depends on what the person did to me. If it really crossed the line, I'll come up with a well planned revenge to get back on their ass but most of the time I just simply block them and cut off in my life
@@gmarounf7472 Not really. A semi-decent woman is usually good enough. Looking at the couples around me, my whole life, I would say without a doubt that men bring much less, but take much more 9 times out of 10. Time, effort, energy, dedication, devotion, care, loyalty, kids, taking care of HIS parents. Sometimes even money. Not always, sure (my father's sister's ex-husband; poor man, I wouldn't wish his life on my worst enemy) but almost.
I'm an INTJ, we may come across as high maintenance (physically and/or emotionally) as we want and need to see other's on our level. Since INTJ's give it their best and all, we EXPECT that from others which is a positive and a negative depending on the situation. We are self-reliant thus finding a partner that benefits or complements us is hard cause usually other people can't produce the same standard we produce, but when you are in a relationship with us, we literally give it our all, we are loyal, committed and we don't BS around. We also love balance, we love our alone time with our thoughts but also yearn for companionship that isn't smothering or clingy. We rarely show our emotions so we may come off cold but we are really not, we are just logical.
I totally agree and would add just one more thing: I'm single because I'm the person who makes me happier, always. No one of all the people I've met so far ever went even close to that. It's hard to believe someone can understand, accept, and fulfill my needs more than myself. In the past, I tried to settle for less and only became the most miserable person ever. So, in the end, I always hope to be proven wrong by some Mr. Perfect-for-me-guy, but honestly I'm getting too old to not be realistic about the infinitesimal chances I have to meet him. And by now, I've become such a freaking pro at being emotionally and psychologically self-sufficient, that my expectations are even higher than in the past. So I'm doomed to be the INTJ woman devoted to her job, I guess.
@@justcallmejon22 Sounds amazing to me, I've already started choosing names for my future black cat 😂 and in the end, we all know we'll be the cool old people around 😎
I've been dating a 61 year old INTJ that thought she'd always be single. There are things I can do for her that she simply cannot do for herself and has learned to enjoy being taken care of. (I'm ENTJ.) At the end of the day, like myself, she didn't want to die alone...and now she won't have to.
My situation is similar, but I lucked out being born to an INTJ Dad and having an INTJ brother. So, while I know not to settle for less because I don’t want to make the other person and myself miserable, I also know how wonderful it is to communicate without words, and even to go to a gathering and split the Extrovert duties. The emotional cues of INTJs are subtle but easy for me to read. I am looking for the same foundation in a relationship. The hard part is to find an INTJ the right age, still alive; not a dead economist or physicist, or a libertarian historical figure. Oh, yeah, and the fictional INTJs make me realize that there are way more INTJ writers out there than the statistics get from surveying writing students. Screenplays especially where the job is to write the blueprint for the Sensates to make real. I have an ISTJ parent and siblings, too. Love them and need them, and glad they aren’t Extroverts, but can imagine being intensely lonely in an intimate relationship with one 24/7.
@@justcallmejon22 just pray to have one person believe me it's great to have a family . Cause family love, understand, compromise they can mess up things sometimes but these people never leave . ❤❤❤
The need for improvement is spot on. Once upon a time, I was engaged to a wealthy indolent fellow with the motivation of a stagnant pond. He wanted to waste his life watching tv. Everyone was shocked when I left him for one of his family's hired help. We're by no means rich. But always working on improvements. Best decision I ever made. ❤️
Scarily accurate description. I think you covered it pretty well. We’re very purposeful and practical people when it comes to the romantic world. Ironically, that in and of itself isn’t very romantic 🤣.
As a spouse of INTJ I have to say my experience is that if you can learn to understand INTJ and make empathy important to that understanding the relationship will be as I see it from my experience super romantic because loyalty and forever person. I'm INFP and learning to balance feelings VS thoughts has been big for us. Just wanted to say that it hasn't always been easy but it's always been worth it. I can't imagine being with anyone else. Good luck to all y'all INTJs just don't back down or try to change to make that other person happy. I'm seriously not trying to give you advice.. I just really think you all deserve that forever person.
Wow you hit the nail on the head. I’m fortunate that I met my husband. He accepted me for who I am from day one. We’ve been together 43 years. I appreciate that an INTJ is speaking about INTJs!
If this were a year ago, I would likely be that commenter that proudly proclaims being single. I met my forever person and damn, you're spot on about revealing layers. I feel like I can let go and just be happy. It's so strange because I felt I was happy before. I was quite content having the same routine every day after work without anyone coming in to disrupt it. I don't know, she just added to much to my life that it was hard to ignore. She also wasn't put off when I brought up expectations for marriage and family and it made me feel like I wouldn't be wasting my time with someone just to find out our goals didn't align. Lastly, and I hate to admit it, but I think she's smarter than me, but at least I know that I've grown as a person so much since I've met her.
I still haven't met a love interest that I believe to be smarter than myself but I can only imagine how attractive that might be for you. Congrats man, I'm happy for you 🙌
@@justcallmejon22 There ARE people SMARTER than the INTJ! They just don't know it or don't see it! Thank you to people like Joe who WILL admit to smarter ppl than INTJ! Trust me...there's the QUIETLY SMART MBTI's out there
@@FPT84 I’m not even quietly smart. And intjs love it. Fair enough when you make a rational point. I love intjs back and how they are not threatened by the brains i throw their way Even when I dominate (I’m entp)
I first took the MBTI when I was 30, not knowing what it was, and scored INTJ. A year or so later, I met the man who would become my husband in a mental health hospital. You get to know each other very well, very fast, in a mental health hospital. It. Was. As. If. Lightning. Struck. Over the years, as I looked back on it, I realized that in order to get through to me, it couldn't have been any less dramatic. Even our wedding was unconventional - a small ceremony in a county park - and he is eight years younger than me. At a time when having kids was still "convention," we elected not to due to our genetic and health histories. We've been married 29 years. He is an INFP.
This video was so insightful, and accurate. I have always kind of felt like I would "know" the right guy when I saw him. People keep telling me I need to make a list of traits and look for people who fit the traits, but the biggest things really come down to "is this person capable of engaging with me, and can they accept me anyway" and "are they an interesting person with convictions and goals" and the rest is basically window dressing (within reason lol). But I have a hard time articulating to other people how I just know someone "won't work out" after I meet them. I just know.
My INTJ experience can be summed up in three words. Pain, Confusion, and Frustration. Most of the time I escape with gross and self destructive Se things. Although it's not nearly as bad as when I was between the ages of 20-23.
The last part hits me right into my core. As you said, we are willing to change our 10 year plan for that special person, even most of the time they won't know it. If a person is worth to us, they don't need to know it. They are worth it. Just a shame we are, most of the time, getting misunderstood by people around us.
Been tired meeting people who pretend as INTJ.. oh come'on, you think we would trust one blindly without testing what their stands for. Jeez, why in the world many people really enjoy wasting time or have no idea what they're doing when try to entering rwlationship. Phhfff 😒
I still think its kind of twisted that God made INTJs to be their best version while being alone. Thats something I have really hard accepting about myself as INTJ but its so true.
Conventional labels seem like they come with rules that don't always make since. A girl mention to me that she wanted a committed relationship. I have no clue what she ment by that, but I hope she found it.
I'd like to be around people more often. But its draining and they don't understand me. Hell, my own family doesn't understand me. And they're always afraid to tell me I was right about something I couldn't have known. I think that's the way a lot of us navigate life; as gods among insects 🤷🏿♂️
@@darthconquest1046 The answer to that always seems to be to develop better Se. What I have found is that we can use our Ni, and Te to simulate Fe on a level that is more pleasing to others in a social situation. Extroverted feeling makes people comfortable, but it's not in our stack. Nothing wrong with breaking character a bit. It shows compassion. People appreciate that.
The reason I as an INTJ am single is probably a little more unique but still very much applicable to the personality. People have mostly heard of asexual, but there's also something like aromantic. I'm 28 years old but I've never developed ANY feelings or romance for someone ever. Which is strange because I do have emotions. I know INTJ's are private about their emotions, or don't understand them and may seem cold, but take this and multiply this by three, and you have me. Romance and relationships however seem great... concepts to me. Just concepts though, only being able to be analyzed in a cognitive way. It seems amazing to be this connected to a person in this way yet it's feeling is totally foreign to me. I really think that this isn't just normal INTJ stuff, but sign of something more serious. I have never met a person, or knew of a person that experienced it the same way as me. Or rather... lack of experience.
Hi! I’m very curious to know whether you experience love & passion for OBJECTS, like whatever you might be into. Are you interested in various aspects of art & design? If so, do you ever experience things like butterflies in your stomach, or palpitations from something SO beautiful that your body inadvertently reacts to the perfect confluence of design principles? Or have you experienced being in nature and feeling like you’re One with it, and enveloped in its beauty & grandeur? I’m 48, and though I’ve been attracted to people, and have had that sizzle & electricity with someone, I’ve never been involved with anyone I’d say I was in love with. I didn’t like them as people, but as an empath, I can easily care for people on the basis of principle-I could despise them, yet still be civil with anyone, simply to facilitate solutions. So basically, I don’t think I’m asexual or aromantic, but I know I could never be in love with someone I couldn’t talk to about anything & everything. It’d have to be mentally-stimulating convo, as well, and we’d both have to be working on ourselves and accomplishing things that we could get excited about discussing with one another. We don’t have to have EVERYTHING in common, but anything short of a “best friend” model of relationship would be unfulfilling for me. Have you ever encountered someone, even if only for a brief few minutes, or even a moment, where you felt that spark? If not, it wouldn’t seem odd for an INTJ to not entertain even the possibility of being in a romantic relationship, cuz what would be the point of that?
@@MoPoppins Rarely. I am a digital visual artist, I also make music and compose music. I'm fond of nature and art but I wouldn't go as far that I ''love'' it. Because love is an emotion and I'm fond of these things more in a cognitive way. Though, I have felt... something positive when I expected to eat food I really liked and also when listening to certain music. But for people? nope, never. I also doubt the ''spark'' is even commensurable when you're talking about romanticism. It's just not the same as liking food or music. For your story, pretty run of the mill stuff. And I do not mean that in a mean way. Lastly, I would see a point in a romantic relationship, for the emotional support it could bring, and there're many more reasons.
@@ZTRCTGuy Interesting. I could even feel in your energy an emotional detachment. As an INTJ myself, dispassion & disinterest come naturally to me, so I relate to those sensations & experiences. Because many of my feelings can be relegated to the cognitive realm (for efficiency & simplicity to conserve energy), when I’m OVERCOME with emotion and sensation, I almost don’t know what to do with them-I used to try to keep them “tidy,” and would attempt to analyze what was happening inside my body, but then realized that sometimes, we’re simply meant to SURRENDER to the moment. Of course, I still do the INTJ “calculated risk” assessment, but there are also moments where I’m not allowed that clarity, so those times reveal that I’m not a “robot,” after all. 😂 I wouldn’t mind being a robot of sorts, but then I might not be able to enjoy food & music + all kinds of beauty, to the extent that I do, so I make concessions to my humanity for that trade-off.
