Why, how & when to Flirt
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- Опубліковано 10 січ 2017
- Flirting is an art that deserves to be far more widely known and far more often practiced. Here is a short guide.
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FURTHER READING
Flirting has a bad name. Too often, it seems a supreme form of duplicity, a sly attempt to excite another person and derive gratification from their interest without any corresponding wish to go to bed with them. It looks like a manipulative promise of sexual affection that, at the last moment, leaves its targets confused and humiliated. In our sadness, back home alone after the nightclub or the party, we may rail against the flirt for ‘only’ flirting, when it had appeared there would be so much more. But this kind of pattern represents only one, unedifying and regrettable possibility around flirting. At its best, flirting can be a vital social process that generously lends us reassurance and freely redistributes confidence and self-esteem. The task is not to stop flirting, but to learn how better to practice its most honourable versions.
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So it's basically like learning to see people as artwork that can be appreciated without being touched. That's kind of beautiful.
As is your comment.
*Good flirting at play*
But i can work my way to ask to touch right?
@@anaklusmosgreek3198 the only thing you are allowed to ask to touch is the arm or hand. If they are not comfortable around you, you won't be able to touch much more.
@@dumfriesspearhead7398 I see you wasted no time to try out what you just learned, eh? Lmao
To those who think they don't know how to flirt: usually you do know how to flirt. It's hardwired into our social interactions. There are just many different flavors of flirting: sincere compliments, sexual innuendos or suggestions, or even simple physical proximity or eye contact can be flirting.
The important thing is not to suppress one's natural tendency to display this behavior out of fear of rejection: if you want to compliment someone's looks or clothes, just do so. If you want to sit a little closer to someone who smells nice, go ahead. If you want to talk to someone all evening, that's fine -- it's perfectly healthy.
I think the people who think they can't flirt are simply a bit too rational about it. It's not some sequence of actions that results in successful flirting, it's much simpler than that: it is allowing your attraction to influence your behavior. It doesn't require you take action, it requires a degree of letting go.
This comment was MUCH more helpful than the video; thank you!
Peter Saarloos Whoa... you've opened my eyes. I was beginning to regret clicking on this video, but now I don't, because then I wouldn't have seen your comment
nice
Rishabh Prasad learning opportunity!
This comment should be under every sad "how to approach girls" video that is out there on youtube.
Most people who fear rejection has probably pushed to hard. I find that most men who are frustrated about flirting, don't at all know how to see things from a women's perspective. What kind of behavior would you like to be met with from a stranger? What kind of behavior would you feel is appropriate from a colleague you'll be forced to be in the same room as in the future?
There is something in between not having the guts to talk to a girl, and desperately beg for a date within the first minute. It's the gentle smile, signifying you enjoy her company, it's the pleasant conversation, and then it's the occasional sassy remarks and wit that occurs naturally in the situation.
You usually don't get rejected from doing these. No matter how ugly and awkward you are, people won't hate you for being pleasant towards them. Rejection comes when it becomes unpleasant for the other person. When you put the other person in an unpleasant situation by pushing too hard.
I love this! It shows how good flirting is actually a selfless act. It's about making the other person feel attractive.
Try explain that to your wife
Bet
@@bobbyboygaming2157 I totally agree with your point. However it kinda reiterated the point that it’s all about making the other feel physically validated.
@@amarillo856 .
Yes and no. Most of times in flirt, the person doesn't want you to show her that she is attractive, because this person doesn't care about your opinion and doesn't think the same about you.
So I kinda disagree with the video. it would be true if everybody had low self esteem.
this makes a ton of sense. I’ve always been good at flirting with friends, older women, and women in relationships because there were no expectations and I could express my attraction openly. Flirting is to show appreciation without expecting anything in return
Eu
same
Indeed, it's actually easier when there is zero chance that it could go further. As a younger man, you can go all out with older, married women. You can overtly flirt with them, and they'll know it's meant to be flattering without being taken too seriously.
Same here. When I feel I want something more than that, I start to be rational instead of using what has already worked before. Just let yourself go..
I mean yeah but that just means you need to harness that or youre just admitting that you have the power but are too afraid to channel it!
believe in yoself and flirt off of your confidence, not just because there's no risk!
Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
Made my day!
Good advice.
AXAXAXAAXAX
Nominated for Best Life Hack
Not in a Tesla
this channel is really interesting but it always makes me sad. it's just too real.
Lorenzo Gurgoglione I don't see it that way. It just reminds me that I'm not the only weird one out there and that gives me hope :)
Weird, it actually makes me really happy
Lorenzo Gurgoglione what about it makes you sad? I feel contrary.
Izabella Wilas it takes the whole illusion of sincere and genuine intentions away. The videos make me realize that people are very selfish and just go after their basic human needs.
Lorenzo Gurgoglione really?! I see it totally differently. It makes be think that at the end of the day we are all seeking acceptance and goodness.
how normal people flirt: You have beautiful a smile. We should go and coffee soon.
how i flirt: Without mucus, the stomach would digest itself.
Hey, to an intellectual, that would be good conversation. Who wants to hear the same old cli che? Or talk about the whether? Most of my life is being alone and sitting in silence simply because I value actual conversation about something interesting. The 1 dimensional world around me is the same old repeating pattern and there is no way in hell I want to have a relationship with it. Ie, boring people, so yes do yell me about anatomy.
@@melon9680 or maybe you would have to try and get to know them better so you can talk with them about your common interests? socializing shouldn't be so hard...
@@Random545esZoomy maybe for you it isn't. When I talk with someone the idea that I have to engage in regular chit chat, actually feels draining. And I specifically get annoyed when people talk to me about things I already know in a patronizing way. I get that alot simply because I look far younger than I am, so people seem to think I'm some school boy with no life experience. People literally have asked me what grade I'm in. And I get put off by the same old cli ches. I want to talk to that one person who has the balls to be otherwise. But everyone is so afraid and tryna stick to social norms, bah! People need to realize we're not bound by anything, only our own foolishness, and we can let go if we just say enough.
Well looky there. I learned something new today
@@melon9680 howd you go to the 1d world?
Amazing how I was actually focused on this video, but I ended up feeling like I knew even less than before
Knowing that you do not know something can be more valuable than knowing something.
