OUR HOST INTEGRATED | Unexpected Things | Dissociative Identity Disorder | Pls read desc for tw list
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- Опубліковано 15 гру 2020
- Welcome back, goblins! I’d highly suggest reading the TW list for this video, as we’re really real about things in this one.
Our newly integrated host Dorian talks about his experience going from two alters to one alter while knitting a hat. It’s a fairly casual video, although some topics covered are quite serious.
TRIGGER WARNING LIST:
-Disordered eating
-Weight gain/Loss
-restrictive eating
-food repulsion
-Suicidal ideation
-Self destructive behavior (I almost want to say extreme, but idk if that’s too much)
-Alters doing really bad things to each other inner world
-Non-consensual fusing of alters
-vague mentions of trauma
-cuss words
-Covid mentioned
We’d like to give a little informal shoutout to Belladonna Lillium, another DID channel that’s super real and honest. They’re very kind souls and we love their content ❤️
Here’s their channel:
/ channel
And here are some possibly relevant links:
Etsy:
www.etsy.com/shop/AetherianCr...
Patreon --- / acrylicandaether
Amazon wishlist:
- www.amazon.com/gp/aw/ls/?ref_...
- www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls...
Instagram:
@acrylicandaether - Розваги
36:22
The Dark Crystal!
The crystal was broken and the two creatures were born, skeksis and the mythics. The skeksis and the mythics are destined to fight forever until the crystal is whole again. When the hero reunites the crystal, the creatures as well reunited back into their true forms.
Yes! I was pretty sure that’s what it was too, but it’s been a while since I’ve seen that movie.
I thought it was that! But then I was too fixated on the main, gelfling characters. I completely forgot about the skeksis and mystics thing. Netflix has a prequel series out. It’s pretty lit (and omg just as creepy as the original).
@@pendelschabe Oh I’ve heard of that, it sounds really cool.
@@pendelschabe ITS SO CREEPY
we haven't had a non-programmed integration in forever, it's nice to see what a healthy integration in a system like us looks like. not that you guys are completely like us or that all programmed systems are the same, but we've never really related to many other systems, so.
Can you please explain to me what you mean by Non-programmed integration and programmed system? I don’t understand 💯 % and I really need to learn more!
@@TheKatarinaGiselle a programmed system is a type of system that's been through ritual abuse, programming is basically conditioning someone's trauma responses to be very precisly manipulated, aether has a post about it in the community tab :) what I meant by non-programmed integration is an integration that wasn't set up/forced
"You're different than who you were a number of years ago." When you're an osdd-1a system who had a major split and host switch at 14: Yep. I've had a number of crises over it.
did you know that Dorian is a musical mode? It's the coolest sounding one in my opinion. Also a Greek island/ethnic group, I believe!
They're also an amazing UA-camr, they go by Of Herbs and Altars. ("they" as in a nonbinary person, not as in a system)
I believe Dorians were the first group of people to travel south from the north and reside in greece before the Greeks and their civilization and culture were a thing so naturally they don't exist anymore as an ethnic group.
@@Zinetha I love them
@@danaekoloka9819 yeah, me too!
@Spring Ranch yeah, there are seven! Look it up!
Dorian has a different energy than a lot of the other people in the Aether System I've seen on here but I haven't been able to watch a lot of your videos yet so I can't wait to learn more! Much love to each of you ε>
I could listen to Dorian all day long.
I love you kiddo. Your so, special, so unique, so much much, much, much, going on in your mind. You had me at the disclosure of your intense admiration for felines. Then I listened & listened and decided to love you. Be safe, secure, and happy. Lisa, Calif Nurse.
For my record, I also think your fiercely intelligent. Beautifully articulate. It hurts me a lot that you have DID. Shouldn't it?
This video made me feel all the feels. Devastated at what you all had to go through, proud that you made it through, happy that you seem more at peace. Some of the stories Devøn posted on Instagram scared me so much.
I hope all of you are okay. Just wanted to let you know that we love you. I love you. So I hope you feel better. Take care😘💜❤️
*very* off topic to the video but watching dorian knit a hat was so calming. i needed this this finals week lol
It's was kinda weird but cool to hear that an alter of yours had my name.
