The reason one feels lost after a narc relationship ends is that unlike in a healthy relationship, narcs isolate their victims and keep them all to themselves. There's social, financial, sexual (in case of an adult child living with a narc parent), mental, emotional - in short all kinds of isolation. So when a victim does decide to go NC with the narc, they feel lonelier at first. But this should be taken as a positive sign. Sometimes, one has to hit rock bottom to heal completely.
A taoist will say that the seed has to ground and stay underground for a while to find a way to grow and break the crust soil before others can see the growth but the growing started long before it showed up.
Thank you, Danish. I can’t help being hard on myself and expect myself to do more. But the reality is the mental exhaustion is overwhelming. I appreciate you saying that it’s okay to do the bare minimum during this stage. Peace
Don't run. Go slowly. There's no rush. We all get there but let's try to have the feeling we smelled the roses and we watched many sun rises and sunsets.
I never ever considered this. 20 months out of my last narc relationship I am feeling very down and depressed. I have restructured my life away from the narc and am chasing my dreams and connecting with my true self. My dad was a narcissist, i have endured 4 narc boyfriends over almost 3 decades. Tonight I am in emotional agony. I don't often feel this way. I have never ever considered that as the cycle breaker I am dealing with the pain of my ancestors and what they couldn't face. It's time for compassion for myself. I came from domestic abuse, slavery and many lifetimes of pain. It's not always easy to feel this way. But it's part of healing
Baby I am with you and I am so proud and blessed to be a survivor with you of some of the same share experiences! We Can...GOD shared something with me and it this...This pain is now for You! It is for no one else But Your healing! 🙏🏾✊🏾💐
Its been a little over a year...I'm still exhausted, still mentally exhausted, i still don't sleep, i manage to do one to 3 things a day. Then I'm down on myself for not doing everything i wanted to that day and the cycle continues 😕 I'm getting tired of being alone, having nobody to talk to about it, missing basic human contact, wondering sometimes what the heck IS my 'purpose'....
Hang in there Heather. It can be so disorienting dealing with these sick people. Sap your energy, self-worth…it’s awful. Take some solace that you see it now. You know what healthy is and you’ve taken a stand for it…good for you!
I was at my mother’s yesterday dealing with her plumbing problem. Had the plumber there and I knew when he left I was in for it. My mother belittled me, called names, and just wanted to pick a fight, the same abuse during my childhood. I told her this reminds me when I was five and you told me I was mental. She grinned. Anyhow, the next day I was in total exhaustion and depressed. I cried all night and through the morning, slept that afternoon. Had a shower this evening and sitting here listen to you. This message was for me. Thank you, I really appreciate you Danish.
"dealing with her plumbing problem" why would you help the devil with his or her plumbing problem? When you help a narc you hurt yourself. You try to help because you want to prove your worth but you will never be good enough for a narc. Narcs are devils they don't appreciate good they only respect you when you only help yourself.
@@anne-marie6098 so does extreme burn out after giving every bit of yourself. I know myself the most, I know what I am going through. Thank you for your idea.
@@josephaldrich4023 just by finding out one sign which can be happening due to multiple other problems instead as well ... such as chronic fatigue, trauma , cortisol hike or depletion and burn out etc.. you cant diagnose others online being your best UA-cam certified doctor. Perhaps I am tired of idiots diagnosing and pressuring me over the internet. Tiredness can also be a sign of wrongful oppression and imprisonment not ending from years. Why didnt you think of this?
Thank you so much for sharing this, Danish. I was very concerned about my deepening depression. I was worried that it meant I was not healing from my narc ex husband, but you have helped me understand that it is part of the healing process. I do have lots of generational trauma to process and heal within myself. No one else in my family has been willing to do it. They don’t turn into addictions as much, but they live in denial. Even now, they are on his side. I am finding that the simple act of accepting depression helps in overcoming it. It seems counterintuitive, but it helps me.
I have experienced panic attacks, aniexty and rel low moods. I put it down to menopause. And maybe it might of been or still could be. But recently I've started meditation and learning to let go of what was hurting me. And it's working . I've also kept him blocked . He tried to get back in touch with me in oct . And get got into my head again. By sending a late birthday message. I'm now on the road to healing. And I'm looking after myself again
I’m 6 months into NC and actually have started to realise the MANY red flags I had along the way that I chose to ignore. But this video got me thinking about one thing in particular - she always struggled with me saying “actions speak louder than words”. I couldn’t understand why that was so difficult, until I realised post break-up that her actions were all fake to begin with. She didn’t know how to ‘act’ genuinely and words were much easier as learned through reading. It was harder to watch me and learn how she needed to be, so she resented the comment about “actions speak louder than words”… My biggest learning through my healing journey was to learn to love myself. I realised I had forgotten how to do that and I loved others significantly more than I did myself, so I was always ultimately neglecting myself - thats why post break-up it was excruciatingly painful. But, like others have said already, I hit rock bottom and very hard - but then I literally ‘bounced’ just as hard off the bottom when I realised why and how I could heal myself, to have a happier and more fulfilled life. I can honestly say now I’m the best version of myself in more than a decade and I’m vibrating perhaps at my highest frequency ever. Life is finally fantastic and so many genuine opportunities lie ahead. I mention this not to ‘brag’, although it does feel this good, but to hopefully give others a glimpse into just how amazing everything becomes when you used to or still do feel so incredibly ‘lost’. Never give up, be true to yourself - print off a photo of you as a child (mine was 7yrs old) and look at it everyday. Realise that ‘child’ is still within you, that is you and that child deserves so much better! Peace and light to you all - you got this! 💪🏻
Beautiful advice, Danish! To meet with or confront that generational curse or trauma, I moved to an area of a new country four years ago that was very unfamiliar to me. While staying here over time on my own, I came to realize that I was in the midst of healing from all the family and relationship trauma that I and many of my ancestors endured. And in that rehabilitation, I discovered you (your channel) which has helped me more than I can say. For the first time in my life, after leaving behind some family members and many friends, I feel more free than ever before. I have the time and space now in my "new" location to shut out the noise and find peace! Thank you, dear, caring friend for all you do for us! 😇 btw: I have that same beautiful pashmina that you have on the back of your sofa. I love its gold design and raspberry red color. Stunning. ❤
I indeed hate my depression and wish for it to go away sooner. As for everything mentioned i completely agree. People wonder why i am the way i am, not living at full potential, not having proper social connections, career, good salary, husband and children, thats the reason my relatives long ago are convinced of my mental disability and sometimes make mean jokes that ill be old all aline without no one to take care of me. Just yesterday i had a coffee/tea with my new colleague whos an older women and she kept telling and telling how she at as early as 17 yrs old knew what she wanted from life and how successfully her desires turned into reality. Sigh. I feel this painful emotion every time i see my successful relatives but this time self compassion was there too and i felt better afterwards.
