This is for all SURVIVORS who was able to walk away and stay ghost. You have been called to peace,PLEASE DON'T GO BACK EVER!! it's time for you to LIVE,LAUGH AND LOVE. There is nothing back there anyway. I'm coming up on 6 years NO CONTACT, A BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL THING! LOVE YOU ALL, KEEP FIGHTING!❤❤❤❤❤
Now I can laugh at this, but....only a year or so ago..my oh-so-sweet husband would interrupt me IMMEDIATELY with: You are yelling at me! (when I wasn't) No, I'm not. I am talking in low and calm voice. No..this is yelling .. And I used to be DUMB enough to TAKE the BAIT ...he'd keep insisting that I was hurting him....and I would be losing patience and with each cycle of self-justification..my voice WOULD raise a bit ...until I'd snap and YELL at him ...and then!..the victorious glint in his eye and the smirk When I finally learned..I'd recognise it, stop immediately and just smiled...not saying another word. Then he continues to wriggle and tease and probe.."uh! Sorry..forgot to do this or that. Can't talk now "
100%. Once had my husband give me the silent treatment for an entire weekend while my family was visiting. When he did say something to me it was short and nasty. After everyone left I asked him what his problem was. He didn't like my tone I used with him Friday. I can't even remember what I said or the event!
@@oceanaoushn8803 Same exact thing happens to me. I remember him yelling "stop yelling!" when I was speaking calmly. It's all projection. They need to provoke and trigger you, to get the reaction they need, so they can spin it around that you're the hostile one.
@@ritafigueira9848 The crazy part is you probably didn't even have a tone to begin with. They imagine slights that don't even exist. Last week I was laying in bed with my eyes barely open and one arm above my head. He got up and was adjusting his pillow. I looked over and dropped my arm as he was saying something about his pillows. He flew into an absolute rage claiming I gave him a dirty look. I was shocked and jolted out of my near sleep like state. I kept trying to explain I didn't give him any look and nothing I said would convince him. The way he was seething with hatred was incredibly disturbing. He screamed "I hate you!" Another night of no sleep because my nerves were absolutely shot from his rage. They need to believe that their self loathing is coming from somewhere else. I thought if I kept my mouth shut he would have no way of spinning my comments into something negative against him. Now he's imagining dirty looks. 🤦♀️
This reminded me of at least 3 occasions: a devil voice with the black eyes, childlike voice to manipulate, talking very loud to shouting/yelling to talk over me.
Very helpful! That peppy, super-sweet extreme voice and bright happy-eyed when trying to impress others, then instantly cold or turn on u the second u r alone with them. One second, sweetest happiest person ever; the next second has u cowering in terror from their shrieking and eyes blazing with hatred. Talk about a mind f_ck!! The extremely short timing just pulls the rug out from under you.
Yes. Spot on. I watched my late mother go through regular sessions of mind-f*ckery. I ended up with cPTSD because of narc family members, including my late mother.
absolutely a real thing. narcissists will get real shouty to instill fear and intimidation in you. they will talk quickly in word salad to confuse you, when they need to. their endgame is to make you shut up, accept their methods and fall into compliance. staying quiet doesn't mean keeping the peace, it means internalizing the chaos. cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
I used to believe that the voice of a person is a reflection of their personality so someone who has a quiet gentle voice must be a really nice person. Oh how wrong I was about that. You can never trust people based on the kind of voice they have…
We make so many assumptions based on what our senses tell us physically. My husband has a coworker who is super friendly, silly, talkative, fun guy to be around so when they started to work on a project, with shared responsibilities, my husband assumed this guy would be fair in sharing those responsibilities. This coworker is quick to help others. Wrong. This guy was trying to stick it all on my husband. He also tries to milk the clock for all it's worth. Which is why he was always jumping to help people with easy tasks. I'm not saying his coworker is a narcissist at all, but that situation opened my eyes and realize that we can't make assumptions about others. Everything is not necessarily what it seems. Even the seemingly nice helpful coworker has their own agenda.
@@cassiebennet4262 I had a colleague who earned his reputation being so polite and helpful but when i was assigned on a project with him it was unbearable. I cant trust anyone irl anymore
@@extemporaneous4545 well, indeed. But the reality is that I wasnt able to see from the eyes soo many narcs in my life. There were only two people so far that I recognized their eyes being ‘black’ or dead’ however I immediately drove that feeling away. However my parents were narcs, most of immediate relatives I have never had the capacity to see, understand, notice or anything else. Now im just equipped with some knowledge and literally trust no one. Still I get fooled from time to time.🤪
High functioning alcoholic, covert/vulnerable narcissist... THAT is my husband! No one EVER believed me when I said his drinking was a serious problem because he could act sober in front of other people. I finally left him a year ago after 41 painful years of marriage!
I left my husband. I was married to him for 29 years.for the longest time I couldn't figure out why he had no empathy abd would punish me if I got hurt or sick. The road to recovery feels so long. Prayers for others who are suffering.
For me it was my two older brothers, who were my brothers in biology only. Both were working alcoholics, both narcissists, with my oldest brother being a monster. I dealt with their crap most of my life, and I'm 68 yo. The monster committed suicide 23 years ago, which was a blessing for all of us who suffered from him, and the other one is dying now at age 76 and seems to be trying to act like he was an angel for the past 60 years.
They never spoke to me unless they wanted something from me. They talked at me about themselves and complained about others. People thought they were smiley and friendly. I never saw them actually laugh or smile in a genuine way.
Yes this is SO TRUE. I find it pathetic and sickening whenever I witness it and it really pisses me off that it works on so many people. Especially because it's so obviously put on.
My oldest brother was a master at using his voice to elicit his desired outcome from his victim. Another voice used by narcissists is the 'all-wise' voice, where they utter something banal, stupid, or deceitful and make it sound like they are experts in this field, have vast past experience or are just somehow the end-all-be-all of knowledge and wisdom.
