5 Signs You Have Post Narcissistic Abuse Stress Disorders
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- Опубліковано 13 чер 2024
- Register for workshop on "Break the trauma bond with a Narcissist"
www.emotionalabuserecovery.co...
chapters
00:00 introduction
01:15 Workshop
01:46 1.Cognitive dissonance & Trauma bonding
03:24 2.You cannot trust
05:26 3.You face a lot of psychosomatic issues
07:00 4.You isolate a lot
08:24 5.You struggle with rumination a lot
I avoid people because their lies are exhausting. I’m sick of being betrayed.
Or they get weirdly possessive or they get weirdly jealous over the smallest things like having lunch with a friend you haven’t seen in awhile or being kind in general which triggers all kind of passive aggressive shenanigans. I agree. I am sick of people and it’s too much effort catering to their nonstop insecurities and problems they attempt to stir within your own circle or between just the two of you. I hear this and wanted to interject why I am fed up too. The betrayal from all these people has left me not wanting to see or talk to anyone. Even my own neighbor after she moved out I found out her and her POs brother were stealing everyone’s porch packages in our complex. Unbelievable. I feel like there are not very many good people anymore so the likelihood of encountering narcs or just shit people in general is high. I’ve had my fill.
Same. I chose to be lonely
"Do you hate people? I do not hate them. I just feel better when they aren't around." ~Arthur Schoepenhauer
It is worse now when everyone so easily believes media lies as well. Truth is discouraged, but we survivors need to be truthful and true to ourselves don't we? Our intuition is heightened as we recover from all the gaslighting we have endured.
@@dustinmiller2775 right on point 😅😂😂😂😂
In my late 50's I am still ruminating and have trauma bond issues. I feel like I did not live my life, I just survived. I am praying to recover and have some peace with what is left to live.
You can do it…❤🙏🏻
Same for me. Exactly the same.
Me too. Married 5 years to a narcissist. I was fine after I left him as my job and knowing who I was very well and I would go there all the time. I would have been good if he would have left me alone. No, his anger had to be spewed at me for 30 years. Stalking was the new him. Yes you feel like I never had a life to live my way. I morn that loss.
I also think I isolate or spend time alone is because the peace is so good.
Praying is really good, but dont keep it to praying only... You've got to do the work. Own it and become a survivor🙏You can do this!
I have suffered all of these symptoms. After FIVE years I am able to put this behind me............ No one really understands until they experience this type of abuse personally.
Dang. I hope it doesn't take me five years. It might. Best of luck to all of us.
No amount of time has made any difference to my condition. I expect the rest of my life will be lonely with no meaningful relationship. Sad but welcome.
How long did it take, before you BEGAN to feel better? I cry and cry missing my toxic family members!!
You are so right. I can't tell you how many times I've tried to explain it to people and only my adult son understands, because he experienced it with a girlfriend. Everyone else just can't understand why I'm not over him yet and remain very unsupportive.
1. Trauma bonding and cognitive dissonance
2. Trust issues
3. Psychosomatic issues
4. Self-isolation
5. Rumination
5/5 for me. Thanks for helping me understand why I'm such a convoluted mess.
Thank you for the list! 😊
I'm so sorry u had to go through this, I've been going through this too , and today I finally had to leave and I am a mess ,I love him but I know that I have to fix myself I will never date again I've waisted 20 years of my life being married to him ,I go through this video and I just want to find things to make me happy and live my life for me
I can totally relate.😮❤
5/5 for me as well… I’m just trying to figure out which is the worst for me right now as they all seem aligned to 💯 🥺😢
@@FarfallaSiciliana427 I am so sorry,I can tell you in my experience that leaving was so hard but I have to heal , what I started to was write down in a journal every thing he would say to me and do me every day and then I started to look at the pros and cons but after my own sister that was it i longer needed to keep it i knew right then and there i was done , being with a narcissist u will hit your breaking point, because they don't care about us i don't even think that they know how to truly love the self, asked him to go consoling with u see what he says about it, I know alot of people stay because they don't have any where else to go,start up a savings account with your bank put as much money in it u can each pay , this way if you do have to hurry up and leave u will have money set aside to get on your feet in your own place,that is something I also started to do but unfortunately he got with her before I had enough funds to get me on my feet but I would much rather be homeless than live like that,It is a very hard choice asking your self should I stay or should I go , asking your self does he even love me, if you are thinking like that then you probably know that u are better with out him and get some one to talk to you because being with a narcissist it does us damage u have to tell your self that you are strong and u deserve to be loved and treated with respect, you don't deserve anything then that find your self worth and do things to make you happy when you forget him and move on and become happy that is when they will start trying to come back to us but for me heck no i will go back to that,i need to find peace and self love and get my confidence and self esteem back i know it will not happen over night but all wounds take time to heal ,just remember this when we leave a narc its not us they miss ,its the control over us they miss they miss that they can't hurt us anymore I hope that advice helps,I wish I could do more to help you being with a narcissist is so hard it is mentally and physically and emotionally draining and it hurts so bad , I am so done getting hurt ,my heart can't take it anymore and I know I deserve better than that
Spending time in nature
Eating seasonal fruits
Getting good sleep
Pray and meditation
Laughing
Spending time with like minded people
Working out
Following your passion
Pursuing something that you always wanted to do
And ofcourse not letting your mind indulge in the past trauma by saying no to it each time it takes you to that disturbing thoughts and putting the narc completely out of your system
I know its not easy but one day at a time can make a huge difference
Wishing you luck 🙏
Thank you for sharing this ❤
Thank you!! God Bless!
Thank you
@sinjinmonsoon9055 Follow the list that YOU make for yourself. ....just one step at a time. One day at a time. It all belongs to you, not the narc! Do not tell them nothing of what you want to do for yourself. They are malicious, greedy, sadistic bullies.
probiotics/coconut water/nutritional supplements instead of coffee first thing in the morning
wholefood with sauce, oof!
I was raised by two people who were communal narcissists and I was the main family scapegoat. When you say that this type of abuse and trauma disconnects you from your true self, you’re speaking fact. I lost myself to the point where I didn’t think anything was inside me but shite. I felt unfit for human contact.
This concept eventually impoverished me because I was so afraid to spend time in close quarters with other human beings. I started and fled jobs where sustained contact was required. I was afraid such exposure would result in discovery and hate toward me for being subhuman.
It can take a lifetime to find yourself again but it’s worth the effort. It’s worth the time and that struggle to discover who you really are.
praying for you🙏🙏🙏
Sounds horrible. Communal narcissists have hypocrizy on another level. 😢
I so relate to what you said. The difference is I feel like I *know* who I am, but it's not accepted by others. Now, I find myself isolating so much just to feel a sense of normalcy & peace within. Best wishes in your healing journey!
@@Wishpool likewise, very similar experience, situation. I've been gaslighted so much the gas is run out.
@@WishpoolWishpool, you're sooooooo in my head.
I had a very long string of abusers. I'm convinced I have cptsd. I think that's why I kept attracting more abusers and didn't realize what my problem was. Cutting people out if my life and spending time alone is the only thing that's working. I really wish I'd realized what was going on sooner and was where I am now. I made a lot of bad decisions and permanently damaged my life because of things like missed opportunities and poor choices. I don't think I'd have made the same decisions if I'd had time alone. I think abusers look for traumatized people so they can stop them from healing and gain control.