@@Lyrielonwind not sure if its just critic voice, Im assessing my lifeposts objectively… and my age doesnt lie :) however, i can only accept it all as it is and live for my kitties since they are just as disadvanged as i am.
These videos are amazing! Thank you for the insight. There are still a lot of people going through this that don’t know what it is or how to understand it. It’s a lot to process.
Danish.. thank You very very much for this one! Couldn't live and work for nearly 5 years now.. just didnt want to live anymore. Crying for hours daily, no appetite, too short sleeping.. and so on. But since 1 year it gets better and better and I also can work again and getting back my lust for life, perspectives, energy. What you tell here, nobody else tells you, but I see it the same way and I am healing myself with the help of god. Also healing the addictions .. yes, I coped with them to survive, but can let them go now.. slowly but surely. Feels good to become alive again. 🙇💜🍀 thx again for your work here. Be blessed ~☆♡
After the clearly separation from the Narc. abuse I had tears. These tears were so healthy and they strengthen my self-worth - esteem. Now, I can/may do something: 😢 to cry.😢
Do you mind if I bow to you, Your Highness? You did it again, Sir Danish but this time you tell my story of how to move beyond the grief and anguish which is exactly what I do and have done. The timing of this video is remarkable. Most grateful for you and your knowledge and acknowledgement and the deep awareness that you share with us.
Unwanted children have always been a reality but I think that we don't want to ruin the idea that children have been welcome because parents needed labor forces and someone to care for them when they are old. I know it's not romantic; it's harsh but it's real for many people like us. My mother used to say that having an only child was "too risky" because we forget about the high mortality not so long ago. Children have been systematically brought to life due to selfish reasons (even having a "little me" is selfish; means the parents won't admit their children's own identities). It came to my mind that not even Alice Miller applied her research to her own child and that's ok; we do what we can and what our environment allows us to be and do. Thanks Danish; another great video 💜👏
I think it can be safely said that this kind of depression/sadness is, if not similar to, the dark night of the soul. It's a grieving period, even when the abuse has come to an end.
Thank you so much Danish. This was so helpful. This is so hard when you have to cut people out of your life, especially when its family and people you grow up with. And to all of you who are going through grief and depression right now , i send you so much love.❤ We deserve a wonderful life surrounded by loving and nice people
Danish, I’ve been “working on myself” for years, judging and trying to fix all my (self perceived) faults. It’s 20 years since I left a narc husband , but I’ve only recently joined the dots and see how it all stemmed from a narc mother. Part of me couldn’t bear to admit she was really like that. That it was that bad, I had invented a fairy tale delusion to cope. This is incredibly helpful, no psychologist I’ve met seems to understand what you have so beautifully said here, they only seem to offer excessive analysis and intellectualising , I think too, the comments that refer to mediation & yoga are spot on. 🙏
Thank you for sharing. I'm so sorry you went through all that. I too had to go into fairy tale delusion to cope with the horrific narcissistic physical, mental, emotional abuse of "the mother" in childhood to early adulthood. And it's been over 30 years since I left her house of horrors and I'm still dealing with it. I constantly gaslighted myself minimizing it all and also thought "it's not that bad". I vowed never to become her and completely became a grossly positive, outgoing optimistic mofo. LOL! I was really nice and did everything for everyone but myself, and I was fake AF, cuz I was never being truly myself and doing what I really wanted to do in life. Completely f'd me up, as all the repressed shit is coming to the surface so late in life in severe illnesses and mental shit. I pray we all somehow will heal as best as we can and learn to love and be compassionate to ourselves and understand why this has all happened to us. I appreciate you have really good self-awareness and intelligence...thanks again for sharing.
After leaving my narcissistic parents, I fell into a depression because I was still struggling to function normally despite being away from them. It took much longer to replace my bad habits with good ones and undo the damage done than I thought it would. I ended up feeling as though I was a complete failure, that my parents were right - I will never be happy or able to handle real life. I didnt realize that getting away from them was step 1, step 2 was to remove the temporary coping methods and build a good foundation of who I actually am first before trying to build my life (because I spent my childhood being beaten into what they wanted). I can say happily now that I have transformed into the person I want to be (for the most part). 10 years later, I am married, have a career, a home, and a perfect little baby boy. I still struggle, but now I have paths to take to get out of whatever I am feeling rather than wandering blindly and no longer feel like I am on the brink of collapse 24/7
Your body just shows you that something is not right. I really didn´t know why I had depressions ... People always told me it is because of stress - but I was not working so I had no stress. But in fact I know now I had and didn´t realize it. It is unbelievable what one person can cause - I never imagined that. I can tell you to be single is the best what could happen to me. I feel at peace now and much better. (Really I do). It is really tragic what people can cause to others. The word toxic is not just a joke - it is real...
