Being honest to myself, I realized that sometimes in my own life. I have played the victim, and sometimes I have fall into a victim's game. Most of this actions have come as Unconscious actions of unhealed trauma and toxic beliefs and patterns from my childhood. I keep reading and working on myself every day. To be a better human, for me and for all the people around me, and hopefully to make this world a more kind and better place. Thank you!
I relate to ur comment soo much. Everytime i played a victim and later when I realised that I DID (play victim) , it all traced back to how i was treated in childhood. Everytime i get triggered of what happened when i was young , my thoughts automatically start showcasing me as a victim , as helpless , as pitiful .. I'm glad that i hv slowly started recognising the patterns and actually being aware that my mind is making me feel like a victim and i shud not let my mind do that to me.. we'll get through this..hope u r doing good man 🙌
@Psy “Through pride we are ever deceiving ourselves. But deep down below the surface of the average conscience a still, small voice says to us, something is out of tune.” -Carl Jung
From my experience, a lot of people who play the victim were actual victims at one time and they saw how much attention and power being a victim gave them. They were able to influence and control people around them with this victimhood without actually doing anything to influence them. But at some point the story gets old and they can no longer use that victim card to control people around them so they start to lie about experiences or they adopt the experiences of other people in order to maintain the influence and control that they get by being a victim.
as someone who's been victimized there is no power in being a victim. nobody cares. the only reason any one will help you is if they hate they person you're saying victimized you. if they hate you? well, you should have complied/listened/not been uppity/done as you were told the first time/ got out of the way faster/not worn that skirt. justice is an illusion. it's just the powerful being selectively cruel.
From my experience, it was the contrary. People who have a habit of playing the victim were people who were not taken seriously when they were really the victim at a crucial moment of their life (childhood, traumatic event. Etc). So now, they do whatever they can to get the attention they did not get. It always seems disproportionate because their real wounds are not the ones they are crying about (and they do not seem to want to work on their real wounds and would rather inflict wounds to others).
Usually true. Just as most playing the victims don't realize that being in pain always means a real victim would be busy surviving, not money-milking. Also: Some of us are not instant-back to health, when given money for further substance abuse! 😉
Yeah, but I know people who just say that the other person's playing victim, because that's the way that they manipulate us into thinking that the other person is just. Playing a victim when sometimes they really was a victim of narcissistic abuse. For 9 years and it was by someone who had already had previous convivtions on his record like child abuse and. Several counts of domestic battery assault, and I'm sure that was probably only when they get to a phone to call the police.Because in my case , my mother had to call the police because he wouldn't let me leave the house , so don't always say that someone's playing the victim . Sometimes they truly are
Everyone who plays the victim has one thing in common: They do not want to have any accountability for they actions or resolve them properly thus expecting others to do so and take the blame.
This is definitely a difficult pill for me to swallow. I now realize I have had so many hidden expectations. I still have those expectations, but now I'm aware of it. I will aim to make my expectations known and reasonable. For a long time I only saw other people as being the toxic ones when I was playing victim, and it hurts to acknowledge this. I'll keep working on improving myself. Thanks for the video
That's great that you realized that and are willing to admit it, some people live their whole lives in that delusion! My uncle is nearly 70 and every time he is on the phone with my dad he talks about their brother and how he ruined his life (by running of with his girlfriend 45 years ago) and drinks all day. Make the most of the hard truths you realize there is always more to learn never opt to be comfortably blind. I have had my own victim stories as well, and it was a process to start empowering myself and becoming responsible for my life! A strong outlook on life is that everything, your relationships, how people treat you, your daily life, is YOUR responsibility. All of it. And that is a powerful place to live and take the right actions from.
@@ZackWilliams_TheProducer Thanks man, reading about your uncle and how long he has held on to his resentment further encourages me to take responsibility because you're right, we should make the most of the hard truths we realize. Congratulations on your own realizations and taking action!
@@hfarthingt Maybe it isn't, but I can learn something from it or gain perspective. I think it's better to take action and responsibility than for me to keep blaming, complaining, and playing victim. I might become a grumpy old and highly unpleasant man if I were to maintain my path of actionless victim mentality.
My granny use to always tell us, " no one gets to define your worth. Only you get to do that." Blaming, victim mentality, complaining are traits that weakens us. It's not wanting or willing to hold ourselves accountable for our life decisions. Always easier to point the finger at someone else. But once we master accountability for our life decisions, life will open up in a whole new way. Its glorious to be empowered. Victims don't get to write their own stories but empowered people do. Good luck on your journey!!
My God, I felt like you were describing my household growing up. My parents separated when I was 13. My mom used guilt to keep me from leaving the house, going after the career I wanted, discouraging me from starting a new business. It wasn't until I became an adult I realized she was playing victim. What really surprised me when I would confront her was that she wouldn't own up to it. She would get defensive, come up with some lame excuse or start crying.
The faster you realize the real nature of your parents, the faster you develop a disenchanted outlook towards every human being you meet, which is not negative nor positive. It's just how it has to be.
See through it, try to understand it and then forgive and go on with your life. It will make you free and more powerful than you thought you ever could be 😊 Good luck.
My son had a breakdown and needed my support but when he got better he felt guilty about spending time away from me. One time he said he felt like he had neglected me. I was shocked that he felt this obligation to spend time with me. At 33 years of age, he shouldn’t feel any responsibility to my happiness. I told him that I didn’t mind where he was in the world as long as he was taking in oxygen and had a smile on his face.
I have played the victim and the worst of all was that I wasn't doing it for others but for myself. Anytime I did something for someone and they didn't do the same for me, I felt better because that helped in tagging them as bad people and me good. I loved being the "GOOD GIRL". It took me a while to get out of that behavior. Thank you for making this video. The thing about covert contract was really insightful.
@Swati Gupta That's NOT "Playing The Victim" those are called STANDARDS. If you're not being reciprocated what you're giving in ANY Relationship; what's the point?
@@ariadne2631 @Swati Gupta There are some people who will give to you with one hand and take from you with the other. There's also another version; they will deliberately give/offer you a gift 🎁 ( or "help"/"service" at no cost) and when you take it, they exercise their "reciprocity" by stabbing you in the back. Giving you a gift or doing you a favor was just to open the door for him to have an excuse/justify abusing (financially, verbally, emotionally, psychologically, physically, or put restrictions, etc,) you. This type I find to be more common with Men, although you will find some Women engage in this behavior too. However, that's another topic for another discussion. Even though these situations can take place and do happen; that doesn't mean you have no right to have great expectations. If you go to any customer service rep and you conduct yourself like a decent human being and treat them with courtesy, kindness, respect then you have a right to expect the same thing because YOU gave it; YOU have it. And therefore you should receive it , in kind. In any relationship ( business, personal, spiritual, or otherwise) if you are giving with truthful intentions and you are not being given to just as much or more in kind; or worse yet they WILL NOT give back to you, what you gave to them; then they cannot meet your Standards and Expectations and in order to dodge the responsibility most Men will say something along the lines of " I don't owe you anything, bla, bla, bla (excuses, lies, excuses)". Be careful who you give to because you create ties with them. It also works in reverse be careful who you accept gifts and especially help from because they create ties with you. And people who are looking for victims/prey WILL try to push their "help" on you, so they can damage you when you accept. Hope this helps and clears up some confusion.
@@ambrosia-venusbelladonna835 I know, that's exactly what I thought too. Every relationship is based on a give and take from both sides. But what if you know the opposite side is not going to reciprocate? Logically, you should stop doing anything for them. But that's not what I did. I kept helping them. I later on realized it's not their mistake that they don't deliver on the obligations but it was mine to keep expecting differently from them. Some introspection clarified that I want to tag myself as a good person and what better way to do that than being a victim. And funny thing is I wasn't a victim to them but only to myself.
Playing the victim often happens from unconsciousness. People who are unaware of their power often play the victim. When you choose to play the victim you choose to not discover your innerpower.
Interesting you should say that. You see, I want my inner power, but my superego just tells me it's "wishful thinking until proven". I also would feel disgusted with myself if, failing to put my savagery into practice, I resorted to something as underhanded as guilt tripping. I don't exactly have the most pleasant worldview or a strong enough sense of self, so I'm totally lost in this regard.
Moat people who plays the victim are powerful people who knows they are powerful but uses this to maintain their power or to deflect looks from their own bad stuff they do.
My mum was a professional victim. She'd learned that by being a victim she was never responsible for anything she didn't want to be responsible for, she learned that she didn't have to have any self honesty and it was ok to lie about stuff, she knew that she could play the victim to get her kids to compete with each other to give her attention even though she had favourites, she resented any of her kids from betteting themselves and expressed this through passive aggressive attacks, she used triangulation against her kids, she cheated on my dad and held him responsible then cheated on my step dad and blamed him for it, she broke my family twice and played the innocent. What I learnef from my mum was that playing a professional victim is incredibly empowering and quite rewarding as you are free of so many self constrains of morality. However, I also learned how truely corrosive it is and how debilitating it is to self growth and self development. Being a professional victim means you're stuck emotionally, stunted in your growth and never truly develop into adulthood.
You know I’ve realised that if you go out and help others with the intention of them repaying the same thing back one day, you’d never truly know how to appreciate genuine kindness.
It is unfair to someone always helping others, and never getting any help themselves. Reprocity doesn't need to happen 1 to 1, but it needs to happen at least sometimes. And it can still be genuine generosity if you expect that helped person to help you or somebody else in the future when they are in the position to do so, as long it doesn't form a contract or an oblication.
I think it's a out the ratio of reciprocity to kindness. If you grow up in a situation where you've done your best to be a good person, treated all the people around you well. Then you study history and realise that your sex has always been "oppressed", and that your generosity is being taken advantage off. Then yeh, you can become quite bitter and difficult.
Especially covert narcissists. Their whole identity can revolve around victim hood so they don't have to take responsibility for their actions and are allowed to be neglectful of their duties. Usually at one time they were really victims of abuse, but they over play it to their advantage even if "danger" or abuse is over. It's always others to blame not them.. The world is against them and that's why things are not working out for them. They have it the worst that's why everyone has to treat them like royalty because they are the only ones suffering.
Hey bro, thank you for using the example of the mother. You are saving a bunch of lives and I don’t think you even know how many. I found that out the hard way. But thank you and if they take this down pls put it back or do something bcuz you are saving lives with this. Hopefully the ones who need this are able to see it
I was at the receiving end of a mother who played the victim and who successfully got me to feel responsible for her happiness and well-being. She did this by getting me to pity her and she would say as much as it was my responsibility to care for her. At the same time she got me to feel disgust for my father because I saw him as failing in his duty to protect her and make her happy, so I had a distorted view of what love and relationships were, and a weakened and resentful relationship with my father. I managed to work this out and change my relationship with my mother, who I did love. I was able to do this by realising that I was not responsible for whether my mum felt lonely or not. As a result, I could see through all her manipulative devices and no longer responded to them. It actually meant my relationship with my mother improved and I started to feel less angry towards her. More recently I have begun to realise I have done the same thing as my mum in some of my friendships. I think the danger lies in becoming detached as a result of having gone through all of this. But I read in the comments here, one antidote may be to be kind without expectation.