OMG yes! Growth! System awareness! Thanks for waking us up to this. Thank you so much for making this video
We once ended up in a therapy room with a person who had experience in D.I.D. Don't know how we got there, we were seeking an autism diagnosis. Then suddenly D.I.D. was being explored, don't remember why. But the narrative is that the psychologist expected us to integrate, soon. (TMI, but we don't care anymore lol) ...and after that appointment, 1 week later just before the next appointment, we experienced the anal sphincter snapping shut. We could not sit up for 6 months. We could no l longer make the car ride to the appointments, to even sit up at the appointments. It was hell, and the long term repercussions are still present. The physical pain was so bad that the ANP was made to forget that they were even aware that they had D.I.D., Multiple times! The "the fibromyalgia" would flare up.
(TW Medical) We got an Ehlers Danlos System Diagnosis a couple of years ago. But that came too little too late for there to ever be trust with medical professionals. 18 years of being told our pain wasn't real, neglected. Medical environments trigger the hell out of us. However, some of those pains were tied too closely with getting too close to realizing we were a system. The timing is just bizarre!
Take care ya'll! I wish you joy in experiencing your new house together!
I hope everyone gives you the space needed while making this significant adjustment. Sending good vibes to all, including your partner system. Much caring and affection from Florida. Sending 🌞 your way. 😊
glad the syncronisation went well, i hope the best for you guys!
i know you have been hinting at being programmed and of course you are under no obligation to talk about it, but i hope most people would belive it (we would) at lest
Oh yeah, big time. We would love to talk about it, but we made a post about it on Instagram and our community tab and got the most hate we’ve ever gotten before. So we’ve been slowly figuring out how to go about it, since we don’t wanna give up on the truth, but we don’t want so many people telling us we’re lying when we’re not 😭
@@AcrylicAndAether iIwould say fuck the haters and tell your truth but I know its not that easy, especially since the harassment spilled over onto Acrylic as well. I will never understand why people want to attack random strangers on the internet. If you don't believe it or don't want to know, don't read it.
@@AcrylicAndAether wow, I can relate to this SOOO much. In a completely different way which I am sure you would find extremely interesting, but it would take forever to write it all down and I still get uncomfortable with worrying people won’t believe me. All I can say is I can relate to this so much and so long as you are focused on your truth (even if it means backing off sharing here and there and just thinking about it every so often) you will know when you are all ready to do it and in the ways you want to go about doing it. Work together as a team and have trust in one another, communicating with open perspectives and trusting the process. You will know when it is time, and remember that it doesn’t have to be all at once. At the same time, I would like to say just fuck the haters because they truly don’t matter and what REALLY matters is who the message applies to and knowing that your truth will not only help them, but help educate others that do not have DID. But at the same time, I can understand why, from my own experiences, it’s difficult to share, so long as you put your health and wellness first, you will know when you are ready and when you are strong enough to handle any response, and that is all that really matters❣️ 💓💓💓 Katarina
Anyone know what post on the community tab?
@@lalaluv093 I'm pretty sure they took it down. The tolls were even targeting Acrylic's live streams.
Sending you ALL Love and Support! Take as much time as needed for self care for everyone. It is so important, I salute your system for continuing to educate the world even through your own experiences as a system! THANK YOU SO MUCH! Much love to all💞
I’m so sorry my mind kept going “Dorpheus” and I can’t unsee it
You all are so strong and inspiring 🖤 thank you, forreal yall are fckin amazingg! Peace and love always 😊
Thank you for being strong enough to put this to words for us. Speaking your mind helps process things, as I think you’ve learned here as well!
Really love long videos like this, the hat making while talking about life feels very calming, it gives me an excuse to sit and do my own crafting :) it feels like we're hanging out or something. Thank you for sharing your experiences
I love watching you make a hat, I dont have a loom thing but I knitted along with you
You seem like a really nice, cool and accepting person. I'm glad I found your channel. Sounds like you're on a path to recovery. Hope your over all health has been improving from the struggles Devon faced.
This is the first time I've watched you on UA-cam (I originally came across you on the Vangelina channel) I'm fascinated with what you are talking about but I'm getting totally hypnotised by your hands doing crochet. Wow
The idea that part of you works slightly like a plant makes me so happy and I hope that means you’re able to find joy in other plants as well 🧚🏼♥️🌱
I have been watching your videos like crazyy and seeing your journey is amazing. I really happy you had another system to be there when you were in distress. I love Dorian❤️. His vibe is everything life needs to be about right now. I cant wait to see more videos with you and see that finished hate. Post a supply list for when you do your next one. I wanna learn lol
I love long videos, and I love it even more when its like a chat.
