5 Sure Shot Signs YOU ARE NOT a Narcissist
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- Опубліковано 10 чер 2024
- Link to my best Resources
linktr.ee/narcabusecoach
CHAPTERS
00:00 introduction
01:09 1.Hoovering
04:12 2.Screaming, yelling & Shouting
06:49 3. SILENT TREATMENT
09:10 4.Speaking your truth
11:19 5.Depending for support on somebody outside the relationship
I heard a mental health professional said the fact that you are even considering if you are a narcissist and you care to find out and don't want to damage others means you are not a narcissist.
My own counselor said the exact same thing....and it's 100% true
Absolutely not. My covert ex friend studied psychology. Many people in this field are quite narcissistic so nope lol they are just more dangerous
same was said to me
@@redefinedliving5974 I think you misunderstood...if a person is worried about being a narcissist it a sign they are not a narcissist. Narcissists don't care enough to consider if they are narcissistic.
@@jenniferclarke900 no I did not misunderstand what I was saying there are people who completely know about narcissism, talk about narcissism, question their own narcissism but won't be able to see it in themselves. My covert ex friend did just that
Narcissists never accept their faults... they only blame others for everything
So true. My narcissistic sibling has told/written me several times that I should take a look at what kind of a person I am. Messages full of hate, envy, and accusations.
At some point, my light bulb was lit. I understood her denial, projection, blaming, all the "classics".
It's she who cannot look at herself in the mirror. Her adult kids now have opened up about her and her behavior. She'd need a very large mirror....
Yup they will justify at all costs rather than accept fault and try to make it right. 😢
💯
When I was finally pushed to my boiling point, he turned around and said that I was verbally abusive to him and i was an abuser. It was maddening.
That´s true they want to turn table. But you are neither crazy nor a narcissist because of that... You just conter like in football - you play in one direction and the other one plays in the other (it is always competition with a narcissist). The difference in football you can win - with a narcissist not.
@IsabellaPiesch It was horrible. For a while, I questioned whether or not I was abusive. I'd never had anyone tell me that before. But I was still in it and didn't want to question/disregard how someone was feeling. Since our split. I've remained single, and he's been in 3 "serious" relationships in the past year and a half.
It's projection on their part, and another sign they KNOW what they're doing. 😢
I am no contact with my parents. If my mother somehow got to me and said I am abusive, I would laugh in her face and say, "I have become you!" Watch her self combust in outrage, 🤣
I was told i was a narcissist and a golddigger when I finally didn't want to be with him anymore.
How is it being a golddigger and narcissist when you just hope never to see that person again?
He wanted to control me every minute of every day, I needed out alive
We didn't even share a home, he never gave me anything and my finances were better than his.
Crazy..
I was made to feel like a monster, when I was in fact just reacting like any other person pushed into a corner
Another aspect of non-narcissist people is that they are humble enough to admit their mistakes. They are capable of introspection and self-reflection. Narcissists, on the other hand, are incapable of any soul-searching, probably because they dont have a soul. They always hold other people responsible for their mistakes.
victim mentality, 100%. my ex was like that. i never insulted her at all until the end after her yelling at me telling me im garbage and a piece of shit, and i deserve to die for 12 hours straight. she told me she was going to f*** another dude and all i said was "he's going to see your double chin" out of anger because none of what i was saying makes sense or there was 0 communication since whatever i said didn't matter.. now im the coldest and meanest person ever. wtf right? no accountability
This is so true. Actually, it's often either the victim or someone/something else that caused whatever the narcissist did to you.
Their entitlement is hard to grasp. They walk all over you + others. They live on their own planet of victimhood.
I’m curious to hear what religious belief teaches both that souls exist, and that someone can be born/ made without one. I’m not defending any cruel behavior just to be clear.
@@Foggywindow3995
When we read or hear something, we all understand things differently. I didn't think that "soul" was meant in a religious sense. To me, it was rather "having no heart and values". Being a person who walks all over you and doesn't care and takes no accountability of his/her actions.
This is just my take. I hope that @pabajolaan8864 will get back and clarify :)
They may even overadmit mistakes.
Summarizing:
if you think you are the narcissist and "CARE" to change because you dont WANT to hurt others. And are aware it could be fully your fault. Then thrs a higher change that youre Not the NARCISSIST here.
Except it turns out that I WAS a narcissist and I can now see how I was the narcissist and I am doing all I can to not act in ways that are narcissistic and am trying to make reparations for my damaging behaviours.... So by this logic this makes me NOT a narcissist to begin with?
It's all so much more complicated, convoluted and nuanced than such simple statements allow for.
@@numinousluminary41 being a narcissist is not the same as having NPD
The statement that if you think you are a narcissist and want to change, you are not a narcissist, oversimplifies the complexities of narcissism. Many narcissists, including those diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), can recognize their narcissistic traits and express a desire to change. However, this recognition and desire do not necessarily negate their narcissism.
Self-Awareness and Change: Some narcissists develop enough self-awareness to acknowledge their behaviors and the impact on others. This self-awareness can come from personal reflection, feedback from others, or therapy. Wanting to change is a positive step, but it does not automatically mean they are no longer narcissists.
Desire vs. Difficulty: Change is particularly challenging for narcissists due to the deep-rooted nature of their traits, such as grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy. Even with a genuine desire to change, the process is often long and difficult, requiring significant effort and professional support.
Complexity of Narcissism: Narcissism exists on a spectrum. Some individuals with narcissistic traits might be more amenable to change, while those with more severe forms, like NPD, find it much harder to alter their behavior. The desire to change indicates a level of self-awareness but doesn't necessarily mean the person is free from narcissistic tendencies.
