Should We Play It Cool When We Like Someone?
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- Опубліковано 8 жов 2018
- We tend to be told, from a young age, that the very worst thing to do when we like someone is to seem too direct or keen. Showing our interest is, apparently, fatal to the chances of a relationship. But is playing it cool always so necessary? And are spontaneous desire and enthusiasm always so taboo? The School of Life puts forward an original theory of how to play things wisely at the start.
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“One of the paradoxes of the dating game is that we know that by coming across as enthusiastic at an early stage - if we ring them the next day, if we are open about how attractive we find them, if we suggest meeting them again very soon - we are putting ourselves at a high risk of disgusting the very person we would so like to get to know better...”
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I play it so cool that I disappear from the person's life.
atta boy
Davi de Assis you’re so badass
Ahahahaha... that hurts...
Dad?
same 🤦🏻♀️
One of the most attractive traits is openly giving hints about how you feel, like flirting, 𝙘𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜, and overall showing your interest. It's not vulnerable, it's honest and courageous.
I've had conversation with few girls about this and almost everyone said that even when they don't really like the guy, flirting always always makes them to stop for a sec and appreciate the guy for the confidence. It actually takes a lot of guts to do so.
@nazoū I fully agree to you, I also like this a lot but when I do it, it's only cool as long as the person I like does the same, cause when he's not or is just not the person who does this always, and I have maybe already caught feelings for him, that's hard and don't gives me the feeling what I'm investing is coming back and is worth it
Being intentionally vulnerable is the same as being honest and courageous
this is like, the exact fucking opposite of everything I've ever believed. I've had countless nightmares of someone finding out I like them and the whole school of a thousand kids was laughing at me and calling me horrific things and I wished I was dead because their response was basically, "...what the FUCK?! oh my god... ew... I feel unclean! why haven't you killed yourself yet lmao??"
It’s courageous 🦋
I had a crush on a girl, we went out on a couple of dates and I told her I liked her. She seemed really uncomfortable and after that she stopped talking to me. It hurt but I got over it and realized that maybe I didn’t use the right words or that she just didn’t feel the same way despite looking like it.
Months later, I started to wonder what was really going on through her mind at the moment so I simply texted her and asked. We started talking about that time and she confessed she felt uncomfortable, because she wasn’t sure of her feelings, but that she liked me too. Then I told her “I still like you, those feelings haven’t gone away, I would like to see you again but if you say no I’m fine with our friendship the way it is”. I thought she would say no, but she accepted with an unexpected enthusiasm. I guess it’s true, it’s about showing independence.
If everything goes according to the plan, I’ll see her in a couple of weeks because she’s in out of town at the moment. Wish me luck!
How is it going with her?
Update please! 😇
please update, many thanks!
Go get her man, make us proud
Updaaaaate🥺
A girl acting like she doesn't care is one of the biggest turn-offs for me
@ Yeah It Goes Both Ways. I'm Sure For Most People Having The Other Person Act Cold And Detached Is A Turnoff. I'm In Both Camps Where I Am Cold And Detached But Would Rather Others Not Be. It's Hypocritical And I Don't Like It.
Exactly. I don't care for stupid games, if you don't like me, you don't like me, no need to try for someone who obviously wants nothing.
@@thewolfateandthegoatremain2454 Because Everyone Knows When You Ask For A Burger You Should Get Fries.
@ Interesting you say this. I work with this girl that used to seek me out while I'm on break and talk to me, and ask me to accompany her while she's doing something and I'm not. Fast forward to about two months ago, I realize I like her, and start perusing her... now she seems to pay less attention to me. Though I do believe part of this to be due to how busy we've gotten and the fact that we've been having more people on shift because of that; so she's constantly distracted by other people.
@@eternal7912 If her was me, I'd be pissed off and colder towards you because I shown you affection and you haven't replied to it, so you don't want me, as it seems.. My god, just tell her, and apologize, set things right. Honesty & Honour are base of true man. Hopefully she will come right, and didn't find somebody else.
Just don’t be needy. Showing you can be independently happy will make you magnetic
@@scarfejs_ and that's a hard truth 💫
This can cause a lot misunderstanding for certain people
Bryce amen. Can be Jessie said than done. Especially when she look good and no how to be a feminine woman. Can be tricky but YOU must be strong! We come first bro's!
true! people commonly misunderstand it. Opening up does not equal to being needy, nor does being happily independent equals playing games and replying texts after two days. It's a fine line but it's all about balance.
Do you know why? Because they want you to share that part of happiness of yours
I had a childhood crush. Then, as an adult, I started talking to him again. I spent so much time wondering if he liked me too 😑 Then one day I just told him how I felt. He didn't feel the same way, but it was a relief to get it out and I was at peace because I knew I've tried ☺
That's cute
Been here too. And it was frightening and exciting at the same time. So what if they didn't feel the same? What matters is we are at peace now and has already moved on. Haha. Rejection is always a redirection. This is what I learned. 😊
The problem with generalizing is that men and women have different love needs. Men like mostly uncertainty (in a healthy way) and women, safety. That´s why our love demonstrations to men give hardly any result. The best coach for women out there is, IMO, Greta Bereisaite. She´s the only one talking about the different needs (together with John Gray but she´s better with the details).
Should we play it cool, do you care, don't get too enthusiastic, what are your options, do you feel vulnerable, sidestep the danger🆘⛔✅🚩
A girl (we were friends) who had a crush on me 6-7 years ago (we're 19 right now) went out of her way 2 months ago to find a way to contact me.
I realized that she liked me like 4 years ago, and at that point we weren't in contact anymore. And it's not like I had any feelings for her back then.
Now, after hanging out for some time, we're dating. And I'm in love, and so is she. So yeah, stuff like that goes both ways.
tho its been very shaky, but thats relationships, I guess. Hopefully it'll be fine in the long run 🙃
DON'T play it cool. Be honest about everything and be yourself. You'll attract the right people.
Omg no way
Roungh
i agree with this. being upfront and knowing is better than the bullshit games :)
I did this back in elementary by wrote a letter and did some diary life , news spread like sonic :) whole 4th grader class know my crush know he ignores me :)
@@ivanasebastian3637 If he ignores you it means that he isn't the right person for you , otherwise he would have liked the gift.
Just move on, focus on yourself and you'll see that a new person will appear, someone who would enjoy your love letters ;)
Here is a power move I recommend for first dates (I just got married, so hopefully I will never need it again, but I think it will work for you.) If a first date goes well, ask to see her/him/them again. If they agree, say, "Great! I will call you in two days." Then, call in two days, as promised. Reliability is one of those things that never goes out of style.
Good advice here, sir!
Sorry boomer it aint the 50s anymore
@ashy holy shit, that flew over your head.
@cinnamon sinner maybe this flies over my head as well, but in dating always call to discuss plans. It shows confidence and actual interest instead of texting. But treat itin the same manner as one would in sales. Simple brief call to set up the next appointment or date.
@@cinnamonsinner4619 are you married? How are all the healthy relationships in your life shaping up?
The timing of this video appearing in my recommended is uncanny. Is school of life watching me?
Leana Florence big facts
Leana Florence small spying
No but your phone is probably recording everything it hears/you say. #conspiracy :)
GIZMO yeah and everyone cares about what you say
Leana Florence same
Honestly, those social standards suck. I met my now boyfriend at a poetry slam. Talked until the bar closed afterwards. He brought me home and since we didn't want to stop talking, I invited him in. He stayed till the early morning, purely platonic. Even had to give him a hint that I did want a hug to say goodbye. We were so clearly impressed by and attracted to each other that we did care to play it cool. I let him know, I head enough nice food for a breakfast for two so he came over the next day (weekend) and played games all day. Board games. Not the kind of stupid waiting to text games. It was simply amazing. THIS is how it should be I think. Just be open from the beginning. We both put us out there, willing to get hurt, unwilling to let this chance pass by. When you meet the right person for you, whether it's forever or for the time being, you will know it because your heart and head fully agree! At least that's what I believe after this experience.
