A very touching video. I was a major cry baby up until secondary school age (12). Anytime I felt as though I had disappointed someone or had not done my best I would break down. I was incredibly sensitive too (still am) and would well up under any critique. Then during adolescence I was that stereotype, just totally cocooned myself in a massive 180 degree shift, rarely smiled, no vocal inflections, stone cold. My parents noticed this change and its only now that I look back at my much younger self vs my teenage self that I see that I was not thriving. Feelings would build and build until there was immense physical strain and I was not a happy person. Now 20, I am much more comfortable with positive expressions. I'm smiling a lot more, and am a much more social and fun person to be around and embody. As negative feelings go, expressing this is far more challenging, I still can't cry in front of people and never show signs of breakage.
I'm glad you're becoming more social and enjoyable to be around! I empathize on how difficult it was to get out of the cacoon, some people never get out of it. Enjoy the world, it's a beautiful place.
I think expression is the goal, you can choose alternative or healthier channels to express your negative emotions beyond the stereotypical. I Hate the idea of getting into shouting matches, or breaking down in tears so I never do. What do I do with the negative emotions? I write. I have so many diss tracks and poems I will never publish. I also find that it helps to practice an (Physically) expressive artform if you really want to have access to those range of expression. Take acting classes, learn to sing or rap, learn a dance or two, learn to perform a Haka, study martial arts. etc. Hope this helps
I do the same thing with songs that trigger emotions putting them on repeat until I understand the emotion and then go back to songs that trigger an emotion I want to feel. Maybe lots of types do this. I think what sets INTJs apart is how systematic we are in diagnosing the song-feeling, labeling it, cataloging it, and then prescribing it as the 'treatment' in future times of need.
I do the same amazing xD I listen to it thousands of times in a sick way, until I find out what I feel or sometimes I just listen to it because it evokes a certain emotion, I stop listening to them and then I listen to them again when I "need" them.
I do the same. Luckily my mom doesn't understand the language the songs are because some of them deal with really dark theme that she never wants to think about but I saw as necessary to face head on to move forward.
Omg, this is so true for me aswell. There is a certain feeling a i get from specific song. And then whenever i want to feel a certain way(idk the motive, maybe a feel nostalgic ig) i play the song on repeat alot. Feels good to know others do the same. 🤗
As an INTJ I deal with my emotions by the act of writing aka journaling, most INTJs hate journaling because they don't want to read into there feelings, but personally I write for the sake of knowing what I truly feel and understand what changes I need to implement in my life. Writing is also a form of art, that's why I love it.
I know this is an old comment, but I'm here because every test I've taken comes out INTJ (including the official exam), but like anyone analytical, I question that outcome and overthink it. I hate journaling because it's hard for me to deal with my emotions, but you have made me want to give it a go.
@@ar5646 I know this is an old comment, lol, but I figure i'd respond for the fun of it. Try writing fiction instead of straight up journaling. or play a Journaling game where you write from the point of view of a character- there are a number around if you google journaling games. It puts you one step removed, allows you to be analytical and logical, and allows you to explore a variety of scenarios safely. You get to dig down into the 'why' and 'what' the said character was thinking. Its tons of fun.
My way of getting to my emotions and getting to understand them is to take my headphones, put one of premade playlists and go for a 3-5 mile walk. This is the time that absolutely nobody is allowed to disturb me if I don't want that to happen. It has multiple benefits - it allows me to get some excercise, provides some physical health and also some mental health. This is my "me" time. I strive to do it every day, because I find it very liberating.
Great video. INTJ here and I relate to most of this. I have very deep feelings which I express only to people I feel safe around. It’s time for the emotionless stereotype to die. I am also extremely protective of friends and family members. Music is a huge part of my life and is my best way to engage my feelings.
INFP here, agree that INTJ are one of the most compassionate, caring and helpfup people, they might not even notice/ agree. Yet their action speaks louder than their words really.
To all my all INTJ Sisters and Brothers, I stand with you. Our lives can be hard because of our innate characteristics. However, we are rare, we make huge positive changes in the lives of others and the organisations we are part of, and we leave so many in awe everywhere we go though not all will admit it.
The INTJ in my life sends me songs to show me his emotions. I have always known they aren't random songs. As an INFJ I also listen to songs on repeat, they help me with working through emotions. They also sometimes become my theme songs to whenever I'm dealing with at points.
You hit the nail on the head. Emotions do have an internal logic with consistent cause and effect when you study how they work. But a consistent, internal logic can still be utterly nonsensical from the perspective of rationality.
The thing about logic is that although we weigh our internal logic vs the world everything is not required to make sense. Both internal and external. How can a person bring something new into the world without a different perspective? We can't collect new data if you know everything and or everyone nor (after you've exercised discernment) do you want to. We've been pretty much capped at 120 years on this mortal coil. You can't sort through it all however much you want to. We're flawed, imperfect creatures with a spirit aiming for perfection.
Thank you so much for this channel. I'm an INTJ woman and this emotional thing is so tricky for us. I feel a lot, but it's so hard to relate it to others, it feels so vulnerable, and when I'm in a bad place, the NiFi loop is so intense and we're the most emotional of all, imho. My dad is an INTJ as well, and he's so super loving and warm, but as you mentioned, it's hard for him to express it. I especially liked your coverage of INTJ loyalty, it fits perfectly. We're very loyal and all or nothing types.
Thank you for the kinds words! Emotions really are a different beast for us INTJs to deal with and it sounds like you had a father that understood more than most. I hope you've gotten a better grasp on it and I'm hoping for the best for you ✊
I use to keep a journal when i was a kid, till my parents found it, after that i learned i was better off bottling up, then leave any evidence of emotional comtempt
i think suppressing emotions since when i was a kid is my defense mechanism, its like a foreign substance to me when i was a kid but when i grew up i realized that no matter how u suppress your emotions, there will come a time that all the emotions that you've bottled up will eventually hunt you down and its in a form of a sudden break down and u dont know where it comes from but actually it comes from all you're suppressed emotions. now when im alone i just feel all my emotions
I think I feel the emotions sooner or later, but not in the moment. I even have a hard time reacting in the moment and understanding what I'm feeling, so I react with delay after I've analyzed what I felt. But as you say, you know those emotions will come for you at some point.
I have deep feelings, but I don't know right away what I'm feeling. It takes time for me to process emotions, and people get mad at me for it. They're so impatient!
PS I was just telling my mother than I prefer to feel my emotions while listening to music and daydreaming. Feel em all... in the well controlled safe fun environment of my mind. Emotions are private. Very personal. Very private. I don't go waving mine about in public, and I'd appreciate the same courtesy from others.
When i was 8 or 9 i was outside riding bikes with my brother and sister. We all crashed into each other and my older brother was like ok check for wounds, my sister was ok then i said i was fine but my leg itched alittle. There was just a little trickle of blood so i lifted my pant leg to expose a massive gash i was looking at my tibia bone with the muscles severed. My brother took one look and he started freaking out. My sister cried as soon as she saw our brother freak out. Im like well since everyone else is crying i guess i should cry too. He picked me up and tried to run up hill to the apartment. I told him to put me down and run up ahead and get help. After that i stopped crying cuz i saw no point in crying. I walked home and while i walked i felt to see which muscles i could still use. I found out that the muscles in the front dont have that much impact while walking. INTJ 8 years old.
@@justcallmejon22 the doctor stitched up the muscles and the skin they didnt like when i wanted to watch. I was very curious at that age. My leg healed quite nicely.
I had to deal with a sudden out of nowhere divorce 10 months ago which caused my bubble to burst, and I've been obsessively working through it ever since at the expense of almost everything else because I'm so stuck in that loop of trying to hyper analyse my feelings. Funnily enough, I put my feelings aside for the first 2 months after the break up, but it was a certain song that made the bubble burst and I just listened to the same song over and over for 4 hours and cried, after which I was able to start working on healing myself. Your analogy about the bubble bursting and putting together pieces of multiple puzzles at the same time because it's all just a big mess is almost exactly how I've been describing "how I feel" to my friends (I have a dear ENFP friend who has been irreplaceable to me during this time. He's literally given me an emotional vocabulary to help me through this when I've felt completely lost). But I think the puzzle I'm making is actually me... There's new pieces on the floor that weren't there that seem to fit, and there are old pieces that I can't find a place for anymore. When I look at the puzzle from far away, it's still the same abstraction of "me"... But when I zoom close, it's different than it was a year ago, and I think I just have to come to terms with that. Something traumatic happened, and I need to get through it even if it leaves me different from what I was before, no matter how much I wish I could just restore previous order to my inner self. Thanks for your videos, they've helped me out in recent weeks in this part of my healing process. Only feedback I'd have is that you audio track tends to often be a little bit quieter than other UA-camrs, which makes it hard to hear you when I'm listening to your videos surrounded by traffic and outside noise, even at full volume.
I appreciate the feedback and will increase the volume in later videos. It's saddening to hear about what you're going through and I wish the best for you. Your ENFP friend sounds like a great person and I'm glad you're not dealing with it alone. Whenever you're ready, chin up King ✊
@Sophist 1799 Thank you for sharing, this was comforting to read. I hope you can continue growing and evolving and being your best self! All the best to you as well!
@Sophist 1799 It's comments like this that makes me appreciate the diversity of humanity. Thank you for helping others even when it's not a requirement for you 🙏
I dig this. One time I thought I maybe might be jealous. So I researched what jealousy was vs other emotions. But none of the criteria for jealousy were there. So I kept thinking at it. Three days later I figured it out. I wasn't jealous. What I was, was insulted. 😃 I was so excited to have solved it. Super stoked. My friend ... the person that had caused me the feeling, he was more confused and disappointed. Which was also rather amusing.
when you explained why INTJ love art because it can explain to them their own emotions I was literally mind blown because I have always loved art and found it amazing because of how when I find a literature or show or song that can express my own emotions, which ia very helpful and soul touching. Damn this is very relatable as an INTJ. I used to think I was an INFP because of how "emotional" i was but now I see that its just because I was always trying to find ways to deal with emotions. The thing with INTJs and (I'm generalizing here) is that I think the difference between a feeling type and an INTJ is that yes, INTJ have emotions and strong ones, but they either don't understand what to do with them, how to react, respond to the environment through their emotions, express them or just deal with them--so they find substitutes and other ways to express their emotions. Whereas a feeler type like INFP already understands the nuances of their emotions and even uses them to categorize their values and such. INTJs most likely can do this too once they understand their emotions and have rationally thought about the values at hand, but it takes A LOT of thinking.
100%. I don't think and INTJ will ever fully be comfortable with our emotions but we'll acknowledge that it's there and that no amount of logic will make it go away.
I think an important footnote to this, is that the fundamental mechanism used for dealing with emotions does not change (even as one matures, improves, etc.). We're still going to "think through" our emotions and decide what they mean to us, but by no means is it solely a product of our environment.
@@bakerboat4572 bro I was going to delete this comment because i now think I’m an Entp who mistyped as intj this whole time. I realised I’m fi polr 😂🤣🤣 so my comment is truly hilarious even a but ironic imo
I- Ok, but this is pretty spot on. As a kid up until 12, I had a pretty hard time dealing with emotions. I was actually a crybaby, and I remember once when I cried for five hours straight. I still don't know or remember why. I was also being bullied a lot by the kids in my grade level, and I suspect that my emotional side was one of the reasons. I don't really know why else though. I was incredibly sensitive to criticism, back then. I still am, but mainly if it's unsolicited. I don't remember when exactly this happened, but I just kinda stopped showing any emotion. I turned into the stereotypical INTJ as a way of... self-preservation, I guess. It worked, but I never really felt safe to express my feelings, nor did I really know how, especially during my teen years. It was also during my teen years that I made some real friends, but I didn't really express my emotions that much to them unless I was under a shitton of stress, be it from either the expectations put on me from literally anyone or just sensory overload Now that I'm in my twenties, I like to say that I've become more emotionally mature, or at least I'm on that path. Also, looking back with the lens that I have on now, I probably had a layer of neurodivergence that made things harder to process (probably both ADHD and autism. I was never formally diagnosed though). The point is that I'm coming to terms with the fact that expressing emotions, both positive and negative, is a good thing, but I also have to be selective about who I express them to. There are a lot of psycopaths (tm) in this world, and other is little I can do about it. The best I can do is find people who vibe with me (kinda hard with my painful shyness, though LMAO)
Thanks for commenting on your experience! I lucked out in this lifetime that I found a group of friends that I can emotionally vibe with early on in my life. I hope you find your group soon ✊
Heyy I had a similar experience. I used to be a crybaby and emotional during my elementary days(12 years old and below). But after reaching my teen years, I suddenly stopped being emotional or revealing much about my feelings. I wanted to bury my previous self due to some experiences. I also thought if I had ADHD due to how inattentive and hyperactive I was back then.
The second you said, showing emotion feels like a weakness. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Logically, I know expressing emotions is normal and healthy. But I can't bring myself to do it. I can rage or cry alone but not with an audience. My parents made me go to therapy for this as a child, until finally, the therapist said there was nothing wrong with me. I just express myself differently. Also, I have had friend's get mad that I always try to solve their problems instead of letting them cry. But it's soooo uncomfortable, especially when the solution is obvious. I've felt like a square block trying to fit in a triangular opening my whole life. I genuinely appreciate your videos. ❤❤❤
I went to a therapist who said the same thing about me albeit it was for a different reason. We really do deal with and show emotions different from what's common in society. You're doing great INTJ, we're just a bit different, that's all ✊
Really great content and explanation! As an INFP, it is really helpful to understand INTJ functions. I think this is where we are polar opposites and also misunderstood the most, and hence, stereotyped.
I agree that it is very hard for an intj to listen, especially to an urgent situation, and not try to start fixing the problems. As a man, it's even worse. I have to remind myself that emotional expression is part of people's healing or closure process.