Just stopped dating an INTJ and it’s very sad. I had no idea this whole thought process was going on and I was confused when it was finally revealed to me haha. It was mutual to end it and was the right decision but wow, what luck to meet someone that dedicated to a future life together. I genuinely thought they weren’t ready to think in serious terms because they said they didn’t know what they wanted so in the end it was me not bringing the gold to the table because I didn’t want to invest if it was just me wanting to (I was going with the flow to see where it would end up) which they saw as a problem for the long term goal (to see if we’d last til the bitter end). Bless our souls. But we ended because of dissimilar values, I was too sensitive for them and for me I didn’t feel emotionally secure with them. It’s a shame - INFP
I'm sorry to hear that your relationship didn't work out and I hope the best for you two. I really do believe that sometimes you meet the right person but just at the wrong time. No matter what happens to either of you, just remember that at one point of your life, you were the prize in someone's eyes ❤
@@justcallmejon22 aww that’s so lovely. I was hoping you’d reply because you always give great responses and it was beautiful and what I needed. Thank you for that.
I'm an INTJ and was married to an IN FJ for 48 years My first relationship after she passed away was another INFJ. What I learned was why she was single for 38 years. Lots of projects no completions .
This was spot-on for me! My partner and I joke that our first date was more like a job interview, and once we realized we had compatible large goals, everything else fell into place. Over 20 years ago. He's been my support through undergrad and grad school, and now I'm supporting him through an unfortunate worker's comp injury. Had I not met him, or someone who met my intellectual standards, I would have been content to be a crazy cat lady. (He even supports that. Bless!) He gives me all the alone time I need, and understands when the world gets to be too much and runs interference. This reminds me I don't appreciate him enough. I do try to show it, no surprise to anyone here that saying so isn't something I remember to do.
To be honest I can’t be bothered to search for a new relationship and go through all the faking to get an attention of another person. I like to be me without the other person to tell me to wear more lipstick, bigger décolleté etc. Since I took up German and Japanese I have all my time free filled up and I am learning something useful.
Yes, you really got everything right (except I would be willing to try to get into a relationship I was uncertain about)... but, in my case there's an extra thing: I'm very insecure about how the opposite gender sees me. I was bullied at school and called ugly in many different ways. Since then, I learned what works for me and had a great improvement on my looks, but men still don't approach me. And that's the thing... people know they are attractive and gain self confidence when others approach them "romantically". But since nobody approaches me, I feel unattractive and don't have self confidence to try to even talk to people who I'm interested in.
I was the fat kid in class as a child so I empathize with your feeling of low self-confidence. I think the issue with us INTJs is not that we're not attractive, because attraction is more than just physical, it's that we unknowingly present ourselves as unavailable to potential suitors. It's always weird to do this but I usually somehow mention that I've been on "dates" when I'm around other single people to let them know that I am available and looking, which tends to open up a path towards romance. So put yourself out there my INTJ sister, it's going to feel weird but hopefully it leads to the result that you want ✊
I was just having this thought: "I always need to have a project something to work on, even if I don't know the end goal" And I also though (don't know how I got there) "A relationship is a project in its self". I think this really reflects what you said about making your life revolve around the significant other. Not sure if the comment makes sense LOL
It makes sense brotha. I usually only feel helpless when I don't have a project to work on rather than working on a tough project and I see everything I do as a project because it makes it easier to approach, even relationships 😅
Very accurate. And I've always believed that somewhere in the process of building my future, I'll meet that one person that just works and fits perfectly with me.
As an INTJ, I got tired of being misinterpreted and of all the demands. Always explaining my decisions to people that make the mistake of thinking the rest of the world thinks like them. When you don't comply with the demands, they start to judge you and all the drama and arguments start. No thanks. So, I "work" in the fringe of society. No dating, no going out to get drunk or hammered etc. I only engage with society enough to have an income, which provides what I want and need to live life as I see fit. Peace, tranquility, building my house and classic car for relaxation is perfect.
I am am INFJ and i am so grateful for your insight into the INTJ bc i have found mine and I'm not letting him go. ❤ But i want to learn about him bc he is so special. I have dated a lot of people and no one can compare to the INTJ. I will follow him anywhere bc i trust him and i know that he is brilliant. So excited!!!!
I am an INFJ married to an INTJ, and I find him highly intelligent and funny, robotic in one sense and loyal and generous in another. We have learned how to ‘argue’ in an efficient way, because we are both dedicated to finding a suitable resolution and moving along in a timely manner lol. We are both excellent at agreeing to disagree, and have learned to thoroughly enjoy our differences in opinion. We are both homebodies and that is such a relief.
Wow... As an INTJ female, I'm truly amazed at how true this is... If I don't think you're compatible on a fundamental level with me, I am not getting into a relationship with you
Just came across this, so accurate haha. I'm an INTJ (27, male) and recently started dating an INTJ (28, female). Absolutely my best dating experience so far. Our very first date we went into detail about our current goals and plans. We're taking our time and it just flows well because we understand how we process stuff. I am putting some extra effort in the 'feeling' department trying to make her feel special and she does appreciate that. Don't know how we will end up, but I can already tell that Im willing to put in so much more effort than usually!
I was single for a long time. Not because others didn’t find me attractive, but because they were intimidated by me. But one really persistent ESTJ was crazy enough to marry me and we’ve been married for 6 years now and have 3 y.o. son. Point 5 is very accurate. I was planning to go live abroad, but my husband prefers to be relatively close to his family home. I don’t regret it. Regarding alone time - it’s also true. Especially when my son was very small baby I used to go out to the shopping centre in places nobody would know me.
Congrats on finding your forever person! I know the person much be really special if they win over the heart of an INTJ. In regards to the baby, give your son extra love and attention for Uncle Jon 😀
We need alone time even when we are around someone else. We must always be able to hear our own thoughts. If conversation with someone else is mundane it aggravates us because it interrupts our thoughts.
Absolutely agree! Thank you for the video. Some of my friends don't understand when I say that intelligence and abstract conversations matter too me very much in a potential partner. Only my intp best friend gets it. It would be hard for me to connect if we speak totally different "languages". Sometimes I hear from guys that I treat dates like interviews 😂 alone time seems weird for most guys because I don't demand attention and sometimes even irritated by someone overly emotional towards me especially in the first couple of months. I can't understand why people sometimes say I love you, miss you and something like that without thoroughly thinking and embracing it. Thank you again!
Exactly- it’s like they’re just robots that don’t actually question why they say they love you. They just think they should be telling SOMEONE I love you lol It’s bizarre.
Sometimes saying “I love you” means I care about you, I hope you are doing well, I’m here for you, you make me feel safe and I want you to feel safe. Those are beautiful words and should never be limited.
Great video. Thank you for this. It is good to see someone explain what you can't. As a INTJ woman,with 24 years, and single since forever, i feel this video was very accurated. Keep doing great content.
Thank you man. As an INTJ, this level of understanding literally brought happiness to my soul. And I found answers to many situations and behaviours of mine in my real life. And learned some good things too. Thank you. You're a great speaker btw.
Yes I agree with the fact we simply don’t clue in if someone likes us. We are rather oblivious. As a married INTJ A female relationships can be a challenge because we live in our heads so much. Also I don’t need my husband as much as he needs me, I have to make it a matter of focus to deliberately pay attention to him. I am logical, direct and he is emotional, and obscure in his communication style so it is definitely a challenge. He does not believe in the MBTI or other personality profile tests but I have found them to be incredibly accurate. It’s understandable why relationships take so much effort for us because being alone is so easy for us. But, through this 41 year relationship it has forced me to grow in ways I would never have achieved if I hadn’t been challenged so greatly.
I’m an ENTJ woman. I’ve been watching your videos and it’s making me realize the beauty in relatability and same-ness. I always had this ideal that I wanted to be with an ENTP , but after meeting an intj my mentality is changing . I know I’m just one person , but I’d love more ENTJ x INTJ content . For one , I’m interested in intj masculinity and how that shows up
Welcome to the world of INTJs! MY closest friends are ENTJs so I understand the connection. I'm not sure what you mean by INTJ masculinity but I will say that healthy INTJs don't care to follow trends and will do things our own way. So if there's a societal expectation that's considered masculine, I can almost guarantee you a healthy INTJ doesn't care to follow it 😉
@@justcallmejon22 honestly I have ADHD and I don’t even remember what I meant by that 🤣 thank you for answering !! I love how you explain things and I look forward to more videos :-)))
@@justcallmejon22 I do have a question though and I’m not sure if it’s strictly a case by case but do you think an intj man would mind a woman initiating ? Because of their Ni-Se desire for choice ? Or it just depends on the who the woman initiating is ?
I would add: We tend to express attachment by "taking care" of things that support them... while it's not viewed as a "romantic" gesture, per say, & clearly isn't seen that way by others, it IS how I express attachment...in a very practical way. I'm not very tolerant of the "mushy" nor "needy" clingy stuff... I detest being crowded & interrupting me when I'm in "my zone" will get a deep glare & silence... If the building isn't on fire, DON'T INTERRUPT ME!!!🖤
I'm am Aroace INTJ. My reasons for staying out and away from relationships are because it's so troublesome. Trust is shaky, one simple thing can break the trusts. It's too easy to get heartbroken. And I prefer to focus on something I actually need, like my education. So If I were to get into a relationship, I'd prefer to wait until I'm older and I have finished my education.
I support your approach to relationships but I will say that as with anything, there's no such thing as perfect timing. Definitely work on yourself first though ✊🏼
For many years I did my best to suppress my natural personality traits and tendencies because I know many of them are the opposite of what society deems acceptable, and during that time I dated often. Now that I’ve grown a bit older and accepted who I am, I’ve become perpetually single. It just seems like a waste of energy at this point. Not everyone believes in a forever person. It’s not logical to believe in a forever person. You will grow and change through every phase of your life, and so will they. Believing you’ll always grow together is a lovely sentiment, but very unlikely. So you’re either going to inevitably part someday, or you’re going to keep someone around you don’t relate to anymore because commitment (and divorce is expensive). I think once an INTJ has been brutally honest with themselves about what relationships actually are, it becomes quite difficult to desire them.
Thanks for the comment and I'm glad you found a way to live your life that suits your lifestyle. I disagree with that train of logic that growing as a person in relationship means that both partners will eventually not be compatible anymore. I believe that a good partner will always be there to support you even when you're at your worst, nothing more. Yes ,the divorce rate is high but that also proves that people are making it work. I support your decision either way ✊
I see people around me all the time staying in relationships that look draining and demoralizing, and I wonder what the heck they're doing. If I begin to have true interest in somebody, I definitely start poking around, both consciously and unconsciously to find any weak spots. Because if there's a weak spot, and the other person isn't willing to address it with me, I know it's not going to work, so I leave. It yields me being chronically single. But I would much rather live 10 years of my life single, then spend 10 years of my life in a crappy relationship
I agree with being single than being in a crappy relationship and I learned not too long ago that not everyone believes the same thing. Do what makes the most sense for you fellow INTJ, I support it ✊
i dated another intj. It sucks! Yes, i felt neglected... so much.. absolutely agree with you on this. Well, i tried to communcate it many times as well and tried to make schedule so i didn't bother him. But he didn't give any efforts.. so best to leave him.