That.....was heartwarming. Even though I don't know you I'm happy that you found someone you truly connect with on a deep level. I'm beginning to realize the value of this only now, after a couple of failed relationships that seemed perfect on paper but that didn't work because there wasn't enough initial chemistry/interest. I hope that one day I'll find someone who clicks with me as much as your bf does.
That’s so beautiful
Omg this is so cute!
SomeSayApple uouoouyouoouuoououooououououoououououooouououoouoouoouuooouoouoouooooouoyyoyoyooyo
That's amazing! I hope you two are still together and happier than ever! :-)
Honestly, when a guy "play it cool" to me, I would just think that he isn't interested in me and I would just leave..
Never ask a girl to give advice. Whe girls do and say are completely opposite things
@@jeangrey5911 This affects both genders, be it you are male or female, trying to play it cool is a childish game. A good portion of people don't have the patience for that, nothing annoys me more than a girl acting like a teenager doing this. I'm pretty sure girls find it just as cringy
Me too
Reading the comments seems more useful than the video itself. Thank you brave people on the internet for telling your stories :)
We are waiting for your story as well ;-)
@@igorthelight And yours too 🙃
@@caseyboone7018 Well, apart from some early crushes in primary school - all girls knew that I liked them ;-)
person: hey how was your day?
me: (remembering people like mysterious people) no
hehehehehe
Underrated comment, lmfao
“Yare yare daze... “ walks away
You clearly need more likes xD
Daniel Solis Rodriguez Fuck You
No matter how cool I play it, global warming is closer than ever
im stealing this
im stealing this
im stealing this
I like this comment
haha thanks for the laugh :)
I met my husband in passing at work. I passed him everyday for months as he greeted me (way more than any other people) and i even was given a nickname haha. and i was busy living my single life. I had a gut feeling one week to finally acknowledge him. I actually ended up drawing him a picture with my number on it after talking for a few days in passing and i went up the elevator to my desk and before i even got there he texted me. When we were dating he told me that when i gave him my number all his friends told him to not text me till tomorrow. I told him i love him only a couple months later, i told him i loved him but to not feel the pressure to have to say it back but he did anyway. We are married now ❤️❤️ dont play it cool ;)
Y'all are cute af. Congrats on landing your crush and hope y'all have a long wonderful marriage
works if you're attractive 💀
@@DavidNikkiZane it works if you stop caring so much about your own attraction. It’s unattractive to be that worked up and worried about your own looks, and makes you seem so much less confident and approachable.
@@-.RuhRoh i don't have personality. my only hope is to radically improve my looks until i just get approached. still working on how to do that though...
@@DavidNikkiZane you will never find any meaningful relationship or connection by doing that.
It’s not just about your looks. It’s how you act. It’s your personality, it’s how you say things. If you have good looks but you’re a bad person to be around, nobody will ever want to be with you.
You need to seriously work on yourself and your own interests and likes, social connections. Not chasing superficial things like looking like a model, or having a lot of money. It’s just not attractive lmao, would you seriously fall for someone and love them fully, support and trust them.. ONLY for their looks? Really?
You like someone, you show it. No one will know how you feel unless you tell them. And then, you respect and act accordingly to their answer. Simple as that.
I don't like the game that finding someone interesting has become. If I like you, I'll tell you, and I'll tell you exactly why I like you. If that's not reciprocated, then fine... just be sure to be as honest and clear with me as I am with you. Simple. Communication doesn't have to be as hard as we make it
As if. There are scenarios where it's not appropriate like at work. You are forced into playing.
@@hgzmatt the work one sucks. I get on great with this girl at work, but we almost never spend time time together outside of work. Tricky
@Bob Bobbertson Ah, found another bitter MGTOW-cel in the wild.
Go your own damn way already. Women aren't missing you buddy, stop bitching about them on the internet and actually do what you claim to do.
Plumetheum get them in chains & fuck them?
Bob Bobbertson absolutely agree, most men even want the best for them and they still don’t want it .
I have to admit that's how I react if someone likes me too quickly and is very enthusiastic about it. I get suspicious and convinced that they just like the idea of me, projecting their own fantasy onto me, without really knowing me, and then I feel there's suddenly something to live up to - that I can't, and don't want to live up to. I also overanalyse and assume too much, I'm sure.
Same here. Confessing to that kind of excitement without knowing me well enough is infatuation based on too much fantasy. I'd say it's an objective appraisal of the situation, not overanalysis. Very much a turnoff.
Very well put.
LyleDeYounges theres actually a name for this in psychology-anima projection
That's overthinking just go out and have fun... If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work our
You are overthinking it. To be fair, however, you’re not wrong. I experience the same thing to an extent, and I think many physically attractive people feel this way.
I’ve just learned to treat the attention like a compliment and be flattered, but not let it affect my attitude on the person or what I feel my relationship is with them.
This is the first time in 29 years I’ve had such overwhelming feelings for another person. I don’t mind letting my self be vulnerable to rejection. I’m quite overjoyed at the fact that I can feel this much love, have these strong emotions, after all these years, for this one person.
Hey, you just read my mind. How powerful is that feeling, I knew it.
YES! The feeling that your body is ready to let love in, even if that makes you vulnerable for rejection and change; it's an indication you're ready to survive even after the rejection :) :) Gah I'm happy for you!
In 29 years, I can’t remember feeling that way about *anyone.* Must be nice
@@darkcharizard52same here, 24 and never in my life have felt that strongly for someone 😢
Love isn’t a feeling anyway, you’re just feeling desire. Possibly also need.
This makes so much sense. The person you like isn't afraid of how much you like them, they're afraid you're going to get so attached, that they'll lose their freedom because you'll be such a burden on them.
Oh my god! This feels like a personal attack.
:
That's so much screaming avoidant attachment. We should choose people we can settle with unless we can settle for this kind of treatment.
This!
ur so right
When you truly like someone, you should try the hardest to hide the feeling so not to appear eager and desperate. At the same time for the people you can't stand or don't care about (work, customer service) you have to show a wide smile, force nice small talks and pretend to care...
What a world we live at today 😑
I know, society sucks but thing is...we have to live in it.
Artem Morozov lol true. At work blah blah blah. Lol I do my best to stay out but some times I can dragged in! 📱🔫
Antonio Wolfpack 1990 Dude, imagine How hard it is to live on an isolated Island...imagine that your hard times are trying to Survive instead of Living your life in a more Stable way...living in the Country side would be A lot better as you won’t really encounter many people in most cases, you’ll still be able to be Creative in whatever Hobby or Profession you have (unless you’re in a Profession that requires for you to work in a Company or your work place is only in the City).
Safety is a Condition that we need in order to be creative.
Survival in the Woods or seas or islands would be great if we don’t live our Entire life just Surviving in the Wilds or Isolated Parts.
Still, while people fear Ghosts and Closet Monsters, The Real Monsters are the People themselves.
Survival Here is trying to make a living and trying to stay safe and Aware because you don’t know what Strangers can do to you. Some strangers will try Ripping you off by knives and Guns, others by Papers and Self-Made Laws....The Trick is trying to serve your Purposes in any condition and never choose sides as long as you have the choice not to. Keep your opinions for those who matter and those who will respect them and finally...only a few things really matter. Family, Faith in God (not in people), Helping those who are need because we don’t know if we’ll be in their shoes one day, and last but not least, don’t trust people easily, make your Trust a real Treasure by being the best person you can be, and remember that the Back Stabs come from those who’re too close....
I hope I helped.
Ak Shooter 7 I agree. You never share personal information with anyone. Never show and talk about your insecurity. It will be used against you.
