Attachment Theory: Secrets to a Successful Relationship with Julie Menanno
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- Опубліковано 8 лип 2024
- The core idea of attachment theory is that humans, as social beings, have an innate need to form close emotional bonds and attachments with others. It has profound implications for understanding human relationships, including romantic partnerships, friendships, and parent-child relationships.
Valeria welcomes licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Julie Menanno for an eye-opening conversation about our individual attachment needs. We kick things off by exploring the foundations of attachment theory and what it means to parent with an attachment-focused mindset. The different attachment styles take center stage, shedding light on how they shape our emotional bonds and behaviors.
They touch on the typical environment for avoidant attachment and why being dismissive with your partner can be a red flag and the pitfalls of relationship advice found online and why it's often based on conflict. Plus, we'll reveal the intriguing fact that only half of our attachment needs are met in our relationships.
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What We Talked About:
00:00 Intro
00:30 The attachment theory
04:45 Parenting with an attachment mind
07:14 The different attachment styles
11:24 Disorganized attachment
14:02 Attachment style starts in childhood
15:44 Couples with different attachment style
19:09 Bridging the gap between the different attachment styles
23:23 Practice self check-in before reacting
25:51 The typical environment for avoidant attachment
29:43 Being dismissive with your partner
34:59 Triggers can be the small things
37:32 Do the work during bond building
38:27 The guide to create an attachment friendly environment
40:38 Attachment style with your children
42:57 Are you an anxious parent?
45:39 Men are avoidant, women are anxious type
47:43 Can’t masculine and feminine energy co-exist within us?
49:21 Does our attachment style affect our feminine/masculine energy
51:02 Relationship advice online are enemy-based
53:54 Only half of our attachment needs are met
56:43 Ways understand you and your partner’s attachment needs
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When Julie said that we can heal our insecure attachment, I felt tears sting my eyes because it's just so hard! As a woman with anxious attachment, this has been one of the biggest demons I've had to fight. I can't wait to heal and be rid of it.
It's so easy to label men as avoidant and women as anxious but what she doesn't break down is that if nobody is completely secure then most couples will trigger each other in opposing directions simply because 2 anxious or 2 avoidant don't really work. There's no glue. So even if you think you know your style it also depends on your partner and it can ebb and flow. It likely takes a good therapist to really identify the cycle because 99% of the time we aren't aware of what we're doing in the moment - self and other. Our primary relationship is our existential anchor in the world. If we grew up insecurely attached then we won't know the difference as an adult - our dysfunction, whether mild or serious - will feel normal. Further, attachment injuries in adulthood can also disrupt our style. This theory is not simple by any means. It's the physics of human relationships.
Well said, so many great insights in this comment!
I wanted to add about the gender thing, as a fearful-avoidant woman, I’ve been in relationships with more anxious men than avoidant. But there may also be broader trends in parenting around emotions and masculinity that make men develop more avoidant tendencies. Just speaking from the collection of anecdotes I’ve heard from men over the years that they were expected to be emotionally shut down and independent, moreso than their female peers, and how that’s often perpetuated in male friendships.
Great interview! The book is absolutely amazing! My favourite interview I’ve heard with her so well done 👏
So beautiful this is. You have a pure heart for this podcast, it’s unbelievable in helping people❤
thank you so much 🙏🏻🥹
The example with the avoidant and anxious attachment is so on point! It feels like my partner and I. Good learning curve 😅
Who is the anxious between u too?
And hypothetically, would u be more attracted or less attracted if it were swapped between u too?
Glad it was helpful!
@@EriPages I’m the anxious attachment type. Interesting though because I see it’s different depending on the relationship. In the past I’ve been the avoidant in certain circumstances…
@@alexandracristea1991 interesting
My assumption was the female is typically the anxious type, not always, but only when she really likes her guy
Privet Valeria, this was such amazing content. Thank you for the good work, effort and personal honesty! As a woman I too have some similar background and have developed avoidant style as attachment. I truly desire connection, am overwhelmed by my loneliness (especially now, so thank you for the timing of this release, I needed to hear this) it’s inspiring that you’ve managed to build a family and life and it gives me hope. Thank you ❤ love and light
Such a great episode! Made me cry, frankly speaking
oh I just love that idea of looking to a relashionships as moments not a one junk!
just 10 minutes into the podcast and already loving it! 💓
I NEEDED this video right now. Gods timing. Thanks Val ❤
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I’m 20 minutes in and this conversation is so valuable! ❤ thank you for bringing it to us! Your questions and comments are so good! :)
this means everything 🥹❤️ thank you for watching!
Her voice is so calming! What an amazing episode!
glad you enjoyed it!!
I love this ❤
thank you!
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I’m wondering how they even got married without recognizing this attachment dynamic during the dating stage?
Because they chose to listen to their emotions versus the red flags. Which is something a lot of people do and then they later find out maybe the dynamic isn’t very healthy
This is why the lesbian divorce rate is so high. Gay marriage just became a thing, and already they're bailing out on each other. Two anxious people stuck in one house together is a recipe for disaster.