Can you find happiness living with someone with OCPD?
Вставка
- Опубліковано 14 тра 2024
- Can you find happiness living with someone with OCPD? Episode 031
Your loved one is finally seeking help for their OCPD, but in the meantime, you’re still living with the same traits and behaviors that have been damaging your relationship with them all along. In the follow-up to my last video, in which we discussed what to do if someone you love has OCPD, we dive into how to take care of yourself while helping your loved one through their treatment. Things won’t change overnight and I want to make sure that you have the tools to safeguard your own mental health. Living with someone, loving someone, and communicating with someone with OCPD can be immensely challenging. Let’s see if we can find some hope and happiness amongst the chaos.
Email your questions to:
rawreactions@ocpd.org
to have them answered in an episode.
Articles referenced:
www.ocdonline.com/the-right-s...
www.minddisorders.com/Ob-Ps/Ob...
www.aipc.net.au/articles/self...
www.thoughtco.com/rogerian-ar...
The International OCPD Foundation:
www.ocpd.org
1:1 Video or Call Consultation & Support:
intro.co/DarrylRossignol
clarity.fm/ocpd/expertise/ocp...
Instagram:
/ ocpd_my_life_in_debris
OCPD: My Life In Debris is a channel dedicated to helping sufferers of obsessive compulsive personality disorder and those dealing with the people in their life that are afflicted with this personality disorder. We will delve into topics covering detailed explanations of the disorder, exploring treatment options, interviews with sufferers, how to live with the disorder, interviews with those that have people in their life with OCPD, and talks with treatment professionals. In addition, we will explore personality disorders and mental health disorders and how to navigate the world when these are a part of your daily life.
最近、日本でパーソナリティ障害クラスターC 群がますます増えてきている点で、私注意 を引きました。こようなことが起きている理由を説明する困難ですが、日本文化がそ 一端を担っていると考える不自然でないでしょう。チャネルアナリティクスを確認し てみると、私コンテンツにアジア、特に日本から関心が寄せられていることがわかりま す。こチャンネル目的、できるだけ多く人にメッセージを届け、役に立ててもらうことな で、動画を日本語字幕付きで提供することにしました。コンテンツ、特に「強迫性パーソナ リティ障害」をテーマにしています。強迫性パーソナリティ障害、日本でも多く見られる強迫 性障害と別疾患です。強迫性パーソナリティ障害、略して OCPD と呼れており、また 文献上で強迫性パーソナリティ障害 (Anankastic personality disorder (APD)) とも呼れて います。OCPD 、白か黒か思考と完璧主義的な特徴を持つ障害です。実際特徴、 るかに複雑ですが、それを説明するために動画を用意しました。内容がお役に立てれ、ある い少なくとも情報として参考にしていただけれ幸いです。ご覧いただきありがとうございま した。また、以下にお気軽にコメントをお寄せください。
用語説明
強迫性パーソナリティ障害
強迫性
完璧
完璧主義者
完璧な
完璧主義
メンタルヘルス
うつ病
不安
#mentalhealth
#ocpd
#perfectionism
#depression
#anxiety
#obsessivecompulsivepersonalitydisorder
#ocd
I have been married for 25 years and have dealt so destroyed. My husband was recently diag with OCPD. I have lived years with rudeness, anger, put downs, and and being given the silent treatment/shut out. I feel so ashamed that I didn’t see this sooner so I could protect my children from the pain they have felt dealing with their father. Thank you for your posts. I am working on wrapping my head around all the years he made me feel everything was my fault.
Stephane Wilkerson I am so very sorry to hear about all of what you went through. And I'm glad that you realize that it wasn't your fault. I wish I could do more, but if you have any specific questions please feel free to ask them.
I am also living with my husband and hes also diagnosed with Ocpd .. its extremely hard for me and my kids. Its been 16 years now..
I have discovered that my manager of 5 years has OCPD/narcissism. Finally learning to understand the symptoms has allowed me to start healing my own trauma of working with someone who is so deeply psychologically and emotionally abusive. He is 62 years old and I truly hope he takes an early retirement. I had worked there for 15 years before he came along and he single-handedly reduced my career from veteran expert to entry level micromanaged tasks. It is so boring and slow and it's like you aren't allowed to participate in your OWN LIFE or it will upset him and he will intentionally make things even worse.
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I lived 23 years with an OCPD spouse who put me and our children through years of emotional abuse. At the time of separation, I never felt such peace with him out of my life. It took years for my kids to rid themselves of the emotional abuse they went through.
I have lived with, and adapted to life with an ocpd spouse for 27 years. It has been an emotional and mental meat grinder. My wife does not accept the fact and is extremely hostile about the subject. She refuses medication or therapy, it’s a war I cannot win. It’s comes down to love, understanding the situation, and find compromise when possible. It is a hard life, it’s been very expensive as well, I do not recommend it.
Saved Bygrace I'm so sorry to hear all of that. That is more than anyone should have to bear. Of course my initial response to situations like these are to offer suggestions to try and get the loved one into therapy. It doesn't sound like that is an option for you currently. So what I would strongly suggest is that you seek out some mental health counseling for yourself. You definitely deserve it and it will give you some much needed perspective. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Here too. Almost 15 years and it's not anything I could have envisioned my marriage being. It's extremely emotional and difficult to have a spouse with this. He's in denial and has been approached by many people in his life about it. Hang in there Max, you aren't alone.
Never was there a better decision than divorcing my COPD spouse of 23 years who never accepted that he had the problem. It was hell on earth living with him.
I am getting out. They are happy as they are, and most don't care to change. Life is too short to wait for them to do nything.
So, we have to endure constant pressure, impossible standards, miserliness and lack of intimacy yadda yadda - and we are the ones that are supposed to continue the lions share of patience and tolerance? I’m sorry - After 36 years, I’m spent.
@pamelaparker564 at no point in the video do I suggest that this is the only way forward. And I would think that for many people watching, it might already not be an option. However, if someone chooses to stay with their partner DESPITE all what they are being put through, then, and only then, will they have to continue to exercise patience and compassion. I couldn't imagine doing that indefinitely, so I'm only suggesting this if the other person is actively working on themselves. You need to define your own line in the sand and then stick to your convictions.
My mom is like this and my psychologist has been trying to convince me that my only option would be to move out one day. She says that my mom won't ever change.
It's not worth it. She's my mom so I have to tolerate it.
You also don't know what we do for you because you probably don't notice it or take it for granted. I'm sorry your relationship became so imbalanced, but it sounds like you were never going to understand...
My partner told me I want everything to be perfect and that ill never be happy because nothing will ever be perfect in this world. I don't want perfection I just want things to make sense and have purpose and move smoothly but for some reason that becomes me making things harder. Thank you for making this.
RedRock Asrama I understand all too well the struggle to try and make sense of life and and find purpose. It's so cliche to say that the living is in the journey. But if we spend all of our time chasing unattainable goals, we will never enjoy anything.
Omg yes thank you so much ! I have cried when you described being in a relationship with someone with OCPD as walking a field of mines. Yes,it can definitely feel like it. Amazing video, I will save it for late and come back when faced with a challenging situation. Thank you so much
Pamela Ewa you're welcome and thank you for watching the video. If you have any questions, please feel free to leave them here.
Same, everyone says "eggshells" but I always say "landmines" because it's truly so much worse than that
My husbands name is Darrell, too! Lol. My therapist taught me about a year ago that when my husband starts up about something I know isn’t an issue to just walk away and leave him with his words. Just taking that one step has helped our marriage so much. We don’t have to fight about something stupid and I can stay calm for when he eventually wants to talk like a normal person haha
OCPD isn’t toxic if there are proper boundaries that are enforced. Thank you for making this video. It helps us to understand the perspective since most with it probably don’t like sharing this kind of stuff. Lol
Dee Jay there's nothing I like hearing more than success stories and techniques that couples have found that work well for them. It's also nice of you to share your experience in the comments as that can offer others in similar situations some hope. Not all methods work for all people, but I'm confident that there are more people that would benefit from the advice your therapist imparted to you.
Funny that I have the same name as your husband and the same profession as your name. :) Thanks for watching!
My therapist literally just told me the same thing! What if “an episode” lasts more than a few hours. How do you handle that?
I just ended a relationship with someone who has OCPD. She got upset over every little thing and she would take note of everything she disliked about me and when there's any type of conflict, she brings up her list. It's hurtful, it's frustrating, it's sad. I was ready to spend my life with her and not even 1 week of living together, the relationship came to an explosive end over dog hair and a smudge on the coffee maker. I'm not kidding. She needs serious help because she is a 35 year old woman living with her mother because her mother is the only person that can tolerate her. She has no relationship with any of her other family members and her friends have all stopped talking to her and in extreme instances they have moved away, to other states. Not just 1 friend, maybe 5-6. The incredibly frustrating thing is she thinks it's everyone else's fault, she won't even acknowledge her own part in those broken relationships. She thinks she has been perfect and it's everyone else that has wronged her. I'm in extreme pain right now, I lost my mother less than a month ago and now the woman I considered spending the rest of my life with is also gone. I know I'll be OK but it just hurts right now. Does anyone have success stories? What did you do or how are you dealing with the problem?