In summary, recognizing narcissistic traits and wanting to change does not mean one is not a narcissist. It reflects a complex interplay of self-awareness, the severity of narcissistic traits, and the significant challenges involved in changing deeply ingrained behaviors.
Great video....
Another sure sign that a person is NOT a narcissist is 'empathy'. A narcissist has zero empathy towards anyone or anything else, especially in times of difficulty and their is no instant outwardly validation/gratification to be had.
If you feel empathy towards other people, people in need or in trouble or in pain and your heart feels for them & you do what you can to help others (not out of obligation, guilt or for fame) and you're not thinking of yourself (or how others may see you), you want to do it because you genuinely want to help others, you are not a narcissist....A narcissist will not lift a finger unless there is something in it (or something they can get out of it) for them. A narc never has any genuine empathy for anyone, just a false illusion (that those who do not know what narcissism actually is and are unaware of the tactics narcs employ).
That is something my own counselor said to me (after I was questioning myself after I divorced my abusive narcissist ex-wife).
Narcissists “try” to outwardly show empathy to others by talking about how they feel sorry for what others have to go through, but when it comes to their spouse or family members, they don’t apply any empathy. And they can’t see this at all. So in their mind, they think they are “displaying” empathy and such a person full of “empathy” but it’s all an illusion! They also turn it around on you and say you don’t have any empathy or compassion like they do!
I do feel empathy toward people but now I am careful and more guarded because when I recognized the narcissists traps I couldn't be available for their treatment anymore; the gas lighting,the mocking, their need to
cross-examine me and blame me for their issues and try to find fault with me as a form of intimidation and embarrassing shows in front of other people when behind closed doors. Thank you for helping to reinforce the facts that
narcissists can cause reactions and turn the whole thing on the one they were accusing or gaslighting just because a reaction
or defense against what the narcissists was saying.
The most scariest thing for me is me turning into someone like my narcissistic father, mother and sister. They treat me like crap and then suddenly act all nice making me doubt myself. There gaslighting is so sever that I started to doubt my reality. There was a time when I felt like I hear voices and make up scenarios that never happened. Because of my narcissistic family’s combined effort of smear campaign, finally all my family member (flying monkeys)thinks I the villain they all hates me. My sibling ,younger than me by 10 years can treat me however he wants with no consequences what so ever and to top it off I get the blame aka ‘it’s all your doing and it’s because of you that everyone treats you like that ( trash)’ . What hurts me the most is that at the end of the day I keep questioning myself. am I the problem? am I narcissist? So your videos helps a lot thank you
I feel this. I'm sorry you do too. I can't like your comment because it's such an awful process. Hugs!
YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM. You never WERE the problem. You're living with people who don't treat you with kindness, compassion or empathy.
I "get" the sibling thing. Same here.
Please do not doubt yourself. You are a million light years away from being a narcissist. But I know, they make you question reality itself.
If you cannot find some outside support or are too young or financially unable to leave - stay strong, keep watching these videos. You can always post and let us know how you're going.
Sending hugs! ❤️💚💙
@@Mantras-and-Mystics❤🙏🏽
I know exactly how you feel, losing grip with reality and wondering if you are too broken to appreciate your closest people. I have one solid piece of advice that helped me immensely - create space and distance and if that makes you feel better - appetite, energy, positivity, less anxiety, better sleep, etc. - then don't ever doubt yourself again. Distance and lack of reaction is a narcissist's kryptonite.
That type of narcissism is the no contact. Get out and don't ever look back.
I would like to hear your take on the old saying, “It takes two to have a fight”. I always say no, it takes one miserable person.
The person who makes that statement lacks understanding . My pet hate is there is no smoke without fire. They are saying there is no one person right and one person wrong. You must have contributed to make that person attack you. When you try to explain the truth, you are told you are justifying yourself and not repentant
It's just another mind trick to make the victim feel guilty. It more correctly takes two people - one to start it, and the other one to END it.
1) You care about how others might feel. 2) You care about how others might feel…..
😂😂
Do not fight with them, you will not win, just walk away.
I am no longer as nice/friendly as I used to be. I've realized that it just encourages some people to continue disrespecting and mistreating you. Now, I focus more on THEIR behavior and how I feel around them. Initially, I did feel self-conscious and a bit worried about my own behavior/image...but now I ignore/avoid them or treat them the way they treat me.
Same. You just can't be nice to some people.
Exactly. My attitude now is more like "stay the hell away from me".
@@user-ut7hh3zb2f I've just become more stoic towards people in general. I used to be more open and friendly and understanding. I don't show a lot of emotion towards them now. There are just too many people with deep issues out there and you never know what you're interacting with until you're deep in it. I save my emotions for close friends, family and my pets.
What’s so insidious about narcissistic abuse is most victims do start to believe that they’re at fault which is exactly what the narc wants you to believe. If the narc can make you believe you’re at fault for everything it’s easier to manipulate you because you’ll likely feel guilty and indebted to them.
Although, I learned that there are two easy ways to identify if you’re a narcissist. First, if you believe you’re a narcissist and are feeling guilty you’re likely not a narcissist. Narcissists lack insight. Whenever something goes wrong they’ll immediately blame everyone else and not think more into it. Also, ask yourself, what are my other relationships like. Do you behave the same with the narc as you do with others? If the answer is no, then you’re behavior is a reaction to the abuse.
I can't even count the times I questioned myself in some form or fashion when dealing with a narcissist. The upside to this is that you reflect on your inner self, thus you grow.
"It's not cheating even though it looks like cheating" ... I desperately needed to hear that... formed a bond with a neighbor and multiple times I have left the narcissist for said neighbor, but the narcissist uses the animals to get me back in the house, because he can't take care of them, and I stupidly go back. I truly love my neighbor and want to be with him. I need to find a place and job of my own but with the price of apartments around me, none are available that allow pets, and I don't have a vehicle to get me to a job, I just don't know what to do 😢
You and neighbor could move somewhere together. Work it out. Make it official. Divorce… (suggestion not being so forceful!)
