What do I do if my partner has OCPD?
Вставка
- Опубліковано 13 сер 2019
- What do I do if my partner has OCPD? Episode 030
You suspect that your loved one (husband, wife, father, mother, son, daughter, boyfriend, girlfriend or best friend) or someone close to you (friend, boss, employee, student) is suffering with OCPD. So what now? If there’s one question I receive more frequently than any other, it’s this: I suspect that someone close to me has OCPD, what can I do to help? I’m also aware it’s infinitely more complicated than this because your life may be being negatively impacted by this fact and you also need to know what to do about the suffering you’re going through. In this video I do my best to break down what all of this means and how maybe there’s a good place to start if you truly want to help.
Email your questions to:
rawreactions@ocpd.org
to have them answered in an episode.
The International OCPD Foundation:
www.ocpd.org
1:1 Video or Call Consultation & Support:
intro.co/DarrylRossignol
clarity.fm/ocpd/expertise/ocp...
Instagram:
/ ocpd_my_life_in_debris
OCPD: My Life In Debris is a channel dedicated to helping sufferers of obsessive compulsive personality disorder and those dealing with the people in their life that are afflicted with this personality disorder. We will delve into topics covering detailed explanations of the disorder, exploring treatment options, interviews with sufferers, how to live with the disorder, interviews with those that have people in their life with OCPD, and talks with treatment professionals. In addition, we will explore personality disorders and mental health disorders and how to navigate the world when these are a part of your daily life.
最近、日本でパーソナリティ障害クラスターC 群がますます増えてきている点で、私注意 を引きました。こようなことが起きている理由を説明する困難ですが、日本文化がそ 一端を担っていると考える不自然でないでしょう。チャネルアナリティクスを確認し てみると、私コンテンツにアジア、特に日本から関心が寄せられていることがわかりま す。こチャンネル目的、できるだけ多く人にメッセージを届け、役に立ててもらうことな で、動画を日本語字幕付きで提供することにしました。コンテンツ、特に「強迫性パーソナ リティ障害」をテーマにしています。強迫性パーソナリティ障害、日本でも多く見られる強迫 性障害と別疾患です。強迫性パーソナリティ障害、略して OCPD と呼れており、また 文献上で強迫性パーソナリティ障害 (Anankastic personality disorder (APD)) とも呼れて います。OCPD 、白か黒か思考と完璧主義的な特徴を持つ障害です。実際特徴、 るかに複雑ですが、それを説明するために動画を用意しました。内容がお役に立てれ、ある い少なくとも情報として参考にしていただけれ幸いです。ご覧いただきありがとうございま した。また、以下にお気軽にコメントをお寄せください。
用語説明
強迫性パーソナリティ障害
強迫性
完璧
完璧主義者
完璧な
完璧主義
メンタルヘルス
うつ病
不安
#mentalhealth
#ocpd
#perfectionism
#depression
#anxiety
#obsessivecompulsivepersonalitydisorder
#ocd
Someone needs to shine the light on OCPD. Keep making these videos, they will help people.
Dennis Withers thank you so much. I will continue to produce them as frequently as I’m able to.
@@OCPD_support i wun ever forgive my old man for this disorder, i truly despise him. coz i did try to get social workers intervention, but the asshole in denial. What are ways to cope? coz i don't have means to move out yet. I do know the weakness is when we shout back or bang things he will be afraid. No choice coz mine won't listen or care when we voice out. Alw interrupt like- u are not important. Yea i def won't cry if he dies asap. old folks with this are shit
@@SlovenCathrin the best thing you can do is to find a support system for yourself. Do you have counsellors available to talk to? Are there social workers that are available to provide you with support?
Very good points.
I didn't bring up OCPD to my spouse. I called out the comorbid depression and said that I couldn't watch him suffer to this degree anymore. He could go for an evaluation and try to start helping himself, or he could live alone. I have my own psych diagnoses and knew that any psychiatrist worth their diploma would screen for personality disorders once the depression started to resolve, and that is exactly what happened. It took changing doctors 5 or 6 times to crack the denial, plus me getting pretty blunt and consistent with calling out ocpd behaviors in the moment they were happening at home to get him to finally acknowledge that this label, as distasteful and stigmatizing as it is, is still the best description of the problem patterns that we've got because it leads to the most effective, targeted treatment. It's still a battle every day and many things haven't improved, there are still phases where he gets caught in denial again, but it waa also 100% worth convincing him to get help. Not necessarily because i have an easier time, but because he certainly does, at least when he's actively working on it.
@weaviejeebies sounds like you are a rockstar! Amazing job sticking with your partner and working alongside them to get them the help that they need. I'm trying out a lot of different methods myself at the moment and hope to make a video soon discussing what has worked and what hasn't. Thanks for sharing your experience. I think others will appreciate reading your comment.
Even without knowing it, I took that softer approach but without the diagnosis. I didn’t suspected it then exactly which one it is. I even used the “I” statements and said I couldn’t live like this. Nothing good came out but he took it as a challenge towards him and got angry. Remember even once I told him that the perfectionism is the fastest way to the failure and he just laughed nervously. I can’t do this anymore and it coasted me 2 years in abusive relationship. For some of the OCPDs the level of “rightness” is so rigid that it prevents every possibility of taking action. For those that found the strength to make some retrospection, thumbs up! It takes lot of courage to take this path of self awareness and healing. Unfortunately not everyone can.
mila boeva I'm so sorry for the two years you lost to an abusive relationship. And I'm so happy for you that you were able to walk away. I hope for your sake that you are not still experiencing residual damage.
It is true that for many there are no methods that will work. Or sometimes it's only time that softens a person or allows them to see themselves for what they really are. Thank you for sharing your experience. It's important that we hear the stories where things didn't turn out for the best. Your comment will help others to feel not so alone and to give them hope and perspective. I wish you the best moving forward.