Grab 'em by the p***y. You can do anything. I'm so sorry to hear all you're going through right now. I can't imagine how challenging all of this must be.
Just to let you know, I myself am a success story. My girlfriend and I have been together six years now. There isn't one key to all of this, but I can easily say that therapy is the number one key. For many people with OCPD, they need to hit some sort of rock bottom before considering taking that step. And everyone's rock bottom looks different.
It sounds as though your ex's life is very isolating. It may get to the point where they want help and want to have improved relationships with the people in their life. It doesn't sound like that time is yet. Again, I'm sorry that this is happening.
@@OCPD_support Thanks for reply. I don't think I would want to get back with her but I still care about her and want to help her, do you have suggestions on how?
@@Trump_20-24_YEARS_in_PRISON I think that if you want to support her, that is a very nice thing to try and do. You can be kind, empathetic, a good listener, supportive, understanding and patient. However, you should only be doing these things when involved in healthy conversation. Protecting your sanity and mental health should be priority number one. So if she allows you to feel comfortable with how you're communicating...great. If not, you should be prepared to walk away from any discussion.
Sorry you're going through this, I'm going through something similar with my long term bf who has OCPD. He keeps a mental "list" of wrongs too and brings them up whenever there's a conflict. That's not what bothers me as much as just knowing that he's keeping that "list" in the back of his mind at all times and not letting it go and moving on. I don't know if a relationship can survive that. It feels like he's analyzing me with it, like keeping track trying to make sure I'm a safe choice to commit to. And needless to say that feels awful. I'm amazed we've made it this far. His rigidity and belief that his thoughts are the "right" ones and his need to control things to prevent mistakes being made is hard to live with to say the least.
@@jflsdknf I strongly believe that a person with OCPD can make the changes needed to sustain a healthy relationship. It's very unlikely, however, that they would make these changes without professional help. And unless they are willing to put forth that effort, it's very unlikely that the relationship will be healthy and prosperous (like a good relationship should be).
My husband has ocpd….and the stress and anger and flat out rudeness to me and others is almost unbearable….im a highly sensitive person and my physical and mental health are in jeopardy from living around this negatively all the time…I unfortunately have no place to go and im 60 and a housewife….i also have no family t help me…..i love my husband and he has many good qualities and he now knows he has this problem …im praying I can physically hold up ….im not overreacting either!
Kelly Evans I'm positive you're not overreacting. You sound very reasonable. If you are unable to convince your husband to enter therapy, the best thing you can do to start is to enter into therapy for yourself. A therapist can be an excellent way to gain some much needed perspective. I understand that you feel trapped. And I understand that at the same time you love your husband. But we need to look after our own mental health first, otherwise we aren't in a position to help others.
Hi. I know how hard it is to live with someone with OCPD. But at some point, we need to love ourselves and take care of our mental, emotional health, coz if we don' t , we may actually lose our health due to the stress accumulated from living with an OCPD partner. Prolonged stress is a cause of numerous diseases cancer being n01 on the list. I am sure you love your husband but is it worth for you losing your health or even life.
Maybe it's time for you to start looking for other means you can provide for yourself and don't have to depend on this person that is sucking life out of you! You came into this life alone and no one should have that much power over your life, your destiny is in your hand and your Creator. I know it can be scary to start something new but 60 is very young and you have a lot of years of happy life , joy and happiness ahead if you do something about your situation today. So , start looking at options you may have to survive physically and mentally outside of this relationship. Sorry if my suggestion come across as harsh but sometimes the truth is very hard to contemplate and embrace. Wishing you the best.
@@janicenikita3690 hello, I appreciate your comment….and you are right. You are not being harsh at all….ive been thinking the same thing for a few months now🤔😕
@@OCPD_support thank you ….
For me, the patience and gentleness toward the person with OCPD is a technique called Grey Rocking. It's where you play benignly dumb, boring, distant, and quiet in order to reduce the opportunities for the person with OCPD to attack you. The trick is to make sure you feel healthy and as happy as you can on the inside, while trying to be invisible to them on the outside until you can cut them out of your life. I'm sure there are milder forms of OCPD where the person seeks therapy and may have some slight empathy for other people, but there is only so much a victim of OCPD abuse can tolerate and be healthy. The person with OCPD has to take it seriously enough to attend therapy and try to unravel the abusive parts of their actions. The challenge is that the disorder centers strongly around a false reality that they themselves are perfect and entitled to controlling others against that person's will.
JMFS I mostly agree with your comment. Whether you love someone or not, you must love yourself the most. And if you are in a situation where you are sustaining emotional damage, then it is in your best interest to remove yourself from that situation. Some people are able to cope and to stick around to help their loved one. But it is not your responsibility to "fix" them. And so if the best thing for you to do is to leave, then that is probably what you should do. There is no point helping someone if in turn you destroy yourself.
I was so glad to see you post another video! I appreciate the information, suggestions, and advice here...and yes! If you truly love someone with OCPD, the hard work is worth it. I mean, you talk so much about the importance of communication, and working together through tough times does bring people closer together. Brings about a special understanding. All relationships, whether or not there this some kind of mental health diagnosis involved, are difficult.
I really like that you rarely use the psychological "buzz words" (like "trigger). The other word you did not use (at least I don't think you did), but that you alluded to throughout the video (at least for me), is "boundaries." The one who loves someone with OCPD really has to be cognizant of boundaries. Staying firm, but being gentle and empathetic, is the best advice - and this means knowing your limits, realizing that your own emotions may be strongly affected by the loved one with OCPD, and communicating when your own boundaries are being pushed to the limit. I think communicating this to your loved one with OCPD shares with them that you also struggle with your own demons and that there is real hope in working together so that neither person feels attacked. I don't know if I am explaining this well. Your videos remain hopeful and encouraging. I appreciate them so much. I wish you great success on your other endeavors, you are a very busy guy, so thankful you continue to share your perspectives and knowledge here!
Larissa Elf nice to hear from you again in the comments. Your remarks are exactly the type of comment I was hoping for. It is my wish that this video gets many views over time and I want the comments section of this video to be a continuation of the material in the video. So thank you for giving your perspective. I think others will find it helpful. I hope you've been well.
Just found your channel. What a great resource you are. Thank you for your detail and work. My husband and I are going through a really hard time but there is still hope. I have known about it for a while that he has OCPD and it is great to have more puzzle pieces come together. I feel pretty hurt a lot of the time but he behavior is usually applauded in his professional setting as a firefighter and second job as a personal trainer. I love in the gentle and patient phase to approaching this. Thank you for that insight.
Laura Cragun thank you so much for your positive feedback. I can empathize with the amount of patience and effort you must have to put in. You must be a very strong person. If you ever have any questions, please feel free to ask.
I've always known I'm very particular about everything- though I'm definitely more emotionally regulated than most. Hubby has ADHD and forgets a LOT...lived together almost 2 years but it was tearing us apart despite trying to compromise. So we live separately now and it's working better that way. ❤
@@MimiMkenya I’m so happy you found a solution. It might not be a conventional solution, but it only matters that it works for you. So many people just give up on those that they love.
This video is amazing, just recently decided I need to put more effort into trying to change for the loved one in my life since I have OCPD. Hopefully they don't give up on me just yet and I can send this to them to try and better our relationship. Thank you.
Ana K thank you so much for the nice comment. I'm sending you well wishes and I hope that you are able to stay in a relationship with your loved one.
I'm in the same situation. I keep telling my loved ones that they'll eventually get tired of and resent me because it's one of my biggest fears. They get tired of me saying that because they don't feel it's true. I am trying to believe it, but my fear eats me up. But I really want to change because I'm tired of feeling like my decisions are hurting them. 😞
i needed this video, i have been living with ocpd my whole life, some of my earliest memories are clear signs of it, and i’ve been living diagnosed since the start of 2019. When i was first diagnosed i didn’t even know what ocpd was or that it even existed, all i knew was that my psychiatrist had described it as debilitating and my mum couldn’t cope with behaviour and compulsions anymore. Only in 2020 did i really start to look into what it meant to have ocpd, and everything started to make more sense to me and my family. Most of behaviour now had an explanation, my rigidity with my political opinions, hygiene standards, and standards of work. My family has struggled to understand me so much that my mum and older sister have actually told me that, they don’t understand why i’m so insistent on things being done my way and to my standards. I live out of home with my sister (we are both in our 20’s) and her hygiene standards are quite as high as mine, and will sometimes get annoyed with me about how clean a glass is before it goes into a dishwasher, in those instances i have to remind her that although i don’t like these standards i will have a full panic attack if i don’t meet them, and spend however long it takes to clean the dishes to my standards. I’m constantly trying to find new articles and videos to help them understand me and the way my ocpd affects the way my brain works. This video was very helpful.
kira whyte I'm glad that you found the video helpful. I have an interview with another UA-camr with OCPD coming out in two weeks and that might be a good video for you as well. Much of what you describe in your video is very familiar to me. You don't mention whether or not you are actively trying to get help for OCPD, but although it's not "curable", it is something that you can overcome and go on to live a happy and peaceful life. I'd encourage you to keep digging and investigating and looking for answers. Thanks for the comment and for watching the video.
