Yes - he worries a lot what others think, and, I'm sure, assumes my friends and family don't like him at all now.... and probably thinks I hate him. So I can't imagine him coming back at this point. I don't see how.
The reality is, IF they truly love you and want to repair what was broken, they have to swallow pride and reach out. If they arent prepared to do that, they arent prepaired to do the work that growing together takes. Keep doing the work, kids 🖤
I would add "AND apologise!", especially if you were a good partner and they messed up. Because it is common for dumpers to reach out, but rarely they show heartfelt remorse for the hurt they caused. Which is indication they still lack empathy for you and maturity.
@@lnzprazak2711 unfortunately it is something we learn the hard way, after we respond to their reach out, full of hope, and we realise once they get our validation, they go back their way. It happened to me several times with my avoidant ex. It was nostalgic but too casual still on his end. Only a heartfelt apology would be worth responding. Something showing they regret their decision.
This is what I genuinely think happened in my case. They left me. Seemed impulsive and immature. We had such a great relationship overall. Truly loved each other. I still to this day don't really know why she left. Nothing ever made sense about it. She left and was mean about it. Barely wanted to talk or say anything. Brought me all my stuff. Returned the engagement ring I gave her. She tried to text me the day after but I barely responded. Just short answers, and took a long time to respond. Like I'm not playing this game, you were mean to me yesterday. Left in a huff. And now you wanna text. I'm not gonna be your friend now. (I didn't say any of that, that's how I felt inside) Anyway, I went no contact. Hoping she would contact me one day and say hey I shouldn't have done that. Or just whatever...and it never came. Been almost 2 years now. Haven't heard a word from her. And she hasn't heard a word from me. I've always felt like it was a pride thing for her. She just couldn't bring herself to be the one to come back. She made an impulsive, immature decision. And she didn't have what it takes to reel it back in I just met a new girl last month though. And it's going good so far. But I will admit I miss my ex. I truly truly loved her deeply. And she broke my heart. But...she left me. She had to be the one to make it right! Not me! It will be one of the biggest regrets of her life I'm sure of it. I treated her like a princess. Oh well, such is life
So sorry to hear this. That's exactly how I feel about my ex, but it's only been about 6 weeks... However this was our second breakup, he left in a similar way both times. But this time felt more permanent... So I really don't know. I do feel he is one to let his pride and ego get in the way, and he would be too ashamed to come back knowing what my family and friends might say. He worries too much what people think, where I, on the other hand, don't and will always do what I think is best for me regardless of what people say. It's honestly so sad that situations like yours and mine occur... when there was real love and things could have been worked through. It's so wasteful and tragic, honestly. It breaks my heart. 😔💔 I'm really scared to be in your situation where I move on but I still miss him. I don't trust people easily, and I definitely don't fall in love easily... he was the first guy I truly felt I could see a real future with, and that feeling came so easily. The second time around I felt this was it - I was ready to move in together in the next few months, and we talked about starting a family over the next year or so...I really was ready to start our lives together and looked forward to growing old together. It sounds like you felt similar about your ex fiancee.... Now I just feel so lost, And I'm afraid to trust anybody... I don't know if I'll ever feel the same or will allow myself to, at this point.
I had my ex’s friends effect our relationship not a healthy crowd and I’m sure they are loving it that she got rid of me. Make your own choice as an adult do what makes you happy!!! ❤
I think so. When he narc-discarded me, he treated me so badly that I told him fine, you don't want me, that is your decision, don't come running back to me then because you will be BLOCKED, you are not going to string me along for ten years with on and off games. Very difficult, but he threw me away like garbage even though I was very good to him and very good for him across the board. He should be ashamed for how he treated me. I wouldn't let him scream at a dog the way he would scream at me. I still love him but it is what it is. He didn't love me enough to treat me with respect. The truth is, he will never love anyone enough to treat them with respect because this is how he is to anyone who gets close enough to him.
It’s not just embarrassment it’s their image is the most important to them then anything because what people think of them is more important then you. Sad!!!
