Thank you, Kris! We value your insight and resources that help many people like myself to be able to move forward in a way that cultivates healthier ways of facing our challenges in our lives. This is changing people from the inside out! Yahweh bless you for the gifts He has purposed you with! ❤😌
19 years of marriage and it was year 18.5 that i finally learned the word " narcissist". I tried for years to figure out the right combination of things to do and say that would make him finally happy with me, but i didn't realize that he pulled everything in and would give nothing back like a black hole in outer space. I finally escaped and God gives me the strength to stay no contact and He has provided for me. I will never go back
I'm leaving tomorrow.I'm getting in the truck.That's ours and driving off.After 18 years of marriage, 20 years of with being with tleonard.I'm doing it.I have to whisper this so he doesn't hear it
I just left my 7 year of marriage from living with a narcissist man. I have left him before we got married but I thought he had changed since he was claiming to be a minister now. He didn’t curse but used the word of God to justify his behavior. For example When did not agree then I was not following his lead as the head. I did not respect his leadership. I would cry out to God daily to help me to be a better wife. I was being tormented everyday. I felt like I was having a nervous breakdown. I just walked out my marriage. I could not live another second with him. I will not speak or text. It is all a ploy. No contact and stay in prayer.
I was married to an abuser who fit the profile of a narc. I begged God regularly for relief for 14 years. I kept begging God to show me if he was cheating so I would have Biblical grounds for divorce. It was such a relief when he left me for another woman.
i dont understand why pple would WANT to STAY with a person who abuses them ie acts like they hate them. its ridiculous. 2 Tim 3:5 tells us to AVOID people who act badly towards us. @@J.F611
Churches push you to stay… or tell you that you have no grounds to divorce. Sometimes pastors will bully you to stay… especially if the narc spouse has everyone convinced you are the bad person…
After 55 years of marriage, I have finally learned about Narcissism. I'm divorcing my husband who fits the description of Covert and Malignant to a tee. I'm grieving the lost years I have spent trying to appease this man's control over me. Everything you have described fits my sorry life. I'm now 80 years old. He has discarded me for another woman. I finally GET IT! The Lord has helped me in so many ways! I will trust him to the end of my life!! Thank you for your insightful videos. I listen to the videos concerning Narcissists many times a day to shore me up to face getting through each and every day.
@@NancyPate-e2m I'm so sorry, Nancy! I'm praying God blesses you & restores years the locusts have stolen from you and surrounds you with loving friends & family! 🙏❤️🩹🙏
@gebevieveyhap-zebro952 you've been lied to & tricked by the enemy. You are stronger than you know & God is with you & will be with you the whole way. Pray & ask for strength & discernment. Sending prayers & hugs.
The worst thing about narcissists is that when you call out a narcissist, they end up accusing, arranging your arrest, and putting YOU on trial for THEIR crimes. They create your jury before you know they want to arrest you. They are vicious, and I wish no one would call them insecure, fearful, or damaged simply because that erases their accountability.
My narc husband has gone to meet his maker. He taught the children well - they continue to despise me.... They even quote the Bible at me - one of them is praying God will smash my teeth....
I understand but they are very insecure people and that's why they need a supply so everything they blame you for it's what they feel about themselves but I get you becos it's as if we are making excuses for them.
@@tvdb5299 Please pray for them and dont engage when they are rude. Just be quiet and if you can speak in truth with the discernment of the Holy Spirit and I'm having to do this with my children. It's so hurtful
It can take awhile to recognize a covert narcissist but it usually is revealed when there is a conflict and you will see that they never acknowledge your perspective. Everything is for them all the time.
Oh my gosh this is exactly what happened to me. It wasn’t until our first conflict that things blew up. It has been living hell since then. We just broke up for good and I am trying to recover my identity which got so berated by him.
❤my empathy pours out of me for, not just you, but each & everyone of us who survived a relationship with a narcissistic. May God continue to bless us, everyone. HE truly deserves all the praise we can give him for supporting & guiding us through life.
I wanna remind everyone in chat...yes you can have some of these traits or have done something like that. But how did you feel about it? Do you want to change? Then, no you're not a narcissist. If you care how your behavior affects others then you've probably just been wounded and you're healing. God bless you and everyone here. He loves all of us, even them!
Hi. Thanks for your comment. It gives me some hope. I was wondering if you could help. I haven't officially been diagnosed with narcissism, but I have a lot of traits and I just don't know what to do. One of the traits is that I lack real remorse. Do I want to change? Yes. I just don't know how I could. I've been hiding my traits really well, 'cause I know they are sinful behaviour and I don't want people to find out how awful and selfish I really am. I've often prayed to God to change me. But it's like I've only learned more how to mask and avoid things. Real change hasn't occurred. And I've wondered if it's even possible to change, because what would be left of me if all the narcissistic traits would be taken away? I'm afraid there is nothing else. I feel like I'm empty.
@@sherlockhomeless7138 My personal belief is that we are who we choose to be. I don't know your story; considering so, it's very trusting of you to ask a stranger online for help. I noticed your name is "homeless"...are you currently living outside, or is that how you feel on the inside...or both? Words carry so much power with them, so when you say "I am", then so you become. My best guess, without knowing anymore is that perhaps there's a memory block,or something making you think you can't feel remorse. Did you try asking Holy Spirit for help revealing memories of people you need to forgive, and negative experiences to let go? The magnet of our first 1-5 years is so strong! To break that cycle is an immense feat. Only a hero can do that! I'm sure you're up to it. I'm praying for your personal revival! God bless you.
@@sherlockhomeless7138 if you can feel for other people when they are in despair like you really hurt emotionally for them to the point you really can’t sleep because you care about what they are going through ya know Empathy like knowing someone whether close or not to you might suffer through a really cold night and you’d be willing to sacrifice to give them a break or wish you could help then you might be just suffering from reactive abuse and numb because of reactive abuse and not realize it… Narcs pretend to care about other people they really aren’t capable of true selflessness but don’t be a sucker to manipulative or gaslighting people Remember narcissistic tendencies and behavior are on a spectrum ❤ Hope this helps a lot of people that are true empathy will second guess themselves Dr. Ramani is the Best she has videos on everything just search it up😊
@@sherlockhomeless7138 just realized you put that you were officially diagnosed…I believe self aware narcissist can change just take a lot of time to get there and Hopefully sooner…. God Bless you 🙏🫶
Amen. I was married to a covert narcissist for 27 years and didn't recognize it until he walked away from our marriage. Now I am still enduring a 7-year, ongoing process for divorce. His passive aggressiveness has been dreadful and the narcissism has grown so bold throughout the divorce process. I actually need prayer discerning what to fight for and how hard to fight for it when it comes to the settlement at this point. He very literally feels no responsibility for anything he's done and feels no need for restitution. Long story short, I suffered a medical injury and can no longer work and literally, God pays my bills... miracle by miracle each month. God is so amazing!! I love seeing how God is working in my life and through my life, but I want to be legally free from this man and I truly want this divorce over ... please pray.
My covert narcissist husband was always accusing me of being a "manipulative game player". I was always being as direct with him as possible about the problems that I was facing in our relationship, and he always accused me of being manipulative. One day I asked him how he could "tell" when I was being a manipulative game player. He said when I am so sad that it almost makes him want to cry. But then he realizes that I am "just manipulating him" and he stops it. In other words, any time empathy creeps into his heart, he crushed it. I didn't realize that the very thing they are accusing you of doing is what THEY are doing. HE was the manipulative game-player.
That’s exactly it. My ex of 15 years never had anything to say about me until I would tell him what he was doing. Then he would flip it and tell me that’s what I was doing. He NEVER had new material 🙄
In their world people are deceitful because they are so and they see through those lenses. Forgive since they are deeply wounded and doing that keeps them safe and afloat, but don't forget how made you feel and get away from them.
As a Christian, I appreciate the fact that you reinforce your knowledge with quoted scripture, not just claiming, “the Bible says…”! We are suppose to teach chapter by chapter and verse by verse! Thank you for the advice and biblical support on this topic.
I get apologies from my narcissistic husband, but NO change in behavior. That is NOT a True apology. Even God expects a change of heart reflected in changed behavior.
@@americandefender1861 Pray for God's will to be done and follow His lead. He sees every single second and every tear, and that abuser will have consequences for their own actions. If you obey and follow God, I know He will lead you out stronger than you ever were before, and He will do justice for you and your family. I have been there.
Please continue to pray. Christ our Lord will hear your prayer when the time is right. Faith moves mountains. I pray you find your freedom through Christ, like I did. God bless you and yours
Experience this all the time ‼️ And if I’m not in a good mood, he’s all happy and crap. It always is the same. He will never be on my same page. So weird.
@@JuleslovesJesus4everyeah I’m there too at 8 years…and I have to get out. My mother is the same way, and now they BOTH live w me, so it’s about to get ugly. Just can’t deal anymore
They can not be happy. It is a mind Disease. It is a shrinking brain nerve cells disease. Created in childhood. So helping them be happy, be better? Forget it. And if they literally can not be happy, they do not want to see others be happy. Because they see you have something they want to have, but never will, and they are aware
They know how to play the guilt card, for sure, as part of their manipulation. They will lie to you about a situation & when you sense it & say “No” to the bait, they try to make you feel like a bad person who doesn’t care.
This was one of the top teachings I have ever heard on covert narcissism. The best part was your prayer, and I cried right through it as they have been my own words for so long. Never has anyone prayed online for us regarding our situations on UA-cam (not that I have seen in my research). What a blessing Kris. Thank you.
The moment I started testing, all the family and friends that I had supported financially and emotionally for decades all turned on me and started their smear campaign
Thank you, Kris. You're one of the few Christians who have a deep understanding of covert narcissism. I’m a survivor of narcissistic abuse. It appears to me as if the church for the most part is uneducated about narcissism even though it appears to thrive in the church
This is my mom. Everything on this list is her. I went no contact this summer. I keep seeing the mutual people in our lives that keep buying her sob story. It’s sad but I keep my mouth shut and wait on the Holy Spirit to expose because it’s not my place to bash her and bad mouth her to people. That will do me no good in my healing and it’ll just give her fuel.
I stuck it out, with a family member...for decades. They're a war child. I learned all about it. They dreamed of the wars at night and lived them during the day. Only after this member faced a deathly illness and lived...only then did I see change. But for some reason, i was different, to be able to stick it out like i did. I know that. Nobody knows the wars i faced with them. But today, oh! Such a sweet time we have now. The sensitivity, the laughter, the new memories. Everyday I'm grateful. This is for those who stick it out.
I just figured out a friend is a covert narcissist. I think she got mad because I told her no when she asked me for personal information. Thereafter, I tried to share good news with her and she said she wished that I would shut up about it. I told myself, your wish is my command. That was the day I went no contact.
Thank you. I divorced my narcissistic abusive husband after close to 8vyears of marriage. I found out after that he physically, emotionally and psychologically abused his deceased wife. The church needs to be educated as to how to support victims. We are taught to stick it out and submit. He distorted scriptures pertaining to submission. He was a controller and took advantage of me financially. I got out and I am thankful. I am glad I understand the scriptures and departed from evil. The Lord delivered me and I had to cooperate with the Lord's plan for my deliverance.
God bless Chris Reese. The Lord is using her to educate the church. Pray for Chris as the power of darkness are not pleases at how she exposes the work of the enemy. God bless you Chris.
Submission means to submit to his mission… he is the bread winner, provider… that’s what we are supposed to submit to. Like men in the military… when they get moved around, the wives pack up and go and do things to support him in that way. But, they tend to think of it as though you are a slave and an outlet for their frustrations and issues.
Thank you. I think you are so far from a victim basher. The beauty of realizing the ability we have to take control over our own emotions by dealing with our own identity before God has so much value
I was dating a man who was very slow at pulling out his wallet after a meal that he ordered and he ate.. As he opened up the dollar pouch, he would pause and glance up at others at the table. Someone always got uncomfortable and offered to get his bill. We didn't continue dating. I like your comment about people who always wait for others to wait on them.
