God is Revealing Your Relationship is Toxic (7 Warning Signs) + LIVE Q&A
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- Опубліковано 18 гру 2023
- Toxic relationships can suck the life and joy right out of you. But how do you know if the relationship challenges you’re having are just troubled or totally toxic?
In this episode, we are going to quiet the confusion and confirm or dispel your fears by revealing the 7 signs that you’re in a toxic relationship.
It doesn’t matter if it’s a parent, partner, pastor, coworker or friend. You don’t want to miss these signs.
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IT IS NEVER GOD'S WILL FOR ANYONE TO BE ABUSED. PERIOD!!!!
Exactly! It is far better to be completely alone than to have others around you that would harm you or take advantage of you in you moments of weakness. It happened to me back in 2000. To keep anything similar from happening to me again, I deleted everyone from my life and never bothered to replace anybody. I iwll allows no possibility of the events of 30 December 1998 to 8 August 2000 from ever happening again. Thus, I have had no friends, a girlfriend, nor acqaintences, since 2000. It is far better to have nobody in your life than to have abusive or bad people in your life. This is written from experience. Being alone is nti the worse thing that could happen to anybody. It is far from it. For me, it has actually proven extremely beneficial to have nobody in my life. Nobody is going to die because they have no social existence. I am proof of this.
Get out of toxic don’t waste your years with toxic. God never wants us to be abused. Trust God to show you the way out for a productive life.
@@chartman194 I quit wasting my time with human companionship. Almost all of them are toxic. I just do what I must to live and succeed without having anything to do with humans. I interact with humans in a manner that a client would interact with a service provider or merchant. No interpersonal exchanges are ever made. I am done with what is regarded as friendship and amorous relationships. They have become nothing but opportunistic relationships and sex. I need none of that just to be abused later because I met my purpose for the opportunist. I will never be social again.
That’s what the narcissist says you do. They say you never forgive. Forgiveness does not mean to keep taking it!
Thank you. So often Christian women(pastor's wives in my life) say that there is not enough reason to leave unless the kids or I are getting physically abused. Here is my thing...so much happens leading up to physical abuse. It doesn't just happen. And why does someone have to be bleeding before we leave? Really people? How can it be God's will for us to put up with emotional abuse either?
1. Lack of love and respect.
2. Manipulative and Controlling
3. Constant conflict and strife.
4. Unforgiveness
5. Dishonesty and deceit.
6. Lack of boundaries and personal freedom.
7. Selfishness
8. Abusive
9. Lack of Trust and insecurity.
I just went through all of that,i was really dumb founded by the whole deal,very sad. Gone now never to see her again. A covert Christian narcissist is really scary, the neglectful attitude was very disturbing,but a total stranger she had all kinds of time for them.i will never get it.
Amen
Going through this with my ID twin sister and planning to leave. We roommate together. She's a covert narcissist and a raging alcoholic. So abusive and evil
I went through all of this in my 5 year situationship they I finally walked away from. This person created a story in there head and kept it going , until he got literally caught in the act. I’ll never submit to a man that has not submitted to God first. I’ll never be again, a girlfriend working with wifely duties and is not a wife.
all items you referenced were in my relationship with my Husband (Narcissist)
Going to counseling with a narcissist is a waste of time and money.
Is it?? My keeps pushing me and I keep saying No. I've been in therapy since 18yrs old. I'm now 44yrs old. He has never gone.
@@cazb4421 if he's the one pushing for it, then go. If not, he'll say later on that it's because of you the marriage failed and the universe is turning inside out.
@JW-po9mb I'm going through that already. He blames me for everything and doesn't own anything cause he's embarrassed. If I go to therapy, I will embarrass him. He has cheated and had emotional relationships with other women. He goes away for48 hours, and I don't know where he is or who his with. I have 2 children who are watching his behaviour. I don't want to fix it. He plays too many games, hurts me and thinks it's funny. I have 20 years left on this earth. I want peace, happiness for me and my children. Being with him will destroy us all.
@@cazb4421 I'm in the same exact boat you're on. Please find a good therapist who can help you deal with all that you've been going through. We all know that dealing with them is huge task and destroys us in ways we could never have imagined. No one should have to go through life suffering under the hands of another. A therapist will help you to get your self esteem and self worth back. Please get help.
I find myself singing “no weapon formed against me shall prosper “ find so much comfort in that. I feel so much at peace.
Amen 💕 🙏🏻 💕
Thank you, I’m going to start singing that too. Already I say, “Your peace Lord, your peace” - that’s helps a lot. When he’s in a rage I just concentrate on our Saviour; his love and his peace. But I’m going to add yours, it’s truth.
The Lord told me I can’t do this on my own strength but to trust Him for his strength
Same, going through this currently, my husband told me I’m guilty of all his issues, total projection, my responsibility is for myself , I’m gone for 6 months ish and he couldn’t care less, except when he calls me drunk and late to fake cry and mess with my heart some more
One thing is certain. Never depend on a human for help, support, nor companionship. They will not add to your strength. The will suck, destroy, your strength. it is horrible that it has become this way. Keep your enemies far and your, "friends," further. In fact, keep the entire species away from you.
Today I was yelled at called selfish, thrown bible verses at me and also told “all the things I have done for you…” just for saying a firm No!