Abusers do look for traumatized people because we're easier to manipulate - until we become informed and aware.
Don't feel alone, I'm in the same situation. 56 and I feel like I wasted my life too with bad decisions and missed opportunities. It's not over yet so try to do something good with the time you have left, that's what I'm doing. God bless ❤❤❤
I'm so sorry for you and anyone in these comments that have similar stories below your comment.
I also feel like I missed out on opportunities. Made bad decisions. When my mother passed away unexpectedly at 14yrs old, like, my life went to crap thereafter. Just a domino affect.
I eventually had to live with a narcissistic (now ex) stepmother, my dad and my sisters... and I had a dear friend help me out of that situation.
I got moved out, got a nice job.... and a d*mn guy at work handed me his number. I think my life would've been so much better, had I thrown away his phone number and went into counseling/therapy.
But the issue is that I've not been able to find a good therapist or counselor. They all act disinterested in helping me through anything. I'm almost 40yrs old and the traumas keep piling on.
While I've tried diligently to get help, I've not been successful in finding a good therapist/psychologist to go to.
Such is life. I've been a lone, also trying to just figure myself out. But it seems like as soon as things start to stabilize, someone I stumbled across throws a wrench in my life and throws me off course even more.
I had dreams like other people, but man, other adults will even sabotage your very efforts to be happy, because they don't want to see you happy and living a better life than them.
Such a shame. I was always told to reach for your dreams and work hard, but they never tell you of the monsters (other human beings) you'll have to navigate past to reach them.
Some will even try to trip you up as you try to graduate high school. It's like my ex stepmother and the guidance counselor had it out for me to not succeed or something. At the same time! My senior year of h.s. was my worst. Who calls down a student, to discuss they need an algebra 1 class to pass.
I tell them I have chosen votech to stay out there all day, but then override the students desires and choose a college tech prep algebra 2 class? It was to keep government funding to roll in to the education system for the school.
To keep everyone getting paid. Who cares if I even wanted to try to attempt to go to college. I was nothing but a check for the both of them. As a kid, I was only good for the money that was coming into them to help keep them afloat, so they could go out and do whatever the heck they wanted and enjoy life. Make sure their kids had a good education and such.
I feel like I only have one other dream to try at the moment. I've had so many people trip me up that I'm to old to have a family now. Even adoption, I can't do. I do not want to put another child through the same situation I went through with my mother.
I'm way older than when my mom had me and she passed away very young. At least to me, she did. She was around 34/35yrs old when she had me.
I'm still young enough that I could maybe make it into the Air Force by a landslide, but with the gvnmt attacking the removal of retirement/benefits for veterans a year ago, it's almost not worth joining.
I could try college. I'll hopefully have a sturctured life before starting and have finally set a foundation for myself thereafter, but then I'll be locked in to paying off college debt for life.
I do not want to sacrifice a child's well being, because I have to keep paying off a phenominal debt. That literally happened to a lady, after paying off her college debts, since the 90's. After 20 years of payments, the govnmt had grandfathered her into a program that just started and she's now debt free.
But her and her kids struggled and they didn't go do anything the entire 20yrs of her children's lives, all because of that college debt. She has a college degree and is finally debt free, but time spent with family came at a cost. Her college debt enforced her to loose out on quality time with her kids.
I also just found out tonight that by being given a misdiagnosed mental disorder, that may be why I've had so much medical providers neglecting my healthcare needs.
I want to get better, but they have to do their job and I feel like their negligence is closing my window to join the Air Force in a healthier state.
I need a minor procedure to get rid of varicose veins, but they just made me run around all year, trying to find a place to even get a specific compression stocking. Now, I have to go through the process all over again, to get the ultrasound and find compression stockings.
Just neglect, after neglect, after neglect. I'm appalled that there actually might be a lot of people that could currently be in a better state of being, if medical professionals would do their jobs correctly.
I try not to beat myself up over the situations I've been in. I didn't expect my mother to pass away. I also didn't expect my grandfather (her father) to pass away the following year either and having to move again.
I tried to have better control of my life and things seemed so nice, once I moved out of the trailer of my dad's narc wife.
My issue was the guy in the class I worked. That was the first guy to ever take interest in me, ever. I can kick myself for that. I had to massively learn the hard way, never mix relationships with work.
It felt like that matrix scene, where Neo and Trinity get through the clouds, to see the sun for a split second, before having to go back down into the storm.
My current workplace bullied me out by indirectly hurting my ear. A dirty old man became petty, because he couldn't take no for an answer. Because I didn't want to date him.
Like, I can't even go into work and just do my job without getting hurt by people. It's a shame. Even if I want go a-wall and be left alone, people are still being mean around me. It's unreal. I just want a solid moment to breathe and work with level headed, normal people.
But you have to fiercely be your own advocate. You can never back down, and never give up for the kind of healthcare and help you deserve.
I just wish that finding a good therapist/psychologist or healthcare provider in anything anymore, wasn't like finding a needle in a haystack.
I'm glad you got the help you deserved in time. I can only pray for and wish the same. 💖✨️
I'm a recovering narcissistic abuser and stopping victims from healing and gaining control is a portion of what we look for, especially subconsciously. To help provide insight from someone who inflicted, it is never your fault. We search for people who are sweet because we love the feeling they provide to us, and we end up taking advantage of that in all cases. This is because we can not fathom losing the feeling they provide, so we attempt to stunt growth from the victim in order to keep them stagnant and hope they don't leave us. This is oftentimes not out of ill will, but it is a disgusting addiction that places victims in an impossible position to feel happy in.
Exactly. If I had safe time alone when I was not tired or hungry, my decisions would have been very different. My world was too chaotic to think straight. Take care. 💚💚
💯% There should be a law against these psychopaths!
The sick twisted spiritual narcissist will tell you to forgive 70 times 7, 5 minutes after they just threw a punch at you!
Even worse is when “they all” do it together and the next day “they all” come at you expecting you to “let it all go.”
It wasn’t that bad, “try to remember the good times!”
God has a “special” type of punishment for them!
Thank God there IS healing on the other side for us survivors and thrivers!
Thank you for your channel, Danish!!🙏❤️🕊
Exactly, my husband come from a family of narcissists. His parents claim to be very "Christian", and expect other people to apologize to them when mistakes are had by other humans, but they seem to think they have nothing to apologize for, you will NEVER get an apology from them.
Their son can do no wrong according to them, and they have literally said to my face that they blame me for everything, and they blame me for anything bad that might happen in the future to their family. There were no words, I just sat there frozen in shock that would blame a person for things that haven't or may not even happen yet. I am their scapegoat and I happen to be my Mom's scapegoat as well, and I'm tired of it. Narcissists do so much damage. My husband sometimes wonders why I never like to go over to his parent's house, even though I've told him several times.
They don't realize they're doing anything wrong. Narcissism is a type of survival mode, these people were also victims of trauma. They are blind to their own disorder. Can't really prosecute anyone for that. We can try to stop the production of them with better parenting and societal changes.