My Mother. She died in 2021 and I’d gone no contact. I don’t miss her and it was a relief. I didn’t used to see My father was a narcissist too. We called him Saint Bob. Thank God for my grandmother. She was my role model. I left town young and stayed gone. My four siblings are so different from me and sucked up. When my dad died last year I was left out of the sizable estate. I’d been threatened over and over to play ball or I’d be “out”. My husband observed their threats and behavior and finally told them to lose our number. Best thing he has ever done! He truly loves me and it’s a healthy relationship. We’ve been married 21 years. No surprise tho I had early disastrous marriage because he behaved just like they did. I was never enough. Getting free is a necessity.
Thank you! I’ve been married to a man just like your teaching about for 57 years! It’s horrible and he never changes! It’s pathetic. He says he’s a Christian but I know he isn’t! Crazy! I love your program! ❤
@1corinthians139 some people feel trapped. These narcissists are selfish and make you feel horrible if you want to get away from them... my best friend has been stuck for approximately 46 years.
I was trapped in a marriage. Leaving was the hardest thing I have done. How was I going to support my self and three kids? Where do I live? Not to mention a lot of people in my church did not believe in divorce, no support. Should I add that it is always the woman fault.
This was so helpful, Kris! Especially about the "triggering effect". My spouse often catches me off-guard with his narc actions...I get broadsided which causes me to have a knee-jerk response almost every time. I end up "reacting" with strong emotion versus "responding" in a calm and collected way and feel like the loser. Not every time, but at certain times depending on how bad the thing he did is! He has become a constant trigger for me and like the woman at the end of your video, his very presence repels me now. I cannot appreciate anything he does at this point because I know his heart is not in it and he is just going through the motions. Like you said, he is not "relating" to me, just playing me and using me. 25 years of dealing with this person, but the worst has been since his retirement 2 years ago. His narcissism has been in full view, the mask is off (it's only "on" for others), and God has helped me put all the pieces of the puzzle together. It is a miserable experience/existence that truly stunts a Christian's growth and well-being. I do handle it better than I used to, but he still can trip me up.
That's right. Not sure how much more I can take, though. 25 years is a long time to deal with someone who does not love you, but you love them and give them your "all" in spite of their abuse! The only reason I am still with him is because I don't want to do something God hates (divorce). But sometimes, you just have to do what you have to do for self-preservation.
God also calls us to peace my dear sister. God hates divorce but He hates abuse and mistreatment of wives even more. Pray. You are dealing with an unbeliver and have every right to depart 1 Corinthians 7:15. 🙏
It is great to hear you teach on the discernment we need as Christians vs the passivity that often occurs, and that comparison. Yes, confusing or conflicting messages often exist with Christians on what is right. Thank you.
That’s because the regular, moral person does not fathom the 24/7 Game that the Narcissist plays! That precise Issue…Still causes me to be in Shock & Speechless over the Narc.’s Shenanigans. Once you understand the Depth of Malignancy, you Can’t NOT SEE the TACTICS EVER AGAIN. I suppose a Good Analogy would be: If you had a ProQuarterback that you had followed from Day One, you’d almost be able to predict his Moves before they unfolded… And that’s what starts happening with a Narcissist, once you Understand that what they do is Truly, a Personality Protocol that: Lacks Empathy, or, normal human Connection & Love… To include in part: Respect, Dignity, Civility, Loyalty, Reciprocity, & True Sharing in Tasks, Compromise, & Shared Honesty. instead, the Narc. is Transactional = What can they get fm. you & do they need to Fake any Generous Action to Manipulate you?; The Narc. Believes they are Entitled to Dictate & Control, Trick & Lie, cheat & Steal to Manipulate in order to control for their Purposes; to Deny the Truth & Even Call You Crazy when you Repeat their Exact Words, said the prior Moment. They believe Your Efforts to Create: Any & All Achievements, they have a RIGHT to… Especially, if you are Gullible enough to allow them to Steal Whatever! They Need to Teach you that Lesson … just Because… The Lack of a Moral Compass isn’t an Appropriate Description… It’s worse than That… Their Compass is Hallow & Guides Exactly OPPOSITE of all Truth! They’re like a kid playing Monopoly & They are the “CHEATING BANKER”… Truly Joyous When they WIN! Even though it was by Hook & Crook! They Believe Life is Supposed to be for THEIR PICKING! There are 8 TYPES of Narcs. & they can be MaX Malignant… Or~ To the Lighter Side of the Spectrum! But, these people are REALLY into a Personality Style, Permanent Brain Groove protocol! 🙏🏻Hope this helps!☀️🕊🍃
I had a close friend convince me her husband was a narc… but as we got closer she kept telling how beautiful she was and everyone is jealous and wants to be her. She started accusing me of wanting to be her.. and honestly and sincerely I never had that weakness.. she kept telling with every conversation how skinny and beautiful she is .. I realized then she is a narc! She was projecting it on her husband! It was like a horror movie! I was with the narc the whole time!! It was kind of scary!!
I ran away after 6 years, and i jumped state from Adalaide to Brisbane in one day. that was when i realised i saved my life and felt that word sureal.so glad to be free. I've been single now for 14 years. i do not want to be with anyone, neither am i lonely. The last straw was when he tried to take God away from me. He was demonic im lucky to be alive and yeah the minute he knew i was not coming back . I bet the fist lie was im a widow my wife died woe is me. And he looks tough so when a tough man told me his woe I was a gonner. 😢 Any ways you have them pegged . Love God and i subscribe today Live from Australia
Sorry to hear. Glad you are safe. Abba supplies all our needs. I heard that the pan- e mic was crazy there. Did you had to di the test or take the shots?
My ex would toggle between being mean , lazy , stuck in his trauma to being nice and helpful and presenting his self as a hard worker but somehow always the victim…now I realize he was a master manipulator and cheater that purposely wouldnt keep a job and kept me mentally, emotionally and financially drained.
@@tomazavalkova4032 there is always a way out! Don’t give up hope! I had to outsmart my ex to get away and we were stuck in a lease together that he refused to sign
Is it possible they have CPTSD? The traits are similar but when they have peace in their lives then a kind human emerges. NPD’s are NOD’s through and through. It’s like CPTSD that got switched on permanently
You CAN get out of it, I did, it was very hard and stressful and first 2 yrs I thought I couldn't get along w/o him, but kept reminding myself of the deception I was living in. Now 4yrs on and I'm so much happier, enjoying friends, loving myself, lost weight and depression. 20 years with him, but no more praise God.
Omg Kris, he charged at me, screaming for me to get out. Later on, he told me I wasn't going to do anything. They are sick individuals. Scary. I have trusted God. God has removed him. I'm getting better every day. ❤ to all of you!
God revealed to me years ago that in reverence to abuse in my marriage or any marriage, the behavior of the abusing spouse is considered being unfaithful. In my case, my husband was found to be unfaithful because of the abuse he put me through. A spouse doesn't always have to commit adultery to be found unfaithful. The key word in the relationship is faithfulness towards the others' well-being. Abuse is not being faithful to the other spouse's well-being. That is solid grounds for divorce especially when the abusing spouse chooses not to "repent" of their actions or chooses not to "walk in love."
Thank you for bringing this explanation to light. My 2 friends who are pastor's wives insist that I should stay because he is not physically beating me or physically cheating. But, so much damage can occur before those things ever come about. And they have doting husbands....so it is no difference to them if I sit here and take it. They have their good life and have noooo idea what it is like!
Especially for women I would say 'run!' Why torture yourselves for years? Men are not perfect by any means, but when the pattern of narcissism is established, you're in deep trouble.
Kris I just stumbled on your videos. You have a good way of explaining things & I appreciate your knowledge on the subject. Ive been in the long process of healing from narcissistic abuse. Your videos are good reminders to me to stay vigilante & to stay in prayer. Thank you
You are describing my wife. Yes, I've suspected she's been a narcissist fro the last 20 years of 25 years of marriage. But I decided to sacrifice my ambitions for the sake of my children, one of whom was born disabled. I took up that cross reluctantly, but realise that my eldest disabled son was a gift, not a burden. And I'm prepared to ascribe her behaviour to the trauma of having a disabled baby. I should add that that baby is now 25, and has a great life, and is a joy to everyone he meets.
Same here brother. 28yrs and she decided to pretend she's 30 again and single shopping for a new replacement. I made a commitment to God and her that I honored unconditionally.
@@bajanboy2553 She love bombed me and seemed great. Even my Mom thought she was the one. Everything started changing well after we were married. I didn't know then what I know now about Covert Narcissists.
35 years I suffered with a covert, controling narcissist. His coddling mother was with him every step of the way.He controlled all money and in the end divorced me and alienated my kids from me.I completely lost my daughter but have to fight(by trying to educate) my other 2 boys , but the programming runs deep.I do not think he will ever , ever stop trying to wipe me off their minds and the earth.
I unwittingly married a classic covert narcissist before I had any clue about narcissism. I met him at church and his doting, fawning coddling mother introduced us! It was a miserable and confusing 13 marriage which happened rather quickly after only a 9 month courtship. It produced two beautiful children which was the only real blessings for me during that very painful 13 year marriage. I left him with two very young children (3 and years old) in tow and no money, job or home to escape his abuse. It was the hardest thing I have every had to do to protect myself and children but it was the right thing to do for me. Sadly in true classic narcissist form he spent the next 13 years in divorce continuing to try to manipulate me in divorce proceedings tying me up in court with vexatious motions he filed for years draining me emotionally and financially preventing me from moving on with my life. Sadly his obsessive revenge for me leaving him and taking our children spilled out our innocent and undeserving children to. He has slowly and systematically and with great calculation succeeded in totally alienating my now adult daughter (I haven't seen or spoke to her in over a year now which has gutted me, and he tried very very hard to alienate our son. Sadly my son couldn't mentally handle all his toxic programming efforts to learn to despise me as his mother which is a very evil thing to do to a child, and the manipulation by his father broke in his mind. My son is now suffering from severe addictions and mental illness unable to work or support himself. God has powerfully and miraculously saved his life several times from overdoses. The collateral damage this man has caused to me and especially our two children is unfathomable. God is protecting me with deep faith, courage, wisdom and real and present protection for me and my children as we continue to endure the effects of this covert narcissist who continues to try to manipulate me and our two children to their detriment. I am sorry for the length of my response here to your post, but I felt compelled to share after I read your post. Your ex did you a favour to initiate the divorce but he will never stop trying to hurt you or your 3 children. You MUST get support to endure this with wise, mature in the faith friends, family, professional help. I have been in therapy for years to heal from all the abuse which helps a lot. Most people who have not experienced this type of abuse have no clue what it is about. Kris totally gets this and I thank God for the UA-cam algorithm for finding her channel for me. I also continue to pray daily for God to deliver and heal my son completely, and to open the eyes of my daughter to his manipulations and that our relationship will be restored. I also pray God will heal my heart, mind, body and soul so that I can be fully present for another spouse/partner in life, who is truly in the Lord and who has my best interests at heart if this is God's will. I pray for you Denise for great wisdom, discernment, peace, joy and healing for yourself and your children and that God will continue to protect and provide for all of you. Never give up praying for your children, especially your daughter for her eyes to be opened to the truth and you both fully reconcile. In Jesus' name I pray. Natalie
I am sorry you have to endure this; fighting it only worsens and deepens the pain because it gives you a false sense of control or hope that you can change things; there’s nothing you can actively do. But passively reflect Christ through consistently being gracious, non-reactive, calm, peaceful, stable (the opposite of your spouse at his core, his facade can only last so long before breaking). You may lose all the battles but you will win the war. Let them go, because ultimately God has them- in His hands, more than you or your spouse. I am in the same boat and my child is only one but my husband has shown the signs, traits and behavior since I was pregnant. Triangulating me with my cat and our infant, talking badly about me to our child- all you can do is pray and let it all go. Everything takes time- the long game, is long suffering. Unfortunately. Praying for you.
