The sense of loneliness comes from being trauma bonded with a narc. The survivor has been at the receiving end of narc abuse for so long, that they become programmed to the bread-crumbs - almost like Stockholm syndrome. But believe me, one will be at complete peace when one is successful in breaking the trauma bond. It won't feel lonely anymore - it will feel peaceful.
This is very true I think the loneliness comes from only knowing what your used to whether that’s right or wrong and also the great dependency they create and then not having that is weird too
It is hard to explain.....and I like your explanation.....but also it feels as if I need the abusers to undo the abuse or admit he manipulated me.........I know that narcs use intermittent reinforcement ....as if they all went to the same school....to learn.
Please, the psycopath is an ass3sine! Before he meet new empaths is too mucho possible he did killed someone and used me to look normal, found a normal job, is very strange he change from contries to countries, he tried to killed me 4 times with knife on my chest, is too possible you be sleeping with a killer too, and after You Discover his real he Will try to kill You do his true can keep in secret. The f***k! Please help, authorities doesn't help, they received money to blame víctims!!!
I agree it's very peaceful being alone without this evil person I was feeling more lonely when he was living with me and he spent more time with his friends than being at home I felt very neglected by him being a so called husband but those days are in the past if you have good friends who are there for you you don't have to feel lonely and I've got my dogs and cats who give me more love and affection than my ex ever did
It’s heartbreaking how many of us have been through this or are currently going through this it’s unfortunate but God bless us all and I pray God fills every void we may have and comforts us and gives us the strength to keeping pushing and to fully heal mentally, emotionally, financially and physically amen ❤
17years with a narcissist, 3kids out of that relationship. 6months ago and I finally got the pants to leave him. I hate it that everyone feels I should be fine by now! They all don't UNDERSTAND and it makes me not want to talk to no one who don't understand me. I don't feel in any type of way to even wanna DATE or talk to another guy, not in my interest AT ALL. My heart has way too many wounds and I don't like hurting no one's feelings, it's not fair for me to date another man when in my heart there's still love for the narcissist I was with for half my life. I need to heal first before I think of dating, I'm enjoying my peace! Putting myself first!!! Something I never did in those 17years,focusing on my health and my mental health also. And yes I'm not gonna lie I do feel LONELY ALOT and I miss my ex husband but I know it's part of the trauma
From my experience, you can't deal with loneliness unless you keep yourself super busy in chasing your goals. 1. Consider Narc and flying monkeys are dead due to the pandemic and you are alone. 2. Eat 3 to 4 meals full of protein 2. Do gym 3. Search for job or do something that was your dream. You will be busy and tired which will help you sleep better. Don't forget to pray too.
You just described my life. And how I ended up married to a narcissist twice. I just wanted to be loved, and as soon as I was shown any "love," that was the person I went to. I can not thank you enough for the answers and validation your videos have given me. And to be both happy and sad to know I am not alone after all. Thank you so much ❤
I am for the easy-going approach. When someone is out of the narcissistic relationship, the last thing we need is a new one. Relationships always require some adjustments and dedication and when we are out of a relationship that drained us, we do need some healing time. We need to clear our mind, recover our body and come back to senses. Being alone and choosing our new relationships carefully isn't being lonely. Besides, having or not having a partner doesn't define our value. No need to jump into a new emotional relationship. I personally enjoy in reconnecting with some nice people, having new friendships, reconstructing the relationship with my grownup children and dealing with the most neglected person in my life - myself.
While in the Narcissist Relationship, the only way I could stay somewhat sane was to keep a diary, it helped me understand what I was experiencing, 😏🚩🏃♀️
It helps you to release trauma while being safe. I have been alone for years and I have found people who told me they were abused only to find out later that they were covert narcissists. The problem is that you get the smear campaign too because they see you as a threat so, they tell everyone you are a narcissist. Besides, it's hard to make friends if you are not young any longer.
@@Lyrielonwind They experience a Narcissistic Injury when you reject them, then they have to smear you, it can be lonely at the beginning and occasionally after, I found reading the Bible helps, and developing a relationship with God, but I also feels its a period of isolation , because you are going through a Spiritual Awakening in some cases,so you need to be by yourself for that to happen. Blessings , Love and Light🙌✨💜✨
My diary kept me in control of my life and it would’ve been so much harder to get back or move forward if I hadn’t seen the “story” of the relationship. How could he go from loving to distant cold and critical in 4 weeks? Such a shock really, it became traumatic to me. Now it’s been a while since but today I almost called him again. 😢❤️🩹
@@ingridwrites Please don't call him, try and Stay *No Contact*, it's the only way,as you will only be opening yourself up for more pain and heartache, and they are worse the second time round, because they experienced a Narcissistic Injury, and will want revenge on you,it's the Trauma Bond makes us want to go back abd the Dopamine hit we got from them, I wrote a detailed List of all the things he did to me,and put it on my Cupboard door, to break the Trauma Bond, I also turned to God to help me, I asked God to Renew me,and Restore me and Heal me,and allow me to take Refuge in him, I also asked God to heal and cleanse my mind of any and all mental and emotional pain.,and to take my pain fron me that the Narcissist caused, and I wrote a letter to the Narcissist explaining how I felt,I got all my feelings out, then I burnt the letter, it was a therapist that recommended this technique, burn the letter, not to send to the Narcissist, I found all these things greatly helped me,and leaning on God for strength and healing You got this, believe ✨💜✨
Abused with false love for how long if it's a parent? How many decades, half a century perhaps? A child who moves out only to act immature at the horrors of being on their own 2 feet? Someone you marry only to have the rug pulled-out from under you? Stand your ground, you've earned it!
I think it's an achievement to deal with numerous malignant narcissistic groups simultaneously for 4 years , and yet not develop any addiction of any substance, emotional/binge eating or other bad habits. 🎉
Hii, Danish. Greetings from Indonesia 🙏 I'm so thankful for your explanation that supports me and my mother. My mother can't socialize with other people because she's not allowed to have a phone. Even if she does, she can't tell her problems to her parents (my maternal grandparents) because my grandfather is a malignant overt narcissist. My mother also can't have any group of friends because she's afraid of my father's revenge. My mother doesn't want my father to go somewhere with other women for his excuses. My father is a covert narcissist, same like his parents (my paternal grandparents) who had passed away. Therefore, my mother and I can only rely on God. We always tell our problems to God and read the Bible. God has given us strength and joy to endure until now, and God also led us to find your videos that can support us every day. Thank you so much, Danish 🙏
I left. For good. Now I'm alone. And it feels wonderful. No more negativity, criticism, being put down, called names, being yelled at, manipulated, gaslighted, and more. Peace. 🕊️ There's nothing wrong being alone. I'm embracing it. Because I'm trying to heal.
The amount of loneliness i feel 24/7 is insane, my parents isolated me most of my childhood and i barely have friends even tho i grew up and I'm in my 20s, it's SO HARD to ever fit in anywhere, their abandonment to me still hurts till now
Hey. Don’t worry I’m also almost completely alone. I have very few good friends and my family members have been passing away recently. I just pray for strength from God. Somehow I seem to have something come up and a friend will call me or text me. Sometimes we get together or we go out. So just hang in there. I’ll be praying for you.