Probably because the video describes the nature and science behind what it is, and what most people do, is simply whatever the modern day trend to go about it, is. Which is probably not at all like the video. My best advice, teach yourself to understand people and how they function. That way you'll know how to filter out the crap and know what the best approach should be. Of course, if your up for the task.
Yeah I'd say flirting really depends on your style and the vibe both of you are giving off. If you're keen enough, you can feel for yourself if it's ok to flirt with them or not based on how both of you interact
Would have liked to have seen examples of bad flirting to compare and contrast the two from each other but still enjoyable.
Joseph Hunt based on this video, I'd say that bad flirting is making comments of no substance or imagination.
+Commander Shepard It's not flirting, it's just stating the facts
The video suggests that bad flirting would be the case where the person does not manifest the lack of intent of having sex, ergo leaving the other person confused. The video also suggests that it is indeed a tricky deed, maybe they should have chosen better words to explain that. As I understand it, good flirting is a skill to be had as a receiver as well.
I'd say bad flirting is stalking women or cat calling. Kind of was hoping they'd mention that.
Being a guy, I can tell you is that as long as you are extremely confident and attractive (and maybe wealthy) you can get away even with the worst type of flirting. In fact, you do not have to even do anything, and women will giggle and blush as if you just complimented them. But if you are less attractive, less confident and poor, whatever comes out of your mouth or whatever you try to communicate through your body language will be (EDIT: or can be) interpreted as creepy.
At first I couldn't really understand this concept of flirting. I always thought flirting was preliminary to a romantic involvement, leading to getting to know each other better, a few dates, etc. The idea in this video is so interesting because it presents flirting as something good by itself, a social interaction that can boost people's self-image through the eyes of another person.
I still don’t understand guys 😭 If you flirt with someone to make them feel attractive but then when they try to move things forward you decline, doesn’t it imply that you didn’t mean anything you said about them?
@@banksgman6860
No, it really doesn't. Attraction is a neat thing but sometimes people just aren't compatible. Does that mean the person who flirted lied about liking the things they liked about their crush?
Most likely not. You can feel attracted to someone and appreciate them but not engage with them romantically/commit to them if you're incompatible and that's okay (...unless you're incompatible because it's cheating ofc then why would you flirt in the first place..).
It's equally understandable to feel bad about a rejection, but in normal situations it doesn't say much about you as a person.
@@banksgman6860 yes. Agree.
:)))
@@banksgman6860 I would argue in some senses that it’s like being a hype man. One of the best friends and flirts I’ve ever made was like a hype woman. It did not matter who you were, what age or where, it was “LETS GO” everywhere she went.
"Do you like me?"
"Nah, i just like your shoes"
"Oh"
I’ve noticed a lot of comments of people saying that this video has a lot of needless “filler” or “is a whole lot of nothing”- even click bait. But I strongly disagree.
Firstly, the “why”, “how” and “when” are addressed.
WHY: because it helps boosts other people’s self esteem and self worth. Being flirted with can make you feel desirable, something we tend to forget in our day to day lives.
HOW: by subtly letting know the things you find great about them, their charms, their quirks- qualities that will remind them of the goodness they posses. But, you must also make it clear that acknowledging these traits doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to sleep with them.
WHEN: they gave a few examples: while you’re at a a corner shop or cleaning around the office AKA casual settings.
Let’s remember that flirting doesn’t always have to be extremely sexually charged.
Also, this channel isn’t the direct how to/instructional video type. It lets its audience make their own interpretation of the content they create!
Learn to dance, not the typical "freestyle floor bumping" dance, but w timing & count WITH the music, the floor, & a partner. A good dancer has lots of communication w/out ever saying a word. And...boy is it fun.
omg ur so right!!!
I disagree because they weren't specific and we definitely fell for click bate because most of us clicked on the video to know the answers but as you said this channel let us make our interpretation and doesn't give us clear answers or rules, but most people don't want clear questions and unclear answers.
true but the title is kinda tricky because it allows us to think that it's gonna be something really practical like a high school class of mathematic where you learn when to use a special reasonning for a special type of problem.
And that’s why I love this channel so much hahah
Easy solution? Never think of sex as guaranteed. There you go, now you can flirt in peace.
I hereby dub thee Lauren Forrest The Genius. Give this person an award!
Well, even in a relationship sex is not guaranteed. So this one is covered
🙏
So who thinks of sex as guaranteed? Kind of a pointless suggestion for most people.
@The Urban Bourbon Bloke incels are not people though
I'm wondering if the School of Life will ever make videos based around children? How we should speak to them and act towards them, how to better understand them. The videos would be interesting and I know I'd watch them!
Thanks - we will one day.
Jake Williams that's a good point. I always feel kinda awkward when speaking to kids!
Wow! That was a great suggestion!
You can find some ideas on how to behave towards kids in the Psychotherapy playlist! :)
We live in times where we feel have to learn to talk to kids... is that a good or bad thing, not sure.
I think the biggest obstacle to flirting is that people fear the person will be insulted or nauseated by the implication. So it’s up to people to believe that others want to be flirted with.
I had a date the other day, the first one I had after a 8 year relationship and it totally crushed me. I kept getting these mixed signals that he was interested romantically, just so it would turn out he was looking for "friendship" after ghosting my messages the day after.
I'm actually perfectly fine with not being everyone's type. It's the lack of transparency and petty excuses that's hurtful. You can't just throw a hook so you can have a nice time and not expect the other person to get attached.
Even if you had changed your mind, tell it as it is and let the other person at least get away with their dignity. I find the whole friendzoning thing insulting.
You make a really great point about the dichotomy between selflessly giving confidence boosters to others and ‘leading them on’. I really don’t know what the difference is… I guess just being mindful of the situation? In the context of a date with someone you want to ‘friendzone’ i think it is much more clearly NOT a good time to flirt. But between friends or acquaintances, where interest hasn’t been established it can be nice and not have so much potential to hurt someone
Most people need to mature emotionally and heal whatever it is that makes them scared to speak the truth.
