16. The truth about getting your ex back.
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- Опубліковано 4 гру 2017
- In this video Rory discusses some hard truths about getting your ex back.
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I am working on myself - but every now and again I collapse and miss him. I cry, get up and move on. It’s a never ending circle.
I know exactly how you feel, its like your heart and your brain are in a constant fight with what you want and whats good for you. One day I dont need him and the next day he's all I need it makes me feel like a crazy person lol.
Hey its the same for us guys too. All the best. 😁
It’s the same for me. The worst thing is they left because the version of our selves that they were with wasn’t adequate. Even though it’s a lesson and an opportunity to grow it doesn’t make it any easier.
Jane Doe - hope you are fine! Stay strong - blessings!
Feeling better?
Working on yourself is the only thing worth doing, really. You'll raise your own standards, detach yourself from this whole situation, heal, be less weak mentally. If they reach out and want to come back, you are in a position where your head is clear enough so that you have the power to say either yes or no. If they don't reach out, you don't care, you're succeeding at life and you keep raising your standards, you won't be waiting for them anymore.
Your ex will be the one missing out on a person improving by the day, knowing that they loved you when you were far from what you are right now.
Just think of it this way : you could be in the best relationship, free of serious fights and overflowing with reciprocated love. You may still lose your partner, nobody is safe from tragedy. What would you do then ? They wouldn't come back, nobody would be to blame, you did everything right. Yet you'd still be alone. If you only saw value in your life through them, well, too bad. You're worth nothing anymore. Your only way out would be to work on yourself because there would be no other choice if you ever wanted to feel alive again.
This is why you don't sacrifice your whole self to someone else, even if they're a perfect match.
So if there's a breakup, guess what, you certainly won't sacrifice anything to someone who doesn't want anything to do with you right now. That includes your well being.
Your value is in you, and you can control that. You set the bar. You live for you so that no matter what happens, your life has meaning as long as YOU exist. You push that meaning to its maximum.
Anyone in week 1-5... my heart breaks for you too.. please know that it gets better.. 3.5 months later you will be ok... you might think about them now and again but if you are aware of it you'll be ok.. it's a blessing really, we only need ourselves xx positive vibes to all
Week 3… I feel okay some days but crushed in others
@@afcfishwick same, started week 3 rn. How you doing at week 6?
In Week 2 - dedicated most of my day to rest and podcasts.👑
I got exes back in the past but if I be honest, it really never works out... Best thing to do is look forward to the better person in your life who will really treat you the way you deserve
I love your approach to the "get your ex" topics. Not trying to sell anything, only honesty about the subject.
agreed. my new favorite channel
I'm actually glad my ex left me for a girl he has known for a few weeks. He forces me to work on myself. And when I'm in a better place and actually love myself for the first time in my life, I just know that I never want him back. Because he's an idiot for leaving me and doesn't deserve the new and better version of me.
Just focus on you....if the person didint see your greatness...so be it...long distance or had other options etc, it happens. You need to take care of number one, the fellas here, the gym and fresh air can do wonders. Dont go out and get drunk, get laid, thats a bandaid over a wound. Take YOUR time, grieve and work on yourself and never give up on YOU. Thanks for the great video.
Some days I don't want to work on myself, some days I just want to sit on my sofa stuff my face & cry with a heavy heart. Then other days I have the willpower & the strength of superman to be the better me but at the moment it's still raw & it hurts like hell.
I hear you ✌💗
U have the perfect voice for these type of videos honestly
Yes lol the tone is very important too
Agreed @ovo
I joined a gym, i refuse to contact her, it's been a month since she left me. I miss her, i love her but i love myself more.
about 170 days here... many many many videos.. books... working out at gym/ bike.... still hurts to hear,,I'm seeing someone
Ik the feeling she broke up with me the day after my birthday which was july the 16th so im still hurting but not as much. I have maintained no contact since.
@ryan i hope you heal faster than me
matrixband12 thats so hard for me cuz like i said it was the day after my birthday. She blocked me on fb but deleted my number on watsapp so i could only see when shes online. Im fighting it this is the second time she left me.
@ryan just dont look at any Social media.... it will only hurt.... I was looking in January and found she went to a popular hotel bar...pic of a drink and bam instant pain
The truth about getting your ex back is you dont really want them back. They left one time! What makes you think they wont do it again? Have worth to yourself. Let them walk and if they get back, still walk away and dont look back. You are a catch! And they let you go. It's their lost!
