2 years in, I (anxious open heart) say, “I love you”. He (avoidant) said, “I like you a lot. I don’t want to hurt you.” I was prepared for this and said, “It’s a gift!” I meant it honestly and did not say it again. Almost a year later, he said to me, “I like your whole self, especially how you are true to yourself.” He knows that I have continued to love him, I do not say it in order to pressure him to say it in return, and over time we have grown closer and fit our realities together more comfortably. Love is patient, love is kind. This is biblical and refers to a spiritual kind of love, but it is my mantra. If you really love without strings attached, it is a gift that you give freely. You cannot demand in return. That is possession and ego talking. I do not need false promises or forced lies. I am seeking true understanding and spiritual intimacy. Does it hurt not to hear it back? Yes. I am only human and I seek external validation. But is it more important to actually have this loving relationship than to hear the words? Yes. The actual reality of the relationship is more important.
Your comment resonates with me as well. I didn't say I love you, but I said I was ready for a deeper emotional connection and that a friend told me that I love him. He said almost the exact same thing - I like you so much, and I don't want to hurt you. It did feel like a gift to say my truth but he might not be ready for his. that's his journey and this is mine. He said we would continue to have the conversation, and I started by asking him what he needed and what I could do to facilitate that and make him feel safe. I don't think anyone ever considered that for him before. Sometimes, it will take time to process and move slowly through the steps to this kind of enlightenment. This was a powerful message, and we are all lucky that the universe and Briana sent it to us. I try to not label what his attachment style is because I don't really know, and I am sure he doesn't know. But loving someone means giving them what they need to feel safe even if it means space and time.
Beautiful message, understanding and perspective. I hope you receive the love you desire and have it verbally expressed to you too. Love the Biblical reminder here. May Father bless you 💖
This is a blessing to me. He may never say "I love you " to me. He doesn't have to. I don't require words. His actions and integrity speak beyond empty words. Our emotional polarity makes us both grow. Yes, I feel love for him like I have never known before in my 72 years of life
I feel the same... that's very inspiring. Been in love with my avoidant partner for 20 years. He is helping me become a better person. I found myself loving him even more every single day, when I thought I was already loving him a lot... he helps my soul to grow. I know I have a soul contract with him. He's doing something to my soul that pushes me beyond ego limitations. Seeing things from a bigger perspective, opening the heart space. When I close my eyes to meditate, I often can physically feel his lips against mine, and when I ask for something, he's so quick to respond, to please or satisfy me... May everyone taste the taste of true love !
I really like Tracey Marks and Dr. Ramani, but Briana is just amazing and the way she speaks digs into you. Like someone speaking with enough resolve and compassion that it echoes inside you and drowns out all the other shit. Man...thank you. This stuff is really gonna help.
I should learn to not put unavailable women I'm attracted to on a pedestal. Lesson learnt. We're all human. I took way too much blame when things started to go south, only to realise my needs aren't unhealthy, they're just different and if she's not willing to meet them, I should be able to respect that and not hold it against her. It just takes time to get there..
Exactly ~ both sexes are equal in value... never put yourself down... take accountability for what you actually are accountable for but not the rest ... she has her issues too... also, sometimes it’s just not a good match and both people are just right for other people... like an Apple/Orange issue :) I think we do that subconsciously because what we take responsibility for, we have in our control to fix... but there’s a lot we aren’t in control of ! We can’t control other people! If they’re being mean... that’s not our responsibility. Be well☀️
Patience Consistent action Honoring your own boundaries Being Independent person Use terms specifically for them. Not generic. To change the external, you need to change the internal.
All failed relationships help you work towards what you fully desire. Put those good things in your vortex. Eventually you will attract and like the whole pie
Very well stated. I have always felt that at the core of a relationship is not about how the other person feels about you but how you feel about yourself about the way they feel about you. I have always felt that if you truly love some one you should express those feelings along with the words. I do not take their attacment style into consideration of how I want to express myself. If telling a person who is dismissive avoidant that I love them, then I will say so. If that is the wrong "general approach" with this type so be it. I would rather stay true to myself than have to stage my affections.
Thank you for sharing your experience and your perspective. I would agree that it is important to stay true to yourself, and to Xpress how you really feel. However, I would point out that mo most of us are trained to express ourselves in defensive or invasive Ways, that don’t take into consideration the impact that we might have on the other person involved in the equation. A relationship is made up of two different people in two different realities, there is room for both people to be who they are, and yet create space for the other persons experience to be equally valid. There is a spirit of generosity required here, to make room for understanding that the love you want to express may be received more accurately to the way that you intend, if you take the other persons perspective into account. This does not mean you are abandoning yourself, but rather you are incorporating two different energies, and allowing for there to be something new created between you. Thank you for contributing to the discussion. I hope this helps.
Thank you for your comments. I do agree that you should think of the other person and take their perspective into consideration. However having said that my other was a hard core DA, who does not think that way. Like you have said, DA process emotions later and usually inaccurately portray the moment. I am just saying it is a mistake to over analyze IMO when expressing yourself to a DA. I have never met a more insecure person than her and I feel a ton of empathy for her. But that run of the mill talk as children that they heard has to be let go and understand that real love and affection has a real truth to it that is very powerful. Thanks again for responding and I do watch and follow you. I enjoy your channel.@@brianamacwilliam.attachment
Brianna, just want to say the last statement you made in this video is so powerful and so consoling that it made me teary. I am anxiously attached m, trying to get closer to my friend who is avoidant. It’s tough to even be friends !!! Because I have this romantic notion of close friendship with someone i wish to connect on a intellectual level. It’s all illusion and fantasy. Thanks for making me stronger to go through the rides of my waves !
This is quite possibly the best distillation of one year of my existence as a secure attached to my fearful avoidant. I've been so driven to the edge of understanding and emotional bliss and torment. I'm feeling elated in this moment. Kudos and thanks.
I can't stop watching/listening to this. This is exactly what i've been needing these past several months. From beginning to end, but ESPECIALLY the last 5 minutes. IT'S SO DEEP and you do such a damn good job of articulating it all. You're amazing!
I can really relate to this. I have spent the past two years becoming a more secure person but my partner isn't keeping up. I love him but I want more. My heart is breaking.
