There is a Native American belief that when we are grieving, we are closest to God. Therefor, grief is seen as sacred and we need to allow ourselves the time to go through it and heal. God deeply resides with those who are grieving. We need to respect that.
I have been feeling close to God through all this even though its been difficult. I've been telling myself my prayer is my suffering and thats almost all I can manage because I've been in such shock over the realization that it is abuse even though no one in my family recognizes it as such. His behaviour is not an acceptable way for one person to treat another. But I was also a child of two narcisstic parents.. I often wondered why my colds last so long or my back goes out constantly. As soon as one thing seems healed then something else acts up. And thank you also for mentioning the thing about the clothes... What a genuinely caring way to share with us whats going on. I didn't understand. I will add this video to my fav list and watch it often to remind myself that I'm okay. I instinctively hugged myself as you spoke and cried gentle tears until the end of your video, hopefully releasing some hurt and trauma. Thank you so much for your dedication and support. Feeling like you have a friend who understands, really understands and cares is as powerful as any natural medicine. Let the healing continue! ❤ Thanks again and Happy New Year to you all!
Thank you for sharing these very comforting and compassionate words about the native American attitude towards recovering from grief. I keep trying to rush myself out of my grief because I feel I'm wasting time, but your words are wise and so, very helpful. God bless you on your journey.
I wept also. His kindness, softness means so much. I identified with most of what he explained even the cold that took a month to get over. I’m a year out from a 39 year abusive marriage and I need so much healing.
We are going through this as well. It took us 2 years post his walking out & divorce to accept that his behaviors were actually narc abuse. Now we're trying to navigate laws that say his abuse is not real and therefore visitations continue!
Omg I have all of these! Just got away in august 25 years of an utter lie! 3 children they are the only thing that was real inThis relationship 😢 yeah, some days where I could barely function and get an out of bed and I’m like I’m doing nothing. Why am I so exhausted? I felt exhausted for years when I was with him and actually thought I had an autoimmune disease like lupus, or something to explain it. He has immediately moved on, of course, and was on the dating sites, probably even as we were together, along with going to prostitutes and transgender; gave me STDs and gaslight me always telling me everything was OK but the money was always disappearing and didn’t make sense! Through God’s grace in my upright, and not in the grave! I give God the glory for getting me out of this situation; but I feel guilty like I should be happy but there’s an inner sadness that doesn’t go away
The Shame comes from other people too - their enablers. The Narcissist scapegoats you and character assassinates you. Thanks Danish, I appreciate your videos.
I can relate also. My ex’s mother who I suspect is narcissistic also, would call me and yell at me on the phone that I was being mean to her son. He had obviously lied to her and said he was trying to be my friend and I was rejecting him. My friend??? After being faithful to him for 17 years and helping him when his family wouldn’t, he was cheating on me, gaslighting, and smearing my name to play the victim. That’s NOT a friend! She actually expected me to still spend holidays with the family, him, and the new girlfriend. Nope! Been no contact with him 18 months and the family for 10 months. I’m at peace and healing finally.
It's horrible. I realized that my mom is a narcissist. And I started to remb stuff she did. I have insomnia. I just left narcissistic lady I stayed with on July 31. Oh yes I'm supposed to have a job . Place to live just a hour aft I got slammed Abt it at my mom's house. My younger sister passed away in 2018 and then my dad .. friends from covid it's terrible. Right now I'm so sick with multiple infections. I just want to leave asap. I want to work but I was injured at my last job taking care of people with disabilities. Then I found out I'm prob have autism.. it makes sense now.. my whole life. The abuse I've survived thru. But I see signs.. saw a mourning dove today.. I see angel numbers... Thank u so much this was long... I'll write a book someday. I prob have PTSD too💜💜💜
@@QueenBee-fg1iz I totally understand. My x I was with almost 30 years... Th cheating put me in a mental hospital. I was the crazy one and my family believed him. I took care of his kids...and I have one son with him. He's my rock... He's a beautiful young man
Dear Danish. Thank you again for helping me not to feel guilty about not being able to exercise, take regular showers, keep my home immaculate or to need to sleep for hours and hours during the day because I have terrible insomnia at night. You really are helping so many people with your wisdom, kindness, understanding and compassion. I really hope you are feeling better soon. God bless you.
It is NO joke. If you have survived this most sinister, invisible abuse- you are blessed! My kids are 12 and 13 and I have been teaching them bout narcissistic people for 5 years. They recently went on a trip with their narc dad- rock climbing. (It is only ever what HE wants to do!) they are telling me stories of how he sneaked on paying for the buffet dinner, cheating the parking. So glad I wasn’t there so he didn’t make it my fault. ❤😊
What an incredibly empathetic message for 2024. It’s so hard that I don’t have this kind of understanding irl, which makes me that much more thankful for Danish. I love you, man!! Thank you so much for all of your support. I wish you all the best that 2024 has to offer.
When I was 12, and was comin into my own, and narc parents started their abuse, I realized that the best way to cope for me personally was to 1) Take a bath everyday - maintain hygiene. 2) Exercise regularly. 3) Maintain regular sleeping and waking times. 4) Declutter my room at frequent intervals. 5) Avoid junk food. Maintain a healthy, nutritious diet. Overall, maintain a good firm routine. Tweak things a little bit every now and then, thereby the narc can never predict your next move.
@ somonpegg1196 That is the Holy Spirit's guidance. Your spirit is connected to your creator. From my childhood up till today I had narcs lined up in my life. Jesus was with me throughout my journey. Jesus can help. In fact, in Jesus’ very first sermon, he says it’s one of the reasons he came. Whether you’ve been let down by disappointment, rejection, or resentment, Jesus came to heal your heart. Jesus said about the Father, “He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted” (Luke 4:18 NKJV). If you’ve been hurt, God wants to help. The Bible says in Psalm 147:3, “[God] heals the heartbroken and bandages their wounds” (The Message). You’re never closer to God than when you’re hurting. He’s here to help. Will you let him?
wow so wise for a young person. my response was honestly, I would get in the bathtub over and over and go under the water, or sit there, up to 9 times a day......when I would wake up at 3am panicky, I would run a tub and get in the tub. I realized later that this was the last time I felt "safe", was in the "womb" surrounded by warm water before I came into this world......good for you. I miss my bathtub though
Yes, I always wanted to bathe as a teenager very often but my narc mother would not let me bathe like I wanted nor would she let me sleep and be rested...always bitching at my heels like the bitch dog she was...I am glad she is dead...but I can still hear her voice...she haunts me still...In The Name of Jesus; be gone satan...
I’m sorry you went through all this and I can testify to what you say. I was scapegoated by narcissistic parents and completely collapsed as a person in my 20s. I could not stand the shower because the water hurt me. I didn’t go out in the daytime because the sun felt painful. I needed a drink to go to the corner store. My body and mind collapsed. I was also traumatized by a sexual assault I had to keep secret and a suicide attempt where my father said, before turning his back on me and my bleeding wrists, “If she wants to kill herself, let her.” I didn’t see these things as traumatic then. I blamed myself for being "worthless", for being born bad because that’s what I was told about myself for so long. It was a lie and it was only when I started to get to know myself better and stopped listening to the lies that I improved. Thank you for all you do on this channel. I’ve recently found out that my ‘partner’ is a vulnerable narcissist and this was revealed in full when he took the side of a man who, a couple of years ago, tried to force a kiss on me. If not for this community, I don’t believe I’d here and able to talk about these things. May the New Year bring new insights and awakening to all how need them. Love to all.
Yes I have been through something like that. Not exactly like that but there are similarities. Be careful of the covert narcissists. They try to get you to feel sorry for them to escape accountability for treating you badly.
I'm 85. Yep. Narcs have filled my life beginning at birth. In 2022 I, too, collapsed. Literally. Today is Jan. 1, 2024. Danish's wisdom and experiences that he shares is making a huge difference in showing me the reality of this situation. How to recover: wow, a blessing know that Recovery IS possible !!!!! Thanks for sharing; that, too, helps many of us. NO, SURVIVORS ARE NOT CRAZY!
Far to many people are in that vicious Demonic spiral. The paralysis created from 58 years of 60 total to wake up instead of suicide that FAMILY encourages towards has also been life long. Glad to know my filthy rich loves one's can take my earthly fortune. Mine, inheritance GOD has safe from them. Desperately working to hurt me isn't working & the disgust on their face 😈 is theirs, not mine.
I wish I could sleep 15 hr a day-instead of 1.5 hours. It is better now. I wish I had friends. I was alone almost. This is beautiful! Thank you. My thoughts exactly. I have been crying I have to listen again…
I feel you. I also wish I could sleep, it's a very debilitating part of survival. I fear sleep due to the traumatic dreams. I also don't have friends. I can cope with the isolation, but I fear being hurt again. I struggle with trusting people. Recovering from cancer treatment and surgery some years ago was less painful emotionally, physically and psychologically than recovering from the 15 years of narcissistic abuse.
@@annegaskell9842 - I have been shot emotionally for 3+ years now. I worry if I’ll ever be able to function again. At sone point I quit eating and almost starved to death. Hearing this video today made me cry. Some days I still can’t get out of bed. I was such a beautiful human being. I had made many beautiful things. This pisses people off apparently. My family only wanted money. They kicked when I was down… I haven’t talked to them in years. Friends wouldn’t return calls. Lost my home; a home I built myself. Sorry rambling.
@@michaelgarrow3239 please don't apoligise for sharing your pain. Our experiences are very similar. 2 years 4 months since i was upgraded when my money ran out and he found his new victim. I also lost my home which i designed and built myself. Its a guest house in the Kings Valley Egypt. I now have to rent a room in my own home as he stole all my legal papers so i can't prove it's mine. I live alone, i'm not allowed visitors, i have also lost a lot of weight. I sold my home in the UK, i've lost everything. I can't talk about my life to anyone, due to the feeling of shame and failure. I have vowed to try to have a more positive year, bur so far i've not been able to get out of bed. The fear of the future is unbearable. Watching videos by Danish are helping me to understand what has happened to me. I'm glad they're helping you too.
🤍 Thank you for being a comfort! I’m not ashamed of anything I did to survive. It got me here and I’m proud of myself! I have no timeframe to “get over it “ I am taking however much time I need and am celebrating my accomplishments! I’ve been 5 years free from a 20 year marriage to a psychopath. ❤
Everything you say is true. Can’t shower, can’t clean up, just making it through the days. Since I left. My brain is trying to normalize after the constant attacks for 20 years. It’s messy but it’s ok. Waking up everyday and being lazy is so wonderful! 😂 my kids and boyfriend do not complain about the clutter and mess. They know. I notice that after the kids spend time with their aggressive father they get to my place and slack off. My boyfriend was married to a narcissist woman- HE slacks off. There is just a feeling of being DRAINED from these people. We go to work, the kids go to school. I still cook but the dishes wait til the next morning. I could go on- but the body knows- we need to rest! A narcissist never lets you rest. And try to suck any life force and energy you have!!! Grrrr. 👿 this is the most horrible disorder to deal with. It is spiritual. ❤❤❤❤
Thank you so much for this video, Danish. I was married to a Narcissist for 34 years and together with him for 3 years before we married. I was young and, at the time, no one discussed personality disorders. Thankfully, my mother got me to a therapist in 2006 after he threatened to kill both of us. The therapist managed to dare Henry to come in for "couple's therapy" to evaluate him. At my next session, he replied that Henry was a Narcissist and was the most self-absorbed person he'd ever met!! If I planned to stay, that I would always need a therpist to help me. Henry died in 2021 from cirroshis. He drank himself to death. He died in surgery to try and save him. 4 months later, I opened the door to his room, looking though drawers for something. I found a large envelope of pictures and condoms that his "girlfriend" had given him. He'd been havinga 5-year affair. I collapsed. When I had the strength, I called some friends and told them. They came down to visit immediatedly and help. It was that same week that I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Everything you discribed in this video and I needed to hear it again. I'm SLOWLY healing but feel guilty because I can't get anything done...like my cluttered house, baths, and cooking. At least I can start 2024 guilt-free. Thank you so much💖. PS: Forgot to add that he took the cash value of $180,000 of life insurance that his brother put on him for his kidney disease that I was supposed to get. Left me financially destitute too.
I am praying for you...your cancer WILL leave...it is just a STRESS response to the truth coming forth...God be with you...by HIS STRIPES WE (YOU) ARE HEALED...