@@OCPD_support I am seeing a psychologist and soon a psychiatrist and have been regularly seeing mental health professionals since 2016, including working on my ocpd since my diagnosis. I have a lot of different ways to cope and manage my compulsions when they become extremely debilitating.
Hi, I am glad I found you. This is perhaps the only space that understands me well. I have an ocd for 8 years now. A troubled childhood couod be the reason. My ocd led to depression. Recently a d thankfully I have recognized my problem as a disorder and I am trying to change though it is really hard to do so. I hope one day i will be out of it. I wish good health to you and people watching your channel. God bless you!
anushri s thank you so much for your heartfelt comment. There's something soothing about giving in to an OCPD ritual and there's something very uncomfortable going against it. And it is very likely that corresponds to something lacking in childhood. However, with some determination and a qualified mental health professional, you can get out of it enough to have a much higher quality of life. I wish you the best.
@@OCPD_support Thanks a lot 🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️
Thanks so much for the video, as always, great work!
Gerg Skoorb thanks for continuing watching. Hopefully I'll have another out soon. Hope you're well.
They should make an app for people with OCPD to date each other because it would be soooooooo much easier to live with someone who is just as stubborn about cleanliness and everything having a home as I am. Then we could work together and get our cleaning tasks done faster and we could both trust that the task will be accomplished well because we are both maladaptively perfectionist. I know it's probably just the illness talking, but it would be so wonderful to be with someone who is just as bad as I am.
boricua93chick you're definitely not the first person to feel like that. It seems as though that would just fix everything. And there's a slim chance it would. But the variance in levels and manifestations of OCPD are great. You could end up with an OCPD hoarder. Or both disagree on the best way to clean. And neither one of you would be willing to budge. I don't mean to be the bringer of bad news. It's just that there are ways to be in a relationship and happy with OCPD, and I don't think that's the ideal solution. Work on yourself, practice mindfulness, if possible, attend therapy and usually while you're focused on bettering yourself, someone will take notice. Hopefully that someone is patient and kind and understanding. There truly is someone out there for everyone. That I believe with my whole heart. But it's usually when you're not looking that you find them.
As an OCPD person, being an OCPD person is like a wake up call. It's like looking at yourself in the mirror (at least that was my experience) and finally deciding to make a change in myself.
I could go on and on but let's just say at first it was great to have someone who was clean, tidy, organized, moral and honest. Wonderful values and we were "perfect" in that way. The problem was when we found imperfections in each other and became the subject of each other's ire. We'd give each other the silent treatment. Neither refusing to relent. Both stubborn and inflexible. It was difficult to bridge the gap when there were issues. We got defensive all the time. I felt like I was being surveiled. I'd put something in the correct place (where she'd want it) and the next day it would be moved somewhere else because she changed her mind. I got the feeling that she was looking for flaws all the time. And she was extremely proficient in finding them. And it's not just her by the way. The more I learned about this the more I understood how inflexible, stubborn and insufferably right I had to be all the time.
Let's just say the experience was not as pleasant as one might think. But I wish the best to all who love an OCPD. Being on both sides of it, it certainly isn't a cakewalk.
Just as bad as you! Haha! Well it sounds like you have a sense of humor…..!
Probably not....you would probably kill each other. I don't think it works quite like that. 😁
Great video Darryl! I like how this video has a more optimistic tone too.
Mark Stahl I think it's time to take it in a more positive direction in general. Glad you liked it!
Maybe if that person was willing to change, to get professional help, to do the WORK of deep self reflection, certainly. Esp. if the person is willing to listen to how their behavior is affecting the other person.
In my case, my ocpd ex told me in these exact words "this is who I am, so maybe you should either accept it or make a choice."
He only was finally "willing to see a therapist" after I told him I wanted a divorce. And of course, that was half hearted and didn't last. But he did come out of it with an ocpd diagnosis which helped me understand things greatly. If he had gone before I had reached a breaking point I could have had that knowledge and made different choices for myself within the relationship. But hindsight is always 20/20.
It's sad. I grieved the fact that he chose his disorder over me.
Julie Kale I'm so sorry and sad to hear that. It sounds like you gave your partner many chances and did everything you could while you were in the relationship. As someone that has OCPD, and has been through a divorce, I know both sides of this. You would think that the threat of divorce would be enough, but the desire to change has to come from deep within and if you can't recognize the problem you can't start to take the necessary steps to come out of it. I wish you all the best.
@@OCPD_support I agree but I think people have a fear of change that is sometimes paralyzing.
My observations is that people who suffer from personality disorders are deeply unhappy. But I guess that familiarity is safer than the unknown of change.
I’m glad you have come out the other side so to speak. I just found your channel and I really do appreciate your pov.
We all deserve to live our best happy authentic lives. Again I think what keeps people from that is just fear.
@@juliekale2487 that is absolutely true as well. With OCPD specifically, there can be a fear of finding out who you really are if you feel as though the OCPD is your entire personality. It is possible to come out the other side with a lot of yourself intact. But most people don't believe that when they first hear about OCPD.
I suspect that my on-again off-again (currently off) partner has OCPD and even brought this to his attention. His response was much the same, e.g. "this is who I am and I'm ok with it". I've said multiple times that even if he doesn't regularly go to therapy, just having a diagnosis would be helpful for both of us. Instead he's happy with the status quo and expects me to bend over backwards to accommodate the myriad of requirements he has that feel unfair and controlling. The man is 45 and has never had a long term romantic relationship. I think what I'm feeling now is also grief that I'm not enough to make him want to change anything.
@@2stayweird Yeah you know it's weird. You'd think that you could say to someone who claimed to love you, "Hey, you're hurting me!" (Over and over and over again), and that they - not wanting you to HURT - would say, "Oh, I love this person. I don't want to hurt this person. Maybe it's time for some serious self examination."
But no, it's like their idea of "love" is stomp all over your feelings and your boundaries and then act like you're the problem because you ask them to stop doing it.
I mean, the guy is basically telling you that he's fine as he is and if you're bothered by that well too bad. I'd thank him for his honesty. And then I'd make the best choice for ME moving forward. Because this isn't about you. You're helpless to affect him or you would have done it by now. He's got a problem and as long as you're willing to accommodate his illness there's really no reason for him to change.
If I could go back in time I would have done one thing differently. That is, I would have just said NO. Just NO, without argument, drama or justification, and then I would have just let him learn to deal with his feelings like an adult. I would have stopped trying so hard to please him, because honestly, he's like a big bucket with a hole in the bottom. It can never be filled. Nothing I said or did was ever good enough for him. But at the time I thought that trying to please the person you loved was what it was about. He never returned the favor. Never thought at all about how his words and behaviors and what made him feel good "in the moment" affected me.
He says he's "Changed". But that is a lie. If given the choice, he will choose his ocpd over me every time. No matter how much it might hurt me, the ocpd reaction/coping mechanism makes him feel in control in the moment, and that's more important to him than my feelings ever have been or ever will be.
I can't tell you what to do. But please, make the choice that's best for you. You deserve to be happy and loved.
Your channel has been very informative and its very insightful coming from someone with OCPD themselves. My father has OCPD and my mothers got NPD, and life has been absolute hell with them (I'm amazed I haven't got a personality disorder, but still have plenty other trauma based ones) and I've recently cut contact with my mother and getting very close to doing it with my father as well (they're both are somehow still together). And while he is in denial, and will probably forever be in denial. I will try implementing these tips subtly before making the decision to cut him out too. Thanks for your advice.
@alexwilliams9016 thank you so much for sharing what you're going through. I'm sorry that you've had such a difficult road with your parents. I hope that you're able to make some headway, but I'm happy to hear that if you are unable to, you will put your own mental health first.
This is wonderful! I'm one minute in and I can tell...I explain everything to everyone, too...I'm a writer...you can see where I'm going with this. Thank you for taking so much time to put it in detail. 🤯❤️🌹🙏💯
Jenn you are very welcome. Your kind feedback is very much appreciated.
@@OCPD_support I'm impressed that I managed to thank you in so few words...I Meander. I'm known for it. It's hilarious. 🤣
@@jenn6194 I tend to do the same. The only reason you didn't receive a longer response is that I had quite a few comments I was backed up on. 🤣
This is very accurate. Great advice, thank you.
Sam thank you so much for the positive feedback.
I am pretty tenacious research and your video is the most informative resource I have yet to find. You should do a TED Talk. Have you made any videos since this one?
Alan Stillman I've made a couple that were suppressed because they dealt with mental illness in relation to the virus situation. However, I've written a new episode and I'm hoping to film it this week. It's a normal episode, so it should do better than the last few.
I'd love to give a small talk anywhere, never mind a TED Talk. But I don't know how to enter the world of talks.
