Case Study: Narcissism and Snapping | When the Narcissist Loses Control
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- Опубліковано 25 січ 2020
- This video answers the question: Can I analyze a case study featuring a narcissist who snapped? Sometimes snapping is referred to as an episode of narcissistic rage.
What does it mean to snap? There is no official scientific definition, but for the purposes this video, here is the definition: when somebody suddenly manifests aggression that is different from their normal behavior.
People can snap for a variety of reasons. The cause of snapping comes down to a combination of stress and personality.
Narcissists are susceptible due to their personality structure and they are also susceptible because they create stress through their behavior.
Narcissism:
There are two types of narcissism: With grandiose narcissism we see characteristics like being extroverted, socially bold, self-confident, having a superficial charm, being resistant to criticism, and being callous and unemotional. Vulnerable narcissism is characterized by shame, anger, aggression, hypersensitivity, a tendency to be introverted, defensive, avoidant, anxious, depressed, socially awkward, and shy.
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Narcissists will go into a narcissistic rage, but forget about how they acted the next time they talk to you.
Right I get the whole what's wrong, why you upset..... surely you couldn't still be upset over me yelling at you two days ago....it's like they don't fully remember what they do or have done....
@@stephcarrin it must feel like they are going crazy. knowing they cant control what comes out of there mouths/brains when stressed/anxious, and knowing they cant control their true morals/beliefs.
@@stephcarrin However, remember vividly anytime that they perceived this from your part.
@@jrod7017 right every time it seems they can remember your screw ups constantly but constantly have brain facts regarding theirs.
@@stephcarrinDealing with this now with a sibling 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️
They disregard everyone else's boundaries, but over-vigilantly police their own
YOU are speaking nothing but the TRUTH!💯♥️
Exactly right. Hurting others is nothing, but even a tiny offense to them requires immediate revenge.
They’re so unfair: Vindictive, unyielding judgmental yet they can let it all hang out but must be tolerated, accepted and relentlessly forgiven.
@@francescaa8331 FACT!!
So correct! I dated one recently. I wasn't allowed to have any normal expectations of him. If I tried to work out even the smallest issues he would get upset and say" I'm not fighting with you". I never raised my voice once with him. Very draining.
"Narcissism doesn't fail in stages, it fails catastrophically." That's deep...🤔
So great to know!! They go to extremes - my association with a Narcissist led to three attempts to strangle me. Finally, thank Holy God above, I began to file divorce proceedings, and it saved my life! Some years after, this hideous man confided to an old family friend, who told me, that he never should have agreed to a divorce, and burst out in tears, much weeping. Was this true regret, or was he just sorry, or was he regretting his agreement to the divorce because it meant he couldn't abuse me anymore!? Unfortunately, I'll never know. And that's perfectly okay!!! He may have regret, but all I have is glorious joy that I finally - got away!!!
@@nancyayers6355 I completely understand the feeling! Congratulations on it and much success.
@@nancyayers6355 "Holy God above" watched as a man you loved and trusted put his hands around your throat and tried to squeeze the life out of you. This god of yours betrayed you three times. This god did nothing but let you be abused. God can do everything, sees all, knows all, has a plan, according to believers. So easy for him to have simply never allow you to meet your abuser in the first place. You were tortured and suffered trauma. For what? Thank yourself for finally getting away. Give credit where credit is due. This sounds like one god I'd never put my trust in. You naively trust men just as you naively trust this father figure you call god. What kind of father would let his daughter go through that? Life is too precious. Our psyches are fragile. Yet, this god allows innocent and vulnerable people to be hurt as we speak. The violence and terror it creates will continue like it always has, causing lasting scars. Maybe it's time to open your eyes and expand your mind, ask questions, spot red flags, learn how to not give your dignity away to male authority figures. God didn't point out any red flags this time. He won't be looking out for you next time, either. You must do this for yourself. And then, you can protect yourself.
Ive seen it. When a narcissist collapses.......its pretty damn scary. Mine delved into addiction and unbridled sexually deviant behavior.
@Jeep Girl I'm not a god. I'm a human being, like you. With a mind that can reason and make independent decisions. What god allows prolonged misery and suffering for defenseless children and those who beg for his mercy, may I ask? I am not better or superior than you, nor a god. I'm not better than the robin or any fish or animal in the pasture. I'm just a creature on this amazing planet ... and hope other creatures survive and thrive. I hope for the best for you, as well. I am tired of hurt and pain and cruelty. Your god doesnt actually fix or solve things ... that is clear. It is up to us. I don't think your god will be offended if I think for myself. He gave me this brain, if what you believe is true, right? 😉 Your god doesnt make junk
They suddenly drop all pretense and expose their true feelings. It's really scary.
Oh yes, I saw that one day, the perpetrator nearly shot themselves because they had exposed their behaviour, not realising someone was watching,
I have never seen that look of COLD REALISATION before, I believe the Devil was looking at me!👿
A very ugly, perverted, psycho, female, deadly!
@@janettecoleman1714 It's scary when it happens. Their face turns into a demon's face. Pure evil.
Very, Very Scary!!!
Yep. The TRUE person comes out.
@Sarah Kelly 💗
Often found that the higher you go in a corporate structure, the more likely these positions are filled by someone who is either narcissistic or psychopathic, or even both.
Absolutely.
Yep ,or you have the higher ups that cant or wont put a shock collar on these jerks,or better yet fire em or at least not expose humans to them.
What experience do you have in the high levels of sufficiently numerous corporations to comprise a sample? Oh, none?
Because narcissists have leadership qualities.
@@reallyhappenings5597 Everyone is aware of it because of the legal issues they cause by their behavior.
This reminds me of the old adage : Give a little man a little power and you will see what he's made of .
Give a man an inch and he becomes a ruler
Not every man, but a narc!
That is such an accurate statemeant...this something I need to remember forever.
100%
Now a little man has a LOT of power.
When you see a snappy ever really snap its truly a scary event. Ive seen eyes bugle out and foam at the mouth. Sounds silly but its truly a total disconnect from all reality and they become like animals with their defence!! ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!!! And after a hour its like IT NEVER HAPPENED!!!
Absolutely.
An hour?!?! Jeez, youre lucky!!! My narc ex would rant & rail for days!! My favorite part; the property destruction & vandalism of HER OWN CRAP!! 🤣🤣
Then of course the next 3 fights were "why did you make me kick my grandma's china cabinet?" 🤣🤣
Professional or otherwise avoidance of these types is the only way...
So true. My grandiose narc neighbour snapped at me when I had some workers in my home replacing my kitchen. Legally, in my county in the UK workers can start work from 7am and work until 8pm. My workers worked from 8am until 4pm, which I thought was very considerate and reasonable. I live in a detached house and therefore my neighbours on either side should not have been too inconvenienced but I let them know in advance that the work would be taking place and what time provisions were agreed. I also asked them to let me know if there were any problems that impacted upon them.
So imagine my shock at hearing a thumping/banging on my front door at 8am on day 3 of a 10 day project, only to open it to find my grandiose narc neighbour shouting in my face. Yelling at me. Name calling. Shouting what an inconsiderate bitch I was, how selfish to be making such noise. His eyes were bulging. His face was red. He was incandescent with rage. I could see the muscles in his neck bulging. His face was the picture of animalistic hostility. His whole body language was threatening. He waved his fist in the direction of my face causing me to step back.
I was terrified. I’m a 5’2” petite lady. I’m also a widow who lives alone. He is a 6’ muscular keep fit man. And yet in that moment he became a monster.
Amazingly, I kept my cool. I’m a retired mental health nurse so I knew it was important to de-escalate the situation, so shouting back was out of the question. In a split second I responded with a calm, soft voice, saying that I needed him to calm down. He couldn’t hear me because of the rage, so I had to keep repeating in the same tone that I needed him to leave my property. I went stuck record in the same softly spoke, non threatening tone, open body language, ‘please leave, I need you to leave my property, I don’t like it when you yell at me, please go.”