Thank you Danish I am in the recovery stage…I expérience a deep meltdown, but that gave me the opportunity to sit with my pain . I gave to myself the permission to heal in my own pace with no chemical treatment because I wanted to feel again and truly meet my wounds…it’s been two years now and I am just started to get out of the intern chaos I was in. So for all the victims of Narcissitic abuse, don’t give up it takes Times, energy and courage but it worth it to be yourself again❤
you are really expert...you're talking so wise...i know what you mean...we can take lesson even from the bad situations....its called blessing in disguise.
I moved here to get away from a bad situation only to find I am next door to a Narc and her flying monkeys.I am stuck here and had a Stroke becauseof the stress of ny job and her. I cannot see a way forward.Thank you Danish.🙏💎
Just gotta rest take care of yourselves. ❤ realize whats transpired is not your fault. Be gentle with yourself. Eat healthy foods excercise and get some sleep. Realize you will heal but they will continue living a glutinous life full of a non stop circle of brokenness and broken relationships. Itll get better. Letting go is always a act of love self love❤
I've listened to dozens of your videos but this one has spoken to me the most deeply. Thank you for expressing this so accurately and personally, I love the spiritual aspects to dealing with this experience. I'm only just starting to tap into this aspect as there was so much to learn before even being able to entertain something "other" as well. To my ancestors, don't worry... I've got this one for us all.
My husband is a covert narssist.once upon a time I went to clinical depression.with god's grace I come in contact with my spiritual guru, connected to yoga.Till now I am managing my life and I am a yoga therapist helping others to come outof their difficult journey of life.
I had to pause the video at the literal halfway point to stop and just say I feel like my heart broke free from a lock. This video couldn’t have come at a perfect time. I have been feeling this looming depression for a while now and tried to understand why this hurts so much.. what an insightful and enlightening approach to all the pain. A big part of me was born with the intention to understand and seek truth to my life.. and why I couldn’t make sense of it as a child/young adult but as I got older I realized that I wanted my generational cycles to end with me.. it’s been unbearably painful.. but thank you so very much for giving such a high vibrational way of remembering why this is necessary.. thank you.
Just revisted the video on Mental fatigue because i had to confirm if Others experience The same mental fatigue, need to sleep and just let the day go by and be better after a sleep. 😢😢 It so sad how much wasteful it gets when tehse narcs are close to us and or in relationship with us. I just was reeled back and my entire afternoo wasted and i couldnt eat as mental emotional fatigue crippled my body yetit was juts aphone conversation from someone who i didnt know was already this deep into the dark zpne of narcissistic behaviour .i truly wonder if we shall ever find love after healing
Respect "You are Strong But You Are Tired & That's OK" ❤️🩹 Ps I "Know" You are Strong Because You Survived Whatever Happened to Cause this Injury, and You Are Brave Enough to Admit that SHrapnel Hurts!
Yes. Wow. Your words are an answer to a prayer I didn’t know to pray. My tears have been stuffed so many times. I walked through feelings in sobriety but tears. I want to shut them out. My Doctor didn’t help-felt I should get it over with quicker.
Oh thank you. Your words mean so much. Ok I’ll not fight it so much. I’ve processed a lot but it still shows up and I’ve been upset about the tears. Like, not again. 💙
After I married and was away from my N father, I was living 3 states away and at first it was great, but 1 month later or so, I fell into what I know now was depression. I wanted to sleep all the time. I procrastinated looking for employment, but we needed it badly. I didn't know anyone in our new state, but I didn't feel like meeting anyone beyond the elderly woman upstairs. The apartment was cluttered and messy, and my husband came home to a new wife just existing at best, He tried to be kind, caring and asking what's going on and was being told ''I don't know.''. At the time, we had no awareness of what N abuse was, or what was happening to me. I know I would have dealt with it better because I would have understood what was going on with me better and I think I would have sought help.
Thank you, Bashir It was very educational and more, it just answered my unasked question and inner knowledge - why and how I'm still getting to depression, why it haven't left me long time ago... Generational trauma - children forced to work and do things that adults didn't worked it out... I really wish I knew it earlier. 20 years ago would be nice...
Thank you for your great knowledge to comfort everyone! Dr, Gabor Mate talks about how our bodies react to trauma. For example arthritis is our body attacking itself, because our minds are attacking ourselves. There are a lot more interesting examples he gives.
When I processed some bad childhood stuff 32 years ago I was slammed with heavy feelings. I went through it and did the hard work and it’s resolved. It does not interfere with today.
I had the twiching of my left eye lid. Now it slowly went away. I ended up the relationship 7 months ago and now I slowly start to get back to my self.
Danish can you do a video on signs that you are infected by the narcissist? I read that when you are in a narcissistic relationship, the narc regresses you to an infant like them. I feel him inside of me. I act like him sometimes and it's personality traits that I ever had before. I have his repetitive patterns. It's hard to take their controls out. It feels like you get possessed . I hear his voices in my head. I feel like I'm a zombie of his.