Yesterday was her birthday... not message no matter how bad I wanted to. I went for a 7.5 mile run. Heavy heart today though.😢
“It may look like I’m surrounded but I’m surrounded by You!” “This is how I fight my battles.”
Update?
homerjavier123 some background: we have never dated but I told her I liked her and we began moving forward with the normal relationship question and talk. (For about 3 months, talking 6-8 months in total) Shortly before this post, it appeared as if she had met someone else and jumped into that relationship. I was devastated.
A week or so after the original post, she began showing up at the gym (where we met) when she knew I would be there. She began talking to me again 2 weeks later (still awkward). As of this post, it has been 10 weeks. We are talking. She is very flirty and has began talking relationship stuff again, IMO. I refuse to text her first and we haven’t spoken out of the gym, but we are making plans to hang out soon.
I believe I was too much too soon for her, but not ridiculous. I would text her daily, and always first. No excessive messaging or anything. I just needed to find her comfort zone.
I’m very hopeful and trying to be super chill. I still don’t know 💯 if there was another guy but I think there was, but it was just the wrong guy. I’ve never prayed more and really sought God to break up that relationship and restore ours.
If I could offer any advice, just lay low. Seek God, He can be your strength in this situation. Don’t try to pick up my girl cause I’ll out pray you, lol. Blessings to you.
homerjavier123 then again... it really goes back and forth... does she still have a bf? Maybe, but I’m not chasing if this girl can’t get serious... what are the games? #Godisbiggerthanyourcircumstance
P D she has been dating this guy for over a year. She reached out to me in February and told me that she doesn’t intend on marrying this guy. She invited me to church. Things went well, then silence for 2 months. She then text me and said she missed me and I said me too, knowing she is still dating this guy. I called a couple days later to understand what is going on in her head. Mixed signals I said. She said she doesn’t want to marry him but she’s just having fun. So I asked if she ever had feelings for me. She said she did and does and “always will”. I gave her an out and said if all she wanted was to be friends, then just let me know and I would be ok with that. She didn’t take the out. Currently a month and a half since I’ve spoken to her. There are days she breaks my heart again. I don’t reach out to her and will not. I’ve chased, now it’s her turn. I believe she’s the one, but she’s going to have to repair my trust. When it happens, I’m going to take it super slow and prayerfully. I just need strength to make it until.
4 months in I give up. I did all right and nothing. i am feeling depressed. first i was in denial for a month then i was angry for 2 months then i was having reunion fantasy for 1 month. now I am depressed...
I worked on my self all this time, went on dates, got dream job, did everything to give me power. i am in better place now but I give up on her. Soon I am getting drivers licence.
Any updates?
It’s been years since I’ve visited this channel. When I first stumbled upon it I was 14 years old and had been broken up with for about a week. Those were desperate, heartbreaking times grieving the partner I had lost in love but not death. Still near, yet so unreachable and even still I beggingly laid my palms out to the darkness desperately hoping she would cling to my touch. I was helpless but as I continued to watch this channel, I eventually found peace and love for myself. My hope for my ex-lover turned into hope within myself. Rory you have taught me so so much, and you’re wisdom has turned me into a better person. Although I am not the exact person I want to be right now, I know I will surely continue to grow and reach my goals. It’s been a bizarre couple years since then, but I couldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you Rory, so thank you I hope you’re doing well! ❤️
That ending is some beautiful thought - you have one person you’ll have to live your life with to the end, and this person is YOU. Find yourself, help yourself, build yourself. We talk so much about having good relationships with people, what about a healthy relationship with yourself?
Best wishes to all of you 🙏
Vladislav Shpiro well said !
It's hard when h hate yourself so long
I love the fact that u r not giving anyone false hope, very honest!! Thank u Rory
We are together again😍😍😍❤❤❤ after a year of break up ... thank u R for all ur advice😍❤💛💛
I think you and Coach Lee are my two favorite coaches, but I would say that the more I listen to you, you are more no-nonsense and blunt with it. And I think it helps me to wake up even more. You a real one Rory
I've seen a lot of channels on this subject lately... your message is exactly what I need to hear. Thanks brother.