True they raise their voices and are louder and they love making out that you started the arguement or you said something that you know you didn’t say and even if they won’t stop ,they will still accuse you of carrying on and finally it’s funny how they say they have empathy but can fall asleep straight away where as you who has got empathy can’t sleep and wondering what happened to the person I though loved me
10 years of my marital life failed because of my covert narcissist husband..I leave him and decided to never look back again.Can't thank enough Danish for this enlightment otherwise i don't know what would had happened to me...I made firm decision leaving him by watching your videos and it helped me in my healing journey.
I was victim of his verbal abuse.. shouting and all ..and when one fine day I shouted even louder he didn't know what to do. He couldn't argue as he had no logic. He didn't expect me to shout at him. That day I realised that such people can't be handled peacefully. You need to give them back to survive
If that's not your basic nature then you will lose the game with them as you cannot match with their frequency. Our basic need of seeking peace will not allow us to shout back at the frequency of their attacks.
@@aparna_chat you have to not lose your essence in order to give him what he truly deserve. When we act against our nature we kind of get lost in the battle of survival. And one fine day you will realise what you have become was not who you were and for what. You still are standing in the same battle ground achieving no solution. Because pigs enjoy the dirty game and you remain in that dirt fighting in veins. Rather stay in your essence and don't let them know any of your thoughts or plans. Speak only when you want to declare what you are about to do and learn to not get affected by their opposition. Do it anyway whatever you want to do. Let them blabber like you are deaf. They are here to just oppose you in every damn thing. See what's necessary to go against it and what's unnecessary where you can just comply. The best way is always out no matter how many years you have invested in that relationship.. But if that's not possible then learn to safeguard your money and your interests. Keep that control in your hands.
Here's a refined version of your statement: From a very young age, being born into a severely narcissistic family system, I learned that I had to tune my hearing. I knew that certain tones from the people who raised me would indicate their emotional stability.
I grew up with narcissists and am currently living with two. One is covert and one overt, both are married. I get the "word salad" from the woman and the "ticking time bomb" from the man. The only advice I can give is to realize that in the end, the narcissist doesn't matter. Do what you must to survive the interactions until you can exit the situation. Above all, and this is the one I fell for on this occasion... DON'T LET A NARCISSISST PULL YOU BACK IN ONCE YOU'VE LEFT. That is what landed me here, now. So, I'll take the blame for that, lol. I was gone and I should have stayed GONE!!
The narc I had to deal with always spoke so softly in a low pitch that it was almost impossible to hear him. If I asked him to please speak louder, he would get annoyed and purposely repeat what he said at the same low pitch and volume as the first time he said it. It was a game for him. He knew what he was doing. ANYTHING for attention, control, and supply.
There is another one….the one where they talk very quietly, almost under their breath. They want you to CHASE after them, and BEG for them to “please” tell you again what they said. Sometimes he actually “mumbles” so I am FORCED to ask him what he said. He is a COVERT narcissist…and is constantly vying for attention. Even if it’s BAD attention…to him, it’s better than no attention at all. He drives me absolutely crazy. 😫
How well I know the mumbling. In my case, the almost inaudible words that CUT another slice to the bone. When asked, what did you say? COLDLY "I'm not going to repeat myself!"
It's not mumbling. Mumbling is like for an innocent person who doesn't know what to say. It's muttering. Muttering under the breath, sometimes twinned together with the snarling voice.
Sorry very true , I have 🙉 heard this voice, from my sister and sister in law , amazing how they do this. I saw my sister for who she really is , when my brother passed. I will never let her know😮 I know what she really is. She kept this hidden , so will but I knew something was not right and I saw it and was 😳 shocked. I let her know I will never need you . Freedom from these people are the best for you in the long run🎉🎉🎉
I don't know who I resent or despise more: my overt narc mother or covert narc father. My narc mother charms everyone into liking her. No one would suspect my father either since he is quiet/introverted. And yes, both of them use sweet voices to get supply and enablers.
You spot on. It's like you watch all of them every day. I can feel how bad you got hurt. I can feel you pain People who harvest experienced covert NP, can't easily understand.
Absolutely . they are professionals . after 13 years of this goodbye Marc ordeal. Yes they are controlling to the point of voice control. My husband showed up to get the tax papers signed only to get that done to call me on the phone to tell me he's moving to Europe leaving me yet again . after he was gone for 4 months in antartica. Leaving me flat broke again. With a fractured back and I barely can walk with a house to take care if twobdigs s and a 15 year old car in his name. The last time he left for Antarctica he needed boots and clothes to keep warm I gave him my last $600.00 I saved for a year on my SD ck. You can't imagine the cruelty I have gone through and no matter how traumatic this is for me he could care less. But I guess its selfish of me to think he would help me like I have helped him over the years.
Sounds like my parents, especially my mother, to a "T." They resorted to disowning me and kicking me out after I met a man who would not let them disrespect me or him in his presence. They didn't like that. They even went so far as to come over unannounced to his apartment after I slept over (we were both in our 30s) and accuse him of kidnapping me. They tried gaslighting me into believing that he is an abuser because we decided to set strict boundaries in our relationship (like neither of us keeping in touch with exes, etc.). Btw, when they came over to the apartment, my mother would hardly stop yelling. My guy told her, "This is my home. If you want to stop screaming, you can stay. If you want to yell, you can leave." She stood outside the apartment and started yelling with the door wide open, disturbing the neighbors. Btw, I would have moved out ages prior, but I didn't realize all throughout my upbringing that they were trying to sabotage my academics and career using passive aggressive means. Plus, my health was chronically poor since infancy due to stress (they were fighting non-stop all throughout my childhood and upbringing), and it didn't start improving until a perfect harmony of events happened that restored my health. It was during this temporary health restoration that I met my guy. Because of my chronic health issues, which they caused, plus my difficulties in school and at work, I couldn't afford to move out of their house. The area was extremely expensive and they knew I would leave as far as I could if/when I left. I'm happily engaged to the man who stood up for me! We are excited about our anniversary coming up soon!
