How a Covert Narcissist Controls You Through Disorientation - Day 10

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  • Опубліковано 20 гру 2022
  • Day 1: How to Deal with a Manipulative Mother - Biblically
    • How to Deal with a Man...
    Day 2: How to Not Let Toxic Family Drain You
    • How to Not Let Toxic F...
    Day 3: 7 Gaslighting Phrases Manipulators Use to Control You.
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    Day 4: When You Go 'No-Contact', Others May React This Way
    • What to Expect After G...
    Day 5: Overcoming Toxic Thoughts that Run in your Family
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    Day 6: Setting Boundaries with Toxic Family
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    Day 7: 7 Signs of a Covert Narcissist
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    Day 8: 3 Ways to Disarm a Narcissist
    • 3 Ways to Disarm a Nar...
    Day 9: When Toxic Family Uses Special Occasions to Reconnect
    • When the Narcissist Us...
    Day 10: How a Covert Narcissist Controls You Through Disorientation
    • How a Covert Narcissis...
    Day 11: 6 Signs You Need to Break Away from Toxic Family
    • 6 Signs You Need to Br...
    Day 12: How a Narcissist Interprets Forgiveness
    • How a Narcissist Inter...
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КОМЕНТАРІ • 2,3 тис.

  • @WonderDean
    @WonderDean Рік тому +527

    Narcissist, don’t give gifts. They give traps.

    • @67cici
      @67cici Рік тому +11

      Brilliant

    • @TheKingsDaughter4227
      @TheKingsDaughter4227 Рік тому +13

      I’m so sorry. My first reaction was to laugh at this REALITY! In truth, it really is so heartbreaking. Guess how I know?

    • @janiemiller825
      @janiemiller825 Рік тому +25

      They give- to get something back from you ( con game )!!

    • @Gladys-ti2xs
      @Gladys-ti2xs Рік тому +3

      WOW!!! Right on point.

    • @TruthsHandmaid4444
      @TruthsHandmaid4444 Рік тому +10

      My MiL always wanted them back. I kid you not! And so I’d just give them right back and say we can just cut to the chase! Wow it made her mad! Later it was things for the kids! So after she did this to the kids a few times, I said Ok is this actually theirs to keep? Or will they have to give it back later? Cause if so, we’ll give it back now! Oh my - so mad -
      And God help us cause she was just so good to us! Believe me, we paid dearly for those gifts, regardless if we got to keep them or not! 🙄

  • @marietgagliardi
    @marietgagliardi Рік тому +566

    I always walk away when I realize someone is a narcissist. The less involved you get, the better

    • @florencia2771
      @florencia2771 Рік тому +26

      Yeah, but some people are trapped in the same office.

    • @tlhogid663
      @tlhogid663 Рік тому +14

      ​@@florencia2771 I left employment! 😂

    • @debscornercanada
      @debscornercanada Рік тому +27

      Yes!...you then become the one who "got away" and will be re targeted and idealized until they can get a foot back in the door. To THEM your a long term target. It IS best to cut off ALL engagement.

    • @MC-hr4mi
      @MC-hr4mi Рік тому +5

      Perfect response!

    • @thembilithleportia4626
      @thembilithleportia4626 Рік тому +9

      Hi, as a Child it was my Mother, now my husband 💔 now my Neighbors, I'm not happy, nice to watch your show, blessings dear ❤

  • @ziggylamber
    @ziggylamber Рік тому +361

    Married to a Covert for 28 years. Most outstanding characteristic for me was Lying. Every interaction was grounded in lies. I lived for decades in a Fog Bank trying to figure out what was going on. The day I left I laid down and slept like a baby. God is my husband (Isaiah 54)!

    • @taneshaayandosu2991
      @taneshaayandosu2991 10 місяців тому +12

      That peace!!

    • @sharonendler1467
      @sharonendler1467 10 місяців тому +7

      you were so fortunate Ziggy! God Bless !
      Unfortunately, multiple concussions and CPTSD and poverty after ending marriage I didn’t fair well.
      You must have had an unbelievably strong faith

    • @theliberatedplanet
      @theliberatedplanet 10 місяців тому +18

      ​@@sharonendler1467it took me a long time to get it, but it's not about strong faith, it's just letting God be the strong one. Your life will not look the same as with the narcissist as in the wealth and the resources, but the peace and joy and provision you will find in watching and waiting to see what God can do will be enough. Come to a place of rest. Not just faith in God but resting in God. Cast your cares upon him because he cares for you. It's not an easy Road, and it's lonely sometimes, most of the time. Take your eyes off what you want to see and just see what God has for you. Sounds cryptic I know but I don't want to see you sad.

    • @Wavicle
      @Wavicle 10 місяців тому +11

      I'm 22 years in with a covert narcissist. Figured it out 2 years ago. Still having trouble bringing myself to end it.

    • @SMH-rt4zd
      @SMH-rt4zd 10 місяців тому +10

      I left after 23 years. Just after my divorce, I learned of narcissism. I'm so glad I learned, so I never go through it again, but I really wish I knew 35 years ago. My life would have been so different, but I wouldn't have my son's and I am so grateful that I had them. Something wonderful came out of that unfortunate relationship.

  • @faithrasego2244
    @faithrasego2244 Рік тому +180

    I have lived 32 years in an unhappy marriage with a narcissist and he got equipped more and more with making himself a victim. He presents a sweet face to all sessions and I take the blame for being unforgiving and holding on to the past even if it happened 3 days ago. I thank God for bringing this channel to my attention. I nearly destroyed myself! May God reign and show His mighty hand

    • @jernisharichard5032
      @jernisharichard5032 11 місяців тому +4

      AMEN. Yes, trying to get my life back

    • @cosmicstargazer10
      @cosmicstargazer10 11 місяців тому +6

      I have hope for you that you can find a way, if it's possible, to break free from him, I know how desperate their destructive behaviour can be. Whether you can or cannot get away, I wish for you limitless strength to resist, power to endure & peace in your heart. One:LOVE.

    • @cindywalton4932
      @cindywalton4932 10 місяців тому +11

      33 years for me. Hope to get out soon.

    • @user-by3hx3jx1x
      @user-by3hx3jx1x 10 місяців тому +6

      😮one word only?😅
      😈EVIL🤥
      more specifically...
      It's a toss-up between a chronic control freak and an accusing liar.

    • @chercare8063
      @chercare8063 10 місяців тому +2

      Almost 60 years forme 5:43 5:34 5:37

  • @christinecarr4110
    @christinecarr4110 Рік тому +391

    When you don't know yourself, others can knock you off your balance and cause you endless Confusion, doubt, pain. Know thyself!!!! 🕊️⭐

    • @YouMessedUpDude
      @YouMessedUpDude Рік тому +7

      I couldn’t agree with you more!!! 👏👏👏

    • @anndillard8681
      @anndillard8681 Рік тому +1

      Truth - A book to read DADDY THROWS ME IN THE AIR - memoir/self-help...

    • @MrGearoid65
      @MrGearoid65 Рік тому +5

      Yes this is so true '. I have had to admit that I am always looking for approval from others and have used kindness, patience and even money to 'buy' recognition and love from others. When the narc used me up betrayed me and then discarded me, I just couldn't handle it and blew up, just what they wanted. I am the problem. Very difficult to accept but I have to in order to heal. I have to accept the ugly parts of my character/personality and make peace with them so I can find inner peace. The narc in me locked on to the Narcissist in them and vice versa. This video and your other videos are so helpful to me at the present time. Thanks Kris. 🙏

    • @Gladys-ti2xs
      @Gladys-ti2xs Рік тому

      AMEN AMEN

    • @rhondaengler1683
      @rhondaengler1683 11 місяців тому

      Amen

  • @One_Of_One.1
    @One_Of_One.1 Рік тому +237

    It was like talking to a brick wall trying to talk sense into my ex narcissist husband. It was almost like we were having two different conversations at the same time. He was a master at twisting my words

    • @67cici
      @67cici Рік тому +6

      Yup

    • @BobbiGail
      @BobbiGail Рік тому +14

      Yes! Like a parallel universe of conversations, and in the end completely different (secret) outcomes. I say secret bc we come to an agreement! BUT... later I find out that it wasn't a compromise at all but in his head he agreed to HIS terms (doesnt matter what he SAID). SO CONFUSING.

    • @Gigikelli
      @Gigikelli Рік тому +7

      Exactly!!!
      Good for you in getting out!

    • @jamesdenton94
      @jamesdenton94 Рік тому +7

      They all do that

    • @margareth1504
      @margareth1504 Рік тому +7

      Regarding the narcissist - Im very aware not to ever use words such as
      Master, good at, expert, etc. Narcissists are lousy and destructive towards relationships.