I find myself here time and time again. Rory never ceases to give great wisdom and advice. My relationship of 2 years ended a week and a half or so ago. We chose a mutual separation and I’m already missing her more than I thought that I would. On top of family issues, I think I’m just in a vulnerable state. But Rory always delivers. Thank you sir
This is so good and a subtle truth. I wish I had heard this way back 2 months before. Love you and thank you for this brutal honest advice. I'm currently really enjoying my new life post breakup, even during Quarantine and yeah, working on myself is what is pending, but I'll keep doing that too! I need to work only on important things like my self respect, self worth, happiness and loving myself plus taking care of myself ❤️💞❤️💞 thank you so much love chat, and the best line of your video is "breakups are always a rehearsal for the perfect one shot!" Thank you thank you thank you so much!
You know, this is the best info I have ever heard. No bullshit and you have opened my eyes to things I have not thought of. 4 months being seperated from a 9 year relationship and still working on the reconciliation. Thanks for the insight and allowed all of us to understand things much better. Been working on myself and will continue. For all of you out there, keep your head up and you are not alone!
So any updates?
Very honest coach indeed, he's not after the money. He speak not only the words that his clients want to hear. Coach Rory is the man.👍💪
Just when I thought there are no good ppl u turned up n changed that . Thank you love chat you helped me a lot and you are still helping me
I have to live with me for the rest of my life. That makes me feel much better. Thanks.
If all of us are broken hearted i wish one day your followers see each other one day make there heart's happy 💖
I really needed to hear this.
Thank you!
Love the content...feel like I'm spiralling again just like the first month... Need this to remind myself that I'm doing this for myself no matter how hard it is to deal with not for him...I know he's not coming back and he left this label that he lied to me after the things he said to me after the breakup....saying things that I can still count on him and making himself a support system when he knows I'm having health problems... And he can't keep his word.. If that is his journey to self love then I don't want to be part of that
I love this channel! ❤️
Excellent video Rory. 😁
what if we have worked on ourselves, but they haven’t? it seems likely they will not have because they didn’t have much of a reason to (didn’t get rejected, they feel empowered, etc.) and don’t have the benefit of being uprooted emotionally. i guess it comes down to working on ourselves for ourselves not them and not to get the relationship back like you said.
You are incredibly awesome coach everything you are saying is me and I am doing and it feels right. Thank you
Your advice and lessons are so fkn good!! Thank you so much!
A very good , effective message, for me at least, and Im sure many others. Many thanks.
You are so right,,,as time went by I remembered the BAD and not just the good as I evolved,,,and then I meant the most amazing woman and realized I had really settled with my ex,,,and she did me a favor by leaving, because I never would have gotten to meet the love of my life....
Update
Thanks for making this video. Love how sincere you're in every video.
Break up really sucks! Thanks for this inspiring videos. Yes, I need to get up for myself this time.
if the heart is hurting, its healing
Thankyou for your honesty.... My ex came around after 6 weeks of NC. We hung out, had a great time and she saw all the changes in me. It's been a week since then...*sigh*
Stay strong! Keep yourself busy! Don't let this get you too out-of-shape. Time is everything!
The Love Chat - Thanks for your reply and all you do. I believe there are two crucial 'Time' windows. 3 weeks and then 3 months. If they haven't changed their mind in that time despite No Contact, I think your chances dwindle significantly.
That said, did your ex really come back after 6 months of Total radio silence? Perhaps you could do a video of how that happened..?
Thanks Again*
My ex left 8 months ago and I been In pain , started my own business, it's slow, but I miss her like crazy , but refuse to contact her , this video was dope bro had a healing effect truly working on me #truth #thanks
Tip get you ex back: Give him the space he needs - All men really want is a little bit of space. Maybe you both got into a fight and he just needs a little while to think about what he wants to do. Just like the saying goes, "absence makes the heart grow fonder."Most of the time, this method will have him crawling back to you in no time. If it does not work, then you two were not meant to be together in the first place. Visit *MyExLove. info* If you want to get back your ex back
@@veronicahoward4145 it's a her , it's done. Would be nice to get back with her but her head was never in it for us just herself.
