No contact rules (when you want your ex back)
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- Опубліковано 7 вер 2020
- Alex writes, “Do you advocate the No Contact rule for getting an ex back? Should the Dumpee ever contact the Dumper? They say that distance makes the heart grow fonder, but I'm afraid it will have the opposite effect. I was dumped 3 weeks ago. I still love her and see a future together. I've been no contact since. If she doesn't contact me within a few months I may cave in and ask her to meet up - mistake?”
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Don't go back. I did. They will not be the same person. The person in your mind that you remember is no longer there.
Wisely put, Corey
That would be great. The person they were sucked!
Sometimes is a good thing
This is the saddest part of all!!!!!!
@@yvaz3373 sometimes its not. its a guess. all Im saying is, after knowing this person over 8 years, messing around, then she left me for someone else. Which was fine we were never official but it still hurt. Then a year later she decided to come back to me. I thought it was fantastic. Well it wasn't, she was a completely different person and had changed from the person I had realized I had liked, but it was too late.
“They have a greater chance in your future, they are not coming back to your past”. 👏🏽 I love that. Great way to end.
Such profound words Susan!
Absolutely
The interesting thing is once you are over that person, once you are that new person who has moved on. it´s is very likely you wouldn't find your previous love interest that interesting. You may even question how you could be so infatuated with them, to begin with.
So true, Robert
Yes, exactly.
It’s a coping and ego thing. As time goes on and we make it a point to move on the brain Convinces itself that we are foolish to ever be very into that person and convince ourselves that they’re no longer that important. Even though they still are. True healing and moving on is when you heal and then move forward without having any attachment to them and you realize they just were not for you. There is big difference between ego moving on and true moving on.
Ocean Flower Yup. If once the infatuation goes away you look at them and realize why the heck was I ever with them when you see things for really what they are or if once Infatuation dies down you still care for them but now see them in a whole new healthy way and see they are what you still want then that will always be a good judgment of if they are for you or not.
Hell right!
Alex, just because YOU see a future with her, doesn't mean SHE sees one with you. If she did, she probably wouldn't have dumped you. It's very hard to get this when holding on to the dream.
Women are emotional. They can make a decision now to dump you then come back down the road. Iv seen this happen many times. They can do a 180 and want you back. So just because they dumped you at that moment doesn’t mean they don’t want future with you. Sometimes it’s over it’s over and that’s it. Other times From my personal experience depending on how long you been with them or the personal history you have she always will come back. Age and maturity also is a huge part of it. Some women end things because they can’t handle the heat in the kitchen at that moment in time and they are protecting themselves by ending it. My girlfriend has done it 3 times now. She didn’t have best father figure in her life and it’s affected our relationship because of it.
I feel like COVID has made couples break up over small stuff. Many people are depressed and can not handle it. It is tough but a strong mind prevails.
@@MrGeekster007 True, I and my ex broke up in August over a small thing and that's why it's hard to forget her
'Your outer action must be consistent with your inner energy'. Wise words from the BEST relationship expert ever. Love you, Susan!
THANK YOU THAIS!!
This is the ultimate test.
They dumped you for a reason.
Do not go back!
Don't apologize for being blunt Ms. S
We all need to hear the hard sometimes unpleasant truth.😊
YES YES YES Ms. Peaches!!!!!
I’m glad I read this! I was recently dumped and I am moving on. It’s not easy to move forward but am working on it!
“How they knew you has to die” 🙏 I love when you take off your glasses and incorporate the hand movements, serious stuff! Thank you! ❤️
Thanks Miriam!
I may have sat here and cried but I definitely needed to hear this. Thank you for not sugar coating it Susan.
Thank you Tim. I'm thinking of you.
The honesty in this video has just given me the boost I needed to stay strong. Thank you so much Susan!
Great to read your comment. Thank you so much. Stay strong.
Ohhhh yeahh 💪
Thank you Susan. Im going through this phase and I agree with you that No Contact on the outside must be equal to No Contact in the inside to really move forward. If they come back, then great. If they don’t, great .. I still could care for them from afar and keep focusing on me.
Wishing you well, Korean with Naz
*drops the mic* You better preach Susan!
Harsh but the truth! Appreciate a lot! This is what we all need to hear!❤️
Wow. Thank you for your beautifully put together words. Susan Winter- you’re helping all of our hearts grow fonder ❤️
Great advice, Susan, tell it like it is!! No misleading sugarcoating! Wonderful video your listeners benefit from.
Can't wait for the video on how to get the innermost feelings, reflect the outermost move on! Love this! 🥀🥀🥀
This tough-love advice is EXACTLY what I need. Don't sugar coat it!