Ah, yes. I have heard all these tones of voice from my late mother. Not a week went by when she did not use any of these different voices for various occasions. I remember that sickly sweet, saccharine voice vividly because she would use that tone of voice in front of relatives and her so-called 'friends'-especially when she would ask me to do something for her, like fetch a fresh packet of cigarettes from her bag in another room or get her a cup of coffee. The way she would ask, in that voice, was so long-winded and grandiose that anyone would think the press needed informing or a royal trumpeter blasting an ear-splitting fanfare. I found it hard to understand this as a child; eventually, as I grew older, it became sickening. It was like daring me to react to it as I passed her to do the errand. One time, when we were in London to visit my uncle and aunt, my aunt said aloud, half-jokingly 'Why don't you tell your mother to go and do it herself?' I looked at my aunt and made no reply. What could I say? Could I say to her: 'Aunty, I don't want to end up with my eardrums blasted or in intensive care.' My late fiancé used to nickname my late mother 'Martyr'. That tone of voice would act like a dog whistle to my sister because she dared to move further from where we lived. Her 'rage voice' was horrible. In fact, all her voices were awful - horrible. Thank you, Danish, for covering their voices. Once again, Danish, you hit the spot and make sense out of these demons.
Thank you so much for this video. It has brought a lot of joy to my morning and helped me decide to avoid being around the narcissist in my life today, so I can enjoy and keep and/or share my joy with those who do not wish me suffering and harm. I hope you have an amazing time in life because you have helped so many, at least me, with your videos. You deserve a great life for all of those who are comforted and healed using your advice and kind demeanor.
I've been through that complication or issue/problem. The sorrow not only hurt, others person as well. Agony and mental suffering. HUMANS: Hurt people, Hurting others. That's totally sucks, but it's also the true/truth.
True that it is our inner attitudes which are most important when building healthy relationships. There are people who can go through trauma and come out on the other side with their inner peace and full range of healthy emotional responses intact. while working to heal themselves. Narcissists on the other hand intentionally hide their tendencies of inner turmoil while only portraying themselves as kind and reasonable so long as that may be benefiting them alone.
THAT IS WHY NARCS MAKE PERFECT SELLERS AND CAPITALISTS, THEIR USE OF VOICE IS PERFECT TO SELL YOU WHATEVER THEY WANT. IN FACT THERE IS NO MORE PERFECT SELLER THAN A NARCISISIT.
Idt abuse was a way to describe callous relentless meanness back then but it sure made you appreciate any sense of normalcy! Covert mom made 2 overts, interesting!
A narcissist I know told me straight out that when someone tried to tell her an issue they had with her she would speak louder and rapidly to drown them out until they gave up.
👍 Excellent Analysis Danish 👏, Especially about the Narcissists that change their Ton of their voices According to their Needs from a certain Narcissist's Victim. It's very True. Thank You Danish. 🙂 Efrat.
Very spot on! My ex's covert narcissistic sister had 3 voices often: incredibly sweet, the martyr's and more often to the end - the monotonous, when I felt she's not interested in me. I only twice saw her rage on me, when from an angel she became a fury, she pushed me and my daughter girl, my girl even hit her head against the wall, but the sweetest most loving aunt didnt even notice that and threw us from the flat. Now, with a new friend who's russian, when I met her, she seemed so empathetic, she almost cried when i asked where's she from (russia), as if she was so ashamed of her country and felt such a pity for ukrainians suffering. I thought she was the most empathetic sensitive person on earth. She said she volunteered a lot to help ukrainian refugees. I wanted to be friends. But then, over time, I noticed narcissistic things, my guts alarmed me a few times. But i didnt want to believe, the image of the sweet compassionate angel was so attractive. Many 'small' alarms on the gut level convinced me that she is insincere. Im almost sure she never volunteered and it was a lie. Once she tried her manipulation, but I went so diplomatic, but didnt let her manipulate me, that was really wise of me. Since then, I felt I want to never see her again. Then she turned up so sweet again. And I love her daughter a lot, her daughter and husband are very warm friendly sincere people. Last time, she used her dead, monotonous voice with me, and I felt as if she felt i am not surrendering to her tactics, manipulation. Thanks a lot for your wisdom, Danish!🤗
I feel so sad for you that your own mother was your covert narcissist and it caused you psychological trauma. You were dead on with this video. Thank you!
Wow! Yes Yes and Yea…I know that rage and words, I know that Silent treatment for days, I know that Monetonist voice like there is no person in their and even I in front of them don’t really cost either
I was driving with my narc aunty. I had recently decided to stop drinking. This after hitting a park car at the liquor store with her while trying to buy more alcohol. She’s an alcoholic in denial and encouraged me to drink excessively like her. Thing is she doesn’t drive and she liked to go out and drink and the driving is always on me. So I told her I wasn’t drinking no more while we were riding in my car. Later on in the same car ride I handed her a book I had started reading. She grabbed the book and in the most demonic voice I ever heard, it scared me. she said, “Is this why you stop drinking!” I’ve never heard no one’s voice sound like a whole demon. It still took a few years to go no contact. I went to trucking school and got my cdl. She was so cold towards me while everyone congratulated me she just sat their evil eyeing me. I feel much better cutting her out my life.
