I think that there's a balance that needs to be struck between "accept me for who I am" and the reality that there are a great number of areas in my life that need to improve, that need to change. I've been married 28 years and one of the things that makes our marriage work is that both she and I have an ongoing conversation about areas each of us need to change in our lives. If I were to say to my wife, "Stop trying to change me and accept me for who I am", I'd be doing two things: 1) assuming that this particular area of my life is perfect and doesn't require change and 2) forgetting that my wife loves me and can sometimes see areas that I need to change more clearly than me Addressing which areas are those that need to change and which don't isn't simply cut and dry for either of us. It's an ongoing conversation and re-evaluation. When I examine myself, what I find is that "stop trying to change me" is way to aggressively end that conversation because I'm too lazy to confront something that might not be working well. IMHO it's much more productive to humbly engage in the conversation with the hopes that we'll eventually come to a conclusion about whether or not this is in fact an area that needs to change. And yes this absolutely goes both ways. And when I'm the one bringing up an area that might need to change in my wife's life, it requires remembering that she's going to hear me better when I can approach the topic in a non-judgemental way, but lovingly, conversationally. We wind up in a place where we accept some things and challenge other things. But that's *AFTER* a ton of conversation. Not at the beginning. I can't imagine either my wife or I saying, "Stop trying to change me". We both know that the other is trying to change us where we need it. And it's our job to consider if maybe they might be right. And it's their job to consider if they might be wrong. For us, we've found that works best and is most rewarding when we both approach that consideration with humility and a willingness to talk about it. My $0.02.
@@queengoblin The point I was trying to make is that part of the health of my marriage comes from both of us not copping out by saying "Stop trying to change me!" Over reliance on acceptance is IMHO a mistake. It assumes that who I am, right now, is perfect and beyond the need for change. Which is simply not the case. IMHO the health of a relationship isn't measured by how accepting I am of my partner, or she of me. It's measured by how lovingly and effectively I communicate the need for my partner to change, all while being able to hear that I need to change also. I reject the concept of "stop trying to change me". Of course my partner should try and change me! In many many areas, I need it. And so does she.
@@1dullgeek you should make a video! i think Teal's point was not for healthy marriages, but more for friendships and potential romantic relationships where you're still trying to assess compatibility! Under her video, it just is confusing because her video is not about already-compatible people, it's about incompatible people trying to change each other into compatible people!
I feel like I am ALWAYS the person that other people are trying to change, and never the person who is trying to change others. I don’t know what that means other than that I have become super unwell. And now I feel the only solution is to start trying to change others and so that I am on the front foot for a while and instead of constantly being on the backfoot and constantly needing to defend who I am to get through each day.
Where I've noticed the struggle lies for me is that consistently, across many relationships, I'm the one who's willing to change things about myself that I can objectively determine need to change. And simultaneously, my previous partners refused to allow that change to take place. It's extremely difficult to find people who aren't okay with their dysfunction and are serious about addressing areas of their lives that lead to genuine incompatibility with relationships.
I recently ended a friendship with a girl I've known for 31yrs. Most of our hours of conversations involved her talking non-stop, rolling from one topic right into the next one without a pause. I enjoyed listening to her rant about stuff and hearing her tales. But I noticed when i talked about something i was interested in she would listen for a few minutes then suddenly say "Oh I've got a client coming in, gotta go!" Click. I stopped sharing things about myself to her because she never remembered stuff I told her anyway. It is also extremely frustrating when someone consistently assumes and misunderstands things about you that aren't true. I finally realized she wasn't listening, wasn't interested, and doesn't care. She used me to yap at for hours and i allowed it. I have been a pushover and i excused myself because i loved her so much. But enough is enough. So when she treated me like trash and imposed the silent tx over another misunderstanding, I decided it is over. I told her she is worth not one more second of my precious time trying to explain anymore. I feel pretty good about this. I'm glad I could share in this beautiful space❤️ thanks 😊
You’re not alone. Culled a few friendships where I felt space was expected with reciprocation. I accepted I allowed that to happened by not speaking up. Pointless continuing to invest in one way friendships when I know there are others that can and do treat me better.we get scared of losing people when really it should be the other way round.
Radical acceptance is neither to push away or pull towards. It's a state of observation, without superimposing your filters on top of somebody else. When you stop doing that, you meet them where they are at and can decide from there the direction of the relationship.
I honestly hate the saying "you should accept them exactly how they are." It implies that you don't want them to grow or improve in any area ever and suggests they shouldn't want to ever work on themselves either. I realize there is a mature way to understand this sentence too, but too often I've seen it used as a way for people to basically say everyone just needs to deal with me because I'm never going to adjust my behavior at all, which I think is unhealthy and childish and not conducive to a happy relationship with anyone. Good video.
Don't YOU want to be accepted for exactly who YOU are? I'd say we ALL do. That said, we all have room to grow and change but it must come from within (not from someone who's trying to change us all in the name of 'helping' which can feel like criticism).
”Down deep, we want people to recognize the reality of us and to approve of it. We want people to not just recognize the reality of us and stop trying to make us be different. We want them to like the reality of us, want it, embrace it, approve of it, be easygoing about it, accommodate it and love it. And because this is our desire, instead of seeking people who genuinely can do this, we expect all people to do that, even when they can’t and even when it is wrong for them to do. We perpetuate an illusion that this is possible. And we get ourselves into all kinds of incompatible situations because of it”. Teal Swan. Thank you Teal 🌎
You will NEVER find someone who is completely compatible with you. There is always going to be an excuse you can use to leave someone. This generation is devoid of love, encouragement and commitment.
I learned this with my last roommate. He relentlessly flirted with me and made inappropriate jokes. It made me very uncomfortable but I went along with it thinking it was just part of who he was and I felt I had to go along w it to be his friend. I realized about four months in that no, this made me uncomfortable and I didn't like it, and in fact it WAS who he was and I just didn't like him as a person.
