to me and went to sleep.. now trying to guilt trip me.
I am trying my best and be calm even thou I attempted to be calm and not react . It hurts because I didn’t do anything wrong. Just asked to put other two kids to sleep because baby was hungry. And need to be feed.
@@vmuz3516 sounds harsh but choose the right man to have a child with, most people don’t get to know the person they make children with and that causes all the problems
@Geezart The reality is that we don't know everything. The specific case that I am referring to was one in which I got extra consultation from a psychologist and I believe I did help the client. Research continues to improve our understanding of disorders and treatment and Dr. Grande does a particularly good job of explaining those findings. In a perfect world every counselor and therapist knows all they need to know and never needs continuing education-- but that is not the case. I will admit that I was less than perfect with each and every client, but any honest counselor would admit the same.
@Geezart people who've never had to deal with narcissists at a personal level wouldn't even be able to see a pattern It's unfathomable on a human level the destructive, conniving, disgustingly hateful these narc.s are unless you've 'lived through them'
The Martyr Narcissist is so much more dangerous than the normal narc. They'll sabotage not only their life but yours too in the process. & You won't even realize this until you're too far into the game to stop playing.
Yup, my daughter tried to say that in an argument the other day after using me again and I said "I did not sit around thinking about you and wanting to see you all the time, especially since you only use me and bail"
It is funny...I never realized that ..I reconnected recently with my best friend from childhood...her mother basically adopted me whenever I could get away from my Cinderella like miserable "home"... We were talking a lot lately about what our friendship did for us..and I realized..the time I spent with her mother and her allowed me to COMPLETELY forget about my pyscho mother..for those hours and even entire weekends...my crazy brutal mother "did not exist"
I worked with someone like you described. She would create a crisis every 3 months or so such as, some one comes in at night and steals all my pens! 😲 No one believed her. She did retaliate on me a few times because I told her point blank that she was full of sh*#. But I reported her to HR and they believed me and removed her from our shared office. Total insanity.
I have known a few narcissists. I have noticed they know their side of any story very well. When asked about others’ sides, they rarely provide many specific details. They leave out others’ perspectives. Good video. Thank you.
Just keep in mind that an autistic person would also most likely struggle with this, but the difference is that, if they trust you, if they care about you, once you correctly explain to them your perspective of a specific situation, and how you felt at that time, they will listen, will want to understand, and they will feel bad when they understand how they truly hurt you. The last thing an autistic person wants is to hurt anyone, even more if it’s someone they know and care about. The narcissist on the other hand will reply by making some sort of an argument by using some past issues that were resolved, or so I thought.. and there starts the projection. So the reaction says it all.
A narcissistic situation I observed this week was; a daughter was in tears as a friend almost succeeded in his suicide attempt but the daughter's mother attempted to make it all about herself by instead of comforting her daughter who was hurting, kept phoning friend after friend saying how traumatized she as the mother was. This behaviour made the mother receive attention instead of the daughter being comforted for the traumatic near death of her friend, the mother was using the event to get attention instead. The daughter was just ignored and used as narcissistic supply for the mother.
Mommy dearest tried to engage my father in friendly banter relaying gossip she heard from a phone call with a friend which in later years she referred to as cleaning lady. We never had a cleaning lady. Told my hard of hearing dad that adolescents were using nail polish remover to get high. I’d just had a friend over and sitting on corner of bed facing dads dresser we tried and removed several colours. Why would I huff something where my father dropped off his change. Mom knew I was just playing with makeup but that dad thought she was a hero was too good to pass up. While I was getting beaten and interrogated for hours she had to get rid of evidence of my innocence. The rift between father and myself lasted a lifetime although he came to live me very much when I finally came back at thirty. I’d run away four years later. I was eleven. I was never allowed to have friends or even date. She would get hysterical. My life has been one of complete isolation. My school had me removed. She had everyone believe I was bad and in a detention centre. She refused to take me home and was always threatening to have him beat me. In the end he realized that with her getting rubella in first trimester, her use of diethylstilbestrol and diet pills caused my autistic features. He was remorseful enough to tell me he was leaving me his house. She told everyone fir 8 years that she wanted him to buy me a house but made sure I got nothing and made me homeless. Convoluted drama. Pure hell so much rage and anguish. I now have second of both cancers associated with DES she used.
Or when your partner goes out of their way to do chores that you normally do before you get a chance to. And then incessantly complain about how they have to do everything 'around the house' and how you never do anything.
I felt this but with my dad. I’ve been taking care of the house since I was 11, late nights and whole days we would go without parents and everything would fall on my shoulders. Suddenly I get a job and attend uni and want to leave and he starts doing all the chores and complains that I’ve done nothing for them and I am worthless.
@@justaperson4475 Typical narc parents behavior. Doesn't matter how much you do they always tell you do nothing or they actually prevent you to do something because you are too unable/uncaple to do it and they are the only ones who can do it tight, and then keep the narrative that you do nothing.
Why does this sound so familiar -_- My husband will clean up every so ofter, but when he does, all of a sudden i do absolutely nothing and he always is cleaning and picking up after everyone -_- and you cant argue with them because as soon as you start bringing up valid things, they change thier game and will start being more loud, or bring up things from years ago that are COMPLETELY unrelated.... its so fustrating!!!! You cannot win.... and they will do everything they can to flip the script on you and make themselves the victim. They want a reaction from you and will poke and poke and poke and poke.. then when they finally get a reaction, all of a sudden you are crazy and need to calm down... they will say things to you that they KNOW will hit you right in a nerve and will keep playing on that over and over.. and then the first time you say the same hurtful thing back, just so they know how much it hurts... all of a sudden "HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT TO THEM!?!??!?! " and again... they are the victim and you are a horrible person that they must tell your family and social media about how horrible you are to them... This behavior usually goes in waves. You might have a week or two or maybe even three, where everything is going great... then they see its great and your starting to get close to them and loosening up again, they will switch it up on you and all of a sudden they start the cycle again.
My husband has started doing chores and now claims I have done nothing for 27 years!! I served papers 3 weeks ago!! I now have no regrets but am amazed I put up with all the crazy for so long
My mom was the epitome of the victim narcissist. She insisted on making the cake for my grandparent’s 50th anniversary party. The cake fell over during the trip over. Oh, the drama that ensued was all encompassing. The day became all about her and the cake. This happened in 1990’s and I just recognized her tactics after watching this.
Mine is too, I am 100% sure of it. I cut off contact telling her that I was diagnosed wit PTSD from her treatment growing up and she tells everyone I was diagnosed with bipolar and cut her off for no reason (Poor her!). I would be heavily beat and hurt as a child/locked in a empty room for days but she always said she had it worse as she was in the care system and at least I have a mother? Kinda wish I was put into care tbh.
Mine too. She's now 80 and has made no plans for her future or care and expects my sister and me to take care of her, yet she's always saying, "I don't want to be a burden on anyone!" Elderly narcs are the worst because they can't take care of themselves anymore yet feel so entitled.
@@freyatries3895 My mother went into a rage when I was a kid about minor incidences. For example when I accidentally ripped my school trousers when I slipped on some gravel at school and cut my knee. She went ballistic at me, saying I did this on purpose. Too this day she rages about silly minor things. I’ve emotionally detached from her and have minimal contact. I treat my own children in a better and more healthy way. I’ve suffered with anxiety and depression in the past. But have eventually over these difficulties in my life. I’m a healthy and empathetic person and I don’t need negativity like her in my life. With the right help you can also overcome your own health difficulties.
@@christianpulisic7784 Thanks, I am in no contact and I feel happy, I regained some of my self confidence and I know now that these monsters users-abusers are to be avoided.
Mine too. He ended up being charged instead, going to court, hiring a lawyer to save himself, and ended up having to take court mandated anger management classes 😅
Same. Two exes accused me of assaulting them and often labeled me a narcissist...even though they were the ones who literally lied about being abused and assaulted... Weird how that works...
The only time I ever saw the narc in my life get seriously wound up (and show his true colors) was when I did the gray rock stuff and acted indifferent. The calmer and more logical I spoke to him, the crazier and angrier his responses became. That's how you really 'get back' at them. They can't stand not seeing you distraught over their games. Then he asked something of me, and I said I'd do it as long as he did something simple for me in return, which he didn't. He then acted outraged when I stuck to my word and didn't give him what he'd asked for. Like I'd stabbed him. Even though I told him weeks ahead of time what I expected if he wanted my cooperation. They're truly insane.
This reminds me of a time when my mother wanted to do something in her garden which involved some heavy lifting. She asked me to help and i said "sure, let me know when" (in an app). I never heard anything back. A few weeks later she shows pictures of her garden and i say "oh, it is done. okay, looks good". So she plays the victim "yeah, no one wanted to help me, you didn't want to help me.. so i ended up doing everything alone.. as allways" (my dad did help her but i guess she kind of "forgot" about that too? ). So i tell her to read back the app. "tell me when" and i tell her. Hey.. i'm not a mindreader, you never told me when. not my problem.
This describes my ex's mother to a T. She always makes up stories and unfortunately, I was her target for many years. I went no contact for 2 years and was suckered back in on the Christmas holiday when I agreed to attend a family Christmas party at her home. She bought the kids lots of expensive gifts, mainly electronics. She used the gifts to pressure us to stay the night. The next morning, I was up early and ready to go home. We left thinking that perhaps she had changed. The next morning, she calls and asks if we know where any of the other kid's gifts of laptops, tablets, phones were. To shorten the story, she had actually taken all of the electronics herself, hid them, and made the entire family think that my ex and I had stole them. It was so hard for me to believe that a middle aged woman would go to these lengths. There were many other similar situations. It was disgusting.
This is what freaks me the hell out about these narcs. The length they go to set these scenarios is mind blowing. Thanks for the info. Have a great day.💃😉
@@qiuwbr091 I don't think there is a spectrum of "dependency traits". Dependence is a spectrum, from dependent to independent. In the middle is interdependence, which is healthy.
@SelfGoverned ... oh very good, I can see you are not OPINIONATED... rather you self educated, good for you, most do not do that... stay your path, you'll survive at least. : )
The typical situation I run into is the narcissist pushing boundaries, making passive aggressive insults, provoking, antagonizing, etc. Then when I finally tell them to cut the crap I'm the big meanie who abused them.
That is called "Gaslighting" , Narcs will never admit their faults, they will always blame someone else for their crimes. My partner promise to look for help they went to tell her therapist (who happened to be her friend) that I was the one abusing her and she completely played the victim, she is very charming and managed to get sympathy from her friend so now the therapist has acused me of being the criminal one... Narcs are evil, when satan doesn't come, he sends narcisists to do the job for him. I sympathize for every single victim of narcisists and please remember you are not crazy, you are just trapped on satan's lies.
What ‘winning’ I think the ‘winner’ is the one walking away, I’m not going to argue or fight for the last word, I’d just let the gronk talk and whine to itself
Same I’m so drained & done I will pay him to leave me alone…. He will create issues then when I react I’m crazy I complain all the time & I have an attitude 👀…. If I’m so horrible why don’t you mention it before I tell you how you’re draining me for not being what you said you would but yet complement every other woman…. I’m sure they have help
I've found covert narcs all use the victim scenario. They use drama for attention. Every time you scratch under the surface of their stories, it all falls apart. It's like dealing with toddlers. I've had an ex-coworker send herself flowers! Unbelievable!
I love when a little bit of humor enters Dr. Grande's voice at the absurdity of these situations. Always makes me laugh when he's clearly holding back a chuckle.
It's all about the audience! The narcissist needs an audience and thrives most on having an attentive audience. Without that, they don't function well at all.
When my neighbors wife was pregnant he followed me to a convenience store. He told me a sad story about needing a part time girl friend. He said something like “I see there is a built in bed in the back of your van.” (It’s a very small RV) He is very immature. I said, “I think you better go home to your wife, and work it out.” I am about 25 years older. Apparently, he stayed angry about the rejection, and it came to me calling the cops. In retaliation he told people I threatened to do bodily harm to his children. I’m pretty sure this is the type person you are describing. Later he admitted that he made up the lie about my hurting his children. But a LOT of social damage was done. I mean ALOT. As I said, he is very immature. What is strange is that his wife covers up for his sexual misbehavior. Moral of the story, “your wife’s pregnancy is not my personal crisis. If you can’t manage it without damaging other people: Get help or quit having kids.”
Maturity is earned......I guess I’m a rare person.....I don’t believe in listening to gossip that is obvious that it is intended to turn me against someone I haven’t even met yet. I give the other person the benefit of the doubt, to be given the courtesy to show their ‘side’. What I have found in the majority of cases, is that the person that was gossiped about was actually a pretty neat person.....and the gossip was a narcissist. We would all do well to allow each person their chance to prove themselves.....instead of only relying on the gossips word.
Dr. Grande, we are dealing with the fallout from a Narcissist, so this video came up at just the right time! It is always a good idea to have the narc file on hand so that you know who you are dealing with! This story well illustrates the lengths that they will go through to get attention and/or set someone up. Thank you for this informative and unusual example!
This defines my mother perfectly. She even planned and committed crimes against me once she no longer lived with me... so I appreciate that you include the criminal aspect here. These people convince others (they use those narcissistic skills they possess -- being so good at persuasion) that they are being terribly abused.Then others rise to be their heroes and end up committing horrible crimes (even murder) against people who are really only guilty of figuring them out. I've had to go NC with my entire family because, even though I let mom live with me for more than a decade, they still believe the stories she sold them -- that I abused her. I didn't. It's been a nightmare recovering from her abuse and crimes. Through multiple false police reports, potentially fatal acts against my fur kids and an well-executed home invasion -- I ended up getting lifelong stayaway orders on my family members. Please... anyone in a relationship with one of these people... cut your losses and run away from them as fast and as quietly as you can. They can and will destroy your lives.
My parents were able to use false accusations with police on multiple occasions as well. There was a month where it happened weekly, until finally my mother was able to convince the police that I had committed a crime worthy of arrest. Neither one of my parents would bail me out, so my sister showed up to get me out after 3 days. My mother got word and showed up at the same time to pay the bail bondsman more money to keep me in jail (not even legal). After this she completely cut my sister out of everyone’s life with threats against her and her daughter if they communicate with anyone again. My parents reasoning for all of this was to force me into a drug rehab. I am thankful for my road to recovery and a better life in that regard, however I was never asked, or confronted about seeking out treatment, they just assumed this was the way they would have to go about it. The whole ordeal made me feel worse off than I was before and I have been struggling with substance abuse again. I constantly look on all of these events wondering if it’s my fault that my family is in shambles, and have a huge amount of guilt.
OMG I'm so sorry you went through that! This describes my mother perfectly as well. Your comment struck a cord with me because my mother has done the same in claiming that it's ME who's abusive! Now that she's older in age she accuses me of "elder abuse"! She's threatened to file false reports against me multiple times, everything from the police for "elder abuse" to CPS to try to get my son taken away from me. The last time that she cried elder abuse, she couldn't hide the big smile as she said it!
I think the first example is actually a natural progression for vulnerable narcissistic personality disorder. My dad, when he was in his 20s and at the height of being full of himself and trying to impress people with positive behavior, was very quickly diagnosed by a professional after just a single visit. He scored so high that there was no question at all he qualified for a diagnosis. But as he's gotten older I've watched him deteriorate physically and mentally, I've watched his narcissistic rages happen more often and over more and more petty things, I've watched him use me as a scapegoat to make people feel sympathy for him (woe is me, my daughter is so useless, I am such a suffering father, while I take care of him). The older he gets, the more it's become clear that he failed to become popular or famous, the more he leans into this first type you described. His narcissistic personality disorder didn't disappear. It just changed how it presented to the world as his life circumstances, and chances for gaining recognition, changed.