Work on yourself. The exact last words before I walked. I knew she was drifting away I acted first. Been 3 months NC. I learned 2 trades. Run 50-70 miles a
week. I'm liking this. Just waiting
to hear from ANOTHER job that pays more than I ever made.
No contact and radio silence is working like a charm. I have no ill
will towards her.but life is great
no turmoil and football season is coming. Good luck.
How you doing? 53 days no contact here. Still struggling. Am trying to work on myself but it's tough. Loved her so much. Just wish she would reach out but doesnt look good?
You're absolutely right,I agreed with that!...
That's an awesome advice... Thank you
I’m on day 2 of NC and I feel angry. I just want to grief and completely forget about wishing or needing him. I want to be the independent person I was before I met him.
Truth!
Make you good,
…for you.
I see too many comments of people who are in a new relationship and still have feelings for their ex. That can't be a good idea not healthy, not fair to the other person and actually kind of shortchanging yourself to in the long run
i dont want her back because the damage was too great the first time around,,,i dont think i would survive a 2nd go at it and rather focus on me instead
Robert Swift ... I so agree. Savage txt breakup for “no” reason. I don’t need another sh☹️t sandwich even with Tabasco.
24 days post breakup. She moved back across country to her parents. Its been NC, other than me reaching out once at the 2 week mark, didn't beg or anything, she wasn't ready to talk, so I let it go. She still checks my instagram story every night. Naturally I want it to mean something more. Probably going to stop posting on my personal account for a few days. IDK. It's still hard. I've been working on things. Made improvements to the condition of my apartment, went out and scored a new job (things are rough in Vegas right now). I sell my art on the side as well. Trying to do more with myself since things just got stagnant this year with COVID. Learning about my attachment style. It still hurts. Still miss her. She made me laugh so much...
Thank you very much!!😊❤
I'm at the point that I don't want her back anymore. Ultimately, people don't change. I'm finally happy again. I've lost so much time and health being duped, ignoring a girl that actually loves me. I'm glad I stopped in time.
I'm done. I'll just be single. Romantic relationship does me more harm than good.
I wish I found you since early day of break up, I made so much mistakes already.
She said we just lost what we had (LDR) some time before she said I was different like distant or we had more things to talk about, I thank her for it and worked on fix it and she told me she like what we had so i got lost when it went down. I mean, I may have flaws regarding some neediness, not the most masculine guy, and being too nice; but I'm a great guy not average at all working on my goals and career. I'm lost Roary
I am not afraid of facing my fear head-on so that's why I'm keeping no contact and have left his number unblocked in case he makes contact. I:m 'doing the work' on myself in the meantime. 🍒
Hey coach, what about having a good relationship and your ex breaks up with you after his father dies because he "doesn't have time, needs to care for his family"? He said "I'm not breaking up, just saying I need to be alone and need time", then not a word since november 20... all via whatsapp. There were many red flags (especially his needy family) and maybe I was too clingy due to my attachment issues, but he is totally ghosting and stonewalling me, I am using silence but slipped three times and wrote him many bad things, I don't think he even saw them though.
My ex is 46 and I’m 45. We have broken up twice due to his older children having a problem at times with us being together. I never had any bad words toward them. We got back together last year after 6 weeks and I moved in with him and then his father who is very close to him felt I was taking him away from him and became very jealous and never wanted to come over to the house. He always came over several times a week. My bf would get so upset with all of them but never supported my feelings and we got in a horrible fight over it because I asked him to talk to his dad and just accept that we can all be happy together and just accept our relationship. He ended up breaking up with me due to the arguing over the family situation and said I was his best friend and the love of his life but he wanted to be with someone that his family wanted to be around. It crushed me because he never communicates and I was the easy one to get rid of. He never had to choose but I’ve worked on my self learned more patience and going to therapy but I feel like it still shouldn’t be over because we never fixed the core problem from the first break up. We never had any other issues. My question is can you fix this after a couple of relationships or is it just over thank you so so very much for your time!!!
It took me one month to realize I dont want her back. It was one hell of a hard month. She texted me and pegged me to take her back. But no
At first I wanted my ex back but I don’t i was with her in a relationship then a situationship so basically two years after she ended things 2 weeks later she was dating someone else so she hasn’t worked on herself and has a lot of baggage we pretty much had to hide our relationship from her mom she’s been with the dude for 3 months if she comes back I’d be her friend
My ex won't reach out because I told him I was going to stop talking to him because my mental health counselor told me not to speak to him to allow myself to heal, but he said to text him when I was ready
happy days it’s an open loop to make you feel hanging, if it’s toxic relationship or your ex is BPD then follow what your counsellor advise. Checkout topic on narcissistic, you will understand why.