Outstanding! Doctors always think a person experiencing trauma should take pills. I know of people who have been on antidepressants for years after trauma. That does not build or strengthen the spirit. Love is needed too.
The thing with the recent toxic relationship which wasn’t long lived for me was I felt very tired yes running away from the pain of why I was treated that way and if it was something I did wrong but it was the treatment that I was glad to leave. I was raised by a narc mom and a dad that allowed her to hurt me so at this age when I am engaged with a toxic person I’m quick to leave when I notice the signs because it’s too much. This last time really was tough because I knew the signs but I gave this person a chance to reflect on their behavior but the thing that made me leave was the anger outburst because I needed to leave to insulting text messages but the thing I was afraid of was when he took a heavy object and destroyed a table in front of me ….that was the last straw …that could have been me he hit
We work through it in spite of more narcissists trying to assassinate your character so you cannot heal and be the happy, joyous person you’ve always been! They hate you but God heals us and real people will see our value!!🙏❤️🕊 They wanted to keep you in their fray of chaos, to be their slave, to their agendas! God bless you!
I wish i can explain this to family members right now. On top of that im a single parent that has to go thru this and being disable since my daughter was born. So while im not feeling like myself. I wish i can tell my family what im going thru.😢
I started writing a memoir, but because it's only been a couple of months since I left and since we got divorced (and he's already engaged, btw), it was becoming too much for me to handle. I want to finish writing this book to help others. Do you have any advice on how to write what I experienced while protecting my mind?
I just cant stand that poor behaviours when they know you have to struggle to get all you need for children and they just act like it is your fault for all this situation,i got so sick in pain but i kept doing what i have to ,if i would stay in bed nobody would take care for them ,i know this is wrong for me but i must stay strong no matter what
the last time I talked to my narcissist I could tell that he did not care about me at all and it was all just an act......he even admitted that he was a "brat"......
Is it normal to stay in this grieving fase for almost 6 years?! Still going over the past day in day out, till the point that it hurts mentally and physically, you just get hooked to the pain and feed it by listening to the same songs and fantasizing about the good parts.
I am realey tired after i left my narcessisic familie. I had no choice, the situation became dangerious voor my health. I have moments of anger and depression and greave .i know I have to accept my situation, accept i am a wreck after years of familie abuse. I can not do much i sleep a lot. I know i need a lot of time. There where to much toxic people. I know there are more grandmothers in the world who had to escape because of malignant narcessist in the familie
Please can you answer me Danish I am a follower and a fan everything you have said I experienced you have helped me immensely because of you i realised I was with a Narcissist and I broke up after nearly 6 years with him still he sends voicemails I do no contact..love from London ❤
This depression comes from being diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, being beaten by my husband of 30 years, and cheating on me while recovering from chemo!!! It has absolutely nothing to do with my childhood . It has to do with a “being” behaving irreparable and vicious! Who does this? I will NEVER understand and will NEVER forgive him. It has brought me nothing but misery and I’m not going to forgive this. It has costs too much.
The reason one feels lost after a narc relationship ends is that unlike in a healthy relationship, narcs isolate their victims and keep them all to themselves. There's social, financial, sexual (in case of an adult child living with a narc parent), mental, emotional - in short all kinds of isolation. So when a victim does decide to go NC with the narc, they feel lonelier at first. But this should be taken as a positive sign. Sometimes, one has to hit rock bottom to heal completely.
A taoist will say that the seed has to ground and stay underground for a while to find a way to grow and break the crust soil before others can see the growth but the growing started long before it showed up.
Well When you hit rock bottom there is only one way to go!
This is exactly why I think I ended up going back to the narc, that and the fantastic hoovering he did on me
The betrayal hurts so much. I trusted this person.
This should be a TED talk, Mr. Bashir. Never heard anyone frame depression in this empowering manner.
Thank you, Danish. I can’t help being hard on myself and expect myself to do more. But the reality is the mental exhaustion is overwhelming. I appreciate you saying that it’s okay to do the bare minimum during this stage. Peace
@anne, me too. I needed to hear that.
@@jbrown2908- thank you for your kind words of encouragement ❤
This grief is so painful every time i ask my self to run away from this life
Don't run. Go slowly. There's no rush. We all get there but let's try to have the feeling we smelled the roses and we watched many sun rises and sunsets.
I never ever considered this. 20 months out of my last narc relationship I am feeling very down and depressed. I have restructured my life away from the narc and am chasing my dreams and connecting with my true self. My dad was a narcissist, i have endured 4 narc boyfriends over almost 3 decades. Tonight I am in emotional agony. I don't often feel this way. I have never ever considered that as the cycle breaker I am dealing with the pain of my ancestors and what they couldn't face. It's time for compassion for myself. I came from domestic abuse, slavery and many lifetimes of pain. It's not always easy to feel this way. But it's part of healing
🙏🙏🙏
If you’re an empath, you may be experiencing the current shift in consciousness the current energies. Lorie Ladd channel may be of interest to you.
Baby I am with you and I am so proud and blessed to be a survivor with you of some of the same share experiences! We Can...GOD shared something with me and it this...This pain is now for You! It is for no one else But Your healing! 🙏🏾✊🏾💐
I have been depressed for the last 6 years but the abuse has been happening for 8+ years. I feel extremely exhausted, betrayed and disgusted.
Thank you, Danish. THANK you! I'm 85 AND believing that I CAN heal!
U will heal
Thank you for your comment! I'm 73 and wonder if I will have time as a healed person.
