I'm Anxious And He's Avoidant (The Anxious/Avoidant Trap)

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  • Опубліковано 11 кві 2024
  • I'm anxious and he's avoidant. Learn about the anxious and avoidant attachment styles in relationships with Coach Craig Kenneth and Coach Victoria! Discover how these dynamics can impact your dating life and how to navigate them effectively.
    The Important Info:
    Get Craig's help personally: www.askcraig.net/take-action/
    Get Victoria's help personally at: www.askcraig.net/victoria
    Craig's workbook series: www.askcraig.net/workbooks-1/
    Get Started on the Creative Healing Course: courses.askcraig.net/
    Prefer podcasts? Craig is podcasted on all major platforms.
    Add Craig on Instagram @CoachCraigKenneth
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КОМЕНТАРІ • 34

  • @catdeluxe5291
    @catdeluxe5291 3 місяці тому +31

    Everyone becomes anxious with an avoidant...

    • @user-nj3tx1sm9e
      @user-nj3tx1sm9e 2 місяці тому +1

      Avoidants get anxious with an anxious

  • @brego12317
    @brego12317 3 місяці тому +10

    This video is very insightful. The same things happened to me with the same excuses and avoidant reasoning. She didn't want to lose me ,nor I her but she dropped that bomb on me and moved on to the next guy with the same copy and paste expectations. Needless to say she was friend zoned and that didn't work out. Never heard from her since.

  • @jeffreyyeo
    @jeffreyyeo 3 місяці тому +4

    Yeah i got the "I cant give u what u want" and "its better to just be friends" before.
    ultimately they are confused, scared and selfish its in their subconscious and its their way to cope.
    when she told me to be just friends i straightaway tell her its impossible

  • @Sammy-jt5sv
    @Sammy-jt5sv 3 місяці тому +18

    Can you do a video on “when the avoidant gets mad” thank you!

    • @user-mu2mp8ll6c
      @user-mu2mp8ll6c 3 місяці тому +1

      That's a good idea! Like that suggestion

    • @therocknrollcook
      @therocknrollcook 3 місяці тому +1

      Ugh they can get mean and nasty 😮

    • @catdeluxe5291
      @catdeluxe5291 3 місяці тому +4

      My avoidant used to shut down and ignore my text and calls..and he needed a month to say why was he mad, its like communicating with the wall, very exhausting..

    • @user-mu2mp8ll6c
      @user-mu2mp8ll6c 3 місяці тому

      @@catdeluxe5291 exhausting is the perfect way to describe it.....I too have an avoidant........personal question, you don't have to answer if you don't want to, does yours have a history of being abused at all? Mine does unfortunately and I think the trauma is why she is so gunshy and avoidant

    • @catdeluxe5291
      @catdeluxe5291 3 місяці тому

      @@user-mu2mp8ll6c Yes, mine was emotionally abused by his stepfather who made him into a personal slave, he was beaten up with no reason, and mother didn't do anything to protect him...

  • @lucywoods6275
    @lucywoods6275 3 місяці тому +2

    After doing the work I can see I’ve been both anxious and avoidant depending on who I’ve been in a relationship with.

  • @fionakarbel258
    @fionakarbel258 3 місяці тому +2

    I’m in this exact situation… it’s been 13 months of this pain. He’s moving to Georgia for work over the summer, and I’ll be staying with him for a week. The 🤡 I am is still hoping that by spending a concentrated week creating experiences and memories together that it will trigger him to actually progress things between us.
    I keep telling myself that if that doesn’t do it, I’ll have to cut him off like this girl did and go no contact because it’s just too painful to keep going on.
    Georgia or bust.
    The last time I tried to cut him off he came to my house crying that he doesn’t want to lose me, but if things never change it can’t keep going like this forever…

  • @carlfreiermuth5424
    @carlfreiermuth5424 3 місяці тому +2

    u guys are doing a great service for humanity ❤️🙏

  • @tobebuilds
    @tobebuilds 3 місяці тому +1

    I appreciate that your videos don't paint attachment as black and white

  • @sarazephyr8224
    @sarazephyr8224 3 місяці тому +3

    Can you talk about how if you started as an secure or dismissive after being with an avoidant, Can make you become more anxious? I wasn't anxious with other people until dealing with them..