I was raised by a narcissist. I married a narcissist. From there I was involved with two more. The last one almost took me out. This is when God stepped in. I had this stong conviction that I needed to get out of that relationship. I began to come across information on narcissism. Through gathering information and listening to your podcasts some others I now have a good understanding as why I have suffered from depression since my early teens. I also saw some of these narcissistic traits in myself. I believe that the last relationship was a giant eye opener. I began to pray and tell God that I did not want this evil in me. I thank God for giving me wisdom knowledge and understanding. So much has happened to me as a result of dealing with this evil spirit. Not only do I pray for myself. I'm very sensitive to the hurt and pain of other victims. I pray everyone who's suffering from this evil be delivered healed and set free in the name of Jesus. Amen 🙏🏾♥️
Amen...60 years. Ive been seeking healing for the past 4 years. The damage goes that deep. Everything iie..codependency hardwired into me. I finding out that in a lot of churches, you cant make "friends" unless you are doing things for them. I have been saying no and i watched what happened. All of a sudden , they stopped asking and asking. I was totally alone. There is no such thing as genuine christian fellowship anymore. You are either alone and ignored or accepted and their slave
Oh wow. I am so sorry you are having this experience in the church. I hope you get to a place where you start doing things that make you feel loved and at peace within.
There are different ways of looking at it. Serving in your church is serving God. It's ok to say no and to not be available for every request, but if you have a gift or a talent or an ability you want to use it for the service of God and you end up being blessed in return. "Slave" is a strong term that can cause bitterness and resentment. What does He want you to do, if anything, in your church?
That's very true. It's very hard to make genuine friends in the church as it is all based on what you contribute to them. I left my church in 2007 for valid reasons and no one has ever even asked me why, even though my husband still goes there and has constant contact with people I knew/know.
Fortunately we have choices to connect or disconnect and if we are not feeling satisfied with our perceptions of other peoples choices concerning us, we have to ask God to help us perceive the situations at hand in a way that will bring us more clarity and love from him. Most things that we make judgement calls on are learned judgement calls for certain behaviors and are not always true. Our minds love looking for validation for a particular experience and what it means for us because it gives us the feeling of solving a problem that will help us in the future to be confident in solving similar ones. It’s a safety preparedness thing our brain does.
I did this testing with my mom. She flew off the handle. Things like refusing to come over for Christmas then showing up Christmas night demanding her house and car keys back. Or randomly showing up and bringing all my kids toys back that we leave at her house when they visit. What came out when tested was very childish behavior. Waiting helps you not do things you will later regret like taking them back or excusing and overlooking their toxic treatment of you.
Unfortunately my mom was a narcissist. We think we all are in some ways. But- hers was officially her chain!! Self importance. Jealous envious demanding very low self esteem, . I gave my life to her and she turned on me bc of finally said no to her. She stopped talking to me after and deliberately named me NOT TO GET ANYTHING IN HER WILL- with the help of my “ darling” siblings
I love your show Ms. Reece! You're educating us on all on how to deal with and recognize these demonic people. Thank you! I am definitely living with one of these demons and I am desperately trying to get away. Just can't afford it with the economy being the way it is. I wish there were outlets to help women/men to get away from these folks. We need deliverance!
Staying in an abusive relationship for 42 years,was not because of any shortcoming in myself. It was because I promised at the alter when we got married to stay for better or worse. It was I wanted to keep my family from falling apart that I chose to take the suffering so that I could keep my children of the trauma of a divorce. It is because I believed that I could cope with the abuse until he would manage to change into the loving partner I prayed for. So,no no fault of mine caused me to stay. It was all to serve the greater good.
You are right on many things. I suffered for 20 years plus in a marriage and didnt know about narcissism especially the covert christian type. I used to think I was mad. I have more information and its easier to cope and i laugh more instead
Thank you so much 💗 I was very blessed by this video and your pray. My husband is a covert narcissist whose resorted to patterns of violence against me and our kids. I left him one month ago today. I wanted to leave in a “better way” but I ended up having to dial 911 and the way this has all panned out I’m now seeing Gods hand in it all to rescue me 💗 my Lord, my savior!! Thank you again for the prayer for discernment & recognizing my part in this.
I needed this Message i have always overlooked something in my Marriage. Because I always believed She would change. But she is a narcissist . I have just recently been learning about this behavior. from this channel and some others. Which has helped me to realize I'm not crazy and help me to protect my heart and pray to God. What Do I need to change in Me. Frist thing is realizing I can't fix this. God will have to fix this. I need to change me and find peace in my heart and mind.and pray for my wife .Thank you for your ministry.
This was definitely a perfect description of my ex, his mother and family members. They constantly would gaslight me as well. They called me a victim when I would confront them. I had to cut all of them off completely to keep my sanity and be healthier. I left knowing I would be called the villain and they all spoke poorly of me to anyone that would listen. I wasn't perfect for sure, and I did have a mental breakdown at the end. But I asked forgiveness and owned it, and also had to forgive myself for allowing what I did and for not loving myself well. My eyes are wide open now. And I have such a huge guard up not to allow these types of relationships in my life ever again. Anyone who has been through this I feel for you. I deeply understand how hard it is to do the inner work and heal. But it is possible. And I definitely watch words and actions even more than ever. I value selflessness, love, kindness and gentleness that asks for nothing in return. Any kind of relationship or love that is conditinal is never real. I value those relationships that are genuine even more. 👌 ❤
I tested everything you said. And boy did i become mortified 😮. I then had to pray for the lord to get me out 🙏. And finally it happened 🙏. Praise God 🙏. Thank you Lord Jesus Christ 🙏😊
Amen. Thank you for the prayer. I have problems with boundary setting’s due to upbringing. Father help us with discernment and help us to keep our soft heart. In Jesus name x
Re:Boundary settings due to upbringing." If you've grown & experienced toxicity, it becomes your normality, unfortunately. "Do unto others how one would like people to treat you" These demons aren't of God so they take advantage of your giving self with the outcome usually being destroying you mentally & sometimes physically by using you as a punch bag...simple When they met you...they admired whatever strengths you had because they didn't possess those qualities...& quietly jealous of those characteristics...so they destroy you over time & blame you for their well planned manipulative behaviour towards you...simple
I was 37 years victim of a covert narcissist. I am still in divorce proceedings after almost 5 years in Court. Thank you for your videos. As a Christian you answered my many questions that I had. God bless you.
Thank you Kris, I have been educating myself over the last three years, becauseI began to think I was crazy, Iam a Christian and married to a Christian, and what I have endured as a woman of faith, is really excruciating! I now understand, and I have been able to speak my truth, have stronger boundaries, but it is a daily battle. Asking the Lord is it time to leave this toxic person. I have accepted the fact my husband will not change.
Oh yeah, it's so plausible isn't it? It's totally crazy making. A 40 year friend. It was "yes, I'm going to NC with you" 7 days before. And then, 2 days before said "I forgot about the church paint walk, oh so I don't know. Next she calls and she's driving. Crazy making.
I briefly dated (6 weeks) a covert narcissist. He quickly showed he was fine with me paying for dinner dates and was hypersensitive when I would say things, he’d give me a 24 hour time out, he completely went silent and wouldn’t answer calls or text trying to explain myself. I found myself walking on eggshells trying to watch my words so he wouldn’t misunderstand what I said. I also found myself apologizing over and over. I recognized I was in a relationship that wasn’t healthy so I broke up with him. He begged me not to but I couldn’t deal with his ways. It’s been 5 years and he’s still trying for us to get back together, even though he has a girlfriend. I refuse. I think he wants to get back so he can have the opportunity to breakup with me. Nobody has ever broken up with him. I could be wrong but the more I learn about narcissists, I’m convinced he’s one.
You are correct! Steer clear of this creep! I'm so happy you saw the signs early and escaped!! I had never heard of narcissism nor did I know of any of its insidious signs, so I tried to "make it work" for 30 years and wondered what was wrong with me! UGH! If I had only known!!
Just wanted to say thank you this was amazing help with you questions I saw that I was so bothered by the C N because I already felt inferior but working through it i saw we all have value the tiny cogs and the big cogs we're all part of the mechanism and everyone brings something. When I stopped feeling inferior their actions no longer bothered me.. I no longer had the bald green head worry 😊which was a brilliant metaphor. And instead of me suffering I feel sad for them. And as it's not my job to correct them I feel truly free and impervious to their efforts etc.. It truly is liberating thank you
I had no idea until today that my ex-best friend has every trait of a covert narcissist. I always knew something was off, but this is an epiphany! I understand why God removed her from my life much better now.
My ex best friend of twenty four years was removed this year from my life. It’s painful to know I couldn’t accept the red flags. It made me a bit colder but I know God knows best so I accept. She was taking me for granted and taking my kindness for weakness and jealous of me. She would say some mean and unnecessary things and I would dismiss it, God said no no you ain’t taking my child for granted. God is good and faithful.
@@tailsthefox6568 Pray for me that God makes a way for me to exit my babies dad, as I often feel he is a covert narcissist. In the name of Jesus, amen. 🙏 thank you
@@shiningstar7793 I am praying for you that God will make a way for your and your babies to get away from the abusive narcissist in your life! Praying for God's comfirt and provision! Also for good people to come into your life and to help and support you! In Jesus name, Amen! 🙏💜
2023 has been a transformational year for me. I have been on a journey at weeding out toxic people from my life for 2 and a half years now, which has been the majority of the people in my life. Friends and family alike. I decided to test these people and oh my gosh! The majority have ALL turn their back on me. Im like, WHAAAAT! has been an excruciating and dark time for me. It took me on a very informative journey on fixing MYESELF!! To see why I "attracted" these types of people. It's called people pleasing or being to nice. In finding this out I was so embarrassed. But now after watching your videos along with others I have also found out that this stemmed from childhood trauma. Now it all makes sense. I am continuing on working on myself to better of who I am and setting boundaries.
You are going through what ALOT of us are, just know you're not alone,GOD 🙏🏽 is showing us. we know now, and that's our battle...we will win, and the people will either see, or they don't. im dealing with it now even from my own children 😢 But know this; still love them, we just accept and let's train them up to know how to spot these demonic people,and make sure they don't be people pleasers, and surely don't turn out like them. That they know what boundaries are, and how to put them up. ❤❤❤ Much love too you I know how lonely this Walk can get. Pastor Kevin la Ewing is a great teacher he taught me Soo much God bless you 🙏🏽
I completely understand you!!! It's so heart wrenching and this journey of figuring everything out, unlearning and educating yourself to not fall back in the cycle again is so hard and overwhelming at times. I hope and pray to God to really get to where I need to be because I seriously thought I was not going to make it out from the mindset I was in last year and even though this year has been better than last year I have to Thank God that today I am a bit more stronger 🙏
I hope and pray to God that when you get to where you need to be you can use everything as a testimony to help others 🙏✨️ Only we know how hard it can be to get out of this cycle 💔
This is my husband. Such lies to get me to marry him but I found that out to late. I could not completely understand or explain the situation and pain I have and do experience until listening to you. I try to show him biblically how he is wrong in how he is living but his ears are closed and he says I’m judging him. He has so many of the traits you speak ok. Our marriage is more like just living in the same house together. I pray and pray….. please pray for us!
Oh, and yes, I did ignore a lot of the signs, hoping things would get better as her insecurity diminished. That is not what happened. She was not interested in growing as a person, not at all. And I had no idea she was so messed up at first. It was only since the fall of 2023 when I came across videos on UA-cam that helped me make sense of what had gone on with her. And to find this Christian perspective is so wonderful. Thank you.