😢😢😢 This video makes me depressed and feel like giving up hope. Broke up on Dec. 2. Didn't contact till the weekend before Christmas when I had to get my stuff back... NC since. He said he didn't subscribe to the Rebound Theory and would start dating immediately. I've been working on myself, lost weight, going to therapy, praying, watching all these videos to stay strong. This kinda crushed my spirit because he's close with his family and although his mom really liked me... thought I was a great woman, she always supports his decisions and he's stubborn. There was no cheating on either end. I think it was because of small disagreements. 😢
@@archangelelmo We had a small exchange just a few days ago because he was orbiting my Instagram account for months... even made a fake account after I asked him to please stop the first time because he said he didnt want to get back together.... he is now dating someone else and doesn't seem interested in talking about us at all. Said how his new girl is a good person and he just wants me to be happy. Even said "we broke up in December. That was last year and it's almost summer." I wanted to say, well when you're in love you don't just get over someone but he wouldn't understand since he jumps from one relationship to the next. I chose not to reply at all. I just couldn't continue the dialog and feel like I was desperate or made to sound crazy because I still wanted to be with him. It's really strange because again he showed interest in life with all the Instagram activity. I'm still focused on my own personal growth. I'll be testing for my first belt in martial arts this weekend so I'm okay being single for now because of all the dedication needed for this skill but I miss him and think of him frequently, especially since I have to pass his street to go to my Dojo. It's difficult. If he ever comes around again, I may not be interested in reconciliation. I don't know. We were making a life together but he really made me feel like the time we spent together was such a miniscule part of his life and unimportant... that really hurt even more.
Almost every ex I've had were of a different race or ethnicity. I'm Mexican. My last ex was Korean. Her mom threatened to kick her out of their house because of me. My last ex before was Palestinian. Her father hated my guts. And my ex before that was Jewish, and her parents were uncomfortable too. It sucks to be Mexican sometimes. But it's mostly fun to be Mexican 😎🍻 🇲🇽
lol Your last two sentences cracked me up. Hopefully your exes didn't let their families get to them. Like this video touches on, people need to be adults and able to make their own decisions without worrying about outside influences. People should date and marry and love who they want, because we live for ourselves and our happiness, not that of others. I hope you find someone who accepts you, and hopefully their family does too... but either way, just find happiness. I'm Chilean 🇨🇱🙇🏻♀️ but have not had to deal with that lol. Also I'm adopted (my brothers too), and our dad is Jewish, so no issue there. haha 😄
I do feel this might be what my ex is going through and her pride is taken place after 76 days NC. Her mother is very much against me and has putting the wedge in between us for years
My ex relies almost entirely on the opinions of their friends, they had almost no individuation, and this was a source of a lot of our problems. (poor sense of self and an extreme need for external validation)
I left mine cos she made me miserable(FA) she then came back tried to reconcile and said she was too embarrassed because “everyone knows we are broken up and now we have to tell them we are back together” a month later she got a rebound lol
My ex wouldn't let me talk to her parents she wouldn't support me she said go on your own. She let her sons rule her life she said they don’t want to know! But she wouldn't say how,she feels. Yes I kicked off at her as she would criticise the way I looked so I'd critise her yet when we weren't arguing we get on well. I don't get it. I want to work things out with her. Yet she doesn't. I miss her ❤😢
My ex’s dad goes to my gym and is always talking to me. He even told me how much the family misses me and that his parents keep telling him that he was an idiot for breaking up with me. We’ve been broken up for a year. Am I breaking no contact by talking to his dad?
Yes, my ex broke up 6x with me. Very toxic. I am protecting myself from him because i need to love and value myself first. It’s not easy but he gave me no other choice.
Yes this is the trueth its fighting of all odds familly relatives etc all opinions but in the end the ex will be the last decision of it .if she will choose and gonna work this time in gods will
Hey Coaches! I really have to thank you for theese videos, you really help me calm down when I am in the dumps about my ex... When Coach Victoria talks I just feel relaxed and calm so thanks! I also have a video idea, I was in a short relationship, less than 3 months and when she dumped me I felt so much worse than I did 6 years ago when I was dumped from a 4 year relationship. So my question is, will no contact help me get my short term ex back? I really fell hard for her and now I feel lost... thanks!
