232. Intrusive Thoughts (I can't stop thinking of my ex!)
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- Опубліковано 2 лип 2024
- I keep thinking of my Ex!
Trying to win your Ex back? Need dating help? Visit: www.TheLoveChat.net/coaching
In this video Rory (The Love Chat) discusses intrusive, non-stop thoughts regarding your EX. If you cannot stop thinking about your EX this video is for you.
Rory (The Love Chat) explains that during this time we need to treat ourselves with care and remember that heartbreak and addiction are correlated in many different ways! One of the most helpful ways to stop thinking of your Ex is to write a list of qualities about your EX that are less impressive.
What are some of the ways you stop intrusive thoughts about your EX or your breakup? Post your comments below!
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#getyourexback #nocontact #dating #howtogetyourexback #thelovechat - Навчання та стиль
I went from being obsessed about my ex to being obsessed about The Love Chat, substituted one addiction with another 🤦🏻♂️
What a weird form of monkey branching
What worked for me was a meditation technique called “noting”. The idea is you gently acknowledge the thought as being intrusive and feel the emotion that comes with it. Then let it go, as if it was as light as a feather.
Worked for me too. 2 months in and i think less and less about her. Used to watch Rory's videos all day now i only watch the new ones.
A great form of meditation is the Taoist water method. B.K. Frantzis has fantastic books on the subject.
Dreams are a big issue for me. I’m mostly fine all day then BAM! She’s in my dreams.
Sucks right...? Then you start thinking about your ex.
That’s my struggle too😢
I have nightmares too, but I realize it was my subconsciousness having a hard time letting go. Basically my nightmares are of my ex leaving me, so I can only hope that I can accept these dreams because I accept that he has left.
@@xpaperxcutx4588 I honestly thought I was the only one lol 😂 😅 thank you for sharing. I appreciate.
Same!!!!! Like in some of my dreams I feel like it’s going good and at some points we get back together and it feels real then reality sets in when I wake up
Last night I was flicking through tinder and saw an updated picture of my ex. He looked absolutely terrible; he has let himself go so much and I blew out that I actually yelled out aloud "ohhhh Nik! Yuk!" That sounds horrible, it really does, I'm sorry but my mind has changed so much ..it's amazing what 8 months can do guys.. keep listening to Rory ❤️
Almost 5 months of NC after a 8 yrs of relationship. He left me. At first, i was miserable, hoping to get him back, crying every 10 mins, overthinking about what happened and how did he lost feelings? I was like " i don't wanna feel this pain anymore". Slowly, realize something : i never felt that alive when i was suffering. I accepted that my ex is just a weak human being, not a god ( as i saw him).
I'm never gonna love that hard for the next time or give that much. I'm learning and healing.
I got my semester, made new friends ( who support me in this process). I've no longer anger for my ex, just disappointement. I feel stronger than ever. Just moving on...
Oh thank goodness I’m not the only one, it’s been two months since the breakup and I’ve been journaling and working out daily and still I’m hurting when I wake up. At night I’m alright cause of UA-cam videos but waking up is killing me.
How are you now?
That's what I'm feeling right now? Thinking if one day im not gonna feel this pain every morning? Weird.
@@maidalinepajarillaga9077 Funny enough today marks the one year since it happened for me. And I woke up thinking and feeling angry, my mind was grasping for the past again…but to be very honest with you the pain does stop especially every morning. It goes from a daily thing to maybe a weekly thing. Truth is I’ve already gotten my apology from my ex a couple months ago. She followed me back on social media but I didn’t follow back just for my health not because I was still bitter. I’m continuing no contact cause rn she’s with someone else and I want to respect that. However, over this summer since I’ve been in a lazy rut my thoughts drift back to the past even though I’ve already received my due. So my advice is to keep yourself busy and not to watch tv, play video games, or overeat too much. Though we need those things sometimes, if that becomes our daily habit then it’ll bring negative thoughts. It took me about 8 months to “move on” in that I let go of the idea that she may or may not come back. And that’s okay…and look what happened she did come back in a way lol. Trust the no contact and more importantly trust yourself to improve and to show this world that you are worth it! I recommend Rory’s “To Those who are lost” vid for this.
I go to bed alone, I wake up alone. I hated it at first, but now I sleep just as deeply as I did with him. And I've got all the space to sprawl. Make the best of an undesired situation, eh? Also, Dating Guy gave that list advice to me as well. It does help to put things in perspective. Refer to it whenever you start to idealize your ex. You'll sleep easier, trust me. Thank you Rory and DG.