One problem with keeping it cool, to not appear desperate, is that many people are desperate for company today. We live in a society that is incompatible with our biology; so until it's changed, all things will be difficult for us.
If a girl I'm dating is acting distant and I sense she's putting in minimum effort and perhaps losing interest, then I'll usually just break it off with her. Trust me, you don't want to get involved with chasing people, trying to find out why they're acting the way they are and trying to 'do something' to get them to like you. That's a long road of pain and hurt and stress. Just be yourself, and if they don't appreciate you for who you are then politely end it with them. You should only want to be with people who really want to be with you. So be careful about playing it TOO cool - people who value themselves may just call your bluff and dump you.
Exactly. I just wasted 9 months hoping the chick I was dating would warm up. Nothing changed from day 1. Some people just aren't able to reciprocate feelings so its probably best to pull the ejection seat before you crash and burn.
@@Eagle-Striker Well gotta be vigilant brotha
aeri icecream - Yes, communication is very important. But unfortunately a lot of people don't have the ability to articulate their feelings and communicate themselves. They won't tell you what the problem is if you ask them or they'll just insist that everything is fine (when it clearly isn't). Of course, in ideal world, we should all be open and honest and just say: "Hey, I like you a lot but I don't think this is working and I feel like we've drifted apart. Plus I fancy somebody else and I would like to start dating them. I hope you understand". Very few people are going to be that honest. You are therefore forced to read between the lines and make a judgement yourself based on their behaviour. And if someone is being unresponsive, rarely initiating contact, not seeming to take much of an interest in your life, etc. then it's quite clear that you are not a priority in their life. And that's fine - you don't need to be bitter or resentful, but you just need to accept it and end the relationship/friendship. Because you cannot persuade someone to like you by using logic and reason. It doesn't work like that. If they miss you and they come back to you, then great. But if not, then you know you made the right decision by ending it.
Really great advice. I had feelings for a girl. I told her but she said that she just really wanted to be friends. She went home to Australia which is on the other side of the planet. Soon she did not care much to answer my messages, never made any contact whatsoever and kept insisting that we were indeed friends, when I asked her what was going on. It took months of frustration to finally break it off completely.
Achilles94627 My friend hooked me up with a girl that was exactly like that. Everyone told me to keep trying and wait it out, but she never once showed any interest at all (even though we were both connected for the same reason). I broke it off because of the very warning you're giving. What a wise choice that was, that same buddy ended up making the mistake I avoided and now he's unfortunately on anti-depressants. Bottom line, if you've been fishing in the same spot for hours and there's still nothing grabbing your hook, then it's time to pack it up and find a new pond.
I was talking to my sister about this, and she said, "If a guy came up to me acting all confident and cool, that wouldn't impress me, he wouldn't care if I said 'no.' If a guy came up to me feeling nervous, that would impress me, because it clearly took a lot of courage for him to talk to me, and I would find that sweet.
but at the end they always go with the confident guy, no matter what they tell you...
@@carlgonzalez3337 hahhaha
Well whatever she says but I bet she rejected more "sweet" guys than confident guys. Most girls who have options don't care for sweet guys that's just the reality, but learning to be confident will be in favor of anyone so really everybody should learn it and then the honesty can pair with confidence which is half of the strong vulnerability.
@@ayoutubecommenter7494 They want a confident guy who can be sweet, not a sweet guy who can be confident. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
@@ayoutubecommenter7494 Um, actually she and her friends have ONLY shown interest in the sweet guys.
Don't play it cool. Be cool with yourself about it instead.
If you see an attractive girl you'd like to meet and you get the chance to interact with her, do it. Don't be scared to compliment her or ask for a means of communication. If her phone number feels too direct, just exchange social media accounts instead. Same goes for everyone.
What I've learnt so far by simply *being* is that everyone could use some company at some point. Most people have insecurities and fears just like you and they've probably been through what a lot of other people have. Complimenting someone you find attractive or trying to know them won't make them disgusted unless they're assholes, it'll probably make them feel good because some random person in the world thought higher of them than themselves for once.
Most people want to go against the social barrier this video talks about anyway, so do it. You may be surprised by the results. But be prepared for rejection as well.
Just make sure you look and smell nice.
.
Maybe dont ask for contact after the first ever interaction. I kind feel like asking for someone's number is a blatant way to say you like them. Our culture has made it that way by making the phone number be the confirmation of success in conquering a girl
@how you gonna interact again if you dont have their contact? Maybe you only encounter one time with that person
@@alvarojimenez50 In my world they will be always there tomorrow at school but I have no idea how the world works outside of it seriously
@ oh yeah I didn't think of that hahah
Why is it bad to want to be loved back by someone you love dearly?
Yupp a very good question but the answer is still unknown.
It’s not. People need confirmation that their time invested in others is noticed and valued. There’s nothing wrong double-checking feelings are reciprocated.
Hope? Hopefully this person is the one. Hopefully this person recognised my beauty like I can theirs. Hopefully they feel the same way. Hopefully they want me as much as I want them. Hopefully things will work out. Hopefully I can sit back reassured knowing that I can feel safe in this relationship. Maybe the underlying issue is fear of abandonment.
It’s not bad. What is bad is being overly invested in them to the point of being clingy. Once someone knows that they’re your only option you lose your attractiveness. You’re too attainable, there’s no mystery to you anymore. If you wanna keep someone around they have to know they can lose you at any second. This video pretty much says you need to be self actualized and not make the person you like the source of your happiness. They can be a part of your life, but don’t MAKE them your life.
@@ryanw459 That's a disgusting style for a relationship. Why would I want to be in a relationship that requires me to act independent? I might as well be single. Now I understand why dating is a nightmare.
GnSt4vo you should always be independent... it’s your story, they’re just along for the ride. Especially if you’re dating.
Sometime I do think The School of Life is secretly spying on me. How did you know that I needed this?
Same here !!! Third video in a row, I'm blown away
Right here with you!
Fuckin same man
Actually wait I change my mind, thid doesn't apply to highschool stupidity
IK
My way of playing cool: Staring at my crush and sending him telepathic messages so he knows I like him and makes the first move. It has not worked yet
This happened to me a few times. This girl in college kept staring at me when I wasn't looking and I didn't notice until one of my friends told me. Only then did I realise that she was attempting the technique you just described. Unfortunately for her, it did not work either.
Yep, it wont work. Stare is "something" i guess, but not enough. We need more hints xDD
As a girl, I've always been so paranoid of being called clingy that I've developed a horrible trait of being cold and my partner thinking i dont care when i truly do. This was something I realized just recently and am trying to fix it
I tried not to show any interest towards my crush, so I kept leaving them on read and acting cold. Then my crush moved on to someone else and that's when I found out they liked me back for all these months. However, since I was being so distant they thought I wasn't interested in them so they moved on😭😭😭 I literally played myself
Wow that’s crazy. Did you ever tell her?
glad you learned
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes
Judging by your name, if you're a girl then you shouldn't be doing this BS. Men are a much simpler creatures and actually want to receive attention from you.
@@Max-lm2jc how do u know their crush is a man?
I talked to her like I don't care,
but I breathe her in like the air.
She couldn't feel the heat from my desire
because I grew up being told "don't you dare."
So I gave her a polite smile
and turned around continuing my lonely journey.
I looked at the coffee been jar in a coffee shop on the street,
thinking that if we could collect courage with a jar.
I would spend my whole life collecting it until the day I meet her again.
And only then would I break the jar.
Now my jar is finally full but that day never comes.
Now I'm just a single man with a jar full of courage and a empty heart,
standing at the spot where we met before.
Fuck bro, Picasso happens to be a poet now.