I so appreciate your videos they are really spot on and intelligent. I am sorry that you had a covert mother. That has to be one of the worst things to experience as a child. My dad was the narcissist and we didn't live with him so his effect on me was not as great as it could have been. It still enabled me to date 4 coverts in my adult life. Out of my last covert relationship I am embracing my aloneness. I actually thrive when alone and at peace now. I can think straight and focus and have space to love myself and give myself compassion. I enjoy my splendid isolation! I do have close friends and am very close to my sister and pets but I love to be alone now as it is then when I am safest. Thank you sooo much for your insightful videos I really appreciate them. I hope you are far along in healing yourself and I wish you peace and light ❤. I have to say tho I have had to isolate a lot to start my healing and do hate crowds. I know that it's a trauma response.
Narcs make you feel way more alone when you are among people. Staying at a distance in physical lonliness isnt that alone as compared to being among the wrong people.
A nice video, Danish! You are helping me not to blame myself for the painful estrangement from my adult narcissistic child who does not live with me, but treats me badly. Recently, I have been able to avoid this person, which helps.
@renel7303 , last Spring, this person forbade me to attend their wedding, and said I should not consider myself their mother any more. They said we would more or less not have a relationship any more. (This started over a disagreement over the wedding guest list, which led my child to rage at me over the phone for two hours, demeaning me. Told me I should not text, email, visit or call them.) We played the game and acted nice to one another at four extended family events over the past ten months. To be honest, I'm not heartbroken any more It's almost a relief. I am planning a twelve day vacation on my own soon, so as to avoid a probable grandiose and sickening 40th bd party for my child.
Yesterday I cried a lot for the lonely feeling and for that I face stress depression .She don't care about me yet I am free but she dumpded me in very bad way.And this people has no self awareness they think they are always right..So stop talking to me is like them that it's my punishment not a bad thing.But I know how bad that is....!
It gets better. Just don't break no contact. You must look at it as if you were addicted to the rollercoaster of hormones and neurotransmitters due to the abuse.
"literally me" moment, i feel the same during last 4 months after discard and cannot to do anything, cant even read a book, even typing these words is almost impossible, feels totally destroyed, even escaping from home is devastating quest, because all external environment reminds me of her and i just cant bear it. and these people are dont have compassion and self-awareness enough. this shift-blaming and total ignoring from them like we are completely dead for them (almost happened) or like a trash.
The key is to focus on you not them. Their cruel behaviour is all about their disorder, it doesn't reflect on your value as a person. Treat yourself with kindness. Get therapy if you can with someone who understands abusive relationships, sleep, exercise, eat healthy, do some things that you enjoy. Even if it's only a walk in the park, looking at nature helps. It's about finding things to appreciate and building up time that you're not thinking about that relationship (even if it's only a few seconds at first). If you can, pray. You will start to appreciate life again slowly but surely and feel more confident and enthusiastic about going out and being part of the world.
I have experienced the trauma bond from 3 different narcissists in my life. I turned to opiates to help me deal with the pain they all caused me. I finally realized that the drugs were making it worse . I broke the addiction cycle and got away from 2 of the narcs. I am still dealing with a narc spouse that has been destroying me for over 25 years. My health is declining and I am still trying to figure out how to leave him. Most of my support system is gone. Yes it is really lonely but I still have my 4 children to give me motivation and support.
Those pills are bad for your liver and kidneys, you're lucky with 4 kids, I hope you find a nice man, cut your losses count your blessings, you've earned reprise from it all, stay well!
Same, in recovery from 12y opiate addiction and 13y toxic marriage, 3 teenage kids, self medicating is how I got through as I had nobody else. But it was just a crutch, now I have 2 bad habits to break ❤️🩹
Thank you so much for this video. Your final words about putting away your addiction and helping yourself really got me thinking. I'm super addicted to youtube and I spend hours of my life watching videos to drown out my thoughts and feelings. I truly feel this video has helped me realise that and I want you to know how much it helps. Thank you. ❤
How to overcome the fear of giving another person your heart or even smaller things like appreciation or even basic trust/empathy? After the narcissistic abuse
Danish, you are always so insightful, thoughtful and wonderful at helping me understand my emotions in a way that makes me feel good, makes me feel safe, so thank you. Thank you for feeling like I have a big brother that gives "tough love" when I need to hear it, even if I don't want to hear or I'm struggling. This is when I and many others need you, when we're feeling at our lowest point and feel like giving up. Thank you and I appreciate you and all that we do. 🙏🏻 ❤
I have been too ashamed to talk about what happened to me..I have been suppressing it all my life…so embarrassing to think that’s what you are worth..😢
Staying is slow suicide. The judgement is self perceived. Realize that some of them see your narc for what they are. They wonder why you stay. They say nothing or are too subtle or avoid you to avoid them. They don't want to "interfere". If you ever leave they'll ask you " what took you so long?" Don't judge yourself. You're not a failure or a bad person because you made a bad choice. They pull us in.
@@renel7303 interesting perspective. I always think everyone thinks he is wonderful and I’m just an awful person and what a great man he is for putting up with me. I got sick awhile back and at a party one of his mates said it has really affected my looks and how I had gone down hill so fast.
Who cares what others think. They don’t have to live with that person. They don’t have to put up with their bs. Anyone who would judge you for leaving us probably judging you anyway.
I love to be surrounded by people. I love human interaction. I craved human interaction so much I can't tell but since I didn't have any reference of how human relationship forms or bonds happen I kept attracting wrong people and the pattern was repeated. Also I became a shy, quite girl who thinks that her presence is annoying, her accomplishments are not too big, she has no worth, she's evil, crazy and overly sensitive etc etc. This is what I was told since my childhood. Eventually I internalised it. Slowly I'm discerning my wounds and triggrrs, embracing my little child who loves to play, interact, joke around with people. I'm learning to embrace my feminity and be playful and elegant lady. But this time I won't accept breadcrumbs, I won't be a people pleaser, I won't tolerate any disrespect in the form of sarcasm, I won't allow myself to be treated like an option and substance of abuse. I'm trying to falling in love with my solitude and loneliness. Whoever the good person comes along, I would be so grateful for them. I will make sure that they receive my best version not my traumatized version who desperately wants a connection.
there will be no loneliness if you really want to have a better life....i am a muslim ..once we realise something wrong has gone from our life...dont forget to get more closer to God....the one who has save our life .... ❤❤❤
There are alot of people who have , not, had childhood abuse. Some of us had great, and loving childhoods but ended up (by being nieve and protected) in narcissistic relationships. What about us ?