I responded to my ex reaching out and noticed he is very much still immature and controlling and acting like a grown boy which is not attractive. I thought about how he discarded me , so he can go out and explore. I am stronger now and come to terms this person is about playing the games of manipulating . Until he heals he will continue to bring pain into his relationships. I realize my value
Madeline if you can I would love to hear and update from you🙏🏻
just listening to you relieves my anxiety.
we were broken up for almost 2 months and i'm in no contact for a month now.
we were together for 10 years. but the last year was quite turbulent..she had a lot of stress with her PhD studies..we had a bit of a 'cool off' mid year..then her father died towards the end of the year. we got back seeing each other shortly..but the new year came, just when i thought everything would be fine, she told me she can't do it anymore and that she had lost her feelings for me..so we broke up. i did all the mistakes, begged and tried to change her mind, send her letters, clean slate message, etc for 2 weeks..then i went no contact and started working on myself like you suggested. i hope my situation is not hopeless. thank you TLC.
nelson brooks this is close to home for me. 9 years and then she needed to find herself.
@@jr.m13 yeah, i heard it all..she needs to find her self, i deserve someone better, she still love me but not in love with me anymore, she's not happy anymore, and she wants us to just be friends..
Same for me Nelson brookes
nelson brooks wth!! These were her exact words too. That’s messed up! We’ll get there bro! For 9 years they would’ve known so much happiness to go on for that long. They don’t see our value anymore but one day they will realize. I’m not hoping for her anymore. Just hope to find yourself and someone else will be better off with you even tho it hurts to hear.
💔
It's been over three months since I last saw her. The pain of losing her is mostly gone, but I cant help but miss her. Shes on my mind more than I would like to admit, and a part of me still wants her back. I have no idea how her life is going. If theres another guy now. And it hurts to feel this helpless. It seems that theres no way to win. Leave things be and regret that you let her walk away, or try to get her back knowing she threw you away once already and may not ever want to reconcile. It's tough and I wish I could get her out of my head, but I just cant
andynator149 That’s exactly how I felt 3 months ago. I’m not saying that your experience is the same as mine, but what I will say is that as time goes on you will find acceptance and peace. My ex left me even though I wanted to fight for our relationship but he simply didn’t. I’ve accepted that now and with time I’ve realized that I don’t want to be attached to someone who chose to walk away. The confusion and pain will not last forever. The thing that helped me the most was that I stopped romanticizing the past. I started thinking of my ex’s flaws and all the arguments we used to have and I can honestly say I’ve started healing because of it. You deserve someone who would never walk away. Best of luck to you
Andy I was about to get married with this woman. Respect yourself. If there are emotions let them flow. But always remamber you are preciois, a prize and that woman did not deserve you. Be proud of yourself. Whenever her thought comes ask yourself don't you have any other better thing to do than to think about a person who disrespected you and dumped you. If there is another guy then would you really love to live with a person who left you and hooked up with another guy. Just reject them from every aspect of your life. You are a prize Andy. You are a prize.
Dude you are not alone in this . I’m been living in the same hell .I want this to end and I have the same scenario as you , Sometimes I despair but these videos have really helped me. Go ahead and try to forget her
Try.. try to get her back. Reach out. The best advice is to try
It's been 12 days since I last saw him and ended our relationship; and it's been 7 days I employed no contact, probably him as well. I told him I can't be his friend and not to contact me again. We were in LDR from Apr 2019 - Feb 2020. Had the chance to be physically with him for approx 2 months in total. He travelled to see me almost every month. We were engaged for 3 months only. I observed drastic changes in Dec and late that month, he asked us to be friends. I agreed at first bec that was my emotion then, wasn't really ready to let go yet. I saw him again in January and we discussed about the month prior. I wanted to end things then but my heart melted when he cried and sobbed like a child. He said, he didn't want to lose me and that he needed me. Well, I learned thru a series of text messages that I saw unintentionally that he was dating another woman. That broke my heart to pieces. I spoke to him and ended our relationship. I am still a mess and struggled most days. There are moments I cry and there are moments I am okay. I find myself thinking whether he is feeling the loss or just me or is he truly happy with that person. It's torture. I hope, I'll find forgiveness in my heart and be okay without having to think of him. Everything then was perfect. He was perfect. And after knowing that he has been cheating since late Nov, it is painful to think that he wasn't the man he seemed to be after all. It is all too confusing. I wanted to hate him for disrupting my peaceful life and I hate myself at the same time for still loving him.
For me personally, what helped was talking to a friend who gave constant support and mature opinion from a neutral perspective.
Hi! When I saw a counsellor, I drafted an angry chart in which I listed the major negative characteristics of the relationship and his behaviour. I taped that list next to my calendar in front of my bed. Each morning I see it, and on my calendar I track my diet and exercise. The chart is helpful. Each time I reminisced about the good times I looked at the chart and understood that nothing was perfect. I then focussed on getting a better body.