The anxious are anxious enough! We are not mind readers, why don't they just say that they need space or what ever, so we understand why & what they are doing instead of being detatched & almost guilty/dismissive, why do we have to bend over backwards to fit into their world to feel rejection & confusion, wether they are aware or not! How would/do you know if they are playing you or not!? 🤔😔
This is the most powerful video on relationships I’ve seen in 2023 for those with insecure attachment styles (and it’s from 2020!!). Bar none. I sat in shock for 5 min before writing this comment. I agree with the comment about “Genius” Thank you so much. I’ve been so blessed by this
Being a human is so fvcking hard. Omg this stuff is so hard. Thank you for this video and all your others..but omg, Ive been crying so much...and I know theres more to cry out but I hate crying. I feel so dehydrated and alone. Today sucked. This video gave me some insights though so thank you. I appreciate you.
Going thru something similar with a DA I fell for during the pandemic. I didn't think I'd let myself get involved and BAM... now I'm in this comments section 😢 wishing healing to you and me and everyone else in this situation.
I agree. Attachment theory should be taught in schools - it would prevent so many unnecessary problems. Personal, emotional, relationships, societal..... the list goes on! It can have an immeasurable catastrophic domino effect - which could mostly be prevented. #Nobody is taught how to be a parent.
This is incredible. Your proclamation to commitment to acknowledging reality of self and then moving in truth is beyond illuminating. You confirm with clarity the answer that has been rising to the surface. Thank you!
Wow! This video is awesome! I am an avoidant, it’s not because I want to hurt anyone, it’s because I get overwhelmed when experiencing emotions and feelings that I need space to make myself better. I started dating an anxious man. Omg, we are so opposite! He constantly tells me how he loves me, where I show him rather than say it repeatedly but he always asks do I love him… and I always tell him to show me not tell me because I don’t believe words. We got married in the first year of dating and the second we came home from our wedding trip, I couldn’t be with him. We were driving home and he was so excited talking about now we can do everything together and we will always have each other. This scared me, as soon as we were back, I left. I didn’t want to see him at all. Deep down I knew I loved him and loved him more than i have ever loved anyone but I was scared of the “now we can do everything together “ type of talk. It’s hard to explain. Let me add, we argue a lot! When we do, I just want to leave for a bit to stop the feeling im having during argument. He doesn’t let me go, he begs me to stay. He pushes and I pull. The more he pushes the more i pull. Anyway, I learned about these attachment styles and started understanding why we have such issues though we are so in love. I was away for awhile and would not see him, he would send me hundreds of texts, call, etc. he finally gave up and didn’t talk text or call me for 2 days, the first day i was relieved but was still checking my phone all day. The second day I was losing my mind over it. I didn’t want him to leave, but I was scared to stay. Needless to say, I went to him awhile after and broke down telling him I didn’t want to lose him and I loved him so much. We still have little disagreements sometimes because we are different but have both been working hard on learning how to understand each other and our differences. To those of you dating an avoidant, don’t push and push, give them their space but let them know you love them and will be there when they are ready but be clear that you won’t wait forever. Give them a timeline, that will push them away at first but if they love you, they will abide by it. Honestly, it will probably be a day or two after the timeline but they will come back and it’ll be better than ever.
Omg, Briana, was so upset today and knew I'm off balance and not in my power. So desperately desiring something from the outside. And this message brought me ground that I've lost for a bit. Thank you❤❤❤
Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm thrilled that you found the teaching incredible and that you love the prayer at the end. It means a lot to me that my content resonates with you.
This is perfect for my situation and it really helps me to put things to perspective quicker. I am starting to accept the fact that the person I am talking to and me can only be close friends but at times, there was some dissatisfaction from my end and I couldn’t put them into words, I didn’t quite understand what I feel and sometimes I dismiss it. I have been trying to really look into it and listen to it but it’s quite difficult. But after this video, everything is clearer now. Thank you so much!
Has love become more complicated because of increasing awareness of Good and bad. Every experience negative and positive changes the love bond of the couple in a relationship. Longtime ago it was survival, and married couple just held and loved eachother to survive. Now these days it's all want, want want and more want. These wants are not needs because survival should be the main point. You will say I love you if your life depends on it.. the meaning will be real, the feeling real. But in the age of wants and pride and ego mental health is not lacking. Everyone needs to humble themselves and survive in all aspects of life. Luxury, pride and ego destroys sincere love.... movie, magazine, media are all about prideful love. Selfie anyone!??!#@
This channel is a JEM! Thank you so much for your videos. Its been a long journey to self-love by digging deep into my insecurities. I feel that you have both confirmed that I have made much more progress than I realized and excited and hopeful to continue to work toward being my best self for myself and others. I know 2020 sucked on a more physical level but I used this year to let go of a lot of self-imposed inner conflict and step into who I want to be!
I’m so glad that you liked this video. And that it could confirm some realizations for you. Bravo for letting go of self imposed inner conflict. Sending you big hugs on the journey.💕
I deeply appreciate the spiritual component in addition to the psychological piece. I am in absolute agreement and I've been reflecting on this too. Thank you.
Indeed, and I will write it down and process it as well. If this message can be conveyed in a way that feels safe to someone else, think about how healing it could be for them as well,
Please leave people as they are . Dont put your energy so much in getting a guy . Love shouldn’t be hard. It should be free from any boundaries insecurities fears and mystery
Thank you for this. It gave me the missing piece of a puzzle that I just couldn't solve. Now I finally see what I failed to realize in my last relationship - which failed most spectacularly.
Wow! Just wow! Brilliantly articulated my complex feelings as an anxiously attachment. Projecting intent onto people is a definite wake up call as to how ive been contributing to the downfall of my relationships. My ex would always say that im making up stories in my head and she felt so invalidated. I would always assume she was gaslighting but there could be some truth to what she was saying. I fell in love with the potential. Not the person in front of me. Thank you so much for this video. Its helped to open my eyes and recognize the part i played in the dysfunction.