Watch out for covert narcissism in your childhood and where the origin of that idea it was loving comes from. I once believed the same because I was brainwashed by a very skilled covert NPD
You are such a beautiful comfort to my soul.....I have been going thru unrelentless/persistant PTSD from a Monster. That just poured a constant stream of gasoline on the fire my father n countless others set my life a blaze. I thot it was me! But learned that their was a name for this sadistic/ demonic thing i near married. I am a Nurse I have spent my life helping others in my profession....and as the History in my family had many blessings...and curses. Alcholism . Since 14yrs old I thot the answer to STOP the pain....of? Me I thot. Couldnt be my father who molested me n my 4 sisters all our life, or my poor mother who idk what? But she didnt protect us. We were wealthy prominent beautiful family in 1964. The yr i was born last of 6 kids. They are all gone yes im the baby but.....3 sisters my brother n mum all died starting 2017 n gone all of them in less than 2yrs. Idk why i said that at all really guess it was becuz u spoke of isolation/ addiction n pain. I guess i should say just 2 small things my monster said when my entire family was found dead 1 by 1. He said " Please stop talking about ur Brother! Im sick of it. He has been gone now 4 days....please stop!!!" F--- ing shocking. But honest it pails in comparison to just any ordinary day stating " YOUR FATHER WAS'NT THAT BAD....really u just exaggerate as an excuse to drink" My father? Molested all of us girls n they all are dead becuz of him. A Monster Yes im getting help but as time goes on...its worse since he beat me with his barefoot untill i stopped moving n then left me for dead in our own home. You sincerely have saved my self from myself. Thank God for good men like you. There are good ppl...i know i just never met too many. You do God's work. Thank you for going thru all your pain u had to endure as it was not in vain. You help me thru my pain just knowing....you know.
There are so many insightful, positive comments about this post. I relish my alone time, I continue to be kind and polite to most people I encounter, but many aren't worth it. Memphis used to be full of gracious people, now they act like snobs or thugs. So, stay in your lane. Almost weekly, I have all types of people question why I don't have a husband, children, a boyfriend, a family. I have peace in my life. It would be nice to have more joy, but we are all responsible for our own happiness. There is such a difference between loneliness and relishing being alone.
So it's lonely with the non participating narc and it's lonely after leaving them. I think I'd prefer any loneliness that comes with freedom from the narc.
I felt lonely before but it’s not in comparison to what I felt initially after the discard. It was a soul crushing panicking anguish that I’d never felt before. I feared being alone and I feared myself. My mind was racing with negative self-talk; he was the prince and I was the hag. He was the gift and I was the destroyer. Etc etc. now better, I can stand time alone and I don’t suffer as much, but I still ruminate and miss him.
He knows his nature but they won't admitted it. Even if they do, nothing will change. Besides, you are in love with the first stage, the love bombing and that was a copy and paste he did with you. That's why you find him unique but that is not his real face. He mirrored you.
No. A narcissist will never believe they have done anything wrong. In fact after you explain narcissism to them they are going to accuse you of being the narcissist.
I just lay on the floor, back flat looking at the ceiling. Trying to process my experience and control the rumination’s of the reality I thought was real. The infidelity, betrayal, loss…how much trauma can we bear before we break I wonder. Then suddenly it’s quiet. I’m asleep and at peace for a moment…then I’m back, eyes open hoping for this day to end and a new one to begin. Groundhog day….
I grew up with an extremely abusive mother, and older brother. Currently, I feel very alone,lost, isolated. I don’t know what to do. So I just work insane amount of hours each week, just to keep myself busy, when home, I past out from shear exhaustion.
Yes exactly i was feeling that I can't live without him that was the biggest fear of my life.... now I am breathing since 3 months without him but but dying every day
After the hell I’ve been through I’m not ready to be with anyone. I don’t trust like I used to anyway. I know I’ve got allot of inner work to do and it sucks. It’s no fast healing. It’s recovery. It’s hard, and rewarding, then hard, and rewarding again. I don’t trust myself to pick a good man yet either. If there is any left.
This was super helpful. Now I think I can move forward. Thank you so much. I'll be looking for follow up content. Thank you for your spot on analysis and solutions. Only one who's been in this abuse could be as clear as you.
the depression is so bad, Ive been planning onkillingmyabusersthenmyself. I wake up every day so sad, crying not wanting to go on. Its terrible. No friends but the spirits themselves.
I get bout of vomit and to gain energy sleep a lot to become normal ,so many physical problems and mind to be strong ,emotionally to remain peace , after years of trauma still takes time to come out of that narcissistic abuse
Self medicated for 12 years to numb the pain of a toxic marriage, been separated nearly year and in treatment for addiction for many years. Though I think now I've removed the cause, the symptom will be a bit easier treat 🙏🏻
Let us fill with love ❤️. But as well as self-love - including self-respect, boundaries, CLARITY. As the bible says - as peaceful as a dove, as wise as a serpent. Always primarily take care of and relate to the business of our own genuine heartfelt nature ♥️ which no one else may have done throughout our lives. We can make the healing flow. Even in an unsupportive environment, we can support ourselves, love ourselves, heroes ourselves and protect ourselves. Much love all x
Danish, have you got any ideas on how to control the anger outbursts that we experience as narcissistic survivors? Sometimes this can stand in our way of moving forward, especially if we are short tempered with the very people who are helping us to move on!
advice please, they isolated me from young, abused me mentally,physically and now all i have left is myself and their passive agression,stalking,intimidating. both parents and siblings are narcistic, im the empath,scapegoat. im really sick now, dont know what to do anymore. Ive tried distancing myself from them,i tried boundries, none of it works, the abuse and mindboggling narcistic games tend to worsen.my body is getting sick of panic attacks, cuz my parents allow my brother to stalk and intimidate me or even hit me is being put under the rug many times.
I am happy because i am free and before leaving my ex i told him i want freedom .God will healed all my pain and sorrows and i put my trust in him because God save me .One day it happened when he came home drunk he shouted at me and my children and when i told him to go to his own room he went and took a knife and hold me facing to the wall he is going to kill me at that moment i can't do nothing and my daughter came running and shouted at him and told him to put away the knife and i know that at that moment God hold back his hand and he went to put the knife back .Yes he always said that he wanted to kill me and my son.So by sharing this i want to encourage each and everyone that we should be thankfull to God for saving us and let us free from the bondage of the devil and i pray that each and every survivors will live a happy life .God blessed you all.