Very interesting topic indeed. I can't speak for all of us but as a single infj female, I would definitely agree with reasons 3 and 4. For me a failed relationship equals waste of time, simply unforgivable lol.
@@ἄτομος0 Not surprising as male INTJ’s are actually one of the very few type males that would be willing to tie the not with a woman that is of equal, or greater intelligence than he is.
@@sylviaowega3839 my wife's smarter then i am. Went to top NYC school etc. Im guy that walked the street, dealt drugs when younger, didnt care about anyone, just read books. We both have doctorate level educations though which is another compatibility match.
you never know who wants what. I been in a few situations where people liked me as a man of mystery. As soon as I opened up to say hey look Im a person just like you. They get bored or become unsatisfied somehow. Some are like kids staring at an amazon package, there could be anything inside and the magic of that, is often worth more than whats actually inside.
Thank you for explaining it so well. As intj I couldn't give up my sacred solitude, but I recognize that sometimes that solitude is a bit cold...and it warms my heart to know I'm not the only one in the world with this vision. Not the only crazy, pretentious and romantic alien out here (like I often feel among my acquaintances). Thank you very much for this video, and many good things to you!
THANK YOU for your perspective. As a middle aged INTJ who just figured out this about themselves, I've put off about five tasks just to watch this video lol. And now my task is to watch as many of your videos as possible.
as an INTJ who has an INFP friend, I can understand what you saying he literally goes around the street in the way to the school trying to reach out to girls and he tells me his stories about how he failed at it and he wants me to comfort him about it and im next to him thinking : (this guy is in another level than me what kinda superpower is that? i should ask him how he does it) but i tend to keep my cool and try to act normal and will tell him : (it's okay maybe next time) note: he is not that handsome too, in fact he is the least attractive guy around but he has the confidence of a Top G, i really admire him for this
Who are you and how did you get inside my head? ;) But in all seriousness, spot on. I'm also going to add an external reason to these as well. We're freaking intimidating to others. Because we tend to be perfectionistic, and we very often succeed in our goals (because of planning and contingencies). Our need for alone time and generaly being a bit withdrawn doesn't help out either, because we either seem emotionaly unavailable or completely without a need for social interaction.
Very accurate As I age, I realize I deviate more and more from my core type of INTJ I becomes feeling better staying in groups, having fun instead of running home as early as I can so I can work on updating my priority list or learning something I find this interesting but not sure how this has happened
Well said. I don't see many INTJs who acknowledge growth and development (taking us beyond rigid scopes of INTJness). At age 51, I have a bandwidth to play beyond my preferred stack.
YES finally! all to of people who are into mbti personality stuff seem to get stuck in the mindset that "this is me now, and if I change or feel the need to act out of character for the greater good--is wrong"
Hi Jon. It's my turn to be that person that says "I usually don't comment on videos but..." I'm amazed at how accurate you are in your observations and your delivery. From several videos I've watched from you, everything you mention is so on point. I started to feel a bit like an outlier in relationships and in life, despite being around several like minded Ni doms. I find the process of relationship building to be extremely draining. Especially as a woman, the expectation that I have to be soft/spoken and emotionally caring and open was a weight that made some of my experience in my relationships honestly hell. I haven't had that much dating experience, but I have to say the INTJ I dated was the best so far despite our differences in values and Ni planning. We both experienced the "your life goals revolve around that person" phenomenon with each other and would talk about our plans for the future with each other and how we were going to resolve different issues that we were not going to encounter for a long time. Keep up the good work and thanks for taking your time and life experience and sharing it with us.
Thank you, I really appreciate you leaving a comment! You expressing your gratitude helps me as well letting me know that my effort has a positive impact. You might be physically alone but you're not alone, my INTJ sister. You have a community if you need us 🙂
I might add… I’ve had ONE man invite me to coffee and not cancel in seven… yes… seven years. He told me I scared the hell out of him and that he’d never measure up… and… I haven’t seen him since… sigh…. and I LIKED him!!!! 🤷♀️
The way that other types' project their insecurities on an INTJ is unfathomable I swear. I hope you find someone that appreciates you for who you are soon if that's what you're searching for ✊
I agree 💯 percent. Most people don’t understand us and misjudged us without getting to know us. I don’t want stagnancy even in friendships. I want someone who understands me and I can grow with them but is seems the majority of people are vapid and shallow. I only have two friends that I met in college and one of them is a fellow INTJ. Relationships are hard since I want to invest in someone who is willing to be in a committed relationship with me. I’m almost in my mid 30’s and I am willing to move for someone as long as I know that I will have a stable foundation with that person and they can understand my complex personality. I show affection to people who care about me and I know will be there for me. Some people will see that as cold but I don’t care.
I understand. I'm slowly trying to grow and meet people without any expectations and it's still a learning process. I understand the power of being part of a tribe so that's my new growth opportunity of myself ✊
Spot on. I left my career family, culture, country, language, my dream bookstores for my person. What this relationship has never been is stagnant. Hence why it was worth it.
Since people of the INTJ type like to analyse (and sometimes overanalyse) everything, we also sometimes assume stances on romantic love in general that are less conventional as a result of that analysis. I also belong to this type, and I can say that I generally tend to view concepts such as "romantic love"/"being in love" critically. I see their historical origins (while many people perceive them as "natural" instead). I also see a lot of disfunctionality in the concept of "dating". I am capable of developing romantic and sexual attraction, and I have even been in a relationship based on "romantic love"™. However, as a get older, I realise that I don't have much use for this concept. I do, however, have use for the concept of "partnership". But I sincerely believe that "romantic love" (fleeting emotional state based on elevated hormone levels) is not a good foundation for a partnership for me (if it works for somebody else though, I am happy for them). Let me use an example from popular culture to illustrate what I mean. In the show called "The X-Files", the two main characters (agent Scully and agent Mulder) were partners in life: they had the same goal (searching for the Truth) and aims (keeping their project/life's work alive, investigating strange phenomena...), they risked their lives together for something important, went through a lot and, as a result, knew each other better than anyone could know them. Yet, they were not "dating", and you could more often see them hiding in the bushes and covered in slime while chasing aliens than having a "romantic dinner". I believe they have developed a romantic/sexual connection eventually, but this was such a small detail compared to the scale of their partnership (having the same life goal and saving each other's lives regularly is infinitely more important than "having butterflies in the stomach"). The romantic attraction was just an optional cherry on top, not the foundation of their relationship (the shared life's work was the foundation). I would like to have a partnership like that, based on the shared calling, not on "romantic love". Romantic attraction may or may not join the relationship later, it does not matter to me that much, to be honest. Unlike with romantic attraction, however, you cannot find a partner to share your calling with on a dating app. It has to happen naturally. You just work and grow in your field, hoping that one day you will come across a person who is driven towards the same goal with the same passion.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on love! I'm the opposite, I want the butterfly feeling and the instability of emotions because I allow someone to have that much control over me. However, I only want it with one person and that person has to show that they are worth it. I wouldn't mind the relationship you mentioned between Scully and Mulder going on adventures together either but I know myself well enough that my Fi would need more of an emotional connection. If you haven't found your partner yet, I hope you find that person soon and if you're single by choice, I support that decision as well ✊
As a 66 yr old INTJ Woman, it’s a drag being single, sigh. Had lots pursue me, have interest in me but never found an equal. Spent most of my Life alone and now question many things about the path I took. I believe being romantically shy has hurt me a lot.
@@justcallmejon22 and how many decades do you think I should believe in that plan? 15+ yrs trying. Apparently, 87% of men don’t like intelligent women, that’s problem #1
I am an older INTJ woman. I dated quite a bit and then got tired of men getting too emotional and possessive. I took a year off dating. Then I met my husband, an ISTJ. He knew a lot of stuff and we had great conversations. He was practical and was not afraid to challenge me if he thought I was wrong. He admires my intelligence and I admire his unfailing loyalty and adherence to a set of moral standards.
Okay, I usually don't comment that much but your videos are super interesting. As an INTJ woman who is also interested in women... this is very accurate. I find it even harder to connect with women romantically because I miss all the clues to courtship or I don't know how to flirt with someone naturally. At least, with men, it's easier to know if a guy is flirting with you but with women omg.... this is another language haha.
Actually, you can get good at this if you want to, many woman are. I am a straight man and I see woman all the time I know are only into girls. There are LOTS of little things girls do to advertise quietly (or otherwise) that they are into girls. Something it's as simple as a Rainbow bracelet, that can get you hit on! Touch and eye contact tell you 80% of everything you need to know. The only way your are going to understand those signals is to go out into the world, take risks and learn. People always say you need to have "confidence". Pure BS! I've got it now, and I got from making every mistake possible and learning to read peoples behavior. Your knowledge and chances go up literally 100% every time you have an "experience". Ha! Of course many of them will not be compatible with us, but over time you get better at spotting them too! It's a game to figure out the variables and you my friend are MUCH better suited to figure this out than 95% of the population. Have fun, it's just a game!
@@daviderickennedy2194 Hi David, thank you for your comment. It’s very funny to read your comment now that I met someone and did exactly what you advise me haha. I targeted an INTP and it’s working out fine so far, we’ll see what happens 🤷🏻♀️
This is SO sad, because INTJs are amazing. They are some of my favorite people. I also happened to marry an INTJ. He's my favorite person on this planet! Other INTJs I know are amazing, too. I know two female INTJs and have a nephew whom we are fairly certain is a budding INTJ. He is too young to know for certain, but he is my husband's mini in every way... especially in how he thinks. I hope each of you amazing INTJs find your own compatible person to marry. My INTJ husband is so happy with me, as I am with him. We are each other's forever person. -ENFP
11:36. Bless you! "The end doesn't justify the means." You said it correctly. I cringe when I hear this said backwards. It's even in "Oppenheimer" backwards!
This INTJ 64 year young male found his next forever partner on Valentines Day (my wife of 37 years passed away). I established a detailed scope of work for the first date before asking her out (dinner, pool, karaoke, etc.). Everything has been going so nicely that I have started complimenting her on helping me get new goals and a vision for the future. As I reflect on this type of "sweet talk" I realize that I sound less romantic than a file cabinet, lol! :) Fortunately, she accepts me for who I am and is starting to learn what makes me tick.
I’m an 18 year old INTJ who recently just ended a very serious 2 year relationship (we were living together even tho we are young, I live on my own). And I have to say figuring out my personality type made me feel a lot better about my relationship life. Forever I thought I was a psycho for not being overly empathetic and tending to people every feeling and thought. My partner always complained I was never open and dismissive of their emotions and too focused on my career. But to me I thought if I focused on my career and built a life early the relationship would work itself out along with that. Anyways…. That plan didn’t work out, however that doesn’t change the end goal, but man relationships for us are different..