You always make videos on Ex but what if the person say they like have feelings for you but are not ready for relationship with anyone because of their life issues ( issues can be genuine) but still go on and off with you.. what do you understand then
The race stuff is a tough one, because I understand the biology and psychology that motivates it -- the "othering". There's mechanisms in biology like Koinophilia, Assortative Mating, In-Group/Out-Group dynamics, Ethnocentrism, etc. It's universal to most animals too. I study it, and I've been trying to figure out the mechanisms and exceptions. There's a lot of pit-falls, but if you navigate it well, you can have loving, functional relationships with healthy families; mixed or otherwise. But the challenges exist, and this is the reality. Regardless, we often have innate negative reactions to it for a reason, and whilst it's hard on people who have feelings for those of a different background, it's a social dynamic we have to navigate. (It's not even "hateful" 99% of the time; it's just how people choose friends, partners, etc.) The irony is, people often see dating me as a taboo, because I don't outwardly and emotionally condemn ethnocentrism/othering. It's a part of human nature -- as much as it is for people who have attraction for more distant genetic profiles. As so many young women are highly Left-Wing, this bothers them that I am "too sympathetic" towards "bigots". I don't condone harm or disruption of two people having a relationship (if anything, part of me studying these dynamics is to help people navigate the challenges more effectively), but I don't condemn others for having the impulse to discourage it. A girl I met would have great conversations on some heavy stuff, but her friends were radically Left-Wing -- though blatantly in an ethnocentric way, as they would say slurs and jokes against her and I for being white European. She insisted they were being "playful" (definitely didn't seem like it) but that I couldn't be playful back. I have banter with friends of different races all the time at my boxing class. The political othering is getting out of hand, and all I want is to do what's right for the people I care about -- including my partner and our kids. I value truth above all for this reason, and so this often rubs people the wrong way if I basically "blaspheme". It was sad, because we had great chemistry, deep & thoughtful conversations, conflict resolution, affection, similar personalities -- the whole thing. I think this video perfectly applies to our situation. I miss her, and I hope she's okay.
@@gregorystinette8271 Basically what I get from most people. c': I wouldn't put so much work in just to be an a**hole; I genuinely have the best intentions and I'm happy to be proven wrong too. It's tough, but I think the recent political stuff happening has shown that the People Pleasing only goes so far, and you can't play to virtue-signalling forever. Best to be honest and do what we can with the truth to help everyone live happier, healthier lives with loving relationships, communities and families. The truth is best; even if it's upsetting. As I said, if we understand the dynamics, we can better help to navigate the pitfalls of family reactions, social reactions and the partnership itself.
😅 if they wanted you they should have not blocked you. My ex listen 👂 to her girlfriend that was broke, and using her as bank. She's make her break up with me because I sad she was trouble and she just want you get fucked up with her. Drink and use guys for money 💰🤑 like what is that kind friend. She called me stalker because I cared and supported her. Looked at friend story once. Like what a hell was together for couple month . Avoidant or narrcist discard. Feelt horrible 💔
Do you think your ex might be too embarrassed to take you back?
I’ve wondered this exact question.
I know mine is.. his ego won’t allow him..
There’s a very different type of shame u didn’t address. The inner shame felt by an avoidant. 😢
Yes - he worries a lot what others think, and, I'm sure, assumes my friends and family don't like him at all now.... and probably thinks I hate him. So I can't imagine him coming back at this point. I don't see how.
Definitely afraid of the family reactions
The reality is, IF they truly love you and want to repair what was broken, they have to swallow pride and reach out. If they arent prepared to do that, they arent prepaired to do the work that growing together takes. Keep doing the work, kids 🖤
I would add "AND apologise!", especially if you were a good partner and they messed up. Because it is common for dumpers to reach out, but rarely they show heartfelt remorse for the hurt they caused. Which is indication they still lack empathy for you and maturity.
Very true!
