192. My Thoughts
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- Опубліковано 30 вер 2019
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#getyourexback #nocontact #dating - Навчання та стиль
My ex of nearly 4 years and I broke up in the beginning of the year. While he started dating someone new immediately, I decided to delve into things I've always talked wishfully about doing but never took the initiative. I took an oil painting class, got a personal trainer, journaled, saw a therapist, and took two different dance classes which taught me how to stop feeling so awkward and embrace the skin I'm in. Honestly, I was doing so much with my days, that I went to bed tuckered out every night and it left no room to wallow in despair and rejection, although sometimes it crept up in unexpected moments. To be honest, therapy taught me that him finding someone else has nothing to do with whether I was good enough or not and that he has his own issues that he could have chosen to bury with a new relationship. I didn't see it back then, but today I feel incredibly grateful that I allowed myself to grieve, feel the pain, and come out on the other side. I learned to rely on myself, nurture new friendships and find worth outside the validation of another person. I'm dating again but I'm no longer operating from a state of lack or desperation to not be lonely. I'm just enjoying the process of meeting people I would have otherwise never met in my social sphere and learning more and more about what I like and don't like in a future partner. Thanks for being there from the very beginning, Rory.
Well done! Good point about them using a new relationship to bury their emotions or issues, they learn nothing from that which Will probably cost them in the long run. Going through the pain as bad as it is at the time builds character and emotional strength.
Beautiful. I'm pleased for you. Me too. 🍒
Please Rory, do this more often. Thanks! You are one of the wisest coaches out there. Even Kenneth takes our money. Thanks always. To you and to the dating guy. Please keep your prices low and never loose your authenticity. There are many people who can’t afford Kenneth and others.
“How to keep them, not just how to get them back”
Your voice is so calming .
I Agree! haha
"The reality is that they left you because you were not being very likeable, you were not doing the things that should maintain a healthy relationship and a healthy attraction." had to wrote that on my phone so that I could read it again and again.
He just reached out after a few months, but I'm good investing in myself, making myself more attractive for me.
That's awesome you are focusing on you! How long before he contacted you?
How many months?
Really need this. I was in no contact for 10 months when my ex contacted me and we started to get back together. However, after really trying for over 2 months again she told me last night that she once again lost feeling and it wasn’t healthy to string me along. It sucks Bc I have loved this person and have put in so much effort only to get rejected again. These videos help me cope so well. Thanks Rory
That’s the problem when you break up for a long time. In love feelings fade after several months. So the memories are really the only thing people cling on to entertain the idea of getting back together.
Sorry to hear that bro, really am. You can make it through this and you will.
Hang in there...
I hope that you’re in a better place now ! Wish you the best !
I absolutely LOVED this message. Rory, you're amazing and on point. You are so real and down to earth. Thank you for everything you do for those of us who may be struggling, wondering, hurting or healing. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Rory and Dating Guy both just came out with the two greatest breakup videos ever made. We are blessed!
Great topic!!! I found your channel two months ago when my ex broke up with me after three years. The first month was absolutely horrible....crying, sick every day. I started going to the gym again, watched these videoes, started going out with friends, I have plans to travel this month. At first my goal was to make it through the first month, then I moved the goal post ....now my goal is until I actually feel better andAM better....even if my ex comes back.. it’s funny because my view of them changes every day...as I get stronger. Some days I wonder why I was even with them. It’s so weird...even juSt two months out. I guess in a way my ex is helping me by not contacting me.
Rory, now that I have grown out of the love trap I was in, from time to time I come back to listen to your videos. It makes me realize how far I have come, since the time that I was completely lost. Maybe you haven't realised how much you have been helping people, me being one, among many I am sure. It is a great thing you are doing.. Just felt I needed to send my gratitude once more!
The longer format is nice. Gives you more space to really get your thoughts out.
nailed it again...your content shows how deep knowledge you have about these topics...i have gained alot from your videos...mainly NC and working on myself...its the only way through any bad breakup...good work rory...i have no more words to praise you man!! you're just fantastic!