Thanks .... pretty true 🙏 😍 🙏
@Mayrne Yonnes Nooooo THANKS!!!!!
I wasn’t going to say anything but I just came out of a 6 year relationship. We stood in each other’s lives like normal in the 7th year. Now we’re in year 8 and we’re finally on a break
U r such a Grt talker n it so soothing
My heart hurts but m lil bit better dan bfo. It’s been almost 2weeks I didn’t cal n text. I’m not weak I hope she is happy wateva she is doing.commitment sucks I did what i hab to do but nw no fcking more. I don’t y m not angry wit her I should hab for her I quit the man greatest innovation (alcohol)just for her sake but deep dwn I knw it’ll eventually benefit m. Still she doesn’t care Hahaa Sumtimes I laugh at myself. People do crazy things when they r in so much love or in pain. I hope she comes back soon
I did half NC. Now as of Monday full NC, and nothing... And he sees other women and I'm obbessing over it
Thank you
what if they reach out with a "how are you" about a week and a half into no contact? we had a bit of extended drama previously, so best not to reply until you're ready, right?
I love de way you say more in less
Ik the feeling she broke up with me the day after my birthday which was july the 16th so im still hurting but not as much. I have maintained no contact since
What is this "working on yourself" that you're talking about? What if you're happy with your life and who you are? Not sure what I should be working on. Obviously we can all improve in many ways, but that's part of life.
Heidi Decker Same I totally agree.
You know what, you got the point. I am actually thinking about this too these days. We should always learn and improve in every areas of our lives regardless of experiencing break up or not. And, isn’t “working on yourself “ reminds you that you are not enough? 🤔Don’t get me wrong I love the advice Rory give and I understand that he is trying to tell people to not let the break up destroy them, keeping improve so that they might get someone better in the future.
I meant to say can people still get back together if they broke up twice over the same issue of family getting in the way. I know he loves me as much as I do him but he just doesn’t ever want to handle any confrontation which in turned hurt my feelings so bad. I miss him so much but have not contacted him
Hi Rory. Thanks for this playlist but I wish you could put the videos in ascending order.
Blame UA-cam - not me!
We met up and it was a non-starter meaning it was neither here nor there, couldn't get a read, just ordinary everyday information especially about our health issues. Since then a couple of hello texts going back and forth. That's it.
Hello, when you say 4 months is it 4 month of no contact?
Ty very much!
I was with my ex for nearly a year, she broke up with me because she said we didn’t trust one another and that I wasn’t what she needed it’s only been a month and I drive my self mad when she ended it we even met a few times after the break up and it was weird but we was just holding on to something then about the 10 of December she blocked me on all platforms and said good bye josh have a nice life , I’m done now. I didn’t do my self any favours because I was accusing her of talking to someone else at this point and driving the girl mad when she asked for space and even after she blocked me I still tried to reach out made new accounts we live up the road from eachover so seeing her was easy I never stalked or waited for her but when I see her near the shops I would say hello and even after she blocked me the first time she said hello after that time I seen her twice and she completely blanked me and it was like I didn’t exist. And it only took me till theses moments that I was forcing it and maybe if I closed contact and didn’t reach out things would have been different so sometimes doing to much and be worse than doing nothing just after a break up remove ur self and just do ur own thing. I’m still finding it hard and one day would love to sit down and say I’m sorry to this person but sadly I don’t think that day will ever come 🙄
I mean, I'm working out right now
We broke up yet still kissed for a period. Soon after we ended up fighting a lot and she slept with another dude and kissed another guy infront of me. Then the chick blocked me on everything except snapchat, she watches all my stories and we’ve spoken a few times on there, I was thinking about sending her an apology for all the crap that’s happened and for not giving her enough time to her self post break up but I don’t know if that’s a good idea or not
Coach, can you do a video about guilt and blame after a break up? My ex has blamed me for everything that went wrong with our relationship. I have come to see the many things that I did wrong and could have done better but the the amount of guilt I feel for ruining everything is indescribable and I am not sure that is really true what she says about me.