That's what that is. Unhealed trauma or arrogance
The problem is you're not offering them a way out. They probably *were* attracted to you, that's why they went on a date in the first place. Chances are, something happened that made them think the relationship wasn't going to work, maybe you're not available on tuesdays and that's the day they're available most, so they need a partner that's available on tuesdays (just an example). This is of no fault of your own and doesn't speak to your attractiveness, but now their interest has wained and you have shown manic attachment issues, causing the situation to be awkward because now they want out but you won't let them. The best advice I've ever received is to practice detachment. You don't even have to let go of your desire to be with that person, but you have to let go of your attachment to the outcome. If you text them, you have to be willing to accept the fact that they may not text you back.
@@1gunsalute101 what you're saying makes total sense, but trust me when I say - that was really not the case here. I am very much aware of my tendency to attach, but nevertheless tend to be respectful and mindful of others' boundaries. I would never agree or decide to "push" things if I didn't feel like there was an initial response.
As for why he's agreed to go on a date, one can only guess really - he could've felt lonely at the time, bored, horny, you name it.
I mean, it was a long time ago anyway, I don't even think about it, but it surely was a thing back then. A good wake up call as well as to why I have a tendency to expect things from total strangers.
I did speak to my therapist about it and is something that's been a constant struggle for me but I'm slowly turning around. Thank you for being willing to share your insight, it was very helpful.
Yeah as the comment above said, it’s a game. You need to show independence but also show that you find them attractive. Dates are romantic, so it meant the guy liked you and he changed his mind which sucks, it’s happened to me and they make BS excuses but I rather move on than keep pressing since they don’t make the effort. I hope your dating life is getting better now
hi (sorry for bad english)
Jimmy np
Thx b0ss
Why is this cracking me up so much? 😂😂😂
My thoughts exactly.
St Vincent
If flirting is an art, then I've been equipped with only crayons and the lack of ability to stay in the lines.
Thats a quote that is.
you completely missed the point of your own sentence
And you missed the point of your name
LOL.
Broken crayons too amiright
Girl accidentally notices me: 👀
Me: Oh my, am I getting married soon? 🗿😀
Nah, I think I’m too dumb for a relationship
Loool
Sooo true 😆
😂😂😂
@@temirlankasmaliev9322 same bru
editing is very impressive :) Your editor must be charging good $$$$ for this great work. Excellent
The editor: Being paid? Whats that?
Hahahajajajaj
@@andresoares6156 do you need therapy?
@@user-hg2qi8bl2f please get me one
@@cribbycrabby7321 Sorry cant get you one!
Your comment is edited fine too *badumts*
I'm kind of....lost. Don't exactly understand what was trying to be conveyed in this vid.
That's how I feel about half of these videos. Sometimes they try so hard to show a different perspective that they just end up talking in odd circles. They always get me thinking about how I think about the topic though, which is why I keep coming back.
That flirting is one person pointing out why another is attractive and boosting that persons confidence. So we should all flirt to boost eachother's confidence
T2long saame! im so confused right now!
T2long I guess it all depends on how much you can relate to what he's saying. I personally relate to what he's saying as I'd say I'm quite a flirtatious person myself and understand how it feels. So it all depends on perspective really.
I see in concept what they're trying to say, but these videos always start with these "universal" statements that I'm just supposed to agree with before they explain their side of things. For example, at the beginning of this video I'm supposed to agree that
A) I'm always upset at myself when I flirt because it usually goes poorly.
B) I thinking flirting is ineffective.
and C) My flirtations are inherently sexual
None of which I inherently agree with. They then proceed to explain to me that flirting is good, that everyone should do it because it makes the other people feel good (also not inherently true, such as with catcalling) etc.
So while these videos are well-produced, well-animated, and sound flowery, I think most of them are poorly-written with some really good ideas burrowed deep inside. 🙂
Who here just doesn't have a clue how to flirt?
I have a clue but I'm either shy or drunk to hell.
Just be genuinely nice to people. Apparently that's flirting. I've been called a flirt for saying "thank you" and smiling.
Maybe that's why i never get dates... I'm very nice to people I don't have any interest in. But I generally ignore people I am interested in because I'm so intimidated. It's a great life.
mem c Yeah, I'm sorry but this is your fault. If you find other humans genuinely interesting, or want them to feel confident in their strengths, that is obv flirting.
You should *only* try to convey those feelings to people who seem too amazing to need to hear it from you. Duh. :)
But seriously, for this reason I've found it worthwhile to learn to probe for emotional vulnerability and my own degree of influence on the people I admire. Even if you're not trying to flirt (or it doesn't go anywhere), it's really rewarding to lift up someone you had thought was above your reach.
It's more about being playful, but there's an element of simply being nice and friendly.
I fell in a love with a beautiful danish girl who was *REALLY* nice to all people, including me. That made her very attractive, but she wasn't interested in me :/.
I would like to think of flirting as a way of appreciating someone’s value as a potential partner. It is playfully alluding to sex. I do not see it as entirely innocent and it’s foolish to think that. As most things with humans, it is all circumstantial. One cannot assume that because we both are involved in other relationships with different people that we are not serious or interested in pursuing more. It seems a bit naive to assume all flirting is just play and shouldn’t really be encouraged as how damaging it can be to people who are truly interested in pursuing a relationship with someone who is using them to boost their own ego. It can also be devastating to the partners of people involved.
I am a huge flirt and have been made aware of the harm it caused to people i had been in a relationship with and to others who were trying to initiate a relationship. People get hurt and it’s not nice.
What I got from this video is, good flirting is when you like someone and express that through sincere motives to get to know the other human as a human with no sexual interest in them. Pretty much showing appreciation for another human and displaying to them how great they are, but at the same time respecting boundaries and being completely fine that the other person doesn't like you in a sexual manner?... was i close to what the video said?
xFersureMatt Got emmmm
I got it so much better now
Good flirting is when you are attractive, and the person you're flirting with is also attractive, and hopefully not easily offended, and ends up in two people, who would otherwise not sleep with each other due to social boundaries, not sleeping with each other. Case closed.
Tf is wrong with this video
I think it was more about a bit of harmless flirting with the intention of making somebody feel good about themselves (desirable), without the intention of receiving something in return for it (a date/sex, for example).
I like to act smart and watch school of thought when in all reality I am actually dumb as shit and can hardly keep up.