Jezebel loves the Bible’s scriptures. Jezebel is strong within narcs. Control and manipulation
How dare you say no? Don't you know you only exist to please him? To do everything that's asked of you without question or rebuttal? You have to sacrifice yourself and place all his needs before yours; before your health; before your comfort. 🤦🏾♂️
5:01 "Lack of love and respect: a clear sign of toxicity."
You just described 90% of humanity. With that high level of negative people, I have opted to forego all interpersonal, social, interactions, associations, and bonds. The only way to interact with humans is in a manner that is similar to the manner that a client would interact with a service provider or merchant. After the business exchange, conclude the meeting and never readdress the human, if at all possible. If necessary to address the human again, make it identical to the first transaction style with the human. This level of aloofness, detachment, and standoffish behavior, will maximise the odds of not establishing any sort of familiarity. The goal is not to establish any sort of connection with the person outside of the business at hand. Today, a friend is nothing but a low level enemy in disguise. A love interest is nothing but an opportunist ready to take all they can. Make no connections and make no conflict. Delete the social aspect of your life. You will not regret it.
I had a covert religious Narcissist in my life once, and later realized my body was warning me of her toxicity, and I should've listened to God's warning concerning her. I emailed her my written testimony, and she called me. When I saw her name on Caller ID I picked up the receiver expecting to hear encouraging words, but instead heard cutting, hurtful words. And my body jerked back on my chair while my heart sank within me. My body was recoiling from her yet I didn't listen to it -- I made excuses for her, telling myself she was having a bad day. She continued exploiting and manipulating me for years, when I finally went no contact. I literally changed my phone number, and learned "When someone shows me who they are, I need to believe them."
My sister is a Bible 'swinging and throwing' 'Christian'. She always says the Devil made her do it and everything is the Devil's fault. She judges harshly and has a demonic tongue. 💖 💖
Hope its going well bro
Religious narcs are the worst….i was married to one and the lord took me out of it via his adultery
When i recognize that I am having t to do a dance or worry about the outcome of every single interaction I have with someone, I know the relationship isn’t healthy. It’s just not worth it with toxic people. I give them to God and move on. I’ve had to walk away from toxic family and it was the hardest thing I ever did. I wouldn’t exchange the peace I’ve gained in healing for anything. God doesn’t want us to be used and abused.
It's difficult enough to live in this world today and with all these mind games with people one can totally go out of their mind. Remember this is god's creation and the environment you are placed in is done by god
The inner peace is boundless when I cleared out trapped emotions I had. I did meditations by Aaron Doughty and feel so much joy now. ❤❤❤
Very well stated.
@manjulasingh2362 Not all gods work. The devil is also hard at work on this planet.. stop using God as a excuse for the work of the devil
Your comment makes me wonder. The man I've been with for one year has taken me on an emotional rollercoaster; where he initially seemed to take joy in lifting me up, celebrating my successes, now, since I've had a promotion, he's insulting me publicly and makes my stomach churn. I'm walking on egg shells in every conversation. It's happened almost overnight and I'm so confused. Please 🙏
Let’s all pray 🙏 to be saved from toxic. My siblings and mother is poisining my soul, I thank God for protection and reading the Bible and listening to preachings so that I and my daughter will not get lost in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen 🙏
Amen 🙏🏻 ❤️
We can trust God. As long as we follow Holy Spirit, we can trust.
Mother and child are both hard
Amen
Amen in Jesus Christ's name 🙏🏻 💕 ✨️ 🕊
I’m blown away I’ve been praying for clarity and understanding for my situation especially as a Christian. I’m literally crying 😭
I went to 18 years of Catholic School. Narcissism and the different types of narcissist were NEVER taught to me in those 18 years.
My question, WHY NOT?
Praying for you!
Crying here too oh
I completely understand how you feel. I’m a Christian also and didn’t know what I was getting into until it was too late, after we got married. I’m so glad that God used this media outlet for people like us. We think we’re the crazy ones but it’s really the narcissist patner that makes us feel crazy. Praise God we have a Godly lady who is helping us.
Part one: learn about them. Part two: learn why they’re so attracted to us! We’re”too too” too loving, too forgiving, too agreeable, too understanding. That only works in a healthy relationship- not ever w a narcissist! We learned early in childhood- “our place” in life! They did too! Perfect matches! Everyone except a narcissist deserves more respect n better treatment than they are capable of giving! It will never make sense to a healthy person. Trying to explain is like talking to the wall! Run and be glad you got out!!!
Depending on the situation and on the narcissist, it is probably best to not engage. If you know they are lying or trying to fight, just stop talking. Don't get emotional and don't raise your voice. It is very difficult for a person to fight with themselves.
#1...toxic mom my whole life, I'm 55, she throws unpredictable attacks on me demonstrating no love or respect! I'm learning my identity in Christ and now she can't hurt me❤thank you Kris for helping me!
THIS!!
I understand your sitution.i have that kind of toxic mother..I am turning 50 tomorrow...we just have to keep growing in Christ and set our boundaries whether they like it or not. Obey Gods word and pray for our mothers...
@rollerbug21 Amen! It's sad we have these moms, but I was able to let that hurt go when I learned my identity is only in Jesus, that's it! ..and how my mom views me just doesn't matter anymore...
Sending hugs, Lisa❤️
DITTO!