My mother screw up his marriage by expelling my fahter fron home in one of her rages. She regreted almoust imediatelly and sended me to beg that he stay. He did not, he get out and started again, get another family and other marriage much more happier. She become sour, resentfull, depressive, and make sure to share all that misery whit me and my little brother, and playng the victm and making us disgust whit my father. She suceed only in ruin our relation whit our father, and making our childhood grin, sad and depressive. Nonetheless, she had qualities too, and always incentived me and my brother to get a education and a good profession, which we both got. We are doing well. So, later, I forgive and accepted her for what she was. My mother loved me and my brother, even if she was a human being whit deep flaws. Her did the best she could, but this "best" was severely limited by her incapacity to recknow and overcome her flaws. I can whish she was a better person, but this is a foolish and childish tough. The only thing to do is learn fron this, try understand and overcome my own flaws, and be aware that those who claim to be victims may be using this claim as manipulative tatic and or a way to refuse the responsability for his own choices.
My mother was and still is like that. She’s is a narcissist. Is being 6 months since I talk to her. Is long story but now I feel better with myself. And I am more self aware. 💓
I have one critical thing to say about this video: CITATION NEEDED. Nietzsche was not a theorist of consensual contracts. Although the uploader is correct that guilt came out of the concept of debt, the video appears to imply Nietzsche saw the "good" as the fulfillment of consensual contracts. This is incorrect and misrepresents Nietzsche's thought. For Nietzsche, as written in his Genealogy of Morals, the concept of good was created by powerful people and was used to describe themselves. So if you were an aristocrat, you were good, and if you were powerless, you were bad. Nietzsche then said that a slave revolt in morality then occurred. This revolt declared that the powerless were good and that the rich were "evil." Thus the concept of evil was created by this slave revolt in morality. This is where the virtues of pacifism and obsequiousness emerge, as well as the notion of contractual duty. Nietzsche saw this as a life-denying approach that is most obvious in Christian morality. Nietzsche does not endorse the fulfillment of contracts as the ultimate good. What Nietzsche calls for is a "transvaluation of all values." This is the hard part because he did not simply want to return to the "master morality" of old, where the powerful were considered good. He wanted to create new values that would harness the human intellect and move us towards his "ubermensch," a group of people with great intellectual prowess but without the diseases of guilt and "bad conscience." If anyone wants to learn more or is confused by what I wrote, please read the Genealogy of Morality, and if that is too difficult, read the sparknotes alongside it.
Its amazing because its the people who have the most power who are playing the victim. They appeal to people who are actual victims but then also claim that they are their saviors. This gives them the advantage of being a populist and it also shields them from any blame or responsibility. When they ultimately receive consequences for their crappy behavior they rally the other victims to their defense. I will let the reader figure out who I am talking about.
@@jasonkinzie8835 every political side is doing that in America. Liberals or conservatives, black or whites, maga or wokes, all the same on this point.
Great analysis. In codependent rehab, we call this Loansharking - providing something that wasn’t asked for to create a debt, and then forcing repayment
In relationships there is a give and take that needs to play out .Beware of the giver and the taker if there is no balance , for it will create mistrust abuse and many other forms of disorder in my view
I had someone insist upon doing something for me that I repeatedly demanded he NOT DO. Then held it against me for a long time, even though it was something I didn't want at all.
*Believe in yourself. You are braver than you think and more talented than you know, and capable of more than you can imagine. Keep putting in the work…*
My parents would do things to destroy or dismantle my life to keep me dependent and from ever leaving. It wasn't until years later that I could see what was happening.
My lover (49) has two incredibly toxic parents - her mother told her that she dyslexic around the age of 8 and would never amount to anything. Some 40 years later, I got her tested (as a former teacher of English) and, of course, she wasn't even close to being dyslexic. But the dysfunctional mother succeeded in splitting us up because my then partner (until February of this year) had never learnt to individuate from her highly toxic and critical mother. Her father is a narcissist and never wrong. Philip Larkin, the poet, wrote: "Your parents fuck you up." Never a truer word spoken. I have lost the love of my life due to a truly Machiavellian person.
1. People dont believe me when I say itnhas advantages to play the victim 2. I love clear definition before the input comes, that makes it so much better to understand the message
My dad & step mum played the victim my whole life. I was fucked up till I realised they were gaslighting & manipulating me & everyone in my family-did 4 years of counselling & fell into mindfulness to get out of the invisible grip they had on me
it's not just people playing the victim falsely whom you need be aware of. Genuine victims often do all the same shit, and it's just as toxic, regardless of how justified it may be given what they went through. As a person going through life, you need to be aware of anyone who uses their victimhood as an excuse for bad behaviour. There are genuine victims who do not spread their misery to others.
Oddly enough, I thought because of my severe depression, I fell into playing victim. It feels that way sometimes, but nothing I do resembles what is described here. In my head I’m the victim, but I’m also the perpetrator. Only one person gets manipulated by me and that’s me.
I have heard, and personally experienced, that self pity confers a benefit to the person experiencing it. Generally the self pitying person will give themselves a boost every time they feel or experience the self pity. “How could she treat me like that? I deserve better” or “How did they promote him, I work harder and am smarter.” It was described as almost a self soothing mechanism. The recommended action was to acknowledge the self talk (unjust treatment followed by feel good affirmation), take responsibility and act. This helped me and i hope it helps someone else too :)
That just sounds like self delusion. It is a coping mechanism, and it can work, but that is again choosing victimhood when you may not have any right to it. Because in reality, it might be that you got what you deserved, and didn't like the outcome, so resorting to self pity and victimhood is a good way of avoiding having to take responsibility and pass the blame onto someone else. In reality, it is better in such situations to blame yourself, take responsibility, eat the negative emotions you experience, and use that as motivation to better yourself so it doesn't happen again in future. Even if you are only partly to blame, do it anyway, as it will benefit you far more than feeling sorry for yourself and blowing smoke up your own arse to avoid having to admit that maybe it was your own fault.
That eliminates duality even. Once we take accountability for everything, there are no victim nor bully anymore, we walk a path or peace, taking 💯 responsibility for our own feelings and actions at any given moment. Many people think it's self blame, it's absolutely not blame is not even an option anymore, black and white thinking disappears, there's no me against them. It's unity.
i have been playing the victim my whole life and i just realized that this dec 2021. since January 2022 I've been doing my best to change my toxic ways and atittude. wish me luck in my journey. see you all in the next years :)
@@musikbrezel who are these people that your trying to please ? Just stop brother for the sake of your own soul. If your here watching this video I would assume you are somewhat humble and have a rational view of how things really are from a natural perspective
I’ve experienced this so many times. And knowing somethings off, but not being able to connect the dots to be able to explain it so others understand is so frustrating. But now I got them. Thank you, sir.
A certain group of people pretend that victimhood is a virtuous. On par with innocence. Though innocence is simply ignorance and being a victim just means you are vulnerable. Neither are virtuous to be, they are things to grow beyond. Strength is a Virtue. Weakness is Not.
i can say i felt that straight in my heart. the responsibility that you take by your own mother and the guilt trap into becoming someone she needs not the person you are, and the siblings that play the victim and turn everyone against you When you spend your life with toxic people you forget who you really are, as you have been controlled by others that minapulate your world you have been living in controlled environment all the time and had the need to stick to your self at a young age defending your image and had people believe you even though you didn't do something wrong, now as an adult you burnout you isolate your self and rejecte every attempt to live again, i don't know who i am, am not the things they say i was, i never been bad , i couldn't be good either, i don't know where am going, and i don't know where I want to go, it's like living in a cult, i don't know what's the real world is even though i've seen it , i find it difficult to believe in , what i was trying to say once you were guilte trapped since you were 7 of age, you take the role that was given to you and you start to become a slave for their needs once you realize it's almost to late because you don't know better, it's hard to start over and it's ok to not start yet, People need to rest and not overanalysis, you were hurt take your time to recover then breakthrough.
Why are some people in denile when they really are the victim? Why do they feel like they should take responsibility for the bad actions of others even though there is no evidence that the victim did something wrong? For example, I was in a very toxic group containing some very difficult people for four years, which also included a narcissist and master manipulator. I had no idea she was one until after I reached out for guidance and discovered she and the others really messed me up. When I finally decided to leave them for good, the manipulator blew up, started telling the others things that were made up in order for them to turn on me (I swear I would've taken responsibility for those things if they were real, but me and some trustworthy friends searched and searched and honestly I have never done any of those things!), and ultimately played the victim using these examples here in this video. A trustworthy witness in that friend group pointed out to me I was being gaslit and while the others agree, I'm struggling to trust myself. It felt like no matter what I did or said around those bad people, it was wrong and I'd get attacked, so I was constantly apologizing for everything, even things that weren't my fault at all. It got so bad that I was terrified of making mistakes out of fear of being punished and began to avoid socializing altogether. What on earth is going on here? Why do people even do things like that? I'm not looking for sympathy and I don't like considering myself as a "victim;" I was the coward who stuck around for so long and had the nerve to go back and apologize after the first time they did this to me. If I didn't go back, I either wouldn't have been diagnosed PTSD or it just wouldn't be as bad. I just want answers...
@Fires And Flowers So you know once you get stuck in the web, it's hard to get out. Awful place to be in. You know they're not good for you, but you're afraid of getting attacked and being alone if you try to leave. It was a clique of about a dozen people, mostly women around my age and up (I'm in my twenties for reference and some of these people were thirty and up). I knew a few of them for at most four years and while they appeared kind, quirky, and charismatic on the surface, they were immature, dramatic, manipulative, pessimistic, and toxic when you really got to know them. They just did an excellent job at hiding it from others. If someone didn't have the same beliefs as they did or didn't like what they liked, they would guilt trip, humiliate, lecture, and silence them; I got this the most since I was more outspoken than the other sheep, but for the longest time I remained silent out of fear. So basically, they would bully others into thinking or acting like them, so me and a few others weren't being true to ourselves because we didn't want to get hurt. I couldn't write or draw without getting a lecture on how "problematic" it was and I was controlled constantly. It wasn't constructive criticism, it was the kind of false accusations you would get from people on Twitter. It got so bad that I became afraid to draw or write and eventually stopped doing it (I picked up writing again, but I still hear their words in my head and it hinders my work). They also did some pretty disgusting things to the characters in the book I'm writing and I didn't realize they had a hidden agenda when asking to draw and write about them (my two main characters are a couple of male soldiers in a relationship for context and these people were very creepy towards them). They would also complain constantly about how awful their life was without doing anything about it and if someone didn't comfort them, they would get very passive aggressive and guilt them. It became very, very draining, but it wasn't always bad. On the days where everyone was laughing and having fun, it was great! But if one person was having a bad time, we *all* had to have a bad time.
Same, I have been through the same thing as you. This video is quite triggering. Victims should be given justice. They are not accountable for the wrongdoings of the bad people. I support you. We can overcome this pain, with the help of our families/true friends/people who really care about us. Fight!
You know, you are not the problem, they are! Do not blame yourself for the wrongdoings of other people. Trust and believe in yourself. I have the same problems as you, and my privacy is still being invaded. We can overcome this!