Thanks so much for your wisdom and discernment. I've felt for one 3yrs ago, tried to finish the relationship few times but was manipulated to stay and give it another try. Felt trapped but finally breaking free - best to block all contact with the abuser or you will never escape their snare. Thanks again
Amen!! This video was just where I was- I needed this!! Im divorcing my altruistic, narc husband. Its with a very heavy heart, bc its devastated our family. I take care of my 24 y.o. disabled daughter, and Im now doing it alone, which, as horrible as it sounds, is so much better than doing it with my hyper controlling, manipulative, hypervigilant, husband. He pretended to be a believer in God, at least- which he is not!! God has shaped circumstances where I am teleased from him. I was so willing to be " rescued" when I was young, and gullible. God has lead me through all of this in His mysterious ways. Im so thankful- its the hardest thing, so far, but the thought of EVER trusting any man again, is just unthinkable. Thank you for this video. Very helpful.
Exactly what I got caught up in without knowing until it was too late at my last church. I’m thankful I stood my ground, but it took it’s toll mentally and healing is taking place now that I’m out
It is so crucial that we look at ourselves just like you said. If we don’t, we will repeat the pattern with this one or a new one until we heal ourselves. Yes, we were victims of abuse, but if we stay stuck in that mentality, it will continue. I’ve heard the research that it takes an average of SEVEN times of back and forth with the toxic person (NPD or not) until we finally move on. I’m embarrassed to say I’m on the 6th discard in 6 and a half years. I’m finally piecing the lessons together and healing. It’s been a very painful journey. The reason why we get wrapped up is rooted in our childhoods. God is so amazing and lets us go through this to heal those wounds. He is faithful and is with us every step of the way. Dont give up. Focus on yourself and learn the lessons so you can be free! ❤
I already notice several similarities between the “covert” and “overt” narcissistic. They think too highly of themselves, yet covet what others posses, great impersonators, etc.
Kris, thank you so much for all your video teaching, it is setting me free from a toxic relationship and God is healing my own issues, at the same time. You were an answer to fervent prayer!
I recently confronted a "friend" from church about some controlling and insensitive remarks she made. She immediately started screaming at me about how I was unkind, un Christ like and should be concerned about my soul...I did react and raise my voice saying "you need to understand..." not knowing what I was dealing with. Your videos have been so helpful. She told me to never call again which I was happy to do. THEN she sent an apology proclaiming her love, lecturing about kindness, asking forgiveness for this "misunderstanding" and telling me about HER bad day. After talking with my family and my counselor I have not responded to her letter and will not. I feel a bit uncomfortable at church seeing her..if she asks about my lack of r
Thank you Miss Reece!! 🙏❣️🍁🍁🍁 Your spiritual counsel has helped me so much to rely on GOD; every angle of the dangle, it’s been a divine support all the way, for me!!! 🙏❣️ It’s been almost a year now, since the break up with fiancé-narc. He did come back and being the tender person I am, accepted him in the LORD, but soon the reality of no change, was evident. I do pray he will “come to the knowledge of CHRIST” get humble and get healing!! 🕊️ I am a born-again Christian, and I can say JESUS is my number one gentleman!!! HE will never let me down, His Love is unconditional and I am forgiven. And to anyone who reads this, Jesus will never forsaken you; ask him to be the love of your heart and trust Him. HE truly loves us like no one can❤ I’ve learned so much and GOD has sustained me through my own faults and everything!!! And HE will for anyone who calls upon the Name of the LORD❤ “HE has plans to prosper each and every one of us”!! We do have a bright future!!! 🕊️ Thank you again for your channel, wisdom and relentless pursuit of GOD!! You shine Miss Reese!! 🙏 ❤️ 🕊️ 🦅👧🏻 Love n blessings!!!
Super helpful. Especially using the filter of faith and the Word. Excellence! "I was only kidding" or "it's just a joke" dodging responsibility and blame shifting all in one move. These people are skilled at being impossible, lol. You are a treasure madame. You are a gift from God. Discernment!?!? Of coarse! Hello? Where have I been!?!? Of coarse pray about this specifically! Thank you so much. This alone will be revolutionary for me. Is this a guy thing? My blind spot i mean. Some areas women have an advantage with. A wise man has a wife or sister in his councel. I think your show is a lifesaver. Codependency is a potentially deadly disease. - Melody Beattie
I read one time that a spoken word can never be taken back. That’s a tough one to chew on for any of us. A narcissist however doesn’t consider this at all. I have been I year no contact and just before my divorce she comes out of nowhere trying to take half of everything and wants alimony. Such an evil mind these folks have. So selfish and self absorbed. I truly feel sorry for her. I hope that she will humble herself before the Lord and be set free of such a miserable life. Love to you all that are dealing with a narcissist or have had to and are finally set free. It is quiet the life experience.
@@retha6504 just my experience, as I have read hundreds of the same. It doesn’t get better. A line has to be drawn. And the narcissist will not draw it. They are living right where and how they want to live. I pray you are free soon!
Just to let you know when I divorced my husband I chose not to get a lawyer, chose not to file with friend of the court and chose not to file for child support. I used (divorce writer) it was 149.00 I told him just pay what you can and that was probably 250.00 a month, with 4 Children. Not every month and there were times I didn’t see anything for a while. The marriage was very difficult for 19 years because of his abusive ways and unfaithfulness but I wanted to be kind by not welding the female authority that the state would give me, the Father has blessed me in many ways. These women who abuse this power given to them by the state will become miserable in the end, you can’t hurt and take advantage even if someone hurt you. I feel bad for the men who cant afford much because the ex wife has completely taken advantage of their full power and not just financially but withholding the children also by not allowing the Dad to see them. We’re talking a healthy Dad here not an Abusive one, that I would understand.
Amen and Amen! Thank you for your prayers. I have been praying Luke 12:2 over my Christian daughter who has found herself in covert narcissistic relationship.
I'm finding this odds that all of a sudden the word narcissism has been coming up in in UA-cam this past year or two. Define helps explain what I was dealing with with one of my parents all my life. They nearly drove me insane. I've had to separate myself from them and the rest of the family this past year. No it is not been easy I'm doing it so I can heal both emotional and physically. My body has taken a toll for 45 years.
It certainly has been in the spotlight for the past several years. Maybe it's many peoples searching for answers in an age that is possibly the most narcissistic in history. Maybe it's God's providence to prepare us for discerning good vs. evil. Be careful out there - many mental health professionals, don't believe it, some who do believe don't understand it, most people don't understand it. I think the confusion is due to most narcissistic abuse is done covertly, behind closed doors. And narcissists are so good at deception that they can warp reality enough to make many people think you have a mental disorder and they are perfectly normal.
The only problem I see with the neighbor, Mr Jones, is the fact that I can dismiss the lies and disrespect of a neighbor that I don't have to live with. It's a lot more difficult when it's somebody who is supposed to be the leader in the home. You're supposed to be able to trust the leader of the home. Lies and disrespect from your spouse hit a lot deeper than just being upset. When your spouse decides to just not go to work or call out from work because they know it will drive you crazy, it is a threat. You are stuck in a hopeless hellscape with this person. It's easy to walk away from Mr Jones.
What to do in that kind of situation? I pray Jesus shows us how to deal with that. Also, would like to know how to handle a situation where two of the family members that you live with one is covert and another overt?
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Thank you, Kris! We value your insight and resources that help many people like myself to be able to move forward in a way that cultivates healthier ways of facing our challenges in our lives. This is changing people from the inside out! Yahweh bless you for the gifts He has purposed you with! ❤😌
Amen.
EVERYTHING YOU SAID IN THIS BROADCAST IS TRUUUUUEEEEEEEEEE. THANK YOU SO SO SO SO MUCH
Luke 1:37
So helpful! Love and ready to apply your teachings in practical ways! God bless you and thanks for all you do!
19 years of marriage and it was year 18.5 that i finally learned the word " narcissist". I tried for years to figure out the right combination of things to do and say that would make him finally happy with me, but i didn't realize that he pulled everything in and would give nothing back like a black hole in outer space. I finally escaped and God gives me the strength to stay no contact and He has provided for me. I will never go back
God bless you for finding out allot of us are still blind
I want to be able to say what you just said
I'm leaving tomorrow.I'm getting in the truck.That's ours and driving off.After 18 years of marriage, 20 years of with being with tleonard.I'm doing it.I have to whisper this so he doesn't hear it
THANK YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just left my 7 year of marriage from living with a narcissist man. I have left him before we got married but I thought he had changed since he was claiming to be a minister now. He didn’t curse but used the word of God to justify his behavior. For example When did not agree then I was not following his lead as the head. I did not respect his leadership. I would cry out to God daily to help me to be a better wife. I was being tormented everyday. I felt like I was having a nervous breakdown. I just walked out my marriage. I could not live another second with him. I will not speak or text. It is all a ploy. No contact and stay in prayer.
I was married to an abuser who fit the profile of a narc. I begged God regularly for relief for 14 years. I kept begging God to show me if he was cheating so I would have Biblical grounds for divorce. It was such a relief when he left me for another woman.
why did u not leave HIM? no need to b a doormat.
@@Lauren-vd4qepeople struggle with leaving
i dont understand why pple would WANT to STAY with a person who abuses them ie acts like they hate them. its ridiculous. 2 Tim 3:5 tells us to AVOID people who act badly towards us. @@J.F611
So sad that the church doesn't understand God's love does not expect you to stay in abusive relationship
Churches push you to stay… or tell you that you have no grounds to divorce.
Sometimes pastors will bully you to stay… especially if the narc spouse has everyone convinced you are the bad person…
Very informative. They can’t handle any type of criticism but certainly love to dish it out.
AMEN!!!!🙏
No they certainly can’t … you are 100% right!!!
Exactly! 👍🏾
After 55 years of marriage, I have finally learned about Narcissism.
I'm divorcing my husband who fits the description of Covert and Malignant to a tee. I'm grieving the lost years I have spent trying to appease this man's control over me. Everything you have described fits my sorry life. I'm now 80 years old. He has discarded me for another woman. I finally GET IT! The Lord has helped me in so many ways!
I will trust him to the end of my life!!
Thank you for your insightful videos. I listen to the videos concerning Narcissists many times a day to shore me up to face getting through each and every day.
Praise god🙏🏾
@NancyPate-e2m did you pretend you were happy to outsiders in your marriage?
WOW 80? what a queen!
I'm so sorry you had to deal with this but remember God is a redeemer of time!!
@@NancyPate-e2m I'm so sorry, Nancy! I'm praying God blesses you & restores years the locusts have stolen from you and surrounds you with loving friends & family! 🙏❤️🩹🙏
Chris, after 30 years I finally learned about narcissism. I am in a terrible situation. Please prayer for me.
@@genevieveyhap-zebro952 praying for you 🙏🏽❤️
@@genevieveyhap-zebro952 my prayers 🙏🙏🙏
@@genevieveyhap-zebro952 praying!!!!
You don’t have to stay if your that miserable
@gebevieveyhap-zebro952 you've been lied to & tricked by the enemy. You are stronger than you know & God is with you & will be with you the whole way. Pray & ask for strength & discernment. Sending prayers & hugs.
The worst thing about narcissists is that when you call out a narcissist, they end up accusing, arranging your arrest, and putting YOU on trial for THEIR crimes. They create your jury before you know they want to arrest you. They are vicious, and I wish no one would call them insecure, fearful, or damaged simply because that erases their accountability.
My narc husband has gone to meet his maker. He taught the children well - they continue to despise me.... They even quote the Bible at me - one of them is praying God will smash my teeth....
I understand but they are very insecure people and that's why they need a supply so everything they blame you for it's what they feel about themselves but I get you becos it's as if we are making excuses for them.
Amen
@@tvdb5299 Please pray for them and dont engage when they are rude. Just be quiet and if you can speak in truth with the discernment of the Holy Spirit and I'm having to do this with my children. It's so hurtful
@@nickymunnik5729 thank you for your encouragement.. I just keep remembering that 'our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed'.