I can relate
I speak this over my problems. In Zechariah 4:6, The statement “Not by might nor by power but by my spirit” His grace is sufficient. Amen
My husband displays every single trait listed, in some form, as a covert narcissist. I’m in trouble 😟 But I do not fear as I know God will see me through 🙏
praying 🙏
fast and pray
Praying 🙏 for you. Learn her other lessons on HOW to protect your heart and not be sucked into the toxic ❤
Remember God has called you to peace. If you tell him if he doesn't want to be married to a Christian then he is welcome to leave (say this with gentleness and love) if he does want to stay with you then let him stay and keep sacrificing for him, pray and fast for him and win him without a word. Doing this he will either leave or change and stay ❤
You’ll have to Leave because I have a covert Narc father….. and met many in my life… they lie aim is to Destroy you.
My mother uses church, scriptures, and religion to hide and cover up her manipulations and control. She projects shame and guilt on me as she gaslights her gossip and slander. My whole life I've been so confused because my mom is "sprinting" to heaven. She goes to church every Sunday. At church we learn that we are children of God and about feeling the "love of Jesus" but the confusion has been my mother's projection of shame and family scapegoating as she is "holier than thou". My entire life I have never had the opportunity to communicate my experiences and feelings when there has been conflict. I have always been blamed and shamed with no opportunity to speak or communicate. I've been shoved in a corner and stomped on as the family doormat. I have finally stepped away and removed myself from the toxic family dynamic. 😊
Be wary of relationships in which you are always the “crazy”, “unbalanced” or “villain” in the relationship. I currently experience this with my family. It took me a while to realize that my sister convinced everyone that I was mentally unreliable so that my opinions were disregarded, and only her interests were considered in the issues we faced at home. Each time her reprehensible attitudes were questioned by me, she used my supposed “madness” to derail my arguments. Fortunately, with the help of friends, I realized what was happening and stopped questioning my sanity and judgment. I no longer allow her to do this, and I am already distancing myself physically and emotionally from her, because she is a selfish, unscrupulous person.
Thank you! You put into words what is happening to me! Not by a husband but another authority figure. It’s sad when you realize people close to this abuser suddenly look at you with distant and ignore you when once you were good friends with you too. I’m copying this down for future help!
thirty plus years. to realize it wasn’t just me i’ve moved out of the house living next door unable to leave.no driver’s license. nine months to go i’ve given it to the lord to show me the way.praying for us all.
Thank you so much... I find this a complete blessing!!!!!!! I'm learning to assert boundaries. I have been up so many nights to discern it all out.
I'm doing this for the family my kids can't be subjected to this anymore
Be careful especially if she is one of the elder siblings. My two eldest siblings hated me for being born. They feel I took from them. Just my existence bothers them and when my parents passed away they manipulated my mom to trust them as executor and Healthcare proxy. They put her in a nursing home and when she passed away of neglect they took everything everything. They actually packed a garbage bag with garbage and broken items from my parents basement and they gave that to me as my inheritance. Let this be a warning to anyone that reads this.. these people are born evil selfish and greedy and they stay that way until the end.
I grew up in this nightmare and didn’t even realize. I knew something was wrong but not exactly what.
My husband of 48 years has had10 affair that I’m aware ok. The last one was the last straw. Children are grown, have children of their own and are financially independent.
When I discovered last affair, I thought’” I’m FREE!!”
Praying for him. We have been together since I was 16. Married at 20 and 21.
I guess he’s “in love”, again. Has happened a couple of times before.
Signed up for online counseling for next Thursday. I want to get thru my pain.
But also pray that he will have true repentance and accept Christ.
He was baptized before we were married. Silly me, I fell for it. Lol
Even if we never get back together, he needs to turn to a better life.
He will be 70 next year prayers for us both please
I just prayed for you. ❤
Who would have thought you still have it going on at 70😱
Please start with baby steps of taking care of you. Get your belongings in order (your savings) & eventually leave 💛
@@findingdori442 I’m gone.
Living on my own in my own home since June. Still occasionally feel devastated
NO WAY I could ever go back!!
Just feel so bad for our children and grandchildren that he’s been such an ass and that things have turned out like this.
I just learned all this at age 75!!!!! Now everything makes sense!
I used to tell lies out of fear due to trauma imposed on me by my narcissistic mother, but I am working on it with God's grace.
Every single sign....ive been so stubborn thinking that eventually God will change him. Instead God opened my eyes to see what he was. Also realize i was raised by a narc and have dated them every single time. But the Lord is so good. He has given me His strength. I would be lost without Him. My healing didn't happen the way I imagined. It was so painful but it's a relief to see. Thank you Lord. I know you will make a way. Keep me safe. In Jesus name i pray.
The signs were revealed by God, yet at the time I gave it my all and tried to make the marriage work. A marriage I should have never entered.
Feeling confused is key. Its a very very strong indicator your in the wrong relationship and in fact with a toxic person.