I learned to always ask the question "Do you want my feedback or do you just want me to listen" when I realize I'm in those situations. It saves me so much time and leads to a lot less misunderstandings ✊
As an INTJ I agree with most that you said except the part about if your brother was in the wrong, you would still defend him. If my brother or another family member did something inappropriate, I would not protect them just because they're my family. If they f'd up, they f'd up and they should know. That's what is logical to me personally!
My Fi will find a way to figure out how to justify my brother in that situation. "Why was he invited?", ""Why did you guys allow him to drink so much". I know it's stupid but I have an overly protective Fi 😂
I found that being an INTJ really helped me be a psychologost amd professor of psychology for the reasons you so aptly describe. On a personal level ...yes we are particular who we confide in...
As an immigrant child too, (f intj here), I was INCREDIBLY sad and VERY angry for a long time because my parents had to prioritize assimilation and making money versus the needs of me and my brother. I feel like sometimes it isn't us that's the problem as a child with emotional needs, we were failed by our parents and family and shamed for actually being normal and then expressing our emotions of abandonment or hurt. Hope you've found more peace with your childhood experiences since you made this video but just wanted to add my perspective in here.
I'm an INTJ who takes some vastly different political stances, and this is strangely the first online space I actually feel safe to express that in, even knowing we believe differently. It says a lot about my faith in INTJ people being able to view all perspectives and even play devil's advocate. Edit: I would love to pick your brain about how the military affected you as an INTJ. I tend to present as very ENTJ sometimes because I used to be a SGT and I have that training that says "just get it fucking done." Or once I tested as ISTJ because of how the military trained me to have a flexible approach to problem solving. It did not help me with processing my feelings, though.
YO I have WORDS for this! I've kept a journal most of my life (if any other INTJs in here are having difficulty processing their emotions, I HIGHLY suggest doing this) and I wrote down "I need to learn how to stop snapping on myself" some time in HS. I meant by this; I would ignore all my emotions and suddenly they would SNAP, literally it felt like a rubber band, and bowl me over forcing me to process them. It wasn't that I was actively repressing anything, it just always seemed like what I was feeling was irrelevant and I was annoyed that I needed to attend to how I felt. I've learned to just accept that your emotions are more data and you need to give time to feel them, unpack them, and process them. You will discover things about yourself that Te can't show you. It will better equip you to anticipate how other things might affect you, and learn what your boundaries are. You will surprise yourself! And most of all, it will help you empathize with others' emotional processes. You will learn and be able to recognize when something isn't working bc of how you feel about it, or how other people feel about it, and if you can effectively attend to those emotions, you can get the thing to work! Which is always so rewarding, to effectively do the Fe so you can Te. I definitely do the reclusive thing, but I've also learned if I am sad I need to reach out, and what works for me, I think bc it takes the spotlight off the fact that I feel vulnerable, is I reach out and give love to my friends. I reach out and check on them, see how they are doing, what they are doing, make them laugh, help them solve problems in their lives, and people reciprocate. It gives me warm fuzzies anyway, and that helps. Receding into my interior world to lick my wounds can only go so far.
yep .. being emotionally vulnerable is something I struggle with. I don't want to be a burden or show weakness(as I see it), and I've always been able to handle my shit on my own. very independent and responsible, almost to a fault... but now that im in my 30s with some some experience or whatever you wanna call it. I now know how nice it is to have someone to help you and be there with you during tough times. and it's not a bad thing to have to depend on another every once in awhile either. 💕
Music, absolutely, strong emotion makes me cry, and that music is attached to someone I love, I go to pieces. I'll sob at any feeling through music, it makes me feel raw. Overwhelming.
@@justcallmejon22that's lovely to know. But I can't control myself if I'm in company either, I started at a church service wedding and couldn't stop! Or anywhere there's emotional music.
"Being emotionally vulnerable is weakness, and I don't like feeling weak" You just summed me up as an INTJ with my experience on emotions. I've grown though and have learn to accept them and try fully understanding my emotions more so I'm not destroyed by them. Also keeping things private is what I do too and it's very difficult opening up.
There is no logical outcomes from "feelings". I'd rather solve something than to be self absored in emotions. People who cannot see a problem and just constantly want attention from their emotions, honestly, make me nauseous to be around. I am emotional, but I quickly look for the root. The most difficult emotions are ones that the problem can't be changed. For example, a sad ending to a story. There are movies, that even after 20 years, I cry just remembering them. Or a circle relationship that can't be escaped and it's constant anger and stress. I literally only cried a handful of times until lately. As I age, I seem to cry at everything. It's still always in private though. Emotions are not weakness. They can be a strength, BUT it's generally just illogical and used for attention. Another super awesome video!
I believe that emotions are a form of social communication, if a baby did not cry it would not receive vital attention But I understand what you are saying, too much emotionality to attract attention is repulsive but repressing them can also bring problems, they are like extremes.
then maybe emotions are only for people who actually will care, maybe that's why you INTJ value trust in relationships so much because then you know that if you show your emotions to them, they won't take advantage of it and will even help you to navigate them
Wonderful and insightful video! My older brother is an INTJ and this is both illuminating and accurate. As an ENFP, I'd like to share a little about how an auxiliary Fi user engages with the function. Similar to the INTJ, ENFPs are an intuitive dominant (and sensing inferior) type. As such, our judging axis (Fi and Te) are fairly balanced. In my experience, Te is a very active, forceful, and empowering function to use. I spent a good portion of my adolescence in an Ne Te loop-when these two functions work in combination, it seems as if the world is our oyster! :D However, the swiftness and perpetual motion of these two functions within an ENFP will quickly cause a strain. Ne and Te will explore and achieve, but often engage with the world in a manner that lacks depth, meaning, and authenticity. This is where Fi comes into play. Oddly enough, although ENFPs have Fi as their auxiliary, it can often be difficult to reconcile this introverted function amidst the intoxicating force of the two extroverted functions. Fi is the depth beneath still waters, spiritual and wonderfully nonsensical. Fi users feel everything so deeply that we cannot help but feel alive. We imbue the world around us with a piece of ourselves, and when combined with Ne it is self-expression in manifold ways. Something else about Fi is the unique way in which it empathizes. I call it, 'messy empathy'. Rather than offering words of comfort, Fi empathy will simply start crying with someone, with no prior intention or end. Empathy for its own sake. And unfortunately with auxiliary Fi, its difficult for me to hide my emotions even if I tried. So I'm very open and vulnerable with my emotions, but as Fi is very independent and private, digging through the trenches happens in the home within myself. I feel comfortable sharing insight after I have processed it within. Only the closest people are brought into the world of Fi in real-time. To find the balance between Fi and Te, I conceptualize it through Ying and Yang. Too much or too little reliance on either causes disharmony. Te as Yang-it is pure energy and agency, ordering and acting upon the world. Fi as Ying-it is embracing the chaos and disorder, being deeply affected by life in both bliss or suffering. Thank you for reading, have a great day :)
Thank you for the insight, it was very ENFP but it was written where it shows your mastery of Te. I appreciate how you called out Fi empathy because I didn't see it that way until you mentioned it. INTJs are very empathetic but we won't show it with Fi, we show it with Te (unless we mature to understand when to use either). I really appreciate your comment 🙏
Thank you, it's a relief to hear this articulated and have other INTJs share their inner experiences. I personally blast music, drink, and cry in private haha. Journaling helps a lot with getting my feelings out on paper so I can examine my thoughts rather than feel victimized by them. There's 1 or 2 very close people I can confide in, but it took many years to accept that it's not weak to have other people help regulate my emotions. I think this could be due to being ridiculed for behaving anxious when I was younger. Whenever I tell people sensitive stuff, I get a vulnerability hangover and feel overwhelming shame. Maybe that's why typing all this to strangers on the internet feels easier haha. I really relate to your point on data collection. And yes, going onto the internet and seeing how other people process similar situations is a great help (or hinderance) as well haha, like trying to find a trustworthy walkthrough to get past a particularly difficult level. Psychology and figuring out personality traits and tendencies fascinate me, maybe all the data helps INTJs feel safer as well. Attachment theory provided a lot of insight on how Securely attached individuals communicate their emotions healthily. I learnt so much from that.
Thank you for sharing your story! I know how refreshing it feels since I've been doing the same thing online on message boards ever since I was a teen. Get more attuned with your emotion INTJ and wear it like a badge of honor. Whether you get better through MBTI, Attachment Theory, or other tests, I'm glad to hear that you're constantly improving ✊
I just found your channel, but I want to thank you for this video. I hate the stereotype about no emotions. I always struggle with- is this person flirting with me or just being nice. I usually just think they are being nice, it has gotten me into trouble in the past. I have to agree with you also, I was super sensitive growing up, I was teased for this by my family as well. It just made me retreat into myself. And I still struggle with my emotions. I have plenty of emotions and I'm still very sensitive, but my husband is the only one who sees this side of me. I hate crying about anything in front of anyone! I hate that I feel I can't even get teary eyed at a movie or something. It's so hard for me to be more open, but for me it's a fear of having these vulnerable emotions thrown back in my face later. I usually have to vocalize I need to be alone, to regulate myself. I wish I could just let it go, but it is definitely very difficult and a work in progress or like you say, or I will blow up at someone.
100th Subscriber here. Glad I landed on this channel. I agree with you on the fact that INTJ emotions are misrepresented by most content creators. I share many of the childhood experiences you outline in this video. I also use stories from movies and books as well as lecturers from psychologists to understand my emotions and how to deal with them, in that , I think I have come a long way. I think every INTJ knows exactly how they are feeling and what they want to do because of it. Most people learn to navigate them by acting out and learning from their experiences. For us, I think the struggle is due to our heavy reliance on Te filter and a need to present ourselves as rational perfectionists (settling only for the best, the most efficient, the most suitable etc, means to attain our overarching goal.) So when we are feeling, instead of simply responding, we want to make sure we have the best possible response. So all the information Gathering from observing others and perusing stories is to establish exactly that , to have the best possible response in our holster. I don't know if other types experience it this way, but for me and a few other intjs I know in my life, this is the case. I also think the neutrality in expression most of us experience as teens is a bit of a risk hedge while we figure things out with our Ni and Te Filter in the period. Puberty comes with so many overwhelming emotions and our response is to not express any until we are confident we have the right response for them - after all, zero expression means zero room for real judgement. (personally I think we are way too comfortable with people misconstruing us, hence, why we embrace the villain stereotype quite easily. Its scarier /more exciting when someone sees through the noise and gets to know the real us- warts and all.) That being said, an intj who is surrounded by feelers and sensors tends to learn quickly because he/she is taken along for the ride of their experiences in real time. Those that aren't may find themselves doubling down on their 'expressionlessness' tendencies and develop type A personalities to compensate. All this is just my theory on the matter. Id love to hear everyone else's thoughts on this.
Thanks for being #100! I agree with everything that you're saying especially about trying to find the optimal outcome and embracing the villain stereotype.
It took me a long time to master this part of myself. But … I did. You can too. We are the masterminds after all ;) nothing we can’t accomplish when we put our mind to it and dedicate ourselves to improving this aspect and implementing what we’ve learned
Even as a little baby, I was never comfortable showing my emotions. One of my earliest memories is me as a 2 year old being embarrassed that I was WITH a crybaby. Although a big wooden board fell on us and we were stuck, I refused to cry for help. (What a little weirdo baby INTJ!) Now, I notice that I suppress my emotions so automatically that I actually don’t realize that I have them. Then they manifest in very confusing ways and I need a professional to help me figure it out! This year I’ve been working on making time to feel. I take alone time to cry or feel anxious or whatever it is I feel. Sometimes it’s hard, and I’ll find a guided meditation to listen to a voice telling me it’s okay to cry.
You want to have fe 3rd slot, man it's hard.. fi as trickster.. you can feel lost at sea. I think NT's are avoidance to be fair. I think I've found intjs hard, as I want to help but intjs can want to sort it themselves, I felt rather kicked out into the cold, so thanx for saying about this. It was nice to see you open up on this topic ..u popped your head out of your shell.. appreciated this .
The moment you realize that INTJs don't want help and you don't take it personally, the easier it will be for you to understand the INTJ. I'm glad to hear that you're taking the initiative to learn about our type ✊
I can definitely vouch for this. Just recently learned of all this MBTI stuff a bit in the past year and learned I'm an INTJ myself. 40 Year young male male if it even matters Pretty sure I could speak for the majority of us. JUST LEAVE US BE! 🤣🤣🤣 If we absolutely want help. We'll ask! (Probably won't though...) However! If and when someone else wants to offer their help, I see it as a sign of just caring about me and what I'm doing and will probably let em. Unless it hinders me of course. Ha! Realized I should've replied to above...lol
I can definitely vouch for this. Just recently learned of all this MBTI stuff a bit in the past year and learned I'm an INTJ myself. 40 Year young male male if it even matters Pretty sure I could speak for the majority of us. JUST LEAVE US BE! 🤣🤣🤣 If we absolutely want help. We'll ask! (Probably won't though...) However! If and when someone else wants to offer their help, I see it as a sign of just caring about me and what I'm doing and will probably let em. Unless it hinders me of course. Ha!
I agree stereotypical INTJs are usually the younger and more immature ones. I was the annoying INTJ stereotype as a kid, but I realize that now and worked on my weaknesses. I feel as though I’m a lot more empathetic and emotionally intelligent than what people make us out to be, but each personality has spectrums so not all of us are going to be the same. I think we just really don’t like putting our emotions on others because at the end of the day it doesn’t fix anything and it’s not efficient for moving on, so we come off “emotionless.” My INTP sister and INFP mom say I tend to come off “cold” and “indifferent,” which is a lot coming from an INTP 😂
Your INTP sister is just stating a fact lol. I feel like it's a right of passage for an INTJ to go through the annoying stereotype stage, Se gotta try things itself so that we can learn from the mistakes 😂
True. I'm always being called emotional and when i was young i kept refusing the emotions. I'm also absolutely bad at identifying my own emotions and have no idea how to handle it.