I hv been dealing with ocpd mom and both I and my dad hv failed to convince her for therapy
Please don't apologize for the length and complexity of this video. You have explained the process of telling a loved one that there is a problem wonderfully. I just found out about your website and videos and I'm going to be watching and reading all you have to present. Thank you ♥️
Cathryn Ory thank you for the kind encouragement. I think I do a little bit better these days with all the apologies, but they still creep in here and there. I'm glad you're enjoying the content.
Thank you so much for this content. I only came across it now and this is the first video that I watched. My Dad is diagnosed with ocpd and has done me a lot of harm in my life. I have also tried many times to make him see what he's doing and how he's hurting everyone in my family (not in a gentle way, as I can't really make myself be gentle with him, there's so much history). Surprise, surprise... I failed every time.
We've now come to the point where he thinks that his 30 y.o. daughter hates him for life.
I don't know if I'll ever be able to make any change and if he'll ever seek therapy other than pills (he's on depression medication) but I'm so glad to have seen you and see that some people cope and want to help others. Thank you.
Kateřina Lišková I'm so sorry to hear that your life has been negatively impacted by someone with OCPD. It's interesting that you mention that he has a diagnosis but is still blind to his own behavior. I share in your frustration that this disorder is both very hard to treat and that those with it can remain in denial, even when faced with a mountain of evidence. I feel very limited as to what I can do to help with just this UA-cam channel. But I am working on a much larger project and I hope to be able to reach many more people soon. Thank you for sharing and for watching.
@@OCPD_support You are doing a great job already. There is exactly zero materials on OCPD in my mother tongue other than text book definitions which makes it hard to make information accessible to my loved ones who don't speak English.
You say it's interesting he has a diagnosis and yet doesn't act upon it. My Dad was diagnosed when asking for invalidity pension as he's not capable to keep any job because of basic human interactions. Where I live one can get invalidity pension for poor mental health too.
He never once looked at his papers though, so he probably doesn't even know what's in there and that it reads OCPD.
I'm in the same position and tried helping my dad by always making sure and letting him know that he is allowed to make mistakes. I always tell him I love him no matter what, even after a fight...
Same here >: i wun ever forgive my old man-- theres no way he will consent to getting assessed but the symptoms are so
My parents both have it. It definitely runs through my family. Mom, dad, sister, and me. I don’t feel like I was always this way though. It’s like I grew INTO being this person. My mom thought I was insulting her when I suggested that we all had this personality disorder, her included. No. I had just found an explanation for why we think we all have to have things a certain way, and the lists... I definitely have the inability to complete tasks due to perfectionism being so hard to achieve at times (all or nothing), my sister gets anxiety... just scraping the surface.
I wonder how I would have reacted had someone told ME I had a personality disorder. I stumbled across OCPD randomly on my own. I might have rejected the idea of it as well.
Ariel Fielder yes, it's a much trickier proposition when someone else suggests that you have a mental disorder/illness. I believe my father has OCPD and it's possible it contributed to how I am today. Or maybe it didn't. There's no way to know for sure. And by the time I realized what OCPD is and that I had it, any symptoms my dad displayed were no longer affecting me or my life. I would love to see him acknowledge it and get treatment, but it would create more of a situation than if I just leave it alone. I just don't like to see how it impacts him. Quality of life is definitely worse with unchecked OCPD. I'm glad you're able to recognize it in yourself so that you're able to address it. Thanks for watching.
I’m proud of both of you for just acknowledging the OCPD. I imagine that’s one of the most difficult steps.
@@ummuhajar558 it's definitely not an easy step. But as you journey down the road to recovery, it becomes apparent that much of the hard work is still ahead of you.
Hello Daryl
I would like to thank you for making these videos an sharing your experiences with OCPD.
I was diagnosed just recently and I'm almost finished with Schema Therapy. It has tremendous positive effects to the point that I almost don't score enough points anymore to get the diagnosis.
I know a few people that I think have a Personality Disorder too. I don't use this term OCPD as it sounds a bit 'scary' but I share my experiences with these people. The more they recognise the symptoms the more they are inclined to ask questions and some of them even realised that maybe some professional help would be beneficial.
I don't think one can resolve this without professional help.
But I approach my parents more carefully. My aim is to help myself, not to change my parents.
Your videos are great help in recognizing daily life struggles. Keep them coming!
Don van Hal so happy to hear the results you've had from Schema. I'll be reentering therapy in two months. I'm not sure what direction my therapist is going to take, but I'm looking forward to taking steps to take better care of myself. I agree that this isn't a situation or disorder that can be resolved without professional help. I've seen so many make claims that they've managed to get it under control (myself included), only to fall flat on their face somewhere down the road. If I end up going the Schema route, I'll cover it in further detail in a future video. Thanks so much for your comment!
Thank you for this channel !! 🥰 I have OCPD, I tick ALL the boxes for the symptoms. I wish there was an online zoom group for OCPD. It would make me feel less alone.
@mel-tp5hi you are so welcome. Thank you very much for watching. I do have some good news for you however. There is indeed a Zoom group offering exactly what you're looking for. Please find them here: www.ocpd.org/support-group
I’ve come to the conclusion that my spouse doesn’t believe in OCPD, because as you said, he believes he’s ‘right’ and secondly, culturally, there’s no such thing as mental illness unless it’s something like schizophrenia or something so extreme, it’s obvious. I’ve started trying to explain that some reactions my spouse has are not how most people react. For example, getting up in the morning and becoming angry because you notice everything going wrong in your life. I also feel very sorry for someone with OCPD. I can see how difficult normal, everyday situations are for someone with OCPD. Thank you, Daryl. I always gain insight from your videos.
