As a homeschooler, some of these are still applicable. I've shifted to giving my 7 year old less overall math problems and letting her dictate the answers to me to help her get through it right now (more treating the lesson practice as homework done with mom) so that we can have a less contentious relationship while we work on improving executive function and treating all family members with respect
I love the part about taking ownership and advocating for themselves. Thank you for what you do. I am a parent with ADHD that could’ve benefitted from all these scaffolding behaviors as a child.. as it is I’m feeling a lot like an overgrown child trying to manage my children. They are still very young so I’m glad to have found your page early to start to practice some of these strategies. ❤
I will confess I almost became combative with my 3rd grader's teacher. Her expectations for my ADHD son are not realistic and despite my efforts to help her understand the reality of my son's limits in executive function, she just wants to call me and complain. We are working on an IEP/504 but I think I need to get the special ed coordinator handling the situation personally because it sounds like my son's teacher is constantly getting after him for lots of little things to the point that he feels like he cant do anything right. He used to like his teacher but today he said he hates her 😔
Yes, you need to go over her head. Having a contentious relationship with his teacher is not going to help him at all. I'm a former School Social Worker, I can guarantee this.
Thanks for this fantastic video and these tips, Ryan! It’s perfect timing as my son has his orientation day tomorrow for Year 5 (US grade 4). He is 9 years old. My plan and hope for this school year is to help my son advocate for himself as opposed to me speaking on his behalf. So we’ve talked about the 3 things he is going to share with his teacher that he would like her to know about him, and 1 challenge that he has that he would like to share with the teacher. Hopefully this will help build his confidence in being able to advocate for himself and communicate effectively with his teacher.
Also - thank you for your comment/observation about homework!!! 😅 It has often felt like a battlefield at home, and has definitely led to our relationship suffering. I will for sure be taking a different approach and helping my son take more ownership of his work.
My 9th grader refuses to advocate for himself. He will not raise his hand to ask questions or seek a teacher after class for clarification. It's very frustrating!
He may have anxiety about speaking up in class which is not uncommon at his age. I would encourage you to think about it not as him refusing, but maybe his anxiety prevents him from doing so
Thank you for your teachings. I am learning so much and feel way more confident to truly help my son! He is 15, it's his first time in school, (we have homeschooled until now) and while he is highly motivated to do well and do the work asked of him, he also has no motivation to put things in his paper planner. So far he is mostly remembering and using the Google Classroom the school provides. Do you have any advice on how to encourage him using the paper planner? He was motivated at the start of school and then 'realized' he didn't need it. Also, a few weeks ago at the beginning of school, I had put the evening and morning lists for getting ready for school day on our family board, and now I'm learning that that's not helping him to learn how to manage himself. So now do I just erase the lists and hope he remembers? What do you advise? Thank you much and take care!
I have a video about why lists don't work for kids with ADHD. I teach strategies in my Executive Function Crash Course for Parents series for parents to learn how to move kids from prompt-dependence towards independence by developing their internal dialogue or what I call "Brain Coach" with kids.
I agree that homework isn't the goal, but what if teachers think it is? What if their reaction to not finishing homework hurts their social life - put in detention or denied recess or embarrassed in front of peers? I don't need to be convinced homework is harmful. I know it is. But the teachers and school staff are putting it on a pedestal and I can't just tell them ADHD Dude said it doesn't matter.
You stop advocating for them, allow them to experience natural consequences. Additionally, I would explore if there's anxiety around advocating, or just lack of willingness because they know you'll "rescue" them and do it for them, making their life easier. If I were in 11th grade I'd do whatever made my life easier.
My 12 year old ADHD just had brain surgery and his memory is poor due to the surgery but getting better. We are doing extra accommodations, should I still let him do all the advocating unless there is a problem? He has very little intrinsic motivation with my son as well.
I have no experience dealing with executive functioning after brain surgery so I wouldn't be the right person to ask. He will never have motivation as long as you're advocating for him, because there's no need for him to do anything so yes I'd say he needs to learn how to advocate for himself.
My 2E child is 12 yrs old and loves reading. Is there a good book for him to read about forming social relationships? He tends to struggle with this aspect. Are there other resources?
Boys do not learn how to be more relatable to other boys through reading a book. I have the Dude Talk playlists here at the UA-cam channel which are videos for kids. I also provide a webinar series for parents to learn how to build executive function skills called Socially Smarter, which is part of the membership site.