Andrew van Toorenburg ... If your ex has an Avoidant Attachment style then she will distort reality, project her deficiencies onto you, blame you for everything and take no responsibility. And she’ll have no motivation to put right attitudes she doesn’t think are wrong or even exist. V. Difficult.
Rory, my ex I and I broke up 3 months ago and I immediately went into NC . She stopped any social media contact until about 2 weeks ago she started liking my posts and even liked a couple older post and now watches all my stories. I know this probably only breadcrumbs and not to break NC but I was wondering do you think she will eventually reach out to me or do you think she was just lonely, looking for validation or was she trying to get my attention to tell me she was interested in me again. I know if she was truly interested she could do an indirect text message but I guess I am letting my mind play mind games on me and wanting it to be the last option but I guess I have to keep staying strong and working on myself. Any ffed back would be great. Thanks, your videos always help me when I need to get through a rough day.
For me the more my LDR ex reaches out the more I think about not getting back together with him cause he seem so toxic it's like he gets satisfaction out of making me feel bad. He said he missed me at first and he added this emoji 😏. Which is the emoji he uses when he could care less. But I hardly responded to him. The last time he contacted me he tried to make me feel like I looked terrible on Christmas. And he was telling me how single and lonely he is . It felt more like he was like he was trying to set a trap for me. Have me begging for him to take him back because he was the one that dump me. Mind you he dump his ex as soon as she had thier baby. I went full no contact as soon as we broke up. Never reached out and don't want him back. I'm just shocked that he pretended to care for 6 months because he is acting really narcissistic towards me it's hard to picture him like a bitter person. Told him to leave me alone the last time. And never contact me again. I still cannot believe he turned out like this. Never apologised for hurting me. He didn't even break up properly. He asked for space and that was it. As soon as he asked for space I went into no contact. Hardly showed any type of weakness and improved myself. Why does he want me back and why is he trying hard to make me feel bad?
my girlfriend wants to be in my life, but she said she just cant be in a relationship anymore due to her current life situation. she wants to be on her own for a while but said that this is a really hard decision for her as she loves me. i just wish we can sort out our differences and live together when her situation is better, we have so much in common and got along really well.
Same here. Its been a month for me and im working on myself. Any updates??
It was no contact day 5 and he reached out asking how was my mum because she was hospitalised a week before. Our last text was that I was sorry for being negative and he probably doesn’t want to hear from me again and he didn’t reply me. So I only replied him that my mum has discharged from the hospital. Did I blow away my chance to reconnect with him?
I really don’t want mine back. He did too much hurtful things.
What did he do ? I'm asking because I can't trust myself .. we really don't had any special problems but sometimes we get in arguments because of hurt feelings and both sides where in some kind of form right but yes.. never called her name's or stuff
My ex wants to return the promising ring which i gave to her. It's been one week we broke up and actually the broke up was from her side and so I went for No contact period after the break up and it's been just 5 days of my NC my ex called me and asked me how am I doing and all to which I replied cold and calm and then she told me to take my promising ring back to which I responded cold and calm and said Ok fine and i cut the phone from my side !! Well is it over ?? I mean she has completely decided to move on that's why she's returning my ring 💍 which i gave to her while proposing 😥
What should be my next step in this ??
I don't want him come back ever!!!
Ok, but what if I'm happy with myself now? I was working on myself before I met him and I plan to continue pursuing those changes (education). But other than that, which I'm doing for myself, I'm pretty happy with who I am. Honestly, I don't think I was the biggest problem. I think I was just looking for something deeper than he was. Was I perfect? Heck no. I was needy and clingy. But I wouldn't have been that way had he been just a little more attentive. I just think he wasn't ready to commit to the degree I needed.
Gosh I felt exact the same as you and for my ex.
Hi Rory, Can you make a video about your ex having high attraction for you and says they care, friends with benefits but doesn’t want a relationship. What do you do? Please help
namelessme1 Do what she wants. Trust me in this! Give her space, do friends with benefits thing, have fun and relax. Don’t push her into relationship, because she will leave you. Also, because you guys are not exclusive, you can and you should take your time of the week, go out, date other women. And you will see, she will come back quick and ask you to be in an exclusive relationship. Be the man, don’t put her in the center of your world!