This is my favorite video. Thanks for all the information and guidance you provide. Its really helped me honestly...listening to your other videos I started understanding what needs to be done and being honest with myself. And then this video sums everything up that i started doing listening to you. Really hit the nail on the head with this one. All love 💜🤘
Hello this is Mary, listening to the ❤️ love chat. Thank you Rory for everything you do.
Thank you Rori, for opening my eyes and guiding me through one of the worst feelings ever.
It's so true, my ex became no. 1 thing in my life the longer we were in relationship. I lost myself and in turn I lost her too.
Now that i hear it from Rori, i remember her also telling me "Have something else to do" but in a different way, sadly i was blind to that at the time.
Work on yourself people and in turn you will work on the relationship.
Love your content, makes me less anxious Everytime ❤️
Rory this video is amazing. I keep finding myself coming back to this frequently. Your thoughts on these issues are interesting and informative. Thanks for all you do. My favorite relationship advice channel!
I can't "like" this enough times, excellent video. Everything anyone needs to remember in this "transformation" journey, is said right there, in 23 minutes.
Maybe I'm just overeacting, but wow, I feel this is so motivational.
You're the real MVP, Rory! ❤️
Yes work on yourself, you will see that your EX is not a good fit for you anymore.
Thank you Rory, looking forward to see more videos on dating than just getting EX back.
Wow.. that was so raw and true. Sometimes hearing it raw it better then the falsehood that others give or try to give me. Thank you for making me see the light on myself and not him. You're the best.. break ups hurt like a bereavement. 😢
"women don't want boys... So men.. Get your shit together" - haha so true..
This video helped me realise I can be doing more with my time besides just focusing on getting fit. While I've made amazing progress, my career sucks. I am still a kid in the working world. Thank you for reminding me that I need to step up 👍
Excellent Rory!!!
Loved your chit chat type format today!
Your content makes sense and is very helpful.
Well done as always!!!
Thanks 🙏
Loved the video Rory.! Thank you. It's been almost 3 months since I was broken up with. I've kept no contact, been working on myself, exercising, focusing on my goals... At this time, I don't even know if I would want to see my ex if he reached out...! I'm on the right path. And I thank you and your help through this rough time!
Great message Rory, thank you. Also I like the stream of consciousness style.
I loved this video, it was really refreshing to hear some wise thought. I always tend to discuss topics in a deep way whenever I get the chance and hear what thoughts/insights other people have. I'd love to listen to more podcasts like this for sure!
Good job! Helpful reminders and repetition to remember and help to stay on point
Haven’t been on your channel for a while, this video is amazing and true. Great message, thank you 😁❤️
Greetings from Hong Kong & thank you so much!! This channel is just like a hidden gem. And I wish more coaches like you showing up to guide people why and how to get yourself back before getting you ex back! My ex broke up with me after a 12-year relationship. It is high time to rebuild "who I am".
David Chan wow 12 years!! You must be so strong to get past it!
Hey Rory loved this format. Straight to the point no bull no sugarcoating just you speaking from the heart.
Absolutely loved it Rory! Really want to hear more. U have no idea how much it helped.
This is one of your best videos. Can't believe it wasn't scripted at all. "Aim to get 1% better every day" is great advice. "Women want men who are men, not men who are kids" also rang true to me. I've been neglecting my own responsibilities and self-love and it pushed her away. Not that she didn't make any mistakes, she made plenty and has her own issues to work on. Yet I think I'm the only one actually doing it. Thanks Rory! I hope I won't need you anymore soon :)
Rory, I loved this. Thank you. Keep it coming in this format.
Thank you as always Rory..
Hi! I like the format as a complement to the other ways you communicate information.
Thank you for making this video…in basketball we say “dagger in the basket” as in you absolutely nailed it…empowering!!! Thank you brother 🦾
Great video Rory! I'm looking forward to our session in the upcoming days. :)
Rory , this was by far your most info packed and helpful video all packed into 22 minutes , sincerely thank you ,
Yep more of this would be nice, I enjoyed it. Thank you.