Yo no shit, I've been building up coffee beans (courage lol) to ask a girl out, but thought I left it too long and was ready to give up. But that last line for me thinking. Fuck that I'ma break the jar
My name jeff
Beautiful, simply beautiful
Sounds like an anime
Basically, you must know that if it doesn’t work out with whom you’re interested in right now, it will work out with someone else at some other point. Or not at all, which is okay too. Being in a hurry to fall in love is unattractive because it proves that you are making too much of your life dependent on someone else. Independence is always attractive.
For a (reasonably) emotionally healthy person, making it clear to them that you like them is actually going to make you more attractive to them (this is science based: we tend to like the people who like us, unless we have serious emotional health problems). If they run away after that, then they're probably not the right person for you to be in a relationship with to begin with, so at least you found that out sooner rather than later.
Interestingly, the only times I felt the need to 'play it cool' (and also the only time I felt intense jealousy) were with people who I later learned were definitely not good relationship material (narcissists, emotionally immature people, etc.)
ig I have serious emotional health problems
Insightful Information
Thanks 🙏
Met a guy 3 months ago. And just last week, I told him I like him, even tho I know he doesn't feel the same way. I told him the truth because I want to be honest about my feelings and so that I can move on..
Nini what happened
5 months later...
Ah! How should I explain what happened after... 😅
Hmm.. Since I know myself, unless I get an answer, I won't be able to move on.. So after I told him about my feelings, he answered me honestly and told me that he doesn't know what he wants. Of course, I was hurt at first. But now, I am doing great! We still meet sometimes but since the expectations were gone, I'm not hurting anymore. He's a good guy and I want to at least keep him as a friend. 🙂
@@TripleA3000 exactly
Aww..You are a darling
In todays society, we are afraid to live alone. Only when you are fully comfortable with yourself, you could get into a stage where you really like someone and are totally ok if they reject you. Thats the point philosophy teaches.
“Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears.”- Marcus Aurelius , Stoicism is the way for this mindset
@@tandem863 In my non-expert opinion lol Complacency is not comfort, it's a rut disguised as satisfaction. It is awesome to be completely comfortable in your own skin but if you feel you are not growing then it is time to get out of your comfort zone and do something difficult. You will only find what you need or what you are looking for out of your comfort zone, if you want to grow you have to leave it.
"Is this what I was created for? To huddle under the blankets and stay warm?”-- In this quote Marcus Aurelius is questioning the idea that we were meant to seek comfort rather than being active and doing things uncomfortable in order to grow as people.
You’ve just changed my life
Not us, just you and the persons think like you. Why do you think that ALL are afraid to live alone?
No, we are in fact social creatures. We were never meant to live alone, and, yes, although it's possible to adapt and live alone, that's really just developing the temperance to be able to deny your inherent human characteristics. It isn't really a solution to your basic humanly needs since you will more than likely still need good friends and eventually go back to look for someone to be with, albeit without as much eagerness and desperation. Living alone is essentially living in denial.
I just told my co-worker I've been seeing that I like him. He said he liked me too and then this video showed up in my recommended... hmmm. I absolutely hate the mind games and now I am scared that I'm being overzealous and have tried to force myself to be slower in my responses because my entire life my mom always told me to play hard to get and make men chase you and desire you so they don't get bored. Fuck that noise. I am extremely independent but when I like you, you will know and I do cute gestures. I'm not the type to call you obsessively or need to be around you all the time and I work crazy long hours but I will express my desire and give you attention and if you find that off-putting then I'm gone. You have time for these stupid games in grade school but as an adult in mid 20s there is no point in wasting all this time playing games and chasing.
AMEN!!
Such a great comment! 👏
I totally agree with you.
When COVID-19 emerged in the start of this year, i thought it was the end (being extremely naive then😅), so, i decided to finally speak to that girl i have crush on, but guess what happened.. i talk to her almost every day but I've never expressed my real feelings for her .. i always think that it's better to be her friend and wait for the right moment to be open about my feelings, but this "right moment" is not yet seen on the horizon.
@@williemadrid9137 stop waiting just open up to her, once u go into the friendzone ur not getting out. You need to be clear that you like her in a romantic way, dont be afraid of rejection cuz if she rejects u its fine ull get over it but thats better than torturing urself for months
Wish all girls were like you
Woohoo, I like that mindset, more people should be like you 👍🏻
I swear trying to pin down human emotion is like treading a minefield while inebriated
You def should show some level of interest without being weird or clingy....
But how
I am inclined to believe you but the person who is ‘weird’ or ‘clingly’ might not even realize they are giving off that vibe until after the relationship has crumbled.
I think being labelled weird or clingy is more the choice of the other person. If she is interested in you, then you can do almost anything and not appear weird.
Easy to said than done
@@TheNewMaxico Maybe try to become good friends first before anything
I care about him: he doesn't mind.
I ghost out: he doesn't mind either.
Gabriela Dimas Yázbek Exact same story here. Have sort of moved on and began focusing on self improvement instead.
YESSS lolz
🤣🤣🤣
Yep😏
In those cases i watch the movie „he‘s just not that into you“. Works wonders to move on.
It's a dance you go through with the other person. You need to give the other person room the think things over and give them plenty of room to maneuver. Don't crowd the other person. Don't make them feel trapped. If it's meant to happen between the two of you, it will.
Acting like something you're not will attract people that aren't for you. Nothing wrong with transparency and honesty.
Being too clingy or reliant on others can be a turn off, but working on that is self improvement and not acting like someone else.
Have a life, be happy, tell and show them you care. Being more independent also ensures you dont stick to people you shouldn't
In other words, become a walking paradox...Be self-confident & independent YET vulnerable
precisely.
Not sure how that is a paradox. It's the best skill I've ever learned and dating has become ridiculously easy ever since. People will like you for who YOU are, and if you're true to yourself and honest, that means you're vulnerable. People play it "cool" because they're afraid of rejection or because they have a sense that showing how much they like someone will mean losing power and control in future engagements. All of this is coming from a place of insecurity.
The fact of the matter is the following:
You meet someone, you like them, you go on a date or something similar, and everything seems perfect. You go home afterwards and think about what a wonderful time you had with that other person. IF you're a sane individual, who's perception of reality is not completely distorted, you WILL be able to figure out if things really went as well as you felt they did and if the other person likes you back. If you're eager to meet this person again, sooner rather than later, you have two healthy options:
1) Make the next step yourself by telling them something along these lines: "Hey I just wanted to tell you I had a wonderful time today/(yesterday, last night, etc) and would love to get to know you better, hope you feel the same way and would love to see you again soon."
2) Let them make the next step, but pretty much relay the same information described above once they do.
Whoever thinks the message above is a sign of desperation, has deep internal issues, is emotionally unavailable or has a conflicting attachment style to yours and should be avoided in my honest opinion.
Whoever acts cold/distant/aloof to such a message, even tho they like you, yet again, has some internal issues and should be avoided.
Whoever rejects you after a message like that, doesn't like you back enough to justify chasing after them.
It really is THAT simple people. Take a good hard look at how many people are around you in the city/town you live in and remind yourself of the fact that you wouldn't even be physically able to date all the compatible guys/girls that are lurking around. Seriously, that's how many potential candidates you have around you all the time. All you have to do is go out and meet a few till you find someone you're happy with.
@@4DAcademy precisely.
Moreover, take a Balance!
@@4DAcademy Absolutely great speech EXCEPT for the very last phrase, at my opinion a little too simplistic.. :]
Lots of people saying how uncanny this video is and they must be spying on you. No, the fact is people are dating and falling in love every single day.
Agreed. It's like one of the most common things humans experience. OF COURSE it's going to relate to a lot of people's lives.
THANK YOU!
What's uncanny is they don't know its a natural thing
Dating just one person? Love?! Unfamiliar concepts in this day and age...was starting to think nobody did or felt those things anymore.