What is the best way to do the work and succeed at it ? Ive tried changing myself loads throughout my life and even with my ex... and he didnt think I was trying hard enough. Im feeling mentally and physically exausted. How do I know this time its going to work. How can a make all these changes myself and actually make the world see Im a changed confidant good person. It just hits home even the one I loved thought I dont want to help myself when I feel like Im trying my hardest and hitting a brick wall, and the slow and painful changes for me seems like nothing for others. Also could do with help in postive change but dont have family or friends support so all these years surviving trauma and trying to change myself has taken its toll. But I feel utter guilt and cant forgive myself for losing the only person I felt loved me , due to all my complex baggage. Im still in shock and grief and struggling to get out of the denial of his decition and he actually is gone and doesnt love me anymore ? Into 16 day no contact and he hasnt even reached out.
I literally give up trying to get her back. No contact is so hard, i havent msged her at all and the fact that she dosent feel the same i am and not messaging me at all hurts. I hope time heals me quick.
Update
@@kungfukenny1540 Yes. Day 53 she reached out and we met up. It was great for 2 months until i heard from one of her friends that she was seeing others and still had them on her snapchat. It was bumpy for the next month and abit and eventually i broke it off because there was no trust. It has been 2 months now since i seen her and she tried reaching out last month saying she was sorry. Im still trying to get over her fully today.
What if I don’t want my feelings to change about my ex
I tried no contact right after our break up. Survived three weeks but lost it when we started talking because I thought that he wants to fix it but I was wrong :( All things that Ive worked hard during no contact was wasted. I found a courage to tell him I still have feelings for him and I will just be lying If I stay. I deactivated all my social media to give myself time to fully heal so I will be ready to whatever comes next. So now I am back to No Contact. Did I push him away? Will no contact work the second time around?
Any updates?
Robin Björk lesson learned: endure the pain. stick to no contact.
Almost 4 months passing after breakup... Still i am dying for her...i ignore her for my exam almost 2 months....she thinks i don't love her the way she love me....now she is with someone else maybe...what SHOULD i do???
The funny thing is when it's the opposite we would understand and nit doubting that they don't love us .. women love u in one moment and in the other when u don't meet her needs she dumb u
Hi!!! I was really hoping for some of your amazing advice if you have the time??
So I feel like my situation is very unique.. but basically my ex and I split so that we can work on ourselves then have a fresh start together. We relied on each other too much we both lost ourselves so we needed to work on that separately.
It’s been almost 2 months of no contact BUT only last week we did have a conversation about how we’ve been. He did mention he wants to see me when the times right, when we’re both ready. But he won’t be ready until he can cope with it all emotionally.
I think it’s the same with me, I need to be comfortable living within myself before I can see him again. Otherwise I’ll fall into my old needy habits.
Have you ever had a situation like this? How long roughly do you think we will both need to be able to emotionally handle the breakup so we’re able to reconnect? Do you have any thoughts?
Thank you so much ❤️
The whole point of NC in your case is to make your own life better and be independent from him. You have to earn yourself the right and make a routine that keeps you busy. You'll get throught this I promise. Don't focus on getting back together, focus on working on yourself.
I had an affair and we were about to get married but without saying a reason they called off the wedding. Like all i cried till, my husband came up with a proposal at home, yes may be in 10days... he was a friend of mine. So i forgot that ex very soon... now i am his widow (ya i know, its sad but i won't give up). i started a relationship 6months back(2.5yrs after husband's death), he being bipolar and me too much an empath i guess, he impulsively blocked me after i asked him about the less talking we had and his online at late night.
Now, i know we are not going to get back together (this is the 9th time). Cos being bipolar his mind creates story where he is the victim. I don't think he can help it nor me.
And if being with me is pain for him, i accept and retrieve. After all i want him to be happy even if its without me... this acceptance helped me to move on, till day 8 i was pathetic weeping but day 13 i stand with more positivity.
Accept and move on.... and let the time solve this... cos we can never control the way others think.
I said all these dialogue... and after 15day of NC.... reached out.... and as coaches say, i should show attitude.... and that's what he expected too... but i reacted opposite... and talked... he told his insecurities and apologized.... and we are together again. But this time i am not loosing what i learned during NC.... not to over think and assume things.