I feel so confused. In the middle of a divorce now, my 3rd. First was an alcoholic and abusive, 2nd was caught molesting children he coached and now this is my 3rd. I’m mortified and embarrassed for myself but mostly for my children. I feel like it MUST be me! I want to fix whatever it is. I believe this time, there are multiple issues, Asperger’s/narcissism/ADHD and possibly sociopath. (Our marriage counselor stated all of those for him) But I also know I am not perfect and wondering if I cause people to react the way they do. I am loud. I’m always loud. I’m loud when I’m happy, I’m loud when I’m sad, I’m loud when I’m upset. I don’t know how to be different. And should I change? Is this the way God made me? I don’t know. All I know is I am TIRED. I want to fix myself, whatever is mine. And I am constantly asking myself if it’s always all my fault. He would never go to counseling. He felt it was all my fault. You can’t help but believe it after so long.
Truly. Who wants to spend hours & hours & hours trying to figure out one single bizarre interaction? Let alone multiple such interactions! What a waste of time!
Dishonest and deceit. Are the worst
Runs deep in blacks 😢
Satan is the author of confusion so how do you take the signs you see at times then the effort being put in another times and decide whether you are actually being lied to and not able to prove it or if they are actually telling the truth and the signs you are seeing are from the trauma of lies they told you in the past?
Simple, he's gone. I regained my peace & life.
It’s so unreal to watch someone destroy your son and entire family with lies and isolation.
Your family too. My brothers wife did the same.
@@gal2727 I’m sorry! No one should go through this.
Do not watch
Your son being
destroyed. He is not a sacrifice. The abuser is
not worth giving
up your son’s
health for. Or
you will have
two damage
people. Get your son and
get away from
abuse.
Some people are controlling in many areas and they are always RIGHT! Always right even if they are wrong.
31 yrs of marriage and found this out. He made sure he was living a double life for 31yrs. Claim to be single and told his affair partners that he was in a roommate situationship but never told me I could find someone else to love me as he was no longer in the marriage. He never claim me on social media he never post photos and disrespect me by sexually involve with several females in his town as I had no clue since he isolated me from his circle and everyone could see what he was doing but me. I hate him and I will never forgive him for wasting 31yrs of my life with trash.
Yup hi blue,I could not deal with it.
@@dennyfie peace of mind is more important, for sure.
#2 I’ve lived with this but now I’m free and alone it’s going to stay that way because I’m not interested in turning myself inside out to please another human ever again. I’m happy being alone and being free to be myself
I was like that for a long time, then my teenage lover showed up and screwed me over big time. Glad she is gone,I will never let that happen again.
I have embraced my singleness…I am not lonely, nor depressed and enjoy living my life alone…..
No more drama, or emotional roller coaster….
The only one I am accountable to is God…
Father help us... it's difficult in this world. It truly is a strange land out there. People seem to have no souls or hearts. There is no one home inside. 😥
So true. He didn't care about my pain. I struggled with that. He didn't struggle with ANY part of the relationship.
Just an addition to this.. toxic people will ghost you to make you desperate to keep you from asking them for anything.
Nobody needs to tell me about the faults of other people. I can see them every time I take my eyes off my own.
My ex is guilty of all....so far...I'm lucky to be alive....thank God....the neighbor down the street had a "thing" for him....and he left me for her......God IS good....Thanks Kris!
Karen , This is also my story . But God .....I thank him for making a way out for me even though some people people don't truly believe that he was like that (physical, emotional, mental and spiritual abusive. I so understand why they would think that way . He was sooooooo loving sooooooooo understanding sooooooooo protective of me......... there wasn't anything he or I wouldn't do for each other. ..... we've known each other 16 years before we got together . I never knew he had this other side . (Woman, Woman, Woman) everywhere we went....his phone never left his side. He loved his job because of being around the woman ( he works for a lawn care company) it gives him the opportunity to show himself to others and to see them in many settings. Certain times of the year he would have to work all night and early mornings plowing snow or throwing salt down and he was able to get his eyes full of some people getting ready for bed, getting up in the morning and or watching people make love to each other.....this is no joke. At least not in my eyes. I also knew he and the next-door neighbor had something going on ..... pay attention to where they take you, who they introduce you to, and sooo on . They are ALWAYS LOOKING FOR THEIR NEXT PRY . I was put in the hospital twice. Finally, I was able to escape the nightmare . I now have a place of my own. I owe it all to my lord and savior Jesus Christ for supplying all the means of getting away from him. No one can do us like Jesus!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AMEN.
I'm glad you lost that weight and also lm glad you understand. I pray the Heavenly Father releases me from my marriage. I'm happy for you tho😊
I wish mine would leave for someone else. I feel trapped.
@@michellethomas4928 Try leaving him emotionally...make your full time job.... working on yourself, nurturing yourself, loving yourself.... try new activities...slowly... try eating better, working out, reading nurturing, insightful books.....and ask God.....or your Higher Power to help you with this....meditate and pray. ❤️🙏
I'm glad I found another who has understanding of this, I hope the Lord will give you deliverance from this abuse and you get help from people who understand and have empathy, Peace , love and respect to you 😃🦄💗💙💚❤💛💜👽✌🌹🌌🕊🦁😃
I'm in the throes of self doubt and emotional ❤, God placed this in my earbuds as I walked this morning.
In spite of childhood and extensive adulthood narcissism, the deep knowledge owing that Truth will set us free. My middle name is FAITH. Hope is just a passing thought.
Yes, they are dishonest, and please don’t think to compete. The Lord will come to a people ready for Him.
I've emotionally, physically, and mentally checked out. It's the only way I can survive this. My peace is my priority now.