Sorry to hear that the relationship didn't work out and I hope you're doing well. Regardless of type, it's always tough to lose someone that you were once close to. I'm glad that you found the INTJ community, I remember thinking exactly the same thing as you when I was younger, wondering if there was something wrong with me because I couldn't empathize at the same level as my peers. Keep doing you, things always work out at the end but don't fall into the trap of being jaded. Life is going to suck but you'll always emerge stronger as long as you're making progress ✊
That makes so much sense! I have met this one person a couple of months ago and they proofed themselves to be just the person that would work. I am an intj obliviously and they are an istp I think but we fit like peas in a pod.
Hahahahaha! Your comment about INFP dating also made me laugh so hard! It's true that we dont have the same methods when it comes to dating compared to INTJ's, but I wanted to explain how it works with our cognitive functions so its not so intimidating to INTJ's (or precieved as a waste of time ;) Dating for INFP's is not linear. We dont know the exact route to get to where we want to go. We dont have a "blueprint" of what we want the future to look like. (Like Ni does). Instead, we're going on a road trip; we see the finish line, the destination, with the beautiful surroundings, luxurious accommodations, and fun activites to participate it. But we dont know all the details of how to get there or best route to take. So we need a few things to help us get there: Fi, our Compass, holds the secret core of what we're looking for in a relationship. It holds our most treasured ideas, dreams, and goals we want for our future with someone to be like). It always knows which way to point, even when we get lost and dont know where we are. However, we need more than just the "idea"/compass of what we're looking for in order to make that dream a reality. That's where Ne comes in. We need more detailed information in order to make a more accurate and informed decision on where to go or where to start. This can only come through "information gathering" (Ne), usually a combination of both research and personal experience. If Fi is the Compass, Ne is the Regional Map we use to travel down the new and unfamiliar. This map constantly updates and expands depending on where we are or where we want to go. Whatever data is gathered from Ne is sent to Fi, and then Fi either recalibrates and changes the direction or gives the green light to keep going the current trajectory. (Sometimes Ne experience also re-adjusts the Fi compass as well, like how Te can update Ni for INTJ's). All that information gathered by Ne, (whether approved by Fi or not) is then stored in Si for future reference. Si records previous information gathered about highways, ditches, road blocks, or bumpy roads and then informs Fi of which areas to avoid or actively look for in the future. Si is the Satellite Database (like the Cloud or like those up close photos in Google Maps) that informs and updates the Fi compass and Ne regional map of the best direction(s) to go. It can zoom in and out of photos and records everything with incredible accuracy. And finally, Te is the stick-shift Car we use to drive down all the different roads, paths, detours, and pit stops we take to get to our destination. It's a little awkward because the car is old and we're not familiar with driving stick-shift, but with enough time and practice, we get more comfortable. If we feel sufficiently supported from our Fi Compass, Ne Regional Map, and Si Satellite Database, we feel confident and empowered to jump in the car and just drive. It's a relatively slow and sometimes a bumpy and unpleasant ride, but what we gain through the entire journey and reward we reach at the end makes everything worthwhile.
Hi Jon! Im an INTJ (T). Im also architect, when I did the test for the first time and then I read the description was shocking for me. All was a description of my personality, thanks for the information.
Welcome to the community! Don't forget that MBTI is only a tool and should not be used as your identity. Enjoy your time with the community, my friend ✊
Being in a relationships always resulted in one thing for me: I was unable to chase my dreams. Being in my 40's now, I realized a relationship is not the answer to all my wishes and dreams. So... thanks a lot for your "studio audience" clap, dude! I'm better off alone 😉 PS you're right, the task I'm doing now in my back = plan for an emergency escape when SHTF in EU, with plan B, C, D, and backup-plans plus possible interconnected routes to switch from one plan to another if necessary. PPS I left a like for your effort.
It saddens me to hear that your relationship didn't work out, I just hope that you became a better person as a result of it. Do what's best for you fellow INTJ, you got my support either way (even if you don't want it) 🙂
@@justcallmejon22 There's nothing to be sad about here 😉I regained my freedom and can do whatever I want - For me that's the opposite of being sad. But I'll check out your other videos, too. Some seem to have interesting topics, just like the one with depression.
It's funny when you finally heard someone talked andconsider things through similar brain process. 😂 In my 30s and came up with this conclussion + back up plans for the back ups BCDFG and its alternatives route. 😂😂
@@justcallmejon22 Sorry for that. I was just stating a basic fact to me. I got lucky teenage hormones drove her to make the first move after months of playing halo with friends after school.
video had a lot of great points. Felt nice to be so seen and understood in video format lol. like watching a doctor dissect my brain. And I don't know if it's because I'm a younger INTJ or because of the way I was raised but I definitely err on the side of "focusing on the big picture and chasing goals". That resonated very deeply with me. I've imagined many times what I would have to do in order to make a relationship work, the compromises i'd have to make in my personal goals and my sleep-work-sleep lifestyle, And then I've thought about what type of person I'd have to find in order to justify dropping my lifestyle and doing those things... So far my experiences have made me conclude that the reward hasn't been worth the risk of abandoning personal goals. I think for the INTJ it's really a matter of priorities and the person you meet. In my past relationships I naturally spent less time chasing goals, less time doing what I wanted so the relationship could live, but then at some point I realize I've been taking a backseat on my goals, and while I enjoy being around the person, I'd rather be doing what I truly want, and my priorities aren't really focused around a partner. when this happens is usually when the relationship ends. Like you said in the video, for most INTJs, If we were to suddenly find a person that is okay with our lifestyle (rare) or find a person that's more gratifying to be with than our self-fulfilling goal focused way of life (also rare), or if we gave up and decided our goals aren't worth chasing, or if we lowered what we can tolerate in our partner... Maybe we wouldn't be single.
It really is difficult to find someone that will allow an INTJ to grow without holding us back but I know they're out there. I've been in healthy relationships before and the timing just wasn't right. If you're searching, I hope you find your person. Don't ever settle, it'll breed resentment ✊
I was married 13 years, and a slew of ladies there after. I am a real deal INTJ. Have been single for the longest stretch of my life. At age 59.5, and 3 years single, I have no interest of being in any more strangle hold incarcerated relationships.
INTJ here. The reason I'm single right now is that other things matter much more to me at this moment. Like improving my health and financial security (I just landed an amzing secure job, so I'm one step closer to the task - find a partner).
My friends were just saying this… they were like you’re the most thoughtful caring person …. After you’ve known us for two years and we’ve proven ourselves lol before that I was not like that at all. The caring stuff caught them all off guard lol
"There's no place in my schedule for a romantic committment" is definitely an INTJ moment
(coming from one)
💯
Yes
"if you're an intj watching this video, I guarantee that there's a task you're pushing off right now". Ouch 👀🤣💯
Reality slapped you in the face didn't it 😂🙂
almost every task on the list, too 😅
😂omfg😂 how did you know??? Lol😂
Nah
I am not putting it off. I am laying the ground work and using the information as a scapple in the future.
As an INTJ we come off as narcissistic but I’m very loyal and have high morals. But definitely vengeful
How do we come off as narcissistic?
depends on what the person did to me. If it really crossed the line, I'll come up with a well planned revenge to get back on their ass but most of the time I just simply block them and cut off in my life
@@Cashcash08 yes that is very true, but I can get revenge in the worst ways I can tell what makes people upset and can spot their weaknesses.
@@moneymanagement24 ohhh that's already revenge? That's just giving a taste of their medicine for me.
As an INFP I'm currently shook and amazed at this conversation that I am witnessing. Lol
Perhaps some INTJs are single because they do not get out of their house? 😂
Same for infj 😅
you were indeed right.
Or are chained to their beds by an ESFP...
@@gmarounf7472 😁😁😁 Poor INTJs!
Fair point. 😂
My mother always said, "It takes an extraordinary man to be better than no man at all."
Truth.
Took me a few to fully grasp the quote but now that I do, 💯
The same logic could be applied to women too tbh.
Change man to person and you nailed it
@@gmarounf7472 Not really. A semi-decent woman is usually good enough. Looking at the couples around me, my whole life, I would say without a doubt that men bring much less, but take much more 9 times out of 10. Time, effort, energy, dedication, devotion, care, loyalty, kids, taking care of HIS parents. Sometimes even money. Not always, sure (my father's sister's ex-husband; poor man, I wouldn't wish his life on my worst enemy) but almost.
@@am1156disagreed ,women bring too less
INTJ have highest standards..within a second we'll know if you're the one or not.
Well said, we don't like to waste our time on randoms.
orrrr... you guys just alwasy take everyone at face value or think first impressions are all there is....
"I knew I loved you before I met you." Savage Garden.
ua-cam.com/video/jjnmICxvoVY/v-deo.html
100%
That's fine by us@@BenjaminAlternate
I'm an INTJ, we may come across as high maintenance (physically and/or emotionally) as we want and need to see other's on our level. Since INTJ's give it their best and all, we EXPECT that from others which is a positive and a negative depending on the situation. We are self-reliant thus finding a partner that benefits or complements us is hard cause usually other people can't produce the same standard we produce, but when you are in a relationship with us, we literally give it our all, we are loyal, committed and we don't BS around. We also love balance, we love our alone time with our thoughts but also yearn for companionship that isn't smothering or clingy. We rarely show our emotions so we may come off cold but we are really not, we are just logical.
💯, it's simple to date us, just unlearn what modern-day society taught you about dating 😂
👀
Amen!
Definitely not cold, emotionally protected by logic.
Yes, you are absolutely correct! 🎯
I totally agree and would add just one more thing: I'm single because I'm the person who makes me happier, always. No one of all the people I've met so far ever went even close to that. It's hard to believe someone can understand, accept, and fulfill my needs more than myself. In the past, I tried to settle for less and only became the most miserable person ever. So, in the end, I always hope to be proven wrong by some Mr. Perfect-for-me-guy, but honestly I'm getting too old to not be realistic about the infinitesimal chances I have to meet him. And by now, I've become such a freaking pro at being emotionally and psychologically self-sufficient, that my expectations are even higher than in the past. So I'm doomed to be the INTJ woman devoted to her job, I guess.
You're not alone in that feeling. I accepted that I'll be the lonely old man with 3 cats and 2 dogs...and I'm okay with that 😆
@@justcallmejon22 Sounds amazing to me, I've already started choosing names for my future black cat 😂 and in the end, we all know we'll be the cool old people around 😎
I've been dating a 61 year old INTJ that thought she'd always be single. There are things I can do for her that she simply cannot do for herself and has learned to enjoy being taken care of. (I'm ENTJ.)
At the end of the day, like myself, she didn't want to die alone...and now she won't have to.
My situation is similar, but I lucked out being born to an INTJ Dad and having an INTJ brother. So, while I know not to settle for less because I don’t want to make the other person and myself miserable, I also know how wonderful it is to communicate without words, and even to go to a gathering and split the Extrovert duties. The emotional cues of INTJs are subtle but easy for me to read.
I am looking for the same foundation in a relationship. The hard part is to find an INTJ the right age, still alive; not a dead economist or physicist, or a libertarian historical figure. Oh, yeah, and the fictional INTJs make me realize that there are way more INTJ writers out there than the statistics get from surveying writing students. Screenplays especially where the job is to write the blueprint for the Sensates to make real. I have an ISTJ parent and siblings, too. Love them and need them, and glad they aren’t Extroverts, but can imagine being intensely lonely in an intimate relationship with one 24/7.