I'm a young INTJ, I'm 16. I realized how lucky I was to develop my Fi at such a young age. 2 years ago I could see myself constantly in loop. In fact, I even mistyped myself as an INFP back then. It was very strange because I didn't feel sure about anything, it was very confusing and it was stressing me for not knowing the root of evertything. The beginning of this year I was the total stereotype of an INTJ; Mean, cold and distant and not taking my emotions into account. As a natural wannabe philosopher, I started thinking about it everyday. I dived in the concepts of the album "Ænima" from TOOL. Maynard James Keenan (one of the most obvious INTJs for me) talks about spiritual evolution, connecting with the emotional side of self. So I was highly encouraged by that data in my mind now and I'm dealing with my emotions way better than I used to.
As an INFP with an INTJ sister and INTJ friends, I can confirm intjs looks the calmest when they freak out haha They are indeed emotional beings they just have difficulty showing it because they are rarely asked about their emotions and mostly prioritise logic. One thing that I often tell my sister is to just "feel it " no need to try to find logic or patterns or think about what to do, just sit for sec and sinj into that feeling what you're going through completely, it's the kost effective way to be able to identify clearly that feeling, once that is done and you confirmed what your heart tells you , you can start thinking about the future and what to do, so far this advice helped her alot and I'd recommend everyone to ask about intjs feelings from time to me , not just say "how are you" but "how are you feeling today? "
Sounds like you've been really helpful with the emotional development of your INTJs. I think one of issue is that we're too stubborn when we're younger and believe that emotions can be logic out of but always fall flat on our face. Thank you for taking care of my INTJ fam, love the art on your channel ✊
@@justcallmejon22 I do my best to help them manage their emotions and open up, and intjs are really good at helping me manage my thoughts, overthinking and give the best advices ! Thank you so much, omg I'm honored you like my art ! Keep up the good work I love your videos 😊
Lol my little Infp sister told me the EXACT thing the other day when I was trying to understand the intentions behind someone who betrayed me. She just told me to stop thinking about why and how and just acknowledge the hurt I feel now. It truly helped me and felt validating. God bless INFPs!
Thank you for this, for a while I've been reconsidering if I'm a feeling type because I do feel my emotions very deeply and as a kid I was VERY emotional like a massive cry baby. This caused me to rethink if I was even a thinking type because I thought I would have to be more logical from the start but I'm starting to realise that isn't true. I'm currently an adolescent and I can kinda relate to the stereotype but I can also be very social and 'bubbly' which confused me. I've also entered my first relationship and I'm realising how emotional I can be when I open up to someone so thank you for reminding me that just because other INTJS try to keep up this 'facade' of being emotionless that it's ok to feel. Thank you again your channel is giving me more comfort as I realise that just because I don't relate to every INTJ quora post or Reddit post doesn't mean I'm not an INTJ.
Congrats on your first relationship! Whether it's only your first relationship or going to be your last relationship, I'm happy that you found someone to make you happy. Feel your emotions young INTJ, F* the stereotypes, we're still human. If you haven't seen it yet, I made a video about INTJs being able to be social and bubbly : ua-cam.com/video/IfCorz0_OP8/v-deo.html. Don't ever let typology become your identity or tell you how to feel, it's only a tool to better understand yourself 🙂
Thanks for posting this. Helps in my journey of self-understanding. The only time I feel intense emotions is when I listen to music, and it makes me feel a little crazy to feel that deeply, so I only listen to music when I actually want to feel something. I also have a strong sense of empathy for animals and will go out of my way to help them. I've repeatedly tested as INTJ, including on the official exam. Here because I'm questioning these tests and what they really mean for or to me. I also like writing fiction, as this is a good outlet for emotions that are not directly mine, if that makes sense.
The beauty of emotions is that it can be expressed in so many different platforms. Keep writing and keep listening to music, my friend. The world is a beautiful place and so are our emotions ❤
I was conditioned to hide my emotions as young as 3 when my cries were treated as being overly dramatic or fake. Just because I learned to speak earlier than other babies they knew, the same time as I learn to walk, it doesn't mean I have the mental capacity of my older cousins (they were always preferred and paid more attention to and cared for as I live with my extended family as a cultural norm). I just hadn't learned how to identify what those feelings were and how to express them in ways people can understand or see as appropriate. My mom's adivice to just ignore them, brush them of lightly or sweep them under the rug only resulted in mental breakdowns and 2 mental health issues I received diagnoses later in life. I had to figure out how to deal with emotions on my own but it's totally worth it.
This one and your other video on advice for INTJ for better social interactions inspired me to write this comment. I m an INTJ. Somehow, I have not found much issue in social interactions where I know someone through my work or study. But i remember learning and creating certain rules like appreciating people for specific good things they did or published to start the conversation. Also, often I get good clues from my observation of that person during the event, so bring up something of that kind to talk about. In terms of passing conversations at office and social place, I have learnt to say hi, hello and all, may be a way to avoid any future issues where I might be judged for my social skills rather than my technical skills. I get walled off when I am really hurt by something someone said in public/office space and I can't express myself. I better go in private space and process that rather than having an open outburst or a single tear from my eyes. The most challenging is the real social situations where I am meeting my in-laws in a gathering. As my husband is from different region and they speak a different language and have very different traditions than mine I fail to begin a conversation. But I have favourite people in his family that show affection even without understanding me, I am always happy and obliged to meet them. I can connect with the younger generation of those fairly ok until they personally affect me or my husband. Sometimes my MIL's earlier behaviour in objecting to our marriage also comes up in my mind restricting free conversation with each other. Other than that, I don't , I have faced issues in one-on-one conversations. However, important to say I don't have any friends that know me deeply, it is because of the disconnect that kept happening when I moved to and from the US, I couldn't follow many friendships, and many times they didn't care to call back. Group dynamics in a purely social arena is sometimes scary, especially in India, as females and males naturally divide in gender based groups in most social events. I find that repulsive, either I sit alone away from ladies or I try to talk to men. That's why I hate parties and functions, unless I am very sensory deprived or I am too happy with myself to let myself enjoy free time. Now that I wrote this, reading it all makes me think that I am full of contradiction.
I have depended on music to get through tough times many times in my life. I have found songs to bring me out of each kind of negative emotions that has gripped me be it betrayal, rejection, longing or insult etc. my recent struggle has led to a huge playlist of songs. But one I like deeply since, I was 24, is " i hope you dance".
Life is full of contradictions so don't sweat it. I'm not sure what the social dynamic is like in India but I can empathize with feeling alone and having to say hi to avoid future unwanted interactions. I hope you find friends that you can connect with and accept you for being you. Good luck out there my INTJ sister ✊
Great video as always! Just want to add my two cent as an ENFP. I think for xNFPs, we also share a similar sentiment to INTJs tertiary Fi when we reject our Fi (often due to living an environment that doesn't support it). I find journaling and talking to myself about the emotions really help in accepting them as they are and allowing that bubble valve to release some of the emotional tension. Then, it's easier to use Ne to explore different reasons why I feel such intense emotions. Fi then just comes in and give internal self-ressurance if any of those emotional fragments are too triggering lol. For INTJs, I imagine it would be easier if you guys allow that Fi to be itself for a little. Accept it for what is. Then, use your natural strength of Ni to analyze all the informations you have of yourself and the situations. What you can control and what you cannot, so you can formulate ideas on what to do to improve the situation. Then just Te - take action pow pow. The tricky thing is you have to allow yourself to go through all those Fi turbulence, which I imagine it's more challenging for INTJs with tertiary Fi. If you can find yourself a mature xNFP listening ears, it would be great. They can give you how they would interpret your emotions if they were you. Those informations can be great reference source for your Ni to understand your particular situation. It works really well in my case. That's pretty much what me and my INFP best friend do most of the time lol. Hope this is helpful! Introverted functions just require a bit more time to understand and develop, but it's not impossible. I believe y'all can do it hehe
Thanks for the response! It really is interesting to hear how ENFPs deals with emotions and I personally have learned a lot from your type. Stay as long as you want on my channel, i'm sure you'll see a lot more comments from lost INTJs that you might be able to help ✊
Really great explantions ! When I was younger I was the most emotional too. I watched MTV too after school when I was adolescent, this song "She will be loved" of Maroon 5 hit me too. Listen to certains very specific music which hit me emotionally seems to be the most efficient way to express my emotions. Meaningful things can make me very emotional. Singing or doing music seems work well too for INTJ to express their emotions. I feels the emotions very intensely (surely related to the intensity of Ni), but to express them takes longer and is more difficult. I am hyper hyperempathetic and hypersensitive (both with senses and emotions) related to my neurodivergence (gifted and asperger). Very calm from the outside, but inside it happen so much things.
I can relate to your every word. In every video. We are emotional, sensitive, but to those who knows us. And a deep sense of justice and ethics drives us.
As an enfp i also love art fashion... etc, i deal with my emotions by process it just take a deep breath and i look to my emotions i hear it i feel it like i see what this emotions try to tell me then i let it go , i suggest the book (Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender.) Like although i am an enfp but i don't like to be weak in other people eyes so i maybe go into my room alone and cry or write or doing art express my emotions after that i become more stronger and i face the world again. Note : if you have someone who you are love and trust in him or her tell them that you are struggle or sad . Another note: that doesn't mean that you have to want always from people to be there for you cuz this is high expectations that will be overwhelmed to the people you love.
I agree that emotions should be felt and I understand not wanting to cry in front of other people. For an INTJ, it's just not normal. I'm not sure how to explain it and most of the time we just ignore it not because we can but because it's not important at that time. Fi sounds like a good aux to have =)
Good points! I overanalyze a lot or go over my head with Se, sometimes it's only then I realize that I have issues. I suppose istjs can relate to this, they have te in their second slot and fi in the third. I struggle a lot with people undervaluing my emotions. You are always calm, just relax and forget, it will pass. Fortunately, I have close people who don't do this. Relate a lot to this video
Very grateful that my mom let me isolate when I needed to as a child. It must've been weird and off-putting to have an 8 yr old say, "I'm in a bad mood, I just want to be alone" when you try to hug them.
When you mentioned the avoidant type i could relate more deeply, because everything you have said was spot on, dealing with emotional overload sure is more tough for me, as an INTJ. Thank you for the insight and the examples, have a good day!
One friend observed, while we were both looking at a mutual friend who was hopping up and down with joy over opening a box of something, "That little indicator dial in me doesn't move as far, or as frequently".
I think context matters. If someone is feeling intense emotions then it's okay that the conversation is emotional but if it's for manipulation, get that sh!t out of my face ✊
@@justcallmejon22 yes. Emotions are important but if they are used to manipulate then yeah its a pet peeve. Guilt trips rarely work on me if i know the person and even if i dont. If i get cornered by someone using manipulative means i get angry if the bottle is really filled then itll erupt like a volcano.
Hey Jon, thank you for making this video! I'm an ISFP who currently learn about cognitive function, and in recent years I've come to the point where I respect my Ni and Te, so I'm excited to learn about it. Wrong thing is I went to ENTJ - INTJ forum on reddit and damn.. You couldn't be more right about it. It's a freaking shitshow with so many ego-lifting user that love to shit on feelings, like it's something to be avoided at all cost and shit on us Fi dom 🙂. Then I know it's not a safe space for me to learn, and it's actually hard for me, both on internet and real life, to find an INTJ/ENTJ who has already comes to terms and brave enough to be vulnerable with their Fi and Se. Based on this video, looks like this channel can be my safe space not only for INTJ but also for me to learn Ni in a gentle way (hopefully). Keep up the good work and thank you for your courage to share your Fi✌️
Welcome to the community ISFP! Enjoy your time while you're here and feel free to ask as many questions as needed. A lot of my viewers are pretty active so I'm sure someone will get to your question if I end up missing it. Ni & Te are the two cognitive functions that I love the most so I'm sure you'll learn more about them by watching my videos 😁
As an Fe user, this was such an interesting video. I try not to deal with ALL my emotions by isolating as I find that too often leads me down a black hole, and my brain starts feeling like spaghetti. So I do isolate, but usually only for the purpose of figuring out how to later communicate my emotions in a way that will reach the other person respectfully, not so much to decipher what they are. But I have many friends that use Fi, and the depth of their feelings often strikes me, as I very rarely feel something to the extent of tears unless I am dealing with someone else’s emotions. In other words, my emotions rarely make me emotional, but other’s do? The only way to deal with that, from my perspective, is to be with them, as I know that these are not my emotions, and the moment they stop being emotional, I will stop as well. It’s interesting to hear Fi’s perspective, particularly from someone with Fi lower in their stack (my ENTJ friend is sure to agree with your methods). Your “system”, as you put it, where you experience emotions from media and then determine how to deal with them, was very enlightening, as my experience of media is a bit different. This is definitely a point of contention between Fe and Fi users, I think, as most Fe users just want you to talk through how you feel (with good intentions, I’m sure), while most Fi users, regardless of placement, seem to find that uncomfortable and smothering and would rather relate some Te solution after the Fi does its work. - INFJ
I agree that it's interesting learning about both Feeling cognitive functions because it manifest itself so differently. It really doesn't make sense to me as a type with Fi in our third stack to seek people out to discuss my emotions because I will always enter the conversation with an assumption that no one will ever fully understand what I'm going through. Whether it's true or not, that doesn't mean we don't need people. It's always nice to have people around when we're ready to reach out and that's something I admire about Fe. You guys usually welcome us back with open arms ❤
I was a very emotional child, but my parents are old school/pull yourself together by the boot straps. I learned very quickly your suppose to bottle up your emotions and not cry, especially the women in our family because we’re suppose to be the glue. I’m an emotional person, but to others I’m cold or mean. Can’t win for anything!! Too emotional, cold blooded. By the way, song that’s on the repeat at the moment- Anti-Hero, Taylor Swift, it’s so spot on!🤷🏽♀️ 😂
Thank you for sharing your story! It's always sad to hear stories about kids being told to shut down their emotions and not learn how to express them. It really does affect the rest of our lives. I hope you're at a better place now and that way of parenting ends with them ✊
I used to just write down all the feelz on a legal pad, then I would toss the pages after the issue was all "written out". Did that for years, then just stopped, I suppose, after I decided I knew enough to just get over stuff more easily or dispatch a solution more quickly.