Kris Reece, your videos are helping me tremendously to stop giving the toxic narcissists in my life the attention they so crave from me. Thank you for sharing your godly wisdom.
Kris, you were an answer to my prayers. The relationship has been over for months, but I was struggling with letting go. Because of this toxic relationship (along with the death of my adult daughter 8 years ago), I have decided to be a grief coach. There are so many kinds of grief and this is one of them. Grieving for a lost relationship is a real thing.
Love. Respect is part of love. Caring - part of love.
There is no love without respect.
Trust.
Amen about the discernment. My marriage is toxic. He is a covert narc. The Lord is showing me and teaching me. Itsvbeen awful but im learning and healing and working on seperation...careful seperation. Constant conflict,also. I love how you point to scriptures for all topics. Thx and blessings🙏
Yes. Careful separation is key, unless we want to end up on the streets. Because a narc will take everything from you if they can.
I want that free gift
Lack of Boundaries
@@theresasutherly871the one I just booted had zero respect for my property,feelings opinion nothing all about how she was smarter than anyone, it floored me when she told me no one was smarter then her. The most toxic experience I had ever been thru.
Definitely the lack of respect and confusion. I didn't get it at first because he said he loved me
Amen to your prayer. Prayer truly is the key to dealing with life in general. Proverbs 3:5-6
Yes! The toxic person is my life holds grudges for years and the grudge will be for something that was a lie to begin with. Sad! Then, they turn around and accuse me of being unforgiving when I bring up any wrongdoing. Madness.
My husband has all of the traits you described in a toxic relationship.I need wisdom from God how to deal with this.🙏🙏🙏
1lack of respect and love,2manupilatin and control,3 constant conflict.they don't want to learn or accept anything gaslighting
I am beyond crushed can’t believe I am here again so angry at myself!
Me too I feel the same as you!!
I am accepting and putting theses problems in Gods hands, and he is helping me a bit every day. I am becoming an even better Christian because of my misfortune. Jesus is leading me now!! 🙏❤️🙏
3rd time for me…talk about mad at yourself!! A friend told me the other day when I asked her what is wrong with me, she said, “how about instead of asking yourself THAT, you ask yourself why are you settling for people who aren’t worthy of your love.”
I was married first time for 16 years to a narcissist. Then single for 16 years. Moved half way around the world, and I have found another one, but not as extreme. I’m also realizing that as a young girl my dad left when I was 5. I thought I must not be lovable. My mom married an abusive man. When I was single for the 16 years, I thought I had done my work, yes I came a long way, but I see now I still have unresolved issues. I’ve been learning to set my boundaries, learn to quiet my mouth. I need to do my part and put my heart in it’s proper place and now I silently pray to the Lord when the moments pop up and he fixes the situation. God 😊is so good and merciful to me a sinner!
I am married to a man who displays covert narcissistic traits and I am a codependent. I am doing my best to learn about my own toxicity, but dealing with his is so usurping. I still have hope for our marriage, but I know God will provide a way for me to not just survive, but thrive as I come to know Him better and work on myself....with Him. Praise Jesus!
Me too! You can do it! ❤️
I know two things….
1. Hardest thing I’ve ever been through
2. Building that relationship with God is THE most important one in your life. May you take peace in His arms tonight
PROVERBS 11':9, WATCH DR. DAVID CLARKE, DR. LES CARTER, OTHERS. GETTING OFF JOB, VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY TIRED AND COLD. LOST YEARS WITH SATAN!!! THEY NEVER CHANGE. 2023, IS FULL OF KNOW LEDGE!!! HE WILL WANT U TO WORSHIP AND SERVE HIM ONLY!!!! IT WILL NOT GET BETTER!!!!! IDOL WORSHIP IS WORSE THAN DIVORCE!!!! THEY NEVER CHANGE AND HATE YOUR JESUS CHRIST!!!!
We don't even need to have a family of our own to not want to spend Christmas with our family - a lack of desire is enough; if it was / is a loving environment, we'd want to spend that time...pressuring, guilting, or forcing someone to spend time with you is not love to begin with.
What I learned from my situation is if you are losing yourself, get out!
I don't remember the scripture
but it says to know how you are.
You HAVE to get out!
Jesus loves YOU!
What about the children?
@crystalholscher5465 they are so damaged. I don't even know how to help.
All I know is I need to heal, in order to help them, there's things that they think are normal that are not because they came from such a dysfunctional household, but I have no idea what to do.
it unbelievably breaks my heart!
they struggle every single day!
@@kathrynwilliams5509 I’m sorry hang in there ❤️I wish I had better advice but im also still here and scared to make that decision..
Dealing with at least 5 of the 7 in my marriage. Thank you for your teaching
God. Bliis. You more.❤❤❤
#4. I’ve forgiven but there is no way that I will allow this particular person back into my life to do it again even though they ask for another chance. This person is a narcissist and once they are identified to me by their behaviour they are banished from my life.
I prefer solitude to confusion, chaos, manipulation, and being used as a stepping stone to get what they want with no regard for what they’ve done to me
#1, #2(gaslighting), #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, I ask God every day for the strength to remove me from this relationship. I’m a giver by nature and this man only knows how to take.😢
I had this , I walked away completely after 5 years. He tried to tear me down, but uplift in another breath. I chose to follow Gods way and began to remove myself from the situationship. He began to say how he understood what I was doing and wanted to walk as well. That didn’t go so well of course, because it was all a lie because he needed something from me.