@@justcallmejon22 just pray to have one person believe me it's great to have a family . Cause family love, understand, compromise they can mess up things sometimes but these people never leave . ❤❤❤
The need for improvement is spot on. Once upon a time, I was engaged to a wealthy indolent fellow with the motivation of a stagnant pond. He wanted to waste his life watching tv. Everyone was shocked when I left him for one of his family's hired help. We're by no means rich. But always working on improvements. Best decision I ever made. ❤️
Trust me when I say I understand. People thought I was crazy when I left a trust-fund baby for a similar reason 🙃
Scarily accurate description. I think you covered it pretty well. We’re very purposeful and practical people when it comes to the romantic world. Ironically, that in and of itself isn’t very romantic 🤣.
😂
As a spouse of INTJ I have to say my experience is that if you can learn to understand INTJ and make empathy important to that understanding the relationship will be as I see it from my experience super romantic because loyalty and forever person. I'm INFP and learning to balance feelings VS thoughts has been big for us. Just wanted to say that it hasn't always been easy but it's always been worth it. I can't imagine being with anyone else. Good luck to all y'all INTJs just don't back down or try to change to make that other person happy. I'm seriously not trying to give you advice.. I just really think you all deserve that forever person.
I'm a 48 yo INFP female who's had multiple relationships with INTJs over the years. I finally found the one & we will marry on 10-13-23 ❤
Congrats on finding yourself an INTJ and happy early marriage!!! ❤
Wow you hit the nail on the head. I’m fortunate that I met my husband. He accepted me for who I am from day one. We’ve been together 43 years. I appreciate that an INTJ is speaking about INTJs!
Congrats on finding your loverboy my INTJ sister! I hope to be in your shoes one day 🙂
If this were a year ago, I would likely be that commenter that proudly proclaims being single. I met my forever person and damn, you're spot on about revealing layers. I feel like I can let go and just be happy. It's so strange because I felt I was happy before. I was quite content having the same routine every day after work without anyone coming in to disrupt it. I don't know, she just added to much to my life that it was hard to ignore. She also wasn't put off when I brought up expectations for marriage and family and it made me feel like I wouldn't be wasting my time with someone just to find out our goals didn't align. Lastly, and I hate to admit it, but I think she's smarter than me, but at least I know that I've grown as a person so much since I've met her.
I still haven't met a love interest that I believe to be smarter than myself but I can only imagine how attractive that might be for you. Congrats man, I'm happy for you 🙌
@@justcallmejon22 There ARE people SMARTER than the INTJ! They just don't know it or don't see it! Thank you to people like Joe who WILL admit to smarter ppl than INTJ! Trust me...there's the QUIETLY SMART MBTI's out there
@@FPT84 I’m not even quietly smart. And intjs love it. Fair enough when you make a rational point. I love intjs back and how they are not threatened by the brains i throw their way Even when I dominate (I’m entp)
God bless you!
I call BS
I first took the MBTI when I was 30, not knowing what it was, and scored INTJ. A year or so later, I met the man who would become my husband in a mental health hospital. You get to know each other very well, very fast, in a mental health hospital. It. Was. As. If. Lightning. Struck. Over the years, as I looked back on it, I realized that in order to get through to me, it couldn't have been any less dramatic. Even our wedding was unconventional - a small ceremony in a county park - and he is eight years younger than me. At a time when having kids was still "convention," we elected not to due to our genetic and health histories. We've been married 29 years. He is an INFP.
Congrats on finding your INFP partner! I hope you are both doing well and having is kids is overrated 😁
This video was so insightful, and accurate. I have always kind of felt like I would "know" the right guy when I saw him. People keep telling me I need to make a list of traits and look for people who fit the traits, but the biggest things really come down to "is this person capable of engaging with me, and can they accept me anyway" and "are they an interesting person with convictions and goals" and the rest is basically window dressing (within reason lol). But I have a hard time articulating to other people how I just know someone "won't work out" after I meet them. I just know.
I hope you find your person ❤
@@justcallmejon22 Thank you!!! ❤
I love that you respond to everyone. This shows the level of commitment that the INTJ possess. 😊
I appreciate every comment ❤
Allow us to express our abstract thoughts without judgment. Yes, yes, yes!
💯
My INTJ experience can be summed up in three words. Pain, Confusion, and Frustration. Most of the time I escape with gross and self destructive Se things. Although it's not nearly as bad as when I was between the ages of 20-23.
Sounds like things are getting better which is great!
Yes! Young INTJ's are very different for older ones!
The last part hits me right into my core. As you said, we are willing to change our 10 year plan for that special person, even most of the time they won't know it. If a person is worth to us, they don't need to know it. They are worth it. Just a shame we are, most of the time, getting misunderstood by people around us.
It's a wonderful feeling to find someone who's worth it 🙂
We need an INTJ dating app.
We're on every dating app 🙃
@@justcallmejon22 But one just for us... it would either be wildly successful or overrun by ENFPs.
😅😅@@justcallmejon22
Been tired meeting people who pretend as INTJ.. oh come'on, you think we would trust one blindly without testing what their stands for. Jeez, why in the world many people really enjoy wasting time or have no idea what they're doing when try to entering rwlationship. Phhfff 😒
Me and my boyfriend are both INTJ’s and this was genuinely the most accurate INTJ video I’ve ever watched… spot on
Congrats to both of you on finding yourself an INTJ ❤
As INTJ, I do wonder sometimes.. why it never worked with any kind of types, unless the other person NFJ/NTJ.. 😂
You were lucky to met each other!
I still think its kind of twisted that God made INTJs to be their best version while being alone. Thats something I have really hard accepting about myself as INTJ but its so true.
😅
Conventional labels seem like they come with rules that don't always make since. A girl mention to me that she wanted a committed relationship. I have no clue what she ment by that, but I hope she found it.
I'd like to be around people more often. But its draining and they don't understand me. Hell, my own family doesn't understand me. And they're always afraid to tell me I was right about something I couldn't have known. I think that's the way a lot of us navigate life; as gods among insects 🤷🏿♂️
@@darthconquest1046 The answer to that always seems to be to develop better Se.
What I have found is that we can use our Ni, and Te to simulate Fe on a level that is more pleasing to others in a social situation. Extroverted feeling makes people comfortable, but it's not in our stack. Nothing wrong with breaking character a bit. It shows compassion. People appreciate that.
Congratulations on completing the 2 year old development stage
"...a waste of time for everyone!" 😆
i've never understood why people don't want to get the dealbreakers out of the way first
Exactly! It's called a dealbreaker for a reason and no amount of time spent will change it 😑
The reason I as an INTJ am single is probably a little more unique but still very much applicable to the personality. People have mostly heard of asexual, but there's also something like aromantic.
I'm 28 years old but I've never developed ANY feelings or romance for someone ever. Which is strange because I do have emotions.
I know INTJ's are private about their emotions, or don't understand them and may seem cold, but take this and multiply this by three, and you have me.
Romance and relationships however seem great... concepts to me. Just concepts though, only being able to be analyzed in a cognitive way. It seems amazing to be this connected to a person in this way yet it's feeling is totally foreign to me. I really think that this isn't just normal INTJ stuff, but sign of something more serious. I have never met a person, or knew of a person that experienced it the same way as me. Or rather... lack of experience.
Thanks for sharing your story. I'm honestly not sure how to respond besides that I hope you find peace in however you end up spending your life.
Hi! I’m very curious to know whether you experience love & passion for OBJECTS, like whatever you might be into. Are you interested in various aspects of art & design? If so, do you ever experience things like butterflies in your stomach, or palpitations from something SO beautiful that your body inadvertently reacts to the perfect confluence of design principles? Or have you experienced being in nature and feeling like you’re One with it, and enveloped in its beauty & grandeur?
I’m 48, and though I’ve been attracted to people, and have had that sizzle & electricity with someone, I’ve never been involved with anyone I’d say I was in love with. I didn’t like them as people, but as an empath, I can easily care for people on the basis of principle-I could despise them, yet still be civil with anyone, simply to facilitate solutions.
So basically, I don’t think I’m asexual or aromantic, but I know I could never be in love with someone I couldn’t talk to about anything & everything. It’d have to be mentally-stimulating convo, as well, and we’d both have to be working on ourselves and accomplishing things that we could get excited about discussing with one another. We don’t have to have EVERYTHING in common, but anything short of a “best friend” model of relationship would be unfulfilling for me.
Have you ever encountered someone, even if only for a brief few minutes, or even a moment, where you felt that spark? If not, it wouldn’t seem odd for an INTJ to not entertain even the possibility of being in a romantic relationship, cuz what would be the point of that?
@@MoPoppins Rarely. I am a digital visual artist, I also make music and compose music. I'm fond of nature and art but I wouldn't go as far that I ''love'' it. Because love is an emotion and I'm fond of these things more in a cognitive way.
Though, I have felt... something positive when I expected to eat food I really liked and also when listening to certain music.
But for people? nope, never. I also doubt the ''spark'' is even commensurable when you're talking about romanticism. It's just not the same as liking food or music.
For your story, pretty run of the mill stuff. And I do not mean that in a mean way.
Lastly, I would see a point in a romantic relationship, for the emotional support it could bring, and there're many more reasons.
@@ZTRCTGuy Interesting. I could even feel in your energy an emotional detachment.
As an INTJ myself, dispassion & disinterest come naturally to me, so I relate to those sensations & experiences. Because many of my feelings can be relegated to the cognitive realm (for efficiency & simplicity to conserve energy), when I’m OVERCOME with emotion and sensation, I almost don’t know what to do with them-I used to try to keep them “tidy,” and would attempt to analyze what was happening inside my body, but then realized that sometimes, we’re simply meant to SURRENDER to the moment. Of course, I still do the INTJ “calculated risk” assessment, but there are also moments where I’m not allowed that clarity, so those times reveal that I’m not a “robot,” after all. 😂
I wouldn’t mind being a robot of sorts, but then I might not be able to enjoy food & music + all kinds of beauty, to the extent that I do, so I make concessions to my humanity for that trade-off.
I greatly appreciated your analogy of social situations being akin to an ever-increasing stack of papers next to a filing cabinet. Spot on.
I’m an intj woman. Just got in a relationship with an infp man who likes my blunt robotic nature. Threw me off guard. It’s going very well.
I hope it continues to go well 🙂
@@justcallmejon22 Update: Nine months strong! We are in the process of buying a house together. :)
Just stopped dating an INTJ and it’s very sad. I had no idea this whole thought process was going on and I was confused when it was finally revealed to me haha. It was mutual to end it and was the right decision but wow, what luck to meet someone that dedicated to a future life together. I genuinely thought they weren’t ready to think in serious terms because they said they didn’t know what they wanted so in the end it was me not bringing the gold to the table because I didn’t want to invest if it was just me wanting to (I was going with the flow to see where it would end up) which they saw as a problem for the long term goal (to see if we’d last til the bitter end). Bless our souls. But we ended because of dissimilar values, I was too sensitive for them and for me I didn’t feel emotionally secure with them. It’s a shame - INFP
I'm sorry to hear that your relationship didn't work out and I hope the best for you two. I really do believe that sometimes you meet the right person but just at the wrong time. No matter what happens to either of you, just remember that at one point of your life, you were the prize in someone's eyes ❤
@@justcallmejon22 aww that’s so lovely. I was hoping you’d reply because you always give great responses and it was beautiful and what I needed. Thank you for that.
