Mine was obsessed with male approval. She was my former best friend who I grew up with. She would screw anyone over for a guy. Ironically, even her boyfriend 🙃 she had a hierarchy. It was always men over women, but it was also new supply over old supply. She had some major daddy attachment issues and mommy abandonment issues
I disagree with point number 1. They give you the impression they want authority of a man. But in the end they always decide and are in control. If you get what want it is with their permission and only to expect something in return.
They want the privilege to be a man in a patriarchal society. Men do not have natural authority over women because men are not God. Women and men are equally human beings, in fact.
1. Authority over others 2. The privilege of being a victim 3. To remain in a Peter Pan State I'm a 64 year old grey haired lesbian farmer being accused of sexually abusing a 40 year old male who lost His lic driving big rigs. There's a bunch - maybe 100,00s thousands of incel men who have turned covert nark - they have hardly been with a female and they are mentally deranged - time for videos on covert narky men.
My covert ex discarded me for a married man who is 20 years older than her. She ended up telling people she feared for her life being around me. I swear on my life I never did anything to her. Knowing people believe her and the way she has treated me has been one of the hardest things I’ve gone through psychologically. I wish I never met her. I helped her get over alcoholism and drugs. I got her into fitness. Before she discarded me she said “I realized I don’t “need” you anymore.” I was just a need at a moment in time. 5 years wasted. I want to get over this but I don’t know how.
Hey man, I get it. You didn’t do anything. It’s her. No contact. Better him The you, and better sooner than later. TIME and SPACE WILL HELP YOU MOVE ON
They always tell people we abused them, even though it's usually the other way round. My ex left me for an older guy with money too. I feel sorry for him because she will get bored and restless like she always does. She'll make his life hell, I hope he kicks her out onto the street. They turn on all their partners eventually. Time is the best healer, the pain gets less and you realise relationships with these women are doomed from day one.
I did 25 session of EMDR just to get my nervous system somewhat back in order after my 10 stint w/covert narc. It helped but then acceptance has to happen. Feel for ya bro...
I learned about female Covert narcissist AFTER the brutal discard. I never watch a single narc video before, now I've watched hundreds! Sometimes the only way out, is through. I'm so much stronger now, and in an odd way, thanks to her crazy blindside. It cleared the way for a better relationship with myself. 🎉
The narcissist that nearly destroyed me was a person that had a child-like inability to connect actions with their consequences. I pity her so much, but I can't change it
I’m happy it happened to me because it’s motivation to take mental health serious. Now I’m studying sigmund Freud, Carl Jung, Shirley Glass, John Bowlby, Daniel Goleman, Bessel Van Der Kolk, and others. These guys work are a big help plus these UA-cam videos. Now I can spot these kind from a mile away, unresolved childhood traumas that spans generations.
(22 red flags) RUN 1. Malignant envy, jealous and needy. 2. Overly concerned about her looks. 3. Rude and has no manners. 4. Plays games, Gaslights 5. Frequently bored. Doesn't like to be interested in anything, no hobbies 6. Has difficulty managing her emotions, volatile especially in public, temper tantrums 7. Constantly seeks attention and approval 8. Lazy 9. Overly controlling 10. Has daddy issues, a bad reputation with past relationships ie: sex bombs, devalues, discards 11. Never has anything nice to say about other women or your friends 12. Doesn’t have a plan for her life, or wandering through life 13. Low self esteem 14. Harboring hate, hateful toward others 15. Self-centered , stingy 16. Brags incessantly 17. Has no respect for her man 18. Falsely accuses 19. Demanding 20. Untrustworthy 21. Lacking empathy, cold hearted, 22. No morals BONUS: Substance abuse issues.
These kinds of lists are helpful, and IMHO confusing. To what extent should one run? How many out of the 22? How to assess when she exhibits other qualities that are positive and mature? I don't mean to be simply a pest, rather, to share my honest curiosity and quandary here, hopefully to get some specifics, perhaps?
@@machtnichtsseimann At this point in my life and taking into account of what I've experienced. I would say if she shows two or more, you should run as fast as possible. If she shows one on the list, have a to-go bag packed and ready because it's only a matter of time before she exhibits more things on the list.
The "Damsel in distress" one... I was stupid enough to think I would be her saviour. She even said I was. I was her "hero". And eventually she accused me of being just like her exes even though apparently all her exes cheated on her and were horrible to her and I NEVER cheated on her nor was horrible. On my 43 page letter that I wrote to her, I explained this. I told her that I didn't believe everything she said about her exes were true and that there is a common denominator in all her failed relationships. And that was actually her. One night, I was literally praying to God even though I'm a non believer...I was praying she would understand what she was doing and the next morning she even admitted that she needed help. It was unreal. She never did get any though. She never asked anything about me. How I was doing. How my day was etc. Everything was about her which I didn't mind at first. But whilst being abused and everything was STILL about her... every time she humiliated me, traumatised me, everything... nothing was ever her fault. According to her that is. She's a Demon.
They will pretend to want to get help but they never do. They will put on a parade! They will smear you if you keep boundaries. Do not fall for the acting. Most importantly, be aware of their flying monkeys!
Omg. I had to check the name of who wrote this as for a second I thought I did. Word for word the last two years of my life. I was her knight in shining armor, her hero. I treated her like gold as she told me how horrible her x’s were to her. I caught her betraying me in ways no one ever believes when I tell my story (I’m working on a series of videos about dating a covert narcissist but unlike any I’ve seen mine will have many forms of in the moment proof to the gaslighting and twisted behaviors that also shows how you get hooked like heroin) I’m just now slowly getting clear headed to everything. It’s been one of the most screwed up experiences that still makes NO SENSE at all. Nothing was done that should have changed all her fantasy future plans. She destroyed it all herself.
People learn wrong habits in childhood, as their subcosncious mind is created in childhood, but the habits continue to adulthood, and Dr. Bruce Lipton says...they are not aware of it because its subconscious program, or its approved by subconscious mind and subconscous mind works 95 percenta day, while conscious mind works only 5 percent a day.
Sounds familiar to my story (and probably many others in the comments). Currently being stalked in my MMA gym for over a year by the witch, she's slept with 2 other lads on the mats there as well now, and yet is still allowed to go despite me telling the instructors/closest friends there exactly what she did to me. My issue isn't just the abuse/stalking - it's the enabling within our culture that she is afforded, there is absolutely 0% chance I would be able to do what she has done as a man, I would (quite rightfully) be chucked out before I could even get my foot in the door. Moving forwards, I now speak openly to others about calling out abuse from women, how it doesn't make you less of a man, and how we need to all improve as a society to highlight that women can be just as abusive/toxic as men. I'm met with the odd eye roll, which I understand as not everyone wants to hear my shit - but again, the fact abusive women are afforded such privileges is disgusting and I'm not going to just lay down in defeat until my boundaries are respected. Keep going brothers!
It really is like they are demons... they go from loving you one moment, to being cold, soulless creatures who look at you with a death stare when they have 'switched'. It's like you're no longer dealing with a human.
I can’t tell you how validating your videos are to a man who thought he was going crazy. My ex was a female covert narcissist to a T and I appreciate your videos so so much. They have helped me more than you know.
My name is Josh. This is literally verbatim my experience. We should talk. It’s hard to find people who understand just how diabolical these human beings are. If you’re interested in helping support one another. Hit me up. Here and I’ll share my contact info. I for one, need all the help I can get.
Yep. I finally got most of my peace back. We still share a teenage child that has to endure the attacks. But my teen and I know that we still have support when she attacks us with bizarre gaslit nonsense. Also in SC. . . Charleston! This was a great video that goes to the heart of the insanity.
My wife visited a friend overseas for 3 months. I was astounded at the peace and relief I felt during her absence. Never realised I was this oppressed.
You must have met my ex girlfriend....the hell that I went thru the past 2+ years is unbelievable....I feel like I should go on tour and tell my story to others to make them aware....a skilled manipulator, a toxic female covert narcissist...pure evil and sadistic....preyed on my heart and emotions. I will never, ever trust a female again. Thought I was happy and gonna get married with my soul mate. Turned out to be a deeply disturbed individual. The manipulation, blame shifting and gaslighting were killing me. 100% spot on Lise, thank you.
I've seen quite a bit of the videos over the last few years detailing specifically the female side of things. I've also read tons of comments from men that were on the receiving end of the abuse. Most common thing I've seen is "two years of hell." My experience was that long too. And as far as questioning her when we initially met, none of her relationships were beyond a year and a half. 🤔👀
@@TJKashatus sorry to hear bro yeah mine was exact same story unfortunately lived together for 2 years. Glad it ended there such a life learning lesson. You should go on tour! haha I’ve been tempted to start a UA-cam channel or podcast on dealing with this shit . I’m trying to stay positive about women and feminine energy but good god it’s getting ugly out there no accountability or communication it seems . Especially here in the United States with the brainwash of TikTok damn ex was addicted af to that. Can’t believe I ignored 50+ red flags
@@Dcmaddog12she will never be accountable and will never give you closure so don't look for it from her. Find your own by healing . They're the most verbally abusive, mentally abusive, emotionally and physically abusive piece of sh*t on the planet and they leach off everyone they possible can, drain them of life, energy and resources to feed them then discard and smear campaign to gaslight you and play victim to the next supply. Please watch these youtube channels : DoctorRamani , Narc's Nemesis, NARCDAILY-You are not alone . I couldn't even begin to tell you here all the stuff I went through with my narc ex for almost two years. Insane. And the torture they put us through can kill us, or drive us to s**cide . In fact, I truly believe my ex was responsible for the TWO suicides of people close to her. One was her ex and the other was a "landlord" who I think she was also with and hid that fact ,but pushed them both over the edge .
she will never be accountable and will never give you closure so don't look for it from her. Find your own by healing . They're the most verbally abusive, mentally abusive, emotionally and physically abusive piece of sh*t on the planet and they leach off everyone they possible can, drain them of life, energy and resources to feed them then discard and smear campaign to gaslight you and play victim to the next supply. Please watch these youtube channels : DoctorRamani , Narc's Nemesis, NARCDAILY-You are not alone . I couldn't even begin to tell you here all the stuff I went through with my narc ex for almost two years. Insane. And the torture they put us through can kill us, or drive us to s**cide . In fact, I truly believe my ex was responsible for the TWO suicides of people close to her. One was her ex and the other was a "landlord" who I think she was also with and hid that fact ,but pushed them both over the edge .
She would go shopping rather than pay her rent, grew massive arrears and eventually evicted. But to her the landlord was unreasonable and picking on her. Completely delusional.
You might be surprised how common this is. I've been a housing provider for 37 years. We are always painted as the bad guys for holding them accountable. There are a lot of these nasty creatures out there, some even in my family and my husbands family too.