This is off topic, but i'm curious for Danish, and other's, thoughts. do you think a Narcissist believes they are a good person and treats the scapegoat well? There are videos Danish and others have done, saying how the narcissist knows what they do is wrong and bad, because they don't do this to others in public, etc, etc. They can turn the evil on/off. While my mother is evil and has treated me like trash and I know she knows what she's doing is wrong, but one thing about my dad, which I'm not sure if he is a narcissist, is that he will explode at people in public too. It's not just his family. I remember a few incidents. 1. We were at some Sports store looking to purchase some lifting equipment. I saw an all-in-one unit which i liked, and we asked the sales rep to check if they had it for us. He comes back and apologizes that it's out of stock, and I say okay that's no problem, as I wasn't sure I really wanted it anyways, and then my dad EXPLODES at the guy saying WHY IS IT OUT HERE IF YOU DON'T HAVE IT IN STOCK and just going off on the guy like they didn't just sell the last unit that day or something and just didn't restock, as if they are going to remove floor units or something, my dad was so angry and I had to calm him down and say it's okay and apologize to the guy or w/e. Then I found a bench and weights which were much better for me and I got that. The entire incident could have been averted. The worst part was the guy tried to give me a bent bar (probably came that way and they were going ot return it, but the guy tried to pawn it off to us because dad treated him like shit). I looked at him in the eye and just said that the bar is bent and if he could please just get me one that isn't. I was tempted ot just get a manager because this guy was trying to dick me, but at that point I was always the one who try and have to diffuse situations and be "the nice guy" to not be screwed over like in this situation, even though it was my father's fault. A manager would have dealt with it properly, but I really didn't want the guy to get in trouble, because the entire situation was my dad's fault... BUt the guy did become a dick after that. I just wanted it to not have to be escalated, plus, since I didn't know how my parents would react(as usual) I just tried to make the situation "Go away" and again "diffuse it" as best as possible. He did give me a straight bar after that. But who knows what they did to my stuff... That was probably 15 years ago at this point now.
Another time we were at an Indian restaurant that my parents had been going to for like 20 years, knew the Owner/Chef from when he was a waiter and then worked his way up and bought the place. The guy isn't known for keeping staff and isn't just a good businessman, but the food is incredible. We order and get the food, but the food looks different visually/color. My know-it-all father, instead of trying his dish assumed my brother's dish was his, I think he tried a little of it, said it wasn't, then switched to my brohters, tried his but idnd't think it was. Then he asked the waiter to get the owner and the owner comes out sees the dish isn't the right one(because my dad switched it) and starts barating his waiter in front of us. Then my dad makes a stupid fking comment saying "It's hard to find good help these days." Which was fking shameful and disgusting to say to the poor 15/16 year old kid who it looked like it was his first job. I was going to say something that my dad switched the dishes, but I knew if I got involved it would be bad for me. I really felt, and still feel bad for that kid, and I REALLY REGRET not sticking up for him, because HE DID NOTHING WRONG. After they left my brother made a comment to my father about how disgusting his comment was. I believe they had left. They got into an argument I believe. Then for years later, my father would talk about it to me saying how my brother should have been on his side, and how he should have been on "The family'S side" YEAH LIKE HEIS EVER ON ANYONE ELSE'S SIDE BUT HIS OR HIS WIFE'S." That was exactly why I didn't say anything, because it would have been me who would have gotten the BS..... and I'm the Scapegoat/Blacksheep, not the Golden Child like my brother, so the incident would have been worse I'm sure. The best/worst part? My fking know-it-all, amazing, great father leaves his debit/credit card on the table(he doesn't usually do that), and the kid came running out to us to give us the card(he gave it to me). I was gong to apologize about my father's behavior and say it wasn't his(the kid's) fault, but I didn't... I just didn't think bringing it up again would do any good, or w/e and wasn't sure if it mattered, but I have believed that I probably should have told him so he doesn't hold it in him that he did something wrong, because as a trauma/abuse victim, that is how it was always for me. any perceived blame I would ruminate and suffer over for weeks in not months/years later, especially if it wound up in pain/abuse, etc. That kid was absolutely humiliated and treated horribly in front of us by not only the owner, but by my father. The owner should have taken it up with the kid in private, and not in front of us, and my father shouldn't have said shit. The WORST PART is that my father didn't even acknowledge he messed up or switched the plates. That coupled with his stupid comment makes it magnitudes worse. He didn't acknowledge fault, and then blamed the other guy, even though the fault lay 100% on my know-it-all father, because h thought my brother's dish was his, and wouldn't accept it... Just like he CAN NEVER ACCEPT ANYTHING BUT WHAT HE BELIEVES. This is what is so frustrating about him. I don't know if my father is a narcissist, but he is beyond stubborn and just so fking hard to deal with.
Loneliness has become constant i am trying to come out of it for the second time I am undergoing depression , i try meditation going out alone for peace of mind still...can never get rid of him some or the other way i get stuck and back to the same cycle.😭
Finally I can forgive myself for running after any source of love, however tiny and humiliating.
Same here, well said! 🫶👏
Loneliness has become peaceful after going through hell. Embrace the joy in quiet and discover yourself again ❤
How kind that take
How long that take
Exactly. I'm embracing it.
Yes indeed ❤
The sense of loneliness comes from being trauma bonded with a narc. The survivor has been at the receiving end of narc abuse for so long, that they become programmed to the bread-crumbs - almost like Stockholm syndrome. But believe me, one will be at complete peace when one is successful in breaking the trauma bond. It won't feel lonely anymore - it will feel peaceful.
❤
This is very true I think the loneliness comes from only knowing what your used to whether that’s right or wrong and also the great dependency they create and then not having that is weird too
It is hard to explain.....and I like your explanation.....but also it feels as if I need the abusers to undo the abuse or admit he manipulated me.........I know that narcs use intermittent reinforcement ....as if they all went to the same school....to learn.
Please, the psycopath is an ass3sine! Before he meet new empaths is too mucho possible he did killed someone and used me to look normal, found a normal job, is very strange he change from contries to countries, he tried to killed me 4 times with knife on my chest, is too possible you be sleeping with a killer too, and after You Discover his real he Will try to kill You do his true can keep in secret. The f***k! Please help, authorities doesn't help, they received money to blame víctims!!!
@@jbrown2908So true dear.
Take all the kindness and empathy you have, and direct it towards yourself. That's where it's needed right now.
GOLD!!!!
Too true! Vital to do! Self love. Self acceptance. Self forgiveness. Self respect. Self regulation. Self confidence building.
I’m definitely slow at recognizing abuse because I grew up with it. I definitely do not seek it, and I’m always surprised when I find myself in it.
Same here!😪
I was very happy after my divorce. I could come home from work and be happy and quiet
Yes, there is a difference between being alone and being lonely
I agree it's very peaceful being alone without this evil person I was feeling more lonely when he was living with me and he spent more time with his friends than being at home I felt very neglected by him being a so called husband but those days are in the past if you have good friends who are there for you you don't have to feel lonely and I've got my dogs and cats who give me more love and affection than my ex ever did
My mom too
@@margaretjohnson1401yes lonely jeans you seek some sort of attention but it can be from friends family pets anyone who is not abusive!
Mee too dear
It’s heartbreaking how many of us have been through this or are currently going through this it’s unfortunate but God bless us all and I pray God fills every void we may have and comforts us and gives us the strength to keeping pushing and to fully heal mentally, emotionally, financially and physically amen ❤
Ameen true
I agree with you in prayer.
Amen
Today I have a really bad day and you picked me up again. Thank you so much.
I hope you feel better soon . It's a struggle, I know. You will be OK. Hang in there.
Thank you very much. I wish all of you the best from the bottom of my heart and I am so grateful to be in contact with this Group.