Thank you, I will share this with my adult son's. Who have to navigate me, and for those who think we don't know love, yes we do, I love my children more than anything on this amazing Earth, they are imperfectly perfect to me. And as a geologist I know the beauty in imperfection.
Simi Katra and I bet that they know that you are fully capable of love and that you love them more than anything on this amazing earth.
Hi Darryl... Never think that what you are doing here is not worthwhile! Somehow, by sheer chance or some kind of guidance from the "universe" I discovered your channel and videos at just the right time.
I had no idea that OCPD even existed, much less that I had a form of it! So now begins the work to get rid of it. This will have a huge impact on my life...
My only suggestion would be that you do a video explaining step by step what you have done that got you to the point of finding and keeping a new girlfriend and making it work? What habitual behavioral problems remain to be solved? And how will you accomplish that?
Brian Marshall thank you so much for all of the kind words and for watching my videos. As I've said to many people, accepting that you have OCPD is one of the biggest hurdles and once you've accepted the diagnosis, the option of therapy becomes attainable.
I'd be happy to cover the topics you suggested in a further video. I've launched a new company and have unfortunately not been able to give the channel the attention it deserves. But as I've always stated, the channel isn't going anywhere and when I can produce more content I will.
@@OCPD_support You very much deserve thanks! No hurry. There is no way that you can survive by doing what you do here.
Always seems to be the case when anyone is doing something really worthwhile. Life is what it is - and before you can do much of anything - you have to eat first!
I wish you luck on your new ventures (selfishly?) because that will eventually allow you more time to spend on the help that you offer here...
Hi Darryl,
thanks for your latest video. Of course you can find happiness while living with someone with OCPD !!
A person is so much more than his/her OCPD label. And every person on earth has 'something' and 'perfectionism' is just a word. It doesn't exist in real life.
Don Q Perfectionism IS just a word and a frustrating one as well at times. I think we can be very lovable, but it can require a lot of patience on the part of our partner. It really just depends on where we are on our journey with OCPD.
Wow now I understand them thanks a lot
Venus Al Norry you're very welcome. I'm always happy to hear when one of my videos is helpful.
My brother has OCPD, i needed this
valeri91xx I hope it helps.
I do miss your voice and knowledge. Good for starting your next gig.
Mary Hall I miss uploading as well. Thanks for the encouragement. There will be more videos to come.
Hi Daryl, Thank you for your bravery and hard work. Have you looked into psychedelic assisted psychotherapies for personality disorders?
Brandys Evans you're welcome and thank you for watching my videos. I think what you are asking is a fascinating topic. The idea of psychedelic therapies for my personal self makes me nervous. I have no experience with them. But I do believe that there is a strong possibility that they could offer great help to a lot of people. I would be interested in trying these types of therapies, but I would need to find someone I felt I could really trust. Once I launch The International OCPD Foundation, I will definitely be seeking out experts in this field to contribute articles, interviews, or videos to the foundation and I look forward to exploring this more. What is your experience with these types of psychotherapies?
Damn y’all are so mean in the comments and can definitely tell are jaded as well. It’s harmful and hurtful to label people with OCPD as Evil, mean and downright “unfixable”. I appreciate your responses to the comments @ocpdfoundation. I some people are hurt, but I suppose the hurt people hurt people saying is true. I’m here to say there is light at the end of the tunnel and everybody that has OCPD doesn’t have the same symptoms. Everybody isn’t mean.
@anasanchezism thank you so much for your caring and supportive comment. I can fully understand that some of the people commenting are in a lot of pain and have had terrible experiences. Because of that I am more than happy for them to share their feelings and experiences in my comment section. But if a person crosses the line into what I view as unwarranted attacks on people with OCPD, of course I'm going to speak up and defend my community. I appreciate you doing the same thing!
i am fairly certain my gf has some form of ocpd. i have tried talking to her about it because she knows she has ocd traits. she talks about them openly. so the last time she brought up ocd, i asked her if she has ever heard of ocpd. she said no, so i brought up a video that described it. although the video was generally describing a lot of her traits, she would pick out one or two things that she does slightly different and say "nope, see i wouldnt do that, i would do x y z"... basically, it felt like traits of her ocpd were picking apart small details to defend against being labelled. i didn't push any harder because that's not my place to diagnose. i just wanted her opinion on it. i left it at that. she knows she is extremely structured and organized to the point of it causing her discomfort. and its to the point that i feel like i am walking around on egg shells. the worst part is how we handle arguments. its almost like a rapid fire of verbal assaults that dont stop. one after the other after the other. it runs me down. and when i give up and stop fighting back, she gets even more mad. calls me a liar, asshole, coward, etc etc.. its absolutely horrible. i have never experienced anything like it in my 29 years. i know people fight in relationships. but this feels way beyond normal. its like once she is upset, it truly does not feel like there is anyway to deescalate the situation. this is what has me worried most about our relationship. i do not think its good for my mental health to be going through that or experiencing it. BUT that being said. i do believe she is a good person. i do believe she is a very vulnerable person underneath. which is why i am fairly certain she could be diagnosed with ocpd. if it was something she could recognize and want to change for herself, it would be so helpful. but i dont think she is willing to accept that about herself.
PoppySeed84 I'll start by saying that you don't explicitly ask any questions in your comment. So I'm acknowledging that whatever I say is unsolicited. I think that there are a few things about your situation that are true and are important to know. The first is that if she does indeed have OCPD and acknowledges it, wants to change, and seeks out help, she can 100% improve her life, thereby improving your relationship with her and your own life.
The second is that if she does choose to do the former, the process is very long and you should be prepared for that. There are no shortcuts or quick fixes.
The last, is that you yourself would benefit from therapy. Everyone can benefit from some form of therapy. But being in an abusive relationship (and what you describe is abusive behavior) is a very good reason to find a mental health professional to talk to. One of the most important things they can do is to give you some perspective. Also, by you going to therapy, you're helping to destigmatize the idea of therapy to your girlfriend. If you go, she might not see going herself as quite such a big deal. It's just nice to have an hour long conversation with someone that won't judge and has no skin in the game once or twice per week.
I have a few videos on how to slowly introduce the idea of OCPD to a loved one. It might help to watch those videos. Thanks for sharing your story and for stopping by the channel. I wish you the best and feel free to ask questions.
@@OCPD_support thank you for your response and your videos. i guess i really need to figure out for myself if this is a process i am willing to go through. it is really difficult as i have lived my life very differently from her and we actually just recently moved in together. moving in together has magnified everything that i kind of noticed before but didnt think think were deal breakers. now im in a place where we are arguing a lot and dealing with a lot of mental anguish. i think you're right, therapy for myself would be good. when we fight, i usually get pushed to the point of feeling like theres no hope. she senses that and it makes it worse. usually the next day, we make up but it usually feels like nothing is resolved and we're just waiting for the next blow up. this is an exhausting pattern. her last relationship was very very toxic also. the guy was very controlling and destroyed any confidence she had in herself which is really sad. she says things like "why am i so hard to love, i dont understand" and its heart breaking. i dont think anyone should have to feel like that. but at the same time, she fails to recognize how difficult her behavior is for other people. her boss at work has told her that she needs to tone down her emails because coworkers are complaining about passive aggressiveness. i know she doesnt mean to come off like that, but her standards are very high compared to other people. i will watch your other videos and look into therapy for myself for now. thanks again for your input.
@@PoppySeed84 How did things work out? OCPD can have an overlap of narcissistic traits and thats what your comment suggested as a possibility to me. Please don't confuse traits with being an actual narcissist, we all have a degree of narcissistic traits but there's a definite link between those an what you've described.
I think this disorder is a really tough one. I say from experience, as someone who lives with someone with OCPD. It's treatment is paradigmatic: only through love and understanding can it be attempted to be treated; but in my case and I guess in many cases as well, it is hatred and anger the ones that rule these relationships between the ones that have the disorder and the ones around who suffer it.
I wish I had known years ago that this existed, because all its symptoms when manifested are mistakenly taken as their own personality and humour. So it inevitably degrades into a spiral of misunderstanding and separation. It is a tough, unhealthy, frustrating and grueling experience, and I don't have the will to make more attempts of dialogue.
I actually am pretty open about mental disorders, and I love the process of seeing through any disability and finding the person on the other side, with their dreams, hopes and perspectives over the world.
But since I had recognized these symptoms as behaviour until a few months ago, I am no longer capable of seeing it rationally as a mental disorder.
I think you're doing a fantastic job spreading awareness and even different approaches to treat this disorder. I hope that your work and people just like you shed light on OCPD so people can treat it before it's too late.
RayRob thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. It sounds like you've really gone through a lot with a partner that is potentially suffering from OCPD. We with OCPD can try to empathize with what it can be like to live with someone with OCPD, but only once we are on the other side of it. I'm sorry for all you've gone through.
I will continue to work at raising awareness, in the hopes that we can improve the quality of the lives of people impacted by the disorder. I have some new content coming soon and a big expansion to the website in the works.
@@OCPD_support Thank you, I appreciate it.