I'm really glad to hear that the video resonated with you and offered some valuable insights. It takes courage to reflect on our own actions and acknowledge how we might be contributing to relationship dynamics. The line between intuition and projection can often get blurry, especially when emotions are high. Understanding that you may have been "in love with the potential" rather than the person in front of you is a significant realization. It sounds like you're on a path toward greater self-awareness and healthier relationships moving forward. Being able to recognize your own role in a dysfunctional dynamic is the first step toward meaningful change. Keep up the self-work; it's a journey worth taking. Take care and thank you for sharing your experience. 💕
Oh my gosh. I'm just blown away at the wisdom and enlightenment that you've shared and you're level of consciousness and ability to resonate with what I'm experiencing. Thank you so much. I feel really grateful to have come across your video.
As long as you keep coming back he will abuse you neglect you and take you for granted. He’ll think twice once he sees you with a better looking more successful man. Unfortunately these idiots never learn til it’s too late. My ex chic learned when I showed her pics of the hotter younger girl I was with on the side while she was neglecting me
Holy moly. The assertion of perspective portion of this video smacked me right across the face!!! Love it. That stung a little. But damn there is a growth spurt coming from it for sure. Thank you for your content.
I said I love you to them and they discarded and pulled away. So I’ve come to understand that they never loved me. They said I love you to me first but was in the lovebombing stage so I don’t think it was genuine.
That is the opposite of what she said in the final analysis. It was deep, and you should listen again and again until you realize that trying to control what another person wants, needs, or feels is what causes the failure in the relationship. It is about being true and authentic and letting them be authentic. This was a lot to take in - especially at the end but one of the most powerfully suggestive ideas on emotional connection I've ever heard. In the end, it doesn't matter if you end up with this person, it matters if you expand your belief that what you want and need is ready to come in for you. Embrace each experience as part of the journey, and don't get hung up on this particular person. Let them be them and you be open to whatever they can bring to you in this moment. Putting the emphasis on them is what makes it fail. Your happiness is your responsibility - try to own it.
Wow! Saving this to re watch multiple times! I've been looking all over for an answer and you stitched it all together so well. Could relate to your monologue so well, and had me teary eyed, at the edge of my seat. Most importantly, made me realize that I have lots of inner work to do, and not only them who has to. Thank you for this amazing piece you put together.
Wow, this is so incredible! Exactly what i needed to hear. It IS amazing that the universe handed me that slice of pie. I felt it so deeply and intensely more than i ever have before that I thought that slice was THE slice. But it was just a breadcrumb on the path to the whole dang pie!
Learn to love yourself first I see a lot of people expecting to be loved which does not work!!! Learn healing modalities that you can build and remove the blockages that hold you back!!! Examples esoteric acupuncture is excellent start there
You are amazing, which is a complete understatement about yourself, and this wonderful channel has the potential to offer people living in the dark or just have lost souls the kind of awareness that will truly help them and their partner if they're attached. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, and I have endless gratitude for what you've done for me today. I hope your channel grows beyond your wildest dreams, and I seriously hope that it does for the sake of real growth in humanity. God bless and thank you so much🙏🕉
Briana you dissect it to the core. Love your content. I wish you spoke a little easier like an easy conversation with a friend. Too many combination words, I get lost sometimes asking “ what? Huh? “… rewind … My understanding is that you are saying accept everyone to be whoever they are. Ok! So as a result you are basically saying “ if you want a loving fulfilling relationship where both reciprocate their love and put effort in to spend time together, avoid all avoidants” Isn’t it the conclusion? “ avoid avoidants” or accept them the way they are and live with them (co-exist with them) like two strangers, distant, cold and independent and perhaps in separate rooms” … sorry I am frustrated after dating an extreme avoidant with walls upon walls wrapped around her. I may be better off dating a robot.
I think I understand my own love interest's core conflict in admitting to herself that she has feelings for me, To do so requires that she Whole-heartedly believe that I actually wish/desire to serve/work-out my choice to serve her more than I might want to serve or work-out my own self-centered desires. The only way I see that that can happen is to be able to physically approach her so she can sense my lack of fear/increase of confidence, begin to relax herself, and give her the option to consider that any confusion or conflicted feelings she may be experiencing are more directly tied to how her significant others may have used language like " I love you" to bribe or project false or unearned guilt onto her as a child, nes pas? And, therefore she can begin to dis-own these unearned or undeserved feelings that keep her alienated from a oneness or a congruity within herself and frees her to accept/receive the love others and I can and will provide bc she is now capable of allowing it to be received.
Incredibly powerful content and must be listened to several times to absorb it. I have listened to several of your videos and they do resonate intellectually, but now how to implement the concepts is another story. To have it really sink in and experience change......I can't wait to see!
Therefore, from this very perspective so well researched, and put forward here, is the fact that all, absolutely ALL is POSSIBLE.. This applies not alone to "love" relationships, but to all of the societal humanity, for guidance as to how deal with each other in the most complex world, that we, by the way are likewise creating. 🌈
One of the problems ive seen with being with a DA that can be hard to grasp. Is that they would put on a front for the first 2 to 6 months. And just when you think everythings great. They pull back and act distant. While your left just wanting what you had. When you tell them about it or that you noticed these changes. They see it as an attack of sorts. Thats what's so frustrating. Like borderline narcissistic.
I've seen a lot of comments like "well then be prepared to not get what you want with X person, then". And frankly something I've realized is that what I determine as needs are maybe not the healthiest, regardless of whose actions are bringing this up in me. Everyone needs to be accountable and nobody should feel forced to stay somewhere they don't feel valued. And it's always worth considering why/how you assign specific value to specific behaviors, and what your limits are regarding compromise. 🤷♀️
This video is GOLD..!! Every bit of it resonates deeply with me... I love the change in perspective where u thank and use Gratitude towards the universe for that one slice u like and accept that there will be an entire pie or even better an Ice-cream Sunday that you'll love every bit to devour...! Thanks for this Awesome video...!💝🤘
Isn't there a possibility that we may love someone because of their intellect, their heart, their sense of humor and not just because we're dysfunctional and love their ugly parts? I mean, I don't love the avoidant side of my partner at all, and it hurts me and that's why I'm leaving... but it took me 6 months to understand him.
This is true... sometimes you can’t see avoidance in the beginning or many don’t understand what’s even happening and so toddle forward behind them like a little duck trying to figure out what’s up! Understanding is empowering. Avoidants need to be left alone IMO except for friendship (if you can let go of all attraction for them)... the more you understand their psychology, the easier it is to let them go and let go of all attraction... they’re not viable partners... Only they can heal themselves and many have no motivation to do so.