Love this type of conversation, keep it up
Hey Rory, as a listener, I can confirm that I really enjoyed this video format. I don’t always do the work perfectly (I did check my ex’s Instagram today), but the work I have done has made all the difference. Your videos are a huge comfort AND motivator. It’s been over a year since my breakup, and today I’m 50 pounds lighter, can run so many more mile than I could before, and have traveled across the country doing work I love. Today I went on a second date with a great guy. Although the anxiety has disappeared, I know I’ll be fine no matter what happens. Thanks. :)
I did enjoyed it Sir Rory, it feels like a real conversation with you. Thanks!
Every love chat video I watch, I put my AirPods in & I close my eyes💆🏽♂️💆🏽♂️💛
Definitely needed to hear this Rory. You always know what to say.
First! Love this...excellent as always!!🙏🏽❤️
Thank you, it's been a difficult journey. But I can honestly say I'm not afraid of being alone and I enjoy my own company. I recognise I am important!
Thank you, Rory--your videos are always so helpful and reassuring. Can you please do some content on what to do when your ex reaches out while you're in no contact and acts interested but then says they don't want a relationship? Thank you!!
Hi Coach. I've been doing no contact for more than a week now. My ex sent me a message last night telling me that he will dispose my stuff in his apartment and oir journey ends there.
We've been together for 2 years and I love him but he decided to end things for I became needy.
Thank you for this. It really helps! I subscribed.
There's only one person who can change my life for the better, and that's me. For me and no one else. With Rory's help. 🍒
More gold from the best breakup coach on UA-cam... really liking Rory uncut (not a circumsicion reference) 😃
Nailed it Rory. Thank you.
Great vid Rory,I have gone to the gym since the first of the year,lost weight,gained muscle,did a bunch of volunteer work.I asked my self do I really want her back,maybe not. It takes two to make it work,if they are feeling it find someone that appreciates you. Time heals everything,passing of parents break ups etc. Dating apps suck,stay away from them. Thanks Rory you helped me and everyone here,my hat is of to you!😊🎸
yes, they suck!
Thank you Rory.
I love you so much, Rory. Thank you for all the effort you put into your videos towards your youtube community. Even the vast amount of people that can't donate or comment still do appreciate your existence and your work. Thank you
This was awesome! I love longer videos (packed with good stuff) in general so I really appreciated this. Hope this entices you to do more of this kind of videos!
Absolutely loved this format, Rory. Was really nice to hear your thoughts a little less formal and a little less censored haha. Felt more....genuine? Maybe that’s not the right word but it was a really nice change of pace. Felt a lot more personal like a conversation.
Thank you so much :,)
A month into breakup and 4 days into no contact and it sucks. Never thought anxiety attacks were a thing. Not gonna lie I begged and pleaded at first but they were mean like you said so now I forced myself to do this. I’m just afraid by the time they turn around I won’t have feelings or they’ll do something do and force me to walk away for good. But the gym has been great and I just feel like a new man, I see things differently. Yeah a month isn’t much for a change but the pain I felt and still feels almost life changing.
Defo do this more often it's good to hear your thoughts.
Loved this episode rory and you have helped alot. Even tho iv listened to all your episode dating guy some of Craig's I still feel my situation is unique. But would love to have you do this kind again.
I liked this video so much. Its relaxing to follow your toughts. I wanted to point out, that sometimes downfall is ok. Sometimes your energy gets used up and you get down again. Also with working on yourself. And that is so important to realize. That we are still only people trying to find our own path of happiness. Recently I went through this kind of slow time and I needed that. To refocus, regain some strength and energy and to just be. I realized i dont have to be superwoman all the time. To be the strongest, balanced, focused etc. I learned to embrace my weaknesses and fears. Please be kind to yourself and be patient not only towards your ex, but most importantly, to yourself. Love
Nice thoughts roryy, love it so much👍👍👍
I liked this. It was more broad content. I don't think we always need just one set topic for a video. Keep mixing it up!