Lord is with you. After reading your story, I understand that mine was nothing and am still so disturbed mentally. Thank you for sharing. I pray that 2024 bring you immense love joy n excellent health. Loads of love
@@ryangrundy4290 When my husband and I went to Christian counseling years ago, 1989, my pastor actually told me when counseling with us separately, that a woman like me should be able to use my sex on my husband and get him to do exactly as I wished...I thought that was terrible advice coming from a pastor...I am not a whore...someone give feedback, please...we had no health insurance at the time...and the way my narc husband was treating me, I certainly did NOT want sex with him...that pastor is now dead...can you imagine my life with a baby with this guy (my husband)...$10,000.00 at the time to deliver the baby; then he would have left me...then later, I found out that the pastor himself was sweet on me...what a mess...I finally got away from my husband AND his church...like I said that pastor is now dead...the churches are filled with evil things going on...satan has definitely infiltrated the modern day churches...RUN to Jesus only...I ask God to please forgive me for marrying my husband in the first place...I thought we would have a good life...I was very decieved but then again; I should have known better...
Thank you Danish, I think this is something a lot of us need to hear. To allow ourselves time to heal and be compassionate towards ourselves regardless of what others judge us to be. You are the kindest youtube channel on this subject. Happy new year and good health and happiness to you and everyone here.
It’s nice to know that this is normal. I felt and feel so bad about doing this. Nobody understands. I’m told to move on. Move on to where??? I’m old 🤣67, I recovered from 44 chemo rounds but this is harder. Until things are settled between us in 6:31 domestic violence court, divorce settlement, I feel stuck. Today I had a long talk with myself and I DO have to move forward and I will! He’s not going to take me down!! I’m winning this battle 💪💪
Lol move on to where.. so true.. i will use that line from now on! I mean seriously wat t these pl tell us to move on about… when they have no idea wat we r stuck in.?? U move out of my way n preach else where is wat i feel i wanna say to those guys… n hey u there hang in there .. we all live in hopes. Some day…. Just some day… some place….❤
Mine was a house coat. That's what I wore all the time. You are so right with everything that you say and I'm still going through it. Even after my husband committed suicide in 2022. After I caught him had an affair with a married woman. We were married for 40 years and I had fallen into mass depression. I needed an even care. He threw me away like trash but one month later. When she broke up with him, he committed sdecide. And i'm still trying to fix myself
I'm recently divorced and one of the first things I bought was a fuzzy robe and a pair of pajamas because I wanted to feel warm and cozy. I'm wearing that robe as I write this. It came in the mail today and I put it on and didn't take it off all day. I might even go to sleep in it.
When my son died and my husband, now ex, was still cruel to me, i could finally see how much energy it took to deal with how he treated me. I had nothing inside me to deal with the abuse and that was when I knew i had to get out. It was eye opening to see how much energy I was spending just to stay married before I was grieving. I couldn't do both. It was impossible.
🙏 Thank you, Danish, for your honesty and compassion! I wept through this video...I'm still crying. I so relate to all of this. I wish people understood. It's NOT depression; it really is just exhaustion after so many years of abuse. The strange thing is that I know I'm healing and moving in a positive direction...it just doesn't look like it from the world's perspective. I'm sure you and others can relate. I think that's the point, maybe...we need to stay focused on our perspective, not the world's. As long as we're going in the right direction? It's good. 🙏 God bless you, Danish, and all who read this! I'm going through this, too, but I believe things will continue to get better as we heal. No Contact is HUGE in this (distance provides clarity), and I expect this year to be better than last for all of us. Wishing Peace, Calm, and Safety to you all! 🙏⚔💜
Thank you so much and may God bless you and keep you as you heal and basically relearn how to live again. I wish you all the best for 2024 and hope it's one of if not the best year of your life ❣️
I Totally understand!! Every time I go for my yearly phys. exam, my Dr asks me if I have any problem with depression. NOOoooo!! I cry every day for about 5 mins. or less, then it just stops. I don't dwell or languish over the past... I'm just a sensitive person who has an amazing memory !!! I was Always remembering things everyone else long forgot about !!! ... But I'm Not depressed!!! I'm recovering from n.a. but I never heard of These side effects B4. Also, this helps me to understand my 3 grown daughters more. 💗💗💗
Thank you so very much sage. You described EVERYTHING I have been going though and still feel. It is comforting to know others totally understand what we feel. Thank you again for your very comforting words!❤❤❤❤
I have just gone no contact, and I was feeling well and healing but then the holidays came and hit me like a ton of bricks. I have had chronic pain flair ups pretty much every day. There have been days this month where I can’t even get up from bed. I can’t even walk. I lift a bad and next thing I know I have thrown my entire back. It has been hell and I have to keep reminding myself “it’s okay”. But it’s hard. Rent and bills keep coming, and I can barely work. I was the scapegoat of the family for 35 years so there’s a lot of trauma and pain stored in my body that is coming up now that I’ve removed myself from the family unit. “It’s okay”. I keep telling myself, thank you so much for this video, it is so validating 😢❤
Everything you covered, I have been & am still going through. Thank you for validating the time it takes to heal & recover. This helped me understand that my self criticism is just shaming myself & not helping.
Thank you Danish for sharing your personal history, it meant a lot to me and was very healing. I was sent away at 15 years old to be a child bride in another country. Unfortunately I was married to a narcissist for 23 years, while trying to protect four children. Doing 4 years in the military made my perfectionism worse. It has been absolute hell how bad it makes me feel, slacking off from doing everyday chores and self care. I have been diagnosed with Lupus, I have also developed absence seizures, that kick in when I am not able to stop the drive and compulsion to get things done. Thank goodness with your help I am able to be kinder to myself, even though it does still feel awkward to do so. I am however getting better at doing it and feeling okay about it. 😊
Thank you very much. This helps me not feel like such a freak or disgusting human being for these things happening. And all I ever want is someone to hear me and you answer me more than people that really know me do. I truly appreciate your help and putting in the time to make these videos for us because you don't have to. You are appreciated. Love you, take care ❤
This is my life. All conditions present. After decades of narcissist abuse, I developed polycystic kidney disease. It is usually heredity, but in 1% of the population, it just appears. I am in that 1%. Some claim to extreme fear is linked to the formation of kidney disease. This condition has no cure. Thank you for making this video. It was very validating.
Thank you sir Namaste !!! You really speak to me and I appreciate you and your message today!!! I salute you ! You Sir… survived !! And God had a plan for you and here you are sharing your path and Journey helping others like me !
I remember after 'that day' when I was 15...I stopped all hygienic practices, partially because I just didn't care anymore / nothing mattered anymore and partially because I wanted to be as unappealing to others as possible. It seems familiar that a parent or older sibling literally forced me into a shower in my clothes to get me to start cleaning myself. Narcissists expect you to just get up the next day after they have shattered your reality and destroyed all your hopes and dreams, as if nothing happened at all.
Thank you for this compassionate list. It's so true. We need to cut ourselves some slack. This narcissistic abuse by both my now dead parents who disinherited me & my 3 elder gc brothers, extended family & others who bought into the narcs' smear campaign is draining. It stole my own health, caused me cancer, menengioma and primary progressive multiple sclerosis and now I'm non weight-bearing and confined to a wheelchair...but...when I think back to the chore of cleaning the apartment's clutter, what 'normal', non scapegoats don't GET is that , in doing so, we'll encounter several triggers that will activate flashbacks, remind us of backstabbing, sentimentality, loss, our healthier, happier, younger naive selves...all those opportunities missed, foregone, lost etc cuz of the c-ptsd. Even listening to music, seeing an old shirt when we mighta THOUGHT, erroneously there was a chance our parents would eventually encourage and be loving and proud of us. Love us. Accept our individuality. Fragrance...maybe, while cleaning, encountering a former fragrance, a photo, brooch, pebble, necktie, music box...from people who once had us convinced they were friend & revealed, in fact to be foe...just another narc. Makes us afraid and not trust our ability to DISCERN friend from foe. Like lyrics of the song *_"why do you build me up, buttercup baby just to let me down and mess me around..."_* Point being, in the vulnerable mindset, what SHOULD be experienced as a refreshing, energizing, inspiring de-cluttering the apartment session can morph into a not so welcome head trip down memory lane. It takes energy beyond just the physical to power thru that procedure. All in good time. Baby steps. ❤
Wow. I have never heard any of the narcissist channels talk about this and I could relate to ALL of it. I have been serially gang stalked by narcissists my entire life as if I had a mark on my forehead identifying me as an empath. It has been constant and relentless. I have all these symptoms that he talks about. I thought it was just me.
I am 71 years old. Brought up by a narcissist mother and survived 4 marriages to malignant narcissists. The 4th spouse was introduced to me by the therapist that I was seeing to heal from the 3rd marriage which included every level of hell including physical abuse. I was literally meditating on the toxic shame that still can come in waves even tho I know it is not deserved when you posted this vid. I have been no contact with all family including my adult narcissistic daughter for 10 years. The healing continues. No therapy. No new relationship or friendships have helped. Radical surrender and spiritual growth is the only succor. You are blessed and blessing others in a way that is miraculous. Thank you for being.
I relate to all. Chronic unexplained shoulder, back and leg pain. Frequent chronic migraine attacks making me immobile for few days pushing me in bed. Unexplained low bp which doctors couldn't find out even after blood tests and no signs of major deficiency. Unexplained tears flowing out of feelings of helplessness, giving up. I am thankful to your detailed videos I could figure out I was a narc victim as everything was so rosy for 4yrs and suddenly all illusions fell apart. I joined yoga, started walking 6kms early morning, cut off tea coffee n sugar n replaced with green tea, regular daily meditations and lot more. Today's video helped me realize that inspite of all these changes I am still not good mentally, I don't feel happy or joyful from within. I understood that I need to give myself some more time instead of beating myself up for not coming to a normal stage like others.
I can relate with everything you mentioned, but the hygenie and clutter part. For my sanity and stress level to ease, I MUST stay clean, hygienic, smelling fresh, hydrated, moisturized and my environment MUST be decluttered and clean. Otherwise I will get unexplained stress and anxiety. I figured this out about myself a decade ago that I defineity get anxiety when it's a dirty and cluttered environment , I'm surrounded by people who arent keeping up with their hygenie, or if I myself am not clean enough to my standards. Once all these are checked off to my standards, my stress goes down to 95%. If these things are not done, no matter how exhausted I am, I force energy out of me to get my desired environment and hygenie, and then rest for as long as my brain needs. This is something that works for me. I'm not judging people who are unable to brush their teeth and shower. As their situation, and recovery is different than mine. My sister recovers this way. So I know this type exist. I have seen her very closely. It works for her to take out exhaustion by not brushing her teeth, taking shower, washing hands after washroom visit for weeks. But for me it's the opposite. I dont judge her from a distance, it only becomes a problem when we have to cohabitate. Because my recovery style is different than hers' . I relate clutter and bad hygenie to anxiety for myself, however clutter and not well kept hygiene is her comfort zone. I cant sleep with a dirty kitchen and bathroom. Whereas my sister eats from the same dirty dish for almost 2 weeks. Alot of times when I visit her apartment I do all her dishes because I cant sit seeing she eating from a dirty plate. She seems fine with it. I am not. When we used to live together, after cleaning my room I used to sometimes clean hers' too, and she used to find it frustrating to a point that we used to argue over this. She used to bring out the clothes I folded and kept away, spread them all over, make that chair heaped with clothes again and feel comforted by that heap of clothes which I originally saw it as a mess. I used to 'fix' her room because I couldnt sit there to spend time with her in her room. So we worked it out by me not going into her room, only she used to come sit in my room for hours every day to talk. Until some years ago, I didnt use to understand her behaviour and we used to fight over it because it wasnt working for either of us to live together in our ways, but from last few years i do get it. And it's okay if she is finding comfort in these things, it just becomes a problem to spend time together. Because both of us can't adopt to one another' environment of either getting comfortable in what seems dirty to me or for her to keep things clean to my standards. Even though we have lived for over 30 years together. My desired environment is too difficult for her to adapt and her living situation gives me anxiety, frustration and irritability as I relate to peace when I, people around me and my environment is clean. You have to find your recovery style and what gives you that peace and follow it. *** By any means, I am not trying to say that oh look how clean I am and how dirty she is. There is a solid reason behind why both of us have these poles apart recovery style. When we were young, my mom used to make me do all the cleaning, helping in the kitchen and decluttering of the entire house , where as my sister was always the privileged one and a book worm wanting to become a doctor when she grows up, so she was never bothered by mom , Instead pampered by both parents because they wanted her to become a doctor. Hence she was supported in hopes to bring pride to the family one day with her doctor degree. However I used to get beaten up multiple times daily (mostly for being the unwanted child being born due to unprotected sex) if I didnt meet my mom' standard of cleanliness. Even though she also enjoys sitting in clutter and making a mess, (which is why my sister finds it homely and comfort in mess), however as messy my mom is, when she cleans , her cleaning standards are also very high. So I, as a child had to maintain those standards routinely otherwise I'd get beaten up badly. Which is why decluttering became my comfort zone eventually because after a while you adapt to what you are thrown into. My sister on the other hand didnt have to live up to that expectation and standards of my mother in regards of chores, hence her recovery style turned out to be completely different. Had she gotten the same treatment as I did, maybe we would both have the same recovery style. So the point is, I'm not shaming her online, I'm only explaining that within the same house hold there can exist two VERY different people, with different habits, mindset and recovery styles due to certain history and experiences as explained above. Hope it helps. 😊 ***
Thank you I though something is wrong with me, but no nothing is wrong with me, it is the natural reaction of my body dealing with years of abuse and trauma. Thank you
Thank you so much for for this. Today I managed to go for a jog for the first time. . But then came the familiar crash. since then I've been sitting here in my chair all day in my workout clothes under my blanket ..too frozen to shower..change..eat.. nevermind clean stuff..and beating myself up for 'wasting the day'. Its so easy to forget that theses are trauma healing responses. Thank you sooo much for the kind reminder! Small steps!!