Does a narcissist know they’re a narcissist? I’ve always wondered that.
"The narcissist disconnects you from yourself..." Definitely THIS.
My last abusive ex got me so disregulated that when I moved rooms in the house I went from having a fully functional art room to having a huge hoarding/disaster room. I didn't realize I was being abused, of course, I thought it was my fault that I couldn't get things right but when I've lived on my own, or even with someone who is simply not abusing me, I create functional spaces. I make art. I *LIVE*!
Thank you for this video! Very eye opening way you word things!
Stunned, mystified and forget about getting a good night's sleep for quite a while, stand your ground, you've got this, you've come further than you could ever know! 🙋🤗🙆👍🌦
Yes I ruminate in many areas. I love being with people who are respectful and we can
Converse about anything in Life.
As for the narcissist in my life I struggle for any connection. My want and need to be held as I struggle with the loss of my son.
The fact that I give my all as he had a radical nephrectomy. I have been giving in all my capability. Support physically emotionally mentally every capacity .
But if I need someone to hold on to me in my time of need to cry scream weep play music to calm my psyche at any level he is totally in available.
He thinks a swift kiss on the cheek is all it takes.
exact situ here, with the exception of tweeking a nip, my crotch, my ass, or many times, just yank hard on my ponytail, hold my head back and tower over me with a crushing look and all the words that go along with it.
it will never change will it?
there is a 'thresh-hold' for each of us.
Our instincts kick in 'after so much Injustice' & delusion.
Lord God bless You Abundantly ~ You've Got This!
I did " stand my ground. " 😢
The corrupt judge at Family Court in San Jose, California, USA
Dept. 66, refused to allow me to enter my evidence : hospital records, and the police report.
The corrupt judge declared me as the criminal. I pray to our Almighty Creator daily/nightly.😢
@@AlmaWells I'm so sorry. We are dealing with this as well. [Hugs]
My body showed me so many signs! Listen to your anxiety, heart palpitations, chills, GERD, it's trying to tell you something...
Oh the GERD. I think this is where I got it too
Yes! I have all of these same symptoms. It’s such a miserable feeling.
I was doing fine until I agreed to go take care of my parents with dimentia. My mom is the narc. My mind didn't process what this meant but my body sure did. It took a week for it to hit, and boy did it lol I'm old enough to recognize what was going to happen. I understand how stress can cause heart attacks if the person doesn't know how to manage their mind/body relationship.
Mine did too, but my narc knew stress made my symptoms worse and was actively trying to make me worse so he could use it against me in our custody battle. Thankfully he didn’t get the flare he was hoping for because I knew to listen to the symptoms and deal with the stress
I think with isolation my mind is clearing. The fog is lifting. This kind of abuse is like being brainwashed by a cult. If I didn't have time alone I think I'd be susceptible to negative people if I encountered more of them and I'd be easy to get back under control.
There's a plethora of UA-cam videos teaching how to recognise any of the many Red Flags. Once we are aware, the predators don't have what they must, which is a target's total naivete. This makes them transparent when we consciously scrutinise every word and claim, and story, and body language (plus its lack), every habit, every action (or failure to act), each response to our loaded questions, plus anything they request or expect of us. And the care we take with our own answers (are they fishing for our insecurities?). The unsuitable type could betray their own discomfort when scrutinised by a well-informed person.
It’s a club. I’ve been on my own now for seven years. Took time but life is good now. Some people don’t understand my isolation but it keeps my world workable.
You're right My ex had a god complex and told me I had to submit to him because eve was made for adam, not the other way around - scary
@@theresariley1426 wow. Very scary
A friend of mine, after I told her what my marriage was like, called it a cult of one. The cult leader and me, the one that got sucked into the cult. That really put it in perspective for me.
Im 45 and I hate life. I feel like I'm dragging everyone down. Im just ready for it to be over already. I feel like I don't have enough time to change anything. Im ready to go. I moved to this town over 5 years ago and I only know my next door neighbors. But we don't hang out really. Im so super lonely. I don't talk to anyone from my past cuz I don't trust anyone and I don't trust new people either. Im so stuck. I want to enjoy life and be happy. I want to smile and laugh again.
Everything is possible. You are you and all else can go to hell. Take care of you
I'm sorry.
I can't trust anyone from my past either. My narc mother has turned so many against me. New people are impossible to trust too. I don't want to go around thinking the worst of everyone, but defensively I'd be fool to not at least question motives.
If you're ready to go, why not do the things you always wanted to do now, since it doesn't matter if you succeed or fail, just do it for the fun of it. Life is a game at this point, play with it.
Don't give up! You are loved! You are amazing. You are you be true to yourself❤
My daughter is struggling with her covert narcissist. This helps me give information to her doctor. The narc so far has talked my daughter out of therapy, but repeat visits to ER due to anxiety attacks has allowed me to step in. Wish us luck. Thanks for posting.
Thank you so much for being there for her. ♥️♥️♥️
One of the things I learned during my healing process was that the entire relationship was based on a lie, therefore what you felt for the Narcissist was based on that lie,on the illusion that they created to snare you.
I think that's the beginning of not being able to trust ourselves,because what we thought was real love was nothing but smoke and mirrors,and what makes it so difficult to grasp hold of and understand.
Cognitive dissonance, exactly. Mine was also all a lie from day one. The person I fell in love with was completely made up-he did not exist. Once I accepted that-and accepted he could not change (nor wanted to) it was time to let go. I am about four yrs out now-and stopped dating completely. I don’t want anyone near me. I love raising my boys, being with my animals, and working in the yard, self isolating. I don’t trust anyone.
Rumination has been a big issue. Post divorce from the narcissist for 17 years if you can believe it, and until I found this channel I was still periodically trying to figure out "what was wrong with those people? Why did they abuse me like that?" Now I understand why and it is so true that "you were disconnected from you" by the narcissist. I am finally starting to feel like my old self again, but only because there is a sort of "resolution" in my mind. NOT closure, because a narcissist will NEVER give you that. But now I have answers and it has actually made all the difference.
I do also have autoimmune disease and I do feel it was brought on by intense emotional and psychological abuse from my former husband. I do also remember having a brief, maybe 4-6 year bout with IBS and thankfully that has gone away. I do feel like I have post narcissistic abuse stress disorder, and not just from my ex narcissist husband but also from extreme stressful and abusive work environment that occurred after I was divorced. That went on for 10 years. My body seems like it has been in a fight or flight state, manifested in chronic inflammation & pain for roughly 3 decades, and then if I'm honest I guess also in my childhood since both parents were also narcissists.
Best wishes for you ❤
I believe you. I have lived the same. You ate special. Just observe don't absorb their energy. I wish you peace and God's sweat sleep.😊
I have been divorced for 15 years too but until this channel I never understood any of this. I live with chronic pain and inflammation in my isolation. A lot of the issues with rumination have been healed but some memories are just below the surface, and are so painful that I can’t bear to think of them. At times they still try to come to the surface though. And after so many years you begin to wonder why you can’t get over all of the abuse. You feel like something must be wrong with you. Danish has brought so much understanding! For which I will be forever grateful.