@@lnzprazak2711 unfortunately it is something we learn the hard way, after we respond to their reach out, full of hope, and we realise once they get our validation, they go back their way. It happened to me several times with my avoidant ex. It was nostalgic but too casual still on his end. Only a heartfelt apology would be worth responding. Something showing they regret their decision.
100% agree! People who let pride stand in the way and paralyze them are probably too emotionally immature to have a mature relationship anyways.
Very true💯💯💯
This is what I genuinely think happened in my case. They left me. Seemed impulsive and immature. We had such a great relationship overall. Truly loved each other. I still to this day don't really know why she left. Nothing ever made sense about it.
She left and was mean about it. Barely wanted to talk or say anything. Brought me all my stuff. Returned the engagement ring I gave her. She tried to text me the day after but I barely responded. Just short answers, and took a long time to respond. Like I'm not playing this game, you were mean to me yesterday. Left in a huff. And now you wanna text. I'm not gonna be your friend now. (I didn't say any of that, that's how I felt inside) Anyway, I went no contact. Hoping she would contact me one day and say hey I shouldn't have done that. Or just whatever...and it never came. Been almost 2 years now. Haven't heard a word from her. And she hasn't heard a word from me.
I've always felt like it was a pride thing for her. She just couldn't bring herself to be the one to come back. She made an impulsive, immature decision. And she didn't have what it takes to reel it back in
I just met a new girl last month though. And it's going good so far. But I will admit I miss my ex. I truly truly loved her deeply. And she broke my heart. But...she left me. She had to be the one to make it right! Not me! It will be one of the biggest regrets of her life I'm sure of it. I treated her like a princess. Oh well, such is life
So sorry to hear this. That's exactly how I feel about my ex, but it's only been about 6 weeks... However this was our second breakup, he left in a similar way both times. But this time felt more permanent... So I really don't know. I do feel he is one to let his pride and ego get in the way, and he would be too ashamed to come back knowing what my family and friends might say. He worries too much what people think, where I, on the other hand, don't and will always do what I think is best for me regardless of what people say. It's honestly so sad that situations like yours and mine occur... when there was real love and things could have been worked through. It's so wasteful and tragic, honestly. It breaks my heart. 😔💔
I'm really scared to be in your situation where I move on but I still miss him. I don't trust people easily, and I definitely don't fall in love easily... he was the first guy I truly felt I could see a real future with, and that feeling came so easily. The second time around I felt this was it - I was ready to move in together in the next few months, and we talked about starting a family over the next year or so...I really was ready to start our lives together and looked forward to growing old together. It sounds like you felt similar about your ex fiancee....
Now I just feel so lost, And I'm afraid to trust anybody... I don't know if I'll ever feel the same or will allow myself to, at this point.
I had the same thing. You know what they say about women and accountability....
I had my ex’s friends effect our relationship not a healthy crowd and I’m sure they are loving it that she got rid of me. Make your own choice as an adult do what makes you happy!!! ❤
I think so. When he narc-discarded me, he treated me so badly that I told him fine, you don't want me, that is your decision, don't come running back to me then because you will be BLOCKED, you are not going to string me along for ten years with on and off games. Very difficult, but he threw me away like garbage even though I was very good to him and very good for him across the board. He should be ashamed for how he treated me. I wouldn't let him scream at a dog the way he would scream at me. I still love him but it is what it is. He didn't love me enough to treat me with respect. The truth is, he will never love anyone enough to treat them with respect because this is how he is to anyone who gets close enough to him.
It’s not just embarrassment it’s their image is the most important to them then anything because what people think of them is more important then you. Sad!!!
😢😢😢
This video makes me depressed and feel like giving up hope. Broke up on Dec. 2. Didn't contact till the weekend before Christmas when I had to get my stuff back... NC since. He said he didn't subscribe to the Rebound Theory and would start dating immediately. I've been working on myself, lost weight, going to therapy, praying, watching all these videos to stay strong. This kinda crushed my spirit because he's close with his family and although his mom really liked me... thought I was a great woman, she always supports his decisions and he's stubborn. There was no cheating on either end. I think it was because of small disagreements. 😢
Update???
