Would Bert Kreischer Recognize His Own D*** Pic? - Answer the Internet

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  • Опубліковано 7 лис 2021
  • ‪@bertkreischer‬ makes his long awaited return to Answer the Internet.
    Leave your weird, crazy hypotheticals in the comments. We'll feature them on the show.
    We've collected the Internet's dumbest questions over the last 9 years on our podcast KFC Radio and put Bert Kreischer to the test.
    Get Tickets to Bert's tour at BertBertBert.com
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    #AnswerTheInternet #BertKreischer
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КОМЕНТАРІ • 585

  • @AnswertheInternet
    @AnswertheInternet  2 роки тому +59

    Subscribe and leave a comment who you want to see on ATI below!
    barstool.link/ATI

    • @jamesmauricio6180
      @jamesmauricio6180 2 роки тому +2

      HEY CRISTINA P

    • @pizzle58
      @pizzle58 2 роки тому

      Mark Normand (Kevin Hart)

    • @alexcavoli6191
      @alexcavoli6191 2 роки тому

      I dont wash my hands because Ive had my dick directly in girls mouths and they didnt wash their hands before or after so...

    • @DapBino
      @DapBino 2 роки тому

      You guys need to get bert again lol this was too funny!

    • @Thumper68
      @Thumper68 2 роки тому

      If you could get Ben Shapiro I think it would be hilarious🤣

  • @phobototran3247
    @phobototran3247 2 роки тому +1355

    "I got a 130 pound beast on the bed, I'm fighting the dog" killed me😂😂😂

  • @roydonk2262
    @roydonk2262 2 роки тому +755

    Bert can be all over the place sometimes, but when he is on he is a killer. He absolutely murdered this, top 5 all time ATI.

    • @AnswertheInternet
      @AnswertheInternet  2 роки тому +28

      Thanks for watchin Michael! Who do you want to see on the show next?

    • @pizzle58
      @pizzle58 2 роки тому +53

      @@AnswertheInternet Mark Normand

    • @roydonk2262
      @roydonk2262 2 роки тому +21

      @@AnswertheInternet Ryan Sickler, Anthony Jeselnik, Kyle Kinane, Tom Papa.

    • @jorn6644
      @jorn6644 2 роки тому +29

      @@AnswertheInternet JOEY MFN DIAZ

    • @zorrakas320
      @zorrakas320 2 роки тому +9

      @@AnswertheInternet definitely mark normand. Dope to see you guys still want feedback.

  • @thirdplanetman9468
    @thirdplanetman9468 2 роки тому +559

    Bert absolutely nailed that Theo impression. Got his mindset as close as you can get it, without being Theo himself. That man's brain is a bucket of incredible. Both of them to be honest.

  • @toploc7520
    @toploc7520 2 роки тому +294

    “What a women”
    “What a pair of balls”
    Those dudes were on two different thought processes.

  • @sheffcoleman3518
    @sheffcoleman3518 2 роки тому +112

    I just came across the clip and nearly died when Bert said “Will Smith don’t wash his hands after pissing” and suddenly thought about poor Chris Rock. Lmao. Hilarious content. Love Bert the Machine.

    • @jon5one7
      @jon5one7 Рік тому +1

      😂 bro got the piss slapped onto and out of him.

    • @Coastfog
      @Coastfog Рік тому

      Lol

  • @knarf_barf
    @knarf_barf 2 роки тому +260

    My favorite part about Bert is that he is actually excited to be there and enjoying every minute of it; whereas some other guests on ATI only have 5 minute videos and they just have an air of “I’m not getting paid enough to do this” and seem rather arrogant. Love pretty much everything about The Machine

    • @AnswertheInternet
      @AnswertheInternet  2 роки тому +56

      He did this directly after a two hour interview. Guy’s the absolute best in the biz!

  • @skyluke9476
    @skyluke9476 2 роки тому +116

    Bert always has the longest interviews, because he will spend 6 hours talking to a dude at a bar about styrophome manufacturing

  • @andyfalls6208
    @andyfalls6208 2 роки тому +537

    Checked to see if this was the longest episode of ATI, found that Burnt already holds the record.

    • @Avalon1204
      @Avalon1204 2 роки тому +25

      His name is Brent dumbass lol

    • @TheCurrykiev
      @TheCurrykiev 2 роки тому +24

      @@Avalon1204 it's Brack. Fucks sake.