- hopeless romantic (but also really picky)
I think it was just a harmless remark about how this video popped up right when they needed it not before not after. And farkly I find amusing to think that all the planets aligned and brought them the video at the right time.
One time I saw one girl having a crush on me and honestly the reason I had anxiety about it was because I didn't know whether I liked her or not and I didn't want to mislead her if things didn’t work out.
This^^ the way i learned to approach it is go on a date with them and see if you two click, if yall dont then be honest and end it there
Yeah I get that, I always felt that way whenever anyone told me they liked me
After many rejections I decided to show my true emotions for her and now because of this video, I finally understand why she likes me back.
I suffer the opposite. I ignore those I want to ignore, and express my enthusiasm towards those I like openly. Consequently I attract the people I don't want and repel those I'd like to be more close to
Then you already know
Same here 😂 👍
gosh i feel you
Just like 99% of the population
Same here😂
I feel like I’m listening to a cutscene from little big planet
Oh my that's what he sounds like fuck me I knew I recognised it
Underrated comment lmfao
Browhy no yours is
Thats why he sounded familiar, thanks
that's what i thought too!! Nice one :D
I’ve been playing it cool with my crush for 3 years now, my plan should kick in at any moment
What is important is making them feel important. Every human craves the feeling of importance. You just need to do this without making yourself look lesser.
well said
I scared away a girl I liked because I tried to rush her into a relationship. Be careful with your hearts, folks, ‘cause I put too much thought into it and it still stings.
Your an amazing human being! Don't let your rejection define you. Think on it
nothing wrong with expressing your interest and intentions, but no one should be rushed into a relationship.
She isn't for you. Simple as that but not less painful. Don't worry, the right person will come. Take this time to have a relationship with yourself instead. :)
It's never too rushed for someone who has a matching interest.
She wasn't ready AND that didn't match you, it's ok, you can move on.
I used to do this ALL THE TIME from my younger days until my late 30s. I came on ENTIRELY too strong and ran men off.
NEVER pretend to don't like someone you actually do, never treat them with forced indifference. Don't be needy, but don't cross the line. I did, and I regret this now and probably till I will rest my hands on the chest.
Feel you
So dramatic...plenty of people out there. There is no soul mate..or 'the one'.
There ARE people you'll meet throughout life that its like electricity, on the other hand. But they're not unicorns
What if i show them that i like them and then gwt turned down!!?
@@KaushikBala333 well, at least you try. It's 50/50 if you confess. Otherwise, is certain failure.
this sort of drama is what could make me run the other way so fast.
I am not expert or anything, but what helped me really on this topic are following steps:
1.practice: what I mean by practice is push yourself here and there to talk to more people which you met at school, work, or anywhere else, this helps you get balanced in your social skills, I Know it is very hard sometimes (maybe you have angry feelings about people, or you are sad because of situation) but after sometimes talking to more people around you makes you feel a wanted likable person, and it this way it is more probable that somebody like you.
2.find and keep relationship (not just romantic) with people who treat you in a way that you are a valuable individual not just a peice of trash, I mean know your a valuable person and there is no one that can save you other than yourslef, If somebody dont treat you this way, then simply start to get distance from him/her (I know it is not that easy but there is no savior for you other than yourself and there are countless people that you havent met yet)
3.practice a little patience : dont rush of people and say hey I have a feeling about you, keep it slower and the time will came to understand her/him feelings or time that you can ask her about her/him feelings about you
4.have a psychoanalyst, I have one and I talk to her about a year now, this makes it easier for you to understand yourself and what is happeing with you and with relationships around you (I met my psychoanalyst once a week, at some point you may start to think that this is not helping you but stick to it,Trust me after one year I am more relaxed now after regections),
5.No one is your savior (i talked about it in NO.3)
6.stay away from toxic people: you may found somebody as friend of partner that is very attractive to you but doesnt care about you ( show that you are valuable ), keeping relationships with this people in long term will damage you, distance them
7.it is natural to feel down and very bad time to time
8.consider relationships (romantic and friends) as part of life, dont ignore it and dont say that "I dont need anybody anymore and I will be dead alone", like anything else like work, school, health condition and so on, relationships sometimes helps you and sometimes damage you ( but actually this damages makes you a tougher in long run (but make sure NO4 and 1 or 2 supporting friends or family member that helps you pass hard times and not get stuck in depression))
9.give time to people: first act or say of a person can not show his intension, give them 2 or 3 chances to make sure that he/she interested to be in relation or not then decide
10.if you alone or meet very low amount of people try to exit that: start to go to a class (art, pc, sport,....) , community, event and so on, being alone will damage you and make you feel unlikable person
11.stop overthinking about what an act or sentence mean: dont bold an act or sentence see the whole thing with bird eye
12.express yourself: to people to friends by talking, by making something (I draw here and there)..
.... this list can go for ever 😅, but I think these that i mentioned was key for me and hopefully somebody else.
This makes me imagine two people manically dependant on each other. I guess those are the ones who make us sick with their cooing and their "No you hang up first. No you..."
Damn
This is why I hate dating and refuse to seek out dates, I hate all of the little rules and expected social responses.
Unikron Then pay a hooker
Never
I used to think that too, especially when failing.
But realize, keep this view and you will always suffer under its consequences. I know it does not always make sense and it isn't fair, but complaining about existence itself and humanity is just wasted effort, so keep on trying
Nah Finn, I just gave up a long time ago. I'm only 26 and I'm going MGTOW. I don't see a point in pursuing relationships anymore, the concept is too foreign now. Kinda feel like I missed my window of opportunity around 18-20s.
@@thelight2230 Well, then time to pick it up again. As i said "giving up" is not productive at all, and social interaction shouldn't be foreign to you.
And you definitely didn't miss your window of opportunity, thats just a fine rationalization for your viewpoint that holds you down.
Don't try to identify with that which only brings you down, it is conterproductive, really.
summary: Playing it cool is a waste of time. Morbid dependency is the problem, not the enthusiasm. So show that you really like them if you feel that way, duh! And also show that you are not a morbidly dependent person by willingfly accepting their no, and getting out with some other wonderful people or friends instead!
Solid advice.
Thank you for that, English is not first my language so I hardly can't understand some of the words he's saying, it's too deep for me. So thanks for the summary
@@jerusorpilla4750 my pleasure! :)
and be thankful for their honesty if it's a no, not just show that you're happy without them.
I understand all the points until the last part - why should we care about how we react after the rejection? We're already rejected, so how does that help your dating skills? How do you show BEFORE asking them out that you are independent and all, cause I guess that's the whole point? To do so before, so they can sense your vulnerability
Appearing to have strong vulnerability is way less useful to everyone than 1. working on learning how to be strongly vulnerable and 2. not shaming yourself for your desire to be supported, appreciated and loved. We're social animals, wanting connection and intimacy is not crazy, and wanting it even if you're not perfectly 'fixed' or 'balanced' is not crazy either.
This was so beautifully explained. We have been so conditioned to play it cool that we end up being immature, inconsiderate and frustrated. I am so thankful to the creators for this video for reinstating the importance of communication and space in a relationship. ❤️
"We have to ignore someone to get their attention."
Me: We live in a society
Where that idea come from ??? Hey Arnold??
I've experienced strange things sometimes, but I've never actually seen this happening. It's the cultural industry that is providing such narratives. In real life 9 times out of 10 the person will move on.
We should not forget that getting mostly signs from people we are not interested in doesn't mean it's because we are ignoring them but pragmaticaly because we are only interested in a small fraction of the overall population.