It can take awhile to recognize a covert narcissist but it usually is revealed when there is a conflict and you will see that they never acknowledge your perspective. Everything is for them all the time.
Oh my gosh this is exactly what happened to me. It wasn’t until our first conflict that things blew up. It has been living hell since then. We just broke up for good and I am trying to recover my identity which got so berated by him.
Praise God you weren’t married to him. That’s a blessing! Now do the hard work so you don’t end up that way again. 🙏
@@sxfnlc what a blessing to have found you and your insightful message !
❤my empathy pours out of me for, not just you, but each & everyone of us who survived a relationship with a narcissistic. May God continue to bless us, everyone. HE truly deserves all the praise we can give him for supporting & guiding us through life.
I wanna remind everyone in chat...yes you can have some of these traits or have done something like that. But how did you feel about it? Do you want to change? Then, no you're not a narcissist. If you care how your behavior affects others then you've probably just been wounded and you're healing. God bless you and everyone here. He loves all of us, even them!
Hi. Thanks for your comment. It gives me some hope. I was wondering if you could help. I haven't officially been diagnosed with narcissism, but I have a lot of traits and I just don't know what to do. One of the traits is that I lack real remorse. Do I want to change? Yes. I just don't know how I could. I've been hiding my traits really well, 'cause I know they are sinful behaviour and I don't want people to find out how awful and selfish I really am. I've often prayed to God to change me. But it's like I've only learned more how to mask and avoid things. Real change hasn't occurred. And I've wondered if it's even possible to change, because what would be left of me if all the narcissistic traits would be taken away? I'm afraid there is nothing else. I feel like I'm empty.
@@sherlockhomeless7138 My personal belief is that we are who we choose to be. I don't know your story; considering so, it's very trusting of you to ask a stranger online for help. I noticed your name is "homeless"...are you currently living outside, or is that how you feel on the inside...or both? Words carry so much power with them, so when you say "I am", then so you become.
My best guess, without knowing anymore is that perhaps there's a memory block,or something making you think you can't feel remorse. Did you try asking Holy Spirit for help revealing memories of people you need to forgive, and negative experiences to let go? The magnet of our first 1-5 years is so strong! To break that cycle is an immense feat. Only a hero can do that! I'm sure you're up to it. I'm praying for your personal revival! God bless you.
@@sherlockhomeless7138 if you can feel for other people when they are in despair like you really hurt emotionally for them to the point you really can’t sleep because you care about what they are going through ya know Empathy like knowing someone whether close or not to you might suffer through a really cold night and you’d be willing to sacrifice to give them a break or wish you could help then you might be just suffering from reactive abuse and numb because of reactive abuse and not realize it… Narcs pretend to care about other people they really aren’t capable of true selflessness but don’t be a sucker to manipulative or gaslighting people Remember narcissistic tendencies and behavior are on a spectrum ❤ Hope this helps a lot of people that are true empathy will second guess themselves Dr. Ramani is the Best she has videos on everything just search it up😊
@@sherlockhomeless7138 just realized you put that you were officially diagnosed…I believe self aware narcissist can change just take a lot of time to get there and Hopefully sooner…. God Bless you 🙏🫶
right, I agree,
Amen. I was married to a covert narcissist for 27 years and didn't recognize it until he walked away from our marriage. Now I am still enduring a 7-year, ongoing process for divorce. His passive aggressiveness has been dreadful and the narcissism has grown so bold throughout the divorce process. I actually need prayer discerning what to fight for and how hard to fight for it when it comes to the settlement at this point. He very literally feels no responsibility for anything he's done and feels no need for restitution. Long story short, I suffered a medical injury and can no longer work and literally, God pays my bills... miracle by miracle each month. God is so amazing!! I love seeing how God is working in my life and through my life, but I want to be legally free from this man and I truly want this divorce over ... please pray.
You’re just the person I’ve been looking for! THANK YOU FOR COMING AT NARCISSISM FROM A CHRISTIAN PERSPECTIVE! ❤
AMEN! Such a blessing 🙏🏼🤍🦾
Amen ❤
Best definition I’ve heard of a covert narcissist, “wolf in sheep’s clothing”.
No. Evil is best word that fits with any type of narcissist
Yes a wolf in sheep's clothing!!!
Real evil demonic individuals!
These selfish beings are abundant globally. They sold their sold to satan. God doesn't praise evildoers.
My covert narcissist husband was always accusing me of being a "manipulative game player". I was always being as direct with him as possible about the problems that I was facing in our relationship, and he always accused me of being manipulative. One day I asked him how he could "tell" when I was being a manipulative game player. He said when I am so sad that it almost makes him want to cry. But then he realizes that I am "just manipulating him" and he stops it. In other words, any time empathy creeps into his heart, he crushed it. I didn't realize that the very thing they are accusing you of doing is what THEY are doing. HE was the manipulative game-player.
People always see in other what they are
That’s exactly it. My ex of 15 years never had anything to say about me until I would tell him what he was doing. Then he would flip it and tell me that’s what I was doing. He NEVER had new material 🙄
In their world people are deceitful because they are so and they see through those lenses. Forgive since they are deeply wounded and doing that keeps them safe and afloat, but don't forget how made you feel and get away from them.
Oh yeah- projection is huge with them
I found that in most cases a finger pointed at you should be pointed right back at them
As a Christian, I appreciate the fact that you reinforce your knowledge with quoted scripture, not just claiming, “the Bible says…”! We are suppose to teach chapter by chapter and verse by verse! Thank you for the advice and biblical support on this topic.
That's is correct!!!!
I do too!
This is one of the best comments I've read about Kris' work xxx
I get apologies from my narcissistic husband, but NO change in behavior. That is NOT a True apology. Even God expects a change of heart reflected in changed behavior.
Its terrible when you have nowhere else to go, you can't leave the house, and have no resources to leave, but he wont leave either
@@americandefender1861 this is so sad 😔 I been going threw this 22 yes now I don't have a way out right now no money no place to go
@@americandefender1861 Pray for God's will to be done and follow His lead. He sees every single second and every tear, and that abuser will have consequences for their own actions. If you obey and follow God, I know He will lead you out stronger than you ever were before, and He will do justice for you and your family. I have been there.
I understand what you mean.
Please continue to pray. Christ our Lord will hear your prayer when the time is right. Faith moves mountains. I pray you find your freedom through Christ, like I did. God bless you and yours
@Pilgrim06 thank you! It seems like thats all we do.
If I'm having a good day, a happy day, or even just smile, his mood changes to negative instantly.
They definitely hate to see you happy & sometimes you’ll find yourself hiding your smile & happiness in an effort to not initiate their attacks ‼️
Yes!!! Same with my husband. I know after 15 years how he chiseled away the joy in my soul… or at least the ability or desire to express it.
Experience this all the time ‼️ And if I’m not in a good mood, he’s all happy and crap. It always is the same. He will never be on my same page. So weird.
@@JuleslovesJesus4everyeah I’m there too at 8 years…and I have to get out. My mother is the same way, and now they BOTH live w me, so it’s about to get ugly. Just can’t deal anymore
They can not be happy. It is a mind Disease. It is a shrinking brain nerve cells disease. Created in childhood. So helping them be happy, be better? Forget it. And if they literally can not be happy, they do not want to see others be happy. Because they see you have something they want to have, but never will, and they are aware
They know how to play the guilt card, for sure, as part of their manipulation. They will lie to you about a situation & when you sense it & say “No” to the bait, they try to make you feel like a bad person who doesn’t care.
This was one of the top teachings I have ever heard on covert narcissism. The best part was your prayer, and I cried right through it as they have been my own words for so long. Never has anyone prayed online for us regarding our situations on UA-cam (not that I have seen in my research).
What a blessing Kris. Thank you.
The moment I started testing, all the family and friends that I had supported financially and emotionally for decades all turned on me and started their smear campaign
That's so shocking and heartbreaking right? The betrayal from so many was unbelievable! Now I see it as God purging all of them out my life
Thank you, Kris. You're one of the few Christians who have a deep understanding of covert narcissism. I’m a survivor of narcissistic abuse. It appears to me as if the church for the most part is uneducated about narcissism even though it appears to thrive in the church
Excellent comment!!!
There are many ppl in church that wins both economical and emotionally to not being held accountable.
90 % of pastors are narcissist
@@marialindahl1855exact zero accountability is taught in church
This is my mom. Everything on this list is her. I went no contact this summer. I keep seeing the mutual people in our lives that keep buying her sob story. It’s sad but I keep my mouth shut and wait on the Holy Spirit to expose because it’s not my place to bash her and bad mouth her to people. That will do me no good in my healing and it’ll just give her fuel.
Amen to keeping to yourself and waiting on the Lord. Every single thing in His perfect time.
@@importdoc7yup
O na mate kawaca
Brilliant! This is my mother too. Going no contact was really difficult for me, but the freedom and peace is extraordinary.
Well done I am in the same predicament. We can only keep ourselves safe ❤
I stuck it out, with a family member...for decades. They're a war child. I learned all about it. They dreamed of the wars at night and lived them during the day. Only after this member faced a deathly illness and lived...only then did I see change. But for some reason, i was different, to be able to stick it out like i did. I know that. Nobody knows the wars i faced with them. But today, oh! Such a sweet time we have now. The sensitivity, the laughter, the new memories. Everyday I'm grateful. This is for those who stick it out.
Do you think that they were saved by Jesus?
@@bonniemoerdyk9809 hi, yes!
I just figured out a friend is a covert narcissist. I think she got mad because I told her no when she asked me for personal information. Thereafter, I tried to share good news with her and she said she wished that I would shut up about it.
I told myself, your wish is my command. That was the day I went no contact.
😂🥇✊
Exactly what I did to my ex narc friend who was constantly after me to get "the news" so that she could use it for her favourite hobby - gossiping! 😅
Thank you. I divorced my narcissistic abusive husband after close to 8vyears of marriage. I found out after that he physically, emotionally and psychologically abused his deceased wife.
The church needs to be educated as to how to support victims. We are taught to stick it out and submit. He distorted scriptures pertaining to submission. He was a controller and took advantage of me financially.
I got out and I am thankful.
I am glad I understand the scriptures and departed from evil. The Lord delivered me and I had to cooperate with the Lord's plan for my deliverance.
Thank you for sharing!! It's really a serious condition that these people have, it's how they are wired!!
God bless Chris Reese. The Lord is using her to educate the church. Pray for Chris as the power of darkness are not pleases at how she exposes the work of the enemy. God bless you Chris.
Went through the same thing.
Submission means to submit to his mission… he is the bread winner, provider… that’s what we are supposed to submit to. Like men in the military… when they get moved around, the wives pack up and go and do things to support him in that way. But, they tend to think of it as though you are a slave and an outlet for their frustrations and issues.
Thank you. I think you are so far from a victim basher. The beauty of realizing the ability we have to take control over our own emotions by dealing with our own identity before God has so much value
Amen
I was dating a man who was very slow at pulling out his wallet after a meal that he ordered and he ate.. As he opened up the dollar pouch, he would pause and glance up at others at the table. Someone always got uncomfortable and offered to get his bill. We didn't continue dating. I like your comment about people who always wait for others to wait on them.
My Mother. She died in 2021 and I’d gone no contact. I don’t miss her and it was a relief. I didn’t used to see
My father was a narcissist too. We called him Saint Bob. Thank God for my grandmother. She was my role model. I left town young and stayed gone. My four siblings are so different from me and sucked up. When my dad died last year I was left out of the sizable estate. I’d been threatened over and over to play ball or I’d be “out”. My husband observed their threats and behavior and finally told them to lose our number. Best thing he has ever done! He truly loves me and it’s a healthy relationship. We’ve been married 21 years. No surprise tho I had early disastrous marriage because he behaved just like they did. I was never enough. Getting free is a necessity.