  • @jennielai2459
    @jennielai2459 11 місяців тому +50

    One word to describe my ex narcissist is CHAOS!! He was master of lying, twisting, blaming, deflecting and manipulation etc. I was living in brain fog during our one year relationship. I woke up when I realized that he will never change and he will keep on betraying and backstabbing me! I kicked him out. I still can’t understand how one person can destroy my life and suck me dry during one year!! 🤬🤬🤬 I have been educating myself about narcissism and my conclusion is that narcissists are flat out evil demonic monsters!!

    • @JW-po9mb
      @JW-po9mb 5 місяців тому +2

      Sorry you had to go through that. Your words resonate with me. I'm experiencing the exact same thing. Change will never come. Words and promises fall flat everytime. Unfortunately for me we have kids and I don't trust that she won't ruin their lives too so I have to stay in this . ☹️

    • @dennyfie
      @dennyfie 4 місяці тому

      Same here jenn except I'am a male, yes they do destroy, it was 14 months for me but I knew early on something was wrong. I was so correct, and you're correct they are Demonic.

  • @Monjagetitonya
    @Monjagetitonya 10 місяців тому +7

    I cannot walk away… she is my mother and she’s 85. I’m the only child left… the thing that bothers me the most is the fact that she makes me become a person I don’t like. I’m never this way around anyone else.

  • @pshanny5448
    @pshanny5448 Рік тому +244

    Finally, someone who's a Christian who speaks some sense. Your videos are a true gem. 👍🏼

  • @jenniyum
    @jenniyum 9 місяців тому +33

    I was married to a covert for 16 years. My word is insidious. If it wasn't for people like yourself who are talking about Narcissists I wouldn't be as strong and educated as I am. Thank you.

    • @dennyfie
      @dennyfie 4 місяці тому +2

      Wow Jenni, I could not handle that. I too did not really know anything about narcissists, i am very educated about personality dis orders now. Very dangerous for ones health.

    • @bruckbank
      @bruckbank 2 місяці тому +2

      My word is evil

  • @rubinaminassian4692
    @rubinaminassian4692 10 місяців тому +56

    It is amazing how God sends people to help. 🙏🙏🙏🙏

  • @theresablum8276
    @theresablum8276 11 місяців тому +36

    I am finally accepting that my husband is a narcissist! I have been with him for over 50 years. I usually avoid him in conflicts. He is so controlling. I suppose the only way to be free is to leave him , but l am unsure of my ability to make it on my own.

    • @valerieclark2885
      @valerieclark2885 10 місяців тому +10

      Your life sounds exactly like mine, 50 years of hurt, anger and control. Want to leave but financially and emotionally I can’t. Feel like I’m stuck in the mud. I’m trying not to play into his fighting games but it’s hard because he has molded me into a angry person. You are not alone

    • @jllacrosse
      @jllacrosse 10 місяців тому +5

      Don’t let your own fear stop you from FIRST WORKING ON YOUR OWN SELF ESTEEM! That you can control ! That is your problem that ONLY YOU CAN FIX!
      ONLY YOU CAN FIX!
      ONLY YOU CAN FIX!

    • @HollyDell
      @HollyDell 8 місяців тому +5

      I pray you gain the resources, support and confidence to regain your peace and space. In Jesus's name, Amen.

    • @mrsbrown9318
      @mrsbrown9318 8 місяців тому

      @@valerieclark2885. Another good resource is Leslie Vernick, who teaches how to discern your issues from his, and who is responsible for what; she teaches skills for staying well, AND leaving, all biblically. Both these ladies offer a wealth of knowledge, insight, and biblical wisdom. Prayers and hugs for you 🥰

    • @lynnmack8940
      @lynnmack8940 6 місяців тому

      😢Me too. 50 years of marriage with my covert narcissist. He was.once, my love and friend, only to find he is an angry little boy who won't heal his childhood baggage and be a Godly man. Being an empathic Christian soul, I was too easily manipulated by his love bombing. I thought we were on the same page with our relationship. Slowly, the truth comes out. The patterns show up. You keep trying to show up for connection and forgive them. They don't get it. They
      Don't emphasize or take responsibility for their behaviors. They are not interested in growth, healthy relationships, and mature love
      I'm so sad to have earnestly given my life, heart, and soul to such a sad and hurtful soul who just doesn't get it.
      I now realize these traits and have surrendered it all to Jesus completely. .
      My lifelong walk with him grows deeper, which is my salvation.
      Hearing your stories has helped me realize that I'm not the only one who has struggled for 50 years of fighting the Devil. I thought I was pathetic for being so long suffering. I was really being too hopeful and invested.
      Now, all my faith, hope, and trust is in Jesus alone. With Him, we are never alone.
      Thank you so much for sharing your own stories and lifting me up and sharing your truth!
      God Bless and Mary keep you.❤

  • @gwendolynwehage6336
    @gwendolynwehage6336 Рік тому +130

    The narcissists I have known want me to feel like everything I do is stupid and they want me around but treat me with disrespect when I am. Even when I have done nice things for them they act as though they thought it was a stupid thing to do. They hated that I did something nice for them. I think they know, the very reason they have to keep trying to make you become upset so they can believe they had a good reason to be mean and rude.

    • @jamesptanner
      @jamesptanner Рік тому +13

      been there

    • @jacquelinefroehle5868
      @jacquelinefroehle5868 Рік тому +18

      Exactly....One of them would ask me to do something for her, and I later learned she asked people to do her 'dirt work'....difficult things she did not want to do. I did it, and I did many things for her (she's a family member). After I did it ...I learned unfortunately....she would go to another family member and speak down about me, and say " She asked me if she can do that for me....so I decided to be nice to her and let her do it"....and she'd go to another family member and degrade me for doing it. She made negative comments about me for doing her 'dirt work'. To someone else, she TOOK CREDIT FOR IT....She said she did it. Now, I want nothing to do with her anymore.

    • @Lisa-wx1nm
      @Lisa-wx1nm Рік тому +6

      I 100% relate and I'm seeing how true that behavior is!!! You're not alone! Keep that light shining

    • @brendarewan7441
      @brendarewan7441 Рік тому +7

      I get what you are saying. I felt like a “good” thing was not what I wanted. Like my love language wasn’t considered. I hope you get what I’m trying to convey.

    • @vickeycarr9992
      @vickeycarr9992 Рік тому +2

      Yes

  • @GhostBlueEternalFlame
    @GhostBlueEternalFlame Рік тому +145

    When you are a very strong empath, and have rebuttal capabilities because you have dealt with a narcissist before, then you get discarded. Happened to me. Although, a discard can bring peace.

    • @demeter7011
      @demeter7011 Рік тому +3

      Amen to that✨

    • @1love847
      @1love847 Рік тому +12

      I thanks God for the discard that was so cruel and brutal that I can never go back.

    • @jeniferfuhrman1525
      @jeniferfuhrman1525 Рік тому +1

      Happened to me too

    • @geetakharel4471
      @geetakharel4471 Рік тому

      @@1love847 How did it happen?

    • @deniseblu297
      @deniseblu297 Рік тому +3

      Just insult a narcissist and they discard you. Great way to get free if you cant otherwise

  • @sheilaregal2566
    @sheilaregal2566 Рік тому +31

    That's exactly what I did. The person whom the devil used to try to destroy me is in the Lord's hands. I pray for her. No hard feelings. I'm grateful to be free.

  • @rachelreed68
    @rachelreed68 10 місяців тому +6

    Yep. They can create an argument out of thin air. It's entertainment for them.

  • @bila8362
    @bila8362 Рік тому +55

    Sometimes they act as if they are willing to work through the issue rationally but the deflection is subtle enough but so damaging that you are in a complete state of disorientation.

  • @lynnesmith3153
    @lynnesmith3153 Рік тому +82

    My partner is exactly like this he constantly turns a very normal interaction into something disturbing and then I get blamed accused and condemned for causing all the problems and I'm left reeling with confusion ..and he never gets it .. but I have now got it and I'm moving out to start with as a start .

    • @GloryBeToGod888
      @GloryBeToGod888 Рік тому +18

      As a man who is with a covert malignant narcissist I have lost all sense of self. I finally got the courage to leave today. Anyone out there please pray for me because she created a smear campaign against me and I am gang stalked and am in fear for my life and freedom. 😢

    • @rondeford3479
      @rondeford3479 Рік тому +9

      @@GloryBeToGod888you are not alone my friend. My wife is the same. I know exactly how you feel and what you’re going through. Prayer to God is stronger than the darkness that surrounds them. I am so depressed and not myself anymore from the trauma and abuse that now I know what PTSD feels like. Thanks Be to God for this channel for us Survivors of narcissistic abuse

    • @franceshaggitt3104
      @franceshaggitt3104 Рік тому +3

      ​@@rondeford3479 🙏 hoping you'll be ok

    • @franceshaggitt3104
      @franceshaggitt3104 Рік тому +3

      ​@@GloryBeToGod888 hoping you'll be ok.

