ALTER DISAPPEARS FOR 7 MONTHS | What Happened to Parsifal??
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- Опубліковано 25 лют 2020
- In this video, Parsifal explains his part of our recent hiatus, and it’s really not what we hoped it would be. Our hiatus was full of pain and it was a harrowing experience that we’re lucky to have gotten through. I wish that we could say it was refreshing and healing. I really wish that. But it really wasn’t until like a week ago. Things are getting better at their own pace, which sometimes feels way too slow, but we’ll get there eventually!
Tw for mentions of death, bad parenting, gender disrespect, and a couple cuss words
So yeah, it’s a bit somber, but we have some more cheerful videos coming up in the near future, so stay tuned!
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As a parent of 2 trans kids, one with DID, I don't undestand why parents are like that. You are all wonderful just as you are!! 💜💜💜
Hi! Mom of a DID daughter here! Always looking to connect with other DID moms. Message me if you feel like connecting for a support friend🔆
Jeez why does everyone else get the nice parents ? I am know i am a system for syre but not sure if did or osdd and so ive tried to get my parents to try and get me diganosed for it but their response is yea you might have it and i just really need help because i randomly lose time and wake up in places ive never been
Warlock Main Hi! Maybe there way for someone else to help you get evaluated? Someone at School, or a friend’s parent? If not, keep researching, journaling and learning and when you are able to go you can be educated and well prepared. Good luck and feel free to ask me questions if I can help 🔆
@@christinarollison well we have been keeping a journal and stuff its just hard when are parents dismiss us
Hi! I’m new to this disorder! Watched Anthony Padilla’s video and was interested! & I’m just wondering is this disorder only form from trauma or it’s genetic 2! Cause you seem like a nice parent?.💕
"It looks like a cat but everybody says it isn't"
A Flerken!
I'm a protector who identifies with only one of the body's parents. Thank you for speaking to this experience, it's hard to explain how it feels, and this is the first time I've seen that feeling reflected back to me. -Jack
:00 is that facial hair I see?
also, proud of you parsifal for taking a break when you needed it
I hope everything is alright with y'all.
First of all, thank you for being so open and honest with us! You do not owe us any explanation, and its brave af for you to open up the way you do. It really makes a world of a difference for people and I hope it helps you heal some too. Also, I genuinely CANNOT imagine misgendering you like...???? wHAT?? Lady??? Ummm.....I'm so sorry for everything. It is so good to see and hear from you again. Sending so much love to you and everyone else in the system as well 💖
I hope you'll all be okay
Its sweet to see how the cats comfort you
Thank you for this - our host spent several months barely being out but still refusing to properly rest. We finally convinced them to get some much needed rest after spending five years trying to do everything without the rest of the system.
The rest of us have been working together to get our collective life in order for the first time ever (we're 25). Our host comes out at night sometimes and cries because they feel so bad about needing a break, this video is exactly what they needed to hear 💜
4:40 we would never tell you you should have toughed it out. Health is more important, including mental health. We dropped out of university too because it was too overwhelming to us. And like you had we tried to push through we wouldnt be writing this comment.
Your not alone and you are incredibly strong! Thank you for everything you do for your system and for this community.
~Tooth (cocon: Claw, Boss)
bro just wanna say ur transitions going good af you pass hella good i can't believe you were misgendered. im not a truscum or anything but damn you pass. (fellow trans guy w DID here)
I was thinking same thing but can't say it.
when i first watched this channel i thought i was just watching a good looking guy with DID LOL
@@bipolarbaddie5887 You are :)
I think it’s great that you did what was best for you, including dropping out. It’s so important to put yourself first. I hope you all are doing better, and I’m glad you’re making videos again.
Welcome back!! We hope that things improve. Seriously, you’re fantastic and we love all of you! -Jade/Vincent
This pisses me off .
I suffer from severe anxiety and depression and ppl treated me that way too !
Ive been hospitalised 3 times for mental breakdowns
And ppl told me “Just let it go youll be fine “
“Dont express your emotions.No one cares”
There have been times where ive wanted to give up and leave my family
Ive been through soo much trauma .