    • @DrDookieDrawls
      @DrDookieDrawls 2 роки тому +14

      I’m pretty sure it’s Bart

    • @coreyprice6801
      @coreyprice6801 2 роки тому +9

      Yeah bretts first one was 17 minutes+ dude loves to talk! That’s why we love him.

    • @Mike-pn8ln
      @Mike-pn8ln 2 роки тому +4

      I thought it was Bruce

  • @mdougf
    @mdougf 2 роки тому +80

    Wow, Bert is the best at this segment. Other people can seem forced about it. Bert fucking killed this so naturally. He’s a special dude, love him or hate him

  • @DoUgIeRuLz
    @DoUgIeRuLz 2 роки тому +241

    The English and German accents were hilarious coming out of his face

    • @LegionOfShrooms
      @LegionOfShrooms 2 роки тому +1

      British sounded more Australian lmao

    • @DYLANJJK94
      @DYLANJJK94 2 роки тому

      RaiderMatt86 It could depend on where in Australia and England they are.

  • @KatieDeGo
    @KatieDeGo 2 роки тому +38

    Dude Bert is definitely the type of dude who seems like you could sit and have a beer with and never run out of things to talk about. Such a cool guy 😎

  • @whskytngo
    @whskytngo 2 роки тому +107

    Sounds nothing like Theo Von but sounds exactly like what Theo Von would say.

  • @ws8061
    @ws8061 2 роки тому +38

    "Can you still go to your barber if he's racist"
    "I feel like this isn't for a white guy"
    Lmao

  • @thepowerofmyth
    @thepowerofmyth 2 роки тому +86

    Ngl, bert killed this.

    • @toastedjoe1013
      @toastedjoe1013 2 роки тому +1

      At first, I thought you were telling Nigel, Bert's alter-ego.

  • @codyholt9797
    @codyholt9797 2 роки тому +56

    The Theo Von joke really got me 😂

  • @DadsCigaretteRun
    @DadsCigaretteRun 2 роки тому +37

    Bert is the master of not answering the question at all 😂😂

    • @im-not-me893
      @im-not-me893 2 роки тому +3

      He won’t answer directly or even at all sometimes, but he’ll give you a hell of a funny quip or story. Really just a rollercoaster with him lol

  • @adamsmith544
    @adamsmith544 2 роки тому +40

    I was at Bert’s first set in Philly for Secret Time. I thought he absolutely killed it. Almost liked it better than the taping since it was raw and the ad libs thrown in.

  • @EdoKwin
    @EdoKwin 2 роки тому +42

    2:51 - The sweet part about this is the implication that his wife is the girl of his dreams

    • @justinleonard6183
      @justinleonard6183 2 роки тому

      I think he’s in love with himself he watches his own standup and podcasts and laughs

  • @MrNicvdb
    @MrNicvdb 2 роки тому +21

    How nice of the ATI crew. They have Tom on last week and now they do him a solid by having his tik toked buddy come on. What great guys!

  • @slugemonkey313
    @slugemonkey313 2 роки тому +52

    Pound-for-pound Bert is coming into his comedic prime. This video was gold and I’m grateful I exist in the same time period as him. A living legend.

  • @conservat1vepatr1ot
    @conservat1vepatr1ot 2 роки тому +49

    “Umber Kryshir”?
    We’ve all been saying his name wrong.. that or we aren’t hopeless alcoholics that were hammered during this recording..

  • @roguesample
    @roguesample 2 роки тому +12

    Lmao at Bert talking about how Theo would be easy to kidnap

  • @averyeastman5681
    @averyeastman5681 2 роки тому +23

    LMAO his Theo Von voice is fucking amazing. "GIMMIE SOME OF thEM HAMSTERS... Why yall got gloves?"

    • @dzd2371
      @dzd2371 2 роки тому +1

      This a wrasslin van? Too funny!

    • @MR-jd1yo
      @MR-jd1yo 2 роки тому

      too perfect i herd theo in my mind

  • @Arthur-ek7nd
    @Arthur-ek7nd 2 роки тому +148

    Bert "I'm not an alcoholic because I exercise despite drinking 6 days/nights a week" Krystal

    • @traceyrice4978
      @traceyrice4978 2 роки тому +4

      It's pretty wild that I drink 7 days a week, never work out, and am not yet a burnt Chrysler

    • @guywithalltheanswers6942
      @guywithalltheanswers6942 2 роки тому

      I'm just trying to delude my self. I work out hard and drink hard but I know it's stupid. Being an alcoholic fucking sucks. Stupid genes.