Miss u guys, much love to u and Acrylic!
Ps. i loooooooooooved your shirt (im sorry, had a terrible day and right now I am really in a loving mood) and im super happy about your new house!
lots of positive thoughts!!!!
as a fellow system, this pov on introjection, not excluding the incredibly painful and traumatic parts of it, is super helpful and destigmatizing. i really appreciate this, and it rlly helps us view fusion in a much bettr light. hopefully some of our altrs who r in more pain can consider this avenue. also, i think u mentioned being an ra survivor and talking abt ur experiences and hwo tht kind of ab.se affects ur did is so helpful as we r suspecting something similar. basiclly, tysm, u help us feel seen, valid, nd real. keep on being u. -sorry sys.
I did watch the whole thing and thank YOU for sharing these things with us
Dorian, thank you for being so real about what has been going on with the system. Relieved that you seem to be going in a good direction since your synthesis.
When you got that message from your father I'm not gonna lie, I felt your reaction.
It was so good to meet Dorian and to know that this process has been helpful for y'all. I hope you continue to be able to find ways to come to terms with the world, your past and the future. I'm sure it's whatever but I have never doubted anything you've shared about your experiences.
I really appreciate everything you and Acrylic share. Thank you so much for talking about your life.
Hope your healing journey continues.both systems are very inspirational.we are there for you all.take ❤
Thank you for sharing, I love the remix description ❤️
You all are so strong. What happened to you was wrong and you never deserved one second of it. Your system is a warrior, a survivor, and now an inspiration. I wish I could put into words how many people you have helped. I am honored to come across yourself. Never give up, you're incredible. ❤
The way Dorian explains the whole process is very eloquent and understandable appreciate you sharing your journey with us always wishing you the best take care
I am crocheting a hat while watching. Thanks for sharing about your integration. I always look forward to watching this channels videos from both systems.
Sending love to both systems. You all are amazing people.
thank you so much for sharring all of this! it helped us so fricking much. and we are glad your feeling better. -oceans
side note: getting puzzle pieces is WILD thanks for sharring this. we relate so much.
I'm so sorry you had such a horrible childhood. If I could give you a chunk of my idyllic kidhood I would. Sending you prayers, acceptance, and encouragement.
"unclench your jaw and relax your shoulders a little bit"
*Unclenches jaw and relaxes shoulders*
41:08 We also have subsystems that speak in riddles like that. It’s so annoying when you actively want to learn things about the system.
Hope you’re having a better time at it than us lol. -C
I'm so glad you guys are feeling better ☺️⭐
"It just do be like that sometimes" - so true, I love it❤️
im so glad to hear that the fusion was not bad like the inner world tried to make it seem for morpheus i hope that dorian can give hope for (if there are any) alters that also were taught/shown to think negatively of fusion or being scared of fusion
generally just thank you for being amazing :)
Watching you knit that hat is so relaxing.
Oh wow😳💙 ...
we haven't been following any of the english-speaking DID-Channels for some time.
But much seems to have changed...
You do look a bit strained, or at least lost a lot of weight, hopefully it will get better now.
We feel for you.💙
There has been some huge changes like that in our System over the course of our life as well... "Host" is a traveling term over here🤔😅
But we seem to have something like an inbuilt change-mechanism, where a whole Team gets put to a different place and another one takes over "public" life... something like that.
It happened at least three times in the last 38 years...👀🤯
And also we very well understand the feeling of not beeing able to share about Biografie... some things are just impossible to tell... they sound so so wierd and unbelievable 😳... I mean, we developed a whole Sytem to carry it, how would other people just be able to listen and understand 🤷🏼♀️
Whatever... we just wanted to say HI and show our appreciation.
Thank you for sharing this and trying to put it into such honest words💙
Bye D.I.S.Ding
30:43 Dorian makes a lot of sense as an synthesized name. It contains the sounds "D---n" from Devon and "-or-----" from Morpheus.
Also, I love your'lls analogy of synthesis as songs remixed together.
The song remix analogy was such a great explanation 😊
Congrats on healing btw ❤️
Hi Dorian, it was really nice to "meet" you. Lots of love to both systems
Thank you Dorian!
At the end where you reminded everyone to take a mental moment REALLY REALLY helped.
It's very kind of you to share your thoughts and experiences through such a personal process.
I do have a question though, if I may!?