@Monipenny1000 she had plenty of warnings and chances to get on top of it but chose the easier option. They don't appear to be able to responsibly budget. Children in Adult bodies.
April 21, 2024 was the day I walked out after 25 years of everything described in this video. It took a lot of courage and I was ready to risk losing my four (3 adult, one 17) children over this. That's how bad it was and the terrible toll it was taking on me. Fortunately, only my oldest has been brainwashed and won't talk to me. The other three can see through things a bit better and I have a great relationship with them. I want to tell you that since I left and filed for divorce, each day is a treasured gift of peace and freedom I never fully realized I would experience. If you are scared, if you wonder if you'll have regrets, I promise you, if you are experiencing this abuse you will discover a joy you thought you could never have. You will find yourself again and you will have zero regrets. Your life is worth it. Don't waste it away.
I was once the brainwashed oldest, but later in life I finally understood what's going on. I'm still embarassed that I fell for it so hard, especially the victimhood.
I'm divorcing after 37 yrs of torment and abuse. It only gets worse as time passes. I'm in poor health and can't really afford to divorce since she's never been employed. What I do have left of my life is worth every penny. I don't even know who I am anymore!
🙌 Way to go Adam, you have a ton of courage - Congratulations. For me, my ex filed divorce back in 2022 and we’re still working to finalizing divorce. We were married 21 years, but our 20 year old son and 18 year old daughter saw through all her excuses and they each individually made the decision to come live with me. I’m grateful for having them with me and now in a much better place mentally, spiritually, and physically- Thank God. ❤️
There are few things in life that are this clear cut. A narc is a permanently wounded wild animal. There's no fixing it. If you have it in your head that you're going to find coping mechanisms to deal with having one of these in your life, you have no idea what you're dealing with or what they're capable of doing. This person is already gone. The only winning move is to not play this game at all. Literally move to another city if that's what it takes. No contact, ever again.
I literally had to abscond a state halfway across the country to get out. It’s been 5 years and she still tries to find ways to get back into my life and obsessively attempts to sabotage my life in any way, shape or form
@@01amare I have a family member with an ex like this. By court order they only communicate via email and no other method. Don’t even see each other when dropping kids off for visitation. You’re absolutely right that when kids are involved, it’s a lot more to manage. But it’s definitely possible to find a sustainable path. It’s just essential to maintain boundaries, including absolute minimal contact w a narc.
I feel like there is no hope, listening to all this. How shockingly on point this al is. I guess i really need to wake up, and realize. There is nothing i can do. And it will never change. It's a shame, i loved her so much. She was the most beautiful woman i had ever laid eyes on. And i lost myself in this illusion of what i thought she was, and completely avoided who she really is, and always will be. I love you Emeline. But i can't go on like this anymore. Be happy, be well. I wish the best for you, and hope you receive the help you need.
I love my wife so much but this is her. I moved out last month because after 10 years I can’t take it anymore. SHe is in denial about her childhood trauma that led to her covert narcissism and it’s not my responsibility to fix her. I can never go back to that toxic abuse.
I was mentally exhausted, after years of monolog of how the world has failed her. I was simply tired. Done. Spent. No more hours and hours of empathy and validation, as it was never going to be enough.
Lise, this is striking in its accuracy. The victim mentality was a ruse to draw me in, and I fell for it, I wanted to be her saviour, but eventually realised the pattern of how everything wrong in her life was “someone else’s” fault. She was unable to take responsibility for anything. I knew something was wrong but couldn’t put my finger on it. I got out anyway and found your videos afterward, that explain everything. Thank you.
, Lise Leblanc, you remind me that most women are not evil abusers and some are actually angels who can be objective and caring. One day, I hope most women will be like you.
I had one of the really good ones, you know, dyed in the wool. I thought I was going to tell you all of the crap that was used on me. But in the first 30 seconds, you said everything I was going to say, and it was spot on. If I knew all of this 5 years ago, I would have avoided all of that mess. Now, I feel fried, like I don't want to even try to reach out and try again. Its awful.
Don't reach out until you've recovered. Fix yourself with knowledge and insight to clearly see the red flags. Become better not bitter. I wish you peace.
Looking back I found that I have a desire to help people. For me turning someone’s life around when they are down is appealing. I learned the hard way the damsel in distress is bait for a sucker to come along and play this role. Unfortunately it makes me reluctant to help people in the future and always question their true intentions.
I get that. You become suspicious, wanting to ask "Why are you so helpless? You're a grown adult. What are YOU doing about all of these horrible problems you have?
Or try actual volunteer work is very fulfilling bc I have the same kind of heart at least in that role there is a structure to protect us Empaths from getting crushed by the love con these sick people do when there are real good people who need our emotional intelligence
Yeah same, also became a little numb to heavy emotional states, cause she was such a victim of everything that her crying her eyes out is quite normal. After a while I realized it’s more of a trick cause she’ll do the same thing again that she was crying about and kinda lost sympathy (just thinking, oh here we go again..). Also don’t you dare support here in the “wrong” way at this point, or she’ll switch from crying to blaming you and being angry with for being such a terrible listener and whatnot. So I would just silently listen to her bs and feel 0 empathy anymore at the end. Hope I’ll get that back.. kinda feel half psychopath right now.
Your description of a covert narcissist perfectly describes my wife. In my opinion, she was a victim of being raised buy a malignant narcissist father. We can't have a normal conversation without me feeling like I've always done something wrong. It's like a broken record. I'm always the one who can apologize and except responsibility. Asking her to apologize or take responsibility is like pulling teeth. Her perception of reality is always distorted. She is always the victim. In all truthfulness, I despise her father. She is the victim, but I am dealt the brunt if her injury. Sadly I don't feel she will ever change or heal from her deep wounds.
Never. It is a waste of time to talk to her. She is a child in an adult body WHO CHOOSES TO NEVER GROW UP. It is more important for her to keep her pride than destroying you.
You know it's ironic, I met my current wife in 2020 though her being part of a relationship with her "crazy" ex. Then I am Narc informed and what I consider to be an advocate for this information. Still I end up with a Covert and now I find myself in the show once more. I decided this week I am leaving. It will be bad but staying I think will be worse in the end. Thank you for your insight it is very on the mark and helpful. God Bless.
A very pessimistic view if I may say so!... the key, in my experience, fo both men and women who are broken and have reach a 'tipping point' [open to change], is to 'facilitate self-healing' rather than try to 'direct a healing journey' that YOU think they need... they might need it actually, but this might not be the right time, or they might need some stress-management or self-integration training before they are ready to heal. Hope this helps and might sometimes avoid us abandoning/giving-up on someone who has already abandoned or given up hope on themself. :-)
Sounds like someone who may have been bitten a few too many times and bow wants nothing to do with any woman. Odds are, there is probably at least one good one out there; good luck in finding her, but hey, I guess people do win the lottery every now and then. So the next question is how lucky do you feel.
@@rogerwhoareyou there are great women out there. The problem is finding someone you’re attracted to that’s also attracted to you. I’ve met great women I’ve been interested in but they didn’t feel the same. That’s fine. I lowered my standards and ended up with a childish narcissist. It seems impossible to find someone at this point. Dating is awful.
PROJECTION is an understatement. My woman can say so much falsehood so many times to the point that she believes that it's true and that I said those false statements she created in her head. You nailed it Lise. Thank You so much 💌
Yes.... Going through this still. She never does anything wrong and will swear she didn't do anything in the past. The most ridiculous thing anyone can go through.
Spot on to my situation. Dumped me 5 times in 2 years. I had to move out although at the time she manipulated me to believe I was the problem and that I wouldn’t change or consistent enough for her… which is complete BS. I was working on myself daily until I was mass laid off from a job and became depressed for a month not really motivated - not feeding her supply I realize.. I’m much happier out of it but sometimes sad because my life is so much different now in a new home. But it’s taking every ounce of my self control to not reach out to her and TELL HER YOU ARE THE PROBLEM YOU ARE A COVERT NARC. Her mom is too and she grew up with no father figure.. all women in her family she controlled every damn thing and I lost all masculinity and confidence she originally was obsessed with and love bombed. Her family even said we should get married. Now I’m sitting here feeling like I just went through a 2 year coma of nonsense and disappointment. Thanks for all you do!!
I feel ya brother.. I have a kid with my ex... It's rough.. she monkey branched and moved my kid in with the guy at break neck speed.. wish I had more than 50.50 custody.. wish I didn't feel anything for her anymore lol..
@@matthewkeim holy shit man. I’m sorry to hear that. What helps get me through is I’m glad I didn’t spend my life with her or get married just to be served up with a divorce. But rest assured none of their relationships will last whatsoever. And they lost us great caring men who maybe fell off for a little bit and lost our way but that’s when the gaslighting, manipulation and shift blaming really came out. I wish I would’ve realized it during the relationship. I did the 4th breakup lol let the house for the night only for her to want me back the next day. I will not be living with a girl for a long time or even getting in any sort of relationship. I need to become more secure attachment style and not anxious attachment like most people. fearful avoidant covert Narc lol thrive on that. Stay strong brother!
It has occurred to me the human tendency to project is a very serious problem. Healthy people tend to project virtue on people who don't deserve it. They try so hard to understand what went wrong because they honestly want to correct something if it was indeed their fault. On the flip side, the disordered person projects all sorts of malice onto the other person. They assume the worst when it comes to their motivations and attribute intent onto that person that never really existed. In both cases, the person in question is assuming that the person they are dealing with has the same motivations and characteristics that they do. It really is a wheat vs chaff sort of thing. Judging others really isn't our place, but discerning certainly is. When you figure out someone is toxic, wish them well and hope they heal, but break it off and go no contact. As much as judging is above our pay grade, so is fixing them.
Literally everything in your video reflects the conversation with my ex-wife. Could never stick with one subject. She always had to change the subject or go with something unrelated from the past. Getting a "I'm Sorry" was nearly impossible.