I swear for years you have been the most clearest right to the point no second guessing most accurate free therapist I have had the blessing to have in my most necessary moments and I am truly grateful for all that you give, you are light of clarity for all that seek answers and so much more, thank you immensely ❤
Teal Swan the light of sanity. Thank-you Teal! ‘Accept them for who they are’ in my life, has always been spoken by someone posing as being kind and loving but with a very powerful subtext of threat that I better ‘put up & shut up’! ie endure whatever crap bullies and abusers throw our way.. it’s always been an enabling term used on victims to discourage them from challenging bad behaviour. Preventing them from protecting themselves.
When I used to live as a Buddhist monk we often talked to people about acceptance and loving kindness in combination. Just like Teal is saying, I always had a hard time understanding why people then couldn't see that they could move in and out of those situations, or change how they acted around it. By accepting you let go of the resistance, then you can take action from a place of love, and peacefulness rather than anger and hatred. Don't stay in a situation that is bad for you if you can move out or change how you're interacting with whatever that may be.
So beautifully and succinctly said and I like how you recognize the possibility of changing our own interaction rather than moving on. Sometimes one of those choices will be better than the other and it takes true wisdom to know when to dodge and when to engage.
So why do you think they don't move in and out? There is a reason for that. We are not trained in it. We have little mobility with relationships because of housing. We are very complex social creatures today. There are a lot of aspects. There is high stress. The list goes on. So I am more surprised that you can not see the reason for this :)
Thank you, Teal. I really need this wake up call. I thought that acceptance means accepting my reality. I've never considered that includes accepting other people's reality too. It makes so much sense now.
Agree with this, but also think it is important for the first to tell the other person what characteristic it is about them that can't be accepted. Because we've been taught to "accept" others, we have dodged skill-building on openly addressing problems or working through conflict. The solution seems to be abandonment, too often, under the need to feel we're perfect and the assumption that whatever is bothering us is the trait of the other person and belongs to him or her alone. The older I get the less I see things that black and white. So often in speaking openly I've come to a different perspective on another's behavior and sometimes even my own role in it.
I’m a marriage therapist. I love this. I had one female who had anxiety her bf just could not stop saying she had to do this n that and all would be happy. They came together and I had her accepting she deserved to be loved as she was… hope she’s ok. I LOVE YOU ❤
Clarity delivered on this tricky topic. I've been waiting for people to change my whole life. I am learning how to take care of myself in relationships, how I can accept others at face value, and decide how much I am willing to give based on what or what isn't working for me.
"There is a place for choosing to be as you are". This concept was new to me. If I think I want to change something about myself, I keep lining up with people who need that something to change in me - and if the thing I am trying to change in me is an actual truth for me, I will keep ending up with people who will not compatible to it and both me and the relationship will suffer. So then becoming aware of truths and accepting them for myself will line me up with compatible connections. That's the missing piece.
I had similar thoughts when she said you have a choice to accept yourself as you are. Light bulb moment. Especially in the community which so highly promotes self work and change.
@@OllieSmiless good point. Especially as the same community is also promoting self- love. Often people are trying to change things about themselves before they allow themselves to have self-love. Those two concepts are contradictory. ..and we keep lining up with people who can't love us either. Vicious cycle of how we arrive at feeling unlovable, when we always had access to loving ourselves.
you are a rare species of outrageously well put together person, you deserve all the love because you have manifested it in yours, thank you for your service
Thank you for illuminating the semantic issues we have with concepts. People’s lives have been destroyed by these misunderstandings. So grateful to you .
I love how simply honest you explain something. Reality is simple. Natural order is reflective of truth. Honesty is so difficult to come by, but if we would stop trying to
Reality is simple if you're a simpleton. Truth has facets that the average person cannot see, or comprehend. Honesty is, however, becoming more popular than ever. I've been told to "piss off" more times in the last two years than I ever have in my entire life.
You are so right Natalia..! Omg she is the best...she actually restored my marriage as I was already out of the door. Thank you Teal ❤️❤️❤️, I appreciate your content. I'm in South Africa 🇿🇦
This is a recipe for relationship hopping. If you're a stand for someone, you'll do everything you can to help the other see the light if they fall into a dark tunnel. You cannot force them, but to accept that the other person is in a dark tunnel, and it's okay, I will work around it, or fall in love with it, start enjoying it etc. is at best irresponsibility and cowardice. Show the other person the light, push them "off the burning plane", carry them out of that hole, but with love, compassion and gentleness.
2:25 I love these plot twists in your videos, where before them I am thinking: "Oh no, I've already done that, is this all there is to the picture?" But then there comes this plot twist, where the insight you share brings relief, and I am always like: "I am so happy you said that!"
I started watching your videos because I could see you always gave me a different angle to see things which I hadn't considered. You surprised me and made me think. That still happens, but since I feel these years I've be growing up and changing month by month, I now notice that I already know what you are about to say about a given theme, or, at least, everything is clearer to me or somehow already known. I really resonate with your way of thinking. It's cool. I made a teacher out of me, now, just listening to my personal truth, instead of searching the truth elsewhere from spiritual gurus etc. I still hear you to remind me of what I happen to really already know, now. It's kind of a wake-up reminder some mornings. Cool... They say, here in Italy, if you see the Buddha, kill him. (Since you don't need to attach to his personality, but you only need his message to wake up the Truth in you, I figure). So I'm killing you, in a good way, if that makes sense ;-) So THANK you for passing along the message.
Thank you so much for backing up my beliefs! You are the real deal. So many people think accepting others means tolerating them. Every morning my prayer includes "I love and accept everybody just as they are, and everyone loves and accepts me just as I am. Though we may not be able to have anything."
So simply said and explained considering it took me 45 years of experience in the field to get this at last. Now I dare see reality and make my mooves from facts wether than overlay and over adaptation. Thank you.