Dear madam, You "don't know what to do" because they have made you doubt yourself. They have made you weak, socially, emotionally, financially, maybe even physically, to control you.
I promise you will fall in love with the most important person after your pets, which is yourself. If your neighbor is the man I hope he is he will nourish and encourage your independence instead of doubting you or threatening you. When you are with a narcissist you will be afraid and doubt every choice, as you recover you will lose that doubt. Take a break from the narcissist and you will find you suddenly will get ideas of things to do in life, you will Want to do things.
Idk what kind of animals you have, but there MAY be an option for you. Dogs are easiest for this cuz they dont usually damage anything and cats sometimes claw at things and mark them up, but if you have your doctor sign off/write a letter that your pet is your Emotional Support Animal then landloards cant charge you any higher rates or deposits. They CAN charge you for damages done by the pet but not anything else extra for having them there.
Also, if you have anyone in your family or good friends that would let you stay for a bit i would be heading their direction. Even a batterred womens shelter, but idk if they let you have your pets there🤔 i would be trying to go to a family member or friends house. If you have a drivers lisence and the vehicle has your name on the title as well then you are one of the owners of that vehicle so its not theft, i would be taking it and the pets. Sneak out in the middle of the night if you have to! Or if you dont drive, have someone come get you in the night or when hes at work or something. I recommend praying about it. God will show you what you need to do.
My first husband was a narcissist. Very verbally abusive. I walked on eggshells ALL the time with him. The second one ended up being worse! Turns out hes a psychopath. I was with him 9 years and eventually it eventually was brought to light that he had been molesting my daughter for quite some time😡
Needless to say, he was not welcome back into my home. Im still waiting for a decent one to come along...i think at this point, God needs to drop him right out of the sky and land him on my doorstep for me to know that hes not gonna turn out like the last 2! Lol
I had a partner that literally broke up with me and blocked me, so I went on the rebound and the narcissist partner had the audacity to say I cheated on him because I “should’ve known” he would take me back.
It took me a while to realize that that dumpster fire is nobody's soulmate, especially mine. ❤
Took me 4 years. I look back on my blunder. I remember even being so afraid of spending my life with her I just didn't know why. Now, after her leaving me for my friend. I know exactly why, and while I wanna warn him and keep him from losing himself and ending up like me. I'm not healed enough yet to want to help him. I do hope he heals when he finally finds out.
My mother was a total narcissist and put me through all the 4 first points. I wrote to her one day saying the same way she abandoned me I was abandoning her as a mother and reminded her that there are no bad children only bad parents. I feel so free since that last point of contact.
You can reflect yourself and admit wrong-doings. That is a sure sign you are not a narcissist. And you are not sadistic you don´t want to destroy people... Yeah you stand up for yourself (maybe are not ,,nice" all the time) - but you are not inhuman. I know exactly I am not. And I don´t like the view on me (I don´t like to stand in the middle - that´s not my cup of tea).
If you take tons of quizzes online to see if you're NPD and they all say you aren't, you might not be NPD.
I told him "I hate who I've become since I've been with you"!
It was like bracing for a punch for 6 years. Maintaining that defensive stance year, after year, day after day, minute after minute, second after second, even while dreaming, can do nothing but change you.
Fortunately, that went away almost immediately after getting shed of him.
How good it is to be back home in my own psyche.
After escape, one needs as much rest as possible to recover; even though there is generally much to do after they're gone - divorce, regaining physical health, slander, etc. The key is to deal with these things that follow, mechanically, clinically, and with complete dispassion.
I've been single for 14 years because the last man I was with pushed me to things that A) made me seriously doubt myself and never want to be the cause of that type of behaviour towards another; and B) never want to be in a relationship ever again.
I am sure I am NOT a narcissist😊. But...when you have had a number of times that you got tangled into their web, you start keeping an inventory of times you had an encounter of a narcissist-type. You say, "again"???? Is it me???? NO. IT IS NOT YOU! It's just that there are so many of them in this world, and...they seek us out! For real! We are their FEED, and snack😮.
Danish, it torments my soul knowing my younger narc daughter has married again (third time now), because the nice man has a little boy. Behind the scenes she's hateful to kids, and animals. If she's not an actual psycho she's borderline. It torments me.
This is EXACTLY what my wife has been doing to me. Exactly! She yells and screams for hours and also abuses alcohol which makes it worse. And she is constantly calling ME a narcissist. It's horrible. We are currently separated and i have been so upset feeling like how am I going to live without her.
I really needed to hear this.
THANK YOU!!!!
OMG - My wife also ran a smear campaign against me. She always threatens to do this. To instill fear in me. Recently she logged into my FB and sent PM's to almost everyone on my friend's list as if I were sending them. Telling everyone how horrible I am.
This is insane. I would send this to my wife but I know it's pointless and she won't acknowledge it.
You could use this against her in court. Save it as evidence. Then, go into your accounts, log all devices out of it, set up a second login step (ie: send a pin that has to be entered to your phone every time), change your passwords, and pull up the ip address of your login history. A good lawyer will be able to prove the device of every ip address on that list.
I come from a toxic household, parents divorced, had older narcisist brothers that made my life a living hell, when i grew up i started working and stood my ground against them but at the end i left home and started a new life with a loving person, but i was already living with trauma and made my life very difficult living with fear, anxiety and depression, while i was suffering my toxic family didnt gave a damn about me, now that ive starded healing they have left me for dead, only my younger sister that was traumatize like me understands me.
The best thing you could have done was to get away from them for your own well-being.