    • @mandolorian162
      @mandolorian162 2 роки тому

      @@traceyrice4978 same, lol not bragging by any means but like 6-12 a day depending on work and what not and still only like 115lbs

    • @obiwankenobi9439
      @obiwankenobi9439 2 роки тому

      @@guywithalltheanswers6942 yeah.. It's those genes alright 😂😂

    • @chiefwawawa
      @chiefwawawa 2 роки тому

      @@obiwankenobi9439 that mickey mantle gene bruhbruh

  • @Trevenclaw
    @Trevenclaw 2 роки тому +16

    What makes Brent the best is that he parties like a maniac and relishes life, but also loves his wife and kids SO much. If he cheated on his wife he'd be a sad sack but because he doesn't he's rad.

  • @robertaBooey69
    @robertaBooey69 2 роки тому +15

    I normally don’t do this with people is the greatest line 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂

  • @highferaltruth
    @highferaltruth 2 роки тому +26

    "i'm on blood thinners. i take baby aspirin." lmao

  • @snakebutts2000
    @snakebutts2000 2 роки тому +6

    He looks like a beaver. Love him.

  • @DekkarJr
    @DekkarJr 2 роки тому +5

    *Everyday that passes I get even more amazed and impressed that Bert Kreischer is still alive* .

  • @nikolasspring
    @nikolasspring 2 роки тому +8

    That Theo van impression was spot on 😂

  • @DapBino
    @DapBino 2 роки тому +11

    Bert is legendary lol his like the uncle everyone needs 😂

  • @amandamarie740
    @amandamarie740 2 роки тому +1

    Bert is one of the most genuine people, and it’s like it’s bc he can’t be any other way lol love him

  • @Phi1618033
    @Phi1618033 2 роки тому +32

    Bart was made for this game.

  • @queefqueefington
    @queefqueefington 2 роки тому +10

    Wow didnt expect to see Bart Chrysler doing this!

  • @cptdarkon5946
    @cptdarkon5946 2 роки тому +6

    When Janikowski was with the Seahawks I was at the stadium for warm ups. He came over to the side line in his gear but no helmet, opened his gym bag and grabbed a FAT wad of dip, chunked it in his mouth and went out to practice kicks. The dude is such a beast it was like watching an old WWII moving around on the field. It was the coolest thing I've ever seen

  • @spicypretzel7616
    @spicypretzel7616 2 роки тому +3

    Him sayin Wiz Khalifa instead of Mia khalifa was the funniest shit 😂

  • @DGRIFF
    @DGRIFF 2 роки тому +3

    Bert did more than crush this show, he taught you all how to manage the film lol

  • @makaizuniga4352
    @makaizuniga4352 2 роки тому +6

    “Wiz Khalifa😭”

  • @ARKHAMxMaverick
    @ARKHAMxMaverick 2 роки тому +17

    Confirmed - Bert nails EVERY impression he does.

    • @thergal
      @thergal 2 роки тому +2

      Haha yeah his british sounding polish guy was amazing

  • @wolffyward
    @wolffyward 2 роки тому +1

    Burnt Chrysler still hates John Mayer 😂

  • @withcharlie6059
    @withcharlie6059 2 роки тому +6

    Touch my camera through the fence Brad chrysler!

  • @spyderg2138
    @spyderg2138 2 роки тому +6

    Dude is way funnier than I thought he was.

  • @PS-fn5xv
    @PS-fn5xv Рік тому +1

    funny when he said "I wish that worked for standup" when it clearly did with his "the machine" bit :D

  • @Green_Gold
    @Green_Gold 2 роки тому +42

    I've heard Bert say a thousand disgusting things but hearing that he likes freshly warmed toilet seats from a stranger is maybe the most disgusting thing ever

    • @hongkongfueynz3071
      @hongkongfueynz3071 2 роки тому +1

      Yeah that’s just nasty......

    • @larsonfamilyhouse
      @larsonfamilyhouse 2 роки тому

      Only thing worse than a cold toilet seat is a warm one

    • @Globbs
      @Globbs 2 роки тому

      He says it to throw you off.

  • @ricenbeenz...
    @ricenbeenz... 2 роки тому +4

    Dude I thought he was gonna cry when when he was answering the question about his wife banging his worst enemy

  • @zchrymtthw1993
    @zchrymtthw1993 Рік тому +1

    The Theo Von impression is golden! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • @dalelane1948
    @dalelane1948 2 роки тому +8

    Gee this Brett guy can talk! This is easily the longest one of these ever! Did he even answer any of the questions?