@@mariamirovaa I tell you the same thing that I wish I told myself back when I was in your spot: get out. You're probably very afraid about how they will react when you leave and the fear of being alone makes you want to stay longer, but do these people genuinely make you feel happy about yourself? Can you enjoy the things you do or think the way you want without them criticizing your every action? And the biggest question is are you better with them or without them? If the environment is making you sick, you can't get better by staying in it; the only way to recover is to leave. You don't have to give an exit speech or an explanation to anyone. I made the error of trying to explain why I was leaving and even attempted to apologize for it (I regret doing that). It does not work and just causes more stress. Just block them all, including the ones who aren't as difficult but still keep in touch with extremely bad people, and silently go away. Also, never, ever, *ever* go back. Don't reach out to get in touch again, don't respond to their messages, and *never* apologize for leaving. Also, if you really liked the environment and felt the people were good, you would never even be here or wanting to leave in the first place. I know it's scary and it stings, but I promise that it eventually gets better.
Man, found this video after moving back in with my parents at age 32 and it’s awful how much of this applies to my parents. I’m a grown man, staying busy to get back on my feet, paying them rent, and I will still be guilted for not “being home enough”, not because they want to see me and talk to me, but because I’m the only one that cleans up their place. They live like pigs, and it’s been like this my whole life. Before I moved out, it was my duty to do chores-I wasn’t paying rent-now I realize that I was being taken advantage of, because it was more than just my duty, but required for them to live in decently hygienic conditions. Without me to do all the literal dirty work, things fell apart, as they are completely useless doing anything themselves. So now, instead of letting me know how much they appreciate it, even as a 32 year old man paying rent, I am still guilted for not being home enough to keep their house clean even though it’s been cleaner than before I came home, and I am helping them financially. There is no saving someone still dreaming of being saved.
This topic is related to what I'm dealing with because I had some exs that were playing the victim card and trying to manipulate me saying that I don't love them or I'm playing with their emotions. But somehow their guilt trip act was working on me. They already know that I'm very gullible which is my biggest weakness. One of my exs told their friends that I was using them for intimacy when they gave consent or say that I abused them when I never did. And some of them they never ask me out but yet they still acting like I'm dating them I've been treating them like angels I always treat my partners like angels because I respect my partners. I had a lot of people going after me like I was the bad guy because of their little made up stories. The drama was so severe where I don't want to live anymore and never come back like I was diagnosed with the major depression age 14. Some of the people will say “he doing it for attention” excuse me but why would I fake my own mental illness that I had for 4 years? Because depression isn't a emotional thing it's a mental illness where you feel like you don't deserve to exist. If I fake my depression I wouldn't be having suicide thoughts. I'm a loner and I don't take nobody's advice or ask for help I pretend to be like everything is fine in my life. I don't need your toxic positivity or you saying you don't care. Because I don't need you to care about what I go through or your opinion. If you don't care I suggest you keep your mouth shut. Not to offend the ladies but mostly females play the victim card and this is 100% true. People who are trying to manipulate other people just to make them feel guilty making them be punished for some dumb reason you need to get yourself a life get yourself a therapist.
as a child of someone who often victimized themselves, i need to unlearn this behavior. i’m realizing that it’s seaping into my interpersonal relationships, and i am determined to heal myself in order to be the person that i truly want to be.
3:33 the thing to notice is that Jane has an obligation to do the act, which she then construes to reciprocate an obligation toward her. I have an obligation to take care of you so you have an obligation to take care of me… I do in fact believe that the kids ultimately have an obligation to see to it that the mom is taken care of in her old age (she gave them life, so it would be dishonourable to have her fall into shame). It will be interesting to see where this goes…
there’s other kinds of playing the victim, like when someone claims to be a victim of discrimination by society when infact they have no evidence for being discriminated against
Yeah, that is a kind of tribal victimisation. For example, George Floyd was the victim, but the members of BLM all acted as if they were all victims of that same crime, collectively. They are essentially appropriating someone else's suffering and claiming it as their own based on being members of same tribe (being Black Americans in this case), because they want victimhood status so they can use it to manipulate others and gain power for themselves. This is why laughing at BLM and calling them out is the correct option. Whereas supporting them due to the threat of being labelled a racist bigot is cowardice. Because they will use social shaming in order to extort people, with the threat of having society turn on you if you refuse to comply. Strong people will resist and stick to their guns, based on their own morality, weak people will surrender to the threat and do as they are told out of fear. Such people are not victims, they are bullies, predators etc, but too weak to be openly confrontational toward the people they hate, so they have to resort to manipulation and victimhood. This is pretty much Marxism in a nutshell.
From my experience, People who have a habit of playing the victim were people who were not taken seriously when they were really the victim at a crucial moment of their life (childhood, traumatic event. Etc). So now, they do whatever they can to get the attention they did not get. It always seems disproportionate because their real wounds are not the ones they are crying about (and they do not seem to want to work on their real wounds and would rather inflict wounds to others).
+Freedom in Thought I could go into a lot of detail here however; suffusive to say that it is WAY more complicated then that: sometimes a person who plays the victim does not want anything other then to be considered as such, sometimes consent is rendered null and void especially when obligation becomes involved such as in regards to say the relationship between a government and it’s citizenry…etc.
Too many moms are playing the victim, but it works. My mom did horrible things to me when I was a child, but other members of my family (father, brother, sister) have been firmly on her side when I complain that maybe I was not the monster she treated me like. I wish I was grown up in an orphanage.
I refuse to believe that it is just a coincidence that he uploaded this video right after the episode in Aot where Jean said: "That was 2,000 years ago and you're still playing the victim!?"
Excellent summation of reciprocity. Kids don't ask to be born and the law also says kids cannot make contracts, parents are the first to defend this yet often break this idea with claiming they are owed. It is so rare these days for people to give with pure altruism. Even a thankyou breaks the virtue of charity if required. Humans :-)
The first example of imposing obligations on people who aren't in a position to understand, or whatever, really hit home. Literally my brother and I right now. I came to this video searching for if I am someone who plays the victim. If every did, I have an excuse at least. Gosh life has been rough.
A little more to the story: I am now 23, my brother 27, and we are still in this position of the child or the, "children" It has come to the point to where my mother is seeing that her tactics are inevitably a failed attempt, and she is slowly releasing pure hate and showing her true, self trained, being. Love one another. Be true to yourself as much as possible, it's what I've been learning in life. Authenticity is just what it is. That being said, thank you for making this video, it has helped realize what, and maybe even who I am Grateful for, and it is encouraging me to continue with my journey to discovering myself. My word of encouragement is that there are better things out there in life for you to find, and you can do it. I believe in you. I need help, and I will continue to seek it. Thank you.
As a person with a disability who has been mistreated, held back, and had advantage taken of me over and over again, sometimes institutionally, sometimes by violence I can tell you this - There is no justice. The strong take what they want. They do what they want. They punish as they please. They neglect by habit as much as by malice. When you defend yourself to disavow them of the notion you're an easy target, then they say you're the monster. Never submit. Go for the eyes, genitals, throat, knees, and ankles. Most importantly I tell you this, don't bother playing the victim. Nobody really cares.
I do notice your videos are alot more informative these days, like your knowledge on the semi conductors, to interest rates, do different types of missiles. I felt before it was heavily weighted to just opinion, but now its more balanced.
I have one question: When someone is a real victim, or a victim of manipulation, how is justice met? I mean, a lot of the times the acts are not illegal, just immoral.
Justice doesn't always involve the law, the law of the government that is, if you believe in Karma they will eventually get what's coming to them, if not, then you have to be the one to enact justice.
You don't want the government to take moral burden, this makes us externalize out obligations and leads to degeneration of character. If you feel someone has done something bad make their life harder by legal means. Don't like a company's decision ? Don't buy their product. Don't like an individual's decision ? Don't associate with them.
All actions are rewarded in kind. Have faith that your injustice will change you in ways you will benefit if you are aware. Those that act immorally will be rewarded in kind. What goes around comes around. Ironically, if you focus on justice, you are walking the path of the victim.
A better question would be, does justice need to be met? If you are a real victim, you have two choices. Let it go, get over it, learn from your mistakes and move on with your life etc, which is acceptance (and healthy), or wallow in it, let it define and consume you, and remain a victim (which is very unhealthy). The reality is that even if justice is met, that isn't going to fix a damaged victim. Only they can do that, and they have to do it regardless of whether justice is met or not. So in reality, justice is meaningless, whereas repairing the damage done is the only thing that matters. So many of the mental health problems that people have today, whether real victims or pretend victims, could be cured by people dealing with their emotional trauma and moving on with their lives. Many people do that, and they tend to be happy and successful in life, but the vast majority don't, and as a result they become more deranged and delusional, hateful and bigoted towards the people they view as their oppressors. And this is even more true with our internet world, where people can group up online based on commonalities, and form victim tribes who all back each other up and help each other to remain victims (and they often viciously attack anyone who tries to leave the tribe by bettering themselves).
Yep, I was going to comment the same. My father used to try guilt tripping me. Always continually asking us about who was going to look after him once he got old, trying to get us to pity him instead of taking responsibility for himself. A complete attention seeker. He was a dominating, narcissistic monster.
@susanlisson7066 The Tyrannical Father/Devouring Mother come from Jung's interpretations of the shadow aspects of the father and mother archetypes. They are the narcissistic parent who dominates and consumes their children psychologically.
Thank you for explaining this issue in such an easy and approachable way, understanding is indispensable to heal :) we all appreciate your time and dedication to spread these messages❤️
To take this a layer deeper… there are people who are legitimate victims who will “play the victim”. They may be looking for you to right the wrongs of previous individuals who have hurt them or as a manipulation tactic to get what they want. This is particularly challenging especially if you are particularly empathetic as you may feel a moral obligation to right the wrongs of the past.
Also, beware of people who scapegoat, pigeonhole, and cherry pick the family light worker/empath, and then continue to say they are "playing the victim" when they ARE in fact the victim.
In her book 'The Sociopath Next Door' author Martha Stout tells the reader the quickest way to spot a sociopath. It's not some complex set of subtle behaviors you would see on some TV crime show or movie. It's the fact that they ALWAYS play the victim. They are always aggrieved and it's always someone else's fault. If you have the unfortunate experience of having one get close to you, almost immediately you will hear a pity story about how they were victimized their whole lives. They are always the hero of their own story too. Soon it will be YOUR fault for everything that goes wrong in their lives, even if it's obvious that they have caused the problems themselves. "My girlfriend broke up with me so I slashed her tires, got arrested for it and am now a victim of those mean and unfair police". It's sad that pathological narcissism has been elevated to a virtue in the upside down world we now must live in.
I love Nietzsche’s writings, but the victimhood-power dynamic alone has always been too limited to me to interpret human behavior - at least without considering human psychology for context. Without that, people often work backwards by emotionally reacting to whether they feel empathy for an alleged victim. Empathy doesn’t mean you pardon bad choices or allow your emotions to compromise your judgement, it means you can contextualize bad choices and better understand why they happened. If the parent who created a covert contract between herself and her children herself grew up with that dysfunctional dynamic, it empowers everyone in the family system to be aware that generational trauma may be a significant factor driving the cycle that needs to end. Her kids can create healthier boundaries for themselves, and the parent can model for them what it looks like to heal trauma and take ownership of her mental health. Including human psychology into the power-victim dynamic normalizes that thoughts and behavior can be understood, changed with appropriate help, and that people can overcome behaviors that don’t align with the life they aspire to live. Hopefully that long-winded post didn’t come off as a critique, I loved the video. Nietzsche always gets me thinking.