Ummu Hajar thank you for your comment and honesty. I hope that living with your spouse is something that isn't causing you distress. I have some understanding of where he is coming from. There are days when I feel that mental illness is just a weakness of the mind. But after going through particularly long bouts of depression, it becomes apparent that this isn't the case at all. That these are things that we have very little power to change ourselves. It takes more strength to admit you have OCPD and to seek help than it does to bow to the pressures of one's own compulsions. Some days I believe that and some days I don't. It feels horrible to acknowledge how powerless we truly are. But the fact that peace and happiness are attainable by admitting our faults and seeking professional treatment, means that I'm going to choose that option every time.
Honestly, because my mother has histrionic PD, I suppose I recognized some similarities once I came across a book on personality disorders. Horrible morning attitude, anger issues, tunnel vision.. But as far as distress, there are definitely difficult times, but the more I learn, the more I see what I can do to make the situation better and the more I can let it bother me less. I started taking things less personal and realizing that OCPD is the inability to cope with mundane details that don’t bother the rest of us. I realize how it must build up and start to make people with OCPD feel helpless. I’m trying to show my husband that other people are not doing better than we are and that everyone else has the same issues in day to day life. And that people that appear to be doing better don’t have the same priorities. I think putting things into perspective for a person with OCPD helps a lot.
@@ummuhajar558 "OCPD is the inability to cope with mundane details that don’t bother the rest of us" - I think that is a great way to describe OCPD in plain terms. Getting hung up on insignificant details can play a major part in inhibiting someone's ability to live a normal life. I think the things you describe doing with your husband are fantastic ways to confront the disorder and to help him see some hard to face truths.
Excellent video. I appreciate the way you break it down so carefully. It’s very helpful.
Charles Lincoln thanks so much. I appreciate knowing that the information was presented in an informative way. Helps me to know what direction to take future videos.
That studio background is amazingly lifelike. Looking good brother and hope you are doing well.
David Poblano whoa, hey brother! How are you? What's new? Nice to hear from you!
I've always dealt with it. I had a literal breakdown when we discarded the old worn out couches in our basement and replaced them with new ones. I hate change. I had the same reaction when we got rid of our carpet on our stairs. I hate the way my parents arranged their house. I have to organize not because of compulsions per se, but because I feel like my way is the only right way and I don't like when someone else tries doing it their way. I never feel like I'll be good enough for myself, but I always try to make it to perfection.
Kaden Picknell change can be especially hard for those with OCPD. I struggled a lot with it early on. For me that transitioned into needing everything I owned to remain in 'perfect' condition. It's something I still need to be conscious of in order to not revert back to that behavior.
OCPD: My Life In Debris Yes I have the same issue with keeping my stuff in mint condition. I drive a truck and live where they salt roads in the winter, and I have been kept up at night thinking of how it's going to rust no matter what I do. I also think 10 years down the road when buying things, and think, "What's the point, it'll become outdated anyway." I've gotten more comfortable just knowing what is wrong with me because for the longest time, I didn't even know what OCPD was
@@kadennedak everyone has a different path and different methods that work for them. For me, adopting a minimalist lifestyle was one of the ways I was able to control my feelings around material possessions.
@@OCPD_support yeah I need all my stuff to stay 'perfect' too... my only pair of shoes are over 8 years old but I haven't been able to buy any new ones as I worry about how I'd keep them 'new' and don't want to waste money... on top of having to choose the 'right' pair...
My mother had been despairingly telling me every time she saw them that I needed new shoes and I always countered with "but they're still intact" so when one of them finally _did_ wear out this month I had to relent and agreed to let her buy me some... I actually managed to find some I liked AND they were half price _AND_ in my size, it felt like a *miracle* (I was even a bit excited...)
Then she texts me a few days ago saying she's sorry but she forgot to buy them and now they're out of stock but there was another pair that 'looked similar' so she ordered them instead without telling me... of course I told her instantly to cancel the order and if she can't to return them ASAP for a refund :(
I feel so guilty for being ungrateful, I hate how complicated I make everything... I know if I tried to explain how upset I am by such a relatively small issue the response would be "don't be silly it's just a pair of shoes!"...
sorry for the really long comment... I don't have anyone else to talk to and it feels amazing to be able to vent to someone who might actually understand how I feel.
Amazing video btw, I think my sister has OCPD too so this will help a lot when I eventually try and talk to her about it (also I love the background and it sounds fine to me!)
P.S. this took over an hour to write not only bc it's way too long (sorry again) but I always have to word everything 'just right' -_-
@@Mrblobbybobby I understand very well how it can take an hour to type up a comment. I've been there, done that and gone as far as deleting everything and saying nothing at all. I'll see that in my comments as well. I'll get a notification someone has left a comment, and when I go to respond it's gone. And I understand why, but it's sad when that happens.
I feel guilt for the things I do on a daily basis, and for the things I've done in the past. But if you were to speak with someone that is qualified to treat OCPD, you would understand that you have very little control over these things. That's not to say you can't get better, you can, but without professional help we are mostly powerless against this disorder. It's taken me a lifetime to learn this, but the more you can let the guilt go and focus on repairing and minimizing the impact, the better you will feel. I'm glad you felt comfortable leaving your comment and I'm happy to be here for people to vent their frustrations. Thanks for the comment and thanks for the encouragement as well.
Another helpful and interesting video! It helps so much to learn how to understand and talk to someone with OCPD. I appreciate your very casual format. Your honesty and transparency is very reassuring - you are very humble. It is obvious you put a great deal of thought and research into your videos. l love the editing as well, you have such a great sense of humor. Looking forward to many more! (Actually, I thought the background was quite beautiful and serene. Did not notice any background noise...I think I was really tuned in and focused! LOL...I'll watch again and see if I notice it, haha!)