  • @rebelcities8200
    @rebelcities8200 2 роки тому +1

    Actually one of the better English accents. Love you Burnt x

  • @zgiW
    @zgiW 2 роки тому +9

    "I might get a tighter cut" that was quick holy moly 11:20

    • @zgiW
      @zgiW 2 роки тому

      aaand Brent has ruined it by liking a strangers warm toilet seat

  • @randomshit2229
    @randomshit2229 2 роки тому +1

    7:20 “well shit gang gang son!” Lmao that Theo von impersonation was hilarious 😂😂

  • @ThankYouYoureWelcome
    @ThankYouYoureWelcome 2 роки тому +2

    Warm toilet seat had me cracking up! 😂

  • @stinkyfinger777
    @stinkyfinger777 2 роки тому +1

    The Theo Von kidnapping thing got me. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • @buckkuu
    @buckkuu 2 роки тому +2

    I love how Bert can just talk lol.

  • @thatmg
    @thatmg 2 роки тому +1

    8:24 THATS A LEGIT GREAT JOKE!

  • @LegionOfShrooms
    @LegionOfShrooms 2 роки тому +1

    Been waiting for this one. Thanks ATI

  • @SHADOWBEAR82763
    @SHADOWBEAR82763 Рік тому +1

    Leaving a restroom years ago, a guy at the sink noticed that I hadn't stopped to wash and said "My daddy taught me to wash after I pee, I guess yours didn't." I smiled and replied "No, he taught me not to piss on my hands.'

  • @bigboomer3841
    @bigboomer3841 8 місяців тому

    The only thing worse than a cold toilet seat is a warm one---- Everyone but Burt

  • @unclebeav5886
    @unclebeav5886 2 роки тому +4

    Is this a wrastlin' van!?!? 🤣😂

  • @KevinsDisobedience
    @KevinsDisobedience 2 роки тому +2

    I’ve seen a lot of comedians bomb on this show. Bert gets it.

  • @brandonm8901
    @brandonm8901 2 роки тому +1

    I love how similar Burnt Chrysler's English and Polish accents are

  • @vedantshinde697
    @vedantshinde697 2 роки тому +2

    This segment is made for Bert!

  • @EarlyBirdArms
    @EarlyBirdArms 2 роки тому +5

    Mia obviously isn’t gonna be known as a sports fan 🤣

  • @Lukerogers0121
    @Lukerogers0121 Рік тому

    Tony Stark: “I don’t trust a guy without a dark side.”
    Bert: “I can’t be friends with a guy who’s never been fucked by a Dog.”

  • @maui1526
    @maui1526 2 роки тому +1

    Film idea for bert. Comedy film obviously; Bert's gambling debt leads him to rob a bank, at which, Theo von is withdrawing a large sum after winning a bet. (Lobster fighting), he then takes Theo hostage, they end up on a plan, piloted by ari, Bert hijacks the plane, does some sky king shit (shout out Seattle) but then, right before berts about to make his escape, he realizes ari and Theo took the money and jumped DB Cooper style. Where does they're adventure lead? Find out next time I smoke an absurd amount of weed after not sleeping for a couple days

  • @DeezNuts-iq6kw
    @DeezNuts-iq6kw 2 роки тому +8

    Ahhh good ol' Bart Chrystler my favorite alcoholic comedian!

  • @jedediah7772
    @jedediah7772 2 роки тому +1

    Loved this! Very funny, thanks 😄

  • @keenanlarsen1639
    @keenanlarsen1639 2 роки тому +1

    His Will Smith story aged beautifully.
    "Let me tell you the key to Hollywood...."

  • @Eriey3
    @Eriey3 2 роки тому +4

    Bruce Kersher my favorite comedian!

  • @myphonesmail4me
    @myphonesmail4me 2 роки тому +1

    0:14 I thought this was a troll video and the rest of this video was gonna be this.

  • @asdfjkl74able
    @asdfjkl74able 2 роки тому +1

    I didnt know Theo Von was by name but the impression was so good I knew 100% who he was talking about

  • @CalTxDude
    @CalTxDude 2 роки тому

    The guy who mentions Janikowski...Wow!!! LoL
    No wonder they had to use closed capturing!!

  • @Thumper68
    @Thumper68 2 роки тому +1

    I’d take the personal bathroom and bring a TV tray from home it’s now a personal office as well!