What I mean is that it is extremely hard for me to empathize with this person, but if I found another person with this disorder I'm starting to have a different perspective, because of my experience and also videos like yours, so thank YOU!
@@brokenspielt that makes sense. There are so many different ways OCPD can present itself. And at its worst, it can be incredibly damaging to both parties. I'm glad that you are finding other perspectives.
Married for years and now I can honestly I can say I wish my spouse would have been diagnosed earlier was miss diagnosed and it never made sense to me if my spouse would have been diagnosed correctly earlier so many fights could have been avoided me almost leaving x amount of times. My spouse have been diagnosed with ocpd for about 8months and I had no clue what it meant so I started to ask questions and fact and it all made sense. We are now happier then we been in years the struggle bus is real but it have giving me tools to work it out differently
bara moln I'm so sorry to hear this. But it sounds like the worst may be behind you now. If they continue to work hard and remain in treatment, hopefully in the not too distant future you can be happy together and these hard times can become a distant memory. Time lost is time lost, but by dwelling on it we only ensure that we lose even more time in the present.
@@OCPD_support thank you. Here is the thing I'm okay with him having ocpd since it's easier to know then when you for over 17 years have wondered why nothing made sense. We are working on getting him help just takes time it took him months to even begin being able to say that's what he have even to me I could not even bring it up before he got mad and told me to stop. So we have just reached the part of time to talk to someone. It slow but steady forward and both him and I are okay with the pase
@@ItsAMbutyoutubechangedmyname well sticking by him through all of this is incredibly kind, admirable, and patient. I hope all of that is rewarded in time by having a wonderful spouse to spend the rest of your life with.
As someone who was raised by Dad with OCPD and a Mom with the patience of an angel. My advice would be eliminate all expectations and need to be approved of by the person with OCPD. Lots of boundaries on what they need to know about or have access to that is not theirs. Find someone else that likes you.
Richard Larson it's never advised to generalize, especially when painting people with a negative portrayal. I understand where you are coming from, but it is very possible for those with OCPD to receive the help they need and to be involved in deep and meaningful relationships.
@@OCPD_support I suppose it is reasonable to assume that I don’t know other people’s circumstances.
@@accreditedbythenicemaninth6495 I understand that frustration can lead us to view things through a certain lens. But sometimes we can benefit from taking a step back.
As a highly sensitive person with OCPD who is really empathetic to a fault, I find a lot of broad assumptions really hurtful. I'm aware of my disorder, I feel like a horrible person when I feel a certain "drive" that wants to get out of control or "carried away" with something. Sometimes in this video, it hurts a little to be talked about in some of these ways when I'm suffering, I'm not having fun, and I didn't choose this. I feel like this video is teaching people how to "handle" me. I don't think anyone wants to feel "handled". Just supported. The way OCPD is talked about in extreme has me running from reading more or learning more about this. I know this video isn't for "us", but I wish health providers would talk as if we were in the room. Parts of this really hurt to watch.
@knittingnickel unfortunately for every person that recognizes the damage that they do to others, there are ten that don't. Not every video is intended for every person with OCPD. I understand wanting to feel "supported" and not "handled". But it's the rare person that can offer someone with OCPD unlimited support without burning themselves out. I'm not suggesting that "handling" is the goal, but that support for the other person needs to be combined with some self-preservation. None of this is easy and straightforward. If you hear a solution or suggestion that doesn't work for you, it's fine to ignore it.
Spouse has OCPD and feeling called out is intensely painful. I think once diagnosed and working on themselves it's very important to remember that we on the receiving end have probably stifled a lot of resentment for being subjected to treatment that feels really unfair and hurtful, especially with the stumbling blocks around splitting abd rigidity. When you feel demonized, I ask to to remember that demonized is how others have felt because of this disorder, too. Instead of fixating on beating yourself up, I think when that sharp twinge comes, the best thing to do is acknowledge that more of this demonization is what you are working so hard on to eliminate for yourself and others. There comes a point when you have to look underneath the "blameyness" of the whole situation and see that yes, although a lot of people can speak in a way that seems insensitive to your plight and your own feelings, a lot of time it's coming from a place of very deep wounding that might need to express and you might need to feel a bit "fishslapped" by to make sure you stay focused on how this thing that you never asked for can still cause a lot of pain to everyone, and out of everyone in the room, you're the only one with the power to restrain it. I 🙏 I mean this kindly. Sometimes we all need an ego spank so we can keep tabs on our destructive patterns. Not all emotional pain is pointless, and at the same time, all of us should try to use the kindest speech we can that still upholds our own dignity and boundaries.
Neither of you know me or the severity of my symptoms or my self-awareness of them. I appreciate the responses, like I said, I reiterate... I'm very empathetic. To a fault. This isn't just my perception. I do things for people and give my time to people with no benefit to me. For them. You don't know me, so I don't appreciate being judged on a DSM rigid diagnosis. Not every OCPD person is the same. Please quit assuming that. I'm well aware of even when I'm trying my hardest, I might slip up and make someone in my life unhappy. But I learn, repair that, and move on. I'm not devoting energy to hating aspects of myself so people that don't know me, that don't know what it's like to live in my brain, can have their feelings validated.
Great video.
Another option is divorce followed by celibacy and hermitage... 😕
PJE it's nice to know we have options. 🤷🏻♂️
Thanks for the video. Do you have any resources to recommend for the families of a suspected OCPD person who can not or will not acknowledge that there is anything to work on?
In the case he is the (retired) patriarch and has engendered learned helplessness in every member of the family, so he feels justified in continuing his behavior. He is absolutely resistant to a) any type of therapy b) the idea that criticism should be balanced with affirmation, and his behavior is alienating/hurting those closest to him and c) the idea that he is not right ... about anything. I stopped JADE (justifying, agreeing, defending, explaining). I have started mirroring and validating what he says, even if we disagree, i.e., "It sounds like you're saying snacking before dinner is a terrible idea because it will ruin your appetite?" instead of "Well, the way hunger/metabolism works is... " etc. Sometimes I'll resort to, "It sounds like you're saying you're right about this one." I don't want to change him. But as you can imagine, constantly capitulating is somewhat straining on one's self-concept. I just want to be able to peacefully coexist .. and a little codependent of me, but I do truly want him to be happy. Thank you for this channel and all the gentle way you present this crucial information!
anothermalex thank you for your comment. I very much wish that I could offer you a recommendation at this time. There are one or two groups that exist strictly for those in your position, but I can't recommend you them in good conscience. If you do an internet search, you will find them. There is one on Facebook if that helps. One of the online groups is incredibly negative and I don't know the content of the Facebook group, so I don't feel comfortable suggesting them. I've reached out to them and they have never responded. I am turning OCPD.org into a full-fledged foundation and I will slowly be adding the sorts of resources that you are looking for. I wish there were more hours in the day and I could build it faster, but it is coming. However, if you have a specific question, I'm happy to try to answer it.
Hi what is the video you reference in the beginning about in the previous video "the common theme being gentle"?
A J The video I'm referencing is the video that was released immediately before this one. The title of that video is "What do I do if my partner has OCPD?". Thanks for watching.
I needed to hear this extremely bad! My boyfriend has it really bad and has decided that my teenager is their "Favorite person" and she has BPD. We have a child together but it's so bad I had to flat out leave. He obsesses to me every day. it never about me or us anymore. His insecurities are super bad too so it's so stand rabbit wholes. And I feel empty and full of anger at the same time!!
Shanna Church as someone that has only been on this side of things, it's very hard to know your exact pain. But I do know you are suffering a great deal and my heart goes out to you. It's tough, as with this disorder the person really, really needs to want to change before you can even start going down that path. But if they decide they do want help or they do want to change, it is fully possible.
Thank you so much , very good content , clear and cut .
My husband ( i think ) is OCPD, do i have to tell him what i think or it is better de keep it for me?
All the house is on my shoulders , but He still complain all tha time , without any consideration to what i do, he can complain hours about that same thing , even if it is juste 1% of all that i do , îm realy desperd ( sorry for my english ) .
Hassina Gacem don't worry about your English :) I understood you perfectly. I am sorry that you have the weight of the housework on your shoulders. It sounds like he might benefit from being in therapy. It is not a good idea to insinuate that someone has something wrong with them. But you can express your unhappiness with the current situation and that you think some outside professional help is needed. Be gentle, but be firm when you talk about the things bothering you. Let him know that the situation is not acceptable. That you love him, but that there needs to be changes. Thank you for watching.
@@OCPD_support gratitude for your answer and support . Thank you for the beautiful work you are doing . Wish you all the succès.
Hassina Gacem you are very welcome. There’s some exciting new content coming soon.
@@OCPD_support yes!!!!!