Hi Teal, thanks for making a video on such an important point when it comes to relationships. It should be very obvious to understand this but it really isn't when it comes to day to day life situations. I myself am struggling a lot with this reality and I do feel stuck a lot of the time because I've invested so much time in this relationship and I want to make it "work" but just trying to "accept" the things that I can't stand or want to deal with has been struggle some. It's also hard to accept that I might not be as compatible with my partner like I initially thought and it hurts thinking about it.
Such a relatable message on the fine balance between loving someone for who they are and simultaneously expecting more out of people. Oftentimes expectations can be unreasonable and that's where conflict arises when expectations are not met. The problem with expectations is they are very self -serving, self- aggrandizing. The ability to step in someone else's shoes might help you better understand why people make the choices they make and fruits will determine whether those choices are reasonable or not.
There's a saying, "Expectations are premeditated resentments". I happen to find this is so often the truth. Just thought I'd share with you; if it helps you, fabulous & if not, no harm done 💙🙂
It is not so much about accepting someone but about ALLOWING the other one to be who they are or made themselves (ego) to be. Understanding that everyone is on their own level of consciousness on their own path and attracting experiences that match their vibration.
We live in a world of highly populated people around 8 billion and keep growing. That's a lot of brains,minds,thoughts, beliefs, upbringings, set ways, rules,laws, targeting, brainwashing, expectations, failures, successes,challenges, time set, money management issues, skills development, leadership, dictatorship,decision-making,schooling,acceptance..the list goes on and on at the end how your mind works absorbing information interpretations of responses as an individual being awareness of your actions.
It's difficult to accept someone for who they are if they don't accept you as you are. Its a mutual thing. You cannot have a good relationship when only of the partners is accomodating.
True. But we can't fall into the trap of trying to change them into being accommodating/accepting. Accept that they're not and leave. Or decide it's something we can live with and stay. Life's little ironies kind of stink sometimes, lol.
This is the whole point. See the reality of the situation - that the other person is not accepting you - and then YOU decide whether to engage in the same relationship dynamics that have been keeping you unhappy with the situation.
Acceptance isn't about mutuality. That's what this whole video is about. Acceptance is about admitting to the truth, not embracing them for who they are. Admitting to who they are. Very different.
As an ex deviance and criminality student, I can relate. Sometimes, this just encourages the Stockholm Syndrome and some people ended up in jail just because they couldn't survive otherwise abusive relationships.
I found your channel I love it. I heard you are a 4/6 Reflector such as myself in human design. It's so wild to look at another 4/6 Reflector it's really magnetizing. It sounds like I am listening to my self speak in a way. I love how wise you are. It's beautiful another thought in a field of mind. I hope your doing well.
Wonderful reflection. Over the years, Teal has developed a kind of smirk or giggle that can be offputting. This time she communicates her message straight and direct. She gives good advice either way, but this week both the advice and the delivery are first rate. For the sake of Teal's wisdom, for which I'm grateful, I'm happy to accommodate the giggle and the smirk!
Thank you, I resonate... Reminds me of a quote I like from Marshall Vian Summers' text called _Enlightenment_ : "Relationship is based upon what you can do together in life." ... And isn't what we can do together based on our deeper qualities?
Interesting question, If Relationships is based upon what we can do together and if what we can do together is based upon our deeper qualities that brings up another question? How do we learn to really listen? Love Marshall Vian Summers..
Brilliant Teal! As always, you've Nailed it! Experienced this recently and Bamb, here it is in my feed, giving me clarity, on what I already know, and confidence. Big Thank you Teal 💖🙏
Accepting someone as they are in the majority of cases comes out more of a friendly and empathetic feeling. It needs a mature and adjustable mind. Though for me it was mistaken as my weak and very emotional mentality as if not suitable to make a stand. These things really leave one disturbed and questioning oneself .
I always remember that we are all different. When we try to change others, we need to step back and own our own thoughts. What I don't like about others (judgement) is my own s**t to acknowledge and grow from. We dont have to dislike everything our other does. Thinking back to when we youngsters, that people are different. It's very important that we mentalise this. James loves oranges and Mummy hates oranges but that doesn't mean Mummy doesn't love James. If we do not grasp this, we can end up abusing others around us. ❤🎉
If u are stuck in a relationship I guess teal could have a point. Universally speaking, our destined partner cross paths according to the degree at which one and their partner obtains equal values and morals or by virtue through commandments or precepts, which would result in a match made in heaven , also which is rare as we have more karma playing a part in it. It's not alone past present and future karmic states one has rather many factors such as the plantary movements influencing each individual at birth, Astronomical alignment and How energy flows through objects, that determines our true acceptance of a partner along with our own effort and will power to make true changes to accept another.
I normally agree with Teal’s videos and still do a little on this subject but we are never going to find another person who is 100 percent perfect or just like us. There is always an element of give and take, looking at what is the most important aspects in others towards compatibility and working through the rest. There will be an element of acceptance.
This is something I try to remember myself a lot about…especially when I have no choice but to accept the fact that most people don’t care about the environment, world issues, ecc 😞
Most of the things we "think" is Critical and in born qualities were just TRAINED and PROGRAMMED. Find a person who VALUES you and their other trait is being LOYAL to you and you Them... and this relationship will have a Fighting chance.
Thank you Teal for explaining this insight. The universal unconscious would have me believe differently. I like how you bring clarity to decision making. To live in reality is what matters most. To live in falsehood is tragic. You are my spiritual leader and I thank you for helping me.
Videos like these made me realize that even though I was very much inlove with my ex. We would never workout. It also made me realize that comparability is very important in all relationships especially intimate ones.
I wish for the world to take a turn and recognize value when they’re presented with it. I am SO TIRED to see so much vitriol in the world. A world of assholes is exhausting. I hope everyone can find a way to grow and evolve beyond this type of cruelty.
I accept EVERYONE for who they are. But I did not receive that courtesy in return. Sure I give people a hard time based on the rules of proper order which were instilled within us as Christian Anglo-Saxon children, but I realized that once we grow into adults people have to make a living and that is up to them and I accept that. But I did not find I received the same understanding and people called me names and hurt me physically and emotionally and I am kind and open and supportive to everyone.