The advice to play it cool is well meaning and specifically intended for the anxiously attached. We are the ones who blow it over and over and over again by getting attached too early, get consumed by obsessive thoughts, and generally become unhinged when we like someone and face the possibility of rejection. But the advice given here is as sound as it is difficult to put in practice. It requires facing what we truly fear, being alone, until we realize that it is not worse than being with the wrong person. You need to have the bone deep conviction that you have inherent worth and everyone deserves to be with someone who would chose them over a feild of thousands. You need to believe that it is better to be alone than with someone who sees you as their only option. It all comes down to spending enough time on self love to have high standards and not feel you need someone to fill a hole.
@pizza pizza It is and that is one of the hallmarks of an anxiously attached person. When they get triggered they response with manic level of clinginess. It is a compulsion just like avoidants need to run away or sabtoge when they feel vulnerable. It is possible to be fully conscious of it. Hate it. And still have it take over. The wiring for it is very deep and needs a lot of work to overwrite.
With your first 2 sentences, the video makes more sense now. I agree with what you say, but I feel that for many it flows like waves in a their life. Some days its easy to feel self love, and some days you feel like you need to depend on someone.
This is the most amazing thing I have read on UA-cam ever
@pizza pizza That's not necessarily true at all.
Anxiety is not a 100% conscious behavior. You can be sure that you'll be fine with the rejection and still be anxious. Especially true if you have a hard time finding a good fit.
Or think about highschool and college where some people are affraid that they'd be ridiculed for getting rejected.
Some people just can't handle rejection and dating is just 1 aspect of it.
I'm perfectly fine with being alone or in a loose relationship, but if I find someone I can connect with, then I do care about the answer a lot. It took conscious effort to hold myself back, until I got used to it.
@@Marqan When I refer to being Anxious or Avoidant I am refering specifically to Attachment Theory. Going back to the horrifically heart breaking studies of rhesus monkeys in the 1950s and 60s we have learned that the parenting we recieve in early childhood dictates how our nervous system is wired. Experiences after the brain is wired in childhood can cause anxiety even to a PTSD level. The brain has plasticity and can be rewired by experiences later in life. But the vagal tone we have (sensitivity to stress) is dictated by those early life experiences with a dose of genetic disposition in the mix. So when I say Anxious I mean in the sense of having a primary caregiver who was only sporadically responsive to our needs instead of consistent. That has the affect of creating a person who is not sure what they do to get the desired nuturing response and it therefore "on" all the time.
It is so hard to do when you have no self-confidence, being aware isn't enough
I confessed to my crush and asked him what he was feeling, because we had some dates before that and he looked like he felt the same but wasn't taking actions. He told me he liked me back but wasn't ready for a relationship, but the point here is that years ago I wouldn't even imagine to have the confidence to do things like that. The feel of relief that you got after confessing Is amazing! I think we all have so much fear of what would happen if we do that, but the truth Is that even if things don't go the way you want, confessing and being clear to someone feels like a present you're giving to yourself. Before I took action I was feeling really anxious but now I feel free and happy, even if we're not a couple
Of course, there's also the possiblity that someone might have such low self-esteem that they'd automatically assume anyone that expressed an enthusiastic interest in them must obviously be insane.
"You like me? What's wrong with you?"
yes, and if they do have such low self esteem that it makes them project their own crap onto others, trust me, you don't want anything to do with them.
Ngl
I felt that too at many points in my life.
And yes, they were kind of desperate.
I always just assumed that they were pranking/messing with me.
To be fair they usually were when i was in highschool
People use to do this to me in middle and high school. They would fake asking me out or going out with me because they thought it was funny. One guy even said, "yeah I would do her she has a great body but I'd have to put a paper bag over her head"....while I was right there. That stuck with me and now I can't possibly think anyone would want to be with me because of my low self-esteem and I don't have the greatest looks.
I confessed to someone last week and I was rejected as she was with someone else or she lied. This video makes me feel I did the right thing!
ahmed wasim I did the same thing! Except it was with a guy I had met and it turned out he did have a girlfriend. I was pretty embarrassed about the interaction
Anthony Gomes - Ask to see a photo of him (her boyfriend)? I think that would be a bit weird ... It doesn't matter whether she does have a boyfriend, or not. She's not interested ... so you can move on. Move on.
It is slightly embarrassing, yes.. but its alright.
No I used to chat with her now and then but she never showed any signs of having a boyfriend, or even posted pictures. I felt like asking proof of her boyfriend would too much, but I did tell her that I had this weird feeling in my stomach, like a hunch about something and that I chose to not think about it too much.
Now I think she either lied because she wasn't interested or she has a boyfriend and they want to keep it lowkey.
@Anthony Gomes Why would you ever accuse someone for lying about having a boyfriend? If she's lying to let him down easy, so what?
Getting angry at her about it is about the worst thing you could possibly do. It shows that you're immature and can't handle rejection, which is the very thing this video says not to do.
I think another dimension of this problem is that a lot of people are overly preoccupied with spotting “red flags” early on as opposed to rolling with the punches or crossing bridges when they come to them. I’ve been out with several girls who turned out to have problems with manic dependence, and I simply ended those relationships and moved on. To me, a person who constantly scans for clues that things might go wrong down the line and gets in a flap is a lot more mentally unstable than someone who is simply open and honest about how much they like someone.
The trouble with "playing it cool" is you're actively putting yourself at a disadvantage if you do end up with the person you're persuing, you have to be aware of your needs and expectations and state them clearly, otherwise you will be living in someone else's world, and you'll feel like you owe them.
The thing is, it is not complicated. The only thing that I have learned in my 25 years of age that when it really is something, you needn't to wonder if he/she likes you or not or, what should I do or how should I be. It will be an ease and you don't have to try figure out what a certain text means. You just need to be you.
@Bob Bobbertson
That makes sense.
I still don't get why would she block me when I'm not doing anything.
I just added her friends.
Meh
The only complicated thing is finding the right person. And when we get frustrated from looking, we convince ourselves that the person in front of us can be the right person if we do the right things.
Earlier this year I was dating a guy I was really interested in, but he would sometimes take hours to respond and he never followed up after promising to check his schedule. I was constantly trying to calculate how long I had to wait to text back when he had taken x time to reply, and looking up dating advice that was completely useless because he simply wasn't interested enough.
With the guy who is now my boyfriend, I never doubted his interest. He makes me feel secure and validated at every opportunity, and if he takes a long time to message back it doesn't matter ❤️
soup It is complicated because I’m in a country that stones the gay.
I'm not a fan of the asssumption that "being you" is an easy thing to execute. You seem to know yourself well until you don't, and that's a perpetual state of existence.
As always, when it comes to relationships, the most difficult part is communication. I agree with the video, but I also feel it somewhat simplifies the subject. I don’t believe ‘playing it cool’ often comes from a deliberate fear of appearing too dependent, but more directly, from a fear of exposing who you really are, to someone ells. The most difficult aspect of communication in an early romantic relationship, is opening yourself up to who you really are, compared to who you want to appear as, in the eyes of the person you're interested in.
We all wear many masks, when communicating with different types of people in our lives, from coworkers, to friends, to family, and even various individuals within these groups. This is something that starts in early childhood, and which partly shapes us as individuals. Sometimes we wear a mask from a perspective of who we want to appear as, other times from a perspective of who we feel we’re expected to be. And throughout all of these scenarios we face in our everyday lives, it can become increasingly difficult to face ourselves, and even more difficult, to allow someone ells to see the face behind the mask.
This is what makes communication in early relationships difficult. You want to let someone in, but you don’t want to expose yourself too much to who you really are, if faced with rejection. Because the person who you truly are, underneath, is precious to you. But while being bottled up in this train of though, it’s easy forget that on the other side sits another person, with the exact same fear.
How do you think we should deal with this?