The video you referenced in the very beginning of your broadcast
@willabestorms6059 ua-cam.com/video/ugWf3fMAVvE/v-deo.html
Idk if my brother has ocpd but that what the doctor said after he went to court for injuring my dad but it’s hell living with him and even if I try I stay away from him but he keeps coming to argue and bring up non existent problems. And even though you and many over people are saying oh just guide him to the right direction or let them know this isn’t right it doesn’t work cause for the past 7 years it’s the same. He wants to be perfect cause he can’t and that’s why he’s always repulsive and even thought we try talking to him saying it will ok or something he thinks we are retarded and blames us for his mistakes. My parents telling him we need to communicate but in reality it’s all manipulation from my brother he act like oh ok we should but in the end gets my parents to do his stuff and when they can’t he goes back to yell and tries to make everything perfect. What’s hard is that you have to say yes to him cause you say no he has an episode. I just I’m just trying to control my emotions but it’s hard he’s traumatized me too much when I was younger and I’ve been depressed for way to long now
@cable4634 you are misunderstanding me my friend. The advice I give is only for those that are determined to keep a loved one in their life despite that damage that it is doing. I don't recommend this course, but sometimes love wins over self-preservation. If a person is detrimental to your own happiness and mental health, it is not serving you to keep them in your life. You may be able to help them, but it can't be at the cost of your own sanity.
Ok, so now im pretty sure now my wife has OCPD. Please let me know what you think and what I can do to get her to accept it Signs: irrationaly stingy, obsessively controlsive/jealous, obsessive compulsive about cleaning things for Coronavirus (right now she is quaranting herself because I didn't wash every single grocery item I brought home), obsessively checks my social media/browsing history, gives the silent treatment a lot, typically does things either 100% or 0%, and quite a perfectionist when it comes many things. What can I do?!?
Eric just to go along with my last response to your comment, you bring up a few additional traits here that I would in general ascribe to OCPD. Again, the jealousy may or may not be a different thing, but everything else falls in line. I would advise against bringing up OCPD directly and again I would recommend that you talk about the things that are making you unhappy and that are getting in the way of you having a deeper and more meaningful connection. Show concern for her and your relationship above everything else. Be patient and be consistent and persistent in your communication.
Could you specifically mention the exact title of the previous video? I can’t seem to find anything matching what you have suggested….
@willabestorms6059 I'd be happy to find the video for you. What is it that I specifically reference so that I can find the right video for you?
My dad is skin deep in OCPD and I’ve tried everything... my mom is driven insane and is begging for a divorce. He won’t even talk abt any kind of emotion, it’s like talking to a brick wall. If any of us express any difference of opinion, he storms off the dinner table. He only talks abt stuff like the weather and food and mundane shit. The older I get the more I can’t stand this. Please, any advice would help. I pity him so much bcuz he’s a good person.
Sirinda Chen I would love to be able to offer some help, but I would need to know what you are specifically hoping for? You say he's a good person, but you do not mention what his good qualities are. Maybe these are starting points to build off of. Please let me know what specifics I can try and help you with. I'm sorry that you are having to endure all of this.
If you are grown....move out you don’t have to put up with his shit....also don’t leave your mom behind. OCPD people can be very toxic....you will never change him
@@orlandoaguasvivas6580
Not sure if you've done it unintentionally, but commenting about a disorder being hopeless somewhere that people with said disorder will read it can be extremely damaging.
I guess since this video is aimed more towards those involved with people with OCPD, you may not have realized how disheartening these words might be to someone who is working on changing.
I'm here becaus hyperreflecting got a problem to m3 lol
Sam well thanks for being here!
No this disorder is very hard to fix.
carolyncouch4094 so are you saying that those with this disorder are not deserving of love?
@@OCPD_support These people can live alone and find love with pets or plants. It’s cruel to put your problems onto someone else. The rigidity with this disorder is hell on earth to live with. A person with OCPD took 23 years of my life. I wish I would have left after the first time he refused to go for treatment.
@@carolyncouch4094 I can empathize and that sounds tragic. However, I would be careful not to paint groups of people with such broad strokes.
@@carolyncouch4094 Like you have zero responsibility. Maybe you are way to compliant?
@@laurensa.1803 Until you have walked in my shoes and lived with a mental case, you have no clue as to what you are talking about.
Can you enable automatic subtitles for your videos?
d7oom unfortunately I can't. I am slowly paying to have someone create subtitles for all of my videos, but it is expensive. The auto-subtitles for my topics are too inaccurate, and UA-cam also penalizes the topics I talk about in my videos. I'm actually going to be moving to Rumble and possibly Twitter as well, as they seem to support free speech more and will allow me to talk about mental health in the way I need to.
I was married to a man with OCPD, it was a miserable existence. He could do no wrong, hoarded, bullied, and was compulsive about germs yet hoarded? If someone could explain this?
Clover kit Kat thanks for the question. I'd be happy to try and provide some deeper insight. What are you specifically wanting to have explained? Are you curious if these are common traits with OCPD or are you looking to gather the rationale behind some of these behaviors?
The paradox between hoarding and having a phobia of germs, I would like to understand the reasoning. I would try to explain that hoarding fosters germs, bacteria and mold but would never get him to make the correlation. Thanks
For me, It is like extracting till the last drop, I feel comfortable knowing I can use something if a need arises in the future. It is this innate need to utilize something 'perfectly'.
Also watch a video of 'Eden V' on hoarding, it is spot on.
@@cloverkitkat6917 I understand. I can't speak directly for him obviously, but I can speak to how he may have arrived at that mindset.
Germs, bacteria, contagions, etc..., they don't work in the same way for someone with OCPD. Each individual gets to decide the "truth" when it comes to all of these types of things. He could have read one article one time that said by storing things in a specific way you can avoid bacteria. That could have been enough to settle his mind and he never felt the need to challenge that conclusion ever again. It's similar to how many people think in a way. If a person has a preconceived belief that is connected to who they think they are as a person, then they are more likely to fight to keep that belief even when presented with evidence to the contrary.
I am aware that it is all very confusing. Part of what it comes down to is inflexibility. OCPD can allow you to think that it is imperative that you keep every last item in case a need for it arises in the future. OCPD can have you believe you need to avoid germs at all costs because they can make you unclean. And OCPD can have you believe that hoarding is not connected to germs, even though you and I both know that it most definitely is.
be honest, did you not upload because you were busy, or did you not upload because you gave into the feeling of "this needs more work,"
lol, jk. i'm happy 4 u, hope you find success & continue to stay happy. and keep doing the good work. :)
WHAT THE!!!! you totally busted me, haha. To be honest, there was a little bit of 'this needs more work', but mostly just life has been insanely hectic. Let's hope I can get back to uploading. Thanks for the well wishes. Hope you're doing good.
Question:
- Physical violence / domestic violence?
- Control to the extend of total narcissist dominance? (Only when feeling conflict.)
- Narcissist trades over all, like untolerence for other's healthy feelings and opinions?
- Projecting and feeling as victim? (Even if he has self awareness about he's survival mechanisms, about PD and he trust in he's partner, he's always the victim deep inside. Meanwhile the real victim is an angel for him.)
How common these things are for people whith ocpd?
I ask cause he's been diagnosed with ocpd trades and I feel like he isn't pure narcissist. He's more and more aware and willing for healthy social behavior, but still obsession for complete control, brings more and more aggression, which is strong willingness to hurt. Then comes shame and regret. Does anyone have similar experiences? Thank you❣🙏
Alisa Lund I hope others see your message and can answer with their own personal experiences. Many of the things you mention are not direct traits of people diagnosed with OCPD, and some of the others would be on the extreme end. Yes, there can be a strong element of control or feeling like there are certain parts of their life that they need to control. So to that point, yes, many will have experienced that. But for the remainder of the list, those are not traits that would signify to a trained mental health professional that the patient has OCPD.
@@OCPD_support Thank you! 💕 Hard to explain in foreign language😊.
More, if someone is interested: Typical ocpd trades are strong in him, but i feel ocpd doesn't explain agression, in this level. He's going through this realisation phase in himself and it's like now he has to be perfect in a relationship too, cause now he knows what is wrong in him. But when he thinks he's in conflict and something is not going in he's way, he lash out and blames - just like narcissist do - he's victim: "it's not me it's you" and he get's violent. He's unhinged!
It's typically situation where he knows he should be emphatic or at least neutral, but all he knows what to do, is dominate or turn himself as a victim. He starts to guilttrip me and if I politely correct him, he can, without warning, attack. He SAYS he hate's himself for it and he wants to hurt me more, so that I would leave him.
He knows what he does wrong and he hates that he can't control that dark side of him. It's like this all or nothing attitude, the more he tries to be a better (normal) person, the more he get's disappointed... and he wants to destroy everything.
Alisa Lund all I can say is that my heart goes out to you. You are in an impossible situation. I would strongly suggest that you seek out counselling as soon as possible so that someone neutral can help guide you through this tough time and to help you gain some clarity.
@@alisalund7298 My suggestion... Sit down and talk it over thoroughly. Say what needs to be said. Come up with a "signal word" that when either of you uses it - you call "time out" for at least 3 hours - during which neither of you say anything to the other. USE the word whenever you things are getting out of control and leading towards violence.
Make it very clear that this agreement is NEVER to be violated, because the consequence will be that you split up for 3 months.
If you do have to split and live apart for 3 months - hopefully, that will make it clear that this behavior is never going to be tolerated.