Its been a little over a year...I'm still exhausted, still mentally exhausted, i still don't sleep, i manage to do one to 3 things a day. Then I'm down on myself for not doing everything i wanted to that day and the cycle continues 😕 I'm getting tired of being alone, having nobody to talk to about it, missing basic human contact, wondering sometimes what the heck IS my 'purpose'....
I'm in the same boat. Believe me, you are not alone. The exact same stuff going on with me....
That thing that gives you the most joy.... That's your porpose
Me too 🙏🏾 Thank You for sharing! Your letting me know I am not alone!
Hang in there Heather. It can be so disorienting dealing with these sick people. Sap your energy, self-worth…it’s awful. Take some solace that you see it now. You know what healthy is and you’ve taken a stand for it…good for you!
“That grief is showing you that you need to feel all those emotions our ancestors or the people you came from did not feel.“ ❤0:16
Please listen to this man! See the light. Don't sentence yourself to pain when it can be dealt with. You will come out on the other side. Restored.❤❤❤
I was at my mother’s yesterday dealing with her plumbing problem. Had the plumber there and I knew when he left I was in for it. My mother belittled me, called names, and just wanted to pick a fight, the same abuse during my childhood. I told her this reminds me when I was five and you told me I was mental. She grinned. Anyhow, the next day I was in total exhaustion and depressed. I cried all night and through the morning, slept that afternoon. Had a shower this evening and sitting here listen to you. This message was for me. Thank you, I really appreciate you Danish.
Go no contact. She doesn't deserve the steam off your piss.
We are healing. It takes time, but we are worth it.
"dealing with her plumbing problem" why would you help the devil with his or her plumbing problem?
When you help a narc you hurt yourself. You try to help because you want to prove your worth but you will never be good enough for a narc. Narcs are devils they don't appreciate good they only respect you when you only help yourself.
@@BenGoldman76exactly you're not wrong at all , they're like parasites they such you dry and leave you to suffer 😢
🙏🏾 You are a Rock Star! I cannot believe sometimes this is even real! But Thank You, you are giving me hope
I dont feel depression per say, however I do feel extremely tired and betrayed.
Depression makes you tired
@@anne-marie6098 so does extreme burn out after giving every bit of yourself.
I know myself the most, I know what I am going through.
Thank you for your idea.
💯
Tiredness is a sign of depression...
It took s while for me to accept that 😫
@@josephaldrich4023 just by finding out one sign which can be happening due to multiple other problems instead as well ... such as chronic fatigue, trauma , cortisol hike or depletion and burn out etc.. you cant diagnose others online being your best UA-cam certified doctor. Perhaps I am tired of idiots diagnosing and pressuring me over the internet.
Tiredness can also be a sign of wrongful oppression and imprisonment not ending from years. Why didnt you think of this?
All of this is/was Me.
Cycle breaker
1. No CONTACT
2. No children, by choice.
I did nôt want To be like my was To Me
Thank you ❤
Thank you so much for sharing this, Danish. I was very concerned about my deepening depression. I was worried that it meant I was not healing from my narc ex husband, but you have helped me understand that it is part of the healing process. I do have lots of generational trauma to process and heal within myself. No one else in my family has been willing to do it. They don’t turn into addictions as much, but they live in denial. Even now, they are on his side. I am finding that the simple act of accepting depression helps in overcoming it. It seems counterintuitive, but it helps me.
I have experienced panic attacks, aniexty and rel low moods. I put it down to menopause. And maybe it might of been or still could be.
But recently I've started meditation and learning to let go of what was hurting me.
And it's working . I've also kept him blocked .
He tried to get back in touch with me in oct . And get got into my head again. By sending a late birthday message. I'm now on the road to healing. And I'm looking after myself again
I’m 6 months into NC and actually have started to realise the MANY red flags I had along the way that I chose to ignore. But this video got me thinking about one thing in particular - she always struggled with me saying “actions speak louder than words”. I couldn’t understand why that was so difficult, until I realised post break-up that her actions were all fake to begin with. She didn’t know how to ‘act’ genuinely and words were much easier as learned through reading. It was harder to watch me and learn how she needed to be, so she resented the comment about “actions speak louder than words”…
My biggest learning through my healing journey was to learn to love myself. I realised I had forgotten how to do that and I loved others significantly more than I did myself, so I was always ultimately neglecting myself - thats why post break-up it was excruciatingly painful. But, like others have said already, I hit rock bottom and very hard - but then I literally ‘bounced’ just as hard off the bottom when I realised why and how I could heal myself, to have a happier and more fulfilled life. I can honestly say now I’m the best version of myself in more than a decade and I’m vibrating perhaps at my highest frequency ever. Life is finally fantastic and so many genuine opportunities lie ahead. I mention this not to ‘brag’, although it does feel this good, but to hopefully give others a glimpse into just how amazing everything becomes when you used to or still do feel so incredibly ‘lost’. Never give up, be true to yourself - print off a photo of you as a child (mine was 7yrs old) and look at it everyday. Realise that ‘child’ is still within you, that is you and that child deserves so much better!
Peace and light to you all - you got this! 💪🏻
Beautiful advice, Danish! To meet with or confront that generational curse or trauma, I moved to an area of a new country four years ago that was very unfamiliar to me. While staying here over time on my own, I came to realize that I was in the midst of healing from all the family and relationship trauma that I and many of my ancestors endured. And in that rehabilitation, I discovered you (your channel) which has helped me more than I can say. For the first time in my life, after leaving behind some family members and many friends, I feel more free than ever before. I have the time and space now in my "new" location to shut out the noise and find peace! Thank you, dear, caring friend for all you do for us! 😇 btw: I have that same beautiful pashmina that you have on the back of your sofa. I love its gold design and raspberry red color. Stunning. ❤
Does anyone else notice that this type of depression makes it very hard to socialize and connect with people
Thank you! I have been on my bed for all day again. Feeling guilty for being depressed.