    • @elizabethandiosa4579
      @elizabethandiosa4579 Рік тому +1

      That is the best decision. Moving away is the wisest choice. Some things I learned along the way of decades of dealing with narcissists and abusers,
      #1. For your own and children's safety, never tell them you are leaving. Quietly plan your escape. They always become mean and vindictive when you leave or tell them you are leaving and seek to punish you. Their plan is to harm you. Do not doubt it for a second despite if they miraculously change. It's a con and setup to suck you back in to punish, hurt and dominate you. Do not let the mutual acquaintances know your plans. They often help the abuser stalk and harass you. The abusers often kill and maim at this point. They can become physically violent, poison or set up "accidents". Do consult a lawyer that is familiar with abuse tactics and against them. It is the most dangerous time for the victim especially if the abuser is covert, connected, has money, manipulative, gaslights, mean mouthed etc, or just plain nasty.
      #2 SAVE money, try to make financial health a top priority and do not let these people know your plans. Money buys freedom.
      #3. Learn everything you can about grayrock and how to do it.
      #4 Expect their cohorts and agentsto spy on and try to manipulate you. Be safe.
      #5 Expect the smear campaign, they will make up lies about you, smear your name and make false accusations and claim you are the abuser.
      #6 RECORD EVERYTHING. Keep notes with dates and times. Write down occurrences with approximate dates if you don't remember the exact date and most of us don't.
      #7 God bless, be safe first, don't give out your new address, research how to go no contact. Get support for survivors of abuse.

  • @lynnyoung9114
    @lynnyoung9114 Рік тому +34

    I have learned more about Narcs in the last 6 years when I realized this is spiritual warfare. I have learned about boundaries & no contact.

    • @user-ze7ny6re1s
      @user-ze7ny6re1s 8 місяців тому +1

      I would love to learn more about how to fight this battle the right way. (With my husband)

    • @flower18777
      @flower18777 4 місяці тому

      I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
      Philippians 4:13

    • @jenniferbenavides7031
      @jenniferbenavides7031 2 місяці тому

      It is spiritual warfare! I understand your pain!

  • @catejames6453
    @catejames6453 8 місяців тому +6

    It’s been 3+ years. Just wanna give some hope y’all….
    I listen to these videos sometimes now to remind myself what I’ve been through.
    I got away. And life is so. Much. Better!!!! I don’t think about this stuff very much anymore.
    Life can be calm. Life can be decent. Life can be filled with people who love you and give back to you.
    It takes work. It takes upkeep. But so does growing food in a garden.
    Good luck, there’s hope!

  • @MauriceRivers415
    @MauriceRivers415 Рік тому +178

    This video is EVERYTHING. The best revenge is to go "grey rock" on a narcissist: cut off all email and phone contact, block all of their social media, and start living your best life. When you see them in public, ignore them completely: when you see them in public, pretend like they're not there. It completely pisses off the demon within them, but you get your life and peace back.

    • @BobbiGail
      @BobbiGail Рік тому +30

      No contact sounds like the method you are using, and amen, good job! I understand gray rocking a little differently. I think this is used when we are "forced" to still deal with someone toxic. So we kind of listen a lot and nod and just let them do their thing, but spend no effort to "change" their minds or stick up for ourselves- bc it WONT work! We limit our time the most we can, but when we are with them we just exist as a gray rock and get out ASAP. No Contact is better for the soul! Gray rock can be done when we have to.

    • @sandradocarmo6523
      @sandradocarmo6523 Рік тому +15

      It seems too easy to do that , but how about when the narcissist is your daughter in law that has been doing all that has been explained on this video and you have a son and a granddaughter that you love so much ??? I have been suffering for 5 years but I am just learning all that ! First I thought she was not a converted Christian and I was always trying to forgive her and start all over again , but she NEVER changed ! I am very tired 😢 but very thankful that God reveled to me who she really is and the reason for what she has been doing that for 5 years.

    • @BobbiGail
      @BobbiGail Рік тому +6

      @@sandradocarmo6523 Oh you are in a tricky place. Might consider studying the "yellow rock" method for dealing with toxic ppl we still need to play nice with! Hang in there... your poor son will need your support too. That doesn't mean you talk to him about her. Just supporting their unti will give him strength and make you look good. So tiring.

    • @Bootchie2023
      @Bootchie2023 Рік тому +5

      Correct! I learned to avoid, reject, dismiss, banish and disregard. Haven't been happier, tranquil, and more peaceful. Should have done all of the above sooner!

    • @elizabethandiosa4579
      @elizabethandiosa4579 11 місяців тому

      Lol. Totally agree. No contact is best. They're nasty and rotten to the gore and get worse and more deadly and covert with age. They've contacted me or my associates decades later and I called their abusivenesd put and blocked them. Word got put. They do the "showing up where I happen to be coincidentally". I ignore them. Pretend I don't see them. Keep driving. Look the other way and take the phone call that didn't ring. Lol. No thank you. Smackdown exterminatecthose pestilence. Never help one again ever.

  • @Janeintheok
    @Janeintheok Рік тому +56

    I describe it as being emotionally and spiritually tied to a tornado. You don't exactly what you're gonna get, but it will usually end in disaster.

    • @tmo.48
      @tmo.48 Рік тому

      Perfect♡♡♡

    • @nowyouknowrealestate5703
      @nowyouknowrealestate5703 Рік тому +4

      Yep… 16:00 my ex used to say… I don’t have a problem, you do. You go get counseling…. Now he’s an 18 year ex after 18 years of marriage. Just saw him last weekend for the first time in4 years, he’s worse. I’m blessed beyond belief! I pray he finds God’s amazing grace!

  • @SewGigi
    @SewGigi 8 місяців тому +3

    Married way toooo long to a Narc. He is crazy, demanding, childish and hates to be told NO. REALLY? I am so over him.

  • @churchhome1206
    @churchhome1206 10 місяців тому +28

    Praise God! I needed to hear that! I've been giving too much attention to Satan and his devices and not enough attention to God and his solutions. ❤❤

  • @thebeautifullibra11
    @thebeautifullibra11 Рік тому +44

    Yes the problem is people accuse others of being a narcissist when they are the ones projecting the behaviors.

    • @reflax6009
      @reflax6009 10 місяців тому

      What you mean? Of course we see what we want to see however we have to be honest to ourselves too

    • @thebeautifullibra11
      @thebeautifullibra11 10 місяців тому

      ​@@reflax6009my narcisstic sister calls me a covert narcissist and she is in every situation and interaction she is the aggressor. She is very abrasive and then when I react she accuses me of being the aggressor.. I feel so disoriented when I deal with her. I've finally decided to go no contact and I feel the best I've felt in years. I feel so free now!

    • @estherdenisha6786
      @estherdenisha6786 3 місяці тому +1

      There is some narcissists in here😮😮😮

  • @gabriellepirrone3721
    @gabriellepirrone3721 Рік тому +58

    It feels so debilitating living a life you know isn’t aligning with who you truly are due to being raised by a narcissistic mother and alcoholic father. I felt so lost and alone until I finally left home and cut everyone off. I finally feel free❤️

    • @carolynkiem868
      @carolynkiem868 11 місяців тому +1

      Good on you u are a strong andconfident human being GO girl

    • @cf2839
      @cf2839 11 місяців тому +4

      I also had a narcissistic mother and alcoholic father. I raised myself and didn't do a good job. I stuffed back my emotions and learned not to trust anyone but myself. I'm still working on myself with God's help - 70 years of trying to heal.

    • @sharigraff871
      @sharigraff871 11 місяців тому +1

      I had the same! I tried alcohol and drugs to handle it, but I hav been in recovery for 19 years now. I have cut them off and feel so free! Life is beautiful on the other side of that trauma ❤️

  • @marihunt4314
    @marihunt4314 5 місяців тому +3

    I can definitely relate to deflection. Every time I bring up an issue with my fiancé, he will come back with, “Do you think you’re perfect?” or he will say, “well you did this.” Once, when I told him that he is emotionally abusive, he told me that no one else has ever told him that and that I’m just mentally disturbed.