Right I was thinking the same way HOWEVER I do understand her analogy and how avoidants end up with other attachment styles this lady knows her stuff for sure, my ex was an avoidant but before him I had never experienced anything or anyone like him in my life,I'm not typically attracted to disfunction lol my family was dysfunctional for the most part so I stay away from things and people like that,I fell in love with my ex at that time because he was very sweet had a great sense of humor and seemed to come off to me as very secure and independent which most avoidants do in the beginning, I feel like avoidants can attract ANY type of attachment style but a secure attachment or another avoidant wont tolerate the avoidants behavior and deactivating strategies for too long they will see the flags early and more then likely walk away from the relationship vz Anxious attachments or fearful attachment style people who may stay in the relationship to try to "FIX" the avoidant and the relationship
@@uniquedavenport7232 It's true. Now that many months have passed, I believe it was a good choice I made, and I realize that those things feel like BS for the securely attached, while for other avoidants might even feel like freedom! I never stay to fix per se, I stay because it also gives me some sort of freedom to not feel entirely secured, committed, or whatever. Even if after a while I start fixing since my need for closeness is stronger than theirs, eventually. It's still the freedom at first that makes me stay with the avoidant. Ugh so much to heal!!! I'd love to have a partner who could help me stay as well... when I pull my own BS.
Holy S@!# I'm multitasking and only getting 10%, and will rewatch in later in the bath, but I'm shocked how timely and well fleshed out this is - especially from the perspective of that open hearted person. And i deeply appreciate how its presented in a manner that is both easy to hear, and not inclined to trigger defensive ear-blocking maneuvers ... PS love how that title draws one in and then turns the table on them.
Thank God I have plenty of room to pray for "my own Kimberly, you, and all those other people who continue to hurt and hunt for answers to their own acceptance and fulfillment
I have been with an avoidant for 1.5 years and he broke me up twice. This is the 10th day of no contact. And this video gives me great inspire. ❤ I should try to see the world more through my lense instead of using his lens to see myself.
I'm really touched to hear that the video has given you some inspiration during a challenging time. The end of a relationship can bring about so much self-doubt and emotional turmoil, so the fact that you're finding some clarity is a big deal. Remember, no one's perspective of you defines your worth-not even a partner's. While it can be easy to see ourselves through the lens of someone we care deeply for, it's essential to step back and view our own lives and decisions through our own eyes. Doing so allows us to make choices that align with our own well-being. The no-contact period can be incredibly tough, but sometimes it's necessary for emotional healing and self-discovery. It's a time for you to reconnect with who you are, outside of the relationship. Thank you for sharing your journey with me and the community. Wishing you strength and resilience as you navigate through this. ❤️
You explain reality so well Briana, THANK YOU!!!! May God, this incredibly amazing Universe, continue to bless your existence greatly & bountifully, for your gracious service to mankind
2 years in, I (anxious open heart) say, “I love you”. He (avoidant) said, “I like you a lot. I don’t want to hurt you.” I was prepared for this and said, “It’s a gift!” I meant it honestly and did not say it again. Almost a year later, he said to me, “I like your whole self, especially how you are true to yourself.” He knows that I have continued to love him, I do not say it in order to pressure him to say it in return, and over time we have grown closer and fit our realities together more comfortably. Love is patient, love is kind. This is biblical and refers to a spiritual kind of love, but it is my mantra. If you really love without strings attached, it is a gift that you give freely. You cannot demand in return. That is possession and ego talking. I do not need false promises or forced lies. I am seeking true understanding and spiritual intimacy. Does it hurt not to hear it back? Yes. I am only human and I seek external validation. But is it more important to actually have this loving relationship than to hear the words? Yes. The actual reality of the relationship is more important.
Your comment resonates with me as well. I didn't say I love you, but I said I was ready for a deeper emotional connection and that a friend told me that I love him. He said almost the exact same thing - I like you so much, and I don't want to hurt you. It did feel like a gift to say my truth but he might not be ready for his.
that's his journey and this is mine. He said we would continue to have the conversation, and I started by asking him what he needed and what I could do to facilitate that and make him feel safe. I don't think anyone ever considered that for him before. Sometimes, it will take time to process and move slowly through the steps to this kind of enlightenment. This was a powerful message, and we are all lucky that the universe and Briana sent it to us. I try to not label what his attachment style is because I don't really know, and I am sure he doesn't know. But loving someone means giving them what they need to feel safe even if it means space and time.
Beautiful message, understanding and perspective. I hope you receive the love you desire and have it verbally expressed to you too. Love the Biblical reminder here. May Father bless you 💖
I always hold in my heart, "love's patient, blind, balanced, kind"
This is a blessing to me. He may never say "I love you " to me. He doesn't have to. I don't require words. His actions and integrity speak beyond empty words. Our emotional polarity makes us both grow. Yes, I feel love for him like I have never known before in my 72 years of life
I feel the same... that's very inspiring. Been in love with my avoidant partner for 20 years. He is helping me become a better person. I found myself loving him even more every single day, when I thought I was already loving him a lot... he helps my soul to grow. I know I have a soul contract with him. He's doing something to my soul that pushes me beyond ego limitations. Seeing things from a bigger perspective, opening the heart space. When I close my eyes to meditate, I often can physically feel his lips against mine, and when I ask for something, he's so quick to respond, to please or satisfy me... May everyone taste the taste of true love !
So blown away by your ability to articulate these complex dynamics, acknowledge the blessings and lessons, and invoke a higher spiritual perspective!
Alexandria Ryan Thank you! Much appreciated.
She’s a genius and this video is a work of art
I agree ☝🏼💯
Will listen to this a few times to receive this in my subconscious🤔
I really like Tracey Marks and Dr. Ramani, but Briana is just amazing and the way she speaks digs into you. Like someone speaking with enough resolve and compassion that it echoes inside you and drowns out all the other shit. Man...thank you. This stuff is really gonna help.
Yeeeesssss WOW
VERY TRUE. GOD BLESS her..
I should learn to not put unavailable women I'm attracted to on a pedestal. Lesson learnt. We're all human. I took way too much blame when things started to go south, only to realise my needs aren't unhealthy, they're just different and if she's not willing to meet them, I should be able to respect that and not hold it against her. It just takes time to get there..
