Unfortunately, there are soooooo many people suffering from narcissistic abuse nowadays it seems to me like the latest trial to mankind. You are most certainly not alone! Sadly.
Finally, we are shedding light on mental issues in Islam. It’s very hard to come across content like this. Child abuse from parents is very real and always swept under the rug with a verse from the Quran. Jazakhallu khairan.
That's one good thing about being an animal. The rest is a painful life. They have to worry about predators 24/7. I especially feel bad for tiny animals like squirrels. Because their parents are tiny, and their babies are tinier.
@@misbahailia3345 true but how do we get away from them I am in a foreign country and it's only her however I can't think about going back to my shitty country but that's what I feel like I gotta do unless I get the scholarship I need for the US I just wanna runn
Salam, I also going through a very through patch with my mom. She has done a lot of painful things but I refrain from disrespecting her. We shouldn’t be comparing our parents to animal. Thanks
I have been waiting for this for long. Next topic: Narcissistic parents : how to make sure you don’t grow up to be narcissist like your parents. Thanks.
Wow me too I can’t believe I just found this subhannalah I was confused for a very long time about how to cope with a mother like this and being Muslim 😭
@@JahannamHellfire thank you for your advice🥺🥺really appreciate it and def make an effort to stay close to Allah and make dua. I want to wake up for Tahajjud but i havent been able yet unfortunately bcuz its so early in the morning and i lack disciplime amd self sabotage as much as i value prayer😥
Why do i get hold accountable for a cruel mother and why do i have to love her unconditionally when she cant even do that as a mother who give birth to her children?!! Where is the justice in that? I feel incredibly frustrated and angry when it comes to this topic. Its very sensitive and needs to be handled very carefully and not put the blame on the child
you don't have to I agree with your frustration. In Islam, you as a child no matter how old you are have the right to set boundaries with a narcissistic parent if you have done everything you can to help them realize the way they are treating you and how much it's hurting you. you have the right to move away and start your own life. you have the right to limit interactions with her.
@@kawazaki23 same, girl. It's scary to live in their world. Just do your best to stay lowkey under their radar and work on building yourself up and becoming independent. If you feel like they will value your concerns and emotions then you can talk to them separately in a calm, direct way so they can see the impact of their behavior from your point of view. If nothing changes after that, then you know Allah is with you and has witnessed them not caring about their child which was given to them as a PRIVELEGE AND GIFT. At that point, it's no longer a battle of you against them, it's a battle of Allah and them & guess who is going to win in that battle? Say what you have to say to them to express yourself and then just start staying silent and private. Don't give them access to your secrets, your daily life etc. no matter how innocent the topic might be. most importantly, learn to say NO. I trained my parents to know that when I say no it means no and if they don't value that there will be consequences. Say no to anything that you feel isn't right for you. You got this and just know you are not alone. Our strength and strong will is what scares narcissists the most. You're going to look back at all they did to you and be so proud of yourself for surviving it all and becoming stronger.
I promise Allah will never expect anything from u that's trult beyond ur capacity. If all u can manage is and eid or ramadaan text once a year or to send her some cash etc now and then if she's elderly, it will suffice as maintaining ties.
@@My_Secret_Sketchbook999 As a person who suffered abuse from my parents, my advice is,if you can afford it seek professional help from a counselor or a therapist. This a deep subconscious issue. It cannot be solved on UA-cam.
Also she riles up siblings against one another. My mum may Allah SWT forgive her and have mercy on her Ameen has oppressed me and used me. She makes life unbearable for me and, I believe that Allah SWT is either punishing me or testing me with such a mother. I used to push back on her behaviour towards me but now I've learnt to be patient and just keep quiet. I'll be moving out soon so she can have her peace and live alone In Shaa Allah.
I wonder if Nafisa has really read into being a narcissist. Fron what I read, seen, experienced and heard. Narcissist do not change, and in some cases become worse. I do not know what profession Nafisa has, i.e to being a psygologist or a psychiatrist, because only then she can confirm that narccissism is destructive to family members on a psygological and emotional level, it has a domino effect because if the daughter is suffering from the mothers or father narcissism, the stress and damage it does to the daughter especially if she is a mother too, the stress of it passes on to her marriage and children, sometimes you need to keep your distance to protect your own mental health.
Exactly. What I do is, I will just send her what she needs but I avoid talking to her. One of the truth in this video is - the narcissistic mother will also harm your children and spouse. She harmed my children and I am also divorced partly because of her. Walaahawlawala quwata illa billah 😓
I'm a revert sister. My mother is a narcissistic. I have anorexia and body dismorphic disorder because of her. I cutted ties with her some years ago. I still make Dua for her. And I feel really guilty for having to cut ties with her since I'm a Muslim and I know this is not permissible. Please make Dua for me that I have the strength to call her.
Making dua for someone is a form of keeping ties. Sending cards or letters is also a form of cutting ties. Seeing someone rarely if they affect your health is still you keeping ties. There is no how to on keeping ties, it can come in many forms and remember your body is an amaanah. Don't let others misuse the religion to make you feel you should put yourself in an abusive situation. There is also hadith that I dont have reference for regarding a man that came to the Umar RA complaining about his elder kids not kissing and hugging him. He did not reprimand the children but he did the father as he said you did not give them that right as a child. Moral of the hadith is a child right is actually above the parents
I'll make Du'a for you. What you're going through with your Mum is so common trust me. I'd start with voice messages on WhatsApp. That's also keeping ties. You could even stay with that, instead of calling. UA-cam search "Jamila Jamil body shaming mothers". I'll keep you in my Du'as.
In Islam the heaven is under a mothers feet IF the mother is acting like she should as a mother! If the mother is harming the child, some mother molest estagfrullilah the child, they are NOT obligated to stay in contact with her. Be careful what you are teaching the world, you never know what some children are experiencing. I can't even watch this.
I set boundaries. But my mom said "stop being such a sensitive person" and continue disregard my boundaries. What am I gonna do? Today I'm suffering with severe anxieties and PTSD for putting up with my mom for so long. I had always helped her since kid until married even when I didn't know anything about Islam but she disregard all my help and still giving me a hard time to live. Today I don't see her anymore because I don't wanna put my mental health at stake anymore. The last time she being selfish, my anxieties that I have been surpressing for so long started exploded , I broke down, cried so loud, I never got listened to by my mother but she wants me to always listen to her, I don't wanna experience that anxiety breakdown anymore, I deserve to be love and respected as a person. I am staying no contact now as I want to heal. The wound is deep. Everytime I go back to visit her, me and my spouse got belittled. Did I tell her my boundaries, I hate it when she does that? Yes. But she always say "stop being so sensitive, learn to be tough" and continue saying negative words to us. The world falls apart everytime me and my husband meet her. I just need peace. Tell me what I should do when my boundaries isn't even respected. The only way I can do is staying no contact because even by phone call my mom's negative words can ruin me. Even by text, she wrote and said I should learn to tolerate others, what, so I should continue to tolerate you belittling me for fun and put my mental health at stake?? I cannot suffer anymore of this, I cannot take any mental pressure from her anymore. So, I cut contact with her. I want to heal. My husband willingly to help me accept calls whenever my mom calls. But even so the call always ends with frustration because of my mom's attitude. My husband told my mom I am having severe anxieties and mental breakdown. She didn't believe. She said, of course psychiatrist/councellors/ will diagnose you with those sickness because they want to make money! Even when staying no contact, I pray for her every night, I asked God to give her hidayah and wake her up so she understand what she had done to me and have empathy to me.
This is a subject I know all too well. I was grew up with narcissist and that's siblings and parents. I don't like saying raised by them. I was technically raised by the community. For example I got my first training bras and deodorant by older sister out of mockery. A school substitute taught me how to tie my shoes, my 6th grade teacher taught to wear put on my first pad. My aunt caught me praying while on my menstrual and told me that was forbidden, etc etc etc. I like to say I also raised myself. Growing up is mandatory but raised takes works and that's not what narcissistic mothers don't want this. I was also groomed for a world of heartche. Married narcs and had friends who also narcissistic traits....I agree with everything you said especially the advice of going no contact. This is a test from Allah. But limited contacted is a must!! NPD is a disease of the heart. To say this is a mental illness is completely wrong. Western psychologist said there's no cure for this and reason why is that it's not mental illness. It's a disease of the heart. You could find the answer in Islam. Their hearts are sealed and Allah has turned away from them. Iblees was the first narcissist.... please sisters do your research. I get annoyed when I hear mental illness. Most people with mental illness are not evil. Narcissists are shayateens in the human form. They are evil and the disease of the heart is contagious too. You just have research it look up kabr and disease of the heart. There are plenty of hadiths talking about this. Last but not least! I'm in no contact with my narcissistic mother after she tried to kill me and my children and this was done through black magic. Those kinship ties have been severed by Allah. There are cases like this and remember it's okay to go no contact with her if you know she practices magic. This is your safety on the line and anyone who does magic is the enemy of Allah.
Salaam my sister. Totally agree with you, it's not a mental illness. Occidental psy want to find a non religious based reason, and they ignore the good and the bad. Narc are shayatin.
@@mimicoeur5823 thank you sister. May Allah increase us in knowledge because this is serious matter. It's important to put out the correct information because you never know who's listening and who's life you are Saving... these people can do damage and possibly end your life if they know they could get away with it
I've been a victim of scapegoated family abuse where both my sister and father have NPD and my mothered repressed me and enabled them my whole life. The heart is an organ with no rols to play in emotions. The brain is, im a psychology major (like most scapegoats) and brain scans have revealed the area odf their brain associated with empathy is abnormal. They have increased defense responses and anger issues, above all theyre bottomless pits of self pity and arrogance. I call it mental illness ans pstychological disorder because it is, but I also feal Allah may punish me if I believe them to have their heart sealed and blinded. But then again ive been manipulated to feel guilt for exposing them from a young age. How did you deal with this?