@@justcallmejon22update: I’m back dating my INTJ! Very pleased
INTJ and INFP is extremely hard to make work. It can be worth it if you can learn to accept each other but damn it’s a rocky road.
@@legendmir1 yes seems best to get off the road before rocks get thrown
I'm an INTJ and was married to an IN FJ for 48 years
My first relationship after she passed away was another INFJ.
What I learned was why she was single for 38 years.
Lots of projects no completions .
I'm sorry to hear about your late wife and I hope you're helping your recently wife with completing her projects ✊
This was spot-on for me! My partner and I joke that our first date was more like a job interview, and once we realized we had compatible large goals, everything else fell into place. Over 20 years ago. He's been my support through undergrad and grad school, and now I'm supporting him through an unfortunate worker's comp injury. Had I not met him, or someone who met my intellectual standards, I would have been content to be a crazy cat lady. (He even supports that. Bless!) He gives me all the alone time I need, and understands when the world gets to be too much and runs interference. This reminds me I don't appreciate him enough. I do try to show it, no surprise to anyone here that saying so isn't something I remember to do.
Your husband sounds like a great person and I'm already the crazy cat person 😅
To be honest I can’t be bothered to search for a new relationship and go through all the faking to get an attention of another person. I like to be me without the other person to tell me to wear more lipstick, bigger décolleté etc. Since I took up German and Japanese I have all my time free filled up and I am learning something useful.
Whatever you decide to be the best path for you INTJ, I support it ✊
Yes, you really got everything right (except I would be willing to try to get into a relationship I was uncertain about)... but, in my case there's an extra thing: I'm very insecure about how the opposite gender sees me. I was bullied at school and called ugly in many different ways. Since then, I learned what works for me and had a great improvement on my looks, but men still don't approach me. And that's the thing... people know they are attractive and gain self confidence when others approach them "romantically". But since nobody approaches me, I feel unattractive and don't have self confidence to try to even talk to people who I'm interested in.
I was the fat kid in class as a child so I empathize with your feeling of low self-confidence. I think the issue with us INTJs is not that we're not attractive, because attraction is more than just physical, it's that we unknowingly present ourselves as unavailable to potential suitors. It's always weird to do this but I usually somehow mention that I've been on "dates" when I'm around other single people to let them know that I am available and looking, which tends to open up a path towards romance. So put yourself out there my INTJ sister, it's going to feel weird but hopefully it leads to the result that you want ✊
I was just having this thought: "I always need to have a project something to work on, even if I don't know the end goal" And I also though (don't know how I got there) "A relationship is a project in its self".
I think this really reflects what you said about making your life revolve around the significant other.
Not sure if the comment makes sense LOL
It makes sense brotha. I usually only feel helpless when I don't have a project to work on rather than working on a tough project and I see everything I do as a project because it makes it easier to approach, even relationships 😅
Very accurate.
And I've always believed that somewhere in the process of building my future, I'll meet that one person that just works and fits perfectly with me.
I'm rooting for you ✊
Same here 🎉
As an INTJ, I got tired of being misinterpreted and of all the demands. Always explaining my decisions to people that make the mistake of thinking the rest of the world thinks like them. When you don't comply with the demands, they start to judge you and all the drama and arguments start. No thanks.
So, I "work" in the fringe of society. No dating, no going out to get drunk or hammered etc. I only engage with society enough to have an income, which provides what I want and need to live life as I see fit. Peace, tranquility, building my house and classic car for relaxation is perfect.
Same … this was helpful to read thank you
because we see all the hidden motives of all peoples action, so "love" is very quickly deconstructed.
What is love?! 🙃
I have tested FOR INTJ 3 times now.
Relationships have always been a problem.
Your video resonates.
Thankyou for your explanation.
Welcome to the INTJ community! Stay as long as you need and you're always welcome even if you find out you might be another type 🙂
I am am INFJ and i am so grateful for your insight into the INTJ bc i have found mine and I'm not letting him go. ❤ But i want to learn about him bc he is so special. I have dated a lot of people and no one can compare to the INTJ. I will follow him anywhere bc i trust him and i know that he is brilliant. So excited!!!!
That's cute 😀
I am an INFJ married to an INTJ, and I find him highly intelligent and funny, robotic in one sense and loyal and generous in another. We have learned how to ‘argue’ in an efficient way, because we are both dedicated to finding a suitable resolution and moving along in a timely manner lol. We are both excellent at agreeing to disagree, and have learned to thoroughly enjoy our differences in opinion. We are both homebodies and that is such a relief.
Wow... As an INTJ female, I'm truly amazed at how true this is... If I don't think you're compatible on a fundamental level with me, I am not getting into a relationship with you
Just came across this, so accurate haha. I'm an INTJ (27, male) and recently started dating an INTJ (28, female). Absolutely my best dating experience so far. Our very first date we went into detail about our current goals and plans. We're taking our time and it just flows well because we understand how we process stuff. I am putting some extra effort in the 'feeling' department trying to make her feel special and she does appreciate that. Don't know how we will end up, but I can already tell that Im willing to put in so much more effort than usually!
Hoping the best for the two of you and keep us posted 🤗
I was single for a long time. Not because others didn’t find me attractive, but because they were intimidated by me. But one really persistent ESTJ was crazy enough to marry me and we’ve been married for 6 years now and have 3 y.o. son.
Point 5 is very accurate. I was planning to go live abroad, but my husband prefers to be relatively close to his family home. I don’t regret it.
Regarding alone time - it’s also true. Especially when my son was very small baby I used to go out to the shopping centre in places nobody would know me.
Congrats on finding your forever person! I know the person much be really special if they win over the heart of an INTJ. In regards to the baby, give your son extra love and attention for Uncle Jon 😀
Yes! Toddlers (ie, cute little humans who are completely and constantly unreasonable) are the bane of an INTJ mom's life.
We need alone time even when we are around someone else. We must always be able to hear our own thoughts. If conversation with someone else is mundane it aggravates us because it interrupts our thoughts.
💯
Absolutely agree! Thank you for the video. Some of my friends don't understand when I say that intelligence and abstract conversations matter too me very much in a potential partner. Only my intp best friend gets it. It would be hard for me to connect if we speak totally different "languages". Sometimes I hear from guys that I treat dates like interviews 😂 alone time seems weird for most guys because I don't demand attention and sometimes even irritated by someone overly emotional towards me especially in the first couple of months. I can't understand why people sometimes say I love you, miss you and something like that without thoroughly thinking and embracing it. Thank you again!
You're not alone ✊
Exactly- it’s like they’re just robots that don’t actually question why they say they love you.
They just think they should be telling SOMEONE I love you lol
It’s bizarre.
Sometimes saying “I love you” means I care about you, I hope you are doing well, I’m here for you, you make me feel safe and I want you to feel safe. Those are beautiful words and should never be limited.
I just love INTJ’s! Me as a INFJ, have so many similarities when it comes to all that you’ve mentioned…
Kindred Souls ❤
Great video. Thank you for this. It is good to see someone explain what you can't. As a INTJ woman,with 24 years, and single since forever, i feel this video was very accurated. Keep doing great content.
Thank you for the support! I really do appreciate it 🙏
Thank you man. As an INTJ, this level of understanding literally brought happiness to my soul. And I found answers to many situations and behaviours of mine in my real life. And learned some good things too.
Thank you. You're a great speaker btw.
Thank you, I appreciate the kind words! I'm always happy to hear that I'm having a positive effect on people through my videos 😀
Yes I agree with the fact we simply don’t clue in if someone likes us. We are rather oblivious. As a married INTJ A female relationships can be a challenge because we live in our heads so much. Also I don’t need my husband as much as he needs me, I have to make it a matter of focus to deliberately pay attention to him. I am logical, direct and he is emotional, and obscure in his communication style so it is definitely a challenge. He does not believe in the MBTI or other personality profile tests but I have found them to be incredibly accurate. It’s understandable why relationships take so much effort for us because being alone is so easy for us. But, through this 41 year relationship it has forced me to grow in ways I would never have achieved if I hadn’t been challenged so greatly.
Happy to hear that you're both making the relationship work!
I’m an ENTJ woman. I’ve been watching your videos and it’s making me realize the beauty in relatability and same-ness. I always had this ideal that I wanted to be with an ENTP , but after meeting an intj my mentality is changing . I know I’m just one person , but I’d love more ENTJ x INTJ content . For one , I’m interested in intj masculinity and how that shows up
Welcome to the world of INTJs! MY closest friends are ENTJs so I understand the connection. I'm not sure what you mean by INTJ masculinity but I will say that healthy INTJs don't care to follow trends and will do things our own way. So if there's a societal expectation that's considered masculine, I can almost guarantee you a healthy INTJ doesn't care to follow it 😉
@@justcallmejon22 honestly I have ADHD and I don’t even remember what I meant by that 🤣 thank you for answering !! I love how you explain things and I look forward to more videos :-)))
@@justcallmejon22 I do have a question though and I’m not sure if it’s strictly a case by case but do you think an intj man would mind a woman initiating ? Because of their Ni-Se desire for choice ? Or it just depends on the who the woman initiating is ?
@123eden INTJs tend to not initiate so it's probably a good thing if you start it off 😉
You legitimately are speaking what's in my mind, and explaining what's in my life. I feel so seen 🤣
I would add:
We tend to express attachment by "taking care" of things that support them... while it's not viewed as a "romantic" gesture, per say, & clearly isn't seen that way by others, it IS how I express attachment...in a very practical way. I'm not very tolerant of the "mushy" nor "needy" clingy stuff... I detest being crowded & interrupting me when I'm in "my zone" will get a deep glare & silence... If the building isn't on fire, DON'T INTERRUPT ME!!!🖤
Spoken like a true Mama Te user 😅
I am an INTJ-a and honestly, I watched this video out of curiosity about whether the reasons are correct or not. And, all is correct
Glad you enjoyed it 🙏
8:39 omg this is the most succinct way I’ve heard this put into words
I'm am Aroace INTJ. My reasons for staying out and away from relationships are because it's so troublesome. Trust is shaky, one simple thing can break the trusts. It's too easy to get heartbroken. And I prefer to focus on something I actually need, like my education. So If I were to get into a relationship, I'd prefer to wait until I'm older and I have finished my education.
I support your approach to relationships but I will say that as with anything, there's no such thing as perfect timing. Definitely work on yourself first though ✊🏼
For many years I did my best to suppress my natural personality traits and tendencies because I know many of them are the opposite of what society deems acceptable, and during that time I dated often. Now that I’ve grown a bit older and accepted who I am, I’ve become perpetually single. It just seems like a waste of energy at this point. Not everyone believes in a forever person. It’s not logical to believe in a forever person. You will grow and change through every phase of your life, and so will they. Believing you’ll always grow together is a lovely sentiment, but very unlikely. So you’re either going to inevitably part someday, or you’re going to keep someone around you don’t relate to anymore because commitment (and divorce is expensive). I think once an INTJ has been brutally honest with themselves about what relationships actually are, it becomes quite difficult to desire them.