I am 13 and is being manipulated by my both parents that are playing the victim. My mother wants status,money and attention from others and wants to brag about my achievements and my father wanted to become doctor and he expect me to become a doctor. They both play the victim by we have given you so much but you can't even become a doctor for us. They always use these things
i am so sorry you are enduring such treatment alone. i encourage you not to listen to anyone claiming that it is for your own good, like 9il's comment, "they just have standards for you." people that attempt to justify such behavior are very likely attempting to cope with their own experiences, and do not deserve to influence you...but i am not intending to invalidate any feelings of upset or doubt that you may feel as a result. i truly hope that your comment on this video has led you to a safe community or more information to cope with your situation. you are incredibly insightful, self aware, and resilient to have found your way to this video at just 13. i am sending love to you, and i wish you the best
There is even another level to this, the level of a genuine victim who makes it part of their identity to the point where they never go through the stages of healing the trauma and moving forward in a skillful way, but remain mired in the "I'm a victim" for decades. The example of Jane is a good one, because she is a victim herself in a way, but never really worked through it skillfully and became tyrant to her sons. most people are empathetic people, and that can lead to enabling people who are mired in a ditch, or becoming the victim of emotional blackmail as stated in the video, rather then encouraging them to move forward.
I have no pity for adults who either are or play the victim. I've suffered great in this life and I have used that as a means of growth gaining much wisdom and strength I would not have had if it wasn't for that pain and suffering. My attitude for many years is I don't give a F. Can't feel guilty when you don't care. The victim mentality is really rooted in narcissism.
I am a victim, I don’t play the victim. I barely let people in and I’m always forgetting important things because I’m dealing with a lot and I get a lot of blame and yet I never say anything about what I’m going through. The people who abuse me are the one’s who keep saying “stop playing the victim” when I start to cry or explain how they are harming me. And I’m watching this video because I’m a person who’s trying to be self aware. If I’m being toxic, if I’m repeating the same harmful behaviours on others then I should know and change. And also because I believe the bad things that are being told about me. And I DON’T WANT TO BE LIKE THEM!
You sound exactly like someone playing the victim! Sounds like you are often making excuses for your behavior, and blaming it on something or someone else. That's a victim mentality! If you have multiple people in your life saying 'stop playing the victim' (your words), then I would listen to them, instead of making even more excuses.
What about people who victimise others, then try to turn it around so they're the victim in order to escape accountability? Such as people who are terrible friends who use others, but then play a victim over abandonment and loneliness when they end up ostracized.
I've learned from my mom and my younger sister what that means. They both act like the victim when they feel they have been taken advantage of. Which could be a reason why I kind of broke away from family.
Didn't expect I've met a guy exact as you say...his followers pity him then their anger turn on me like I was the one at fault. And so, I did mute him and never talk to him again.
I have a mother like this ( I'm the eldest daughter) and her ultimate weapon is guilt and victim mentality. She even turned one of my brothers against me because I didn't shower her with my money and didn't follow the career path she wants. Just yesterday she exploded in rage because I didn't cook dinner and I told her you never asked me to, so you can't get angry at me (example of covert contract). In return she threatened that she will never be there when I need her the most (when I'm in labor or after pregnancy). These same words she wouldn't dare say in front of other family members or friends. The closer I get to her, the more toxic and demanding she becomes.
@Mr.Beant To be fair, she grew up with a malignant narcissistic father (the worst kind) That made sure to ruin her life by sabotaging my father's life. He went to my father's job and accused him of abusing my mother in front of his coworkers, just so my father will lose his job and won't provide for her (he had a prestigious job), hence she will go back to her father for support. He would tell her how ugly she was ( my mother is one of the most naturally beautiful woman I know) and stomped all over herself esteem. He made sure my grandmother would be jealous of her daughter... He threw her out of his house when she needed him the most. Taking that and many things into consideration, my mom is an angel compared to her father. I try to excuse her by thinking she doesn't know how to love. She didn't have good, healthy examples growing up. She didn't have internet or resources to learn or cope from like we do today. So i TRY to be emphatic and patient with her. I still distance myself so I don't get hurt.. However, thankfully she isn't like her father that goes out of his way to ruin other people's lives directly. So no, cutting out isn't always the best option.. because relationships are complicated and if I don't learn how to maintain a relationship with my mother, I won't learn how to maintain less important relationships. As long as everyday isn't living hell with her, than hopefully things can work out.
I've had instances in my life where I'd get banned from some group permanently, with no chance of appeal, all because a bunch of shittalkers complained behind my back saying I was making them "uncomfortable". I wasn't even harassing anyone or blatantly being an obnoxious asshole knowing the consequences, yet said consequences still happened anyway. The shittalkers played the victim over me simply being myself.
If this has happened multiple times…you might consider that youre the common denominator in these situations 🙏 and may want to do a bit of introspection regarding your behavior
@@snailmailmagic 1 that was super nice on my part and 2 when multiple people at multiple times say you make them “uncomfortable” there’s clearly something up…
@@JohnShreve-hw8zm Naa.. Depends a lot on culture tbh. I grew up in a very patriarchal place where it was common for men to treat women poorly. Does not mean women deserved it as they were the common denominator. Adding this since I have seen some crazy group dynamics (although not the victim but more being an observer). When group becomes bigger, some people turn on others to boost their ego. And there is group dynamics which is well researched. I dont have the link handy but you can google and read-up. Often people who have a smaller network of people are least accepted in new groups. Lastly, we dont know people. You just read their one statement online and made up your mind. I dont think it is necessary esp when it is not helping anyone.
It calls into question any of the social contracts that supposedly free or democratic governments that exist have bc none of them consider the contract can’t be made with children but they are still considered to be under laws before and after the time when they could consent without them giving it. Your mother country can’t say you agreed to the infringement of your autonomy that the laws entail, if that contract was established before your birth.
I think something is being missed. The person playing the victim with you is saying you are a perpetrator (the bad guy) this makes them the good guy by contrast. It's a cheap way to build self-esteem. They don't have to do the hard work of accomplishing things or changing their view of themselves.
Ugh. I can’t believe I did this. Got out of a toxic relationship and knew I was toxic too so I told him what I observed of him and didn’t like as well as point out what I’ve seen with myself. It’s absolutely disgusting when you realize it for yourself. It was my fault for being used and putting myself in my position financially. I even got fired from work on my day off because he went there and threatened to shoot my boss. Lol. Took a crying session/breakdown and a week to fix what I needed. Everything is so much better now but I have to avoid going to a lot of places now.
Isnt this exactly the thing we are giving up lately in our society? The victim is always right, how dare you to blame the victim? How long will such discussions be allowed on youtube untill the videos are taken down?
There is a distinction between someone who is ACTUALLY a victim (I.e. someone who was actually wronged) and someone who is PLAYING a victim (i.e. someone who is not actually wronged but thinks they have been because of their non-consented expectations of other people). In the case of someone who was actually a victim (of bullying, abuse, assault), there absolutely shouldn't be victim blaming. This will further exacerbate the pain that they are already feeling and does not change the behaviour of the abuser.
@@YT-fg9ye yes but in practise this is given up more and more. F.e. canadas bill 67 Or what happens in practice around some rape trials, or companies that get accoused of racism and sued will allways try to settle because the damage is enormous no matter who is right. Its not about justice, its about victims. More and more.
@Dances with Republicans Its wired it doesent show the your comment anymore in my app...? Maybe a bug. My answer, yes real victims exists, but also false victims exist. The difficult part: often false victims dont even know themself that they are wrong and fallen pray to their mistrust. Its very difficult to handle, possibly everyone will feel injustice...
I came here, searching for answers and I've left with a bunch of understanding We recently had an argument with my older sister, she asked me for a favor and I simply told her no, she took everything out of the proposition, started crying, manipulating me to give in to her demands, and playing pity turning everyone against me.
Being honest to myself, I realized that sometimes in my own life. I have played the victim, and sometimes I have fall into a victim's game. Most of this actions have come as Unconscious actions of unhealed trauma and toxic beliefs and patterns from my childhood. I keep reading and working on myself every day. To be a better human, for me and for all the people around me, and hopefully to make this world a more kind and better place. Thank you!
I relate to ur comment soo much. Everytime i played a victim and later when I realised that I DID (play victim) , it all traced back to how i was treated in childhood. Everytime i get triggered of what happened when i was young , my thoughts automatically start showcasing me as a victim , as helpless , as pitiful .. I'm glad that i hv slowly started recognising the patterns and actually being aware that my mind is making me feel like a victim and i shud not let my mind do that to me.. we'll get through this..hope u r doing good man 🙌
Maybe.
Try doing random acts of kindness. And don't expect anything in exchange. Over time you will feel a shift for the better. It's better than therapy!
Me too
I’m 20 & i smoke weed on my UA-cam channel as my job..
“People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own souls.” -Carl Jung
Losing one mind to find the soul... said to be the most horrific thing any man can face b¥ this very same esteemed phyician
@Psy Facing your shadow, the unconscious dark side of you and make it conscious.
Explaining further CGJ we have an impasses sir
@Psy “Through pride we are ever deceiving ourselves. But deep down below the surface of the
average conscience a still, small voice says to us, something is out of tune.” -Carl Jung
@@jaimlawson “One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness
conscious.” -Carl Jung
Being aware of drama triangles, and dodging them, is a social superpower
Ok perhaps
Social Spidey Sense!
Yes, most of manager or boss should be able to do it.
@@nnaled458 Except when it’s actually incompetence, especially on the part of the manager.
@@WalleBrown hehehehe, good one
From my experience, a lot of people who play the victim were actual victims at one time and they saw how much attention and power being a victim gave them. They were able to influence and control people around them with this victimhood without actually doing anything to influence them. But at some point the story gets old and they can no longer use that victim card to control people around them so they start to lie about experiences or they adopt the experiences of other people in order to maintain the influence and control that they get by being a victim.
Yes relate to that
WOW. This was an EXCELLENT and incredibly insightful comment. Good for you.
Am watching this very thing play out at the moment in an acquaintance. Great comment.
as someone who's been victimized there is no power in being a victim. nobody cares. the only reason any one will help you is if they hate they person you're saying victimized you. if they hate you? well, you should have complied/listened/not been uppity/done as you were told the first time/ got out of the way faster/not worn that skirt.
justice is an illusion. it's just the powerful being selectively cruel.
From my experience, it was the contrary. People who have a habit of playing the victim were people who were not taken seriously when they were really the victim at a crucial moment of their life (childhood, traumatic event. Etc). So now, they do whatever they can to get the attention they did not get. It always seems disproportionate because their real wounds are not the ones they are crying about (and they do not seem to want to work on their real wounds and would rather inflict wounds to others).
I've always said, people who deserve our pity don't want it, the people who want it don't deserve it.
That’s deep but true
Usually true. Just as most playing the victims don't realize that being in pain always means a real victim would be busy surviving, not money-milking. Also: Some of us are not instant-back to health, when given money for further substance abuse! 😉
Yeah, but I know people who just say that the other person's playing victim, because that's the way that they manipulate us into thinking that the other person is just.
Playing a victim when sometimes they really was a victim of narcissistic abuse. For 9 years and it was by someone who had already had previous convivtions on his record like child abuse and.