YES, the deadliest. I'm divorcing CN. He artfully in monotone told what he is going to do which will sever a lifeline for my survival, as if matter of factly telling the time of day. EVIL. Omg Danish during the video described MY MOTHER to a T. My mother ingrained me with feeling guilt if I didn't walk to her beat. There was an indirect message she would take her life if I didn't. I can still see the pills on her nightstand, and hear her voice. CHILLING
Watching a narc go DARVO when you try to set a boundary is like watching a 3 act play in 30 seconds. DENY - They might skip this part.) ATTACK REVERSE VUCTIM OFFENDER
yes yes,every single moment my husband voice changes,for different target results, he is so bloody skilled at changing and regulating his tone for manipulation and for the desired perception of him, for example, he does not lije dogs at all, but when he see other people dogs he pretends to be a dog lover and changes his tone, and play with the dog...so the dog owner thought he loves dogs.... so all the time i keep seeing the chameleon, abd cannot reconcile his true character, his behaviour behind close walls ... he kicks our own pet dog.....it is so horrible to see his predatory nature, learned helplessness....display of fake persona to lure his prey .. my husband is a psycho path
I'm satisfied that my responses are my own. Their behavior is theirs, but my response is mine and that is not a response that they have written. It's often 180° the opposite of what they expect or scripted.
Recently @ 58 yo i found out how extreme a Christian can be with THEIR Love for hate. Becoming fully Narc aware is 21 months til now in the MAKING. My MoMster '$ own Sadistically Catholic relationships with GOD is to serve satan until death. Mum has no apology for her hidden Authoritarian Christian agenda. She turned 86 & i dumped her (86'd) for my first time ever. God lead me to dispose of my forever abusive Narc brother of whom he parallel to be much like dna-dad who we were glad to see cancer take him in 005.
2 Timothy 3:1-5 "But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good,treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God-having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people." No need for judgement really, just a sign of the last days.
THIS VIDEO DIDNT ARRIVE RIGHT ON TIME UNFORTUNATELY FOR ME, BECAUSE THE LAST YEAR I FELL FOR THIS TACTIC, THE EXCESSIVELY SWEET VOICE (THAT I NEEDED TO HEAR PRECISELY BECAUSE OF PAST ENDURENCE OF PARENTAL SHOUTING) I THOUGHT HE WAS FRIEND, HE WAS SEEKING TO GIVE ME THAT IMPRESSION CERTAINLY WITHS GIFTS AND SWEET AND POLITE, TALKING , AND HE TURN OUT TO BE A SERPENT WITH SWEET VOICE. I WAS DISTRATED AND THE DEMON WHO WAS SECRETLY OBSERVING ME FOR A LONG TIME, KNEW THE EXACT PERFECT MOMENT TO DELIVER HIS BOMB.
This is for all SURVIVORS who was able to walk away and stay ghost. You have been called to peace,PLEASE DON'T GO BACK EVER!! it's time for you to LIVE,LAUGH AND LOVE. There is nothing back there anyway. I'm coming up on 6 years NO CONTACT, A BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL THING! LOVE YOU ALL, KEEP FIGHTING!❤❤❤❤❤
Even if you “think” they have changed. Never return.
I’ve got 20 years away from my narcissist. Best 20 years ever ☺️
@@ericb8413 ❤️🧡❤️🧡❤️🧡
@@Loganpraetorian 💯💯💯💯
Hopefully soon, I'll be out of here and enjoy peace and healing 🙏
Odourless poisonous gas - 100%
They are like carbon monoxide.
They use different voices for different people
They'll also accuse their victim of "having a tone."
Now I can laugh at this, but....only a year or so ago..my oh-so-sweet husband would interrupt me IMMEDIATELY with:
You are yelling at me! (when I wasn't)
No, I'm not. I am talking in low and calm voice.
No..this is yelling ..
And I used to be DUMB enough to TAKE the BAIT ...he'd keep insisting that I was hurting him....and I would be losing patience and with each cycle of self-justification..my voice WOULD raise a bit ...until I'd snap and YELL at him ...and then!..the victorious glint in his eye and the smirk
When I finally learned..I'd recognise it, stop immediately and just smiled...not saying another word.
Then he continues to wriggle and tease and probe.."uh! Sorry..forgot to do this or that. Can't talk now "
100%. Once had my husband give me the silent treatment for an entire weekend while my family was visiting. When he did say something to me it was short and nasty. After everyone left I asked him what his problem was. He didn't like my tone I used with him Friday. I can't even remember what I said or the event!
@@oceanaoushn8803 Same exact thing happens to me. I remember him yelling "stop yelling!" when I was speaking calmly. It's all projection. They need to provoke and trigger you, to get the reaction they need, so they can spin it around that you're the hostile one.
@@ritafigueira9848 The crazy part is you probably didn't even have a tone to begin with. They imagine slights that don't even exist.
Last week I was laying in bed with my eyes barely open and one arm above my head. He got up and was adjusting his pillow. I looked over and dropped my arm as he was saying something about his pillows.
He flew into an absolute rage claiming I gave him a dirty look. I was shocked and jolted out of my near sleep like state. I kept trying to explain I didn't give him any look and nothing I said would convince him.
The way he was seething with hatred was incredibly disturbing. He screamed "I hate you!" Another night of no sleep because my nerves were absolutely shot from his rage.
They need to believe that their self loathing is coming from somewhere else. I thought if I kept my mouth shut he would have no way of spinning my comments into something negative against him. Now he's imagining dirty looks. 🤦♀️
True. Very true. Projection of what these demons are doing themselves.
Same with their facial expressions.
Their face turns satanic.
The benevolent look ... 😂
Oh how true...their blood in their eyes, oozing out, horns and fangs coming out to destroy you...
They just go from one antic to another the only solution is no contact.
Easier said than done.
How many of us are high sensitive people as were there bead and butter due to our empathy and compassion
This reminded me of at least 3 occasions: a devil voice with the black eyes, childlike voice to manipulate, talking very loud to shouting/yelling to talk over me.