Fantastic video! It's refreshing to hear a clear, compassionate voice addressing the complex emotions involved in narcissistic relationships.
Hey, be blessed🙏🏼💯💚💪🏽 I truly think Danish is chosen by God to be a victim once so he could help all of us! I truly think this is true. Nobody is perfect. But Danish is a very special human
Even as we are faced with our toughest battles God is there for us. That’s why I keep faith as I struggle to provide for my children. I’m a single mom. Both of my sons are special needs. I started homeschooling them so my hours to work are limited. As I struggle to buy groceries and as I struggle to pay my rent I know God is with me. God is the only reason why I made it this far. Thank you Jesus.❤️
🙏🏼❤😭💯
❤
❤️
You sound like a narcissist to me.
god is never there he doesn’t care and he never has cared in fact he’s the ultimate narcissist.
Danish, you are so wise! This is exactly correct on all points. Motive matters. Motive. Matters. Who threw the first punch?” So to speak, matters. “Who kept punching on purpose for completely selfish reasons? The narcissist brought it all upon themselves.
I lived this all for 20+ years. It's a crazy making cycle. Much love and healing to all! Thank you for your work!
Embrace being uncomfortable my empath tribe ❤
My son is married to an evil narcissist. She thinks she controls the family. She is half my age and rude. Has no respect for people who are much older than her. She miss treats his children and disrespect me all the time.
I was in the same situation. I just did no contact with her and ran away.
Tell your son to just run away from her.
We are blessed to have a sympathetic, empathetic and knowledgeable specialist like you sir. Your lectures are very helpful for us to set our minds after the big trauma from narcissist.
Thank you sir .
I agree! Danish is a very special human being. I love him 4-ever for his hard work. Very very special he is ❤
I cant begin to thank you for this video. While I suffer my narcissistic husband's behavior, he is the one who feels victimized. Since I started learning about NPD, I have been having self doubt. This video helps a LOT.
When I was around 12 years old, I had apparently heard of what a “narcissist” is, and I started to truly worry if I was a narcissist, because I had dreams of being an incredible artist and saving the world. “Delusions of grandeur”. My dad was always the narcissist, not me. He went out of his way to be cruel towards our whole family, and needed control over us at all times. I don’t do any of that to people.
This was amazing to hear. Thank you so much!
And as a man surviving a 2 year long narcissistic relationship after an existential crisis resulting from a religious deconversion that has since been resolved, I just wanna say, anyone can experience this, regardless of gender, intelligence level, or belief system.
You're not stupid, you're not crazy, you were vulnerable, and someone took advantage of that and brought out the worst in you.
Look forward, not back. It took me a year of struggling before I began to find peace again.
Needless to say I am still going to question myself for whether I am a narcissist myself and in how you are explaining it is helping a great deal. Thank you for this information. I do feel like I am still not half the woman I was before. And because of my own reactions and responses are why I think I may continuously question myself.
Thank you! I still have to think through guilt some days. The last few years of the relationship I was in a lot of physical pain along with emotional pain. He was cruel and drunk a lot. I was not me and made mistakes I regret. I still have pain and now poverty but am so much better off than I was for almost 25 years of living with him. I try to do a bit better everyday and I have peace. It is hard to understand how one human can twist another into something they are not. I am now untwisting.❤🕊🌹🐾
So sweet danish. You actually considered my topic.
Wow.. 8 years in a relationship with a narcissist. Almost 3 years out of it and still healing and certainly learning.. this video was such a relief as I have been through most of what has been discussed.. I finally feel completely comfortable in saying I’m not a narcissist! I believe if you are feeling you’re possibly a narcissist then you’re definitely probably not . Simply because a narcissist lacks the inward scrutiny of themselves and their behavior? I hope this makes since and. Thank you so much for this video and other content. Knowing the hopelessness and the feelings of solidarity in these relationship I so worry about those still in them ,it’s such a dark place. I pray someone or something reaches them before there completely destroyed and lost. Although healing is a long process it’s still an unbelievable relief when you discover about narcissistic relationships and you’re not alone! Personally realizing that there is so many many people dealing with these feelings and that there’s such a countless number of narcissistic people who are damaging so much many more!! That was a bitter sweet feeling finding out I’m not alone but at the same time devastated realizing there is so many people having to feel this way and deal with these people who are a death sentence to one’s soul and suck all the good things out of yourself..
Thank you Danish, I really needed to hear this.
I'm always wondering if it's me and if I'm being very unfair to the other person. When I'm away from them I start to think better of them. Then, as soon as I'm with them, I'm quickly reminded of their not so good, narcissistic side. I'm autistic and I'm very aware that some traits look similar to those of a narcissist, so I constantly question myself over my reactions or thoughts.
I've been through most of the things mentioned in the video. Some of my reactions do indeed make me feel as though I am the narcissist (writing this for one - this is my smear campaign), so it's really good to have them explained like this. I don't think I'll ever be able to stop asking if it's me though, and to some degree, that's not actually a bad thing.
I have now gone 'no contact' with my life-time covert narcissist. A lot of videos talk of getting revenge, but that's the last thing I want; I just want peace for everyone (I'm not the only victim). Also, as mentioned in the video, when talking to other people about what happened, I'll be telling them that it's between me and the other person. If they want to tell me what they've heard, then I'll put my side of the story to them. But other than that, they'll hear nothing from me. I won't lie or volunteer information, but I will stand up for myself and correct any lies I'm told (sadly, I know they'll come).
Even with these things that I say I'll do, I still wonder if I'm the narcissist and probably always will. After all, narcissists can learn how to hide their traits by watching videos like this and learning how to navigate issues. Is this what I'm doing? I doubt myself so much, and I guess it could be an indication of how deep their claws have dug into me.