After a few minutes it was like a switch flipped in his brain. He shook himself out of his rage. It was as if he had suddenly woken up and realised where he was and what he was doing. He turned and left, not in an angry way but in a more self controlled way. I’ve seen this many times in my experience as a mental health nurse. When someone is in the grip of rage they cannot hear you, but once they’ve come out of the rage they gain control of their senses.
After he had gone I turned to find two very concerned workers watching and listening. Both were concerned enough to sit me down and make me a cup of tea. We all reflected on what happened and I’ll never forget the words of one of them. He said that he’d downed tools and come running to see what was going on, and when he saw my neighbour in that rage, he positioned himself ready to pounce on him and grab him because he really thought my neighbour was going to hit me. When he asked me why I didn’t shout at him or slam the door in his face, I told them both about my mental health experiences and that my neighbour would have reacted to either of those approaches with an escalation of further aggression.
Inwardly I reflected that if such an incident had happened in my practice as a nurse, I would have pressed the silent security alarm button and awaited help from my team. And if such a person as my neighbour had been a patient of mine, I would have amended the risk assessment to indicate no lone working with him.
To this day he has not spoken with me and nor has he apologised. I know from neighbour gossip that he blames me, saying that I caused him to lose his temper that day, that it was all my fault. Such is his incapacity to look at his own behaviour and how dangerous it is. I have also spoken with his wife and it appears that she was too scared to interfere that day and she said that he was not the type of man who would ever apologise and she wondered if I could find it in myself to forgive him. I said no, because by the time that I had this conversation I’d gleaned further information from neighbours about this man’s character, and it seems that he has a history of snapping and becoming violent towards others. He’s beaten up his own brother in the road, apparently outside of the front of my house. Don’t know where I was that day but I didn’t witness this. As a result, everyone walks on eggshells around him.
When narcissists snap they are truly dangerous people. Very, very dangerous people.
@@ruthjones5557 I think thats a prime example of this personality. But you must experience it first hand. It's truly Baptism by Fire !!!! The entitlement is repulsive!!!!
@Ruth Jones - I'm glad you have the training to effectively deal with your raging neighbor. I'm also glad you had people in your home that day to potentially come to protect you if the situation got out of hand. I had a similar experience with one of my neighbors last year, which was very frightening, especially since it was the first time I'd ever seen that side of the person. In my case, I think he was not sharing only his opinion but his wife's as well (I'm guessing she may be a covert narc from my encounters with her). I refuse to speak to the family anymore because I have the feeling that anything I say or do will be negativity twisted by them if the spirit moves them. In other words, I've become their scapegoat. I guess what I'm saying is please be cautious of the entire family as you never know what's really going on.
Narc rage feels like a nasty police interrogation / constantly accusing you of something you didnt do / or highly overreacting to tiny issues / obsessive hostility toward others / trying to harass people / after a wile you get a sense of bad feeling when your around them / feel threatened in their presents / refuse to help them or aid them in any way . AND THEY KNOW IT .
From my experience, my ex was a screaming, intimidating interrogator who did not care what your answers were. He would answer for you. He would actually say the words " so you're telling me that you think I'm garbage?" When I hadn't said a word. Even if I pointed out I wasn't even speaking he would continue on with his raging interrogation. Now looking back, I realize that all the rages and interrogating was to instill fear & gain control as he felt completely out of control... what I mean by out of control for him, I mean that he would feel he was losing his grip on controlling situations and people including me. He needed to control everything that was going on at all times. His thoughts were definitely was out of control. He would say he had no control over himself but I think he did. I think it was selective control. I witnessed it many times. In the middle of the worst rage, he could morph into a reasonable sounding person towards someone else. I think he believed that by saying he Lacked the ability to control himself, or he didn't 'remember' his rages, he wasn't responsible for criminal an abusive behavior.
@Otie Jason what do you mean you snap? I'm not sure why you said you wouldn't be considered a Narcissist. Do they call you a narcissist when you snap?
There's snapping and there's SNAPPING. Some Ppl have anger issues and no, this does not make them a narcissist. Ppl who have witnessed a NPD individual's kind of snap discover it's a different off the charts kind of rage.
Well said. U have been thru it. It's weird and upsetting so much. ✌
Excellent way to put it! Simply crazy and horrifying at the same time!
@@kathyjenkins4067 Yup. People like this are scary.
When dealing with a narcissistic person, you never know if you are coming or going... alot of confusion...
That's because they build you up with "love bombing" just to tear you down with triangulation (cheating or comparison), or playing on your humanity by making you feel guilty they are the way they are by saying nasty things about your good points, "sorry, I'm not educated like you are, you're always right and I'm wrong, they start treating you like they want you when it's just sex and as much as they can get and they turn away from you if you assert yourself in bed because YOU are in the mood to make love as a bonding experience.
OMG, yes. They thrive in an environment where others are kept confused. It's what makes *them* feel calm and stable themselves.
@@melcontent It is all about control...
The charm, then the lies, you’re destroyed.
It's like living in a pinball machine, being slammed around with no escape.
I wish that more people in law enforcement understood what you teach here on narcissim!
Why is that?
@@reallyhappenings5597 because narcissistic abusers frequently walk free by exploiting the justice system and there is little to no recompense for their victims
Law enforcement definitely needs psychology training and extensive study in human behavior and disorders. They also need to be screened themselves. We need reform in law enforcement desperately.
Law enforcement...funny. The people you go to for protection have a license to kill and get away with it.
Opi-Rage law enforcement attracts narcissists! Nothing more dangerous than a racist, narcissistic cop, who snaps!
My mother "snapped" after I told her I knew all about her public "mask" and how she treats me. She screamed in a demonic rage and said she hopes I end up homeless. She passed a month ago and completely dis-inherited me.I am her only child and actually turned out pretty normal considering everything I was put through. She has come to me in my dreams and said she is sorry for not leaving me any money. Guess she is not doing well in her soul review!
Her "soul review"😅.. I like that.
Wow- that’s powerful. I’m so glad that you turned out “normal” (whatever that is 😉)
It's scary to have such a narcissistic mother. Cudos to you for not turning out like her.
You actually sound like a dangerously narcissistic person yourself, given that you've been manifesting your dead mother in your dreams to make her apologise to you for not giving you money. Clearly there's a lot of anger and entitlement there. You're enjoying the idea of her suffering now in her 'soul review'. Very sick.
I believe my father was an overt narcissist. He retaliated in sneaky but intimidating ways when he didn't get his way at work, writing damaging anonymous letters, blackmailing his superiors with false accusations even in necessary. But every now and then he's snap and assault someone or damage work property or something aggressive. He was paranoid and oversensitive to criticism, wreaking havoc everywhere, including his entire family. Horrible feeling to be relieved when a parent passes on but I lived in fear of him and his threats based on pure paranoia. Anyway, thanks for this. I don't think anyone ever hired him without later regretting it.
Deb T I am sorry to hear about your fathers behaviour, I hope you now have found peace and living your best life ❤️❤️
Glad he is gone! Try to live a happy life now. Get the help if needed.
It's a shame we can't put a bullet between their eyes and be done with it.
Well I have to disagree, and did, when you said your narcissist was "sneaky." It's been my experience that a narcissist is EVER sneaking around. Mine was vicious and "in your face" all the time. I knew exactly how much he seemed to utterly despise me every single day.
I have never regretted my "producers" dying!👿😈
I once met someone who I do believe was a narcissist or at least exhibited many of the characteristics. I saw her snap one day, and during her rage she shouted “this kind of thing doesn’t happen to me! I do this to other people!” I found that so shocking at the time, but looking back, it makes sense now.
@Lula Mae - Wow, that quote is just exploding with entitlement! Its still shocking, to me, even with understanding. Just my opinion, but that quote is almost as insane as, say, someone pointing at a cloud and yelling “it’s a giant bunny rabbit in the sky, RUN!!!” and meant it. They are both breaks with reality if she was serious, though in rather different ways. Even if she was just “being dramatic”, she’s basically loudly declaring “I’m a really loathsome person!”, which isn’t normal.