This is the best and most honest no contact information that is out there. Believe me, I think I have watched it all. Just so hard though. So so painful
THANKS Dipti!
This really work out for me
I got my ex back
Susan, you are so good, passionate and funny! Like a mom telling us “like it is”! Hard to hear when someone we fell for doesn’t want to see us again…. It’s the nostalgia and memories that our brains and our hearts are attached to!
Crystal clear! Thank you. That was inspiring.
Great video Susan! If you haven’t done one already, I would love if you could make a video on how this whole process works when your ex is not just somebody who you may have dated casually or were in a short term relationship with, but rather someone who you were either married to or lived with for many many years. I know people say that if someone dumps you, you should move on and not look back but I feel like when we’re talking about a long-term relationship, especially something like a marriage, you have both pledged to be with each other through both the good and bad times. Life can be very challenging and it is very possible for people to lose their way so I don’t know if completely moving on as opposed to being patient and trying to work through things with your spouse is necessarily the right move. I feel like a lot of couples go through struggles when we’re talking about a decades long relationship… that’s just part of being in a long-term relationship. However, I think some couples choose to stay together during these difficult periods and they are seen as more committed even though they might not be doing much of anything to improve their relationship, whereas for the couples who physically separate, the opinion seems to be that you should just move on and not waste your time trying to reconcile with someone who left you. I would be curious to hear what advice you would give for this type of scenario. Would you still recommend doing no contact and moving on or should the response be more nuanced than that? If you could please address that in a video, that would be wonderful 🙂!!
Yes he gave me no closure, emotionally cheated , now he wants back,doesnt mean you have to allow them back ! Self love self improvement.Thankyou coach ❤
Kanika, you are welcome!
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Thank you so much Susan for being blunt and straightforward with us! It is definitely what I needed to hear. I also love hope, but right now I think I should direct that hope towards myself and to the future in general, because so much could happen once I shift my beliefs about myself.
So accurate. The truth hurts but we need to do what is right.
Susan, you are so brilliant!! Thank you for making this particular video! Moving forward, letting the old self die (person they knew), not reaching out to dumper, etc. All brilliant info and wisdom (as usual). This just gave me a little more strength to keep pushing on. Thank you!
Hi Mama Mab. This is great to read, and I do hope the strength sticks and you find greater ease in looking forward, rather than looking back.
This is GOLD. Gosh I wish I had heard this advice many years ago.
HI Mark. Thank you for the comment. Much appreciated
Love love the way you answer this question. There are soooo many Coaches telling people to go No Contact when all relationship are not meant to last
It's not always cut and dried. We have to know WHY it isn't working, what happened, what was assumed, what was feared... the list is long. I have a client whose friends insisted she do NC. We did the opposite, only because her situation was not black and white and the man truly loved her. They're better than ever. The last card is NC. Sometimes that's warranted, other times it takes adjustment and communication. Thanks Clara for your comment!
What. The. Heck. I NEEDED THIS MORE THAN EVERYTHING RIGIT NOW...
Thank you Susan. Your words give hope.
This is so amazing and i needed to hear this. Thank you Susan
It happens that people come back, too. I am not talking about narc or the ones who play games. Once I went no contact (we were still talking until that moment and he didn't wanna disappear completely) taking for granted that he would have disappearrd for good. I lost every hope in my head. I was sad, I thought it was over. I gave up but inside of me I was energetically chasing what it could have been. I was running after the image of him in the first months. Despite my silent chasing mode, he contacted me one month later saying that he was obsessed with me and he couldn't help thinking about me all the time. He's got an APD but he's not a liar. I experienced this more than once in the past (with two different people). Any single time I went radio silence but I still felt like the beggar, the other person got haunted in his mind too. It seems against any logic, energetically speaking but it happens. I guess it depends on the people involved.
I love you Susan. I need to listen to this every day until the last day… I love you!
Thank you so very much for being blunt!! I’ve been NC for over 3 months, which I’m proud of ... HOWEVER- my insides are still definitely doing the puppy dog thing 😂 Your telling it like it is is SO refreshing and motivating. I think hearing this has flipped the switch in my head and I feel hopeful about finding love (with someone else) again. Much affection and thanks to you, Susan! ❤️
Thank you for sharing, I am glad you found what I had to say helpful :)
Damn it Susan!!!! Always on time!
Love that, Elle!
THIS Susan can handle the truth! Appreciate straight talk. Thank you, Susan Winter.
Hey 'other' Susan- terrific. Thank you
@Susan Winter ❤️
Get rid of hope and move on as if they’re not coming back. If they do come back they mustn’t find you exactly where they left you. They have a lot of catching up if they’re going to be valuable enough to get your attention again.
... This whole video, was trluly MIND BLOWING.