    • @catdeluxe5291
      @catdeluxe5291 3 місяці тому +3

      Same question...from being secure, I started being anxious with an avoidant..

  • @user-mu2mp8ll6c
    @user-mu2mp8ll6c 3 місяці тому +1

    Are there any videos on dating someone who was abused or how to navigate some of those avoidant type issues within an abused partner?

  • @jelenashome1725
    @jelenashome1725 3 місяці тому +1

    Coach ,what does it mean if my DA ex liked a story I posted (It was a picture of myself) during NO CONTACT? We've been in NC for more than 3 weeks.

  • @RobertoGonzalez-cs5ed
    @RobertoGonzalez-cs5ed 3 місяці тому +6

    Thank you for being there for us 🙏

  • @lauracasablanca3500
    @lauracasablanca3500 3 місяці тому +1

    Hey coach how do I email you a success story? Laura

  • @lesleysole6427
    @lesleysole6427 3 місяці тому +1

    My partner says the same. I'm.fiest one to.showed him love go out .not based on just sex ..

  • @user-og1sm2ox4p
    @user-og1sm2ox4p 3 місяці тому +1

    It's been 1 year of separation and he still hasn't gotten back together with me

    • @serfanful
      @serfanful Місяць тому

      Hang in there, you are in the right path

  • @canis556
    @canis556 3 місяці тому +2

    My ex is avoidant, broke up and pulled away 3 times. Every time she came back, but the paper cuts exhausted us

    • @canis556
      @canis556 3 місяці тому

      Open and mature communication doesn't work. They just cut You off from time to time and what kind of relationship is that

  • @user-nj3tx1sm9e
    @user-nj3tx1sm9e 3 місяці тому +4

    Each 'style' pushes the other to be extreme in their ways . The anxious becomes more needy and manipulative, the avoidant backs away more
    You's seem to take the anxious side here.

  • @Michelle-jr8ql
    @Michelle-jr8ql 2 місяці тому

    How can he trust her. She left her “Fiancé” for a man she barely even knew. She can do the same to him, she’s not loyal. Coming from an avoidant. She’s good enough to have sex with, but not to take seriously. He’s a karma. He’s never gna take her seriously. She better 🏃🏽‍♀️

    • @Monkeyweed1993
      @Monkeyweed1993 2 місяці тому +1

      Yeah, I was thinking this too? Her being only 2 months out of an engagement is a huge red flag.

  • @reinakobe
    @reinakobe 3 місяці тому +1

    Herman Munster 😂

    • @lorip4087
      @lorip4087 3 місяці тому

      That is who I was picturing too. Lol

  • @Miamore32124
    @Miamore32124 3 місяці тому +1

    When I asked my boyfriend (now my ex) if sex equals love, he said yes it does. My next question was if he was in love with everyone he'd had sex with, he went blank. This is a guy that said he'd had sex with thousands of women, after a long marriage. Total time he was living this sex=love was maybe 3-4 years. So, according to him, he'd had sex with several thousands of women within 3-4 years. Not sure I really believe that, and what really made me concerned was this.... and this was within 4 months of our relationship. I'd noticed a small blemish on his penis. Of course I said "what is this?". His reply was "it's herpes, so now you have to be with me. It's normal, most everyone has this". Wtf!!!!¡!!!! Really??? After that I had zero reason to be with him sexually and as you'd expect, I thought of sex with him as a life sentence of shame and medical appointments. Luckily, thankfully, I've no symptoms of what he said. I really wonder if he just said that because he's THAT INSECURE.
    Craig, would a man say something like this just to keep a girl, and why?
    I've zero interest in having sexual relationship with this person. Only trying to understand what mindset would think that this is normal.