Thank-you Danish, for being transparent and truthful!! We all need to realize where the trauma has come from, and slowly recognize our true worth. In the sight of God, not the human definition of ourselves. It's ok to be you, God's perfect creation!! God Bless you Danish, and everyone on this channel,,,have a wonderful and Blessed New Year, one day at a time. ❤🙏❤️
Long story short this past year I found out through a probate attorney in NM that my narcissistic Mother died over 2 years ago… I cut her and my entire family off over 10 years ago. My brother tried to keep my share of the inheritance for himself and me hidden. 9 months later after having to hire my own attorney because of my brother, who is the Golden Child and I the Scapegoat; I only found out a few days ago how my Mom actually died. She was only 62 and died a pretty painful death that involved a stroke, paralyzation, a blood clot to the brain and after a week in hospice died, finally. Within that same week I came down with a really bad the flu/cold or whatever. No one else in my family has gotten sick from me. I have done everything you described. I can barely function. I collapsed. I have a 14 month old so I do have responsibilities I need to take care of but I’m very blessed to have an amazing husband who gets me and has been through my recovery process since 2015. As I lay here in bed pissed off that I’m feeling so rotten, I can’t help but feel like it’s the last time she can ever hurt me.
I empathize with you 🤗 I'm 6 years divorces from a narc and probably 4 years cut off from my narc/physically abusive dad. I'm still struggling, in pain (emotional and physical), and would absolutely love to have someone who has been where I am and truly gets what I'm going through in my day to day life. The support of viewers of channels like these is helpful, but it isn't building a relationship. It isn't enough to feed my soul in a meaningful way. I empathize with you 🤗
My first reaction when I understood my husband was a covert N, I was in chock. The I was soooo angry on myself! How could I not see? Not understand? I am financially independent, I am seen as an intellectual and intelligent woman. I work in a great position. Then came the shame!!! After a year with therapy I have forgiven myself- I am an empath and proud to be one!
Sincerely I am tired n tired. I have held on for 20yrs n I feel exhausted. I need strength and a mind to help my children because they are in the vulnerable teenage age. They need me more now.
Thank you for today’s episode. I’ve been through it all. I needed to hear that message. I’m trying to heal myself from IBS and fibromyalgia as well. I’m trying to exercise and rebuild myself because I’ve gone through a lifetime of Narcissistic abuse from family and relationships and friends. I’m getting better but all that you said is so true. I’m only sharing myself with others if I have the energy and then retreating to myself and resting and trying to eat better and take care of myself first from now on like I have done for so many narcissists before. It’s rough but I’ve survived it and trying to recover and make a new life for myself. I am thankful to God for not leaving me and helping me along the ways. I will eventually make new friends as I have gone no contact with the former narcissistic friends and family. They are all toxic. Appreciate your message very much as nobody else understands what we are going through. Blessings 🙏
I am a 50 year old woman and I only sleep 2 to 3 hours every night I wake up every 2 to 3 hours through the night and I'm so exhausted from the stress that has been put on me and everything I literally feel like my heart is going to give out I don't know what to do anymore to get sleep. I wish you a happy New Year too thank you for your videos they are so helpful and comforting!
I feel like I am surrounded by very toxic people. I feel everywhere I turn. My heart is broken. The people I have known are liars and thieves. Talking about people i have known for my whole life or very long time. I don't feel I have anyone to trust. I feel I am losing hope in humanity. I pray the Lord protects me from the wolves in sheep's clothing. God bless anyone else who is having this experience. I pray in almighty God that he protects you as well. God bless!
Yes!!!!!!!! This type of relationship has been the worst to heal from.. I compared this to my divorce and this was by far the worst and we were married for 12 years vs the narc relationship was way less... I didn't have the energy to do anything but eat, sleep and repeat. It's been a year and I still have my days, but it's getting better.. Please give yourself grace and make sure to give your healing some time. This wasn't a normal relationship/marriage so the process to heal won't be easy.
Thankyou x I can sleep 15 hours a day and I’m still so exhausted! and to be honest I’m spending longer than that in bed. It feels like death but I want to live! I want to clean my home…I just can’t. I was homeless 9 months prior to this due to domestic violence and should be so happy to be here but I’ve been moving almost daily for the past year and it’s just too much. I want to close my door and be alone. The damage is horrific. I love your videos and I love you for speaking so honestly x I’m not lazy and I never have been but showering is exhausting. I want to go back to bed because it takes what little energy I have left. I want to be clean but I don’t care and I want to be alone. I think you are the most honest person I’ve ever watched about narcissistic abuse. Thankyou for letting me know that it’s ok to feel the way I do. From the bottom of my heart thankyou, I have will but it’s not happening at the moment. Thankyou 💕
You're are so right..the damage inflicted is horrific..drains the body but more so the soul..this is the first channel that I found that has addressed how I feel to a T. I'm really struggling horribly after my last Narc attack. Let us pray for all of us who have literally endured HELL
Listening to ur voice herewith, Danish, is so comforting, like slowly pulling a soft, warm, cozy blanket up over my body and wrapping it snugly around me for a long, deep sleep. These times of immobility are like tiny electric jolts that serve to re-arouse our trauma long after much of our healing work has been done. This is the moment when we must practice self-compassion, and ur words give us the power to do so. Thank u, dear friend! ❤
That happened by having my family get me drugged and into psychosis. 38 yrs I knew how to self care to cope. First few years very sad confused but knew projection. Denied love and affection. Yes it's a lot. 13 yrs avoid family dysfunction, now free. Ups and downs still. Don't beat myself out as much. ❤😂🎉❤😂🎉
Can´t collapse when you have a toddler and an ancient mother to look after. Also... having a detail-oriented job you can´t quit, while on five hours of sleep a night are not good either. And yeah... I sew blankets into coats, have fibro, and the clutter is remarkable.
Plan and organization is needed for dusting and decluttering part by part. I learnt it from an old woman. She had divided all tasks, every task or part of the house done on a different day.
😍 Happy New Year Danish and Gorgeous Kitties! Be of good courage for the power of God is with us. Knowledge IS Power so the best is yet to come in this new year. We are here for you…ALWAYS and together, WE HAVE overcome evil. ❤️
I don't know why I watch you. I usually only get halfway through before I have to stop and cry rocking myself back and forth like I'm in a rocking chair. It takes hours to watch these things. It's like you are a different version of me.
One very interesting and very consistent aspect of a narcissist is that as soon as you explain in detail to them their behaviour, they will first deny it, then process it for about one minute then suddenly they passionately accuse 'you' of those very same things. I have experienced it with multiple narcissist people I know. They go into hyper gasslighting mode and even when you explain that you just told them they are like that and now they are instantly parroting it back at you as an accusation they just double down.
Thank you Danish. I feel calmed when listening to you and you validate us in the way we've needed to be but don't get by those who don't understand in our lives. I have more or less struggled with a lot of these things, some more severe than others. Clutter has been one of them. It's a daily struggle. I want to clean but the fatigue and lack of focus impedes my efforts. I also have lupus which I am 100% certain was from having too much stress in my life. This is what I needed to hear today ❤.
I find I need lots of solitude and quiet. Noise and crowds I can't do. I sit for long periods of time. Just sitting or looking out the window or going for walks. Just need time to myself not talking to anyone or doing anything.
As you talked about having something warm and comfortable on like a robe tears fell down my face. I have had this blue robe that actually has a name it’s blue boy lol for over 12 years it thick and warm and I wear it constantly and now I know why! 🥺😢
Thank you so much Danish. All of this. Being gently encouraged by my recovery coach to tell myself 'well done' for even the smallest daily accomplishment; like having a wash, making a sandwich, taking the dog for a walk, changing my clothes etc because those normal things are so difficult some days. Love and healing wishes to everyone going through this ❤
Hi Danish, .I'm so happy I found your channel. You validate everything I'm going thru. My narcissist husband died 6 years ago. He was brutal. I feel like he still controls me from the grave. How do I get past this? I'm still healing. But I can hear him yelling at me, and he's gone. I feel like I'm going crazy. I do everything you discussed in this video. I feel like I am stuck in the mud. I could never get in another relationship cause I'm terrified I'd go thru the same thing again.
okay, how can i explain this? i,m speaking from a spiritual standpoint.. marriage is 2 bodies becoming 1 flesh, that stays or remains forever. whether it,s spirit physical or mental.. you and he take on certain characteristics from each other.. that,s why it,s called a mystery .. if that person has suicidal tendencies, or depression bouts or manic phases, you now have those things in your person also! that,s why the scriptures are really tantamount in who YOU CHOOSE as a partner.... But ! your NEW HOPE is when you turned to get a different web page the old has been rejected.. our choices can affect our whole lives! Continue to go in right direction.....people who understand what common sense is WILL find good. another bible quote from proverbs! I send you only wellness girlie........ keep going
Thank you for this video. My therapist turned out to be very abusive and my energy level is very low recently. My house is a mess and it has never been like that and I'm really ashamed of it but I struggle to get up.
Wow. This is the first video that popped up in my feed after waking from a nap I didn’t want to take that reduced the amount of time I had planned to work on the clutter and mess in my house. I had fallen asleep with a cozy sweater jacket on, woke up overheated, annoyed with myself that it’s midday and I haven’t taken a shower yet and trying to remember if I had even brushed my teeth when I got up this morning. For real. All of this. And watched this video. And felt like spirit was speaking to me through your words. I am recovering from narcissistic abuse. And I still have to deal with him as he’s the father of my children. My children who both have numerous challenges including hypersensitive nervous systems which also triggers my own. I’m trying to heal while continually being hit with retraumatization over and over and over. It’s exhausting. Dealing with my narc ex brings up feelings of rage. My children induce stress and panic inside of me and I try to help them regulate, I also have to regulate myself. And the dysfunction in my nervous system and years of depression and anxiety led to a chronic illness that only gets worse the more inactive and bedridden I am. I’m hard on myself to overcome these challenges and get to a better place. I began the day optimistic but when succumbing to exhaustion and waking up disappointed in myself for napping, AGAIN, there is no video that could have offered me as much compassion and understanding as this one. Thank you, Danish. Truly.