If this 3 month separation it fails - you DO have to split up. There is no excuse for violence...
as someone with OCPD I am not happy living with someone who doesnt have it.
Anthony Kist my girlfriend does not have OCPD, but she is very orderly, tidy and calm, and it definitely makes it easier that she's sees eye to eye on a lot of daily items.
Did I see a mention of Discord at some point?
Anthony Kist you may have. I used to belong to one. But it’s long since gone.
Telling me I'm hurting their feelings before it gets worse, telling me that the reason they're doing such and such is because they love me... Ugh these are what my arguments are missing!!
Kat May have you found a way to disagree in a more agreeable way?
@@OCPD_support not yet lol. I don't have these types of significant-other-arguments. They're just part of my future relationship goals.
@@KatM32 it's good to have goals. :)
My partner has paranoid personality disorder coupled with OCPD.We have lived together for fifteen years now. Am a senior clinician and nutritionist. Soon am enrolling for a higher diploma in clinical psychiatry. I hope to master on two areas, applied human nutrition and clinical psychology. I have experienced tough times with my partner, but l trust in the Lord.
@muganyiziwilson-tg7ym thank you so much for sharing. I'm glad that you have your faith to support you. And it sounds like you have a great plan in place for yourself.
I think I know someone who has this but I’m not a professional nor am I neurotypical either. Also, this comment section is freaking me out, but people constantly misinterpret folks with ASD and I have a micro channel on yt so I know how it is lol
Do you think someone with OCPD has the self-awareness to mask their symptoms and consistently tell lies to a friend they care about or are trying to ‘impress’?
I’m worried about them and want to tactfully bring it up but don’t want to cause them any emotional pain. I’ve caught them telling a couple of ‘white lies’ though and want to bring it up. They have told me that they appreciate a direct approach in the past (they know I have ASD), but now I’m starting to believe that they may have been masking to seek approval from me. I don’t want to cause them any harm or anything by starting a conversation bc I appreciate them a lot.
Thank you 🙏 I appreciate your videos ❤❤❤
@AutisticBarbie it's incredibly caring and kind to want to go out of your way to find a path to helping this person that you know. Thank you for being the type of person to offer that sort of support.
I'm sure you understand that your question is tricky. It's tricky because we don't know if this person has OCPD, nor do we know if they have any comorbid disorders. But if we put that aside, I can give you a straightforward answer. Yes, it is possible to disguise one's symptoms for many reasons. It's not possible to do this consistently over longer periods of time, but it can be accomplished for short bursts.
It's great that you don't want to cause them harm, but you are not responsible for another person's mental health. I find that for someone with OCPD, the truth is the best path forward. You can still be gentle, but being honest is the way to go.
@@OCPD_support ❤️ thank you. I spoke to them and it turned out OK. They are dealing with something else. Take care and be well. I love your videos and UA-cam backgrounds
Have you been able to find any cure yet?
@glanmire1 there are no cures for personality disorders. At not yet according to current research. But there are plenty of things a person can do to minimize the traits and symptoms of OCPD.
When I was six years old my stepmother left me in a doorway with a note saying not wanted......
Same Old Fit Up - BPD & Me that is something that NOBODY should have to go through! I hope that your life has turned out much better than how it started.
You spent the first half of the video promoting yourself!
dave roberts 1 ½ minutes is not ½ of 13 minutes. Also, I think I’m allowed to do whatever I want on my UA-cam channel. And in conclusion, I’m working on OCPD full time now, so that’s the only thing I’ll be discussing moving forward. Quick tip: try not to exaggerate, it mitigates your argument.
He has OCPD what did you expect....everything is about them..I know he going to reply and this is all I can say...free speech county it might be your channel but this is an open forum
@@orlandoaguasvivas6580
He didn't reply, I guess you don't know everything about people with OCPD.
Actually I just saw another comment you replied on with similar disdain towards people dealing with this disorder. Maybe you've had an extremely unpleasant experience with someone who had (or just possibly had) OCPD, but please remember that not everyone is the same, whether they share a label or not.
Also, very importantly, I think you might be getting OCPD mixed up with narcissism, which is an overused word nowadays but may apply.
I know I'm a random stranger but please, please look more into different disorders, as well as more about OCD and OCPD if this is still something that is affecting your life. In fact, having as wide a range of research as possible (without spending too many hours at a time) limits the possibility of making uninformed and unfair judgments.
.... I know your comment is from 6 months ago, but if you would like to have a conversation just let me know (and also if reading isn't your thing I'll try and keep things short).
@@ALuiza-pm2dp I appreciate your comment to this thread and reaching out to them the way you did. This channel is so incredibly helpful and its the only channel Ive found on youtube that so effectively discusses OCPD and I feel personally insulted when people make comments like the ones above that seem so flippantly critical
@@nevilu
Yeah, it's difficult to just stand by and see people treat someone like a monster because of something they have little to no control over. And ironically, OCPD is the opposite of NPD in a way -- a narcissist will usually seem wonderful to others because people don't realize how selfish they are, while on the other hand, someone with obsessive personality disorder can often be misunderstood.
I'm generalizing a bit, of course, and it might even be possible for someone to have both. This could turn into a much longer discussion though, so I'll stop here before the rabbit trails begin.
Anyways, before I make this reply too long, I just wanna remind you that you're not alone in this. Some days are worse than others, but I've found that when we think about the people around us instead of ourselves, things get a little easier -- that, and enjoying the small things in life.
Does this sound familiar about your partner:
1. There is only one way to do anything, THEIR way.
2. They can't see the forest for the trees, always getting stuck in minute details, while losing sight of the big picture.
3. They insist on following rules & regulations; if there aren't any, they will make them up.
4. There is no negotiation nor exceptions.
5. They can't see that they have a problem, they are just "right".
6. You can never be enough by their standards.
Get out before they destroy you.
Cornel Masson I can appreciate that you must have had an intense personal experience with someone diagnosed with OCPD. And I'm sure that was very difficult. But it is rarely a good idea to make broad sweeping suggestions to strangers on the internet. Everyone is different, and everyone has different capacities and capabilities.
@@OCPD_support "...broad sweeping suggestions to strangers on the internet." Cornel Masson's comment was highly accurate. They were not "broad sweeping generalizations." In fact, most of his comment was spot on description of symptoms. You don't understand the basics of this illness. Why are you uploading videos on a subject you know little about?
@@killyourtelevision999 yet you continue to watch all of my content. I suspect what I'm saying hits a little too close to home and you are just feeling the need to strike out. I don't mind being your punching bag if that's what you need. But I assure you that I am well qualified to discuss these topics and your opinion is in the minority and has no real affect on me.
Cornell, this summary was spot on. I was divorced 4 years ago from a man with severe OCPD, hoarding, controlling and rigid. It was exhausting and I couldn’t take it anymore. He still has yet to see he has a problem
@@cloverkitkat6917 I feel for you, it took me a few years to recover. Having been in 2 relationships since my divorce (the last one is my lovely partner now), I have learnt that I'm actually a very strong person: my OCPD ex-wife just had a way of paralysing me. It was her supposed moral highground and focus on responsibility that triggered my feelings of guilt and shame. I had to dig really deep to remind myself that I have achieved a lot in my life by doing things my way, and that none of it was in a lesser or less responsible way. I remember a day when I thought to myself that my clients entrust me with multi-million dollar tech projects, but in the eyes of my then wife, my way was just always inferior. After divorcing her, it took me a few years to stop playing the game with her, to stop getting dragged into petty arguments around parenting arrangements. She still tries to control me from afar, but I've learnt to just be like water. I hope the best for your journey: I certainly am upbeat about my own and my child's future. ❤️
Will you ever come back? How can we reach you?
Lizbeth Bustamante I will absolutely be coming back. I have a two hour interview that I'm working on editing that will go up on the channel next month. After that I will begin filming regularly. My life situation prevented me from being able to film for a while, but all that has changed and the channel will be coming back. I can be contacted at darryl@ocpd.org
Do people with ocpd blameahift?
BlackMagnolia I think everyone blame-shifts. But yes, people with OCPD may have a slight propensity to blame-shift.
@@OCPD_support detail I personally do not blame shift I'm one of those types that blames myself first, a friend that I suspect has ocpd wrongfully blame shifted to where it made me feel bad about myself I'm trying not to look at him as horrible as my ex-husband was to me. I have complex PTSD and when I got reconnected with my friend that I think has ocpd it blew up in my face in both our faces
@@BlackMagnolia it's really important to set boundaries within any relationship. It would be great to think that we could trust those closest to us to never hurt us, but that is not reality. So it sounds like you need to find a boundary that protects your own PTSD. Maybe that's certain topics are off-limits, or time spent together is limited. But you must find what works for you.
Yes!!! All the time. It’s usually not that their OCPD is the problem, but that you as their loved one is just not letting them completely control you and you’re not living up to their perfection and rules, so it’s your fault. It’s a very hard disorder.