As a homeschooler, some of these are still applicable. I've shifted to giving my 7 year old less overall math problems and letting her dictate the answers to me to help her get through it right now (more treating the lesson practice as homework done with mom) so that we can have a less contentious relationship while we work on improving executive function and treating all family members with respect
I love the part about taking ownership and advocating for themselves. Thank you for what you do. I am a parent with ADHD that could’ve benefitted from all these scaffolding behaviors as a child.. as it is I’m feeling a lot like an overgrown child trying to manage my children. They are still very young so I’m glad to have found your page early to start to practice some of these strategies. ❤
I'm glad you found it as well, thank you :)
I will confess I almost became combative with my 3rd grader's teacher. Her expectations for my ADHD son are not realistic and despite my efforts to help her understand the reality of my son's limits in executive function, she just wants to call me and complain. We are working on an IEP/504 but I think I need to get the special ed coordinator handling the situation personally because it sounds like my son's teacher is constantly getting after him for lots of little things to the point that he feels like he cant do anything right. He used to like his teacher but today he said he hates her 😔
Yes, you need to go over her head. Having a contentious relationship with his teacher is not going to help him at all. I'm a former School Social Worker, I can guarantee this.
Thanks for this fantastic video and these tips, Ryan! It’s perfect timing as my son has his orientation day tomorrow for Year 5 (US grade 4). He is 9 years old. My plan and hope for this school year is to help my son advocate for himself as opposed to me speaking on his behalf. So we’ve talked about the 3 things he is going to share with his teacher that he would like her to know about him, and 1 challenge that he has that he would like to share with the teacher. Hopefully this will help build his confidence in being able to advocate for himself and communicate effectively with his teacher.
That's fantastic, I'm really happy to hear you're teaching him this skill in Year 5!
Also - thank you for your comment/observation about homework!!! 😅 It has often felt like a battlefield at home, and has definitely led to our relationship suffering. I will for sure be taking a different approach and helping my son take more ownership of his work.
It would be really helpful to him. :)
Amen.. Let kids self advocate with support! I a, a teacher, have ADHD and have a kid with ADHD
Yes!
My 9th grader refuses to advocate for himself. He will not raise his hand to ask questions or seek a teacher after class for clarification. It's very frustrating!
He may have anxiety about speaking up in class which is not uncommon at his age. I would encourage you to think about it not as him refusing, but maybe his anxiety prevents him from doing so
@@ADHDDude Yes this is what's going on. He does not want to draw attention to himself during class.
@@Caratdarlatherapy for his anxiety may work for him
Holy moly, this one is chockFULL of wisdom. Will be sharing with my coparent who will hopefully also listen through and discuss. Thank You Ryan!!!!
Thanks so much for watching!
Thank you for your teachings. I am learning so much and feel way more confident to truly help my son! He is 15, it's his first time in school, (we have homeschooled until now) and while he is highly motivated to do well and do the work asked of him, he also has no motivation to put things in his paper planner. So far he is mostly remembering and using the Google Classroom the school provides. Do you have any advice on how to encourage him using the paper planner? He was motivated at the start of school and then 'realized' he didn't need it.
Also, a few weeks ago at the beginning of school, I had put the evening and morning lists for getting ready for school day on our family board, and now I'm learning that that's not helping him to learn how to manage himself. So now do I just erase the lists and hope he remembers? What do you advise?
Thank you much and take care!
I have a video about why lists don't work for kids with ADHD. I teach strategies in my Executive Function Crash Course for Parents series for parents to learn how to move kids from prompt-dependence towards independence by developing their internal dialogue or what I call "Brain Coach" with kids.
I agree that homework isn't the goal, but what if teachers think it is? What if their reaction to not finishing homework hurts their social life - put in detention or denied recess or embarrassed in front of peers? I don't need to be convinced homework is harmful. I know it is. But the teachers and school staff are putting it on a pedestal and I can't just tell them ADHD Dude said it doesn't matter.
You go above the teacher's head to the school administration and discuss this.
What do you do when your 11th grader won’t advocate for themself?
You stop advocating for them, allow them to experience natural consequences. Additionally, I would explore if there's anxiety around advocating, or just lack of willingness because they know you'll "rescue" them and do it for them, making their life easier. If I were in 11th grade I'd do whatever made my life easier.
My 12 year old ADHD just had brain surgery and his memory is poor due to the surgery but getting better. We are doing extra accommodations, should I still let him do all the advocating unless there is a problem? He has very little intrinsic motivation with my son as well.
I have no experience dealing with executive functioning after brain surgery so I wouldn't be the right person to ask. He will never have motivation as long as you're advocating for him, because there's no need for him to do anything so yes I'd say he needs to learn how to advocate for himself.
My 2E child is 12 yrs old and loves reading. Is there a good book for him to read about forming social relationships? He tends to struggle with this aspect. Are there other resources?
Boys do not learn how to be more relatable to other boys through reading a book. I have the Dude Talk playlists here at the UA-cam channel which are videos for kids. I also provide a webinar series for parents to learn how to build executive function skills called Socially Smarter, which is part of the membership site.
@@ADHDDude Thank you for your quick response and the resources you shared!
Can you give me more details about the descriptive language handbook you mentioned in the video pls
ua-cam.com/video/iBtBFTnp9bs/v-deo.html
Great book!