If a man so slow to pull his wallet 🤣. I’ll never seen again😂 you don’t want your kids to have a father like that scarcity mindset 🤣
Being cheap is a narcissist 😂
Goodness me
I can steer clear of the most narcissists, but the ones who are masters at staying under the radar, I am easy prey. Thank you for this lesson.
Abusers and narcissists and sociopaths prey on people who are not worldly.
That's right, masters at staying under the radar...worst kind. God bless.
Just learnt after 15 years have been struggling with my narsism from my spouse and now I know what am dealing with
Yet they accuse us of being selfish if we are merely confident in our choices, decisions.
13 years, after his death the lies and cheating exposed. Healing from life starting with mother being a narcissist.
Mine had a PhD in Passive Aggression. It was maddening.
I totally understand
Yep! So maddening that I ended up having a nervous breakdown. I'm still suffering the health repercussions of it after 16 years!
Thank you! I’ve been married to a man just like your teaching about for 57 years! It’s horrible and he never changes! It’s pathetic. He says he’s a Christian but I know he isn’t! Crazy! I love your program! ❤
How did u stay married for 57 years if it was horrible?
@1corinthians139 some people feel trapped. These narcissists are selfish and make you feel horrible if you want to get away from them... my best friend has been stuck for approximately 46 years.
I agree. It's very sad that they will put their own happiness and soul above their spouse's.
Christians are narcissistic
I was trapped in a marriage. Leaving was the hardest thing I have done. How was I going to support my self and three kids? Where do I live? Not to mention a lot of people in my church did not believe in divorce, no support. Should I add that it is always the woman fault.
This was so helpful, Kris! Especially about the "triggering effect". My spouse often catches me off-guard with his narc actions...I get broadsided which causes me to have a knee-jerk response almost every time. I end up "reacting" with strong emotion versus "responding" in a calm and collected way and feel like the loser. Not every time, but at certain times depending on how bad the thing he did is! He has become a constant trigger for me and like the woman at the end of your video, his very presence repels me now. I cannot appreciate anything he does at this point because I know his heart is not in it and he is just going through the motions. Like you said, he is not "relating" to me, just playing me and using me. 25 years of dealing with this person, but the worst has been since his retirement 2 years ago. His narcissism has been in full view, the mask is off (it's only "on" for others), and God has helped me put all the pieces of the puzzle together. It is a miserable experience/existence that truly stunts a Christian's growth and well-being. I do handle it better than I used to, but he still can trip me up.
Ex actl
😊
Y
God help you! It’s actually a sign you are in the Lord bc otherwise satan wouldn’t need to poke you
That's right. Not sure how much more I can take, though. 25 years is a long time to deal with someone who does not love you, but you love them and give them your "all" in spite of their abuse! The only reason I am still with him is because I don't want to do something God hates (divorce). But sometimes, you just have to do what you have to do for self-preservation.
God also calls us to peace my dear sister. God hates divorce but He hates abuse and mistreatment of wives even more. Pray. You are dealing with an unbeliver and have every right to depart 1 Corinthians 7:15. 🙏
It is great to hear you teach on the discernment we need as Christians vs the passivity that often occurs, and that comparison. Yes, confusing or conflicting messages often exist with Christians on what is right. Thank you.
Complete lack of accountability drives me crazy. I think I'm still in denial about how much the abuse affected me.
That’s because the regular, moral person does not fathom the 24/7 Game that the Narcissist plays! That precise Issue…Still causes me to be in Shock & Speechless over the Narc.’s Shenanigans.
Once you understand the Depth of Malignancy, you Can’t NOT SEE the TACTICS EVER AGAIN. I suppose a Good Analogy would be: If you had a ProQuarterback that you had followed from Day One, you’d almost be able to predict his Moves before they unfolded… And that’s what starts happening with a Narcissist, once you Understand that what they do is Truly, a Personality Protocol that: Lacks Empathy, or, normal human Connection & Love… To include in part: Respect, Dignity, Civility, Loyalty, Reciprocity, & True Sharing in Tasks, Compromise, & Shared Honesty. instead, the Narc. is Transactional = What can they get fm. you & do they need to Fake any Generous Action to Manipulate you?;
The Narc. Believes they are Entitled to Dictate & Control, Trick & Lie, cheat & Steal to Manipulate in order to control for their Purposes; to Deny the Truth & Even Call You Crazy when you Repeat their Exact Words, said the prior Moment. They believe Your Efforts to Create: Any & All Achievements, they have a RIGHT to… Especially, if you are Gullible enough to allow them to Steal Whatever! They Need to Teach you that Lesson … just Because…
The Lack of a Moral Compass isn’t an Appropriate Description… It’s worse than That… Their Compass is Hallow & Guides Exactly OPPOSITE of all Truth! They’re like a kid playing Monopoly & They are the “CHEATING BANKER”… Truly Joyous When they WIN! Even though it was by Hook & Crook! They Believe Life is Supposed to be for THEIR PICKING!
There are 8 TYPES of Narcs. & they can be MaX Malignant… Or~ To the Lighter Side of the Spectrum! But, these people are REALLY into a Personality Style, Permanent Brain Groove protocol!
🙏🏻Hope this helps!☀️🕊🍃
I had a close friend convince me her husband was a narc… but as we got closer she kept telling how beautiful she was and everyone is jealous and wants to be her. She started accusing me of wanting to be her.. and honestly and sincerely I never had that weakness.. she kept telling with every conversation how skinny and beautiful she is .. I realized then she is a narc! She was projecting it on her husband! It was like a horror movie! I was with the narc the whole time!! It was kind of scary!!
I ran away after 6 years, and i jumped state from Adalaide to Brisbane in one day. that was when i realised i saved my life and felt that word sureal.so glad to be free. I've been single now for 14 years. i do not want to be with anyone, neither am i lonely. The last straw was when he tried to take God away from me. He was demonic im lucky to be alive and yeah the minute he knew i was not coming back . I bet the fist lie was im a widow my wife died woe is me. And he looks tough so when a tough man told me his woe I was a gonner. 😢 Any ways you have them pegged . Love God and i subscribe today Live from Australia
😊love from Australian ❤ Amen
Sorry to hear. Glad you are safe. Abba supplies all our needs.
I heard that the pan- e mic was crazy there. Did you had to di the test or take the shots?
I am ready to learn how to see this person before I get hurt again😢
Your channel is such a blessing. The heaviness is lifting. Thank you.
Thank you Kris for also BASING A LOT OF WHAT YOU SAY WITH HOMY SCRIPTURE!
It’s the ONLY way to know what the TRUTH IS…❤️❤️❤️
I stand only because of the goodness of God. Who rescued me . And restored my heart.. what an awesome God we serve 😂😂❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Amen and amen!! Only God did it!! Indeed!!❤
My ex would toggle between being mean , lazy , stuck in his trauma to being nice and helpful and presenting his self as a hard worker but somehow always the victim…now I realize he was a master manipulator and cheater that purposely wouldnt keep a job and kept me mentally, emotionally and financially drained.
This is exactly where I am now and looks like no way out
@@tomazavalkova4032 there is always a way out! Don’t give up hope! I had to outsmart my ex to get away and we were stuck in a lease together that he refused to sign
Is it possible they have CPTSD? The traits are similar but when they have peace in their lives then a kind human emerges. NPD’s are NOD’s through and through. It’s like CPTSD that got switched on permanently
NPD’s*
You CAN get out of it, I did, it was very hard and stressful and first 2 yrs I thought I couldn't get along w/o him, but kept reminding myself of the deception I was living in. Now 4yrs on and I'm so much happier, enjoying friends, loving myself, lost weight and depression. 20 years with him, but no more praise God.
Omg Kris, he charged at me, screaming for me to get out. Later on, he told me I wasn't going to do anything. They are sick individuals. Scary. I have trusted God. God has removed him. I'm getting better every day. ❤ to all of you!
God revealed to me years ago that in reverence to abuse in my marriage or any marriage, the behavior of the abusing spouse is considered being unfaithful. In my case, my husband was found to be unfaithful because of the abuse he put me through. A spouse doesn't always have to commit adultery to be found unfaithful. The key word in the relationship is faithfulness towards the others' well-being. Abuse is not being faithful to the other spouse's well-being. That is solid grounds for divorce especially when the abusing spouse chooses not to "repent" of their actions or chooses not to "walk in love."
Well said!! Unfaithful! Yes!! Absolutely correct!!
Thank you for bringing this explanation to light. My 2 friends who are pastor's wives insist that I should stay because he is not physically beating me or physically cheating. But, so much damage can occur before those things ever come about. And they have doting husbands....so it is no difference to them if I sit here and take it. They have their good life and have noooo idea what it is like!
Especially for women I would say 'run!' Why torture yourselves for years? Men are not perfect by any means, but when the pattern of narcissism is established, you're in deep trouble.
Well put!!!
Kris I just stumbled on your videos. You have a good way of explaining things & I appreciate your knowledge on the subject. Ive been in the long process of healing from narcissistic abuse. Your videos are good reminders to me to stay vigilante & to stay in prayer. Thank you
You are describing my wife. Yes, I've suspected she's been a narcissist fro the last 20 years of 25 years of marriage. But I decided to sacrifice my ambitions for the sake of my children, one of whom was born disabled. I took up that cross reluctantly, but realise that my eldest disabled son was a gift, not a burden. And I'm prepared to ascribe her behaviour to the trauma of having a disabled baby.
I should add that that baby is now 25, and has a great life, and is a joy to everyone he meets.
God bless you.
WTFFFFFF. YOU'RE BLIND. Trauma of having a disabled baby???? You're h_rrible for blaming the kid.
Same here brother. 28yrs and she decided to pretend she's 30 again and single shopping for a new replacement. I made a commitment to God and her that I honored unconditionally.
We're there signs before marriage that you ignored?
@@bajanboy2553
She love bombed me and seemed great. Even my Mom thought she was the one. Everything started changing well after we were married. I didn't know then what I know now about Covert Narcissists.
Thank you for this! I was raised by a covert narcissist; a very religious woman who is always a victim.
35 years I suffered with a covert, controling narcissist. His coddling mother was with him every step of the way.He controlled all money and in the end divorced me and alienated my kids from me.I completely lost my daughter but have to fight(by trying to educate) my other 2 boys , but the programming runs deep.I do not think he will ever , ever stop trying to wipe me off their minds and the earth.
I unwittingly married a classic covert narcissist before I had any clue about narcissism. I met him at church and his doting, fawning coddling mother introduced us! It was a miserable and confusing 13 marriage which happened rather quickly after only a 9 month courtship. It produced two beautiful children which was the only real blessings for me during that very painful 13 year marriage. I left him with two very young children (3 and years old) in tow and no money, job or home to escape his abuse. It was the hardest thing I have every had to do to protect myself and children but it was the right thing to do for me. Sadly in true classic narcissist form he spent the next 13 years in divorce continuing to try to manipulate me in divorce proceedings tying me up in court with vexatious motions he filed for years draining me emotionally and financially preventing me from moving on with my life. Sadly his obsessive revenge for me leaving him and taking our children spilled out our innocent and undeserving children to. He has slowly and systematically and with great calculation succeeded in totally alienating my now adult daughter (I haven't seen or spoke to her in over a year now which has gutted me, and he tried very very hard to alienate our son. Sadly my son couldn't mentally handle all his toxic programming efforts to learn to despise me as his mother which is a very evil thing to do to a child, and the manipulation by his father broke in his mind. My son is now suffering from severe addictions and mental illness unable to work or support himself. God has powerfully and miraculously saved his life several times from overdoses. The collateral damage this man has caused to me and especially our two children is unfathomable. God is protecting me with deep faith, courage, wisdom and real and present protection for me and my children as we continue to endure the effects of this covert narcissist who continues to try to manipulate me and our two children to their detriment. I am sorry for the length of my response here to your post, but I felt compelled to share after I read your post. Your ex did you a favour to initiate the divorce but he will never stop trying to hurt you or your 3 children. You MUST get support to endure this with wise, mature in the faith friends, family, professional help. I have been in therapy for years to heal from all the abuse which helps a lot. Most people who have not experienced this type of abuse have no clue what it is about. Kris totally gets this and I thank God for the UA-cam algorithm for finding her channel for me. I also continue to pray daily for God to deliver and heal my son completely, and to open the eyes of my daughter to his manipulations and that our relationship will be restored. I also pray God will heal my heart, mind, body and soul so that I can be fully present for another spouse/partner in life, who is truly in the Lord and who has my best interests at heart if this is God's will. I pray for you Denise for great wisdom, discernment, peace, joy and healing for yourself and your children and that God will continue to protect and provide for all of you. Never give up praying for your children, especially your daughter for her eyes to be opened to the truth and you both fully reconcile. In Jesus' name I pray. Natalie
I am sorry you have to endure this; fighting it only worsens and deepens the pain because it gives you a false sense of control or hope that you can change things; there’s nothing you can actively do. But passively reflect Christ through consistently being gracious, non-reactive, calm, peaceful, stable (the opposite of your spouse at his core, his facade can only last so long before breaking). You may lose all the battles but you will win the war. Let them go, because ultimately God has them- in His hands, more than you or your spouse. I am in the same boat and my child is only one but my husband has shown the signs, traits and behavior since I was pregnant. Triangulating me with my cat and our infant, talking badly about me to our child- all you can do is pray and let it all go. Everything takes time- the long game, is long suffering. Unfortunately. Praying for you.