And so are all of the other people here, fret not :D
Pls WaLuigi Dom Me remember ignorance come from laziness, the reason you can't keep up is because you have knowledge gaps and are to lazy to fill them in.
The more you watch, the easier it will be to grasp
Me too mate mee too
I believe Hawking had a quote, saying, the greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it's the illusion of knowledge. So be prepared to be beaten over the head whenever you talk to intellectuals.
Just title of this video stresses me out.
then try watching Improvement pill's videos on social skills
Trumped..!
God, I can relate...
Micah Buzan you don't look attractive. That's why.
Micah Buzan cus your stupid
As a man , I've always been like this my entire life . I fail to see the ugly in people except for when they actually bare it . I see beauty in literally everything .
What an excellent case study on how to captivate and audience without saying anything of substance…. What a flirt
This is really interesting, flirting does raise self-esteem, but normally I won't flirt back to guys that I'm not into, because I don't want to give wrong signals and hurt them even more , it's like playing a game with them.
you are a wonderful woman. i wish my crush was more like you!
Ellie Michealis that good
There are men who also play with woman when it comes to flirting. It's not a nice move anyway. Just be honest about what you want. If you don't want Sex or intimicy and you notice the other person you are flirting with is probably misunderstanding your signals, just make it clear.
@@necrospaaw8656 F
I agree with what you say. It is perfectly okay to be discerning with how we interact with others. A lot of people drain energy and aren't really worth it. Flirt only with people who radiate light :)
"hey, I would like to sleep with you, but I do not have the time to do it" boom, amazing flirt.
Rude
They actually said that in the video 😂
Based
boom
You know what I like about these videos? They have a very positive and healthy message.
He is so good to speak without saying anything
As someone who doesn't date or flirt due to serious intimacy issues, I found this video extremely informative, helpful, and inspirational. Thank you. :)
Someone understands!
Yes.
Get sum bitches mf
@@dion5736 lmao working on it!
You just fucking described flirting without telling me how to actually fucking do it. I honestly don't give a fuck what the deeper implications are I just want to fucking get a girlfriend.
Robert Green -Art of Seduction
Calm down, Figglehorn. Maybe one day, you'll recognize that the world doesn't always give explicit directions..
Just because the world doesn't come with an instruction manual doesn't mean there aren't any
Just because the world doesn't come with an instruction manual doesn't mean there aren't any
Casey Harrington Whatever floats your boat
I have a flirty personality (or so I've been told) and my friendly conversations (with maybe a hint of unintentional flirting) always get me in uncomfortable situations where the other person catches feelings or becomes interested in me in a different way just because of how I spoke to them... this is why it's important to check if someone acts that way around everyone or if it's actual flirting
Waste of time
I’m sure this video makes you feel great
That’s not cool to play with peoples emotions.
@@Morininglandshe said it's unintentional
This is very clever and insightful. The many people complaining about it seem unable to envision a world where interaction between people is playful and lively and fun.
I think that the message they were trying to send in this video is about respect more than flirt. If we respect all people around us and perceive them as interesting and worthy of a genuine conversation, then communication and relationships become much more fulfilling and pleasant.
Flirting, in my opinion, is a little more intimate and is only supposed to happen between two people attracted to each other.
I think most people need taught to be supportive of other peoples attractions whether ur personally interested in them or not. Like still just oh thank u hun ur so sweet, but I'm just not interested. Stuff like that.
Unfortunately, not everyone deserves a genuine conversation as they lack the ability to actually listen. However, I admire your positive thinking.
@@Xlife018 She's actually being negative, she's refusing reciprocal intimacy because of non-attraction. That's toxic imo.
Intimacy doesn't mean you have to sleep with someone. it really just means being close to someone. If that's for a 5-3 min conversation and is too much for someone then they really don't understand or care to understand intimacy or respect.
I can respect my managers for years and never be intimate, but one day after a intimate conversation I can realize that they're being disingenuous and that I know I'll never really be all that close to them, or that they're great and knowledgeable helpful people who have a genuine care for good workers.
How do you know both are attracted to each other without flirting?
nah you didn't get it, good flirting is a good thing don't get confused with conversation, it's part of it but you don't necessarily need to be attracted to someone to flirt
One thing I've learned recently is that there are four basic levels of attraction, and specifying which one I have for someone helps immensely in clarifying what I like about them:
physical - imagining enjoying physical intimacy with them (sex or just snuggling)
emotional - imagining making creative/artsy stuff with them
intellectual - imagining solving interesting practical problems with them
philosophical - imagining exploring the deepest awe and wonder of the universe with them
I rarely, if ever, have all of these for anyone, but many people I find I have one or two of them with. Knowing which ones apply to each individual helps me be appreciative of them more clearly and more creatively.
It's comforting to read that somebody thinks the same way about their relationships. I often thought I am overthinking, being too analytical with my friends. But this has helped me feel normal.
@JONES All social animals are polyamorous. We're just not all poly-sexual. As in we love many different individuals in different ways, from mom, to dad, to children, to friends, to famous people, to teachers, to lovers. Most humans are monogamous for fairly long stretches of time, though, since it's more energy efficient to invest in just one well-picked long term life-partner type relationship and leave the rest of the loves we have to be less physically and logistically intertwined (as in not having sex, sharing lifetime projects, etc.)
I prefer to be accurate in communication, rather than fall into the trap of saying X while meaning Y. Polyamory is loving many. Polysexual would be having sex with many. It's an important distinction. And in my experience a lot of polysexuals have a hard time distinguishing between the different levels of love, and sort of lump them all into one "lover" category. Which is fine, as long as everyone's honest and open about it.
@grayce domeierMarry them
@@thewiseturtle I disagree that everyother action taken by us ,has a logical meaning behind it.
I just have to stop and admire the amount of work that goes into these videos
Flirting is good for health only when it doesn't hurt anyone ie the other one also knows that you're flirting. True love is rare but if you get love then it's the best medicine for health and life. Flirting is also a matter of choices and perceptions. The majority of married men flirt to feed their desire of being wanted. Thanks.
The introduction uses such a bizarre definition of flirting. It certainly doesn't have that connotation to most of the people I know.
OK, thanks for filling us in.