Push ahead, we can do this. Be well.
@@cmauj7688 Thank you so much, I am so grateful for you guys!
@@malibu90265 thank you so much, I pray for All of US!
17years with a narcissist, 3kids out of that relationship. 6months ago and I finally got the pants to leave him. I hate it that everyone feels I should be fine by now! They all don't UNDERSTAND and it makes me not want to talk to no one who don't understand me. I don't feel in any type of way to even wanna DATE or talk to another guy, not in my interest AT ALL. My heart has way too many wounds and I don't like hurting no one's feelings, it's not fair for me to date another man when in my heart there's still love for the narcissist I was with for half my life. I need to heal first before I think of dating, I'm enjoying my peace! Putting myself first!!! Something I never did in those 17years,focusing on my health and my mental health also. And yes I'm not gonna lie I do feel LONELY ALOT and I miss my ex husband but I know it's part of the trauma
From my experience, you can't deal with loneliness unless you keep yourself super busy in chasing your goals.
1. Consider Narc and flying monkeys are dead due to the pandemic and you are alone.
2. Eat 3 to 4 meals full of protein
2. Do gym
3. Search for job or do something that was your dream.
You will be busy and tired which will help you sleep better.
Don't forget to pray too.
When I feel lonely, I watch your videos and read the fellow nice people's comments! 😅
Bless to you 💕
You just described my life. And how I ended up married to a narcissist twice. I just wanted to be loved, and as soon as I was shown any "love," that was the person I went to. I can not thank you enough for the answers and validation your videos have given me. And to be both happy and sad to know I am not alone after all. Thank you so much ❤
I am for the easy-going approach. When someone is out of the narcissistic relationship, the last thing we need is a new one. Relationships always require some adjustments and dedication and when we are out of a relationship that drained us, we do need some healing time. We need to clear our mind, recover our body and come back to senses.
Being alone and choosing our new relationships carefully isn't being lonely.
Besides, having or not having a partner doesn't define our value. No need to jump into a new emotional relationship. I personally enjoy in reconnecting with some nice people, having new friendships, reconstructing the relationship with my grownup children and dealing with the most neglected person in my life - myself.
While in the Narcissist Relationship, the only way I could stay somewhat sane was to keep a diary, it helped me understand what I was experiencing, 😏🚩🏃♀️
It helps you to release trauma while being safe. I have been alone for years and I have found people who told me they were abused only to find out later that they were covert narcissists. The problem is that you get the smear campaign too because they see you as a threat so, they tell everyone you are a narcissist. Besides, it's hard to make friends if you are not young any longer.
@@Lyrielonwind They experience a Narcissistic Injury when you reject them, then they have to smear you, it can be lonely at the beginning and occasionally after, I found reading the Bible helps, and developing a relationship with God, but I also feels its a period of isolation , because you are going through a Spiritual Awakening in some cases,so you need to be by yourself for that to happen. Blessings , Love and Light🙌✨💜✨
My diary kept me in control of my life and it would’ve been so much harder to get back or move forward if I hadn’t seen the “story” of the relationship. How could he go from loving to distant cold and critical in 4 weeks? Such a shock really, it became traumatic to me. Now it’s been a while since but today I almost called him again. 😢❤️🩹
@@ingridwrites Please don't call him, try and Stay *No Contact*, it's the only way,as you will only be opening yourself up for more pain and heartache, and they are worse the second time round, because they experienced a Narcissistic Injury, and will want revenge on you,it's the Trauma Bond makes us want to go back abd the Dopamine hit we got from them, I wrote a detailed List of all the things he did to me,and put it on my Cupboard door, to break the Trauma Bond, I also turned to God to help me, I asked God to Renew me,and Restore me and Heal me,and allow me to take Refuge in him, I also asked God to heal and cleanse my mind of any and all mental and emotional pain.,and to take my pain fron me that the Narcissist caused, and I wrote a letter to the Narcissist explaining how I felt,I got all my feelings out, then I burnt the letter, it was a therapist that recommended this technique, burn the letter, not to send to the Narcissist, I found all these things greatly helped me,and leaning on God for strength and healing You got this, believe ✨💜✨
Abused with false love for how long if it's a parent? How many decades, half a century perhaps? A child who moves out only to act immature at the horrors of being on their own 2 feet? Someone you marry only to have the rug pulled-out from under you? Stand your ground, you've earned it!
Yes this episode made me cry because you hit really close to how I feel and what's going on in my life
Your such a wise man. I get so much out of your teaching. You give me such hope . I appreciate you so much sir.
Thank you for discussing healing from narcissistic abuse. You are effective at identifying the symptoms of post- narcissistic abuse.
It was lonly with him here. Now that hes gone i just appreciate the peace.
I think it's an achievement to deal with numerous malignant narcissistic groups simultaneously for 4 years , and yet not develop any addiction of any substance, emotional/binge eating or other bad habits. 🎉
Hii, Danish. Greetings from Indonesia 🙏
I'm so thankful for your explanation that supports me and my mother. My mother can't socialize with other people because she's not allowed to have a phone. Even if she does, she can't tell her problems to her parents (my maternal grandparents) because my grandfather is a malignant overt narcissist. My mother also can't have any group of friends because she's afraid of my father's revenge. My mother doesn't want my father to go somewhere with other women for his excuses.
My father is a covert narcissist, same like his parents (my paternal grandparents) who had passed away. Therefore, my mother and I can only rely on God. We always tell our problems to God and read the Bible. God has given us strength and joy to endure until now, and God also led us to find your videos that can support us every day. Thank you so much, Danish 🙏
I left. For good. Now I'm alone. And it feels wonderful. No more negativity, criticism, being put down, called names, being yelled at, manipulated, gaslighted, and more. Peace. 🕊️ There's nothing wrong being alone. I'm embracing it. Because I'm trying to heal.
I know what u mean
I'm going through the same thing I wish what I'm learning now I new 31 years ago
The amount of loneliness i feel 24/7 is insane, my parents isolated me most of my childhood and i barely have friends even tho i grew up and I'm in my 20s, it's SO HARD to ever fit in anywhere, their abandonment to me still hurts till now
Hey. Don’t worry I’m also almost completely alone. I have very few good friends and my family members have been passing away recently. I just pray for strength from God. Somehow I seem to have something come up and a friend will call me or text me. Sometimes we get together or we go out. So just hang in there. I’ll be praying for you.
@@LUCKYFLORES-b6c thank you,also i wish you well this must be hard💔
I so appreciate your videos they are really spot on and intelligent. I am sorry that you had a covert mother. That has to be one of the worst things to experience as a child. My dad was the narcissist and we didn't live with him so his effect on me was not as great as it could have been. It still enabled me to date 4 coverts in my adult life. Out of my last covert relationship I am embracing my aloneness. I actually thrive when alone and at peace now. I can think straight and focus and have space to love myself and give myself compassion. I enjoy my splendid isolation! I do have close friends and am very close to my sister and pets but I love to be alone now as it is then when I am safest. Thank you sooo much for your insightful videos I really appreciate them. I hope you are far along in healing yourself and I wish you peace and light ❤. I have to say tho I have had to isolate a lot to start my healing and do hate crowds. I know that it's a trauma response.