I love the awareness being created about narcissism by Dr. Grande and other professionals. It really is an indictment on society. Narcissism is one of the worst traits a human being can have and it is becoming more and more prevalent with social media. Social media has benefited narcissistic people so it might as well be used to create the negative awareness they so richly deserve. Keep it up Dr. Grande
Well said! Have you noted a pattern? I'm old enough to see that some of these Social movement train their following in Narcissistic tactics. And then as the movement gains speed they add darker tactics that would be associated with Psychopathy and then Machiavellianism.. I mean, they say they want "change" but power is their goal, so it makes sense they go there. Marxist movements incorporates every personality disorder it can from the Dark Triad
No. The social media just made it easier to recognize them. Just look at their profiles or posting intensity. All those narcists just keeps exposing themselves thinking that's how you are gaining social credibility.
That's the reason I took my Facebook platform down I felt like I was getting caught up in it. I don't quite understand why people have the need to share every aspect of their life except the negative aspects as so much to show off. Social media is definitely having an impact on many people's mental Health and our society in general. I opted not to participate anymore. I can't explain why but when I took my profile down I felt a sigh of relief. People don't realize how much of their business they're putting out for the public to see. The more somebody knows about you the more vulnerable you are to become a victim of a crime. A good example of this would be posting that you're on vacation then people know you are not home. Then your house can become a target for a burglary.
@@denniscwalina6897 I agree. I use Facebook as little as possible. But I do get angry at myself when occasionally I get sucked into scrolling through it. I guess I should take my profile down too. I am not interested in other people's pictures of meals anymore...
I had a colleague with covert narcissistic traits. She left our job for a short time and when she came back she was very disappointed that we weren't happy for her return (we were indifferent). She was expecting that we will be glad to have her back. This in spite of treating us bad, spreading lies about colleagues, but so well mixed with truth, that you couldn't properly discern. It's true that they over estimate how much people care about them. Sometimes she thought everybody hated her.
A colleague stood in the lobby telling everyone that her son was rushed to the hospital by her parents, whom they lived with, because he would not wake up. She was excused to join them at the hospital, but instead she went on to describe the situation and discuss possibilities of her son’s issues. People were crowded around her listening. It seemed to be attention seeking behavior; my thought was that I would have been out the door the second I was notified that my kid was at the hospital.
@Sallie Gallegos Maybe she had Munchausen by Proxy and was expecting the call and looking forward to basking in all the attention she'd be getting on her sons behalf...
My ex would physically abuse me to the point I had to go to the hospital, and then turn around and tell everyone at work I was abusing him. When I found this out, I just couldn’t even believe it. I’ve never been so infuriated and disturbed in my life.
Mine smeared me for 8 years behind my back. He lost 3 children to the system before he met me (sob story went how he wasn't on the birth certificates, he was supposedly out of town when his supposed meth junkie/crazy ex "gave them up", he fought soo hard for those kids!! 🙄) ... anyway so this time he planned ahead, right from the day our son was born, the smear campaign began. He has now collected over 40 letter writing flying monkeys reiterating his allegations as witness statements. It's a never ending nightmare of being under constant investigations for my son and I. I get the lame excuse that they (CPS) has to investigate every time a report is made. I asked them if they might want to investigate him instead because the constant frivolous reporting IS harassment and psychological abuse for both my son and I. He has never approached the courts to exercise his right to visitation .. because then the judge will order him to pay child support. But has 3 hours every day to run down to the police station next to it, to file grievance after grievance, allegations that I'm planning on fleeing the country .. absolute insanity. My son and I have had to move 3x, had 3 vehicles suddenly become inoperable after he finds us. Even with a restraining order, they say I can't prove it's him doing it and shrug it off. Oddly enough, our young son had been trying to tell me for 5 years some of the things his Dad was telling the neighbours, friends, co-workers (anyone who will listen) ... I didn't believe my son... We left with just our clothing because police wouldn't allow us to take anything from the family home. So the Dad put all our stuff into a storage locker, then didn't pay the rent so the locker was repossessed. The contents auctioned off. He literally stole my whole life history, I'm 50 and the last person in my family line left alive, I was the family historian since I was 20. He put all my rubbermaid bins that held primary source documents/family pictures/letters etc. for over 30k people into that locker, along with the laptop that held the digital copies. Pawned all my family heirloom jewelry, my coin/paper money collections dating back to 1876. Even my son's PS4. I won't mention how many times he tried to "accidentally" kill me 🙄. Like you, when I found out I was completely shocked at how dedicated he was to this "alternate reality" he had created .. all under my nose/behind my back. He had convinced my neighbours to call him at work if I left the house, which explained why he'd be home before my return to get ugly. I eventually stopped leaving the house all together for 6 years. BTW my neighbours never told me this, my son did after we were out. So inevitably he'd call the police to claim I attacked him when I was in all honesty trying to get my wallet and car keys that he would hold over his head as he called the police. Heck a few times he showed them scratches on his face (that my son watched him do to himself). He enjoyed hauling our son out of bed at any time of night so he could watch his Dad abuse his Mom, then tell the boy "Mom started it, she attacked me before I woke you!!" ... By the time he was doing this stuff I was for all intent and purpose completely 'mute', I still can't talk (verbal communicate). The last time we saw him up close and personal, he was running behind my car holding a kitten in the air like the scene from the Lion King, in an effort to manipulate our son into turning back and staying. He didn't realize it was our son who had been patiently trying to work with Mom to get out and stay out. The most heart-breaking thing is the holiday/birthday abuses, when our son was 6 he wrote a letter to Santa ... asking him to not bring presents for him but that he wanted Santa to take his Mom to the North Pole so she would be safe. His Dad laughed at him over it, told him there was no Santa, Dad is Santa. Mine is a bit more than a narc mind you .. My psychiatrist believes he's a high trait psychopath.
@@CJ-CANADA I'm not educated on law, so maybe it's entirely legal what he is doing, but it sounds like harassment and psychological abuse to you and your son. I wonder if a lawyer would give you a free consultation and tell you if this is legal, because it is very clearly, at the very least, wrong and immoral, even if legal in the eyes of the law. This is a child's mental health at stake! God bless you both and I am praying for your safety!
So you are infuriated that he flipped the story and but not that you were abused and hospital bound. You are prioritizing and focusing on the wrong issue!
I've been in short-term and long term relationships with narcissists. Even if it's just a brief conversation with one, it always ends the same way - they throw me away like used toilet paper. It's similar to a one-night stand - come morning, they just want to get out of the involvement like it's evidence of a crime (and in a way it is).
"... in the end, what we have here are two people who rammed their heads into solid objects. ... not typically associated with a high level of intelligence." That summed up Case #2 quite nicely.!!! Also, the irony in all cases so vividly demonstrated: The Narcs care about no one but themselves, while assuming all care about them. ... BINGO!!! Thanks, Doctor Grande! Informative and Entertaining, as always. Thanks!!!
@Jazz Heart They can claim they're ugly to gain supply, yet say they're pretty later to mess with whoever they're engaging with. Then tell you they never said it in the first place...
@Anarcho Frills "Generally it's not a helpful thing to see manipulative intentions behind ppls behaviors unless you know for certain this is a calculating person as opposed to a delusional person not in much control of their behaviors..." Are you trying to claim a narcissistic individual has control of their behavior? I thought recognizing these personalities as parts of abnormal psychology is to indicate they don't have control of this...? I do have empathy for these types of people, but I thank you for pointing this out for others. I was defending this method of understanding and compassion just yesterday in another video completely off topic to this, to a whole host of negative individuals who weren't empathetic to others. Despite the fact some people cause much harm, we should treat them with as much respect as we ourselves think we should be, but remember their abusive behaviors are still relevant and not lose sight.
Brian Laundrie comes to mind. Thank for sharing so much information about different mental illnesses. I am learning a whole lot and its shedding some much needed insight into a particular case in which the alleged agressor is a Narcissist and since its not any easy mental illness to understand and it tends to get tangled up with others since they do align with other mental disorders and or illnesses so this was made much more easier to understand exactly what this mental illness is.
Be careful what you wish for. All kinds of narcs make you feel like trash. At least the vulnerable narcissist shows pity for herself, the other one thinks she/he is “unreachable”, that’s exactly the word I heard from an ex lol.
The problem is, you can't even use it with Narcissists because a) they don't think they are Narcissists and b) they are the smartest person in the world.
Ya. 😂 I feel bad for these people causing themselves so much strife, but at the same time it’s almost like a sitcom, like so silly… if it wasn’t real 🫤
Reminds me of my mother. Her favorite technique is to ask me in private for something she knows I won't do or give her, and then ask me again in front of other people. She'll then start crying about how mean and difficult I am and how I never do anything for her. My dad used to fall for it, but he's caught on to her game, finally. Other people still believe her narrative that I'm evil and she's a loving mother who's constantly mistreated.
My mom would talk negatively about me to my friends with me sitting right there looking at my friend like 'see?'. I never engaged in it, during or after. I've known something was wrong with her since I was 7/8 yrs old. No one believed me. I know now, I'm not her favorite person. I really wish these people wouldn't have children. They're so desperate for love they think they can produce it in their kids. They just mess us up in one way or another.
@@Laura-nl8df I'm not even sure it's love they want. I suppose it's just as likely to be validation they're after, or a clone of their perceived perfection. Too bad children are real people with personalities. They don't plan for that.
Ive seen some cases where they start with becoming a victim and spinning stories to get attention from one group of people, blaming one particular person for troubling him and simultaneously having grandeosity in work related issues. From what I established is that their egos are so weak that any form of defeat in their mind is unacceptable and they are willing to go to any lengths to blame, accuse and become themselves victims to refrain from accepting responsibility for failure
Dealt with a secretary with these issues. Every project was overwhelming and difficult, every customer screamed at her, the annoying board member sexually harassed her, every other female she worked with disrespected her. Every bit of it was imaginary
I had a Nurse Supervisor at work, she drew on her own family picture that was on her locker in the break room. She came out crying, “Why would someone do this to me?” She blamed me… Everyone felt so sorry for her. I was off for 3 days prior to the incident. A few co workers knew she was lying but I knew she did it. I suggested that the needed a camera in that room. I even offered to take a polygraph test. She got better treatment after that.
Also had a boss who would inflate problems to create a *crisis* then call meetings to shame staff. Type of person who says place would fall apart without them.
@Anarcho Frills You said it. _Perceiving_ something as a big problem is *very* different from creating a chaos around insignificant issues to show off supposed "problem solving abilities" and saving the world of something that wasn't a big deal in the first place.
Dan but “low insight” means that they don’t see what others may see. Which is what I think Anarcho Frills was saying. To them what they think is a “big deal” may actually to others appear insignificant. To some people their may be validity to what they are calling the meeting about, they may just not handle or execute the addressing of matters in a way which does them any favours with others. To colleagues etc it may also “appear” as though their only purpose to call a meeting about things that the majority of people deem insignificant, is due to them wanting to throw their weight around or make themselves look good. Yet that might not be their intent - they may be genuinely frustrated, it may not be to look like a hero at all. From their perspective what they are doing may not be starting a “crisis”, but it also depends on what you define as a crisis in order to think that is being made into one also. In reality there could be lots of reasons “pathological” or not as to why a persons behaviour may seem that way, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it can only be narcissistic behaviour, coming / based from a narcissistic thought process. It depends on the person but it is easy to interpret things different from what actually might be going on with someone, of course knowing and seeing how a person operates in different situations over a LONG period of time can help you do a sorta-guess, but even then, it is still just that - a suspicion or an assumption.
Anarcho Frills I think as humans we do to some extent have to use judgement for a lot of things (including people) and sometimes we have to assume too, because if we didn’t make any judgement or have an opinion then we cannot make decisions or do things we simply need to do to get through the day. I just think people need to realise and have the self awareness that just because you speculate someone is doing something for reasons it appear to you as an individual, that it is still only that - speculation. We need to make judgements on people on a daily basis, what we don’t need to do is have tunnel vision and see everything they say or do as likely pathological - wether people “think” what another person says or does may have been done for potentially unscrupulous reasons - you’ve got to be aware of your own biases and “check in” with yourself, you can deduce by logic and experience what the likelihood(s) of a persons intent may be and therefore choose to be cautious around certain people - but just because you think you know what someones intent is (which to a large extent we do innately for self protection etc), its important to always keep in mind that thats just your perception, and that doesn’t make it what is actually occurring. Using the “Pinch of salt” method with a bit of learning from the experiences you have with people, but not letting that lead you or be the primary/sole reason for a judgement. Theres got to be a balance and a healthy curiosity into how your own mind and how potentially others’ minds work, if you allow yourself to suspect everyone and everything because someone “did you dirty” in the past then thats just you being affected by a past experience and potentially taints how you view everything/everyone; but I think if you can keep in mind what people are indeed capable of and assess yourself and others potential outlooks or perceptions, different peoples reasons for saying or doing something, then that is called learning in my opinion. If you never make any judgement about how people may think/act and you constantly get hurt by the same people over and over because you choose not to judge them, that would be foolish in my opinion because your constantly putting yourself through the ringer (if indeed the person is the type of person to ruminate or be effected by it).
I had an ex-colleague like this... a production manager. He used to knowingly create problems, knowing people would need to speak to him to solve them and thus to appear like a hero. My covert narc mother does this too but I'd say that colleague may have had shades/ traits of Narcissism but wasn't full blown NPD. Sometimes people use tricks of narcs learnt earlier in their lives or careers.
I feel the Dr. understands that many people don’t, or just can’t have a large range of social experiences. And even if we do there aren’t enough hours in our day to analyze major from minor maladjustments. He’s really giving us a break with a synopsis. Tx you, Dr.
Thanks Dr. G. for the video - (I watched it a couple of times) I am trying to understand the need to create false scenarios by some people. I was taught at an early age the importance of being genuine in life and fiction belongs in creative writing or film. I understand now that creating false scenarios in life could be a sign of mental illness.Thanks again.
Oh my goodness you hit this on the head you are so spot on... My ex literally got a protective order on me and I never ever did anything violent or threatening to him or anything just to make our friends think that he had been violated and was in a domestic violence situation and the reality is is I was the one that suffered the emotion of abuse
It is very sad that some people are so needy. Ido feel sorry for her in a way. What a world we live in. Thank you for explaining things I never could. I actually just thought people like that had a very bad childhood without love💞
You know your parents are crazy narcissist when you don’t even get weirded out by those stories 😂 on a more serious note: sorry to everyone who has to endure them, these people are a curse to everyone around them.
This is all so elaborate. I've had narcissist experience, and my observation would be that it's more spontaneous and reactive, generally. Whatever it takes in the moment to avoid (even mis-perceived) criticism; whoever is handy to scapegoat. I guess a therapist paying attention to all these subtleties might be helpful.
Great video Dr. Grande! At first glance it is difficult for people to realize that this type of behavior is a narcissistic one, usually we think more of grandiose narcissism when think of NPD. In either case they are both painful to deal with, I have had past experiences with both types and it was absolutely awful! Your videos have so much depth and you are greatly appreciated, thank you for all you do!
I’m speechless. That people go to this extreme for attention at work belies the extremely immature nature of narcissism. The construction of a false self early in life as a coping mechanism is the most rational explanation I’ve come across for unhealthy narcissism that persists into adulthood, potentially even NPD. Thanks for handling this topic and those like it in the scientifically informed way that you do.