So often, companies enable the narcissist and blame the victim, same with schools-and the bully gets away with it time and again. NICE to see that once in a while, one gets exposed. These should be shown to management in every company as a part of management education. Videos like yours really put light on the subject, and knowledge is 99% of the resolution to this issue. Thank you for taking the time out of your surely busy schedule, to post these videos. Cheers from New Mexico USA! Julia
Because narcissists are manipulative and look good on paper from a recruitment standpoint. They also produce short term results that make the company look good (over long term pain of anybody working under them). And most HR departments probably do not have training to identify narcissists.
During my entire life as an employed clinician only once did I have a "superior" who did *not* turn out to be a bully. Since I put a stop to that (I've run my private practice for 15 years now) the only bullies are GPs and health care authority bosses. For the first time in my life I've been able to go about my clinical work unharassed! That's the state of affairs.
it happened to me, a new collegue I had never met talked to me as literal shit on the phone, at first I tried "hey we don't know each other , I'm AL" he answered "oh... I see" and continued yaling at me over something he did'nt know shit about (I 've been doing that job for ten years) I tried to explain why I did my job as it was supposed to be done, got tired of the verbal abuse and told him that I would'nt take it and he had to adress me politely, he snaped and came at me threatening to hit me in front of everyone , he had to be stoped physically by my other collegues. So I filed a complaint . Then he retaliated and accused me of having said something that put him in this state of rage (I still don't know what, but I think his accusations were pretty serious), fortunately my company records phonecalls. YET he got nothing, no blame , no firing , nothing and I was told that something in the tone of my voice must have triggered the violence. He got promoted a few month later on a position I had applied for.
@@backintimealwyn5736
This is why people need to document and
whistleblow.
@@backintimealwyn5736 - That is terrible! Through my working years, I encountered many difficult bosses and coworkers! One boss was the VP of Human Resources! She hired me on the spot. I thought it was going to be a great job. It turned out to be a nightmare! She was horrible to me a few days into the job! She made life miserable for me, and got her managers and a few other key people to be awful to me (for no good reason...just her evilness)! In time, they "promoted" her to an even higher position (at another city)! But eventually she tried her dirty work on her new people, and those higher-ups put a stop to her. She did her fighting with them, and they fired her! *She was a full-fledged Narcissist for sure!!!
We enable narcissists because our society is narcissistic itself.
Western culture caters to the demented ghouls.
You are sooooo right!
Is that true? I hope not. Sam Vaknin, a narcissist and educator on the disorder, says that society is becoming more narcissistic. But what does that mean? I could see people not caring anymore and shutting down their empathy, but wouldn't their natural conscience kick in and logic too? Narcissists seem to loose all logic. They can't reason because they are more concerned with their superiority complex (delusion) and not being wrong. So all logic goes out the window. Will people really loose their minds like that by practicing evil? Hahaha! I hope not. Like I said, I hope their natural and correct working brain makes their conscience kick in.
And besides didn't Dr. Grande just say that a normal person could be reasoned with unlike the narcissist? Yeah. They still don't know what makes a narcissist. I think that they are born with it. It's a delusion isn't it? They're in their own little world of superiority belief. That's not what normal people do. I think it's a brain malfunction.
@Kilnmaster I did, it was my opinion. Thanks for your input, though!
My father snap in my front because he lose the "Control" over me. The snap, rage, and anger is the real self of them.
Good. That he lost control over u.
He did not " lose control". He never had it in the first place. They are just like children, they dont have impuls controll. And they belive that they are in controll of reality and other peoples minds and emotions. Even when what they do and say is fucking crazy ( it most often is). Real control is to have emotions and to control how we react to them. The narcissist dont have this control. When they act like a spoild child they blame you for their actions. And when they get triggerd they blame the reaction on the world. In reality they have zero control. In they`re mind it`s your mind and emotions that is the " real reality". Thats why they are so desperat to controll and manipulate you. When you realize this part and sett firm boundarys you see how desperat and patetic they are
Narcissists are just edgy crybabies really lol.
I lived with a narcissist for two years. While having a conversation one evening, I corrected him on a certain subject. That didn’t go too well. He argued with me until I had proved to him that I was right. He stood in front of me and screamed at me that I did not respect him and to prove that I did, he demanded that I stand up and salute him. I refused and he then told me to get my things and leave.
"Stand up and salute him" That's hilarious! Very lucky for you to have a narcissist prove that they aren't worth being around and then pushing you away. Sayonara!
Oh my 🤣🤣🤣he was wayyyy too much. Not salute him and get my things and leave. Girl, that’s the best thing he told you to do was leave cause baby that was definitely what needed to be done.
I would have given him a ONE finger salute and happily left and blocked them on every venue
Wait, I need to know, did he beg you to return?
@@artisticdreamer2429 And they always threaten their new victim, ahem, I mean love interest, with returning to you because you truly loved and respected them. Yes, it seems their only dialogue with people is designed to hurt them.
My ex snapped frequently & it made me into an overly anxious person. I walked on eggshells, never knowing what might set him off next. If it wasn't something I said or did, it was his parents or a stranger at the supermarket. I was constantly in fear of his temper.
I'm glad that I was referred to your channel, as it's helped to affirm things I had suspected for a long time. It's also helped me realise that I'm not actually crazy - something my ex had tried to gaslight me into believing for 3 years.
YaY...moving forward
my step dad was same
So very proud of you, seeing you put that "ex" in the conversation is so refreshing. Keep loving you, and keep growing strong.
Lol no he wasn’t.
Try 9....I'm walking away.
Couldn't agree more, I'm a hiring manager who has experienced narcissistic rage at work coming from an entitled female and I must say that employers aren't aware at all of the dangers of narcissism or even mental health issues therefore don't know how to act. The only advice that can be given in terms of protecting oneself is document everything and keep HR departments aware to cover yourself as sooner or later the lid comes off the whistling teapot. Thank you for your insight Dr Grande.
J. Mig simple training or bringing in trainers on the subject, would be a wise investment.
As a hiring manager, I hope you use the things you learn from this channel to avoid hiring narcs. Too many of 'em in corporate settings.
Stop giving them promotions. Only give promotions to people who are not that aggressive about getting promoted.
Sadly, I found myself working for a narcissistic HR manager, so HR was of absolutely no help to me- senior management in the organization simply protected her. When I tried to report on her behaviour, she retaliated by smearing my reputation with my peers and her seniors, so that I was viewed as untrustworthy. It was devastating for me and my family. Senior management was totally blind to/in denial of the fact that she was a narcissist and was abusing, exploiting and lying to all of her staff (not just me). I chose early retirement to get away. Two years later, senior management finally pushed her out the door but not before she destroyed the entire work unit. There needs to be effective screening to avoid hiring and promoting those with strong narcissistic traits. These people promote a dysfunctional culture that is highly toxic. Left unchecked, they most certainly will destroy an entire organization.
Oh yes! I ended up with a very toxic narc co-worker, but since she was the boss' "yes" person, and he was making $$$, even HR told me if I didn't like it I could leave. I did, and have been making half the money ever since, but no amount of money is worth my mental health. I did leave her a secret letter in her desk. I learned from the narcs previously.....so I got my satisfaction. Even though I know it won't change her, it satisfied ME to tell her that a demon or more than one inhabits her soul.
When a narcissist is on the verge of snapping....
he'll accuse you of being on the verge of snapping.
Just wait for it.
BINGO
I think it's happened in the comments already... Ok not a snap, but overly strong reactions just to what people are posting. PROJECTION.
@@terrahill3262 Yes -- as with my boss/narcisscyst, the snapping can be made subtle, paced, and measured, as in snarky comments to legitimate concerns.
Narcissists especially tend to view others through the lens of their own Shadow. But it's common among others, too. Projection takes many forms.
That didn't happen in my case:
He SNAPPED because I REFUSED to do what he Wanted-----
I REFUSED to leave with him...
He went into a full-blown RAGE
HURT ME
Nobody:
Me randomly at 3:00 a.m.
"Welcome to my scientifically informed.."
lol more like "WELCOME TO MY SCIENTIFICALLY INFORMED.."
i'm pretty sure my next door neighbor knows about the scientific informing that is going on in my apartment by now. that intro is a good couple dB higher than the rest of the audio in Dr. Grande's vids. also Dr. Grande, if you're reading, just FYI on the volume level of the intro.