Several counts of domestic battery assault, and I'm sure that was probably only when they get to a phone to call the police.Because in my case , my mother had to call the police because he wouldn't let me leave the house , so don't always say that someone's playing the victim . Sometimes they truly are
@@CodyLane-n7g true
sounds like the hack community wanting pity it all the time. not hub caps any more its big screen TVs LOL
Everyone who plays the victim has one thing in common: They do not want to have any accountability for they actions or resolve them properly thus expecting others to do so and take the blame.
This is definitely a difficult pill for me to swallow. I now realize I have had so many hidden expectations. I still have those expectations, but now I'm aware of it. I will aim to make my expectations known and reasonable. For a long time I only saw other people as being the toxic ones when I was playing victim, and it hurts to acknowledge this.
I'll keep working on improving myself.
Thanks for the video
That's great that you realized that and are willing to admit it, some people live their whole lives in that delusion! My uncle is nearly 70 and every time he is on the phone with my dad he talks about their brother and how he ruined his life (by running of with his girlfriend 45 years ago) and drinks all day. Make the most of the hard truths you realize there is always more to learn never opt to be comfortably blind. I have had my own victim stories as well, and it was a process to start empowering myself and becoming responsible for my life! A strong outlook on life is that everything, your relationships, how people treat you, your daily life, is YOUR responsibility. All of it. And that is a powerful place to live and take the right actions from.
@@ZackWilliams_TheProducer
Thanks man, reading about your uncle and how long he has held on to his resentment further encourages me to take responsibility because you're right, we should make the most of the hard truths we realize.
Congratulations on your own realizations and taking action!
Or maybe this video isn’t authoritative truth for your life, and you don’t need to take it so seriously as a worthy dogma.
@@hfarthingt Maybe it isn't, but I can learn something from it or gain perspective. I think it's better to take action and responsibility than for me to keep blaming, complaining, and playing victim. I might become a grumpy old and highly unpleasant man if I were to maintain my path of actionless victim mentality.
My granny use to always tell us, " no one gets to define your worth. Only you get to do that." Blaming, victim mentality, complaining are traits that weakens us. It's not wanting or willing to hold ourselves accountable for our life decisions. Always easier to point the finger at someone else. But once we master accountability for our life decisions, life will open up in a whole new way. Its glorious to be empowered. Victims don't get to write their own stories but empowered people do. Good luck on your journey!!
My God, I felt like you were describing my household growing up. My parents separated when I was 13. My mom used guilt to keep me from leaving the house, going after the career I wanted, discouraging me from starting a new business. It wasn't until I became an adult I realized she was playing victim. What really surprised me when I would confront her was that she wouldn't own up to it. She would get defensive, come up with some lame excuse or start crying.
People playing the victim will NEVER admit to it. Either out of bad faith, or self-delusion, or because they're not even aware of their own behaviour.
@@vincentmutel7313 its a weakness, and they cant deal with it
The faster you realize the real nature of your parents, the faster you develop a disenchanted outlook towards every human being you meet, which is not negative nor positive. It's just how it has to be.
See through it, try to understand it and then forgive and go on with your life.
It will make you free and more powerful than you thought you ever could be 😊
Good luck.
The crying part is always sickening 💀
My son had a breakdown and needed my support but when he got better he felt guilty about spending time away from me. One time he said he felt like he had neglected me. I was shocked that he felt this obligation to spend time with me. At 33 years of age, he shouldn’t feel any responsibility to my happiness. I told him that I didn’t mind where he was in the world as long as he was taking in oxygen and had a smile on his face.
congratulations Liz 😇
You are wise 😇
That's beautiful liz and truly wise💚🙏
A conscious mother ❤
Of course his breakdown and feeling of guilt had nothing to do with you, right? Just happened out of thin air...😊
I have played the victim and the worst of all was that I wasn't doing it for others but for myself. Anytime I did something for someone and they didn't do the same for me, I felt better because that helped in tagging them as bad people and me good. I loved being the "GOOD GIRL". It took me a while to get out of that behavior. Thank you for making this video. The thing about covert contract was really insightful.
@Swati Gupta That's NOT "Playing The Victim" those are called STANDARDS. If you're not being reciprocated what you're giving in ANY Relationship; what's the point?
I thought that was how girls were encouraged to be although I understand your point.
@@ariadne2631 @Swati Gupta There are some people who will give to you with one hand and take from you with the other. There's also another version; they will deliberately give/offer you a gift 🎁 ( or "help"/"service" at no cost) and when you take it, they exercise their "reciprocity" by stabbing you in the back. Giving you a gift or doing you a favor was just to open the door for him to have an excuse/justify abusing (financially, verbally, emotionally, psychologically, physically, or put restrictions, etc,) you. This type I find to be more common with Men, although you will find some Women engage in this behavior too. However, that's another topic for another discussion. Even though these situations can take place and do happen; that doesn't mean you have no right to have great expectations. If you go to any customer service rep and you conduct yourself like a decent human being and treat them with courtesy, kindness, respect then you have a right to expect the same thing because YOU gave it; YOU have it. And therefore you should receive it , in kind. In any relationship ( business, personal, spiritual, or otherwise) if you are giving with truthful intentions and you are not being given to just as much or more in kind; or worse yet they WILL NOT give back to you, what you gave to them; then they cannot meet your Standards and Expectations and in order to dodge the responsibility most Men will say something along the lines of " I don't owe you anything, bla, bla, bla (excuses, lies, excuses)". Be careful who you give to because you create ties with them. It also works in reverse be careful who you accept gifts and especially help from because they create ties with you. And people who are looking for victims/prey WILL try to push their "help" on you, so they can damage you when you accept. Hope this helps and clears up some confusion.
@@ambrosia-venusbelladonna835 I know, that's exactly what I thought too. Every relationship is based on a give and take from both sides. But what if you know the opposite side is not going to reciprocate? Logically, you should stop doing anything for them. But that's not what I did. I kept helping them. I later on realized it's not their mistake that they don't deliver on the obligations but it was mine to keep expecting differently from them. Some introspection clarified that I want to tag myself as a good person and what better way to do that than being a victim. And funny thing is I wasn't a victim to them but only to myself.
@@swatigupta1551 Oh I see so there were passive aggressive tendencies instead of being assertive and saying something. Thanks for explaining.
Playing the victim often happens from unconsciousness. People who are unaware of their power often play the victim. When you choose to play the victim you choose to not discover your innerpower.
Ok maybe
@@ranc1977 facts 💯
When you choose to play the victim you are choosing to manipulate.
Interesting you should say that. You see, I want my inner power, but my superego just tells me it's "wishful thinking until proven". I also would feel disgusted with myself if, failing to put my savagery into practice, I resorted to something as underhanded as guilt tripping. I don't exactly have the most pleasant worldview or a strong enough sense of self, so I'm totally lost in this regard.
Moat people who plays the victim are powerful people who knows they are powerful but uses this to maintain their power or to deflect looks from their own bad stuff they do.
My mum was a professional victim. She'd learned that by being a victim she was never responsible for anything she didn't want to be responsible for, she learned that she didn't have to have any self honesty and it was ok to lie about stuff, she knew that she could play the victim to get her kids to compete with each other to give her attention even though she had favourites, she resented any of her kids from betteting themselves and expressed this through passive aggressive attacks, she used triangulation against her kids, she cheated on my dad and held him responsible then cheated on my step dad and blamed him for it, she broke my family twice and played the innocent.
What I learnef from my mum was that playing a professional victim is incredibly empowering and quite rewarding as you are free of so many self constrains of morality.
However, I also learned how truely corrosive it is and how debilitating it is to self growth and self development. Being a professional victim means you're stuck emotionally, stunted in your growth and never truly develop into adulthood.
Sometimes the only 'hidden expectation' we impose is that the other side 'plays fair and mature'. And yet, so often we get surprised.
You are right.
You know I’ve realised that if you go out and help others with the intention of them repaying the same thing back one day, you’d never truly know how to appreciate genuine kindness.
It is unfair to someone always helping others, and never getting any help themselves. Reprocity doesn't need to happen 1 to 1, but it needs to happen at least sometimes. And it can still be genuine generosity if you expect that helped person to help you or somebody else in the future when they are in the position to do so, as long it doesn't form a contract or an oblication.
NEVER!
I think it's a out the ratio of reciprocity to kindness. If you grow up in a situation where you've done your best to be a good person, treated all the people around you well. Then you study history and realise that your sex has always been "oppressed", and that your generosity is being taken advantage off. Then yeh, you can become quite bitter and difficult.
Opresed? Lmao. Feminism has rotten your mind@@jamesespinosa690
It's happened so much in relationships when a narcissist egoistic person always plays the victim in the relationship
Especially covert narcissists. Their whole identity can revolve around victim hood so they don't have to take responsibility for their actions and are allowed to be neglectful of their duties. Usually at one time they were really victims of abuse, but they over play it to their advantage even if "danger" or abuse is over. It's always others to blame not them.. The world is against them and that's why things are not working out for them. They have it the worst that's why everyone has to treat them like royalty because they are the only ones suffering.
you mean our moms?
@@mytripsvideos4511 Bruh, my Mom is a smart and kind woman. Don't think that all mothers are following the trope of "But i am the mother".
@@mytripsvideos4511 lol unemployed i assume???
@@traindr12 meANING?
What professional victims fail to understand is that there is no honour in victimhood, that pity is disrespectful.
Hey bro, thank you for using the example of the mother. You are saving a bunch of lives and I don’t think you even know how many. I found that out the hard way. But thank you and if they take this down pls put it back or do something bcuz you are saving lives with this. Hopefully the ones who need this are able to see it
I was at the receiving end of a mother who played the victim and who successfully got me to feel responsible for her happiness and well-being. She did this by getting me to pity her and she would say as much as it was my responsibility to care for her. At the same time she got me to feel disgust for my father because I saw him as failing in his duty to protect her and make her happy, so I had a distorted view of what love and relationships were, and a weakened and resentful relationship with my father. I managed to work this out and change my relationship with my mother, who I did love. I was able to do this by realising that I was not responsible for whether my mum felt lonely or not. As a result, I could see through all her manipulative devices and no longer responded to them. It actually meant my relationship with my mother improved and I started to feel less angry towards her. More recently I have begun to realise I have done the same thing as my mum in some of my friendships. I think the danger lies in becoming detached as a result of having gone through all of this.
But I read in the comments here, one antidote may be to be kind without expectation.
My mother screw up his marriage by expelling my fahter fron home in one of her rages. She regreted almoust imediatelly and sended me to beg that he stay. He did not, he get out and started again, get another family and other marriage much more happier. She become sour, resentfull, depressive, and make sure to share all that misery whit me and my little brother, and playng the victm and making us disgust whit my father. She suceed only in ruin our relation whit our father, and making our childhood grin, sad and depressive.
Nonetheless, she had qualities too, and always incentived me and my brother to get a education and a good profession, which we both got. We are doing well. So, later, I forgive and accepted her for what she was. My mother loved me and my brother, even if she was a human being whit deep flaws. Her did the best she could, but this "best" was severely limited by her incapacity to recknow and overcome her flaws. I can whish she was a better person, but this is a foolish and childish tough. The only thing to do is learn fron this, try understand and overcome my own flaws, and be aware that those who claim to be victims may be using this claim as manipulative tatic and or a way to refuse the responsability for his own choices.