I just thank God for the internet and UA-cam. After so many years of dealing with a narcissistic mother and an enabling father with some narcissistic qualities of his own, these videos are so helpful to me and my self worth. Understanding the phenomenally crazy things that happened in my childhood with those two at the helm helps me move on. Thank you.
Who the hell has the energy for all of this?! Wow. Really funny, if not tragic, anecdotes for narcissism, Dr Grande. The rest of us who are not narcissistic, are fairly aware we're not phenomenal. 😄 Thank you! 🌹👍You've almost reached 200k subscribers! No one works harder at it!
My sibling. Repeated patterns of self induced health problems (repeated refusal to apply sunblock, despite repeated outcome of ugly, painful sunburns; despite the fact that she is living with Anemia as a result of her vegan & and gluten intolerant diet, and the agonizing pain it inflicts on her during her period, she refuses to take her iron pills even when they are laying right next to her.
Yeah it definitely reminds of him but I think partly he dug himself into a hole that he couldn’t get out of so he just had to keep telling more lies. Definitely didn’t think it all the way through.
A completely accurate description of the dangerous covert narcissist and the absolute destruction they perpetrate while blaming the victim and as a result they leave other unintended victims in their wake There is no description better
Once again, thank you Dr Grande for a great video. I would love to sed some videos touching on autism and how it can be mistaken for other disorders such as BPD, particularly in women. I have autism and have often been the target of covert narcissists as I am naive, vulnerable and easy to lie to. I find videos such as the ones Dr Grande produces gives me insight into what normal human behaviour is scientifically so not to be fooled again. The last 2 covert narcissists that sought friendship with me, both stole from me financially. Once I stopped giving money to them, both used pets/children to make me feel sorry for them e.g. in background child saying 'mummy why is there no food in the fridge' A pretty low blow
@@taniapoirier8688 likely because there's evidence this happens frequently enough to be an issue. There's youtube videos on this. It's what happened to me as well as other women. Sure a person can have both, but thats not the situation the original poster is mentioning. It's a known issue that women are often times incorrectly labeled as having BPD when it starts becoming apparent something about them is odd Usually in teens or early 20s since women and girls hide their autism better. Then when getting a second opinion or seeing a new therapist later, the correct diagnosis is discovered to be autism. There's some overlapping symptoms like meltdowns, but a deeper look clarifies the differences between the two.
@@barkingsheep5224 Thanks! I had always thought that my mom had BPD and just recently I understood that she was autist + HP. Some years ago, I met a boy and my feeling was that he was autist but actually I realized that his diagnosis is: BPD + AvPD. That's why I'm curious! How could Autism and BPD be misdiagnosed?
Dr Grande, I often listen to your videos because I find them soothing when I'm going to sleep. When I listen to them back when I'm awake I'm amazing how much I remember. Thank you for your safe, comforting voice.
Is it normal for someone who's been in a narcissistic abusive relationship to start to question themselves and wonder if they're The Narcissist or they're the bad person?
sounds like you're being gaslit and that is making you doubt yourself, which most likely means you are not a narcissist... also if you question yourself as to whether you are narcissistic or whether you are "bad," I would say that it is an indication of self-awareness which many legit narcs lack... maybe you've heard or seen elsewhere but real narcs will actually accuse others of being the narc (!)... I would recommend learning as much as you can about narc behavior from YT so you know how to handle being around them... this channel and others are great resources
Absolutely!! I've been watching to make sure it isn't me, because my husband is always saying that I am the abusive, berating, narcissistic wife. I'm thrown.
@@a.mom4life My ex also accused me of being rude while just talking to him normally. He also said that I should use more positive language and just compliment him more. The issue was there was actually nothing to compliment because I felt like I was alone in this relationship. Then when he discarded me he said I was just not as spiritual as him. They always act like you are the selfish one, when all you need is just your basic human needs being met. Don’t let them gaslight you. Just do what you know is right for you. They will be unhappy either way!
I thought I was a narcissist until I started listening to these stories and realized I’m the normal one and the erratic narcs in my life are the “strange” ones.
They have only cognitive empathy. This means they are fastidious about doing and saying things that indicate they have concern for you. Unlike many grandiose narcissists, a covert narcissist has a cognitive understanding of how people behave when they have concern for others. But when the chips are down in your life, such as you are the victim of a crime, you are very sick, or you lose your job, the covert narcissist is chilly, abandoning, and just “doesn’t get it.” They may blame you for your misfortune. The covert narcissist can’t summon any of the normal ways of caring in these moments. In these ways, they reveal themselves to have no emotional empathy. Depending on how long it takes for you to experience such incidents, you could go for years not realizing that your partner is a narcissist. They may literally turn their back on you, over seemingly trivial matters. This is a trait they share with grandiose narcissists. Maybe they get annoyed that you’re walking too slow and leave you alone while they rush ahead, or they get impatient with what you’re saying and turn around while you’re in mid-sentence, or maybe you’re a little late for a social function that you’re attending as a couple, only to find them already inside as if they weren’t at the event with you. They probably appear charming and competent to those who don’t live with them. A covert narcissist’s constant striving for perfection often results in a set of traits that most of us (who are not obsessed with perfection) admire, as long as we don’t get too close to the narcissist. This makes explaining the upside-down hall of mirrors that is your shared intimate space with the covert narcissist impossible to explain to those outside the relationship, who will assume you are either exaggerating, or that your relationship skills are lacking. The covert narcissist may be a pillar of the community, or has lofty, well thought-out ideals. The striving for perfection of a covert narcissist often results in associating themselves with highly regarded intellectuals, businesspeople, or other such pillars of the community, such that the covert narcissist appears to be a pillar of the community themselves. Additionally, covert narcissists can identify with a vision of societal utopia, and become a zealot about their particular ideals, whether liberal or conservative. The covert narcissist is surprisingly lazy. Despite their lofty ideals or connections, the covert narcissist often does little to no work to actually earn the respect of people in the community through their actions. Their ideals or connections are a facade they choose instead of real effort and commitment. They can be sexually faithful. Unlike grandiose narcissists, who are often sexually unfaithful, covert narcissists can be sexually faithful for fear of their reputation being damaged, or out of sheer laziness or shyness, not out of an emotional commitment to their partner. This can be confusing to the neurotypical partner, who sees the faithfulness as a sign of love, making the erroneous assumption that the covert narcissist has emotional empathy, and therefore the capacity to love. They have a Jekyll and Hyde personality, often raging, or finding fault with you, in private as a way of relieving their own inner shame at not being perfect. This is another trait that coverts share with grandiose narcissists. It feels like you have a partner who’s really a teenager, and that it’s your duty to shoulder the “steadiness” they need in the face of their criticisms and anger. The covert narcissist has absolutely no sense of humor about this behavior, meaning there’s an unnecessary “heaviness” in the relationship that leaves you walking on eggshells. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when him or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
Another informative and well paced video! My mom has always been high in neuroticism, worked in the healthcare field, is always sickly and needing to go to this or that doctor for minor concerns. Interestingly I was frequently quite ill as a child with terrible stomach viruses and always being taken to a doctor to get well. I thought that was normal until I had children of my own and they were never that sick and hardly ever. I usually looked forward to seeing doctors because I always ended up getting better right away. Once I left home for college I never was sick other than the occasional cold. Took me quite a few years to start to begin to suspect munchausen by proxy. When my little son would get stomach aches after visiting and eating my mom's cooking, I stopped allowing him to eat any of her cooking and would make excuses to eat before we arrived and after we left. No more stomach aches. I still wont let me children (or me) eat any food she brings over- mostly snacks, store bought stuff because she doesnt cook anymore other than for herself. I throw it away. I've told my children not to eat anything she brings over. Over the last 2 decades I've slowly believed this to be in actuality the case even though I no longer give it much thought. She lives as if she is always on her sickbed surrounded by medicines and a porta potty even though she doesnt need or use it, a wheelchair that she uses to get around even though she can and should be walking- and I can go on and on. It really is "sick". She likes being sick and getting the attention and taking care of herself. I think she may be a vulnerable narcissist. There is always the backhanded compliments, the sense of traps being laid...I am so sorry she endured abuse at the hands of her mother and my dad, but to subject myself or my children to further abuse does not help anything. It isnt no contact, but very limited- only enough to make sure she is okay and only occasionally do I disclose personal information or engage in polite conversation after checking in with her. Your videos have been very enlightening and helpful.
I have to comment on this one: I had a Narc coworker and stories 1 and 3 made me laugh because she would have done either of those. She had so many blow ups, it was ridiculous. At one point she ate a package of cheese, which people saw, and the next day screamed at everyone that her cheese was missing and someone stole her cheese. She went as far as calling and waking up the sleeping folks who worked graveyard shift to hurl accusations. She finally ended with a dramatic presentation in which she declared she would call the police. Everyone laughed at her and she sulked back to her desk in a rage. Because she was embarassed, she later decided that someone took it, but it was probably an accident and acted like none of her wild accusations and screaming fits had happened. Of course, she apologized to no one. She never did.
@In CogNito J. just said people saw the co-worker consuming the cheese which she later claimed was stolen. Of course, there *are* people who *will* steal your food from communal spaces. I've had it happen to me. But people who lie about that kind of thing serve only themselves. In fact, they make it harder for others to believe later on that you've had stuff stolen, even if that really happened. :(
@In CogNito Well, you raise an interesting point. The situation could have gone either way, for all we know. The bottom line is that we cannot know what happened. All the same, the scenario is a reflection of common human behavior. It invokes serious thought on at least the "what if" angle of the situation. Just imagine that things played out as represented, and go from there. It is true that malignant narcs set people up as targets in the workplace, amongst other areas of life, and then have everybody else on her side to target the individual as well. I've been in such a setting, so I know and I sympathize with your point. The narc who is just learning her game, or a stupid narc, could also make herself the target when her nasty behavior backfires on her.
@In CogNito I've dealt with bullying myself. I've also had food stolen from a dorm when I could ill afford to keep replacing it. The girl who stole from myself and others had real problems of her own (though she wasn't poor). Sure, we felt sorry for her, but that didn't help us to keep our food for ourselves. Nor did it excuse her family who knew she had problems but failed to intervene and just let us deal with the consequences ourselves.
I don’t think we could have opinions to your spot on video content, but possibly relating our experiences to your teaching is what we give to help make sense of it all and help others feel inclusive in this cycle of abuse so they will keep seeking knowledge. You are one of the best here! Thanks for all you do for humanity! 🙏
This is interesting. I have a grandparent who is a straight up vulnerable narcissist who regularly love-bombs. It makes me sad to finally realise a month ago that they don’t ever want a meaningful relationship with me. They will only call when they need something. I’m also sad when I can see this behaviour in my aunts and sometimes my own parents. Just knowing this encourages me so much. Thank you for making these educational videos and helping people like me hit that light bulb moment sooner so we can ditch toxic relationships and instead having meaningful, fulfilling ones.
It's probably helpful to realise that it isn't that a narcissist 'doesn't want' a meaningful relationship with you, it's they are not capable of it. It really is a case of "it's not you, it's them". It still hurts though 😢😥
My Narc mother called me 'deplorable,' which in itself is a horrible thing to say. After a lifetime of her devaluation, this really was the last straw. I had done nothing to her at all. I cut ties with her, but not after giving her several chances, over three years, to simply apologize. I wanted to see if she was even capable, but sadly, she is not. She even defended her words, by saying, "It's not as bad as all that(again, devaluing me, but this time my vocabulary), it only means lamentable." Oh, I feel so much better now!! I didn't know about Narcissism at the time, but cutting her completely out of my life is the best thing I've ever done. While it would be probable that I would be written out of her will, then again, she may just leave me everything to guilt me from her grave. She absolutely would do that, to prove how even though she was not honored as a mother should be, that she, even in death, could never be wrong and she is so far above me, so superior, that she will be overly generous toward her deplorable, ungrateful daughter. Then everyone will know the 'truth' about me. That really would be a winning situation, for me, but I couldn't possibly care less about her 'stuff'. She lost her only daughter. I have gained my sanity and freedom. It's not like losing love or anything close to that. She cannot hurt me anymore.
I always appreciate how calm and steady your voice is, and clearly you speak about these topics using evidence from the academic literature instead being mostly anecdotal. I feel there is value in both academic studies and personal experience, and your content is wonderful.
After leaving a long term DV relationship, I’ve since seen so much of this. Particularly using his ex wife as the “villain” that is “victimising” him, and therefore gives him a solid place to shift blame for his often disproportionate outbursts. As time went on I realised that he couldn’t keep a job for too long because there was always some “villain” that is out to get him there too. It didn’t stop there, there were “villains” in his family out to get him too. The side affects of this is that I saw his rage towards these people and experienced his anger and verbal abuse even if it wasn’t directly aimed at me, it was absolutely for my benefit. As if to demonstrate just how mad, angry, threatening and scary he could and would aim that at me if I were to not conform to his rules or worse... if I were to leave. Which I did, and it was terrifying!
This perfectly describes my father-in-law. He's constantly fishing for pity to cover his malicious and outrageous behavior. He still doesn't get it that others just don't give a sheet and are repulsed by the lack of accountability and obvious deceit.
I had the very same thing happen to me. My wife was so relentless in arguing that I was getting weary of her and I just needed to leave. She was blocking the door and I couldn't leave. I pushed her aside and she was as though backing up until her back made contact with the closet in the hallway. She then called the police. The police got her side of the story that I assaulted her and left a bruise on her. I was also questioned and said that I did push her aside in order to get out because she wasn't allowing me to leave. I was arrested and charged with assault. The charges were dropped but she still uses that incident against me. She will say "just remember who was arrested and who was not", making me fill that I'm the aggressor, which is not the case. Thanks Dr. Granda for sharing this example, something I can relate to.
Yes. Once worked with a girl who told everyone her 2 y/o son died. Then it turned out she never even had a son. She did and said other things that were lies as well for attention and sympathy. Finally everyone figured out this girl needed psychiatric help. The girl who cried wolf. Anything she spoke of was a lie and then no one ever believed her. How cruel to make up a story of one’s child dying. SMH.
After being widowed by young men twice in twelve years, within which years, also the deaths of my father, two brothers in law, two very old dogs, three friends, six colleagues (four by suicide)--all these died. I was accused of playing the victim because I couldn't snap out of it. I cried all the time and still am not 100%. Yet I was a respected lawyer and writer. I didn't feel "more injured" or "worse bereaved" than others. I just couldn't pull it back together after all these deaths. It felt so unfair to describe me as "playing the victim." Others described my grief as self indulgent and excessive. But these descriptions of playing the victim, etc. made me worse not better. I'm better now but still floundering a little, as my therapist got a fellowship at a prestigious university on the other side of the country. I've withdrawn into my house and stay with new dogs I adopted. So I've turned to these videos and I am grateful for the insight into myself and others. Thank you.
I’m sorry for your losses. Just remember that opinions are not facts, and not everyone will see a situation the same way. It sounds to me as though you’ve been gravely misjudged. You are entitled to have your grief.
