Top 10 things Dads of sons with ADHD should know - ADHD Dude - Ryan Wexelblatt
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- Опубліковано 16 чер 2024
- ADHD Dude provides parent training through the ADHD Dude Membership Site, in-person school-year programs, and summer camps. ADHD Dude is not gender-specific content.
𝗔𝗗𝗛𝗗 𝗗𝘂𝗱𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝗥𝘆𝗮𝗻 𝗪𝗲𝘅𝗲𝗹𝗯𝗹𝗮𝘁𝘁, 𝗟𝗖𝗦𝗪, 𝗔𝗗𝗛𝗗-𝗖𝗖𝗦𝗣
Ryan is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified School Social Worker, and father to a son with ADHD & learning differences. ADHD Dude is based in Tucson, Arizona.
𝗣𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝗷𝗼𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗔𝗗𝗛𝗗 𝗗𝘂𝗱𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝘁𝘆:
✅Membership Site: adhddudecourses.com
✅Mailing List: www.subscribepage.com/adhddude
✅Trip Camp: adhdtripcamp.com
✅Meet Ryan: adhddude.com/meet-ryan-wexelb...
✅Speaking/Presentations: ryanwexelblatt.com
✅Instagram: / theadhddude
✅Videos For Kids: tinyurl.com/dudetalkplaylist
ADHD Dude is for educational purposes. I am not serving in a clinical capacity and cannot provide clinical consultation or free advice through UA-cam comments, email, etc.
#adhddude #ryanwexelblatt #adhdkids #adhdchildren #adhdkidstreatment
I have been in therapy for YEARS with my son. I caught his ADHD early and he got "treatment" right away. What they DONT do is teach us parents how to help! Therapy hasnt helped, if anything it has made it worse because they are always telling us to be patient and understanding and basically give up on discipline. These videos have been more helpful in one week than 7 years of therapy. THANK YOU!!
That means a lot to me, thank you so much!
Hey Mr. Ryan, I’m EJ and I myself have ADHD I’m 15 years old and I’m from Philadelphia PA. I wanted to tell you that I watched this whole video and first off, I think you are very smart! And besides from the point of this video being about things that fathers who have sons with ADHD should know, lots of of things you talked about in the video are stuff that I do a lot. First off, when you said dads can get frustrated when there sons take forever to read a book or a page but can be really good at doing stuff that interests them, well that’s for sure something that I go through, like for example I myself really am a chapter book reading hater but besides from that (as you can see on my profile) you can see I love music and that I play guitar. I really really can focus and be patient on watching videos of songs that I wanna Lear on guitar and take all the time needed to learn the song, and I really do hyper focus on music and besides from music, I’m also a mountain biker, skier, surfer and basket ball player, and I hyper focus on every one of them, my favorite thing to do out of those 4 activities is skiing. Also when you talked about how sons with ADHD can get mad a lot, well that’s also me and especially me when things aren’t working well for me or if I’m stressed. I really love watching your videos and learning from them, they make me feel better when I feel down about myself or when I just don’t like who I am sometimes. Luckily I’m on the list to get to meet you talk to you about my struggles which I look forward to that. Your a great guy and a great guy to learn from and figure out new ways to fix struggles. Lastly going back to my music likings, feel free to check out my music channel and watch some of my stuff. You rock dude!!!
Hey EJ- I would tell you that your comment made my day but it didn't, it made my year. 🤙 It really means a lot to me that you took the time to comment & watch my videos. I was in a good mood all day after reading your comment. I don't know if you knew this but I'm from Philly also, and I've even been to SoR shows for my former students. I'm really into music and I've seen a few of the bands that you cover in your videos.
Please tell your parents they can reach out to me any time if I can do anything to help you, I mean that. You got a new subscriber in me. Keep rocking..