Thank-you very much, Lise - very helpful! ...A female covert-narcissist client who rounded on me after I challenged her about a pattern of duplicitous behaviour, quickly accused me of being a "Psychological Abuser" [just as you describe!]. This was very hurtful for me because I had gone out of my way to help her through one a couple of crises... Having taught commmunication skills and assertveness for some years, I knew not to go down the road of intellectually or emotionally defending myself, but also knew that this malicious narrative could not go uncorrected, for my own peace of mind... so as she went to make a dramatised enraged-victimhood exit, I said "Can I ask a small favour of you before you go, xxxx?" This sidestep from direct conflict took her by surprise and appealed to her personal power, so she agreed..."Please look me in the eye and repeat your accusation that I psychologically abused you!"... She was enraged and empowered enough to look me boldly in the eye, but as I expected... could not say the words [when soul-to-soul confronted] because we both knew deep-down that it was a lie. For a moment she was stuck for words, then her puffed-up narcissistic rage melted and hestitatingly said: "I... FELT... that you abused me!" I accepted this re-phrased truth, because she was now taking responsibility and I understood her conditioned narcissistic rage response to being held accountable for her behaviour. To my surprise, she now became calm and agreed to come back and sit down with me and have a more adult conversation about what was not going to work for us both at that time. We parted on good terms! :-)
I was thinking, Lisa, and in reading the comments and my own experience that one outlet for me as a chronic “saver” is to do actual volunteer work. It helps me to feel useful and less filled up by flattery and false charm bc of desperation to find meaning in my own life if this makes sense. Volunteer work is narc prevention for me bc I’m one of those problem solvers so might as well help the community more widely. Thank you for videos and all the excellent presentations.
Ask them to do something for you. Something small. Something you would do for them with no hesitation. If they are narcissistic or otherwise toxic, it will ALWAYS go at least 1 of 4 ways (though sometimes these reactions may compound): They will act as though they didn’t hear you. Depending on how long you’ve been in the relationship, you may ask again. If it’s been long enough, you’re likely to drop the request right then and there. They will promise to do it, but never follow through. If you ask again or remind them, they will usually have some kind of excuse. In these cases, they will still never actually fulfill their promise. Their excuse is not a reason for lagging, it is the reason they should be absolved from all expectation whatsoever. Often this excuse will be meaningless or an outright lie.If you don’t buy their excuse, and tell them so, you will experience the wonderful segue into reaction. An argument will ensue The argument will be your fault. It could be a small back and forth contending against your request, or it might quickly devolve into them screaming at you. You never know which it will be. They might even say outright that you should never ask or expect anything from them. Usually they will express that you are asking too much, hurting them in some way (financially, emotionally, insulting them, etc), or attack your character. The argument will only end when you relinquish your request + apologize, or start ignoring them completely. If you can ignore them long enough, they may apologize to you. However, the conflict will never feel truly resolved. At this juncture they may actually end up giving you what you asked for. Often this does require you admitting that you don’t really need it, or that you would be fine with what they suggested instead. This leads us to reaction They give you what you asked for, BUT There is ALWAYS a catch. It might be small. They show up late with no apology. They buy you what you wanted, but it’s the wrong color, model, brand, etc. They take you where you wanted to go, but pressure you the whole time you’re getting ready because you’re going to be sooo late. Then they want to leave early anyway. It might be worse. They do it out of anger, and make a big display out of it to scare/hurt you. They hold it over your head until you do something for them first. Or, later on, they use it against you. “I did x for you, so you should do y for me.” No matter what, you never actually feel fulfilled, happy, or loved when they do something for you. Somehow, even from the getgo, there was this deep-seated feeling of guilt and fear, this sense that the “special” things they were doing for you weren’t so special at all. Eventually, you become afraid to ask for anything. You’ve been conditioned to believe you deserve nothing. Ironically, or not, the less demands you make, the worse you will be treated. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done digitalinvestigate@gmail.com
Ive been dealing with this for close to 4ish years. Now looking back at 19yeas of marriage, its was always there. I’m not sticking around, making a safe way forward. I know that I am a man in a horrible situation. I also know that I need to fix my needs and own situation and getting back to stability. I also know that I have some past trauma from child hood, so that complicate things. So I know I am no where near perfect. I’m feeling so frustrated.
This is so spot on I could not figure out for the life of me. If I was speaking another language to this girl she wouldn’t see the obvious and would ignore reality. It did make me question my reality, but no more follow what they do not what they say, these are dangerous women and I glad I kicked mine to the curb. Who’s trying to manipulate her way back in every day no thank you
I have a partner like this. After the disrespect and insults they directed at me, I distanced myself and told them I didn’t want a relationship. Following this, they started accusing me and claiming I was using them, as if they had never done anything wrong. I realized that I could never win in a relationship like this. They always play the victim and are always right. By constantly blaming and manipulating me, they try to destroy my self-respect. Do not try to solve their problems with good intentions and keep your distance, or the damage could be much greater than you expect.
Thanks for your work Lise, you and other creators have opened my eyes to looking through my past and present with a whole new lens. Covert narcissism doesnt explain everything and I need to figure stuff out about my own traits but it has made things so much clearer.
We moved to the most expensive neighborhood in town following her advice, months later we could no longer pay the rent on time and I suggested to move to a cheaper place, she told me "the only one who's moving out of here is you...".
@@jorgeluiscapiello414 sounds like a guy who wanted me to "put my ex in a home" who's basically a groundskeeper who actually checks in if I'm alive unlike him
Because the guy had been evicted and I helped move all his stuff only for him to recently strangle me until my ear bled and popped .... now he gets to go to a home he didn't want to kick any of us out of...oh yea and he called the cops himself smartypants traitor 🙄 bad people good parents hmmm over the heads of most , in fact even he said more to my face than a million damsel in distress men and his mom and my mom behind my back !!!
I lived this for 26 years. She needed a hero and I wanted to be one. It worked until I became a source of her victimhood. I wanted to rescue her but she claimed I wanted to destroy her. It was this disparity that caused me to question the nature of our relationship.
Yes. That is standard operating procedure for them. You can spend hours everyday talking about a big decision. And they will make the worse choice and laugh about it.
Yeah, it was such a tightrope, messed up to feel like you are the bad guy for truly trying to support her best you can (offering advice she would get angry, not asking enough angry, accidentally talking before she was finished etc). The hardest part is that when you actually need a breadcrumb of support they themselves have no problem telling you how it’s your own responsibility and that you have such negative energy and you are bringing her down. Like wtf. In the end it is also our faults, since I stayed with that for much longer then I should. A healthy person would not accept that behaviour and just leave. I learned a lot about boundaries and how I work, and how to deal with people in the future. I’m confident I can spot these people from a mile away now. I also learned there is no helping these people no matter what you do, this is all in their head, you can’t fix that, and thus there is literally absolutely no way to ever have anything resembling a healthy relationship. Also they will not change, I also believed that for some time, they will either say they changed or are going to, but this never ever happens (even though they are convinced)
@woy8 you're absolutely correct, these relationships are impossible, totally one-sided and they only get more abusive. I agree also your point about staying too long, somebody with more self esteem wouldn't have stayed for sure. I became terrified of leaving, it got so bad I was addicted to her. Thanks for replying.
This video really resonates and explains so much about my last relationship. Thank you! I know my faults and flaws but I also have to make peace with the fact I was fighting a losing battle for 6 years of my life. The one positive is I can spot the signs now and hopefully help myself and others to avoid similar situations. I’ve removed other narcissists from my life subsequently and I feel peace for the first time in 38 years of being alive. It’s taken work, I’ve had to learn about myself, who I am and who I want to be but I feel so much happier now. I have no doubt videos like this will help others to understand they aren’t insane and the person they loved and may well still love, was abusing them
Examples given in the video 90% were used by my ex, thats so insane, its kind of a systematic... If the author of this video is reading this, It would be interesting to know about how do men unconsiously choose covert narcisisstic partners and how spot them early?
I chose my narc because she made me feel wanted and my deep down belief that I could help solve her problems. Sadly the more I tried the madder she got.
Hi lisa.Your descriptions about these horrible persons is absolutely right.Thank you very much for your wonderful helps.Thank you for helping us to be able to save our health in toxic relationship with these uninteresting and parasitic creatures.
Mental health! Some women have 3 or more personalities. Wife is not one of them. I've dated many many women. I've only met one that was mentally and emotionally stable. In the office where I worked 8 out of 9 women were on mental health meds. You never know who you pick! It's almost best to stay single and keep two or three in rotation.
I wouldn't even do that mush. I've got a hand. And it doesn't ever say it's too tired or not shower on purpose to avoid it. Single...AND solo is the way.
Most mental problems are totally workable in relationship. Narc or bpd are really a different beast, since they lack empathy. They operate solely based around them and are master manipulators and use that full force to get what they want and give as little as they can. It is literally impossible to be in a relationship with these.
Ya just have to expect this stuff nowadays, lest ye be torn to pieces, never ,ever let em move in, especially in these crap economic times. These predators are everywhere due to FakeBook brainwashing.
The nail in the girls head is classic, I would've laughed harder except I lived this crap for 7 years before I had enough and left her. My sincerest advice to someone in a relationship with a covert narcissist is, it will NEVER get better, you can't love them out of it and you can't fix them. All the time you waste on a narcissist is time you could be with an honest genuine caring person. Life is short look after yourself.
First sentence to last 💯 Hi Lise, thanks for the memories! 😉 Lol only took me a decade to work out she didn't want solutions to her "problems"...She just wanted supply, attention, validation, energy, etc. Having a solution would stop all that.. It was never about the problem it was all a way to manipulate me.. My compassionate cautious distance is around 300km now and working on getting further away, no more of that thankyou... Lolol loved the nail in the head! 😂😂 Would have been a little more easy if it was that obvious.. If we just remove the nail! 😂😂😂 Have a good day thanks for the laugh...🐬✨
My Ex was a sleep walker. Nothing overly dramatic, but she was nevr nevr never wrong about anything. I was always wrong, always. Even when she repeated exactly what I had said, I was still wrong
@redefinedliving5974 it was always triggered by any correction, acknowledging the source of any problem, disapproving of anything, working extra (being gone for 12 hrs, even though she'd work 10 of those hours), she always insisted I was cheating bc girls sometimes like me. When she'd change, it was absolutely polar opposite. Cold. Flat. Hatred. Sinister. Cynical. Denying. Reality inverted. Gaslighting. I was 100% of all problems and she could not accept 1% of any blame on anything. She'd accuse me of being a narcissist and trying to keep her down or destroy or control her. Tip of the iceberg.
Lisa, I have to say that you are always spot on. I said it before that I would come to Canada just for a couple of sessions if I could. Thank you once again.
Dr LeBlanc, your videos are SO SPOT ON and have helped me tremendously! This one, in particular, had me scratching my head like, “When was she in our living room, our bedroom, these last 9 months???” This was 800% my ex. And to think I had dreams of marrying her 😬
Thank you! You just described my ex girlfriend and my relationship with her to a T. She was abused as a child and the trauma is still very present. Had to end the over 1 year relationship a few months ago. As you said, I had to prioritize my own well being.