Love is a life support, nothing more and nothing less. Those added things come with time. Time is the truth and people are lying all the time. Reasons to support this theory are all around us in all forms of artwork. Humanity is a masterpiece and we all get played somehow, learn to work with the other pawns and maybe we can all take back what's rightfully ours. Turn your demons into angels and watch how different your dance becomes.
Thank you! Much clarity was reached, on a personal level, in listening to this video 😌👍. It’s up to me where I go next. I would like to thank you again. Peace ☮️ and love 💗. -Santi out. ✌️
Dear teal, thank you so much for this message🙏🏻 Its come at such an exact time in my life as I ponder what I am to do with my recently rejoined family members. I am not proud of them actually. And their values and way of life is so different from me. And to witness their actions, words and ideas, almost repulses me. Though I love them much, I was lost in thought the last few days and yesterday I gave in and had a drink even...but your message clarifies my dilemna so perfectly. Out of love, I chose to accept their reality and as to what I can do in relation to that? Well...some ideas come up...thank you Teal. May your work be blessed and your desires be fulfilled. Sending you 🙏🏻🙏🏻 and ❤❤. Cheers!
Teal, question. What is the difference between accommodation and compromise? The scenarios when the partner chooses to accommodate is teetering a fine line on compromise.
Tbh, I'm at a point in my life where to me; those who matter don't mind just like those who mind don't matter. Anybody that just chooses to be irrational for no reason and insists on being 'right' on topics like politics, psychology, dating, or abortion is something i have a strong intolerance for. But I don't want to come off as insensitive of course. And with what Teal described regarding Bob and the athlete aspect of things; athletes are beings just like us - as is doctors, lawyers, and dock workers - some of the most stigmatized professions. However with professional athletes, there is a stigma; especially with basketball and American football. But all that being said, this vid resonated well with me as a sports fan and being able empathize what athletes go through. Otherwise, I simply enjoy the thrill of sports in general. I don't really agree with what Teal described about the specific 'facade' that should be put on in an interview because if you really mean business you sometimes have to be honest but not in a hurtful way. I definitely agree that we sometimes just have to accept things or people the way they are - because there is only so much control we have over certain situations (like the pandemic, homelessness, loneliness, climate change, cases of missing people - and how the mainstream media tends to overgeneralize these sorts of things). But it's up to us as a human species to discover who we truly are individually speaking because no one else is going to do it for us. In terms my sketching hobby; I'm not always happy about the end results of what I draw. But all I can do is to keep plugging away and think positive. And when it comes to the real world, I make sure to not slip into the trap of being delusional...but I warn you, I've been this way before and it has made for some significant learning experiences. however I feel those sorts of experiences has made me a stronger person. I have also had to distance myself from certain personalities that have been amazing in terms of companionship; but have difficulty identifying with themselves and bathe in self pity and drama. I believe that is something that has helped me too...along with not expecting too much out of others. Just ask the YT channels The of School of Life, Farfromaverage, and Better Ideas.
Teal, the reason people are confused is because you use the word "Accept" instead of "Acknowledge". They have fundamental different meanings. Accept means that I approve. Acknowledge mean that I see what is happening without approving. That is why people react negative to what you say.
I think that there's a balance that needs to be struck between "accept me for who I am" and the reality that there are a great number of areas in my life that need to improve, that need to change.
I've been married 28 years and one of the things that makes our marriage work is that both she and I have an ongoing conversation about areas each of us need to change in our lives. If I were to say to my wife, "Stop trying to change me and accept me for who I am", I'd be doing two things:
1) assuming that this particular area of my life is perfect and doesn't require change and
2) forgetting that my wife loves me and can sometimes see areas that I need to change more clearly than me
Addressing which areas are those that need to change and which don't isn't simply cut and dry for either of us. It's an ongoing conversation and re-evaluation. When I examine myself, what I find is that "stop trying to change me" is way to aggressively end that conversation because I'm too lazy to confront something that might not be working well. IMHO it's much more productive to humbly engage in the conversation with the hopes that we'll eventually come to a conclusion about whether or not this is in fact an area that needs to change.
And yes this absolutely goes both ways. And when I'm the one bringing up an area that might need to change in my wife's life, it requires remembering that she's going to hear me better when I can approach the topic in a non-judgemental way, but lovingly, conversationally.
We wind up in a place where we accept some things and challenge other things. But that's *AFTER* a ton of conversation. Not at the beginning. I can't imagine either my wife or I saying, "Stop trying to change me". We both know that the other is trying to change us where we need it. And it's our job to consider if maybe they might be right. And it's their job to consider if they might be wrong. For us, we've found that works best and is most rewarding when we both approach that consideration with humility and a willingness to talk about it.
My $0.02.
Yes that is a healthy, compatible relationship!
@@queengoblin The point I was trying to make is that part of the health of my marriage comes from both of us not copping out by saying "Stop trying to change me!"
Over reliance on acceptance is IMHO a mistake. It assumes that who I am, right now, is perfect and beyond the need for change. Which is simply not the case.
IMHO the health of a relationship isn't measured by how accepting I am of my partner, or she of me. It's measured by how lovingly and effectively I communicate the need for my partner to change, all while being able to hear that I need to change also.
I reject the concept of "stop trying to change me". Of course my partner should try and change me! In many many areas, I need it. And so does she.
Love this ♥️♥️👌👌👌
@@1dullgeek you should make a video! i think Teal's point was not for healthy marriages, but more for friendships and potential romantic relationships where you're still trying to assess compatibility! Under her video, it just is confusing because her video is not about already-compatible people, it's about incompatible people trying to change each other into compatible people!
@@queengoblin Thanks but my channel goes in a different direction.
In accepting the reality of others as they are, you must also accept the reality of yourself as you are
Key distinction. You can accept someone, then choose how you interact with them
Acceptance is less about the other person and more about who you are and what you want.