SubhanAllah 😢😢my mom pays my uncle (her brother) and others to do sihir on us (me and my siblings and father) they are all on her side since I moved out idek how I will find a good husband no one talks to me I tried so many times we are going almost four years no communication
you're definitely describing my mother. Its quite unfortunate and I have no plans of rekindling her toxic behavior towards me... I dont believe that is what Allah wants for me 🤷🏾♀
Everyone, including our parents, has to do their part to not cause individuals to cut ties. Passing a test doesn't necessarily mean you have to put up with her abuse. A person who has never experienced a narcissistic person is not the same as someone who has even if they have empathy and sympathy towards them or have a degree in human behavioral sciences. We are not supposed to allow ourselves to be oppressed if we can avoid it. Sometimes we have to love our narcissistic parents from afar. Some of our narcissistic parents have caused us to develop illnesses that gets worse as long as we're around them. Some of these parent's presence alone and or the sound of their voice is enough to trigger extreme anxiety. Our test with our abusive parents may be when we have the ability, if we're going to continue to accept it or get away when they refuse to stop.
I had hormonal breast cancer stage 3B and I'm worried abt relaps if I still have to deal w her passive aggressive manipulation. I've been trying grey rock method, but at times I'm still triggered. Even by her incoming call/message. I'm in hypervigilance for ±40y
💯💯💯⭐⭐⭐ People who haven't experienced this personally can NEVER know how DEBILITATING it is to live in fight or flight for most (if not all) of your life. CPTSD is very real. I was wanting to post something to explain this but the thought of explaining it was draining already & then I saw your post & I couldn't have said it better myself! No matter how empathetic 1 is if you haven't had 1st hand experience or personally witnessed the abuse of a narcissistic parent, you cannot fathom what it's like. Who wants to go no contact? It is the last resort to save yourself from something serious like a mental / emotional breakdown or worse. It is traumatic heart wrenching emotional turmoil
Been going through so much because of my mother & still everyone thinks it's my fault because they haven't had a mother like her :') Jazakallah khairun thankyou so much for this video . Please keep highlighting such issues
I am so sorry to hear that! Indeed many people will not believe you because either they are unaware of such personality disorders or they choose not to believe in it and blame the child for everything. Sadly in this life not all illnesses are seen as illnesses, if the person looks physically fine and can reason to some level; most people will refuse to understand that they may not be fully mentally healthy. Stay strong dear and I ask Allah to give some relief from this so you can build your own life as a healthy person.
@@NafisasPearlz thankyou for understanding ♥️ inshallah he will I'm trying my best & i hope he will make mw a stronger better person out of this ameen ♥️ Also please continue making such videos as therapy & counseling aremt much common in third world countries :3 please make a detailed video for kids living with such parents , coping mechanism & stuff ♥️ thankyou once again may Allah bless you immensely for your efforts sister
@@NafisasPearlz and some narcissit will pretend good infront of others......,so when i try to tell relatives they Will just say” its ur dad, even if he humiliate u ,u need to respect him, we Are muslims, bla bla”..... then i just close my mouth.
JazakAllah Khayrun for speaking about this topic!I tried many times to speak with my mother about my feelings but I would get reprimanded on how ungrateful I was, how I was too sensitive or how “Western culture” was influencing me too much (my parents are West African). However, last year I went to therapy for an extensive period of time and it was apparent that my feelings towards my mother were justified. I love my mother and I have learned that her behavior is a result of her own mother physically and emotionally abandoning her. I still maintain a relationship with her but when it comes to intimate parts of my life and my growth, I no longer share those with her. Insha’Allah, I want to pass this test.
You have no idea how important this video is. Ive been aearching for a video exactly like this and there arent many resources. Thank you for this content
The way I have dealt with it has been love However it hurt me further, I live close, and when they need me I go. But I don't take anything they do or say seriously. Childish emotional abuse is constant from them. Now they use my children against me. The only thing I can say is that I work against them by consciously doing everything differently with my children. To show them and my children that unconditional love is true and alive.
Sis I would advice in a similar situation to move away. For your children's sake....then you don't have make excuses. You can always call or visit once in a while in that case
Checked EVERY point! Through her, I learnt how unhealed traumatised people can be so so toxic to others! The only answer is distance, you CAN'T change them, trust me. Everyone needs to help themselves first.
The Bible instructs us to separate from evil, and also instructs parents not to oppress, frustrate, or lead their children to wrath. It's sometimes necessary to go no contact. ❤
I think it´s important to mention that some of these parents can have a lot of good characteristics as well, but that it doesn´t give them a "free card" to ruin your life or to control you. Please, do make duaa for them and wish health and good things for them, but just somehow make your own life where you don´t need to depend on them. Sadly, we will always have a deep need for our parents emotionally, but then take that as a sign of a healthy heart. Do not harbour any hate, but just keep on trying to improve yourself. You genuinely want them, but they only want "love with conditions" so to speak, and for most Muslim parents, it means "Do EXACTLY as I say, even let me choose your life-partner, and I will "love" you". Loyalty in their culture means selling your soul to them almost. They will say weird things like "If a girl marries a man by trusting her parents blindly, Allah will bless her". Then when you´ll be unhappy in your marriage, they really still won´t be on your side. They will still blame something on you. So where´s that blessing they were talking about? It was just a control tactic. Emotional blackmailing and using religion to control children. DON´T let them make your big life decisions. You´ll only end up bitter, stuck in childhood incidents and possibly even ill from never standing up for yourself. Keep on helping them when they need, but always go to your own safe sanctuary afterwards (which can only happen by moving away). Often, these mothers will do dramatic things to punish you and to keep a narrative in front of your relatives or the community, but then KNOW that Allah sees all. For example, they might deliberately not call you when they were very ill at home, or when they fainted at the doctor´s office. Then they´ll speak loudly on the phone to your aunt or sibling, and say "I have no one. I fainted alone at the doc´s office, and I often cry alone in the park". It might even be true, but it´s used to "put you in your place" emotionally. They KNEW that you´re a child good enough to even leave work and come to help them, but because you aren´t in their favour, they have decided to punish you like that. And it will hurt like hell when a sibling or aunt calls you to say "Please, I´m not blaming anyone, but can you just be a nicer person?" That´s a mission accomplished for such parents. They "won" by spreading the narrative of an "old, helpless, badd-naseeb, abandoned" parent who has bad, good for nothing, selfish children. But Allah sees. It´s a small comfort when you´re hurting, cause you think "Allah, you see but you don´t help me?", but please know that other people´s judgement and wrong impressions will weigh absolutely nothing on the Day of Judgement. We human-beings are fragile and want it all now, but that´s why we need to work on strengthening our imaan.
Thank you for this wellput thought. You verbalised what I analyzed over these past few months on the events of my entire childhood. I feel guilty sometimes bc i'm not good enough of a child, yet i can't seem to bear her presence bc of her verbal abuse. Anyway many mixed feelings weighting me down.
@@myriam221 Sis ❤️, we’re in it together. Pretty invisible, because we never let on to our communities that our parents’ behaviour is troublesome, but we are MANY (sadly!). I wish it wasn’t so taboo in Muslim circles to say ”I love my parents, but I’m near a breakdown because of their toxicity”. People immediately judge you if you dare say anything. Toxic, stubborn parents with unreasonable expectations and an entitled sense of ownership of their children is a huge reality among Muslims, yet all scholars often say is ”Have sabr. Respect your parents”. How does one become a better believer when one is constantly in fight or flight mode around the ones who are supposed to be our safety net? This needs to be addressed urgently!
@@myriam221 You ARE a good enough child, because here you are…expressing sadness over not having support in your mother. Please, do not walk in Shaytaan’s trap, who wants us to be down in depression. He wants us to see ourselves with the eyes of those who don’t really see us at all. Myriam, don’t see yourself with other people’s eyes (who criticise you). Know that only Allah swt can truly SEE you correctly. Please continue crying your heart out to Allah ❤️. Don’t get tired of begging, imploring. He WILL see you through it. Make Istikhaara, and if you need to, move away from your mother. Only Allah knows how close we are to just giving up 🥺. IF you need to save your own mental health, do so! You are no good for other ppl, you cannot save them unless you are strong and healthy yourself. Nobody can pour from an empty jar, right. Take care sis 🤲🏼💛. May Allah swt help us all!
I think distancing but still being a little connected to it is wise ... it might be a test but life isn't just about being involved in this ... one has to stay mentally healthy to raise healthy families in future for the society.
@@JahannamHellfire It’s better for your relationship with your parents, and also for your mental health. Limit contact, but don’t cut them off. This type of parenting falls under oppression, and in Islam you’re allowed to remove yourself from what’s harming you.
I am still not sure if I have narsissitic people in my life (mother and husband) but by God talking about my needs feels like a sin, talking about my problem feels like being ungratefull, talking about my feelings feels like I have gone mad.
same, i told my mother that I don't like her micromanaging me and that I felt she was being too critical, and she decided not speak to me for 2 months...
Yes me too! There's no empathy from the person. Bring underweight I'm trying to eat more she comes and tells me I'm eating to much and controls my Intake 3 times a day she will put food in the bowl that's all I can eat. If I ask for more then we have to buy more and the covid stores are closed any excuse so I don't eat more. I have started to order ensure from Amazon so I get something extra calories
@@romaiseb hahahahaa thats so my mum . I honestly cut off completely whn i asked her to stop humiliating me, critisize me because im depressed ( MISTAAAAAKEEEE NEVER SHOW YOU DOING BAD they love it !!l ) . She laughed so hard in a evil way, telling me im pathetic blablabla. So people there is not point to tell them what they doing wrong THEY WILL NEVER ASSUME IT , it will always be their child fault because they are victims
She's touching lightly on the subject because of the responsibilities that come with kinship in Islam. Which is great but I'd prefer a much realistic approach when it comes to giving advice such as "everyone's situation is different so find out what works for you... " For example there two types of narcissist and some are more unbearable and physically violent whereas the others are covert and could be a detriment to your long-term health....or in rare some cases like mine, they're literally practicing black magic and that's non-negotiable! If Islam forbids you take another's life except for self defense then that's fine. The penalty to such activities is death and this witch would've been gone by now if we lived in a Muslim country....I went no contact 4+ years and still attacking me with magic. Imagine that 🙄
@@amalmystic11 😭😭Amal I can relate to what you have wrote. AhoothiBillah it’s my mother to a T and since I’ve moved out she turned my siblings against me all 10. I’m just praying and asking Allah to grant her Hidaya
She doesn't understand how narcissism work. My mother is a malignant covert narcissist. Any contact with her is traumatic. There is no way that God wants us to traumatize ourselves ولا تلقوا بأيديكم إلى التهلكة
In my 28yrs of life, I have never heard anyone use my name in a sentence, people normally just say wisdom in English, so thank you for being the first 😊
One thing I would like to point out is sometimes it is not possible to maintain ties with a narcissistic mother. Especially when this costs yr health resulting in severe mental health issues. I strongly believe the Almighty would not wish for its creation to tolerate this but I feel no contact is best to protect one's wellbeing. And Allah knows best.