I totally agree and relate with this video. I've been so exhausted 😩 and ill with so much pain pain. I really feel like I'm dying and that has caused increased the stress. 😢. Just listening to you has given me energy. I love your videos and relate so much to them. Happy New year 🎉 ✨️
So accurate on recovery from abuse. Those never abused don't get it. They do try to rush you and I'm sorry it takes what it takes to recover not a day sooner. Your so in tune with Narcissistic Abuse suffering. You are a King for showing us the way out of this dark tunnel. Best all out Empath is you The rest of us learning from you. God Bless your New Year Danish. Your a 💎 gemstone
Thank you Danish! Your confirmation and support means so very much. I have been watching your videos for the past 6 months and they have been so very helpful in my recovery journey. You are a Godsend. God bless you. 🙏💖🕊
Thankyou Brother for helping me and is make sense of what is happening AFTER the trauma/abuse has stopped. All those things you mentioned apply to me. And I feel validated and I feel compassion for myself. I get that pressure from health professionals, who , like you said, weren't there, and don't know. Me and my siblings survived our two narc parents who abused us in every way possible. One parent still lives. And us Siblings have come together after years of self isolation. I will share your videos with my Siblings. We ALL thought we were defective, crazy, lazy, ruined. We each are healing at our own pace. And best of all, we love each other and got each other's back. Thankyou again Brother❤
Thank you so much!! So now I understand why i am up and down...energy wise, needing more sleep, have lack of energy, not shaving my legs, needing naps, feeling like I have anchors on my arms and legs when even thinking about showering, struggling to wash my hair. Some days it takes so much effort I just toss my hands up. My hair has got gray areas. I have the hair dye but no energy to dye my hair. I have some cluttered areas. Saturday I tackled my walk in closet and today i struggle to unload the dishwasher. Comfort clothing is a thing too. I wear certain sweatshirts, sweaters over and over. No energy needed to choose an outfit either. I went no contact over a year ago. But I am still healing from 15 miserable years with a covert narcissist. I will heal with time. But honestly Danish the amount and extent of damage was not truly apparent to me until now. Thank you for letting us know all this is okay. Happy New Year!
This really made me cry😭, and that self doubt is there, and we become our own biggest critic and that is not good for our own selves, and it's okay, and the physical symptoms are there, I always get cold like almost every week, it affects my mental health alot some skin allergies also there, I hope it'll change in 2024 I made lot of effort to move out to other place, I'm from India
Omg, Danish this video spoke to my soul. I could not clean, I couldn't get out of bed, I couldn't even make a plate of food. I burnt my leg on his dad's car and it heal until a year later when I escaped him. I couldn't breathe because I cried everyday and I could only breathe again until he and his family was gone. He was very intelligent and knew exactly what he was doing to me and would fake having seizures trying to paint me as the bad guy towards the end of the relationship. My empathy came in and I felt horrible. He said the first time he had a seizure on the floor for several hours because I said that I'm not signing off the least until I get all my stuff and my cat. I let him have his way and signed off because he said I was giving him hour long seizures. Again I was broken at the time. Come to find out I signed off the least and he abused me badly again and gave away all my things. He tricked me into signing off the least 😢. I also found out that you don't have hour long seizures. I told him to go see a doctor and he said he doesn't have too anymore . He lied. He used my empathy to hurt me . I was broken and being abused by his sister at that point. Oh Lord I pray the Lord will teach him a lesson. He tried to hoover me back by using the pet hospital but I blocked. It was a cruel evil cold discard. Complete isolated and abused by his whole family. Called the suicide hotline several times a day. I want him to fall flat on his feet. He will crash and burn. I know it with all my being .
Thank you so much ,Danish! You are a godsend ! ❤You are clearing up so much confusion where I thought that something is wrong with me ! Thank you ,as always ,for bringing clarity ,compassion , understanding and hope! Thank you for sharing your vulnerability also , i know its not easy ,but it is definitely a comfort to those of us still navigating healing from these things . Love, blessings and healing to all ! 🌻
Thank you so much. I have suffered my entire 78 years from narc abuse from my older sister. I was my fathers favorite, he was abusive to her. I felt so guilty, that by the time i was about 7 years old, i became her servant. She sought revenge.. we were the perfect storm. The only way i could feel separate was to move an hr away. Even visiting her for an hr, i was emotionally battered and drained. Ive had 10+years of good therapy, and felt free from her. Well, 10 yrs ago i moved back. I got so triggered, i felt like i was taking on her abusive behavior. Im good now, but i want to let you know that i value your in-depth experience and knowledge so much! With gratitude❤
Yes my outside narcs made my inhome narcs shame me day in day out , that I am only sitting at home not doing anything. I should run on treadmill because I am fat (no one in my family or relatives run themselves), look for a proper job and get married. Reality is : I struggle to get to the washroom without losing balance . I was visiting my brother for four days of Christmas holidays, he judged and laughed at me while offering towel that "take the towel , dont stay without shower for 4 days". (He is a clean freak himself). But what I found weird was that both of his kids stayed without shower at all for all four days. I atleast fucking shower after 2 days! A$$hole!!!
"We will try to become for ourselves what we are for others when they are in pain". This video felt sacred. These are beyond the world's social understandings. Surviving narcissistic abuse is abnormal and if we do succeed and many of us have, it means that we are incredibly strong. No one was there for all the minutes of fear and pain and humiliation. I think healing is a holy and loving endeavor. We do have to learn how to give ourselves what we so easily give to others. When my husband died, everybody left. At first, I was sad and felt less than. As these few years have passed, I realize what a gift this solitude has been. I chose not to turn on the television. I chose to live in silence. 28 years of being abused makes me yearn to accept myself just as I am. Since there's no one here to put me down, I'm healing slowly. I never did judge people. I never thought how wonderful the well-dressed were or how awful the drug addicts were. No. We are all worthy of love. It's the only true gift God gave me. A piece of himself. I still yearn to give that love away but, I know I have to give it to myself now. Even when we are healed, we are not ordinary people. We feel things deeper and we are way more sensitive especially to the needs of others. I feel every word that he just said in my spirit. Do you notice that no one else has ever made a video just like this? I believe it was a gift. Thank you so much. Sometimes, our souls do get tired. After 4 years of isolation, I realize that I am never alone. 💙🩷💜
A person who suddenly sinks into dirt and disorder should not be judged harshly. Unfortunately, people don't ask for the reason and just complain or gossip, unwilling to support the person in severe depression. I' ve been through this and in my case it passed. Step by step, one can return to normalcy. To be honest, "expressing" the disorder in my life was a kind of a rebellion against the previous pressure of my narcissist. It was like: "It will be me in the end who will clean and wash all which is dirty, so let it be under my terms!"
Danish, this video has been so incredibly validating. I am on my third watch back to back right now because I really need these words to sink in. I relate to every single point you have made, but especially being able to keep my environment clean. I am a mother of a 6 year old and parallel parenting with her narc father. The days I don’t have her I convince myself I will be able to get up and do something and most times it doesn’t happen. She then comes back to my house and the mess grows because I am so overwhelmed being in the presence of my child or working all day that all I want to do is sit down after I get her in bed. I work from home but have been struggling with being able to concentrate and they don’t understand the struggle. I have to take days off to just not have that level of input to my brain because my inability to be functional is nonexistent. Thank you for speaking out and helping people.
As far as the society goes, while I was undergoing abuse, I tried to keep it together, but the exhaustion was evident. I gained weight but in a way that I just blew up like a balloon as my hormons were all over the place and I kept getting ill. Not only that I wasn't offered help at work but one of the colleagues spread the gossip that my face was swollen and I was tired because I was hungover all the time...I found that out months later when one of my other colleagues was surprised when I said that I don't like alcohol.
The things you are describing resonate very much with me. Thank you for saying that it's ok. I'm so very exhausted at 49. 💤 😴. Surviving this type of abuse as well as being in an unloving and alcoholic home as a child has left me so tired. I always had to depend on myself. I had no where to fall safely.
🌸I’m so lucky, I have my adult daughter and her son living with me. My problem is sometimes I feel stupid for putting up with it for 38 years. She tells me it’s ok because now I got away and am so much better. She’s amazing.💕🌸
I left the Covert, wounded, fragile narcissist (I am male) when I was 51 1/2 years old, in 2012. I fled to foreign country and learned a new language. It took me about 4 years to even desire to think about what happened. She had a 4 1/2 year old girl child when we married. We had 4 more... 3 boys and one girl. The youngest was my eleven year old son, when I left. Physically, I could barely walk away. In this physical condition she kicked me in my left knee, which swelled up with an hematoma, paralizing my leg. She locked me in the bedroom. I removed the window pane and my 16 year old son supportred me on one side, while I climbed out the window and hobbled to my vehicle. I was not a wimp. I was a construction worker skilled in all trades. Two weeks later, arriving in the New York air port, I hobbled off the jet and sat in the waiting area for 25 minutes, trying to stabalize myself for walking with my carry on bag, which I could barely manage. Of course, the night mare is much longer, so I will not be tedious. That was Jan. 2012. We finally got a divorce in May 2023. I had started a divorce in 2010, and rescinded it in 2011, because I fell for her hoovering, which include the opening of her legs. I let her choose therapist, and she would not participte. I had to be fixed... By the middle of 2011, I started perparing for my exit, which I barely succeded with in Jan of 2012. Hobbling away from the New York air port, I stayed with an old friend for 6 weeks before departing to a foriegn country. I had my say in court in 2023, and she was mortified publicly. But, she was still awarded everything, which came from me and my families inheritance. I have been rebuilding myself for these 12 years. 2 children communicate with me sparsely, and the 16 year old son, who helped me out the window, is now 27 and will communicate on deep levels. The story has many levels.... So, I wish the best to all of you in your journey of recovery....🙂
I will say it again.. you are truly a gifted man. The way you put things is so eloquent. Bro, you have articulated things that would have taken me lifetimes.
Hi Danish, my husband is Npd. Last 19yrs I lost completely my energy. Now I'm standing for myself. I av crossed over continuous health issues. My digestive system completely collapsed .Now I'm being like what you have spoken in this video , your speech heals me. No words to express, what you doing is great . Thank you 🙏
There is a Native American belief that when we are grieving, we are closest to God. Therefor, grief is seen as sacred and we need to allow ourselves the time to go through it and heal. God deeply resides with those who are grieving. We need to respect that.
Thank you for sharing this. It’s comforting 😊
That is beautiful, thank you.
I have been feeling close to God through all this even though its been difficult. I've been telling myself my prayer is my suffering and thats almost all I can manage because I've been in such shock over the realization that it is abuse even though no one in my family recognizes it as such. His behaviour is not an acceptable way for one person to treat another. But I was also a child of two narcisstic parents.. I often wondered why my colds last so long or my back goes out constantly. As soon as one thing seems healed then something else acts up. And thank you also for mentioning the thing about the clothes... What a genuinely caring way to share with us whats going on. I didn't understand. I will add this video to my fav list and watch it often to remind myself that I'm okay. I instinctively hugged myself as you spoke and cried gentle tears until the end of your video, hopefully releasing some hurt and trauma. Thank you so much for your dedication and support. Feeling like you have a friend who understands, really understands and cares is as powerful as any natural medicine. Let the healing continue! ❤ Thanks again and Happy New Year to you all!
Thank you for sharing these very comforting and compassionate words about the native American attitude towards recovering from grief.
I keep trying to rush myself out of my grief because I feel I'm wasting time, but your words are wise and so, very helpful. God bless you on your journey.
Thank you for sharing this bit about the grief. It's highly comforting ❤. Big giant hugs to you.!
I've wept through this video. This is so accurate to how I feel. sitting around condemning myself. Because I can't function
I wept also. His kindness, softness means so much. I identified with most of what he explained even the cold that took a month to get over. I’m a year out from a 39 year abusive marriage and I need so much healing.
Don’t beat yourself up. You’ve been through enough abuse already. ❤
@@gemsngiftsusa2281and you will heal. Take your time do not beat yourself up. God will deal with evil.
We are going through this as well. It took us 2 years post his walking out & divorce to accept that his behaviors were actually narc abuse. Now we're trying to navigate laws that say his abuse is not real and therefore visitations continue!
Me too. *hugs*
They are evil
.. It's been 2 years now and I'm just healing ...much love to you all ❤ we got this 💪
Healing takes its time. Takes as long as it takes. Love yourself build yourself love up 💕
Me too.❤
Energetic reflections of unresolved trauma
🙏🏽
Omg I have all of these! Just got away in august 25 years of an utter lie! 3 children they are the only thing that was real inThis relationship 😢 yeah, some days where I could barely function and get an out of bed and I’m like I’m doing nothing. Why am I so exhausted? I felt exhausted for years when I was with him and actually thought I had an autoimmune disease like lupus, or something to explain it. He has immediately moved on, of course, and was on the dating sites, probably even as we were together, along with going to prostitutes and transgender; gave me STDs and gaslight me always telling me everything was OK but the money was always disappearing and didn’t make sense! Through God’s grace in my upright, and not in the grave! I give God the glory for getting me out of this situation; but I feel guilty like I should be happy but there’s an inner sadness that doesn’t go away
The Shame comes from other people too - their enablers. The Narcissist scapegoats you and character assassinates you. Thanks Danish, I appreciate your videos.