Do you think having others ask you questions about the process helps you, and the system, to process as well? Do you find being able to answer someone else's questions - as opposed to you bringing it up internally - almost therapeutic? I just observed as I was watching this, that you had multiple moments of breakthrough on things. So it made me wonder if as you're helping us, if we help y'all too?
Kindest regards to the whole system,
Tegan K.
1:07:13 This is such a vibe! I love it and it is really a great thing to live by, I am going to try to have this outlook on more situations in my life.
YT: 6 likes 1 view
Me: WUT
Also wow I'm early and congratulations for integrating! This is so cool for you as the Host integrating, wow 😲
Views don't register until after someone has watched the video. Likes register right away. So people click the video, like it, and then watch the video
@@mygirldarby ok thanks for the information :)
If Dorian is comfortable doing so, it was be awesome to have a video of him knitting (loom)
I found it very calming to watch for some reason.
i really related to the part about,, talking about the things that happened during childhood and no one believing you. no one believes me because it all sounds.. too horrible to be real? but it was all real ;-;
I know how hard that is, but remember that you became strong enough to survive it! Most people wouldn’t be able to live a normal life just knowing things like that exist, them not believing it is also proof in a way that some people are incapable of doing things like that. I do hope that you will find someone who believes you and can be there for you, take good care of yourself! C:
Your system should consider voice over for audible books.your voice is very calming and eloquent
I'm glad you're doing better. Be safe.
Congratulations on your new integration. Especially host integration. That's so great. I love you by the way Dorian I think your a positive change. Great energy.
I am immensely interested in the knitting and the loom 🙃🙃
Hey Dorian! Nice to meet you! And you everybody, hope you are doing well! Is it snowing like crazy where you are at? I don’t know where you live, but I am on the east coast and it is like a never ending snow globe the past 48hrs! I’m not complaining though 😌 Hope you’re all well! 💓
The Greek work "syn" means "together" so there's another nice reason the words synthesize and photosynthesis can be more meaningful 💙 two things working together as one
What craft are you doing? Looks like something I wanna start doing 🐼
It’s called loom knitting 😎
-Cadence
Thank you! 😁
People should see this in a different way. Authors are inspired by the real world and spin it into a story, not the other way around. You just need to watch the news to see how awful humans can treat each other. The story can be an outlet for the author as well: You have a protagonist that suffered from horrible things, but overcomes it/deals with it and is stronger for the experiences they had. What I'm trying to say with this: you're incredibly strong, for surviving, for telling others about your story (even if its just glimpses), for living every day and not giving in. You should be proud of yourself. Sending much love your way
I hope that your adjustment period is easyish...I know it is never easy. And hopefully you figure out why you were being supressed.
I haven’t finished the video yet but I have to say synthesize is a much better word and it reminds us of the song “Ode To Artifice” by Samia. It’s about her alter-ego 😂 so it’s very ironical it was stuck in our head for a long time kind of like an alarm. In retrospect it’s really funny because we in fact do have alternate versions of ourselves.
Do you think you might do a tutorial about what you are doing with those plastic circles? I've seen knitting with needles before, and tried it and was awful at it, but what yer doing seems like something l'd like to try... 😌
I second this! I’d love a looming tutorial! I’ve always wanted to learn!
Thirding
You all are great🖤
Our Tabitha is our worst persecutor when she rages it’s like a demonic tornado with claws... and yeah when we first started talking we were shocked to hear the “that doesn’t really happen” type replies... and Does that mean if we don’t want to fuse we don’t have too? That’s a big thing that we want to stay individuals in a system. Also we have a little called Dorian. We also have an alien (alien girl) and a witch covan lol 💜 sending much love 💙
Hi! I’m curious to know what happens with the body in the inner world of the alter that is fronting? Does it disappear or it lay down somewhere? Also you talk about pushing alters in the front is there a path in the inner world that leads to somewhere and when you’re at this place you take control of the body? Sorry for my bad english...
very interesting video, nice to meet y'alls new alter
Are you going to do a updated on your inner world or something like that?
That movie is called “the dark crystal”!
Drinking more water and getting more sleep was also great advice I got once in a locution from a Holy angel.