He told he blocked me everywhere out of anger. Then later felt guilty and ashamed in doing that.. and after few days he forgot what we were fighting for and started missing me and feeling lonely... and he slept very very late cos fight with me had influenced him terribly. So coach this is my man's point. Hope if you read sometimes can get more understanding. He usually reaches out to me by 10/15th day NC. Not just reaching out.... wanting me... may not be case for all.
My ex loved me how i was. She broke up because she thaught i didnt love her. So i dont know what kind of work i am supposed to do except to show her that i am making effort to show her i love her. But now she says its too late because i took her for granted during the relation and when she broke up i changed and made the effort. I know she loves me and she doesnt want me to change but now she takes me and my effort for granted
Also we left to different countries and we both didnt want a Ldr so we didnt really want to break up but through the situation kinda had to
I cursed my ex out like a damn dog! I mean i really cursed him out. i cursed him out from December 27th up until yesterday. he sat silent, didn't reply, yet i wasn't blocked, nor didn't he block me on Facebook. i truly think I've blown my shot to hell.
i texted him the curse out. went a week without saying anything else. then just popped back up cursing his ass out through text.
Nahh, I dated a girl who I screamed at for 3 mins straight and then threw my phone through a wall. Thought Id never hear from her again. 1 and 1/2 years later I get a random message on FB from her (we weren't even friends) saying "Hey" ... LMFAO needless to say she was left walking away with her tail between her legs. I wanted nothing to do with that cancer and was already happy with someone else
Fleetwood Mac said it best
Tbh this is the hardest thing I've ever been through, just miss her lots and I'll miss the things I wanted us to do together in life 😞
What was the cause for the break up?
@@chrisyoli1598 lack of communication on my part and not appreciating her enough, she had 3 kids from a previous marriage but I think she wanted another kid but with us both been 40 I wasn't sure if I wanted one but didn't talk about it enough, she is now with a 23yr old, I think she will get pregnant by him, I just have a feeling.
@@chrisyoli1598 I thought when I got with her I wouldn't have the pressure to have a kid with her as she already had 3, I wanted us to eventually she the world together, I got on great with her kids really bonded with them, I did school runs took them swimming lessons cooked for them ect ect, her eldest daughter has text me saying she doesn't get on with the new guy he doesn't talk to her, she is 15
Chris Aubrey oh no.. don’t think that...! I hope you are staying in no contact and “working on yourself” and letting her come to you! In time, eventually.. hopefully! We can always have hope, right??
@@chrisyoli1598 yes after initially doin all the pleading and begging 🤦♂️ I was loosing 4 people I loved though even though the kids aren't mine plus the house I lived in, I went into meltdown mode but I've been no contact for r months, we've been broken up for six months.
I have a weird situation, my ex broke up with me about a month ago, she has 2 kids, was with them for 8 years, but she wants me to be in the kids lives which I think is weird. what should I do?
she is seeking a beta male provider for her kids . dont be that guy
Question, what about if my ex and I split up, but she wants to be fwb?
Bobby P if it doesn’t bother you do it but she’s just playing man trust me don’t do it if YOU are the only one with feelings it’ll hurt more
Now I'm not saying I don't need to work on myself by any means, but what if it's the dumper that really needs to work on themselves? What if they are the one who made the majority of mistakes?
even its been 6 months but i feel she'll never reach out its either she doesn't care or she has probably moved on with someone else for all i know.
My situation is hopeless. My ex broke up with me because I was boring. Lame excuse I know. I was offended for weeks. I thought I was the best he ever had. I treated him very well. I cooked, cleaned, and took care of the house. Also, I work a full time job. If that wasn't good enough, I don't know what is. In my next relationship, I'm going to be a b*tch. You get more respect that way. If you're a nice girl, people step on you. That's my experience.
Work on your self man. Go to the gym, make some gainz(physical changes are so easy to spot). Become more confident and positive. Become an Alpha ! When there's no chance of winning, you keep fighting. When your hope is lost, you find another way and when you're beaten down you stand up again!
Klint Kwiecien same feeling
LaoSoftware I am a nice guys had a mean one
She'll contact you trust me.. if she ever loved you truly.. didn't matter if she is single or moved on.. I'm saying from experience.. although I'm still single but I'm happy for what happened.