From your new #1 fan. -Ryan🤙
@@ADHDDude thanks Ryan 🤘🤘
@@ejriffing9133 I just read your comment and you are fantastic. You gave me hope for my son who has ADHD and is 13. I’m so impressed. Thank you for having the courage to write this. Good luck with your music. 😊
@EJ rock on 🤙🏿....your kicking Adhd butt!!
You rock E. J. Keep up the good work in your personal life and your music....rock on dude
The one on one time before bed is so true. I dunno what it is… he can hyper focus on games or crafts all day, and not speak too much… but when it’s before bed time, he loves to talk. It’s great! I’m glad I can be there for him.
Totally normal. :)
I feel tired nd
Drowsy...at end of day..
Nd he wants to talk..nd tell him stories 😅
I know this is targeted specifically to dads and sons but it's still ALL spot on for me, a mom, and my daughter. Thank you for not only explaining things but also giving helpful tips and advice.
Glad it was helpful! Thank you :)
I'm a clinical social worker for children and a mother of a son with ADHD. This is on point! Thank you 😊
Thank you for watching!
It’s soooooo hard for me as a mother to properly know what to do for my 10 year old son. My boy is amazing he really is. He’s too smart and knows how to emotionally manipulate situations when he’s misbehaving. He will “hit me where it hurts” verbally and idk how redirect his negative energy into positive. We too did intensive therapy which didn’t help and now I feel like he hates me for it. So glad I found these videos and read many parents feedback on how these videos have helped their families! 😢
Glad you found the channel, here are a few that might be helpful. I also suggest parents start with the "Start Here" playlist.
ua-cam.com/video/ca2E4rssLTQ/v-deo.html
ua-cam.com/video/uthA7lOiWzI/v-deo.htmlsi=JVtDzPFZDVZ6T2Ts
ua-cam.com/video/MpjooA-3Puw/v-deo.htmlsi=J9XAHQcXtSenlHoL
So true, we just started a Dad and Son "Check-In" during the evening time when my son is going to bed. Wow what a great thing this has been. I can tell you he has gained more respect from me and me from him. It's what every Dad should strive for, is the bed time talk with their son. I wish I would have found this out when he was younger, but it is well worth the 10 minutes or so to just talk. Doesn't even have to be a topic, just talk and be a part of his nightly routine.
I love that you're doing that, I suggest that all the time!
Very informative. Thank you so much!
Thank you so much!!
You're welcome, thank you for watching!
Thanks for sharing these awesome insights.
You bet!
Thank you! This is so helpful!
Thanks for watching!
You explain it really well! Thanx! 👍
Thank you for watching!
That was an amazing video!!!!!
Thank you!!
thank you for the great advise.
Thank you for watching!
As usual, I appreciated your content. I thank you heartily for this informative video.
Thank so, I appreciate it!
Thank you for sharing your knowledge and expertise!
My pleasure! Thank you :)
So much powerful info here. THANK YOU!!
Thanks so much for watching!
I am leaving my public school and going to a private one for in person learning. This online school has caused me to have prolonged anxiety attacks and you could say has driven me stir crazy. I love school and am in 10th grade. I love your videos. I am on ADHD meds. My mom goes to the conventions/meetings in Atlanta every year. She is my biggest supporter along with my welding teacher who has ADHD. We both have it at a tremendous scale, but he being an adult as coped with it. He allowed me to get a job welding to make some money. I love your work keep it up.
Thanks! My son went to vocational school also for carpentry so I'm really glad to hear that you're going for welding, that's a great field to get into.
Incredibly helpful. I need your lists tattooed on my forearm…seriously thinking about!
Thank you for these. I just found your channel and have needed some of this advice for awhile. I do several of these things regularly but a couple were new to me so I will try them out.
Thanks for watching!
Very helpful
Glad to hear that!
Helpful for sure, thank you for putting this video together. thank you
Thank you for watching!
I wish this info was out there when i was a kid in the 80s. It was hell.
I know it was and I wish it were available then as well
Dude! I wish I could give you two thumbs up for this video instead of just one! Excellent video! Thank you!