Very helpful! That peppy, super-sweet extreme voice and bright happy-eyed when trying to impress others, then instantly cold or turn on u the second u r alone with them. One second, sweetest happiest person ever; the next second has u cowering in terror from their shrieking and eyes blazing with hatred. Talk about a mind f_ck!! The extremely short timing just pulls the rug out from under you.
Jekyll & Hyde effect.
Yes. Spot on. I watched my late mother go through regular sessions of mind-f*ckery. I ended up with cPTSD because of narc family members, including my late mother.
They can't keep their jobs long enough, because they want to control everyone
Only those who have gone through this can understand.
Thank you, Danish
The ones we always feel sorry for, that's how they find us. Now I know!
absolutely a real thing. narcissists will get real shouty to instill fear and intimidation in you.
they will talk quickly in word salad to confuse you, when they need to.
their endgame is to make you shut up, accept their methods and fall into compliance.
staying quiet doesn't mean keeping the peace, it means internalizing the chaos.
cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
" internalizing the chaos"..thank u for the perfect description of our survival..😢
@RC-eb5hq glad to be a bit if help.
enjoy your narc free weekend.
-cheers, steven 🍁
Spoken like a true narc survivor. To all narc survivors 🫡
Greetings from Germany!
All my life, I have been going through this situation with them.
They are demons in disguise.
I could hear the wolfs growl just underneath their voice. That's when I said to myself, "Ok, we're done."
I used to believe that the voice of a person is a reflection of their personality so someone who has a quiet gentle voice must be a really nice person. Oh how wrong I was about that. You can never trust people based on the kind of voice they have…
They use their voice to manipulate. Once you know it won’t work anymore.
We make so many assumptions based on what our senses tell us physically. My husband has a coworker who is super friendly, silly, talkative, fun guy to be around so when they started to work on a project, with shared responsibilities, my husband assumed this guy would be fair in sharing those responsibilities. This coworker is quick to help others. Wrong. This guy was trying to stick it all on my husband. He also tries to milk the clock for all it's worth. Which is why he was always jumping to help people with easy tasks.
I'm not saying his coworker is a narcissist at all, but that situation opened my eyes and realize that we can't make assumptions about others. Everything is not necessarily what it seems. Even the seemingly nice helpful coworker has their own agenda.
@@cassiebennet4262 I had a colleague who earned his reputation being so polite and helpful but when i was assigned on a project with him it was unbearable. I cant trust anyone irl anymore
It's the eyes. If you want to find out who a person truly is, look into the eyes. They are not called the window to the soul for nothing.
@@extemporaneous4545 well, indeed. But the reality is that I wasnt able to see from the eyes soo many narcs in my life. There were only two people so far that I recognized their eyes being ‘black’ or dead’ however I immediately drove that feeling away. However my parents were narcs, most of immediate relatives I have never had the capacity to see, understand, notice or anything else. Now im just equipped with some knowledge and literally trust no one. Still I get fooled from time to time.🤪
Behind that bubbly, charming full of laughter lies a Satan.
Not sure if you meant this literally but these people have the nature of Satan literally. This is how Satan is.
Very true. They r chameleons
Amazing how they get when they realize that you know their game and are done w them
Danish……please know MAAAAAANY MAAAAANY of us here appreciate you and love you and Jesus loves you too.
From JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA
High functioning alcoholic, covert/vulnerable narcissist... THAT is my husband! No one EVER believed me when I said his drinking was a serious problem because he could act sober in front of other people. I finally left him a year ago after 41 painful years of marriage!
It's difficult at first but the Stress Relief continues to improved.
Welcome to the next chapter of your life
Good luck to you a brave thing to do
I left my husband. I was married to him for 29 years.for the longest time I couldn't figure out why he had no empathy abd would punish me if I got hurt or sick. The road to recovery feels so long. Prayers for others who are suffering.
For me it was my two older brothers, who were my brothers in biology only. Both were working alcoholics, both narcissists, with my oldest brother being a monster. I dealt with their crap most of my life, and I'm 68 yo. The monster committed suicide 23 years ago, which was a blessing for all of us who suffered from him, and the other one is dying now at age 76 and seems to be trying to act like he was an angel for the past 60 years.
Wonderful 👍 that You finally left your Narcissistic Husband. Be Free, Be happy. Efrat
They also say things without saying things and then gaslight using this process. I am a victim of this.
They never spoke to me unless they wanted something from me. They talked at me about themselves and complained about others. People thought they were smiley and friendly. I never saw them actually laugh or smile in a genuine way.
Yes this is SO TRUE. I find it pathetic and sickening whenever I witness it and it really pisses me off that it works on so many people. Especially because it's so obviously put on.
Yelling or screaming is their go to. I was screamed into corners of the house for years.
THOSE ARE THE MOST SON OF A B... OF THE WHOLE WORLD.
They will always need to come back later, they always come back. Pride comes before a fall.
As soon as they need something they will put up a fake apology.🙈🙉🙊
Pray , Pray & Pray ! Jesus said ' nothing will help them but pray ' but also by ' fasting ' .
Praying intensely is a kind of fasting. Read Isaija 58.
"emotional zombified "yep thats a chuckle monumental.
My oldest brother was a master at using his voice to elicit his desired outcome from his victim. Another voice used by narcissists is the 'all-wise' voice, where they utter something banal, stupid, or deceitful and make it sound like they are experts in this field, have vast past experience or are just somehow the end-all-be-all of knowledge and wisdom.