I reacted and felt the same as you too. I’m anxious attachment style
Exactly ~ both sexes are equal in value... never put yourself down... take accountability for what you actually are accountable for but not the rest ... she has her issues too... also, sometimes it’s just not a good match and both people are just right for other people... like an Apple/Orange issue :) I think we do that subconsciously because what we take responsibility for, we have in our control to fix... but there’s a lot we aren’t in control of ! We can’t control other people! If they’re being mean... that’s not our responsibility. Be well☀️
It doesn't take long at all Prabhu for a lady to be really interested in you and it's apparent.
Patience
Consistent action
Honoring your own boundaries
Being Independent person
Use terms specifically for them. Not generic.
To change the external, you need to change the internal.
That's is very true, and in a most understandable way. Thank you.
All failed relationships help you work towards what you fully desire. Put those good things in your vortex. Eventually you will attract and like the whole pie
Very well stated. I have always felt that at the core of a relationship is not about how the other person feels about you but how you feel about yourself about the way they feel about you. I have always felt that if you truly love some one you should express those feelings along with the words. I do not take their attacment style into consideration of how I want to express myself. If telling a person who is dismissive avoidant that I love them, then I will say so. If that is the wrong "general approach" with this type so be it. I would rather stay true to myself than have to stage my affections.
Thank you for sharing your experience and your perspective. I would agree that it is important to stay true to yourself, and to Xpress how you really feel. However, I would point out that mo most of us are trained to express ourselves in defensive or invasive Ways, that don’t take into consideration the impact that we might have on the other person involved in the equation. A relationship is made up of two different people in two different realities, there is room for both people to be who they are, and yet create space for the other persons experience to be equally valid. There is a spirit of generosity required here, to make room for understanding that the love you want to express may be received more accurately to the way that you intend, if you take the other persons perspective into account. This does not mean you are abandoning yourself, but rather you are incorporating two different energies, and allowing for there to be something new created between you. Thank you for contributing to the discussion. I hope this helps.
Thank you for your comments. I do agree that you should think of the other person and take their perspective into consideration. However having said that my other was a hard core DA, who does not think that way. Like you have said, DA process emotions later and usually inaccurately portray the moment. I am just saying it is a mistake to over analyze IMO when expressing yourself to a DA. I have never met a more insecure person than her and I feel a ton of empathy for her. But that run of the mill talk as children that they heard has to be let go and understand that real love and affection has a real truth to it that is very powerful. Thanks again for responding and I do watch and follow you. I enjoy your channel.@@brianamacwilliam.attachment
Brianna, just want to say the last statement you made in this video is so powerful and so consoling that it made me teary. I am anxiously attached m, trying to get closer to my friend who is avoidant. It’s tough to even be friends !!! Because I have this romantic notion of close friendship with someone i wish to connect on a intellectual level. It’s all illusion and fantasy. Thanks for making me stronger to go through the rides of my waves !
I’m so glad that you found that helpful!
I love how you see the attachment style through spiritual and somatic lens💜
Yes, she is definitely a genius. She is so tuned in and tapped in. It's so motivating.
keralytekid Glad you liked this video! Thank you for commenting.
This dynamic is occurring in my relationship and yes i have a habit of helping and fixing.
This is quite possibly the best distillation of one year of my existence as a secure attached to my fearful avoidant. I've been so driven to the edge of understanding and emotional bliss and torment. I'm feeling elated in this moment. Kudos and thanks.
I can't stop watching/listening to this. This is exactly what i've been needing these past several months.
From beginning to end, but ESPECIALLY the last 5 minutes. IT'S SO DEEP and you do such a damn good job of articulating it all. You're amazing!
UrbanTheIntrovert Thank you for commenting. I’m glad the content has been helpful!
This is the holy grail of relationships! It’s brilliant! You are brilliant! Thanks for putting it into words!
Oh wow, what a lovely and kind thing to say. Thank you for sharing your comment and I’m so glad that the video is helpful.
I can really relate to this. I have spent the past two years becoming a more secure person but my partner isn't keeping up. I love him but I want more. My heart is breaking.
Hey, how is it going? Did you manage to find balance?
I would also like to hear your story, if you wish to share!
The anxious are anxious enough! We are not mind readers, why don't they just say that they need space or what ever, so we understand why & what they are doing instead of being detatched & almost guilty/dismissive, why do we have to bend over backwards to fit into their world to feel rejection & confusion, wether they are aware or not!
How would/do you know if they are playing you or not!? 🤔😔
Why is there no response to this question?
let them go you are worthy of someone who puts effort remember that....that is the solution
also the avoidant need anxious but treat them like shit....remember avoidant does not date avoidant lol
The same could be flipped the other way. Why does an avoidant have to bend over backwards to subdue/placate the incessant need of the anxious?
This is the most powerful video on relationships I’ve seen in 2023 for those with insecure attachment styles (and it’s from 2020!!). Bar none. I sat in shock for 5 min before writing this comment. I agree with the comment about “Genius” Thank you so much. I’ve been so blessed by this
Wow. I love the way you explained it different from other relationship experts. I was blow blown away. Great job!
Being a human is so fvcking hard. Omg this stuff is so hard. Thank you for this video and all your others..but omg, Ive been crying so much...and I know theres more to cry out but I hate crying. I feel so dehydrated and alone. Today sucked. This video gave me some insights though so thank you. I appreciate you.
Going thru something similar with a DA I fell for during the pandemic. I didn't think I'd let myself get involved and BAM... now I'm in this comments section 😢 wishing healing to you and me and everyone else in this situation.
@@vickym1338 thank you, also check out Thais Gibson for more attachment style stuff. Hang in there, I hope you find what you need to heal too 👊
@@K-A5 i will too. Thank you
Bringing the heat! Loved this one.
I agree. Attachment theory should be taught in schools - it would prevent so many unnecessary problems. Personal, emotional, relationships, societal..... the list goes on! It can have an immeasurable catastrophic domino effect - which could mostly be prevented. #Nobody is taught how to be a parent.
I guess that's the last step before a new encounter... not resigned, not delusional, but just open and realistic...