Youre right !
Trauma changes ppl
We hear you and remember, you're strong and loved♥
Thank you for making this. We are still a relatively new system (just hit 6 months post diagnosis) and after an inpatient stay about a month ago and throughout our current IOP program my main persecutor just kinda disappeared and I have absolutely no idea where she went. It’s been kind of unnerving bc I didn’t realize alters can just kind of go silent out of nowhere and I’ve heard her talking for me for a couple hours a day for the last few years so idk, I suppose it’s nice because she wasn’t great towards me but it really had me concerned when she was just suddenly gone. This video helped me think about it more from her point of view and I kind of get why she’s gone because of some pretty retraumatizing stuff that happened. She kind of helped filter out a lot of specific early childhood trauma though so now that she’s gone some stuff is getting through and people are getting triggered more easily and flashbacks are more common. I hope she heals enough to join us again. I guess I never really appreciated her enough until she was gone. -Lila, The Ash System
"She's just doing it for the views." Oh quit it you know she loves you. Good to see you again Parsifal.
Thank you for sharing with us. I am so happy you trust to share this with us. Welcome Back Parsifal
Gosh, you were in the inner world during the move, fronted, after the in a strange place, but perhaps you recognized some belongings? Or did others fill you in while you were in the inner world? Thank you for fronting agsin. We missed you too.
We love you guys!!!
I was actually going to sit down and write a letter but I saw this video today and wanted to drop a line. I appreciate your openness and honesty but please never feel you owe it to anyone to explain doing what is best for you. I only found the channel a few days ago and have binged so many episodes. I feel like I have grown to know all of you, to truly care for you and your wellbeing, and I send you all the love in the world for your healing, comfort, and peace. And don't let anyone tell you all that you are not tough or strong or brave because to not only survive, but to still care about others and want to help people by sharing your story and struggles is very brave. Honestly you all give me hope for the world. You have also made me realize (from one of your other videos) that I need to stop glossing over the parts of my life and being bipolar that can suck sometimes and it's okay to say that and be honest about it. I hope everything does get better for you all. You make the world a more colorful and better place! And btw, I adore Hollow. He is the most precious person ever!
hi we just found your channel a few weeks (?) back i think & we love it! keep being you & welcome back parsifal
Welcone back . Love you guys soooo much . One of the best DID chanel
We love you guys, ur one of the only systems we can relate to so its always good to see a video.
I would love if you did a video on how trauma changes people. I was abused as a child and only now 4 years after do I realise what happened. My personality has changed so much, apparently.
we've had 2x main hosting alters disappear and not return since 2015 due to re-occuring trauma - unhelpful social workers - just crappy life situations too.......it was relatable when you said that you just stayed inside to not have to pay attention to what was going on "out here" in the world.........we are in this exact spot right now - in fact no one wants to front coz of all the stuff......and I am front stuck - i wanna go in - but I cant and I have been locked out of the inner world headspace.......so damn frustrating! thanks for another relatable video
None of us ever feel like our family is...our family. I personally used to. But in light of several fusions/integrations on my part it's like...dimmed over time. And now I have no family that isn't my partner system and pets or my own system. So I understand.
I also dropped out of college and I am now the family disappointment so...I feel that too... ^^;
I love you guys. I hope things will settle down soon. I'm so sorry you're all dealing with so much. Keep on keeping on. We love you!
im so sorry for all you've been through recently! im glad youre back tho. remember we love yall, and i hope things look up soon. having a pos dad is rough but youre not alone
I dropped out almost a year ago now and it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. It took months to sort out my new life and then heal my broken confidence. In my opinion it takes a lot of courage to choose dropping out and I know first hand how long it can take to recover even if everything goes relatively smoothly. So please don't feel any pressure to be okay for us, though we're really happy to see y'all. Thanks for being so open, and to Parsifal specifically, I'm glad you're back.
It's so so so good to see you again, welcome back to the world I guess :)
(Sorry if my vocab or anything else seems strange, I'm not a native speaker)
I love hearing and seeing you talk, even though it's been a very serious and also emotional video. You just have something intriguing about you and you're very good at telling stories (I hope that's not inappropriate to say in this comment section since this is such a serious video).