Larissa Elf thanks so much. Your encouragement is always appreciated. I thought the background noise would be worse than it was. In person there were so many bugs and birds and dogs barking. Guess I'm getting better at using my equipment. Don't know how that happened, haha. Glad you liked the background. Took a while to find somewhere suitable for filming. Hopefully the next video will be out much sooner. I'm planning on shooting it tomorrow. It's another long one.
OCPD: My Life In Debris The background sounds are quite soothing to me. Great background, visually. You and I both wear glasses but we have a good eye for visuals. Disorderland is so much better knowing you’re here too.
💕
this is amazing there is no content addressing this thank you so much
Athena sullivan and you're amazing for watching :) Thank you vey much.
I've known I'm not normal. I told my partner today before watching this video that I might argue a point heavily but that I might come back a day later even after I've convinced her and tell her she was right all along if I decide I truly believe so which I know can be frustrating. I mention this because of the way you say letting us digest news can be crucial. Especially you know you are rigid, you might think about it twice.. Especially with empathy towards another, and change your mind or perhaps not change your mind but choose to show compassion and understanding. Because we think we are right most often, it's best to make us feel like we are right but there's something more at play that may need observation. That might be the best approach. Tell us how perfect we are, but that we might need to observe ourselves under the impression that we have ocpd. I've come to terms with it for a while now but I'm thinking about how to best approach me when I was likely at my worst like in high school or early college
technicalman that's exactly how I frequently engage with a new idea. I follow the same path of reasoning as you. There's a fine balance that needs to be maintained between understanding our thought process and trying to exercise control over every situation. I try to not express my initial reaction as I know that with empathy and time, I might come around to my partner's way of thinking.
Ive been with my partner for 5 + years. He has a history of depression and anxiety and I suspect he has ocpd. Hes extremely sensitive and takes any criticism as a personal attack. If i tell him he's wrong he gets defensive and lashes out. He gets very upset if things are out of place. He's literally stood over me telling me I was washing a dish wrong. If I joke around with him he takes fun loving sarcasm as a personal attack and swears im trying to hurt him. He has strong opinions about how everyone else should live theie lives and tells other people how they should to do things. He's tried to tell me what to wear, how i should wear my hair. Ive told gim u could never live with him because he's very persnickety. I was being kind .. he gets very mad when i say that. I've told him hes domineering and he doesn't believe he is. He's very generous with his money and has a stable job. Hes not a bad person. I love him, but I don't see a future with him if things keep going this way.
@jenniferlouise4538 I'm sorry to hear about how difficult your relationship is. There is nothing more complicated than an unhealthy balance in a relationship where there is still a lot of love. If you are looking to understand if he can change, he can. But that change will only come with acknowledgment first and professional help second.
I'm glad I got to watch this, I know my Mom's behavior is not intentional its uncontrollable. I was considering the idea of telling her about my research but that wont go the way I hoped it would. My daughter avoids contact because her grandmother wants her to do a task for her, she is incapable of just spending time together. Everyone is an employee to her and the tasks have no end. Thank you for the video.
James Cotton you are welcome. If you have any specific questions, please don't hesitate to ask.
I just moved in w my fiance and his mother sees me cooking macaroni and cheese from a box because my own food got locked in my suitcase by accident. I dont cook so i was already out of my comfort zone. She sees there is no milk in the fridge and sweetly offers to run to the store and buy a jug. She kindly asks me what sort of milk i prefer. My jetlagged mouth opens up and spews "you dont want to know the anaswer to that question."
I chose that statement because my honest answer was i felt going to be a more rude to expose that i want cruelty free raw organic milk from a nigerian dwarf goat that i milked by hand when im being offered a choice of 1 or 2%milk from the dollar store... i spent all night beating myself up and was crying over it the next day. Autistics are honest to a fault but add ocpd and i just dont know how to say anything nice. Lord please help me.
Autism Enlightenment that's rough. I can only empathize, as the complications that must arise between the two seem challenging.
I am glad you made a video again. I as a fellow sufferer of OCPD can feel the struggle. For some reason my mind feels like it is in a loop constantly having repeating thoughts all over again and tries to overanalyze the past to find perfection. Troublesome but i try meditation to get better. My loved ones also are affected by my OCPD as they slowly can't stand me complaing about things not being perfect and acting like i can't survive if things are not in order.
Camel King of the Mediteranean Sea thanks so much! I have another video filmed that I'm hoping to get edited and uploaded soon. I understand the repetitive thought cycles and empathize with how frustrating they can be. The truth is that the only place we actually exist is in our minds and so it makes sense that our thoughts could get stuck in loops if we have an unhealthy way of processing them. I'm glad you're meditating. That's proven to be very helpful for some people. Please also consider the term 'perfect' and what that means. It's a concept only. There is no such thing as perfect. Everything has flaws and everything has more than one solution. It's just sometimes we don't know what those other solutions are and other people do.
@@OCPD_support Yeah i agree. It seems that we with OCPD only exist in our minds. I also considered the possibility that others see myself different for example i noticed how others seem to hold me in high places and feel like i did very well but i myself always find something to criticize and even when i succeeded, my mind keeps bringing up what if scenarios and such. Apparently the feeling that it never is good enough is often present but it works. I just feel like i have to endure. I feel like i really need to know when to take a break but i am glad i found communities with similar people. It kinda helps.
@@camelkingofthemediteranean949 it definitely helps to surround yourself with others that understand you. Even if that's just online or in a group setting. It can help to shine a light on behaviors that are causing issues that we might not be able to identify ourselves. And it always helps to know that you're not alone.