The reactive abuse did a number on me for awhile and still haunts me occasionally. Analyzing it and coming to grips that what I did and said was truthful but loud in its presentation.
I still remember the first time I raised my voice. It crackled and gave out because I never had to yell like that. I lost my voice for days after.
Number 5 struck a cord with me as well. I was committed to a fault and didn't stray. There were opportunities but I was with who I thought was my partner.
How do you know if you are a narcissist? When you can't see outside of yourself long enough to acknowledge others exist. When the patterns become cycles you can time like an alarm.
Accepting your place in things and the complacency of actions and cycles. Shoulder what is yours but you don't have to try to drag the whole mountain with you.
I lived with a narcissistic friend for 10 years. She either masked her true self very well or I was dumb and never noticed. Everything was fine when she was the centre of attention, but when my father died and that attention shifted away from her, she started hating me. Was anything else that made her hate me? I asked, but her answer was 'it doesn't matter'. I'm still sad that our 'friendship' meant nothing to her, but I'm glad I don't have to talk to her anymore.
Somehow after some time spent learning about the narcissism (covert and overt types) - I have really started to question myself if I had started to adopt some of the narcissistic traits or if I just had started putting the defenses up with someone that I suspect for being a covert narc\bpd. The only thing that differs that in case of everyone else I am the same person that I always was.
There are also narcissistically defended people, people who take on some traits as a form of protection from further abuse, and people who learn traits from their caregivers/society and carry it onwards. It's hard to say that these things exist in isolation, as we're part of a larger system.
Over the last 5-6 years, I have slowly gone low/no contact with my in-laws (mil and sils, for the most part) due to their toxic behavior. I really struggled with feeling like they were dead to me (although, in reality, they are), but I realized that I could not spend more than a few minutes without completely losing my mind. I have made peace with this, but it took some hard work. I am almost positive they (and others) think it is "unChristian" of me, but I don't need to justify myself to anyone. My husband knows why and I honestly feel that he feels better the less time he spends with them as well. Additionally, I am just getting out of a toxic work environment and after being away from it for 4 months while finishing student teaching, when I went back, after 2 days I was ready to quit because my boss was a complete jerk. I wasn't treated like that during student teaching, but was seen as an equal. Thankfully my boss is retiring and I have applied for her position. For someone that thinks corporal punishment is appropriate for preschoolers, she taught me many things about how I DON"T want to be as a lead teacher/supervisor!
Thank you danish. Perfect.
I’ve been terrorised into believing I’m the narcissist
It is so completely out of character for me yet having a psychological gun to my head they had complete control over me
So yesterday I had my first therapy session with a narcissistic therapist
I told her I was both. A host and a narcissist. Within minutes she told me I was NOT a narcissist. Gave me reasons.
My shoulders relaxed for the first time in my life. My head went quiet from begging people to see I’m not what they say I am and I had true peace for the first time.
I don’t know what I’d do with out you guys with the wisdom to heal
Many thanks.
I really needed to hear this. I have been dealing with a narcissist for 26 years wife who was raised by a very narcissistic mother who also physically abused her. For the longest time I have had every memory I had 'corrected' by her as I had not remembered it accurately and have suffered from her using intimacy as a weapon to get what she wants. It had gotten to the point that I have been trying to understand as much as I can about various narcissist types and because of the past trauma I have begun to think that I am the narcissist in the relationship. even though I have come across several videos by professionals outlining how to know if you are not the narcissist and it all makes perfect sense. Thankfully I have gotten a good therapist now and am beginning, with his prompting, to look for family law attorneys. I may just be now on the path to becoming free and being able to live my life again. Your last point about finding someone for support. I have found this, completely out of the blue at my old workplace, she is someone I have been able to talk to and provides the support and encouragement that I had been lacking for so long. Finding a really good friend has been a blessing for sure.
Thank you Danish for your videos and please keep up your important work. It does not go unappreciated.
Thank you Danish, it's taken a long time to heal after a lifetime of narcissistic people in my life, family, friends, ex husband of 26 yrs . I do not see or hear from them any longer.
I also thought that I could be the narcissist, but finally realized that wasn't the case.
The worst thing for me are the flying monkeys that tell victims that they are overreacting, etc. and isolate them more. At least narcs have a serious disorder, but what about the so-called "mentally healthy" people that cater to them and sometimes secretly envy them? Enabling should be called out more
Narcs still have it so easy because people are really gullible and don't fact-check enough.
Thank you for this, especially the last point. My estranged spouse regularly accused me of cheating on him, when all I was looking for was actual healthy human interaction. He was cheating on me for several years, projecting his actions on me often, and he would "punish" me with the silent treatment and other awful behaviors. It was hard to fight back against his attempts to isolate me from the world.
Thank you very much ❤❤❤
I asked this very same question.
"Maybe I am the narcissist, am I"
About the last one on looking for support where I shouldn’t have, yeah, that’s me. I’ve done things I’m not proud of, but…I’m unrepentant. I’m very glad I was able to experience some ‘normal’ connection with another human being, and that basically saved my life.
Thank you for clearing that up for me. I was thinking I am a narcissist but I know now I’m not🙏🏼
This is so true, I was living that life. 🙏
The second point was used to tie me to her for almost a decade. I would be pushed to breaking point, especially when I tried to point out something she did wrong. Then I would snap, and rage out, but then it became about me, and my anger, and my abusiveness, and that she was the only one in the world who could tolerate my problems and I needed her to help fix myself. And she recorded all this, and has now laid a paper trail that points to me being the abusive one, and I didn't record any evidence of her behaviour, because why would I? The shame and guilt were absolutely debilitating, but also led to my fuse being shorter.