Rory you freaking rock! Love your content! 😃
What about guilt, Rory? Every so often I get hit by guilt over the way I treated her, and then I feel awful, and I spiral. I didn't think I was a bad person but her leaving me has made me question that. I am trying to improve, trying to be more empathetic and understanding with everyone. I know where I went wrong. I get it now and know what I want, but I feel I don't deserve it now. I am battling with my mind.
Spot on, like always ♥️
TL:DR Rory's videos have helped me begin to become the man I want to be and that's why I'm leaving this channel.
Thank you Rory for all that you say and do. I'm 2 months out and in a better mental state than I've ever been, possibly in my entire life. Your videos have helped me get there and maintain momentum. While I'm only 2 months out after a 4 year, life-changing relationship, I think it's time for me to stop watching! I'll stay subbed because of what you've done for me. I'd like to leave with some parting thoughts.
Obligatory ex update (I mean that's kind of the point of all this):
- Got dumped out of the blue a couple months ago. Both of us are 24. She said I was unhealthy for her and she didn't make me happy. I objected and did all the cringy stuff. Went into no contact after a week.
- although love and attraction was strong for most of the relationship, it was unhealthy on both sides. No cheating or abuse but we both had/have personal trauma and emotional instability.
- I broke no contact once after a month and called to ask her to coffee. Ex was completely indifferent on the phone and said we could meet as friends. I declined. Indifference is the opposite of love, so I got the message. I won't initiate contact again.
- I've forgiven her and myself (this is ongoing). Hardest part is forgiving her for never asking about the dog we raised together (3 years)
- I'm grateful for the past relationship and truly want the best for her, just not at the price of me.
Actions that help me grow the most:
- Expression: Journaling, making and enjoying music, creative writing
- Focus on health: sleep, exercise, nutrition, meditation, cold showers, therapy
- Learning: Reading, watching self-improvement videos, podcasts
- Social: going out drinking (responsibly) with buddies, concerts, local art, dog stuff, reconnecting w/ loved ones
- Professional: goal setting, career-building, leveling up my skill set
Things I quit that were holding me back:
- Checking her social media. This is so underrated.
- Smoking weed by myself. Now I just smoke my friends'... lmao!
- Video games. Still love them, but I love everything else I'm doing more.
- Negative self-talk.
- Watching ex-back videos. That's not really a life focus for me anymore.
I didn't even watch this video. I just came to comment. I hope you all find peace, love, and happiness in the times to come. Thanks again Rory!
Well her silence says it all, today is my birthday and she didn’t reached out..and it is very clear now on my mind its really time to move on..if its meant to be it will..3 months post break up, 40 days NC..its just really sad how people really changed so fast from being your most loved to complete stranger..Thanks rory for the videos every time I felt sad I just turned to your vids..
Thanks!
Godamn love ya Rory
Nice talk
When you say go and get what you need and want it collides with the idea of the other person you want and need does not want the same thing. Wisdom implies when to quit.
Right?
Amazing! keep up the good work man! 👍🏽
I prefer the term 'simple' instead of stupid.
Jokes aside, your points are beautifully valid in your videos and as well as in this one Rory. I'm sure I speak on the better behalf of your viewers and patrons when I say your efforts are greatly appreciated.
I grew up with good parents that simply didn't work out together and I never really felt that I had a mentor or guide growing up, short of advice like "Get a good job, save money, and everything else will come naturally." But there is so much more to life than that, both fortunately and unfortunately.
Thanks again for doing what you have been doing. You've helped me inch towards being a better version of myself.
I really enjoyed this one Rory.
Love this one so much.