That’s great because the brain is trained to only remember the positive as time goes on.
i have tried it and it felt good. it was feb 14, i was doing my groceries. i went to the chocolates section where i used to buy her some chocolates. stood there for a bit, looked at the ones she liked. it was difficult. then i sighed and said oh well.. then proceeded doing my groceries :)
I agree with Rory; for every nostalgic thought you have, remember a less than attractive quality of your ex. Then you realize they are not as "perfect" as you remember
Rory your timing with this video is crazy. I’ve been doing much better with the breakup for the past few weeks but today I was filled with thoughts about my ex. Your videos help for sure. Thank you!
my feelings are just all over the place all day everyday during the quarantine. luckily i have your videos to accompany me whenever i cry. thanks rory
It's great having a trustworthy friend to talk too. That's what I did to stop thinking of my ex... I haven't thought about my ex for the past 8mos now but I have seen her out and about. Great vid Rory!
Thanks Rory =) your videos are making my recovery much easier. It has been four months since my girlfriend broke up with me and I must say it was not an easy one. It hurt like hell and she even kept hurting me afterwards. I have set on a path of self improvement (going to gym, seeing a therapist and focusing on myself). At first I wanted her back more than anything but now, even though Im still recovering I can say that I learned so much about the value of myself and that I deserve more. Just wanted you to know that you are helping me a lot. I hope some day soon I have recovered and its all thanks to your help. keep up the good work. These videos have given me so much help.
Hi Rory, yesterday I gave my very first lecture of my life to 4 students. It was 2 hr long session, and this being my first experience, I was nervous but it went very well. My breakup happened 1 month ago, for 1 month there wasn't a single minute where I didn't think of my ex and our relationship. After 2 hr I was so refreshed, I hadn't thought of my ex for 2 hr straight. I came home confident with plans for tomorrow lecture. Thank you for all these videos, whenever I feel down, I watch your videos.
💪
love this! keep going
Seriously your a gem Rory. It’s nearly been a year and things had been going well. Then all of sudden I feel like I went back to square one emotionally this week - then your statement “not letting go of what it’s hurting you” hit like a tonne of bricks. I needed that today. Thank you
Anytime a thought about my ex pops up, I simply think NEXT! And the next thought comes in! Also, if I start to feel bad about myself or the break up... I starting thinking “I’m amazing, I love myself, I’m awesome”. It takes away all the power of the negative thoughts! HEAL BABY
Have plans to go to dinner with her on Friday. Rory has been the encouragement I needed to get through these four months. Everyone, focus on yourself, I know it’s hard but you NEED to win yourself back before you can win them back. Get an email coaching from him too, SUPER helpful!
Hi rory, thank you for all your videos. When my emotionally abusive and cheater ex left me two years ago, your vids (and craig kenneth's) helped me through my dark times. You guys opened my eyes. Now, I also became a better partner since I've worked on myself.
But, my last bf broke up with me and I walked out confidently knowing i did everything i could. He was just not willing to cooperate and communicate with me. I deserve someone who gives me the same energy. Since Ive watched your vids before, I knew what to do the moment he dumped me. Now, he has been stalking my social media but i am not so keen on wanting him back. Thank you rory. I personally went from being an anxious attachment to a secure partner.
Also i roughly quote 'what i learned from video games was it is when you meet enemies and difficulties, it means your're going the right direction to being better in game'
Now apppy that to real life 💯💯
Them being in a rebound makes it even tougher but we got this .
TheGamingSniper 7 look at it this way, a person who immediately jumps into another “relationship” after a break up is not mentally strong enough to be alone and work on themselves. The rebound won’t last. I know it’s hard but push yourself to stay on track, heal, and become happy again.
Your right man its true and i hope so there going in at almost 5 months and ive been doing alot better and bettering myself every single day .
I do and im proud of the work i made these last 6 months and its been 5 months since her and the rebound been together but its fazing me less and less by the week i kind of still want her back but idek anymore
Intrusive thoughts? Take deep breaths for 5 to 10 minutes, then go for a walk, take a cold shower, clean your home/room. Remember that you and your ex partner are EQUALS and that you are even more important, for yourself. You have to be, if you want the pain to go away, and if you want a chance with your ex.
Tell it to yourself until you believe it, or at least until it stays there, in the back of your mind. You have to love yourself first, realize that your ex has as many flaws as you have, because at the end of the day, they are JUST HUMANS, like everyone else is. No perfect angel that grants you their love and forgiveness!
In general, be creative, in every way possible! Make love with your art and I guarantee you, it makes everything easier and quickly much better than before :)
This is exactly what I needed. Thank you!
Your timing is always impeccable. I'm sure you are a Harry Potter wizard coz you know exactly what & how to say it without the sugar coating bs you get from some people.💋
I love you Rory! You are helping me more than you know
Any type of focused meditation- that is, something you can lose yourself in while still having to actively concentrate on it- is a blessing. That can be cooking, fly fishing, gardening, riding a motorcycle, playing an instrument. An activity like that is so helpful and healing, much more so than something passive like netflix or even a video game. Your mind can wander, but only so much before you lose focus on your task. Both sides of the brain are used, and you're left feeling satisfied and, better yet, too exhausted to worry.