Watching your programs has been exactly what I needed after 4 years I'm feeling so guilty for my own toxic behavior, ruminating and stalking just trying to get this person to talk to me. This person was my old best friend from childhood and after 30 years she came to me and told me she had always loved me and was finally ready to be with a woman. I've waited 30 years for this to happen. And was told immediately but she had NPD and the way to really break is to ghost them as punishment.... And then ghosted me. Telling me how many guys she slept with and that she wants control over me. I was so blindsided and so hurt over the loss of something beautiful and then just ugly..... That I cried and that was seen as weakness. Talking about the pain of it... Was a smear campaign in her eyes .
And I was told how manipulative I am. Because I called her mother and her sister... But I knew them for 30 years as well. Her going no contact on me, made me feel like I was so crazy. And she came to me, after losing both of my parents, my siblings and my partner to cancer. Just to tell me I'm weak.. and that she had been envious of my popularity for 30 years I have been heartbroken and questioning my own manipulation and narcissism for 4 years now. To the point where I completely isolated myself, so that no one thinks I'm fake or just wearing a mask. Your videos have hit home harder than any. I cannot thank you enough!
I am on point two and my jaw is dropping.. I have cptsd and my ex used to bait me deliberately to film me to get me to react in ways he knew would provoke a reaction.. wow… I had no idea.. my psychiatrist told me to start looking up types of abuse after a session today and this is the first thing that I came across.. so relieved I am not a narc, the levels of empathy I feel. But he did all these things and more xx
A key difference is genuinely caring about someone else's feelings and situation. Relating and gently giving tough advice with love. It seems like narcissists only care about how they themselves are perceived so they can use them in the future. Not really caring about the outcome or the other person at all.
I have wrestled with this one because my emotional, mental and physical tank was emptied on and for the narcissist. Leaving me unable to care for and support myself, much less anyone else. They expend all of your goodness on them and take all they can get. Then try to convince you that you're the narcissist. When this happens, all of the self reflection almost spins you into convincing yourself that you are. You have to remember all of the pain, the gaslighting, the neglect and so forth and give yourself some of that love you've been wasting on the narcissist.
There is a rare situation where a narcissist seems to display something that looks like sympathy..
For example, a narcissist living in poverty ( by his own doing) and shows 'compassion' or 'sympathy' for those who are poor. It is probably them projecting their own self on poor people and so in reality it is a form of self compassion. I am not really sure if this is a valid observation.
Or a narcissist financially supporting some poor child in Africa thru some program like 'become a parent by donating'... and then they'll go and tell all their friends about how they are supporting an African child. ( who they don't really know or care for or have to do anything for except sending a really small amount of money ).
It's just to make them selves feel good about themselves and being regarded by others as a good person.
I have a problem with accepting responsibility at times. It has made me worried once I realized this that I was a narcissist.
I am currently giving the N the silent treatment. I feel like the baddy. It's driving him nuts and I'm getting turbo texts, trying to push my every button. Please Lord don't let me give-in with another long text reaction monologue. Let me be silent, unaffected, gray rock.
Right here,
Going through a divorce and she would record all my phone conversations and her mother ruled our lives and that's where it stems from.
One month and waiting on the papers. DO NOT PUT UP WITH SOMEONE WHO TREATS YOU BAD,, you deserve better.
Omg the silent treatment is the worse and she hits me with that constantly
Omg I felt this...
You are spot on with my experiences with my parents and the father of my children. I still have to depend on him and go through a wave of emotions everyday. I find my self wishing the what ifs. I am exhausted and headaches everyday.
My ex narcissist husband pushed me so much just after my father died, when I screamed back at him he called the police and I was taken to the police station, they put me in a cell and took my DNA. there was no charge but the police made me feel guilty even though I had done nothing except lose my temper- I was never allowed to talk about this with my ex.
Ugh terrible experience from you. I had a narc boyfriend who would invite me over then call the police to make me leave while he was hiding my phone and car keys. It’s all so crazy. I’m glad you got out.
🤔
Same experience
My therapist say I’m narcisst I’m 16 and have been abused by my parents my whole life so maybe I am becuse of my parents I don’t want to be one though I’m very upset
Take responsibility of how you treat yourself and others. It's the only way.
@@mikeyg1776ok I will do this thankyou brother
Be as self-aware as you possibly can. In case if you are worried about that - try to learn more of the narcissistic traits and patterns that may be dangerous to you (in regards or possible reactions) and the others that are dear to you, so you can understand better how the mind works, and also to develop healthy ways to vent. You can also try checking the channels of self-aware narcissists and borderlines, their explanations are usually quite detailed.
It may be not easy, but the path is worth it.
Wish you luck and health both physical and mental.
Your brain is not even developed yet. There is no way they can say you have NPD. You may have Narcissistic traits, but we all do. Drop that therapist and get a new one
The fact that you're upset shows you have an understanding of yourself and self reflection. Most narcissists would react with denial and arrogance and you don't seem to be like that. Good luck and look after yourself
The only time that they are not manipulated is when they are asleep😴
Then they’re dreaming about it and being toxic
Thank you for the reassurance. I really appreciate this video. It's gave me something to hold onto when everything is feeling crazy and hopeless.
Some were those those relationships with my mother, some were with my ex.
Reactive rage with both
Thank you, Danish
Something to remember...
The most loyal dog that gets viciously kicked by its human will eventually bite back
Grey rocking became my defense mostly because I did not want to get into a argument but also because I knew she was and had lied to me and I could not trust her words anymore ...
She was married within a year of my and her relationship ending
This is the best analogy I've ever read & I had no idea about the grey rocking term!
4. Ty, so true...
Haha I got a nice hug from our last interaction to keep my peace mentally and then went grey rock on him. Interacting with him sends me in a mental loop.