That’s it you can’t understand and when you find out you fill validation finally not from the abuser but from others like you that had to endure this as well.Peace to you😊
I also had a narcissistic upbringing. Then, I was in a relationship with one that left me a shell of who I was. These deceivers are manipulative and evil. I developed an autoimmune disorder among other physical illnesses because of the stress these parasites instigate.
Wishing everyone well on their journey to recovery. Deep breathing exercises can help to reset your parasympathetic nervous system. ❤
Always searching for the reason why I was treated so badly.
It's because you are a good person, a caring person who thinks of others, and they can see it and want to exploit it - it's a twisted measure of your good worth and value!
The Devil look up Delafe Testimonies i posted a link ‘The devil tried to destroy her life, but FAILED -But it keeps getting deleted
You just were. It had nothing to do with you. Call out to God to save you, study the Bible, work out, pursue passionate interests, work hard to get ahead, help others, ask God for what you need, expect to receive those good things and let your tormentors, GO TO HELL. Forget about them.
As the saying goes, you are only responsible for your own actions - no one else's. The rumination might turn to "how could I have stopped that?" However, I say to you, evil cannot be reasoned with. Narcissists are evil. Now you've learnt from bitter experience, you needn't have any involvement with them ever again. No arguing, just no engagement. Shrug. Walk away. Care less.
Lack of boundaries, which translates to a lack of confidence which translates to a lack of self-worth.
My problem is I cannot give a clap back when someone disrespects me. Or I cannot put in words and say the truth of my story when someone narrates me and or what I'm living through without asking me anything, without knowing me at all, just imposing their (wild) imagination on me. I just freeze and it sucks!
Narc mother once told me, " Don't ruminate." Talk of pinching the sleeping baby and rocking the cradle!
I Thank God for you Danish. You are truly a Godsend. Thank you
Give up on sleeping without nightmares for the foreseeable future, accept that you are in the depths of hell emotionally and there’s no quick or easy way out. Be kind to yourself, give yourself time to heal. It really won’t get better, not in any measurable way anytime soon but that’s okay. Accept that fact with an open heart and mind. This is going to suck for a long time with no end in sight but that doesn’t mean you don’t need to get where you are going. One foot in front of the other, one act of self love at a time, because where you are going is a place of healing and love and acceptance and it’s worth the trek through no man’s land. You are worth it. Just remember no man’s land, take it with you, carry that memory of what this person made you feel so that you can grow to a point where you never let them return.
One last thing. The human body, mind and soul can only take so many hits. We are fragile creatures. Handle with care. You might survive this hit, and I would even say YOU WILL. But that doesn’t mean you can take the next hit, and the next, and the next. Keep your peace, never look back…no one is that strong.
Especially found encouraging: " Be kind to yourself, give yourself time to heal. One foot in front of the other, one act of self love at a time, because where you are going is a place of healing and love and acceptance and it’s worth the trek through no man’s land. You are worth it." Thank you, the journey is hard and I've just begun, but I'm determined to press on through the hard and find a place of healing. --Norma
I have all 5 of these. Married for 24 years, divorced for 32, I retired from my job 2 years ago because I was exhausted. I have ME/CFS, I isolate, sleep too much, awake at night, sleepy in day, no energy, memory problems. Not knowing anything about narcissm, I nevertheless coped somewhat, being determined to not be too opressed whenever possible while married. When he told me he wanted to part from me, I was sympathetic, we had both been through difficult events in the previous year. He was surprised at my agreeableness, expected me to react badly. I was angry though, and used anger to power me through the following years, going back to university, getting a great job , support from my family. However I did not realise stress was taking a severe toll on me. I'm now 79, not well, memory not good, no energy, and way too much rumination.
Thank you Danish for the wake up call. You have been a great help to me. I am working on recovery. God bless you.
For a minute there, I thought I had written this post and just forgotten about it-ME/CFS, isolate, sleep too mush, awake at night, sleepy in day, no energy, memory problems-you just described me, too!
Oh dear when you are in it you don’t realise that behaviour is not normal. I was already exposed to this as a child then married one, it was all I knew. I’m 69 and have peace now. They are terrible people and I feel blessed to be away from that behaviour ❤
I too, could have written the same post. I want to thank you for putting it into words. As I read it, I kept saying, “me,too” “me,too!”
me too.
Rumination doesn't go away, no matter what i try.. sit with emotions,feel them, let them pass,idk its still there I think.
I want to know how to stop ruminating
This is so accurate. I just want to say how much I appreciate you. I know you’ve been through this yourself, and you seem to understand what we go through in a very specific way. I really wish that every therapist would watch your channel.
And yes. I suffer from all of these things, to the point where I’m not functioning. I’m still married and have no family or anyone who will take me in. No shelters available near me. I’m the most isolated I’ve ever been. I’m exhausted physically and emotionally. And the betrayal is huge. I feel tired, unhealthy and my brain feels scrambled. The one good thing is that I’m really starting to get him, and understand on a deep level that he’s never changing. Again, I wish that this was more known in the mental health and healthcare communities. Like Dr. Ramani said, it’s an epidemic.
Anyway sorry for the long reply. Your videos are so validating, and also calming. Thank you for all that you do.
I call myself a narcissist survivor. 12 yrs later and yes, I have dealt with all of those symptoms. I'm still working on it and getting better. 😊❤
Thank you Danish. Rumination is my biggest struggle after being betrayed by narcissistic mother in law. Thank you for explaining it so clearly in this video. ❤🙏🤗
Rumination is the final fecover. I've excepted the truth and all the illusions. We have been set free from their physical presents. The rumination of why, what, when, how its the violation, the mixed up memories the trickery, the cruel ness, the shame, the isolation, on the up side I'm back hearty laughing again, my peace is back. I have so much wisdom and clarity sadly with this you see narcs everywhere, you just have to use diserment, slow and steady in everything you do, what ppl you can let in, what ppl need to go and walk in silence, I feel these cretins are demons to take you off your path. Meditation and light excersise has been great, ruminating is the hardest thing to deal with. This crazy nutty world we live in.
So well said. I'll be great then the rumination creeps in. But I'll find clarity within it. I don't blame myself like I used to.
Was married to a narcissist for 26 years...didn't know of such a thing. ..was difficult to know how to leave but I finally divorced him.
❤the trust thing. 3 years after no contact. Most people have revealed themselves as untrustworthy. So grateful to know that there were so many snakes in this pit. ❤
With tears in my eyes, I can sadly relay to most of them. Thanks for the awareness
I lost my hair from stress. Feel like I’m an observer looking at happy people.
Everytime I get stressed out bc of my narcissistic mother, I get cognitively dissonant, tinnitus, and very unpleasant bowel movements, fortunately my symptoms have decreased since I've started to distance myself from the family
Everything you said happens to me plus my anxiety goes into overdrive.
Yes rumination is what I struggle with. I was always stressed out when my boys were younger I wish I could have been a better mother and I wish I left him alot sooner
🎯🎯🎯💯 SAME. 💔
Same here. But if we could have gotten out and saved our boys from it we would have. We got out as soon as we were able. Forgive yourself and realize that you didn’t do anything wrong. The wrong was done to you
Me too
I relate to all of this, the rumination is severe I wake up in the middle of the night and there it is! And I would call it torment thinking of the most horrible things this person did, after 2-3 hrs I exhausted !