I can relate 100 percent to what u are saying. I have experienced the lose of many close people in 2 years it is very devestating. God heals keep praying. We will never be 100 % happy on earth. We are just passing thru. This world is not our home. Heaven is our home and we will be reunited with our loved ones and the Lord. God bless u Donna💖👍👍😇🌷💯❤
I lost my dad, mom, mom's sister, and mom's grandma within three years. I divorced my wife, dated multiple women at the same time, drank to much wine and coffee, slept too long. Stayed up too late. It was awful. One of them called me a narcissist and it was scarier than anything I ever heard. She was right about my tendencies. I got help. Big ugly cries and dives into the relationships that were now deceased. That was six years ago. I'm still getting insights today.
Sorry for your losses. I lost my mom in a house fire almost a year and a half ago I'm still not 100%. About two months after the fire I had a co-worker talking about me,because I "grieved too much". Some people.. they're just crazy.I suspect she is a narcissist.Perhaps she wasn't getting all the attention.Sad.
Donna, it's perfectly normal and completely justified to grieve after what you've been through, for however long you need to, and however deeply you need to. The people who said those awful things to you are the ones with a problem, not you. Big problems. They probably are narcissists, or generally horrible people, who felt the need to kick you while you're down. Please, don't let people like that ruin your life or make your grief and pain worse. People like that, their opinion does not matter. Don't give them any recognition by listening to their rubbish. If you can find a new therapist who helps you, join a local club or church and make new friends who will support you. You've been through an awful lot, and you deserve to be supported, comforted and loved. I'm sending you a huge hug, and keeping you in my prayers. I really hope things start looking up for you. Don't ever feel pressured to 'get over' your grief. It takes time, we will always love and miss our loved ones, and we need to go through that process. 💕💕💕
Dr Grande, I've heard you use the term, " wounded hero" before in your videos and it has helped me put my relationship with a family member in perspective. Thank you
This is precisely what happened to me by two men who created a smear campaign about me after I decided I did not want to date them or associate with them anymore (ONE WAS BY MUTUAL AGREEMENT). They started slandering me, spreading all kinds of malicious lies and half-truths about me, they sent things to my friends and family members insisting I was the narcissist when in fact they both are. This has been such a traumatic experience for me as it lasted for nearly 3 years. These two men are textbook narcissists and love to attack women who cut them off due to THEIR narcissism! I had to hire a lawyer to obtain multiple restraining orders against the main ringleader. THE MAIN RING LEADER IS ALSO A PROFESSOR AT FIU. SICK SICK SICK!!!
This does make sense considering a narc will manipulate you to get into a relationship with you. The love bombing phase is all about that. They create scenarios that match perfectly with you and your personality to make you think you've met the perfect partner. They keep it up until you are hooked in.
It's called 'baby narcissism' because they all think the toxic things they do to others can't hurt and you should be a good sport. That's the same way a baby feels that 'lil' ole them can't hurt anything no matter how wrong they are. The origin of them is simple. They 1. Can not figure out how to fit in. 2. They copy cat behaviors 3. They get friends from the mimicry 4. They target and bully threats to expose their facade just to keep their friends (Basically, someone thinks they're a person by mistake and the narcissist never let's that go and have to bring sacrifices to the friends to keep respect. It's no different than a dog chasing a rabbit or squirrel for the owner. So the friends are the enablers who let them hurt you people)
I had one of those! Quick moves. Boom together. Boom moved in.... He was so "prefect" but better than everyone, then BOOM "here's Johnny". 911 call he called on himself but saying I broke the door. I was the one after him! (When he was after me and the reasons idk, so many red flags I ignored bc he was "perfect") had to leave my own apartment cops let him stay and remove himself and his things before I could return... I'm married now 8 yrs to a wonderful man and have kids... But I'm on my toes he could be stalking in the shadows if he could find me idk.
Incredible, I have a sister that is definitely a Narcissist. She is also attractive, funny at times and very engaging when she wants to be. She does not have any long term friends and has a history of being unreliable. Listening to your examples sure closes the gaps on some of the weird situations that have happened over the years. Much appreciated!
The fact that many people feel like there is a competition between people, and that certain aspects of society seem to reinforce that notion, is something in and of itself to be concerned with.
Finally.. The best definition of my ex... crazy victim mentality never stops goes on and on and definitely asd/sociopath traits.. and physically abusive... horrible person truly toxic bordering evil ! Thank you for this video
Impressive. The only thing that I knew about narcissism was the definition. Listening to this videos made me realize that there is a lot more to a narcissist. So far I find narcissism to be damaging and sad. Thank you for the detail explanations and examples.
Thanks Doc for these wonderful healing insights. It astounds me to see how widespread this problem is in reading all the comments. Blessings to each of you as you reclaim your lives and move on to your higher good where you belong.
The histrionic female might interfere with your mate by interrupting, interfering, trying to seduce the male partner, then she insults the female, whom she is was instantly jealous of and why she targeted couple in first place
Great video Dr. My mother is a vulnerable narc. I’ve had to go no contact. I feel so much better and your videos have definitely helped me during the healing process 🙏❤️
Dr. Grande, the levity in these examples is appreciated. In my unfortunate experience, Narcissists are highly studied and specific in targeting their victims. Then, after they study them and work up rage, then they may play the victim role but for a specific reason (Narcissistic Injury or entitlement to others’s power, work output, achievement, money, sex). Narcissistic Abuse seems directed at a specific person or a specific targeted group of people. There seems to be an often a jealous aspect, like “why should THEY have that? I should have that.” From the limited examples, I have witnessed, Narcissistic victim behavior has not appeared generic in origin, like the first and last example provided here. It has seems motivated first by targeting and attacking a specific person or group. A common example that we often see in media is the women who alleges rape only when the guy is planning to leave. It is a very sad and insidious example, because it diminishes the credibility “as a group” of those victims who are actually raped. As well as the horrific crime to the specific individual to be accused of a false crime, and all the fallout that brings to their life, livelihood.
Thank you for this video!! This type of narcissistic trait is the one I encoutered the most in my life. Maybe because I tend to worry for other people and pick up their 'cry for help' even when we don't have a very strong bond or when other people don't responds. I tend to believe the 'victim' person and offer help when other people seem indifferent or care just a little and leave the person alone. I believe that people shoul be helpful to each other, on the other hand I see how the victim role is sometimes fabricated. This type of victim traits are not discussed a lot/very clearly, so I appriciate this video very much. With this type of people, indeed lack of empathy is very clear and on the other side the person who responds, behaves according to an excess of empathy. I don't have a specific question on this topic, just I want to ask if possible to bring up this this topic in the future.
My spouse is a Covert narcissist.. it took me 14 years to figure this out. But I am learning now.. I wonder it's easier for a women narcissist to play a victim. I came to know that my spouse has been running a smear campaign against me, my family and basically anyone I get even a bit close. People have listened to her for years without even trying to know my side of story. Once I found out I tried to explain , it was like they were brainwashed, and all my explanations were falling on deaf ears.
They are so good at bad mouthing the people who actually love them. Like they took a course on how to manipulate and control others while always appearing the victim who can do no wrong. It's because deep down they know they are a piece of shit and everything they do is to distract themselves and you from this obvious fact. I hope life is good for you You deserve happiness.😊
My Father: Beats me, offends me, tricks me and verbally totally abuses me
Me: Cut off the contact to my father, due to reason not be be injured again
My Father: Tells everybody that he did his best, but I am difficult and that I am a bad person because I do not contact him anymore. Portrays himself to be the poor father who has been ignored by his evil son
@@HelenL-je9yn nice of your adult child to have supported you by recognising the wrongdoings of that dominating and abusing mother of yours. It must be quite depressing to realise one has a monster of a mother like that, especially when one goes through her puberty\adolescence period of growing.
@@HelenL-je9yn my mother does the same sort of thing. Behaves in ways that provoke confused, angry reactions in people. when confronted plays the victim and accuses people of being bullies and creates fictitious dramtised stories of how she was attacked by who ever confronts her and gains sympathy.
YUP! That is one of the tactics they use. The sad part is that it usually works.
Maybe you all are just a pos and there was a reason y'all are "treated" that way 🤔
Siciliano good for you! Better to get away from someone like that. I notice you posted this months ago. Hope you are travelling ok.
The worst is someone who abused you your entire life, then gets sick and tells everyone how horrible you are because you don't care about them. The gut wrenching pain, frustration and rage I have at this person is beyond words.
Inner Monk,You are pretty 🌹🌺🌹,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!
Yup.
I sympathize with you.
I can relate to this. Lashing out because they have delusions of persecution which only mirror their victims cries, which may include your own. Maddening. But joining their game makes you look like use the truth as a weapon, as they further claim victimhood against your counter attack. No contact is a thing.
That sound totally like I have felt All my life. I just want to growl, scream, kick and in rage tell everyone, how i've been treated. I cannot stand her evil and neglect.. Even she died some years ago..
And even my own doctor is icecold refusing to help me by a therapist...
Im extremely tired of life. I was NEVER good enough!!! I knew, suddently, in my deep futs, that I just knew that it wasent me that was wrong!!!! Sov shut up, treading on eggshells. Deeply scared about when she would assult me personal the next and next time...
Ive been living in fear and lonelyness, in all my life.....
No one that knew my mom believes me....
I hate when she or everybody else. .. , so many i can never count how many there has been. And All my life i was bullied from kindergarden, school, even at a grown up- study where expected that grown ups should have learned to behave themselves to other People.
Why do anyone think i chose Heavy Metal music to get my rage and disgust out somehow.
But that was a catastroph for mom.... then I certenly wasent good enough.... and she allways tried to smash mevtovpiecen, and then "glue" the shattered pieces togeather, AS SHE wanted, and thought she could brake me. Her words for that was ... "she wanted to "form" me as it fattede her. And that I should grow up.
I got to take care of myselv from about 4 and a half years. No real happy safe peacefull childhood. I was ALLWAYS DENIED ALL THE LITTLE PEACES OF FREEDOM TO BE MYSELF, AND ACCEPTED AS I AM.
I JUST HAD TO TRY TO REMEMBER, THAT SHE WAS SICK I HER LUTTLE "BRAIN"...THAT I WAS NOT WRONG FOR BEEING MYSELF AS IM BORN.
AND THE ONLY TIME I SUCCEDED TO SAY IT ALL TO HER. IVEVEN SAID THE TRUTH, ABOUT THAT THE ONLY THING I EVER REALLY HAD WISHED FOR IN LIFE WAS, THAT SHE HA
I was in college in upstate New York when 9/11 happened, and there was this girl in my dorm who was hysterical because she claimed her brother might have been in the towers. Of course, everyone rallied around her, and was trying to comfort her, and at the time, I felt bad about feeling something was off about the whole thing. We find out later, she didn't even have a brother. Pretty sick.
“I walked through blood and bones in the streets, looking for my brother… He was in Northern Canada.”
What a witch.
Wtf. My sister and her husband were in new york a couple days before 9/11, they went on the tour thing where they go to the top or something? Still hits home when they fell because they debated staying longer to see more of new york.
@@jessoftherocks I was actually at Cortlandt Station (aka the World Trade Center subway station) less than 24 hours before. My friends and I went to the NYU film festival, and I ditched my Monday class with the expectation that I would get up early on Tuesday morning to finish a paper that I was working on. I am a very calm and rational person in most cases, but even a photograph of the World Trade center before or after gives me anxiety, even after all these years. Stranger than that, I ran across a movie title on Amazon that for some reason made me queasy; I realized later that it was one of the films that I'd seen at the festival on September 10th. Now if someone such as myself who was lucky enough not to have lost anyone that day, and whose proximity to the event was very peripheral could have the reaction that I have to this day, I still wonder what kind of soulless person would use something like that to get attention.
Oh my word, that's is so messed up. My jaw dropped when i read that. 😠
I think in the recent past, I have tried to manipulate someone into caring for me. My lack of insight into the situation caused me to not realize that people can have sympathy for you but that doesn’t mean that they’re obligated to be in a relationship with you. Sympathy does not equal love.
You can’t make someone love you through guilt, sympathy, and/or shame, not only do they recognize what you’re doing but they also resent you and the fact that you’re trying to manipulate them.
You can’t make someone love you, they have to choose to. And I’m glad that at 27 ( 3 years after all of this) I finally realized how toxic I was to him. And I am slightly embarrassed and ashamed of myself, but I’m glad I caught this early on in my life.
❤
That is what life is supposed to be, expanding yourself by learning from mistakes. Its a beautiful thing when one has the capacity to open their mind with self reflection.
Sounds like borderline to me but goodluck
@@DaveyD187 I don’t think I’m borderline. I just grew up in a household where love wasn’t demonstrated properly to me.
I wrote this post for people out there to understand how it can show up in yourself and recognize how it manifests in personal relationships without realizing it.
Thank you for sharing this. I've done the same. Now I know better. I'm actually terrified of coming across as manipulating, mean, needy, all sorts of things. So I end up apologizing too much, just in case.
Thank you for debunking 2 widespread misconceptions about narcissism: 1) they are all intelligent 2) they all have great social skills.
Dixie Ginger,You look stunning 🌹🌷🌺 dear,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
@@christianpulisic7784 not anymore 😄
Definitely a myth... my worthless ex-fiance and ex- bestie/ romantic interest were "victim" narcissists... utter failures at life that were shunned by most people 😁👍
Yes. They think this and surround themselves with lower intellectual people who they fake smart around be believed by them. They'll never go into places where the competition could possibly "out smart" them and bruise their sensitive ego.
lmao
It took me a long time to recognize the victim games played by narcissists. I got so caught up, and really believed everything was my fault. For years, I thought I was wrong and deserved every bad thing they did to me. This kind of manipulation and guilt tripping is exactly how people get trapped with narcissists for decades and decades. We're always living in a state of confusion.
Yep. Everything becomes illusion.
I am struggling with this right now. When I told that giving 97 % and he only gives 3% in parenting because he only comes home and talks to them and watch them for less then 30 mins. And he got mad at me, then said that I have to pay half and pay on everything. When I pretty much do everything and plus work 30 + hours in 2 weeks with 3 kids and house load in me. After so many years always felt guilty, and always being my fault. I can relate. After yesterday was the first time I laugh it off. And was like ok I can pay 50% of pills. I can do it. And he after didn’t want to talk to me and went to sleep.. now trying to guilt trip me.
I am trying my best and be calm even thou I attempted to be calm and not react . It hurts because I didn’t do anything wrong. Just asked to put other two kids to sleep because baby was hungry. And need to be feed.
@@vmuz3516 Sounds like you'd also have a greater quality of life without him.
@@vmuz3516 sounds harsh but choose the right man to have a child with, most people don’t get to know the person they make children with and that causes all the problems
I'm a retired social worker, I find these case studies to be very interesting and helps me make sense of things I have seen during my career.
Steve Morris I am a Semi- Retired DSW and I agree!
@Steve, right, think of us who have experienced these mentally ill attention seekers... holy moly...
@Geezart The reality is that we don't know everything. The specific case that I am referring to was one in which I got extra consultation from a psychologist and I believe I did help the client. Research continues to improve our understanding of disorders and treatment and Dr. Grande does a particularly good job of explaining those findings. In a perfect world every counselor and therapist knows all they need to know and never needs continuing education-- but that is not the case. I will admit that I was less than perfect with each and every client, but any honest counselor would admit the same.
I am a social worker as well
& I almost gave up on my social work career because of these behaviors.
@Geezart people who've never had to deal with narcissists at a personal level wouldn't even be able to see a pattern
It's unfathomable on a human level the destructive, conniving, disgustingly hateful these narc.s are unless you've 'lived through them'
I think banging your head against a solid object is most of our experiences with narcissistic people
The wall would eventually break.
Well I hope it falls in the right direction - away from you
The best description of it. They create so much frustration in you by their nonsense.