Danish! This is to me your MOST POWERFUL video EVER! all you've said! 😫😭😍 no sliming here, I'm so thankful for you!! This helps me and other's so much! I can't find more words! But thank you so so much! Be blessed!🙏🏼
Thank you for sharing this! I have had all of these thoughts cross my mind about myself at some point, and hearing you speak on each of these points, gives me the clarity I need!
I feel so much better. I thought I was acting like them!
Thank you again and again, Danish 😊
My brother & SIL are narcissistic & their favorite hobby is to blame me for every single bad thing that happens in our family. After our mother's funeral, my brother blamed me for her passing away. My SIL said I was the reason my niece was in therapy.
I had to talk with my doctor to find out that I was dealing with narcissists. And every time I visit my father, my chest gets tight because of them.
Try to cut all contact with them if you are able to. They have made you their 'scapegoat' and they will continue to do this for as long as you allow them to.
I'm not a narcissist, but sometimes I like to go on UA-cam and read the comments just to remind myself that I have zero competition in this world
Thank you for sharing your knowledge with us, the guilt is not a joke, it really shakes my core. Speaking of making you feel you are without value, I remember after telling my mother about my brother who sexually abused me when I was a child, I was silent for 20 years but when he got married and had a Daughter😢, I started to have flashbacks of what happened to me and the possibility that it may happen to her, I cried my eyes out Infront of my mother and I asked her the reason why I told you is to protect his daughter and I don't ask you for anything except out of respect to my dignity, don't let him enter our house. Well next day I heard someone laughing downstairs, it was him and my mother laughing and talking like I don't exist. I just froze and stayed in my room for three days without food just the anger boiling in me. Thinking how to get away from all of this. Sorry for over sharing but that kind of treatment really hurts more than the assault itself. Whom you trust after that.
Thanks for this video dr
Such a support for the healing
In course with a narc we as survivors do make choices to survive and they r not against once loyalty
This channel and your videos are amazing. As a personal opinion, you deserve to be heard more than you are. Thank you.
Man, I'm so glad i found this video and watched it and I'm so glad you made it. My ex ruined my life and still continues to do so in any capacity she can (unfortunately we have children together so i still have to deal with her, well not right now, she's kept my kids from me for over a year 😢) and I have never felt as seen as when you said they fo stuff to make you act with aggression and blame it all on you. I broke my foot because of her, I've been shot at because of her and just recently she was in the passenger seat of another car who tried running me off of the road while she gave me the finger. She's turned sooo many people against me, including someone i thought was my friend of 24 years. Possibly even other friends. It's been rough trying to start all over with no one and nothing but I'm trying to take it one day at a time.
You can do it let GOD heal you and help you my friend
Thank you. This really cleared things up for me. My therapist would constantly tell me I wasn’t but the behavior descriptions always caused me to doubt.
Absolutely the best observation ❤ you are the best on every situation about narcissistic abuse
So true, Danish. A narcissist will take u out of urself; hv u saying things that will make u not like urself & feel regretful afterwards; tho it helped me to regain myself becuz this ws not me. Indifference set in & gave me peace
Thank you so much for this video. I suffer from a difficult childhood where I was not much of a child and now I am putting my foot down but getting told things like "it always has to be your way" " it didn't go the way you wanted so you freaked out" I'm starting to think I am a bit narcissistic but then I tell myself I'm just standing up for being treated properly as I was not as a child which then makes me feel like I'm making excuses. This video really helped me understand that I am just healing and have in the past reacted to being pushed to far. I also know that I have snapped at the worng person when over loaded. Thank you again for this video.
Thank you so much. I still find myself doubting but this has helped me immensely.
Thank you for this Danish. This helps so much.
My recent ex partner has given me two major silent treatment earlier in our relationship. The first one was during a weekend getaway. I was bringing in groceries in the cabin that we rented and was coming in and out while making sure that the door was closed properly as I had my young dog inside and I did not want her to get out and run away. I did several trip like that. The second last trip I made, I saw my dog running out of the cabin. I called her back and she would not come. I must not have closed the door properly when I thought that I did. It took me over an hour to get her back running all over the place and calling for her. Well. my partner was so angry with me that he did not address me at all for the rest of the weekend. When I we got home, he broke up with me. A year or two later, this happened again during a weekend getaway. Again, I was the one doing all the organizing, shopping and cooking, etc. When we arrived on site, it was almost time for dinner. While the two of them were lounging in the sun on the deck relaxing, I was the one who had to make dinner. I poor myself a glass of wine and started preparing dinner. It then thought that I should not be the one doing everything while everyone else is enjoying themselves and relaxing. I paid my share, organized, shopped, etc and also deserved to have some down time. Anyway, I went out to the deck with my glass of wine and dared to ask if they could join me inside and help me out with dinner. Again, not only did my partner give me the silent treatment for three days, his mother did too. Again, I was discarded when we got home. I cannot even described how that felt inside. I felt hated, unloved, shamed, humiliated, alone, devalued and traumatized by the fact that not one but two people would feel OK to treat someone like they were treating me. Especially when I always acted in a kind, respectful, helpful and genuine manner towards them. When I say traumatized, I really mean it. I think that it is shortly after that that I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and my symptoms got worse through the years. I was just discarded again two months ago and do not plan on going back. 15 years of this rollercoaster and soul destructive painfulship has run its course.
I seem to attract those types of men in my life. I've always said I am to blaim as well I wasn't strong enough to make the boundries necessary to protect myself, because both of my daughter's biological fathers abused me so much that when my second ex husband started the same things I fought back only to be accused of abusing him because supposedly he wasn't doing anything wrong but I was damaged goods. He smeared me so bad that the minister who officiated our marriage vows wouldn't help me. I lost many friends, I cried myself to sleep at night. Many people tried telling me that oh he loves you so much but in private and at home there was no affection or compassion for my hurts.