This is scarily spot on
This is incredible. Your proclamation to commitment to acknowledging reality of self and then moving in truth is beyond illuminating. You confirm with clarity the answer that has been rising to the surface. Thank you!
Gabrielle Neavin 💛💝✌ glad it resonates!
Yup. It's easier to look at someone else and try to fix them, rather than yourself. However, that will never work. Self work preceeds real success.
Wow! This video is awesome! I am an avoidant, it’s not because I want to hurt anyone, it’s because I get overwhelmed when experiencing emotions and feelings that I need space to make myself better. I started dating an anxious man. Omg, we are so opposite! He constantly tells me how he loves me, where I show him rather than say it repeatedly but he always asks do I love him… and I always tell him to show me not tell me because I don’t believe words. We got married in the first year of dating and the second we came home from our wedding trip, I couldn’t be with him. We were driving home and he was so excited talking about now we can do everything together and we will always have each other. This scared me, as soon as we were back, I left. I didn’t want to see him at all. Deep down I knew I loved him and loved him more than i have ever loved anyone but I was scared of the “now we can do everything together “ type of talk. It’s hard to explain. Let me add, we argue a lot! When we do, I just want to leave for a bit to stop the feeling im having during argument. He doesn’t let me go, he begs me to stay. He pushes and I pull. The more he pushes the more i pull. Anyway, I learned about these attachment styles and started understanding why we have such issues though we are so in love. I was away for awhile and would not see him, he would send me hundreds of texts, call, etc. he finally gave up and didn’t talk text or call me for 2 days, the first day i was relieved but was still checking my phone all day. The second day I was losing my mind over it. I didn’t want him to leave, but I was scared to stay. Needless to say, I went to him awhile after and broke down telling him I didn’t want to lose him and I loved him so much. We still have little disagreements sometimes because we are different but have both been working hard on learning how to understand each other and our differences. To those of you dating an avoidant, don’t push and push, give them their space but let them know you love them and will be there when they are ready but be clear that you won’t wait forever. Give them a timeline, that will push them away at first but if they love you, they will abide by it. Honestly, it will probably be a day or two after the timeline but they will come back and it’ll be better than ever.
A freaking genius this woman. Can you be my personal therapist?
Omg, Briana, was so upset today and knew I'm off balance and not in my power. So desperately desiring something from the outside. And this message brought me ground that I've lost for a bit. Thank you❤❤❤
Jesus i have a lot more healing to do than i thought.
This whole teaching is incredible! I’ll probably have to listen to it over and over. I love that she prays for us at the end!
Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm thrilled that you found the teaching incredible and that you love the prayer at the end. It means a lot to me that my content resonates with you.
OMG I can’t believe I just found this. It’s exactly what I needed to understand at this moment. The universe never lets us down.
This is perfect for my situation and it really helps me to put things to perspective quicker. I am starting to accept the fact that the person I am talking to and me can only be close friends but at times, there was some dissatisfaction from my end and I couldn’t put them into words, I didn’t quite understand what I feel and sometimes I dismiss it. I have been trying to really look into it and listen to it but it’s quite difficult. But after this video, everything is clearer now. Thank you so much!
Has love become more complicated because of increasing awareness of Good and bad. Every experience negative and positive changes the love bond of the couple in a relationship. Longtime ago it was survival, and married couple just held and loved eachother to survive. Now these days it's all want, want want and more want. These wants are not needs because survival should be the main point. You will say I love you if your life depends on it.. the meaning will be real, the feeling real. But in the age of wants and pride and ego mental health is not lacking. Everyone needs to humble themselves and survive in all aspects of life. Luxury, pride and ego destroys sincere love.... movie, magazine, media are all about prideful love. Selfie anyone!??!#@
I ❤ this video so much. I am surrendering my need to change him to meet me where I'm at. No expectations.
I think this is the most beautiful and supportive video of yours yet - I haven’t seen them all, though! ❤
I cant belive i just watched that for free.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us. You are a walking miracle
Wow 😳
Thank you..
This takes years to learn
The pie example is just AMAZING..
and the lost keys idea.
Thank you again
You earned a subscriber
Wow, this is so far one of my favorite videos...so powerful, full of passion, and deep knowledge. Love it!!! Please never stop making these videos!!!
OMG!! You are a bad ass today! Love to hear the truth ! No sugar coating today!
This channel is a JEM! Thank you so much for your videos. Its been a long journey to self-love by digging deep into my insecurities. I feel that you have both confirmed that I have made much more progress than I realized and excited and hopeful to continue to work toward being my best self for myself and others. I know 2020 sucked on a more physical level but I used this year to let go of a lot of self-imposed inner conflict and step into who I want to be!
I’m so glad that you liked this video. And that it could confirm some realizations for you. Bravo for letting go of self imposed inner conflict. Sending you big hugs on the journey.💕
I deeply appreciate the spiritual component in addition to the psychological piece. I am in absolute agreement and I've been reflecting on this too. Thank you.
Jacqueline Glad you liked this video! Thank you for commenting.
This is beautiful. I want to right down the affirmation at the end and just repeat it over and over.....❤️❤️
Indeed, and I will write it down and process it as well. If this message can be conveyed in a way that feels safe to someone else, think about how healing it could be for them as well,
Wow Briana, this video was an absolute masterpiece. You are such a gift to humanity!
I'm actually crying. This was exactly what I needed to hear. ✨
I did not plan on crying today.
Please leave people as they are . Dont put your energy so much in getting a guy . Love shouldn’t be hard. It should be free from any boundaries insecurities fears and mystery
Thank you for this. It gave me the missing piece of a puzzle that I just couldn't solve. Now I finally see what I failed to realize in my last relationship - which failed most spectacularly.
Ah spirit led me to this on a day I thought my heart had been ripped out. Thank you! Excellent content so grateful
Glad you enjoyed it!
Wow! Just wow! Brilliantly articulated my complex feelings as an anxiously attachment. Projecting intent onto people is a definite wake up call as to how ive been contributing to the downfall of my relationships. My ex would always say that im making up stories in my head and she felt so invalidated. I would always assume she was gaslighting but there could be some truth to what she was saying. I fell in love with the potential. Not the person in front of me. Thank you so much for this video. Its helped to open my eyes and recognize the part i played in the dysfunction.
