Chris Distefano Answers the Internet's Weirdest Questions

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  • Опубліковано 21 лис 2024

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  • @TheBlackMambaa248
    @TheBlackMambaa248 4 роки тому +396

    Chris analyzed these questions so hard and had such specific answers. This format was made for him.

  • @hicrash3248
    @hicrash3248 5 років тому +1264

    "Raw deezy sex" is my new favorite term

    • @ibmsst
      @ibmsst 5 років тому +11

      Roux Raw deezy cuz 😂

    • @diablo2857
      @diablo2857 2 роки тому

      @@ibmsst legit spit out all my food when he said that

  • @smac237
    @smac237 5 років тому +1689

    "I don't need my appendix removed again." If you need me I'll be laying down in my coffin because that line has me ded.

  • @johnhelf597
    @johnhelf597 5 років тому +651

    6:45 That “Never Forget” line is SNEAKY good

  • @orlandorivera9038
    @orlandorivera9038 5 років тому +1819

    "I have sex with women, i fall in love with guys" hahaha why is this so relatable

    • @alyxskyler
      @alyxskyler 4 роки тому +30

      Go fuck those dudes and live your best life 😭

    • @marcom6089
      @marcom6089 3 роки тому +8

      @dan G Not necessarily, unless of course you’re a psychologist and know something that the rest of us are not aware of.

    • @mndlgh
      @mndlgh 3 роки тому +1

      😭

    • @aaronaustin9814
      @aaronaustin9814 3 роки тому +2

      @@marcom6089 nah that’s gay

    • @marcom6089
      @marcom6089 2 роки тому +1

      @@aaronaustin9814 hahaha fair enough

  • @lindsay4254
    @lindsay4254 5 років тому +5963

    This is chaotic bisexual energy

    • @ibmsst
      @ibmsst 5 років тому +37

      Lindsay psh....here’s s hoping 😜😆

    • @meghanmonroe
      @meghanmonroe 5 років тому +40

      It's so freeing and great! I relate so hard.

    • @normal4187
      @normal4187 5 років тому +176

      It's married to a latin woman energy

    • @mjade1673
      @mjade1673 5 років тому +21

      @@meghanmonroe discovering him has been my therapy. The adhd too
      😊✊😄

    • @JoCalderone1
      @JoCalderone1 5 років тому +40

      he is not bisexual

  • @seanbean4682
    @seanbean4682 5 років тому +1106

    Once Chrissy D stopped caring about anything he started being hilarious.

    • @Johnnyrocks34
      @Johnnyrocks34 3 роки тому +4

      I think all comedians have to get to that point. They go through bombing and no one laughing. People heckling them and being rude. Finally just say screw it and stop thinking too much

    • @Johnnyrocks34
      @Johnnyrocks34 3 роки тому +3

      Larry david said he once went out on stage and looked at audience and said no to himself and walked off stage! Lol

  • @jaydeo7850
    @jaydeo7850 5 років тому +1742

    I'd rather be 5'3 with a full head of hair, because I'm only 5'2 with a full head of hair, so that's a win win.

  • @imperialadvisoraremheshvau3788
    @imperialadvisoraremheshvau3788 5 років тому +391

    He had me at ‘Yaay Beyoncé!’ I have no idea what that means but I laughed loud.

    • @yourstepdadism
      @yourstepdadism 4 роки тому +6

      She’s the beacon of hope for the LGBTQ+ community

    • @shevchenkoyev
      @shevchenkoyev 4 роки тому

      @@yourstepdadism What is LGBTQ+ community? Couldnt you have just put it in brackets for dummies like me? ;D

    • @faithschwartz8619
      @faithschwartz8619 3 роки тому +2

      @@yourstepdadism literally she is not

  • @dominiquee901
    @dominiquee901 5 років тому +646

    I’ve heard about his 38” waist and his wine and antihistamine more than I’ve heard from family members in a month lol

  • @h.thumbsthomas5479
    @h.thumbsthomas5479 4 роки тому +82

    Just found out he has a doctorate and was a pediatric physical therapist before comedy. Still shocked; that's impressive!