There is a possibility of putting legends with automatic translation? It yould help my boyfriend to read (we talk po4tuguese)
@marcela 1227bjs I'm sorry, I'm not sure I know what you are referring to by "legends". Do you mean subtitles?
Oh, sorry! Yes kkkk
well disorders a part of the people themselves so how do u let go of it completely thats kinda impossible i think
@fromesang7193 "letting go of it completely" is a pretty high metric. If you are willing to put in the work (and it's a lot of work), it is possible to effectively put the symptoms of OCPD behind you to varying degrees. However, the disorder still exists, it just doesn't have control over you anymore.
Is it possible for someone with OCPD to have no remorse and never self reflect?
Or could that be comorbid with psychopathy?
Ryan Grundy that is definitely a grey area that would be better addressed by a mental health professional. My personal opinion is that it is within the realm of possibility but more likely to be the result of a comorbidity.
don't worry, I don't think you're a psychopath. psychopathy is connected to other behaviours and psychopaths seek to manipulate people and intentionally make them suffer. OCPD is more comorbid with being autistic (which is not a disease and I personally don't consider it a disorder). I do have remorse because I see my behaviour makes my partner feel very bad and scared. but I also sometimes don't see any other way than mine (for example, when he forgets/does not intend to cool off a pot full of steamy dinner that needs to be put into the fridge). my OCPD seems to concentrate around cooking processes and anything that has some aspects related to physics, which means my minds sees the results.
@@drzeworyj autism should be considered a disease
@@drzeworyj that is an important distinction. However twisted, it's common for the person with OCPD to impose their rules on others as they believe that they are helping people achieve their personal best.
In my experience "self-reflecting" for someone with OCPD means analyzing more and more about how others did them wrong and stewing over it. They are 100% always right in their minds. Therefore why would they have remorse
I think you might have really hit on something at 5:30 hahahaha! If that were the case, we'd probably be here discussing LCSIPD (lazy, careless, stupid, irresponsible personality disorder). Not that anyone on here is like that of course!!! ;)
Mark Stahl and then I'd be making coaching videos for them, haha.
I was considering marrying someone with ocpd but I'm not sure anymore... Can anyone guide me please?
Khansa Zainab thank you for leaving your question. There is a lot to consider for someone in your position. Do you have some specific questions I can answer? I'd like to try and offer some help, but your question is very broad. If you have some specifics, I'll do my best to answer them.
DON'T DO IT UNLESS YOU WANT NON-STOP FIGHTS ABOUT THE LITTLEST BULLSHIT
Hell no don’t do it. I did and was married for 23 years to this nightmare. I could never have an opinion. They are so mentally ill that even if you talk nice to them they can’t bring things into perspective. They can never see your opinion.
@@carolyncouch4094 Omg this is so true, literally temper tantrums and pouting over the littlest stuff you say or do that offends them. I try to talk nice too and he literally cannot get it
@@jflsdknf I totally understand. My ex-husband then went on to do the same type of emotional abuse to my son when he felt he was old enough to understand what he was saying. I would say we understand what you are saying, but we disagree or want to do it or not do it etc. There was never any compromise and he would wear us down with his nonstop talking or trying to convince us his way was better. I thought I was losing my mind with this nut job. I would never recommend marrying them.
"Can you find happiness living with someone with OCPD?"
NO. I just saved you a tedious 13 minutes.
Mark JN or you just destroyed someone else's relationship. Same same I guess. 🤷🏻♂️
simplistic and hurtful
Hey there's no need to be rude, he's spreading helpful information
@@ninatorres2072 thank you!
@@OCPD_support I have lived with someone with this condition for DECADES and I know what I am talking about. BY YOUR OWN ADMISSION, in your description, you use terms like " immensely challenging" and "behaviors that have been damaging your relationship." Does THAT sound like a recipe for happiness? I don't have the luxury of recording and posting videos. I live with this daily.
Ocpd seems like Npd ?! No joke .
Jovan Krstic in what way?
i've heard this before too. there's certain similarities but they stem from different things. they both can have unrealistic standards of perfection & expect so much out of others but ocpd usually does this out of their fear of things not being the best they can be whereas npd does kinda like "punishes" others for not reaching the level of perfection they've already reached
@@PaolaGuell didn't know why, but I only know how I felt and what are the behaviours soo I just watch bouth disorders I have privilege hahaha. So yeah in core they are different but outside a lot like
The behaviors look almost identical to the OCPDers partner. The motivation behind the behaviors differ, but they still do the same behaviors. Plus, OCPD is a narcissistic type personality disorder so that’s why they are so similar. If an OCPDer wants to know why their spouse/partner is miserable then they should look up narcissistic abuse. Because it’s what WE, the loved ones, go through. It’s actually helped me quite a bit to survive in my household with my OCPDer by watching videos on narcissism and narcissistic behaviors -what the causes and why they act or treat us a certain way. It’s a much better place to learn about the emotional disconnect, too. Because that’s the biggest issue, besides the trauma that OCPDers give, is that we, their partners, will never get our emotional needs met by them. If we did, it would be easier to overlook some of the mental and emotional abuse.
@@DannaShaffer I am so sorry to read about your situation. It sounds like you are experiencing a tremendous amount of tribulation. I'd like to clear some things up for you and also make a suggestion. I'm hoping that this might shed a little light.
OCPD is not a narcissistic personality type. Although a person with OCPD may exhibit symptoms that mimic narcissism, it is a very separate thing. I am in all of the largest international support groups for OCPD and narcissism is not a dominant quality of those that are formally diagnosed. This doesn't mean that narcissism doesn't occasionally present in people with OCPD, and it also doesn't discredit the experiences loved ones go through, nor excuse any abuse heaped upon the non-OCPD partner/spouse/loved one. But if we want to tackle these tough situations, it's important to do so with facts. If someone with OCPD is truly narcissistic, it's likely that they are also presenting with an additional comorbid mental health condition.
Most importantly, I'm concerned for you as a person. You talk about 'misery', being treated 'a certain way', 'emotional disconnect', 'trauma', not having 'emotional needs met', 'mental' & 'emotional abuse'. Those are all terrible things to experience and only exacerbated over longer and longer periods of time. What you describe sounds very unhealthy. I think you could benefit tremendously from speaking with a mental health professional. I'll be clear and say that this shouldn't insinuate that I believe that there is something wrong with you. Quite the contrary. But it sounds as though you really could use a supportive influence in your life and I'd love to see you get that. Please let me know if you ever have any questions.
One of the main features of OCPD is that the sufferer CANNOT see that they have a problem. It's highly unlikely that they will change. In my experience, GET OUT as soon as you can. Preferably before you have children.
Cornel Masson I'm not sure "highly unlikely" is the best way to describe the odds of someone with OCPD making life changes. But it may be beneficial for people to know that those with OCPD usually have a long, hard road ahead of them if they want to make serious changes in their life. But it absolutely can be done.
"It's highly unlikely that they will change." You are correct. The guy posting these videos doesn't understand this illness.
We did have children and I worry that they will inherit this
@@cloverkitkat6917 My son (13) does not seem to have inherited it from the OCPD parent.
@@killyourtelevision999 Tell us what he don't understand.
They ruin lives
@Karenhodgesauthor do you know what it's called when you paint an entire group of people with such a broad brush? Everyone is an individual, whether you like it or not.
@@OCPD_support Dear god the level of OCPD that you manage haves you here commenting on everything in a passive but very defensive way. It´s just youtube and is just a comment section and many people in here is trying to validate their pain. For God sake just let them.
@@javieracortes3743 you're right. I should just let my audience and myself be punching bags for whomever wants to come through here and throw shade. 99% of my responses are positive, and so your comment doesn't even make sense. But yes, it's important to me to respond to as many people as possible, because it's the kind thing to do.
@@OCPD_support learn to live with idiotic behavior without concerning that much. This is just a youtube comment section, but here you are, arguing with strangers to prove you are right.
@@javieracortes3743 I don't need to prove anything. Rude is rude. And the lack of self-awareness you must have to try and tell someone how to handle their own comment section is becoming amusing to me. So thanks for that.
Video starts at 2:34 if you are interested. Just be aware that this man is not qualified to discuss this topic.
Mark JN and what makes you think I'm unqualified? I work alongside therapists within the boundaries of my foundation and they absolutely think I'm qualified to talk on these subjects.
thank God this comment is qualified to opinionate though...
@@drzeworyj :)
Can you be happy living with somebody with OCPD?
No. Please, love yourself more, and leave. Why torture yourself?
J Jak I'm not sure if you're specifically talking directly to me or all those with OCPD. But, and I hate to disagree with my audience, you're 100% wrong. With lots of therapy and self awareness, I'm in a healthy and happy relationship. It's a tremendous amount of work, but it's not impossible.
Jeez how wrong can someone be. Anyone can be happy with someone with a mental disorder. You just need to approach it properly and communicate properly.
Yes, you can if you are both open and honest and willing to look inside and do some digging. I have ADHD and Hubs has OCPD. It was super rough at first, for a long road, but we hung in there.
@@penelopefp so glad to hear that. I wish all the happiness for you both.
I can agree :)