I'm really glad to hear that the video resonated with you and offered some valuable insights. It takes courage to reflect on our own actions and acknowledge how we might be contributing to relationship dynamics. The line between intuition and projection can often get blurry, especially when emotions are high. Understanding that you may have been "in love with the potential" rather than the person in front of you is a significant realization.
It sounds like you're on a path toward greater self-awareness and healthier relationships moving forward. Being able to recognize your own role in a dysfunctional dynamic is the first step toward meaningful change. Keep up the self-work; it's a journey worth taking. Take care and thank you for sharing your experience. 💕
Oh my gosh. I'm just blown away at the wisdom and enlightenment that you've shared and you're level of consciousness and ability to resonate with what I'm experiencing. Thank you so much. I feel really grateful to have come across your video.
As long as you keep coming back he will abuse you neglect you and take you for granted. He’ll think twice once he sees you with a better looking more successful man. Unfortunately these idiots never learn til it’s too late. My ex chic learned when I showed her pics of the hotter younger girl I was with on the side while she was neglecting me
Holy moly. The assertion of perspective portion of this video smacked me right across the face!!! Love it. That stung a little. But damn there is a growth spurt coming from it for sure.
Thank you for your content.
Thank you, this describes my situation to a t. I prayed for guidance and clarity. Spirit is truly working through you, thank you. 🙏🏻
Mind blowing. So much clarity I feel right now. You're f**c*** brilliant!
Wow, thank you!
The download at the end was an incredible gift, soothing and expanding, thank u!
I said I love you to them and they discarded and pulled away. So I’ve come to understand that they never loved me. They said I love you to me first but was in the lovebombing stage so I don’t think it was genuine.
So in other words, it's not going to work with an Avoidant. Got it!
That is the opposite of what she said in the final analysis. It was deep, and you should listen again and again until you realize that trying to control what another person wants, needs, or feels is what causes the failure in the relationship. It is about being true and authentic and letting them be authentic. This was a lot to take in - especially at the end but one of the most powerfully suggestive ideas on emotional connection I've ever heard. In the end, it doesn't matter if you end up with this person, it matters if you expand your belief that what you want and need is ready to come in for you. Embrace each experience as part of the journey, and don't get hung up on this particular person. Let them be them and you be open to whatever they can bring to you in this moment. Putting the emphasis on them is what makes it fail. Your happiness is your responsibility - try to own it.
@@terrygranger71 ❤
Thanks Terry!
I’m speechless. This is literally the best relationship advice I have ever heard.
I have just found you. You are incredibly wonderful! Thank you for your content! I cannot get enough!!
Wow! Saving this to re watch multiple times! I've been looking all over for an answer and you stitched it all together so well. Could relate to your monologue so well, and had me teary eyed, at the edge of my seat. Most importantly, made me realize that I have lots of inner work to do, and not only them who has to. Thank you for this amazing piece you put together.
I’m so glad that the video was helpful! And that you found a monologue relatable. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Wow, this is so incredible! Exactly what i needed to hear. It IS amazing that the universe handed me that slice of pie. I felt it so deeply and intensely more than i ever have before that I thought that slice was THE slice. But it was just a breadcrumb on the path to the whole dang pie!
Learn to love yourself first I see a lot of people expecting to be loved which does not work!!! Learn healing modalities that you can build and remove the blockages that hold you back!!! Examples esoteric acupuncture is excellent start there
These are the best videos on self discovery ive ever seen
this is a very in depth explanation and needs to be seen by more people!
I have never ever heard it explained so succinctly. Put that on a tshirt
Where was this seven years ago? On fire 🔥
Thanks, Briana. I find your knowledge very insightful. This is all new to me but as I reflect, soooooo much makes sense now!!!!! 🙂🙂🙂
Taking on responsibility for others feelings (even if you could) is self-sabotaging, codependent, and hellaciously mal-adaptive.
How I honored my boundaries was not sticking around while he had alot of different women "his friends" always contacting him
You are amazing, which is a complete understatement about yourself, and this wonderful channel has the potential to offer people living in the dark or just have lost souls the kind of awareness that will truly help them and their partner if they're attached. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, and I have endless gratitude for what you've done for me today. I hope your channel grows beyond your wildest dreams, and I seriously hope that it does for the sake of real growth in humanity. God bless and thank you so much🙏🕉
I love this. I'm in complete agreement, and it's enlightening that you are confirming my thoughts. Thank you so much.
Briana you dissect it to the core. Love your content. I wish you spoke a little easier like an easy conversation with a friend. Too many combination words, I get lost sometimes asking “ what? Huh? “… rewind …
My understanding is that you are saying accept everyone to be whoever they are. Ok! So as a result you are basically saying “ if you want a loving fulfilling relationship where both reciprocate their love and put effort in to spend time together, avoid all avoidants”
Isn’t it the conclusion?
“ avoid avoidants”
or accept them the way they are and live with them (co-exist with them) like two strangers, distant, cold and independent and perhaps in separate rooms” … sorry I am frustrated after dating an extreme avoidant with walls upon walls wrapped around her. I may be better off dating a robot.
I think I understand my own love interest's core conflict in admitting to herself that she has feelings for me,
To do so requires that she Whole-heartedly believe that I actually wish/desire to serve/work-out my choice to serve her more than I might want to serve or work-out my own self-centered desires.
The only way I see that that can happen is to be able to physically approach her so she can sense my lack of fear/increase of confidence, begin to relax herself, and give her the option to consider that any confusion or conflicted feelings she may be experiencing are more directly tied to how her significant others may have used language like " I love you" to bribe or project false or unearned guilt onto her as a child, nes pas?
And, therefore she can begin to dis-own these unearned or undeserved feelings that keep her alienated from a oneness or a congruity within herself and frees her to accept/receive the love others and I can and will provide bc she is now capable of allowing it to be received.
This is incredible. I'm 44 and still really learning ❤
I've consumed ALOT of self-help. This may be the best-described suggestion to accept what is.
My goodness you're a genius, I appreciate your work its very thought provoking and healing at the same time
This is World Class! You are amazing!
Incredibly powerful content and must be listened to several times to absorb it.
I have listened to several of your videos and they do resonate intellectually, but now how to implement the concepts is another story.