Omg everything you say is to the point. It's sad that I relate, when I listen it's like you are describing everything I went through for 2 years. It's so sad how I relate so hard
My ex is a classic case of covert narcissism… Used me until I was depleted financially, then discarded me for a wealthy older man… all while telling people that I’m the narcissist…
She got drunk, did a face plant against the bathroom wall as she blacked out and fell to the floor. The next morning she came up stairs to breakfast with a pretty good black eye. I told her she needed to see a doctor and stop drinking. She refused. I also told her she needs to be honest when people asked about her black eye. A week later, in an argument about money in which I paid more than my fair share of expenses, she yelled at me that she didn't feel safe around me, still having a half healed black eye.. I defused that situation by ending the conversation. Two months later I asked her about her not safe comment. I stated I was never abusive to her in any way and was concerned about that comment. She said she meant emotionally unsafe. Quite the manipulative tactic. Pure evil.
You described my wife. Im so shocked. I left her today and I am NOT going back! First of all this year is my year because I want to achieve a very important goal I need peace and Harmony for. After I have achieved my goal, I will get a doggo and live my life 😊
My ex-wife dropped me after 9 years when her oldest finished college and had the income to take over as breadwinner. I strongly believe that was her plan the whole time. She got colder, more abusive, more mean at the end. I was a good husband and a good dad. She chased off my family, had me drop every friend I ever had, and painted me as a bigoted, racist monster. She was diagnosed before we met with a list of things I didn't understand until it was too late. Almost 2 years later and I am finally on my feet again. I returned to my faith, lost 100+ pounds, and I am learning to find peace and contentment in solitude. If I ever get in to a relationship again I will be solid in who I am and require that she is as well.
A genuine good intentioned man who fell in to this trap due to lack of knowledge will always stand up stronger again. Im well and truly over this covert narc sociopath who targeted me through a colleague. She studied me like a stalker before approaching me. She got my number from my colleague under the pretnce of needing some "advice". The end, almost 15 years later is that im doing much better and back to my best.
Im really sad at the moment because I invested a lot into a failed relationship. Hut I actually giggled at the snagged sweater bit.., and his reaction spot on.
Thankyou you have described my 20 yr experience..waited for last out of two to finish study then.....LEFT THE BUILDING. We all can recover...i am busy with it...getting stronger every day Happinness. Viva
Ambiguity is how I move when being around my ex. Little to no contact and I’m out the way. I’ve watched her go through three different relationships with men , where she draws them in with the I was an Ahole to her. Then she slowly ruins their lives and discards them. There’s no changing a narc. They are who they are, so just go into that already knowing.
This is literally my ex fiancé, a psychologist cover narcissist, after 6 years together, before i finish that nightmare, I ended diagnosed by her ofc having bipolarity marinated on childhoodtrauma with a touch of schizophrenia. Thank you so much for share this knowledge, you're awesome, excellent explanation.
Before the victimhood thing, comes passive-aggressiveness: she tries to get you out of your mind, so she can start her whinning and complaining... and, hopefully, get you further out of your mind. It's a vicious circle...
Every single manipulation tactic all but implies the use of the lying tactic and the gaslighting tactic. I actually dislike it a little calling out gaslighting as a manipulation tactic as it's actually an effect. All manipulation tactics will contribute to it by nature of what manipulation is. Some tactics however certainly take the gaslighting effect to a whole different level. Blatant lies that are so bad they insult your intelligence is one of them. That kind of shit will make you feel like you are in the twilight zone after a while. Here are some of the reasons they do this: To test their control. To feel superior and/or entertainment. This proves to themselves how much control they have over you. In the end, you will give up and you will not leave (trauma bonded). In the process of getting to the giving up stage, you will go through some pretty nasty emotional states ending in massive amounts of cognitive dissonance to swallow all of that. Cognitive dissonance is a trauma defense mechanism where you essentially lie to yourself in various ways so that you can bring back some semblance of equilibrium to the insanity you find yourself unable to escape from. As part of the ‘backing you into an emotional corner’ tactic. This is a tactic where you are manipulated into being emotionally unstable inevitably leading to you losing your shit. This gives the narcissist a big dopamine burst, they feel powerful and superior having so deftly controlled you and manipulated into this emotional state. To finish the little game they play, they make sure to point out how unhinged and unstable you are and suggest that perhaps you need help or medication. Of course, you will internalize all that shame and guilt and the million other raging emotions they have created and swallow all that essentially allowing them to scapegoat their blame and accountability onto you. Bring on some more cognitive dissonance and gaslighting effects. To condition you to expect less respect, and ultimately put up with more abuse. You will tire of the inevitable circular argument trying to convince the narcissist of the blatantly obvious lie and eventually find yourself challenging them less and less as you subconsciously accept the fact that if you do it will just make your life and emotional state more miserable and you will be denied the satisfaction of any kind of ‘win’ even if it is easy to disprove. This is part of the domination process and makes sure all the power in the relationship ends up with them by the end. To turn your mind to mush as the gaslighting effect takes hold more and more over time. This makes you even easier to control. Many times while easy to disprove it requires some kind of concession of some obvious truth that the narcissist can just doggedly refuse to agree with or remember (‘the intentional forgetting’ tactic and the ‘feigned confusion or ignorance’ tactics are often employed for this). So, in fact, it is not so easy to prove when the narcissist refuses to correctly remember what happened 10 min ago or accept sound logic or reasoning. You will just turn blue in the face trying. Of course, in some cases it is indisputable. A phone log or something. My experience is when this kind of stuff happens it wasn’t their intention typically, although sometimes it was. But in these scenarios, you will typically get some sort of angry ‘invalidating’ tactic, with some good old ‘manufactured rage’ and ‘intimidation’ tactics to ‘put you on the defensive’ and get you more susceptible to further manipulation. Maybe something like: “Get over yourself already” followed up by some ‘blame-shifting’ tactics with some good old ‘guilt’ and ‘shame’ tactics, like “Why the hell are you spying on my phone records anyway? What kind of relationship is this? I don’t have any privacy? I don’t know if I can do this anymore! You have major jealousy issues! You need help!” You will walk away as the loser either way. There are resistance tactics that can be used but this is a very difficult tactic to deal with and it is one of their favorites. I won’t get into the counter-tactics here though. The only way to really win in a relationship with a narcissist is to leave them and go no contact. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done Metaspyhub@gmail. com
It can never be your idea for a solution. It's always got to be hers. She has to be the one that's always in control, and the idea that you can solve or manage anything on your own is utterly ridiculous.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back
I had two children with a woman who fits exactly these description’s to a tee. I really tried to get away from her before we had a child . Now I’ve been single and I miss my children. And the painful losses have kept me from even wanting to get close to any woman ever again until I get my life squared away.
They only want three things:
1. The authority of a man
2. The privilege of being a woman.
3. The accountability of a two year old.
Mine was obsessed with male approval. She was my former best friend who I grew up with. She would screw anyone over for a guy. Ironically, even her boyfriend 🙃 she had a hierarchy. It was always men over women, but it was also new supply over old supply. She had some major daddy attachment issues and mommy abandonment issues
I disagree with point number 1. They give you the impression they want authority of a man. But in the end they always decide and are in control. If you get what want it is with their permission and only to expect something in return.
They want the privilege to be a man in a patriarchal society.
Men do not have natural authority over women because men are not God.
Women and men are equally human beings, in fact.
That's my sister 🎉😢😢🎉
1. Authority over others
2. The privilege of being a victim
3. To remain in a Peter Pan State
I'm a 64 year old grey haired lesbian farmer being accused of sexually abusing a 40 year old male who lost
His lic driving big rigs. There's a bunch - maybe 100,00s thousands of incel men who have turned covert nark - they have hardly been with a female and they are mentally deranged - time for videos on covert narky men.
My covert ex discarded me for a married man who is 20 years older than her. She ended up telling people she feared for her life being around me. I swear on my life I never did anything to her. Knowing people believe her and the way she has treated me has been one of the hardest things I’ve gone through psychologically. I wish I never met her. I helped her get over alcoholism and drugs. I got her into fitness. Before she discarded me she said “I realized I don’t “need” you anymore.” I was just a need at a moment in time. 5 years wasted. I want to get over this but I don’t know how.
Hey man, I get it. You didn’t do anything. It’s her. No contact. Better him
The you, and better sooner than later. TIME and SPACE WILL HELP YOU MOVE ON
They always tell people we abused them, even though it's usually the other way round. My ex left me for an older guy with money too. I feel sorry for him because she will get bored and restless like she always does. She'll make his life hell, I hope he kicks her out onto the street. They turn on all their partners eventually. Time is the best healer, the pain gets less and you realise relationships with these women are doomed from day one.
I did 25 session of EMDR just to get my nervous system somewhat back in order after my 10 stint w/covert narc. It helped but then acceptance has to happen. Feel for ya bro...
there's an old African proverb goes something like 'give a one legged woman her leg back and shell run away with someone else'
If you don’t leave you will « win » a cancer or autoimmune disease
I lived with one for 15 years. Now I'm at a clinic trying to figure out who i am again.. just run guys. I'm serious.
I wish I listened sooner. It's amazing how quickly you can destroy everything you have worked for when in the clutches of one of these creatures
I read that running if you run they ll chase after, its better to sneakily disappear
@@EnFyr trying to figure that out myself.
17 years here and one year out. II feel exactly what you wrote and I wish you all the strength to heal from this.
I learned about female Covert narcissist AFTER the brutal discard. I never watch a single narc video before, now I've watched hundreds! Sometimes the only way out, is through. I'm so much stronger now, and in an odd way, thanks to her crazy blindside. It cleared the way for a better relationship with myself. 🎉
The narcissist that nearly destroyed me was a person that had a child-like inability to connect actions with their consequences. I pity her so much, but I can't change it
Are we with the same woman? 😮
@@1RevMattno sht i was just thinking that
Actually happy I got played by a covert narcissist it made me mentally tougher I got my masculinity back now I don't take s*** from any woman or man.
Excellent. This is the way.
hell ya - striaghtr up feel the same - came out of the shit saying aint no one gonna disrespect me like that that i love and care for
Well played!
congrats, your a born again a hole, just like me. lol born from our surroundings.
I’m happy it happened to me because it’s motivation to take mental health serious.
Now I’m studying sigmund Freud, Carl Jung, Shirley Glass, John Bowlby, Daniel Goleman, Bessel Van Der Kolk, and others.
These guys work are a big help plus these UA-cam videos.
Now I can spot these kind from a mile away, unresolved childhood traumas that spans generations.