  • @eninziwellness4299
    @eninziwellness4299 11 місяців тому +7

    Was in a 23 year marriage to a covert narcissist. Still dealing with the fallout as he (and his parents) had done a unbelievable job in poisoning my girls against me. One has seen the truth, but the other has started using manipulation tactics too. I’m currently praying and fasting for her to be delivered.

  • @richardbensinger6922
    @richardbensinger6922 Рік тому +227

    Amen. Deal with my own stuff. So thankful I found you. The perfect blend of psychology and scripture. We need more counselors like you.

    • @terriwilmottw
      @terriwilmottw Рік тому +3

      Amen

    • @anniethompson1041
      @anniethompson1041 Рік тому +14

      I absolutely agree. 6 or 7 years ago I began to understand that I was married to a narcissist (and had been raised by a narcissistic mother) and began watching narc recovery videos. Long story short, my healing process brought me to Christ. I've been looking for content that combines both, as you say. Very happy to have found Kris.

    • @herminablackstock
      @herminablackstock Рік тому +2

      So true my friend

  • @jerrysibincic5034
    @jerrysibincic5034 Рік тому +27

    One word? EVIL

  • @valerielinares2068
    @valerielinares2068 11 місяців тому +3

    A red flag I've noticed with narcissists is that when they're not being threatened is that they seem to be overly concerned with doing the "right thing." I mean, they do it to the point that it seems insincere, like it's a show. It sort of gives off the vibe of "look at me over here doing the right thing!" They make a point to be showy about "doing the right thing." They do this because they know that their efforts are insincere, so they have to lay it on thick to overcompensate for the sincerity that doesn't exist in their actions.
    For example, say there's a male narcissist who has no basic respect for women. But because he wants to impress others, or because he wants others to believe he respects women when he doesn't, he over-does it with showing respect for women. BUT, when he does so, you can see how he subtly is showy of it.. not too much. But, it's just enough that you can tell, something is off with this person.

  • @annmcgetrick243
    @annmcgetrick243 11 місяців тому +12

    What really hit my heart was when you commented that, (paraphrase) when you're hurt by a narc, you spend more time focusing on the devil than the Lord. This is so wrong and exactly what I have been doing. I am working on this and when I start to feel hurt, I have decided to pray for someone else, for him and myself. Thank you for your wisdom!

  • @aclaar877
    @aclaar877 Рік тому +36

    The covert narc in my life controls through emotions and guilt, and I submit to it and have allowed it for years, being a people-pleaser myself. It's easier to give in than to have a couple days of tears, rage, repeated arguments and being forced to justify myself over and over.

    • @lindsaywilliams3774
      @lindsaywilliams3774 Рік тому +4

      Gray rock. Detach. That’s helped me immensely. I don’t give in but I don’t engage. It works!

    • @kathyadair8552
      @kathyadair8552 Рік тому +2

      J - Don't justify
      A - or, Argue with a Fool.
      D - Defend, 'cuz they're the
      -> defendent.
      E - Explain; you can't comprehend for them, so Don't bother.

    • @marianatequiero28
      @marianatequiero28 11 місяців тому +1

      Now That you know , oh it will just get worse , especially if knows your on to it

    • @cindywalton4932
      @cindywalton4932 10 місяців тому +7

      I don't respond anymore. Don't show any emotion. Don't speak to him unless you have to, then just short answers. He'll probably play the victim and ask why do you hate me?. Can't be honest with a narc without starting WWIII.

  • @larrybrevelle
    @larrybrevelle Рік тому +25

    Control…absolutely.
    When you don’t understand narcissism you can easily fall into their snares. When I learned more the light started shinning in the darkness.

  • @lucycp2881
    @lucycp2881 9 місяців тому +4

    So we’ll put together. Cognition dissonance. It’s all so exhausting. Thanks for sharing

  • @lreevesnyc21
    @lreevesnyc21 10 місяців тому +11

    Kris- you NAILED IT 100%. You described EXACTLY what I have experienced for 7 years with my x I just broke up with. He faked it well for 6 years but began getting his new “dream job” didn’t need narc supply from me as much and couldn’t keep up the fake persona.
    It’s painful and horrifying when you real this person never loved you and who they REALLY are. Just grateful I had enough self love to put an end to the abuse and end it.

  • @dyanajones3298
    @dyanajones3298 Рік тому +8

    A few one word descriptions of a narcissist.
    •Contentious
    •Controlling
    •Gaslighter
    •Manipulative
    The coverts word salad, intimidate & control with silence, withholding good, withholding affection until you break down.

    • @juliatrapp5733
      @juliatrapp5733 10 місяців тому +2

      They really don’t know how to be affectionate and when they do give a hug or kiss it feels so funny. Its has no feeling in it

  • @nickyjooste411
    @nickyjooste411 Рік тому +107

    Thank you for this. This was like hearing an exact description of my marriage to my covert narcissist ex-husband. It’s so good to hear someone put this into words. I was so often bewildered by his twisting words, stonewalling, gaslighting, manipulation, that I lost myself.

    • @jacquelinefroehle5868
      @jacquelinefroehle5868 Рік тому

      They steal our true authentic selves away from us, and behave like they own us.

    • @KeepNitReeel
      @KeepNitReeel Рік тому +9

      Me too, my ex-husband, I feel like he was/is one of the *most strongest narcassits alive,* he would be overt & covert, the damage he's done to me, my son, my mother & my sister is *irreparable.* ....
      The covert narcassits effect every part of your life & once we are finally free of them, we basically have to rebuild the person we were....
      But the way he has *manipulated* family like my mother & sister, that will be forever, unless they actually experience a narcissist on their own, they'll *have no clue* about how manipulated they were....
      Plus my mom is a strong covert narcassits anyway......
      Another thing: I think narcassits only ever respect other narcassits, they for sure don't respect regular people as they think of *themselves as better then.* Anyway I'm not sure about that last part & I really don't care.....
      I just wish there was a way to make myself *unattractive* to any kind of narcassits, I wish
      I could repel them.

    • @adamgrobin6566
      @adamgrobin6566 Рік тому +7

      I can relatee. This is indeed like hearing an exact description of my marriage to my covert narcissist

    • @orianam9835
      @orianam9835 Рік тому +4

      @@KeepNitReeel they knock to many doors. But you open yours.
      Meet them first then decide. Close the doors of needed and just say bye

    • @cosmicstargazer10
      @cosmicstargazer10 11 місяців тому

      @@KeepNitReeel for as long as you are empathic, loving, kind, generous to a fault you could viciously stove your own face in with a sledgehammer & still be like nectar to a pollenating insect. The only hope we have is awareness & resistance. I'm sorry that he not only got to abuse you but also your son, the trauma for you is doubled, as you have had to see him hurt your son too. It's no surprise your ex did a number on your other family members & you're right about them not realising unless/ until they experience it as the narc's primary abusee. I can't agree about the narcissist only respecting other narcissists. They despise them & if the other narcissist is "better" than them at controlling people they will attempt to destroy that narcissist too. A smear campaign is the only thing that would work & to see it take effect will blow your mind. Imagine two supervillains in a comic book universe battling it out & you're halfway there. I wish COVID could have only targeted narcissists, imagine a world without them all, an idyllic utopia or what?! I wish for you limitless strength to resist, power to endure & the light of love in your heart. One:LOVE.

  • @brynnleapierce5600
    @brynnleapierce5600 11 місяців тому +12

    My situation is “I'm stuck & want out”, but guilt, guilt, guilt is what pulls me down so much!!! I know the language, I've learned & become well informed on this man who has “high Narcissistic traits”! I realize I don't have to get his permission to leave, but my empathy is my weakness. It's a dead end but he keeps stringing me along with his manipulative abusive behavior.

    • @joanieks3945
      @joanieks3945 9 місяців тому +3

      I’m in the same position. I get everything you said. There is so much guilt 😢

    • @brynnleapierce5600
      @brynnleapierce5600 9 місяців тому

      @@joanieks3945 Update: An opportunity presented itself that helped my “deep empathic self” to pull out of this unhealthy relationship❕❕❕ My guilt meter lessened because of his extreme level of very ugly & vicious words (worse than prior) & I reached the point where “he pushed me too far”❕❕❕ This occurred 3 weeks ago. I'm out now & know should he attempt to hoover down the road, those tactics will not work. I've blocked every avenue of communication so he cannot reach me.
      Stay strong & of good courage, I’ll keep you in my thoughts (yes prayers) you'll have that opportunity in the future. 😊❤️👌🙏

    • @dumpgas
      @dumpgas 4 місяці тому

    • @dennyfie
      @dennyfie 4 місяці тому

      Byrnn get out, I know easier said than done, I had to just get cold and tell her she is leaving soon. She kept saying she was leaving & never left so i said one morning you are leaving, all of a sudden she was printing up a bunch of crap on how to save a relationship, I said wow in 14 months you did not think it was important & now in the last hour you want to work on our relationship. Well no Thanks was my answer. A few of my neighbors told me when she showed up to not get involved, well stupid me did not listen, they were right they seen it within minutes I did not.