Thanks for the comment and I'm glad you found a way to live your life that suits your lifestyle. I disagree with that train of logic that growing as a person in relationship means that both partners will eventually not be compatible anymore. I believe that a good partner will always be there to support you even when you're at your worst, nothing more. Yes ,the divorce rate is high but that also proves that people are making it work. I support your decision either way ✊
I see people around me all the time staying in relationships that look draining and demoralizing, and I wonder what the heck they're doing.
If I begin to have true interest in somebody, I definitely start poking around, both consciously and unconsciously to find any weak spots. Because if there's a weak spot, and the other person isn't willing to address it with me, I know it's not going to work, so I leave.
It yields me being chronically single. But I would much rather live 10 years of my life single, then spend 10 years of my life in a crappy relationship
I agree with being single than being in a crappy relationship and I learned not too long ago that not everyone believes the same thing. Do what makes the most sense for you fellow INTJ, I support it ✊
i dated another intj. It sucks! Yes, i felt neglected... so much.. absolutely agree with you on this. Well, i tried to communcate it many times as well and tried to make schedule so i didn't bother him. But he didn't give any efforts.. so best to leave him.
Sucks to hear that it didn't work out but it sounds like it's for the best ✊
Very interesting topic indeed. I can't speak for all of us but as a single infj female, I would definitely agree with reasons 3 and 4. For me a failed relationship equals waste of time, simply unforgivable lol.
Well put. I've watched other videos on the same topic and yours is the only one that truly gets it.
Thank you! I hope you found your person 🙂
Very informative! I’m actually an INTP married to an INTJ for 20+ years. Before that, I was a single until I was 28.
Always happy to hear about the INTPxINTJ partnership 😀
@@justcallmejon22 It is what works! 😅
My wife would be single without concern if not married to me. Didn't feel modern men are worth the time or bothering with. Im an INTJ.
@@ἄτομος0 Not surprising as male INTJ’s are actually one of the very few type males that would be willing to tie the not with a woman that is of equal, or greater intelligence than he is.
@@sylviaowega3839 my wife's smarter then i am. Went to top NYC school etc. Im guy that walked the street, dealt drugs when younger, didnt care about anyone, just read books. We both have doctorate level educations though which is another compatibility match.
you never know who wants what. I been in a few situations where people liked me as a man of mystery. As soon as I opened up to say hey look Im a person just like you. They get bored or become unsatisfied somehow. Some are like kids staring at an amazon package, there could be anything inside and the magic of that, is often worth more than whats actually inside.
Trust me when I say that I've been in this situation too many times to count. I feel you my INTJ brotha 😅
Thank you for explaining it so well. As intj I couldn't give up my sacred solitude, but I recognize that sometimes that solitude is a bit cold...and it warms my heart to know I'm not the only one in the world with this vision. Not the only crazy, pretentious and romantic alien out here (like I often feel among my acquaintances). Thank you very much for this video, and many good things to you!
Thank you! You're not alone my INTJ sibling, we may be few but not alone ✊
If you do a deep dive long video, I will watch it. You're speaking to an audience that loves to learn and we will watch long videos.
I realized that now after I put out a few videos >30 minutes in length 😅
You are the voice of our people!
😆
THANK YOU for your perspective. As a middle aged INTJ who just figured out this about themselves, I've put off about five tasks just to watch this video lol. And now my task is to watch as many of your videos as possible.
That's how I feel making these videos 😂
as an INTJ who has an INFP friend, I can understand what you saying
he literally goes around the street in the way to the school trying to reach out to girls and he tells me his stories about how he failed at it and he wants me to comfort him about it and im next to him thinking : (this guy is in another level than me what kinda superpower is that? i should ask him how he does it)
but i tend to keep my cool and try to act normal and will tell him : (it's okay maybe next time)
note: he is not that handsome too, in fact he is the least attractive guy around but he has the confidence of a Top G, i really admire him for this
Confidence is key for sure
Who are you and how did you get inside my head? ;)
But in all seriousness, spot on. I'm also going to add an external reason to these as well. We're freaking intimidating to others. Because we tend to be perfectionistic, and we very often succeed in our goals (because of planning and contingencies). Our need for alone time and generaly being a bit withdrawn doesn't help out either, because we either seem emotionaly unavailable or completely without a need for social interaction.
We're definately intimidating to some, and then like puppies to others *couch* ENFPs *couch*
@@justcallmejon22 You should look into that cough. Sounds like Pertussis.
🎯 💯
Spot on as usual. Hope you're having a great day 😌
Happy Holidays!
Any other INTJ take ages to get over a relationship?
Forever analysing and daydreaming of “what ifs”.
Every single day brotha ✊
@@justcallmejon22 Do INTJs ever get over their relationship? Or they would still keep it in their heart even if they enter a new relationship?
@@celine7home I don't think anyone ever truly gets over a person they once cared bout.
Meee
Very accurate
As I age, I realize I deviate more and more from my core type of INTJ
I becomes feeling better staying in groups, having fun instead of running home as early as I can so I can work on updating my priority list or learning something
I find this interesting but not sure how this has happened
It's life man! And it sounds like you're winning ✊
Well said. I don't see many INTJs who acknowledge growth and development (taking us beyond rigid scopes of INTJness). At age 51, I have a bandwidth to play beyond my preferred stack.
What is the IQ of intjs? Are they of average IQ as well?
That's the fun part about mbti
YES finally! all to of people who are into mbti personality stuff seem to get stuck in the mindset that "this is me now, and if I change or feel the need to act out of character for the greater good--is wrong"
Hi Jon. It's my turn to be that person that says "I usually don't comment on videos but..."
I'm amazed at how accurate you are in your observations and your delivery. From several videos I've watched from you, everything you mention is so on point. I started to feel a bit like an outlier in relationships and in life, despite being around several like minded Ni doms. I find the process of relationship building to be extremely draining. Especially as a woman, the expectation that I have to be soft/spoken and emotionally caring and open was a weight that made some of my experience in my relationships honestly hell.
I haven't had that much dating experience, but I have to say the INTJ I dated was the best so far despite our differences in values and Ni planning. We both experienced the "your life goals revolve around that person" phenomenon with each other and would talk about our plans for the future with each other and how we were going to resolve different issues that we were not going to encounter for a long time.
Keep up the good work and thanks for taking your time and life experience and sharing it with us.
Thank you, I really appreciate you leaving a comment! You expressing your gratitude helps me as well letting me know that my effort has a positive impact. You might be physically alone but you're not alone, my INTJ sister. You have a community if you need us 🙂
WOW! You hit this out of the park
- Awesome but Perpetually Single INTJ
I might add… I’ve had ONE man invite me to coffee and not cancel in seven… yes… seven years. He told me I scared the hell out of him and that he’d never measure up… and… I haven’t seen him since… sigh…. and I LIKED him!!!! 🤷♀️
The way that other types' project their insecurities on an INTJ is unfathomable I swear. I hope you find someone that appreciates you for who you are soon if that's what you're searching for ✊
Believe me, us INTP’s are just as bad in relationships as INTJ’s; if not worse!
I agree 💯 percent. Most people don’t understand us and misjudged us without getting to know us. I don’t want stagnancy even in friendships. I want someone who understands me and I can grow with them but is seems the majority of people are vapid and shallow.
I only have two friends that I met in college and one of them is a fellow INTJ. Relationships are hard since I want to invest in someone who is willing to be in a committed relationship with me. I’m almost in my mid 30’s and I am willing to move for someone as long as I know that I will have a stable foundation with that person and they can understand my complex personality. I show affection to people who care about me and I know will be there for me. Some people will see that as cold but I don’t care.
I understand. I'm slowly trying to grow and meet people without any expectations and it's still a learning process. I understand the power of being part of a tribe so that's my new growth opportunity of myself ✊
Spot on. I left my career family, culture, country, language, my dream bookstores for my person.
What this relationship has never been is stagnant. Hence why it was worth it.
Happy to hear that you found your person fellow INTJ Queen 👑
Since people of the INTJ type like to analyse (and sometimes overanalyse) everything, we also sometimes assume stances on romantic love in general that are less conventional as a result of that analysis. I also belong to this type, and I can say that I generally tend to view concepts such as "romantic love"/"being in love" critically. I see their historical origins (while many people perceive them as "natural" instead). I also see a lot of disfunctionality in the concept of "dating". I am capable of developing romantic and sexual attraction, and I have even been in a relationship based on "romantic love"™. However, as a get older, I realise that I don't have much use for this concept. I do, however, have use for the concept of "partnership". But I sincerely believe that "romantic love" (fleeting emotional state based on elevated hormone levels) is not a good foundation for a partnership for me (if it works for somebody else though, I am happy for them). Let me use an example from popular culture to illustrate what I mean. In the show called "The X-Files", the two main characters (agent Scully and agent Mulder) were partners in life: they had the same goal (searching for the Truth) and aims (keeping their project/life's work alive, investigating strange phenomena...), they risked their lives together for something important, went through a lot and, as a result, knew each other better than anyone could know them. Yet, they were not "dating", and you could more often see them hiding in the bushes and covered in slime while chasing aliens than having a "romantic dinner". I believe they have developed a romantic/sexual connection eventually, but this was such a small detail compared to the scale of their partnership (having the same life goal and saving each other's lives regularly is infinitely more important than "having butterflies in the stomach"). The romantic attraction was just an optional cherry on top, not the foundation of their relationship (the shared life's work was the foundation). I would like to have a partnership like that, based on the shared calling, not on "romantic love". Romantic attraction may or may not join the relationship later, it does not matter to me that much, to be honest. Unlike with romantic attraction, however, you cannot find a partner to share your calling with on a dating app. It has to happen naturally. You just work and grow in your field, hoping that one day you will come across a person who is driven towards the same goal with the same passion.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on love! I'm the opposite, I want the butterfly feeling and the instability of emotions because I allow someone to have that much control over me. However, I only want it with one person and that person has to show that they are worth it. I wouldn't mind the relationship you mentioned between Scully and Mulder going on adventures together either but I know myself well enough that my Fi would need more of an emotional connection. If you haven't found your partner yet, I hope you find that person soon and if you're single by choice, I support that decision as well ✊
As a 66 yr old INTJ Woman, it’s a drag being single, sigh. Had lots pursue me, have interest in me but never found an equal. Spent most of my Life alone and now question many things about the path I took. I believe being romantically shy has hurt me a lot.
It's never too late my INTJ sister, there's plenty of websites out there to meet likeminded people that are also looking for relationships 🙂
@@justcallmejon22 and how many decades do you think I should believe in that plan? 15+ yrs trying. Apparently, 87% of men don’t like intelligent women, that’s problem #1
I am a gay male INTJ, and this was spot on brother
I am an older INTJ woman. I dated quite a bit and then got tired of men getting too emotional and possessive. I took a year off dating. Then I met my husband, an ISTJ. He knew a lot of stuff and we had great conversations. He was practical and was not afraid to challenge me if he thought I was wrong. He admires my intelligence and I admire his unfailing loyalty and adherence to a set of moral standards.