(22 red flags) RUN
1. Malignant envy, jealous and needy.
2. Overly concerned about her looks.
3. Rude and has no manners.
4. Plays games, Gaslights
5. Frequently bored. Doesn't like to be interested in anything, no hobbies
6. Has difficulty managing her emotions, volatile especially in public, temper tantrums
7. Constantly seeks attention and approval
8. Lazy
9. Overly controlling
10. Has daddy issues, a bad reputation with past relationships ie: sex bombs, devalues, discards
11. Never has anything nice to say about other women or your friends
12. Doesn’t have a plan for her life, or wandering through life
13. Low self esteem
14. Harboring hate, hateful toward others
15. Self-centered , stingy
16. Brags incessantly
17. Has no respect for her man
18. Falsely accuses
19. Demanding
20. Untrustworthy
21. Lacking empathy, cold hearted,
22. No morals
BONUS: Substance abuse issues.
SILENT TREATMENT!!
Very well said Calvin. They all behave in the same way. 👍
These kinds of lists are helpful, and IMHO confusing. To what extent should one run? How many out of the 22? How to assess when she exhibits other qualities that are positive and mature? I don't mean to be simply a pest, rather, to share my honest curiosity and quandary here, hopefully to get some specifics, perhaps?
@@machtnichtsseimann #2 & 13 are the only acceptable red flags IMHO.
@@machtnichtsseimann
At this point in my life and taking into account of what I've experienced. I would say if she shows two or more, you should run as fast as possible. If she shows one on the list, have a to-go bag packed and ready because it's only a matter of time before she exhibits more things on the list.
The "Damsel in distress" one... I was stupid enough to think I would be her saviour. She even said I was. I was her "hero". And eventually she accused me of being just like her exes even though apparently all her exes cheated on her and were horrible to her and I NEVER cheated on her nor was horrible. On my 43 page letter that I wrote to her, I explained this. I told her that I didn't believe everything she said about her exes were true and that there is a common denominator in all her failed relationships. And that was actually her.
One night, I was literally praying to God even though I'm a non believer...I was praying she would understand what she was doing and the next morning she even admitted that she needed help. It was unreal. She never did get any though.
She never asked anything about me. How I was doing. How my day was etc.
Everything was about her which I didn't mind at first. But whilst being abused and everything was STILL about her... every time she humiliated me, traumatised me, everything... nothing was ever her fault. According to her that is.
She's a Demon.
They will pretend to want to get help but they never do. They will put on a parade! They will smear you if you keep boundaries. Do not fall for the acting. Most importantly, be aware of their flying monkeys!
Omg. I had to check the name of who wrote this as for a second I thought I did. Word for word the last two years of my life. I was her knight in shining armor, her hero. I treated her like gold as she told me how horrible her x’s were to her.
I caught her betraying me in ways no one ever believes when I tell my story (I’m working on a series of videos about dating a covert narcissist but unlike any I’ve seen mine will have many forms of in the moment proof to the gaslighting and twisted behaviors that also shows how you get hooked like heroin)
I’m just now slowly getting clear headed to everything. It’s been one of the most screwed up experiences that still makes NO SENSE at all. Nothing was done that should have changed all her fantasy future plans. She destroyed it all herself.
People learn wrong habits in childhood, as their subcosncious mind is created in childhood, but the habits continue to adulthood, and Dr. Bruce Lipton says...they are not aware of it because its subconscious program, or its approved by subconscious mind and subconscous mind works 95 percenta day, while conscious mind works only 5 percent a day.
Sounds familiar to my story (and probably many others in the comments). Currently being stalked in my MMA gym for over a year by the witch, she's slept with 2 other lads on the mats there as well now, and yet is still allowed to go despite me telling the instructors/closest friends there exactly what she did to me.
My issue isn't just the abuse/stalking - it's the enabling within our culture that she is afforded, there is absolutely 0% chance I would be able to do what she has done as a man, I would (quite rightfully) be chucked out before I could even get my foot in the door.
Moving forwards, I now speak openly to others about calling out abuse from women, how it doesn't make you less of a man, and how we need to all improve as a society to highlight that women can be just as abusive/toxic as men. I'm met with the odd eye roll, which I understand as not everyone wants to hear my shit - but again, the fact abusive women are afforded such privileges is disgusting and I'm not going to just lay down in defeat until my boundaries are respected.
Keep going brothers!
It really is like they are demons... they go from loving you one moment, to being cold, soulless creatures who look at you with a death stare when they have 'switched'. It's like you're no longer dealing with a human.
I can’t tell you how validating your videos are to a man who thought he was going crazy. My ex was a female covert narcissist to a T and I appreciate your videos so so much. They have helped me more than you know.
My name is Josh. This is literally verbatim my experience. We should talk. It’s hard to find people who understand just how diabolical these human beings are. If you’re interested in helping support one another. Hit me up. Here and I’ll share my contact info. I for one, need all the help I can get.
Well spoken Lise. I spent 35 years with my covert wife. She finally moved out Oct. 12th 2022 and I have finally found my PEACE. Jeffrey Z. in SC.
Yep. I finally got most of my peace back. We still share a teenage child that has to endure the attacks. But my teen and I know that we still have support when she attacks us with bizarre gaslit nonsense. Also in SC. . . Charleston!
This was a great video that goes to the heart of the insanity.
Peace and Quiet.
@@gregoryjgarcia3862 AMEN!
My wife visited a friend overseas for 3 months. I was astounded at the peace and relief I felt during her absence. Never realised I was this oppressed.
You must have met my ex girlfriend....the hell that I went thru the past 2+ years is unbelievable....I feel like I should go on tour and tell my story to others to make them aware....a skilled manipulator, a toxic female covert narcissist...pure evil and sadistic....preyed on my heart and emotions. I will never, ever trust a female again. Thought I was happy and gonna get married with my soul mate. Turned out to be a deeply disturbed individual. The manipulation, blame shifting and gaslighting were killing me. 100% spot on Lise, thank you.
I've seen quite a bit of the videos over the last few years detailing specifically the female side of things. I've also read tons of comments from men that were on the receiving end of the abuse. Most common thing I've seen is "two years of hell."
My experience was that long too. And as far as questioning her when we initially met, none of her relationships were beyond a year and a half. 🤔👀
@@TJKashatus sorry to hear bro yeah mine was exact same story unfortunately lived together for 2 years. Glad it ended there such a life learning lesson. You should go on tour! haha I’ve been tempted to start a UA-cam channel or podcast on dealing with this shit . I’m trying to stay positive about women and feminine energy but good god it’s getting ugly out there no accountability or communication it seems . Especially here in the United States with the brainwash of TikTok damn ex was addicted af to that. Can’t believe I ignored 50+ red flags
@@Dcmaddog12she will never be accountable and will never give you closure so don't look for it from her. Find your own by healing . They're the most verbally abusive, mentally abusive, emotionally and physically abusive piece of sh*t on the planet and they leach off everyone they possible can, drain them of life, energy and resources to feed them then discard and smear campaign to gaslight you and play victim to the next supply. Please watch these youtube channels : DoctorRamani , Narc's Nemesis, NARCDAILY-You are not alone . I couldn't even begin to tell you here all the stuff I went through with my narc ex for almost two years. Insane. And the torture they put us through can kill us, or drive us to s**cide . In fact, I truly believe my ex was responsible for the TWO suicides of people close to her. One was her ex and the other was a "landlord" who I think she was also with and hid that fact ,but pushed them both over the edge .
she will never be accountable and will never give you closure so don't look for it from her. Find your own by healing . They're the most verbally abusive, mentally abusive, emotionally and physically abusive piece of sh*t on the planet and they leach off everyone they possible can, drain them of life, energy and resources to feed them then discard and smear campaign to gaslight you and play victim to the next supply. Please watch these youtube channels : DoctorRamani , Narc's Nemesis, NARCDAILY-You are not alone . I couldn't even begin to tell you here all the stuff I went through with my narc ex for almost two years. Insane. And the torture they put us through can kill us, or drive us to s**cide . In fact, I truly believe my ex was responsible for the TWO suicides of people close to her. One was her ex and the other was a "landlord" who I think she was also with and hid that fact ,but pushed them both over the edge .
being single and alone is way better than being with someone so crazy never again putting myself through that not one bit
She would go shopping rather than pay her rent, grew massive arrears and eventually evicted. But to her the landlord was unreasonable and picking on her. Completely delusional.
Jesus I’m going through this right now 💀
@exholonsphantoms3617 some relationships are impossible, no matter how much you love or try to help somebody. Sad but true.
You might be surprised how common this is. I've been a housing provider for 37 years. We are always painted as the bad guys for holding them accountable. There are a lot of these nasty creatures out there, some even in my family and my husbands family too.
@Monipenny1000 she had plenty of warnings and chances to get on top of it but chose the easier option. They don't appear to be able to responsibly budget. Children in Adult bodies.
@@JohnSmith-wo7ns impulsive spending is how they cope with their really big, out of control feelings. They can not change, it's a shame.
When you meet a damsel in distress, calling to you from the tower LEAVE HER ASS THERE. It’s just a matter of time until she decides you’re the dragon.
Very well put
You cannot save a damsel who is in love with her distress.
Well put
Good slogan.
All her friends thought she was heaven sent...............with me alone..........the devil
Sounds like a rough time, my sympathies.
@@kim-andrehermansen5345 Thank you...worst part so much wasted time. Blinded by the red flags...learned a valuble lesson though.
Indifference to outcome and down to earth expectations throws these critters back into hell where they came from.
That how we’ve all been treated my friend. We’ve seen the devil in these women. The friends will never see it.
Same
April 21, 2024 was the day I walked out after 25 years of everything described in this video. It took a lot of courage and I was ready to risk losing my four (3 adult, one 17) children over this. That's how bad it was and the terrible toll it was taking on me. Fortunately, only my oldest has been brainwashed and won't talk to me. The other three can see through things a bit better and I have a great relationship with them. I want to tell you that since I left and filed for divorce, each day is a treasured gift of peace and freedom I never fully realized I would experience. If you are scared, if you wonder if you'll have regrets, I promise you, if you are experiencing this abuse you will discover a joy you thought you could never have. You will find yourself again and you will have zero regrets. Your life is worth it. Don't waste it away.
I was once the brainwashed oldest, but later in life I finally understood what's going on. I'm still embarassed that I fell for it so hard, especially the victimhood.
@@linnnea8171 I'm so glad you saw the light. It surely brought much needed healing!
I'm divorcing after 37 yrs of torment and abuse. It only gets worse as time passes. I'm in poor health and can't really afford to divorce since she's never been employed. What I do have left of my life is worth every penny. I don't even know who I am anymore!
🙌 Way to go Adam, you have a ton of courage - Congratulations.
For me, my ex filed divorce back in 2022 and we’re still working to finalizing divorce. We were married 21 years, but our 20 year old son and 18 year old daughter saw through all her excuses and they each individually made the decision to come live with me. I’m grateful for having them with me and now in a much better place mentally, spiritually, and physically- Thank God. ❤️
@@RickyBirdwellSr do all you can to get a powerful attorney who understands narcissist abuse. Godspeed brother.