With men there always seems to be a mommy (narc) involved.
Same scenario with me and my now adult kids…but God is exposing this horror show aided and abetted by corrupt family court
I was raised by a narcissist. I married a narcissist. From there I was involved with two more. The last one almost took me out. This is when God stepped in.
I had this stong conviction that I needed to get out of that relationship.
I began to come across information on narcissism. Through gathering information and listening to your podcasts some others I now have a good understanding as why I have suffered from depression since my early teens. I also saw some of these narcissistic traits in myself. I believe that the last relationship was a giant eye opener. I began to pray and tell God that I did not want this evil in me. I thank God for giving me wisdom knowledge and understanding. So much has happened to me as a result of dealing with this evil spirit. Not only do I pray for myself. I'm very sensitive to the hurt and pain of other victims. I pray everyone who's suffering from this evil be delivered healed and set free in the name of Jesus. Amen 🙏🏾♥️
Amen!! So true!! Keep up the good work you're doing for the Lord! Your videos have helped me tremendously. I have added you to my prayers Kris 🙏
Amen...60 years. Ive been seeking healing for the past 4 years. The damage goes that deep. Everything iie..codependency hardwired into me. I finding out that in a lot of churches, you cant make "friends" unless you are doing things for them. I have been saying no and i watched what happened. All of a sudden , they stopped asking and asking. I was totally alone. There is no such thing as genuine christian fellowship anymore. You are either alone and ignored or accepted and their slave
Oh wow. I am so sorry you are having this experience in the church. I hope you get to a place where you start doing things that make you feel loved and at peace within.
There are different ways of looking at it. Serving in your church is serving God. It's ok to say no and to not be available for every request, but if you have a gift or a talent or an ability you want to use it for the service of God and you end up being blessed in return. "Slave" is a strong term that can cause bitterness and resentment. What does He want you to do, if anything, in your church?
@@Kennedy4ever
The Bible uses the word “slave”
That's very true. It's very hard to make genuine friends in the church as it is all based on what you contribute to them. I left my church in 2007 for valid reasons and no one has ever even asked me why, even though my husband still goes there and has constant contact with people I knew/know.
Fortunately we have choices to connect or disconnect and if we are not feeling satisfied with our perceptions of other peoples choices concerning us, we have to ask God to help us perceive the situations at hand in a way that will bring us more clarity and love from him. Most things that we make judgement calls on are learned judgement calls for certain behaviors and are not always true.
Our minds love looking for validation for a particular experience and what it means for us because it gives us the feeling of solving a problem that will help us in the future to be confident in solving similar ones. It’s a safety preparedness thing our brain does.
I did this testing with my mom. She flew off the handle. Things like refusing to come over for Christmas then showing up Christmas night demanding her house and car keys back. Or randomly showing up and bringing all my kids toys back that we leave at her house when they visit. What came out when tested was very childish behavior. Waiting helps you not do things you will later regret like taking them back or excusing and overlooking their toxic treatment of you.
Unfortunately my mom was a narcissist. We think we all are in some ways. But- hers was officially her chain!! Self importance. Jealous envious demanding very low self esteem, . I gave my life to her and she turned on me bc of finally said no to her. She stopped talking to me after and deliberately named me NOT TO GET ANYTHING IN HER WILL- with the help of my “ darling” siblings
I love your show Ms. Reece! You're educating us on all on how to deal with and recognize these demonic people. Thank you! I am definitely living with one of these demons and I am desperately trying to get away. Just can't afford it with the economy being the way it is. I wish there were outlets to help women/men to get away from these folks. We need deliverance!
@@pameladaggs you can go to the domestic violence center in your area.
Staying in an abusive relationship for 42 years,was not because of any shortcoming in myself. It was because I promised at the alter when we got married to stay for better or worse. It was I wanted to keep my family from falling apart that I chose to take the suffering so that I could keep my children of the trauma of a divorce. It is because I believed that I could cope with the abuse until he would manage to change into the loving partner I prayed for. So,no no fault of mine caused me to stay. It was all to serve the greater good.
Unfortunately I did the same thing. I stayed 33 years but I damaged my daughter maybe worse than if I had left. It’s painful to say the least 😢
I too stayed for the same reason, 54 yrs married he the Narc Husband with Paranoia now in an Assisted Living Facility with Alzheimers.
@@annawallace3264 I hope you can heal!
You are right on many things. I suffered for 20 years plus in a marriage and didnt know about narcissism especially the covert christian type. I used to think I was mad. I have more information and its easier to cope and i laugh more instead
Thank you so much 💗 I was very blessed by this video and your pray. My husband is a covert narcissist whose resorted to patterns of violence against me and our kids. I left him one month ago today. I wanted to leave in a “better way” but I ended up having to dial 911 and the way this has all panned out I’m now seeing Gods hand in it all to rescue me 💗 my Lord, my savior!! Thank you again for the prayer for discernment & recognizing my part in this.
I left with my kids due to his violent tendencies. Bless you on your healing journey.
I needed this Message i have always overlooked something in my Marriage. Because I always believed She would change. But she is a narcissist . I have just recently been learning about this behavior. from this channel and some others. Which has helped me to realize I'm not crazy and help me to protect my heart and pray to God. What Do I need to change in Me. Frist thing is realizing I can't fix this. God will have to fix this. I need to change me and find peace in my heart and mind.and pray for my wife .Thank you for your ministry.
We always hold out hope, we are the decent spouse.... hoping for change from the narcissist. So tough. The Lord has us in His hand
This was definitely a perfect description of my ex, his mother and family members. They constantly would gaslight me as well. They called me a victim when I would confront them. I had to cut all of them off completely to keep my sanity and be healthier. I left knowing I would be called the villain and they all spoke poorly of me to anyone that would listen. I wasn't perfect for sure, and I did have a mental breakdown at the end. But I asked forgiveness and owned it, and also had to forgive myself for allowing what I did and for not loving myself well. My eyes are wide open now. And I have such a huge guard up not to allow these types of relationships in my life ever again. Anyone who has been through this I feel for you. I deeply understand how hard it is to do the inner work and heal. But it is possible. And I definitely watch words and actions even more than ever. I value selflessness, love, kindness and gentleness that asks for nothing in return. Any kind of relationship or love that is conditinal is never real. I value those relationships that are genuine even more. 👌 ❤
Now I understand why covert narcissists was toxic and so damaging to my self esteem it makes so sense that she was a total wolf in sheep’s clothing
Mosquitos bite… that is what they do…. Love it. Will remember that one when I’m dealing with bad behaviour
I tested everything you said. And boy did i become mortified 😮. I then had to pray for the lord to get me out 🙏. And finally it happened 🙏. Praise God 🙏. Thank you Lord Jesus Christ 🙏😊
Thank GOD you are out but how did GOD get you out and set you free ?
Amen! I’ve been so manipulated by 2 different people, for so long. Lord help me be better at testing.
Amen. Thank you for the prayer. I have problems with boundary setting’s due to upbringing. Father help us with discernment and help us to keep our soft heart. In Jesus name x
Re:Boundary settings due to upbringing." If you've grown & experienced toxicity, it becomes your normality, unfortunately. "Do unto others how one would like people to treat you" These demons aren't of God so they take advantage of your giving self with the outcome usually being destroying you mentally & sometimes physically by using you as a punch bag...simple When they met you...they admired whatever strengths you had because they didn't possess those qualities...& quietly jealous of those characteristics...so they destroy you over time & blame you for their well planned manipulative behaviour towards you...simple
Amen
I agree with you.
I was 37 years victim of a covert narcissist. I am still in divorce proceedings after almost 5 years in Court. Thank you for your videos. As a Christian you answered my many questions that I had. God bless you.
They try to destroy a person!!!! Downright evil!!!!!
Thank you Kris, I have been educating myself over the last three years, becauseI began to think I was crazy, Iam a Christian and married to a Christian, and what I have endured as a woman of faith, is really excruciating!
I now understand, and I have been able to speak my truth, have stronger boundaries, but it is a daily battle.
Asking the Lord is it time to leave this toxic person. I have accepted the fact my husband will not change.
That's good! Don't forget it ok? It can be dangerous
He could be playing he's a Christian & really isn't!!
People are a lesson or a blessing and discernment will teach you which is which. Hugs y’all.
People a Lesson or a Blessing - that's a keeper
Truth 💯❤️🙏
,Envy is such a huge one with these people.
Oh yeah, it's so plausible isn't it? It's totally crazy making. A 40 year friend. It was "yes, I'm going to NC with you" 7 days before. And then, 2 days before said "I forgot about the church paint walk, oh so I don't know. Next she calls and she's driving. Crazy making.
Kris....this talk was amazing.... you have such a great way of explaining it..learnt a lot from you...Thank you!! 💖💖
Good Lord! What a class ! What a blessing ! What a precious video ! Thank you Kris!
You hit it spot on Chris, I have experienced that demonic personality disorder in-person.
I briefly dated (6 weeks) a covert narcissist. He quickly showed he was fine with me paying for dinner dates and was hypersensitive when I would say things, he’d give me a 24 hour time out, he completely went silent and wouldn’t answer calls or text trying to explain myself. I found myself walking on eggshells trying to watch my words so he wouldn’t misunderstand what I said. I also found myself apologizing over and over. I recognized I was in a relationship that wasn’t healthy so I broke up with him. He begged me not to but I couldn’t deal with his ways. It’s been 5 years and he’s still trying for us to get back together, even though he has a girlfriend. I refuse. I think he wants to get back so he can have the opportunity to breakup with me. Nobody has ever broken up with him. I could be wrong but the more I learn about narcissists, I’m convinced he’s one.
You are correct! Steer clear of this creep! I'm so happy you saw the signs early and escaped!! I had never heard of narcissism nor did I know of any of its insidious signs, so I tried to "make it work" for 30 years and wondered what was wrong with me! UGH! If I had only known!!
You're right, so he could discard you instead.
You're absolutely right! Well done you.
Trying to hurt you because you set boundaries!! Discarded him first!Don't fall for any of his tactics!!!
@@janetrobinson2699Yes he's a creep!!!