Wow! Been wondering for a while if I’m an intj. Can relate to my family calling me emotional all the time as a child ( mainly being so misunderstood). Then dealing with the inability to actually express my emotions so I just constantly try to rationalize them or just immediately dismiss them because I may be the problem.
I can attest to that. I was the sensitive guy from mu childhood untill i lost my brother he was everything to me, kinda like the defender who iwas with me when i was the sensitive guy. Dorm that day, things just switched and i became this enigmatic 'coldish' guy but deep down im still the childhood me
both my fiance an I are INTJs, and he is the sweetest person I know. he said he's been told at work that he's always serious but I believe he's very sweet and he definitely doesn't have a problem showing emotions.
As an INTJ dating another INTJ, I think you feel this way because we speak the same language. It does not take much to decipher another INTJs feelings and few words are necessary. To everyone else, we need to be much more expressive than we have the energy for. lol
@@kelzreallife8293 you're.right. I think he's very straightforward and he thinks I'm.very clear and he says "he doesn't have to guess what I'm thinking.or feeling"
i may add that for that bubble not to burst, always find time to feel your emotions, all the pain of emotions, just feel it until it no longer hurts, its okay for little Bubble burst than it become super big enough then burst its kinda hard more that way, feel your emotions and understand that its okay not to be okay sometimes
Valid point, but I think this can be counter productive for some people, especially unhealthy INTJs who don't know how to deal with NI-fi Loop patterns. Depression and other negative states can quickly set in. simply feeling or sitting with them can make them grow into monsters that are hard to escape from. its healthier to find outlets of expression. I recommend, physical artforms like writing, singing, dancing, acting, playing an instrument etc. writing for instance helps tremendously when you're trying to figure out exactly what you're felling. ITS like being your own therapists.
Even after knowing intjs suppress emotions constantly, I still find myself unconsciously suppress them. It takes a long while (hours to days) of reflecting to realize I’m upset or stressed etc.
As an INTJ, I explain what I feel to myself, and then I just deal with it. Or what actions I need to take to make myself feel better or what should I do to stop feeling that way. I understand emotions very well, weather it's mine or others. I did take a psycho test and I have quite a few traits of it. So I don't show emotions on NY face bcs : 1st I'm INTJ 2nd I don't really feel them so strongly. I can laugh while not feeling all that happy
Im not going to lie I just recently found out about personality types. I also found out that im an INTJ as well which ads up. For so long I thought something was wrong with me. Never fitting in or never being understood. It was so frustrating, especially when I would try to convey my emotions. How am I supposed to convey and express my emotions when I don't fully understand them? The other half of that problem is that honestly I don't really trust anybody but a few people to know how I feel. It just felt as if I was an alien from another world failing at "being human". But I can now take solace in the fact that we may be the few, but at least I'm not the only one. Thanks for the helpful advice that you offer.
I'm happy to hear that you learned about types. It helped me just as much as it helped you and it makes me feel just as good knowing that I'm not alone 🙂
Thank you for this video, as an ENFP whose soulmate is an INTJ, this was very helpful. Would you say that INTJs already have introverted predispositions and traits within themselves, which then become triggered and reinforced by invalidation, bullying and/or being mocked for their particular way of feeling and expressing emotions? This would make sense to me, because I see how INTJs suffer from their lack of trust or intimacy with others if they haven't really understood the way they process feelings. I also see how BECAUSE they're so sensitive at the core, and got invalidated by experiences with other humans, they developed this hard shell (very easy to crack open for an ENFP though, haha :D). I basically wonder if past traumas / psychology are relevant when trying to understand personality types, or if some INTJs don't have this past experience of what was felt like rejection and shame for their emotions? Please let me know what you think, I love your videos ! :) INTJs are actually so sensitive and thoughtful, I wish my INTJ would realize that it is safe to be vulnerable sometimes, and that they can also relax and let loose, and trust me. :)
Congrats on finding an INTJ! Trauma will always effect a person regardless of type, it's really up to the individual the degree in which it manifest itself. You're a fellow Fi user so you can help guide the INTJ through their Fi, but you're also aware of much it hurts when the people we care about make incorrect assumptions. Just be there for your INTJ ❤
I can somewhat relate to the video, however me being an ENTP I have Fe as a tertiary function. I analyze my feelings with Ne dominance with ti auxilary to rationalize and deal with feelings. So even though feelings may seem illogical and irrational it's important to vent your feelings or you'll get upset to the point of self harm. I say that if you can't verbalize emotions in public do it with a councilor. I used to be more introverted and as humans we are social creatures meaning that we need others in our life. I respect your point of view even though I may disagree with some of it.
The beauty of being human is that we're all inherently different and that also applies to our approach in life. I agree that people should seek therapy(counselor) if they believe that it'll be beneficial but I also understand that it's not possible for everyone. Emotions are interesting because INTJs really don't know what to do with them until we learn how to align it with Te 😅
I don't like to feel weak at anything, showing positive or negative emotions also makes me feel weak, I don't like to show weakness. I understand the bubble, continually repressing and avoiding, until it grew so large that what might seem like a small blow provokes an exaggerated reaction, an overflow, which I usually resolve in solitude, but which when the bubble bursts I find All these accumulated feelings, all the pains together at the same time, everything that avoided you from feeling and thinking. It's usually a day of intense discharge, then I return to normal, to that stability or little emotional reactivity, at most a mixture of stress. Yes, I also have avoidant attachment. I wondered if all intjs have avoidant attachment. Recently I saw a post on a social network of intjs where they said the type of attachment they had, of course it is information that must be taken with a grain of salt but it is data that serves to think, and more than half were avoidant, just over 1/2 of the other half were anxious and an ambivalent minority. I understand this: being told you're angry and you saying no, you're not wrong. I've been told this a few times and I say, I'm just stressed or a little upset. I was probably upset about something, but I won't admit it even to myself, I don't really even notice, it's like I just suppress it and downplay it. Partly because I don't really feel really angry, because there's a huge abysmal difference like when they talk about the people who are important to you xD LOL and you feel that the bad side that every INTJs knows they have is starting to come out haha and that we are a little afraid of, the uncontrolled overflow of anger. In part I think that's why a lot of INTJs before getting angry start giving some threats to warn you not to go there, you don't want someone cold, Machiavellian, obsessive and angry against you, I think it's something we're a little afraid of us. What is extremely rare to happen, you must have done something very wrong.
I'm sure most INTJs fall into the category of Avoidant Attachment because the definition of it sounds like a person who has Feeling lower in their function. To me, it's like saying most INTJs are type 5 in enneagram, sure, because type 5 relates closest to a certain cognitive function. So yes, I agree with you 🙂
ENFP here. there are lots of times I don’t know what the feelings are when that come up. You not alone. (Would be cool to get infp feedback) I let the feelings happen. If I have time to investigate in that moment I will otherwise I’ll write key points down and come back to it later that day . A good way for me to disconnect is go into curiosity mode! NE :) also feelings could also be positive. Hearing a good song and feeling happy because it makes you forget the real world! Champion those feelings too!!
I think the biggest difference is that INTJs usually won't make time to acknowledge the feeling or even undestand that we're feeling a certain way about something. It really is a delayed reaction for us, kinda like when your leg itches and you keep scratching it only to eventually after the 5th time of scratching realize that there's an ant crawling up your leg. The moment we see the ant though, yeah, it's time to handle the issue 😁
@@justcallmejon22 hahaha yes! I do the same! Love to hear a Lead FI about this experience. In a way I can tell FI to shut up with NE. FI seems to be an internal process and needs time to figure things out. As FI wants to go deep. That needs time to digest and in a way look at all the detail. To fully understand. Maybe it’s comparable proces with TI. TI users say I need to think about this. Go home, go through the reasoning processes alone and come back the next day with a logical and Crystal clear reasoning. Maybe FI does something similar .
INFP: Regarding how I engage with Fi: very odd for me too. To me its impossible to express during those odd moments, as in im super confuse too. The best wordings i can say to my close one is 'i am not feeling too myself now, and i need some moment alone'. And go deal with some introspection in solitude.
:: hug hug :: I want to be your friend! lol thanks for taking the time to learn about, create, and share this info in digestible ways (at least for me).
but doesn't that mean they will stay "too emotional" because you never learn how to deal with them? (Like getting sick because of a weak immune system)
Great content (INTJ-T here). There definitely are some misconceptions concerning INTJs and emotions. I read many contradicting statements. I consider myself to be emotional and empathetic. I am good at reading between the lines but also have the tendency to overthink. A common problem is, that some people don't seem to get the difference between having emotions and showing emotions. It's difficult for others to understand me or what's going on in my head because I control, or at least try to control, every aspect of myself that others can sense. I am actively trying to suppress feelings (not so much when I'm alone), but there are moments where I feel overwhelmed (usually when unexpected things happen or I don't have a sense of control).
It can take me months to go through a past scenario and how I really should have responded.. Because my immediate response is always wrong, I presume I'm guilty all the time.
In your video, you mentioned universal healthcare as an issue that elicits a strong emotional, rather than rational, response. For years, I felt the same way. Growing up, I was horrified to see sick family members in America being forced to sell their homes in order to pay their medical bills. It convinced me that our Canadian universal healthcare system (accessible to everyone regardless of income) was fair and far more compassionate. But the downside of handing complete control of healthcare to the state is now revealing risks I never could have imagined! Over the past few years, Canada’s healthcare system has been actively promoting, pressuring and fascilitating euthanasia on the most vulnerable in our hospitals and long-term care facilities. Our elderly, frail, disabled, mentally-ill, poor, homeless and even minor children are all being targeted by changes in the law. Our ‘healthcare’ system’s kill-rate has skyrocketed to one of the highest in the world! Yet they claim it isn’t a cost-cutting measure. When the government can make life and death decisions on how much or how little healthcare you get, you’d better hope you (and your family) are important enough to the government to merit good care.
I think that government is far from perfect but I am also aware that people shouldn't die if it's easily preventable only paywalled due to coportate greed. Humans can always become better and that's why INTJs are here, to fix things that most people tend to overlook or ignore ✊
@@justcallmejon22 Indeed. Humans have the agency to fix the inhumanity of healthcare denial through compassionate and charitable means. The priority of any system, whether corporate or government, is maintaining its power structure, whatever the human cost. Our state healthcare system recently identified alternative homeopathic health options and supplements as a threat to the hegemony of its system and is working towards laws limiting, controlling and banning these health options in Canada. For any system, private or public, it's not about saving lives, it's about control.
A very touching video. I was a major cry baby up until secondary school age (12). Anytime I felt as though I had disappointed someone or had not done my best I would break down. I was incredibly sensitive too (still am) and would well up under any critique.
Then during adolescence I was that stereotype, just totally cocooned myself in a massive 180 degree shift, rarely smiled, no vocal inflections, stone cold. My parents noticed this change and its only now that I look back at my much younger self vs my teenage self that I see that I was not thriving. Feelings would build and build until there was immense physical strain and I was not a happy person.
Now 20, I am much more comfortable with positive expressions. I'm smiling a lot more, and am a much more social and fun person to be around and embody. As negative feelings go, expressing this is far more challenging, I still can't cry in front of people and never show signs of breakage.
I'm glad you're becoming more social and enjoyable to be around! I empathize on how difficult it was to get out of the cacoon, some people never get out of it. Enjoy the world, it's a beautiful place.
I think expression is the goal, you can choose alternative or healthier channels to express your negative emotions beyond the stereotypical. I Hate the idea of getting into shouting matches, or breaking down in tears so I never do. What do I do with the negative emotions? I write.
I have so many diss tracks and poems I will never publish.
I also find that it helps to practice an (Physically) expressive artform if you really want to have access to those range of expression. Take acting classes, learn to sing or rap, learn a dance or two, learn to perform a Haka, study martial arts. etc.
Hope this helps
@@justcallmejon22 Hi, being an INTJ myself, I wonder, would you like to be friends with another INTJ? how about talking about it?
Feelings and emotions are nothing but a thought
I'm an entp and this 10000% applies to me. Every word
I do the same thing with songs that trigger emotions putting them on repeat until I understand the emotion and then go back to songs that trigger an emotion I want to feel. Maybe lots of types do this. I think what sets INTJs apart is how systematic we are in diagnosing the song-feeling, labeling it, cataloging it, and then prescribing it as the 'treatment' in future times of need.
Well said ✊
I thought I was the only one, I don't know what I'd do without music
I do the same amazing xD I listen to it thousands of times in a sick way, until I find out what I feel or sometimes I just listen to it because it evokes a certain emotion, I stop listening to them and then I listen to them again when I "need" them.
I do the same. Luckily my mom doesn't understand the language the songs are because some of them deal with really dark theme that she never wants to think about but I saw as necessary to face head on to move forward.
Omg, this is so true for me aswell. There is a certain feeling a i get from specific song. And then whenever i want to feel a certain way(idk the motive, maybe a feel nostalgic ig) i play the song on repeat alot.
Feels good to know others do the same. 🤗
As an INTJ I deal with my emotions by the act of writing aka journaling, most INTJs hate journaling because they don't want to read into there feelings, but personally I write for the sake of knowing what I truly feel and understand what changes I need to implement in my life. Writing is also a form of art, that's why I love it.
I know this is an old comment, but I'm here because every test I've taken comes out INTJ (including the official exam), but like anyone analytical, I question that outcome and overthink it. I hate journaling because it's hard for me to deal with my emotions, but you have made me want to give it a go.
@@ar5646 I know this is an old comment, lol, but I figure i'd respond for the fun of it. Try writing fiction instead of straight up journaling. or play a Journaling game where you write from the point of view of a character- there are a number around if you google journaling games. It puts you one step removed, allows you to be analytical and logical, and allows you to explore a variety of scenarios safely. You get to dig down into the 'why' and 'what' the said character was thinking. Its tons of fun.