Thank you sister so much for talking about a topic which is very very rarely talked about. Because mostly lectures are just about parents rights in Islam and children's duties towards them. But this kind of balances things out.
You're welcome. It is indeed an issue that our leaders can not avoid for much longer. They too must "stay woke" on the modern day issues that this generation is suffering from and let the people k ow that Islam does have the answer to all trials that we may face. A balance of the reality is very important because a child also grows up to become a parent so if they are kessed up as a child, they.may be messed up as adults thus the pain continues to the next generation. May Allah guide us all.
You are concerned by this which shows that you have empathy. Narcissists rarely have true empathy. I believe you will not be one for as long as you have empathy.
I’m not a Muslim. But..thank you for bringing this topic to light on your forum! Abuse cuts across all cultures and values. Blessings to you, all, and all positive endeavors😊
My mother in a nutshell. May Allah give me sabr to deal with her. I prioritise my mental health. I keep her at a distance for my own sake. But I have not completely cut ties.
This is a well researched and articulate video that can certainly help a people suffering through this situation understand the tropes of a narcissistic mother and the mechanisms they deploy to exercise control and enforce obedience, but respectfully the message somewhat lost credibility for me when Nafisa emphasized that as Muslims we cannot completely sever ties with our narcissistic mothers and in the same breath she says @7:11 that Allah has blessed her with wonderful parents. I'm sorry but no matter how many people you coach, you cannot empathize with the full extent of what it is to live through having a narcissistic mother, to be victimized and yet be the one who keeps on trying with this person only to be rebuked and met with humiliation. While I believe this advice is well intentioned, it should be exactly that, "advice" not some of kind of forceful instruction that will reinforce feelings of those same feelings of guilt that a narcissistic mothers employs to groom their children. As a mental health coach, you need to be very mindful of your approach and would do well to spend some time reviewing proper counselling techniques and the concept of unconditional positive regard before you cause more harm to people who are already hurting in ways you cannot understand.
Actually it's not well-researched at all, just the same shallow and standard stuff you hear. Dr Mona Al Yedreessy has a great channel on this, and she's also a scholar in Fiqh and Hadith interpretation. You'll find her thoughts on this a lot more profound, compassionate, and validating. ua-cam.com/video/VoVkw-4Ai3I/v-deo.htmlsi=ShkLj33XAzPsPSXt
And I really resent it when people who haven't experienced this abuse firsthand chide and lecture those who have with the 'But sHe Is YouR MoTheR' reproach. Give me a break. Some of these narcs are as maternal as a rabid pitbull.
As-Salaamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu Dear Brothers and Sisters, Alhamdulilah Allah is the Best of Helpers! I've had many narcissist people in my life but Alhamdulilah, Allah has freed me from them after many years. Now I'm at peace finally and finally able to get the help I have needed for so long. Surely Allah is with the patient.
I'm blamed for everything that goes wrong with her. When trying to set boundaries and asking her to refrain from speaking bad about those I love, she sees it as such disrespect from me. I really don't know how much I can take anymore. I technically should stay silent not to hurt her feelings to the point of drepression. It's affecting me greatly to the point of psychological breakdown. It's affecting my marriage and how I deal with my own children. I feel I'm becoming her as she was the only role model I grew up with. The only thing that's keeping me from committing suicide is Allah. Embracing Islam saved my life and I see all this as my test now. Someone from the church once told me to just leave my mom and live my own life. I couldn't do that years later I became Muslim and knew despite everything I should stay with her. Things just got 100x worse after I got married. It's extremely hard.
Beautifully said and put but i want to point in my case my narcissist mother doesnt respect boundaries. According to my experience narcissists dont comprehend that its because of their behavior and abuse we put up boundaries, they very much take boundaries as an personal attack and in most cases they fight back stronger.
Indead, that's exactly what I'm dealing with, it made things more complicated, now she playing the victim and calling me ungrateful child who doesn't know how to treat thier mothers right and all I wanted was some peace of mind.
Jazakallah khayr for speaking about this topic. I respect how you not only discussed a rarely talked about topic, but also how you have taken an Islamic perspective. Your video brings relief to many of us, who now know we haven't been suffering alone. May Allah (swt) reward you for all the genuine & good work you do.
If we use an extreme example of a narcissistic mother selling her child into prostitution, I believe most would agree with cutting ties. We have to draw the line somewhere. please don’t downplay emotional and verbal abuse. If you don’t get away fast enough, women will often get with a narcissistic spouse. We don’t have to tolerate bad people because they are our parents.
Jazakallahu khairan for this video u understand. Many counselors study narcissism but dont fully understand eapecially in the muslim realm where rights of the parents are comstantly thrown on u whether they are following islam or not. After doing years of recovery and figuring out ways to manage my relationship with my mom who has borderline symptoms ive realised its an ongoing process, and the pain of the emtional dettatchment from my mom for my protecttion still hurts, and a way to present urself to potentials without presenting urself as coming from dysfunction and trying to explain to those that depend on their parents and are close to their parents that u didnt have that and its not ur fault is challenging. Its the ultimate test from Allah SWT. My dad was also overtly narcissistic but we had to cut him out.
SubhanAllah how difficult is this to eccept even you know in your heart its true. May Allah bless you sister, no one ever explained this topic so beautifully.
When parents abuse their children, they forfeit some of their rights from the child. According to the degree of abuse, the parent forfeits their rights. Came across this concept from Islamic videos on UA-cam. Just wanted to share with everyone.
Slapped and still going on... went to hospital for head injury... thank you sister....now I need to take measures to keep us both safe ... and set healthy boundaries.
Thank you for this video sister. May Allah bless you. I’ll really like to say more but I’ll just say may Allah make life easier for every child going through those parents.
exactly,thats what i endure, a controling narcist mother, conditional love, seeing me the daughter as competition or puppet for showing for the outside meanwhile my needs are not being met at all, theres no deep emotional connection, just two days of lovebombing and then begins the agression, every day,week,months,years,my whole life. As im sitting here typing this, i feel stuck that Allah putted me in this i never could have get out of at all.
I was so mentally damaged from my narcissist husband that I was believing myself to be evil and even narcissist. I came to this video thinking I must have all these traits and just sighed a breath of relief knowing it’s not me at all. Thank you sister and bless you for these videos and Allah protect us all from these qualities
It's sad because a narcissistic mother will then raise and enable a narcissistic child. People who become the scapegoats of that family suffer the most as a result. The mother and the narcissistic child will team up against the scapegoat and it's sad how this could sever family ties.
being a narcissistic mother is not a good thing because the children mostly suffer from it without her knowing..... lets be gentle speak with them with love and care 💖
@Dua with Irum the problem is so many people misinterpret narcs and think they know all about their nature to sympathise with the monsters instead of victims. Its messed up and ignorant. Not everyone shud have an opinion on these sensitive issues especially without knowledge and experience. Only us victims and true qualified experts have a right to judge and make claims
Alhamdulillahi rabbil alamin I thank you sister for making this video May Allah reward you I was married to a covert narcissist Muslim woman for 11 years and we have 4 kids together and I saw every sign but I didn’t know what narcissist behavior or characteristics were until after we divorced and she could me a narcissist smh so I realized she was projecting and I googled the word narcissist and I was blown away
Jazak Allah khair dear sis for detailing about this topic. Indeed it is a very delucate issue. I was raised by, and still live with a covert narc. I was depressed, suicidal, and codependent. Got married to a narc and thats when Allah guided me to understand NPD and then i could leave that husband after 6 yrs and get back to narc mom but with treatment. Finally after 3 years of therapy i am better. She is same as far as her personality is concerned. But since i started putting up boundaries 2 yrs back so that she could not hurt me all the time. So the abuse still happens but less intense and less frequently. I still get conditional love, but i am 40 now and i have grown out of depending on need to be lived n acknowledged by her, i just tell myself that its not coming so why expect/wait. Whatever i do, i don't get credit for it, i still do whenever Whatever i can do without hurting myself bcz Allah commanded for it. However, i get stuck in deciding where to draw the line between hurt amd no hurt. Motherly live and conditional love, true dua and saying dua just for sake of saying bcz she needed to say it bcz she is mom..... its still all very confusing and it will always be confusing i think. She is in her late 60s. Some medical illnesses are there too. I can't change her personality but boundaries help a lot. It however feels awful to remind her of boundaries again n again. Sis Nafisa, i hv oberved tht every time i do something good for her which i beyond her expectation, she gets into her narc shoes again...as if it was some trigger or food for that narc wolf inside. When i ignore her trying to put me back in my codependent shoes and hold my ground, i see that she gets better and turns into a not-hurting not-manipulating person for few days...
To those of you who feel like your mothers are worst than what I described, it is likely that she is not suffering from narcissism but rather maybe a sociopath or psychopath, those are next level issues and in that case you must contact a scholar in terms of how to keep relations with her while keeping some distance to keep your self safe and ask if that would be permissible within the religion. I will not put my deen in danger by telling you to break your family ties when I don't know your specific family situation. I repeated what the Quran and prophet said and for anyone who feels brave enough to tell someone to break their family ties, I hope you can deal with the consequences when Allah asks you on the day of judgement! Don't give harsh advise without knowing the full details of someone's case. YOU WILL HAVE ALLAH TO ANSWER TO! May Allah guide us all.
As salaamu alaikum sister, jaakillahu khairan for this video...am dealing with 3 narsissistic people in my lifefright now n its like hell.....you mentioned there are duas we can make to protect ourselves...can you plz tell which duas are those.????? i know one is dua e taif....please, please make dua for me...jaakillahu khairan
@@rubyyyy7777 may Allah guide u ne protect u ya rab......do all general dhikr, and of u can sometimes, maybe minimum one nigit per week make tahajjud prayer nd do sincere dua. There Are some occasions that duas Are most likely to be accepted, for example when its raining, in sujood, in friday , etc etc Google that. When u do ur dhikr daily several times per day dont forget durood Sharif: salawat on profet pbuh....