Thanks Alan, really appreciate it!
Thanks for all these tips Ryan. Many I already do but you teach great skills to reinforce so many things. It's super helpful
Thank you so much for watching!
Thank you for this, so helpful, even for mum and great bite size packed with invaluable information for busy dad!
Glad it was helpful!
I’m so happy I found this channel! This video has totally changed my understanding of adhd. My approach with my son has defo changed after watching this! Amazing amazing channel. Thank you so much 👍🏽
Thanks so much for watching!
Very helpful, thank you. Hit the nail on the head with my son on a lot of these, I'll definitely try to use your advice. Nice backdrop by the way, enjoy it!
Thanks Jeff, I really appreciate hearing that. I live a block and a half from that background, definitely don't get to enjoy it as much as I'd like.
That seems like a lot to take in. I'll have to watch it a few more times. Thanks
I agree my apologies about that. I don't make long videos like that anymore
my husband needs to listen to this
Very informative. I sent it to my husband.
Glad it was helpful!
So many useful videos, Ryan, but this one is so good and hits so many important areas. I'll probably watch this video a couple times a year to remind me of what my child is experience, thinking and processing. The final 2 items (praise, and talk at night) are so spot on and noticeable in our experience but probably not something we do enough of. Hearing those two items called out by you was needed so we don't overlook their value. Keep up the great work!
Thank you Mike, I appreciate you taking the time to watch.
This is amazingly concise and wise, all in one authentic delivery. Great channel!!!
I appreciate that!
This is an amazing video that will be saved in my video file. It makes it so much easier for me as a mom to be able to just share this video. My husband was strict on our son when he was growing up. Now that he is a teen, I hope to build a stronger relationship between them.
Glad it was helpful!
Wow! This is SUCH a great and USEFUL perspective! 🙏❤️ thank you so much!
Glad it was helpful!
Thanks for the great video. It's great for Granddads as well! My grandson's father is not in the picture so I try to be the one person that relates to him the best. I'm 55 and was considered "hyperactive" in youth and now realizing that I probably still have ADHD at my age. It's not severe now, but many of the things you speak about in your video I experienced in my youth and, as a result, I can relate much better with him than his mother or grandmother. Keep up the great work!
Your comment made my day, thank you! My grandparents were very involved with me when I was younger so I am always grateful to hear from involved grandparents.
This is fantastic for me, an ADHD dad to his son.
Thanks Josh, really appreciate hearing that.
This video was simplistically AWESOME! Great work and thank you.
thank you so much!
This was a really useful video...even for a mom. :) The 1:1 time at night is so true and impactful. I think it really helps to settle my son a bit to get him rest. Thanks for the videos!
Glad it was helpful! Thank you :)
My 6 year old was recently diagnosed and this was so much great information from a parents perspective. Thank you so much
Glad it was helpful!
Thanks this is a really useful video. I recently discovered your channel and will explore more but this video seems to be most helpful for dads of older kids. My son is just 3 and we highly suspect he is affected by some sort of mental disorder as his speech is delayed and can get really hyperactive especially when hungry tired unwell etc. Waiting for a paediatrician appointment but any advice or directing to online resources etc may help :)
Correct, I do not make content for parents of toddlers.
Well I think that hit everything my wife and I are seeing in our 11 yr old son. Thanks.!!
Thank you for watching
Thanks.
Thanks so much for watching
Incredible summary of tips! Love it.
Thank you so much!
Thank you so much for being here. My 7 year old son has Adhd . This is great to no and understand.. Thank you again kind regards Andy 👍
Thank you for watching!
I love your content, you can get better results if you invest in a sound recording solution, a collar microphone and perhaps wind screen
Thank you I appreciate it. This video is 3 years old and I have professional equipment now.