Sorry to hear about everything though. The thing is, if you need some time to step back from everything, then you need some time to step back from everything. That's just how it is sometimes. I know there are other people involved since you're part of a system, but there's only so much that one can endure. I hope you have a therapist that you can talk to about all this, and if not, that find one soon!
And lastly, hey, I'm genuinely glad you were able to come back - and also strong enough to talk about it and reflect on the whole thing! All the love and stay strong, we care about you ♡
Your vocab was amazing. You said it a million times better than I could thanks for saying it.
You guys look so much more masc!
Thanks! We’ve been working on our goatee 😆😆
-Devon
two-time college dropout here (for mental health reasons), it's amazing how much my mental health has improved being away from school so i hope the same kind of healing happens for you
I dont have DID but I can relate to being worn out and just needing to nope away from everything, there is no shame in that and I'm glad you took care of yourself parsifal :D Good luck to the system as a whole and lots of love, I hope things go up for you guys :D
*I believe you guys will figure things out love you guy’s*
What you were saying towards the end about self care resonated so deeply in my system. Most of us struggle to some degree with our own needs vs. the needs of the system and there is so much guilt that goes along with that. Protectors especially in our experience have a hard time delegating and sharing the work load, they are so focused on their role that they can almost forget they're also 3D people who need balanced lives of their own within the system. They need rest to function and the more they push themselves to take on things they weren't built to handle the more it negatively impacts the entire group, the body, and the external life. That is definitely an important note to make about being in a system, no one should feel like they have to handle everything on their own and can't take a break or pass some responsibility down the line a bit.
I love your system’s Etsy shop too.
It's great to see you again Parsifal. Wishing the system the best, take care of yourselves.
I completely get the parents issue. I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this right now. I hope things get better for you soon.
I'm happy you took a well needed break. Burn out is real.
Welcome back out, hope you are doing better and will continue to move forward
And as for “touching things out”, I think you were smart to do what was healthy for you. In fact, I think you bring willing to stop college courses was the strong thing to do. The weak thing is to be like no I have to stay. When people listen to that fear inside of them, that they have to “prove themselves” by doing xyz, they are acting out of fear, and to me this is the weaker choice. Also, you are one of the strongest people I’ve ever seen, being positive and fun through everything life throws at you. So I would disagree with your dad or whoever may say you’re not tough.
thank you for the confidence with us. Brazil sends love
So much love from our system to yours. 💕
I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you all can get to a place where you do not have to be in that unsafe family relationship. I hope your break has strengthened you. None of you deserve to put up with abuse. You all deserve a safe place and a new family
Whilst I’m thankfully fortunate to not have personally experienced DID, my heart goes out to those who do as I can only imagine how it must feel when one is faced with the fear and confusion, shame or even any frustration during or following DID related episodes. I honestly don’t believe I’d be able to handle it as well and as bravely such as most who battle with this.
However, from an outsider perspective since I won’t try pretending to know about DID, I had once dated a guy who has DID, and boy was it a rollercoaster at the time since beforehand I was not educated as to how the disorder ‘behaves’ per-se.
One thing I’d learned from a outside POV is that the best thing for me to do and better understand was to be always supportive and to observe my partner through his various altars, triggers and switches so that I have a bit of background and empowerment to better help care for him and his needs (through the good and the bad)..I found that by doing so it’s made it easier for me as to how to better understand who each altar is, their likes and dislikes, etc. whilst being able to identify positive/negative triggers and hopefully help to mitigate against any re-traumatization. At first I was worried when I was unable to help at the time, but now I’ve come to better see and understand first hand everything that’s involved with DID and that they are JUST as human and important as those whom have not experienced any trauma or issues with mental health. ❤️
Someone in our system has been gone since October of last year. They've rarely fronted in the first place but they were always somewhere in the headspace. We're just starting to get used to this person not being here.