I indeed hate my depression and wish for it to go away sooner. As for everything mentioned i completely agree. People wonder why i am the way i am, not living at full potential, not having proper social connections, career, good salary, husband and children, thats the reason my relatives long ago are convinced of my mental disability and sometimes make mean jokes that ill be old all aline without no one to take care of me. Just yesterday i had a coffee/tea with my new colleague whos an older women and she kept telling and telling how she at as early as 17 yrs old knew what she wanted from life and how successfully her desires turned into reality. Sigh. I feel this painful emotion every time i see my successful relatives but this time self compassion was there too and i felt better afterwards.
Since no one is living inside your own skin, let's forget about comparing ourselves to others.
That's our inner critic voice but it is a recording.
@@Lyrielonwind not sure if its just critic voice, Im assessing my lifeposts
objectively… and my age doesnt lie :) however, i can only accept it all as it is and live for my kitties since they are just as disadvanged as i am.
You're on the right track now. Believe me. God bless you and all going through this.
@@jbrown2908 thank you❤️
@@Lolabelle59 thank you😊
These videos are amazing! Thank you for the insight. There are still a lot of people going through this that don’t know what it is or how to understand it. It’s a lot to process.
Danish.. thank You very very much for this one! Couldn't live and work for nearly 5 years now.. just didnt want to live anymore. Crying for hours daily, no appetite, too short sleeping.. and so on. But since 1 year it gets better and better and I also can work again and getting back my lust for life, perspectives, energy. What you tell here, nobody else tells you, but I see it the same way and I am healing myself with the help of god. Also healing the addictions .. yes, I coped with them to survive, but can let them go now.. slowly but surely. Feels good to become alive again. 🙇💜🍀 thx again for your work here. Be blessed ~☆♡
After the clearly separation from the Narc. abuse I had tears.
These tears were so healthy and they strengthen my self-worth - esteem.
Now, I can/may do something: 😢 to cry.😢
Do you mind if I bow to you, Your Highness? You did it again, Sir Danish but this time you tell my story of how to move beyond the grief and anguish which is exactly what I do and have done. The timing of this video is remarkable. Most grateful for you and your knowledge and acknowledgement and the deep awareness that you share with us.
Unwanted children have always been a reality but I think that we don't want to ruin the idea that children have been welcome because parents needed labor forces and someone to care for them when they are old.
I know it's not romantic; it's harsh but it's real for many people like us. My mother used to say that having an only child was "too risky" because we forget about the high mortality not so long ago. Children have been systematically brought to life due to selfish reasons (even having a "little me" is selfish; means the parents won't admit their children's own identities).
It came to my mind that not even Alice Miller applied her research to her own child and that's ok; we do what we can and what our environment allows us to be and do.
Thanks Danish; another great video 💜👏
I think it can be safely said that this kind of depression/sadness is, if not similar to, the dark night of the soul. It's a grieving period, even when the abuse has come to an end.
Thank you so much Danish. This was so helpful. This is so hard when you have to cut people out of your life, especially when its family and people you grow up with. And to all of you who are going through grief and depression right now , i send you so much love.❤ We deserve a wonderful life surrounded by loving and nice people
Positive about depression, yes, you are so right!
💯❤ thank you for this video...i thought i had to heal fast because of my daughter i have to raise. But im glad i can take one day at a time.
Danish, I’ve been “working on myself” for years, judging and trying to fix all my (self perceived) faults. It’s 20 years since I left a narc husband , but I’ve only recently joined the dots and see how it all stemmed from a narc mother. Part of me couldn’t bear to admit she was really like that. That it was that bad, I had invented a fairy tale delusion to cope. This is incredibly helpful, no psychologist I’ve met seems to understand what you have so beautifully said here, they only seem to offer excessive analysis and intellectualising , I think too, the comments that refer to mediation & yoga are spot on. 🙏
Thank you for sharing. I'm so sorry you went through all that. I too had to go into fairy tale delusion to cope with the horrific narcissistic physical, mental, emotional abuse of "the mother" in childhood to early adulthood. And it's been over 30 years since I left her house of horrors and I'm still dealing with it. I constantly gaslighted myself minimizing it all and also thought "it's not that bad". I vowed never to become her and completely became a grossly positive, outgoing optimistic mofo. LOL! I was really nice and did everything for everyone but myself, and I was fake AF, cuz I was never being truly myself and doing what I really wanted to do in life. Completely f'd me up, as all the repressed shit is coming to the surface so late in life in severe illnesses and mental shit. I pray we all somehow will heal as best as we can and learn to love and be compassionate to ourselves and understand why this has all happened to us. I appreciate you have really good self-awareness and intelligence...thanks again for sharing.
After leaving my narcissistic parents, I fell into a depression because I was still struggling to function normally despite being away from them. It took much longer to replace my bad habits with good ones and undo the damage done than I thought it would. I ended up feeling as though I was a complete failure, that my parents were right - I will never be happy or able to handle real life. I didnt realize that getting away from them was step 1, step 2 was to remove the temporary coping methods and build a good foundation of who I actually am first before trying to build my life (because I spent my childhood being beaten into what they wanted).