There are few things in life that are this clear cut. A narc is a permanently wounded wild animal. There's no fixing it. If you have it in your head that you're going to find coping mechanisms to deal with having one of these in your life, you have no idea what you're dealing with or what they're capable of doing. This person is already gone. The only winning move is to not play this game at all. Literally move to another city if that's what it takes. No contact, ever again.
Excellent
I literally had to abscond a state halfway across the country to get out.
It’s been 5 years and she still tries to find ways to get back into my life and obsessively attempts to sabotage my life in any way, shape or form
@@thisguyc0rythey have no boundaries. Moving to another state is entirely appropriate and sometimes necessary
Unfortunately I had a kid with mine
@@01amare I have a family member with an ex like this. By court order they only communicate via email and no other method. Don’t even see each other when dropping kids off for visitation. You’re absolutely right that when kids are involved, it’s a lot more to manage. But it’s definitely possible to find a sustainable path. It’s just essential to maintain boundaries, including absolute minimal contact w a narc.
You the best Lise. We love you
@@rashadm.sadigov4366 thank you 🥰🙏
I feel like there is no hope, listening to all this. How shockingly on point this al is. I guess i really need to wake up, and realize. There is nothing i can do. And it will never change. It's a shame, i loved her so much. She was the most beautiful woman i had ever laid eyes on. And i lost myself in this illusion of what i thought she was, and completely avoided who she really is, and always will be. I love you Emeline. But i can't go on like this anymore. Be happy, be well. I wish the best for you, and hope you receive the help you need.
Would you be kind enough to share an update good ser? All good if not, wishing you the best brother
@@Earl_Lee it ended very badly, she discarded me in the worst way. Now pretends i don't exist and never existed.
It is a power move to make you feel guilt and shame
I love my wife so much but this is her. I moved out last month because after 10 years I can’t take it anymore. SHe is in denial about her childhood trauma that led to her covert narcissism and it’s not my responsibility to fix her. I can never go back to that toxic abuse.
I was mentally exhausted, after years of monolog of how the world has failed her. I was simply tired. Done. Spent. No more hours and hours of empathy and validation, as it was never going to be enough.
Lise, this is striking in its accuracy. The victim mentality was a ruse to draw me in, and I fell for it, I wanted to be her saviour, but eventually realised the pattern of how everything wrong in her life was “someone else’s” fault. She was unable to take responsibility for anything. I knew something was wrong but couldn’t put my finger on it. I got out anyway and found your videos afterward, that explain everything. Thank you.
, Lise Leblanc, you remind me that most women are not evil abusers and some are actually angels who can be objective and caring. One day, I hope most women will be like you.
I had one of the really good ones, you know, dyed in the wool. I thought I was going to tell you all of the crap that was used on me. But in the first 30 seconds, you said everything I was going to say, and it was spot on. If I knew all of this 5 years ago, I would have avoided all of that mess. Now, I feel fried, like I don't want to even try to reach out and try again. Its awful.
Don't reach out until you've recovered. Fix yourself with knowledge and insight to clearly see the red flags. Become better not bitter. I wish you peace.
Looking back I found that I have a desire to help people. For me turning someone’s life around when they are down is appealing. I learned the hard way the damsel in distress is bait for a sucker to come along and play this role. Unfortunately it makes me reluctant to help people in the future and always question their true intentions.
I get that. You become suspicious, wanting to ask "Why are you so helpless? You're a grown adult. What are YOU doing about all of these horrible problems you have?
Or try actual volunteer work is very fulfilling bc I have the same kind of heart at least in that role there is a structure to protect us Empaths from getting crushed by the love con these sick people do when there are real good people who need our emotional intelligence
Yeah same, also became a little numb to heavy emotional states, cause she was such a victim of everything that her crying her eyes out is quite normal. After a while I realized it’s more of a trick cause she’ll do the same thing again that she was crying about and kinda lost sympathy (just thinking, oh here we go again..).
Also don’t you dare support here in the “wrong” way at this point, or she’ll switch from crying to blaming you and being angry with for being such a terrible listener and whatnot. So I would just silently listen to her bs and feel 0 empathy anymore at the end.
Hope I’ll get that back.. kinda feel half psychopath right now.
@@woy8 ever occur to you she is numbing her pain the only way she has....probably not eh. Well nonchalance
Hope all these people get "back" to their hindsight rose colored fake perfect
Your description of a covert narcissist perfectly describes my wife. In my opinion, she was a victim of being raised buy a malignant narcissist father. We can't have a normal conversation without me feeling like I've always done something wrong. It's like a broken record. I'm always the one who can apologize and except responsibility. Asking her to apologize or take responsibility is like pulling teeth. Her perception of reality is always distorted. She is always the victim. In all truthfulness, I despise her father. She is the victim, but I am dealt the brunt if her injury. Sadly I don't feel she will ever change or heal from her deep wounds.
Never. It is a waste of time to talk to her. She is a child in an adult body WHO CHOOSES TO NEVER GROW UP. It is more important for her to keep her pride than destroying you.
I have a similar situation, but my wife has a malignant narcissistic mother I despise. Whenever they clash she takes it out on my kids and I
You know it's ironic, I met my current wife in 2020 though her being part of a relationship with her "crazy" ex. Then I am Narc informed and what I consider to be an advocate for this information. Still I end up with a Covert and now I find myself in the show once more. I decided this week I am leaving. It will be bad but staying I think will be worse in the end. Thank you for your insight it is very on the mark and helpful. God Bless.
I'm sorry to hear that you are "in the show" once more, but I do wish you all the best as you break free and move forward with your life.
Really wish you the best, I know the show well.
Run.
Realize you can be projecting because you are damaged goods and asserting things that were from another relationship.
Watch out for the, my old relationships Game.
Never try to heal any woman, she is either broken for life or she plays you into her cage.
A very pessimistic view if I may say so!... the key, in my experience, fo both men and women who are broken and have reach a 'tipping point' [open to change], is to 'facilitate self-healing' rather than try to 'direct a healing journey' that YOU think they need... they might need it actually, but this might not be the right time, or they might need some stress-management or self-integration training before they are ready to heal. Hope this helps and might sometimes avoid us abandoning/giving-up on someone who has already abandoned or given up hope on themself. :-)
Sounds like someone who may have been bitten a few too many times and bow wants nothing to do with any woman. Odds are, there is probably at least one good one out there; good luck in finding her, but hey, I guess people do win the lottery every now and then.
So the next question is how lucky do you feel.
@@sunflowerhealth1616 you've obviously never dealt with a narcissist. Your flowers and sunshine won't work on the those demons.
@@rogerwhoareyou there are great women out there. The problem is finding someone you’re attracted to that’s also attracted to you. I’ve met great women I’ve been interested in but they didn’t feel the same. That’s fine. I lowered my standards and ended up with a childish narcissist. It seems impossible to find someone at this point. Dating is awful.
@@rogerwhoareyou yes, and a great one will be one that does not need to be healed/fixed by you, because that's impossible.
PROJECTION is an understatement. My woman can say so much falsehood so many times to the point that she believes that it's true and that I said those false statements she created in her head.
You nailed it Lise. Thank You so much
💌
Like ears try to poison the mind from delusion of others..
Yes.... Going through this still. She never does anything wrong and will swear she didn't do anything in the past. The most ridiculous thing anyone can go through.
Spot on to my situation. Dumped me 5 times in 2 years. I had to move out although at the time she manipulated me to believe I was the problem and that I wouldn’t change or consistent enough for her… which is complete BS. I was working on myself daily until I was mass laid off from a job and became depressed for a month not really motivated - not feeding her supply I realize.. I’m much happier out of it but sometimes sad because my life is so much different now in a new home.
But it’s taking every ounce of my self control to not reach out to her and TELL HER YOU ARE THE PROBLEM YOU ARE A COVERT NARC. Her mom is too and she grew up with no father figure.. all women in her family she controlled every damn thing and I lost all masculinity and confidence she originally was obsessed with and love bombed. Her family even said we should get married. Now I’m sitting here feeling like I just went through a 2 year coma of nonsense and disappointment.
Thanks for all you do!!
Damn did you date my ex too?
Dang! Just Dang! I thought I got rolled up! That story hit me hard. I am glad to be 50 and totally indifferent to abuse nowadays. Money FTW!
@@Terriorcell haha it’s on rise bro social media brainwash
I feel ya brother.. I have a kid with my ex... It's rough.. she monkey branched and moved my kid in with the guy at break neck speed.. wish I had more than 50.50 custody.. wish I didn't feel anything for her anymore lol..
@@matthewkeim holy shit man. I’m sorry to hear that. What helps get me through is I’m glad I didn’t spend my life with her or get married just to be served up with a divorce. But rest assured none of their relationships will last whatsoever. And they lost us great caring men who maybe fell off for a little bit and lost our way but that’s when the gaslighting, manipulation and shift blaming really came out. I wish I would’ve realized it during the relationship. I did the 4th breakup lol let the house for the night only for her to want me back the next day. I will not be living with a girl for a long time or even getting in any sort of relationship. I need to become more secure attachment style and not anxious attachment like most people. fearful avoidant covert Narc lol thrive on that.
Stay strong brother!
It has occurred to me the human tendency to project is a very serious problem. Healthy people tend to project virtue on people who don't deserve it. They try so hard to understand what went wrong because they honestly want to correct something if it was indeed their fault. On the flip side, the disordered person projects all sorts of malice onto the other person. They assume the worst when it comes to their motivations and attribute intent onto that person that never really existed. In both cases, the person in question is assuming that the person they are dealing with has the same motivations and characteristics that they do. It really is a wheat vs chaff sort of thing. Judging others really isn't our place, but discerning certainly is. When you figure out someone is toxic, wish them well and hope they heal, but break it off and go no contact. As much as judging is above our pay grade, so is fixing them.
Literally everything in your video reflects the conversation with my ex-wife. Could never stick with one subject. She always had to change the subject or go with something unrelated from the past. Getting a "I'm Sorry" was nearly impossible.