This video was well worth the wait..
loved the video - please do more! ❤️
Hey Rory, can you do some videos on how to maintain your identity and sense of self in a long term relationship. And how to avoid getting complacent. A lot of videos say to do this but few give advice on how to keep it up, and maintain your motivation to keep improving yourself. Thanks!
trwhitsett I agree would love to hear a video about this.. hope Rory will do it in the future.
I agree..some of the main reasons why my ex lost attraction and fell out of love..rory we would really love to see this kind of topics
I enjoyed how you did this video.
Hey Rory. I really respect this video. I stopped listening to a lot of videos that were breakup based. It's like people are expecting a magic solution to getting their ex back. They weren't trying to hear anything less. It just seems so unnatural to be so obsessed with another person like that. I am on a self love journey to loving and respecting myself. I'm not settling for less any more. Relationships end and that's something you have to learn to accept. Thanks for not just saying don't give up on your exes, but you gave other alternatives too. You took the kids gloves off for this video.
Maybe they just faded away from me. No closure no nothing only said he had stuff in his head but didn't want to talk about it.. feeling rubbish today. It's my birthday and he hasn't even wished me well. I'm over him but miss his friendship so much.
Rory, if you’d ever like to do a podcast episode with one of your subjects I’d very happily oblige 😂 my long boring story of the men I’ve had in my life and the past two years must be of some use somewhere haha. I love this idea of the ramblings of a (very aware) man, particularly when there’re comments like “guys, get your shit together” x
I love this. I had to laugh so much too.
Love this kind of video 👍
"Have other things to do."
Please tell my ex that! I tried, many many times.
The legend returns
Okay Rory,
I have to say, not even just before this episode I had asked someone I liked out to go with me to a music festival this weekend, however I was also honest about my feelings and wanting to get to know them better and see where it goes between us, but it’s funny, because I really have been putting in the work without realising it and I wasn’t anxious or scared to ask this person, and I really have been feeling much better about myself after my breakup with my ex, if I’m honest I respect the ex but the future for me is different now, it’s unsure yes but everything in this video basically sums up everything I’ve been feeling over the last while and it just clicked when hearing it all
It was like an ‘oh wow’ realisation, I also liked how this video was a bit more harsh, but in a good way.
Wonderful and articulate 👍
Thank you! Cheers!
Great content as always 👍
i liked this video alot
I got my goals just have lil fear and lazyness
i gotta grind not be stuck at my job for life
You preach exactly the same theory as my mother's. I listen to her but I will decide how it would be for my own life.
My situation is different from everyone's here. I'm a widow in my mid 60's. My break up with a medical professional after 10 months was because the man was married and he was having major guilt, we had an intense physical and emotional connection and he decided to discard me and friend zone me. I said NO...not going to do it that way...not going to be a friend. I walked away because i didn't want to be just a fun project for him. I had feelings and he couldn't handle it. It's been 2 months since we parted. Yes it still hurts but it's getting better.
Rory, do you know you're the best person who everyone should follow for a good relationship, even I m in a break up for 5 months but as I'm following you though I missed her badly, I missed those memories I never went to contact her, I m just working on
Great motivation as always. Stop asking yourself the wrong quest "how do i get my ex back" and start asking the right one "how do i keep them"
Thanks Rory
Very good video !
We need to do a reward ceremony for you and DG
Yes this was very good I enjoyed it immensely,, much food for thought from you andI I agree with what you said about maybe not a live stream because ppl get upset if their questions don’t get answered sometimes it’s better to just listen and learn and soak it all up👍😃 Have been listening to you off & on for a long time, always brings me back to earth with an optimistic heart for the future no matter what it may be! Life is out there don’t waist it see what there is in store for you, there will always be ups and downs don’t sit crying in the rain learn to dance in the rain there are possibilities unknown! A positive head & heart will get you through just don’t give up 🙌🙏🏻✌️
I enjoyed this video. 👍🏻
Me and my ex broke up in april and then got back after 2 months of no contact...I'll admit that i focused on her and i had to learn to work on myself and make myself scare bc scarcity creates value...finding that balance