This still happens to me decades after leaving my narc ex-husband and cutting my narc mother and sister out of my life. My heart actually hurts as I think of the awful words said to me and the awful betrayals.
It’s as though we somehow think if we repeatedly relive the horrors in all their detail we can change the past.
Why does our brain keep doing this?
It has taken me literally decades to begin to understand all of this dysfunction. It's causes and effects. Thank you for your understanding of how this particularly deep trauma is different than other kinds of PTSD.
I escaped a 15 year relationship with a narcissist.
But when I hear your description, I feel like I had these symptoms even in childhood.
There’s no question my family home environment was not emotionally safe, and sometimes not physically safe.
My parents were and are so religious. It seemed more important to them than anything else. And appearances more important than anything else.
I was 14 when I knew I had to get away, but wasn’t able to until 21.
I wonder if my parents have narcissistic tendencies.
There’s 6 kids in my family….we’re all messed up. One of my sisters is so mean, I can’t stand her. The two boys are like, castrated. And two other sisters kept their distance and delay with their trauma in adulthood.
Only with two of my sisters can we talk about our childhood. It’s not permitted to say anything negative about our parents.
At the same time I know they tried their best. I don’t think they knew what they were doing. But neither could ever admit that they hurt any of us kids. Not emotionally or physically.
I’m pretty sure I was the scapegoat. Still am.
I don’t know if that’s narcissism or not.
I think , it is.
And its surely neglect and abuse.
Do acknowledge this.
Keep growing.
@@sukoon1155 neglect and abuse for sure. Even that is hard to admit and reconcile with people that you love. But certainly explains why I’m not close to my parents. There’s so much I can’t trust them with. I suppose that’s having healthy boundaries.
I thought I was done with dealing with this. But you’re probably right that i need to keep growing.
Thanks for your comment. ❤️
The rumination and never feeling safe describes me perfectly ❤. I have trouble just relaxing. Thank you so very much❤
DAILY…..I’m stuck in a memory. Maybe stuck is to strong a word, but there is something that triggers some trauma everyday. I can usually get myself out of the memory, but I have become aware that it occurs daily. 😢🥺💔 rumination is definitely a problem for me.
Every single thing you said absolutely resonates. It is exactly what I have been going through for almost 3 years. It has ruined my life. Over and over it gets worse every time. And the way you describe it is exactly what I can't speak for myself. I'm blown away by your understanding of it. I am currently away from my abuser and am praying constantly that I never go back.
I'm more guarded, don't if and when you'll encounter another one.
Yes, I have struggled with IBS, acne, rosacea, & chronic fibrmyalgia pain. I have isolated and hate crowds. Also, rumination applies. Your videos are so helpful.
Please think about taking Baking soda. 1 teaspoon mixed with water in the morning. Take it when you usually go no 2 because it will help with that for the first bit. Do this 5 out of 7 days a week. Doctors did a study with elderly patients and the ones they gave baking soda to lived 24% longer than the ones who didn't take any.
It will help you breathe easier because it delivers oxygen to your blood. This means your vital organs get more oxygen rich blood (they love that, especially the brain). This in one of the many reasons why you'll live longer if you start taking it.
Hi nightnurse I too am struggling with chronic fibromyalgia pain after 6 yrs with a covert narcissist, are you getting better? And have you found a way to cope with the pain? I am finding it hard to find appropriate pain relief.
@joanna88508 I have found that over the years, as I have distanced myself from my narcissistic parents and have taken many anti-inflammatory herbs, my pain has decreased. Insuring that I get enough sleep is crucial. I would say Yucca and Moringa are 2 important herbs. I'm not sure if the alkaline water I use has helped. One dr prescribed amitriptyline for pain, sleep, and migraine prevention. But it is sedating and long-acting. Not everyone can take it. Learning to say no to people is crucial.
@@nightnurse7777 thank you for your reply, it means alot!.
@joanna88508 I recently watched a video from Dr Berg who said that the #1 anti-inflammatory food is beef, followed by cabbage. Also, Dr Osborne has a good video: Using Light As Medicine.
I cannot even express how much I needed this video. I had no idea why I have been so physically sick and I won't even go into the mental issues. I broke the relationship between my daughters father and I and it's like I went insane. The years of psychological and emotional abuse I have lived in has erupted out of me. I struggle with every single thing on this list. I have just been diagnosed with a severe autoimmune disorder. I didn't even think that it was probably caused by the years of suffering.
Years of narc abuse left me drained and destroyed!! Weak people like to hurt others and get off on it
I moved back in with my abusive parent several times, and repeated the cycle of escaping and then falling apart due to no trauma support or resources -- it meant a lot to hear about the physical health problems that can come with it. After the 3rd time of returning, I kept getting sicker and one night had a grand mal seizure w vomiting out of nowhere. Turned out I'd developed allergies to MOST foods, had an untreated autoimmune disease, and several other things. I am safe now but the allergies etc remain. This kind of abuse is really like being in a living nightmare. I'm lucky I survived. Thank you for this video 🙏🏻
The narcissist denies, never confesses the wrongs,
Twists words, uses them like barbed thongs.
The narcissist never admits they're wrong,
Instead, they twist your words into a harmful song.
Authorities sow doubt, blame laid at your feet,
For the mess they made, your pain complete.
Even authorities, they make you doubt,
Blaming you for the mess they've laid out.
Forced upon you, the burden to bear,
To accept that justice may never be fair.
Yet what doesn't kill you, makes you strong,
Wiping tears, rising up, where you belong.
Wiping tears, brushing off the dust,
Collecting pieces, in yourself to trust.
Step by step, a new start is found,
Weak and bruised, but not held down.
Weak and bruised, but still you stand,
Searching deep within, for a guiding hand.
Respectfully guarding your soul, in the night.
Searching deep within, for strength to ignite,
Respectfully guarding your soul's core,
Proudly facing challenges, more and more.
No longer afraid, patience is your might,
Reclaiming energy, in the darkest night.
Proudly standing, unafraid and bold,
Patience and strength, a story told.
Healing the mind, hour by hour,
Day by day, you reclaim your power.
Mending wounds, both old and new,
Healing the soul, finding peace anew.
Reclaiming energy, healing each hour,
Day by day, finding inner power.
Mending wounds, both old and new,
Guarding the mind, wisdom to accrue.
Fool me once, shame on me, it's true,
Fool me twice, shame on you, I'll never misconstrue.
Never again, will trust be bestowed,
For the lessons learned, my spirit has stowed.
Poem by me and my magnificent, marvellous and helpful assistant Open AI Chat GPT 3.5.