No more
You will know when you’re done. And when you’re done, you’ll be done.
Thank you so much. I am learning A LOT about myself and how I can be the toxic partner. It's so easy to point the finger at your spouse and say it's ALL him. But the LORD is showing me that I have some character defaults that I need to work on. I have trauma that needs to be addressed. The LORD is so patient and so loving ❤️
You should not try to control others exactly right & do not allow others to control you. This is what she is saying.
Allow there to be peace in the relationship
I'm having a difficult time letting go of the past because of the constant new triggering attacks. So that makes me the toxic one.
I’m tired of dealing with this over & over again. The manipulation & control & throwing things in my face from the one who gave birth to me. I think it’s better to no longer have contact even if I’m in the same house
Exactly, I was gobsmacked when I was the wicked one for wanting to name the things that happened... shut down and I am the villain.. will you forgive me for everything leaving the truth out. Yes I forgive her, and the family of flying monkeys who enabled and now I am so Free. I'm trying to learn how to love with discernment.
Thank you for being so transparent! It is also important that people accept that whether a person claims to be a Christian or not, they have individual rights to refuse to have relationships with anyone they don’t want a relationship with. Manipulative, controlling people often have a problem accepting that they don’t have “authority” over anyone but themselves, and often don’t accept the other person’s “NO” regardless of how many times that person absolutely refuses to have a relationship with them. It’s so sad to experience that and observe other people do it to our friends. One thing we can do is continue to pray for those manipulative, troubled people that they will find other relationships to fill their emotional voids with. God expects people to maintain their individual sovereignty and boundaries regardless of who refuses to accept that! People will continue to leave the “church” when the “church” continues to deny the Holy Spirit indwelling of each person and uses relationships as authoritative weapons to whip people into submission of their coercive control.
Thank you for all you do! You are very appreciated!
Have you noticed that some people who don’t want authority over them don’t let God in their hearts because they want to do whatever they want to do?
@dianesimon5937- I am not sure I understand what you mean, but I respect your viewpoint. May we all find ways to live independently, peaceably and with self-discipline, while not allowing others with ego imbalances abuse or manipulate us. May God bless you in this new year in your journey, and may God bless Mrs. Kris as she ministers!
@@RoB-dp1cm May God Bless you in this New Year, as well!!
@@dianesimon5937please ask God to restore my job and life back in Him not this Antichrist system I regret leaving or looking back to TV and Immorality. This was wrong and I regret this and want back i would have loved a family and church church. I hate this. Waste ...
I have my own room on the other side of the house and I'M OK :)
Struggled for years with my husband's lying, deceit, manipulation, and betrayal. I was on the covert abuse hampster wheel. I cried my eyes out until i became physically ill. I had to separate myself.
#1 Lack of Love & Respect - For the first couple of years, I was loved and respected. But the last 4 were extremely disrespectful and love was expressed, but not shown. #2 I experienced excessive gaslighting #3 Conflict, He never let me bring up struggles. He would always say "that's the past" (even if he just said something 5 minutes ago). #4 Lack of forgiveness and holding grudges. I had a unique experience with this. He was quick to forgive, but would bring it up later when it suited his point. He was never willing to talk to me about relationship problems. #5 Dishonesty & Deceit - Honesty was rarely given to me, but he always claimed he could not lie. #6 Lack of Boundaries & Personal Freedom - He harped on our future being ONLY the two of us. I shouldn't include family or friends. This was what killed the piece of the relationship we had left. He moved on to a mutually toxic person who would agree with everything he said of did (including cheating). #7 Selfishness - Givers attract Takers. One of my biggest mistakes in this Toxic Relationship was not setting boundaries to begin with. In the 6th year, when I tried to set boundaries, he started looking for, and found, a more compatible person. #8 Abusive - Physically, Verbally or Emotionally - He became verbally & emotionally abusive. If someone hurt or upset him, he would do the same to me. #9 Lack of Trust and Insecurity - I would give him trust, but he would always break it. I am talking about every single time. He would always say how much he trusted me, but never did when it counted. This made me very insecure in the relationship (which was very founded in the end).
My takeaway from this toxic relationship is that the toxic person will either make the effort and work required to make the relationship better, or they will find a kindred soul who will live life their way. I am 72 and starting over again, after devoting 6 years of my life to this toxic relationship. I pray that God will help me learn from this and use it to help others.
I can detect toxic relationships and cut ties with them immediately but at the same time, I think I might be very intolerant of people’s nonsense!😂😂
I know the utter confusion... I was a zombie for years, dealing with my narcissistic husband....And my brain couldn't get a grip. It was dreadful. I am so grateful that i am finally getting free.
I woke up before 5am. Prayed then began to work in kitchen. the minute he got up I began feeling like the presence of Evil was around me. Soon, he was fighting against me using the kids. I felt so horrible.
I decided to rebuke the spirit of depression that made me feel bad.
Thanks Kris for this post where we can see that we are not alone. I feel encouraged by all these encouraging fighters like myself. I pray God gives us strength to be more than conquerors everyday.
Iam definitely dealing with these traits and patterns in my marriage.