Jeez Rory I don’t know what I’d do without you 👍
After 6 months of not seeing her. Today I was just overwhelmed. This video definitely kept me afloat and I wrote down the list of things that sucked. That brought me back to reality again
same boat, stopped watching his videos for a good while now, but this was truly needed
Tomorrow will be exactly 1 year since my ex broke up with me. First 6 months it was like I would never get over her ever in my life. I was desperate to stop the thoughts of her from waking up to sleep I couldn't get rid of thoughts. I started watching your videos and other coaches I spent most of my time in my room and lost focus on everything. I would not wish a time like that upon my enemy but on the other hand I have learned a lot and finding quality women much better. All I have to say is it will heart break will gradually go away no matter how bad it may be. The key is to keep no contact and be patient. It took my around 10 months to completely stop thinking about her.
After watching so many videos, I can now identify that I'm full of anxiety everytime I want to break no contact. Without this condition, I really don't want to. Realizing this helps me a lot. I got dumped and I've tried my best to fix it, so now it has to be this person winning me back. Which I really doubt after 2 months now, but I'm slowly getting okay with the idea.
thanks rory i learned so much from your videos ❤️
Great video. If I may, one more trick if it was the case: learn online and through good books about toxic and ultra-toxic partners
Man! She was telling me what ever happened I'll never break up with you now she broke up and I'm feeling I'm hating her because I feel she is a lair
Believe me people it gets better! I’m nearly a year into my breakup and I’m way past it! Been through all the phases and can say that a breakup is an eye opener. Btw I just love listening to Rory and DG coz of their soothing voices and not because I want my ex back lol
loved this one so much
Rory, have you seen “Love is Blind”? Interesting expose on dating and relationships!
I haven't - i'll check it out!
Yeah, I still think of my husband after the separation..
But I tried my best not to think of him and divert my attention to something else..
I definitely can relate to the message of this video. Thanks.
Very great advice, very true from my recent experience.
Glad it was helpful!
Adding to my previous comment I also remind myself about how she never wanted to do things for me everything was about her and how she never would cross a puddle for me while I crossed oceans, how she never stood by what she preached about “loving me & caring about me” , how she treated me like dirt and all the lies she told me & the one thing that sums her up in my mind is TOXIC , she couldn’t value me so why would I want her ? And that’s a big step on moving on 👌🏼
this guy is literally the goat. his videos can legit help so many people I should have to pay for this shiz lol
Thank you. Thank you so much, Rory.
Hehe first 😂
Gotta feel it to heal it each day it will hurt a little less till one day you wake up an realize the pain is gone the memories will always be there an that’s ok be greatful for the good times acknowledge the bad ones be thankful for the experience use it to make the next chapter of your life even better make new memories do the work on yourself the rest will fall into place.. If you can’t be happy alone how the hell you gonna make some one else happy ??don’t rush it and invite anyone back in your life till you’ve done what it takes to give the the best version of yourself I’ve said this before in these comments Rory,Cory,Alpha.m,Craig give all this material away for free take advantage of it an not the rest of that gimmicky bs out here follow what they say an it will work I’m living testament to this thanks again Rory for all the hard work an time you spend helping us all for free that shit right there is priceless!!!!!!
I think it's important to know that these tings come in waves, too. I felt awful when she left me a month into her year of travel. I had intrusive thoughts for a long time. I had them go away just as I found out she'd found a new boyfriend out there, 2 months later. That brought them right back. But they too passed. fast forward to now, a year post-breakup, and I realise she's back in our home country and still seeing that new guy. These things come in waves. But you'll be okay!
It's been over 1.5 years, a year of which I spent in deep depression so it feels more like 0.5 years, and it's still difficult. First thing in the morning and last thing at night. And right now (nearly 8pm). Winter, part-time work, Covid and all its restrictions aren't helping at all.
Ex was banging some guy within a day of me moving out. That was awful to think about fresh into the breakup. But now 2 months later it doesn’t bother me
It was probably happening longer than you realize. I know mine was doing it for a while. Those kind of women are rotten to the core.
seeflow I know the emotional affair started weeks prior, but I know nothing physical happened until after we broke up. Still sucks but I’m glad it happened the way it did
My ex did the exact same thing to me haha. She was emotionally cheating for a while, I knew about that, but the morning after the night we broke up, she stayed in a hotel the entire day with the guy. Crazy how disgusting people can be.
@@pastadish385 that’s the way it goes with some of these people. They can’t handle doing anything on their own. We get hurt in the process but that’s a problem they’ll have to deal with their entire lives.
These videos literally always relate directly to where I'm at breakup wise, I've let go now, but boy am I struggling (3 & a half months NC)
Can't wait to be free.
jordan powell I am in the same boat. I’ve been doing good for the past few weeks but today was rough. Keep strong and use this time to better yourself. You’ve got this!
You're already free brother, You just need to start believing it
Day three of no contact and I honestly don't know how im going to get through this. Racing thoughts, constant over thinking, worrying about things I know I have no control over. I jump everytime my phone alert goes off thinking it's her. It never is. These videos are helping though. My morning ritual now is to listen to 2 or 3 before I get out of bed in the morning. Mornings and evenings are always the hardest.