True they raise their voices and are louder and they love making out that you started the arguement or you said something that you know you didn’t say and even if they won’t stop ,they will still accuse you of carrying on and finally it’s funny how they say they have empathy but can fall asleep straight away where as you who has got empathy can’t sleep and wondering what happened to the person I though loved me
Thank you so much for these videos. You are helping so many people. God bless you
10 years of my marital life failed because of my covert narcissist husband..I leave him and decided to never look back again.Can't thank enough Danish for this enlightment otherwise i don't know what would had happened to me...I made firm decision leaving him by watching your videos and it helped me in my healing journey.
I was victim of his verbal abuse.. shouting and all ..and when one fine day I shouted even louder he didn't know what to do. He couldn't argue as he had no logic. He didn't expect me to shout at him. That day I realised that such people can't be handled peacefully. You need to give them back to survive
If that's not your basic nature then you will lose the game with them as you cannot match with their frequency. Our basic need of seeking peace will not allow us to shout back at the frequency of their attacks.
@@chris-b agree but that way am I not again at loss...i am letting him suppress me more.? Just asking to get better idea
@@aparna_chat you have to not lose your essence in order to give him what he truly deserve. When we act against our nature we kind of get lost in the battle of survival. And one fine day you will realise what you have become was not who you were and for what. You still are standing in the same battle ground achieving no solution. Because pigs enjoy the dirty game and you remain in that dirt fighting in veins.
Rather stay in your essence and don't let them know any of your thoughts or plans. Speak only when you want to declare what you are about to do and learn to not get affected by their opposition. Do it anyway whatever you want to do. Let them blabber like you are deaf. They are here to just oppose you in every damn thing. See what's necessary to go against it and what's unnecessary where you can just comply.
The best way is always out no matter how many years you have invested in that relationship.. But if that's not possible then learn to safeguard your money and your interests. Keep that control in your hands.
@@aparna_chatIdeally leave.
Here's a refined version of your statement:
From a very young age, being born into a severely narcissistic family system, I learned that I had to tune my hearing. I knew that certain tones from the people who raised me would indicate their emotional stability.
I know EXACTLY what you mean with the change in voice. I noticed this with the narcissists that had to deal with: mother and spouse.
They always want to be lovely in front of your friends and family behind closed doors there animals no thought or care only for themselves
Exactly. All my life sister , just to recognize it in my 50s years.
I grew up with narcissists and am currently living with two. One is covert and one overt, both are married. I get the "word salad" from the woman and the "ticking time bomb" from the man. The only advice I can give is to realize that in the end, the narcissist doesn't matter. Do what you must to survive the interactions until you can exit the situation. Above all, and this is the one I fell for on this occasion... DON'T LET A NARCISSISST PULL YOU BACK IN ONCE YOU'VE LEFT. That is what landed me here, now. So, I'll take the blame for that, lol. I was gone and I should have stayed GONE!!
I think you should try again. Find a way to do that again and this time forever.
The narc I had to deal with always spoke so softly in a low pitch that it was almost impossible to hear him. If I asked him to please speak louder, he would get annoyed and purposely repeat what he said at the same low pitch and volume as the first time he said it. It was a game for him. He knew what he was doing. ANYTHING for attention, control, and supply.
Yes its like..a switch goes on and they become manic
There is another one….the one where they talk very quietly, almost under their breath.
They want you to CHASE after them, and BEG for them to “please” tell you again what they said.
Sometimes he actually “mumbles” so I am FORCED to ask him what he said.
He is a COVERT narcissist…and is constantly vying for attention.
Even if it’s BAD attention…to him, it’s better than no attention at all.
He drives me absolutely crazy. 😫
How well I know the mumbling. In my case, the almost inaudible words that CUT another slice to the bone. When asked, what did you say? COLDLY "I'm not going to repeat myself!"
Y E S !!!!!
It's not mumbling. Mumbling is like for an innocent person who doesn't know what to say. It's muttering. Muttering under the breath, sometimes twinned together with the snarling voice.
Sorry very true , I have 🙉 heard this voice, from my sister and sister in law , amazing how they do this. I saw my sister for who she really is , when my brother passed. I will never let her know😮 I know what she really is. She kept this hidden , so will but I knew something was not right and I saw it and was 😳 shocked. I let her know I will never need you . Freedom from these people are the best for you in the long run🎉🎉🎉
Yes this is my experience too
My "dad" has 5 different voices and personalities
These ppl r crazy
Thanks again bro
I used to be so scared until i listened to our professional superhero Danish.!!!
Walk away... go to another room...
Now he is screaming at the wall.
I don't know who I resent or despise more: my overt narc mother or covert narc father. My narc mother charms everyone into liking her. No one would suspect my father either since he is quiet/introverted. And yes, both of them use sweet voices to get supply and enablers.
You spot on. It's like you watch all of them every day. I can feel how bad you got hurt. I can feel you pain
People who harvest experienced covert NP, can't easily understand.
They go off and toss things down if you don’t oblige
Yes!!
Absolutely . they are professionals . after 13 years of this goodbye Marc ordeal. Yes they are controlling to the point of voice control. My husband showed up to get the tax papers signed only to get that done to call me on the phone to tell me he's moving to Europe leaving me yet again . after he was gone for 4 months in antartica. Leaving me flat broke again. With a fractured back and I barely can walk with a house to take care if twobdigs s and a 15 year old car in his name. The last time he left for Antarctica he needed boots and clothes to keep warm I gave him my last $600.00 I saved for a year on my SD ck. You can't imagine the cruelty I have gone through and no matter how traumatic this is for me he could care less. But I guess its selfish of me to think he would help me like I have helped him over the years.
My mother to a T. It was only done to me. I could ring her & tell by the way she answered the phone exactly what her mood was!