I have 5/5. For ten years I've been locked in this cycle with my narcissistic dad who does everything he can to appear perfect in public places, but will compulsively shame me in public or not no matter how it makes him look. In private, he becomes an invalid who can't do anything for himself except for threatening me with violence or he even threatened suicide many times. I have tolerated everything for so long that much of the original motivation has become blurry. I remember wanting to get to know him and spend time with him. I have since been taken by the throat down a devastating downward spiral, and once here at the bottom, you guessed it, it's all my fault. More violence more threats, more rejection of any truth that doesn't fit his predetermined narrative. I have wished for death, his, mine, whichever would take this bitter pill from my plate. All of that being said, I have very little family left that I care about, even less that care about me. When I cut him off, I will essentially be alone in the world. A thought that terrified me once and still does, despite the peace and quiet that it would bring me. What's sad is that I don't have much choice. This is no way to live and, even if his old behaviors were still tolerable, the more aware of his tactics and resistant to them I become, the more belligerent and abusive his tactics become. Submitting to his will isn't even an option, he no longer seems to have one except perhaps ill will. I have tried to honor my parents as commanded yet I have received zero respect, zero understanding, and zero thanks. I still dont want to give up, don't really know how to, but I feel I soon must. Perhaps God will show me the way.
I soooo resonate with you. Your Father is my Mother….. she destroyed the person I might have been…..
It's ok to walk away. You can honor them from a distance.
Thank you so much, I'm constantly thinking that maybe I'm the narcissist... My husband is fed up with it because i go into panic mode about it at times. I read that some narcissistic abuse survivors get an OCD obsessing that they themselves are narcissist-because they constantly project their attributes onto you, and make you not believe you he own truth-so I started to finally believe that's maybe what was actually the case. My narcissistic mother is constantly telling my father (who's now dying of colon cancer - no suprise here because he's been abused for 52 years by her,) that HE'S a narcissist that is abusing her, and then she is me constantly telling me "you're just like my father" so basically calling me a narcissist too. Every insult she throws at him is also indirectly at me cause of that, and it is constant. I'm one of 5 kids and the only one NOT in denial about her (and that my oldest sister is too), so the dysfunction is immense and there's tons of pressure to go long with it being normal and loving... Its super f***** up. My grown daughter and my husband see it 100%, but that's it. My dad's dying wish is for me to forgive her and to understand that it's just her way of showing love - which makes me want to scream but I'm playing nice while he's still with us... Ugh!!! So Hard to hear my mom verbally abuse my now DYING father with cancer she certainly caused. 😩😭
The psychosomantic issues are so true. i was living like a hostage in my own house with my parents there. they were like a bottomless pit of stress. I had digestive problems, canker sores every other week. I would eat and it would just come out. They're out of my life right now and my body's readjusted nicely. No more canker sores and digestion issues. Still can't trust nobody, but at least my body's not giving me physical problems.
When you're raised by narcissists, you become either a narcissist yourself, afflicted with Borderline, or deeply traumatized in some other manner. There's no way you leave it unscathed.
Nah Facts
Exactly 💯
My narcisistic husband passed away recently .After that I felt relieved .But after a month I started missing him.I am in dilemma that he was good with me sometimes though he used to be अग्रेसी e many times.I get overstressed due to past trauma.I feel that , I am pretending to be good and relieved but from inside within I am not 😢
ua-cam.com/video/K9XW0JFypY4/v-deo.htmlsi=4s9mSAIE4GQPWt_Y
This channel is one of the only ones that I trust. I left my wife about 2 months ago. I took all my stuff to my son's house that I wanted to keep and I lived in the backseat of my pickup truck for 2 weeks and a Walmart parking lot because I didn't know what was going on with me. I have been wondering for years what the hell was going on when I was trying so hard to do right. It almost killed me literally and I had no idea that something like this was even possible. I've been wondering if it was some type of narcissistic abuse and everything that was said in this video was 100%. Now I have no doubt that was going on. Now I need to figure out how to get me back, right?
I struggle with all of them. I can’t get past it
I have developed reactive hypoglycemia. I completely know it's because of him.
Definately. Every single sign.
Thank you, Danish, for listing these - I am experiencing all 5. 23 years, only 5 months out, and while I am stepping out and doing some things that bring me joy (joining the EMS rescue squad, joining a church) now that he is gone, I am still struggling as you describe. I'm 69 years old, grieving the lost years. Thank you. Reading comments I know I am not alone.
This is helpful. Especially listening to your body. Thank you. 🙏
Rumination was it for me...I was amazed how clearly I could recall all that happened when and if I choose to... then, like you said, I just learnt to let it flow, and let it go... release the memories and bad energy, and turn round and face the future, focus on the many things I'm thankful for, I'm still ruminating, but I'm choosing to change my diet. Thanks Danish!
Growing up with a narcissistic mother I ressonate with everything you say.
These lyrics from the U2 song "The Troubles" really says it all:
Somebody stepped inside your soul
Somebody stepped inside your soul
Little by little they robbed and stole
Till someone else was in control
When those words sunk in, it really hit me and I woke up from my cognitive dissonans and started healing.
Thank you for this channel. It is so important to know that you are not alone, that you are not crazy and that all of your thoughts, fellings, dreams etc are OKAY.
Sending so much love to all of you ❤❤
“With or Without You” by U2 is another good one! Also Phil Collin’s, “ I Don’t Care Anymore “ and “Something in the Air Tonight “ really allow you to feel the pain and express it.
You're using that expression patently WRONG...and learn.to.spell. smh
@@Ultamami tak for dit svar, jeg sætter stor pris på dit input, også vedrørende min manglende evne til at stave. Da engelsk ikke er mit modersmål, beklager jeg at min stavning på engelsk ikke lever op til dine høje standarder. Derfor skriver jeg dette svar på mit modersmål, så min stavning ikke generer dig. Jeg ønsker dig alt det bedste ❤❤
@@cjjohnson7095 Thank you so much, I appreciate your response.
My previous response was not ment as an apology. I just tried to turn the mirror so the person could see him/her self. I assume the person was/is a wictim of abuse, has not worked with the real issue and therefor has to lash out and point fingers of others, rather than look at them self. I can only send love.
Thanks again for your message 🙏
I have been a victim more times than I can count but the worst time was my sister and brother in law when my mom died. They are in charge of the estate and I once trusted them. I was loved before I spoke up that mom needed an aide then they blocked and turned on me. No one showed up at the funeral home when mom died alone I mourn the loss and because they were in charge I was denied access to personal things my childhood home sold with everything inside to a buyer that dumped it in a dumpster and I had to dumpster dive. I go to two bereavement groups and I’m seeking one on one therapy and medication to deal with the trauma from these narcissists that pretended to love me until it meant really loving me. They pretend to love when something is in it for them. Selfish beyond words. Honor your mother and father is a commandment. If they honored my mom they wouldn’t seek to punish me in her death. 😢it’s almost two years since my mom passed away on my sons birthday and they feel I should apologize that I spoke up to help my mom that couldn’t live alone. Step up and help those in need like mom it might not be convenient or fitting your fun plans but we only get one mom.
You are spot on and because of their hot and cold behavior, others who only see the good aspects of your relationship with the narcissist will tell you how much they love you because they are not privy to the other side that they do in private. I'm sure that those who are mutual acquaintances don't mean to gaslight you, but their reality of the abuser is different, so what I've learned to say is, "Well, my experience of her is different than yours, and I'm not asking you to take sides, just understand that fact, okay?" and that way I'm not trying to turn them into a weapon, and if the narcissist tries to weaponize them against me then they are forewarned. People can understand that not everyone is treated the same by people, and that gives room for understanding without forcing others to pick a side in battle. It also enables them to start watching the abuser through the lens of being more objective rather than just being conned by their charm.