YES!!! Ur so right
🙈😅 exactly how you feel around well said
The Martyr Narcissist is so much more dangerous than the normal narc. They'll sabotage not only their life but yours too in the process. & You won't even realize this until you're too far into the game to stop playing.
Absolutely correct! I've experienced it .
If you are still alive, it is not too late. Get out, please!
Explain this more please if you have time... I’m in need of clarity in my current relationship. Things are starting to feel very confusing
I stopped playing after 50 years when I realized her lies, cut her off went no contact. It has worked.
Martyr Covert Religious Narc. Grand slam: my mom.
"The narcissist always thinks everyone is thinking about them"
Reminds me very much of someone I grew up with
And you are obviously thinking about them, lol.
Yup, my daughter tried to say that in an argument the other day after using me again and I said "I did not sit around thinking about you and wanting to see you all the time, especially since you only use me and bail"
@@jerome1lm you sound like a narc, deflecting it back to them. 🤣
It is funny...I never realized that ..I reconnected recently with my best friend from childhood...her mother basically adopted me whenever I could get away from my Cinderella like miserable "home"...
We were talking a lot lately about what our friendship did for us..and I realized..the time I spent with her mother and her allowed me to COMPLETELY forget about my pyscho mother..for those hours and even entire weekends...my crazy brutal mother "did not exist"
I worked with someone like you described. She would create a crisis every 3 months or so such as, some one comes in at night and steals all my pens! 😲 No one believed her. She did retaliate on me a few times because I told her point blank that she was full of sh*#. But I reported her to HR and they believed me and removed her from our shared office. Total insanity.
I have known a few narcissists. I have noticed they know their side of any story very well. When asked about others’ sides, they rarely provide many specific details. They leave out others’ perspectives. Good video. Thank you.
Just keep in mind that an autistic person would also most likely struggle with this, but the difference is that, if they trust you, if they care about you, once you correctly explain to them your perspective of a specific situation, and how you felt at that time, they will listen, will want to understand, and they will feel bad when they understand how they truly hurt you. The last thing an autistic person wants is to hurt anyone, even more if it’s someone they know and care about.
The narcissist on the other hand will reply by making some sort of an argument by using some past issues that were resolved, or so I thought.. and there starts the projection.
So the reaction says it all.
They are only 1% of the population. How do you know so many? Sure you're not one of them
They are not interested that's why they cannot tell you.
This one, so relate
because others' perspectives threaten their objective and narrative. They are only concerned with their reality.
A narcissistic situation I observed this week was; a daughter was in tears as a friend almost succeeded in his suicide attempt but the daughter's mother attempted to make it all about herself by instead of comforting her daughter who was hurting, kept phoning friend after friend saying how traumatized she as the mother was. This behaviour made the mother receive attention instead of the daughter being comforted for the traumatic near death of her friend, the mother was using the event to get attention instead. The daughter was just ignored and used as narcissistic supply for the mother.
Wow. That's bad.
This sounds like my mother...
This sounds like my mother in law
Dr. Grande is one of the few youtubers that deserves every view and dollar they get.
Quality content mate.
I agree, also Dr. Campbell with covid related studies.
Mommy dearest tried to engage my father in friendly banter relaying gossip she heard from a phone call with a friend which in later years she referred to as cleaning lady. We never had a cleaning lady. Told my hard of hearing dad that adolescents were using nail polish remover to get high. I’d just had a friend over and sitting on corner of bed facing dads dresser we tried and removed several colours. Why would I huff something where my father dropped off his change. Mom knew I was just playing with makeup but that dad thought she was a hero was too good to pass up. While I was getting beaten and interrogated for hours she had to get rid of evidence of my innocence. The rift between father and myself lasted a lifetime although he came to live me very much when I finally came back at thirty. I’d run away four years later. I was eleven. I was never allowed to have friends or even date. She would get hysterical. My life has been one of complete isolation. My school had me removed. She had everyone believe I was bad and in a detention centre. She refused to take me home and was always threatening to have him beat me. In the end he realized that with her getting rubella in first trimester, her use of diethylstilbestrol and diet pills caused my autistic features. He was remorseful enough to tell me he was leaving me his house. She told everyone fir 8 years that she wanted him to buy me a house but made sure I got nothing and made me homeless. Convoluted drama. Pure hell so much rage and anguish. I now have second of both cancers associated with DES she used.
I had a friend who did that. I thought it was odd. Now, I know why.
Exactly
I agree!!!
Or when your partner goes out of their way to do chores that you normally do before you get a chance to. And then incessantly complain about how they have to do everything 'around the house' and how you never do anything.
Lol
I felt this but with my dad. I’ve been taking care of the house since I was 11, late nights and whole days we would go without parents and everything would fall on my shoulders. Suddenly I get a job and attend uni and want to leave and he starts doing all the chores and complains that I’ve done nothing for them and I am worthless.
@@justaperson4475 Typical narc parents behavior. Doesn't matter how much you do they always tell you do nothing or they actually prevent you to do something because you are too unable/uncaple to do it and they are the only ones who can do it tight, and then keep the narrative that you do nothing.
Why does this sound so familiar -_-
My husband will clean up every so ofter, but when he does, all of a sudden i do absolutely nothing and he always is cleaning and picking up after everyone -_- and you cant argue with them because as soon as you start bringing up valid things, they change thier game and will start being more loud, or bring up things from years ago that are COMPLETELY unrelated.... its so fustrating!!!! You cannot win.... and they will do everything they can to flip the script on you and make themselves the victim. They want a reaction from you and will poke and poke and poke and poke.. then when they finally get a reaction, all of a sudden you are crazy and need to calm down... they will say things to you that they KNOW will hit you right in a nerve and will keep playing on that over and over.. and then the first time you say the same hurtful thing back, just so they know how much it hurts... all of a sudden "HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT TO THEM!?!??!?! " and again... they are the victim and you are a horrible person that they must tell your family and social media about how horrible you are to them...
This behavior usually goes in waves. You might have a week or two or maybe even three, where everything is going great... then they see its great and your starting to get close to them and loosening up again, they will switch it up on you and all of a sudden they start the cycle again.
My husband has started doing chores and now claims I have done nothing for 27 years!! I served papers 3 weeks ago!! I now have no regrets but am amazed I put up with all the crazy for so long
My mom was the epitome of the victim narcissist. She insisted on making the cake for my grandparent’s 50th anniversary party. The cake fell over during the trip over. Oh, the drama that ensued was all encompassing. The day became all about her and the cake. This happened in 1990’s and I just recognized her tactics after watching this.
Wow that’s sad. The fact that you still remember it tells a lot!
My mother is a vulnerable narcissist like this. It’s had a significant negative impact on my life. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
I have to agree, my mother is too and she is truly crazy.
Mine is too, I am 100% sure of it. I cut off contact telling her that I was diagnosed wit PTSD from her treatment growing up and she tells everyone I was diagnosed with bipolar and cut her off for no reason (Poor her!). I would be heavily beat and hurt as a child/locked in a empty room for days but she always said she had it worse as she was in the care system and at least I have a mother? Kinda wish I was put into care tbh.
Mine as well.
Mine too. She's now 80 and has made no plans for her future or care and expects my sister and me to take care of her, yet she's always saying, "I don't want to be a burden on anyone!" Elderly narcs are the worst because they can't take care of themselves anymore yet feel so entitled.
@@freyatries3895 My mother went into a rage when I was a kid about minor incidences. For example when I accidentally ripped my school trousers when I slipped on some gravel at school and cut my knee. She went ballistic at me, saying I did this on purpose. Too this day she rages about silly minor things. I’ve emotionally detached from her and have minimal contact. I treat my own children in a better and more healthy way. I’ve suffered with anxiety and depression in the past. But have eventually over these difficulties in my life. I’m a healthy and empathetic person and I don’t need negativity like her in my life. With the right help you can also overcome your own health difficulties.
My narcissistic ex-boyfriend falsely accused me of assault, it took time, money, hiring a lawyer not to end up in jail. They are outstanding liars.
Michaela Sanielevici,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🥀,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
@@christianpulisic7784 Thanks, I am in no contact and I feel happy, I regained some of my self confidence and I know now that these monsters users-abusers are to be avoided.
Mine too. He ended up being charged instead, going to court, hiring a lawyer to save himself, and ended up having to take court mandated anger management classes 😅
Same. Two exes accused me of assaulting them and often labeled me a narcissist...even though they were the ones who literally lied about being abused and assaulted...
Weird how that works...
My ex wife did that. And she convinced them. I did time on false charges.
The only time I ever saw the narc in my life get seriously wound up (and show his true colors) was when I did the gray rock stuff and acted indifferent. The calmer and more logical I spoke to him, the crazier and angrier his responses became. That's how you really 'get back' at them. They can't stand not seeing you distraught over their games. Then he asked something of me, and I said I'd do it as long as he did something simple for me in return, which he didn't. He then acted outraged when I stuck to my word and didn't give him what he'd asked for. Like I'd stabbed him. Even though I told him weeks ahead of time what I expected if he wanted my cooperation. They're truly insane.
This reminds me of a time when my mother wanted to do something in her garden which involved some heavy lifting. She asked me to help and i said "sure, let me know when" (in an app). I never heard anything back. A few weeks later she shows pictures of her garden and i say "oh, it is done. okay, looks good". So she plays the victim "yeah, no one wanted to help me, you didn't want to help me.. so i ended up doing everything alone.. as allways" (my dad did help her but i guess she kind of "forgot" about that too? ).
So i tell her to read back the app. "tell me when" and i tell her. Hey.. i'm not a mindreader, you never told me when. not my problem.
I effin love this!!!!!!!❤❤
me going into this video: scared i'm a narcissist
me coming out of this video: oh wow, never mind.
I know. Everyone and their mother is being called a narcissist by someone somewhere. It's makes a person a bit paranoid.
Wait...you dont want to send flowers to yourself? C'mon!
i'm a bit worried about it too, that's why i'm here lol
Heidi Borter Everyone is definitely a Narcissists to some degree. Even the sweetest Grandma that loves everyone has Narcissism
HAHAHAHA
This should be required viewing for everybody, like a public service announcement .
I second this motion
I agree totally, public needs Educated on This !
🎯🎯🎯
Ikr?
This describes my ex's mother to a T. She always makes up stories and unfortunately, I was her target for many years. I went no contact for 2 years and was suckered back in on the Christmas holiday when I agreed to attend a family Christmas party at her home. She bought the kids lots of expensive gifts, mainly electronics. She used the gifts to pressure us to stay the night. The next morning, I was up early and ready to go home. We left thinking that perhaps she had changed. The next morning, she calls and asks if we know where any of the other kid's gifts of laptops, tablets, phones were. To shorten the story, she had actually taken all of the electronics herself, hid them, and made the entire family think that my ex and I had stole them. It was so hard for me to believe that a middle aged woman would go to these lengths. There were many other similar situations. It was disgusting.
This is what freaks me the hell out about these narcs. The length they go to set these scenarios is mind blowing. Thanks for the info. Have a great day.💃😉
In CogNito 🙄🙄🙄
I wonder if Dr. finds people with extreme dependency traits to be more like this. Male or female.
@@qiuwbr091 I don't think there is a spectrum of "dependency traits". Dependence is a spectrum, from dependent to independent. In the middle is interdependence, which is healthy.
Unbelievable of them.
@SelfGoverned ... oh very good, I can see you are not OPINIONATED... rather you self educated, good for you, most do not do that... stay your path, you'll survive at least. : )
The typical situation I run into is the narcissist pushing boundaries, making passive aggressive insults, provoking, antagonizing, etc. Then when I finally tell them to cut the crap I'm the big meanie who abused them.
That is called "Gaslighting" , Narcs will never admit their faults, they will always blame someone else for their crimes.
My partner promise to look for help they went to tell her therapist (who happened to be her friend) that I was the one abusing her and she completely played the victim, she is very charming and managed to get sympathy from her friend so now the therapist has acused me of being the criminal one... Narcs are evil, when satan doesn't come, he sends narcisists to do the job for him.
I sympathize for every single victim of narcisists and please remember you are not crazy, you are just trapped on satan's lies.
@@MLayt-jt1mj hang in there. I Hope things improve for you. You definitely nailed the life of narcissists to a tee.
@@mskatonic1 Thanks for your kind words. All the best to you.
If anyone insults you, stop contact with them. They aren't normal.
Yes!!! Omg I through this constantly with two narcs
Yes! I'm dealing with one right now. It's almost impossible. It's ALWAYS someone else's fault, he does no wrong , and there's no winning.
I think I am also 😳
What ‘winning’ I think the ‘winner’ is the one walking away, I’m not going to argue or fight for the last word, I’d just let the gronk talk and whine to itself
Same I’m so drained & done I will pay him to leave me alone…. He will create issues then when I react I’m crazy I complain all the time & I have an attitude 👀…. If I’m so horrible why don’t you mention it before I tell you how you’re draining me for not being what you said you would but yet complement every other woman…. I’m sure they have help
They also like praise for the bare minimum & for what he’s supposed to do… like if I wasn’t around you would have to do more
Leave! Save your sanity please! The panic attacks I was getting saved my life.
I've found covert narcs all use the victim scenario. They use drama for attention. Every time you scratch under the surface of their stories, it all falls apart. It's like dealing with toddlers. I've had an ex-coworker send herself flowers! Unbelievable!
@Pr.incorporated sounds like a narc to me
Exworker sends herself flowers !!! HA HA HA....some thing VERY new for me... Amazing Behavior..
@Pr.incorporated It's fine to get gifts for oneself of course, but I think they talked about making others believe the gift's from someone else.
Lol😅 Flowers
Prince Harry. Meghan Markle.
I love when a little bit of humor enters Dr. Grande's voice at the absurdity of these situations. Always makes me laugh when he's clearly holding back a chuckle.
Love love dr grande
It's all about the audience! The narcissist needs an audience and thrives most on having an attentive audience. Without that, they don't function well at all.
This is proof not only of their lack of insight but also how they continue to be their own worst enemy at every turn.
When my neighbors wife was pregnant he followed me to a convenience store. He told me a sad story about needing a part time girl friend. He said something like “I see there is a built in bed in the back of your van.” (It’s a very small RV) He is very immature. I said, “I think you better go home to your wife, and work it out.” I am about 25 years older.
Apparently, he stayed angry about the rejection, and it came to me calling the cops. In retaliation he told people I threatened to do bodily harm to his children. I’m pretty sure this is the type person you are describing. Later he admitted that he made up the lie about my hurting his children. But a LOT of social damage was done. I mean ALOT. As I said, he is very immature. What is strange is that his wife covers up for his sexual misbehavior.
Moral of the story, “your wife’s pregnancy is not my personal crisis. If you can’t manage it without damaging other people: Get help or quit having kids.”
Maturity is earned......I guess I’m a rare person.....I don’t believe in listening to gossip that is obvious that it is intended to turn me against someone I haven’t even met yet. I give the other person the benefit of the doubt, to be given the courtesy to show their ‘side’. What I have found in the majority of cases, is that the person that was gossiped about was actually a pretty neat person.....and the gossip was a narcissist.
We would all do well to allow each person their chance to prove themselves.....instead of only relying on the gossips word.
cool story bro. another example of a narc making up stories for attention.
Gross, gross, gross.
Wow! 🤣 What a Strange pick-up line! Smh.... geeeez!
Such a weird world
.
"But a LOT of social damage was done. I mean ALOT. " Sounds like you're a narc trying to draw sympathy for yourself lol.