Over 30 years of marraige experiencing all of this
Discernment IS key. The confusion is the most difficult part. Thats exactly how I felt the entire relationship, what he said kind of made sense but didn’t resonate and I was gaslight and manipulated so much I just believed what he said, past trauma, especially unhealed past trauma, really makes it difficult to have healthy relationships. Seek Jesus and heal FIRST!
I just walked away from the guy I was dating for the last year and half everything you said is what he said and did
My sister managed to isolate her whole family away from all of us. When I say all of us I mean.. my mom, dad, siblings etc..she thinks we are the problem. When I use to speak to her and a topic came up, if you disagreed with her, all hell broke loose. I believe she’s a narcissist but she either knows it and doesn’t care or clearly thinks it’s everyone else’s problem but hers. 😢 it’s sad, as I miss her. I however, have more peace now.
GOD bless you it is so sad when one can break up a family. THE LORD knows our hearts. ❤
Pain is lonely spot pull together towards loving her more.
That they don't care, I remember when my husband will go MIA for months. But it doesn't hurt anymore when I remember that. I just continually praying for both of us, if he wants to be set free then I will be happy for him. Thinking that there is someone out there that will have to treat him right. I will just be continually following the Lord and be a woman of God which I really desired to be and my personal goal. I just can't say those words to him, I don't want to be labeled as being dramatic or too emotional again. But I want and always praying for our healing. In the end I hope I have to see myself with him walking towards the Lord someday.
My narcissist turned out to be a scam artist but I was able to write a memoir of my experience. The Scam Artist, the Saint, and the Survivor. God is good!!
Got so many prayer points from this. Get the scriptures she spoke on and pray them day and night . This the case where somethings only come out by fasting and praying !!!!
Your information is very accurate. I have experienced this stuff in family and marriage. I frequently question myself as well & weather I have been behaving the same way in self defense because I am so burned out from swimming upstream from the abuse! I am a peace keeper at my core and the constant conflict and anger thrown at me is exhausting! I have responded with anger I have to own as well now!
I am not making excuses for us losing it but I told my ex, you can’t back someone in a corner over and over and poke them and expect us not to react and then you say, “see, see what I have to deal with!?” I’m sorry but that’s gaslighting and manipulation!
We are repeatedly called “You are Kind,” without mutually returning except when we take on impersonally our role for our general well-being. We are not allowed to ask and get back on demand. We do best staying detached.
The mutual submission is so incredibly difficult for some people to understand
Marriage is NEVER a competition! It is a partnership with both on the same team
That’s so true. He wanted submission, but never submitted to God. Crazy
Kris
I healed faster from sexual and physical abuse than I heal from emotional and spiritual.
I am working really hard to reprogram my thoughts, and it is painful. you are left feeling God does not love you, know one else either, including loving myself!
I have finally gotten to a place where Im getting better.
I feel if there is any abuse and that person is not working on themselves and you begin to lose yourself, get out piread.
The mental and emotional can kill you as well it can cause suicide. My faith was the only thing to stop me, but they can destroy your faith too.
I was brainwashed to believe I could not leave or get a divorce by organized religion. I was born into Mormons, then spent time with Catholics church, and then J.W.s so much emotional blackmail in all God is love but religion leaves some people hateing him because of it .
I want to thank you for your help in showing that God is love and light, not dark and narcissistic.
Thank you again for waking up abused Christine's.
Wow. Totally agree, emotional and spiritual abuse has affected me so much more that physical and sexual. It baffles and confuses your mind because its packaged in love bombing. Jesus is our great deliverer and redeemer. Free us Lord
Yes! This is my 3rd marriage and I told my soon to be ex the other day, I’d almost rather have the bruises I had from my 2nd marriage than emotional neglect/abuse.
Pure confusion with my husband, at all times.
Just dont give people false hope , make decision for both of you and break up ,dont bother for nothing
Tottally my kid's Dad.. took me 10 years and coming to the LORD to see and have my eyes opened.
Toxic NPD mother who has all of these traits. Thank you Lord for saving me!! I'm free but still dealing with smear campaigns, and family members who want me to continue in abusive relationship because they think that's honoring her. I pray for continued strength for anyone dealing with this.
Thank you for saying this! Love and respect are a must in a relationship! ❤
Trust to is a big One.
Yep, I have a toxic relationship!!!
Yes, that's me. I tell you my sister, this has been happening with me for 28 years now and I have now come a point where I draw the line to say, " Enough is enough. I am now living this very toxic relationship that I have tolerated for so long. I have decided to live myself and live her with the kids.
It's amazing how well you understand the abuse it's brutal. As a Christian I prayed and endured thinking things would change but after 40 years of working and holding the business together. They make you out to be the problem and the idiot.
Really could have benefited from this discussion 2 years ago! You have been spot on! Faith & Prayer doesn’t seem like much, but was thing that got me through it!! 😊
I consider myself a devout Christian….yet prayer hasn’t done a thing for my narc husband, nor myself….yet.
16 years of marriage and o was so lost and confused about who I was!!!! Control, fear and a troubled man for way to long!!
I wish mine was just 16, it’s 39 years now….I’m fearing we’ll end up killing each other…..he’s destroyed my psyche. And I resent him for it.