My way of getting to my emotions and getting to understand them is to take my headphones, put one of premade playlists and go for a 3-5 mile walk. This is the time that absolutely nobody is allowed to disturb me if I don't want that to happen. It has multiple benefits - it allows me to get some excercise, provides some physical health and also some mental health. This is my "me" time. I strive to do it every day, because I find it very liberating.
Glad to hear that you have a system to unwind. That's definately needed ✊
Great video. INTJ here and I relate to most of this. I have very deep feelings which I express only to people I feel safe around. It’s time for the emotionless stereotype to die. I am also extremely protective of friends and family members. Music is a huge part of my life and is my best way to engage my feelings.
Down with the stereotype!!
INFP: I agree that INTJs are some of the most compassionate, caring, and helpful people there are.
❤
INFP here, agree that INTJ are one of the most compassionate, caring and helpfup people, they might not even notice/ agree. Yet their action speaks louder than their words really.
To all my all INTJ Sisters and Brothers, I stand with you. Our lives can be hard because of our innate characteristics. However, we are rare, we make huge positive changes in the lives of others and the organisations we are part of, and we leave so many in awe everywhere we go though not all will admit it.
Real talk 💯
Omg playing a music on repeat is so true and music make me feel something
I can't imagine life without music 🎵
I thought I was the only one xD but I see that I don't. Sometimes I make lists for different moods.
The INTJ in my life sends me songs to show me his emotions. I have always known they aren't random songs. As an INFJ I also listen to songs on repeat, they help me with working through emotions. They also sometimes become my theme songs to whenever I'm dealing with at points.
I can relate since I sent a list of songs to express my emotions to the person I was dating at the time 😂
Emotions aren't illogical but sometimes they are irrational.
Potato, po-ta-toe 😂
You hit the nail on the head.
Emotions do have an internal logic with consistent cause and effect when you study how they work.
But a consistent, internal logic can still be utterly nonsensical from the perspective of rationality.
@@JoelDowdell I like it
The thing about logic is that although we weigh our internal logic vs the world everything is not required to make sense. Both internal and external. How can a person bring something new into the world without a different perspective? We can't collect new data if you know everything and or everyone nor (after you've exercised discernment) do you want to. We've been pretty much capped at 120 years on this mortal coil. You can't sort through it all however much you want to. We're flawed, imperfect creatures with a spirit aiming for perfection.
@@JoelDowdell Exactly
Thank you so much for this channel. I'm an INTJ woman and this emotional thing is so tricky for us. I feel a lot, but it's so hard to relate it to others, it feels so vulnerable, and when I'm in a bad place, the NiFi loop is so intense and we're the most emotional of all, imho. My dad is an INTJ as well, and he's so super loving and warm, but as you mentioned, it's hard for him to express it. I especially liked your coverage of INTJ loyalty, it fits perfectly. We're very loyal and all or nothing types.
Same...intj woman. But not a loving dad...lol.
Thank you for the kinds words! Emotions really are a different beast for us INTJs to deal with and it sounds like you had a father that understood more than most. I hope you've gotten a better grasp on it and I'm hoping for the best for you ✊
I use to keep a journal when i was a kid, till my parents found it, after that i learned i was better off bottling up, then leave any evidence of emotional comtempt
"fits perfectly. We're very loyal and all or nothing types." Very true, but in my case very poorly paid.
@@bryantprak7129 Lol
i think suppressing emotions since when i was a kid is my defense mechanism, its like a foreign substance to me when i was a kid but when i grew up i realized that no matter how u suppress your emotions, there will come a time that all the emotions that you've bottled up will eventually hunt you down and its in a form of a sudden break down and u dont know where it comes from but actually it comes from all you're suppressed emotions. now when im alone i just feel all my emotions
I think I feel the emotions sooner or later, but not in the moment. I even have a hard time reacting in the moment and understanding what I'm feeling, so I react with delay after I've analyzed what I felt. But as you say, you know those emotions will come for you at some point.
I have deep feelings, but I don't know right away what I'm feeling. It takes time for me to process emotions, and people get mad at me for it. They're so impatient!
Understanding my emotions always takes time so I understand your frustration ✊
PS I was just telling my mother than I prefer to feel my emotions while listening to music and daydreaming.
Feel em all... in the well controlled safe fun environment of my mind.
Emotions are private.
Very personal. Very private.
I don't go waving mine about in public, and I'd appreciate the same courtesy from others.
I agree
When i was 8 or 9 i was outside riding bikes with my brother and sister. We all crashed into each other and my older brother was like ok check for wounds, my sister was ok then i said i was fine but my leg itched alittle. There was just a little trickle of blood so i lifted my pant leg to expose a massive gash i was looking at my tibia bone with the muscles severed. My brother took one look and he started freaking out. My sister cried as soon as she saw our brother freak out. Im like well since everyone else is crying i guess i should cry too. He picked me up and tried to run up hill to the apartment. I told him to put me down and run up ahead and get help. After that i stopped crying cuz i saw no point in crying. I walked home and while i walked i felt to see which muscles i could still use. I found out that the muscles in the front dont have that much impact while walking. INTJ 8 years old.
That's wild! I hope your leg healed properly, and that your siblings healed mentally 😂
@@justcallmejon22 the doctor stitched up the muscles and the skin they didnt like when i wanted to watch. I was very curious at that age. My leg healed quite nicely.
I had to deal with a sudden out of nowhere divorce 10 months ago which caused my bubble to burst, and I've been obsessively working through it ever since at the expense of almost everything else because I'm so stuck in that loop of trying to hyper analyse my feelings. Funnily enough, I put my feelings aside for the first 2 months after the break up, but it was a certain song that made the bubble burst and I just listened to the same song over and over for 4 hours and cried, after which I was able to start working on healing myself. Your analogy about the bubble bursting and putting together pieces of multiple puzzles at the same time because it's all just a big mess is almost exactly how I've been describing "how I feel" to my friends (I have a dear ENFP friend who has been irreplaceable to me during this time. He's literally given me an emotional vocabulary to help me through this when I've felt completely lost). But I think the puzzle I'm making is actually me... There's new pieces on the floor that weren't there that seem to fit, and there are old pieces that I can't find a place for anymore. When I look at the puzzle from far away, it's still the same abstraction of "me"... But when I zoom close, it's different than it was a year ago, and I think I just have to come to terms with that. Something traumatic happened, and I need to get through it even if it leaves me different from what I was before, no matter how much I wish I could just restore previous order to my inner self.
Thanks for your videos, they've helped me out in recent weeks in this part of my healing process. Only feedback I'd have is that you audio track tends to often be a little bit quieter than other UA-camrs, which makes it hard to hear you when I'm listening to your videos surrounded by traffic and outside noise, even at full volume.
I appreciate the feedback and will increase the volume in later videos. It's saddening to hear about what you're going through and I wish the best for you. Your ENFP friend sounds like a great person and I'm glad you're not dealing with it alone. Whenever you're ready, chin up King ✊
@@justcallmejon22 *Queen, but thank you so much! 😊
@Sophist 1799 Thank you for sharing, this was comforting to read. I hope you can continue growing and evolving and being your best self! All the best to you as well!
@@coffeefordinner I'm no sorry! Chin up Queen 👑
@Sophist 1799 It's comments like this that makes me appreciate the diversity of humanity. Thank you for helping others even when it's not a requirement for you 🙏
I dig this.
One time I thought I maybe might be jealous.
So I researched what jealousy was vs other emotions.
But none of the criteria for jealousy were there.
So I kept thinking at it.
Three days later I figured it out.
I wasn't jealous. What I was, was insulted. 😃
I was so excited to have solved it. Super stoked.
My friend ... the person that had caused me the feeling,
he was more confused and disappointed.
Which was also rather amusing.
It's always a bittersweet feeling once you figure it out and realize it's too late to do anything about it.
Yes
when you explained why INTJ love art because it can explain to them their own emotions I was literally mind blown because I have always loved art and found it amazing because of how when I find a literature or show or song that can express my own emotions, which ia very helpful and soul touching. Damn this is very relatable as an INTJ. I used to think I was an INFP because of how "emotional" i was but now I see that its just because I was always trying to find ways to deal with emotions. The thing with INTJs and (I'm generalizing here) is that I think the difference between a feeling type and an INTJ is that yes, INTJ have emotions and strong ones, but they either don't understand what to do with them, how to react, respond to the environment through their emotions, express them or just deal with them--so they find substitutes and other ways to express their emotions. Whereas a feeler type like INFP already understands the nuances of their emotions and even uses them to categorize their values and such. INTJs most likely can do this too once they understand their emotions and have rationally thought about the values at hand, but it takes A LOT of thinking.
100%. I don't think and INTJ will ever fully be comfortable with our emotions but we'll acknowledge that it's there and that no amount of logic will make it go away.
I think an important footnote to this, is that the fundamental mechanism used for dealing with emotions does not change (even as one matures, improves, etc.). We're still going to "think through" our emotions and decide what they mean to us, but by no means is it solely a product of our environment.
@@bakerboat4572 bro I was going to delete this comment because i now think I’m an Entp who mistyped as intj this whole time. I realised I’m fi polr 😂🤣🤣 so my comment is truly hilarious even a but ironic imo
I-
Ok, but this is pretty spot on. As a kid up until 12, I had a pretty hard time dealing with emotions. I was actually a crybaby, and I remember once when I cried for five hours straight. I still don't know or remember why. I was also being bullied a lot by the kids in my grade level, and I suspect that my emotional side was one of the reasons. I don't really know why else though. I was incredibly sensitive to criticism, back then. I still am, but mainly if it's unsolicited.
I don't remember when exactly this happened, but I just kinda stopped showing any emotion. I turned into the stereotypical INTJ as a way of... self-preservation, I guess. It worked, but I never really felt safe to express my feelings, nor did I really know how, especially during my teen years. It was also during my teen years that I made some real friends, but I didn't really express my emotions that much to them unless I was under a shitton of stress, be it from either the expectations put on me from literally anyone or just sensory overload
Now that I'm in my twenties, I like to say that I've become more emotionally mature, or at least I'm on that path. Also, looking back with the lens that I have on now, I probably had a layer of neurodivergence that made things harder to process (probably both ADHD and autism. I was never formally diagnosed though). The point is that I'm coming to terms with the fact that expressing emotions, both positive and negative, is a good thing, but I also have to be selective about who I express them to. There are a lot of psycopaths (tm) in this world, and other is little I can do about it. The best I can do is find people who vibe with me (kinda hard with my painful shyness, though LMAO)
Thanks for commenting on your experience! I lucked out in this lifetime that I found a group of friends that I can emotionally vibe with early on in my life. I hope you find your group soon ✊
Heyy I had a similar experience. I used to be a crybaby and emotional during my elementary days(12 years old and below). But after reaching my teen years, I suddenly stopped being emotional or revealing much about my feelings. I wanted to bury my previous self due to some experiences.
I also thought if I had ADHD due to how inattentive and hyperactive I was back then.
As an INTJ, I always want my choice and I believe everyone should have choice. Choice must also come with accountability
The second you said, showing emotion feels like a weakness. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Logically, I know expressing emotions is normal and healthy. But I can't bring myself to do it. I can rage or cry alone but not with an audience. My parents made me go to therapy for this as a child, until finally, the therapist said there was nothing wrong with me. I just express myself differently. Also, I have had friend's get mad that I always try to solve their problems instead of letting them cry. But it's soooo uncomfortable, especially when the solution is obvious. I've felt like a square block trying to fit in a triangular opening my whole life. I genuinely appreciate your videos. ❤❤❤
I went to a therapist who said the same thing about me albeit it was for a different reason. We really do deal with and show emotions different from what's common in society. You're doing great INTJ, we're just a bit different, that's all ✊
Really great content and explanation! As an INFP, it is really helpful to understand INTJ functions. I think this is where we are polar opposites and also misunderstood the most, and hence, stereotyped.
Being misunderstood is just another day for us 🙃
As an INTJ, I can relate to a lot of your points. You definitely deserved the subscribe, keep going 📈
Thank you very much 🙏
I agree that it is very hard for an intj to listen, especially to an urgent situation, and not try to start fixing the problems. As a man, it's even worse. I have to remind myself that emotional expression is part of people's healing or closure process.
I learned to always ask the question "Do you want my feedback or do you just want me to listen" when I realize I'm in those situations. It saves me so much time and leads to a lot less misunderstandings ✊
As an INTJ I agree with most that you said except the part about if your brother was in the wrong, you would still defend him. If my brother or another family member did something inappropriate, I would not protect them just because they're my family. If they f'd up, they f'd up and they should know. That's what is logical to me personally!
My Fi will find a way to figure out how to justify my brother in that situation. "Why was he invited?", ""Why did you guys allow him to drink so much". I know it's stupid but I have an overly protective Fi 😂
I found that being an INTJ really helped me be a psychologost amd professor of psychology for the reasons you so aptly describe.
On a personal level ...yes we are particular who we confide in...
Agreed, a lot of famous psychologist and profesors are INTJs for this reason ✊
As an immigrant child too, (f intj here), I was INCREDIBLY sad and VERY angry for a long time because my parents had to prioritize assimilation and making money versus the needs of me and my brother. I feel like sometimes it isn't us that's the problem as a child with emotional needs, we were failed by our parents and family and shamed for actually being normal and then expressing our emotions of abandonment or hurt. Hope you've found more peace with your childhood experiences since you made this video but just wanted to add my perspective in here.
New prespective is always welcomed. I found my peace with my upbringing, I hope you found yours as well ❤
There's just no time..... Especially with my job and my family... There's just zero time..
I'm an INTJ who takes some vastly different political stances, and this is strangely the first online space I actually feel safe to express that in, even knowing we believe differently. It says a lot about my faith in INTJ people being able to view all perspectives and even play devil's advocate.