Can you give more examples as how to deal with our narcissistic Muslim moms to have boundaries when they start smears their own children in the society? JazaKAllah!
I know right. If I disagree with her, she will humiliate me in public. She won't accept any kind of advice because she feels that she doesn't need one. I am your mother and you have no right to advice me, she says this ever so often. How to set boundaries with such a person. So I don't break ties from her but kept a distance. I will send her food, fruits and what she needs but I won't sit down to talk to her. Talking to her will almost always end up making me super annoyed..
Give them their full rights since born. When children lack the attention and nurturing from parents (and I mean the basics) they become self absorbed and entitled, then start to gaslight people.
Jasakallahu Khayr. Just find out your channel in the last few months and I can’t stop watching majority of your videos. It helped me a lot especially during this pandemic where it’s hard to find someone to seek advice from. May Allah SWT bless you and increase your knowledge. Keep the great work my sis❤️
are you a licensed mental health provider? I’m a Muslim therapist and I can confirm that people that suffer from narcissistic personality disorder are EXTREMELY resistant to change. To advise people that they will be religiously punished for cutting ties with someone that is destroying their mental health (which I have seen lead to suicide attempts) is kind of irresponsible and can amplify symptoms of trauma and abuse. Allah swt is the most understanding and forgiving, young Muslims if you feel like you are mentally broken and cannot tolerate it…cut ties and make dua for her healing from afar. It is not worth putting your life at risk.
I also feel like the phrase ‘cutting ties’ has been taken out of context. For me, going no contact doesn’t mean cutting ties, but rather it’s just reducing the exposure you have to that person. Cutting ties is rather disowning yourself or disowning them, which ironically is what a lot of these parents threaten their children with
@@romaiseb yeah I hate how they try to use islam as an excuse what do I dooo she also tries to control thru food wth and I am in a foreign country with this psycho and I have the classicall Scapegoat and Golden child situation what do I do I am scared of going back to my shitty country just to escape her
My mother is narcissist. I can't even communicate with her. She used to run away from home to emotionally blackmail my father and she also tries to cut ties with me to manipulate me after I tell her how her actions have hurt me.
Thank you for the video, sister. It’s an important topic, and is very little discussed by Muslim mental healthcare workers. However. I wish to add that abandonment does not only happen physically. There is emotional abandonment as well, and many Muslim mothers do that. Physical abandonment, though rare, does happen within Muslim mothers also.
she hitted me, letted me to be abused mentally,physically by my siblings. I always thought she was dumb and blaming me,putting stuff under the rug. I feel so sick now i understand all the narcist abuse i went trough by isolation and abuse by narcist parents and siblings so i stayed way to long, no one could help me, no where to go till this day, the mental mindgames make me so sick,i have no one but Allah, their intimidations,stalking and passive agression everytime is just mindboggling.
I just cried my heart out asking Allah for help and this vid came up jazakallah u made me realise that i am not abnormal for being able to endure my mothers painful behaviour
@@NafisasPearlz may Allah bless you always and give you the best in this world and the hearafter I feel better after hearing what you said truly .. Had some dark thoughts on my mind but you came at the right time ,, its funny because I don't usually listen to talks but your channel randomly popped up and I didnt think to click but that one click changed the perspective and reassured me deeply . love you sis
Wallahi a much needed topic. Especially in the realm of parenthood , especially in mothers. جزاك اللهُ خيرًا ya Nafisa. Dear sister in your Ramadan nighttime routine video, when you were leaving for Taraweeh, when you were showing us what you were bringing in your bag, I really like the handbag and wanted to know where did you get the handbag!
Waiyakum sister, glad you found it interesting. The bag was from a local boutique in South East London (peckham near Barclays Bank. Unfortunately it is unbranded so I don't know the brand that made it. I'll have a look online for you and I find a similar one, I'll reply back to this comment insha'Allah.
Thank you for this video! I have been going through this for as long as I can remember with my dad. All we can do is pray for them & try and pass this test
thank you for this video, this is specific to us muslims because we definitely cant go no contact because of our religion, right now i am trying to greyrock because going no contact is not an option . ladies and gents can we make a community on discord or reddit so that we discuss our relationships with narcissists.
My mother constantly hurts me. Even in my 50 now. I call her because I feel guilty and fear Allah but she constantly verbally abuses me and blames me. It affects me mentally
I am obtaining more knowledge with deen everyday I’m sorry sister I disagree with you there I cannot and will not for my own sanity keep in contact with my mother after I move out she has not only physically taunted me , also emotionally and allowed for my younger sisters to react in the same manner towards me … they are atheist in the only practicing one even though we were all born into Islam and also has radicalised me because I chose Allah thallah over her … the abuse I have and still am enduring is so much they have even told me to commit suicide … and your saying go stay I contact with evil shaitanic ummah like them … I’m sorry but I’ve already enjoyed torture fir over thirty years I want my own peace of mind and that for me is cutting off my toxic family as Allah thallah is my witness to everything they have done to me I will not carry in living or communicating with such abusive people … they are oppressing and I’ve read somenwhere that Allah thallah punishes the oppressants and a persons mental health is important so can a victim still be in contact with their abuser that doesn’t make sense to me and it’s not the right kind of message for people who are suffering domestic abuse from their mother maybe it’s because you have never experienced it so you will never be in the victims place … all I need is myself and Allah thallah and that’s the message you should be spreading to the abused Allhamdullilah
I agree. Mine is and has always been aware of what she was doing because she didn't treat my siblings like she treated me and she also would turn her behavior off in front of others. She would threaten me that I better not "tell family business". Translation "You better not tell anyone what type of person I really am and how horrible I am to you. I have an image to present."
To everyone living with a narcissistic person , i know it feels like no one understands us but Allah does trust me big on this & he makes such people understand too , he is with the just even tho their non-muslims so we are his people his servants !!! I've witnessed it with my own eyes so hold on to him he will give your reward of tour sabr in hereaftwr & he will teach those people in this world too i promise :)
@@peymokzebari3287 you're welcome love ❤️ Allah saved you alhumdulilah I'm so proud of you for already being strong & good despite all the toxicity & i pray that he is going to grant you a great husband & a beautiful family ❤️ my father has a few signs too & as she mentioned they are our test so let's stay strong & bear them like warriors ! jannah & worldly success both awaits us okay ? ❤️
@@peymokzebari3287 heyyyy love i can totally understand but not wholely only Allah can . comeon if someone calls you kafir are you kafir ? astaghfirulla no & no matter what people say even if the whole world turns against you Allah is all seeing all hearing all knowing . people called Hazrat Muhammad PBUH a magician & Hazrat Maryam & Ayesha A.S what not ? Hazrat Ibrahim A.S father was toxic & abusive to him top & so was that Firaun to Hazrat Musa A.S . so my love do not worry . Allah chose to test us this way because he loves us more over others . He is going to show your father of how greaat a blessing you were as a daughter to him but his eyes are blind maybe but your lord is all seeing so do not worey about anyone but Allah ❤️ Stay true no matter whT okay ? & don't be sorry i have an insta acc as @amuslimbuddie if you wanna ever talk about something do msg me their okay ? more power to you my brave sister ! I'm going to pray tahajud now too because my sister mentioned it & will pray for you loads okay ? smile for me for once ehhhhh ? that's like my pretty sister ❤️
@@peymokzebari3287 Alhumdulilah . we like people like us maybe that's why your father liked him . I'm glad you're intelligent enough to understand Allah's wisdom behind hardships mashallah not everyone is as mature & intelligent as you my sis ❤️ sure I'll be waiting for you on insta
Please make dua for me. My mother treats me very bad. She looks at my so badly. She swears me and curses me. EVERY SINGLE DAY. please pray for me. Please
Thank you for providing an Islamic Perspective. I needed to hear this and it’s brought me ease knowing that making boundaries does not equal going against the will of Allah (SWA) in terms of honouring the mother. I recommend that everyone watch the full video through to the end as it expands upon the comment of not cutting ties.
My mother is narcissist. I hate my mother. She ruin my life. She always threatening me with Jannah. If I don’t do everything she wants me to do, I won’t go to Jannah. For example she asked me to do 100 things and I did 99 things for her, she still can says that I’m not a good daughter. She control my life for 40 over years. I can’t take it anymore. So now I just don’t care anymore. I can’t stand her anymore.
All mothers in the world, should protect their children , I do not understand why you can not. I have 2 boys, and have always protected and loved them.
I pray that I will not be a narcissist mother 🙏🏾 alhamdulliah I do not have a narcissist mother. I would love to see a video on how to deal with narcissistic fathers. I think that is more prevalent in my community.
No contact is the best. Ehsan means be urs best.. This is my best that I cant communicate to her as it gives me nightmares..I cant sleep..I cant be in my own self..the little girl in me cries and fights with me that why I am talking to ppl who abused me physically,psychologically,emotional.Allah knows my mental status ..I cant stand my mom and her enabler husband and flying monkeys dancing on her commands..
It's my birthday today and I just had big session of crying over new fight with mother..wish she could understand at least 1% of me.. its so painful. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't live like this anymore.
I think alot of the issues would be the same but just arise in different situations? But it would be nice to have a video on how to deal with that kind of MIL.
My entire life my mom abused me in every way you can possibly think of, when she could've physically abused me when I got married, she continued every other type of abuse, and started to abuse my husband. Now, I stood up to her, set boundaries. The only thing I will do, is call her and keep it very short. Will not visit her because she accused me of wanting her house, which isn't true.
I hope I never become a narcissistic mother to my children , ya Allah make me an excellent mother to my kids Ameen
Ameen. Mah Allah make us all great parents.
Ameen, ya Rabb 😊
Ameen. Me too.
Ameen and also me :)
Aameen...
It brings me great relief and pain to find out I have not suffered alone...
Unfortunately, there are soooooo many people suffering from narcissistic abuse nowadays it seems to me like the latest trial to mankind. You are most certainly not alone! Sadly.