Yes, I can relate
I can relate also. My ex’s mother who I suspect is narcissistic also, would call me and yell at me on the phone that I was being mean to her son. He had obviously lied to her and said he was trying to be my friend and I was rejecting him. My friend??? After being faithful to him for 17 years and helping him when his family wouldn’t, he was cheating on me, gaslighting, and smearing my name to play the victim. That’s NOT a friend! She actually expected me to still spend holidays with the family, him, and the new girlfriend. Nope! Been no contact with him 18 months and the family for 10 months. I’m at peace and healing finally.
Bigtime! Other people are the worst
It's horrible. I realized that my mom is a narcissist. And I started to remb stuff she did. I have insomnia. I just left narcissistic lady I stayed with on July 31. Oh yes I'm supposed to have a job . Place to live just a hour aft I got slammed Abt it at my mom's house. My younger sister passed away in 2018 and then my dad .. friends from covid it's terrible. Right now I'm so sick with multiple infections. I just want to leave asap. I want to work but I was injured at my last job taking care of people with disabilities. Then I found out I'm prob have autism.. it makes sense now.. my whole life. The abuse I've survived thru. But I see signs.. saw a mourning dove today.. I see angel numbers... Thank u so much this was long... I'll write a book someday. I prob have PTSD too💜💜💜
@@QueenBee-fg1iz I totally understand. My x I was with almost 30 years... Th cheating put me in a mental hospital. I was the crazy one and my family believed him. I took care of his kids...and I have one son with him. He's my rock... He's a beautiful young man
Dear Danish. Thank you again for helping me not to feel guilty about not being able to exercise, take regular showers, keep my home immaculate or to need to sleep for hours and hours during the day because I have terrible insomnia at night. You really are helping so many people with your wisdom, kindness, understanding and compassion. I really hope you are feeling better soon. God bless you.
Also slept for few days after chat with narcissist. They are energy vampires.
I can understand and feel your pain. Take care ♥. May God bless you to heal soon and go back to your normal routine.
It is NO joke. If you have survived this most sinister, invisible abuse- you are blessed! My kids are 12 and 13 and I have been teaching them bout narcissistic people for 5 years. They recently went on a trip with their narc dad- rock climbing. (It is only ever what HE wants to do!) they are telling me stories of how he sneaked on paying for the buffet dinner, cheating the parking. So glad I wasn’t there so he didn’t make it my fault. ❤😊
What an incredibly empathetic message for 2024. It’s so hard that I don’t have this kind of understanding irl, which makes me that much more thankful for Danish. I love you, man!! Thank you so much for all of your support. I wish you all the best that 2024 has to offer.
When I was 12, and was comin into my own, and narc parents started their abuse, I realized that the best way to cope for me personally was to
1) Take a bath everyday - maintain hygiene.
2) Exercise regularly.
3) Maintain regular sleeping and waking times.
4) Declutter my room at frequent intervals.
5) Avoid junk food. Maintain a healthy, nutritious diet.
Overall, maintain a good firm routine. Tweak things a little bit every now and then, thereby the narc can never predict your next move.
Nice :) Stay strong.
@ somonpegg1196 That is the Holy Spirit's guidance. Your spirit is connected to your creator.
From my childhood up till today I had narcs lined up in my life. Jesus was with me throughout my journey. Jesus can help. In fact, in Jesus’ very first sermon, he says it’s one of the reasons he came.
Whether you’ve been let down by disappointment, rejection, or resentment, Jesus came to heal your heart.
Jesus said about the Father, “He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted” (Luke 4:18 NKJV).
If you’ve been hurt, God wants to help. The Bible says in Psalm 147:3, “[God] heals the heartbroken and bandages their wounds” (The Message).
You’re never closer to God than when you’re hurting. He’s here to help.
Will you let him?
I found making my bed was an absolute. or the depression was on display. im very visually oriented. amen to all your suggestions.
wow so wise for a young person. my response was honestly, I would get in the bathtub over and over and go under the water, or sit there, up to 9 times a day......when I would wake up at 3am panicky, I would run a tub and get in the tub. I realized later that this was the last time I felt "safe", was in the "womb" surrounded by warm water before I came into this world......good for you. I miss my bathtub though
Yes, I always wanted to bathe as a teenager very often but my narc mother would not let me bathe like I wanted nor would she let me sleep and be rested...always bitching at my heels like the bitch dog she was...I am glad she is dead...but I can still hear her voice...she haunts me still...In The Name of Jesus; be gone satan...
I’m sorry you went through all this and I can testify to what you say. I was scapegoated by narcissistic parents and completely collapsed as a person in my 20s. I could not stand the shower because the water hurt me. I didn’t go out in the daytime because the sun felt painful. I needed a drink to go to the corner store.
My body and mind collapsed. I was also traumatized by a sexual assault I had to keep secret and a suicide attempt where my father said, before turning his back on me and my bleeding wrists, “If she wants to kill herself, let her.”
I didn’t see these things as traumatic then. I blamed myself for being "worthless", for being born bad because that’s what I was told about myself for so long. It was a lie and it was only when I started to get to know myself better and stopped listening to the lies that I improved.
Thank you for all you do on this channel. I’ve recently found out that my ‘partner’ is a vulnerable narcissist and this was revealed in full when he took the side of a man who, a couple of years ago, tried to force a kiss on me. If not for this community, I don’t believe I’d here and able to talk about these things.
May the New Year bring new insights and awakening to all how need them. Love to all.
Yes I have been through something like that. Not exactly like that but there are similarities. Be careful of the covert narcissists. They try to get you to feel sorry for them to escape accountability for treating you badly.
I'm 85. Yep. Narcs have filled my life beginning at birth. In 2022 I, too, collapsed. Literally. Today is Jan. 1, 2024. Danish's wisdom and experiences that he shares is making a huge difference in showing me the reality of this situation. How to recover: wow, a blessing know that Recovery IS possible !!!!! Thanks for sharing; that, too, helps many of us. NO, SURVIVORS ARE NOT CRAZY!
I agree and I'm glad you are finding some answers.@@deedoyle4069
That is one of the trickier aspects and I agree it's important to be very aware of it. Good luck to you.@@jasminebarratt1809
Far to many people are in that vicious Demonic spiral.
The paralysis created from 58 years of 60 total to wake up instead of suicide that FAMILY encourages towards has also been life long.
Glad to know my filthy rich loves one's can take my earthly fortune. Mine, inheritance GOD has safe from them.
Desperately working to hurt me isn't working & the disgust on their face 😈 is theirs, not mine.
I wish I could sleep 15 hr a day-instead of 1.5 hours. It is better now.
I wish I had friends. I was alone almost.
This is beautiful! Thank you.
My thoughts exactly.
I have been crying I have to listen again…
🙋🙋🙋
I feel you. I also wish I could sleep, it's a very debilitating part of survival. I fear sleep due to the traumatic dreams.
I also don't have friends. I can cope with the isolation, but I fear being hurt again. I struggle with trusting people.
Recovering from cancer treatment and surgery some years ago was less painful emotionally, physically and psychologically than recovering from the 15 years of narcissistic abuse.
@@annegaskell9842 - I have been shot emotionally for 3+ years now. I worry if I’ll ever be able to function again. At sone point I quit eating and almost starved to death.
Hearing this video today made me cry.
Some days I still can’t get out of bed. I was such a beautiful human being. I had made many beautiful things. This pisses people off apparently.
My family only wanted money. They kicked when I was down… I haven’t talked to them in years. Friends wouldn’t return calls. Lost my home; a home I built myself.
Sorry rambling.
@@michaelgarrow3239 please don't apoligise for sharing your pain. Our experiences are very similar. 2 years 4 months since i was upgraded when my money ran out and he found his new victim.
I also lost my home which i designed and built myself. Its a guest house in the Kings Valley Egypt. I now have to rent a room in my own home as he stole all my legal papers so i can't prove it's mine. I live alone, i'm not allowed visitors, i have also lost a lot of weight. I sold my home in the UK, i've lost everything.
I can't talk about my life to anyone, due to the feeling of shame and failure.
I have vowed to try to have a more positive year, bur so far i've not been able to get out of bed.
The fear of the future is unbearable.
Watching videos by Danish are helping me to understand what has happened to me. I'm glad they're helping you too.
God Bless you❤
🤍 Thank you for being a comfort! I’m not ashamed of anything I did to survive. It got me here and I’m proud of myself! I have no timeframe to “get over it “ I am taking however much time I need and am celebrating my accomplishments! I’ve been 5 years free from a 20 year marriage to a psychopath. ❤
God bless you
Everything you say is true. Can’t shower, can’t clean up, just making it through the days. Since I left. My brain is trying to normalize after the constant attacks for 20 years. It’s messy but it’s ok. Waking up everyday and being lazy is so wonderful! 😂 my kids and boyfriend do not complain about the clutter and mess. They know. I notice that after the kids spend time with their aggressive father they get to my place and slack off.
My boyfriend was married to a narcissist woman- HE slacks off. There is just a feeling of being DRAINED from these people. We go to work, the kids go to school. I still cook but the dishes wait til the next morning. I could go on- but the body knows- we need to rest! A narcissist never lets you rest. And try to suck any life force and energy you have!!! Grrrr. 👿 this is the most horrible disorder to deal with. It is spiritual. ❤❤❤❤
It absolutely is spiritual. God bless and strengthen you all. In Jesus mighty name. Amen.❤
Thank you so much for this video, Danish. I was married to a Narcissist for 34 years and together with him for 3 years before we married. I was young and, at the time, no one discussed personality disorders. Thankfully, my mother got me to a therapist in 2006 after he threatened to kill both of us. The therapist managed to dare Henry to come in for "couple's therapy" to evaluate him. At my next session, he replied that Henry was a Narcissist and was the most self-absorbed person he'd ever met!! If I planned to stay, that I would always need a therpist to help me. Henry died in 2021 from cirroshis. He drank himself to death. He died in surgery to try and save him. 4 months later, I opened the door to his room, looking though drawers for something. I found a large envelope of pictures and condoms that his "girlfriend" had given him. He'd been havinga 5-year affair. I collapsed. When I had the strength, I called some friends and told them. They came down to visit immediatedly and help. It was that same week that I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Everything you discribed in this video and I needed to hear it again. I'm SLOWLY healing but feel guilty because I can't get anything done...like my cluttered house, baths, and cooking. At least I can start 2024 guilt-free. Thank you so much💖. PS: Forgot to add that he took the cash value of $180,000 of life insurance that his brother put on him for his kidney disease that I was supposed to get. Left me financially destitute too.
I am praying for you...your cancer WILL leave...it is just a STRESS response to the truth coming forth...God be with you...by HIS STRIPES WE (YOU) ARE HEALED...
❤❤❤❤
Lord is with you. After reading your story, I understand that mine was nothing and am still so disturbed mentally. Thank you for sharing. I pray that 2024 bring you immense love joy n excellent health. Loads of love
I wish you the best
@@ryangrundy4290 When my husband and I went to Christian counseling years ago, 1989, my pastor actually told me when counseling with us separately, that a woman like me should be able to use my sex on my husband and get him to do exactly as I wished...I thought that was terrible advice coming from a pastor...I am not a whore...someone give feedback, please...we had no health insurance at the time...and the way my narc husband was treating me, I certainly did NOT want sex with him...that pastor is now dead...can you imagine my life with a baby with this guy (my husband)...$10,000.00 at the time to deliver the baby; then he would have left me...then later, I found out that the pastor himself was sweet on me...what a mess...I finally got away from my husband AND his church...like I said that pastor is now dead...the churches are filled with evil things going on...satan has definitely infiltrated the modern day churches...RUN to Jesus only...I ask God to please forgive me for marrying my husband in the first place...I thought we would have a good life...I was very decieved but then again; I should have known better...
Thank you Danish, I think this is something a lot of us need to hear. To allow ourselves time to heal and be compassionate towards ourselves regardless of what others judge us to be. You are the kindest youtube channel on this subject. Happy new year and good health and happiness to you and everyone here.