As a person who once dated and ISTJ myself, I am jealous that you two stayed together 😀
Okay, I usually don't comment that much but your videos are super interesting. As an INTJ woman who is also interested in women... this is very accurate. I find it even harder to connect with women romantically because I miss all the clues to courtship or I don't know how to flirt with someone naturally. At least, with men, it's easier to know if a guy is flirting with you but with women omg.... this is another language haha.
Actually, you can get good at this if you want to, many woman are. I am a straight man and I see woman all the time I know are only into girls. There are LOTS of little things girls do to advertise quietly (or otherwise) that they are into girls. Something it's as simple as a Rainbow bracelet, that can get you hit on! Touch and eye contact tell you 80% of everything you need to know. The only way your are going to understand those signals is to go out into the world, take risks and learn. People always say you need to have "confidence". Pure BS! I've got it now, and I got from making every mistake possible and learning to read peoples behavior. Your knowledge and chances go up literally 100% every time you have an "experience". Ha! Of course many of them will not be compatible with us, but over time you get better at spotting them too! It's a game to figure out the variables and you my friend are MUCH better suited to figure this out than 95% of the population. Have fun, it's just a game!
@@daviderickennedy2194 Hi David, thank you for your comment. It’s very funny to read your comment now that I met someone and did exactly what you advise me haha. I targeted an INTP and it’s working out fine so far, we’ll see what happens 🤷🏻♀️
This is SO sad, because INTJs are amazing. They are some of my favorite people.
I also happened to marry an INTJ. He's my favorite person on this planet! Other INTJs I know are amazing, too. I know two female INTJs and have a nephew whom we are fairly certain is a budding INTJ. He is too young to know for certain, but he is my husband's mini in every way... especially in how he thinks.
I hope each of you amazing INTJs find your own compatible person to marry. My INTJ husband is so happy with me, as I am with him. We are each other's forever person.
-ENFP
I'm so happy to hear about your relationship and I hope you two continue to grow happily together ❤
super relatable. thank you Jon
11:36. Bless you! "The end doesn't justify the means." You said it correctly. I cringe when I hear this said backwards. It's even in "Oppenheimer" backwards!
At 8:32 when you said you are putting off something, I literally just looked up at the whiteboard that is full of tasks.
😂
OMG, when you said that we are 'pushing off a task right now'! I was supposed to be doing my revision for an exam...:/
Get back to work, INTJ!
This INTJ 64 year young male found his next forever partner on Valentines Day (my wife of 37 years passed away). I established a detailed scope of work for the first date before asking her out (dinner, pool, karaoke, etc.). Everything has been going so nicely that I have started complimenting her on helping me get new goals and a vision for the future. As I reflect on this type of "sweet talk" I realize that I sound less romantic than a file cabinet, lol! :) Fortunately, she accepts me for who I am and is starting to learn what makes me tick.
I'm happy to hear that you found another person that accepts you as a whole person. She sounds like a catch 🙂
Yes, I am so lucky!
Awwww. That sounds romantic to me! 😊
I’m an 18 year old INTJ who recently just ended a very serious 2 year relationship (we were living together even tho we are young, I live on my own). And I have to say figuring out my personality type made me feel a lot better about my relationship life. Forever I thought I was a psycho for not being overly empathetic and tending to people every feeling and thought. My partner always complained I was never open and dismissive of their emotions and too focused on my career. But to me I thought if I focused on my career and built a life early the relationship would work itself out along with that. Anyways…. That plan didn’t work out, however that doesn’t change the end goal, but man relationships for us are different..
Sorry to hear that the relationship didn't work out and I hope you're doing well. Regardless of type, it's always tough to lose someone that you were once close to. I'm glad that you found the INTJ community, I remember thinking exactly the same thing as you when I was younger, wondering if there was something wrong with me because I couldn't empathize at the same level as my peers. Keep doing you, things always work out at the end but don't fall into the trap of being jaded. Life is going to suck but you'll always emerge stronger as long as you're making progress ✊
That makes so much sense! I have met this one person a couple of months ago and they proofed themselves to be just the person that would work. I am an intj obliviously and they are an istp I think but we fit like peas in a pod.
Rooting for you!
Hahahahaha! Your comment about INFP dating also made me laugh so hard! It's true that we dont have the same methods when it comes to dating compared to INTJ's, but I wanted to explain how it works with our cognitive functions so its not so intimidating to INTJ's (or precieved as a waste of time ;)
Dating for INFP's is not linear. We dont know the exact route to get to where we want to go. We dont have a "blueprint" of what we want the future to look like. (Like Ni does). Instead, we're going on a road trip; we see the finish line, the destination, with the beautiful surroundings, luxurious accommodations, and fun activites to participate it. But we dont know all the details of how to get there or best route to take. So we need a few things to help us get there:
Fi, our Compass, holds the secret core of what we're looking for in a relationship. It holds our most treasured ideas, dreams, and goals we want for our future with someone to be like). It always knows which way to point, even when we get lost and dont know where we are. However, we need more than just the "idea"/compass of what we're looking for in order to make that dream a reality.
That's where Ne comes in. We need more detailed information in order to make a more accurate and informed decision on where to go or where to start. This can only come through "information gathering" (Ne), usually a combination of both research and personal experience. If Fi is the Compass, Ne is the Regional Map we use to travel down the new and unfamiliar. This map constantly updates and expands depending on where we are or where we want to go. Whatever data is gathered from Ne is sent to Fi, and then Fi either recalibrates and changes the direction or gives the green light to keep going the current trajectory. (Sometimes Ne experience also re-adjusts the Fi compass as well, like how Te can update Ni for INTJ's).
All that information gathered by Ne, (whether approved by Fi or not) is then stored in Si for future reference. Si records previous information gathered about highways, ditches, road blocks, or bumpy roads and then informs Fi of which areas to avoid or actively look for in the future. Si is the Satellite Database (like the Cloud or like those up close photos in Google Maps) that informs and updates the Fi compass and Ne regional map of the best direction(s) to go. It can zoom in and out of photos and records everything with incredible accuracy.
And finally, Te is the stick-shift Car we use to drive down all the different roads, paths, detours, and pit stops we take to get to our destination. It's a little awkward because the car is old and we're not familiar with driving stick-shift, but with enough time and practice, we get more comfortable. If we feel sufficiently supported from our Fi Compass, Ne Regional Map, and Si Satellite Database, we feel confident and empowered to jump in the car and just drive. It's a relatively slow and sometimes a bumpy and unpleasant ride, but what we gain through the entire journey and reward we reach at the end makes everything worthwhile.
I absolutely love this analogy! Do you mind if I paraphrase it in one of my future content?! 🙂
@@justcallmejon22 Thank you so much! Feel free to use it however you'd like :)
Hi Jon! Im an INTJ (T). Im also architect, when I did the test for the first time and then I read the description was shocking for me. All was a description of my personality, thanks for the information.
Welcome to the community! Don't forget that MBTI is only a tool and should not be used as your identity. Enjoy your time with the community, my friend ✊
Thanks for the answer :)@@justcallmejon22
WOW SPOT ON! "you do you boo boo" and hilarious.
😂😂
One of the better INTJ videos I've seen
I'm happy to hear that! Thank you 🙏
Being in a relationships always resulted in one thing for me: I was unable to chase my dreams. Being in my 40's now, I realized a relationship is not the answer to all my wishes and dreams. So... thanks a lot for your "studio audience" clap, dude! I'm better off alone 😉
PS you're right, the task I'm doing now in my back = plan for an emergency escape when SHTF in EU, with plan B, C, D, and backup-plans plus possible interconnected routes to switch from one plan to another if necessary. PPS I left a like for your effort.
It saddens me to hear that your relationship didn't work out, I just hope that you became a better person as a result of it. Do what's best for you fellow INTJ, you got my support either way (even if you don't want it) 🙂
@@justcallmejon22 There's nothing to be sad about here 😉I regained my freedom and can do whatever I want - For me that's the opposite of being sad. But I'll check out your other videos, too. Some seem to have interesting topics, just like the one with depression.
It's funny when you finally heard someone talked andconsider things through similar brain process. 😂
In my 30s and came up with this conclussion + back up plans for the back ups BCDFG and its alternatives route. 😂😂
I would probably be single if it wasn't for my wife sitting on my lap 16 years ago.
Trying to make the rest of us jealous 🙃
@@justcallmejon22 Sorry for that. I was just stating a basic fact to me. I got lucky teenage hormones drove her to make the first move after months of playing halo with friends after school.
😂 😂 😂
100%. I've had a few male partners complain.
video had a lot of great points. Felt nice to be so seen and understood in video format lol. like watching a doctor dissect my brain. And I don't know if it's because I'm a younger INTJ or because of the way I was raised but I definitely err on the side of "focusing on the big picture and chasing goals". That resonated very deeply with me.
I've imagined many times what I would have to do in order to make a relationship work, the compromises i'd have to make in my personal goals and my sleep-work-sleep lifestyle, And then I've thought about what type of person I'd have to find in order to justify dropping my lifestyle and doing those things... So far my experiences have made me conclude that the reward hasn't been worth the risk of abandoning personal goals. I think for the INTJ it's really a matter of priorities and the person you meet. In my past relationships I naturally spent less time chasing goals, less time doing what I wanted so the relationship could live, but then at some point I realize I've been taking a backseat on my goals, and while I enjoy being around the person, I'd rather be doing what I truly want, and my priorities aren't really focused around a partner. when this happens is usually when the relationship ends.
Like you said in the video, for most INTJs, If we were to suddenly find a person that is okay with our lifestyle (rare) or find a person that's more gratifying to be with than our self-fulfilling goal focused way of life (also rare), or if we gave up and decided our goals aren't worth chasing, or if we lowered what we can tolerate in our partner... Maybe we wouldn't be single.
It really is difficult to find someone that will allow an INTJ to grow without holding us back but I know they're out there. I've been in healthy relationships before and the timing just wasn't right. If you're searching, I hope you find your person. Don't ever settle, it'll breed resentment ✊
I was married 13 years, and a slew of ladies there after. I am a real deal INTJ. Have been single for the longest stretch of my life. At age 59.5, and 3 years single, I have no interest of being in any more strangle hold incarcerated relationships.
I can relate to that feeling of not wanting to be in another relationship. Do what's best for you brotha ✊
You explained it so accurately and beautifully.
Thank you 🙏
You're a very insightful young man, so many ideas very well stated in this video.
Thank you for the kind words 🙏
INTJ here. The reason I'm single right now is that other things matter much more to me at this moment. Like improving my health and financial security (I just landed an amzing secure job, so I'm one step closer to the task - find a partner).
Congrats, my friend ✊
Danm you caught me off guard 8:32
😁
My friends were just saying this… they were like you’re the most thoughtful caring person …. After you’ve known us for two years and we’ve proven ourselves lol before that I was not like that at all. The caring stuff caught them all off guard lol