  • @zackfair8762
    @zackfair8762 5 років тому +1576

    The antihistamine and wine gag is in every vid i’ve seen of Chris

    • @purevocals510
      @purevocals510 5 років тому +99

      He's just trynna give some head

    • @biupS
      @biupS 5 років тому +32

      Gotta put yourself out there 🤣

    • @iluvlax100
      @iluvlax100 5 років тому +33

      Probably not a gag then

    • @chrism4886
      @chrism4886 5 років тому +37

      Its not a gag, he’s serious LMAO

    • @spinakker14
      @spinakker14 5 років тому +8

      Would that fuck you up? I'm told that third generation antihistamine let's you drink, at least one drink

  • @davidwong6575
    @davidwong6575 5 років тому +932

    Comedians I want you guys to get on here:
    Big Jay Oakerson
    Tom Segura
    Bert Kreischer
    Bill Burr
    Joey Diaz

  • @Ebowleslap
    @Ebowleslap 5 років тому +381

    When he said lord farquad I cried laughing

    • @ThirdeyeXo
      @ThirdeyeXo 5 років тому +1

      Same bro I was ctfu

    • @TropicalOceanSunset
      @TropicalOceanSunset 2 роки тому

      I laughed so hard I started wheezing, almost had to get my inhaler!

  • @mxamiss5
    @mxamiss5 5 років тому +430

    Andrew Schulz next and JOEY COCO DIAZ

    • @bossHogOG
      @bossHogOG 5 років тому +1

      mxamiss5 you have shit taste

    • @saraalee2411
      @saraalee2411 5 років тому +4

      I was thinking Andrew Schulz straight away lol

    • @joshuagomez8377
      @joshuagomez8377 5 років тому

      mxamiss5 Andrew did one!!!!

    • @travisinthetrunk
      @travisinthetrunk 5 років тому

      Yes! I’d love to hear Joey Diaz’s answers.

    • @andjelka6110
      @andjelka6110 5 років тому

      Andrew did one!!

  • @mikeshardly
    @mikeshardly 5 років тому +31

    “It just depends on whose wedding I was at” fucking murdered me 😂😂

  • @emmas3650
    @emmas3650 5 років тому +170

    "but would i have the same size piece?"

  • @Cutelatinguy2
    @Cutelatinguy2 5 років тому +846

    I love straight guys who don't give a f*** about labels or defining their sexuality. I wish all men were more like this and just say WTF "I have sex with women and I fall in love with guys".

    • @christinaa8531
      @christinaa8531 4 роки тому

      This 🙌

    • @XINebuchadnezzar
      @XINebuchadnezzar 4 роки тому +24

      Not really straight just bi then, nothing wrong with labels its the negative connotations

    • @christinaa8531
      @christinaa8531 4 роки тому +3

      Manny Kenneth I think I heard him say he’s straight in another video but I may be wrong idk

    • @bigman94755
      @bigman94755 4 роки тому +14

      christinaa he is straight he just jokes about stuff like this all the time. He’s married and has a daughter.

    • @christinaa8531
      @christinaa8531 4 роки тому +6

      Spitfire836 He broke up.
      Yeah I think I remember him aswering some question with a joke and clarified he’s straight, but it’s nice to see him joke around about it 😊

  • @jtomczak100
    @jtomczak100 5 років тому +268

    chrissy precum haha best one of these yet

  • @uklbroder
    @uklbroder 5 років тому +382

    "This guy looks like a deaf dude that works out." - Theo von

  • @davypig571
    @davypig571 5 років тому +78

    Is his excuse for not eating puss the best one ever or the worst?!
    “You not giving out penicillin down there! I have a weak immune system!!”

    • @HB-ey2dk
      @HB-ey2dk 4 роки тому +3

      The worst lol.

  • @natural91LC
    @natural91LC 5 років тому +81

    his mom went to an Ivy League and married a mafia man ? O.o man sometimes love is blind

  • @slowpokebr549
    @slowpokebr549 5 років тому +94

    this....this is an honest man....ha ha ha ha

  • @honeybuns2420
    @honeybuns2420 5 років тому +32

    He’s so honest and I love it

  • @r1sake
    @r1sake 4 роки тому +32

    when he rethinks his questions hes like “yea no yeaaah”

  • @justinb1382
    @justinb1382 5 років тому +23

    Chrissy “Getting speed bagged in the uvula” Distefano. How does this not have more views? Dudes hilarious. Check out his podcast ‘History Hyenas’. You won’t be disappointed.

  • @VAMPYRICBASSIST
    @VAMPYRICBASSIST 4 роки тому +21

    Respect for the way he answered that last question. This video made me laugh harder than I expected.

  • @Tropical56_
    @Tropical56_ 5 років тому +143

    Remember "Guy Code"? An all-time great show.