@@snackentity5709 😂😂😂
@@snackentity5709 lol...My neighbour in my new home does meanwhile, too..! But it's my fault... 😊
I love that makes my heart happy if your case he has uploaded a new video
Totally!!
At the workplace people like that can bring maximum suffering, because we can't flee them, we are forced to endure their attitude of slander and aggression.
my husband had a narc manager once.. he died suddenly for no reason it was odd.. God's punishment? He fired everyone.. eventually even my hubby (hubby just took a position in a different dept. but it was scary not knowing how long he would be out of work but God provided a way).. anyways his boss was always so angry!! made hubby work 12 hours a day!! He was so tired and sad.. we had three little boys at the time. We prayed for him and even sent him cards to hospital.. it is truly sad no one knows why he was so angry.
Just left a job because of this exact issue
There are seemingly non violent ways a narcissist can snap. They become more cruel and in the ultimate coup de grace they ensure a malicious act that is written into their will against the person they are supposed to love the most, the only person that really ever stood by them.
This is beginning to be tiresome. 'Narcissist ' is the newest in a long line of labels medicalising bad behaviour. Years ago they wer 'Socioplaths' , prior to that 'Psycopath'. Eveyone is an amateur osychiatrist and even the professional certified psychiatrists argue about labels which are decided by committee. Some people tell lies and steal . Some people tell lies for personal gain e.g. Promotion.
Having no empathy should concern everyone. This is not only about lying to get things, ignoring the narc could cost you your life. Just call me, "been there, done that".
You should protect the victim before they harm themselves as a result in the end. That is beyond cruel to do that to someone you apparently love.
My cat is narcissistic. Know matter what I do for him it's not enough. I buy him toys especially the ones filled with catnap but still refuses to show any sort of thanks other than one short meeoow . He plays the victim when I don't allow his friends to stay over for the night and snaps catapulting himself out of his catflap at 20 mph like zoom! . Very good informative video.
Cats are our Narc overlords.
My ex-narc snapped/snaps all the time, even at work. Their sudden and impulsive rage is frightening and dangerous.
They don't seem to give a shit who sees or hears, then still expect to be treated " normally"
@Kathy Wedzik yes, I am aware and have studied these individuals to the core. Now, I am teaching others. He usually fled my apartment... maybe deep down he knew, if he didn't run away out of my apartment when he was raging, he'd hurt me or even kill me. He had a notion of self-control there. But it was scary regardless.
My sister will beat on my door, like it's about to be beat in and she beats on it very hard... I don't answer the door, she has physically hurt me on numerous occassions, once I had to have surgery. Especially, when I would call her on a lie. Like I would say... you said this last week and now your saying a different thing about it.. which way was it?? Then she comes up and about beats my door down, screaming.. I know your in there! She tried to turn my own children against me. These narcissist's are vicious but they act sweet out in public and fake feeling sorry for others.. it's all a lie.
@@paulao7022 Why have u not involved law Enforcement?
@J. Damn you are funny. You do not know the whole picture. I just gave you a glimpse. He was not just a covert narcissist; he had full-blown ASPD. It's alternating, depending who is around. Actually, I wrote a whole book about my experience and am helping others who find validation in it. I am not just throwing terms around and don't know what they mean. Unfortunately, it has become a habit for many, so narcissistic abuse is not taken very seriously by others.
The reason I point out his potential self-control was because we both work in the same industry, so he had to hide his abusive side to some other co-workers. So that was part of his covertly abusive side and flight response (I have a freeze response). I could not have shown up with bruises at work so to speak.
This is gold.
I was a very naive/accepting person for most of my life up until I turned 30. I wasn't aware my father and big sister were hardcore narcissists, I thought they just were very "demanding", a bit stupid, and just plain weak. So I always somehow pitied them.
It wasn't until I saw their murderous schemes directed at my mother that I "snapped" and wrote them out of my life for good. I was almost relieved when my father passed away, days after I told him I didn't want to have anything to do with him. I have done the same with my sister, but she is still around and raging/whining at others.
I have always wondered how people CAN'T see through narcissist's cinema and tactics (i.e demeaning/belittling behaviours, rage at anybody who is more successful than them, desperation to be acknowledged, aggressive/dismissive attitude towards people most close to them, self-victimising discourses etc): these seem so glaringly evident to me. If you haven't got a strong sense of self and radically honest/blunt approach to life/relationships, narcissists will eat you alive until you wither to oblivion.
And yes, they will keep testing your boundaries: trying to bring you to their muddy side, do ANYTHING they can to "help" you while demanding that you will become their slave for life. They will also put you in a fix in last-minute reversals of plans to put you on the edge and get you to "blow up" at them. The more self-controlled/disinterested you are, the more they crave your attention, just like dogs running after a bouncing ball. It is just...pathetic, if not lame.
You're fortunate in that your father passed just days after the confrontation, not giving him any opportunity to write you out of his will. At the moment I am working with a therapist through all the harm my NPD dad has done to me (severe beatings when I was a little girl, financial abuse, telling me + my sister "You're never going to amount to anything", NO EMPATHY, EVER...) even though I managed to move to Paris to work as a journalist and been gone nearly 20 years now. He's in COVID-ridden Florida, age 80 and playing the "poor me" and guilting me for being so far away. Well, if he ever did anything nice when I was in the States, I might still be there. A lot of old troubles (long swept under the rug) are coming to the surface due to this virus. I'm sure he would retaliate if I ever confronted him. So used to the RAGE attacks he's been enabled his entire life and my sister is a covert Narc always taking his side despite the abuse.
@@firehorse9996 I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm glad you're happy and safe now.🌞
Living with a narcissistic man in particular is like walking on egg shells. One does not know if he will react or distract! When one says after having children. They don’t love other children. But do love their own? Go figure. When one asks you at counseling if he is an alcoholic due to his episodes of anger. Of never being satisfied. Just like Mary Trumps title to her book. I can relate! After 16 yrs. I left in the middle of the night with my children and never looked back. It’s been 34 yrs! Best decision ever! Thank God for great adult children & my happy, loving Life! Thank you for you insight on this topic! On 🎯
You Rock! Similar situation here.
Same goes with narc women...
Cathy Sunshine
Thank God for women shelters! Nowadays their are safe havens. Call your county’s hotline number or a social services number. They can direct you. I was fortunate enough to stay at my sisters for 3 months! I filed for divorce during that time. He didn’t know where I went because my sister had recently moved at that time! I made money delivering flowers while the kids went to school. I did waitress that’s fast money too! Denny’s & I hop part time plus the flower shop. My lawyer made him pay my divorce! She was a female lawyer!
Greg how dare you!!!??? 😅😅😅😅
@@skyflowerkat915 you are too precious to be with a narcissist!
I was being bullied at work and had to go to HR because my supervisors would not help me. One
supervisor wanted to know why I wouldn’t just quit instead of her investigating the situation.
I was also assaulted by a narcissistic spouse. He cut his own face, called the police and told them he was defending himself from my attacks on him. Until then I thought things like that only happened in the movies.
The supervisor was behind the bullying, I just about guarantee it! She came out and pretty much admitted it. Probably angry in her narcissistic way that you had not "obliged" her by quitting already.
I can relate, several family members burned me to the police like that :(.
Yep. This stuff exists
I hope you heal
In my experience, management in general tends to repeatedly cut the “Jim’s” of the workforce slack until something like this (or worse) happens.
I think it is because the narcissist will keep arguing and fighting until they win because they love that. So it is much easier to deal with other people who are more rational so they move the people who are 'easier' to deal with which doesn't solve the problem but just gets it off the top of the list for a moment.
it starts in school. schools give bullies wayyy too much leeway to "be themselves" or worse yet the most useless response of all "we can't change human nature"
Jeanette Waverly I have found HR policy to be: “This is the first I’ve heard!!” with arms raised in alarm. They ignore until it blows up!!! Most HR are incompetent. They do what the highest pay grade in the building wants or the most feared politically. It took decades to finally remove a manager that harassed, groped or assaulted women in the company. And even then he got his full pension.