~Rory
As someone who works in the ER, I am truly sorry you had that experience. I'm sorry it made you feel worse And you didn't get the help you may have needed at the time. Im sorry that there are heartless uneducated people in the healthcare systems...smh, but it's nice to see you on here again. Love and light to you and everyone...i hope we get to see more from you!
My heart breaks for you all. Sending a hug and positive thoughts.
I'm sorry you felt so much pressure with the trauma and things going on. I'm glad you knew when to step back though and rest. That is so important. I hope you can get adjusted to being in front again more. sending love to your system, partner system, and kitties. 💛🌻
Glad to see ya'll back and working through the difficulties. I hope things will get better.
Welcome back, I hope you and the system are doing better and find your way through this
I am glad you're back.
Hope you got a lot of energy from that break. Sounds like you had a really tough time.
I was so happy to see you again!!! I hope you are doing better! We love all of you sm❤🧡💛💚💙💜🤎🖤🤍
Btw we would never tell you to "tough it out" your well being is so much more valuable than a degree
i’m not the best at words right now but i’m glad you’re back parsifal, i hope everything is better and alright now, as much as it can be for you and the rest of y’all 💖 (and that’s my favorite heart emoji, just for y’all)
Everyone needs to take a break every once in awhile. And it's really good to hear from you guys. I was admittedly worried.
Hi , just hope you will get well soon . Sad to hear , even if you don't say it , how bad you are feeling ( you is the system ... ) ... Peace from france
So sorry to hear you so upset but totally understandable and it’s great you can talk about it. I hope for the best for you all
It sounds like you had to be incredibly strong, past the point of that being healthy. I'm really sorry. And thank you for sharing this all with us. I hope verbally processing this time was helpful.
Everyone needs a vacation! Do what will help you and your health. Hope ya’ll are well. Glad you are back!
We love you all sweethearts, I'm so sorry that happened
Oh, btw, I'm trans but do NOT have DID. I just like learning about people who are different than me
So proud of you for your decision get away from your dad !! Aether… protect your self I hope one alter can get strong enough learns to enjoy life and put limits to protect the hole system … I’m not a system… but I got away from my family I’m in Japan now here is so peaceful !!! 😊
Love you Parsifal I hope you’re feeling better (and all other alters as well) ♥️♥️♥️
Congrats I heard you loud and clear...If he doesn’t want to hear you ... I can do it. It’s nice you took a rest... take it easy...
I don't have DID and I just recently knew about it from the channel DissociaDID but you guys are so strong to be able to cope up with it and I salute you guys.. I hope everything will get better 👍
And. I meAn this with the utmost respect...100% NOT poking fun....2 thing, 1 I think listening to you talk, is the most relaxing thing. Your voice. (I'm sorry you've been thru so many hard things, I'm not making light of them) I like how it sounds. And 2, when you said "he just clipped my wings ....like an asshole" I literally laughed out loud. Love it. Good for you!! Ok. Back to the video. Sorry. Had to say that...
You did what's best for you. Dropping out actually really takes courage - I'm stuck at the university on the path I wasn't interested in since beginning, I am starting my fourth year in the fall and I know that I won't drop out just because of a reaction from my whole family. It sounds stupid but I still can't lose them, I just won't be able to survive without them.
I’m sorry you didn’t get a chance to talk to your father. If you ever do get that chance, I know some people get some relief/closure from confronting those who have hurt them, so I think it would be good for you!
hey! it was über-brave of you to talk about this, and i'm so sorry you had to deal with everything. if you ever need anything just know the gobsquad's got your back 💜
~(mostly) mark
I had a friend die in college as well. I’m so sorry for your loss😭❤️
Those eyebrows man, they are just so fucking beautiful.
i am so sorry you had a bad situation in the hospital ❤️
I'm sorry you have to go through this. I hope things get better
Now I really wanna give y'all a hug
thank you for sharing and i love your cats
I'm so sorry your trip the the ER was a nightmare, people suck...