I just learned a whole lot from you sir. My son has adhd and after just watching this his behavior makes total sense and we have all been trying to do things completely backwards.. Brother you have helped me beyond words will allow me to express and most importantly I feel like I understand my son now. Im going to share this video and your channel with the rest of the family. My son has gotten himself to the point of possible legal trouble and I know now that a lot of hia actions are honestly beyond him and he doesn't understand it himself. Thank you for helping me save my son. If i ever get to meet you i hope you don't mind a handshake and a hug. My name is Jon my son's name is Logan. Thank you for everything that you do you are a blessing from God himself.
Thank you Jon I really appreciate that. I'm so glad to hear it was helpful. I also have a playlist for fathers here as well.
Hi Ryan, just listened to this clip and is so helpful, I live in England and I'm 99% sure my 15yr old son has a lot or all of the signs of ADHD.
It's been going on now for around 7 or 8 yrs now and maybe we have been a bit blind or nieve but we are now booked in to get my son tested for ADHD in early June this year 2023.
Thanks again.
Kev
Thanks so much for watching. Also just as an FYI for you - there is no test for ADHD. The way accurate diagnosis is made is through collecting data from the various people who see the child and their natural environments. People go way overboard with ADHD evaluations.
This is absolutely one of the best summaries of ADHD parenting I've seen. Every parent of a child with ADHD, and particularly parents of sons, should memorize the content of this video. I have been working on all of these steps with my son and he is actually starting to recognize where his deficits are and taking responsibility for finding ways that make sense to him to improve his executive function. It's not easy and there are still rough spots, but this is one of the only strategies I have found that gets positive results.
That's great to hear, thank you!
This is a huge blessing! 10 years ago I studied to become a special education teacher, but it didn’t pan out. However, the knowledge I learned in my studies plus the years I spent in a special ed environment as a teachers assistant prepared me for my son. But as he got older I realized I lacked the language skills to describe to him, his mom and family members how to navigate through this all. And I’ve been praying literally for an answer. I can’t recall how I came across your page but thank you for everything you do.
Thank you for watching, I really appreciate it!
Man thank God, I found this, as a dad with ADHD, having one of my sons with it, we connect on so many levels, and then we butt heads on so many levels
I'm glad you found it as well. There is a "Dad Talk" playlist here at the channel which are videos I specifically made for fathers.
With your first point, I would like to comment and say it would be helpful to list what these medications are, because some people with ADHD also have symptoms that result in other medical prescriptions. For example, by extension, many ADHD individuals struggle with depression and/or anxiety, and are therefore prescribed an antidepressant, which is not really an ADHD medication. Thank you for your great care and contributions!
Wow, 1:1 time before bed is great advice!! Im a mom with an undiagnosed 5yo and he absolutely loves talking to me about random things before bed! I didn't realize this was common with ADHD. He has hyper impulsive, behavior, but can also hyper focus on things he loves. He craves constant attention, and will definitely use negative behaviors to get it. He just started kindergarten and im already getting complaints from teachers. He actually got kicked out of a tumbling class on his second day there. Its really hard yo msnage sometimes. But i try to praise good behavior and give natural consequences, like instead of saying you have to get dressed its time to go out, ill say something like, your friends are excited to see you, theyre waiting for you, so you put on your shoes and we can go play. It seems to help putting a positive spin on things. Your tips helped me realize that I'm doing some things right. Thank you.
Glad it was helpful!
❤😂 so great thank you. ❤ I laugh because When you say it it sounds crazy but when I say it it sounds valid lol
:)
This lack of "internal dialogue" is a new concept to me and my ADHD understanding path. Thanks for elaborating on that concept.
As a father who only 8 years ago(I'm 58 now) had the epiphany of finally understanding my own journey with ADHD, I have been acutely aware of my son's(now 21) struggles in his younger life and currently. We still struggle with task ordering and completion, but then again so do I ;-) There is a definite familial throughline of ADD on one side of our family. It runs strong and deep in that bloodline, though sadly undiagnosed until now. Even with educational professionals in the family, it was classically misdiagnosed. Looking back, it is plainly obvious to see my father had the same issues I, my sister, and my son struggle with.