Dr. Grande, we are dealing with the fallout from a Narcissist, so this video came up at just the right time! It is always a good idea to have the narc file on hand so that you know who you are dealing with! This story well illustrates the lengths that they will go through to get attention and/or set someone up. Thank you for this informative and unusual example!
This defines my mother perfectly. She even planned and committed crimes against me once she no longer lived with me... so I appreciate that you include the criminal aspect here. These people convince others (they use those narcissistic skills they possess -- being so good at persuasion) that they are being terribly abused.Then others rise to be their heroes and end up committing horrible crimes (even murder) against people who are really only guilty of figuring them out. I've had to go NC with my entire family because, even though I let mom live with me for more than a decade, they still believe the stories she sold them -- that I abused her. I didn't. It's been a nightmare recovering from her abuse and crimes. Through multiple false police reports, potentially fatal acts against my fur kids and an well-executed home invasion -- I ended up getting lifelong stayaway orders on my family members. Please... anyone in a relationship with one of these people... cut your losses and run away from them as fast and as quietly as you can. They can and will destroy your lives.
This happened to me too! Very similar situations.
My parents were able to use false accusations with police on multiple occasions as well. There was a month where it happened weekly, until finally my mother was able to convince the police that I had committed a crime worthy of arrest. Neither one of my parents would bail me out, so my sister showed up to get me out after 3 days. My mother got word and showed up at the same time to pay the bail bondsman more money to keep me in jail (not even legal). After this she completely cut my sister out of everyone’s life with threats against her and her daughter if they communicate with anyone again. My parents reasoning for all of this was to force me into a drug rehab. I am thankful for my road to recovery and a better life in that regard, however I was never asked, or confronted about seeking out treatment, they just assumed this was the way they would have to go about it. The whole ordeal made me feel worse off than I was before and I have been struggling with substance abuse again. I constantly look on all of these events wondering if it’s my fault that my family is in shambles, and have a huge amount of guilt.
A
OMG I'm so sorry you went through that! This describes my mother perfectly as well. Your comment struck a cord with me because my mother has done the same in claiming that it's ME who's abusive! Now that she's older in age she accuses me of "elder abuse"! She's threatened to file false reports against me multiple times, everything from the police for "elder abuse" to CPS to try to get my son taken away from me. The last time that she cried elder abuse, she couldn't hide the big smile as she said it!
"Traditionally, not associated with a high level of intelligence." Hilarious 😆
Cynthia Alsup,You look gorgeous 🌹🌹🌺, hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
@@christianpulisic7784 stop love bombing
@@christianpulisic7784 creepy
Cynthia Alsup Lol, Wasn’t sure about this comment right under the video until I watched it. Only then did I see the humor in your comment.🤣😅
@@laurie507 I actually had the same thing happen on another video about narcs like who are all these predators????
I think the first example is actually a natural progression for vulnerable narcissistic personality disorder. My dad, when he was in his 20s and at the height of being full of himself and trying to impress people with positive behavior, was very quickly diagnosed by a professional after just a single visit. He scored so high that there was no question at all he qualified for a diagnosis. But as he's gotten older I've watched him deteriorate physically and mentally, I've watched his narcissistic rages happen more often and over more and more petty things, I've watched him use me as a scapegoat to make people feel sympathy for him (woe is me, my daughter is so useless, I am such a suffering father, while I take care of him). The older he gets, the more it's become clear that he failed to become popular or famous, the more he leans into this first type you described. His narcissistic personality disorder didn't disappear. It just changed how it presented to the world as his life circumstances, and chances for gaining recognition, changed.
This is more entertaining than any Netflix show I've watched lately.
So true!
Did you ever encounter a narcissist?
It's not entertaining to those who have had someone in their life like that.👌🤔
Right 🤣🤣🤣 So crazy!!
I love the awareness being created about narcissism by Dr. Grande and other professionals. It really is an indictment on society. Narcissism is one of the worst traits a human being can have and it is becoming more and more prevalent with social media. Social media has benefited narcissistic people so it might as well be used to create the negative awareness they so richly deserve.
Keep it up Dr. Grande
ABSOLUTELY👍🏽💥🔥🙏🏾
Well said! Have you noted a pattern? I'm old enough to see that some of these Social movement train their following in Narcissistic tactics. And then as the movement gains speed they add darker tactics that would be associated with Psychopathy and then Machiavellianism.. I mean, they say they want "change" but power is their goal, so it makes sense they go there. Marxist movements incorporates every personality disorder it can from the Dark Triad
No. The social media just made it easier to recognize them. Just look at their profiles or posting intensity. All those narcists just keeps exposing themselves thinking that's how you are gaining social credibility.
That's the reason I took my Facebook platform down I felt like I was getting caught up in it. I don't quite understand why people have the need to share every aspect of their life except the negative aspects as so much to show off. Social media is definitely having an impact on many people's mental Health and our society in general. I opted not to participate anymore. I can't explain why but when I took my profile down I felt a sigh of relief. People don't realize how much of their business they're putting out for the public to see. The more somebody knows about you the more vulnerable you are to become a victim of a crime. A good example of this would be posting that you're on vacation then people know you are not home. Then your house can become a target for a burglary.
@@denniscwalina6897 I agree. I use Facebook as little as possible. But I do get angry at myself when occasionally I get sucked into scrolling through it. I guess I should take my profile down too. I am not interested in other people's pictures of meals anymore...
I had a colleague with covert narcissistic traits. She left our job for a short time and when she came back she was very disappointed that we weren't happy for her return (we were indifferent). She was expecting that we will be glad to have her back. This in spite of treating us bad, spreading lies about colleagues, but so well mixed with truth, that you couldn't properly discern. It's true that they over estimate how much people care about them. Sometimes she thought everybody hated her.
A colleague stood in the lobby telling everyone that her son was rushed to the hospital by her parents, whom they lived with, because he would not wake up. She was excused to join them at the hospital, but instead she went on to describe the situation and discuss possibilities of her son’s issues. People were crowded around her listening. It seemed to be attention seeking behavior; my thought was that I would have been out the door the second I was notified that my kid was at the hospital.
@Sallie Gallegos Maybe she had Munchausen by Proxy and was expecting the call and looking forward to basking in all the attention she'd be getting on her sons behalf...
@Susel precisely
You are that wise person who sees through a narcissist that others do not.
Omg that’s so sad to hear about poor kid
Yes and your point is
My ex would physically abuse me to the point I had to go to the hospital, and then turn around and tell everyone at work I was abusing him. When I found this out, I just couldn’t even believe it. I’ve never been so infuriated and disturbed in my life.
Mine smeared me for 8 years behind my back. He lost 3 children to the system before he met me (sob story went how he wasn't on the birth certificates, he was supposedly out of town when his supposed meth junkie/crazy ex "gave them up", he fought soo hard for those kids!! 🙄) ... anyway so this time he planned ahead, right from the day our son was born, the smear campaign began. He has now collected over 40 letter writing flying monkeys reiterating his allegations as witness statements. It's a never ending nightmare of being under constant investigations for my son and I. I get the lame excuse that they (CPS) has to investigate every time a report is made. I asked them if they might want to investigate him instead because the constant frivolous reporting IS harassment and psychological abuse for both my son and I. He has never approached the courts to exercise his right to visitation .. because then the judge will order him to pay child support. But has 3 hours every day to run down to the police station next to it, to file grievance after grievance, allegations that I'm planning on fleeing the country .. absolute insanity. My son and I have had to move 3x, had 3 vehicles suddenly become inoperable after he finds us. Even with a restraining order, they say I can't prove it's him doing it and shrug it off.
Oddly enough, our young son had been trying to tell me for 5 years some of the things his Dad was telling the neighbours, friends, co-workers (anyone who will listen) ... I didn't believe my son... We left with just our clothing because police wouldn't allow us to take anything from the family home. So the Dad put all our stuff into a storage locker, then didn't pay the rent so the locker was repossessed. The contents auctioned off. He literally stole my whole life history, I'm 50 and the last person in my family line left alive, I was the family historian since I was 20. He put all my rubbermaid bins that held primary source documents/family pictures/letters etc. for over 30k people into that locker, along with the laptop that held the digital copies. Pawned all my family heirloom jewelry, my coin/paper money collections dating back to 1876. Even my son's PS4. I won't mention how many times he tried to "accidentally" kill me 🙄.
Like you, when I found out I was completely shocked at how dedicated he was to this "alternate reality" he had created .. all under my nose/behind my back.
He had convinced my neighbours to call him at work if I left the house, which explained why he'd be home before my return to get ugly. I eventually stopped leaving the house all together for 6 years. BTW my neighbours never told me this, my son did after we were out. So inevitably he'd call the police to claim I attacked him when I was in all honesty trying to get my wallet and car keys that he would hold over his head as he called the police. Heck a few times he showed them scratches on his face (that my son watched him do to himself). He enjoyed hauling our son out of bed at any time of night so he could watch his Dad abuse his Mom, then tell the boy "Mom started it, she attacked me before I woke you!!" ... By the time he was doing this stuff I was for all intent and purpose completely 'mute', I still can't talk (verbal communicate).
The last time we saw him up close and personal, he was running behind my car holding a kitten in the air like the scene from the Lion King, in an effort to manipulate our son into turning back and staying. He didn't realize it was our son who had been patiently trying to work with Mom to get out and stay out. The most heart-breaking thing is the holiday/birthday abuses, when our son was 6 he wrote a letter to Santa ... asking him to not bring presents for him but that he wanted Santa to take his Mom to the North Pole so she would be safe. His Dad laughed at him over it, told him there was no Santa, Dad is Santa.
Mine is a bit more than a narc mind you .. My psychiatrist believes he's a high trait psychopath.
@@CJ-CANADA I'm not educated on law, so maybe it's entirely legal what he is doing, but it sounds like harassment and psychological abuse to you and your son. I wonder if a lawyer would give you a free consultation and tell you if this is legal, because it is very clearly, at the very least, wrong and immoral, even if legal in the eyes of the law. This is a child's mental health at stake! God bless you both and I am praying for your safety!
So you are infuriated that he flipped the story and but not that you were abused and hospital bound. You are prioritizing and focusing on the wrong issue!
He is very abusive but not physically abusive because he knows if he ever hit me I will kick his ass
That literally illustrates Amber lol!!😅
I've been in short-term and long term relationships with narcissists. Even if it's just a brief conversation with one, it always ends the same way - they throw me away like used toilet paper. It's similar to a one-night stand - come morning, they just want to get out of the involvement like it's evidence of a crime (and in a way it is).
“Not consistent with a high level of intelligence” 😂 I gotta save that one for later.
So true. They think they are of superior intelligence and yet they are truly very very low.
"... in the end, what we have here are two people who rammed their heads into solid objects. ... not typically associated with a high level of intelligence."
That summed up Case #2 quite nicely.!!!
Also, the irony in all cases so vividly demonstrated: The Narcs care about no one but themselves, while assuming all care about them. ... BINGO!!!
Thanks, Doctor Grande! Informative and Entertaining, as always.
Thanks!!!
If someone you think might be a covert narcissist claims no one likes/loves them, or they're ugly, would this be thought of as covert narcissism?
@Jazz Heart I am merely asking if a covert narcissist would say/claim such things in a way to gain sympathy, as what this video suggests might occur.
@Jazz Heart They might also claim they are pretty, to mess with us, right?
@Jazz Heart They can claim they're ugly to gain supply, yet say they're pretty later to mess with whoever they're engaging with. Then tell you they never said it in the first place...
@Anarcho Frills
"Generally it's not a helpful thing to see manipulative intentions behind ppls behaviors unless you know for certain this is a calculating person as opposed to a delusional person not in much control of their behaviors..."
Are you trying to claim a narcissistic individual has control of their behavior? I thought recognizing these personalities as parts of abnormal psychology is to indicate they don't have control of this...?
I do have empathy for these types of people, but I thank you for pointing this out for others. I was defending this method of understanding and compassion just yesterday in another video completely off topic to this, to a whole host of negative individuals who weren't empathetic to others. Despite the fact some people cause much harm, we should treat them with as much respect as we ourselves think we should be, but remember their abusive behaviors are still relevant and not lose sight.
Brian Laundrie comes to mind. Thank for sharing so much information about different mental illnesses. I am learning a whole lot and its shedding some much needed insight into a particular case in which the alleged agressor is a Narcissist and since its not any easy mental illness to understand and it tends to get tangled up with others since they do align with other mental disorders and or illnesses so this was made much more easier to understand exactly what this mental illness is.
lol Brian Laundrie is a Hoax. FaKe duh
I prefer grandiose narcissistic than vulnerable narcissistic 🤔
Since the second one takes time to realize
Both are boundary busters. The second will try to coerce you into doing what they want through guilt. Just gotta not give in.
Just easier to spot grandiose narcissists generally.
Be careful what you wish for. All kinds of narcs make you feel like trash.
At least the vulnerable narcissist shows pity for herself, the other one thinks she/he is “unreachable”, that’s exactly the word I heard from an ex lol.
I dislike 'em all, no favorites here
Funny, the 2nd one....
"Traditionally not associated with a high level of intelligence" is a phrase that I will attempt to use in my day-to-day.
The problem is, you can't even use it with Narcissists because a) they don't think they are Narcissists and b) they are the smartest person in the world.
I know right😂😅
Ya. 😂 I feel bad for these people causing themselves so much strife, but at the same time it’s almost like a sitcom, like so silly… if it wasn’t real 🫤
Reminds me of my mother. Her favorite technique is to ask me in private for something she knows I won't do or give her, and then ask me again in front of other people. She'll then start crying about how mean and difficult I am and how I never do anything for her. My dad used to fall for it, but he's caught on to her game, finally. Other people still believe her narrative that I'm evil and she's a loving mother who's constantly mistreated.
Heard this story many times!
My mom would talk negatively about me to my friends with me sitting right there looking at my friend like 'see?'. I never engaged in it, during or after. I've known something was wrong with her since I was 7/8 yrs old. No one believed me. I know now, I'm not her favorite person. I really wish these people wouldn't have children. They're so desperate for love they think they can produce it in their kids. They just mess us up in one way or another.
@@Laura-nl8df I'm not even sure it's love they want. I suppose it's just as likely to be validation they're after, or a clone of their perceived perfection. Too bad children are real people with personalities. They don't plan for that.
@Jay Totally! They miss something they never had and can't recognize it when they get it. Never enough to satisfy that incessant fear. Ugh.
Ive seen some cases where they start with becoming a victim and spinning stories to get attention from one group of people, blaming one particular person for troubling him and simultaneously having grandeosity in work related issues. From what I established is that their egos are so weak that any form of defeat in their mind is unacceptable and they are willing to go to any lengths to blame, accuse and become themselves victims to refrain from accepting responsibility for failure
Dealt with a secretary with these issues. Every project was overwhelming and difficult, every customer screamed at her, the annoying board member sexually harassed her, every other female she worked with disrespected her. Every bit of it was imaginary
Maybe she was doing all that to others.
I had a Nurse Supervisor at work, she drew on her own family picture that was on her locker in the break room. She came out crying, “Why would someone do this to me?” She blamed me… Everyone felt so sorry for her. I was off for 3 days prior to the incident. A few co workers knew she was lying but I knew she did it. I suggested that the needed a camera in that room. I even offered to take a polygraph test. She got better treatment after that.
Also had a boss who would inflate problems to create a *crisis* then call meetings to shame staff. Type of person who says place would fall apart without them.