My narc ex had the most soft-spoken smooth and sweet voice ever
Sounds like my parents, especially my mother, to a "T." They resorted to disowning me and kicking me out after I met a man who would not let them disrespect me or him in his presence. They didn't like that. They even went so far as to come over unannounced to his apartment after I slept over (we were both in our 30s) and accuse him of kidnapping me. They tried gaslighting me into believing that he is an abuser because we decided to set strict boundaries in our relationship (like neither of us keeping in touch with exes, etc.). Btw, when they came over to the apartment, my mother would hardly stop yelling. My guy told her, "This is my home. If you want to stop screaming, you can stay. If you want to yell, you can leave." She stood outside the apartment and started yelling with the door wide open, disturbing the neighbors.
Btw, I would have moved out ages prior, but I didn't realize all throughout my upbringing that they were trying to sabotage my academics and career using passive aggressive means. Plus, my health was chronically poor since infancy due to stress (they were fighting non-stop all throughout my childhood and upbringing), and it didn't start improving until a perfect harmony of events happened that restored my health. It was during this temporary health restoration that I met my guy. Because of my chronic health issues, which they caused, plus my difficulties in school and at work, I couldn't afford to move out of their house. The area was extremely expensive and they knew I would leave as far as I could if/when I left.
I'm happily engaged to the man who stood up for me! We are excited about our anniversary coming up soon!
Ah, yes. I have heard all these tones of voice from my late mother. Not a week went by when she did not use any of these different voices for various occasions.
I remember that sickly sweet, saccharine voice vividly because she would use that tone of voice in front of relatives and her so-called 'friends'-especially when she would ask me to do something for her, like fetch a fresh packet of cigarettes from her bag in another room or get her a cup of coffee. The way she would ask, in that voice, was so long-winded and grandiose that anyone would think the press needed informing or a royal trumpeter blasting an ear-splitting fanfare.
I found it hard to understand this as a child; eventually, as I grew older, it became sickening. It was like daring me to react to it as I passed her to do the errand.
One time, when we were in London to visit my uncle and aunt, my aunt said aloud, half-jokingly 'Why don't you tell your mother to go and do it herself?'
I looked at my aunt and made no reply.
What could I say? Could I say to her: 'Aunty, I don't want to end up with my eardrums blasted or in intensive care.'
My late fiancé used to nickname my late mother 'Martyr'. That tone of voice would act like a dog whistle to my sister because she dared to move further from where we lived.
Her 'rage voice' was horrible. In fact, all her voices were awful - horrible.
Thank you, Danish, for covering their voices. Once again, Danish, you hit the spot and make sense out of these demons.
OMG! So true. They make oscar worthy dubbing artists
Thank you so much for this video. It has brought a lot of joy to my morning and helped me decide to avoid being around the narcissist in my life today, so I can enjoy and keep and/or share my joy with those who do not wish me suffering and harm. I hope you have an amazing time in life because you have helped so many, at least me, with your videos. You deserve a great life for all of those who are comforted and healed using your advice and kind demeanor.
I thought Malignant Narcissistists are the most dangerous , Doctor Phil says adolf hitler was a malignant narcissistist
Very likely -- and it's equally likely that Donald Trump is a malignant narcissist.
Covert is worse because no one can see it, it’s hidden. He explains that in the beginning.
@@CleverChimney Tell me about it: I'm still disabling the psychological land mines buried in me by my late, unlamented covert-narcissist mother.
@@semperfi818 me too but mine’s not late. Unfortunately.
He wasn't
I've been through that complication or issue/problem. The sorrow not only hurt, others person as well. Agony and mental suffering. HUMANS: Hurt people, Hurting others. That's totally sucks, but it's also the true/truth.
True that it is our inner attitudes which are most important when building healthy relationships. There are people who can go through trauma and come out on the other side with their inner peace and full range of healthy emotional responses intact. while working to heal themselves. Narcissists on the other hand intentionally hide their tendencies of inner turmoil while only portraying themselves as kind and reasonable so long as that may be benefiting them alone.
THAT IS WHY NARCS MAKE PERFECT SELLERS AND CAPITALISTS, THEIR USE OF VOICE IS PERFECT TO SELL YOU WHATEVER THEY WANT. IN FACT THERE IS NO MORE PERFECT SELLER THAN A NARCISISIT.
Idt abuse was a way to describe callous relentless meanness back then but it sure made you appreciate any sense of normalcy! Covert mom made 2 overts, interesting!
A narcissist I know told me straight out that when someone tried to tell her an issue they had with her she would speak louder and rapidly to drown them out until they gave up.
the persona of a "good boy"..."nice person"...all of people can´t see the monster and the liar.
You know it's going to be deflection when it's Soto voice and the eyes appeal to your wisdom in an effort to shut down your getting to close.
TEXT BOOK!!! HE'S 100% CORRECT.
👍 Excellent Analysis Danish 👏, Especially about the Narcissists that change their Ton of their voices According to their Needs from a certain Narcissist's Victim. It's very True. Thank You Danish. 🙂 Efrat.
Very spot on! My ex's covert narcissistic sister had 3 voices often: incredibly sweet, the martyr's and more often to the end - the monotonous, when I felt she's not interested in me. I only twice saw her rage on me, when from an angel she became a fury, she pushed me and my daughter girl, my girl even hit her head against the wall, but the sweetest most loving aunt didnt even notice that and threw us from the flat.
Now, with a new friend who's russian, when I met her, she seemed so empathetic, she almost cried when i asked where's she from (russia), as if she was so ashamed of her country and felt such a pity for ukrainians suffering. I thought she was the most empathetic sensitive person on earth. She said she volunteered a lot to help ukrainian refugees. I wanted to be friends. But then, over time, I noticed narcissistic things, my guts alarmed me a few times. But i didnt want to believe, the image of the sweet compassionate angel was so attractive.
Many 'small' alarms on the gut level convinced me that she is insincere. Im almost sure she never volunteered and it was a lie.