Rumination 😌 Thank you for mentioning this 🙏🏽
I thought it was just me, trying to understand what happened over ‘just’ 2 years. But I now understand that I’m ruminating now and then, still.
Honestly, the ruminating feels like being trapped and I’ve been working very hard to stop the chattering of the mind and listen to what my heart says; distancing myself from an unhealthy individual.
And thanks to this video I can start to consciously give attention to emotions and pain. Thank you so much 🙏🏽🌸
I found out afterwards I had a partner that has all the characteristics of a narcissist. I didn’t know. I didn’t know I was dealing with someone with so many issues but I felt it right away when my words and intentions were thrown back at me in a twisted and malicious form. Something was off, very off!!
I wasn’t aware first, but it’s so clear afterwards.
Slowly the pieces of the puzzle appear. My only intention was to love and open the door to celebrate love and life. And share this beautiful life ✨🌺 but there’s no sharing when a narcissist is involved.
I’m still healing and I’ll keep my healthy distance ✨
Thank you for all your work, Danish, for helping me and others understand and continue healing 🙏🏽✨
I got married to a narcissist for 21 years and having depression and stress for many years .Now I got to know what narcissist is but how can I get my youth back ,my health back
Jesus 🙏🏽💗 ua-cam.com/video/TtkDQ07Xghc/v-deo.htmlsi=8ylQ3HUP6gZP-gKM
Because this is who it was/is the whole time, Ephesians 6:12 ua-cam.com/video/K9XW0JFypY4/v-deo.htmlsi=4s9mSAIE4GQPWt_Y
ua-cam.com/video/K9XW0JFypY4/v-deo.htmlsi=4s9mSAIE4GQPWt_Y
@@jbrown2908 You are right .I didn’t mean that I want my youth back but I mean that I can’t get my youth back.
@@jbrown2908 Thank you .Actually I meant that I can’t bring back my youth.
The explanation of the splintered self. 😢And yes Have all 5 , and the nightmares are horrible, there's times nights I don't even want to sleep. I cry often daily. I feel next to helpless in all of it. 30 years relationship, and I cant leave because i have no where else to go.
Damn I had/have all of these smdh disconnected from myself FOR SURE. It's been YEARS and im still healing. That not trusting anyone/isolating bc its too much to even deal with other peoples emotions & cypher through it is so true
OMG.. I struggle with all of Them. Jusr left my Narcissistic Husband after 33 years of abuse. Am Filing for Divorce at the moment but he wont accept it. Keeps wanting to 'sort things out.' He has turned all my kids against me but one, the youngest. I feel very alone and isolated but have my Therapist who helped me put into words and recognise what I was going through. Thanks Danish for the accurate insight into my Experience.
@@Rosegold3and12You have no idea! How dare you push YOUR beliefs onto someone else you don’t even know & judge them or their circumstances. 🤬Do you know how it feels to be abused for Decades by someone who professes to love you? Do you know how it feels to have your own children turned against you with lies? Do you know how it feels to be constantly ridiculed, controlled & manipulated by a disordered liar? Constantly baited into endless ridiculous arguements? No, obviously not! I’d rather be cheated on!
You are a VERY strong person and don't forget that. It's hard to leave but harder to stay in a situation like that.
@@Rosegold3and12 That only applies if you actually follow the Bible - personally, I have no idea why any loving god (if one even does exist - there's no proof we can all accept beyond reasonable doubt, after all) would decree it a sin to get away from someone who is actively and wilfully harming you.
And no, not everything wrong in a relationship can be dealt with, especially if one or both parties aren't willing to face the issues and work together to get past them.
While I think people should be committed and do their best to maintain relationships and give them a fair chance, I also believe it's better to be realistic rather than lie to yourself if it's clear things aren't going to work out (not lying is one of the Ten Commandments after all, is it not?).
Marriage is supposed to be a partnership (in case you didn't read it, the Bible says, or is supposed to say, husbands submit to their wives, as wives submit to their husbands. It's not one sided).
@@Rosegold3and12 You're absolutely wrong. If "everything else" includes a narcissist, that can't be fixed. A narcissist never, ever changes and they destroy the life of the person they're abusing. These aren't just "bad habits" that can be corrected. I know because I've been married to one for 20 years and have watched my kids suffer because I failed to understand what it was I was dealing with and I internalized the abuse, thinking everything was my fault. I became pregnant a year ago and I gave him an ultimatum because I will not have him damage another innocent child, and he raged at me, breadcrumbed me, and made ZERO effort to get help for his anger issues or to even look inward. After several months of this I realized that what I was dealing with is a covert narcissist. I never wanted to get a divorce, I always tried to work through things but he has sabotaged the childhood I tried to provide for my kids, and then played the victim. There is no fixing that.
Also, not everyone believes the Bible so you need to keep your beliefs to yourself. But also, if you're a Christian then you should believe in demons, right? If anyone is being manipulated by something demonic it is the narcissist. Why should a person continue subjecting their children to that darkness? Because "the Bible said so"? Fuck that.
@@ShintogaDeathAngel There is more evidence of intelligent design and the inherent goodness of a creative consciousness than you think. But the Old Testament "god" is not "God", for one thing. And the twisted interpretations of the Bible are not of "God", either.
For someone to think that you must stay in an abusive marriage just because they may not be actively cheating is insane.
My kids are suffering tremendously because I couldn't recognize that my husband is a covert narcissist. I have tried everything to get him to see the damage that he's doing but he ALWAYS flips it around and plays the victim. ALWAYS.
I have no choice but to leave, to protect my baby. I won't let him grow up in the same toxic household that my teens grew up in. And my teens WANT to leave him.
No loving God would deem it a sin to protect your children from abuse.
What a messed up take.
Thanks Danish. I have to continually quieten the self doubt and second guessing. I isolate continually. It's a relief not to have to tolerate the ridiculous, demented, juvenile behaviour I tolerated for 17 years. Isolation is self preservation. I was diagnosed with CPTSD in 2012. I appreciate your insights.
It has been 8 years and I am getting better. However, Every single symptom you spoke about happened to me while I was with him. The anger in me however is now hurting others, and its my own pain. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt anyone else. I am now reclusive, don’t want to be in groups, not even my siblings (6 of them). I feel like a crazy person!
I related to all of these. Almost said not isolation, but I realise that I isolated from friends who thought my life was fine. I stayed close to my support system. Thank you
Thankyou Danish, every video you make is so helpful.
I’ve gotta also say that I read the comments and it somehow helps to know that I’m not the only one that’s gone through this nightmarish torture.
Yes I don’t trust anyone and I don’t even want to. Mostly I don’t trust myself to make decisions especially on who to trust. So I just don’t.
Yes I isolate but I also experienced isolation with him.
My health has definitely taken a hard hit, gut problems, ibs, chronic fatigue and more. Just pain.