Could you do more videos about being blocked after being in no contact and how to handle a blockade? I know you have 1 video but I would like to know more about the subject. Thanks :)
If people dealing with this time of thoughts, here is the tip for you. Don’t let the feeling carry you away. Just try to be at the present. Look around. You might see yeah there is tree, people , try to wonder what are they doing, shift your focus. Then after doing that the feeling about your ex will go away. Learn to be independent even with your feeling. It’s not always nice , I know. But we will be okay in the end people. Stay strong 💪
"You wake up, ten seconds pass and you remember: Oh, I've been broken up" The accuracy 🤣
I love your videos Rory. It's the best therapy during this hard times.
Thank you, Mariam! I remember that feeling so well.
Thanks this helps!😍🤩🥰
there is a point when pain becomes part of you and it doesn't hurt as much as before and it doesn't even feel bad anymore is just a feeling on the background
it's sad to say . mind could be your worst enemy sometimes.
what i do to feel better is workout, meditate, wim hof breathing exercises, ofc grinding on my goals (mainly this one, she loved my focus on my goals) i don't even think about meeting a new girl , that just will replace the feeling of not being rejected
and to fullfil myself with hope on the future. accept that you are alone, accept that you feel like shit, let it burn, the pain is making you stronger. pls do not numb the pain with external things. i usually drink alcohol and smoke some weed and sometimes do cocaine and trust me it only make things worse in the long run. i don't want to stop cause i don't care, i learned to accept the present moment and let everything flow through me.
Funny thing is i'm actually doing the same stuff that i was doing before i met her. my life, my world, my goals always thinking about the better life i always wanted. so stay strong, i know it's hard. as i'm typing this i want to cry but that will not change anything. stay strong people ! some day it will pay off for sure!
I only recently found out I have OCD about 10 months ago after my breakup and since the breakup I still have thoughts everyday about them, the hardest thing I've ever done.
My Ex cut me off & blocked me back in a October, no communication no contact no anything. Before he did this he told me he loved now I'm so lost & confused & I feel like everything is over. It officially has been a whole year since we separated but we still kept in touch once in the while but months went by in between. I feel like its over over. But I havent tried reaching out at all.
I listen to meditations to put me to sleep then from about 3am onwards he creeps into my mind and I wake up and feel soooo drained.
My therapist told me to write down my dreams in my journal, sit with them and then turn it into facts.
I also talk to myself in the mirror… a lot 😁 giving myself little morning pep talks helps me not bring the sadness into my day.
**4 months post breakup & slightly no-contact as we co-parent.**
I miss our friendship and our talks. But I don't try to find out anything he is doing. I have done the list thing. Wow he is a really bad boy. I have shell of a time with the energies. Thank you
Rory can you make a vid on what to do if youre exes friends messenge you and how you should respond if they starting to ask into your ex 😊?
Kissing his ass...! I did this and it didn’t work this is 100% true you are spot on Rory...👍🏼 love listening to your videos. I have just got back into the gym after months off and have stopped stalking him on social media and have finally started to feel good about myself. 8 months of nc and I don’t want him back at all. I’m looking forward to the future with my amazing kids and I know We will be ok. 💞
You are soooo amazing
No - you!!
If I share a group chat with friends and also my exgirlfriend, is writing there breaking the no contact rule?
Btw: you are awesome, thanks to you I can control my anxiety better day by day...the girl I love and used to say she would marry me got tired of my flaws and decided to break up after 5 years (first love, now 23 y.o)...after 3 months I still miss her and feel awful😔...if only I had discovered your videos sooner...
I’m revisiting this after my breakup a year ago, and the thing that stands out most is that I STILL SQUEEZE THE TOOTHPASTE OUT FROM THE FRONT OF THE TUBE. I promise you, folks. it will get better.
First!
Hy sir I pretend to be too dominant and too masculine just by your first word there were tears in my eyes I'm soft from inside I moved on from her but feel sad and madly in love without being desperate just saw her office pics in internet and all these feelings has just started
For me my brain has it on a constant loop that he used to... every were I go, then it goes to he left you, cause He wanted to be free and you were in the way of his life. He wanted someone better... it happens even when I sleep. I wake up from remembering something and He will never see me as important to remember so he sent the text after I had to reminded him that I was still there. I remember I am no body someone that he just forgott about.
I am trapped in this still loving him and sad for being dumped and never talked to again after he left almost 2 years ago. I know I made mistankes in our 4 almost 5years ldr relationship, but he also left me feeling worthless, ugly and Invisable. The one thing that hurts most is that I am not important and I am forgettabel.
I learned that no one sould be made to feel like that, like the don't fit and there is someting wrong also that sometimes people use you and they will never understand the damage they can do... and how much it matters to say your sorry for it. Cause I know that he will never love me, but I do wish he would say he is sorry for all the hurtfull little comments and for not saying it in person.