Once she tried her manipulation, but I went so diplomatic, but didnt let her manipulate me, that was really wise of me. Since then, I felt I want to never see her again. Then she turned up so sweet again. And I love her daughter a lot, her daughter and husband are very warm friendly sincere people.
Last time, she used her dead, monotonous voice with me, and I felt as if she felt i am not surrendering to her tactics, manipulation.
Thanks a lot for your wisdom, Danish!🤗
My ex narc said- my name is Jim for most people, Jimmie for the hood, and James for the dames!
I feel so sad for you that your own mother was your covert narcissist and it caused you psychological trauma. You were dead on with this video. Thank you!
They're animal's with camouflage trait
I watch actions; for everyone
Wow! Yes Yes and Yea…I know that rage and words, I know that Silent treatment for days, I know that Monetonist voice like there is no person in their and even I in front of them don’t really cost either
Special thank you for a very good description of a Covert narcissist in the beginning.
One of my colleague is covert narcisstic and i m suffering
I was driving with my narc aunty. I had recently decided to stop drinking. This after hitting a park car at the liquor store with her while trying to buy more alcohol. She’s an alcoholic in denial and encouraged me to drink excessively like her. Thing is she doesn’t drive and she liked to go out and drink and the driving is always on me. So I told her I wasn’t drinking no more while we were riding in my car. Later on in the same car ride I handed her a book I had started reading. She grabbed the book and in the most demonic voice I ever heard, it scared me. she said, “Is this why you stop drinking!” I’ve never heard no one’s voice sound like a whole demon. It still took a few years to go no contact. I went to trucking school and got my cdl. She was so cold towards me while everyone congratulated me she just sat their evil eyeing me. I feel much better cutting her out my life.
YES, the deadliest. I'm divorcing CN. He artfully in monotone told what he is going to do which will sever a lifeline for my survival, as if matter of factly telling the time of day. EVIL. Omg Danish during the video described MY MOTHER to a T. My mother ingrained me with feeling guilt if I didn't walk to her beat. There was an indirect message she would take her life if I didn't. I can still see the pills on her nightstand, and hear her voice. CHILLING
Watching a narc go DARVO when you try to set a boundary is like watching a 3 act play in 30 seconds.
DENY - They might skip this part.)
ATTACK
REVERSE
VUCTIM
OFFENDER
Ohh my gosh So Spot On, Voice messages, I just need to hear Your voice to see if you're okay, BS they just want ti get in You're Head Yuck 🤮!!
Living in closets bathroom shed you cannot escape it harrowing.
yes yes,every single moment my husband voice changes,for different target results, he is so bloody skilled at changing and regulating his tone for manipulation and for the desired perception of him, for example, he does not lije dogs at all, but when he see other people dogs he pretends to be a dog lover and changes his tone, and play with the dog...so the dog owner thought he loves dogs.... so all the time i keep seeing the chameleon, abd cannot reconcile his true character, his behaviour behind close walls ...
he kicks our own pet dog.....it is so horrible to see his predatory nature, learned helplessness....display of fake persona to lure his prey .. my husband is a psycho path
I'm satisfied that my responses are my own.
Their behavior is theirs, but my response is mine and that is not a response that they have written. It's often 180° the opposite of what they expect or scripted.
Also I often see his facial muscles a bit swollen whenever he is aggressive but embarrassed for not having any logic to argue
Recently @ 58 yo i found out how extreme a Christian can be with THEIR Love for hate.
Becoming fully Narc aware is 21 months til now in the MAKING. My MoMster '$ own Sadistically Catholic relationships with GOD is to serve satan until death. Mum has no apology for her hidden Authoritarian Christian agenda. She turned 86 & i dumped her (86'd) for my first time ever. God lead me to dispose of my forever abusive Narc brother of whom he parallel to be much like dna-dad who we were glad to see cancer take him in 005.
Good to hear that you cut the ties and now you are free.
Yes….SO TRUE Danish.
God bless you and THANKS for all your awesome videos!
From Cynthia in JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA
This is so scary.
Parents but also sons or daughters
Thank you, Danish! You give it all and it's appreciated ❤
Thank you so much, Danish 🙏🙏
Thank you Andrew for a refresher always feel a sense of peace afterwards
So very true 💯
Amazing Video ❤. Bro You thoroughly Studied it.
I’ve been looking for an answer for this for so long
Thank you Mr. Bashir!
Very insightful video, God bless you Danish!!! 🙏🙏🙏
Danish, thank you for your teachings.
Yhanks bro.. God bless you.. I really thank god for finsing ur channel. What all u say just happened in my iife. So much relatable
Thank you for your work. Bless you, such truth 🙏 🙌 ❤️
Yes good info. Thx. ❤ have a great day.
2 Timothy 3:1-5
"But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days.
People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy,
without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good,treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God-having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people."
No need for judgement really, just a sign of the last days.
I'm amazing. You know exactly how they are.😭😰😨😮❤❤❤❤😢😢 Trying to get myself out of this situation.
THIS VIDEO DIDNT ARRIVE RIGHT ON TIME UNFORTUNATELY FOR ME, BECAUSE THE LAST YEAR I FELL FOR THIS TACTIC, THE EXCESSIVELY SWEET VOICE (THAT I NEEDED TO HEAR PRECISELY BECAUSE OF PAST ENDURENCE OF PARENTAL SHOUTING) I THOUGHT HE WAS FRIEND, HE WAS SEEKING TO GIVE ME THAT IMPRESSION CERTAINLY WITHS GIFTS AND SWEET AND POLITE, TALKING , AND HE TURN OUT TO BE A SERPENT WITH SWEET VOICE. I WAS DISTRATED AND THE DEMON WHO WAS SECRETLY OBSERVING ME FOR A LONG TIME, KNEW THE EXACT PERFECT MOMENT TO DELIVER HIS BOMB.
Thank you❤❤❤❤❤
💯 true