My mother was and still is like that. She’s is a narcissist. Is being 6 months since I talk to her. Is long story but now I feel better with myself. And I am more self aware. 💓
Especially insidious when religion is thrown in the mix. I'm an agnostic and i had to train myself to let that train of attack go by.
I have one critical thing to say about this video: CITATION NEEDED.
Nietzsche was not a theorist of consensual contracts. Although the uploader is correct that guilt came out of the concept of debt, the video appears to imply Nietzsche saw the "good" as the fulfillment of consensual contracts.
This is incorrect and misrepresents Nietzsche's thought. For Nietzsche, as written in his Genealogy of Morals, the concept of good was created by powerful people and was used to describe themselves. So if you were an aristocrat, you were good, and if you were powerless, you were bad.
Nietzsche then said that a slave revolt in morality then occurred. This revolt declared that the powerless were good and that the rich were "evil." Thus the concept of evil was created by this slave revolt in morality. This is where the virtues of pacifism and obsequiousness emerge, as well as the notion of contractual duty. Nietzsche saw this as a life-denying approach that is most obvious in Christian morality.
Nietzsche does not endorse the fulfillment of contracts as the ultimate good. What Nietzsche calls for is a "transvaluation of all values." This is the hard part because he did not simply want to return to the "master morality" of old, where the powerful were considered good. He wanted to create new values that would harness the human intellect and move us towards his "ubermensch," a group of people with great intellectual prowess but without the diseases of guilt and "bad conscience."
If anyone wants to learn more or is confused by what I wrote, please read the Genealogy of Morality, and if that is too difficult, read the sparknotes alongside it.
Thank you
Very precious informations, thank you so much for sharing.
Victimhood is always more attractive than failure
We’ve been seeing this unfold on a grand scale in America.
It's all western society.
Its amazing because its the people who have the most power who are playing the victim. They appeal to people who are actual victims but then also claim that they are their saviors. This gives them the advantage of being a populist and it also shields them from any blame or responsibility. When they ultimately receive consequences for their crappy behavior they rally the other victims to their defense. I will let the reader figure out who I am talking about.
Bingo
@@bbraat😂
@@jasonkinzie8835 every political side is doing that in America. Liberals or conservatives, black or whites, maga or wokes, all the same on this point.
I loved how you explained the 2 ways the person plays victim
that 10 mins flew by!
Great analysis. In codependent rehab, we call this Loansharking - providing something that wasn’t asked for to create a debt, and then forcing repayment
In relationships there is a give and take that needs to play out .Beware of the giver and the taker if there is no balance , for it will create mistrust abuse and many other forms of disorder in my view
The mafia tool ^^
Loansharking. Never heard that term thanks. It's great to know this concept is explored in rehab.
I had someone insist upon doing something for me that I repeatedly demanded he NOT DO. Then held it against me for a long time, even though it was something I didn't want at all.
*Believe in yourself. You are braver than you think and more talented than you know, and capable of more than you can imagine. Keep putting in the work…*
@@qualityquotes229 please can you tell me how to get bold text in these replies?
@@brianpead3692 surround the desired text with 2 *s on your keyboard
My parents would do things to destroy or dismantle my life to keep me dependent and from ever leaving. It wasn't until years later that I could see what was happening.
My lover (49) has two incredibly toxic parents - her mother told her that she dyslexic around the age of 8 and would never amount to anything. Some 40 years later, I got her tested (as a former teacher of English) and, of course, she wasn't even close to being dyslexic. But the dysfunctional mother succeeded in splitting us up because my then partner (until February of this year) had never learnt to individuate from her highly toxic and critical mother. Her father is a narcissist and never wrong. Philip Larkin, the poet, wrote: "Your parents fuck you up." Never a truer word spoken. I have lost the love of my life due to a truly Machiavellian person.
1. People dont believe me when I say itnhas advantages to play the victim
2. I love clear definition before the input comes, that makes it so much better to understand the message
My dad & step mum played the victim my whole life. I was fucked up till I realised they were gaslighting & manipulating me & everyone in my family-did 4 years of counselling & fell into mindfulness to get out of the invisible grip they had on me
it's not just people playing the victim falsely whom you need be aware of. Genuine victims often do all the same shit, and it's just as toxic, regardless of how justified it may be given what they went through. As a person going through life, you need to be aware of anyone who uses their victimhood as an excuse for bad behaviour. There are genuine victims who do not spread their misery to others.
Oddly enough, I thought because of my severe depression, I fell into playing victim. It feels that way sometimes, but nothing I do resembles what is described here. In my head I’m the victim, but I’m also the perpetrator. Only one person gets manipulated by me and that’s me.
Victimhood is the root of identity politics.
🎯
Donald J. Trump
I have heard, and personally experienced, that self pity confers a benefit to the person experiencing it. Generally the self pitying person will give themselves a boost every time they feel or experience the self pity. “How could she treat me like that? I deserve better” or “How did they promote him, I work harder and am smarter.”
It was described as almost a self soothing mechanism. The recommended action was to acknowledge the self talk (unjust treatment followed by feel good affirmation), take responsibility and act.
This helped me and i hope it helps someone else too :)
That just sounds like self delusion. It is a coping mechanism, and it can work, but that is again choosing victimhood when you may not have any right to it. Because in reality, it might be that you got what you deserved, and didn't like the outcome, so resorting to self pity and victimhood is a good way of avoiding having to take responsibility and pass the blame onto someone else.
In reality, it is better in such situations to blame yourself, take responsibility, eat the negative emotions you experience, and use that as motivation to better yourself so it doesn't happen again in future. Even if you are only partly to blame, do it anyway, as it will benefit you far more than feeling sorry for yourself and blowing smoke up your own arse to avoid having to admit that maybe it was your own fault.
One of the most important words in English, and their equivalent in every language ACCOUNTABILITY.
That eliminates victimhood in nearly every case
That eliminates duality even. Once we take accountability for everything, there are no victim nor bully anymore, we walk a path or peace, taking 💯 responsibility for our own feelings and actions at any given moment. Many people think it's self blame, it's absolutely not blame is not even an option anymore, black and white thinking disappears, there's no me against them. It's unity.
i have been playing the victim my whole life and i just realized that this dec 2021. since January 2022 I've been doing my best to change my toxic ways and atittude. wish me luck in my journey. see you all in the next years :)
@@musikbrezel who are these people that your trying to please ? Just stop brother for the sake of your own soul. If your here watching this video I would assume you are somewhat humble and have a rational view of how things really are from a natural perspective
Are you still toxic?
Good luck
Have a high vibe day.
I’ve experienced this so many times. And knowing somethings off, but not being able to connect the dots to be able to explain it so others understand is so frustrating. But now I got them.
Thank you, sir.
A certain group of people pretend that victimhood is a virtuous. On par with innocence.
Though innocence is simply ignorance and being a victim just means you are vulnerable. Neither are virtuous to be, they are things to grow beyond.
Strength is a Virtue.
Weakness is Not.
Absolutely love your takes on Neitzche and the relevant philosophical aspects of this series.
i can say i felt that straight in my heart.
the responsibility that you take by your own mother and the guilt trap into becoming someone she needs not the person you are,
and the siblings that play the victim and turn everyone against you
When you spend your life with toxic people you forget who you really are, as you have been controlled by others that minapulate your world you have been living in controlled environment all the time and had the need to stick to your self at a young age defending your image and had people believe you even though you didn't do something wrong,
now as an adult you burnout you isolate your self and rejecte every attempt to live again,
i don't know who i am, am not the things they say i was, i never been bad , i couldn't be good either, i don't know where am going, and i don't know where I want to go,
it's like living in a cult,
i don't know what's the real world is even though i've seen it , i find it difficult to believe in ,
what i was trying to say once you were guilte trapped since you were 7 of age, you take the role that was given to you and you start to become a slave for their needs
once you realize it's almost to late because you don't know better,
it's hard to start over and it's ok to not start yet,
People need to rest and not overanalysis, you were hurt take your time to recover then breakthrough.
Why are some people in denile when they really are the victim? Why do they feel like they should take responsibility for the bad actions of others even though there is no evidence that the victim did something wrong? For example, I was in a very toxic group containing some very difficult people for four years, which also included a narcissist and master manipulator. I had no idea she was one until after I reached out for guidance and discovered she and the others really messed me up. When I finally decided to leave them for good, the manipulator blew up, started telling the others things that were made up in order for them to turn on me (I swear I would've taken responsibility for those things if they were real, but me and some trustworthy friends searched and searched and honestly I have never done any of those things!), and ultimately played the victim using these examples here in this video. A trustworthy witness in that friend group pointed out to me I was being gaslit and while the others agree, I'm struggling to trust myself. It felt like no matter what I did or said around those bad people, it was wrong and I'd get attacked, so I was constantly apologizing for everything, even things that weren't my fault at all. It got so bad that I was terrified of making mistakes out of fear of being punished and began to avoid socializing altogether. What on earth is going on here? Why do people even do things like that? I'm not looking for sympathy and I don't like considering myself as a "victim;" I was the coward who stuck around for so long and had the nerve to go back and apologize after the first time they did this to me. If I didn't go back, I either wouldn't have been diagnosed PTSD or it just wouldn't be as bad. I just want answers...
@Fires And Flowers So you know once you get stuck in the web, it's hard to get out. Awful place to be in. You know they're not good for you, but you're afraid of getting attacked and being alone if you try to leave. It was a clique of about a dozen people, mostly women around my age and up (I'm in my twenties for reference and some of these people were thirty and up). I knew a few of them for at most four years and while they appeared kind, quirky, and charismatic on the surface, they were immature, dramatic, manipulative, pessimistic, and toxic when you really got to know them. They just did an excellent job at hiding it from others. If someone didn't have the same beliefs as they did or didn't like what they liked, they would guilt trip, humiliate, lecture, and silence them; I got this the most since I was more outspoken than the other sheep, but for the longest time I remained silent out of fear. So basically, they would bully others into thinking or acting like them, so me and a few others weren't being true to ourselves because we didn't want to get hurt. I couldn't write or draw without getting a lecture on how "problematic" it was and I was controlled constantly. It wasn't constructive criticism, it was the kind of false accusations you would get from people on Twitter. It got so bad that I became afraid to draw or write and eventually stopped doing it (I picked up writing again, but I still hear their words in my head and it hinders my work). They also did some pretty disgusting things to the characters in the book I'm writing and I didn't realize they had a hidden agenda when asking to draw and write about them (my two main characters are a couple of male soldiers in a relationship for context and these people were very creepy towards them). They would also complain constantly about how awful their life was without doing anything about it and if someone didn't comfort them, they would get very passive aggressive and guilt them. It became very, very draining, but it wasn't always bad. On the days where everyone was laughing and having fun, it was great! But if one person was having a bad time, we *all* had to have a bad time.
Same, I have been through the same thing as you. This video is quite triggering. Victims should be given justice. They are not accountable for the wrongdoings of the bad people. I support you. We can overcome this pain, with the help of our families/true friends/people who really care about us. Fight!
You know, you are not the problem, they are! Do not blame yourself for the wrongdoings of other people. Trust and believe in yourself. I have the same problems as you, and my privacy is still being invaded. We can overcome this!