My reward for going through all I’ve been through with my inmates in this prison that masquerade as family is once I leave this place I never have to see them again. Ever.
I remember the day the Lord spoke to me about severing the relationship with my corrosive daughters. The quest" What does light have to do with darkness?" Popped into my heart and mind at the same time. My answer to him was "nothing".. The next thing that popped into my mind was " Walk away and put them in my hands". Best decision ever. Got peace now and it taught me to identify toxic people in my life and walk away too. Got new friends that are not toxic. Also it opened up doors for me to see many of my own toxic behaviors and become lovable. Took a long time, but now I get to teach the Bible to inmates in our local jail. Learned an awful lot and have joy in my heart. God is really good and He's really smart too! 🙏
I went through such roller coaster ride of emotions with my mom. I care for her and the death by a 1000 cuts I could not understand. I tried so hard to help, be nice and the “good daughter” Now I know what’s really going on but so hard to be kind loving yet not step over to her controlling side. She has done it for so long she doesn’t even know what she’s doing. So hard to stay stable when she is constantly shifting to gain control of me again
I feel for you my sister. I'm caring for my mother the past 6 years & it has been such a rollercoaster. She has always had major narcissistic tendencies & is now trying to be a better Christian/person. She struggles & so do I. But recently I started to realise she was subject to demonic harassment. It's been better since I began exercising control over these demons that have been with her all her life. She doesn't know they're manipulating her & really she's too old to have that kind of insight. Ask God to release your Mum from demonic bondage & do it yourself every day. I have been surprised at the results achieved by taking control spiritually whenever a 'situation' arises. Hope this helps.
Hi Sis, in a similar situation with my mother. Try taking authority over the demons affecting her behaviour. This works more than you could ever think! God bless
Lets go..... I REALLY needed some reality. Amen on the anger/frustration reminder, According to someone, right now I am crazy and everyone who knows me thinks so too :) TY dear. I will pray for your ministry. In Jesus name...
I married into the strangest & most cruel world... an extremely jealous hateful violent person.
My home life upbringing was opposite to his.
I had no idea what I was in for....I was punished daily non stop for 26 years & he wondered why I divorced him
I wish I had not listened to Christian friends, pastors and left the relationship 28 yrs ago. I wish I also had seen your video 28 yrs ago as well. Glad it’s out there for other people.
Thank you for the clarification on the Biblical aspects, this has opened my eyes.
Kris, I must say this video was God-timed for me, very helpful in confirming "you're not crazy" with a recent toxic relationship I escaped from, and that prayer seriously did me in. It sounded as if ever word was shot straight at my heart as the Spirit is in the process of healing old wounds for me ( as a response to my prayer to learn to love others the way Christ loved us).
I have one question aside from all that in reference to my marriage that has actually been over for over 15 years. When you say abandonment, we're you speaking strictly physical or does this include mental, emotional and sexual a well? I've repented my divorce as it was before my salvation but my ears perked up when you mentioned abandonment.
Thank you for everything you do for us and for the work you do for our Lord. May you hear from Him "well done my good and faithful servant". Much love.
Can I just say thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤️ because I have been in a bad way the last few months with my boyfriend being dishonest to me for 8 months on and off. And it got to a point where I have been feeling like I am the problem and going crazy. And hearing you say about number five being automatic for a toxic person has really helped me. I feel like this video has been an absolute answer to my prayer. And I have had my family and friends tell me he is a liar and I just didn’t get it till now. Thank you. Thank you my sister in Christ xx
I am the
Co-dependant Queen falling off her throne 👸👑
This is helping me so much. My "Christian" ex fiance relapsed into Meth addiction 3 times last year and I stayed, enabled, and was co dependent .Trust was gone. WHen I started setting boundaries, he punished me by coldness, avoiding me. I said we should break up then. He left town and moved in with a woman he knew 10 hours and she is a stripper
He did you the biggest favor discarding you …
I broke up with my ex boyfriend in June because he couldn't stop using meth, cheating, and lying. He claimed to have changed and I gave him another chance....while we were talking THREE of the women he cheated on me with called/texted! I told him that's it, I'm done. He slapped my hand. He had never struck me before. He also put a gun in his mouth when I said I am not having sex with him. The most tragic thing is I KNEW God told me to stay away from him 3 years ago when we first began dating. I disobeyed God and started dating him. It has been difficult. He stalks me. Drove by my house TODAY. I'm sorry you are having struggles too.
My ex claims he's a Christian and is going to Heaven. He's in his 50s and while we were together paid a 23 year old for sex. He lies, shoots meth, has anger outbursts, and told me if I'll get back with him then we can talk about God, but don't preach at him.
He cries a lot begging me back, and then lashes out and says the most horrible things when I say I can't. This week I have finally blocked him and will no longer reply to defend myself or send him scripture. I still continue to pray for him, but cannot ever have him in my life.
You are always a blessing. Thank you!
1. Lack of Respect
2. Manipulation and Control
3. Conflict and strife
4. Unforgiveness ( both of us)
5. Dishonestly and deceit ( both of us)
6. Lack of boundaries
Just learning I've been thinking I'm crazy for no valid reason. Mom, older brother and the gaslighting and ghosting. My mom would literally not speak until she had my father and I right where we belonged.. under her righteous heel
Amen. The Truth shall set us free 🕊️ God bless you Kris 💖