I agree. While I loved the video, flirting the way I use it and everyone I know uses it, refers to the sexual chatting that precedes a sexual encounter (kissing, fucking etc.), rather than strictly a teasing experience. (Sydney, Australia)
For example, if two people were flirting, I might expect the encounter to conclude with either making out, exchange contact info or fucking... or a future date.
ajnode
Isn't flirt defined by the uncertainty of how it will end?
I don't think it's that simple, there's lots of different reasons to flirt and not all are to show romantic interest. It's all about context really.
it applies in some scenarios because not everyone flirts for romantic purposes sometimes people flirt for free stuff or special treatment
CEO and cleaner? seems it only happened in porno with awful plot
Every porno has an awful plot lol.
CalmCall "This isn't a beach it's Bath tub"
In fact it happens in several cases of sexual harassment.
What? Porn has plot!? I never noticed...
Does anyone actually take any notice of the story lines in a porn video,or do they just jump straight to the sexual scenes,that's what i do any way
Holy shit, this has been my process for maintaining comfortable, friendly, and honest relationships across the spectrum of people I deal with. You mad lads actually philosophized what I thought was me daring to be open and kind in my recognition of others.
"flirting matters because of how rarely most of us get to experience ourselves as desirable...we generally learn, through a rich sequence of rebuffs and via intelligent modesty, to see ourselves as far from ideal". Dang. Thanks, you're one of the most wisest persons on the planet, Alain.
he never explains how or when to flirt just tells you what it is and why to do it. The videos title is misleading.
jovanny ortega you get what you look for my nigga look for the vaule
jovanny ortega we all are different. The point is that there is no standard procedure.
fucking agreed!
oh well the video is still amazing though :)
Sure he does. He says that you need to (1) say that you want to sleep with him/her (2) explain that you won't (3) explain that it's not due to his/her fault that you won't. You could flirt by saying "I want to sleep with you, but I won't because
I've always wanted to know how your life is, knowing all this stuff about life
There's a whole team and quite a lot of researching happening behind these videos, not only one person... (I suppose)
I know you from TF2
*SPOILER ALERT* they dont
ult1mate bc you have a "none" threatening demeanor. ..good traits.
Oh my god this video was INCREDIBLE! Such a perfect explanation. Thank you!
I was just trying to explain this concept of awakening a more positive self view in others, as a social gift. Brilliant. It reminds me of how much it hurts when receivers of flirting take it too far with their assumptions and interpretations, ruining the everyday playfulness of it.
I'm supposed to be flirting but this one girl keeps kicking my ass...
Sunix Y thevagina27?
Sunix Y The legend 27
is it thevagina27!?
OK3Y Lol 😂
is it the Feminist27?
Maybe it's because I'm the most unflirty person on Earth, but what exactly is the point of flirting if you're not interested?
I understand that sometimes it's useful for waiters, bartenders, retailers and people who work with the public to flirt because it makes people buy whatever you tell them or tip you more, but in every other setting it's quite useless unless you want something.
And yes, I watched the video. Good flirts want to point out your attractiveness, but doesn't that sound a bit like pity? You're not interested but yet you still act like you are to make the other person feel better about themselves.
Personally, I'd rather you just gtfo or tell me I'm fug if you're not interested, to be quite honest. People need to be more realistic and direct in dating, as flirting pointlessly can confuse the recipient and give them mixed signals.
Sara S. Finally someone who's making sense around here.
Sara S. i flirt because I am bored and wanna make girls react to stuff I say.
Sara S... Agreed! (also an unflirty here lol)
In fact I think the same way but when we are more direct and straight talk many people get afraid and refuse immediately. They think it too creep, too "aggressive" WTF!
And I don't mean "Hey, gourgeous, let's have sex". I mean simple words showing affection or interest. By the way, or maybe they're too immature to deal with reality or they want all that Hollywood crap, with fantasy, as far from reality they can go, unfortunately. And as you said, flirting pointlessly can confuse. Really.
Your bluntness is quite attractive.
TylerjX5 are you a girl and are you serious?
Thank you for existing
I rewatch some of your videos years later and i see them in different ways
This video has to be one of my all time favourites in terms of impact. Lowkey rewired my brain chemistry and allowed me to give sincere compliments without shame.
Love this. I used to work retail & one of my favorite parts of the job was harmless flirting a little with customers. I'm not anything other than pretty average looking but when you hit a customer that knew how to flirt back it was a lovely highlight in a long boring day.
I think people take flirting too seriously, in assuming that it preludes sex, in assuming that it's malicious/ manipulative or even in assuming it means nothing at all. Our self doubts and anxieties make it difficult to appreciate it's potential for good regardless of the intent, it's good to distinguish a good flirt from a bad one within others but more so within yourself.
+ Mephistopheles the silent chief If someone shows sexual interest in me even though they're not really sexually interested then it makes it hard to take their words serious about anything. This video says that a good flirt does it to make others feel good about themselves but really, how many people actually do it for that reason? Let's say a 15 year old girl is flirting with a 35 year old man is it so harmless then?
mephistopheles the silent chief I'm gonna take a guess that you're a huge flirt?
Het DowSha I’m a 15 year old guy. Older women, some in their 80’s flirted with me all the time. I never felt like they really would have sex with me now (not that I would agree to that anyway). I don’t know, it was kind of fun and funny. Some of the regular ones kinda became kinda like friends. They would give me good advice about a girl I was dating, life and tell me stories about back in their day. Maybe it’s different fir a girl my age in the same situation though because a lot of Percy old dudes really do want to have sex with them now with their wrinkly old bodies.
This makes me so happy, I talk to everyone as if I were in a carry on film and now I know it's all for a good reason 😏
The complicities, problems, and drama of relationships are stressful.
I actually got a lot out of this video. I generally don't flirt, and I avoid people who flirt because it feels like unwarranted attention, especially to the physical. But if I think back on examples of people who have successfully made it a fun endeavor, it really does break down walls and make people more comfortable around each other. Flirting as a means to an end is generally unwanted and uncomfortable attention, but flirting from someone you know you aren't going to sleep with generally has a positive, light hearted effect. It really does make your day and make you feel comfortable in your own skin. It's best when its just for fun.
One-sentence summary: you're more get laid if you flirt with the person without consciously wanting to get laid (though unconsciously permitted to). 100% true.