    • @justinb1382
      @justinb1382 5 років тому +2

      Christopher Szakacsi dude, that show was great. Wish it was still on

  • @nicholasstevens4838
    @nicholasstevens4838 5 років тому +353

    5:08 hits home because I’m 5’6 and balding at 24 lol

    • @anointjbuga6433
      @anointjbuga6433 5 років тому +24

      RIP

    • @jax422
      @jax422 5 років тому +3

      I’m sorry

    • @theoxmountaingang2585
      @theoxmountaingang2585 5 років тому +3

      @@pR0No08x rip I know the pain brudder

    • @chavezraven
      @chavezraven 5 років тому +17

      Shave your head, act with confidence and you’ll be fine

    • @justjess-zl3pm
      @justjess-zl3pm 5 років тому +6

      Well u got three extra inches and four extra years.

  • @chiragdabgar7205
    @chiragdabgar7205 5 років тому +308

    There's 9 billion of us. Its too much traffic 👌

    • @Alex-xe3dx
      @Alex-xe3dx 4 роки тому +3

      Chirag Dabgar what dumbass?

  • @ibmsst
    @ibmsst 5 років тому +25

    9 billion of us..there’s too much traffic 😂 2:07. Damn, there’s too many hysterically funny one liners in this, just watch the whole damn thing. 😆

  • @ethanparker324
    @ethanparker324 5 років тому +142

    I like how they never went over the Ruth Bader Ginsburg answer and I completely lost it when he said that 😂😂

  • @ruthohajunwa832
    @ruthohajunwa832 5 років тому +24

    When he said "woo Beyonce!" I-🤣🤣

  • @daviswimberley9992
    @daviswimberley9992 4 роки тому +705

    The RBG joke didn’t age well...

    • @TheCrazyCanuck420
      @TheCrazyCanuck420 4 роки тому +58

      I looked at the post date as soon as I heard that :)

    • @agbmoe
      @agbmoe 4 роки тому +217

      On the bright side, we know he finally got laid

    • @stinkrat215
      @stinkrat215 4 роки тому +5

      agbmoe yoooo😂

    • @kegonpegs2833
      @kegonpegs2833 4 роки тому +1

      I just said that

    • @garrylarson809
      @garrylarson809 4 роки тому +33

      Neither did she

  • @jmatt4life
    @jmatt4life 5 років тому +7

    I just discovered Distefano a few segments ago. This segment was just recommended.
    HILARIOUS!!!
    I love this guy!
    He’s the reality, bottom line shit!!!
    Theee BOMB!!!

  • @jak2me
    @jak2me 5 років тому +129

    Chris is the perfect person for this, Bert kreischer has to be next though

  • @renzesparza6281
    @renzesparza6281 5 років тому +7

    I need more of this guy. Ive been binging him all day

  • @zacharyp7511
    @zacharyp7511 5 років тому +10

    1:35 lmfao his brain was working double overtime trying to figure this out 😂😂😂

  • @teaganna5970
    @teaganna5970 4 роки тому +3

    He is so transparent and real. Its refreshing. 😂😂🖤

  • @rebelliousnature4795
    @rebelliousnature4795 5 років тому +5

    This guy is comedy gold, funny how he talked about everyone trying to save everyone now a days there is too much traffic ect. But really his comedy is like therapy, lol

  • @heyysimone
    @heyysimone 5 років тому +15

    His logic to these questions was onpoint

  • @gadgetstalker2
    @gadgetstalker2 5 років тому +31

    I died when he said "About $20 g's" OMG I'm perverted as hell but I can last at least 5 days.

  • @stefanieromay2212
    @stefanieromay2212 4 роки тому +5

    I'm dying! This is hilarious...he's totally being honest & it's funny

  • @anonymousanonymous7593
    @anonymousanonymous7593 5 років тому +21

    FINE UA-cam, I'll watch this.

  • @theexteriorminister6786
    @theexteriorminister6786 4 роки тому +15

    His New York accent is just hilarious!

  • @tomgibble1116
    @tomgibble1116 4 роки тому +2

    I laughed out loud at my desk like an idiot this whole vid. This was hysterical. The absolute best!!

  • @bigbigy58
    @bigbigy58 5 років тому +58

    Get Joey Diaz on this

  • @carsonottocullen1542
    @carsonottocullen1542 4 роки тому +5

    One of the funniest guys ever! just got really into him in the last six months, and I'm fully in love with him and Yanni!

  • @conservat1vepatr1ot
    @conservat1vepatr1ot 5 років тому +936

    This guy sounds like a Pete Davidson impression.