11:57 competition 😢😢😢
Finally, we are shedding light on mental issues in Islam. It’s very hard to come across content like this. Child abuse from parents is very real and always swept under the rug with a verse from the Quran. Jazakhallu khairan.
Yes, sadly 😔
Sister, I'm sending you biggest n warmest hug 🫂💝
If people were fearing Allah more we wouldnt have this issue in our community .
truth
It's sad when animals are better parents than some human 😔
Walla its true.....i was just thunking that,,,,like how come someone has so much evil in their heart soul body....
This made me cry 😢
That's one good thing about being an animal.
The rest is a painful life. They have to worry about predators 24/7. I especially feel bad for tiny animals like squirrels. Because their parents are tiny, and their babies are tinier.
@@misbahailia3345 true but how do we get away from them I am in a foreign country and it's only her however I can't think about going back to my shitty country but that's what I feel like I gotta do unless I get the scholarship I need for the US I just wanna runn
Salam,
I also going through a very through patch with my mom.
She has done a lot of painful things but I refrain from disrespecting her. We shouldn’t be comparing our parents to animal.
Thanks
I have been waiting for this for long.
Next topic: Narcissistic parents
: how to make sure you don’t grow up to be narcissist like your parents.
Thanks.
Wow me too I can’t believe I just found this subhannalah I was confused for a very long time about how to cope with a mother like this and being Muslim 😭
She always shames me, degrades me, humiliates me. In other words she killed my soul. I am crying as i am typing this, cant take it much longer
Sending you love, my late father was the same, turn to Allah swt you will find him there for you...
Sister seek professional and spiritual support
I am in therapy for years now but when abuse is nonstop, it is hard and almost impossible to heal😬
@@emma647 thank you soo much!🥺May Allah bless you❤
@@JahannamHellfire thank you for your advice🥺🥺really appreciate it and def make an effort to stay close to Allah and make dua. I want to wake up for Tahajjud but i havent been able yet unfortunately bcuz its so early in the morning and i lack disciplime amd self sabotage as much as i value prayer😥
Why do i get hold accountable for a cruel mother and why do i have to love her unconditionally when she cant even do that as a mother who give birth to her children?!! Where is the justice in that? I feel incredibly frustrated and angry when it comes to this topic. Its very sensitive and needs to be handled very carefully and not put the blame on the child
you don't have to I agree with your frustration. In Islam, you as a child no matter how old you are have the right to set boundaries with a narcissistic parent if you have done everything you can to help them realize the way they are treating you and how much it's hurting you. you have the right to move away and start your own life. you have the right to limit interactions with her.
@@hiramalik5493 thank you so much I have them both has narcissistic
@@kawazaki23 same, girl. It's scary to live in their world. Just do your best to stay lowkey under their radar and work on building yourself up and becoming independent. If you feel like they will value your concerns and emotions then you can talk to them separately in a calm, direct way so they can see the impact of their behavior from your point of view. If nothing changes after that, then you know Allah is with you and has witnessed them not caring about their child which was given to them as a PRIVELEGE AND GIFT. At that point, it's no longer a battle of you against them, it's a battle of Allah and them & guess who is going to win in that battle? Say what you have to say to them to express yourself and then just start staying silent and private. Don't give them access to your secrets, your daily life etc. no matter how innocent the topic might be. most importantly, learn to say NO. I trained my parents to know that when I say no it means no and if they don't value that there will be consequences. Say no to anything that you feel isn't right for you.
You got this and just know you are not alone. Our strength and strong will is what scares narcissists the most. You're going to look back at all they did to you and be so proud of yourself for surviving it all and becoming stronger.
Salaam. I think that you don't have to live her. It's not under your control. We just have to be concentrated on our behaviour.
I promise Allah will never expect anything from u that's trult beyond ur capacity. If all u can manage is and eid or ramadaan text once a year or to send her some cash etc now and then if she's elderly, it will suffice as maintaining ties.
Sorry not to offend anyone but sadly our culture is very narcissistic and very unislamic
So true
Yep
Agree. Truth be told..
It's true. The religion is perfect but the culture is toxic. I cannot stand big families with big traditions. It looks like disaster to me.
Don't be sorry. This is very true !
Can you please do a follow up video about children who've experienced emotional abuse and how this can affect them/ ways to cope through faith
Insha'Allah I'll add that to my list. Thank you for your input
I've personally experienced and still experience mental abuse,
Yes please 🙏
@@My_Secret_Sketchbook999 As a person who suffered abuse from my parents, my advice is,if you can afford it seek professional help from a counselor or a therapist. This a deep subconscious issue. It cannot be solved on UA-cam.
Also she riles up siblings against one another. My mum may Allah SWT forgive her and have mercy on her Ameen has oppressed me and used me. She makes life unbearable for me and, I believe that Allah SWT is either punishing me or testing me with such a mother. I used to push back on her behaviour towards me but now I've learnt to be patient and just keep quiet. I'll be moving out soon so she can have her peace and live alone In Shaa Allah.
If she is evil, protect yourself and keep away from her. Period. You can't compromise or set boundaries with narcissists.
Yes how do I am not sure how to when ur living with them
I wonder if Nafisa has really read into being a narcissist. Fron what I read, seen, experienced and heard. Narcissist do not change, and in some cases become worse. I do not know what profession Nafisa has, i.e to being a psygologist or a psychiatrist, because only then she can confirm that narccissism is destructive to family members on a psygological and emotional level, it has a domino effect because if the daughter is suffering from the mothers or father narcissism, the stress and damage it does to the daughter especially if she is a mother too, the stress of it passes on to her marriage and children, sometimes you need to keep your distance to protect your own mental health.
Exactly. What I do is, I will just send her what she needs but I avoid talking to her. One of the truth in this video is - the narcissistic mother will also harm your children and spouse. She harmed my children and I am also divorced partly because of her. Walaahawlawala quwata illa billah 😓
@@myrnamiraj what plz tell us more about your story
@@incognito.502 agree
I'm a revert sister. My mother is a narcissistic. I have anorexia and body dismorphic disorder because of her. I cutted ties with her some years ago. I still make Dua for her. And I feel really guilty for having to cut ties with her since I'm a Muslim and I know this is not permissible. Please make Dua for me that I have the strength to call her.
Making dua for someone is a form of keeping ties. Sending cards or letters is also a form of cutting ties. Seeing someone rarely if they affect your health is still you keeping ties. There is no how to on keeping ties, it can come in many forms and remember your body is an amaanah. Don't let others misuse the religion to make you feel you should put yourself in an abusive situation. There is also hadith that I dont have reference for regarding a man that came to the Umar RA complaining about his elder kids not kissing and hugging him. He did not reprimand the children but he did the father as he said you did not give them that right as a child. Moral of the hadith is a child right is actually above the parents
Yeah.send text messages.then you can start calling her when you feel ready.
I'll make Du'a for you. What you're going through with your Mum is so common trust me.
I'd start with voice messages on WhatsApp. That's also keeping ties. You could even stay with that, instead of calling. UA-cam search "Jamila Jamil body shaming mothers".
I'll keep you in my Du'as.
@@misbahailia3345 jazakallahu khayran sister, this message and your duas means a lot to me. May Allah bless you and reward you in this blessed days
@@bekindtoothers766 Ameen.
In Islam the heaven is under a mothers feet IF the mother is acting like she should as a mother! If the mother is harming the child, some mother molest estagfrullilah the child, they are NOT obligated to stay in contact with her. Be careful what you are teaching the world, you never know what some children are experiencing. I can't even watch this.
It’s under her feet because it’s her responsibility to teach, guide and educate her children
I set boundaries. But my mom said "stop being such a sensitive person" and continue disregard my boundaries. What am I gonna do? Today I'm suffering with severe anxieties and PTSD for putting up with my mom for so long. I had always helped her since kid until married even when I didn't know anything about Islam but she disregard all my help and still giving me a hard time to live. Today I don't see her anymore because I don't wanna put my mental health at stake anymore. The last time she being selfish, my anxieties that I have been surpressing for so long started exploded , I broke down, cried so loud, I never got listened to by my mother but she wants me to always listen to her, I don't wanna experience that anxiety breakdown anymore, I deserve to be love and respected as a person. I am staying no contact now as I want to heal. The wound is deep. Everytime I go back to visit her, me and my spouse got belittled. Did I tell her my boundaries, I hate it when she does that? Yes. But she always say "stop being so sensitive, learn to be tough" and continue saying negative words to us. The world falls apart everytime me and my husband meet her. I just need peace. Tell me what I should do when my boundaries isn't even respected. The only way I can do is staying no contact because even by phone call my mom's negative words can ruin me. Even by text, she wrote and said I should learn to tolerate others, what, so I should continue to tolerate you belittling me for fun and put my mental health at stake?? I cannot suffer anymore of this, I cannot take any mental pressure from her anymore.
So, I cut contact with her. I want to heal. My husband willingly to help me accept calls whenever my mom calls. But even so the call always ends with frustration because of my mom's attitude.
My husband told my mom I am having severe anxieties and mental breakdown. She didn't believe. She said, of course psychiatrist/councellors/ will diagnose you with those sickness because they want to make money!
Even when staying no contact, I pray for her every night, I asked God to give her hidayah and wake her up so she understand what she had done to me and have empathy to me.
This is a subject I know all too well. I was grew up with narcissist and that's siblings and parents. I don't like saying raised by them. I was technically raised by the community. For example I got my first training bras and deodorant by older sister out of mockery. A school substitute taught me how to tie my shoes, my 6th grade teacher taught to wear put on my first pad. My aunt caught me praying while on my menstrual and told me that was forbidden, etc etc etc.
I like to say I also raised myself. Growing up is mandatory but raised takes works and that's not what narcissistic mothers don't want this.
I was also groomed for a world of heartche. Married narcs and had friends who also narcissistic traits....I agree with everything you said especially the advice of going no contact. This is a test from Allah. But limited contacted is a must!! NPD is a disease of the heart. To say this is a mental illness is completely wrong. Western psychologist said there's no cure for this and reason why is that it's not mental illness. It's a disease of the heart. You could find the answer in Islam. Their hearts are sealed and Allah has turned away from them. Iblees was the first narcissist.... please sisters do your research. I get annoyed when I hear mental illness. Most people with mental illness are not evil. Narcissists are shayateens in the human form. They are evil and the disease of the heart is contagious too. You just have research it look up kabr and disease of the heart. There are plenty of hadiths talking about this.