That's how I got out of the friendzone
Engage in self deception is what you’re saying
Thats not even remotely close to what the video is saying
Nothing was said, but in many words
That's why I stopped following this channel but it still pops up sometimes. It's just so much bla bla and big words but no actual content.
😂😂😂 true
Very true lol😂😂
I feel like what you talked about was just, complimenting people
Ive always thought of flirting as something you do with people you do very much intend to go further and pursue a Romantic and/orsexual relationship with.
I've certainly never heard of it having the implication that its NOT going to get to that point, if you don't intend to get to that point its not flirting, its just being complimentary.
Edit: I just googled the definition, and it matches up with what you said, but at the same time ive never seen or heard of it being used in that way before, i feel like this is one of those things where definitions change?
Like, do couples not flirt with eachother? In ways that very much do have intent? Do people not flirt when on dates with people they do intend to seriously pursue? I've seen my parents flirt with each other many times and i know its not in a way thats like "oh but i can't, there's won't be anything that comes of this" hell, unfortunately I've heard things happening that were a result of the flirting.
Thank you for such a tender lesson!
I am not really active on that front, but I confess that back then, when I had the chance to go to Cuba, I thought it was so nice that everyone there called you " my love".
On the streets, in houses, at museums, at coffee shops,
even at the cathedral ( really! )...In Turkey if you want to talk to a stranger, let's say to ask for a direction, you would call him "my brother", or if he is elder, you would say " my uncle" or "my grandpa", which is all very warm too and I really like it. But if you think about it twice, there is something very sick, suppressing and suffocating about a society that forces you to see everyone as a part of "one big family".
So you are not supposed to even "imagine" anything else with that guy. Because if instead of " my brother", you said " my love", not to go to bed with him, but just for the warmth of the expression, you would definitely be seen as a woman of a dubious category!
And I may be unfair, but if you did the same thing in Germany, I guess that guy would most probably feel himself " attacked in his personal sphere".
( German friends, please don't feel offended. Ich meine es nicht " wertend". )
So I think I like the Cuban version much better! They keep saying my love all the time but it is not that they all sleep with each other all the time. ( Well actually they kind of do that too... But it is also fine if everybody is fine...)
If we all lived in warm countries, and if we had the chance to grow up in societies that didn't repress us in so many different ways, I am sure we would all flirt more.
Hello German!
Hallo
@@Jason-ge5en Hello.
@@rushabhgothi8880 Hello.
Feel free to be yourself at any moment. That's ok as long as you are happy with it :)
15% how to flirt
75% Random filler
10% Summary
Tegan Burns haha fillers. So many words used
not even 'how to', i didn't learn anyrhing of it...might just be because I am too stupid
This is The School of Life, a philosophy channel. Not a relationship channel with a corny love guru.
School forces us to learn with lists. But this video asks you to develop and idea of what is flirting. If you know what is flirting, you can flirt. A girl is not an ''how to do'' list. It's normal human interaction.
The Judgemental Cat well the title itself was clickbait. The video did not explain how to flirt. Mainly bounced around the premise of why.
This video gave me the reassurance needed to keep flirting even tho I have a partner. It sounds bad, but it's in my nature to give people compliments and flirt without giving them mixed signals
Wasn't expecting much. I was pleasantly surprised by the depth of the analysis.
Flirting and complimenting are not the same thing...
So true!😃
Boommm !!
Though they are only a shade off of each other, and a compliment can become a flirt with a simple intonation along with body language and eye contact.
Bruh, depends. Make a deep eye contact while giving a very specific compliment to her. That's gonna open both of u for physical contact and in turn physical flirting. Plus girls give out very slight hints and touches in name of flirt.
You're very intelligent 😘
Wow. The School of Life actually uploads videos periodically? I'm a new subscriber and this is AWESOME.
Thanks creators!
We upload at 2pm Mon, Wed, Fri GMT.
i agree with 90% of what you say and thats good enough for me ....good work .
Sometimes it's good to seek out contradictory information - if you 90% disagree that's also good!
Fajer njr a periolodically long time
I watch these videos literally because of how soothing his voice is...could sleep now
I can't imagine a world without this channel
Why do I keep forgetting how revolutionary this channel is?
this video should be called one idea about flirting
Man really said make The world a better place by making each other feel good about ourselves
I am glad that this video is here. I never really did understand Flirting. But now I have a solid grasp
Why can't people just be direct and honest.
Because people value acting on a certain social standard most of the time...
Goodbye Cruel World Nope. Way too long:
"YOU. ME. SEX. NOW."
Because people want acceptance from other people
8 month comment but i feel like most people fear rejection and acceptance atleast thats how i feel
That’s just not how this works.
you explained this in a really convoluted way, but I'm pretty sure the main message is to just open up more to random people and complement/admire something about them during those times when you kinda want to but don't want to make yourself vulnerable, and I think that's pretty cool.
ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT,LY Alain de Botton delivers long-desired wisdom in the area of relationships and acceptance in an empathic humanistic kind of way. The audio-visual, humor-filled, presentation knows to enhance, by genious drawings, the principles that free the mind and heart towards creative interpersonal, albeit, redemptive connections.
Compliments and flirting are two different actions. Compliments lets others know that we are friendly while a proper flirt challenges the target. Never overvalue someone who is capable of malicious acts upon you. Simply set up a trap that can lead towards to some god damn fun in your lives without sacrificing your purpose.
video title is misleading, the video itself didn't show us either how or when to flirt but mostly why we flirt, and in such a confusing way...
You're a bad flirt🌚
you didn't think about it deeply enough. all three are weaved into one explanation.