To have it really sink in and experience change......I can't wait to see!
Fantastic video....once again filled with lots of valuable information.
Therefore, from this very perspective so well researched, and put forward here, is the fact that all, absolutely ALL is POSSIBLE..
This applies not alone to "love" relationships, but to all of the societal humanity, for guidance as to how deal with each other in the most complex world, that we, by the way are likewise creating.
🌈
One of the problems ive seen with being with a DA that can be hard to grasp. Is that they would put on a front for the first 2 to 6 months. And just when you think everythings great. They pull back and act distant. While your left just wanting what you had. When you tell them about it or that you noticed these changes. They see it as an attack of sorts. Thats what's so frustrating. Like borderline narcissistic.
Thank you for watching and responding. I think you might find this video helpful. ua-cam.com/video/7ApJtE2Xffc/v-deo.html
I've seen a lot of comments like "well then be prepared to not get what you want with X person, then". And frankly something I've realized is that what I determine as needs are maybe not the healthiest, regardless of whose actions are bringing this up in me. Everyone needs to be accountable and nobody should feel forced to stay somewhere they don't feel valued. And it's always worth considering why/how you assign specific value to specific behaviors, and what your limits are regarding compromise. 🤷♀️
This video is GOLD..!! Every bit of it resonates deeply with me... I love the change in perspective where u thank and use Gratitude towards the universe for that one slice u like and accept that there will be an entire pie or even better an Ice-cream Sunday that you'll love every bit to devour...! Thanks for this Awesome video...!💝🤘
I am amazed at your ability to articulate these ideas so comprehensively with ease
Thank you.
I can see that you have experienced people's lives
Understanding is such a gem 💎
@evianx1 Thank you for commenting. I’m glad the content has been helpful!
Isn't there a possibility that we may love someone because of their intellect, their heart, their sense of humor and not just because we're dysfunctional and love their ugly parts? I mean, I don't love the avoidant side of my partner at all, and it hurts me and that's why I'm leaving... but it took me 6 months to understand him.
This is true... sometimes you can’t see avoidance in the beginning or many don’t understand what’s even happening and so toddle forward behind them like a little duck trying to figure out what’s up! Understanding is empowering. Avoidants need to be left alone IMO except for friendship (if you can let go of all attraction for them)... the more you understand their psychology, the easier it is to let them go and let go of all attraction... they’re not viable partners... Only they can heal themselves and many have no motivation to do so.
Right I was thinking the same way HOWEVER I do understand her analogy and how avoidants end up with other attachment styles this lady knows her stuff for sure, my ex was an avoidant but before him I had never experienced anything or anyone like him in my life,I'm not typically attracted to disfunction lol my family was dysfunctional for the most part so I stay away from things and people like that,I fell in love with my ex at that time because he was very sweet had a great sense of humor and seemed to come off to me as very secure and independent which most avoidants do in the beginning, I feel like avoidants can attract ANY type of attachment style but a secure attachment or another avoidant wont tolerate the avoidants behavior and deactivating strategies for too long they will see the flags early and more then likely walk away from the relationship vz Anxious attachments or fearful attachment style people who may stay in the relationship to try to "FIX" the avoidant and the relationship
@@uniquedavenport7232 It's true. Now that many months have passed, I believe it was a good choice I made, and I realize that those things feel like BS for the securely attached, while for other avoidants might even feel like freedom! I never stay to fix per se, I stay because it also gives me some sort of freedom to not feel entirely secured, committed, or whatever. Even if after a while I start fixing since my need for closeness is stronger than theirs, eventually. It's still the freedom at first that makes me stay with the avoidant. Ugh so much to heal!!! I'd love to have a partner who could help me stay as well... when I pull my own BS.
Thank you, Briana, I really needed to hear this. If he seems to have conflicting feelings then that is probably the truth. The reality.
Holy S@!# I'm multitasking and only getting 10%, and will rewatch in later in the bath, but I'm shocked how timely and well fleshed out this is - especially from the perspective of that open hearted person. And i deeply appreciate how its presented in a manner that is both easy to hear, and not inclined to trigger defensive ear-blocking maneuvers ... PS love how that title draws one in and then turns the table on them.
This really spoke out to me. When i rewind and rewind, its really got my attn. Thankyou 🙏🏾 subscribed
Thank God I have plenty of room to pray for "my own Kimberly, you, and all those other people who continue to hurt and hunt for answers to their own acceptance and fulfillment
Brianna i listen to your lectures many times. you Are e Hugh inspiration. you are so beautiful and awake and smart thank you so much .
Thank you so much for being the torch to help me see the mirror and be willing to surrender!
Damn you are positive! Very refreshing. You clearly have an incredibly high EQ!
I have been with an avoidant for 1.5 years and he broke me up twice. This is the 10th day of no contact. And this video gives me great inspire. ❤ I should try to see the world more through my lense instead of using his lens to see myself.
I'm really touched to hear that the video has given you some inspiration during a challenging time. The end of a relationship can bring about so much self-doubt and emotional turmoil, so the fact that you're finding some clarity is a big deal. Remember, no one's perspective of you defines your worth-not even a partner's. While it can be easy to see ourselves through the lens of someone we care deeply for, it's essential to step back and view our own lives and decisions through our own eyes. Doing so allows us to make choices that align with our own well-being. The no-contact period can be incredibly tough, but sometimes it's necessary for emotional healing and self-discovery. It's a time for you to reconnect with who you are, outside of the relationship. Thank you for sharing your journey with me and the community. Wishing you strength and resilience as you navigate through this. ❤️
Brilliant letter to the partner.
A.D. B Glad you liked this video! Thank you for commenting.
Mind blowing to see things from this perspective.
I love your spiritual take on this ❤
Just found your web page a few days ago. I wanted to say thank you. I actually made this UA-cam account to say this. Thank you.
Frickin eh! Thank you for these transformative words and insights.
Blessings to you for your clarity and generousity of spirit!
I appreciate that!
Wow! Just wow! I am deeply grateful for your expanding my consciousness! Namaste 🙏
wow, this woman is amazing.
You explain reality so well Briana, THANK YOU!!!! May God, this incredibly amazing Universe, continue to bless your existence greatly & bountifully, for your gracious service to mankind