@@archangelelmo We had a small exchange just a few days ago because he was orbiting my Instagram account for months... even made a fake account after I asked him to please stop the first time because he said he didnt want to get back together.... he is now dating someone else and doesn't seem interested in talking about us at all. Said how his new girl is a good person and he just wants me to be happy. Even said "we broke up in December. That was last year and it's almost summer." I wanted to say, well when you're in love you don't just get over someone but he wouldn't understand since he jumps from one relationship to the next. I chose not to reply at all. I just couldn't continue the dialog and feel like I was desperate or made to sound crazy because I still wanted to be with him. It's really strange because again he showed interest in life with all the Instagram activity.
I'm still focused on my own personal growth. I'll be testing for my first belt in martial arts this weekend so I'm okay being single for now because of all the dedication needed for this skill but I miss him and think of him frequently, especially since I have to pass his street to go to my Dojo. It's difficult.
If he ever comes around again, I may not be interested in reconciliation. I don't know. We were making a life together but he really made me feel like the time we spent together was such a miniscule part of his life and unimportant... that really hurt even more.
@@archangelelmo I replied but it's not showing up. Hopefully there's a delay.
I like how you guys just stick to one topic. The ex. Real smart
Almost every ex I've had were of a different race or ethnicity. I'm Mexican. My last ex was Korean. Her mom threatened to kick her out of their house because of me. My last ex before was Palestinian. Her father hated my guts. And my ex before that was Jewish, and her parents were uncomfortable too. It sucks to be Mexican sometimes. But it's mostly fun to be Mexican 😎🍻 🇲🇽
lol Your last two sentences cracked me up. Hopefully your exes didn't let their families get to them. Like this video touches on, people need to be adults and able to make their own decisions without worrying about outside influences. People should date and marry and love who they want, because we live for ourselves and our happiness, not that of others. I hope you find someone who accepts you, and hopefully their family does too... but either way, just find happiness.
I'm Chilean 🇨🇱🙇🏻♀️ but have not had to deal with that lol. Also I'm adopted (my brothers too), and our dad is Jewish, so no issue there. haha 😄
This has the biggest timing in my life. Last night this happen to me. Literally
Nobody’s business if you want to go back to together..it’s their relationship
Try telling that to mothers.
I do feel this might be what my ex is going through and her pride is taken place after 76 days NC.
Her mother is very much against me and has putting the wedge in between us for years
My ex relies almost entirely on the opinions of their friends, they had almost no individuation, and this was a source of a lot of our problems. (poor sense of self and an extreme need for external validation)
I left mine cos she made me miserable(FA) she then came back tried to reconcile and said she was too embarrassed because “everyone knows we are broken up and now we have to tell them we are back together” a month later she got a rebound lol
My ex wouldn't let me talk to her parents she wouldn't support me she said go on your own. She let her sons rule her life she said they don’t want to know! But she wouldn't say how,she feels.
Yes I kicked off at her as she would criticise the way I looked so I'd critise her yet when we weren't arguing we get on well. I don't get it. I want to work things out with her. Yet she doesn't. I miss her ❤😢
I think most of the time it is easier for a guy to come back due to the stigma that girl should not be pro active and should be chased
Guys always return
Do you really want someone that is easily influenced. I think not.
My ex’s dad goes to my gym and is always talking to me. He even told me how much the family misses me and that his parents keep telling him that he was an idiot for breaking up with me. We’ve been broken up for a year. Am I breaking no contact by talking to his dad?
Your Videos always help❤
stuck between never take her back and whats meant for you.
11:14 Craig is this about me? hahahahaha
Have you dealt with relationships where people break up more than once?
Yes, my ex broke up 6x with me. Very toxic. I am protecting myself from him because i need to love and value myself first. It’s not easy but he gave me no other choice.