Last but not least! I'm in no contact with my narcissistic mother after she tried to kill me and my children and this was done through black magic. Those kinship ties have been severed by Allah. There are cases like this and remember it's okay to go no contact with her if you know she practices magic. This is your safety on the line and anyone who does magic is the enemy of Allah.
Salaam my sister. Totally agree with you, it's not a mental illness. Occidental psy want to find a non religious based reason, and they ignore the good and the bad. Narc are shayatin.
@@mimicoeur5823 thank you sister. May Allah increase us in knowledge because this is serious matter. It's important to put out the correct information because you never know who's listening and who's life you are Saving... these people can do damage and possibly end your life if they know they could get away with it
I've been a victim of scapegoated family abuse where both my sister and father have NPD and my mothered repressed me and enabled them my whole life. The heart is an organ with no rols to play in emotions. The brain is, im a psychology major (like most scapegoats) and brain scans have revealed the area odf their brain associated with empathy is abnormal. They have increased defense responses and anger issues, above all theyre bottomless pits of self pity and arrogance. I call it mental illness ans pstychological disorder because it is, but I also feal Allah may punish me if I believe them to have their heart sealed and blinded. But then again ive been manipulated to feel guilt for exposing them from a young age. How did you deal with this?
SubhanAllah 😢😢my mom pays my uncle (her brother) and others to do sihir on us (me and my siblings and father) they are all on her side since I moved out idek how I will find a good husband no one talks to me I tried so many times we are going almost four years no communication
I'm so sorry you❤ may Allah swt make it easy for you always❤❤❤
Narcissist means MUTAKABIR.
THESE PEOPLE ARE JAAHIL.
protect yourself from them.YOU ARE PRECIOUS..
I need a safe haven away from my narc mother and escape from her forever to find peace and sanity again!
you're definitely describing my mother. Its quite unfortunate and I have no plans of rekindling her toxic behavior towards me... I dont believe that is what Allah wants for me 🤷🏾♀
Everyone, including our parents, has to do their part to not cause individuals to cut ties. Passing a test doesn't necessarily mean you have to put up with her abuse. A person who has never experienced a narcissistic person is not the same as someone who has even if they have empathy and sympathy towards them or have a degree in human behavioral sciences. We are not supposed to allow ourselves to be oppressed if we can avoid it. Sometimes we have to love our narcissistic parents from afar.
Some of our narcissistic parents have caused us to develop illnesses that gets worse as long as we're around them. Some of these parent's presence alone and or the sound of their voice is enough to trigger extreme anxiety.
Our test with our abusive parents may be when we have the ability, if we're going to continue to accept it or get away when they refuse to stop.
I had hormonal breast cancer stage 3B and I'm worried abt relaps if I still have to deal w her passive aggressive manipulation. I've been trying grey rock method, but at times I'm still triggered. Even by her incoming call/message. I'm in hypervigilance for ±40y
💯💯💯⭐⭐⭐
People who haven't experienced this personally can NEVER know how DEBILITATING it is to live in fight or flight for most (if not all) of your life.
CPTSD is very real.
I was wanting to post something to explain this but the thought of explaining it was draining already & then I saw your post & I couldn't have said it better myself!
No matter how empathetic 1 is if you haven't had 1st hand experience or personally witnessed the abuse of a narcissistic parent, you cannot fathom what it's like.
Who wants to go no contact? It is the last resort to save yourself from something serious like a mental / emotional breakdown or worse.
It is traumatic heart wrenching emotional turmoil
@@bemindfulmuslimah 😢
May Allah grant you complete aafiyah aameen 🤲
Been going through so much because of my mother & still everyone thinks it's my fault because they haven't had a mother like her :') Jazakallah khairun thankyou so much for this video . Please keep highlighting such issues
I am so sorry to hear that! Indeed many people will not believe you because either they are unaware of such personality disorders or they choose not to believe in it and blame the child for everything. Sadly in this life not all illnesses are seen as illnesses, if the person looks physically fine and can reason to some level; most people will refuse to understand that they may not be fully mentally healthy. Stay strong dear and I ask Allah to give some relief from this so you can build your own life as a healthy person.
@@NafisasPearlz thankyou for understanding ♥️ inshallah he will I'm trying my best & i hope he will make mw a stronger better person out of this ameen ♥️ Also please continue making such videos as therapy & counseling aremt much common in third world countries :3 please make a detailed video for kids living with such parents , coping mechanism & stuff ♥️ thankyou once again may Allah bless you immensely for your efforts sister
@@NafisasPearlz and some narcissit will pretend good infront of others......,so when i try to tell relatives they Will just say” its ur dad, even if he humiliate u ,u need to respect him, we Are muslims, bla bla”..... then i just close my mouth.
I feel you!
@@peymokzebari3287 omggg i feel you! That totally drives me insaneee
JazakAllah Khayrun for speaking about this topic!I tried many times to speak with my mother about my feelings but I would get reprimanded on how ungrateful I was, how I was too sensitive or how “Western culture” was influencing me too much (my parents are West African). However, last year I went to therapy for an extensive period of time and it was apparent that my feelings towards my mother were justified. I love my mother and I have learned that her behavior is a result of her own mother physically and emotionally abandoning her. I still maintain a relationship with her but when it comes to intimate parts of my life and my growth, I no longer share those with her. Insha’Allah, I want to pass this test.
I feel you
I relate to this so much, I still loved and respect my mother but I have to hide that intimate parts of my life in order to protect myself
You have no idea how important this video is. Ive been aearching for a video exactly like this and there arent many resources. Thank you for this content
The way I have dealt with it has been love
However it hurt me further, I live close, and when they need me I go. But I don't take anything they do or say seriously. Childish emotional abuse is constant from them. Now they use my children against me.
The only thing I can say is that I work against them by consciously doing everything differently with my children. To show them and my children that unconditional love is true and alive.
Sis I would advice in a similar situation to move away. For your children's sake....then you don't have make excuses. You can always call or visit once in a while in that case
Checked EVERY point! Through her, I learnt how unhealed traumatised people can be so so toxic to others! The only answer is distance, you CAN'T change them, trust me. Everyone needs to help themselves first.
I experienced this with my mother, however I didn't grow up Muslim, I grew up in a Catholic family. Thank you for raising this issue
I am sorry to hear that. I hope you are ok, stay strong and be kind to yourself, you deserve it ♥️
I think they didn’t know they are narcissistic.. they grew up same and they do it to their lids
The Bible instructs us to separate from evil, and also instructs parents not to oppress, frustrate, or lead their children to wrath. It's sometimes necessary to go no contact. ❤
I am hindu
I think it´s important to mention that some of these parents can have a lot of good characteristics as well, but that it doesn´t give them a "free card" to ruin your life or to control you. Please, do make duaa for them and wish health and good things for them, but just somehow make your own life where you don´t need to depend on them. Sadly, we will always have a deep need for our parents emotionally, but then take that as a sign of a healthy heart. Do not harbour any hate, but just keep on trying to improve yourself. You genuinely want them, but they only want "love with conditions" so to speak, and for most Muslim parents, it means "Do EXACTLY as I say, even let me choose your life-partner, and I will "love" you". Loyalty in their culture means selling your soul to them almost. They will say weird things like "If a girl marries a man by trusting her parents blindly, Allah will bless her". Then when you´ll be unhappy in your marriage, they really still won´t be on your side. They will still blame something on you. So where´s that blessing they were talking about? It was just a control tactic. Emotional blackmailing and using religion to control children. DON´T let them make your big life decisions. You´ll only end up bitter, stuck in childhood incidents and possibly even ill from never standing up for yourself.
Keep on helping them when they need, but always go to your own safe sanctuary afterwards (which can only happen by moving away). Often, these mothers will do dramatic things to punish you and to keep a narrative in front of your relatives or the community, but then KNOW that Allah sees all. For example, they might deliberately not call you when they were very ill at home, or when they fainted at the doctor´s office. Then they´ll speak loudly on the phone to your aunt or sibling, and say "I have no one. I fainted alone at the doc´s office, and I often cry alone in the park". It might even be true, but it´s used to "put you in your place" emotionally. They KNEW that you´re a child good enough to even leave work and come to help them, but because you aren´t in their favour, they have decided to punish you like that. And it will hurt like hell when a sibling or aunt calls you to say "Please, I´m not blaming anyone, but can you just be a nicer person?" That´s a mission accomplished for such parents. They "won" by spreading the narrative of an "old, helpless, badd-naseeb, abandoned" parent who has bad, good for nothing, selfish children. But Allah sees. It´s a small comfort when you´re hurting, cause you think "Allah, you see but you don´t help me?", but please know that other people´s judgement and wrong impressions will weigh absolutely nothing on the Day of Judgement. We human-beings are fragile and want it all now, but that´s why we need to work on strengthening our imaan.
"If a girl marries a man by trusting her parents blindly, Allah will bless her". woooow something very similarly happens with me
this is so accurate
Thank you for this wellput thought. You verbalised what I analyzed over these past few months on the events of my entire childhood. I feel guilty sometimes bc i'm not good enough of a child, yet i can't seem to bear her presence bc of her verbal abuse. Anyway many mixed feelings weighting me down.
@@myriam221 Sis ❤️, we’re in it together. Pretty invisible, because we never let on to our communities that our parents’ behaviour is troublesome, but we are MANY (sadly!). I wish it wasn’t so taboo in Muslim circles to say ”I love my parents, but I’m near a breakdown because of their toxicity”. People immediately judge you if you dare say anything. Toxic, stubborn parents with unreasonable expectations and an entitled sense of ownership of their children is a huge reality among Muslims, yet all scholars often say is ”Have sabr. Respect your parents”. How does one become a better believer when one is constantly in fight or flight mode around the ones who are supposed to be our safety net? This needs to be addressed urgently!