Cccccccccccccccccccccccc
I feel like I am ALWAYS the person that other people are trying to change, and never the person who is trying to change others. I don’t know what that means other than that I have become super unwell. And now I feel the only solution is to start trying to change others and so that I am on the front foot for a while and instead of constantly being on the backfoot and constantly needing to defend who I am to get through each day.
Where I've noticed the struggle lies for me is that consistently, across many relationships, I'm the one who's willing to change things about myself that I can objectively determine need to change. And simultaneously, my previous partners refused to allow that change to take place. It's extremely difficult to find people who aren't okay with their dysfunction and are serious about addressing areas of their lives that lead to genuine incompatibility with relationships.
I recently ended a friendship with a girl I've known for 31yrs.
Most of our hours of conversations involved her talking non-stop, rolling from one topic right into the next one without a pause. I enjoyed listening to her rant about stuff and hearing her tales.
But I noticed when i talked about something i was interested in she would listen for a few minutes then suddenly say "Oh I've got a client coming in, gotta go!" Click.
I stopped sharing things about myself to her because she never remembered stuff I told her anyway. It is also extremely frustrating when someone consistently assumes and misunderstands things about you that aren't true.
I finally realized she wasn't listening, wasn't interested, and doesn't care. She used me to yap at for hours and i allowed it. I have been a pushover and i excused myself because i loved her so much. But enough is enough.
So when she treated me like trash and imposed the silent tx over another misunderstanding, I decided it is over. I told her she is worth not one more second of my precious time trying to explain anymore.
I feel pretty good about this. I'm glad I could share in this beautiful space❤️ thanks 😊
Bravo 👏🏼
Something similar happened to me. We don’t need that kind of “friends”. They’re not our time.
You’re not alone.
Culled a few friendships where I felt space was expected with reciprocation. I accepted I allowed that to happened by not speaking up. Pointless continuing to invest in one way friendships when I know there are others that can and do treat me better.we get scared of losing people when really it should be the other way round.
"It is what it is" is a lot like "I am who I am" is a lot like "take me or leave me". Heal from abandonment trauma first.
Radical acceptance is neither to push away or pull towards. It's a state of observation, without superimposing your filters on top of somebody else. When you stop doing that, you meet them where they are at and can decide from there the direction of the relationship.
YES! I agree and love this 💙
I hope Teal gets the recognition she deserves one day. A genius of our time ❤️
My guess is that Teal is not seeking "deserved recognition." And, most geniuses die in anonymity but their work rises over time.
She's already getting it, am from europe and subscribed to teal since she started to apear
@@fcmiller3 and that's maybe the reason she will get it. Yes it takes time to genious to be recognised, specially at their time
@@Mario_toma I have similar capacities or ‘gifts’
no, she should stay to the small minority, humnanity as a whole doesn't deserve Teal. They should burn to ashes while the spiritual able stay.
I honestly hate the saying "you should accept them exactly how they are." It implies that you don't want them to grow or improve in any area ever and suggests they shouldn't want to ever work on themselves either. I realize there is a mature way to understand this sentence too, but too often I've seen it used as a way for people to basically say everyone just needs to deal with me because I'm never going to adjust my behavior at all, which I think is unhealthy and childish and not conducive to a happy relationship with anyone.
Good video.
Don't YOU want to be accepted for exactly who YOU are? I'd say we ALL do. That said, we all have room to grow and change but it must come from within (not from someone who's trying to change us all in the name of 'helping' which can feel like criticism).
@@mhal2This 🙌🙌🙌🙌
@@natureshorts6657 I've learned that females in general are well known for controlling; either outrightly so or covertly.
”Down deep, we want people to recognize the reality of us and to approve of it. We want people to not just recognize the reality of us and stop trying to make us be different. We want them to like the reality of us, want it, embrace it, approve of it, be easygoing about it, accommodate it and love it. And because this is our desire, instead of seeking people who genuinely can do this, we expect all people to do that, even when they can’t and even when it is wrong for them to do. We perpetuate an illusion that this is possible. And we get ourselves into all kinds of incompatible situations because of it”. Teal Swan. Thank you Teal 🌎
You will NEVER find someone who is completely compatible with you. There is always going to be an excuse you can use to leave someone. This generation is devoid of love, encouragement and commitment.
I understand this is your perception, however what your seeking is someone to embrace the incompatibility.
ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT
I learned this with my last roommate. He relentlessly flirted with me and made inappropriate jokes. It made me very uncomfortable but I went along with it thinking it was just part of who he was and I felt I had to go along w it to be his friend. I realized about four months in that no, this made me uncomfortable and I didn't like it, and in fact it WAS who he was and I just didn't like him as a person.
I swear for years you have been the most clearest right to the point no second guessing most accurate free therapist I have had the blessing to have in my most necessary moments and I am truly grateful for all that you give, you are light of clarity for all that seek answers and so much more, thank you immensely ❤
Teal Swan the light of sanity. Thank-you Teal!
‘Accept them for who they are’ in my life, has always been spoken by someone posing as being kind and loving but with a very powerful subtext of threat that I better ‘put up & shut up’!
ie endure whatever crap bullies and abusers throw our way..
it’s always been an enabling term used on victims to discourage them from challenging bad behaviour. Preventing them from protecting themselves.
Accept who people are but chose whether who they are is for you...
Make sure the person is someone who you can accept for who they are
T͟h͟a͟n͟k͟s͟ ͟f͟o͟r͟ ͟w͟a͟t͟c͟h͟i͟n͟g͟!͟!͟!͟
͟E͟n͟d͟e͟a͟v͟o͟u͟r͟ ͟t͟o͟ ͟m͟e͟s͟s͟a͟g͟e͟ ͟o͟n͟ ͟W͟h͟a͟t͟s͟A͟p͟p͟✙͟➊➋➊➑➏➒➌➊➋➎➏💯͟💯͟✔͟️͟✔͟️͟
When I used to live as a Buddhist monk we often talked to people about acceptance and loving kindness in combination.
Just like Teal is saying, I always had a hard time understanding why people then couldn't see that they could move in and out of those situations, or change how they acted around it.