Maybe sometimes I doubt
Hmm. I was mistreated actually. That’s why I think he would feel shame. 😢❤💔
Yes this is the trueth its fighting of all odds familly relatives etc all opinions but in the end the ex will be the last decision of it .if she will choose and gonna work this time in gods will
Hey Coaches! I really have to thank you for theese videos, you really help me calm down when I am in the dumps about my ex... When Coach Victoria talks I just feel relaxed and calm so thanks! I also have a video idea, I was in a short relationship, less than 3 months and when she dumped me I felt so much worse than I did 6 years ago when I was dumped from a 4 year relationship. So my question is, will no contact help me get my short term ex back? I really fell hard for her and now I feel lost... thanks!
You always make videos on Ex but what if the person say they like have feelings for you but are not ready for relationship with anyone because of their life issues ( issues can be genuine) but still go on and off with you.. what do you understand then
The race stuff is a tough one, because I understand the biology and psychology that motivates it -- the "othering".
There's mechanisms in biology like Koinophilia, Assortative Mating, In-Group/Out-Group dynamics, Ethnocentrism, etc.
It's universal to most animals too.
I study it, and I've been trying to figure out the mechanisms and exceptions.
There's a lot of pit-falls, but if you navigate it well, you can have loving, functional relationships with healthy families; mixed or otherwise.
But the challenges exist, and this is the reality.
Regardless, we often have innate negative reactions to it for a reason, and whilst it's hard on people who have feelings for those of a different background, it's a social dynamic we have to navigate.
(It's not even "hateful" 99% of the time; it's just how people choose friends, partners, etc.)
The irony is, people often see dating me as a taboo, because I don't outwardly and emotionally condemn ethnocentrism/othering.
It's a part of human nature -- as much as it is for people who have attraction for more distant genetic profiles.
As so many young women are highly Left-Wing, this bothers them that I am "too sympathetic" towards "bigots".
I don't condone harm or disruption of two people having a relationship (if anything, part of me studying these dynamics is to help people navigate the challenges more effectively), but I don't condemn others for having the impulse to discourage it.
A girl I met would have great conversations on some heavy stuff, but her friends were radically Left-Wing -- though blatantly in an ethnocentric way, as they would say slurs and jokes against her and I for being white European.
She insisted they were being "playful" (definitely didn't seem like it) but that I couldn't be playful back.
I have banter with friends of different races all the time at my boxing class.
The political othering is getting out of hand, and all I want is to do what's right for the people I care about -- including my partner and our kids.
I value truth above all for this reason, and so this often rubs people the wrong way if I basically "blaspheme".
It was sad, because we had great chemistry, deep & thoughtful conversations, conflict resolution, affection, similar personalities -- the whole thing.
I think this video perfectly applies to our situation.
I miss her, and I hope she's okay.
Dats rayciss
@@gregorystinette8271 Basically what I get from most people. c':
I wouldn't put so much work in just to be an a**hole; I genuinely have the best intentions and I'm happy to be proven wrong too.
It's tough, but I think the recent political stuff happening has shown that the People Pleasing only goes so far, and you can't play to virtue-signalling forever.
Best to be honest and do what we can with the truth to help everyone live happier, healthier lives with loving relationships, communities and families.
The truth is best; even if it's upsetting.
As I said, if we understand the dynamics, we can better help to navigate the pitfalls of family reactions, social reactions and the partnership itself.
@@DockClock-rp2roZ/ dats rayciss
Victoria look so beautiful ❤
My heart are broken kan you heal it for me 😔
Sure! Sign up for a coaching
Should I WISH MY EX ON HER BIRTHDAY DURING NO CONTACT ?
There's a video on this, but no
No. Unless you ditched her
😅 if they wanted you they should have not blocked you. My ex listen 👂 to her girlfriend that was broke, and using her as bank. She's make her break up with me because I sad she was trouble and she just want you get fucked up with her. Drink and use guys for money 💰🤑 like what is that kind friend. She called me stalker because I cared and supported her. Looked at friend story once. Like what a hell was together for couple month . Avoidant or narrcist discard. Feelt horrible 💔
🏛🙏🏿🌺Thank you! 🤔
Are these 2 flirting?
😂😂😂
lol i hope they don’t feel any shame,
❤❤❤