Huge blessings to you too!!🤍💖🤍💖🙏💞
Happy New Year! I hope you and all of us can heal.❤
It’s nice to know that this is normal. I felt and feel so bad about doing this. Nobody understands. I’m told to move on. Move on to where??? I’m old 🤣67, I recovered from 44 chemo rounds but this is harder. Until things are settled between us in 6:31 domestic violence court, divorce settlement, I feel stuck. Today I had a long talk with myself and I DO have to move forward and I will! He’s not going to take me down!! I’m winning this battle 💪💪
I'm just an internet stranger but rooting for you! There's a light at the end of the tunnel at least!
Lol move on to where.. so true.. i will use that line from now on! I mean seriously wat t these pl tell us to move on about… when they have no idea wat we r stuck in.?? U move out of my way n preach
else where is wat i feel i wanna say to those guys… n hey u there hang in there .. we all live in hopes. Some day…. Just some day… some place….❤
Oi! 67 ain't old !!!
Barely middle aged.
I hope as the weight lifts you feel younger and fresher and so so much better =)
@@freescot8035 thank you
It is done! ❤ It's your time to shine! 🌻
God bless you, Danish. People need to hear supporting words to show that somebody cares. Keep up all the good work!!
Mine was a house coat. That's what I wore all the time. You are so right with everything that you say and I'm still going through it. Even after my husband committed suicide in 2022. After I caught him had an affair with a married woman. We were married for 40 years and I had fallen into mass depression. I needed an even care. He threw me away like trash but one month later. When she broke up with him, he committed sdecide. And i'm still trying to fix myself
So so sorry I am familiar with your pain. Stay strong. Hugs from an internet stranger, you are not alone.
@@gorjess4real Thank you and my god keep you strong
I'm recently divorced and one of the first things I bought was a fuzzy robe and a pair of pajamas because I wanted to feel warm and cozy. I'm wearing that robe as I write this. It came in the mail today and I put it on and didn't take it off all day. I might even go to sleep in it.
I am feeling this right now. Exactly that I should be better than I am.
I am feeling seen.
Stay strong lady :)
You take care of yourself today. You are in my prayers ❤ we are all in this together ❤
All of this happened, and even after year and a half later, I still have a lot of these issues.
When my son died and my husband, now ex, was still cruel to me, i could finally see how much energy it took to deal with how he treated me. I had nothing inside me to deal with the abuse and that was when I knew i had to get out. It was eye opening to see how much energy I was spending just to stay married before I was grieving. I couldn't do both. It was impossible.
Thank you I needed this today. 22.5 years with him but a year away And I still sleep so much.
🙏 Thank you, Danish, for your honesty and compassion! I wept through this video...I'm still crying. I so relate to all of this. I wish people understood. It's NOT depression; it really is just exhaustion after so many years of abuse. The strange thing is that I know I'm healing and moving in a positive direction...it just doesn't look like it from the world's perspective. I'm sure you and others can relate. I think that's the point, maybe...we need to stay focused on our perspective, not the world's. As long as we're going in the right direction? It's good.
🙏 God bless you, Danish, and all who read this! I'm going through this, too, but I believe things will continue to get better as we heal. No Contact is HUGE in this (distance provides clarity), and I expect this year to be better than last for all of us. Wishing Peace, Calm, and Safety to you all! 🙏⚔💜
Thank you so much and may God bless you and keep you as you heal and basically relearn how to live again. I wish you all the best for 2024 and hope it's one of if not the best year of your life ❣️
I Totally understand!! Every time I go for my yearly phys. exam, my Dr asks me if I have any problem with depression. NOOoooo!! I cry every day for about 5 mins. or less, then it just stops. I don't dwell or languish over the past... I'm just a sensitive person who has an amazing memory !!! I was Always remembering things everyone else long forgot about !!! ... But I'm Not depressed!!!
I'm recovering from n.a. but I never heard of These side effects B4. Also, this helps me to understand my 3 grown daughters more. 💗💗💗
Thank you so very much sage. You described EVERYTHING I have been going though and still feel. It is comforting to know others totally understand what we feel. Thank you again for your very comforting words!❤❤❤❤
I have just gone no contact, and I was feeling well and healing but then the holidays came and hit me like a ton of bricks. I have had chronic pain flair ups pretty much every day. There have been days this month where I can’t even get up from bed. I can’t even walk. I lift a bad and next thing I know I have thrown my entire back. It has been hell and I have to keep reminding myself “it’s okay”. But it’s hard. Rent and bills keep coming, and I can barely work. I was the scapegoat of the family for 35 years so there’s a lot of trauma and pain stored in my body that is coming up now that I’ve removed myself from the family unit. “It’s okay”. I keep telling myself, thank you so much for this video, it is so validating 😢❤
Everything you covered, I have been & am still going through. Thank you for validating the time it takes to heal & recover. This helped me understand that my self criticism is just shaming myself & not helping.
VALIDATION helps immensely to recover!
Give yourself some compassion. Force yourself to say kind things to yourself as if it were another person who is hurting.
Thank you Danish for sharing your personal history, it meant a lot to me and was very healing. I was sent away at 15 years old to be a child bride in another country. Unfortunately I was married to a narcissist for 23 years, while trying to protect four children. Doing 4 years in the military made my perfectionism worse. It has been absolute hell how bad it makes me feel, slacking off from doing everyday chores and self care. I have been diagnosed with Lupus, I have also developed absence seizures, that kick in when I am not able to stop the drive and compulsion to get things done. Thank goodness with your help I am able to be kinder to myself, even though it does still feel awkward to do so. I am however getting better at doing it and feeling okay about it. 😊
Thank you very much. This helps me not feel like such a freak or disgusting human being for these things happening. And all I ever want is someone to hear me and you answer me more than people that really know me do. I truly appreciate your help and putting in the time to make these videos for us because you don't have to. You are appreciated. Love you, take care ❤
This is my life. All conditions present. After decades of narcissist abuse, I developed polycystic kidney disease. It is usually heredity, but in 1% of the population, it just appears. I am in that 1%. Some claim to extreme fear is linked to the formation of kidney disease. This condition has no cure. Thank you for making this video. It was very validating.
Thank you sir Namaste !!! You really speak to me and I appreciate you and your message today!!! I salute you ! You Sir… survived !! And God had a plan for you and here you are sharing your path and Journey helping others like me !
I remember after 'that day' when I was 15...I stopped all hygienic practices, partially because I just didn't care anymore / nothing mattered anymore and partially because I wanted to be as unappealing to others as possible. It seems familiar that a parent or older sibling literally forced me into a shower in my clothes to get me to start cleaning myself.
Narcissists expect you to just get up the next day after they have shattered your reality and destroyed all your hopes and dreams, as if nothing happened at all.
Thank you for this compassionate list. It's so true. We need to cut ourselves some slack. This narcissistic abuse by both my now dead parents who disinherited me & my 3 elder gc brothers, extended family & others who bought into the narcs' smear campaign is draining. It stole my own health, caused me cancer, menengioma and primary progressive multiple sclerosis and now I'm non weight-bearing and confined to a wheelchair...but...when I think back to the chore of cleaning the apartment's clutter, what 'normal', non scapegoats don't GET is that , in doing so, we'll encounter several triggers that will activate flashbacks, remind us of backstabbing, sentimentality, loss, our healthier, happier, younger naive selves...all those opportunities missed, foregone, lost etc cuz of the c-ptsd. Even listening to music, seeing an old shirt when we mighta THOUGHT, erroneously there was a chance our parents would eventually encourage and be loving and proud of us. Love us. Accept our individuality. Fragrance...maybe, while cleaning, encountering a former fragrance, a photo, brooch, pebble, necktie, music box...from people who once had us convinced they were friend & revealed, in fact to be foe...just another narc. Makes us afraid and not trust our ability to DISCERN friend from foe. Like lyrics of the song *_"why do you build me up, buttercup baby just to let me down and mess me around..."_*
Point being, in the vulnerable mindset, what SHOULD be experienced as a refreshing, energizing, inspiring de-cluttering the apartment session can morph into a not so welcome head trip down memory lane. It takes energy beyond just the physical to power thru that procedure. All in good time. Baby steps. ❤
What a kind and gentle message for the first day of a new year! You are very much appreciated, Danish, and wished many blessings!
It really was a kind and gentle message. It made me feel a little better. I just WANT and NEED to heal 💯 %.
Will I ever heal 💯 %?
Do we ever heal 💯 %?
Wow. I have never heard any of the narcissist channels talk about this and I could relate to ALL of it. I have been serially gang stalked by narcissists my entire life as if I had a mark on my forehead identifying me as an empath. It has been constant and relentless. I have all these symptoms that he talks about. I thought it was just me.
Me too...he explains everything so well
I am 71 years old. Brought up by a narcissist mother and survived 4 marriages to malignant narcissists. The 4th spouse was introduced to me by the therapist that I was seeing to heal from the 3rd marriage which included every level of hell including physical abuse.
I was literally meditating on the toxic shame that still can come in waves even tho I know it is not deserved when you posted this vid.
I have been no contact with all family including my adult narcissistic daughter for 10 years. The healing continues. No therapy. No new relationship or friendships have helped. Radical surrender and spiritual growth is the only succor.
You are blessed and blessing others in a way that is miraculous. Thank you for being.
God Bless You❤
Good energy of animals may help💜
I relate to all. Chronic unexplained shoulder, back and leg pain. Frequent chronic migraine attacks making me immobile for few days pushing me in bed. Unexplained low bp which doctors couldn't find out even after blood tests and no signs of major deficiency. Unexplained tears flowing out of feelings of helplessness, giving up.
I am thankful to your detailed videos I could figure out I was a narc victim as everything was so rosy for 4yrs and suddenly all illusions fell apart. I joined yoga, started walking 6kms early morning, cut off tea coffee n sugar n replaced with green tea, regular daily meditations and lot more. Today's video helped me realize that inspite of all these changes I am still not good mentally, I don't feel happy or joyful from within. I understood that I need to give myself some more time instead of beating myself up for not coming to a normal stage like others.
My goal is to be kind to myself…thank you for being a giver of hope and support
I can relate with everything you mentioned, but the hygenie and clutter part.
For my sanity and stress level to ease, I MUST stay clean, hygienic, smelling fresh, hydrated, moisturized and my environment MUST be decluttered and clean. Otherwise I will get unexplained stress and anxiety.
I figured this out about myself a decade ago that I defineity get anxiety when it's a dirty and cluttered environment , I'm surrounded by people who arent keeping up with their hygenie, or if I myself am not clean enough to my standards.
Once all these are checked off to my standards, my stress goes down to 95%.
If these things are not done, no matter how exhausted I am, I force energy out of me to get my desired environment and hygenie, and then rest for as long as my brain needs.
This is something that works for me.
I'm not judging people who are unable to brush their teeth and shower. As their situation, and recovery is different than mine. My sister recovers this way. So I know this type exist. I have seen her very closely. It works for her to take out exhaustion by not brushing her teeth, taking shower, washing hands after washroom visit for weeks.
But for me it's the opposite. I dont judge her from a distance, it only becomes a problem when we have to cohabitate. Because my recovery style is different than hers' . I relate clutter and bad hygenie to anxiety for myself, however clutter and not well kept hygiene is her comfort zone. I cant sleep with a dirty kitchen and bathroom. Whereas my sister eats from the same dirty dish for almost 2 weeks. Alot of times when I visit her apartment I do all her dishes because I cant sit seeing she eating from a dirty plate. She seems fine with it. I am not. When we used to live together, after cleaning my room I used to sometimes clean hers' too, and she used to find it frustrating to a point that we used to argue over this. She used to bring out the clothes I folded and kept away, spread them all over, make that chair heaped with clothes again and feel comforted by that heap of clothes which I originally saw it as a mess.
I used to 'fix' her room because I couldnt sit there to spend time with her in her room. So we worked it out by me not going into her room, only she used to come sit in my room for hours every day to talk.
Until some years ago, I didnt use to understand her behaviour and we used to fight over it because it wasnt working for either of us to live together in our ways, but from last few years i do get it. And it's okay if she is finding comfort in these things, it just becomes a problem to spend time together. Because both of us can't adopt to one another' environment of either getting comfortable in what seems dirty to me or for her to keep things clean to my standards. Even though we have lived for over 30 years together. My desired environment is too difficult for her to adapt and her living situation gives me anxiety, frustration and irritability as I relate to peace when I, people around me and my environment is clean.
You have to find your recovery style and what gives you that peace and follow it.