I'm also incredibly sorry your dad is being like that, I will NEEEEVER understand people like that, idk if it's possible but cutting him out of your life sounds like it might me good for all of you
You're totally right, self care is awesome and do what you need to feel better, just don't give up, you have randos on the internet that care 💚
PS your cats are adorable
I'm not sorry his dad's like that- no-one should be. Show some inclusion. Different generations express themselves differently. I have learned to treat the people who challenge me/my thinking/my feelings as opportunities for self-development, internal verification and as a social barometer. That might seem a bit cold, but as an autistic i have limited options in social settings :)
@@reson8 yes well where you're using it as an opportunity for personal growth, his dad clearly isn't. I'm all for people with different views as long as they're not held at the expenses of other people, that inclusion works both ways
I know 2020 has bin crazy, but I was wondering if the system still has plans to make the video about the hospital? I’d like to watch it. I find others experiences interesting. Mainly because mine have bin all so different. In the same hospital.
Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for creating such educational content.
Take care.❤
God bless you , i hope everything becomes alright
Stay strong guys🥺❤️❤️we're here to support you guys🥺✨
It most be sooo exhausting to try to keep everything functional.... fighting to avoid pain... the súper trauma of gathering strength to talk about your trauma and be ignored..... I think love could help ... the more you love yourself the stronger you can become... Your UA-cam channel is help full for people all over the world you are great! Remember that ....Try to meet other nice real people, so you can make your new family ... and can get outside of your original family dinamics and watch from outside... try to understand your parents... they are in negation... maybe they love you but can’t express it... maybe he loves his brother and he doesn’t know him... try to feel sympathy for your parents you are so much more mature and wise than them... you should not let somebody not so smart or not so brave to confront reality to have that much power on you ... you can still love them but know they are not so wise or smart .... they do mistakes... but it has nothing to do with you...
Sending love and positive vibes your way
please take care of yourselves
Love You, Guys!
missed you parsifal
My BFF has DID so I came across this video just to educate myself. However as someone who has PTSD I can relate to the trauma changing someone and it coming up in different ways. I am 32 years old with two children , one with special needs. I honestly thought I was “healed” recently went to a new counselor and honestly she was the one that brought up the PTSD.... like I pushed that down so far that I forgot my own diagnosis. Recently I came to the realization that avoiding and healing are two different things. I am not sure how a therapist goes about healing trauma because I honestly thought I was over it.
♥
We feel with the unearthing truama. We just found out about this big awful thing a few days ago and we're just trying our best to cope
Yes, trauma ABSOLUTELY changes people. There is no way to be the same person after trauma as before. Ever. 💔
I'm sorry. Mean parents suck.
I’m so sorry about your trauma, I’m so sorry about your dad (I have an abusive father as well who abused me for over a year Because I was anorexic and suicidal so there is all sorts of fuckery going on there that I won’t get into). I would definitely suggest leaving him behind if you are able, that is what I did and I have not looked back. It is not your fault, it is okay to give him a second chance tho if you want to. Let’s be honest, he doesn’t deserve it, but we get a lot of things in life that we don’t deserve, you didn’t deserve his abuse, but you got it anyway. Just don’t let him walk all over you, and if he does, whoop his ass from here to Kentucky for me will you?
You are precious and I wish I could hug you to give you some love - I hope you all stay strong!! Hug from a random 26 y/o girl in Denmark 💕✨✨
About the family situation... I'm gonna state the obvious and say you deserve better.
Sorry, this may be...kind of random but I think I heard you right. You are in Oregon? I am from here too if I heard correctly. I just found your channel, keep up the good work. : )
Yeah! We’re in the Portland area, and we’re gonna be having a meetup in June if that’s something that interests you 😁
♥♥♥♥
💖💖💖
I'm so sorry to hear that your own family misgenders you! You are a human being and you deserve the same respect as everyone else!
How's the time in the inner world? Is it like the regular time here in the out world, like an hour is still just an hour or is it like an hour is like a day or more in the inner world.
:O I've never been this early!
💞💖💛💙
So sorry you had this experience...misgendrring is so uncomfortable uneasy and and unnecessary thing to do...
Family does not realise they hurt u.
I hope all yous are better now.
We hate the NHs I had to protect the fronter host at the time from being #### inside a ward....
Hang in there love all ya yous
Animal whisperer😘