I can say happily now that I have transformed into the person I want to be (for the most part). 10 years later, I am married, have a career, a home, and a perfect little baby boy. I still struggle, but now I have paths to take to get out of whatever I am feeling rather than wandering blindly and no longer feel like I am on the brink of collapse 24/7
I still miss my mother, I still miss home, now I feel left out alone, despite knowing all this and living separetly I am not happy 😢
Your body just shows you that something is not right. I really didn´t know why I had depressions ... People always told me it is because of stress - but I was not working so I had no stress. But in fact I know now I had and didn´t realize it. It is unbelievable what one person can cause - I never imagined that. I can tell you to be single is the best what could happen to me. I feel at peace now and much better. (Really I do). It is really tragic what people can cause to others. The word toxic is not just a joke - it is real...
Brother. This is one of the most helpful video that you addressed today for sure.
May God Bless you 🙏
Excellent and helpful to hear. It's exactly what I needed today. Thank you for your insight and understanding.
Thank you Danish I am in the recovery stage…I expérience a deep meltdown, but that gave me the opportunity to sit with my pain . I gave to myself the permission to heal in my own pace with no chemical treatment because I wanted to feel again and truly meet my wounds…it’s been two years now and I am just started to get out of the intern chaos I was in. So for all the victims of Narcissitic abuse, don’t give up it takes Times, energy and courage but it worth it to be yourself again❤
Danish: I love your facial expression in the thumbnail image for this video. You look confident, positive. Exactly what I need. Thank you.
Thank you Danish. This information describes exactly what I’m feeling 10 months NC. I’m a work in progress.
you are really expert...you're talking so wise...i know what you mean...we can take lesson even from the bad situations....its called blessing in disguise.
I moved here to get away from a bad situation only to find I am next door to a Narc and her flying monkeys.I am stuck here and had a Stroke becauseof the stress of ny job and her.
I cannot see a way forward.Thank you Danish.🙏💎
Self care is the key to healing.
Thank you Danish. I needed to hear these wise words today. Thank you so much.❤🙏🤗
You know everyone wants to hear this!
Extremely insightful, thank you! ❤ It cleared my depressed mind a bit!
Just gotta rest take care of yourselves. ❤ realize whats transpired is not your fault. Be gentle with yourself. Eat healthy foods excercise and get some sleep. Realize you will heal but they will continue living a glutinous life full of a non stop circle of brokenness and broken relationships. Itll get better. Letting go is always a act of love self love❤
Very wise and nurturing wisdom for us whose deep wounds have even deeper roots. Thanks so much for this vital message Danish!
I've listened to dozens of your videos but this one has spoken to me the most deeply. Thank you for expressing this so accurately and personally, I love the spiritual aspects to dealing with this experience. I'm only just starting to tap into this aspect as there was so much to learn before even being able to entertain something "other" as well. To my ancestors, don't worry... I've got this one for us all.
My husband is a covert narssist.once upon a time I went to clinical depression.with god's grace I come in contact with my spiritual guru, connected to yoga.Till now I am managing my life and I am a yoga therapist helping others to come outof their difficult journey of life.
I had to pause the video at the literal halfway point to stop and just say I feel like my heart broke free from a lock. This video couldn’t have come at a perfect time. I have been feeling this looming depression for a while now and tried to understand why this hurts so much.. what an insightful and enlightening approach to all the pain. A big part of me was born with the intention to understand and seek truth to my life.. and why I couldn’t make sense of it as a child/young adult but as I got older I realized that I wanted my generational cycles to end with me.. it’s been unbearably painful.. but thank you so very much for giving such a high vibrational way of remembering why this is necessary.. thank you.
Every your word is priceless ! God bless u Danish ❤
Just revisted the video on Mental fatigue because i had to confirm if Others experience The same mental fatigue, need to sleep and just let the day go by and be better after a sleep. 😢😢 It so sad how much wasteful it gets when tehse narcs are close to us and or in relationship with us. I just was reeled back and my entire afternoo wasted and i couldnt eat as mental emotional fatigue crippled my body yetit was juts aphone conversation from someone who i didnt know was already this deep into the dark zpne of narcissistic behaviour .i truly wonder if we shall ever find love after healing
Respect "You are Strong But You Are Tired & That's OK" ❤️🩹
Ps I "Know" You are Strong Because You Survived Whatever Happened to Cause this Injury, and You Are Brave Enough to Admit that SHrapnel Hurts!
We have to find self-love first. Don't push yourself too much. We need self-compassion too since we never experienced it. Take care ❤️
@@Lyrielonwind *Reverse Golden Rule
^Tim Fletcher
I am going through this as you speak. 😢
You are so clear-headed ! Thanks for your continuous help !
Quite honestly, it feels like hell. I’ve been away 7 months and the progress is slow
One of your best videos. Many thanks.
Yes. Wow. Your words are an answer to a prayer I didn’t know to pray. My tears have been stuffed so many times. I walked through feelings in sobriety but tears. I want to shut them out. My Doctor didn’t help-felt I should get it over with quicker.
Oh thank you. Your words mean so much. Ok I’ll not fight it so much. I’ve processed a lot but it still shows up and I’ve been upset about the tears. Like, not again. 💙
Wow, Danish. Thank you. Your knowledge and understanding aid us in our healing journey. 😊 ❤
After I married and was away from my N father, I was living 3 states away and at first it was great, but 1 month later or so, I fell into what I know now was depression. I wanted to sleep all the time. I procrastinated looking for employment, but we needed it badly. I didn't know anyone in our new state, but I didn't feel like meeting anyone beyond the elderly woman upstairs. The apartment was cluttered and messy, and my husband came home to a new wife just existing at best, He tried to be kind, caring and asking what's going on and was being told ''I don't know.''. At the time, we had no awareness of what N abuse was, or what was happening to me. I know I would have dealt with it better because I would have understood what was going on with me better and I think I would have sought help.