@@jollyandwaylo It's also the psychopathy and how they go about setting up people to fall who don't kiss their butts in addition to what they do to the people whose jobs they want.
Yup! Because those "Jim's" usually bring in the most profits. It's (unfortunately) all about the Buck 🤫🤑
If they give you a completely blank, emotionless stare, run!!! Watch your back without ceasing. They could be about to attack you in any way they can, or at least planning to. Whether it's physically, financially, or hurting someone you love, ect. Not that they aren't always plotting, but still. 🧡💚💛
In school they were called the " popular people." Nobody liked them but they loved each other and themselves!
Funny, my covert narc was a nerd and I was popular. I don’t think narcissism fits high school stereotypes. It’s a personality disorder, not a popularity disorder.
@@belindacrafts8621 its OK you don't get it.
Yea. I remember what it was like too. The most destructive leaders of those in crowds had a habit of getting jealous whenever someone in the room was drawing attention away from them and so to prevent their slide into unpopularity they would see seeds of discord all around those whom they were envious and jealous of. I wish to have known better back then how to stand up to them instead of seeing some of my friends suffer too.
Not every popular person is a narcissist. This comment honestly makes you look bitter and narcissistic yourself 😂 how are you going to classify everyone popular as a narcissist, this seems more like you’re trying to justify your highschool expierence
Usually physically attractive girls are popular with boys and vice versa. Nothing to do with narcissism really. often girls find more confident boys attractive but that doesnt just make them a narcissist. I take it you were a shy child.
No one stands up to bullies or protects victims.
Need to do something here, right?
Yep
There's no real safety net.
As rich people don't need one.
That’s what we are seeing with Trump with an impotent Senate that won’t hold him accountable. Why does Trump have supporters? Why can’t they see his mental illness?
@@sheilascanlon4928 Safety nets hold us back, how do you think they got rich? No safety nets. Fun fact: as far as generational wealth goes, 90% of the time it’s gone by the time it passes down to the 3rd generation. I wish I wasn’t a narcissist but god gave me this hurdle to overcome for a reason I hope.
@@cat3wamp Donald's supporters are a cult.
Big fan of the case study presentations!
The manager who spread the blame between Jim and his 2 victims is exhibiting a narcissistic trait. I’m sure Jim wasn’t the only Narcissist in the chain of command for this company.
It is not uncommon for narcissists to end up in power positions. specially in a system that rewards heartless competition and disregard for the ones around you to get your way as a positive ambitious quality .
Showing narcissistic traits, & having NPD are two very different things. Everyone will show narcassist tendencies at one point or another.
American Made
Of course. But no one could possibly determine whether that manager is likely to have NPD based on so little info. But it’s obvious that the management team at that company had a culture of narcissism. For instance, they only stepped in to promote the abused female employee when they knew she had fantastic grounds for a sexual harassment suit.
being dismissive, as managers often are, doesn't make you a narc.
Jack M.
Of course not. I never said it did. But dismissing serious accusations is still very selfish on the part of a manager.
A single narcissistic behavior episode doesn’t mean that person has NPD. But, a management atmosphere like this one where narcissistic behavior is tolerated as the norm is overwhelmingly likely to have at least a few NPD people in strategic places.
Great, pertinent talk. Deal at work with a narcissist, you are right the narcissistic behavior is not understood by management.
Don't allow the narcissist to use you as their regulatory object.
I’ve watched dozens of videos.
What is “regulatory object.”
It sounds like the person they use to regulate their emotions.
I could certainly relate to that!
Kelly Boy Yes. They hate themselves so much they project it onto other people, particularly those that provide them supply by becoming upset.
Well thats why you need to try and fix being a "FIXER". THEY LOVE FIXERS. They can always be FULL in every way narcissist with the fixer.
WHY NOT? Good point.
WHY NOT? 100% I have an appointment with a therapist tomorrow.
He’s going to ask me what my goals are in therapy and that’s exactly what I’m going to tell him.
I am an animal rescuer and a True Empath.
Finally, I am concerned about MYSELF.
Unfortunately this happens to often, and it becomes an extremely toxic work environment, then results in losing competant, decaded, loyal employees
Yes, and I often think management like it that way. They can lose senior employees, so the company pays less for medical insurance, and compensation. Also, some managers erroneously believe they will get more out of workers by pitting them against each other. It's really a stupid, short sighted assumption, but very common to see in businesses.
Managers are almost never rated for subordinate turnover, consequently they can force good employees out for years, with HR none the wiser. Eventually, disaster strikes when they fire, in a rit of fealous jage, the one person who has real understanding of how the department functions.
@@jguenther3049 That is a spot on observation.
My narcissistic ex snapped when I stepped between him and my 14 yr old son when he was threatening my son with a broomstick in his hand. He grabbed me by the front of my blouse and slammed me into the refrigerator.
I got away and called the police for assistance.
When the police arrived he was sitting in his recliner with a grin on his face.
I think he thought that nothing would come of the incident.
But...
Thankfully, the officer believed me and arrested him.
The judge gave him 6 months probation and gave me and my children an order of protection.
The judge told him if he messed up during probation...he would make sure that he got jail time.
That was 30 years ago, ...I relive it all in my head most every day.
The rage of a narcissist is mindboggling.
Oh my...
I am so glad that you are safe!!!
That was very brave of you. Hope you are living a much happier life now.
@@jeannebraun367 Praise the Lord, I am blessed.
I witnessed three collapses with my second narc. The rage was scary. Two were directed at others where I was expected to be the calming factor, the supply needed to heal the collapse. The third was directed at me. Didn't know about narcissism at the time. It's scary to witness and especially scary when it's directed at you. Knowledge really helps.
Super scsry
@@Noname-dg3pm Yeah, I have to admit, it was.
OMG my mother said something like "don't snap" to me a few years ago when I was in the midst of massive slander & gaslighting campaign by her and my brother and by extension all my friends & family they'd triangulated and I was like - what? (Im very self-controlled, most of the time, it's hard to get me really mad/turn the other cheek type all my life because of my family). I was not yet aware at the time that I'd been slandered as a narc as well. Didn't know any of the terminology....but I was also being accused of "lashing out" by people who were being vague and abusive who I called out on their behaviour and asked for answers (not lashing out) THEN I began reading up on narcissism...and now the "SNAP" too? Funny thing is my MOM has snapped repeatedly, while I was holding her accountable for her behaviour and things she'd said, when she snapped. One snap she literally stuck her fists in my face and told me not to tempt her to take an assault charge. Because I calmly told her (after I'd realized I'd been widely slandered as a narcissist/bipolar/schizo/delusional/psychotic) that I was sick and tired of having her mental illness projected or blamed on me.
That's difficult to say the least. My partner had a similar relationship with her mother and finally had to go no contact. I wish you well. Take care.
Every human being has a potential to snap. This isn't a specifier for narcissism.
@@riblets1968 my mom is but one of many (mentally ill) flying monkeys for someone elses' massive smear campaign against me. My mom is manipulative, petty and mean, but by no means manipulative or intelligent enough to be the primary narc behind this nightmare, just a perfect flying monkey. I am going to expose the person behind it. I know who it is and they are super sick in the head. A diabolical, destructive narc straight from the bowels of hell.
@@mrs.reluctant4095 No but they do and that's not the only narc term people have been using/accusing me of, as I said. I can't even count how many people have accused me of "lashing out" in response to their abuse - none of which was "lashing out", it was straightforward asking for explanations and speaking the truth about THEIR behaviour. Naturally I was angry, AM angry, but not "raging". I was responding to others' inappropriate hostility and accusations. Some I haven't even seen for 30 years but my dear mom is facebook friends with them.
Sounds familiar... in my experience exposing the truth just opens you up as a target, they aren’t ever going to accept that they are the problem. As long as you are saying things they don’t like, YOU are the problem. I don’t see how you can win 😔
This was really well presented. It's a lot easier to understand a story then a list of facts and I think this illustrated narcissism really well.
This was beautifully explained, especially for someone whose been victimized more than once by this type of behavior.