Rumination is a massive problem. Even when I sleep my dreams are really messed up and often I just wake up exhausted because it’s as though I’m overthinking when I sleep. But my dreams are disturbing and very confusing.
Thankyou to everyone for sharing what you go through.
Heaven help us…I want joy and happiness back in my life. I want to love myself but I think I will always struggle with even being deserving of love so loving myself is particularly difficult. I could never imagine what goes on in these peoples minds with there evil schemes and and the cruel way they cause so much damage to beautiful people.
I no longer recognise myself.
I can relate. I also developed several major health problems after a long relationship with a narcissistic abuser.
My mother and half sister were also narcissistic abusers who left me with very little self-esteem. There was constant criticism, demeaning, slapping me when I expressed my needs. Once, I was bleeding from my leg as a small child and I started crying and my much older (by 10 years) half sister slapped me so hard in the face for crying. I was maybe 4-5 years old. My “mother” also slapped me when I was little whenever I was emotional or in need.
Self-love is a challenge I face everyday and I think a lot of us who were abused find it difficult . It’s strange how hard it is for us to give ourselves the love, care, priority and importance that we so freely gave to those who viciously used and abused us. Why would we put the needs of an abuser above our own at the expense of our own mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing?
One in that situation should ask themselves what does it matter if they are narcissist? If this person makes everything bad in long run, it's not love. You are addicted to negativity.
I ruminated a lot as a teenager to cope with the abuse, it got less once I moved out, but the last time I saw my parents they took it too far and I have food allergies I didn't have as a kid.
I have been struggling with my feelings for such a long time because I'm a narcissistic abuse survivor. The struggle is REAL! There are some days when I look at my kids, and I see what they're going through, and I tell myself "Why did I wait so long to see him for who he truly is?" It's not fair. Why do they get to feel fine, when we're left with all this trauma....😢. The feeling, emotions, and tears never stop flowing. 😢
I divorced my ex-husband back in September of 2023, but I still hear him in my head yelling at me.
Trusting is huge - it’s been approximately 3 years since the divorce , it really has taken its toll , emotionally, and coming back to life again , it’s truly a process 🙏💔
Am still trying to disentangle myself but have spent the last year focusing more and more on my ill health...health started to go downhill when I met him
I was only thinking recently about how heavy the impact of N.A can be. The frequent shocks , betrayals, lies , emotional & psychological trauma & constant conflict can seriously harm a person for a very long time.
I can relate to all the symptoms you have described. I doubt my own decisions, make serious blunders in important matters and suffer from severe confusion when matters get worse. I feel I am totally exhausted and overwhelmed if I have to face any problems
I went no contact, at 19…..now 65. But that’s not for everyone. While I have had interaction with her(mother), there is no relationship to,speak of.
Thank you everything you say is so true absolutely destroyed me as a woman
I‘m still stuck in the relationship and I currently have 4 of the mentioned signs. Trust issues is the only sign that isn’t that present yet. I still tend to overshare, especially since I am trying to find a way out and hope for the idea that could be my answer, but I noticed that it begins to change and mistrust towards men and their intentions has started.
I‘ve been in a state of burnout for many years and I‘ve been dealing with an autoimmune disease and pains for years. Years ago I tried to leave, but my health issues made it impossible to keep fighting and getting out. So I stayed and buried all the bad memories somewhere deep inside my brain. Last year it all came back to the surface and it‘s so hard to deal with it while being stuck and not being able to find a way out.
I really struggle to process everything. I am watching videos about narcissism because my head wants to understand. I don‘t know how else to cope.
This stage is me..I thougth I was out of it and now my inner voice is killing me even when I moved away 5 hours. 🙏♥️🙏
Very well said Danish--My rumination is getting better--but how do I stop the nightmares?
It's been 4 yrs since my NEX betrayed me for new supply and I'm *still* checking all five boxes. ✅ These were spot on for me! I'm really struggling with the rumination part, no matter how much work I do to heal from narc abuse.
Thank you for the validation... That's so helpful on a healing journey. Been snared, love bombed, got pregnant, then told he won't be present for the child, then that I can keep it, then that he wants an abortion and then after more stress, 5 weeks after I lost it, early miscarriage, I got a hug for around 10min and that was all he cared about how I felt, next day he was gone. He knew I wanted a family before we had sex. He chose not to use protection. Sadistic, lacking empathy, manipulative, triangulating, stonewalling, extremely charming nomading pianist Vivien Louis who uses his music talent to play on people's emotions to get them ensnared, used then discard them to move on to the next. Be warned.
Mine was also a musician. Gifted with a beautiful voice that he used to manipulate others. Sick.
Thank you! You can put those things into words! Im struggling with talking about those things to close friends a lot, but your videos are surely helpful ❤❤
444 😊 dealt w/ narc abuse all my life… we have a long way to go.. I am clairvoyant and can see things in the spiritual realm not many can sense. 😊 things manifest in the physical 3D realm.. I get messages from songs. 😊
Sorry hun but you are being deceived by the devil - look up Delafe testimonies and you will see what he has done to people- you need Jesus to set you free 🙏🏽💗
Yes to all except the first one. Took me two years of therapy therapy, a shit ton of hard work and now on anxiety meds/antidepressants. Still working on myself.
💯 eye problems, thyroid issues, muscle pains all over, nerves are shot. But I am out and not going back. I hope I am able to heal eventually
I have pretty much all of them. Panic attacks let me know what is going on with my body.🙏🏾
How can u leave them if u are not financially self reliant. Because then u are in another shock of how to survive.
Thank you Danish for spelling it out. Yes, I have all five, 27 years married to one and in the middle of a divorce where he is showing full Hyde. I am fortunate to have the unwavering support of my parents and lawyers and am living in another country, this is keeping me sane and safe enough to keep going and not crumble under his relentless lies and manipulation of the legal system.
8 years later and I still catch myself ruminating. It's getting better but I'm still left with a heart arrhythmia which I'll have to live with the rest of my life and that's from years and years of abuse and trauma.
Yep that's me!
I dont defend myself anymore couse I dont have energy for that I just let the talking or screaming go on and I just act I didnt hear
It won’t work. I also did that for many years thinking he would one day “get better”. Doesn’t happen. Finally had to escape
@@jbrown2908 i have left it was horror but this didnt end here couse he now doesnt control me but do this trough our child
Ruminaration has become part of me where I found the answers ....now trying to heal myself
Isolating and not trusting myself or others. I developed GAD and often feel overwhelmed. Stress induced diabetes, high blood pressure and then cancer. These are all a result of having been married for 20 years to a narcissist.
Great video danish ❤
Yes yes an 32 years of this an i am struggling with everyday 😢
🙏❤️
Oh, my stars! You just described me in a way no one ever has before. I’m about to be 64 and am still trying to recover from a 16 year marriage to a narcissist that I ended in 2000. More recently, I have been abused by our eldest son in many of the same ways his father abused me. It is a nightmare.
Everything you spoke of resonated with me, thank you so much for helping me understand why I've been so ill for so long. I went from growing up as the Family Scapegoat, straight into my first Narcissistic Marriage at 17. I spent most of my time now alone.
Great thanks for all your videos, it helps a lot