Wow thanks you made integration seems so much less scary
so sorry this happened. i have a question though, my partner has a history of being abused and things of that nature but was never diagnosed or showed signs(that i know of due to just recently watching videos of yours your partner system and others.) he has epilepsy so i dont know how would that disorder affect DID ? how can i know if hes switching or if its just seizure related? he had an episode where i needed to go to the bathroom i am in a wheelchair so i need help anyways he freaked out started yelling at me that he would leave me there all night. later i mentioned it to him and he had no memory of this at all it was like he was gone. what do i do /look for if i think he switched
Another youtuber called DissociaDID, check them out. They have a lot of info.
Hope your body Is able to cope with the new change
I believe you
I hope they have a good reason to keep you from the inner world.
Maybe l'm slow, but were you saying that you (Dorian) existed before Devon and Morpheus and they actually came from you? And now they have synthesized and you came back? I may be reading this wrong :(
Nope, that’s what happened 😅 Dorian was split into Devon and Morpheus, and now he’s back together again
-Cadence
Is that why they made me be host? Body has a few genetic agonising conditions and stuff and Im Really sensitive and emotional and physical pain really grabs hold of me... I dunno just what you said made me wonder if it’s because they know I’d wanna hide in the inner world away from real world stuff but I was created to host around the body age of 2-3 😅
Is a poly fragmented system different than a normal system? Is it a system with more than one alter?
a polyfragmented system is when an alter in a system has DID themselves and has their own set of alters
polyfrag systems are more complicated than most systems. they can have subsystems or a large number of alters (and there's a lot of overlap there). they tend to have complex inner worlds and modes of functioning too.
We have a loom for hats that looks exactly like that🤣🤣
Can Dorian do a video on the crochet and then the ring that he's
a mash-up of songs
Ramble videos are very Yes
So is you "legal" name still Devon, or is it now Dorian? Sorry if that's a silly or weird question but I'm actually really curious.
PS - I don't have, or know anyone with DID, but I'm learning soooooo much from you and Acrylic. I think you are all wonderful, so real and so educational. I just wanted you all to know that. And it's also the reason for my potentially silly or dumb question. I'm just trying to learn as much as I can but find it confusing at times.
All my love to you all, Laura 🥰🥰
Yea Devon not being around for 6-7 months is definitely news to me. I understand the reasons, of course. But I will admit, I miss him because I really liked him. I love all of you but I loved Devon/Devøn too ❤
Yeah, it’s still currently Devon- changing it took us over a year to get done, so we won’t be quick to change it lol. Although we may change it when we get married next year 🤔 it depends on how we feel
We kinda like having the body be named something that no alters are named though, so no one in specific is being called up, because Devon hated it when that happened 😆
House tour!!!
I love NAMI!
Do the headphones help you focus
Yeah, and it makes it easier for people to hear us lol. Everyone says we talk too quietly 😂
Hey this is a random question and I totally understand if your not comfortable answering but I want to ask, do you know if you were subjected to government ra/mc or if it was a local cult type thing? I'm trying to figure that out for myself
It was a bit of both- with family having a government job
is unearthing trauma or repressed memories important or necessary? for anyone, not just did systems
we have the same at our system
What happens to the others if you drink alcohol to drown things out.?
Did Devon love for max still be strong.not sure if I worded it correctly.don't mean to be mean.
We just had an integration as well.
can your partner system tell who is fronting most of the time? Or do they still need to ask?
For the most part we can tell, we still need to ask for some of the newer alters but we're already starting to get those
-Acrylic
Ugh when UA-cam has the red line saying you’ve seen this before but... you haven’t or don’t know who did 😬
I always wonder about how ur sister is doing? Plz maybe let us know if it’s cool with you and her .. hope she is well
I think Acrylic said she is living with them for now.
Please let me know if you disagree but the side of you I see reminds me of One One from the first season of Infinity Train. Though you seem to be looking for stability rather than a mother and quite a bit more wise😅
I haven’t seen that yet, but now I’ll have to check it out! 😆 Great timing, because we could use something new to watch
-Dorian
@@AcrylicAndAether it definitely has dark moments and tackles themes of loss and change. It's one of my favorite sci fi shows though some scenes are a bit intense for my taste. I hope you enjoy it😊
Wow
Is the movie maybe The Dark Crystal?
Which movie? lol I forget when that was mentioned
-Cadence
@@AcrylicAndAether movie about a crystal being broken and it being two people who reunite later.
Oh yeah!! Probably- our sister loves that movie and the show 😆
@@AcrylicAndAether I think y'all are definitely thinking of the Dark Crystal because there's this whole plot about people who had separated becoming one as soon as the shard is returned to the crystal. They're even from space lol.