    • @snowsoicy4069
      @snowsoicy4069 5 років тому +70

      way before pete lol

    • @alexgarcia1709
      @alexgarcia1709 5 років тому +49

      This dude is like 10 years older

    • @magelleneshaw2098
      @magelleneshaw2098 5 років тому +59

      It's bc they both are from New York, it's the New York accent I feel

    • @johnny7114
      @johnny7114 5 років тому +32

      Fun fact: they both dated the same girl lol

    • @Allagi22
      @Allagi22 5 років тому +56

      This just in, people from New York City sound and talk like people from New York City.

  • @rosalina9768
    @rosalina9768 4 роки тому +2

    Thank you UA-cam recommendations for feeding me constant Chris Destefano

  • @mosessdarko3341
    @mosessdarko3341 4 роки тому +4

    0:51 someone got some

  • @AaronxATL
    @AaronxATL 5 років тому +35

    Andrew Santino would be the absolute best at this, this is right in his wheelhouse.

  • @jennymarie4803
    @jennymarie4803 4 роки тому +3

    "It just depends whose wedding I was at" 🤣🤣🤣

  • @savvyd13
    @savvyd13 4 роки тому +3

    i don’t know how i ended up here or who this guy is, but i love it😂

  • @lordtachanka903
    @lordtachanka903 4 роки тому +9

    “I got a steady drip”

  • @timduke4616
    @timduke4616 3 роки тому +2

    This shit is stupid funny…cracked ribs laughing💯💯💯

  • @Annej-isnt-gomez
    @Annej-isnt-gomez 5 років тому +36

    Raw DEEzy?!

    • @isaacmiraldi9168
      @isaacmiraldi9168 4 роки тому +1

      Angelica Joi Gomez you cant give up raw deezy sex

  • @truth6323
    @truth6323 4 роки тому +1

    His honesty is so refreshing

  • @LongTimeNoPuck
    @LongTimeNoPuck 4 роки тому +4

    If this guy is for real... I'd want nothing more than to surround myself with friends like him!

  • @upstateshenanigans430
    @upstateshenanigans430 4 роки тому

    Idk where the reputation for modern New Yorkers came from but this guy has that New York attitude I remember and fuckin love. Love the stories about his pops, my Irish father and grandfather were the same, I'm pretty sure feelings weren't an actual thing until like 2005.

  • @Raysizum69
    @Raysizum69 5 років тому +14

    Bobby Lee would kill this too.

  • @esellanta
    @esellanta 3 роки тому +1

    “I know it’s my grandma, but it’s soft in there”
    Chrissy Chaos is on fire!

  • @kripos2201
    @kripos2201 5 років тому +75

    The human race is facing extinction. You save everybody but nobody knows you did it, or you save 1 million people and they all love you.

    • @johnvessenmeyer512
      @johnvessenmeyer512 5 років тому +8

      Save and nobody notices. Fuck it.

    • @tejasviangadi6097
      @tejasviangadi6097 5 років тому +3

      If i choose save 1 million people,will human race still be facing extinction?

    • @SIFrepresent
      @SIFrepresent 5 років тому +9

      Save 1 million, and it would be a fucking paradise.

    • @nickdailey9889
      @nickdailey9889 5 років тому +2

      Fuck everyone. I’ll save 1 million

    • @jbird1173
      @jbird1173 5 років тому +4

      If I get to choose the million

  • @ribbs13
    @ribbs13 4 роки тому

    Friggin hysterical!! Love him!

  • @isisO30
    @isisO30 5 років тому +6

    One to the uvula!!🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • @malik01ization
    @malik01ization 4 роки тому +1

    Definitely need a part 2

  • @deadlyzio7939
    @deadlyzio7939 5 років тому +16

    Love that the crew is laughing their asses off lmao

  • @maxh9579
    @maxh9579 4 роки тому

    His jokes are fucking quick I don't even have time to laugh and he says something else that makes me keel over😂

  • @pliny8308
    @pliny8308 3 роки тому +5

    This guy has a doctorate in Physical Therapy from a really good school, which is NOT easy to do, so some of his act is put on.

  • @im_roman
    @im_roman 5 років тому +7

    He said “go to Lerner’s” lol super throwback

  • @benstewart3960
    @benstewart3960 4 роки тому +4

    That ruth bader ginsburg joke hits different now

  • @babyvirgo00-88
    @babyvirgo00-88 5 років тому +5

    5:08 As someone who’s 4’11”, I would love to be 5’3”

    • @leob4403
      @leob4403 10 днів тому

      So you're Danny devito height?