I also have trouble opening up because I wanna know a person is sane and healthy before I give them my attention. I am afraid that people will depend on me and I'll have to push them away, possibly hurting them
It has always been my experience that if you can laugh with the person you’re attracted to, then you have a great basis for a relationship. Laughter is a cornerstone in the definition of love, and a shortcut to good communication. It makes us feel comfortable and open up, because we can somewhat hide behind it. George Bernard Shaw said very accurately: “When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth.” Humor is often used as an indirect way of telling others how we feel about them. Even such a simple thing as a smile, is a very powerful form of communication. As infants, our first visual representation of our parents, how we recognise their appearances, is solely by their smile. It’s the absolute purest form of direct visual communication. So a good advice is to smile more, and laugh whenever you can.
Another good advice is to be curious about people, in a personal way. Sometimes a simple question like “what did you do for fun this weekend?” can be the gateway to a closer relationship with someone. If someone seems a bit depressed, then asks them “hey, are you okay?”. You’d be surprised at how positively people react to this. Even just hearing the question, can be enough to make them smile, because we all just need someone to listen once in a while. This is also true when it comes to a romantic relationship. We are often afraid of appearing too friendly, when really, it’s an opportunity to get closer to someone. The people whom we share in our difficulties, are those that we truly feel attached to.
But of curse, it all starts with you. I think that often couples get divorced today, because they never took the time to get to know themselves early in their life, and when they finally do, they realise the partner they’re with, is all wrong for their personality. We all have to deliberately be more attuned to exploring the corners of our mind, when we face something difficult, and find ourselves standing at the edge of our comfort zone. Take some time to ask yourself a few questions. How do I react in various situations, and what does that say about me as a person? Is it something I can change, or would even like to change, or is it something that I define as part of my personality? You can not know what you want in a partner, if you do not know yourself first.
“When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.” -Mark Twain
To put it in another way, we all are made up of different quirks and oddities, they are often the most precious parts of our personalities. Maybe what you're afraid of finding, is exactly what you need?
Thank-you for your thoughtful words. Incredible actually.
This video is speaking to my heart right now. I'm aware of my need to protect my self confidence and independence while showing closeness and honesty without getting too dipendent. It isn't easy at all to balance everything properly, it needs time and practice.
This channel is literally the best. Thanks for making marvelous videos that explore the things we really should have by ourselves, but never bring ourselves to. It’s a welcome wake up call, I am very grateful and imagine many more are too
summery of the video : Having a healthy relationship is when you WANT the person not NEED them. You can still chill with your friends and live yourlife without them when theyre too busy. when they around you can show them love and have fun. Just dont be desperate dont think you're unworthy.
My philosophy is that the meaning of life is worshiping god, being a kind, well mannered person and living for yourself. Love is only to support you on your journey but its not the goal of your life. If you think life is about getting a partner then sadly you won't find happiness.
thank you!
Truly heartfelt. Thank you!
I agree
On point
This comment should be on top. Thank you!❤️
Wow. Strong vulnerability is a great way to think about who I want to be.
how about weak invulnerability instead? :D
It really is a great way of putting it. I've done a lot better when applying this to friendships as well.
Showing emotion in a way that is strong and mature is difficult but very possible. Even things like crying in public can be done without unnecessary awkwardness.
It's that difference between catcalls and compliments, too. One, catcalls, has only the one giving them's interests at heart. It's being done only to recieve something in return, so being ignored brings out the gross clingyness in them. A compliment, however, should be genuine, when something about them actually makes you happy. I've had a lot more success with "Oh my gosh, I love your hair. How did you even get it to do that?" probably because it does show a little vulnerability. In the moment, I am not in control of the situation, only initiating it. The comment expresses my awe of seeing it, but doesn't immediately turn into what I want her to do for me.
Relationship or friendship, it seems to be a much better way at starting a healthy one and *both* are good to have.
Tuesday air raid alert time ALERT STING LONDON BRIDAGE''''''
Strong VULNERBILILITY ,TIME TOWER of LONDON….air..
You, I like you
@@keatonhannen1124 Bro. Yo. Man you're a genius
"Strongly Vulnerable" wow, this resonated with me. Thank you
It's good to be into someone, and excited about someone after a connection has been made. However, it's really important to establish what both people want out of a relationship (casual, sex, or long term) so that each person can react accordingly to he relationship. If a person is too cold, it can definitely give the impression that they aren't interested. Too much, and the person appears overly clingy and needy...a red flag in my book. I think it is important to establish happiness with oneself and that the person does make plans to spend time with the potential partner, but also does not leave out their own personal goals/interests/desires.
If a person becomes your excitement for the future, I believe you're walking a dangerous line towards anxious attachment. If you're too cold, perhaps you don't want to be hurt and are avoidant. Learn to love yourself, set your own goals and approach the relationship carefully, but steadily. Know that if it doesn't pan out, it isn't the end of the world, and you can continue being content on your own :)
I always called the second day. Never once a girl didn't like it. "Playing cool" is a game not worth your time.
The way you release your videos relative to my life events is uncanny
Are you watching me?
Anyway, I really appreciate it
After looking over the comments, I've concluded school of life is trying to bolster its views by mass surveillance, and providing applicable and insightful commentary.
Hahaha! Same.
Kyle Pollicove I totally feel the same I swear
Kyle Pollicove think it’s likely because their videos represent an aspect of all of us, to varying scales - anything he releases will be relevant to most people
love is the one thing that almost everyone ahs going around. Its even in one of those fortune tellers tricks: ''I sense you have a problem with the person you love''. Everyone has.
there was this girl that I liked, and I constantly showed my feelings to her, but she didn't show any care in the slightest, so I just moved on, and right after I moved on, she start showing feelings for me, the only thing I could of is..."how dare you!?"
Remember that being too nice will get you friendzoned pretty hard. One of the greatest signs of intimacy is provocation. When you're close to someone, you're not afraid to make fun of them. That's the goal. When you grown a close bond in which you they feel safe making fun of you, you know you're on the right path. But please be careful with this tip. Dont end up bullying people and always know your limits according to how close the other person really is
The thing with all dating advice is that they only work IF the girl finds YOU attractive enough.. lmao thats why so many ppl cry and complain on these vids that the tactics dont work...cuz she dont want you in the first place. Imagine a girl you find ugly does those tactics, you wouldn't even give a single fck.
I mean, a lot of girls date ugly guys...
Guys it's about being an impressive man which gets shit done and knows how to take care of himself, not about trying to be attractive and chasing womens
You moron, if the girl isn't interested in you it will never work. If you get rejected, stop chasing. It's a toxic masculine ideal to think we can create love where there is only one sided feelings.
Also there are more things holding you back than looks. People who think looks matter so much are often the ones who act most desperate and have many turn offs
Onnethox it’s true
EEEXACTLYYY lmao It does NOT matter how quick you reply, how quick you call after you get her number if she finds you attractive. No matter what she will be delighted to hear from you if she wants you. Now obviously being a psycho clingy maniac or something is going to scare anyone off even if they initially liked you but the point is don't put so much pressure on yourself. A girl knows if she thinks you are attractive when she looks at you, and she will definitely cement her attraction after interacting with you, so even if visually she did not find you attractive, if talking to you gained her interest and she becomes attracted through that, then you are in. Just be you, be cool, but make it clear that you think she is attractive and that you would like to see her again, master yourself, be confident in your emotions. If she just gave you her number out of pity or whatever, then she obviously will burn you and ignore you or tell you then that she is not into you. Girls often do that today, they give their number just to get you away but in the end never felt anything, it sucks but it is what it is.
My thing is , why do dudes want a girl who is not into them, why do you want a girl you gotta convince to like you? Nah bro, wait for that girl who clicks to you, the one who adores you, that is what will make you happy, and if you are not attracted to that girl, to bad, find one you are attracted to and clicks with you. These girls do not have to compromise so neither should you, if you are going to go for it, make sure you end up with a girl you find attractive AND you do not have to convince to like you.
No.
Tell them. Face your truths... bold and free.
If they reject you, it wasn't meant to be.