Edit:
I would love to pick your brain about how the military affected you as an INTJ. I tend to present as very ENTJ sometimes because I used to be a SGT and I have that training that says "just get it fucking done." Or once I tested as ISTJ because of how the military trained me to have a flexible approach to problem solving. It did not help me with processing my feelings, though.
YO I have WORDS for this!
I've kept a journal most of my life (if any other INTJs in here are having difficulty processing their emotions, I HIGHLY suggest doing this) and I wrote down "I need to learn how to stop snapping on myself" some time in HS. I meant by this; I would ignore all my emotions and suddenly they would SNAP, literally it felt like a rubber band, and bowl me over forcing me to process them. It wasn't that I was actively repressing anything, it just always seemed like what I was feeling was irrelevant and I was annoyed that I needed to attend to how I felt. I've learned to just accept that your emotions are more data and you need to give time to feel them, unpack them, and process them. You will discover things about yourself that Te can't show you. It will better equip you to anticipate how other things might affect you, and learn what your boundaries are. You will surprise yourself! And most of all, it will help you empathize with others' emotional processes. You will learn and be able to recognize when something isn't working bc of how you feel about it, or how other people feel about it, and if you can effectively attend to those emotions, you can get the thing to work! Which is always so rewarding, to effectively do the Fe so you can Te.
I definitely do the reclusive thing, but I've also learned if I am sad I need to reach out, and what works for me, I think bc it takes the spotlight off the fact that I feel vulnerable, is I reach out and give love to my friends. I reach out and check on them, see how they are doing, what they are doing, make them laugh, help them solve problems in their lives, and people reciprocate. It gives me warm fuzzies anyway, and that helps. Receding into my interior world to lick my wounds can only go so far.
Good job. I found it interesting that emotions are more data from the panorama.
yep .. being emotionally vulnerable is something I struggle with. I don't want to be a burden or show weakness(as I see it), and I've always been able to handle my shit on my own. very independent and responsible, almost to a fault...
but now that im in my 30s with some some experience or whatever you wanna call it. I now know how nice it is to have someone to help you and be there with you during tough times. and it's not a bad thing to have to depend on another every once in awhile either. 💕
Music, absolutely, strong emotion makes me cry, and that music is attached to someone I love, I go to pieces. I'll sob at any feeling through music, it makes me feel raw. Overwhelming.
I cry over music all the time...but only when I'm alone 🙃
@@justcallmejon22that's lovely to know. But I can't control myself if I'm in company either, I started at a church service wedding and couldn't stop! Or anywhere there's emotional music.
"Being emotionally vulnerable is weakness, and I don't like feeling weak" You just summed me up as an INTJ with my experience on emotions. I've grown though and have learn to accept them and try fully understanding my emotions more so I'm not destroyed by them. Also keeping things private is what I do too and it's very difficult opening up.
Have you found a person that's a safespace to open up to yet?
There is no logical outcomes from "feelings". I'd rather solve something than to be self absored in emotions. People who cannot see a problem and just constantly want attention from their emotions, honestly, make me nauseous to be around.
I am emotional, but I quickly look for the root.
The most difficult emotions are ones that the problem can't be changed. For example, a sad ending to a story. There are movies, that even after 20 years, I cry just remembering them. Or a circle relationship that can't be escaped and it's constant anger and stress.
I literally only cried a handful of times until lately. As I age, I seem to cry at everything. It's still always in private though.
Emotions are not weakness. They can be a strength, BUT it's generally just illogical and used for attention.
Another super awesome video!
I agree that as I age, the more often I end up crying. It's nice to let emotions go 😀
I believe that emotions are a form of social communication, if a baby did not cry it would not receive vital attention But I understand what you are saying, too much emotionality to attract attention is repulsive but repressing them can also bring problems, they are like extremes.
then maybe emotions are only for people who actually will care, maybe that's why you INTJ value trust in relationships so much because then you know that if you show your emotions to them, they won't take advantage of it and will even help you to navigate them
Wonderful and insightful video! My older brother is an INTJ and this is both illuminating and accurate. As an ENFP, I'd like to share a little about how an auxiliary Fi user engages with the function.
Similar to the INTJ, ENFPs are an intuitive dominant (and sensing inferior) type. As such, our judging axis (Fi and Te) are fairly balanced.
In my experience, Te is a very active, forceful, and empowering function to use. I spent a good portion of my adolescence in an Ne Te loop-when these two functions work in combination, it seems as if the world is our oyster! :D However, the swiftness and perpetual motion of these two functions within an ENFP will quickly cause a strain. Ne and Te will explore and achieve, but often engage with the world in a manner that lacks depth, meaning, and authenticity. This is where Fi comes into play.
Oddly enough, although ENFPs have Fi as their auxiliary, it can often be difficult to reconcile this introverted function amidst the intoxicating force of the two extroverted functions. Fi is the depth beneath still waters, spiritual and wonderfully nonsensical. Fi users feel everything so deeply that we cannot help but feel alive. We imbue the world around us with a piece of ourselves, and when combined with Ne it is self-expression in manifold ways.
Something else about Fi is the unique way in which it empathizes. I call it, 'messy empathy'. Rather than offering words of comfort, Fi empathy will simply start crying with someone, with no prior intention or end. Empathy for its own sake. And unfortunately with auxiliary Fi, its difficult for me to hide my emotions even if I tried. So I'm very open and vulnerable with my emotions, but as Fi is very independent and private, digging through the trenches happens in the home within myself. I feel comfortable sharing insight after I have processed it within. Only the closest people are brought into the world of Fi in real-time.
To find the balance between Fi and Te, I conceptualize it through Ying and Yang. Too much or too little reliance on either causes disharmony. Te as Yang-it is pure energy and agency, ordering and acting upon the world. Fi as Ying-it is embracing the chaos and disorder, being deeply affected by life in both bliss or suffering.
Thank you for reading, have a great day :)
Thank you for the insight, it was very ENFP but it was written where it shows your mastery of Te. I appreciate how you called out Fi empathy because I didn't see it that way until you mentioned it. INTJs are very empathetic but we won't show it with Fi, we show it with Te (unless we mature to understand when to use either). I really appreciate your comment 🙏
Thank you, it's a relief to hear this articulated and have other INTJs share their inner experiences. I personally blast music, drink, and cry in private haha.
Journaling helps a lot with getting my feelings out on paper so I can examine my thoughts rather than feel victimized by them. There's 1 or 2 very close people I can confide in, but it took many years to accept that it's not weak to have other people help regulate my emotions. I think this could be due to being ridiculed for behaving anxious when I was younger.
Whenever I tell people sensitive stuff, I get a vulnerability hangover and feel overwhelming shame. Maybe that's why typing all this to strangers on the internet feels easier haha. I really relate to your point on data collection. And yes, going onto the internet and seeing how other people process similar situations is a great help (or hinderance) as well haha, like trying to find a trustworthy walkthrough to get past a particularly difficult level. Psychology and figuring out personality traits and tendencies fascinate me, maybe all the data helps INTJs feel safer as well. Attachment theory provided a lot of insight on how Securely attached individuals communicate their emotions healthily. I learnt so much from that.
Thank you for sharing your story! I know how refreshing it feels since I've been doing the same thing online on message boards ever since I was a teen. Get more attuned with your emotion INTJ and wear it like a badge of honor. Whether you get better through MBTI, Attachment Theory, or other tests, I'm glad to hear that you're constantly improving ✊
I just found your channel, but I want to thank you for this video. I hate the stereotype about no emotions. I always struggle with- is this person flirting with me or just being nice. I usually just think they are being nice, it has gotten me into trouble in the past. I have to agree with you also, I was super sensitive growing up, I was teased for this by my family as well. It just made me retreat into myself. And I still struggle with my emotions. I have plenty of emotions and I'm still very sensitive, but my husband is the only one who sees this side of me. I hate crying about anything in front of anyone! I hate that I feel I can't even get teary eyed at a movie or something. It's so hard for me to be more open, but for me it's a fear of having these vulnerable emotions thrown back in my face later. I usually have to vocalize I need to be alone, to regulate myself. I wish I could just let it go, but it is definitely very difficult and a work in progress or like you say, or I will blow up at someone.
Thanks for sharing! You're definately not alone ✊
100th Subscriber here. Glad I landed on this channel. I agree with you on the fact that INTJ emotions are misrepresented by most content creators. I share many of the childhood experiences you outline in this video. I also use stories from movies and books as well as lecturers from psychologists to understand my emotions and how to deal with them, in that , I think I have come a long way.
I think every INTJ knows exactly how they are feeling and what they want to do because of it. Most people learn to navigate them by acting out and learning from their experiences. For us, I think the struggle is due to our heavy reliance on Te filter and a need to present ourselves as rational perfectionists (settling only for the best, the most efficient, the most suitable etc, means to attain our overarching goal.)
So when we are feeling, instead of simply responding, we want to make sure we have the best possible response. So all the information Gathering from observing others and perusing stories is to establish exactly that , to have the best possible response in our holster.
I don't know if other types experience it this way, but for me and a few other intjs I know in my life, this is the case.
I also think the neutrality in expression most of us experience as teens is a bit of a risk hedge while we figure things out with our Ni and Te Filter in the period. Puberty comes with so many overwhelming emotions and our response is to not express any until we are confident we have the right response for them - after all, zero expression means zero room for real judgement. (personally I think we are way too comfortable with people misconstruing us, hence, why we embrace the villain stereotype quite easily. Its scarier /more exciting when someone sees through the noise and gets to know the real us- warts and all.)
That being said, an intj who is surrounded by feelers and sensors tends to learn quickly because he/she is taken along for the ride of their experiences in real time. Those that aren't may find themselves doubling down on their 'expressionlessness' tendencies and develop type A personalities to compensate.
All this is just my theory on the matter. Id love to hear everyone else's thoughts on this.
Thanks for being #100! I agree with everything that you're saying especially about trying to find the optimal outcome and embracing the villain stereotype.
It took me a long time to master this part of myself. But … I did. You can too. We are the masterminds after all ;) nothing we can’t accomplish when we put our mind to it and dedicate ourselves to improving this aspect and implementing what we’ve learned
Even as a little baby, I was never comfortable showing my emotions. One of my earliest memories is me as a 2 year old being embarrassed that I was WITH a crybaby. Although a big wooden board fell on us and we were stuck, I refused to cry for help. (What a little weirdo baby INTJ!)
Now, I notice that I suppress my emotions so automatically that I actually don’t realize that I have them. Then they manifest in very confusing ways and I need a professional to help me figure it out! This year I’ve been working on making time to feel. I take alone time to cry or feel anxious or whatever it is I feel. Sometimes it’s hard, and I’ll find a guided meditation to listen to a voice telling me it’s okay to cry.
I listen to the same song 100 times. I get you 🥰
You REALLY get INTJs well. I'm saving all your videos so I can send them to interested people in the future.
I wasn't allowed to cry as a kid.
You want to have fe 3rd slot, man it's hard.. fi as trickster.. you can feel lost at sea.
I think NT's are avoidance to be fair.
I think I've found intjs hard, as I want to help but intjs can want to sort it themselves, I felt rather kicked out into the cold, so thanx for saying about this.
It was nice to see you open up on this topic
..u popped your head out of your shell.. appreciated this .
The moment you realize that INTJs don't want help and you don't take it personally, the easier it will be for you to understand the INTJ. I'm glad to hear that you're taking the initiative to learn about our type ✊
I can definitely vouch for this. Just recently learned of all this MBTI stuff a bit in the past year and learned I'm an INTJ myself. 40 Year young male male if it even matters
Pretty sure I could speak for the majority of us. JUST LEAVE US BE! 🤣🤣🤣
If we absolutely want help. We'll ask! (Probably won't though...) However! If and when someone else wants to offer their help, I see it as a sign of just caring about me and what I'm doing and will probably let em. Unless it hinders me of course. Ha!
Realized I should've replied to above...lol
I can definitely vouch for this. Just recently learned of all this MBTI stuff a bit in the past year and learned I'm an INTJ myself. 40 Year young male male if it even matters
Pretty sure I could speak for the majority of us. JUST LEAVE US BE! 🤣🤣🤣
If we absolutely want help. We'll ask! (Probably won't though...) However! If and when someone else wants to offer their help, I see it as a sign of just caring about me and what I'm doing and will probably let em. Unless it hinders me of course. Ha!
I agree stereotypical INTJs are usually the younger and more immature ones. I was the annoying INTJ stereotype as a kid, but I realize that now and worked on my weaknesses. I feel as though I’m a lot more empathetic and emotionally intelligent than what people make us out to be, but each personality has spectrums so not all of us are going to be the same. I think we just really don’t like putting our emotions on others because at the end of the day it doesn’t fix anything and it’s not efficient for moving on, so we come off “emotionless.” My INTP sister and INFP mom say I tend to come off “cold” and “indifferent,” which is a lot coming from an INTP 😂
Your INTP sister is just stating a fact lol. I feel like it's a right of passage for an INTJ to go through the annoying stereotype stage, Se gotta try things itself so that we can learn from the mistakes 😂
Crazy how accurate this is, thanks for your videos, learning a lot about myself, glad to see I'm not alone.
Haven't seen you comment in a while, I hope you're doing well brotha ✊
Showing emotion is weakness. But weakness has a curious strength of its own
All up to prespective 😁
True. I'm always being called emotional and when i was young i kept refusing the emotions. I'm also absolutely bad at identifying my own emotions and have no idea how to handle it.
That's why I appreciate my Fi dom/aux friends. They usually help guide me through my emotions 😀
I really love how expressive and informative you are in your videos. Thank you so so so much!
Thank you 🙏
I'm a young INTJ, I'm 16.
I realized how lucky I was to develop my Fi at such a young age.
2 years ago I could see myself constantly in loop.
In fact, I even mistyped myself as an INFP back then. It was very strange because I didn't feel sure about anything, it was very confusing and it was stressing me for not knowing the root of evertything.
The beginning of this year I was the total stereotype of an INTJ; Mean, cold and distant and not taking my emotions into account.
As a natural wannabe philosopher, I started thinking about it everyday.