I agree with you and this turns me on but I won’t shag you because the world is misfortunately aligned. I hope this thought gives you pleasure. Cheers
You don't deserve a Rick on your profile
perhaps you are not ready to grasp the content of this video... like myself
I'm asexual. BUT I flirt , a lot with anyone and anything. I don't understand what is sexually attractive, I flirt by telling a person what i actually like about them , like their kindness.
sometimes I feel like I like them and so I tell them that i like them, I feel like i should share my positive thoughts about them and give them a might needed confident boost.
naturally this causes a lot of confusion in a persons mind, so Yes I do get crushed on a lot, and yes a lot of times the people that i never intended to get any closer than a maybe deep friendship come and tell me that they love me. I always take their feelings seriously and reply softly and kindly with a slight rejection or without a rejection at all , allowing them to feel as they are without shaming them but making it obvious that nothing could have grown out of this since there are many reasons. Sometimes it's from the same sex, and then they feel disgusting about themselves, so I make sure to reassure them that it is not true. sometimes It's someone older then me , and then they feel bad. I make so to tell them it's not bad either [ since i am the one being a total flirt]. I don't flit with anyone younger then me though...I am young myself that would be creepy lol.
luly lulyanka youre and odd one arent you.
odd, but positive
luly lulyanka I suppose that's true enough haha.
Asexual
a-lack off
sexual-sexuality.
It's not my fault your tiny little brain can't understand simple words and terms so you put everyone in a fucking "snoflake made up sexuality group".
I'm quite alright, if you didn't know the males are the ones that are suppose to get hormonal check in case of asexuality.
females tend to be more asexual , and more bisexual then men and it's normal.
was that too complex for your tiny little brain to understand?
I'm glad to read about this in such a positive way. Keep being yourself.
Thank you so much for sharing and posting very much appreciated indeed,
All point of view is about to give a chance to ourselves in progress Who We Really Are...Inside our Subconscious there’s always a that touch to embrace a different kind of person and really appreciate even for some few moments,...Priceless...
Flirt in Beauty and Gratitude...
That seems strange.. do people really go home after the bar and dwell on a casual flirt that didn't materialize? Don't gotta beat yourself up, just better luck next time.
everyone who watches these are beta cucks thats why
beta cucks lmao
Naiko like and subscribe my videos
so, you must be self aware then
+spraynardKruger Really? So that's the 21st century...I don't like it. Those people who watch "this" are those who try to understand life better. We have ethics here in Germany, and our teacher compares it to a rabbit: We live on a rabbit between his fur, and we don't care what happens outside our world. But those who try to understand life and find a reason for everything are those who climb up the hair.
Sorry if there are some mistakes, I'm in 8th grade currently, germany, and my English still isn't that good to explain such things.
Literally no one has ever flirted with me. That's hilarious omg 😂
You haven't met me yet ;P
And there is the first one right?
Maybe they did but you didn't know it? Happens a lot. I'm the friend who has to explain to my other friends that the person they were talking to was interested in them.
I have older sisters who have told me before (mainly when I was younger and spent more time with them) that a girl talking to me in a store or some place was interested in me, or that some girl was "checking me out" or something. I'm not sure if it's true, or if my sisters just enjoy the idea of seeing their brother get a girls attention and see what they want to see.
Ive been stressed, and seen myself as more negative. But, lately, I've been flirting with others, and I realize that I'm flirting (Which is not my characteristic) is because I wanted to know that I am beautiful, and wanted compliments. I haven't been telling myself good things, or think very healthy, so I decided that flirting would be helpful.
Truly, it has been exceedingly helpful. In not looking for a relationship, just flirting
It all comes down to your perception of the person who is flirting with you, or their perception of you (if you're the one flirting). The perception concept is easily demonstrated: imagine getting a bad attitude from a coworker compared to a bad attitude from your boss (or bosses boss, even worse). Or imagine when you receive a text message from someone that you're just not excited to hear from, compared to a receiving a text from your crush, asking to meet.
As a guy who has struggled with jealousy in past relationships, I think when your girlfriend (or bf or apache helicopter, whatever you're into) flirts around it can make you unsure whether she likes you enough. Sure, everyone likes the attention, but when a girl is getting too much attention by numerous guys, she is more likely to compare you with one of them and dump you when "things are not going that well". Of course, the other guy has shown her only the positive aspects of his personality and it will take her a few months of dating him before she realizes that he is not that great after all. In essence, flirting is the virus which can cause a relationship to slowly fade because of "better options our there"...
I need a drink.
So whenever she faces any trouble she has to jump boat instead of being strong enough to face her problems? I feel like there's a lesson to be learnt from her story
So whenever she faces any trouble she has to jump boat instead of being strong enough to face her problems? I feel like there's a lesson to be learnt from her story
It won't happen overnight, but she will know there are better guys out there and she is more likely to think that "she deserves something better" and that she shouldn't waste time on trying to fix things and discuss about the relationship issues. It's been three years since we broke up and I still get sick to my stomach when I think about her. I guess you can say I've got issues. *That* is the lesson to be learned.
Considering in our culture men are generally expected to initiate everything. So women are more likely to get approach by guys interested in them, giving themselves are more inflated sense of attractiveness and inflated sense of available men to them, than a guy of "equal" attractiveness will feel about available women to him.
It seems like guys are more likely to give a girl a chance to prove herself. Where as a girl seems more likely to fall for a guy who best presents himself first, and later reveals to not be as perfect as he first appeared.
Obviously, being a male there is a bias in what I say. But I try there not to be.
+xinic5 Well said. The thing is that usually, a guy will flirt with a girl because he likes her sexually (ie mostly based on her appearance), which is fine. However, many girls think this is enough for a guy to stick around and actually like her in the long-term for *who she is*. When you are in a relationship you have to deal with the difficult aspects of her personality as well, making you seem "less fun" than those guys who are flirting with her. Once she falls for one of them and she realizes that they will only see her as an outlet for sex and are not really interested in who she is, what she has to say, or what she likes, the girl is likely to fall into the fallacy of thinking the typical "all men are pigs". It's not a debate about the much used "Good guy vs Bad boy" logic, it's more that she fails to recognize that some guys "want her" while other guys "appreciate her". She is thus more likely to dump someone who appreciates her for the excitement and the adventure a guy who wants her can provide, only for a short while. It takes a special kind of girl to weigh what is really important in her life and not allow herself to be easily seduced by the distractions around her (and there are many distractions indeed). I'm not a prude, I'm just a hopeless romantic.
This is a brilliant video, a nuanced and insightful view of flirting. There some here finding fault with it and I don't really understand why. Someone suggested that the title is misleading; another claims that it's too vague. The title is "Why, How & When to Flirt." This is what the video does, it considers the why, how and when to flirt just as promised. No, it's not an instructional video, it's observational and informational. It's the best examination and defense of flirting that I've seen to date and, I thoroughly enjoyed it as I do pretty much all School of Life videos.