My brother has this. I've tried, but in all honesty, I don't think it works. Better option in just to..... RUN
Nova Sol that's because only a trained mental health professional has the ability to affect change. And the one suffering has to want to change. And yes, for some people the best option for their own sanity or peace of mind is to distance themselves from that person.
This was an excellent video. Very honest . I really like that. Thank you.
Dorinda Gelsi thank you so much for saying so. It isn't easy being honest in this format, but I try hard to put it all out there. Thank you for watching.
I believe my manager of 5 years or so has OCPD and Narcissism. It is so upsetting about how everything has to be about THEM, and that anyone else having a personality or thoughts are considered disobedient. It is the worst experience I think I have ever been through, because it is so prolonged. I've been applying for other jobs, but it took me almost the entire 5 years to understand they had Narcissistic traits, and then a few months more to learn about the OCPD traits they have. I had a 15 year career and 5 years of part-time university work with straight-A's under two previous managers with exponential growth in both areas. The first week of them being promoted to manager was immediate authoritarianism, daily 1.5 hour monologues the first thing every morning, zero empathy for personal boundaries, insane lists that don't address any of the problem-solving needs of our jobs, trying to get a word in was confronted as an argument and a critique of how we weren't pleasing him, and that is just the first week.
As the Spring semester started up, I mentioned what class I had to take next, and let him pick the time. I reminded everyone every week for 6 weeks when classes were starting, and when I would be in class and in the office. The first day of class, right at 8:30am during my 8am-8:50am class he called me raging at my disobedience for not "checking in at 8:30am". I panicked, not knowing he had OCPD and Narcissism yet, and had a meeting where I thought we cleared it up, reminding him of all the emails, meetings, and his approval of the arrangement. The very next day he did it again. He wanted me to check in at 7:59am, then 8:51am ever class. I ended up dropping out from stress the second week of classes. I thought he would improve and calm down. He did not. When I mentioned returning to finish my degree he interrupted "YOU DON'T NEED A DEGREE" and went on a 30 minute monologue.
Work continued to go downhill. He invited himself to every meeting I had and took over, to the point where clients and colleagues asked me to keep every meeting secret from him. He then triangulated around everyone and put himself as the middleman in every relationship and removed me entirely from meeting with clients and colleagues. He only delegates projects after they have been on his desk for a year or more, then he "delegates" them to me without any info that is helpful to doing the actual work. If I ask "Who is the client/project manager/stakeholder?" he gets mad at me for asking questions. Leaving all of us to slowly figure out who all was on the year old project on our own, by doing forensic investigation into who was the most likely client/contributors. I used to manage projects from start to finish with 3 months being the longest workflow, and always working concurrently on other projects so that I was turning over 4 projects a month. Now I'm lucky if I get 2 projects a year.
Being gentle with someone with OCPD/Narcissism doesn't work either. My therapist, my HR coach, and every other victim of OCPD abuse on youtube says to play dumb and get out. The OCPD/Narcissist manager is the most traumatic relationship I have ever had to deal with as an adult. I was hoping to find some info on how to deal with one, but I've already tried gentle communication. I'm done giving OCPD people the time of day. They aren't perfect, they're picky and controlling and abusive with their entitlement to being served. They lack empathy for other people, which is why this video is how victims of OCPD abuse can continue to gently empathize with the abusive OCPD person. I will continue to watch more of your videos as hopefully it will demonstrate more about why OCPD people are abusive and what I can do to avoid OCPD people and cut them out of my life before they take root. You are not the only people that have some kind of trauma that shaped them. Get therapy. Be as OCPD about your life as you want behind closed doors, but don't try to control everything other people do. Non-OCPD people have skills and talent and processes that rival yours and we just want you to leave us alone and stay out of our way. Find a hobby for yourself if you need to control something. Invent a video game where you can be a bully to something that doesn't have feelings.
JMFS first off, I am so sorry to hear everything that you went through. It sounds truly terrible and I can only imagine how hard all of that was.
A person with OCPD can have narcissistic traits. Having OCPD doesn't automatically mean that you have those traits, but one can lead to the other. It's also possible that a person with OCPD also has narcissistic personality disorder. They are two separate things and only a trained therapist would be able to diagnose either of those disorders. The reason I mention this is that it is possible that the traits that caused you so much grief did not come from the OCPD. Either because they didn't have it, or because they had a comorbid disorder. I'm not saying that you're wrong, I'm just saying that I cannot specifically comment on whether the person you're describing has OCPD.
To the comments in your last paragraph, I can empathize with you for feeling this way. However, there are some nuances that you are not understanding. Having OCPD does not mean that you lack empathy. It can lead to that (as mentioned above), but they are not synonymous. It is possible to have OCPD and be a kind person. Some are and some aren't. The suggestions you make for handling OCPD are not as simple as you make them out to be. For one, most people with OCPD do not realize that there is even something wrong that needs to be adjusted. Most people have not heard of OCPD. And even then, knowing something doesn't not make it simple, easy or quick to resolve. Someone could easily give the same advice to you for staying in an unhealthy situation. It would be the same argument. But it wouldn't be a kind way to approach things. I certainly am not recommending that you go out and befriend people with OCPD. Your life is yours to do with what you want. And nobody should intentionally put themselves into unhealthy situations. But it would benefit you to have some understanding and empathy for people that are struggling with OCPD. Just as you would want them to have empathy for you for what you've been through. Thank you so much for the detailed comment. I am always very grateful when people share their stories.
I like the Carl Rogers technique. I came up with this on my own actually. I would repeat what people say in my own words and let them correct me if I'm wrong until I'm able to reword it correctly. I had a partner who hated this with a passion 🤷♂️
technicalman it sounds like they may have had their own issues.
When will the second part of this video air? Very curious to learn some coping techniques as a partner!