    • @RKinCR
      @RKinCR 3 місяці тому

      There is a high probability that if you take this time within the relationship to work on yourself and heal, the damage being done to your soul will become much more intolerable. This means that it may be better to work on yourself outside of the relationship and without the narcissistic/scapegoat cycle.

  • @miryamaubert6318
    @miryamaubert6318 5 місяців тому +2

    Control and extreme lack of empathy, they can be so cruel

  • @yomiwint658
    @yomiwint658 Рік тому +41

    I'm happy to know ,I'm not the only one dealing with these type of people.
    Everything you are saying is
    true , they can make a person to feel crazy.
    But they are the crazy one.
    May God Help Us All. 🙏

  • @JC4.0
    @JC4.0 Рік тому +36

    I get told I’m the narcissist and am gaslighted and shut down daily. Thankyou so much for helping me begin to
    Heal

    • @nicole_k7825
      @nicole_k7825 Рік тому +2

      Me too. And people believe it as well. But you know, we know. We're stronger

    • @LovelyAndTrue
      @LovelyAndTrue 11 місяців тому +4

      I was raised by an expert covert narc mother and learned some of the narc behaviors but God has been exposing and healing. He makes us whole. I went no contact with my mom 1.5 years ago and it's been amazing and I praise God for the deliverance!!!

    • @FaithFilled.
      @FaithFilled. 9 місяців тому

      As soon as I identified the narc in my life, he started calling me names lmao😂

  • @fourtywater77
    @fourtywater77 9 місяців тому +10

    Wow! I've been learning about narcissistic relationships for the last 6 months and you are the only that has totally made sense. Thank you for giving so much insight and clarity about the narcissist. God bless you.

  • @elainepoole942
    @elainepoole942 9 місяців тому +3

    They go and tell lies about you to their flying monkeys who are so loyal they do not check with you as to validity of what was told to them. Married to passive/aggressive covert 47 years before the divorce.

  • @debbiephillips3017
    @debbiephillips3017 Рік тому +68

    My ex husband used to guilt me by telling me he had cancer, but as time went on I noticed he wasn't seeing any Drs? It was one excuse after another and crying to pull at my heart strings continually. I went throught the guilt trip with him for 30 years. We are now divorced.

    • @JuniperLynn789
      @JuniperLynn789 Рік тому +4

      It’s so sad when they use that tactic. My mom uses my special needs brother as bait a lot. A few years ago she convinced the whole family he had 2 years to live. It was all bologna.

    • @sweorfan6844
      @sweorfan6844 Рік тому +7

      I’m in the same boat, except it’s 35 years for me. Until three years ago, I thought I was a horrible person, who should just keep trying harder and I thought this long nightmare was entirely my fault - until my child asked me if I had ever figured out what the problem was - that is the first time I ever heard the word narcissist in my life. The epiphany was along the lines of a nuclear blast… at long last, EVERYTHING finally made sense. The past three years has been a growth experience, but how does a person get out of this poison after all these years, which is a question I ask myself every day.

    • @PJAndersson733
      @PJAndersson733 Рік тому +3

      My mother has told me she has cancer every time she’s caught in a lie!

    • @caramelobear1952
      @caramelobear1952 Рік тому

      Praise God!

    • @rosemarymuritu
      @rosemarymuritu Рік тому

      @@sweorfan6844 psycho therapy will help. Been with one for 25yrs and on therapy. It is a journey but it will help.

  • @nelsoncarreiro6099
    @nelsoncarreiro6099 Рік тому +32

    Wow "they don't want to get it". You are spot on everything. GOD bless you. Thank you 🙏

  • @VikingSpirit942
    @VikingSpirit942 26 днів тому

    So true-Trying to communicate with them is a chore- you just keep trying but can never reach resolution. If you can communicate easily with everyone else in your family, with friends and at work, but not with this person, you have a bona fide narc on your hands. Any emails or interactions are full of deflection, blame, shame, projection, anger, omissions of facts and truth and no acceptance of responsibility for their actions at all. Detach and rise above it; it will harm your health, never gets better and you will never love them out of it.

  • @gigi83578
    @gigi83578 10 місяців тому +4

    “Spun around, blindfolded and pushed out into the highway”…..great description!!! And when you’ve never dealt with or don’t understand what a true narcissist does this is exactly how it feels! And then to add insult to injury not only do they blame you…..the people closest to you don’t understand when you try to explain either. So grateful to the UA-cam community over the years of people who helped me understand what I was dealing with. I do believe the term “narcissist” is overused and misused, but when you truly are dealing with one, this information is such a Godsend! Life saving! You learn that you aren’t crazy…..you are dealing with someone’s mental illness….and you can gain the strength to walk away.

  • @janettrout-gn2cb
    @janettrout-gn2cb Рік тому +20

    41 years in October. I just discover 3.5 years ago what I was dealing with.

    • @tmo.48
      @tmo.48 Рік тому +4

      43 years here and found out almost 3.5 years ago also!!! We will overcome ♡

    • @mialoveall5812
      @mialoveall5812 Рік тому +1

      ❤🙏🏻❤

    • @jamesdenton94
      @jamesdenton94 Рік тому +1

      ✝️=💜 trust the Holy Spirit not your husband

  • @karenwilliams0607
    @karenwilliams0607 Рік тому +76

    May God bless you for sharing your knowledge. Married to a stonewaller for 18 years. God has lead me to your channel and Christ is showing me that greater is the One living inside of me than the one who is living in the world. I’m a daughter of God and I deserve better. I can’t say what the future holds, but I know He holds the future! Peace to you!

    • @jamesdenton94
      @jamesdenton94 Рік тому +2

      ✝️=💜 God bless you Phillipines 4:13

    • @florapoole6437
      @florapoole6437 11 місяців тому +1

      God bless you l share your journey.only been WOKE for 5 wks been trapped 42yrs. God said enough! Bc I certainly don't know were I would have ended up if it had not been for the Lord on my side. Bc my brain was fried. Thank God for sending me to this channel and for people like you. Blessings

    • @lorettaj6995
      @lorettaj6995 10 місяців тому

      Amen 🙌🙏

  • @michellewal8219
    @michellewal8219 11 місяців тому +1

    Another "C" word for narcissist is charming. They know what buttons to push and how to push them.

  • @user-jt5nx8su5z
    @user-jt5nx8su5z 6 днів тому

    This is such a good topic. I just had an experience with CONTROL. I ASK him to replant a plant in a pot. He went off ranting and speaking at the top of his voice that he just came from work and I can't expect so much out of him!! So AUTISTIC!!!

  • @its_eli
    @its_eli Рік тому +49

    I love psychology through a Kingdom lens... makes so much sense and the counsel is therefore super effective. Thank you.

  • @nh255
    @nh255 Рік тому +22

    living with a narcissist/ physically aggressive sibling & she tries to control anything and everything she can. i’m saving & working on getting my degree so i can be financially independent & away from her covert narcissism

  • @user-uy8hc8bx7h
    @user-uy8hc8bx7h Місяць тому

    This was my life for the past 43 years, every bit of it! I so appreciate this information- I can finally put a name to the confusion and chaos that was a part of my life most days. I have now been divorced for about a year, have had complete support from children, family and friends. It has changed my life to learn about Covert narcissism, Thank you-❤️

  • @tinarobinson4710
    @tinarobinson4710 11 місяців тому +2

    Its so exhausting. My hubs is an alcoholic with narcissistic traits, i don't think hes a "full blown" narc, but hes a pro at gaslighting, emotional & verbal abuse. After 8 yrs of dealing with i dont let it bother me too much anymore. I laugh at his temper tantrums now, they're worse than my 5yos tantrums. Im getting ready to file for a divorce. God keeps showing me who he is & ive finally listened to Him.

  • @michelleellis5194
    @michelleellis5194 Рік тому +21

    My husband always says I’m attacking him just for saying can you throw the trash away instead of putting it on the counter right above the trash can. What he is really saying is your my slave you can throw it away.