@Anarcho Frills You said it. _Perceiving_ something as a big problem is *very* different from creating a chaos around insignificant issues to show off supposed "problem solving abilities" and saving the world of something that wasn't a big deal in the first place.
Dan but “low insight” means that they don’t see what others may see. Which is what I think Anarcho Frills was saying. To them what they think is a “big deal” may actually to others appear insignificant. To some people their may be validity to what they are calling the meeting about, they may just not handle or execute the addressing of matters in a way which does them any favours with others.
To colleagues etc it may also “appear” as though their only purpose to call a meeting about things that the majority of people deem insignificant, is due to them wanting to throw their weight around or make themselves look good. Yet that might not be their intent - they may be genuinely frustrated, it may not be to look like a hero at all. From their perspective what they are doing may not be starting a “crisis”, but it also depends on what you define as a crisis in order to think that is being made into one also. In reality there could be lots of reasons “pathological” or not as to why a persons behaviour may seem that way, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it can only be narcissistic behaviour, coming / based from a narcissistic thought process.
It depends on the person but it is easy to interpret things different from what actually might be going on with someone, of course knowing and seeing how a person operates in different situations over a LONG period of time can help you do a sorta-guess, but even then, it is still just that - a suspicion or an assumption.
Anarcho Frills totally agree, things aren’t always as they may appear, and how they appear differs from person to person also.
Anarcho Frills I think as humans we do to some extent have to use judgement for a lot of things (including people) and sometimes we have to assume too, because if we didn’t make any judgement or have an opinion then we cannot make decisions or do things we simply need to do to get through the day.
I just think people need to realise and have the self awareness that just because you speculate someone is doing something for reasons it appear to you as an individual, that it is still only that - speculation.
We need to make judgements on people on a daily basis, what we don’t need to do is have tunnel vision and see everything they say or do as likely pathological - wether people “think” what another person says or does may have been done for potentially unscrupulous reasons - you’ve got to be aware of your own biases and “check in” with yourself, you can deduce by logic and experience what the likelihood(s) of a persons intent may be and therefore choose to be cautious around certain people - but just because you think you know what someones intent is (which to a large extent we do innately for self protection etc), its important to always keep in mind that thats just your perception, and that doesn’t make it what is actually occurring.
Using the “Pinch of salt” method with a bit of learning from the experiences you have with people, but not letting that lead you or be the primary/sole reason for a judgement. Theres got to be a balance and a healthy curiosity into how your own mind and how potentially others’ minds work, if you allow yourself to suspect everyone and everything because someone “did you dirty” in the past then thats just you being affected by a past experience and potentially taints how you view everything/everyone; but I think if you can keep in mind what people are indeed capable of and assess yourself and others potential outlooks or perceptions, different peoples reasons for saying or doing something, then that is called learning in my opinion.
If you never make any judgement about how people may think/act and you constantly get hurt by the same people over and over because you choose not to judge them, that would be foolish in my opinion because your constantly putting yourself through the ringer (if indeed the person is the type of person to ruminate or be effected by it).
I had an ex-colleague like this... a production manager. He used to knowingly create problems, knowing people would need to speak to him to solve them and thus to appear like a hero. My covert narc mother does this too but I'd say that colleague may have had shades/ traits of Narcissism but wasn't full blown NPD. Sometimes people use tricks of narcs learnt earlier in their lives or careers.
Dr. Grande is on a roll. I appreciate your hard work pumping out these videos left and right. 😀
olivia nora Agreed. He’s prolific and extremely helpful.
@@epicmercury333 a Prolific therapist..lol
I feel the Dr. understands that many people don’t, or just can’t have a large range of social experiences. And even if we do there aren’t enough hours in our day to analyze major from minor maladjustments. He’s really giving us a break with a synopsis. Tx you, Dr.
Thanks Dr. G. for the video - (I watched it a couple of times) I am trying to understand the need to create false scenarios by some people. I was taught at an early age the importance of being genuine in life and fiction belongs in creative writing or film. I understand now that creating false scenarios in life could be a sign of mental illness.Thanks again.
"That was the jacket you were rubbing on the side of your car earlier." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAAHAHAHAAHHAHA
🤣😆
I'm ded
😂😂😂😂
So correct. Hard to believe, they are the villains when they act so nice to you. I love hearing about this. Thanks.
Oh my goodness you hit this on the head you are so spot on... My ex literally got a protective order on me and I never ever did anything violent or threatening to him or anything just to make our friends think that he had been violated and was in a domestic violence situation and the reality is is I was the one that suffered the emotion of abuse
Dated someone who played the victim. Claimed her mom had cancer when she didn't and would self sabotage to generate sympathy.
It is very sad that some people are so needy. Ido feel sorry for her in a way. What a world we live in. Thank you for explaining things I never could. I actually just thought people like that had a very bad childhood without love💞
You know your parents are crazy narcissist when you don’t even get weirded out by those stories 😂 on a more serious note: sorry to everyone who has to endure them, these people are a curse to everyone around them.
AGREE!! my dad is like poison to me kryptonite that IS!!!
@@miguelcruz2682 lol same the word Vile comes to mind with my dad
You're so sweet. Thank you for your kind words of compassion, and for your amazing insight.
Hey, my parents both resemble ur remark!
THAT IS FOR SURE!
This is all so elaborate. I've had narcissist experience, and my observation would be that it's more spontaneous and reactive, generally. Whatever it takes in the moment to avoid (even mis-perceived) criticism; whoever is handy to scapegoat. I guess a therapist paying attention to all these subtleties might be helpful.
Great video Dr. Grande! At first glance it is difficult for people to realize that this type of behavior is a narcissistic one, usually we think more of grandiose narcissism when think of NPD. In either case they are both painful to deal with, I have had past experiences with both types and it was absolutely awful!
Your videos have so much depth and you are greatly appreciated, thank you for all you do!
I’m speechless. That people go to this extreme for attention at work belies the extremely immature nature of narcissism. The construction of a false self early in life as a coping mechanism is the most rational explanation I’ve come across for unhealthy narcissism that persists into adulthood, potentially even NPD. Thanks for handling this topic and those like it in the scientifically informed way that you do.
I just thank God for the internet and UA-cam. After so many years of dealing with a narcissistic mother and an enabling father with some narcissistic qualities of his own, these videos are so helpful to me and my self worth. Understanding the phenomenally crazy things that happened in my childhood with those two at the helm helps me move on. Thank you.
Who the hell has the energy for all of this?! Wow. Really funny, if not tragic, anecdotes for narcissism, Dr Grande. The rest of us who are not narcissistic, are fairly aware we're not phenomenal. 😄 Thank you! 🌹👍You've almost reached 200k subscribers! No one works harder at it!
My sibling. Repeated patterns of self induced health problems (repeated refusal to apply sunblock, despite repeated outcome of ugly, painful sunburns; despite the fact that she is living with Anemia as a result of her vegan & and gluten intolerant diet, and the agonizing pain it inflicts on her during her period, she refuses to take her iron pills even when they are laying right next to her.
This definitely brings Jusse Smollett to mind.
Yeah, it does. Trump too.
Dark Side Phil
@@daytonabeachUSA Oh please! Trump pretends to be a victim? You must be joking.
CarbonGlassMan Lol he carries on daily about what the dems are doing. Persecution every dayyy
Yeah it definitely reminds of him but I think partly he dug himself into a hole that he couldn’t get out of so he just had to keep telling more lies. Definitely didn’t think it all the way through.
You’re truly a God-send, Dr. Grande! I’m becoming a “narcissist whisperer” which is helping me survive!
A completely accurate description of the dangerous covert narcissist and the absolute destruction they perpetrate while blaming the victim and as a result they leave other unintended victims in their wake
There is no description better
Well, they do target vulnerable victims, if they are malignant narcissists.
🎯🎯🎯
Once again, thank you Dr Grande for a great video.
I would love to sed some videos touching on autism and how it can be mistaken for other disorders such as BPD, particularly in women.
I have autism and have often been the target of covert narcissists as I am naive, vulnerable and easy to lie to. I find videos such as the ones Dr Grande produces gives me insight into what normal human behaviour is scientifically so not to be fooled again. The last 2 covert narcissists that sought friendship with me, both stole from me financially. Once I stopped giving money to them, both used pets/children to make me feel sorry for them e.g. in background child saying 'mummy why is there no food in the fridge' A pretty low blow
So sorry about the abuse of your
kind nature! It makes me 😢
Amazing Mazey, why do you think autistic women can be mistaken for BDP? Maybe they were both (?)
@@taniapoirier8688 likely because there's evidence this happens frequently enough to be an issue. There's youtube videos on this. It's what happened to me as well as other women.
Sure a person can have both, but thats not the situation the original poster is mentioning. It's a known issue that women are often times incorrectly labeled as having BPD when it starts becoming apparent something about them is odd Usually in teens or early 20s since women and girls hide their autism better.
Then when getting a second opinion or seeing a new therapist later, the correct diagnosis is discovered to be autism.
There's some overlapping symptoms like meltdowns, but a deeper look clarifies the differences between the two.
@@barkingsheep5224 Thanks! I had always thought that my mom had BPD and just recently I understood that she was autist + HP. Some years ago, I met a boy and my feeling was that he was autist but actually I realized that his diagnosis is: BPD + AvPD. That's why I'm curious! How could Autism and BPD be misdiagnosed?
Holy shit. That is disgusting. Using their kid against you like that. I am so sorry you have gone through that. Thank you for speaking up.
Dr Grande, I often listen to your videos because I find them soothing when I'm going to sleep. When I listen to them back when I'm awake I'm amazing how much I remember. Thank you for your safe, comforting voice.
Is it normal for someone who's been in a narcissistic abusive relationship to start to question themselves and wonder if they're The Narcissist or they're the bad person?
sounds like you're being gaslit and that is making you doubt yourself, which most likely means you are not a narcissist... also if you question yourself as to whether you are narcissistic or whether you are "bad," I would say that it is an indication of self-awareness which many legit narcs lack... maybe you've heard or seen elsewhere but real narcs will actually accuse others of being the narc (!)... I would recommend learning as much as you can about narc behavior from YT so you know how to handle being around them... this channel and others are great resources
I’ve wondered the same way .
Absolutely!! I've been watching to make sure it isn't me, because my husband is always saying that I am the abusive, berating, narcissistic wife. I'm thrown.
Gaslighting
@@a.mom4life My ex also accused me of being rude while just talking to him normally. He also said that I should use more positive language and just compliment him more. The issue was there was actually nothing to compliment because I felt like I was alone in this relationship. Then when he discarded me he said I was just not as spiritual as him.
They always act like you are the selfish one, when all you need is just your basic human needs being met. Don’t let them gaslight you. Just do what you know is right for you. They will be unhappy either way!
I thought I was a narcissist until I started listening to these stories and realized I’m the normal one and the erratic narcs in my life are the “strange” ones.
Be careful bc the roles change & often last many generations...
Me too
You might be an empath.
Look up HG Tudor.
He gives consultations.
Right🙄🕯️💯🤔
They have only cognitive empathy. This means they are fastidious about doing and saying things that indicate they have concern for you. Unlike many grandiose narcissists, a covert narcissist has a cognitive understanding of how people behave when they have concern for others. But when the chips are down in your life, such as you are the victim of a crime, you are very sick, or you lose your job, the covert narcissist is chilly, abandoning, and just “doesn’t get it.” They may blame you for your misfortune. The covert narcissist can’t summon any of the normal ways of caring in these moments. In these ways, they reveal themselves to have no emotional empathy. Depending on how long it takes for you to experience such incidents, you could go for years not realizing that your partner is a narcissist. They may literally turn their back on you, over seemingly trivial matters. This is a trait they share with grandiose narcissists. Maybe they get annoyed that you’re walking too slow and leave you alone while they rush ahead, or they get impatient with what you’re saying and turn around while you’re in mid-sentence, or maybe you’re a little late for a social function that you’re attending as a couple, only to find them already inside as if they weren’t at the event with you. They probably appear charming and competent to those who don’t live with them. A covert narcissist’s constant striving for perfection often results in a set of traits that most of us (who are not obsessed with perfection) admire, as long as we don’t get too close to the narcissist. This makes explaining the upside-down hall of mirrors that is your shared intimate space with the covert narcissist impossible to explain to those outside the relationship, who will assume you are either exaggerating, or that your relationship skills are lacking. The covert narcissist may be a pillar of the community, or has lofty, well thought-out ideals. The striving for perfection of a covert narcissist often results in associating themselves with highly regarded intellectuals, businesspeople, or other such pillars of the community, such that the covert narcissist appears to be a pillar of the community themselves. Additionally, covert narcissists can identify with a vision of societal utopia, and become a zealot about their particular ideals, whether liberal or conservative. The covert narcissist is surprisingly lazy. Despite their lofty ideals or connections, the covert narcissist often does little to no work to actually earn the respect of people in the community through their actions. Their ideals or connections are a facade they choose instead of real effort and commitment. They can be sexually faithful. Unlike grandiose narcissists, who are often sexually unfaithful, covert narcissists can be sexually faithful for fear of their reputation being damaged, or out of sheer laziness or shyness, not out of an emotional commitment to their partner. This can be confusing to the neurotypical partner, who sees the faithfulness as a sign of love, making the erroneous assumption that the covert narcissist has emotional empathy, and therefore the capacity to love. They have a Jekyll and Hyde personality, often raging, or finding fault with you, in private as a way of relieving their own inner shame at not being perfect. This is another trait that coverts share with grandiose narcissists. It feels like you have a partner who’s really a teenager, and that it’s your duty to shoulder the “steadiness” they need in the face of their criticisms and anger. The covert narcissist has absolutely no sense of humor about this behavior, meaning there’s an unnecessary “heaviness” in the relationship that leaves you walking on eggshells. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when him or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
Another informative and well paced video!
My mom has always been high in neuroticism, worked in the healthcare field, is always sickly and needing to go to this or that doctor for minor concerns. Interestingly I was frequently quite ill as a child with terrible stomach viruses and always being taken to a doctor to get well. I thought that was normal until I had children of my own and they were never that sick and hardly ever. I usually looked forward to seeing doctors because I always ended up getting better right away. Once I left home for college I never was sick other than the occasional cold. Took me quite a few years to start to begin to suspect munchausen by proxy. When my little son would get stomach aches after visiting and eating my mom's cooking, I stopped allowing him to eat any of her cooking and would make excuses to eat before we arrived and after we left. No more stomach aches. I still wont let me children (or me) eat any food she brings over- mostly snacks, store bought stuff because she doesnt cook anymore other than for herself. I throw it away. I've told my children not to eat anything she brings over. Over the last 2 decades I've slowly believed this to be in actuality the case even though I no longer give it much thought. She lives
as if she is always on her sickbed surrounded by medicines and a porta potty even though she doesnt need or use it, a wheelchair that she uses to get around even though she can and should be walking- and I can go on and on. It really is "sick". She likes being sick and getting the attention and taking care of herself. I think she may be a vulnerable narcissist. There is always the backhanded compliments, the sense of traps being laid...I am so sorry she endured abuse at the hands of her mother and my dad, but to subject myself or my children to further abuse does not help anything. It isnt no contact, but very limited- only enough to make sure she is okay and only occasionally do I disclose personal information or engage in polite conversation after checking in with her. Your videos have been very enlightening and helpful.