*** By any means, I am not trying to say that oh look how clean I am and how dirty she is.
There is a solid reason behind why both of us have these poles apart recovery style. When we were young, my mom used to make me do all the cleaning, helping in the kitchen and decluttering of the entire house , where as my sister was always the privileged one and a book worm wanting to become a doctor when she grows up, so she was never bothered by mom , Instead pampered by both parents because they wanted her to become a doctor. Hence she was supported in hopes to bring pride to the family one day with her doctor degree.
However I used to get beaten up multiple times daily (mostly for being the unwanted child being born due to unprotected sex) if I didnt meet my mom' standard of cleanliness. Even though she also enjoys sitting in clutter and making a mess, (which is why my sister finds it homely and comfort in mess), however as messy my mom is, when she cleans , her cleaning standards are also very high. So I, as a child had to maintain those standards routinely otherwise I'd get beaten up badly. Which is why decluttering became my comfort zone eventually because after a while you adapt to what you are thrown into. My sister on the other hand didnt have to live up to that expectation and standards of my mother in regards of chores, hence her recovery style turned out to be completely different. Had she gotten the same treatment as I did, maybe we would both have the same recovery style. So the point is, I'm not shaming her online, I'm only explaining that within the same house hold there can exist two VERY different people, with different habits, mindset and recovery styles due to certain history and experiences as explained above. Hope it helps. 😊 ***
Thank you I though something is wrong with me, but no nothing is wrong with me, it is the natural reaction of my body dealing with years of abuse and trauma. Thank you
Thank you so much for for this. Today I managed to go for a jog for the first time. . But then came the familiar crash. since then I've been sitting here in my chair all day in my workout clothes under my blanket ..too frozen to shower..change..eat.. nevermind clean stuff..and beating myself up for 'wasting the day'. Its so easy to forget that theses are trauma healing responses. Thank you sooo much for the kind reminder! Small steps!!
@reshmasingh9086 It gets better. but not in a straight line... 2 or 3 steps forward.. 1 step back.
OMG. It's like you're reading my mind and seeing what my life has been all throughout 2023.
What a wonderful person is Danish Bashir.
He has reassembled the jigsaw of my shattered psyche.
Thank you Danish.
Thank-you Danish, for being transparent and truthful!! We all need to realize where the trauma has come from, and slowly recognize our true worth. In the sight of God, not the human definition of ourselves. It's ok to be you, God's perfect creation!!
God Bless you Danish, and everyone on this channel,,,have a wonderful and Blessed New Year, one day at a time. ❤🙏❤️
Happy new year to you too and God bless 💗
Long story short this past year I found out through a probate attorney in NM that my narcissistic Mother died over 2 years ago… I cut her and my entire family off over 10 years ago. My brother tried to keep my share of the inheritance for himself and me hidden.
9 months later after having to hire my own attorney because of my brother, who is the Golden Child and I the Scapegoat; I only found out a few days ago how my Mom actually died. She was only 62 and died a pretty painful death that involved a stroke, paralyzation, a blood clot to the brain and after a week in hospice died, finally.
Within that same week I came down with a really bad the flu/cold or whatever. No one else in my family has gotten sick from me. I have done everything you described. I can barely function. I collapsed. I have a 14 month old so I do have responsibilities I need to take care of but I’m very blessed to have an amazing husband who gets me and has been through my recovery process since 2015.
As I lay here in bed pissed off that I’m feeling so rotten, I can’t help but feel like it’s the last time she can ever hurt me.
TY for this 👏🏼💯💯 The healing process is long, arduous & painful. 4 years into recovering from Narcissistic Abuse from 1st learning about what was happening to us and it's still debilitating. Healing will be a lifelong path, but geez... Just trying to get through the initial Healing is agony. Thank you for your understanding & compassion. I wish more could truly empathize with HOW BAD the abuse & trauma really, truly WAS & frustratingly, the EFFECTS of N.A. STILL ARE. 🤗💔🙏🏼©️
I empathize with you 🤗 I'm 6 years divorces from a narc and probably 4 years cut off from my narc/physically abusive dad. I'm still struggling, in pain (emotional and physical), and would absolutely love to have someone who has been where I am and truly gets what I'm going through in my day to day life. The support of viewers of channels like these is helpful, but it isn't building a relationship. It isn't enough to feed my soul in a meaningful way. I empathize with you 🤗
My first reaction when I understood my husband was a covert N, I was in chock. The I was soooo angry on myself! How could I not see? Not understand? I am financially independent, I am seen as an intellectual and intelligent woman. I work in a great position.
Then came the shame!!!
After a year with therapy I have forgiven myself- I am an empath and proud to be one!
Danish you are like fairly angel ❤whoi think can understand pain which I can't share or express fully
Sincerely I am tired n tired. I have held on for 20yrs n I feel exhausted. I need strength and a mind to help my children because they are in the vulnerable teenage age. They need me more now.
Thank you for today’s episode. I’ve been through it all. I needed to hear that message. I’m trying to heal myself from IBS and fibromyalgia as well. I’m trying to exercise and rebuild myself because I’ve gone through a lifetime of Narcissistic abuse from family and relationships and friends. I’m getting better but all that you said is so true. I’m only sharing myself with others if I have the energy and then retreating to myself and resting and trying to eat better and take care of myself first from now on like I have done for so many narcissists before. It’s rough but I’ve survived it and trying to recover and make a new life for myself. I am thankful to God for not leaving me and helping me along the ways. I will eventually make new friends as I have gone no contact with the former narcissistic friends and family. They are all toxic. Appreciate your message very much as nobody else understands what we are going through. Blessings 🙏
I am a 50 year old woman and I only sleep 2 to 3 hours every night I wake up every 2 to 3 hours through the night and I'm so exhausted from the stress that has been put on me and everything I literally feel like my heart is going to give out I don't know what to do anymore to get sleep. I wish you a happy New Year too thank you for your videos they are so helpful and comforting!
I feel like I am surrounded by very toxic people. I feel everywhere I turn. My heart is broken. The people I have known are liars and thieves. Talking about people i have known for my whole life or very long time. I don't feel I have anyone to trust. I feel I am losing hope in humanity. I pray the Lord protects me from the wolves in sheep's clothing. God bless anyone else who is having this experience. I pray in almighty God that he protects you as well. God bless!
Currently healing from a fever watching this and it makes such sense... Thank you for this information. Bless the healing of us all🌷
Yes!!!!!!!! This type of relationship has been the worst to heal from.. I compared this to my divorce and this was by far the worst and we were married for 12 years vs the narc relationship was way less... I didn't have the energy to do anything but eat, sleep and repeat. It's been a year and I still have my days, but it's getting better.. Please give yourself grace and make sure to give your healing some time. This wasn't a normal relationship/marriage so the process to heal won't be easy.
Thankyou x
I can sleep 15 hours a day and I’m still so exhausted! and to be honest I’m spending longer than that in bed. It feels like death but I want to live!
I want to clean my home…I just can’t. I was homeless 9 months prior to this due to domestic violence and should be so happy to be here but I’ve been moving almost daily for the past year and it’s just too much. I want to close my door and be alone. The damage is horrific.
I love your videos and I love you for speaking so honestly x
I’m not lazy and I never have been but showering is exhausting. I want to go back to bed because it takes what little energy I have left. I want to be clean but I don’t care and I want to be alone. I think you are the most honest person I’ve ever watched about narcissistic abuse. Thankyou for letting me know that it’s ok to feel the way I do. From the bottom of my heart thankyou,
I have will but it’s not happening at the moment.
Thankyou 💕
You're are so right..the damage inflicted is horrific..drains the body but more so the soul..this is the first channel that I found that has addressed how I feel to a T. I'm really struggling horribly after my last Narc attack. Let us pray for all of us who have literally endured HELL
Listening to ur voice herewith, Danish, is so comforting, like slowly pulling a soft, warm, cozy blanket up over my body and wrapping it snugly around me for a long, deep sleep. These times of immobility are like tiny electric jolts that serve to re-arouse our trauma long after much of our healing work has been done. This is the moment when we must practice self-compassion, and ur words give us the power to do so. Thank u, dear friend! ❤
That happened by having my family get me drugged and into psychosis.
38 yrs I knew how to self care to cope. First few years very sad confused but knew projection. Denied love and affection.
Yes it's a lot. 13 yrs avoid family dysfunction, now free.
Ups and downs still.
Don't beat myself out as much.
❤😂🎉❤😂🎉
I have lived through all of these phases, thank you for the explanation.
Can´t collapse when you have a toddler and an ancient mother to look after. Also... having a detail-oriented job you can´t quit, while on five hours of sleep a night are not good either. And yeah... I sew blankets into coats, have fibro, and the clutter is remarkable.
You rock 🤝👸🌹🍰
I'm dealing with the clutter issue. My home isn't dirty, just cluttered - and dusty.
I can't get my brain around decluttering!
I need to declutter. My brain has it figured out. I feel like my brain is 20 or 30; but my body feels too slow, as if I was 200 yrs old !!! 💗💗💗
Same
Plan and organization is needed for dusting and decluttering part by part. I learnt it from an old woman. She had divided all tasks, every task or part of the house done on a different day.
@@brookejones6777 👍🙏
😍 Happy New Year Danish and Gorgeous Kitties! Be of good courage for the power of God is with us. Knowledge IS Power so the best is yet to come in this new year. We are here for you…ALWAYS and together, WE HAVE overcome evil. ❤️
Thank you for all you do for us.
MY HERO !!! ❤️
Happy New Year Everyone! :)
I don't know why I watch you. I usually only get halfway through before I have to stop and cry rocking myself back and forth like I'm in a rocking chair. It takes hours to watch these things. It's like you are a different version of me.
One very interesting and very consistent aspect of a narcissist is that as soon as you explain in detail to them their behaviour, they will first deny it, then process it for about one minute then suddenly they passionately accuse 'you' of those very same things.
I have experienced it with multiple narcissist people I know.
They go into hyper gasslighting mode and even when you explain that you just told them they are like that and now they are instantly parroting it back at you as an accusation they just double down.
Thank you Danish. I feel calmed when listening to you and you validate us in the way we've needed to be but don't get by those who don't understand in our lives. I have more or less struggled with a lot of these things, some more severe than others. Clutter has been one of them. It's a daily struggle. I want to clean but the fatigue and lack of focus impedes my efforts. I also have lupus which I am 100% certain was from having too much stress in my life. This is what I needed to hear today ❤.
So honest and helpful. ❤Happy New Year and healthy full recovery to all survivors.
I find I need lots of solitude and quiet. Noise and crowds I can't do. I sit for long periods of time. Just sitting or looking out the window or going for walks. Just need time to myself not talking to anyone or doing anything.
As you talked about having something warm and comfortable on like a robe tears fell down my face. I have had this blue robe that actually has a name it’s blue boy lol for over 12 years it thick and warm and I wear it constantly and now I know why! 🥺😢
Thank you so much Danish. All of this. Being gently encouraged by my recovery coach to tell myself 'well done' for even the smallest daily accomplishment; like having a wash, making a sandwich, taking the dog for a walk, changing my clothes etc because those normal things are so difficult some days. Love and healing wishes to everyone going through this ❤
Hi Danish, .I'm so happy I found your channel. You validate everything I'm going thru. My narcissist husband died 6 years ago. He was brutal. I feel like he still controls me from the grave. How do I get past this? I'm still healing. But I can hear him yelling at me, and he's gone. I feel like I'm going crazy. I do everything you discussed in this video. I feel like I am stuck in the mud. I could never get in another relationship cause I'm terrified I'd go thru the same thing again.
okay, how can i explain this? i,m speaking from a spiritual standpoint.. marriage is 2 bodies becoming 1 flesh, that stays or remains forever. whether it,s spirit physical or mental.. you and he take on certain characteristics from each other.. that,s why it,s called a mystery .. if that person has suicidal tendencies, or depression bouts or manic phases, you now have those things in your person also! that,s why the scriptures are really tantamount in who YOU CHOOSE as a partner.... But ! your NEW HOPE is when you turned to get a different web page the old has been rejected.. our choices can affect our whole lives! Continue to go in right direction.....people who understand what common sense is WILL find good. another bible quote from proverbs! I send you only wellness girlie........ keep going
Here,
🍸 I got you water with lemon in it to keep you hydrated so your head doesnt hurt.
Happy New year to you too Danish 😊
Almost all October & november I showered every 14th day ! I just didn’t have the energy for it. Until he discarded me,now I can shower again .