Abigail Mae I wish I could give you an exact date, but life keeps getting in the way of me editing a final version. I'm hoping within the next week or two. Thanks for your patience.
The worst part is their stubborness/rigidity, and the inability to get through to them because they always believe they are right and others are wrong. And when you challenge that they get defensive and offended. Even giving each other space for days, he still cannot see rationally and realize that it is just as much (or more) HIM as it is the other person
fffffflora unfortunately this is a place that a person needs to work themselves out from in order to be open to receiving help. Sometimes people make that change, but some never do.
My wife is quite irrationally stingy with money, a bit too much about cleanliness, quite controlling (freaks out when feels like doesn't have control over something), quite jealous/suspicious about infidelity, takes FOREVER to shop/make decisions/decide on something/somewhere to eat etc. Are those signs of OCDP? I know I should be gentle with it, but any concrete suggestions I should do? Share a UA-cam video with them? Maybe you could do a UA-cam video to self diagnose OCDP for those that have it to realize it?
Eric I've seen that you've left a couple of comments, so I'll answer each question respectively in separate responses. First off, thanks for watching and sharing what you're going through. As I tell others, I'm not in a position to diagnose anyone. All I can offer is my personal opinion on the information you choose to share. All of the traits you mention can be associated with OCPD. The one least likely to be attached to OCPD would be the jealousy. But in a roundabout way, that can also be connected to specific OCPD traits. These are usually based off of ones own personal insecurities and how they tie into their own version of OCPD.
It's possible she doesn't have OCPD. It's possible she has OCPD combined with something else. Or it's possible she only has some other mental health concern. But to answer your question directly, these absolutely all can be signs of OCPD.
There is a lot unknown about OCPD. I'm actually starting a foundation for OCPD to raise money for more research and more support of those whose lives are impacted by OCPD for this very reason. But there are a lot of things I've learned in helping people for the last three years. And the first is that an OCPD diagnosis does not seem to be key in helping correct OCPD behavior in many people. Remember, OCPD is a disorder of perfectionism. Confronting someone head on with the information that that they are suffering with a personality disorder goes against everything they believe. It's very unlikely to end with a positive result. What is a much more sensible approach is to address each maladaptive personality trait individually. If over time you're able to bring attention to the fact that there are elements of their personality that are causing damage to their relationships and causing pain to themselves and pain to others, you can gently introduce the idea of therapy as a way to talk about what they're going through to in a non-judgmental setting.
It's a slow process that requires a lot of patience because you can't confront this head on. But I don't think someone with OCPD ever has to hear the term OCPD in order to heal from it. They just need a therapist that is a good fit and is someone that they can trust.
Long story short, start talking with your spouse about how their behaviors impact you. Discuss kindly, the way in which your interaction with them are undermining your happiness. Talk about shared responsibility in the health of your relationship. No change will be made without acknowledgment of a problem. But they won't admit to a problem if they are accused of one. They need to come to the realizations on their own.
Lastly, thank you so much for your recommendation. I think a video on self assessment is a great topic for a future video. I think coming at it from the point of view of having perfectionistic standards that interfere with quality of life would be a smart angle. So hopefully in the upcoming summer months I can put that together for you.
@@OCPD_support wow great answer! Thoroughly appreciate it! And, yes, perfectionist standards that get in the way of quality of life seems like a great synopsis of the problem - and my problems!
My partner actually showed me ocdpd but said she basically can’t change it, it doesn’t matter how hard I try to talk nicely to her, just today I asked could I tell her something that upset me, she agreed and after explaining what was upsetting me she flew off the handles this broke me and now she won’t even speak to me, feels like ten years are about to be a waste
Brainumb well she is probably right in a way. It's very, very unlikely that she can change on her own. However, everyone has the ability to change with a little help. But you have to want to change. Explain to her what you just told me (about the ten years), and let her know that things HAVE to change in order for things to progress. Therapy is something that everyone can benefit from and especially with those facing mental health challenges.
Leave ur partner don't be a victim like my dad. They won't change and damage u instead
Very nice videos, thank you so much. If you could enable subtitles, it would be great, for people who don't understand English so well. It could help more people view and understand better, like several in my family.
@mikhoward thank you for your suggestion. Unfortunately, I experimented with the auto-translations and they negatively impacted the intended meaning. I have been paying out of pocket for translations of my more recent videos, and that has gone well. Any donations I receive will go to translating my past videos at some point. Thank you for watching.
Are there online meeting support groups such as AlAnon specifically for OCPD?
Miriam W there is one that I know of. I will actually be partnering up with them in a few months, but for now, they list all of their details in the OCPD Support Group on Facebook.
There are also two subreddits: r/OCPD (mostly for people diagnosed WITH OCPD) and r/LovedByOCPD (For people in proximity to someone diagnosed with OCPD). There is an r/NarcissisticAbuse subreddit, as well that can be helpful.
From a personal perspective a lot of the posts in the various support groups are rumination and venting, but the responses can have useful information.
Therapy and learning about Gray Rocking is a good step one. It helps sort healthy relationships from unhealthy relationships between yourself and others.
Hi Daryl, thank you for making these contentful videos on OCPD.
I want to ask about my sister who is in a complete denial to see a doctor, and Adamant at some points which includes to make my cousin go away from our house immediately, and she has other OCPD symptoms also but she thinks she is right and there is no problem with her thinking that way. Kindly suggest us something that we can do to take her to the doctor. Because this is getting worse for my family and my studies.
Akshi Yadav sadly, (but I guess fairly), there is nothing you can do to force her to go against her will. What you will need to do is to convince her that it is in her best interest to see a mental health professional. This means that you need to acknowledge her strengths and then point out that despite her strengths, you can see things that are causing anxiety/stress/depression/difficulty. You need to frame her life in a manner in which she comes to the conclusion that therapy would enhance her life, instead of signify that something is wrong. It's a very delicate matter and everyone reacts differently. But if you have more specific questions, I would be happy to try and answer them.