Jim is a victimized narcissist. I've seen this type personally. They play victim but it masks their grandiose scheme to destroy you. My ex wife exhibits this behavior in all aspects of her life to manipulate and control people. A learned behavior from her own mother.
My theory is that victim narcissist actually believe they are the victim. They’re still manipulative but I believe they justify their manipulative tactics because they believe they are the Victim of the situation.
I rather think its inherited.
My family too
Yes sir I know one exactly like that. Always the victim typical manipulation tactic. That's the covert narc i endured. The narc got me the same way. I ended it the only way I thought wood work. After I exposed the narc bigtime
Yep Narcissist are dangerous. Especially the covert drug using narc.
I’m in the middle of a situation with a narcissistic subordinate right now and am concerned about narcissistic rage eventually. It’s like watching a train wreck in slow motion but there’s nothing you can do to prevent it.
Enjoyed your take on Narcissists and snapping. I remember being in an Airport with my then boyfriend “ the Narcissist.”Our check-in desk wasn’t opened yet, so I thought I would just use the kiosk where you can print out your own baggage tags and boarding passes..no problem right? As I am just in the middle of doing just that, my Narc boyfriend returns from the mens bathroom and sees me printing out the first 🏷 tag. He goes INSANE! 🙀 He 😡 rages and screams at the top of his lungs “What the F-k are you doing? I said calmly “Printing our passes and luggage tags”.His response to me was irrational saying”That’s the Airlines job! That’s what we pay for” and “We are NOT suppose to do that”! He then stormed off like a 4 year old having a massive tantrum! The couple sitting next to me and the kiosk were just sitting and staring in total disbelief 🫢! I look at them and said “ I know right” You would think my guy would leave it at that, but NO he came back and started all over again and again! Still our desk wasn’t opened yet and we did have our boarding passes and our luggage tags, but he refused to go through to security until they opened the desk. An hour later when the desk finally opened and my Narc boyfriend approached the checkin desk with our luggage and boarding passes they say to him . “Sir, why are you coming here?? You are already checked in! You need to go straight to security with your tagged bags which you could have done over an hour ago.” It took all my strength not to say “I told you so stupid!” Mensa girlfriend 1 ex Narc boyfriend 0
Thank you breaking up with several after being raised by two has left me with avoidant attachment problems...
*gets home from work*
*opens youtube*
*reads title*
*rolls up sleeves*
Has somebody that has worked with a narcissist and they blew up and wreak havoc in the workplace to the point we had to call the police. I think net Management in HR should be given a course of what signs to look for. I know you cannot not hire somebody for mental illness because then it becomes a stigma but they need to know the signs and take adequate and proper precautions. As you know I survived from PTSD and nerve damage and everyone at work knows that I wear an ID tag and what to look for when an episode is going to happen. That way everybody has the knowledge that if something happened to me they knew what to do. Another good video dr. G
I wonder if narcissism and delusions go hand in hand. I have a friend who thinks he is a great musician but he stinks.
Diana Marie it's synonymous
@@luvnnitraII Thank you. My friend has rages when challenged and has had this behavior since childhood. Once he went into a guitar store near closing, poking around forever. When they asked him to come back he went into a rage, throwing cash into the air and stalked out. He never hurt anyone that I know of.
Yes I knew one who had wrinkles already at 22 and forever boasted about how she “still looked like a teenager” 😂😂😂
@@melissarose597 Awww. That's sad.
Well a narcissist lives is on fantasy and his head but they convince people that they are so awesome and if you're a weak person you can fall for it but you don't even have to be weak these people will work on you like you are their school project.
Dr Grande, these sorts of teachings should be mandatory for anyone who manages two or more subordinates. And humans in general.
Carole Just Carole,Hope you are not with a narcissist!
Narcissism is sneaky. Even though everyone sees that something a person is doing making life difficult it’s can be hard to pinpoint.
Frankiejean Exactly, they use a sort bizarre ambiguity when they mess with people to where when you explain it to someone else, they want to give the narc the benefit of the doubt because what you describe is of course, crazy sounding. Glad I was raised by one of these types, I got the crash course growing up lol.
It can be. They often have sly ways of disrupting things.
I agree. I was married to one. He was nice on the outside, but did tons of things behind my back that were extremely inappropriate for a marital situation, if you get my drift. When I was made aware of the depth of the situation, he devalued me then dumped me. Interesting scenario. I am glad to be out of the situation but I am realizing that I need more time to heal. They are very deceitful people.
Boundary pushing is how to see it. Demanding your time with zero respect to how you feel about it. Booking dates and events without asking you first if you're free or even interested. Getting defensive if you try to get time for yourself . Love bombing is about enforcing themselves into your life.
They really are vile.
Plot twist! Jim is the CEO’s brother, cousin, son. Short of killing someone on the site, there’s no way he’s getting fired. Also, please, please, NEVER go to HR. It’s the beginning of the end for you, especially if you’re up against someone who’s protected and/or more well liked or has been known or worked at the company longer.
Human resource personnel are really only there to mitigate a legal response or minimize a companies responsibilities usually by finding fault with the person doing the complaining. Never trust anyone in HR unless you have such overwhelming evidence, photographic, video or documentation that you cannot be ignored. They are there to keep a company out of court. Not help you.
John Collins 100%. Thanks for adding.
Never go to HR. HR only brings Drama to the workplace. I've found usually I'll keep my issues to myself till I find a new job. Once you make s fuss you are marked....if you see it or not it's there for all the important people to see
Inhuman resources.
Yep, PSA for teens and twenty-somethings: HR is usually the enemy. Exercise caution and don't assume they care. My poor friend who just left Amazon with a work injury got totally screwed, in part because she thought the nice HR lady at Amazon actually cared about her as a person.
I think the biggest thing that we can take away from this talk is that
you cannot reasonably expect redress from an employer and that you
should quietly look for something else at the first sign of trouble. I
do agree, however, that a greater understanding of the dynamics in this
case could have save the victims and the company a lot of grief.
Unfortunately companies are not ordinarily given to taking these sorts
of workplace issues seriously unless it translates to a liability,
either economically or legally.
@88Gibson LesPaul I worked in a Union setting with a dude who had major behavior problems and bedeviled the whole office with them. I can't say for sure they were Narcissist behaviors, but they were no fun to deal with. My union couldn't help me because they didn't involved themselves with disputes between workers of equal rank... or so they said. If the problem person had been in Management, they might have tried. I'm still in favor of unionized work forces, though. Having someone you can vent to safely about such problems (and having them on record in case the problem person's behavior escalates later on) is still better than nothing at all.
@88Gibson LesPaul Totally agreed. :)
Handle the narcissist privately.
Narcissists appointed to high levels of business, tend to aggressively, control, subservient employees, by intimidating & threatening them, making them feel worthless.
I've been there. I noticed a lot of young black men being targeted and fired. They noticed that they were being targeted by this assistant manager; and they lost positive momentum and ended up doing something stupid which led to them being fired. In my empathetic attempt to spread awareness amongst the remaining young men, I was targeted and fired on a humbug right before Xmas.
Great case study and analysis Dr. Grande! Unfortunately narcissism is a dangerous problem in most companies. As you said most people don’t realize what they are dealing with until it’s too late.
Thank you for all you do Dr. Grande!
Wow! You are talking about my oldest sister, and more than one supervisors. They lock you down in a state of terror. My last narcissistic boss had me so terrified that I actually developed a severe back muscle/spine thing. It has taken me a lifetime to see the truth, and it is so much worse than anything I could have ever conceived. No horror/thriller movie has sickened me more.
You are much to gentle about this scourge of non-human entities!
The company enabled him. That's the toxic part.
Guadalupe EG the problem is, these types are often quite charming and good at creating the impress they are supermen or women. They get off on the positive attention...
@@fredsmith3099 Right, but after the complaints from the employees, the company should have gotten rid of him.
When I understood my son is Narcissistic, I told him that he lost d privilege of engaging with me as he has no respect to me & my boundaries. I got through as my husband supported me. He failed hoovering me & now requesting me to find a partner in marriage for him. I told I am busy & it's not my job. Thx for all videos regarding Narcs.