Thank you so much. You are the first person to understand the cheating that is not cheating. Absolutely nobody does who hasn't experienced this sort of soul destroying abuse for a long long time.
Danish all your videos are exceptional but this one was not only very very helpful it mirrors my experience so closely in every aspect. I admit I I am really struggling right now to move on my life following him being extremely violent to me which was the final straw and I ran out. I was in another country but came back to my home country and started from scratch all over again. I am deeply affected by events although it's 3 years ago, both physically and mentally. Its all just too horrible, I feel robbed of my life I'm old now and lonely to a degree. But your spot on with your evaluation, absolutely. Thank you.
Thank you SO much for this. I needed this today..just a few hours ago I was doubting myself and questioning my own behaviour when I was living with my narc ex. “Context matters.” I have always had empathy towards others and an abundance of self-reflection and self-awareness and an inherent ability to change. It’s why I clicked on this video. I never saw any evidence that narc ex has these traits in any way shape or form.
Danish’s silence on the issues in Gaza, and his failure to acknowledge Israel's systemic and structural forms of narcissism and oppression, has deeply hurt and destabilized me and other fans. His refusal to address the violence, trauma, and gaslighting perpetrated by the media, government, and society, feels like a betrayal. He’s hiding behind a facade of integrity, empathy, and courage, but her silence reveals hypocrisy, apathy, and cowardice.
It’s time for me to accept the reality that the "narcissistic abuse recovery" industry often gaslights, invalidates, and stonewalls survivors by ignoring critical issues like this. This ongoing silence contributes to a global breakdown in relationships, communities, mental health, and overall safety.
I need to grieve the trust I placed in Danish for my healing and recovery. Moving forward, I will seek guidance from experts in relational abuse and trauma who openly address systemic and structural forms of narcissism and oppression, rather than those who prioritize no. of followers and likes over genuine support for survivors.
Thank you. I really needed this today
If every relationship you've been in over the years (Immediate family members, girlfriends, your wife.) If they are all narcissistic, can a person start acting like a narcissist as well for self-protection? I suspect that is what has happened to me. I was bullied by a lot of people when I was growing up. My first wife is a narcissist, and she would beat me (I don't believe in hitting women) So I would stand there and take it. I was such a simp. After I woke up and got out of the relationship, I met another lady, but the baggage I brought into that relationship was toxic. I was mean, I treated her badly (Never hit her) but I was verbally abusive. She didn't deserve it. I just swore I would never allow a woman to make me a victim ever again. I had heard people in the past say "Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen", I was so naive back then. And that is exactly what I did. So, I acted like a jerk most of the time so I would not be treated like that again. We were together for seven years. I don't know how she put up with me for that long. Luckily for me, she allowed me to see our son on weekends. Now I've been married for nearly 20 years to another woman. We argue, but I think our relationship is a lot healthier. I can still be a jerk sometimes but so can she sometimes. I find that I still have knee-jerk reactions to some of the things she says sometimes. I still get angry really easily and find that I am way less tolerant of things that maybe I should be more tolerant of.
I don't think I'm a narcissist, but then again, maybe I am, what do you think?
When I was with my first wife, I was my natural self, and she took advantage of my gentle nature. She twisted what I would say, then after a while, she would lose it and start punching me in the face. I thought "I'm a man, even if she hits me, I can't tell anyone about that, they'll think I'm some kind of wimp for letting that happen to me." I thought her violence towards me was my fault. That's why I went in the opposite direction of my nature. I hated myself for doing that, but I didn't know how else to be. I guess I stopped trusting people by then. Anyway, that's the past, and praise God I am getting better at this thing called life every day.
Yes absolutely, we can develop narcissistic defenses after toxic relationships but we can also them again, it takes really processing the pain that was caused to release those emotions and start to feel safe again. Childhood wounds are often deeper at the core as well.
@@Dani-lc9hq Thanks. I appreciate that.
I never knew what to call what's doing before. I've never even heard of narcissistic abuse. I always thought she was bipolar or spolied, vindictive.
Everything you say in these videos is exactly what my ex-wife did. How to get kicked out of our bed and I wouldn't be allowed to sleep on the couch, use the blankets or watch your TV because it's all hers. She would get angry over something that was probably insignificant. She always wanted me to call when I was done with work and let her know I was on the way home. If I was 15 minutes late should accuse me of cheating on her. Judy mind I cook and clean and take care of our child. But it was never to her standard. She would then get angry and punish me for it. She would spend money without consequence. Never mind that we had electric, phone, rent, hospital bills all due. But she would buy clothes, even tho her closet was full. I had 2 pairs of pants, for work, and wasnt allowed to even buy used panta at Goodwill.
When she finally left and filed for divorce, she accused me of being abusive for the same reasons you listed. She would poke and poke and irritate and poke and when I finally blew up she would claim,"See you're the abusive one."
At the time i wore eye glasses, i had 3 civilian pair, and 4 military pair. She busted them all and her excuse was "Well, you made me angry."
The worse thing? She got custody and did the same to our son.
Yes, my wife did cheat. Only finding put later. She went to her brothers new years eve party. I had to work. Her sister in law, when she divorced my wifes brother,told me she was humpung and rubbing up on guys and went into the bedroom.
So im kinda glad. Her stds she acquired, layer led to cancer.
Thank you sooo much danish ..you cleared my self doubt 🙏🏻🙏🏻..thank you sooo much lots of love for this awareness❤❤❤❤…
What's sad is narcissists really push us to the point of asking ourselves this and needing to hear that we aren't. I questioned myself for the longest time after my last ex because she tore me down so much.
That was beautiful…thank you ❤.