Thank you, Bashir
It was very educational and more, it just answered my unasked question and inner knowledge - why and how I'm still getting to depression, why it haven't left me long time ago... Generational trauma - children forced to work and do things that adults didn't worked it out...
I really wish I knew it earlier. 20 years ago would be nice...
I'd like to see videos about anger or depression DURING narcissistic abuse.
Thank you for your great knowledge to comfort everyone! Dr, Gabor Mate talks about how our bodies react to trauma. For example arthritis is our body attacking itself, because our minds are attacking ourselves. There are a lot more interesting examples he gives.
Thank you. Great supportive reminder.
When I processed some bad childhood stuff 32 years ago I was slammed with heavy feelings. I went through it and did the hard work and it’s resolved. It does not interfere with today.
Thank you, Danish.
I had the twiching of my left eye lid. Now it slowly went away. I ended up the relationship 7 months ago and now I slowly start to get back to my self.
Thank you Darnish so much.
From JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA
Danish can you do a video on signs that you are infected by the narcissist? I read that when you are in a narcissistic relationship, the narc regresses you to an infant like them. I feel him inside of me. I act like him sometimes and it's personality traits that I ever had before. I have his repetitive patterns. It's hard to take their controls out. It feels like you get possessed . I hear his voices in my head. I feel like I'm a zombie of his.
Outstanding! Doctors always think a person experiencing trauma should take pills. I know of people who have been on antidepressants for years after trauma. That does not build or strengthen the spirit. Love is needed too.
The thing with the recent toxic relationship which wasn’t long lived for me was I felt very tired yes running away from the pain of why I was treated that way and if it was something I did wrong but it was the treatment that I was glad to leave. I was raised by a narc mom and a dad that allowed her to hurt me so at this age when I am engaged with a toxic person I’m quick to leave when I notice the signs because it’s too much. This last time really was tough because I knew the signs but I gave this person a chance to reflect on their behavior but the thing that made me leave was the anger outburst because I needed to leave to insulting text messages but the thing I was afraid of was when he took a heavy object and destroyed a table in front of me ….that was the last straw …that could have been me he hit
Your videos are helping me so much. Thank you.
Incredibly insightful. Thank you!!
We work through it in spite of more narcissists trying to assassinate your character so you cannot heal and be the happy, joyous person you’ve always been!
They hate you but God heals us and real people will see our value!!🙏❤️🕊
They wanted to keep you in their fray of chaos, to be their slave, to their agendas!
God bless you!
Ya to keep us low key and rob our energy of being able to walk onto heavy traffic!
I wish i can explain this to family members right now. On top of that im a single parent that has to go thru this and being disable since my daughter was born. So while im not feeling like myself. I wish i can tell my family what im going thru.😢
Thank you! I needed to hear that today.
This is the best of all your content Danish
I started writing a memoir, but because it's only been a couple of months since I left and since we got divorced (and he's already engaged, btw), it was becoming too much for me to handle. I want to finish writing this book to help others. Do you have any advice on how to write what I experienced while protecting my mind?
You always surprise me with new valuable information.
Really necessary advice.Thanl you, Beloved.
Thank you so much.
For everything.
Immensely profound understanding...🙏
this is so true.....I feel terrible.....I want to contact him but I know he doesn't love me.......
Thank you. God bless you bro 😊
Kya har person jo narcissistic se hurt hota hai relationship mein empath hota hai....? Please answer the question
I just cant stand that poor behaviours when they know you have to struggle to get all you need for children and they just act like it is your fault for all this situation,i got so sick in pain but i kept doing what i have to ,if i would stay in bed nobody would take care for them ,i know this is wrong for me but i must stay strong no matter what
After healing can a survivor love someone again? Because I have lost trust from everyone.
the last time I talked to my narcissist I could tell that he did not care about me at all and it was all just an act......he even admitted that he was a "brat"......
Real dope video. Thanks.
Is it normal to stay in this grieving fase for almost 6 years?! Still going over the past day in day out, till the point that it hurts mentally and physically, you just get hooked to the pain and feed it by listening to the same songs and fantasizing about the good parts.
I got depression anxieties also first time panic attacks. ❤
Hi Danish from London please can you answer my question does the NARCISSIST feel bad or regret how they treated you??? ❤
Is there a support group affiliated with you?
I am realey tired after i left my narcessisic familie. I had no choice, the situation became dangerious voor my health. I have moments of anger and depression and greave .i know I have to accept my situation, accept i am a wreck after years of familie abuse. I can not do much i sleep a lot. I know i need a lot of time. There where to much toxic people. I know there are more grandmothers in the world who had to escape because of malignant narcessist in the familie
Please can you answer me Danish I am a follower and a fan everything you have said I experienced you have helped me immensely because of you i realised I was with a Narcissist and I broke up after nearly 6 years with him still he sends voicemails I do no contact..love from London ❤
This depression comes from being diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, being beaten by my husband of 30 years, and cheating on me while recovering from chemo!!! It has absolutely nothing to do with my childhood . It has to do with a “being” behaving irreparable and vicious! Who does this? I will NEVER understand and will NEVER forgive him. It has brought me nothing but misery and I’m not going to forgive this. It has costs too much.
I’m curious what you would say to an orphan who knows nothing about their origin and been adopted to be the scapegoat for a highly narcissistic family
Deep Wisdom 🌸 Jewels ✨
thank you for comfort
Danish you must be a descendant of Abraham.... Thank you for the healing.