How I get those thoughts out of my head? I think about all our rows, his selfishness & then i vent them out loud in the garden/bedroom even the dog etc or go for a run . When it's at its worst, it's the venting n ranting to my bestie who makes me see sense of it all & then I'm good. It's takes time but I'm healing slower then a tortoise. .
Been doing NC listing to coach Lee and it was somewhat helpful because I was able to focus on myself. I was hopeful that NC would work and it made me focus on myself and I went to the gym etc. But it's been 9 months and I lost all hope. I dont think she will ever come back or contact me. Yes I am feeling a bit better but, you hit the nail on the head morning, and night were the hardest in the first stage and time helped listing to you and coach lee podcast. Honestly I wish you would make a video about this or that but, I lost hope and I just listen to whatever you guys come out with. But, she is on my mind from time to time. Thanks agian for your videos
7 months of break up , pain becomes stronger, doesn't fade away as I imagined , I'm trying to cope :s
I feel u.. it's not a straight path...in my case..6 months I think and he acted like his usual sweet self sometimes but doesn't want to commit...feel like he's been breadcrumbing me and I feel he's fixated on my mistakes which I already acknowledged, took accountability and I'm trying to improve on myself and he doesn't seem to notice.it doesn't hurt as much as the earlier months but I still cry a bit.but I'm still working on trying to obliterate any thoughts and feelings for him.and it's been LDR.
Just tell me if u want to talk..we all need an ear to vent out to.
7 months since she left. Not a single word from her. Really heartbroken
@@topgunner1962 sorry that you are going through this.try to pick yourself up and strengthen.one day you will realize that you don't deserve to be treated like this and you will move past it.
@@topgunner1962 just tell me if you need to talk.
Hi Rory! I was wondering if you could make a video regarding how you know your ex has “done the work” just as we have as we should as we recover from the break up? I ask this because you stress so much on working on ourselves whether our ex comes back or not. But if in the case our ex does come back and we’ve done the work, how do we know that they too have worked on themselves (given that they genuinely come back for reconciliation and not out of loneliness)
Decide what "the work" is to you - and then you'll know what to look for after observing them for a month or so! A clear mind will do wonders for you.
The Love Chat thank you replying! And you’re right. Should you even mention to them that you want to see proof that they’ve worked on themselves? “Observing them” almost feels like it’d be the same as when they (unknowingly to you) observed you before they ultimately broke up with you.
As silly as it sounds(and this wont work the first couple of months after the break up) i started keeping a rubber band on my wrist and if i started thinking of my ex i gave it a snap to remind my self i had to get over them like he said how can i get my ex back one day if i kept them on a pedestal
7:01 good one 😂😂😂
Can you do a video about being in love with an ex years later? Even after complete no contact?
I've done everything to move on, 4 years later and I still miss him. :(
I dont know what to do. I am in complete no contact (blocked him on all social media). It doesn't help that all my dates either dont measure up or reject me. I feel like I will always be alone. I know logically it shouldn't feel this way...
Edit: No contact for 3 years and counting...he never reached out either :(
CrumbleCrumbs think about it... you really miss everything he made you feel. Once you find someone who makes you feel that way he’ll evaporate from your thoughts. ☺️ good luck
I am in the same boat with you I know how you fill
@@princhipessa1969 at least she reached out.
My ex disappeared into the wind.....nothing... :(
I understand, i miss my ex. A year next month, but no contact 2 months. U have to completely let go so that meeting new people will work out for u. Happiness comes from within. Once u find inner happiness u will be able to enjoy other people u meet. Im dealing with this now. I havent been on any datea and he's moved on...because im still attached to him. Im giving myself time to heal though, so no rush for me...once i start dating, i want to be completely over him, until then it will fail. Good luck
Can you make a video like this for people that have kids with their ex. It’s not easy to stop thinking about them when you have to see them every day to pick up and drop off your kids.
I agree this has been a struggle for me even after a year . Especially when shes around and acts like nothing bugs her. Stays friends with my friends and also my mother. I have 50/50 shared parenting time to my 5 year old and I'm keeping things simple . I only reach out when it's about my kid, but I get nervous and angry around her when doing so . We were together 8 years and I know what most of you guys are going through. I'm there with ya ..