Kris I needed this prayer so desperately I feel so hopeless and overwhelmed right now
Thank you Father for using Kris to help me
Just wanted to say thank you this was amazing help with you questions I saw that I was so bothered by the C N because I already felt inferior but working through it i saw we all have value the tiny cogs and the big cogs we're all part of the mechanism and everyone brings something. When I stopped feeling inferior their actions no longer bothered me.. I no longer had the bald green head worry 😊which was a brilliant metaphor. And instead of me suffering I feel sad for them. And as it's not my job to correct them I feel truly free and impervious to their efforts etc.. It truly is liberating thank you
The Integrity bit wowwww. Boy have I heard that before. So far from it. They truly believe their own twisted reality. J
I had no idea until today that my ex-best friend has every trait of a covert narcissist. I always knew something was off, but this is an epiphany! I understand why God removed her from my life much better now.
My ex best friend of twenty four years was removed this year from my life. It’s painful to know I couldn’t accept the red flags. It made me a bit colder but I know God knows best so I accept. She was taking me for granted and taking my kindness for weakness and jealous of me. She would say some mean and unnecessary things and I would dismiss it, God said no no you ain’t taking my child for granted. God is good and faithful.
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Pray for me that God makes a way for me to exit my babies dad, as I often feel he is a covert narcissist. In the name of Jesus, amen. 🙏 thank you
@@shiningstar7793Hop you find away. Bless you, I will pray for you. Stay strong.🌟🙏🕊️👍
@@shiningstar7793 I am praying for you that God will make a way for your and your babies to get away from the abusive narcissist in your life! Praying for God's comfirt and provision! Also for good people to come into your life and to help and support you! In Jesus name, Amen! 🙏💜
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Thank you so much!! It means a lot to me! 🙏 I really appreciate it with all my heart. God bless 🙌 ❤️
Thank you Lord for sending this for me today 🙏🙏🙏
2023 has been a transformational year for me. I have been on a journey at weeding out toxic people from my life for 2 and a half years now, which has been the majority of the people in my life. Friends and family alike. I decided to test these people and oh my gosh! The majority have ALL turn their back on me. Im like, WHAAAAT! has been an excruciating and dark time for me. It took me on a very informative journey on fixing MYESELF!! To see why I "attracted" these types of people. It's called people pleasing or being to nice. In finding this out I was so embarrassed. But now after watching your videos along with others I have also found out that this stemmed from childhood trauma. Now it all makes sense. I am continuing on working on myself to better of who I am and setting boundaries.
Not your fault. You are beautiful and an Overcomer in Jesus Name🙏
@preacherbarbie thank you.... I have found this out as well. Yes, in Jesus' name, I will overcome!!
You are going through what ALOT of us are, just know you're not alone,GOD 🙏🏽 is showing us. we know now, and that's our battle...we will win, and the people will either see, or they don't. im dealing with it now even from my own children 😢
But know this; still love them, we just accept and let's train them up to know how to spot these demonic people,and make sure they don't be people pleasers, and surely don't turn out like them. That they know what boundaries are, and how to put them up. ❤❤❤ Much love too you I know how lonely this Walk can get.
Pastor Kevin la Ewing is a great teacher he taught me Soo much God bless you 🙏🏽
I completely understand you!!! It's so heart wrenching and this journey of figuring everything out, unlearning and educating yourself to not fall back in the cycle again is so hard and overwhelming at times. I hope and pray to God to really get to where I need to be because I seriously thought I was not going to make it out from the mindset I was in last year and even though this year has been better than last year I have to Thank God that today I am a bit more stronger 🙏
I hope and pray to God that when you get to where you need to be you can use everything as a testimony to help others 🙏✨️ Only we know how hard it can be to get out of this cycle 💔
This is my husband. Such lies to get me to marry him but I found that out to late. I could not completely understand or explain the situation and pain I have and do experience until listening to you. I try to show him biblically how he is wrong in how he is living but his ears are closed and he says I’m judging him. He has so many of the traits you speak ok. Our marriage is more like just living in the same house together. I pray and pray….. please pray for us!
Oh, and yes, I did ignore a lot of the signs, hoping things would get better as her insecurity diminished.
That is not what happened.
She was not interested in growing as a person, not at all.
And I had no idea she was so messed up at first.
It was only since the fall of 2023 when I came across videos on UA-cam that helped me make sense of what had gone on with her.
And to find this Christian perspective is so wonderful.
Thank you.
Thanks so much for your wisdom and discernment. I've felt for one 3yrs ago, tried to finish the relationship few times but was manipulated to stay and give it another try. Felt trapped but finally breaking free - best to block all contact with the abuser or you will never escape their snare. Thanks again
Caita jinamu
Amen!! This video was just where I was- I needed this!! Im divorcing my altruistic, narc husband. Its with a very heavy heart, bc its devastated our family. I take care of my 24 y.o. disabled daughter, and Im now doing it alone, which, as horrible as it sounds, is so much better than doing it with my hyper controlling, manipulative, hypervigilant, husband. He pretended to be a believer in God, at least- which he is not!! God has shaped circumstances where I am teleased from him. I was so willing to be " rescued" when I was young, and gullible. God has lead me through all of this in His mysterious ways. Im so thankful- its the hardest thing, so far, but the thought of EVER trusting any man again, is just unthinkable. Thank you for this video. Very helpful.
Exactly what I got caught up in without knowing until it was too late at my last church. I’m thankful I stood my ground, but it took it’s toll mentally and healing is taking place now that I’m out
I am ready…..just realized my daughter is a narcissist…..I knew something was off….but now I know…..just not sure how to move away from it.
It is so crucial that we look at ourselves just like you said. If we don’t, we will repeat the pattern with this one or a new one until we heal ourselves. Yes, we were victims of abuse, but if we stay stuck in that mentality, it will continue.
I’ve heard the research that it takes an average of SEVEN times of back and forth with the toxic person (NPD or not) until we finally move on.
I’m embarrassed to say I’m on the 6th discard in 6 and a half years. I’m finally piecing the lessons together and healing. It’s been a very painful journey. The reason why we get wrapped up is rooted in our childhoods. God is so amazing and lets us go through this to heal those wounds. He is faithful and is with us every step of the way. Dont give up. Focus on yourself and learn the lessons so you can be free! ❤
Hi Kris.Thank you for this.
Can I suggest a video on co parenting with one of these people?
Many thanks.
I already notice several similarities between the “covert” and “overt” narcissistic. They think too highly of themselves, yet covet what others posses, great impersonators, etc.
Kris, thank you so much for all your video teaching, it is setting me free from a toxic relationship and God is healing my own issues, at the same time. You were an answer to fervent prayer!
I recently confronted a "friend" from church about some controlling and insensitive remarks she made. She immediately started screaming at me about how I was unkind, un Christ like and should be concerned about my soul...I did react and raise my voice saying "you need to understand..." not knowing what I was dealing with. Your videos have been so helpful. She told me to never call again which I was happy to do.
THEN she sent an apology proclaiming her love, lecturing about kindness, asking forgiveness for this "misunderstanding" and telling me about HER bad day.
After talking with my family and my counselor I have not responded to her letter and will not. I feel a bit uncomfortable at church seeing her..if she asks about my lack of r
This just what I needed. Thanks!❤
Thank you Miss Reece!!
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Your spiritual counsel has helped me so much to rely on GOD;
every angle of the dangle, it’s been a divine support all the way, for me!!!
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It’s been almost a year now, since the break up with fiancé-narc.
He did come back and being the tender person I am, accepted him in the LORD, but soon the reality of no change, was evident.
I do pray he will “come to the knowledge of CHRIST” get humble and get healing!!
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I am a born-again Christian, and I can say JESUS is my number one gentleman!!! HE will never let me down, His Love is unconditional and I am forgiven.
And to anyone who reads this, Jesus will never forsaken you; ask him to be the love of your heart and trust Him. HE truly loves us like no one can❤
I’ve learned so much and GOD has sustained me through my own faults and everything!!!
And HE will for anyone who calls upon the Name of the LORD❤
“HE has plans to prosper each and every one of us”!! We do have a bright future!!!
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Thank you again for your channel, wisdom and relentless pursuit of GOD!!
You shine Miss Reese!!
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Love n blessings!!!
Super helpful. Especially using the filter of faith and the Word. Excellence! "I was only kidding" or "it's just a joke" dodging responsibility and blame shifting all in one move. These people are skilled at being impossible, lol. You are a treasure madame. You are a gift from God. Discernment!?!? Of coarse! Hello? Where have I been!?!? Of coarse pray about this specifically! Thank you so much. This alone will be revolutionary for me. Is this a guy thing? My blind spot i mean. Some areas women have an advantage with. A wise man has a wife or sister in his councel. I think your show is a lifesaver. Codependency is a potentially deadly disease. - Melody Beattie
I read one time that a spoken word can never be taken back. That’s a tough one to chew on for any of us. A narcissist however doesn’t consider this at all. I have been I year no contact and just before my divorce she comes out of nowhere trying to take half of everything and wants alimony. Such an evil mind these folks have. So selfish and self absorbed. I truly feel sorry for her. I hope that she will humble herself before the Lord and be set free of such a miserable life. Love to you all that are dealing with a narcissist or have had to and are finally set free. It is quiet the life experience.
Busy learning to set boundaries. It is NOT taken very well by that person, my door is the next one that closes to her manipulation.
@@retha6504 just my experience, as I have read hundreds of the same. It doesn’t get better. A line has to be drawn. And the narcissist will not draw it. They are living right where and how they want to live. I pray you are free soon!
Just to let you know when I divorced my husband I chose not to get a lawyer, chose not to file with friend of the court and chose not to file for child support. I used (divorce writer) it was 149.00 I told him just pay what you can and that was probably 250.00 a month, with 4 Children. Not every month and there were times I didn’t see anything for a while. The marriage was very difficult for 19 years because of his abusive ways and unfaithfulness but I wanted to be kind by not welding the female authority that the state would give me, the Father has blessed me in many ways. These women who abuse this power given to them by the state will become miserable in the end, you can’t hurt and take advantage even if someone hurt you. I feel bad for the men who cant afford much because the ex wife has completely taken advantage of their full power and not just financially but withholding the children also by not allowing the Dad to see them. We’re talking a healthy Dad here not an Abusive one, that I would understand.
Understand you’ll never get that person to admit or agree with you. So smile and move on.
Amen and Amen! Thank you for your prayers. I have been praying Luke 12:2 over my Christian daughter who has found herself in covert narcissistic relationship.
I'm finding this odds that all of a sudden the word narcissism has been coming up in in UA-cam this past year or two. Define helps explain what I was dealing with with one of my parents all my life. They nearly drove me insane. I've had to separate myself from them and the rest of the family this past year. No it is not been easy I'm doing it so I can heal both emotional and physically. My body has taken a toll for 45 years.
It certainly has been in the spotlight for the past several years. Maybe it's many peoples searching for answers in an age that is possibly the most narcissistic in history. Maybe it's God's providence to prepare us for discerning good vs. evil. Be careful out there - many mental health professionals, don't believe it, some who do believe don't understand it, most people don't understand it. I think the confusion is due to most narcissistic abuse is done covertly, behind closed doors. And narcissists are so good at deception that they can warp reality enough to make many people think you have a mental disorder and they are perfectly normal.
The only problem I see with the neighbor, Mr Jones, is the fact that I can dismiss the lies and disrespect of a neighbor that I don't have to live with. It's a lot more difficult when it's somebody who is supposed to be the leader in the home. You're supposed to be able to trust the leader of the home. Lies and disrespect from your spouse hit a lot deeper than just being upset. When your spouse decides to just not go to work or call out from work because they know it will drive you crazy, it is a threat. You are stuck in a hopeless hellscape with this person. It's easy to walk away from Mr Jones.
You hit the nail squarely on the head.
Yes it has taken a toll on me
A bum
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What to do in that kind of situation? I pray Jesus shows us how to deal with that.
Also, would like to know how to handle a situation where two of the family members that you live with one is covert and another overt?
Thank you for educating me on this. It’s heartbreaking, but the lies hurt more than the truth.
I am ready. I thank God for you. I thank you Lord Jesus Christ for my new friend Kris. Congratulations Sherry Lin!