@@myriam221 You ARE a good enough child, because here you are…expressing sadness over not having support in your mother. Please, do not walk in Shaytaan’s trap, who wants us to be down in depression. He wants us to see ourselves with the eyes of those who don’t really see us at all. Myriam, don’t see yourself with other people’s eyes (who criticise you). Know that only Allah swt can truly SEE you correctly. Please continue crying your heart out to Allah ❤️. Don’t get tired of begging, imploring. He WILL see you through it. Make Istikhaara, and if you need to, move away from your mother. Only Allah knows how close we are to just giving up 🥺. IF you need to save your own mental health, do so! You are no good for other ppl, you cannot save them unless you are strong and healthy yourself. Nobody can pour from an empty jar, right. Take care sis 🤲🏼💛. May Allah swt help us all!
Subha'allah sister I really understand everything you are trying to put across may Allah help everyone going through this kind of situation. Ameen
I think distancing but still being a little connected to it is wise ... it might be a test but life isn't just about being involved in this ... one has to stay mentally healthy to raise healthy families in future for the society.
😀😀😀😀😀😀😀
@@JahannamHellfire It’s better for your relationship with your parents, and also for your mental health. Limit contact, but don’t cut them off. This type of parenting falls under oppression, and in Islam you’re allowed to remove yourself from what’s harming you.
That's what I do.. Minimal connection..
@@hani114 Exactly
@@myrnamiraj she has got us in a foreign country I don't know what to do I feel so scared she also controls thru food and stuff
Jazakallah khair. I’ve seen many videos on narcissistic parents, but never one for Muslim families.
Kids grew up always holding back whatever he wants to do in life when a mother is like this
I am still not sure if I have narsissitic people in my life (mother and husband) but by God talking about my needs feels like a sin, talking about my problem feels like being ungratefull, talking about my feelings feels like I have gone mad.
I feel you
same, i told my mother that I don't like her micromanaging me and that I felt she was being too critical, and she decided not speak to me for 2 months...
Yes me too! There's no empathy from the person. Bring underweight I'm trying to eat more she comes and tells me I'm eating to much and controls my Intake 3 times a day she will put food in the bowl that's all I can eat. If I ask for more then we have to buy more and the covid stores are closed any excuse so I don't eat more. I have started to order ensure from Amazon so I get something extra calories
@@romaiseb mine stops speaking to me for 5 years but that was the most peaceful time of my entire life. Now she starts giving me hell again..
@@romaiseb hahahahaa thats so my mum .
I honestly cut off completely whn i asked her to stop humiliating me, critisize me because im depressed ( MISTAAAAAKEEEE NEVER SHOW YOU DOING BAD they love it !!l )
. She laughed so hard in a evil way, telling me im pathetic blablabla.
So people there is not point to tell them what they doing wrong THEY WILL NEVER ASSUME IT , it will always be their child fault because they are victims
Plz don’t advice to “absorb” the verbal abuse. That can lead to the worst situation and in some cases even to suicide.
I agree.. this kind of abuse is no joke it is brutal
She's touching lightly on the subject because of the responsibilities that come with kinship in Islam. Which is great but I'd prefer a much realistic approach when it comes to giving advice such as "everyone's situation is different so find out what works for you... "
For example there two types of narcissist and some are more unbearable and physically violent whereas the others are covert and could be a detriment to your long-term health....or in rare some cases like mine, they're literally practicing black magic and that's non-negotiable! If Islam forbids you take another's life except for self defense then that's fine. The penalty to such activities is death and this witch would've been gone by now if we lived in a Muslim country....I went no contact 4+ years and still attacking me with magic. Imagine that 🙄
Yup and I’m an example my mental Health is so bad it’s like hell on earth . Please anyone seek help don’t bottle it up . And speak up.
@@amalmystic11 😭😭Amal I can relate to what you have wrote. AhoothiBillah it’s my mother to a T and since I’ve moved out she turned my siblings against me all 10. I’m just praying and asking Allah to grant her Hidaya
She doesn't understand how narcissism work. My mother is a malignant covert narcissist. Any contact with her is traumatic. There is no way that God wants us to traumatize ourselves ولا تلقوا بأيديكم إلى التهلكة
This is a hard test for me , I wish I had a different test ! Ya allah simplify this test for us all ❤
AMEEN 😢, SAME HERE
Me too. I wish I have a different mother.
In my 28yrs of life, I have never heard anyone use my name in a sentence, people normally just say wisdom in English, so thank you for being the first 😊
Aww, Masha'Allah sister, a beautiful name indeed. Your parents did you right in that way 😉🤲🏾
What a beautiful name
One thing I would like to point out is sometimes it is not possible to maintain ties with a narcissistic mother. Especially when this costs yr health resulting in severe mental health issues. I strongly believe the Almighty would not wish for its creation to tolerate this but I feel no contact is best to protect one's wellbeing.
And Allah knows best.
Agree
Yes. True.
Agree❤
I actually needed to hear this subhanallah. It came at the right time.
Thank you sister so much for talking about a topic which is very very rarely talked about. Because mostly lectures are just about parents rights in Islam and children's duties towards them. But this kind of balances things out.
You're welcome. It is indeed an issue that our leaders can not avoid for much longer. They too must "stay woke" on the modern day issues that this generation is suffering from and let the people k ow that Islam does have the answer to all trials that we may face. A balance of the reality is very important because a child also grows up to become a parent so if they are kessed up as a child, they.may be messed up as adults thus the pain continues to the next generation. May Allah guide us all.
What I’m scared of the most is actually growing up to be a narcissist mother myself💔
I pray that you will not grow to be a narc mom
@@Hope.endless Amin. Thank you so much
@@channies5470 you’re welcome ☺️
You are concerned by this which shows that you have empathy. Narcissists rarely have true empathy. I believe you will not be one for as long as you have empathy.
Ya Allah we never want to be a narcissistic mother..may Allah help us all Ammen🙏🏼😢
I’m not a Muslim. But..thank you for bringing this topic to light on your forum! Abuse cuts across all cultures and values. Blessings to you, all, and all positive endeavors😊
My mother in a nutshell. May Allah give me sabr to deal with her. I prioritise my mental health. I keep her at a distance for my own sake. But I have not completely cut ties.
This is a well researched and articulate video that can certainly help a people suffering through this situation understand the tropes of a narcissistic mother and the mechanisms they deploy to exercise control and enforce obedience, but respectfully the message somewhat lost credibility for me when Nafisa emphasized that as Muslims we cannot completely sever ties with our narcissistic mothers and in the same breath she says @7:11 that Allah has blessed her with wonderful parents. I'm sorry but no matter how many people you coach, you cannot empathize with the full extent of what it is to live through having a narcissistic mother, to be victimized and yet be the one who keeps on trying with this person only to be rebuked and met with humiliation. While I believe this advice is well intentioned, it should be exactly that, "advice" not some of kind of forceful instruction that will reinforce feelings of those same feelings of guilt that a narcissistic mothers employs to groom their children. As a mental health coach, you need to be very mindful of your approach and would do well to spend some time reviewing proper counselling techniques and the concept of unconditional positive regard before you cause more harm to people who are already hurting in ways you cannot understand.
Salaam. What do you think about sending one message per year?
Actually it's not well-researched at all, just the same shallow and standard stuff you hear. Dr Mona Al Yedreessy has a great channel on this, and she's also a scholar in Fiqh and Hadith interpretation. You'll find her thoughts on this a lot more profound, compassionate, and validating.
ua-cam.com/video/VoVkw-4Ai3I/v-deo.htmlsi=ShkLj33XAzPsPSXt
And I really resent it when people who haven't experienced this abuse firsthand chide and lecture those who have with the 'But sHe Is YouR MoTheR' reproach. Give me a break. Some of these narcs are as maternal as a rabid pitbull.
As-Salaamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu Dear Brothers and Sisters, Alhamdulilah Allah is the Best of Helpers! I've had many narcissist people in my life but Alhamdulilah, Allah has freed me from them after many years. Now I'm at peace finally and finally able to get the help I have needed for so long. Surely Allah is with the patient.
Alhamdulilah, good to hear
I'm blamed for everything that goes wrong with her. When trying to set boundaries and asking her to refrain from speaking bad about those I love, she sees it as such disrespect from me. I really don't know how much I can take anymore. I technically should stay silent not to hurt her feelings to the point of drepression. It's affecting me greatly to the point of psychological breakdown. It's affecting my marriage and how I deal with my own children. I feel I'm becoming her as she was the only role model I grew up with. The only thing that's keeping me from committing suicide is Allah. Embracing Islam saved my life and I see all this as my test now. Someone from the church once told me to just leave my mom and live my own life. I couldn't do that years later I became Muslim and knew despite everything I should stay with her. Things just got 100x worse after I got married. It's extremely hard.
I feel you. Especially where you said "the only thing keeping me from committing suicide is Allah". That's me. You are not alone in this world.
Why don't you Keep away from her without cutting the Link?
Beautifully said and put but i want to point in my case my narcissist mother doesnt respect boundaries. According to my experience narcissists dont comprehend that its because of their behavior and abuse we put up boundaries, they very much take boundaries as an personal attack and in most cases they fight back stronger.
Indead, that's exactly what I'm dealing with, it made things more complicated, now she playing the victim and calling me ungrateful child who doesn't know how to treat thier mothers right and all I wanted was some peace of mind.
Jazakallah khayr for speaking about this topic. I respect how you not only discussed a rarely talked about topic, but also how you have taken an Islamic perspective. Your video brings relief to many of us, who now know we haven't been suffering alone. May Allah (swt) reward you for all the genuine & good work you do.
If we use an extreme example of a narcissistic mother selling her child into prostitution, I believe most would agree with cutting ties. We have to draw the line somewhere. please don’t downplay emotional and verbal abuse. If you don’t get away fast enough, women will often get with a narcissistic spouse. We don’t have to tolerate bad people because they are our parents.
Jazakallahu khairan for this video u understand. Many counselors study narcissism but dont fully understand eapecially in the muslim realm where rights of the parents are comstantly thrown on u whether they are following islam or not. After doing years of recovery and figuring out ways to manage my relationship with my mom who has borderline symptoms ive realised its an ongoing process, and the pain of the emtional dettatchment from my mom for my protecttion still hurts, and a way to present urself to potentials without presenting urself as coming from dysfunction and trying to explain to those that depend on their parents and are close to their parents that u didnt have that and its not ur fault is challenging. Its the ultimate test from Allah SWT. My dad was also overtly narcissistic but we had to cut him out.