  • @camb9164
    @camb9164 5 років тому +12

    this is the new york verison of pat mcafee lmao

    • @tylito4764
      @tylito4764 5 років тому +3

      Dude thank you lol it was pissing me off who he reminded me of

  • @inisus
    @inisus 3 роки тому

    Wow this is one of the best out of the series.

  • @jasondiehl571
    @jasondiehl571 4 роки тому +34

    The RBG joke is even funnier now

  • @cristinhopkins2748
    @cristinhopkins2748 3 роки тому

    Chrissy Pre-come??! OMG! This was too funny! You are seriously BRILLIANt!

  • @hayberdasher8625
    @hayberdasher8625 5 років тому +6

    Once again, if I ever had to assemble a crew for anything, this guy...first choice

  • @versebuchanan512
    @versebuchanan512 2 роки тому

    Man I love the one on the thumbnail, as though he doesn't absolutely do both

  • @PabloEscobar-hi4zl
    @PabloEscobar-hi4zl 5 років тому +3

    This is one of the funniest things I have ever seen.

    • @kimmyball4961
      @kimmyball4961 5 років тому

      Check out his appearance on Bert K's podcast. I swore i almost wet myself i laughed that hard!!

  • @yourstepdadism
    @yourstepdadism 4 роки тому +2

    His regular speech is a whole comedy set

  • @clancy9438
    @clancy9438 4 роки тому +4

    "I HAVE SEX WITH WOMEN, BUT I FALL IN LOVE WITH GUYS." Jesus, this guy is golden.

  • @PaNDaSNiP3R
    @PaNDaSNiP3R 3 роки тому +2

    It’s so crazy to me seeing these peoples faces for the first time after listening them for years.

  • @illlity7643
    @illlity7643 5 років тому +3

    Outta all of these he has the best answers lmao 😂

  • @tedkoko3719
    @tedkoko3719 4 роки тому +1

    OMG...Chris is so funny. He is 1 of my most favorite comedians.

  • @elizabethtucker877
    @elizabethtucker877 5 років тому +114

    Why am I just now realizing that Chris is hot

  • @hunzbunz8810
    @hunzbunz8810 4 роки тому +1

    I don't know him but he's the funniest person to do one of those I've ever seen so far

  • @JhullyAmilly
    @JhullyAmilly 5 років тому +5

    when he said I love sweets, I absolutely lost it

  • @sputnik420
    @sputnik420 2 роки тому +1

    Love that he's doing crowd work with the crew😭

  • @JuizzyAllstars
    @JuizzyAllstars 5 років тому +3

    If you close your eyes it sounds like Chris Pratt is having a fit over internet questions 😂😂

  • @heyysimone
    @heyysimone 3 роки тому +1

    "everyone gets one to the uvula"
    I fuckin cant, i laughed so hard i had to pause the video

  • @EyeHeartShantel
    @EyeHeartShantel 5 років тому +3

    Damn.. haven't seen this dude in forever.. he's so funny! 😂

  • @ooolrait
    @ooolrait 2 роки тому

    god damn i love this pure and genuine being.

  • @glorytogod5283
    @glorytogod5283 5 років тому +18

    get JOEY DIAZ ON HERE

  • @ItsFairyNecessary
    @ItsFairyNecessary 4 роки тому +2

    He’s killing me bruh 😂😂😂

  • @Dom-mw8gk
    @Dom-mw8gk 5 років тому +4

    I know he would never do it but Colin Quinn would be a blast in this.

  • @PaNDaSNiP3R
    @PaNDaSNiP3R 3 роки тому +1

    My favorite joke from this guy has to be when he talks about his dad and what it means when his dad calls him by his girl name Chrissy 🤣

  • @rupeshroy3296
    @rupeshroy3296 4 роки тому +14

    So wait his mother's an Ivy League genius and his Dads a freaking criminal?

  • @fergalosanchez7675
    @fergalosanchez7675 2 роки тому

    I love how much the guys were laughing in the background lmao

  • @Accountability24_7
    @Accountability24_7 5 років тому +65

    Bill burr needs to be on this

    • @Geau_Janks
      @Geau_Janks 5 років тому +3

      Old school Bill YES, Current SJW Bill NO

    • @juliamihajlovich
      @juliamihajlovich 5 років тому

      Charles Myrtil 500%

    • @gregs2373
      @gregs2373 5 років тому

      Agreed, and just let him go for like 45 minutes

    • @justinb1382
      @justinb1382 5 років тому

      Charles Myrtil I’m from the future and he is

  • @natalied6923
    @natalied6923 3 роки тому

    Chris, you already sound banged out, man.... 😂