By accepting you let go of the resistance, then you can take action from a place of love, and peacefulness rather than anger and hatred.
Don't stay in a situation that is bad for you if you can move out or change how you're interacting with whatever that may be.
Exactly.
Love is responsive, hate is reactive
So beautifully and succinctly said and I like how you recognize the possibility of changing our own interaction rather than moving on. Sometimes one of those choices will be better than the other and it takes true wisdom to know when to dodge and when to engage.
Why judge our aroused state as bad, then unnecessarily suffer from those judgement that's attached to words like "anger" and "hatred"?
So why do you think they don't move in and out? There is a reason for that. We are not trained in it. We have little mobility with relationships because of housing. We are very complex social creatures today. There are a lot of aspects. There is high stress.
The list goes on. So I am more surprised that you can not see the reason for this :)
Thank you, Teal. I really need this wake up call. I thought that acceptance means accepting my reality. I've never considered that includes accepting other people's reality too. It makes so much sense now.
I love some of these comments. This is one.
For me its the other way around
Agree with this, but also think it is important for the first to tell the other person what characteristic it is about them that can't be accepted. Because we've been taught to "accept" others, we have dodged skill-building on openly addressing problems or working through conflict. The solution seems to be abandonment, too often, under the need to feel we're perfect and the assumption that whatever is bothering us is the trait of the other person and belongs to him or her alone. The older I get the less I see things that black and white. So often in speaking openly I've come to a different perspective on another's behavior and sometimes even my own role in it.
So true. We abandon people thinking we are superior. Life and especially relationships are complicated, not black and white.
Im
Learning that acceptance is different from tolerance.
This is one of the smartest insights on human relations, no matter what kind of. Brilliant, thank you.
I’m a marriage therapist. I love this. I had one female who had anxiety her bf just could not stop saying she had to do this n that and all would be happy. They came together and I had her accepting she deserved to be loved as she was… hope she’s ok. I LOVE YOU ❤
Clarity delivered on this tricky topic. I've been waiting for people to change my whole life. I am learning how to take care of myself in relationships, how I can accept others at face value, and decide how much I am willing to give based on what or what isn't working for me.
"There is a place for choosing to be as you are". This concept was new to me. If I think I want to change something about myself, I keep lining up with people who need that something to change in me - and if the thing I am trying to change in me is an actual truth for me, I will keep ending up with people who will not compatible to it and both me and the relationship will suffer. So then becoming aware of truths and accepting them for myself will line me up with compatible connections. That's the missing piece.
I love your insight! I have so much more clarity now. Thank you!
I had similar thoughts when she said you have a choice to accept yourself as you are. Light bulb moment. Especially in the community which so highly promotes self work and change.
@@OllieSmiless good point. Especially as the same community is also promoting self- love. Often people are trying to change things about themselves before they allow themselves to have self-love. Those two concepts are contradictory. ..and we keep lining up with people who can't love us either. Vicious cycle of how we arrive at feeling unlovable, when we always had access to loving ourselves.
@@Nina_Kowsari so true!
you are a rare species of outrageously well put together person, you deserve all the love because you have manifested it in yours, thank you for your service
Thank you for illuminating the semantic issues we have with concepts. People’s lives have been destroyed by these misunderstandings. So grateful to you .
I love how simply honest you explain something. Reality is simple. Natural order is reflective of truth. Honesty is so difficult to come by, but if we would stop trying to
Reality is simple if you're a simpleton. Truth has facets that the average person cannot see, or comprehend. Honesty is, however, becoming more popular than ever. I've been told to "piss off" more times in the last two years than I ever have in my entire life.
You improve my life day after day.
You've helped me more than any therapist ever did.
Thank you for doing what you do, Teal.
truly!!
You are so right Natalia..! Omg she is the best...she actually restored my marriage as I was already out of the door. Thank you Teal ❤️❤️❤️, I appreciate your content. I'm in South Africa 🇿🇦
This is a recipe for relationship hopping. If you're a stand for someone, you'll do everything you can to help the other see the light if they fall into a dark tunnel. You cannot force them, but to accept that the other person is in a dark tunnel, and it's okay, I will work around it, or fall in love with it, start enjoying it etc. is at best irresponsibility and cowardice.
Show the other person the light, push them "off the burning plane", carry them out of that hole, but with love, compassion and gentleness.
2:25 I love these plot twists in your videos, where before them I am thinking: "Oh no, I've already done that, is this all there is to the picture?" But then there comes this plot twist, where the insight you share brings relief, and I am always like: "I am so happy you said that!"
“The point of contention is a choice point”
We get to chose what we do,with what we see.
I started watching your videos because I could see you always gave me a different angle to see things which I hadn't considered. You surprised me and made me think.
That still happens, but since I feel these years I've be growing up and changing month by month, I now notice that I already know what you are about to say about a given theme, or, at least, everything is clearer to me or somehow already known. I really resonate with your way of thinking. It's cool.
I made a teacher out of me, now, just listening to my personal truth, instead of searching the truth elsewhere from spiritual gurus etc.
I still hear you to remind me of what I happen to really already know, now. It's kind of a wake-up reminder some mornings. Cool...
They say, here in Italy, if you see the Buddha, kill him. (Since you don't need to attach to his personality, but you only need his message to wake up the Truth in you, I figure). So I'm killing you, in a good way, if that makes sense ;-)
So THANK you for passing along the message.
Thank you so much for backing up my beliefs! You are the real deal. So many people think accepting others means tolerating them. Every morning my prayer includes "I love and accept everybody just as they are, and everyone loves and accepts me just as I am. Though we may not be able to have anything."
The Serenity Prayer applies ✨
This is one the most intelligent video I have ever seen about relationships
So simply said and explained considering it took me 45 years of experience in the field to get this at last. Now I dare see reality and make my mooves from facts wether than overlay and over adaptation.
Thank you.
Awesome! Thank You! If someone does stuff that grossed me out at home I can choose not to look or clean it up.