Oh, my, god. I feel like I've got my EYES OPENED for the first time ever in my life.
I said this under many other videos of yours but:
Susan. You're REALLY saving my life.
THANK YOU!!!
❤
I like this video, very straight to the point in my case. I end up pausing 47 seconds in and moving to the next video because I already got my answer
Your advice is literally like listening to a second mom, you’re awesome Susan 💕
my ex back to me within 48Hours when he left me for another lady and I got blocked
He can also help you out too,,
T e X t h m o n w a s s a p f o r h e l p,,
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The last point was spot on ! Thank you so much Susan. Love your vids. “They have a greater chance in your future, they are not coming back to your past” LOVE! Totally different person now compared to who I was .
it really works our for me get my ex back..
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Best 7 minutes of my day!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you
yay!! Glad to hear it Dan
Beautiful video and strong words
Hi Susan, I found you on UA-cam last week. Your videos are amazing and you are GREAT!!! Your no nonsense approach and wisdom is exactly what we need to get ourselves on the path that is best for us. Thank you so much for this video I really appreciate it. 🙏
Thank you for all you do!
Heading towards 200K Susan!
chug a chug a chug...the little train keeps moving forward!
I love this, brutally honest and the truth
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She explained my feelings in the exact way.. Thank you @susan😊🙏
Thanks for being blunt, Susan. Most of the UA-cam breakup coaches manipulate their audience with hope, and those of us who notice that come to channels like yours instead. Thank you for being honest and authentic! And thanks for answering my question. It's been 9 months since the breakup and I've let go of the hope. I just want to build myself back up again. It's been a tough year, but I learned a lot and will be better equipped for the next. - Alex
Do you need help??
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Write him on whspp 📤📤
Amazing Susan 💖 thanks 😘
You said it Susan.....hope will drive you crazy!! I believe that one of the problems with ex's is that the dumpee always thinks there's a chance. So the question to ask said dumpee is "where is that opinion coming from?" When one realises that it's coming from you & not the dumper then you're on the road to letting go.....stay safe everyone...Amanda from Wales here 🏴 🏴 🏴 🇬🇧 🇬🇧 🇬🇧👍👍👍💖💖💖
Amanda from Wales- ADORE YOU!!!!!!
This really work out for me
I got my ex back
Susan I have been trying to get my ex back I have been a mess and emotional. Something stirred inside me and I am glad you are so honest!!! You are amazing !!! Xx
Thank you… it makes sense and hit hard… just opened my eyes!
Happy to read this!
Great advice Susan. I would love for you to do a video explaining more about having the inner match the outer with regards to no contact.
“How they knew you has to die, they didn’t want what they saw...” ooooh preach!!!
👌👌 brilliant. You are far beyond a business Susan. Truly you are an Earth Angel. Peace & Love to all of us :) ❤️🇬🇧
Thank you yes I have gotten stronger if someone loves you it's up to them
Thank you Susan for your honesty
Hello friend do you need help to get your ex back
this is amazing!!
Thanks Darby
Love this! Thank you!
Makes complete sense.
As always your videos are great!
Thank you so much for this knowledge 🙏 💗
Hahaha ... I love you Susan! Your advice is brutally honest and people NEED to hear it! I laugh because you're saying "I'm sorry but I'm not father Xmas" awesome vid ... you're the best at what you do. Thank you ❤
Susan, amazing video loved it!
Hello
Lord this was just perfect..the truth was hard to hear, but was desperately needed...thank you..
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W-hatsap him⏬⏬...,,,,,,,,,
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Hi Susan. Lovely, lovely, and smart. Thanks
Exactly. Inside has to be consistent with inside! Well said. Thank you. Susan.
Hello it's works I can't believe am with my lover again contact him..
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Yesterday i wished there was a video of rules for no contact when I wish for my ex to be back. And today,this popped up. Thanks Susan.
wow- that is wonderful. I read this type of comment form a number of viewers who have the same experience. It's a beautiful synchronicity.
@@SusanWinter this has made me believe in the path that I'm going. I do wish for him to be back yet i refuse to accept half hearted love or connection. So, I'm letting go and opening the next page and deep in my heart,i believe that we were meant to be togethet.
Best UA-cam channel!
Hey Jorge!! Thank you!!!
This really work out for me
I got my ex back
Susan! Thank you so much. ❤
This is exactly what's happening to me. Thank you so much!
I'm so happy having my former partner back, after being separated for months. All thanks to Mr okosun whom help me to get back my ex again, I will suggest y'all to get help from him and it works within 48hours......
W-hatsap him⏬⏬...,,,,,,,,,
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Thanx Susan clearest explanation I have heard 👍 Regards
Hi Susan, you are doing amazing work.