    • @tmo.48
      @tmo.48 Рік тому +3

      He is baiting you when he does those things, just waiting for you to say something so he can play the victim and start in on you. I have experienced same thing. I will not say anything and just clean around it. It can stay where he put it till the cows come home. Of course I then realize he will find a new bait to try and start something. I have learned so much since learning about narcissism. I understand all the red flags and the tactics they use. He puts all his frustration into slamming in the sex. Yes I have been packing and preparing. It's all utter nonsense.

    • @ziziscorsese9475
      @ziziscorsese9475 Рік тому

      Maybe you should rephrase it and say, would you please put the trash out.

    • @jamesdenton94
      @jamesdenton94 Рік тому

      ​@@ziziscorsese9475 🤦‍♀️

  • @jeremydavis6751
    @jeremydavis6751 Рік тому +36

    This was my life, and through the divorce process, I was never so disoriented in my life.
    The way you broke this down, it seemed as if you were reading the script to the movie of my life!

    • @anne-vl7qf
      @anne-vl7qf 11 місяців тому +1

      Jeremy, be glad you’re alive. My son lived in this awful confusing marriage and took his life last year 😢

    • @jeremydavis6751
      @jeremydavis6751 11 місяців тому +5

      @anne-vl7qf sorry for your loss. Many times as men people think it doesn't happen.
      Before my marriage I was extremely confident and self assured. To make my marriage better, I slowly changed and withered away. I thought what I was doing was healthy for our marriage and it was needed change.
      I never imaged I would never be enough, no matter how much I changed the goal continued to change, I never thought she would not hold true to the viws, morals, and standards set in premarital counseling.
      I assumed that I had checked all the box to be aware but she put started me.
      She used my faith, morals, and personal standards as a weapon to slowly break me down.
      Then in the divorce trying to talk was considered harassment.
      asking about vows, premarital counseling standards set, and morals was considered bible thumps and bashing her with faith/religion.
      Me trying to remain true to my vows and covenant to God... I was told I was manipulating, I was holding her hostage, I was controlling, ... it was always an excuse or twist to blame me.
      So I understand what your son went threw and sorry he felt it was the only way to handle the situation.

    • @Mari-he7gy
      @Mari-he7gy 6 місяців тому

      I just found this UA-cam channel of Kris Reece and after reading your comment, it's like a script of what I've been through with my husband right now. My faith and relationship with the Lord are very important to me and my nonbeliever husband is attacking me and accusing me that I'm a religious, self-righteous person and know it all. Totally opposite to what people told me about my humbleness. I'm so hurt with the stonewalling, accussation and blame game and he is always right all the time. I am praying for God's discernment as I'm very stressed dealing with him.

    • @Mari-he7gy
      @Mari-he7gy 6 місяців тому

      @anne-vl7qf I'm very sorry for your loss. May the Lord give you peace and comfort.

  • @GSV845
    @GSV845 5 місяців тому +2

    Yes 💯 % agree. I was married to someone for 21 years and he did this constantly. This was a tactic he used very successfully on me to keep me from pursuing the issues or resolving any issues

  • @SDH54
    @SDH54 19 днів тому

    I have been married for almost 50 yrs.
    I was a very sensitive man. people pleaser Etc. I used to cry easily. I do not cry anymore. I now see tears as manipulation. At almost 70 yrs old I’m begging God for a way out of this hell I experience on a daily basis.
    Praise God I have a dog who loves me unconditionally.

  • @anasocarras9269
    @anasocarras9269 Рік тому +67

    Thank you for praying for “ the one watching “ 😭 and for teaching us how to pray for them. ❤

    • @kristofvanhooymissen7785
      @kristofvanhooymissen7785 10 місяців тому +2

      pray for lost souls, that they may find their way back to G-d. Only the divine heals. Or doctors who work together with the Divine. Read Sri Aurobindo's book on integral healing. Love 🐢❤

  • @bluebirdwing6021
    @bluebirdwing6021 Рік тому +5

    One thing I will add is that covert narcs that are high functioning are VERY GOOD at their emotional regulation to the point of psychopathy. But they are brilliant at undoing yours and making it seem you can’t emotionally regulate as they cut your arms off with a dull butter knife.

  • @williejinnahkosseh2289
    @williejinnahkosseh2289 10 місяців тому +3

    Oh My! After 10 years of marriage, I experience exactly what you are saying.
    Feel so manipulated and deceived.
    Still not out of the situation yet.
    I am just praying and trying to free myself from this very bad situation

  • @lindajoyrainbowneal5609
    @lindajoyrainbowneal5609 5 місяців тому +2

    ... 1 word that describes all narcs is dishonest ... & the 1 way to deal with any of them is to leave them the hell alone ... ❤❤❤

  • @chautran2588
    @chautran2588 Рік тому +20

    Intimidation!!! My mom used to insist on the fact that I was disabled, so I couldn't go out to work like others, but work at home like a servant, a maid!!!

    • @jamesdenton94
      @jamesdenton94 Рік тому +3

      😮 don't believe this lie! Disability doesn't mean you can't have a life!✝️=💜

    • @bigred4379
      @bigred4379 9 місяців тому

      My mom is in her glory. She is 101 and I have quit my career to take care of her. She treats me EXACTLY like a maid. Only she would treat the maid better AND PAY HER! 😆

  • @unsolicitedadvice2800
    @unsolicitedadvice2800 Рік тому +16

    Like when I calmly asked my Narc parents why they don't love me, and my mother jumped up to scream in my face that they fed me when I was a child and I had NO RIGHT to ask that question. She then proceeded to try and turn my husband against me and devolved into tears claiming that I was an unforgiving, hateful person who doesn't know how to love. Let me point out that she has NEVER asked me to forgive her ever, for anything, and I don't believe that feeding a child constitutes love. Needless to say, I was completely disoriented and ended up apologizing to her. As usual.

    • @sylviescopazzo2445
      @sylviescopazzo2445 9 місяців тому +1

      Ugh. I so relate! I have a narc father.

    • @choosegoodalways
      @choosegoodalways 9 місяців тому

      Feeding a child is love how many kids are not feed! Having a roof over your head is love also! Some people are narcissists they just don’t know how to express love because they were raised by crappy people or situations! I think some of these channels on narcs are ruining peoples lives! Some people or all people have some narc traits but not all traits and are put into the category of being a narc! We all have dis functional families and homes because we all fall short! Life is hard! Narc traits come out when people become selfish and break Gods commandments! Which is going to get worse !

    • @unsolicitedadvice2800
      @unsolicitedadvice2800 9 місяців тому

      @@choosegoodalways This enabling, gaslighting, nonsense isn't even worth replying to except to say it sounds eerily similar to the kind of BS excuses my Narcissistic mother has made (screamy exclamation points and all). And maybe proofread your post for spelling errors next time.

    • @artgirlmermaid
      @artgirlmermaid 3 місяці тому +2

      Food and shelter are the bare minimum that parents are required by law, to do.... but that only addresses the child's survival needs. It doesn't address their emotional, spiritual or mental well-being which a parent should and will provide if they "love" their child. Narc parents that withhold those elements are setting their children up for a whole lot of hurt.. some do it intentionally... and they are sociopaths.

  • @CrossCory
    @CrossCory Місяць тому

    I appreciate listening to your teaching as well as you continually give praise to God. I have had trouble with this, I went to God and have asked for help and I know I will get it. The best quote for whenever you meet someone like this is to "observe, don't absorb".

  • @lb1203
    @lb1203 Рік тому +6

    These videos have been SO helpfull! The weird thing I noticed with the two narc friends I had was I actually NEVER saw them cry. I remember feeling like that was kinda werid before I started piecing the narc puzzle pieces together. But the real time I felt giant red flags was when I was dealing with a major life incodent and I was pouring my heart out to the woman I thought was my best friend. Not only did she not cry with me (not neccessarily a red flag on it's own) but then she cut me off mid sentence to tell me about what she went through about 5 years earlier, that wasn't even remotely on the same level of what I just went through the day before. It was so jarring and actually freaked me out the lack of empathy I just experienced, I felt like I was speaking with a psycopath.

  • @vanessanapier2211
    @vanessanapier2211 Рік тому +24

    My soon to be ex spouse of 31yrs is very capable of controlling his feelings/emotions in front of everyone except me and our now grown children. We know who he is behind the mask so we have targets on our backs. I found out 4.5 yrs ago he is a sex addict. The abuse and narcissism since knowing this toward me, our family has been in overdrive. He has chosen to remain an addict over God, our marriage and family. It is not where I expected to be after 31yrs but my faith has kept me upright, healing and moving forward through the hurt.

    • @karenwilliams0607
      @karenwilliams0607 Рік тому +1

      Praying for you!

    • @Tamara-gj1ey
      @Tamara-gj1ey Рік тому +1

      Yes, the disorientation is insidious!