Thanks for shedding light on this important subject. Looking forward to your ADDitude talk tomorrow.
Thanks for watching. Anyone my age or your age was most likely never diagnosed as kids. To your point about your son, ADHD has a 70% heritability rate, meaning it's passed down in 70% of cases.
Extremely helpful and it pointed out things I need to adjust a bit on. My son is 35 one minute and 7 the next. At 16 with both ADHD and OCD and a high intelligence there are challenges but also bright spots when you see the effort. I have to learn that intelligence has little to do with the executive function described. Thank you.
Thank you, I would also add that intelligence or critical thinking skills are not a variable when someone with anxiety (OCD) is escalated.
@@ADHDDude right? It's interesting that the ADHD seems to come from my wife's side and the OCD is what I struggle with. A combination of both can be hard to manage but knowledge and application helps us to get through. Appreciate your insights.
thanks for your short video on how to deal with struggles of persons suffering from adhd.. i realized upon viewing that i've lost my son i guess so because of the many aspects i failed in my relationship to him as a father. He is on his 7th grade but now when he is almost graduating we had a confrontation regarding his not asking permission going to his friends n classmates , or girlfirend, twice and coming home so late.... after that i made some harsh lecturing and that if he did it again i would limit his use of his tablet .... and told me he hated me, decided to stow away and leave with his , mother or grandma instead... i do wish to watch other lectures that might add to saving my sons future at least by way of step by step communication with him in case i could be able to reach him.... unfortunately he blocked msssgr, fb, and celphone numbers... so as for now i wish to thank you so much for sharing your expertise to our relief in our most challenging times.
Hi Jay, it's definitely not too late and this is repairable. I'm sure he wants the same, even if he doesn't articulate it. I do have a Dad Talk playlist here at the channel that has some videos specifically for fathers.
Hey ADHD Dude- just found (and subscribed to) your channel and I am pretty sure I'll be a fan for a while. I have a question regarding correcting/consequences for disrespectful behavior while he's "spun up" in whatever's going on for him internally. I try hard to be a part of the boys' lives and I am my ADHD son's coach. There have been and there are times ongoing when he's very disrespectful in a team setting and, in my opinion, if I let him get away with being disrespectful until he's calm/not in the heightened state and the other teammates see this I become more of a doormat and less of a coach. He's 13 and his teammates are teenagers as well. I'd really appreciate your feedback. Thanks for doing this for us Dads! This was my first video exposure to you and man- it's really great!!
Thanks Dave I really appreciate it. I am with you and I think what you should focus on is how it can make the other guys on his team uncomfortable when they seen him speak to you that way. The term I use for it is "cringey thoughts", I have videos about it in the Dude Talk playlist as well as in the camp playlists. He's most likely not thinking about how other kids are perceiving his behavior and that's what we want him to understand because it reflects on him poorly, not you. Hope that helps.
@@ADHDDude thank you very much for the detailed response. It does help
I love the information with no fluff. My adhd was engaged and I learned a bunch.
Thanks so much, I appreciate you watching. :)
I am super ADHD myself and my son really shows this. With mine, he consistently does the same bad thing and then I’m on a short fuse and it’s a terrible cycle. I feel like he’s always in trouble and it tires me out.
I love this! My daughter is undiagnosed but everything I'm hearing on these videos is like you could have been in our house watching my daughter it's so dead on! I'm wondering why you are focusing on boys? Is there really any difference?
There are some gender-based brain differences in general but most ADHD-related challenges are not gender-specific. I specialize in social skills for boys which had led to more of a general focus because parents want as specific information as possible.
Should I show this to my ADHD teen? I think he would benefit.
I have videos for kids in the "Dude Talk" playlists. Of course you can show this one to him, but I'm not speaking to kids in it.