Most titles phrased that way imply instruction, not insight. A better title would be much more open-ended: "The How, When, and Why of Flirting". Makes the content much more clear.
This was really insightfull, thanks
For me, I think the title's alright if you omit the "how". It feels like a "Why and When to Flirt".
WOW I recognized the wonderful artist immediately from the first few seconds and title!!!!
Im here to avoid accidentally flirting when I have no intentions of doing it
Thank you! I've been trying to explain this to people for years. They just think I'm slutty, maybe I am, but flirting is awesome. Socially binding us into a more integrated society.
if u were a curved function I would love to be your derivative so I can tangent to em curves.
I will now leave
life is pain
That is bad flirting... and not why you think
Now this... this... well...
This is how I imagine math teachers flirt.
I would love to fit my squares within those obtuse angles, and get them equated to the power of 3.
I don't know math.. I'm sorry. >__
Sine here, in blood.
- Satan
I had stopped flirting altogether for a while after series of heartbreaks. This video has helped me a lot. Thanks and cheers
I'm applying this skill for months now after the video. It changed my whole perspective on flirting. I was too shy. What changed my point of view is that and not being creepy while flirting, but acctually I'm promoting health to the other❤
Sometime the video are so philosopical that i don't get it, Some practical example would be nice.
Nelly Furtado - Promiscuous ft. Timbaland, pay attention to lyrics
an excessively negative view of oneself is characteristic of maturity? I think a realistic view of oneself is characteristic of maturity..
I wish you rather talked about when it's OK to flirt and when it's not.. The example of flirting in the kitchen office or with the CEO and the cleaner just sound like unwelcome interactions..
Don't forget that flirting can also be used as a power play
Stop being sensitive
@@youtubedrifter5594 Stop being insensitive and myopic.
@MadDilla ATCQstarr If she calls you "honey", just make her do extra work for you and smile.. then when it's time to pay for your food, don't leave her a tip.
I liked this video, and many others on this channel. This video in particular answers the questions in the title, through the explanation of the concept that flirting in itself is like the sexual talk part of sex. You should apply it everywhere, and you should do this because it provides ourselves and others with a feeling of acceptance.
I myself learned from what intentions my flirting should come from, which is from the wish to make another feel good.
I learned that I should say some complimenting but daring, and perhaps provoking things about the other person.
I learned that I should learn to apply this everywhere.
I think that is a lot of good information, and more importantly I also feel reassured in a soothing way, which is usually the case with these videos, and very important when it comes to personally touching psychological topics. It is different from pick-up gurus and such saying you should do their step by step instructions and basically describing the other sex as a target you need to conquer. Because I can say from experience that those methods do not work if you're psychologically not at ease with yourself or the process. You'll just be a person who needs to flirt and have success with the other person to feel validation, instead of a person who flirts because it is a normal part of interaction with the opposite sex.
This was an interesting, whimsical view of flirting. A good flirt is empathetic, witty, charming, and harmless. The reason why there aren't so many good flirts is because people actually DO use it as a mechanism to get someone to sleep with them. That's why there is a stigma around it. Because people who use words to emotionally manipulate others to get what they want are immoral in modern western society. The video should have explained how to convert the techniques and psychology behind flirting into empathy-based affection for friends, family, and acquaintances. Often, an empathetic, affectionate conversationalist can stir up eroticism/desire/euphoria without ever once having to suggest they would love to sleep with the other person if the stars only aligned. We are so starved for real attention and affection that an attentive, empathetic conversationalist makes us happy.
Perhaps there are other videos that go into that.
You helped me figure something out that was bothering me for what seemed like ages!! Back when I was married, I met a girl at a bar, and we really hit it off. I never told her that I was married because I was enjoying the conversation too much. And then when I said good buy to her when the bar closed, she looked at me sadly. I felt like shit ever since. Now that I know that I could have flirted with more grace, I can move on from feeling bad about this! Thank you School of Life!!
I’m a big time flirter. This is very well put into words! There can be much more to draw from an interaction than there would be from sex. For me flirting replaces sex altogether and it is actually a matter of leaving my ego aside just enough to make room for the person who is interested to have a good time too. There are many more people out there that I want to flirt with than there are people I want to have sex with and for me owning my sexuality means to know how to act in both scenarios.
Realy great video! this video contained a piece of the puzzle i have been looking for, thank you so much
Is it just me or is this video completely incongruent with reality? Like it was made by aliens who had read about flirting but never really understood it. I was always under the impression flirting was for the purpose of signaling interest in someone either sexually or romantically, and yet apparently it's a wholly altruistic act or a wholly manipulative one with now actual links to real flirting.
Well, they say its much more.They broaden the term! It sounds like they take giving a compliment as "flirting". The art of complimenting each other, so to say.
What's not often realized is that the makers of the video are actually flirting with us about flirting. In the manner that they're doing it, it's alluring you into what flirting is and is slowly convincing you that they are in the right and that it should be as they present.
Overall, it's pretty much a very persuasive person with a british accent who talks about flirting while flirting about flirting. It's pretty much smooth talking in a positive notion (the twist) in how flirting can be perceived and used so that it isn't manipulative. You're trying to get what you want, but also improving how the person feels in their self worth. You can easily state your intent while you flirt, and see where it goes.
😂😂😂😂😂
That's exactly why they started the video saying flirting has a bad name. Because it's become so intertwined with sex, it's become very difficult for people to flirt or be flirted with without the recipient immediately concluding sex is the intention or only acceptable end result, which just amplifies the feeling of rejection should that not be the case. They're suggesting flirting has the very powerful ability to affirm someone's desirability, which improves their outlook and self-image, even if no sex has occurred as the result of that flirting, and humanity, in general, would benefit from more people learning to flirt and eagerly seek to highlight what makes one another desirable and accept the honesty of these flirtations without needing them to be preludes to sex. Compliments can be used to highlight something about a person that makes them good, useful, acceptable, or likable, and those are all things people want/need to feel, but flirtation specifically highlights what makes a person sexy or erotic, which, even though some people might not like to admit it, are things people want and need to feel as well.
yep, this video is completely, a hundred percent: autistic.