You do know, that it is your failing as a mother; parent, that has led to his condition?
You sure you’re not the narc?
When I was in my thirties, I sought help because I felt out of control. I felt emotionally unstable. I was referred to a psychiatrist. After a few sessions, he asked me if I was rude to clerks in stores as I was going through checkout. I was, and so told him I was.
He didn’t explain what that meant, but since he had asked me that particular question, it stuck in my mind, and made me see how wrong my behaviour was.
I began to put myself in other people’s shoes, and started to be polite, empathetic. If I could think of something to say to give people a little lift in their shift, I would, and still do.
So by one question from a doctor, my behaviour towards others changed. I hope I am not a narcissist.
BTW, Masks are critical, not political, says Dr. John Campbell.🖐🏼😷
Kelly Hudson no your not a narcissist. 😊 peace.
No your self awareness,not obsession fueled the very question. If you were a narc the notion let alone the question would not be on the menu. And you changed your behavior.
This is very similar to the “Mother” who says stop it and sort it out.... after the sister cuts your ear off..
Couldn't help it, you got an out loud Ha ha! hahaha from me.
The Real Special Bean My narcissistic mom told me to pick up a bigger club. Apparently that’s what my older golden boy brother needed. So that is how I settled the score from then on. Until about twenty years ago when I just walked away.
The children of narcissistic mothers were taught “tough love” and have most of the broken marriages. alcohol and drug addictions.... just trying to fit in. No pat on the head reassurance, just “buck up”, get over it. NC going on 4 years. I’m 63.
Damm I feel better!
@@koolbeans8292 I had to go no contact with my 2 siblings, both I believe narcissistic. I was the scapegoated one. I'm in my 40s and still very much damaged by the whole family. Wishing you the best xo
Faith Chi My sibling sisters I think, possess narcissistic traits. they copied a lot of our parent’s behavior, as I did. I looked into it first back in 2009 after separating from a 25 year marriage. I started looking into pathological relationships and I was astonished to see myself acting like my dad and brother and realized I didn’t like myself. I started looking and reading leadership books and AA meetings and humbled myself. Something Narcissists can’t do, therefore won’t work on. Everyone else has to change for a narcissist. They stop drinking but they don’t change and therefore remain toxic and sick. AA rooms are full of them. Male and female.
I took a lot of copied narcissistic traits into our marriage. But being an empath I felt the hurt of my spouse and children from the result of my behavior. I felt terribly about it for about 9 years. I’ve even apologized to my wife. A narcissist, especially like my dad, can’t sincerely appreciate his harmful behavior like an empathetic person can. That is the difference.
@@koolbeans8292 It takes a big person to apologise and it's difficult work to look deep inside yourself to try to change for the better.
My parents never apologised...
My brother can be a bully but he never hits his wife back...she's an alcoholic and they all (both sister and brother) do drugs and she regularly hits him. It's not just the drugs, the four of them are all toxic and I believe jealous of my stronger character. My younger sister deeply hurt me because I always cared and looked out for her so her betrayal never leaves me; she's backstabbing and cruel. Our parents aren't users of anything but my dad was a workaholic and my mum retracted into her safe shell and continued to behave like a child and a not very nice 'child' at times. It's terrifying having your mother (BPD I believe) rage at you when you're small and helpless... except my sister was always her Golden and my brother was my father's Golden. I behaved the best but unlike them was terribly independent...left home young and did my own thing. They did not talk to me and guilted me into working in their business which they subsequently lost...so I lost my inheritance for my own sacrifice (didn't leave home until 19; worked from 15).
I could write more...
I'm glad to hear for you that you were able to turn your life around and make amends with your wife and children. Take care my friend xo
I believe it's called a micro-psychotic episode. Lasting a few hours to a few days followed by a period of self pity.
ik its not a healthy response but personally it brings me great satisfaction seeing a narcissist lose control and drop the facade after being proven wrong and held accountable, i do wish they receive help and change their behavior but that moment of snapping from despicable people is just so satisfying
It's seems like there is more overlap between anti-social/pyschopathic traits and narcissism than most would like to admit. How do we really parse out these conditions? It alsmost seems like narcissists are sociopaths who are just better at not getting caught.
There is a major difference: narcissists crave and must have the esteem of other people, but sociopaths have no desire for social approval.
From what I understand they can often overlap, but as previously mentioned.. sociopaths have to fake their emotional reactions, narcissists "snap"... I believe I had one in my life that had traits of both.
There is overlapping definitely. In my opinion, simply because many of the actions/behaviors are based in selfishness.
All people with antisocial pd are narcissists but not all narcissists are antisocial.
Ugh, I literally have worked for “Jim” times 20...after 7 years I left...that was in 2014....I still have nightmares about having to go back to work there
Dr. Grande, your analysis of this scenario was SPOT ON. I very much appreciate your professional INSIGHTS which are making me wiser & especially do I appreciate your UNCONDESCENDING manner of delivering your message. That in itself makes watching your videos so worthwhile !!! YOU are, in my opinion, a grade above the rest.
Start seeing predators. Imagine you live in a shady country. These people are all threats to our peace of mind and existence.
We do live in a shady country. USA = under scrutiny always. especially now, other countries don't want to deal with us, because of the gaslighting psychopath.
Excellent, as usual.
That's exactly what they do. Management don't want to know or are afraid themselves.
Employers etc will normally blame whoever's is the easiest to push around
your explanation is accurate...I witnessed my mother getting "caught' she would not and could not own up to what she did, but threw one of the biggest "crazy" fits...later i saw other narcissists display the same behavior..... they just don't learn.
Breathing sometimes triggers it. Usually yours.
I was flat out ignored at work as if I didn't exist .I tried to be courteous but went grey rock as I was not willing to argue at work. She exploded on a Saturday when I took the afternoon off with management permission to attend my great grandson's babyshower. She barked at me and told me how "rude" I am. So glad to now retire.
I realized that myself. You being in their presence and just breathing, your chest rising and falling, and saying nothing to them, just being in the same room with them will cause a narcissist to fly off into rage. You can tell they don't want to be around you. Their irritability, frustration, breathing hard so that you hear it, and the way they handle things such as, putting away the groceries, carrying in luggage and unpacking, and so on. I think you know what I am talking about.
@@prometheuspredator7971 Yes, whiney and angry drama queens..
I believe that most adults knows what narcissistic behavior looks like but, most adults aren't confrontational about it. And, people who hire narcissist, knows exactly who they are hiring because birds of a feather, flock together.
Judges can spread the fault against both parties (parents in a custody case, for example) instead of seeing the financial abuse being caused by one party that is actually occurring.
Goodnuff Fornow I’ll check it out, thanks.
Thank you for bringing this to light, Dr. Grande!! It is the hard facts that many of us have to endure the pain dealing with the narcissists. The society who don't understand about it are permissive towards any kinds of aggression so long as not put themselves in danger. The symptoms are just readable early on and could have been prevented. However, many choose to just to play it safe and rain away from the "potential victim" instead of helping them. Again, thank you, Doc, and God bless🙏🤞💞
Thank you for addressing such an important matter. My late father was an overt narcissist and he'd deliberately antagonise me, during my teenage years in particular, with psychological and verbal attacks in order to 'justify' his becoming physically aggressive which, in hindsight, I recognised as a displacement of frustrated and inappropriate sexual feelings (cf. "The Courage To Heal"). Narcissists are very dangerous when they snap, and they want others to react to them, too, to 'justify' their rage. There were times when I couldn't keep silent and non-reactive so, as a martial artist myself, the situation would get quite dangerous and my mother, a covert narcissist, would stand by ineffectually and later tell me we were both equally to blame as we both had "bad tempers" and to this day she refuses to admit her husband was abusive. I left the 'home' environment as soon as I began University, and rarely returned. So many people, whether it's in the workplace or the home environment, enable the narcissist, in part from fear, so thank you again for discussing this issue. It needs to be made known and understood as well as dealt with to stop it, whenever possible.