Nothing hurts more, than when you love some one, and get all the signs that they love you too..... but you try to "play it cool" for for ego purposes.
Then they suddenly leave without warning to another country.
Sonya....I really loved you.
I truly loved you.
@@Lemon_Tree03 this is the most shity reply , sorry
.....Sorry, but at least you learned something. It will be painful but we all do mistakes and learn.
Frosty there's nothing wrong with having a little bit of hope, after all, hope is what keeps us going
@@Lemon_Tree03 that's not true. hope is the most painful thing when impractical...
Aa 69 can you guys get off me? i'm just trying to give the guy some solace. I'm well aware that the whole stay hopeful mentality isn't healthy, but he is clearly still not completely over it
Wow- thank you for this video. Everyone always tells me not to tell my crush that I like him, because it'll scare him off. The key is how to tell him I like him in an enthusiastic, non-aggressive way, and as stated in the video, if I'm rejected, move on because it's not the end of the world and there will always be others. 👍❤️
This is so true, I learned it after being afraid to show weakness before. So liberating to learn this
It means act like an adult. Be mature enough to handle any situation. And not being stubborn, impulsive or foolish ignorant like a child.
It's yaa Gurrl me too
Played it cool and “lost” the guy to one of my friends who didn’t play it cool. Soo... guess what I’m not gonna do anymore
Excelent. That can work so far. Or not even work. Sometimes, being a little more honest about the interest for someone, can bring that person closer. If it doesn’t, you may not wonder if that person felt the same way. At least that’s what i think.
😂😂😂
That girl is easy prey and most men are not serious enough they look for effortless, quick. He won't chase after her he will use her for his needs. But precious one for him will be the one who plays cool
Dunno, have friends?
Those stupid games don't work on men, it only applies to women
I seriously started crying watching the video. I have this person I've known for a long time, and I'm afraid to openly express my feelings to her because I'm scared she'll reject me and end what we already have. This is even though I know she likes me too (physically and emotionally).
I have often deliberately not responded to her for a while to avoid appearing too emotionally involved, or I have portrayed myself as if I don't have a significant interest in her.
Thanks for the video :)
Aw man me too but with genders reversed. I truly hope it ends well for u!!!
I just hope you know that this channel is beyond fantastic and I have utmost respect for it, always.
why am I even watching this I'm already in a 5 years relationship
Your subconsciously expecting a break up?
Time for a new one may be😂?
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
You are watching it for the future, life is full of durprises.
You’re never too taken to learn...
If you like someone just tell them, if they don't like you just leave them alone and move on, it's not like you've lost anything, you will be just as you were before, and if they do like you also, well congrats on your new bf/gf, life is to short for what if's, it's better to know than regret never asking.
Facts.
That's easier said than done u know?
내가 리 민호 조아안녕 basically everything is easier said than done, doesn't make it any less true though.
i got that part long time ago, but what keeps worrying me is the timing. ask too soon and you'll come off as attached to quickly, ask too late and they'll have moved on, is there a way to know when the timing is right (aproximately)?
MrMiniTako the idea of a waiting game is ridiculous, if someone likes you, they will know they like you pretty quickly, and if you haven't asked them out yet, and they are still single, even if they think you've "friend zoned" them, they haven't stopped liking you, chances are if they like you, and you ask them out after knowing them a long time, they'll just be pleasantly surprised, and if they so no, they never had that kind of interest in the first place.
Self-confidence, feeling/being independent, and being concise and truthful with my words are definitely traits that I'm continuing to work on. Throughout my teens and early 20s, I've realized that I tended to feel desperate and clingy not just towards my crushes but to my relationships with friends as well.
Maybe I just need continued practice, coaching, and exposure.
what a great token of advice for those falling in this category of love and experience
I wonder how many hearts are going to be broken tonight asking someone they fancy out without playing it cool. Here's to you, my poor naive friends! Been there, done that!
@Night Shade It's best to be the best version of yourself for the situation. Don't view yourself as being disingenuous or a con. You acutally doing what they want, but they don't even know it.
😂 it's better to go ahead and get it over with
Its not eady to play it cool while showing interest.
Nowadays its soo fucked up
@Bob Bobbertson Geez calm down lmao
@Bob Bobbertson i'M sOrRy i bRokEE tHe tRAdiTiOn aLrIGhTttTt
How about just being authentic? You're not being real if you're 'playing it cool'. I mean being authentic and saying what is genuinely in your heart without holding back is not necessarily going to mean they are going to be interested in you, but it shows the other person that you're not afraid to be true to who you are and what you want. It is you making the decision to go forth in the world and live your truth - you do it for yourself first and foremost. The ones who are interested in you will respond and the ones who aren't interested won't. At least you showed up and had the balls to be genuine when most people are too afraid. It is also a natural display of confidence. Becoming attached and dependent is a different issue and is unhealthy. It tells a lot about the person's feelings of inadequacy and unfulfillment within themselves which are issues the person needs to address. Something that helps with this is having lots of options, which is important if you're single. Then you are less likely to torture yourself with feeling attached to someone who is not reciprocating interest.
David Duncan I agree. It’s harder to be authentic, but I refuse to grow old and look back and regret my choices. If we are all bound to make mistakes, at least we must all be honest with ourselves. These videos are great honestly... we must all take the time to get to really know ourselves in the ends
That's very true. It's better to be with someone who likes you for who you are instead of pretending to be someone you don't like or what you'd like to be. And if you wanted to be like that person you're pretending to be, you can work every day for yourself to be that kind of person.
David c People lose themselves trying to be someone else!
Thank you. This really helped me.
Thank you my friend, your advice is appreciated.
I have watched this video for couple of times and it's like each time it has something new to teach me, please make more content about this matter ♡
I get down on my knees and beg. Never fails.
I feel like the analyses in every School of Life video is that “everyone is a very flawed individual.”
So true, its like we have to mask our flaws during the initial contact with another being we are attracted to. Eventually the flaws manifest and either we stick with it or we dont.
Me: Has fun having a conversation with a girl that seems interested.
Also me: Starts overthinking everything, getting nervous and avoiding the girl until she thinks I don't like her.
this has happened to me three times this month already, and I feel like an asshole when I think about it.
Lol same
This never happened to me
@Snoi Med Don't do what I do and take chance, just ask her on a casual date and make sure she knows it's a date. Try to have fun and see what happens.
@Bob Bobbertson hope this is trolling, otherwise it would just be the least helpful advice I have ever read on UA-cam.
@Bob Bobbertson lol you just seem like you're looking for validation and seeking security regarding your own self image by demeaning others and making yourself feel bigger. Projecting your issues onto others wont fix your micropenis bub.
the biggest take away from this, for me, was that i have to learn to not need someone else. to be content with myself, and that is something that i struggle with immensely. would love a part 2 on how to be alone without being lonely.
The truth is that others don’t want people dependent on them, the aloof demeanour definitely communicates we will not be dependent, but deprives the interaction of any intimacy that might signal to them our interest
no thanks, i’d prefer it if someone was just straight forward and honest, otherwise my anxiety will go wild😂
Sometimes I feel like the school of life is somehow watching over me because these videos very often come at the exact same time that I need help with that certain topic.
Ashley Cortes same
Same. It is brilliant
Me too...Maybe this topic arises due to the changing of the seasons, or some nonsense about the optimal distance from valentines day or other romantic holidays. Or everyone is going through this all the time and we're the ones who caught the clock at the same time TSOL did. Who knows?
It's called paranoid esquizofrenia
@@israelp5191 You meant, schidzoprenia? "crazy" in laymans term
This is so helpful. Strong Vulnerability it is! Thank you, the School of LIfe!
IM VERY GLAD U TALKED ABT THIS ESPECIALLY IN THIS DAY AND AGE WITH MISLEADING DATING ADVICES