The Truth About Avoidant Partners and Their Fears
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- Опубліковано 12 кві 2020
- Have you ever had a partner who seemed to struggle with intimacy?
Maybe they eventually stopped texting you as often as they used to….
Or perhaps they “breadcrumbed” you with small acts of love and attention, followed by long and intermittent periods of silence and emotional absence…
Or maybe they had a tendency to say all the right things, but then never followed through…
If this sounds familiar, this 4-minute video clip is for you.
In it we explore the deeper layers of fear that avoidant (what I call “Rolling Stone”) partners experience, and why they tend to distance themselves from their loving partners.
A few of the highlights include…
History has taught them that intimacy is unsafe.
This lack of safety is usually because they either had emotionally absent parents/caregivers, or emotionally invasive parents/caregivers.
This means their authentic self was deemed burdensome or “not allowed” to have certain feelings, so to experience those feelings now feel threatening and very uncomfortable.
This leads to an avoidance of emotion in the extreme, from love to anger to excitement to passion to hate etc....which makes them appear apathetic, conflict avoidant, and noncommittal.
It also means they have not developed a sophisticated “vocabulary” for recognizing, organizing and communicating how they feel, as well.
But it doesn’t mean they don’t have feelings or desire connections in love! Remember, still waters often run very deep.
To move past a tendency towards avoidance, they must confront three primary defense mechanisms, which are built upon fears of survival and self preservation, and the beliefs that keep those fears in operation.
(If you want to learn more about that, you can check out this video entitled, “Can Avoidant Partners Change? 3 Major Obstacles for Rolling Stones” • Can Avoidant Partners ... ).
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The GOAT on attachment styles in relationships
you describe the dynamics so much better than research publications etc
So funny. It’s because her mind isn’t overly groomed by academia and psychobabble-even though she’s hella smart. She’s an artist so it’s seems easier her to use more of both sides of her brain/mind to communicate on a down-to-earth level as opposed to rigidity of the language used in research articles.
Love the way you explain this whole attachment dynamic …
How timely is this! Working through these types of boundaries with a DA is a slow process... I sincerely hope she's worth it!
George Elder Thank you for commenting. I’m glad the content has been helpful!
my soul is viciously violently brutally tortured and raped.
he left me: abandoned and betrayed me.
he was my best friend. or so I thought.
the pain is truly unimaginable inconceivable unfathomable unbearable.
I can't go on with this pain...
I simply cannot.
I am drowning in grief and darkness...
Would love to see the full content of this
I am fearful avoidant. And at my age I don’t even know if change is possible anymore.
Nothing is ever too late
of course it is
Same here, is it possible to recover at any age????? Honestly??
I believe that if you are willing to make a change anywhere you would succeed..
Contray to whatever you believe or hope for you'll never change. I've experienced a relationship with a FA you cannot change because it's just how it is. It's within your emotional make up. Please do yourself a favour and any future partner. Please sit them down and explain your relationship type. Give them the option of deciding to stay or leave. Because eventually that's what your attachment style does. You leave. You do not care about the others feelings. I know, I've been on the receiving end of this
Only 4 minutes of this video?
What's breadcrumbing
Giving you just enough to keep you coming around, usually because there is a fear of committing emotionally.
Ana Runkle calls it crap fit.
When you are a child so you need some ilusional belif that your parents do love you, even if they do not act healty towards you...they feed you with bread crumbs and you to convince yourself that it is a cake. It is a strategy that helps you stay sane when you a child but prevents you from having normal expectations as an adult in a rimantic relationshio.
I'll simplify for you.....Never be with a fearful avoidant you will literally waste your time trying to constantly figure them out and it's not worth it
You wicked bitch , I luv u