Narcs make you feel way more alone when you are among people.
Staying at a distance in physical lonliness isnt that alone as compared to being among the wrong people.
A nice video, Danish! You are helping me not to blame myself for the painful estrangement from my adult narcissistic child who does not live with me, but treats me badly. Recently, I have been able to avoid this person, which helps.
Remember that it doesn't make you a bad mother. Not him being a narcissist or you now wanting to avoid them. Be happy and well.
We didn't invent the term " estrangement", but I am so glad it exists.
@renel7303 , last Spring, this person forbade me to attend their wedding, and said I should not consider myself their mother any more. They said we would more or less not have a relationship any more. (This started over a disagreement over the wedding guest list, which led my child to rage at me over the phone for two hours, demeaning me. Told me I should not text, email, visit or call them.) We played the game and acted nice to one another at four extended family events over the past ten months. To be honest, I'm not heartbroken any more
It's almost a relief. I am planning a twelve day vacation on my own soon, so as to avoid a probable grandiose and sickening 40th bd party for my child.
Yesterday I cried a lot for the lonely feeling and for that I face stress depression .She don't care about me yet I am free but she dumpded me in very bad way.And this people has no self awareness they think they are always right..So stop talking to me is like them that it's my punishment not a bad thing.But I know how bad that is....!
It gets better. Just don't break no contact. You must look at it as if you were addicted to the rollercoaster of hormones and neurotransmitters due to the abuse.
"literally me" moment, i feel the same during last 4 months after discard and cannot to do anything, cant even read a book, even typing these words is almost impossible, feels totally destroyed, even escaping from home is devastating quest, because all external environment reminds me of her and i just cant bear it.
and these people are dont have compassion and self-awareness enough. this shift-blaming and total ignoring from them like we are completely dead for them (almost happened) or like a trash.
The key is to focus on you not them. Their cruel behaviour is all about their disorder, it doesn't reflect on your value as a person. Treat yourself with kindness. Get therapy if you can with someone who understands abusive relationships, sleep, exercise, eat healthy, do some things that you enjoy. Even if it's only a walk in the park, looking at nature helps. It's about finding things to appreciate and building up time that you're not thinking about that relationship (even if it's only a few seconds at first). If you can, pray. You will start to appreciate life again slowly but surely and feel more confident and enthusiastic about going out and being part of the world.
Much Needed Topic Thanks Danish 🎉
I have experienced the trauma bond from 3 different narcissists in my life. I turned to opiates to help me deal with the pain they all caused me. I finally realized that the drugs were making it worse . I broke the addiction cycle and got away from 2 of the narcs. I am still dealing with a narc spouse that has been destroying me for over 25 years. My health is declining and I am still trying to figure out how to leave him. Most of my support system is gone. Yes it is really lonely but I still have my 4 children to give me motivation and support.
Those pills are bad for your liver and kidneys, you're lucky with 4 kids, I hope you find a nice man, cut your losses count your blessings, you've earned reprise from it all, stay well!
@@joseenoel8093 thanks for your kind words.
Same, in recovery from 12y opiate addiction and 13y toxic marriage, 3 teenage kids, self medicating is how I got through as I had nobody else. But it was just a crutch, now I have 2 bad habits to break ❤️🩹
Thank you so much for this video. Your final words about putting away your addiction and helping yourself really got me thinking. I'm super addicted to youtube and I spend hours of my life watching videos to drown out my thoughts and feelings. I truly feel this video has helped me realise that and I want you to know how much it helps. Thank you. ❤
As an introvert, I sometimes prefer to be alone. Other people get on my nerves. Annoying ignoramuses.
It always surprises me how they actually take it personally 😊 Nah, I'm just taking my space 😅
How to overcome the fear of giving another person your heart or even smaller things like appreciation or even basic trust/empathy? After the narcissistic abuse
Danish, you are always so insightful, thoughtful and wonderful at helping me understand my emotions in a way that makes me feel good, makes me feel safe, so thank you. Thank you for feeling like I have a big brother that gives "tough love" when I need to hear it, even if I don't want to hear or I'm struggling. This is when I and many others need you, when we're feeling at our lowest point and feel like giving up. Thank you and I appreciate you and all that we do. 🙏🏻 ❤
I have been too ashamed to talk about what happened to me..I have been suppressing it all my life…so embarrassing to think that’s what you are worth..😢
Me toooooo! It took me 25 years to tell details to my sister
So true and too scared to leave as the judgement from others is just to painful to bear.
Staying is slow suicide. The judgement is self perceived. Realize that some of them see your narc for what they are. They wonder why you stay. They say nothing or are too subtle or avoid you to avoid them. They don't want to "interfere". If you ever leave they'll ask you " what took you so long?" Don't judge yourself. You're not a failure or a bad person because you made a bad choice. They pull us in.
@@renel7303 interesting perspective. I always think everyone thinks he is wonderful and I’m just an awful person and what a great man he is for putting up with me. I got sick awhile back and at a party one of his mates said it has really affected my looks and how I had gone down hill so fast.
Who cares what others think. They don’t have to live with that person. They don’t have to put up with their bs. Anyone who would judge you for leaving us probably judging you anyway.
I love to be surrounded by people. I love human interaction. I craved human interaction so much I can't tell but since I didn't have any reference of how human relationship forms or bonds happen I kept attracting wrong people and the pattern was repeated. Also I became a shy, quite girl who thinks that her presence is annoying, her accomplishments are not too big, she has no worth, she's evil, crazy and overly sensitive etc etc. This is what I was told since my childhood. Eventually I internalised it. Slowly I'm discerning my wounds and triggrrs, embracing my little child who loves to play, interact, joke around with people. I'm learning to embrace my feminity and be playful and elegant lady. But this time I won't accept breadcrumbs, I won't be a people pleaser, I won't tolerate any disrespect in the form of sarcasm, I won't allow myself to be treated like an option and substance of abuse. I'm trying to falling in love with my solitude and loneliness. Whoever the good person comes along, I would be so grateful for them. I will make sure that they receive my best version not my traumatized version who desperately wants a connection.
there will be no loneliness if you really want to have a better life....i am a muslim ..once we realise something wrong has gone from our life...dont forget to get more closer to God....the one who has save our life .... ❤❤❤
Very helpful as usual ❤
There are alot of people who have , not, had childhood abuse. Some of us had great, and loving childhoods but ended up (by being nieve and protected) in narcissistic relationships. What about us ?
Watch out for covert narcissism in your childhood and where the origin of that idea it was loving comes from. I once believed the same because I was brainwashed by a very skilled covert NPD
You are such a beautiful comfort to my soul.....I have been going thru unrelentless/persistant PTSD from a Monster. That just poured a constant stream of gasoline on the fire my father n countless others set my life a blaze.