This couldn’t have come at a perfect time! Thank you Teal!
Hi Teal, thanks for making a video on such an important point when it comes to relationships. It should be very obvious to understand this but it really isn't when it comes to day to day life situations. I myself am struggling a lot with this reality and I do feel stuck a lot of the time because I've invested so much time in this relationship and I want to make it "work" but just trying to "accept" the things that I can't stand or want to deal with has been struggle some. It's also hard to accept that I might not be as compatible with my partner like I initially thought and it hurts thinking about it.
Such a relatable message on the fine balance between loving someone for who they are and simultaneously expecting more out of people. Oftentimes expectations can be unreasonable and that's where conflict arises when expectations are not met. The problem with expectations is they are very self -serving, self- aggrandizing. The ability to step in someone else's shoes might help you better understand why people make the choices they make and fruits will determine whether those choices are reasonable or not.
There's a saying, "Expectations are premeditated resentments".
I happen to find this is so often the truth. Just thought I'd share with you; if it helps you, fabulous & if not, no harm done 💙🙂
It is not so much about accepting someone but about ALLOWING the other one to be who they are or made themselves (ego) to be. Understanding that everyone is on their own level of consciousness on their own path and attracting experiences that match their vibration.
We live in a world of highly populated people around 8 billion and keep growing. That's a lot of brains,minds,thoughts, beliefs, upbringings, set ways, rules,laws, targeting, brainwashing, expectations, failures, successes,challenges, time set, money management issues, skills development, leadership, dictatorship,decision-making,schooling,acceptance..the list goes on and on at the end how your mind works absorbing information interpretations of responses as an individual being awareness of your actions.
Watching your videos Teal actually calms me down
It's difficult to accept someone for who they are if they don't accept you as you are. Its a mutual thing. You cannot have a good relationship when only of the partners is accomodating.
So important. It can't be a one
way street.
True. But we can't fall into the trap of trying to change them into being accommodating/accepting. Accept that they're not and leave. Or decide it's something we can live with and stay. Life's little ironies kind of stink sometimes, lol.
This is the whole point. See the reality of the situation - that the other person is not accepting you - and then YOU decide whether to engage in the same relationship dynamics that have been keeping you unhappy with the situation.
Acceptance isn't about mutuality. That's what this whole video is about. Acceptance is about admitting to the truth, not embracing them for who they are. Admitting to who they are. Very different.
Love it, finally easy to understand and follow! Applause!
This was truly so helpful, thank you Teal
As an ex deviance and criminality student, I can relate. Sometimes, this just encourages the Stockholm Syndrome and some people ended up in jail just because they couldn't survive otherwise abusive relationships.
The timing is just impeccable as always, thank you Teal
I found your channel I love it. I heard you are a 4/6 Reflector such as myself in human design. It's so wild to look at another 4/6 Reflector it's really magnetizing. It sounds like I am listening to my self speak in a way. I love how wise you are. It's beautiful another thought in a field of mind. I hope your doing well.
wait what,... a "4/6 Reflector" ? wtf does that mean?
This is truly excellent. Very insightful. It has given much to think about with my inner circle. Thank you Teal. 💖
This is phenomenal. I’m going to apply this to decisions on moving too! Teal I fricken love you! Huge thanks.
Each person must learn to first be happy being alone. When you are the sole person that fulfills your happiness, it's very easy to decide what to do.
Wonderful reflection. Over the years, Teal has developed a kind of smirk or giggle that can be offputting. This time she communicates her message straight and direct. She gives good advice either way, but this week both the advice and the delivery are first rate. For the sake of Teal's wisdom, for which I'm grateful, I'm happy to accommodate the giggle and the smirk!
This video opened my eyes to a lot of things I've been doing wrong. Thank you!
Thank you, I resonate... Reminds me of a quote I like from Marshall Vian Summers' text called _Enlightenment_ : "Relationship is based upon what you can do together in life." ... And isn't what we can do together based on our deeper qualities?
Thank you!
brilliant thank you
Interesting question, If Relationships is based upon what we can do together and if what we can do together is based upon our deeper qualities that brings up another question? How do we learn to really listen? Love Marshall Vian Summers..
I love Teal swan. Always words of wisdom . Thanks for helping us !
Brilliant Teal! As always, you've Nailed it! Experienced this recently and Bamb, here it is in my feed, giving me clarity, on what I already know, and confidence. Big Thank you Teal 💖🙏
Thanks for the clarification teal, learning so much.
Love your content Teal, you have the words and knowledge I am always looking for.. This was an eye opener, again!
Wow..ure such a genius teal...story of mi life
For your passion is your beautiful soul
Such beauty and intelligence.
Accepting someone as they are in the majority of cases comes out more of a friendly and empathetic feeling. It needs a mature and adjustable mind. Though for me it was mistaken as my weak and very emotional mentality as if not suitable to make a stand. These things really leave one disturbed and questioning oneself .
I always remember that we are all different. When we try to change others, we need to step back and own our own thoughts. What I don't like about others (judgement) is my own s**t to acknowledge and grow from. We dont have to dislike everything our other does. Thinking back to when we youngsters, that people are different. It's very important that we mentalise this.
James loves oranges and Mummy hates oranges but that doesn't mean Mummy doesn't love James.
If we do not grasp this, we can end up abusing others around us.
❤🎉
I needed to see this because co-parenting with my ex narc has been a nightmare!!
Wow, that was nothing short of excellent!
If u are stuck in a relationship I guess teal could have a point. Universally speaking, our destined partner cross paths according to the degree at which one and their partner obtains equal values and morals or by virtue through commandments or precepts, which would result in a match made in heaven , also which is rare as we have more karma playing a part in it. It's not alone past present and future karmic states one has rather many factors such as the plantary movements influencing each individual at birth, Astronomical alignment and How energy flows through objects, that determines our true acceptance of a partner along with our own effort and will power to make true changes to accept another.