I have to comment on this one: I had a Narc coworker and stories 1 and 3 made me laugh because she would have done either of those. She had so many blow ups, it was ridiculous. At one point she ate a package of cheese, which people saw, and the next day screamed at everyone that her cheese was missing and someone stole her cheese. She went as far as calling and waking up the sleeping folks who worked graveyard shift to hurl accusations. She finally ended with a dramatic presentation in which she declared she would call the police. Everyone laughed at her and she sulked back to her desk in a rage. Because she was embarassed, she later decided that someone took it, but it was probably an accident and acted like none of her wild accusations and screaming fits had happened. Of course, she apologized to no one. She never did.
@In CogNito J. just said people saw the co-worker consuming the cheese which she later claimed was stolen. Of course, there *are* people who *will* steal your food from communal spaces. I've had it happen to me. But people who lie about that kind of thing serve only themselves. In fact, they make it harder for others to believe later on that you've had stuff stolen, even if that really happened. :(
If she could have had someone falsely arrested, she would have without losing a second of sleep.
@In CogNito Well, you raise an interesting point. The situation could have gone either way, for all we know. The bottom line is that we cannot know what happened. All the same, the scenario is a reflection of common human behavior. It invokes serious thought on at least the "what if" angle of the situation. Just imagine that things played out as represented, and go from there. It is true that malignant narcs set people up as targets in the workplace, amongst other areas of life, and then have everybody else on her side to target the individual as well. I've been in such a setting, so I know and I sympathize with your point. The narc who is just learning her game, or a stupid narc, could also make herself the target when her nasty behavior backfires on her.
@In CogNito I've dealt with bullying myself. I've also had food stolen from a dorm when I could ill afford to keep replacing it. The girl who stole from myself and others had real problems of her own (though she wasn't poor). Sure, we felt sorry for her, but that didn't help us to keep our food for ourselves. Nor did it excuse her family who knew she had problems but failed to intervene and just let us deal with the consequences ourselves.
They think they are so smart but honestly they are stupid kidults..🤣😂🤣😂
I don’t think we could have opinions to your spot on video content, but possibly relating our experiences to your teaching is what we give to help make sense of it all and help others feel inclusive in this cycle of abuse so they will keep seeking knowledge. You are one of the best here! Thanks for all you do for humanity! 🙏
A bit like being at a family reunion. Never again.
Amen.
Or a funeral when you were given something by the deceased and no one else got anything...
This is interesting. I have a grandparent who is a straight up vulnerable narcissist who regularly love-bombs. It makes me sad to finally realise a month ago that they don’t ever want a meaningful relationship with me. They will only call when they need something. I’m also sad when I can see this behaviour in my aunts and sometimes my own parents. Just knowing this encourages me so much. Thank you for making these educational videos and helping people like me hit that light bulb moment sooner so we can ditch toxic relationships and instead having meaningful, fulfilling ones.
Well sone
It's probably helpful to realise that it isn't that a narcissist 'doesn't want' a meaningful relationship with you, it's they are not capable of it.
It really is a case of "it's not you, it's them".
It still hurts though 😢😥
My Narc mother called me 'deplorable,' which in itself is a horrible thing to say. After a lifetime of her devaluation, this really was the last straw. I had done nothing to her at all. I cut ties with her, but not after giving her several chances, over three years, to simply apologize. I wanted to see if she was even capable, but sadly, she is not. She even defended her words, by saying, "It's not as bad as all that(again, devaluing me, but this time my vocabulary), it only means lamentable." Oh, I feel so much better now!! I didn't know about Narcissism at the time, but cutting her completely out of my life is the best thing I've ever done. While it would be probable that I would be written out of her will, then again, she may just leave me everything to guilt me from her grave. She absolutely would do that, to prove how even though she was not honored as a mother should be, that she, even in death, could never be wrong and she is so far above me, so superior, that she will be overly generous toward her deplorable, ungrateful daughter. Then everyone will know the 'truth' about me. That really would be a winning situation, for me, but I couldn't possibly care less about her 'stuff'. She lost her only daughter. I have gained my sanity and freedom. It's not like losing love or anything close to that. She cannot hurt me anymore.
OMG this is such an accurate and in-depth description of vulnerable narcissism. Thanks!
Isabell Tindale,You are absolutely gorgeous 🌷🌹🌺,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
I always appreciate how calm and steady your voice is, and clearly you speak about these topics using evidence from the academic literature instead being mostly anecdotal. I feel there is value in both academic studies and personal experience, and your content is wonderful.
After leaving a long term DV relationship, I’ve since seen so much of this. Particularly using his ex wife as the “villain” that is “victimising” him, and therefore gives him a solid place to shift blame for his often disproportionate outbursts.
As time went on I realised that he couldn’t keep a job for too long because there was always some “villain” that is out to get him there too. It didn’t stop there, there were “villains” in his family out to get him too.
The side affects of this is that I saw his rage towards these people and experienced his anger and verbal abuse even if it wasn’t directly aimed at me, it was absolutely for my benefit. As if to demonstrate just how mad, angry, threatening and scary he could and would aim that at me if I were to not conform to his rules or worse... if I were to leave.
Which I did, and it was terrifying!
Yes!!!!
You've described my past situation word for word.
This perfectly describes my father-in-law. He's constantly fishing for pity to cover his malicious and outrageous behavior. He still doesn't get it that others just don't give a sheet and are repulsed by the lack of accountability and obvious deceit.
I had the very same thing happen to me. My wife was so relentless in arguing that I was getting weary of her and I just needed to leave. She was blocking the door and I couldn't leave. I pushed her aside and she was as though backing up until her back made contact with the closet in the hallway. She then called the police. The police got her side of the story that I assaulted her and left a bruise on her. I was also questioned and said that I did push her aside in order to get out because she wasn't allowing me to leave. I was arrested and charged with assault. The charges were dropped but she still uses that incident against me. She will say "just remember who was arrested and who was not", making me fill that I'm the aggressor, which is not the case. Thanks Dr. Granda for sharing this example, something I can relate to.
Yes. Once worked with a girl who told everyone her 2 y/o son died. Then it turned out she never even had a son. She did and said other things that were lies as well for attention and sympathy. Finally everyone figured out this girl needed psychiatric help. The girl who cried wolf. Anything she spoke of was a lie and then no one ever believed her. How cruel to make up a story of one’s child dying. SMH.
"Not consistent with a high level of intelligence" lmaooo
@Sheryl St. Germain ooookkkkkaaaay then
@Sheryl St. Germain patience is a virtue
Brutal!
After being widowed by young men twice in twelve years, within which years, also the deaths of my father, two brothers in law, two very old dogs, three friends, six colleagues (four by suicide)--all these died. I was accused of playing the victim because I couldn't snap out of it. I cried all the time and still am not 100%. Yet I was a respected lawyer and writer. I didn't feel "more injured" or "worse bereaved" than others. I just couldn't pull it back together after all these deaths. It felt so unfair to describe me as "playing the victim." Others described my grief as self indulgent and excessive. But these descriptions of playing the victim, etc. made me worse not better. I'm better now but still floundering a little, as my therapist got a fellowship at a prestigious university on the other side of the country. I've withdrawn into my house and stay with new dogs I adopted. So I've turned to these videos and I am grateful for the insight into myself and others. Thank you.
I’m sorry for your losses. Just remember that opinions are not facts, and not everyone will see a situation the same way. It sounds to me as though you’ve been gravely misjudged. You are entitled to have your grief.
I can relate 100 percent to what u are saying. I have experienced the lose of many close people in 2 years it is very devestating. God heals keep praying. We will never be 100 % happy on earth. We are just passing thru. This world is not our home. Heaven is our home and we will be reunited with our loved ones and the Lord. God bless u Donna💖👍👍😇🌷💯❤
I lost my dad, mom, mom's sister, and mom's grandma within three years. I divorced my wife, dated multiple women at the same time, drank to much wine and coffee, slept too long. Stayed up too late. It was awful. One of them called me a narcissist and it was scarier than anything I ever heard. She was right about my tendencies. I got help. Big ugly cries and dives into the relationships that were now deceased. That was six years ago. I'm still getting insights today.
Sorry for your losses. I lost my mom in a house fire almost a year and a half ago
I'm still not 100%. About two months after the fire I had a co-worker talking about me,because I "grieved too much". Some people.. they're just crazy.I suspect she is a narcissist.Perhaps she wasn't getting all the attention.Sad.
Donna, it's perfectly normal and completely justified to grieve after what you've been through, for however long you need to, and however deeply you need to.
The people who said those awful things to you are the ones with a problem, not you. Big problems.
They probably are narcissists, or generally horrible people, who felt the need to kick you while you're down.
Please, don't let people like that ruin your life or make your grief and pain worse. People like that, their opinion does not matter. Don't give them any recognition by listening to their rubbish.
If you can find a new therapist who helps you, join a local club or church and make new friends who will support you.
You've been through an awful lot, and you deserve to be supported, comforted and loved.
I'm sending you a huge hug, and keeping you in my prayers. I really hope things start looking up for you. Don't ever feel pressured to 'get over' your grief. It takes time, we will always love and miss our loved ones, and we need to go through that process. 💕💕💕
Dr Grande, I've heard you use the term, " wounded hero" before in your videos and it has helped me put my relationship with a family member in perspective. Thank you
This is precisely what happened to me by two men who created a smear campaign about me after I decided I did not want to date them or associate with them anymore (ONE WAS BY MUTUAL AGREEMENT). They started slandering me, spreading all kinds of malicious lies and half-truths about me, they sent things to my friends and family members insisting I was the narcissist when in fact they both are. This has been such a traumatic experience for me as it lasted for nearly 3 years. These two men are textbook narcissists and love to attack women who cut them off due to THEIR narcissism! I had to hire a lawyer to obtain multiple restraining orders against the main ringleader. THE MAIN RING LEADER IS ALSO A PROFESSOR AT FIU. SICK SICK SICK!!!
That moment when you realize all your favorite soap opera characters are narcissists
95%+ all people who regularly appear on television
@@88_TROUBLE_88 The initial comment refers to characters, not the actors playing them.
...... Or narcissists are just like your favourite soap opera characters
Lol 😝👍🏼👍🏼 so true!!
@@harrynac6017 type casting.
I can't imagine being in medicine and thinking that some people are not entitled to compassion or sympathy, couldn't get past that
I can't imagine they feel good.
This does make sense considering a narc will manipulate you to get into a relationship with you. The love bombing phase is all about that. They create scenarios that match perfectly with you and your personality to make you think you've met the perfect partner. They keep it up until you are hooked in.
It's called 'baby narcissism' because they all think the toxic things they do to others can't hurt and you should be a good sport. That's the same way a baby feels that 'lil' ole them can't hurt anything no matter how wrong they are.
The origin of them is simple. They 1. Can not figure out how to fit in. 2. They copy cat behaviors 3. They get friends from the mimicry 4. They target and bully threats to expose their facade just to keep their friends (Basically, someone thinks they're a person by mistake and the narcissist never let's that go and have to bring sacrifices to the friends to keep respect. It's no different than a dog chasing a rabbit or squirrel for the owner. So the friends are the enablers who let them hurt you people)
Sadly I speak from personal experience with this. Everything you stated is 100% true 😞
To my shame and ignorance, the love bombing sold me.
I had one of those! Quick moves. Boom together. Boom moved in.... He was so "prefect" but better than everyone, then BOOM "here's Johnny". 911 call he called on himself but saying I broke the door. I was the one after him! (When he was after me and the reasons idk, so many red flags I ignored bc he was "perfect") had to leave my own apartment cops let him stay and remove himself and his things before I could return... I'm married now 8 yrs to a wonderful man and have kids... But I'm on my toes he could be stalking in the shadows if he could find me idk.
Truth and an absolute nightmare!
Can this narcissist behavior apply to certain couples who tend to blaming it on their spouses so that they can cover up extramarital affairs?
Incredible, I have a sister that is definitely a Narcissist. She is also attractive, funny at times and very engaging when she wants to be. She does not have any long term friends and has a history of being unreliable. Listening to your examples sure closes the gaps on some of the weird situations that have happened over the years. Much appreciated!
She might even be a psychopath.
To summarize, any plan that includes the words “I’ll show them, I’ll show all of them!”
He's nothing but a paper lion
The fact that many people feel like there is a competition between people, and that certain aspects of society seem to reinforce that notion, is something in and of itself to be concerned with.
Finally.. The best definition of my ex... crazy victim mentality never stops goes on and on and definitely asd/sociopath traits.. and physically abusive... horrible person truly toxic bordering evil ! Thank you for this video
Impressive. The only thing that I knew about narcissism was the definition. Listening to this videos made me realize that there is a lot more to a narcissist. So far I find narcissism to be damaging and sad. Thank you for the detail explanations and examples.
Thanks Doc for these wonderful healing insights. It astounds me to see how widespread this problem is in reading all the comments. Blessings to each of you as you reclaim your lives and move on to your higher good where you belong.
I love the real world examples of what their actions would be. It helps me visualize the telling signs of this personality. Thank you!
The histrionic female might interfere with your mate by interrupting, interfering, trying to seduce the male partner, then she insults the female, whom she is was instantly jealous of and why she targeted couple in first place
Great video Dr. My mother is a vulnerable narc. I’ve had to go no contact. I feel so much better and your videos have definitely helped me during the healing process 🙏❤️
Dr. Grande, the levity in these examples is appreciated.
In my unfortunate experience, Narcissists are highly studied and specific in targeting their victims. Then, after they study them and work up rage, then they may play the victim role but for a specific reason (Narcissistic Injury or entitlement to others’s power, work output, achievement, money, sex). Narcissistic Abuse seems directed at a specific person or a specific targeted group of people. There seems to be an often a jealous aspect, like “why should THEY have that? I should have that.”
From the limited examples, I have witnessed, Narcissistic victim behavior has not appeared generic in origin, like the first and last example provided here. It has seems motivated first by targeting and attacking a specific person or group.
A common example that we often see in media is the women who alleges rape only when the guy is planning to leave. It is a very sad and insidious example, because it diminishes the credibility “as a group” of those victims who are actually raped. As well as the horrific crime to the specific individual to be accused of a false crime, and all the fallout that brings to their life, livelihood.
Thank you for this video!! This type of narcissistic trait is the one I encoutered the most in my life. Maybe because I tend to worry for other people and pick up their 'cry for help' even when we don't have a very strong bond or when other people don't responds. I tend to believe the 'victim' person and offer help when other people seem indifferent or care just a little and leave the person alone. I believe that people shoul be helpful to each other, on the other hand I see how the victim role is sometimes fabricated. This type of victim traits are not discussed a lot/very clearly, so I appriciate this video very much. With this type of people, indeed lack of empathy is very clear and on the other side the person who responds, behaves according to an excess of empathy. I don't have a specific question on this topic, just I want to ask if possible to bring up this this topic in the future.
These are actually hilarious! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Its crazy the lengths some people will go to get attention. Lol. Thanks for the great info (as always)!
My spouse is a Covert narcissist.. it took me 14 years to figure this out. But I am learning now.. I wonder it's easier for a women narcissist to play a victim. I came to know that my spouse has been running a smear campaign against me, my family and basically anyone I get even a bit close. People have listened to her for years without even trying to know my side of story. Once I found out I tried to explain , it was like they were brainwashed, and all my explanations were falling on deaf ears.
They are so good at bad mouthing the people who actually love them. Like they took a course on how to manipulate and control others while always appearing the victim who can do no wrong.
It's because deep down they know they are a piece of shit and everything they do is to distract themselves and you from this obvious fact.
I hope life is good for you
You deserve happiness.😊