I thot it was me! But learned that their was a name for this sadistic/ demonic thing i near married. I am a Nurse I have spent my life helping others in my profession....and as the History in my family had many blessings...and curses. Alcholism . Since 14yrs old I thot the answer to STOP the pain....of? Me I thot. Couldnt be my father who molested me n my 4 sisters all our life, or my poor mother who idk what? But she didnt protect us. We were wealthy prominent beautiful family in 1964. The yr i was born last of 6 kids.
They are all gone yes im the baby but.....3 sisters my brother n mum all died starting 2017 n gone all of them in less than 2yrs.
Idk why i said that at all really guess it was becuz u spoke of isolation/ addiction n pain. I guess i should say just 2 small things my monster said when my entire family was found dead 1 by 1. He said " Please stop talking about ur Brother! Im sick of it. He has been gone now 4 days....please stop!!!" F--- ing shocking. But honest it pails in comparison to just any ordinary day stating " YOUR FATHER WAS'NT THAT BAD....really u just exaggerate as an excuse to drink" My father? Molested all of us girls n they all are dead becuz of him. A Monster
Yes im getting help but as time goes on...its worse since he beat me with his barefoot untill i stopped moving n then left me for dead in our own home. You sincerely have saved my self from myself. Thank God for good men like you. There are good ppl...i know i just never met too many.
You do God's work. Thank you for going thru all your pain u had to endure as it was not in vain. You help me thru my pain just knowing....you know.
I have always went through these traumas according to you
Thank you so much for this video. The loneliness is a crushing weight waiting to take my last breath😢
There are so many insightful, positive comments about this post. I relish my alone time, I continue to be kind and polite to most people I encounter, but many aren't worth it. Memphis used to be full of gracious people, now they act like snobs or thugs. So, stay in your lane. Almost weekly, I have all types of people question why I don't have a husband, children, a boyfriend, a family. I have peace in my life. It would be nice to have more joy, but we are all responsible for our own happiness. There is such a difference between loneliness and relishing being alone.
So it's lonely with the non participating narc and it's lonely after leaving them. I think I'd prefer any loneliness that comes with freedom from the narc.
Last night I couldn't sleep almost anything 😢. Today seems to be hard for me to get out of bed...I am sleepy and like empty... I will try my Best!
You helped me by explaining what happened to me early in my life and how it continued to this day. Now I am facing major depression.
I'm finding your channel very helpful. Your voice is also quite calming and nuturing. ❤
You are addressing a needed target central area problem that survivors suffer from. Thanks.
I feel that to be alone for awhile is needed to heal and learn to know myself, find myself again
I felt lonely before but it’s not in comparison to what I felt initially after the discard. It was a soul crushing panicking anguish that I’d never felt before. I feared being alone and I feared myself. My mind was racing with negative self-talk; he was the prince and I was the hag. He was the gift and I was the destroyer. Etc etc.
now better, I can stand time alone and I don’t suffer as much, but I still ruminate and miss him.
The more time I spend with myself and my interests instead of with the narcissist, the better I feel, think and act!
Thank you for being here. I need to remember who my partner is and to be careful of motivations behind his actions. he needs an audience.
Sir, whether the narcissist knew they were that??. If I expose him in front of him, can he understand his nature ??
Nop they can even use that against you
He knows his nature but they won't admitted it. Even if they do, nothing will change.
Besides, you are in love with the first stage, the love bombing and that was a copy and paste he did with you. That's why you find him unique but that is not his real face. He mirrored you.
They Never change, will Never admit their wrong-doing or involvement…Never!
Good Luck❤️🩹
No. A narcissist will never believe they have done anything wrong. In fact after you explain narcissism to them they are going to accuse you of being the narcissist.
Thank you all for the response 🙏🙏
One of the best I’ve heard
I just lay on the floor, back flat looking at the ceiling. Trying to process my experience and control the rumination’s of the reality I thought was real. The infidelity, betrayal, loss…how much trauma can we bear before we break I wonder. Then suddenly it’s quiet. I’m asleep and at peace for a moment…then I’m back, eyes open hoping for this day to end and a new one to begin. Groundhog day….
I grew up with an extremely abusive mother, and older brother. Currently, I feel very alone,lost, isolated. I don’t know what to do. So I just work insane amount of hours each week, just to keep myself busy, when home, I past out from shear exhaustion.
Yes exactly i was feeling that I can't live without him that was the biggest fear of my life.... now I am breathing since 3 months without him but but dying every day
After the hell I’ve been through I’m not ready to be with anyone. I don’t trust like I used to anyway. I know I’ve got allot of inner work to do and it sucks. It’s no fast healing. It’s recovery. It’s hard, and rewarding, then hard, and rewarding again. I don’t trust myself to pick a good man yet either. If there is any left.
This was super helpful. Now I think I can move forward. Thank you so much. I'll be looking for follow up content. Thank you for your spot on analysis and solutions. Only one who's been in this abuse could be as clear as you.
U helped me so much with this im gping under these circumstances these days ...thank u for helping n guiding
You are my best friend Danish . Lots of love to you .God bless you
Now that she's gone, I constantly have people stopping by the house.
Imagine that.
I will never ever trust any man in my life . Never Never Ever No thank you I had Enough 😢
Thank you again Danish, you describe this completely
Stellar advice.Heart,soul,human.❤
gosh, Danish, your topics are so relevant to me! thank you!
Thanks for this motivation 🙏👍🏻
You are spot on! I understand this very personaly.
the depression is so bad, Ive been planning onkillingmyabusersthenmyself. I wake up every day so sad, crying not wanting to go on. Its terrible. No friends but the spirits themselves.
SEEK JESUS RIGHT AWAY!!!!
Go to a therapist quick!!!!!
Felt
Have you tried ECT? Electric shock therapy? It saved my life
Thise spirits are not your friends. You need to call on God, Jesus and His angels. Get out of that dark hole.
Thank you Danish, you helped me a lot. and not only with this video. I learn a lot from you.
Thank you Danish
Yes you have helped me
I start my day with your videos ❤
I get bout of vomit and to gain energy sleep a lot to become normal ,so many physical problems and mind to be strong ,emotionally to remain peace , after years of trauma still takes time to come out of that narcissistic abuse
Sooner would a nursing mother leave her child than I would leave you. Isaiah 49:15
Self medicated for 12 years to numb the pain of a toxic marriage, been separated nearly year and in treatment for addiction for many years. Though I think now I've removed the cause, the symptom will be a bit easier treat 🙏🏻
Thanx, you just explained my lufe to me 😢
In a narcissistic relationship you are the loneliest person in the world. ...
True ...
Danish you are a very Special Angel ❤❤
You have nailed it here for me. She was so hot and cold i at the beginning of our marriage joked it was bi polar love.
Let us fill with love ❤️. But as well as self-love - including self-respect, boundaries, CLARITY. As the bible says - as peaceful as a dove, as wise as a serpent.