@@OCPD_support thank you so much for replying to my problem but actually the problem is that she has her own set of rules of keeping things, money, about eating and most importantly expecting from people certain type of behaviour if that doesn't match according to her expectations then she just turn herself on over aggressive mode despite their situation or without knowing about them. We are facing it since years but didn't know what was it. But now the atmosphere of our home is in complete chaos she has one thing in mind 24/7 that how can she make my cousin move out of the house immediately, because of which many verbel and even physical conflicts has happened. On top of that my parents are senior citizens and my mother with her own health issues. This is not at all good for my studies and for my parents health and not even for her. I just want to ask is that curable?
And thank you so much once again for reading it and replying thoroughly.🙏
It would be better if you can tell that whether OCPD is curable or not?
@@akshiyadav1865 curable is the wrong word in regards personality disorders. In a good scenario, you can find a way to balance your disorder and work towards it becoming manageable. In a great scenario, you can gain mastery over the disorder and lead a peaceful, calm and meaningful life. In both of those instances, the loved ones that surround that person would see dramatic and positive changes. So in a round about way, my answer is sort of yes.
But it's a tremendous amount of hard work and it all starts with therapy. If someone is unreachable (that is, they are unwilling to be reasonable or recognize the difficulties they are causing their loved ones), then it may become necessary to exercise hard love and give that person ultimatums. Meaning, that they either seek out help, or they are the one that needs to remove them from the situation. As much as you love someone, if you allow a toxic person to inhabit your world, you risk destroying your own mental health. It sounds as though multiple family members are suffering because of her. It may be time to say it's either you get treatment or you leave. For many people with OCPD, they need to hit a very, very hard rock bottom before recognizing the problem. And from there they may choose to make positive changes.
Your sister has the power to change. But you do not have the power to change her.
@@OCPD_support thank you so much for this positive suggestion. We'll definitely going to work hard in this regard. I've understood what all you've mentioned and in what sense. We'll try to manage her behaviour through our positive responses. Thank you 🙏
First 10 minutes is empty
Bill Stewart do you mind elaborating? The video is showing up in its entirety for me. Thanks.
@@OCPD_support Perhaps it is because the first 10 minutes is sort of a disclaimer for people with OCPD and not info for people who are victims of OCPD partners? That is what I was thinking when I was listening to it. Glad you are trying, though.
Does everyone with OCPD also develop co-morbid mental health struggles like anxiety and depression? I can see that true for my sister's version but my Mom really blurs into the normal population and has never shown any other signs of mental health issues. Only people close to her would likely ever view her compulsive conscientiousness especially as problematic. This is largely due to her not really maintaining any real deep connections with people too. She doesn't take much time out just for friendships. But overall she's a mostly kind, well-respected person that people often depend on to take care of things, which she always does to the detriment of her own needs.
Emily Weaver I think that's a really good point that I've yet to discuss on this channel. I believe that it is possible to suffer from OCPD and OCPD only. In fact, suffer may even be too strong a word for some. I know of at least one case of someone whom I believe to have OCPD and they present with no other mental illness or disorders. Now I could be wrong about the OCPD and I could be wrong in that they are suffering and I could be wrong about them not experiencing any other mental illnesses. But my gut says that this person matches closely with how you describe your mum. I think there are a lot of factors that could contribute to this outcome. For example, they believe in stoicism, and so are likely to be hard working and non-complainers. They also are from a different generation, that viewed mental illness in a different light. This person also married someone that has a lot of patience and maybe even has some similar tendencies that don't seem to clash. So normally a romantic relationship would be the source of tremendous conflict, but for them it isn't.
This reminds me of how OCPD can be overlooked for cultural reasons. There is some evidence (anecdotal mostly) that levels of OCPD are higher in some Asian countries where familial demands are higher and the pressure to be successful is high. So symptoms go unchecked because they don't look that different to what is already expected of people.
My partner is adamant and has intrusive thoughts about my past relationship. He keeps on digging into every detail about my past and has started even abusing me for not being what he wanted me to be .
I don't want to leave him but he blames me for this situation of obsessive thoughts about my past.
He won't just let it go.
Please suggest how can I deal this situation
🙏
Mauni Dushyant I'm so sorry that you're going through such a distressing situation. I can never promise a solution, but I do like to see if there's any way I can help. Unfortunately, your comment is a little light on details and I'm not sure what it is that he is digging into and what specifically he is getting upset about. Is it the number of partners, the length of past relationships, the types of people you've dated, or something else? And whatever it is, what are his obsessive thoughts about it?
@@OCPD_support
He has been digging about the past details about my sexual relationship
He constantly imagines me with my ex and that's very distressing for him as well. He says he cannot stop the images even if he tries to. And those images are constant whole day and night. N he is blaming me for the whole situation now. I wish I could help us.
@@maunidushyant9366 he needs to seek out a therapist quickly or you need to exit the relationship quickly. His behavior is abnormal based on any standards or culture. He is sabotaging the relationship, but he is also becoming obsessive over something that really isn't any of his business. He is unhealthy and needs help and if you are unable to convince him, maybe you know a friend or a relative that is close to him that can help him to gain some perspective. Obsessing over someone's past sexual history can lead to some potentially awful behavior and I don't want to see you subjected to that.
Get out of that relationship.
Where is the 2nd part/video to this, that you refer to?
angelaruplejones that video has not come out yet. I have it filmed, but unfortunately have not had the time to edit and upload it. Hopefully that will be available within the next two weeks.