Thank you for this video. My therapist turned out to be very abusive and my energy level is very low recently. My house is a mess and it has never been like that and I'm really ashamed of it but I struggle to get up.
Wow. This is the first video that popped up in my feed after waking from a nap I didn’t want to take that reduced the amount of time I had planned to work on the clutter and mess in my house. I had fallen asleep with a cozy sweater jacket on, woke up overheated, annoyed with myself that it’s midday and I haven’t taken a shower yet and trying to remember if I had even brushed my teeth when I got up this morning. For real. All of this.
And watched this video. And felt like spirit was speaking to me through your words.
I am recovering from narcissistic abuse. And I still have to deal with him as he’s the father of my children. My children who both have numerous challenges including hypersensitive nervous systems which also triggers my own. I’m trying to heal while continually being hit with retraumatization over and over and over. It’s exhausting. Dealing with my narc ex brings up feelings of rage. My children induce stress and panic inside of me and I try to help them regulate, I also have to regulate myself. And the dysfunction in my nervous system and years of depression and anxiety led to a chronic illness that only gets worse the more inactive and bedridden I am.
I’m hard on myself to overcome these challenges and get to a better place. I began the day optimistic but when succumbing to exhaustion and waking up disappointed in myself for napping, AGAIN, there is no video that could have offered me as much compassion and understanding as this one. Thank you, Danish. Truly.
This is one of the most important videos for healing I wish I had at the beginning of my healing! Every teenager should watch this. Survivor or not!!
I totally agree and relate with this video. I've been so exhausted 😩 and ill with so much pain pain. I really feel like I'm dying and that has caused increased the stress. 😢. Just listening to you has given me energy. I love your videos and relate so much to them. Happy New year 🎉 ✨️
So accurate on recovery from abuse. Those never abused don't get it. They do try to rush you and I'm sorry it takes what it takes to recover not a day sooner. Your so in tune with Narcissistic Abuse suffering. You are a King for showing us the way out of this dark tunnel. Best all out Empath is you The rest of us learning from you. God Bless your New Year Danish. Your a 💎 gemstone
Thank you Danish! Your confirmation and support means so very much. I have been watching your videos for the past 6 months and they have been so very helpful in my recovery journey. You are a Godsend. God bless you. 🙏💖🕊
Thankyou Brother for helping me and is make sense of what is happening AFTER the trauma/abuse has stopped. All those things you mentioned apply to me. And I feel validated and I feel compassion for myself. I get that pressure from health professionals, who , like you said, weren't there, and don't know. Me and my siblings survived our two narc parents who abused us in every way possible. One parent still lives. And us Siblings have come together after years of self isolation. I will share your videos with my Siblings. We ALL thought we were defective, crazy, lazy, ruined. We each are healing at our own pace. And best of all, we love each other and got each other's back. Thankyou again Brother❤
You are so so so awesome Danish…thank you thank you thank you.
from JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA-
I spent two years after discard back in self harm guilt shame and drug abuse from the past xxxxx❤❤ love to everyone 🙏🕯️
Thank you so much!! So now I understand why i am up and down...energy wise, needing more sleep, have lack of energy, not shaving my legs, needing naps, feeling like I have anchors on my arms and legs when even thinking about showering, struggling to wash my hair. Some days it takes so much effort I just toss my hands up. My hair has got gray areas. I have the hair dye but no energy to dye my hair. I have some cluttered areas. Saturday I tackled my walk in closet and today i struggle to unload the dishwasher. Comfort clothing is a thing too. I wear certain sweatshirts, sweaters over and over. No energy needed to choose an outfit either. I went no contact over a year ago. But I am still healing from 15 miserable years with a covert narcissist. I will heal with time. But honestly Danish the amount and extent of damage was not truly apparent to me until now. Thank you for letting us know all this is okay. Happy New Year!
Thank you Danish for your compassion. May you be uplifted and have a joyous new year.
This really made me cry😭, and that self doubt is there, and we become our own biggest critic and that is not good for our own selves, and it's okay, and the physical symptoms are there, I always get cold like almost every week, it affects my mental health alot some skin allergies also there, I hope it'll change in 2024 I made lot of effort to move out to other place, I'm from India
Omg, Danish this video spoke to my soul. I could not clean, I couldn't get out of bed, I couldn't even make a plate of food. I burnt my leg on his dad's car and it heal until a year later when I escaped him. I couldn't breathe because I cried everyday and I could only breathe again until he and his family was gone. He was very intelligent and knew exactly what he was doing to me and would fake having seizures trying to paint me as the bad guy towards the end of the relationship. My empathy came in and I felt horrible. He said the first time he had a seizure on the floor for several hours because I said that I'm not signing off the least until I get all my stuff and my cat. I let him have his way and signed off because he said I was giving him hour long seizures. Again I was broken at the time. Come to find out I signed off the least and he abused me badly again and gave away all my things. He tricked me into signing off the least 😢. I also found out that you don't have hour long seizures. I told him to go see a doctor and he said he doesn't have too anymore . He lied. He used my empathy to hurt me . I was broken and being abused by his sister at that point. Oh Lord I pray the Lord will teach him a lesson. He tried to hoover me back by using the pet hospital but I blocked. It was a cruel evil cold discard. Complete isolated and abused by his whole family. Called the suicide hotline several times a day. I want him to fall flat on his feet. He will crash and burn. I know it with all my being .
Thank you so much ,Danish! You are a godsend ! ❤You are clearing up so much confusion where I thought that something is wrong with me ! Thank you ,as always ,for bringing clarity ,compassion , understanding and hope! Thank you for sharing your vulnerability also , i know its not easy ,but it is definitely a comfort to those of us still navigating healing from these things . Love, blessings and healing to all ! 🌻
Thank you so much. I have suffered my entire 78 years from narc abuse from my older sister. I was my fathers favorite, he was abusive to her. I felt so guilty, that by the time i was about 7 years old, i became her servant. She sought revenge.. we were the perfect storm. The only way i could feel separate was to move an hr away. Even visiting her for an hr, i was emotionally battered and drained. Ive had 10+years of good therapy, and felt free from her. Well, 10 yrs ago i moved back. I got so triggered, i felt like i was taking on her abusive behavior. Im good now, but i want to let you know that i value your in-depth experience and knowledge so much! With gratitude❤
Yes my outside narcs made my inhome narcs shame me day in day out , that I am only sitting at home not doing anything. I should run on treadmill because I am fat (no one in my family or relatives run themselves), look for a proper job and get married.
Reality is : I struggle to get to the washroom without losing balance .
I was visiting my brother for four days of Christmas holidays, he judged and laughed at me while offering towel that "take the towel , dont stay without shower for 4 days". (He is a clean freak himself). But what I found weird was that both of his kids stayed without shower at all for all four days. I atleast fucking shower after 2 days! A$$hole!!!
Thank you so much, I am truly grateful for you
"We will try to become for ourselves what we are for others when they are in pain". This video felt sacred. These are beyond the world's social understandings. Surviving narcissistic abuse is abnormal and if we do succeed and many of us have, it means that we are incredibly strong. No one was there for all the minutes of fear and pain and humiliation. I think healing is a holy and loving endeavor. We do have to learn how to give ourselves what we so easily give to others. When my husband died, everybody left. At first, I was sad and felt less than. As these few years have passed, I realize what a gift this solitude has been. I chose not to turn on the television. I chose to live in silence. 28 years of being abused makes me yearn to accept myself just as I am. Since there's no one here to put me down, I'm healing slowly. I never did judge people. I never thought how wonderful the well-dressed were or how awful the drug addicts were. No. We are all worthy of love. It's the only true gift God gave me. A piece of himself. I still yearn to give that love away but, I know I have to give it to myself now. Even when we are healed, we are not ordinary people. We feel things deeper and we are way more sensitive especially to the needs of others. I feel every word that he just said in my spirit. Do you notice that no one else has ever made a video just like this? I believe it was a gift. Thank you so much. Sometimes, our souls do get tired. After 4 years of isolation, I realize that I am never alone. 💙🩷💜
I’m very sorry you suffered so much. I’m glad you are healing, and hope the future brings you peace and joy.
A person who suddenly sinks into dirt and disorder should not be judged harshly. Unfortunately, people don't ask for the reason and just complain or gossip, unwilling to support the person in severe depression.
I' ve been through this and in my case it passed.
Step by step, one can return to normalcy.
To be honest, "expressing" the disorder in my life was a kind of a rebellion against the previous pressure of my narcissist.
It was like: "It will be me in the end who will clean and wash all which is dirty, so let it be under my terms!"
Danish, this video has been so incredibly validating. I am on my third watch back to back right now because I really need these words to sink in. I relate to every single point you have made, but especially being able to keep my environment clean. I am a mother of a 6 year old and parallel parenting with her narc father. The days I don’t have her I convince myself I will be able to get up and do something and most times it doesn’t happen. She then comes back to my house and the mess grows because I am so overwhelmed being in the presence of my child or working all day that all I want to do is sit down after I get her in bed. I work from home but have been struggling with being able to concentrate and they don’t understand the struggle. I have to take days off to just not have that level of input to my brain because my inability to be functional is nonexistent. Thank you for speaking out and helping people.
As far as the society goes, while I was undergoing abuse, I tried to keep it together, but the exhaustion was evident. I gained weight but in a way that I just blew up like a balloon as my hormons were all over the place and I kept getting ill. Not only that I wasn't offered help at work but one of the colleagues spread the gossip that my face was swollen and I was tired because I was hungover all the time...I found that out months later when one of my other colleagues was surprised when I said that I don't like alcohol.
Thank you... I have been going through these things and I thought it was me in the process of dying. Now I know it's my body in recovery.
The things you are describing resonate very much with me. Thank you for saying that it's ok. I'm so very exhausted at 49. 💤 😴. Surviving this type of abuse as well as being in an unloving and alcoholic home as a child has left me so tired. I always had to depend on myself. I had no where to fall safely.
💗Thank you. Still sleeping much. Feeling guilty for not working out AT ALL.
🌸I’m so lucky, I have my adult daughter and her son living with me. My problem is sometimes I feel stupid for putting up with it for 38 years. She tells me it’s ok because now I got away and am so much better. She’s amazing.💕🌸
Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Thanks to @myblueskye777 for gifting this community with this comforting wisdom.
I left the Covert, wounded, fragile narcissist (I am male) when I was 51 1/2 years old, in 2012. I fled to foreign country and learned a new language. It took me about 4 years to even desire to think about what happened. She had a 4 1/2 year old girl child when we married. We had 4 more... 3 boys and one girl. The youngest was my eleven year old son, when I left. Physically, I could barely walk away. In this physical condition she kicked me in my left knee, which swelled up with an hematoma, paralizing my leg. She locked me in the bedroom. I removed the window pane and my 16 year old son supportred me on one side, while I climbed out the window and hobbled to my vehicle. I was not a wimp. I was a construction worker skilled in all trades. Two weeks later, arriving in the New York air port, I hobbled off the jet and sat in the waiting area for 25 minutes, trying to stabalize myself for walking with my carry on bag, which I could barely manage. Of course, the night mare is much longer, so I will not be tedious. That was Jan. 2012. We finally got a divorce in May 2023. I had started a divorce in 2010, and rescinded it in 2011, because I fell for her hoovering, which include the opening of her legs. I let her choose therapist, and she would not participte. I had to be fixed... By the middle of 2011, I started perparing for my exit, which I barely succeded with in Jan of 2012. Hobbling away from the New York air port, I stayed with an old friend for 6 weeks before departing to a foriegn country. I had my say in court in 2023, and she was mortified publicly. But, she was still awarded everything, which came from me and my families inheritance. I have been rebuilding myself for these 12 years. 2 children communicate with me sparsely, and the 16 year old son, who helped me out the window, is now 27 and will communicate on deep levels. The story has many levels.... So, I wish the best to all of you in your journey of recovery....🙂
This video is the Most precious new year gift to survivers ... thanks once again.... LET THE HEALING BEGIN is the the new life mantra for us...
This is one of the best channels about narcissist. You hit straight to the point with your insights and it is very productive. Thank you.
I will say it again.. you are truly a gifted man. The way you put things is so eloquent. Bro, you have articulated things that would have taken me lifetimes.
Hi Danish, my husband is Npd. Last 19yrs I lost completely my energy. Now I'm standing for myself. I av crossed over continuous health issues. My digestive system completely collapsed .Now I'm being like what you have spoken in this video , your speech heals me. No words to express, what you doing is great . Thank you 🙏