  • @devonclose2606
    @devonclose2606 2 роки тому +1

    His face right before he said a thousand dudes hahahah

  • @lawbl5415
    @lawbl5415 Рік тому +1

    First question, instant Bort lies. Classic.

  • @VentureGroms
    @VentureGroms 2 роки тому +1

    His impersonation of Theo is hilarious

  • @jessejohnson4438
    @jessejohnson4438 2 роки тому +1

    I accidentally cut myself at work and I just duct tape it up and continued on. Had a huge rip in my pants and had to weld some things so I just put duct tape on the rip and go back to work

  • @TGXPlatiNum
    @TGXPlatiNum 2 роки тому +2

    This Barf Chrysler guy is pretty funny

  • @andrewwhite1305
    @andrewwhite1305 Рік тому

    Bernt Chrysler, Master of Accents.

  • @dakotaflora6998
    @dakotaflora6998 10 місяців тому

    1 time pass to commit any crime would easily be a high speed chase from the police

  • @GibsonGuy59
    @GibsonGuy59 2 роки тому +15

    Now I wanna know what guy he’s talking about lol

    • @frankiethe5th
      @frankiethe5th 2 роки тому +3

      I'm guessing Ari

    • @Stzit
      @Stzit 2 роки тому +12

      Ralphie May

    • @yogert96
      @yogert96 2 роки тому

      @@Stzit That makes perfect sense

    • @hacksdp3
      @hacksdp3 2 роки тому

      @@Stzit ah ha!

    • @vakar9779
      @vakar9779 2 роки тому +2

      @@Stzit dude if I knew that the girl of my dreams fucked ralphie may i would never ever look at her again

  • @didisaythat4230
    @didisaythat4230 2 роки тому +1

    Damn.. when he said snort coke casually. What he should of said was "hardest thing to do casually? Anything on coke." I can casually snort coke for sure. Just afterwards everything will be a spectacle.

  • @adamsauve
    @adamsauve 2 роки тому +2

    Brent Chrystler is everywhere right now

  • @totallyfakefakename4664
    @totallyfakefakename4664 2 роки тому

    The best thing ever isn't a warm toilet seat. It's blowing up the restroom for the next twenty minutes.

  • @shannonrenis8063
    @shannonrenis8063 Рік тому +1

    Lmao if I was his wife I'd be like how the hell does she know what your junk feels like

  • @friendsofthedead2742
    @friendsofthedead2742 Рік тому

    His description of “awesome NFL kicker” was just a description of a young Pat McAfee 😂

  • @marcherrera23
    @marcherrera23 2 роки тому

    “What a pair of balls” 😂😂🤣

  • @ygkemosabi8280
    @ygkemosabi8280 2 роки тому +1

    Perfect example of society teaching people that racist means anti black and not that his barber would hate white people... lol

    • @brandonm8901
      @brandonm8901 2 роки тому

      Yeah I assume that the question means the barber would be racist towards you, not another race

  • @DatFugginGuy
    @DatFugginGuy 2 роки тому +1

    5:01 First night in prison? Ya gotta pick one...

  • @ruxtonau
    @ruxtonau 2 роки тому +1

    Bort knows all about being a crazy person :P

  • @topogakebobone
    @topogakebobone 2 роки тому +4

    Bert is always on podcast mode.

  • @GrantCline
    @GrantCline 2 роки тому +1

    Bert is the best!

  • @jackanderson1111
    @jackanderson1111 2 роки тому +1

    It sounds like ATI has their own Nadav to laugh off camera

  • @matthewmc4363
    @matthewmc4363 Рік тому

    The bathroom joke.
    Somebody warmed this up for me.
    Boarding school.

  • @makingmo
    @makingmo 2 роки тому

    The best part of shitting in public is making the guy that walks in to piss, gag. It’s a walk off home run

  • @TheProgrammersGuild
    @TheProgrammersGuild 2 роки тому +2

    Of course Bert talks about doing dogs (if you know you know)

  • @pim5490
    @pim5490 2 роки тому +3

    Brent Krystler.....lol

  • @callansparnon4160
    @callansparnon4160 2 роки тому +2

    Does anyone see the hair in the bottom right hand side of the camera lens

  • @wesleycreighton884
    @wesleycreighton884 2 роки тому +6

    Bert's funny as ever just alone. Can't wait till he does a solo Theo von podcast.

  • @rollierick2232
    @rollierick2232 2 роки тому

    "We got a bag of hamsters" lmaooooooo