Thank-you very much, Lise - very helpful! ...A female covert-narcissist client who rounded on me after I challenged her about a pattern of duplicitous behaviour, quickly accused me of being a "Psychological Abuser" [just as you describe!]. This was very hurtful for me because I had gone out of my way to help her through one a couple of crises... Having taught commmunication skills and assertveness for some years, I knew not to go down the road of intellectually or emotionally defending myself, but also knew that this malicious narrative could not go uncorrected, for my own peace of mind... so as she went to make a dramatised enraged-victimhood exit, I said "Can I ask a small favour of you before you go, xxxx?" This sidestep from direct conflict took her by surprise and appealed to her personal power, so she agreed..."Please look me in the eye and repeat your accusation that I psychologically abused you!"... She was enraged and empowered enough to look me boldly in the eye, but as I expected... could not say the words [when soul-to-soul confronted] because we both knew deep-down that it was a lie. For a moment she was stuck for words, then her puffed-up narcissistic rage melted and hestitatingly said: "I... FELT... that you abused me!" I accepted this re-phrased truth, because she was now taking responsibility and I understood her conditioned narcissistic rage response to being held accountable for her behaviour. To my surprise, she now became calm and agreed to come back and sit down with me and have a more adult conversation about what was not going to work for us both at that time. We parted on good terms! :-)
I was thinking, Lisa, and in reading the comments and my own experience that one outlet for me as a chronic “saver” is to do actual volunteer work. It helps me to feel useful and less filled up by flattery and false charm bc of desperation to find meaning in my own life if this makes sense. Volunteer work is narc prevention for me bc I’m one of those problem solvers so might as well help the community more widely. Thank you for videos and all the excellent presentations.
Ask them to do something for you. Something small. Something you would do for them with no hesitation. If they are narcissistic or otherwise toxic, it will ALWAYS go at least 1 of 4 ways (though sometimes these reactions may compound): They will act as though they didn’t hear you. Depending on how long you’ve been in the relationship, you may ask again. If it’s been long enough, you’re likely to drop the request right then and there.
They will promise to do it, but never follow through.
If you ask again or remind them, they will usually have some kind of excuse. In these cases, they will still never actually fulfill their promise. Their excuse is not a reason for lagging, it is the reason they should be absolved from all expectation whatsoever. Often this excuse will be meaningless or an outright lie.If you don’t buy their excuse, and tell them so, you will experience the wonderful segue into reaction.
An argument will ensue
The argument will be your fault. It could be a small back and forth contending against your request, or it might quickly devolve into them screaming at you. You never know which it will be. They might even say outright that you should never ask or expect anything from them. Usually they will express that you are asking too much, hurting them in some way (financially, emotionally, insulting them, etc), or attack your character.
The argument will only end when you relinquish your request + apologize, or start ignoring them completely. If you can ignore them long enough, they may apologize to you. However, the conflict will never feel truly resolved.
At this juncture they may actually end up giving you what you asked for. Often this does require you admitting that you don’t really need it, or that you would be fine with what they suggested instead. This leads us to reaction
They give you what you asked for, BUT
There is ALWAYS a catch. It might be small. They show up late with no apology. They buy you what you wanted, but it’s the wrong color, model, brand, etc. They take you where you wanted to go, but pressure you the whole time you’re getting ready because you’re going to be sooo late. Then they want to leave early anyway. It might be worse. They do it out of anger, and make a big display out of it to scare/hurt you. They hold it over your head until you do something for them first. Or, later on, they use it against you. “I did x for you, so you should do y for me.” No matter what, you never actually feel fulfilled, happy, or loved when they do something for you. Somehow, even from the getgo, there was this deep-seated feeling of guilt and fear, this sense that the “special” things they were doing for you weren’t so special at all. Eventually, you become afraid to ask for anything. You’ve been conditioned to believe you deserve nothing. Ironically, or not, the less demands you make, the worse you will be treated. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done digitalinvestigate@gmail.com
Ive been dealing with this for close to 4ish years. Now looking back at 19yeas of marriage, its was always there.
I’m not sticking around, making a safe way forward. I know that I am a man in a horrible situation. I also know that I need to fix my needs and own situation and getting back to stability.
I also know that I have some past trauma from child hood, so that complicate things. So I know I am no where near perfect.
I’m feeling so frustrated.
Your content has single handedly made my life much more awesome
No cap you are the best coach on YT
This is so spot on I could not figure out for the life of me. If I was speaking another language to this girl she wouldn’t see the obvious and would ignore reality. It did make me question my reality, but no more follow what they do not what they say, these are dangerous women and I glad I kicked mine to the curb. Who’s trying to manipulate her way back in every day no thank you
I have a partner like this. After the disrespect and insults they directed at me, I distanced myself and told them I didn’t want a relationship. Following this, they started accusing me and claiming I was using them, as if they had never done anything wrong. I realized that I could never win in a relationship like this. They always play the victim and are always right. By constantly blaming and manipulating me, they try to destroy my self-respect. Do not try to solve their problems with good intentions and keep your distance, or the damage could be much greater than you expect.
You sound like the narc :) "Oh no a few criticism and one dumb thing said over a few years! I'm so wounded!" Lol
Run just run. it ain't worth your breath or emotion it's a childish waste of time .and never look back just cold forget her
Thanks for your work Lise, you and other creators have opened my eyes to looking through my past and present with a whole new lens. Covert narcissism doesnt explain everything and I need to figure stuff out about my own traits but it has made things so much clearer.
We moved to the most expensive neighborhood in town following her advice, months later we could no longer pay the rent on time and I suggested to move to a cheaper place, she told me "the only one who's moving out of here is you...".
That was her plan to begin with.
Never throw your pearls amongst a narcissist .
@@jorgeluiscapiello414 sounds like a guy who wanted me to "put my ex in a home" who's basically a groundskeeper who actually checks in if I'm alive unlike him
Because the guy had been evicted and I helped move all his stuff only for him to recently strangle me until my ear bled and popped .... now he gets to go to a home he didn't want to kick any of us out of...oh yea and he called the cops himself smartypants traitor 🙄 bad people good parents hmmm over the heads of most , in fact even he said more to my face than a million damsel in distress men and his mom and my mom behind my back !!!
Actually he did play the b**** role seamlessly
I lived this for 26 years. She needed a hero and I wanted to be one. It worked until I became a source of her victimhood. I wanted to rescue her but she claimed I wanted to destroy her. It was this disparity that caused me to question the nature of our relationship.
Both of you need to stop listening Enrique Iglesias
This narrates my life over the past 2 years! :0
same
Lise. You have just helped thousands of PHIL’s dodge a bullet ! You are a wonderful person. Thank you x
She used to say the same to me 😂"i dont want you to come up with a solution i just want you to listen" and this could go on for hrs.
Yes. That is standard operating procedure for them. You can spend hours everyday talking about a big decision. And they will make the worse choice and laugh about it.
@racebannon96 I have to agree, I thought the chaos was a problem, but her decision making just made the drama continuous. She encouraged it. 🤯
Yeah, it was such a tightrope, messed up to feel like you are the bad guy for truly trying to support her best you can (offering advice she would get angry, not asking enough angry, accidentally talking before she was finished etc).
The hardest part is that when you actually need a breadcrumb of support they themselves have no problem telling you how it’s your own responsibility and that you have such negative energy and you are bringing her down. Like wtf.
In the end it is also our faults, since I stayed with that for much longer then I should. A healthy person would not accept that behaviour and just leave.
I learned a lot about boundaries and how I work, and how to deal with people in the future. I’m confident I can spot these people from a mile away now. I also learned there is no helping these people no matter what you do, this is all in their head, you can’t fix that, and thus there is literally absolutely no way to ever have anything resembling a healthy relationship. Also they will not change, I also believed that for some time, they will either say they changed or are going to, but this never ever happens (even though they are convinced)
@woy8 you're absolutely correct, these relationships are impossible, totally one-sided and they only get more abusive. I agree also your point about staying too long, somebody with more self esteem wouldn't have stayed for sure. I became terrified of leaving, it got so bad I was addicted to her. Thanks for replying.
Yes exactly, I heard this countless times when we could just fix the problem and move on from it.
Lise is always so spot on. She's one of the first people I started watching and helped me recognise what I was dealing with and going through!
This video really resonates and explains so much about my last relationship. Thank you! I know my faults and flaws but I also have to make peace with the fact I was fighting a losing battle for 6 years of my life. The one positive is I can spot the signs now and hopefully help myself and others to avoid similar situations. I’ve removed other narcissists from my life subsequently and I feel peace for the first time in 38 years of being alive. It’s taken work, I’ve had to learn about myself, who I am and who I want to be but I feel so much happier now. I have no doubt videos like this will help others to understand they aren’t insane and the person they loved and may well still love, was abusing them
I can't believe the accuracy. You are describing my situation to a tee. Thanks for the knowledge
Glad it was helpful!
Examples given in the video 90% were used by my ex, thats so insane, its kind of a systematic... If the author of this video is reading this, It would be interesting to know about how do men unconsiously choose covert narcisisstic partners and how spot them early?
I chose my narc because she made me feel wanted and my deep down belief that I could help solve her problems. Sadly the more I tried the madder she got.
Great question, you may find these videos helpful: ua-cam.com/video/3LNjpqKcrlg/v-deo.html
ua-cam.com/video/-mym8D3TrrU/v-deo.html
Hi lisa.Your descriptions about these horrible persons is absolutely right.Thank you very much for your wonderful helps.Thank you for helping us to be able to save our health in toxic relationship with these uninteresting and parasitic creatures.
My mom is a covert narcissist. She is soul draining.
That final statement is pivotal! I could not win with her no matter what I did and I need to just focus on myself.
Lise, your descriptions of behaviors are so Accurate it blows my mind..
Had a few years of it..
Thank you..
I didn't think it was "all me"..🤔
Mental health! Some women have 3 or more personalities. Wife is not one of them. I've dated many many women. I've only met one that was mentally and emotionally stable. In the office where I worked 8 out of 9 women were on mental health meds. You never know who you pick! It's almost best to stay single and keep two or three in rotation.
You sound like a narc.
😅
I wouldn't even do that mush. I've got a hand. And it doesn't ever say it's too tired or not shower on purpose to avoid it. Single...AND solo is the way.
Most mental problems are totally workable in relationship.
Narc or bpd are really a different beast, since they lack empathy. They operate solely based around them and are master manipulators and use that full force to get what they want and give as little as they can. It is literally impossible to be in a relationship with these.
Indeed, it “blows your mind” when her behavior is beyond your imagination… 16 years has pretty much broken me.
❤
the Nail vignette was spot on.
You really hit the nail on the head with this video. Thank you.
Yep, that's exactly what I went through. Luckily, am out of there and thriving.
Ya just have to expect this stuff nowadays, lest ye be torn to pieces, never ,ever let em move in, especially in these crap economic times. These predators are everywhere due to FakeBook brainwashing.
I love how you presented and decribed the video example keep up the amazing work❤those videos are soo valiable ❤
The nail in the girls head is classic, I would've laughed harder except I lived this crap for 7 years before I had enough and left her. My sincerest advice to someone in a relationship with a covert narcissist is, it will NEVER get better, you can't love them out of it and you can't fix them. All the time you waste on a narcissist is time you could be with an honest genuine caring person. Life is short look after yourself.