I normally agree with Teal’s videos and still do a little on this subject but we are never going to find another person who is 100 percent perfect or just like us. There is always an element of give and take, looking at what is the most important aspects in others towards compatibility and working through the rest. There will be an element of acceptance.
*love and light be with you*
*For enlightenment and proper* *consultation write me via the* *above line 👆*
This is something I try to remember myself a lot about…especially when I have no choice but to accept the fact that most people don’t care about the environment, world issues, ecc 😞
7:08 Exactly .Thanks Teal for sharing your wisdom.💖
Most of the things we "think" is Critical and in born qualities were just TRAINED and PROGRAMMED. Find a person who VALUES you and their other trait is being LOYAL to you and you Them... and this relationship will have a Fighting chance.
Always a great treat to see my Swan
Thank you Teal for explaining this insight. The universal unconscious would have me believe differently. I like how you bring clarity to decision making. To live in reality is what matters most. To live in falsehood is tragic. You are my spiritual leader and I thank you for helping me.
Thank you for everything you do Teal, you're an angel🙏🏻💜
She is one of the incarnation of Guanyin (my teacher in China told me, he can see Teal's spiritual path).
This makes so much sense.
Videos like these made me realize that even though I was very much inlove with my ex. We would never workout. It also made me realize that comparability is very important in all relationships especially intimate ones.
Did you mean comparability, or compatibility?
Comparability
What a synchronicity!
I wish for the world to take a turn and recognize value when they’re presented with it.
I am SO TIRED to see so much vitriol in the world. A world of assholes is exhausting. I hope everyone can find a way to grow and evolve beyond this type of cruelty.
I needed to hear this message at this time in my life. Thank you! 😊
Thank you Teal for this and all your amazing work! 🙏🌟👌💛
I accept EVERYONE for who they are. But I did not receive that courtesy in return.
Sure I give people a hard time based on the rules of proper order which were instilled within us as Christian Anglo-Saxon children, but I realized that once we grow into adults people have to make a living and that is up to them and I accept that.
But I did not find I received the same understanding and people called me names and hurt me physically and emotionally and I am kind and open and supportive to everyone.
Per usual, very well said. Thank you Tesl.
A lesson on boundaries.
Love is a life support, nothing more and nothing less. Those added things come with time. Time is the truth and people are lying all the time. Reasons to support this theory are all around us in all forms of artwork. Humanity is a masterpiece and we all get played somehow, learn to work with the other pawns and maybe we can all take back what's rightfully ours.
Turn your demons into angels and watch how different your dance becomes.
Another great video, thanks teal!!
Damn. You have confirmed my hypothesis.
@OfficialTealSwan.. bruh 🤣 chill.
@OfficialTealSwan.. Teal never says anything like this 🤣🤣🤣
All the people in your life that went down the crunchy to alt-right pipeline are going to send this to you.
This is such a powerful insight! As always thank you so much.
*love and light ❤️*
*Be with you*
*For consultation and* *enlightenment*
*Telegram me via the above👆* username*
A timely presentation! thank you.
Thank you! Much clarity was reached, on a personal level, in listening to this video 😌👍. It’s up to me where I go next. I would like to thank you again. Peace ☮️ and love 💗. -Santi out. ✌️
Dear teal, thank you so much for this message🙏🏻 Its come at such an exact time in my life as I ponder what I am to do with my recently rejoined family members. I am not proud of them actually. And their values and way of life is so different from me. And to witness their actions, words and ideas, almost repulses me. Though I love them much, I was lost in thought the last few days and yesterday I gave in and had a drink even...but your message clarifies my dilemna so perfectly. Out of love, I chose to accept their reality and as to what I can do in relation to that? Well...some ideas come up...thank you Teal. May your work be blessed and your desires be fulfilled. Sending you 🙏🏻🙏🏻 and ❤❤. Cheers!
Thank you so much for this video c:
I just love your outfit thats at the end of your video.
Teal, question. What is the difference between accommodation and compromise? The scenarios when the partner chooses to accommodate is teetering a fine line on compromise.
Thanks Quantum Physics for sending this! 😅our names were changed but v similar situation! 👏🏻👏🏻
Love The Swan!
Tbh, I'm at a point in my life where to me; those who matter don't mind just like those who mind don't matter. Anybody that just chooses to be irrational for no reason and insists on being 'right' on topics like politics, psychology, dating, or abortion is something i have a strong intolerance for. But I don't want to come off as insensitive of course. And with what Teal described regarding Bob and the athlete aspect of things; athletes are beings just like us - as is doctors, lawyers, and dock workers - some of the most stigmatized professions. However with professional athletes, there is a stigma; especially with basketball and American football. But all that being said, this vid resonated well with me as a sports fan and being able empathize what athletes go through. Otherwise, I simply enjoy the thrill of sports in general. I don't really agree with what Teal described about the specific 'facade' that should be put on in an interview because if you really mean business you sometimes have to be honest but not in a hurtful way. I definitely agree that we sometimes just have to accept things or people the way they are - because there is only so much control we have over certain situations (like the pandemic, homelessness, loneliness, climate change, cases of missing people - and how the mainstream media tends to overgeneralize these sorts of things). But it's up to us as a human species to discover who we truly are individually speaking because no one else is going to do it for us. In terms my sketching hobby; I'm not always happy about the end results of what I draw. But all I can do is to keep plugging away and think positive. And when it comes to the real world, I make sure to not slip into the trap of being delusional...but I warn you, I've been this way before and it has made for some significant learning experiences. however I feel those sorts of experiences has made me a stronger person. I have also had to distance myself from certain personalities that have been amazing in terms of companionship; but have difficulty identifying with themselves and bathe in self pity and drama. I believe that is something that has helped me too...along with not expecting too much out of others. Just ask the YT channels The of School of Life, Farfromaverage, and Better Ideas.
Teal, the reason people are confused is because you use the word "Accept" instead of "Acknowledge". They have fundamental different meanings. Accept means that I approve. Acknowledge mean that I see what is happening without approving. That is why people react negative to what you say.
Love you babes xx