@@greenbeans9748 I'm in the same situation right now. I don't know what to do and it is affecting me badly.
@@mariamirovaa I tell you the same thing that I wish I told myself back when I was in your spot: get out. You're probably very afraid about how they will react when you leave and the fear of being alone makes you want to stay longer, but do these people genuinely make you feel happy about yourself? Can you enjoy the things you do or think the way you want without them criticizing your every action? And the biggest question is are you better with them or without them? If the environment is making you sick, you can't get better by staying in it; the only way to recover is to leave. You don't have to give an exit speech or an explanation to anyone. I made the error of trying to explain why I was leaving and even attempted to apologize for it (I regret doing that). It does not work and just causes more stress. Just block them all, including the ones who aren't as difficult but still keep in touch with extremely bad people, and silently go away. Also, never, ever, *ever* go back. Don't reach out to get in touch again, don't respond to their messages, and *never* apologize for leaving. Also, if you really liked the environment and felt the people were good, you would never even be here or wanting to leave in the first place. I know it's scary and it stings, but I promise that it eventually gets better.
This is the most simplistic interpretation of Nietzsche I’ve ever come across,
This a pretty neat essay about the USA and NATO countries
So many people need to hear this.
Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. Nietzsche
Man, found this video after moving back in with my parents at age 32 and it’s awful how much of this applies to my parents. I’m a grown man, staying busy to get back on my feet, paying them rent, and I will still be guilted for not “being home enough”, not because they want to see me and talk to me, but because I’m the only one that cleans up their place. They live like pigs, and it’s been like this my whole life. Before I moved out, it was my duty to do chores-I wasn’t paying rent-now I realize that I was being taken advantage of, because it was more than just my duty, but required for them to live in decently hygienic conditions. Without me to do all the literal dirty work, things fell apart, as they are completely useless doing anything themselves. So now, instead of letting me know how much they appreciate it, even as a 32 year old man paying rent, I am still guilted for not being home enough to keep their house clean even though it’s been cleaner than before I came home, and I am helping them financially. There is no saving someone still dreaming of being saved.
Move out
Man i have loved these last few videos based on nietzsches writings. Would love more of those!
This topic is related to what I'm dealing with because I had some exs that were playing the victim card and trying to manipulate me saying that I don't love them or I'm playing with their emotions. But somehow their guilt trip act was working on me. They already know that I'm very gullible which is my biggest weakness. One of my exs told their friends that I was using them for intimacy when they gave consent or say that I abused them when I never did. And some of them they never ask me out but yet they still acting like I'm dating them I've been treating them like angels I always treat my partners like angels because I respect my partners. I had a lot of people going after me like I was the bad guy because of their little made up stories. The drama was so severe where I don't want to live anymore and never come back like I was diagnosed with the major depression age 14. Some of the people will say “he doing it for attention” excuse me but why would I fake my own mental illness that I had for 4 years? Because depression isn't a emotional thing it's a mental illness where you feel like you don't deserve to exist. If I fake my depression I wouldn't be having suicide thoughts.
I'm a loner and I don't take nobody's advice or ask for help I pretend to be like everything is fine in my life. I don't need your toxic positivity or you saying you don't care. Because I don't need you to care about what I go through or your opinion. If you don't care I suggest you keep your mouth shut.
Not to offend the ladies but mostly females play the victim card and this is 100% true.
People who are trying to manipulate other people just to make them feel guilty making them be punished for some dumb reason you need to get yourself a life get yourself a therapist.
as a child of someone who often victimized themselves, i need to unlearn this behavior. i’m realizing that it’s seaping into my interpersonal relationships, and i am determined to heal myself in order to be the person that i truly want to be.
3:33 the thing to notice is that Jane has an obligation to do the act, which she then construes to reciprocate an obligation toward her. I have an obligation to take care of you so you have an obligation to take care of me… I do in fact believe that the kids ultimately have an obligation to see to it that the mom is taken care of in her old age (she gave them life, so it would be dishonourable to have her fall into shame). It will be interesting to see where this goes…
there’s other kinds of playing the victim, like when someone claims to be a victim of discrimination by society when infact they have no evidence for being discriminated against
So true. And this kind of so-called victims gets more and more vocal and uses collective guilt to enforce their agenda.
Yeah, that is a kind of tribal victimisation. For example, George Floyd was the victim, but the members of BLM all acted as if they were all victims of that same crime, collectively. They are essentially appropriating someone else's suffering and claiming it as their own based on being members of same tribe (being Black Americans in this case), because they want victimhood status so they can use it to manipulate others and gain power for themselves.
This is why laughing at BLM and calling them out is the correct option. Whereas supporting them due to the threat of being labelled a racist bigot is cowardice. Because they will use social shaming in order to extort people, with the threat of having society turn on you if you refuse to comply. Strong people will resist and stick to their guns, based on their own morality, weak people will surrender to the threat and do as they are told out of fear.
Such people are not victims, they are bullies, predators etc, but too weak to be openly confrontational toward the people they hate, so they have to resort to manipulation and victimhood. This is pretty much Marxism in a nutshell.
Palestin!@ns🌚
@@RagnarLothbrok-n2h it had to be some indian writing this
@@DorkDork69 we see through liars and manipulators clearly. Can't help😊
Very informative, philosophy is very important for human growth, most of us do not realize that we do not understand a lot of issues
True. Real victims rarely mention they are or have been victims.
Perfect reaction on your previous video "become who you are", many people in the commentary were playing the victim there.
From my experience, People who have a habit of playing the victim were people who were not taken seriously when they were really the victim at a crucial moment of their life (childhood, traumatic event. Etc). So now, they do whatever they can to get the attention they did not get. It always seems disproportionate because their real wounds are not the ones they are crying about (and they do not seem to want to work on their real wounds and would rather inflict wounds to others).
+Freedom in Thought
I could go into a lot of detail here however; suffusive to say that it is WAY more complicated then that: sometimes a person who plays the victim does not want anything other then to be considered as such, sometimes consent is rendered null and void especially when obligation becomes involved such as in regards to say the relationship between a government and it’s citizenry…etc.
such an amazing essay, my mother was just like this... and only now being close to my 30 I'm able to realize how destructive and painful it was lol
Too many moms are playing the victim, but it works. My mom did horrible things to me when I was a child, but other members of my family (father, brother, sister) have been firmly on her side when I complain that maybe I was not the monster she treated me like. I wish I was grown up in an orphanage.
Gorgeous work. Thank you
I refuse to believe that it is just a coincidence that he uploaded this video right after the episode in Aot where Jean said:
"That was 2,000 years ago and you're still playing the victim!?"
We call these "synchronicities", they are believed to be good signs of following the right path in life 😉
Please post more
Your videos are so informative and clear
That hurts
Thank you for this
Excellent summation of reciprocity. Kids don't ask to be born and the law also says kids cannot make contracts, parents are the first to defend this yet often break this idea with claiming they are owed. It is so rare these days for people to give with pure altruism. Even a thankyou breaks the virtue of charity if required. Humans :-)
The first example of imposing obligations on people who aren't in a position to understand, or whatever, really hit home. Literally my brother and I right now. I came to this video searching for if I am someone who plays the victim. If every did, I have an excuse at least. Gosh life has been rough.
A little more to the story: I am now 23, my brother 27, and we are still in this position of the child or the, "children" It has come to the point to where my mother is seeing that her tactics are inevitably a failed attempt, and she is slowly releasing pure hate and showing her true, self trained, being. Love one another. Be true to yourself as much as possible, it's what I've been learning in life. Authenticity is just what it is. That being said, thank you for making this video, it has helped realize what, and maybe even who I am Grateful for, and it is encouraging me to continue with my journey to discovering myself. My word of encouragement is that there are better things out there in life for you to find, and you can do it. I believe in you. I need help, and I will continue to seek it. Thank you.
Really nice video, great work!
someone playing the victim, is the abuser.
As a person with a disability who has been mistreated, held back, and had advantage taken of me over and over again, sometimes institutionally, sometimes by violence I can tell you this -
There is no justice. The strong take what they want. They do what they want. They punish as they please. They neglect by habit as much as by malice.
When you defend yourself to disavow them of the notion you're an easy target, then they say you're the monster. Never submit. Go for the eyes, genitals, throat, knees, and ankles.
Most importantly I tell you this, don't bother playing the victim. Nobody really cares.
You just played victim by mentioning you have a disability and other stuff in your very first sentence lol. Thanks for proving the video right
I do notice your videos are alot more informative these days, like your knowledge on the semi conductors, to interest rates, do different types of missiles. I felt before it was heavily weighted to just opinion, but now its more balanced.
Excellent thought provoking ideas and interpretation!
I have one question: When someone is a real victim, or a victim of manipulation, how is justice met? I mean, a lot of the times the acts are not illegal, just immoral.
Justice doesn't always involve the law, the law of the government that is, if you believe in Karma they will eventually get what's coming to them, if not, then you have to be the one to enact justice.
You don't want the government to take moral burden, this makes us externalize out obligations and leads to degeneration of character.
If you feel someone has done something bad make their life harder by legal means. Don't like a company's decision ? Don't buy their product. Don't like an individual's decision ? Don't associate with them.
All actions are rewarded in kind. Have faith that your injustice will change you in ways you will benefit if you are aware. Those that act immorally will be rewarded in kind. What goes around comes around. Ironically, if you focus on justice, you are walking the path of the victim.
Karma
A better question would be, does justice need to be met? If you are a real victim, you have two choices. Let it go, get over it, learn from your mistakes and move on with your life etc, which is acceptance (and healthy), or wallow in it, let it define and consume you, and remain a victim (which is very unhealthy).
The reality is that even if justice is met, that isn't going to fix a damaged victim. Only they can do that, and they have to do it regardless of whether justice is met or not. So in reality, justice is meaningless, whereas repairing the damage done is the only thing that matters.
So many of the mental health problems that people have today, whether real victims or pretend victims, could be cured by people dealing with their emotional trauma and moving on with their lives. Many people do that, and they tend to be happy and successful in life, but the vast majority don't, and as a result they become more deranged and delusional, hateful and bigoted towards the people they view as their oppressors. And this is even more true with our internet world, where people can group up online based on commonalities, and form victim tribes who all back each other up and help each other to remain victims (and they often viciously attack anyone who tries to leave the tribe by bettering themselves).
The way you describe it, kinda blows the smoke away from being manipulated. Nice video. Thanks
I call that gaslighting. To manipulate by guilt tripping. It's tactics or a tendency of a Narcissist. An example of Narcissism.
Yep, I was going to comment the same. My father used to try guilt tripping me. Always continually asking us about who was going to look after him once he got old, trying to get us to pity him instead of taking responsibility for himself. A complete attention seeker. He was a dominating, narcissistic monster.
@susanlisson7066
The Tyrannical Father/Devouring Mother come from Jung's interpretations of the shadow aspects of the father and mother archetypes. They are the narcissistic parent who dominates and consumes their children psychologically.
I love these videos so much. They teach so much and I’m sooo thankful for it
Thank you for explaining this issue in such an easy and approachable way, understanding is indispensable to heal :) we all appreciate your time and dedication to spread these messages❤️
To take this a layer deeper… there are people who are legitimate victims who will “play the victim”.
They may be looking for you to right the wrongs of previous individuals who have hurt them or as a manipulation tactic to get what they want.