Lodhu kahi ka
ohhh... so sweet. thank you Mukesh!
One of the best advices.
@@vanessasomuayina2018 He will hack my cellphone. 😰
Needed to hear this! “No contact on the inside....They didn’t want what they saw- that’s not the connection you want to have”
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Great video and... great top 👍 that colour suits you best 👌 thanks for your work x
thanks
I love you 😍 Thank you so much ❤️
You are so spot on as always Susan. My ex and I split up at the beginning of quarantine, but she lives with a few of my good friends (essentially my COVID pod) and we share a whole community. So it's made the whole situation really challenging. After 7 months of little to no contact and essentially me isolating myself to let things settle (I live alone), I feel like Im ready to try being friends. Ideally to commiserate and laugh about all the absurdity in the world every now and again, but at least to be cordial since Id like to visit my friends. The thing is she's been really awkward the coupe times I've been around and has expressed that she doesn't know why, but it's just hard for her to be friends. Its a bit of a conundrum. I think there are still alot of strong feelings for both of us, but at least Im willing to play it cool given the situation. Any words of advice appreciated
Thank you Robin!!
If both of you have feelings for each other and realise each other's worth as it appears to me...you could probably mend things. That is if each of you delve into yourself and try to find out your faults and transform.
Thank you! You're the best!
Thanks Paul
Thank you for this you are amazing.
Best video you ever made Susan! I appreciate your wisdom and help so much! Thank you 🙏🏻
hello do you need help
he was the one that help me get my ex back
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It's so cute how you kept apologising for being blunt, Susan. But the truth hurts sometimes, and we thank you for telling it like it is. This is immensely helpful. How can we make them see a brand new us if we've unfriended them on social media and are in no contact though?
I would describe Susan as such a graceful feminine divina
You are the best coach
thank you Monica
Wow, what you going back for (MORE ABUSE) spot on
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Finally this made sense.
5:30 PERFECT... I need to remember this..
I was the dumper. He kept playing hot and cold. Jump in and then out so I had to let him go. I couldn’t do it anymore emotionally. I made sure to give him closure and yet still I didn’t get the same in return. Of course you ask yourself what did I do wrong yada yada. In the end i don’t think the dumper such as myself is always the villain. In my situation it hurt me more to walk away than it did when I was in it.
Berean 7 I couldn’t agree more! ❤️
P M I agree sometimes walking away is the only option even if it hurts to do so.
Same here -- I am the dumper. Ended it because too many red flags, mixed messages, etc. It hurt like heck and I'm in NC. Agreed, the dumper isn't always the bad guy/gal. Best wishes for ya'll.
I was a dumper too. I dont want to walk away coz I love him so much but I have to. It'll be more painful for me to stay even I know that he's taking me for granted.
@@pm5095 Thank you for your kind words -- likewise, blessings to you : )
I dumped my ex. I have my reasons I've been thinking since day 1 i broke up with him this no contact rule.
Thank you susan. For the myth and fact
Thank you for doing God's work!
Tim, that's really touching. Thank you
You’re so awesome!
Keep it real 👍🏻
Susan you are amazing but equally very funny and hilarious 😂” Absence makes heart grows fonder when you are in a relationship not when you are dumped” I am screaming 😂😂😂😂. Genuinely, I pray God gives you long life. You are a God sent to millions of broken men out there. 🤗🤗
I love you so much Susan ❤️❤️
Right back at you Maryam
i love how you speak truth.
Hello it's works I can't believe am with my lover again. Whxpp him
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I love blunt Susan!!!
Personally I Love you Ms Susan Winter
Mmmmmm.....so insightful and blunt!
I really appreciate ya.
I Love you!
So wise.
I am the dumper. Did so because things were too weird, red flags, etc. It was extremely difficult. Yet, I'm on NC for six weeks. He did contact me last week to return something of mine, and I was very formal about it and told him I had somebody else retrieve the item for me and I picked it up from them. He responded with a few lines, to the effect, oh, okay, sorry for any inconvenience. Haven't received or made any contact since. Again, I was the dumper, but for good reason(s). He has to make the move to go to the next level, because I'm not participating otherwise. In the meantime, I'm trying to muddle through, being very active, yoga, meditation, spending quality time with the doggies, job transfer, etc. I realize that in the greater scheme of things, that if I move on, it will be okay. But part of me does wish he would reach out for that heart-to-heart talk.
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Amazing advice! Please tell us more about how to align the inside with the outside
HI Naz. You begin by coming into agreement with yourself; that means your thoughts and actions begin to align.
Susan Winter More, more, more,! We want more! (That’s please)
Dumping someone is rarely about a single thing. There is nothing to debate. Even if you win your point there will still be these other dozens of reasons for waiting to move on.