Today marks the 3rd month since we've broken up. 2 months since we had closure and cut off each other completely. Did no contact but broke it after a month ago. I sent him a message thanking him for everything and saying that it would be my last love letter for him, and that I give up. Few hours after I decided to completely get out of his life, i found out that he went out with a couple of friends and didn't even bother to sleep after his 10-hour shift (he loves to sleep by the way). He even shared a post, something about me not choosing him even when he did his best to make me happy, even when he tried to look for reasons to hold on even when my actions were absent. Atleast i thought he was pertaining to me. I mean i don't even understand, I'm so confused... I was dumped. And he had the audacity to post something like that. Couple weeks ago he kept sharing posts like something we both used to like, etc., some were about his mental health being down or he's done pleasing everyone. I guess someone could miss you so much and love you and be okay with suffering in loneliness and resist you, just as long as they don't take you back, just as long as they can move on from you. And that shit hurts so bad. We both did our best in the relationship, we loved each other, hard. We were happy, but tired, but we refused to give up on each other couple months before the break up happened. But the trigger point of the break up was because i made a mistake and he misunderstood it, though it looked like cheating, but it wasn't, really. And nothing got fixed. So after i chatted him that day when i broke no contact, he told me he misses me everyday. He told me that he's not sure about what he wants to happen but he'll always be there for me. He said that it was very lonely when we broke up but he thinks he made the right decision, and that he still needs time to heal, that he cried a lot because it still hurts. So I stopped. That was a month ago. Saw a post few days ago, and seems like he's interested in someone already. I was very crushed and i was a mess of anxiety. I cried so hard because whether I like it or not, i saw this coming. I just wasn't ready when it happened. And god it hurts. I understand why he did it you know, someone told me that he probably did it because he didn't know how to cope with the situation. And it pains me if he feels that way. But i didn't deserve all these from him. No one deserves to feel like they're not enough, that they're easily replaceable. I'm tired. Ever since we broke up, he was always out drinking with friends, partying, consistently posting/sharing stuff on social media-things he never usually do. Before I-unfriended him everywhere he was always viewing and liking my posts. I did so many things that I wasn't supposed to do during the break up, like begging and chasing and breaking no contact. I felt like it was starting to work, you know, after the relief period he was starting to feel things until i messed up and broke no comtact. But now i'm on radio silence. I'm not doing anything to get him back anymore, i'm more like focusing on myself now. I'm staring to feel okay now, it's been really reallyyyyy hard these past few months I was so desperate to get through all this pain so i did some of your advices. I lost so much weight and everyday i was dealing with anxiety attacks and i was always sad and always crying. He never left my mind. The moment I wake up, the first thing that comes my mind is him. He's everywhere. Even when I'm busy or out with people, all I think about is him and how sad and empty and miserable I feel. Lately i feel unusually optimistic and motivated, but I still cry. Hard. It's been very difficult for me.
Thank you so much because you have been my source of strength. Whenever i'm finished crying or whenever I can, I watch your videos because it eases my anxiety. You do not know how much you've helped me, how much you've helped all these people here. I think a part of us have died because of this break up. But we will be okay, we will come out better, because things always get better eventually. A part of us will always want people to come back despite how much they've hurt us. I hope you never stop making this kind of videos because it gives us hope, not for people to get back with us, but because in the end, we know we're going to be okay. Thank you. ❤
I feel you😥 I know exactly what u feel,my ex dumped me too and I did exactly what u did and my ex posted on social media too which is he didn't do that when were together. Now I'm staying quite even its really hard💔😥
My ex left me for someone else. 4 years together and I was her first boyfriend. I had so many intrusive thoughts and still kinda do to this day. I’ve been in no contact for 4 months so far. I don’t know why but a part of me hates her for not just telling me the truth yet the other part of me still misses her.
My wife of 6 years and a son together broke up early February. And i been on what is call smart contact and complete indifference towards her. I dont think our relationship is fixable anymore she is been on tinder already and provably sleeping around I feel like i cant stop thinking about her and is driving me insane. Yesterday was by bday she came over to drop our son and she didn't say happy birthday.. I dont know why she is acting like if we never had a connection once .. its very sad to see her actitud.
Hi Rory. I need anyone's input on this. Any reply would mean so much to me. I wanna ask everyone and anyone that if your ex told you you were incompatible after 3 years during the breakup and immediately jumped into another serious relationship after a month, did she really thought it through or it's just some lame excuse to break it off?
6 months in to my breakup..we were together 2 years... and its still so painful.....I miss her terribly. I have tried to work on myself, I realise where I possibly went wrong too...i'm running, trying to do all the stuff suggested.
andy brown I would suggest what Rory suggested about writing down the negatives in the relationship, about her. Not so much to be angry with her, but rather to be able to view her flaws. It helped me put us as equals, both had flaws and to take her off the pedestal I had put her on. Going thru this is hard but time does help. Biggest thing for me was to forgive myself for the wrong things I did. Hope this helps. You’re going to be ok and will be better than ever
My girl really loved me but i was kind of evasive and took her for granted.. she broke up and i am sorry i hurt her and wish i had given her more attention and engaged more with her.. and now i cant change it and i cant give it back to her.. this is haunting me and she doesnt know.. i cant find out of this :*(
3 months later still can’t sleep FML
I feel that..no matter how good or bad I look at that person
Rory thnx
Just see them for what they are, you don't need someone who would treat you like this. I was in that mindset, then I think of all the heartache she caused me. The telling me she wants to work on relationship or stay alone forever. Then post on social media and there are 75 hearts from all single guys in the area with comments your beautiful, DM me. I see it as fishing for complements and shows low self esteem. Someone modest and kind is no longer that way....have fun. Her behavior has turned me off to the point I no longer want her back
My ex, 1.5 years, monkey branched into a long distance relationship three weeks after we broke up. What are my odds of him coming back if they don't see each other consistantly but he and I live about 10 mins away from each other?