First sentence to last 💯
Hi Lise, thanks for the memories! 😉
Lol only took me a decade to work out she didn't want solutions to her "problems"...She just wanted supply, attention, validation, energy, etc.
Having a solution would stop all that.. It was never about the problem it was all a way to manipulate me..
My compassionate cautious distance is around 300km now and working on getting further away, no more of that thankyou...
Lolol loved the nail in the head! 😂😂
Would have been a little more easy if it was that obvious..
If we just remove the nail!
😂😂😂
Have a good day thanks for the laugh...🐬✨
The first 30 seconds you described everything I do on a daily basis to my partner once I discovered she was a covert narcissist. With 100% accuracy.
Wish I had a time machine
well at :39 you had completely described my girlfriend . . . . do i keep watching? lol
My Ex was a sleep walker. Nothing overly dramatic, but she was nevr nevr never wrong about anything. I was always wrong, always. Even when she repeated exactly what I had said, I was still wrong
I am not sure what sleepwalking does to the brain, but is freaked me out. I can only imagine it was stress
Mine was ride or die for 8 years. Worshipped the ground i walked on. Unless MILDLY criticized. Even constructively.
This sounds familiar. Please do elaborate the first part?
@kim-andrehermansen5345 Ride or die? Means she'll jump in harms way to protect you. Puts your needs first if she has to eat scraps.
Probably when she was drankin! That is when the mask slips like a MF'er.
@@CorbinB-Raxhow exactly did she change?
@redefinedliving5974 it was always triggered by any correction, acknowledging the source of any problem, disapproving of anything, working extra (being gone for 12 hrs, even though she'd work 10 of those hours), she always insisted I was cheating bc girls sometimes like me.
When she'd change, it was absolutely polar opposite. Cold. Flat. Hatred. Sinister. Cynical. Denying. Reality inverted. Gaslighting. I was 100% of all problems and she could not accept 1% of any blame on anything. She'd accuse me of being a narcissist and trying to keep her down or destroy or control her.
Tip of the iceberg.
Lisa, I have to say that you are always spot on. I said it before that I would come to Canada just for a couple of sessions if I could. Thank you once again.
Dr LeBlanc, your videos are SO SPOT ON and have helped me tremendously! This one, in particular, had me scratching my head like, “When was she in our living room, our bedroom, these last 9 months???” This was 800% my ex. And to think I had dreams of marrying her 😬
Thank you! You just described my ex girlfriend and my relationship with her to a T. She was abused as a child and the trauma is still very present. Had to end the over 1 year relationship a few months ago. As you said, I had to prioritize my own well being.
Omg everything you say is to the point. It's sad that I relate, when I listen it's like you are describing everything I went through for 2 years. It's so sad how I relate so hard
My ex is a classic case of covert narcissism… Used me until I was depleted financially, then discarded me for a wealthy older man… all while telling people that I’m the narcissist…
That’s exactly what they do. They project onto others who they are. Mine smeared me to her friends that I was a Psychopath.
Perfect! True! No matter what you say, it just gets worse and worse and worse. I lived it for many years!
Thank you 🙏🏽 Yesssssssssssss. I'm divorced and free from her torment. 🙏🏽
Mind blown... Thank you for great resource. As I watched this video it as thought I watched the last 15 years of my life.
The nail in the head skit has been my life for 22 years. It's seriously exhausting!
RUN.
Thanks!
@@reidwoodward4973 thank you very much for your support and generosity!
She got drunk, did a face plant against the bathroom wall as she blacked out and fell to the floor.
The next morning she came up stairs to breakfast with a pretty good black eye. I told her she needed to see a doctor and stop drinking. She refused.
I also told her she needs to be honest when people asked about her black eye.
A week later, in an argument about money in which I paid more than my fair share of expenses, she yelled at me that she didn't feel safe around me, still having a half healed black eye.. I defused that situation by ending the conversation.
Two months later I asked her about her not safe comment. I stated I was never abusive to her in any way and was concerned about that comment. She said she meant emotionally unsafe. Quite the manipulative tactic. Pure evil.
Prioritize your own well being = Boss Level
You described my wife. Im so shocked. I left her today and I am NOT going back! First of all this year is my year because I want to achieve a very important goal I need peace and Harmony for. After I have achieved my goal, I will get a doggo and live my life 😊
My ex-wife dropped me after 9 years when her oldest finished college and had the income to take over as breadwinner. I strongly believe that was her plan the whole time. She got colder, more abusive, more mean at the end. I was a good husband and a good dad. She chased off my family, had me drop every friend I ever had, and painted me as a bigoted, racist monster. She was diagnosed before we met with a list of things I didn't understand until it was too late. Almost 2 years later and I am finally on my feet again. I returned to my faith, lost 100+ pounds, and I am learning to find peace and contentment in solitude. If I ever get in to a relationship again I will be solid in who I am and require that she is as well.
A genuine good intentioned man who fell in to this trap due to lack of knowledge will always stand up stronger again. Im well and truly over this covert narc sociopath who targeted me through a colleague. She studied me like a stalker before approaching me. She got my number from my colleague under the pretnce of needing some "advice". The end, almost 15 years later is that im doing much better and back to my best.
That nail video floored me lol I needed that laugh unfortunately was in a relationship like this and the comedian in me needed this so bad
Your teaching is becoming sophisticated!
You are literally talking about my ex. Its kind of unsetteling how accurate this is! Ive lived through this! The whole list.
OMG! I subscribed to your channel just for the "nail in the head" dramatization. Lol!!
Im really sad at the moment because I invested a lot into a failed relationship.
Hut I actually giggled at the snagged sweater bit.., and his reaction spot on.
Thankyou you have described my 20 yr experience..waited for last out of two to finish study then.....LEFT THE BUILDING. We all can recover...i am busy with it...getting stronger every day Happinness.
Viva
The nail video is spot on.
These videos are such a great guide through the fog.
Ambiguity is how I move when being around my ex. Little to no contact and I’m out the way. I’ve watched her go through three different relationships with men , where she draws them in with the I was an Ahole to her. Then she slowly ruins their lives and discards them. There’s no changing a narc. They are who they are, so just go into that already knowing.
This is literally my ex fiancé, a psychologist cover narcissist, after 6 years together, before i finish that nightmare, I ended diagnosed by her ofc having bipolarity marinated on childhoodtrauma with a touch of schizophrenia.
Thank you so much for share this knowledge, you're awesome, excellent explanation.
Before the victimhood thing, comes passive-aggressiveness: she tries to get you out of your mind, so she can start her whinning and complaining... and, hopefully, get you further out of your mind. It's a vicious circle...
It's like this person lived with me and my ex. Unbelievable.
If I could hit your like button 20 more times. I would.
Every single manipulation tactic all but implies the use of the lying tactic and the gaslighting tactic. I actually dislike it a little calling out gaslighting as a manipulation tactic as it's actually an effect. All manipulation tactics will contribute to it by nature of what manipulation is. Some tactics however certainly take the gaslighting effect to a whole different level. Blatant lies that are so bad they insult your intelligence is one of them. That kind of shit will make you feel like you are in the twilight zone after a while. Here are some of the reasons they do this: To test their control. To feel superior and/or entertainment. This proves to themselves how much control they have over you. In the end, you will give up and you will not leave (trauma bonded). In the process of getting to the giving up stage, you will go through some pretty nasty emotional states ending in massive amounts of cognitive dissonance to swallow all of that. Cognitive dissonance is a trauma defense mechanism where you essentially lie to yourself in various ways so that you can bring back some semblance of equilibrium to the insanity you find yourself unable to escape from. As part of the ‘backing you into an emotional corner’ tactic. This is a tactic where you are manipulated into being emotionally unstable inevitably leading to you losing your shit. This gives the narcissist a big dopamine burst, they feel powerful and superior having so deftly controlled you and manipulated into this emotional state. To finish the little game they play, they make sure to point out how unhinged and unstable you are and suggest that perhaps you need help or medication. Of course, you will internalize all that shame and guilt and the million other raging emotions they have created and swallow all that essentially allowing them to scapegoat their blame and accountability onto you. Bring on some more cognitive dissonance and gaslighting effects. To condition you to expect less respect, and ultimately put up with more abuse. You will tire of the inevitable circular argument trying to convince the narcissist of the blatantly obvious lie and eventually find yourself challenging them less and less as you subconsciously accept the fact that if you do it will just make your life and emotional state more miserable and you will be denied the satisfaction of any kind of ‘win’ even if it is easy to disprove. This is part of the domination process and makes sure all the power in the relationship ends up with them by the end. To turn your mind to mush as the gaslighting effect takes hold more and more over time. This makes you even easier to control. Many times while easy to disprove it requires some kind of concession of some obvious truth that the narcissist can just doggedly refuse to agree with or remember (‘the intentional forgetting’ tactic and the ‘feigned confusion or ignorance’ tactics are often employed for this). So, in fact, it is not so easy to prove when the narcissist refuses to correctly remember what happened 10 min ago or accept sound logic or reasoning. You will just turn blue in the face trying. Of course, in some cases it is indisputable. A phone log or something. My experience is when this kind of stuff happens it wasn’t their intention typically, although sometimes it was. But in these scenarios, you will typically get some sort of angry ‘invalidating’ tactic, with some good old ‘manufactured rage’ and ‘intimidation’ tactics to ‘put you on the defensive’ and get you more susceptible to further manipulation. Maybe something like: “Get over yourself already” followed up by some ‘blame-shifting’ tactics with some good old ‘guilt’ and ‘shame’ tactics, like “Why the hell are you spying on my phone records anyway? What kind of relationship is this? I don’t have any privacy? I don’t know if I can do this anymore! You have major jealousy issues! You need help!” You will walk away as the loser either way. There are resistance tactics that can be used but this is a very difficult tactic to deal with and it is one of their favorites. I won’t get into the counter-tactics here though. The only way to really win in a relationship with a narcissist is to leave them and go no contact. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done Metaspyhub@gmail. com
@@neilcooper287 great in-depth comment
Good info on the layers of victim hood laid down over years - didn’t know they would actually defend it but of course it makes sense
Thank you so much for this. 100% in every detail my experience. Wish I had seen you 10 years ago.
It can never be your idea for a solution. It's always got to be hers. She has to be the one that's always in control, and the idea that you can solve or manage anything on your own is utterly ridiculous.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
Mate, you need to love yourself above all. If a woman is not supporting you, not helping you to build a life, don't waste your time.
I had two children with a woman who fits exactly these description’s to a tee. I really tried to get away from her before we had a child . Now I’ve been single and I miss my children. And the painful losses have kept me from even wanting to get close to any woman ever again until I get my life squared away.