Question re bed time chat - my son has a tendency to talk at length about whatever his current focus is (Legend of Zelda, Pokémon etc). During the day we talk about it for a short time but don’t let him go on and on about it. Should I just go with the flow of this in the context of letting him talk at bedtime?
That's a great question and I would not, because that teaches him it's O.K. to talk at people about his interests. Give him time to talk about it, but it needs to be a reciprocal conversation and not him just rattling off facts. If you start to get bored, let him know. This will be covered comprehensively in my upcoming social skills webinar series.
How do I find someone with your similar certifications and knowledge in my community?
My approach is my own creation, based on the specific training I've sought out, my experience and my approach. As a result, you're not going to find anything similar where you live.
Hello my son has adhd and odd, behavior disorder and anxiety and mild depression how does this work if your using these concept but at the other parents home there no rules and he being mistreated how to you regulate him when he comes back from a visit? It's like starting from ground zero again..
Hi Jimmy,
The best you can do is maintain that structure at your home and as soon as you pick him up or he gets home you "frontload" with him, reminding him about the expectations and letting him know what's going to be happening in the next few hours. I think that's the best you can do with the situation. Keep up the great job you're doing.
My son's mother brother had bad experiences with medication.. So we both have decided against medication, but what do you think about supplements?
I think you shouldn't make medication decisions because one person you know had a bad reaction to one. I encourage people to Make medication decisions based on science, not opinions and familiarize themselves with the long-term research data on people with ADHD who go unmedicated. My opinion about supplements doesn't matter, what matters is the evidence which shows that they offer no benefit.
Sir, I understand what you are saying but society will not accept my son acting impulsively or saying inappropriate things. What can I do to help him not do things that he needs not to be doing? How do we teach them to make better decisions and choices?
Correct, I'm fully with you about that. Please check out the Behavior playlist here at the channel, I have many videos on the topic.
Some good stuff here for dads, or any parent, with daughters, too. But I kinda understand why you made one specifically for dads with sons. Lots of unfortunate male stigma to overcome in the world, even today.
Thank you and yes, I find that Dads tend to struggle a bit more with sons with ADHD than daughters.
what medication is recommended for inattentive ADHD?
Children under 6 is Methylphenidate. For children 6 and up it's a process of trial and error. There is no "best" medication, everyone responds differently to them.
@@ADHDDude thank you! My husband and I found this video to be VERY helpful and insightful! It's a lot to navigate.
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
My 13 year old son tells me he is disabled because he has ADHD. What is the best way to respond to this?
I would ask him what exactly is it that he cannot do because of ADHD?
@@ADHDDude I think he believes having ADHD makes him different from everyone else. I told him he is unique and there are a lot of successful people with ADHD.
Do kids ever grow out of needing medication?
I don't really see kids coming off meds but young adults may make that choice, hopefully they have a good sense of is it improving the quality of their life therefore is it worth it to continue.
Many parents are against medication because of the real long-term health side effects, particularly cardiovascular. Yes, many children and adults need them, but don't shame people who want to try other things first.
Your information is innacurate. There are no "real long-term health side effects" from stimulants. They are considered the safest medication in the psychiatry field. I provide evidence-informed information, not opinions. Please do your research before leaving misinformed comments.
The video is helpful but the disrespect and cussing me out like we are equals is disheartening and awful. He doesn't cuss out his father but me (his mother). Some days I want to run away.
Do not give attention to it, he needs to undestand that speaking to you that way will not be rewarded with attention.
Shit mate do a video without the wind.
I know mate, this video was from 4 years ago. I'm a professional now.
You lost me with the push for meds. No medication is without side effects.
You should research and educate yourself on the long-term outcomes for people with ADHD who are unmedicated. A child with ADHD who goes on medication doubles their chances of developing a substance abuse problem in adulthood. I'll take side effects over an addiction. I have research citations at my ADHD Dude Facebook page with this information.