This is particularly challenging especially if you are particularly empathetic as you may feel a moral obligation to right the wrongs of the past.
Playing the victim is narcisist sociopathic behavior. Avoid such people at all cost (even if it currently seems like they are the majority of society)
a lot of people needed to hear the parent part
This explains a lot about what is going on in the world right now.
Not really, no.
Also, beware of people who scapegoat, pigeonhole, and cherry pick the family light worker/empath, and then continue to say they are "playing the victim" when they ARE in fact the victim.
Be a victor, not a victim.
"Covert contract" i needed that phrase, thank you ❤
In her book 'The Sociopath Next Door' author Martha Stout tells the reader the quickest way to spot a sociopath. It's not some complex set of subtle behaviors you would see on some TV crime show or movie. It's the fact that they ALWAYS play the victim. They are always aggrieved and it's always someone else's fault. If you have the unfortunate experience of having one get close to you, almost immediately you will hear a pity story about how they were victimized their whole lives. They are always the hero of their own story too. Soon it will be YOUR fault for everything that goes wrong in their lives, even if it's obvious that they have caused the problems themselves. "My girlfriend broke up with me so I slashed her tires, got arrested for it and am now a victim of those mean and unfair police". It's sad that pathological narcissism has been elevated to a virtue in the upside down world we now must live in.
I love Nietzsche’s writings, but the victimhood-power dynamic alone has always been too limited to me to interpret human behavior - at least without considering human psychology for context. Without that, people often work backwards by emotionally reacting to whether they feel empathy for an alleged victim.
Empathy doesn’t mean you pardon bad choices or allow your emotions to compromise your judgement, it means you can contextualize bad choices and better understand why they happened.
If the parent who created a covert contract between herself and her children herself grew up with that dysfunctional dynamic, it empowers everyone in the family system to be aware that generational trauma may be a significant factor driving the cycle that needs to end. Her kids can create healthier boundaries for themselves, and the parent can model for them what it looks like to heal trauma and take ownership of her mental health.
Including human psychology into the power-victim dynamic normalizes that thoughts and behavior can be understood, changed with appropriate help, and that people can overcome behaviors that don’t align with the life they aspire to live.
Hopefully that long-winded post didn’t come off as a critique, I loved the video. Nietzsche always gets me thinking.
I am 13 and is being manipulated by my both parents that are playing the victim. My mother wants status,money and attention from others and wants to brag about my achievements and my father wanted to become doctor and he expect me to become a doctor. They both play the victim by we have given you so much but you can't even become a doctor for us. They always use these things
They just have standards for you
i am so sorry you are enduring such treatment alone. i encourage you not to listen to anyone claiming that it is for your own good, like 9il's comment, "they just have standards for you." people that attempt to justify such behavior are very likely attempting to cope with their own experiences, and do not deserve to influence you...but i am not intending to invalidate any feelings of upset or doubt that you may feel as a result. i truly hope that your comment on this video has led you to a safe community or more information to cope with your situation. you are incredibly insightful, self aware, and resilient to have found your way to this video at just 13. i am sending love to you, and i wish you the best
You don't have to become a doctor, but you didn't have to absolutely diss your parents on UA-cam 2 years ago
This video is talking about you. You are not the victim here.
@@NineilNo. Each child deserves the right to choose his profession. He just have shitty parents like I do.
This is a very powerful video thank you
There is even another level to this, the level of a genuine victim who makes it part of their identity to the point where they never go through the stages of healing the trauma and moving forward in a skillful way, but remain mired in the "I'm a victim" for decades.
The example of Jane is a good one, because she is a victim herself in a way, but never really worked through it skillfully and became tyrant to her sons.
most people are empathetic people, and that can lead to enabling people who are mired in a ditch, or becoming the victim of emotional blackmail as stated in the video, rather then encouraging them to move forward.
Narcissists always portray themselves as victim or hero, never the villain.
I have no pity for adults who either are or play the victim. I've suffered great in this life and I have used that as a means of growth gaining much wisdom and strength I would not have had if it wasn't for that pain and suffering. My attitude for many years is I don't give a F. Can't feel guilty when you don't care. The victim mentality is really rooted in narcissism.
I am a victim, I don’t play the victim. I barely let people in and I’m always forgetting important things because I’m dealing with a lot and I get a lot of blame and yet I never say anything about what I’m going through. The people who abuse me are the one’s who keep saying “stop playing the victim” when I start to cry or explain how they are harming me. And I’m watching this video because I’m a person who’s trying to be self aware. If I’m being toxic, if I’m repeating the same harmful behaviours on others then I should know and change. And also because I believe the bad things that are being told about me. And I
DON’T
WANT
TO
BE
LIKE
THEM!
I believe real victims don’t play a victim role ❤
@@mrsmarie1292
Indeed 🖤
You sound exactly like someone playing the victim! Sounds like you are often making excuses for your behavior, and blaming it on something or someone else. That's a victim mentality! If you have multiple people in your life saying 'stop playing the victim' (your words), then I would listen to them, instead of making even more excuses.
What about people who victimise others, then try to turn it around so they're the victim in order to escape accountability? Such as people who are terrible friends who use others, but then play a victim over abandonment and loneliness when they end up ostracized.
I've learned from my mom and my younger sister what that means. They both act like the victim when they feel they have been taken advantage of. Which could be a reason why I kind of broke away from family.
Didn't expect I've met a guy exact as you say...his followers pity him then their anger turn on me like I was the one at fault. And so, I did mute him and never talk to him again.
I have a mother like this ( I'm the eldest daughter) and her ultimate weapon is guilt and victim mentality. She even turned one of my brothers against me because I didn't shower her with my money and didn't follow the career path she wants. Just yesterday she exploded in rage because I didn't cook dinner and I told her you never asked me to, so you can't get angry at me (example of covert contract). In return she threatened that she will never be there when I need her the most (when I'm in labor or after pregnancy). These same words she wouldn't dare say in front of other family members or friends. The closer I get to her, the more toxic and demanding she becomes.
I agree with above
@Mr.Beant To be fair, she grew up with a malignant narcissistic father (the worst kind) That made sure to ruin her life by sabotaging my father's life. He went to my father's job and accused him of abusing my mother in front of his coworkers, just so my father will lose his job and won't provide for her (he had a prestigious job), hence she will go back to her father for support. He would tell her how ugly she was ( my mother is one of the most naturally beautiful woman I know) and stomped all over herself esteem. He made sure my grandmother would be jealous of her daughter... He threw her out of his house when she needed him the most. Taking that and many things into consideration, my mom is an angel compared to her father. I try to excuse her by thinking she doesn't know how to love. She didn't have good, healthy examples growing up. She didn't have internet or resources to learn or cope from like we do today. So i TRY to be emphatic and patient with her. I still distance myself so I don't get hurt.. However, thankfully she isn't like her father that goes out of his way to ruin other people's lives directly. So no, cutting out isn't always the best option.. because relationships are complicated and if I don't learn how to maintain a relationship with my mother, I won't learn how to maintain less important relationships. As long as everyday isn't living hell with her, than hopefully things can work out.
It’s a standard female fallback position.
So prevalent in these days and times. Crazy
I've had instances in my life where I'd get banned from some group permanently, with no chance of appeal, all because a bunch of shittalkers complained behind my back saying I was making them "uncomfortable". I wasn't even harassing anyone or blatantly being an obnoxious asshole knowing the consequences, yet said consequences still happened anyway. The shittalkers played the victim over me simply being myself.
If this has happened multiple times…you might consider that youre the common denominator in these situations 🙏 and may want to do a bit of introspection regarding your behavior
@@JohnShreve-hw8zm Sure, just like if retail workers are dealing with toxic customers regularly the toxic one is actually them.
@@JohnShreve-hw8zm You do not know their situation. Stop being mean.
@@snailmailmagic 1 that was super nice on my part and 2 when multiple people at multiple times say you make them “uncomfortable” there’s clearly something up…
@@JohnShreve-hw8zm Naa.. Depends a lot on culture tbh. I grew up in a very patriarchal place where it was common for men to treat women poorly. Does not mean women deserved it as they were the common denominator.
Adding this since I have seen some crazy group dynamics (although not the victim but more being an observer). When group becomes bigger, some people turn on others to boost their ego. And there is group dynamics which is well researched. I dont have the link handy but you can google and read-up. Often people who have a smaller network of people are least accepted in new groups.
Lastly, we dont know people. You just read their one statement online and made up your mind. I dont think it is necessary esp when it is not helping anyone.
It calls into question any of the social contracts that supposedly free or democratic governments that exist have bc none of them consider the contract can’t be made with children but they are still considered to be under laws before and after the time when they could consent without them giving it. Your mother country can’t say you agreed to the infringement of your autonomy that the laws entail, if that contract was established before your birth.
I like your channel bro
I think something is being missed. The person playing the victim with you is saying you are a perpetrator (the bad guy) this makes them the good guy by contrast. It's a cheap way to build self-esteem. They don't have to do the hard work of accomplishing things or changing their view of themselves.
Ugh. I can’t believe I did this. Got out of a toxic relationship and knew I was toxic too so I told him what I observed of him and didn’t like as well as point out what I’ve seen with myself. It’s absolutely disgusting when you realize it for yourself. It was my fault for being used and putting myself in my position financially. I even got fired from work on my day off because he went there and threatened to shoot my boss. Lol. Took a crying session/breakdown and a week to fix what I needed. Everything is so much better now but I have to avoid going to a lot of places now.
While there is no philosopher I can believe in 100%, Nietzsche just makes sense of this chaotic world eerily too often. He was ahead of his time.
That is because the only one you can believe in and fully trust is Klaus Schwab.
Isnt this exactly the thing we are giving up lately in our society? The victim is always right, how dare you to blame the victim?
How long will such discussions be allowed on youtube untill the videos are taken down?
There is a distinction between someone who is ACTUALLY a victim (I.e. someone who was actually wronged) and someone who is PLAYING a victim (i.e. someone who is not actually wronged but thinks they have been because of their non-consented expectations of other people). In the case of someone who was actually a victim (of bullying, abuse, assault), there absolutely shouldn't be victim blaming. This will further exacerbate the pain that they are already feeling and does not change the behaviour of the abuser.
@@YT-fg9ye yes but in practise this is given up more and more.
F.e. canadas bill 67
Or what happens in practice around some rape trials, or companies that get accoused of racism and sued will allways try to settle because the damage is enormous no matter who is right. Its not about justice, its about victims. More and more.
@Dances with Republicans post deleted?
@Dances with Republicans
Its wired it doesent show the your comment anymore in my app...? Maybe a bug.
My answer, yes real victims exists, but also false victims exist.
The difficult part: often false victims dont even know themself that they are wrong and fallen pray to their mistrust.
Its very difficult to handle, possibly everyone will feel injustice...
Sounds like the concerns of predators to me.
I came here, searching for answers and I've left with a bunch of understanding
We recently had an argument with my older sister, she asked me for a favor and I simply told her no, she took everything out of the proposition, started crying, manipulating me to give in to her demands, and playing pity turning everyone against me.
I watched the video at 1.25x speed.
Pro tip lol
I ate spaghetti for dinner.
I watched it at 2x 😎
I didn't watch it
This sounds strangely like personal experience or something, man. I can feel the emotions