    • @mialoveall5812
      @mialoveall5812 Рік тому

      I pray that GOD blesses you abundantly and keep you in H5 perfect peace.
      ❤🙏🏻❤

    • @dianemccabe4264
      @dianemccabe4264 Рік тому

      This is well written, not a complaint.

    • @stephaniegodsgirl5164
      @stephaniegodsgirl5164 Рік тому

      I know this pain too well. I feel like your husband and mine could be the same person. It's tragically sad

  • @jenniferisgitt4495
    @jenniferisgitt4495 Рік тому +33

    I have thought I was crazy because of the literal change - because I said something in the wrong tone 🤷🏻‍♀️All the time I'm told this. I speak just like I speak to anyone else. My husband loves to gaslight, verbal abuse and I'm always the problem if I ask a simple question 🙋🏻‍♀️

    • @empress9857
      @empress9857 Рік тому +1

      Yep 😂me too Chile please

    • @twilfits
      @twilfits 11 місяців тому +6

      Because your tone is supposed to be like a Disney character otherwise they feel like they're losing control

    • @florapoole6437
      @florapoole6437 11 місяців тому +1

      That always puzzled me bc none else ever said anything about the way I can talk but I tried different ways of talking, then when I thought I had it right he would pronounce my words over as I'm talking as if I wasn't speaking any word I said I was saying it the wrong way so he say,so again here I go .God help me to find myself again. Thank you all for giving me the space to heal 😢😢😢❤

    • @cindysanchez9808
      @cindysanchez9808 10 місяців тому +2

      If you even use a questioning voice, its like they are gunna answer, its like your insulting their intelligence, by asking. Its like you have offended. Any disapproving tone, no matter how gentle, is an attack. To them. Its sickening. How fragile their butterfly wing egos are, and the pride is satanic.

    • @JeaninneWarfel
      @JeaninneWarfel 9 місяців тому

      I was told this all the time about my tone and had never been told this in my 49 prior years to meeting her.

  • @shellylamb2986
    @shellylamb2986 10 місяців тому +2

    "all you're doing is TEACHING them how to be a better manipulator", spot on, best insight, I have been doing this my whole life.

  • @Howling.Moon.Canine.Training
    @Howling.Moon.Canine.Training 10 місяців тому +1

    Had a decades long friendship. DONE! Not a friend. Red flags and gut feeling helped me see this. My eyes were open, listening, hearing, watching and seeing myself being sucked into the bull💩 and blame game. So DONE!

  • @MariaCeaMIca
    @MariaCeaMIca Рік тому +10

    One time my ex narc cried to me over the phone because he wanted to see me, & I had told him I was too busy at that time. It sounded very fake but I allowed him to come over because his behavior was so pitiful to me. When he arrived at my house he was all smiles & joy (like he had won the “battle”). In hindsight I see it was a TEST to see if I would succumb to his crying manipulation. I will never forget that pitiful display of crying which was devoid of real emotion. I saw right through it then (especially when seeing how happy he was arriving at my house just 15 min. later, with no residual effects of previous crying), but responded the way he wanted me to. He thought he had won, but it was a RED FLAG for me that I have not forgotten 30 years later. Such a little incident that speaks volumes to the narcissistic patterns!

    • @tmo.48
      @tmo.48 Рік тому

      Was it only to have sex with you? Asking for a friend ♡

    • @brendarewan7441
      @brendarewan7441 Рік тому +1

      Yeah. I think they will finally do or say that ONE thing. Then we KNOW it’s over.

    • @jamesdenton94
      @jamesdenton94 Рік тому

      👏👏👏so proud of you! ✝️=💜

  • @ShalomUSA
    @ShalomUSA Рік тому +11

    My one word....psy-op. EVERYTHING is a head game.

    • @tmo.48
      @tmo.48 Рік тому

      I nipped the mind games in the bud. I told him I don't know how to play mind games so he'd have to play by himself. Of course he eventually went on to more devious tactics. They are recalcitrant beings.

  • @pt5594
    @pt5594 5 місяців тому +1

    Completely spot on. Making up lies using using text messages.

  • @Uswesi1527
    @Uswesi1527 3 дні тому

    To gain control, a narcissist follows: “ Divide & Rule “

  • @growthwithGod36
    @growthwithGod36 Рік тому +60

    Control was the exact word that came to my mind!
    This video is so spot on!!

  • @harmonijohnson443
    @harmonijohnson443 Рік тому +50

    Good channel with a lot of good insight! What nobody wants to say is these people are very dangerous to be involved with and they don't have to physically abuse you to do it. Besides being emotionally very damaging they will go to any length to get revenge if they think you are not giving them whatever it is they want. They will "forget" to fix the brakes, cook a "wonderful" meal that makes everyone believe me the list goes on. There is no end to what they will do to you or anyone else who is involved with them.. God does not want this for us. He wants us safe.

    • @sweorfan6844
      @sweorfan6844 Рік тому +10

      Couldn’t agree with you more. God does not want us, His children, to be trapped in a prison of evil and abuse. A narcissist can - and will - ruin your health, physical as well as mental.

    • @herminablackstock
      @herminablackstock Рік тому +2

      Well said my friend

    • @herminablackstock
      @herminablackstock Рік тому +1

      @@sweorfan6844 well said my friend

    • @tmo.48
      @tmo.48 Рік тому +3

      @@sweorfan6844 I stuck with mine because GOD hates divorce. He divorced me then sucked me back in, of course I still knew nothing of narcissism then, only that GOD hates divorce. Your comment stopped me in my track. Put reality into my predicament. I Thank You for commenting to the previous comment because I now want to cry for getting such clarification. I feel relieved ♡♡♡

    • @mindysmith3683
      @mindysmith3683 Рік тому +1

      I make my husband have to abuse me...he says , must be true .

  • @jacquesjems8527
    @jacquesjems8527 11 місяців тому +2

    My husband is narcissistic (he checks the majority of the boxes). The other day, he said something that hurt my feelings and when I told him, he dismissed me. That’s when I finally did this-for the past week, I’ve gone grey rock. When he comes into a room I leave it. When he asks me how I am, I answer with one word and then go back to what I’m doing. I’m dismissing him! He’s being very cheerful and it will be interesting to see how long it lasts. I know that narcissists need a supply and it’s not going to be me! I feel so empowered and relaxed! I finally admitted to myself that I don’t like my husband and thought something was wrong with me. But nothing is wrong with me and everything is sooo right!

  • @GloryBeToGod888
    @GloryBeToGod888 Рік тому +16

    I keep listening to these videos for clarity and to know I'm not crazy 😧

  • @lsoneonly
    @lsoneonly Рік тому +11

    The narcissist in my life has used guilt (which has worked well on me in the past) and phrases like, "Well isn't a Christian SUPPOSED to put others first?" "The person who cares the least in a relationship is the one who CONTROLS it." " Well I amALWAYS careful to treat everyone like I want to be treated." - implying that I am not doing that. It all boils down to her not getting her way and not accepting my no and wearing me down until I give in. I am doing better at recognizing this before I fall into the trap, but still fail at times....

    • @lsoneonly
      @lsoneonly Рік тому +3

      And one other thing I forgot is saying, "Well so and so thinks just like I do!" To help me see the "error" of my ways!

    • @67cici
      @67cici Рік тому

      My gawd this is amazing response

    • @jamesdenton94
      @jamesdenton94 Рік тому +1

      ✝️=💜 guilt is not love! 🙏 stay strong and don't let manipulation win

  • @adamflores3741
    @adamflores3741 10 місяців тому +3

    I couldn’t understand why I destroyed all my relationships, why I need to be in control of everything and anyone. When I ended it with the mother of my children, I was convinced it was her fault and only if she could if done more, my self righteous behavior was destructive in every way .. I couldn’t understand why I acted the way I do until I stared watching these videos and others. When all the traits lined up to being a narcissist it led me down a darker path of alcoholism .. I could not accept that this has been me my entire life and now I really don’t like who I am . Knowing my whole life and identity is a lie is devastating to say the Least and to think that I may pass this on to my children is unbearable….I do believe what you said that through God I can be redeemed, that’s the only hope I have ..if you know any professionals that deal with Narcissistic behavior in the Central Valley California..I would like seek help …thanks for your content ..

    • @jseehowitsbeen3177
      @jseehowitsbeen3177 2 місяці тому

      I pray you got some help and were able to get some counseling. My advice would be to constantly cry out to the Lord and ask him to change your heart, turn your heart towards Him, and allow the Holy Spirit to guide you in all areas in your life.