Always primarily take care of and relate to the business of our own genuine heartfelt nature ♥️ which no one else may have done throughout our lives. We can make the healing flow. Even in an unsupportive environment, we can support ourselves, love ourselves, heroes ourselves and protect ourselves. Much love all x
Substance abuse is really a thing, especially alcohol and smoking.
Danish, have you got any ideas on how to control the anger outbursts that we experience as narcissistic survivors? Sometimes this can stand in our way of moving forward, especially if we are short tempered with the very people who are helping us to move on!
My mother shamed,humiliated,abused physically and her touch is so insidious is a disease.
Thanks 🙏
advice please, they isolated me from young, abused me mentally,physically and now all i have left is myself and their passive agression,stalking,intimidating. both parents and siblings are narcistic, im the empath,scapegoat. im really sick now, dont know what to do anymore.
Ive tried distancing myself from them,i tried boundries, none of it works, the abuse and mindboggling narcistic games tend to worsen.my body is getting sick of panic attacks, cuz my parents allow my brother to stalk and intimidate me or even hit me is being put under the rug many times.
Thats right
I love you Danish!!
Yes
I am happy because i am free and before leaving my ex i told him i want freedom .God will healed all my pain and sorrows and i put my trust in him because God save me .One day it happened when he came home drunk he shouted at me and my children and when i told him to go to his own room he went and took a knife and hold me facing to the wall he is going to kill me at that moment i can't do nothing and my daughter came running and shouted at him and told him to put away the knife and i know that at that moment God hold back his hand and he went to put the knife back .Yes he always said that he wanted to kill me and my son.So by sharing this i want to encourage each and everyone that we should be thankfull to God for saving us and let us free from the bondage of the devil and i pray that each and every survivors will live a happy life .God blessed you all.
No loneliness. Will be relief!!!!!
Its been 4 weeks since I have been disregarded. It is so lonely with out her. Still going no contact ...... its difficult but trying to hangin.
I need help with finding a group therapy
Danish I love you ❤😢
Ty
This is off topic, but i'm curious for Danish, and other's, thoughts.
do you think a Narcissist believes they are a good person and treats the scapegoat well? There are videos Danish and others have done, saying how the narcissist knows what they do is wrong and bad, because they don't do this to others in public, etc, etc. They can turn the evil on/off.
While my mother is evil and has treated me like trash and I know she knows what she's doing is wrong, but one thing about my dad, which I'm not sure if he is a narcissist, is that he will explode at people in public too. It's not just his family.
I remember a few incidents. 1. We were at some Sports store looking to purchase some lifting equipment. I saw an all-in-one unit which i liked, and we asked the sales rep to check if they had it for us. He comes back and apologizes that it's out of stock, and I say okay that's no problem, as I wasn't sure I really wanted it anyways, and then my dad EXPLODES at the guy saying WHY IS IT OUT HERE IF YOU DON'T HAVE IT IN STOCK and just going off on the guy like they didn't just sell the last unit that day or something and just didn't restock, as if they are going to remove floor units or something, my dad was so angry and I had to calm him down and say it's okay and apologize to the guy or w/e.
Then I found a bench and weights which were much better for me and I got that. The entire incident could have been averted. The worst part was the guy tried to give me a bent bar (probably came that way and they were going ot return it, but the guy tried to pawn it off to us because dad treated him like shit). I looked at him in the eye and just said that the bar is bent and if he could please just get me one that isn't. I was tempted ot just get a manager because this guy was trying to dick me, but at that point I was always the one who try and have to diffuse situations and be "the nice guy" to not be screwed over like in this situation, even though it was my father's fault. A manager would have dealt with it properly, but I really didn't want the guy to get in trouble, because the entire situation was my dad's fault... BUt the guy did become a dick after that. I just wanted it to not have to be escalated, plus, since I didn't know how my parents would react(as usual) I just tried to make the situation "Go away" and again "diffuse it" as best as possible. He did give me a straight bar after that. But who knows what they did to my stuff... That was probably 15 years ago at this point now.
Another time we were at an Indian restaurant that my parents had been going to for like 20 years, knew the Owner/Chef from when he was a waiter and then worked his way up and bought the place. The guy isn't known for keeping staff and isn't just a good businessman, but the food is incredible. We order and get the food, but the food looks different visually/color. My know-it-all father, instead of trying his dish assumed my brother's dish was his, I think he tried a little of it, said it wasn't, then switched to my brohters, tried his but idnd't think it was. Then he asked the waiter to get the owner and the owner comes out sees the dish isn't the right one(because my dad switched it) and starts barating his waiter in front of us.
Then my dad makes a stupid fking comment saying "It's hard to find good help these days." Which was fking shameful and disgusting to say to the poor 15/16 year old kid who it looked like it was his first job. I was going to say something that my dad switched the dishes, but I knew if I got involved it would be bad for me. I really felt, and still feel bad for that kid, and I REALLY REGRET not sticking up for him, because HE DID NOTHING WRONG.
After they left my brother made a comment to my father about how disgusting his comment was. I believe they had left. They got into an argument I believe. Then for years later, my father would talk about it to me saying how my brother should have been on his side, and how he should have been on "The family'S side" YEAH LIKE HEIS EVER ON ANYONE ELSE'S SIDE BUT HIS OR HIS WIFE'S."
That was exactly why I didn't say anything, because it would have been me who would have gotten the BS..... and I'm the Scapegoat/Blacksheep, not the Golden Child like my brother, so the incident would have been worse I'm sure.
The best/worst part?
My fking know-it-all, amazing, great father leaves his debit/credit card on the table(he doesn't usually do that), and the kid came running out to us to give us the card(he gave it to me). I was gong to apologize about my father's behavior and say it wasn't his(the kid's) fault, but I didn't... I just didn't think bringing it up again would do any good, or w/e and wasn't sure if it mattered, but I have believed that I probably should have told him so he doesn't hold it in him that he did something wrong, because as a trauma/abuse victim, that is how it was always for me. any perceived blame I would ruminate and suffer over for weeks in not months/years later, especially if it wound up in pain/abuse, etc.
That kid was absolutely humiliated and treated horribly in front of us by not only the owner, but by my father. The owner should have taken it up with the kid in private, and not in front of us, and my father shouldn't have said shit.
The WORST PART is that my father didn't even acknowledge he messed up or switched the plates. That coupled with his stupid comment makes it magnitudes worse. He didn't acknowledge fault, and then blamed the other guy, even though the fault lay 100% on my know-it-all father, because h thought my brother's dish was his, and wouldn't accept it... Just like he CAN NEVER ACCEPT ANYTHING BUT WHAT HE BELIEVES. This is what is so frustrating about him.
I don't know if my father is a narcissist, but he is beyond stubborn and just so fking hard to deal with.
BUT friends do not get it. Even when you share. They dont have time to care.
Loneliness has become constant i am trying to come out of it for the second time I am undergoing depression , i try meditation going out alone for peace of mind still...can never get rid of him some or the other way i get stuck and back to the same cycle.😭
It’s all narc relationships, not just romantic ones ☝🏽
Tq.
After 5 months im crying again i dont know what to do.