Awesome editing. Deserves 180K views not 18K views
@2Siders thank you so much. I really appreciate the positive feedback.
Lol. Love the Philip DeFranco video reference
technicalman well if you need to know what's going on in the world, at least you can get it from someone that is willing to share their biases.
My son is deranged with OCPD. Morphed into severe clinical depression. We all know he has it and he despairs because he knows he has it and cannot see a way to get better. Knowing who has it doesn't cure anything..he knows more about OCPD than the so called experts trying to help him. Unfortunately that wouldn't be difficult..
magzb2642 I can understand your frustration. There are those out there that can offer real help, unfortunately they seem to be few and far between. I will be launching a foundation in the next month and I hope to be able to offer resources on our website that will be of some use to you. Thanks for leaving a comment.
A friend told us she was diagnosed with OCD. I think she misunderstood her doctor as she has all the signs of OCPD 😕😕😕
@timonza both things are possible. OCPD is commonly misdiagnosed as OCD by mental health professionals. But it's also possible that someone without knowledge of OCPD might think that they've been diagnosed with OCD.
All the videos are about the symptoms but how do I treat it??? Lose control? Accept a person in a relationship with a person who is not perfect????
dana albo I can understand your frustration. However, there are videos on my channel that do talk about things you can do to combat the traits of OCPD. The primary solution is of course to seek out therapy. There are other ways you can try to manage OCPD as well. The last three video on my channel are a good place to start .They are an interview series with Gary Trosclair, the author of The Healthy Compulsive. Also, there will be a brand new website launched next month at ocpd.org and there will be a lot of new resources on that website. Thank you for watching.
2:15 intro ends.
I noticed my OCPD partner often talks alot, I ask him what time it is,he tells me how a watch works.I eventually lose interest but the monolog goes on
frizbeee that is a very strange way to answer the question "what time is it".
But what if my ocpd partner doesnt want to talk?
@twinzzzzyyyy I would say that this is a serious issue in the relationship that may require couples counseling. In a healthy relationship, no topic should be off-limits.
I've been with my GF for 8 months but she's already broken up with me 3 times from minor arguments.
At the moment, we're taking a month break to see where we stand. I was truly confused by her behavior since before the breakups, she wanted to get married and have kids with me. Then hours later, she blows up and says she can't do this anymore and we're incompatible over some dumb arguments. In normal relationships, we'd just make up by saying sorry for the misunderstanding and move on.
I realize now, she told me she has OCD and used to be a perfectionist. I don't know why I brushed that off before but now it all makes sense.
My question is how do I deal with someone like her since I'm not a pushover or a submissive type of guy that will not let her walk all over me?
I will be more gentle and compassionate towards her whenever there's an argument but will I ever be good enough for her? In her mind, a lot has to change for us to work out. Meaning, I have to change. I was optimistic to meet with her after a month but finding out about OCPD is making me doubt about our chances.
Any advice? I do love her but I don't want to be married with kids and eventually get a divorce where our kids have to suffer. Is therapy the answer?
OldSchoolBaller 2020 well the short answer is yes, therapy is the answer. And not just for her, but possibly for you also. It sounds like in eight short months, you've already been through a lot. And talking to a therapist is a good way to gain perspective on the relationships in your life.
But if she does indeed have OCPD, then her best move would be into therapy. I talk a lot about this in my content. The one point I will touch on is that you mention "will I ever be good enough for her". Although people with OCPD can hold others to ridiculously high standards, often they are the ones that don't feel good enough for the person that they are with. Her pushing you away could be her attempt at protecting you from her. Of course this is just speculation, but I think it's good to consider all possibilities when you are facing tough situations and decisions.
It sounds like you want to approach this situation with compassion and I think that this is an excellent way to go about things. You really need to sit down and have an honest conversation about how her words impact you, without also blaming her for all of the things wrong in the relationship. Talk to her with kindness and empathy and maybe you will get somewhere this time. I wish you all the best.
I act like your gf is acting sometimes, with blowing up and threatening to leave. My justification for this is that the OCPD behaviour of my partner has me living on the edge all the time, and even so often I just can't handle it anymore. I do acknowledge that this behaviour could have it's own OCPD tendencies rooted in my own anxieties and fears, however, my frustration with my partner's behaviour is most definitely justified. I just keep on holding on, waiting for things to change, because I love him. So it's a big question. Does a partners mental health affect your own health to such an extent that your mental health and behaviour is compromised too, or do you have underlying issues yourself ( I'm talking in general now, not about you specifically) it's a question I have been grappling to understand for quite some time. It's clear that both people are always responsible for their own actions. Is the answer to both be in therapy separately. Communication is an art. And A lifelong work in progress
Just leave. You can have better life :)
They are good people mostly, but hard to deal with
Jovan Krstic it might be worth noting that entering into a relationship with someone with OCPD is going to be difficult and challenging at times, and in worse case scenarios, abusive. But some people are committed and those people still need advice.
If you listen to his dialogue, he displays the symptom of OCPD where he is already ascribing to others his own viewpoint, saying a lot of this is for you, and you should do this and should understsnd that, because I did this for you and expect you to expect the same.. lol 😅😅😅
T Dang it's called an opinion and sharing knowledge I have gained on the subject. It's kind of the point of the channel.
03:22
@halluciongen3000 👍🏻
I'm curious how you can possibly know what % of your audience has OCPD and what % doesn't...
Anthony Kist it's a rough estimation based on my analytics, the engagement with the content and the private messages I receive. A lot of my viewership comes from spouses of people that have OCPD. That being said, although I will create content for people that don't have OCPD, my channel will always be focused on those with OCPD as that is the group of people that I want to help the most by sharing my experiences and thoughts.
@@OCPD_support Very cool, thanks