  • @lucianarodovalho8170
    @lucianarodovalho8170 10 місяців тому

    This is the first Chanel that prays. Thank you.

  • @angelaporto5753
    @angelaporto5753 Рік тому +7

    Around 16 minutes and she talks about them using guilt as a favorite tool… remember "Nobody can send you on a guilt trip, unless you buy the ticket!" I'm NOT going to keep buying those tickets and allow people to keep disrespecting me!

    • @tmo.48
      @tmo.48 Рік тому

      Excellent ♡♡♡

    • @jamesdenton94
      @jamesdenton94 Рік тому

      Amen! Your a daughter of the most high King!✝️=💜

  • @camillecothron2977
    @camillecothron2977 Рік тому +9

    He tries to exert control by stonewalling, punishing me with constant aggressive/antagonistic comments, deflecting at every turn. In a more subtle but noticeable way he exerts control by not giving me support with our 3 and 1 year olds. If I ask for anything he makes me wait until it’s on “his terms,” as a form of control, even in very small tasks such as helping bring a box of diapers in from the car. After waiting patiently if I dare politely ask again I get met with rage.

    • @tmo.48
      @tmo.48 Рік тому

      I would use his favorite shirt as a diaper. Stay sweet and say it's just till things get situated. Let him figure it out. Nothing worse than a guy sooooooo willing to "make" babies then sits back and makes the woman do all the necessaries. They don't want to lift their little finger, they ONLY want to lift their little.......

  • @btashinga.m
    @btashinga.m 8 місяців тому +1

    This content is really solid and uplifting. God bless your work Kris.

  • @Howling.Moon.Canine.Training
    @Howling.Moon.Canine.Training 10 місяців тому +1

    Exactly! Defecting and blaming instead of owning accountability and talking like an adult instead of throwing insults and blame. No care for others feeling or words. They like hearing only themselves.

  • @hanichay1163
    @hanichay1163 Рік тому +11

    Your prayer-true! I need to repent when I start worrying and fretting over them. It is self-centered on my part, and the more self-centered you are the more miserable you’ll be.

  • @Vixinaful
    @Vixinaful Рік тому +23

    Oh woman..! You are so right! When backed into a corner and faced with his 3 years emotional and verbal abuse of me, he pretended to cry and did it so well he convinced me he actually was. However I still said "You have to go to therapy" And when he played the victim and said he didnt have the energy for that right now, I said "Well, then this is the last time we see each other" and when I was about to leave...Bloody hell ..It really was "If looks could kill" It scared the heck out of me so I left in a hurry.
    He later wrote "Acting is easy, I could be an actor" I got the message; he meant he was pityplaying and the tears wasnt real.
    I've researched narcissism and psychopathy, schizophrenia and borderline for the past couple of years and they're due to brain damages which is why they cant be "therapied" away. (Google brain damage and narcissism and you'll see) Cant talk away a brain damage.

    • @tlhogid663
      @tlhogid663 Рік тому +1

      😢

    • @sunshine.9999
      @sunshine.9999 Рік тому +4

      Thank you letting us know it's due to brain damage, interesting actually bcoz most alcoholics are also narcissists, and alcohol definitely causes brain damage too.

    • @Vixinaful
      @Vixinaful Рік тому +2

      @@sunshine.9999 Ah, could be a case of "wet brain"
      Yes, takes a year to detox from the effects of alcoholism. So it's worse than drugs. And yes this explains their whole behaviour thats the exact opposite of a normal behaviour where one feels bad if one has caused someone else pain, not joy from it.
      So a narcissist is like taking a normal person with empathy, love and consideration and turning them 180 degrees around and voilá: Evil.

    • @lindsaywilliams3774
      @lindsaywilliams3774 Рік тому +3

      I believe it is a trauma response; Not brain damage. People develop very creative ways to survive when they are exposed to developmental trauma. At first it is helpful, when young, to defend against more pain. But when entrenched over a lifetime, it becomes destructive. Except the narc can’t see any other way to live. And they often can’t see the damage they inflict to those around them; usually those they “love”…

  • @TetyanaS-vi7gx
    @TetyanaS-vi7gx 6 місяців тому

    Thank you for your video. You explain everything so good and with so much knowledge on this subject. It helps a lot to see things clearly and don’t be confused with what we as a Christians have been taught about forgiveness and loving people. Thank you, this is needed.

  • @janetvarghese5248
    @janetvarghese5248 11 місяців тому +2

    Thank you so much for giving us wisdom from the WORD to deal with these very stressful and traumatic situations...

  • @carolynwright3026
    @carolynwright3026 Рік тому +49

    Thank you for being an advocate for a believer in Jesus:) so refreshing and so needed! Love your videos ❤

  • @bforcenorth6393
    @bforcenorth6393 Рік тому +11

    I get that blame for the disorientation all the time from my soon to be ex. Every conversation became an argument of unflattering moments from every year of our marriage. Then every argument was mentally edited by her and shared with anybody willing to listen. Nothing was private between us and no version of the argument she shared was accurate or included any of her own ownership of why we even had the argument.

  • @melissab8653
    @melissab8653 10 місяців тому +2

    Love your way of explaining and the simplicity of a healthy mind ! These videos really help me cut out these types of creatures! Thank you ❤️‍🔥

  • @Lynn_Nice
    @Lynn_Nice Рік тому +3

    I am so blessed to have found you. I have suffered multiplication with guilt. Months of boundaries being ignored by my adult daughter. She "guilts" me about money and going without. Guilts me about being a disabled vet and needing me to help support her. She is now stonewalling me and won't talk or let me see my grandson because I "made" her move out of my home. Thank you for the explanation I was headed down the wrong road AGAIN with second guessing myself. Bless you. ❤

  • @tammymcclain7046
    @tammymcclain7046 Рік тому +9

    My mother in law is a HUGE stonewaller! Every time she gets upset with my husband because he didn’t do, think, act the way she expected it’ll be months that we won’t hear from her. My husband finally just had to say enough was enough and walk away.

  • @PJAndersson733
    @PJAndersson733 Рік тому +23

    This is so good. Kris is right on the money on everything. Maybe giving these people too much even. Take it from someone who’s wasted much of my life, my potential and my children’s lives, my health: things will never change. Never get better. Even if it might seem like they are hearing you, trust me, they’re not. It happens over & over until you lose everything. I’m sorry to say this but you need to get away from them. It’s very hard, but God has your back. You cannot focus on yourself while being involved with one of these. Like kris said, I’ve been disobedient so our Lord. I’ve let Him down so much by giving Satan my attention rather the the Lord’s. Don’t spend your precious life on these people. They will take every last bit of your spirit you have. God does not want this.
    Amen, Kris. Thank you

    • @tmo.48
      @tmo.48 Рік тому +8

      40 years ago when my kids were babies I heard a radio pastor talk about what worship meant. He said that whatever you think about the most is what you worship. Now, all I ever did at work at home, wherever, was ruminate on why my husband and I didn't, couldn't get along for more than 5 minutes. I was extremely awakened to the fact that I was inadvertently worshipping my husband. It took some mental exercise to watch what I was thinking about. Jesus calls it renewing the mind. We have to treat it like a beautiful garden and weed out those thoughts. We have to be diligent gardeners of our MINDS♡

    • @lindsaywilliams3774
      @lindsaywilliams3774 Рік тому

      Amen!

    • @user-us6uk2nw5z
      @user-us6uk2nw5z Рік тому

      What happen if He is alone with small 2 boys and raise Tham?

    • @D2BR
      @D2BR 10 місяців тому

      AMEN!!! COMPLETELY!

    • @sommerssmith2438
      @sommerssmith2438 4 місяці тому

      Amen!!

  • @kebbasda
    @kebbasda Рік тому +1

    Thank you THANK you for the clarity!!!! I needed this my, soul is now free. 💗

  • @rhondanerren4797
    @rhondanerren4797 10 місяців тому +2

    Great video! 24 year marriage to covert narc. Six children. I’ve been free five years now! Life is so much better. ❤️

    • @tamikalachelle
      @tamikalachelle 7 місяців тому

      Hello, Good for you!
      How did you navigate the Narcissist's family? Like their parents, etc? I am going through a divorce & have 2 small children.

  • @His4eternity-vy7bc
    @His4eternity-vy7bc Рік тому +16

    I thank God for bringing your channel into my life. You have helped me so much. I recently got the courage to leave my narcissistic husband, and your videos help me to continue to stay strong and let The Holy Spirit guide me to stay on the path that God wants me to go down, not Satan’s. Christ is using you in a mighty way! May God continue to bless this ministry that he’s called you to do, and bless you personally for helping so many of us become educated and free from narcissistic people.