I dived in the concepts of the album "Ænima" from TOOL. Maynard James Keenan (one of the most obvious INTJs for me) talks about spiritual evolution, connecting with the emotional side of self.
So I was highly encouraged by that data in my mind now and I'm dealing with my emotions way better than I used to.
I'm glad you found MBTI at an early age my INTJ niece/nephew. Don't forget to engage with the world from time to time. It's not too bad out there ✊
I just found your channel & I'm binge-watching your videos. Must say, best INTJ content that I've seen. It's appreciated! (INFP 4w5)
I'm happy to hear that you're finding value in my videos ❤
As an INFP with an INTJ sister and INTJ friends, I can confirm intjs looks the calmest when they freak out haha
They are indeed emotional beings they just have difficulty showing it because they are rarely asked about their emotions and mostly prioritise logic. One thing that I often tell my sister is to just "feel it " no need to try to find logic or patterns or think about what to do, just sit for sec and sinj into that feeling what you're going through completely, it's the kost effective way to be able to identify clearly that feeling, once that is done and you confirmed what your heart tells you , you can start thinking about the future and what to do, so far this advice helped her alot and I'd recommend everyone to ask about intjs feelings from time to me , not just say "how are you" but "how are you feeling today? "
Sounds like you've been really helpful with the emotional development of your INTJs. I think one of issue is that we're too stubborn when we're younger and believe that emotions can be logic out of but always fall flat on our face. Thank you for taking care of my INTJ fam, love the art on your channel ✊
@@justcallmejon22 I do my best to help them manage their emotions and open up, and intjs are really good at helping me manage my thoughts, overthinking and give the best advices !
Thank you so much, omg I'm honored you like my art ! Keep up the good work I love your videos 😊
Lol my little Infp sister told me the EXACT thing the other day when I was trying to understand the intentions behind someone who betrayed me. She just told me to stop thinking about why and how and just acknowledge the hurt I feel now. It truly helped me and felt validating. God bless INFPs!
Thank you for this, for a while I've been reconsidering if I'm a feeling type because I do feel my emotions very deeply and as a kid I was VERY emotional like a massive cry baby. This caused me to rethink if I was even a thinking type because I thought I would have to be more logical from the start but I'm starting to realise that isn't true. I'm currently an adolescent and I can kinda relate to the stereotype but I can also be very social and 'bubbly' which confused me.
I've also entered my first relationship and I'm realising how emotional I can be when I open up to someone so thank you for reminding me that just because other INTJS try to keep up this 'facade' of being emotionless that it's ok to feel. Thank you again your channel is giving me more comfort as I realise that just because I don't relate to every INTJ quora post or Reddit post doesn't mean I'm not an INTJ.
Congrats on your first relationship! Whether it's only your first relationship or going to be your last relationship, I'm happy that you found someone to make you happy. Feel your emotions young INTJ, F* the stereotypes, we're still human. If you haven't seen it yet, I made a video about INTJs being able to be social and bubbly : ua-cam.com/video/IfCorz0_OP8/v-deo.html. Don't ever let typology become your identity or tell you how to feel, it's only a tool to better understand yourself 🙂
Jon, I think you're such a beautiful person. Love INTJs from an INFJ.
Thank you Kathy ❤
Thanks for posting this. Helps in my journey of self-understanding. The only time I feel intense emotions is when I listen to music, and it makes me feel a little crazy to feel that deeply, so I only listen to music when I actually want to feel something. I also have a strong sense of empathy for animals and will go out of my way to help them. I've repeatedly tested as INTJ, including on the official exam. Here because I'm questioning these tests and what they really mean for or to me. I also like writing fiction, as this is a good outlet for emotions that are not directly mine, if that makes sense.
The beauty of emotions is that it can be expressed in so many different platforms. Keep writing and keep listening to music, my friend. The world is a beautiful place and so are our emotions ❤
I was conditioned to hide my emotions as young as 3 when my cries were treated as being overly dramatic or fake. Just because I learned to speak earlier than other babies they knew, the same time as I learn to walk, it doesn't mean I have the mental capacity of my older cousins (they were always preferred and paid more attention to and cared for as I live with my extended family as a cultural norm). I just hadn't learned how to identify what those feelings were and how to express them in ways people can understand or see as appropriate. My mom's adivice to just ignore them, brush them of lightly or sweep them under the rug only resulted in mental breakdowns and 2 mental health issues I received diagnoses later in life. I had to figure out how to deal with emotions on my own but it's totally worth it.
Have you figured out how to manage your emotions in a healthy manner? It's really important as an adult so I hope that you did ✊
This one and your other video on advice for INTJ for better social interactions inspired me to write this comment. I m an INTJ. Somehow, I have not found much issue in social interactions where I know someone through my work or study. But i remember learning and creating certain rules like appreciating people for specific good things they did or published to start the conversation. Also, often I get good clues from my observation of that person during the event, so bring up something of that kind to talk about. In terms of passing conversations at office and social place, I have learnt to say hi, hello and all, may be a way to avoid any future issues where I might be judged for my social skills rather than my technical skills. I get walled off when I am really hurt by something someone said in public/office space and I can't express myself. I better go in private space and process that rather than having an open outburst or a single tear from my eyes. The most challenging is the real social situations where I am meeting my in-laws in a gathering. As my husband is from different region and they speak a different language and have very different traditions than mine I fail to begin a conversation. But I have favourite people in his family that show affection even without understanding me, I am always happy and obliged to meet them. I can connect with the younger generation of those fairly ok until they personally affect me or my husband. Sometimes my MIL's earlier behaviour in objecting to our marriage also comes up in my mind restricting free conversation with each other. Other than that, I don't , I have faced issues in one-on-one conversations. However, important to say I don't have any friends that know me deeply, it is because of the disconnect that kept happening when I moved to and from the US, I couldn't follow many friendships, and many times they didn't care to call back. Group dynamics in a purely social arena is sometimes scary, especially in India, as females and males naturally divide in gender based groups in most social events. I find that repulsive, either I sit alone away from ladies or I try to talk to men. That's why I hate parties and functions, unless I am very sensory deprived or I am too happy with myself to let myself enjoy free time.
Now that I wrote this, reading it all makes me think that I am full of contradiction.
I have depended on music to get through tough times many times in my life. I have found songs to bring me out of each kind of negative emotions that has gripped me be it betrayal, rejection, longing or insult etc. my recent struggle has led to a huge playlist of songs. But one I like deeply since, I was 24, is " i hope you dance".
Life is full of contradictions so don't sweat it. I'm not sure what the social dynamic is like in India but I can empathize with feeling alone and having to say hi to avoid future unwanted interactions. I hope you find friends that you can connect with and accept you for being you. Good luck out there my INTJ sister ✊
Great video as always! Just want to add my two cent as an ENFP. I think for xNFPs, we also share a similar sentiment to INTJs tertiary Fi when we reject our Fi (often due to living an environment that doesn't support it). I find journaling and talking to myself about the emotions really help in accepting them as they are and allowing that bubble valve to release some of the emotional tension.
Then, it's easier to use Ne to explore different reasons why I feel such intense emotions. Fi then just comes in and give internal self-ressurance if any of those emotional fragments are too triggering lol.
For INTJs, I imagine it would be easier if you guys allow that Fi to be itself for a little. Accept it for what is. Then, use your natural strength of Ni to analyze all the informations you have of yourself and the situations. What you can control and what you cannot, so you can formulate ideas on what to do to improve the situation. Then just Te - take action pow pow.
The tricky thing is you have to allow yourself to go through all those Fi turbulence, which I imagine it's more challenging for INTJs with tertiary Fi.
If you can find yourself a mature xNFP listening ears, it would be great. They can give you how they would interpret your emotions if they were you. Those informations can be great reference source for your Ni to understand your particular situation.
It works really well in my case. That's pretty much what me and my INFP best friend do most of the time lol.
Hope this is helpful! Introverted functions just require a bit more time to understand and develop, but it's not impossible. I believe y'all can do it hehe
Thanks for the response! It really is interesting to hear how ENFPs deals with emotions and I personally have learned a lot from your type. Stay as long as you want on my channel, i'm sure you'll see a lot more comments from lost INTJs that you might be able to help ✊
Really great explantions !
When I was younger I was the most emotional too. I watched MTV too after school when I was adolescent, this song "She will be loved" of Maroon 5 hit me too.
Listen to certains very specific music which hit me emotionally seems to be the most efficient way to express my emotions. Meaningful things can make me very emotional. Singing or doing music seems work well too for INTJ to express their emotions.
I feels the emotions very intensely (surely related to the intensity of Ni), but to express them takes longer and is more difficult.
I am hyper hyperempathetic and hypersensitive (both with senses and emotions) related to my neurodivergence (gifted and asperger).
Very calm from the outside, but inside it happen so much things.
It really is interesting how deeply we can feel but not express it. Hopefully being more active on UA-cam helps with that
Justice, that's what we want, for everyone. And we love the underdogs.
It's intoxicating seeing the underdog overcome obstacles. Because if they can do it, why can't we?!
I can relate to your every word. In every video. We are emotional, sensitive, but to those who knows us. And a deep sense of justice and ethics drives us.
I feel you on everything in this video. Fellow intj.
As an enfp i also love art fashion... etc, i deal with my emotions by process it just take a deep breath and i look to my emotions i hear it i feel it like i see what this emotions try to tell me then i let it go , i suggest the book (Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender.) Like although i am an enfp but i don't like to be weak in other people eyes so i maybe go into my room alone and cry or write or doing art express my emotions after that i become more stronger and i face the world again.
Note : if you have someone who you are love and trust in him or her tell them that you are struggle or sad .
Another note: that doesn't mean that you have to want always from people to be there for you cuz this is high expectations that will be overwhelmed to the people you love.
I agree that emotions should be felt and I understand not wanting to cry in front of other people. For an INTJ, it's just not normal. I'm not sure how to explain it and most of the time we just ignore it not because we can but because it's not important at that time. Fi sounds like a good aux to have =)
Good points! I overanalyze a lot or go over my head with Se, sometimes it's only then I realize that I have issues. I suppose istjs can relate to this, they have te in their second slot and fi in the third. I struggle a lot with people undervaluing my emotions. You are always calm, just relax and forget, it will pass. Fortunately, I have close people who don't do this. Relate a lot to this video
Very grateful that my mom let me isolate when I needed to as a child. It must've been weird and off-putting to have an 8 yr old say, "I'm in a bad mood, I just want to be alone" when you try to hug them.
Your mom sounds like a great person 🙂
@@justcallmejon22 She is, and tell her so often
When you mentioned the avoidant type i could relate more deeply, because everything you have said was spot on, dealing with emotional overload sure is more tough for me, as an INTJ. Thank you for the insight and the examples, have a good day!
Thank you! You have a great day as well ✊
One friend observed, while we were both looking at a mutual friend who was hopping up and down with joy over opening a box of something, "That little indicator dial in me doesn't move as far, or as frequently".
"Let me explain how I feel" - INTJ 😂
I see emotions in conversations as a way to manipulate others. I absolutely hate when people try to manipulate me for any reason.
I think context matters. If someone is feeling intense emotions then it's okay that the conversation is emotional but if it's for manipulation, get that sh!t out of my face ✊
@@justcallmejon22 yes. Emotions are important but if they are used to manipulate then yeah its a pet peeve. Guilt trips rarely work on me if i know the person and even if i dont. If i get cornered by someone using manipulative means i get angry if the bottle is really filled then itll erupt like a volcano.
pink floyd, steven nicks, joni mitchell , sigur ros, simon and garfunkel are great for the musics that I will listen to again and again.
Always interesting hearing the type of music someone is into 🙂
I love an INTJ and I'm an ISFP so I'm trying to learn what I can so I can love, care and talk to him better❤️
That's great to hear! Please take care of my fellow INTJ 🙏
@@justcallmejon22 of course😄 I'm happy to✌️
Hey Jon, thank you for making this video!
I'm an ISFP who currently learn about cognitive function, and in recent years I've come to the point where I respect my Ni and Te, so I'm excited to learn about it. Wrong thing is I went to ENTJ - INTJ forum on reddit and damn.. You couldn't be more right about it. It's a freaking shitshow with so many ego-lifting user that love to shit on feelings, like it's something to be avoided at all cost and shit on us Fi dom 🙂.
Then I know it's not a safe space for me to learn, and it's actually hard for me, both on internet and real life, to find an INTJ/ENTJ who has already comes to terms and brave enough to be vulnerable with their Fi and Se.
Based on this video, looks like this channel can be my safe space not only for INTJ but also for me to learn Ni in a gentle way (hopefully). Keep up the good work and thank you for your courage to share your Fi✌️
Welcome to the community ISFP! Enjoy your time while you're here and feel free to ask as many questions as needed. A lot of my viewers are pretty active so I'm sure someone will get to your question if I end up missing it. Ni & Te are the two cognitive functions that I love the most so I'm sure you'll learn more about them by watching my videos 😁
Holy shit, Jon. This video is the bomb. So very profound. wow, thanx.