Kybele Kordax Ohh I can hear your narcissistic mom saying, “you’re just as much to blame”. She’ll go to her grave enabling the POS she married... just like my mom! Then she’ll expect me to support her by sitting up proud in that front pew next to my flying monkey siblings at the funeral while someone with a bible stands up and spews lies about what a good family man the piece of shit was. Took me 60 years to see it.
This dr. si so very good. I just stay tuned into his sessions. He explains everything to where it's understandable. I love this show.
I love your content. I can watch 1000 videos on victims recovering and not learn as much as one video for you. You are a very intelligent man, and a great educator.
Thank you kindly.
This is a really amazing analysis, of a very common and extremely complicated workplace situation. When I was in college, I was an intern for a short while at CBS News national HQ. I thought it was amazing and quite unusual that they had on full-time staff a psychologist--I think there it was more due to the potential for psychological stress in the high stress newsroom, but after viewing this, it makes absolutely NO sense that every workplace in the country doesn't have on staff a medical professional. This would help to adequately diagnose and deal with these types of scenarios. Thanks for such wonderful and insightful videos my dear sir!!
“Narcissism doesn’t fail in stages. It fails catastrophically.” Couldn’t agree more!
I'm a legal advisor for a government HR department. I stumbled on narcissism studies and videos after being confronted over time with a number of employees in various departments who demonstrated these characteristics consistently in the workplace for years, but nobody ever complained until the aggression happened. The aggression might be physical, if the bad actor was male and the situation lent itself to possibly getting away with violence. But we also have had several females, some in supervisory positions, who are aggressive in a much more psychological, emotionally-tormenting way, like intentionally misleading subordinates about their performance or withholding information and then lying on performance evaluations to prevent the employee from receiving incentive pay increases. One female supervisor who did this actually grinned when reviewing the evaluation with the cheated employee, and grinned in a similar, sly way when we interviewed her in HR about it. What struck me at first was the incredibly slick, convincing performance these people will give when they're pulled in for an HR interview. Sometimes, we have already gathered irrefutable proof of their lies or violence without them having a clue what we know. Their ability to not only lie, but lie very convincingly and in such a way that you almost wish they were telling the truth, is just astounding. I was a prosecutor for several years and have sat through many, many interviews with actual criminals who weren't nearly as proficient or dedicated liars as narcissists!! It was this dynamic that sent me searching for information about the personality that can do this without compunction or shame and even imply that you should apologize for even thinking they would do what a security video or document clearly shows they absolutely did.🤦♀️
This is GOLD! Fascinating to hear a workplace case study. Please do more if they become available. Companies have got to start dumping their narcissists or put them on performance improvement plans with short leashes.
Fascinating. I hope this type of education can get geeper into employment circles.
Thank You. After dealing with these people for years. Watching your video helps my understanding.
Great video as always Doctor. I am an empath and have been targeted by Narassists most of my life, especially in my working life and no employer can deal with it effectively !!! The Narassist always gets away with it, they has excuses for their behaviour and it is usually that i misunderstood them. And they play the victim. The r so sneaky and manipulative and the gaslighting never ends. They r toxic people and get away with their terrible behaviour 9/10 times. Management at best say its a personality issue and spread the blame over the victim and tell u to b professional ! Its totally terrible management with no desire to see the cause despite the issues with the Narassist happening over and over again !
Do another one on narcissism! Love the case studies.
He has already done! Go to his Playlists and look for 'Mental Disorder Case Studies'. Good luck 😃
Love love love your case presentations and conclusions. Very eloquent, logical, brilliantly presented and explained! I bet you're an MBTI intuitive thinker. Helps me a lot! Thank you.
I am living with the catastrophe caused by narcissistic behavior in a sister-in-law. She has defamed my husband’s fine character, stolen his inheritance, replaced him at the top of his own company with her husband by means of blackmail. She spins lies like a web and there is nothing she won’t do to keep control. It has been a 40-year trial, now coming to an end. I did not search out this video. It just showed up. We are headed toward total exposure of what has been done and are aware that we must watch our backs. Your story is tiny next to ours but serves to demonstrate how insidious narcissistic traits are. It is true. Narcissism can ruin lives, and we are waiting for the snap. Thank you for posting.
This scenario amazes me! The person who initiated the pathway to some level of justice was the woman-victim who had the courage to speak up. I'm so impressed with the level of strength and courage she took to report the wrong behavior towards her, to stand in the truth of the facts, and to require a level of justice that she could accept. This started the dominos falling.
I wonder how many times these dominos could have been pushed over much earlier if another victim at some point had had the wisdom and courage and know-how to step forward... I, myself, have been the victim of abuse in work settings. However, I did not have the wisdom or understanding and didn't have the strength or courage to handle the situation as maturely and as well as this woman. Great job lady!
Great case to understanding narcissism. Thank you for sharing this.
Dr. G your a machine!! Keep up the great work!!
Who to respond to a narcissist when they snap. That would be useful.
I didn't want to ring his mother when he wanted so he knocked me to the wall, throw me on bed, spit on my face and tried to make love straight after... We have court on March, reported him for domestic violence. We have disbled kid together and he is using him as well. I didn't wanna answer his phone calls, and then he told me they are on they way to Scotland from Ireland... So when I rang finnaly he said "jesus you know I was just kiddin, I new you will ring me now"...
He was violent towards our son, cutting his toys head, locked him in car so I can't reach to him because I don't wanna come back.
I feel broken.
Those videos are so helpful and eyes opening and thank you so much...
How'd the court turn out?
My experience was very disappointing. I now advise others to handle the narcissist privately and will handle mine myself if he ever breaks his court orders after his jail time. No mercy. Get a protective order. If threatened in the future, handle it yourself or hire out.
A former friend (very toxic, suspecting narcissism) of mine that I recently told I don't want to hang out with anymore, snapped. It's like they try to provoke you to get to their level, by saying rude things
When there’s a narcissist in a workplace, I seem to be on a collision course with that person. I just can’t stand that behavior, as I grew up with a father who was a malignant narcissist. I always get into trouble, but it’s often worth it. Sometimes they win, though, which is quite unpleasant. The character defamation is devastating.
I'm still shocked that, at a former workplace of mine, my coworkers straight up told me they had witnessed our boss verbally assaulting a young intern until she cried without doing anything. But they all talked about it after the fact. No one openly told him to stop/stepped in/told him that his behavior wasn't okay afterwards. If I had been there, I sure as hell wouldn't have just sat there and watched. I don't see how you can live with yourself when you are willing to enable this. Had a father like that as well and never took his crap, either but I have learned that most people do.
@@jeannebraun367 yeah but it hurts. Thank u for caring
I am the exact same way (and also managed to survive a childhood with a violently abusive narcissist parent, so no surprise there). I've come to recognize it as a reasonable reaction to narcissism as well as elements of my own personality (highly sensitive, and having resposibility ocd). It has contributed to a hard time in workplaces, to be sure, but it also means I have stood up to them and had an impact. Case in point, my actions standing up to a narcissist ceo of a non-profit (calmly, respectfully, and according to our work policies) led to that person being forced to resign. I had to lose my job in the process, mind you, but I did the right thing and the organization (a beloved org serving homeless youth) is now so much the better for it. Maybe a little bit of a humblebrag, but I did want to share the story-- it wasn't easy, and there were huge negative consequences for me. But I agree you never know that things will turn out well, and sometimes you still have to move forward with the right actions and all that uncertainty.
Concise yet powerful and accurate message. Thank you! So much!Resonates !
Your narcissism videos are very helpful in understanding the personality dynamic, especially being in a work environment where you can’t avoid their interactions or retaliation. Thank you 🙂👍
Jim felt shamed, even though he was the perpetrator. He should have been fired long ago.
You described the ten personality disorders, could you describe how a healthy personality works?
You are good! POW
Empathy, communication and respect.
A good start is to read up on emotional intelligence. Healthy starts with treating others as you want to be treated and all that implies. Its not easy to see ourselves as others see us. To be able to step back and look at yourself is very difficult for many.
Awareness for these types of folks is super important. You speak with a calm and caring tone so thanks for the video!
This sounds like President Trump and it scares me a bit. What is he going to do next?
Like always you are the only one that I will ever listen & appreciate your opinion. You are a blessing 🙏🏻