In the morning and at night time 😔
I can find little fault with her - truly. It is 95% mine. So her communication could have been better. It all comes down to my lack of commitment and taking her for granted. From there stems all the problems. And it took her rejection of me to open my eyes. So I have everything to be ashamed and to be sorry for. I'm horrified at my own cynicism.
I'm with you on this. You have to learn to forgive yourself and improve in all the areas that caused the break up. It sucks because you just want one more chance to display your changes. But on the other half I feel like it may never be the same even if we tried.
@@ItsTruthBaby thanks for that, Daboy. Yes, we can only speculate...
What Does It mean when you dream about your ex?
Some of my friends tell me that he was thinking about me before he slept
Should I deactivate my fb acc during NC?( I was a fb active user n my ex bf used to stalk me on fb)
Im on NC day 75
Does Fading effect bias work even when they have planned on marrying someone else?
Its been 5months but still hurt so bad
It’s been like 4-5 months and I’m still making everything about her just thinking about her like fuck and now I Have to see her everyday and now she walking with this guy now shit sucks
How about she dumped me because of someone she knew convinced her that she should dump me? That guy highlight every flaws that I have and finally able to convince her, my gf of 5 years to leave me.
Early mornings and late nights are terrible for me when it comes to intrusive thoughts. Today has been particularly bad though, around 530 today i hit the 2 month anniversary of the last time i ever spoke to her... I thought i would be than this better by now.
In your position rn bro, how've u been ?
Oh ya know just fuckin' peachy
(he said... sarcastically)
6 month relationship ended in January. My thoughts were going away and I was making such progress and then with COVID-19 Im not at work so I get those thoughts again. It's not so much missing him...but the future in the world seems so unknown and then I end up wondering if he and I will get a chance again. He broke up saying he lost feelings for me, our honeymoon period was cut short. I got depressed after losing a job/leaving grad school and was crying everyday and he started working 3 jobs and going back to school saying im not a priority.....thoughts? bad timing or?
I would also like to say I deleted him off social media and find myself not wondering what he is doing. I just end up thinking a lot if the timing was different, I was really so insecure and not my best self when i got dropped from school and he ended up not wanting to deal with my problems on top of his...
It’s been 5 months, 5!! MONTHS!!! And I still hurt bcuz of her, and I focus on other things I went back to school to create my career. I’ve made new friends completely unfocused on my ex but everytime every time I go places that remind me of her or if I see her somewhere it hurts like a train. Wtf is wrong wit me
You are simply human who loved.
The time give me hate because I think she doesn't have heart to feel me
It’s been 4 months for me. She left me for someone else, I have so much anger towards her and what she’s done to me. I can’t let go of that anger, I still think about her everyday and it hurts. We were together for 2 years and it was great we loved each other, and 5 days after the breakup and she was already in a relationship with an other dude. I don’t know what to do. I’m in NC to heal but still.
Monmamen people who do that aren’t mentally strong enough to be alone and work on themselves. She’s doing it as a coping mechanism and it will not last. Keep yourself distracted and busy. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling the way you do because you’re human and 2 years is a long time. You will let go of the anger in time don’t fight it learn from it. NC is great. Also do not...I repeat...DO NOT blame yourself for what happened, realize some people are just they way they are and you can’t change them. It will take time but be strong because you will come back to this vid someday and say to yourself “wow, I feel so much better now, I don’t even know why I let it get to me so much” you will get through this
It’s 34 days since we broke up. I was doing okay and working on myself, motivated, etc. Then suddenly this week I feel like I regressed all the way back to square one. We still work together. She’s going on dates with new people. I’m back to thinking about her almost 24/7, dreaming about her, and having to beg my friends to stop me from contacting her. It almost feels like I regressed right back into denial. :/
hey Zach S, I know the feeling. I am 40 days from the break up and these last 10 or so days have actually been the worst since the actual break up moment. I feel like a big time regression. Wish I had answers about it. The best I can think is what my therapist told me which is that the grief process which applies to broken relationships too, can happen non-linear and you can go through all stages, multiple times in a single day, sometimes in a single hour. I know this isn't a solution but I wanted to write to let you know I understand the feeling and you're not alone.
kristina delgado thank you for this. I desperately want to find a therapist but I cannot afford any of them and it sucks
@@zachs8144 I just joined Rory's discord community (link in description) and I wish I had done it sooner. Honestly, it feels better than therapy because these people have gone through it and they are at all stages. So they can really help us newly broken hearted ones. You should join. If you do, find me: Achelois