❤
As an Fe user, this was such an interesting video. I try not to deal with ALL my emotions by isolating as I find that too often leads me down a black hole, and my brain starts feeling like spaghetti. So I do isolate, but usually only for the purpose of figuring out how to later communicate my emotions in a way that will reach the other person respectfully, not so much to decipher what they are. But I have many friends that use Fi, and the depth of their feelings often strikes me, as I very rarely feel something to the extent of tears unless I am dealing with someone else’s emotions. In other words, my emotions rarely make me emotional, but other’s do? The only way to deal with that, from my perspective, is to be with them, as I know that these are not my emotions, and the moment they stop being emotional, I will stop as well. It’s interesting to hear Fi’s perspective, particularly from someone with Fi lower in their stack (my ENTJ friend is sure to agree with your methods). Your “system”, as you put it, where you experience emotions from media and then determine how to deal with them, was very enlightening, as my experience of media is a bit different. This is definitely a point of contention between Fe and Fi users, I think, as most Fe users just want you to talk through how you feel (with good intentions, I’m sure), while most Fi users, regardless of placement, seem to find that uncomfortable and smothering and would rather relate some Te solution after the Fi does its work. - INFJ
I agree that it's interesting learning about both Feeling cognitive functions because it manifest itself so differently. It really doesn't make sense to me as a type with Fi in our third stack to seek people out to discuss my emotions because I will always enter the conversation with an assumption that no one will ever fully understand what I'm going through. Whether it's true or not, that doesn't mean we don't need people. It's always nice to have people around when we're ready to reach out and that's something I admire about Fe. You guys usually welcome us back with open arms ❤
I was a very emotional child, but my parents are old school/pull yourself together by the boot straps. I learned very quickly your suppose to bottle up your emotions and not cry, especially the women in our family because we’re suppose to be the glue. I’m an emotional person, but to others I’m cold or mean. Can’t win for anything!! Too emotional, cold blooded. By the way, song that’s on the repeat at the moment- Anti-Hero, Taylor Swift, it’s so spot on!🤷🏽♀️ 😂
Thank you for sharing your story! It's always sad to hear stories about kids being told to shut down their emotions and not learn how to express them. It really does affect the rest of our lives. I hope you're at a better place now and that way of parenting ends with them ✊
I pour my emotions into music 🎶
I find it helpful to externalise deep fears and anxiety in writing to surface, examine and solve pessimism and self efficacy.
Happy to hear that you found a method that works for ✊
I used to just write down all the feelz on a legal pad, then I would toss the pages after the issue was all "written out". Did that for years, then just stopped, I suppose, after I decided I knew enough to just get over stuff more easily or dispatch a solution more quickly.
Happy to hear that you found your system ✊
Wow! Been wondering for a while if I’m an intj. Can relate to my family calling me emotional all the time as a child ( mainly being so misunderstood). Then dealing with the inability to actually express my emotions so I just constantly try to rationalize them or just immediately dismiss them because I may be the problem.
Whatever MBTI type you might be, you're part of the community so you're not alone 😀
I can attest to that. I was the sensitive guy from mu childhood untill i lost my brother he was everything to me, kinda like the defender who iwas with me when i was the sensitive guy. Dorm that day, things just switched and i became this enigmatic 'coldish' guy but deep down im still the childhood me
My condolences for the lost of your brother. I hope you find your spark of joy again one day ✊
@@justcallmejon22 thank mahn
You know me so well it almost hurts my brain
both my fiance an I are INTJs, and he is the sweetest person I know. he said he's been told at work that he's always serious but I believe he's very sweet and he definitely doesn't have a problem showing emotions.
As an INTJ dating another INTJ, I think you feel this way because we speak the same language. It does not take much to decipher another INTJs feelings and few words are necessary. To everyone else, we need to be much more expressive than we have the energy for. lol
@@kelzreallife8293 you're.right. I think he's very straightforward and he thinks I'm.very clear and he says "he doesn't have to guess what I'm thinking.or feeling"
i may add that for that bubble not to burst, always find time to feel your emotions, all the pain of emotions, just feel it until it no longer hurts, its okay for little Bubble burst than it become super big enough then burst its kinda hard more that way, feel your emotions and understand that its okay not to be okay sometimes
Valid point, but I think this can be counter productive for some people, especially unhealthy INTJs who don't know how to deal with NI-fi Loop patterns. Depression and other negative states can quickly set in.
simply feeling or sitting with them can make them grow into monsters that are hard to escape from. its healthier to find outlets of expression. I recommend, physical artforms like writing, singing, dancing, acting, playing an instrument etc.
writing for instance helps tremendously when you're trying to figure out exactly what you're felling. ITS like being your own therapists.
@@kelzreallife8293 i agree, also try journaling your thoughts,it helps a lot to have an avenue to release your emotions
Having emotions and showing them [or expressing them] are different things.
Even after knowing intjs suppress emotions constantly, I still find myself unconsciously suppress them. It takes a long while (hours to days) of reflecting to realize I’m upset or stressed etc.
I understand and you'll get better at recognizing it with time ✊
As an INTJ, I explain what I feel to myself, and then I just deal with it. Or what actions I need to take to make myself feel better or what should I do to stop feeling that way. I understand emotions very well, weather it's mine or others.
I did take a psycho test and I have quite a few traits of it. So I don't show emotions on NY face bcs :
1st I'm INTJ
2nd I don't really feel them so strongly. I can laugh while not feeling all that happy
I am an INTJ who use emotions as fuel after learning to let go. I also meditated away jealousy as it is pretty useless with mommy Te doing her thing.
Im not going to lie I just recently found out about personality types. I also found out that im an INTJ as well which ads up. For so long I thought something was wrong with me. Never fitting in or never being understood. It was so frustrating, especially when I would try to convey my emotions. How am I supposed to convey and express my emotions when I don't fully understand them? The other half of that problem is that honestly I don't really trust anybody but a few people to know how I feel. It just felt as if I was an alien from another world failing at "being human". But I can now take solace in the fact that we may be the few, but at least I'm not the only one. Thanks for the helpful advice that you offer.
I'm happy to hear that you learned about types. It helped me just as much as it helped you and it makes me feel just as good knowing that I'm not alone 🙂
Thank you for this video, as an ENFP whose soulmate is an INTJ, this was very helpful. Would you say that INTJs already have introverted predispositions and traits within themselves, which then become triggered and reinforced by invalidation, bullying and/or being mocked for their particular way of feeling and expressing emotions?
This would make sense to me, because I see how INTJs suffer from their lack of trust or intimacy with others if they haven't really understood the way they process feelings. I also see how BECAUSE they're so sensitive at the core, and got invalidated by experiences with other humans, they developed this hard shell (very easy to crack open for an ENFP though, haha :D). I basically wonder if past traumas / psychology are relevant when trying to understand personality types, or if some INTJs don't have this past experience of what was felt like rejection and shame for their emotions? Please let me know what you think, I love your videos ! :)
INTJs are actually so sensitive and thoughtful, I wish my INTJ would realize that it is safe to be vulnerable sometimes, and that they can also relax and let loose, and trust me. :)
Congrats on finding an INTJ! Trauma will always effect a person regardless of type, it's really up to the individual the degree in which it manifest itself. You're a fellow Fi user so you can help guide the INTJ through their Fi, but you're also aware of much it hurts when the people we care about make incorrect assumptions. Just be there for your INTJ ❤
I can somewhat relate to the video, however me being an ENTP I have Fe as a tertiary function. I analyze my feelings with Ne dominance with ti auxilary to rationalize and deal with feelings. So even though feelings may seem illogical and irrational it's important to vent your feelings or you'll get upset to the point of self harm. I say that if you can't verbalize emotions in public do it with a councilor. I used to be more introverted and as humans we are social creatures meaning that we need others in our life. I respect your point of view even though I may disagree with some of it.
The beauty of being human is that we're all inherently different and that also applies to our approach in life. I agree that people should seek therapy(counselor) if they believe that it'll be beneficial but I also understand that it's not possible for everyone. Emotions are interesting because INTJs really don't know what to do with them until we learn how to align it with Te 😅
I don't like to feel weak at anything, showing positive or negative emotions also makes me feel weak, I don't like to show weakness. I understand the bubble, continually repressing and avoiding, until it grew so large that what might seem like a small blow provokes an exaggerated reaction, an overflow, which I usually resolve in solitude, but which when the bubble bursts I find All these accumulated feelings, all the pains together at the same time, everything that avoided you from feeling and thinking. It's usually a day of intense discharge, then I return to normal, to that stability or little emotional reactivity, at most a mixture of stress.
Yes, I also have avoidant attachment. I wondered if all intjs have avoidant attachment. Recently I saw a post on a social network of intjs where they said the type of attachment they had, of course it is information that must be taken with a grain of salt but it is data that serves to think, and more than half were avoidant, just over 1/2 of the other half were anxious and an ambivalent minority.
I understand this: being told you're angry and you saying no, you're not wrong. I've been told this a few times and I say, I'm just stressed or a little upset. I was probably upset about something, but I won't admit it even to myself, I don't really even notice, it's like I just suppress it and downplay it. Partly because I don't really feel really angry, because there's a huge abysmal difference like when they talk about the people who are important to you xD LOL and you feel that the bad side that every INTJs knows they have is starting to come out haha and that we are a little afraid of, the uncontrolled overflow of anger. In part I think that's why a lot of INTJs before getting angry start giving some threats to warn you not to go there, you don't want someone cold, Machiavellian, obsessive and angry against you, I think it's something we're a little afraid of us. What is extremely rare to happen, you must have done something very wrong.
I'm sure most INTJs fall into the category of Avoidant Attachment because the definition of it sounds like a person who has Feeling lower in their function. To me, it's like saying most INTJs are type 5 in enneagram, sure, because type 5 relates closest to a certain cognitive function. So yes, I agree with you 🙂
@@justcallmejon22 Yes, it fits well into the intj personality ☺ Now that I remember none of them had a secure attachment haha
ENFP here. there are lots of times I don’t know what the feelings are when that come up. You not alone. (Would be cool to get infp feedback) I let the feelings happen. If I have time to investigate in that moment I will otherwise I’ll write key points down and come back to it later that day . A good way for me to disconnect is go into curiosity mode! NE :) also feelings could also be positive. Hearing a good song and feeling happy because it makes you forget the real world! Champion those feelings too!!
I think the biggest difference is that INTJs usually won't make time to acknowledge the feeling or even undestand that we're feeling a certain way about something. It really is a delayed reaction for us, kinda like when your leg itches and you keep scratching it only to eventually after the 5th time of scratching realize that there's an ant crawling up your leg. The moment we see the ant though, yeah, it's time to handle the issue 😁
@@justcallmejon22 hahaha yes! I do the same! Love to hear a Lead FI about this experience. In a way I can tell FI to shut up with NE. FI seems to be an internal process and needs time to figure things out. As FI wants to go deep. That needs time to digest and in a way look at all the detail. To fully understand. Maybe it’s comparable proces with TI. TI users say I need to think about this. Go home, go through the reasoning processes alone and come back the next day with a logical and Crystal clear reasoning. Maybe FI does something similar .
@@justcallmejon22 love exploring this further lol! But feels like a discussion. Conversation whereby it flows better than comments.
INFP: Regarding how I engage with Fi: very odd for me too. To me its impossible to express during those odd moments, as in im super confuse too. The best wordings i can say to my close one is 'i am not feeling too myself now, and i need some moment alone'. And go deal with some introspection in solitude.
I think that's the moment when you have the "Fi stare" when you zone out and I'm terrified what the outcome is going to be 😂
A song that stirs my emotions is 'Samurai' by Enigma.
:: hug hug :: I want to be your friend! lol thanks for taking the time to learn about, create, and share this info in digestible ways (at least for me).
Thank you! Trust me, I'm way more personable and funnier in person 🙃
Pass, emotions are to emotional for me. I buried mine deep down inside my dark soul😈😎😈
Don't you dare go hollow! ✊
@@justcallmejon22
🤣
but doesn't that mean they will stay "too emotional" because you never learn how to deal with them?
(Like getting sick because of a weak immune system)
Great content (INTJ-T here). There definitely are some misconceptions concerning INTJs and emotions. I read many contradicting statements. I consider myself to be emotional and empathetic. I am good at reading between the lines but also have the tendency to overthink. A common problem is, that some people don't seem to get the difference between having emotions and showing emotions. It's difficult for others to understand me or what's going on in my head because I control, or at least try to control, every aspect of myself that others can sense. I am actively trying to suppress feelings (not so much when I'm alone), but there are moments where I feel overwhelmed (usually when unexpected things happen or I don't have a sense of control).
I completely understand the struggles of not being emotionally expressive. It takes practice being vulnerable, you got this!
its konda hard to have so much emotions, but i feel uncomfortable when someone even my family saw me crying alone in my room
You never get used to it, but it slowly gets easier.
It can take me months to go through a past scenario and how I really should have responded.. Because my immediate response is always wrong, I presume I'm guilty all the time.
A lot of things you talk about sound so familiar to my personal experience, even though I'm (supposedly) an INFJ. I guess we do overlap quite a bit...
INTJ and INFJs are very similar but different at the same time. It's one of the hardest to explain 🙃
😂 look forward to being an intj in old age, 👍😉 good stuff, and kind greatings from copenhagen 🇩🇰🌎🙏
Hej! Like fine wine, INTJs get better with time 😁
In your video, you mentioned universal healthcare as an issue that elicits a strong emotional, rather than rational, response. For years, I felt the same way. Growing up, I was horrified to see sick family members in America being forced to sell their homes in order to pay their medical bills. It convinced me that our Canadian universal healthcare system (accessible to everyone regardless of income) was fair and far more compassionate. But the downside of handing complete control of healthcare to the state is now revealing risks I never could have imagined!
Over the past few years, Canada’s healthcare system has been actively promoting, pressuring and fascilitating euthanasia on the most vulnerable in our hospitals and long-term care facilities. Our elderly, frail, disabled, mentally-ill, poor, homeless and even minor children are all being targeted by changes in the law. Our ‘healthcare’ system’s kill-rate has skyrocketed to one of the highest in the world! Yet they claim it isn’t a cost-cutting measure.
When the government can make life and death decisions on how much or how little healthcare you get, you’d better hope you (and your family) are important enough to the government to merit good care.
I think that government is far from perfect but I am also aware that people shouldn't die if it's easily preventable only paywalled due to coportate greed. Humans can always become better and that's why INTJs are here, to fix things that most people tend to overlook or ignore ✊
@@justcallmejon22 Indeed. Humans have the agency to fix the inhumanity of healthcare denial through compassionate and charitable means. The priority of any system, whether corporate or government, is maintaining its power structure, whatever the human cost.
Our state healthcare system recently identified alternative homeopathic health options and supplements as a threat to the hegemony of its system and is working towards laws limiting, controlling and banning these health options in Canada.
For any system, private or public, it's not about saving lives, it's about control.