Mashaallah, jazaki Allahu khairan for the Islamic perspective. May Allah make us good Muslim mothers and grant us pious Muslim children and family!
SubhanAllah how difficult is this to eccept even you know in your heart its true. May Allah bless you sister, no one ever explained this topic so beautifully.
When parents abuse their children, they forfeit some of their rights from the child. According to the degree of abuse, the parent forfeits their rights. Came across this concept from Islamic videos on UA-cam. Just wanted to share with everyone.
Allah is MOST JUST 🤲
Slapped and still going on... went to hospital for head injury... thank you sister....now I need to take measures to keep us both safe ... and set healthy boundaries.
Jazakallah Kheir for speaking about this topic, may Allah swt reward you
Waiyakum. Ameen
Wow I can relate to everything you've spoke about thank you raising awareness so many people suffer from this may Allah make it was for everyone x
Thank you for this video sister. May Allah bless you. I’ll really like to say more but I’ll just say may Allah make life easier for every child going through those parents.
This has been my whole life
I am so sorry to hear that. I hope you are getting some help to deal with the trauma
exactly,thats what i endure, a controling narcist mother, conditional love, seeing me the daughter as competition or puppet for showing for the outside meanwhile my needs are not being met at all, theres no deep emotional connection, just two days of lovebombing and then begins the agression, every day,week,months,years,my whole life. As im sitting here typing this, i feel stuck that Allah putted me in this i never could have get out of at all.
Same here 😢😢
subhaanAllah this topic could not have come at a more appropriate time for me. thank you so much for making this informative video, baarakAllahu feeki
Thank you
Same here!
It’s so sad, but this is completely spot on. I’m trying not be narcissistic like her or get married to a narcissist :(
the way this video helped me may Allah bless you ❤❤
I was so mentally damaged from my narcissist husband that I was believing myself to be evil and even narcissist. I came to this video thinking I must have all these traits and just sighed a breath of relief knowing it’s not me at all. Thank you sister and bless you for these videos and Allah protect us all from these qualities
It's sad because a narcissistic mother will then raise and enable a narcissistic child. People who become the scapegoats of that family suffer the most as a result. The mother and the narcissistic child will team up against the scapegoat and it's sad how this could sever family ties.
I am that scapegoat...its the such a horrible feeling...
being a narcissistic mother is not a good thing because the children mostly suffer from it without her knowing..... lets be gentle speak with them with love and care 💖
@Dua with Irum the problem is so many people misinterpret narcs and think they know all about their nature to sympathise with the monsters instead of victims. Its messed up and ignorant. Not everyone shud have an opinion on these sensitive issues especially without knowledge and experience. Only us victims and true qualified experts have a right to judge and make claims
@Dua with Irum Let's also make Du'a that Allah cure them of their narcissom.
Alhamdulillahi rabbil alamin I thank you sister for making this video May Allah reward you I was married to a covert narcissist Muslim woman for 11 years and we have 4 kids together and I saw every sign but I didn’t know what narcissist behavior or characteristics were until after we divorced and she could me a narcissist smh so I realized she was projecting and I googled the word narcissist and I was blown away
Jazak Allah khair dear sis for detailing about this topic. Indeed it is a very delucate issue. I was raised by, and still live with a covert narc. I was depressed, suicidal, and codependent. Got married to a narc and thats when Allah guided me to understand NPD and then i could leave that husband after 6 yrs and get back to narc mom but with treatment. Finally after 3 years of therapy i am better. She is same as far as her personality is concerned. But since i started putting up boundaries 2 yrs back so that she could not hurt me all the time. So the abuse still happens but less intense and less frequently. I still get conditional love, but i am 40 now and i have grown out of depending on need to be lived n acknowledged by her, i just tell myself that its not coming so why expect/wait. Whatever i do, i don't get credit for it, i still do whenever Whatever i can do without hurting myself bcz Allah commanded for it. However, i get stuck in deciding where to draw the line between hurt amd no hurt. Motherly live and conditional love, true dua and saying dua just for sake of saying bcz she needed to say it bcz she is mom..... its still all very confusing and it will always be confusing i think. She is in her late 60s. Some medical illnesses are there too. I can't change her personality but boundaries help a lot. It however feels awful to remind her of boundaries again n again.
Sis Nafisa, i hv oberved tht every time i do something good for her which i beyond her expectation, she gets into her narc shoes again...as if it was some trigger or food for that narc wolf inside. When i ignore her trying to put me back in my codependent shoes and hold my ground, i see that she gets better and turns into a not-hurting not-manipulating person for few days...
To those of you who feel like your mothers are worst than what I described, it is likely that she is not suffering from narcissism but rather maybe a sociopath or psychopath, those are next level issues and in that case you must contact a scholar in terms of how to keep relations with her while keeping some distance to keep your self safe and ask if that would be permissible within the religion. I will not put my deen in danger by telling you to break your family ties when I don't know your specific family situation. I repeated what the Quran and prophet said and for anyone who feels brave enough to tell someone to break their family ties, I hope you can deal with the consequences when Allah asks you on the day of judgement! Don't give harsh advise without knowing the full details of someone's case. YOU WILL HAVE ALLAH TO ANSWER TO!
May Allah guide us all.
As salaamu alaikum sister, jaakillahu khairan for this video...am dealing with 3 narsissistic people in my lifefright now n its like hell.....you mentioned there are duas we can make to protect ourselves...can you plz tell which duas are those.????? i know one is dua e taif....please, please make dua for me...jaakillahu khairan
@@rubyyyy7777 may Allah guide u ne protect u ya rab......do all general dhikr, and of u can sometimes, maybe minimum one nigit per week make tahajjud prayer nd do sincere dua. There Are some occasions that duas Are most likely to be accepted, for example when its raining, in sujood, in friday , etc etc Google that. When u do ur dhikr daily several times per day dont forget durood Sharif: salawat on profet pbuh....
@@peymokzebari3287 jazakallahu kairan for making dua for me...May Allah protect you too n bless you and have mercy on you....thank you
Can you give more examples as how to deal with our narcissistic Muslim moms to have boundaries when they start smears their own children in the society? JazaKAllah!
I know right. If I disagree with her, she will humiliate me in public. She won't accept any kind of advice because she feels that she doesn't need one. I am your mother and you have no right to advice me, she says this ever so often. How to set boundaries with such a person. So I don't break ties from her but kept a distance. I will send her food, fruits and what she needs but I won't sit down to talk to her. Talking to her will almost always end up making me super annoyed..
How can we prevent children from becoming narcissistic adults?, a video o would be great😊
@@My_Secret_Sketchbook999 avoid conflicts ? doesnt sound very healthy for parenting
Be okay with being wrong
Give them their full rights since born. When children lack the attention and nurturing from parents (and I mean the basics) they become self absorbed and entitled, then start to gaslight people.
Jasakallahu Khayr. Just find out your channel in the last few months and I can’t stop watching majority of your videos. It helped me a lot especially during this pandemic where it’s hard to find someone to seek advice from.
May Allah SWT bless you and increase your knowledge. Keep the great work my sis❤️
You said well girl, may Allah safe young Muslims.
Can you do one on narcissistic siblings? These videos are really beneficial in this day and age .
are you a licensed mental health provider? I’m a Muslim therapist and I can confirm that people that suffer from narcissistic personality disorder are EXTREMELY resistant to change. To advise people that they will be religiously punished for cutting ties with someone that is destroying their mental health (which I have seen lead to suicide attempts) is kind of irresponsible and can amplify symptoms of trauma and abuse. Allah swt is the most understanding and forgiving, young Muslims if you feel like you are mentally broken and cannot tolerate it…cut ties and make dua for her healing from afar. It is not worth putting your life at risk.
I also feel like the phrase ‘cutting ties’ has been taken out of context. For me, going no contact doesn’t mean cutting ties, but rather it’s just reducing the exposure you have to that person. Cutting ties is rather disowning yourself or disowning them, which ironically is what a lot of these parents threaten their children with
@@romaiseb yeah I hate how they try to use islam as an excuse what do I dooo she also tries to control thru food wth and I am in a foreign country with this psycho and I have the classicall Scapegoat and Golden child situation what do I do I am scared of going back to my shitty country just to escape her
@@romaisebyes often said that I’ll be disowned if I want to do something otherwise 😔 she didn’t even let me go when I married. And had a son.
My mother is narcissist. I can't even communicate with her. She used to run away from home to emotionally blackmail my father and she also tries to cut ties with me to manipulate me after I tell her how her actions have hurt me.
Thank you for the video, sister. It’s an important topic, and is very little discussed by Muslim mental healthcare workers. However. I wish to add that abandonment does not only happen physically. There is emotional abandonment as well, and many Muslim mothers do that. Physical abandonment, though rare, does happen within Muslim mothers also.
I was really waiting for someone to talk about this. thank you 🥲🥺
You're welcome 🙏🏾
Wallahi! What a big relief, because in Islam if you want to live long , never talk about narcissistic mother! Otherwise you will be forever cursed😇😇
@@nooreve935 🤣🤣👍🏾
she hitted me, letted me to be abused mentally,physically by my siblings. I always thought she was dumb and blaming me,putting stuff under the rug. I feel so sick now i understand all the narcist abuse i went trough by isolation and abuse by narcist parents and siblings so i stayed way to long, no one could help me, no where to go till this day, the mental mindgames make me so sick,i have no one but Allah, their intimidations,stalking and passive agression everytime is just mindboggling.
I just cried my heart out asking Allah for help and this vid came up jazakallah u made me realise that i am not abnormal for being able to endure my mothers painful behaviour
My mother is a narcissist.she doesn't let me work or even get a degree.i feel so lost .thank you for the video
sister I really needed this talk it feels like you are god sent for me ...
Alhamdulilah for everything
@@NafisasPearlz may Allah bless you always and give you the best in this world and the hearafter I feel better after hearing what you said truly .. Had some dark thoughts on my mind but you came at the right time ,, its funny because I don't usually listen to talks but your channel randomly popped up and I didnt think to click but that one click changed the perspective and reassured me deeply . love you sis
Wallahi a much needed topic. Especially in the realm of parenthood , especially in mothers. جزاك اللهُ خيرًا ya Nafisa. Dear sister in your Ramadan nighttime routine video, when you were leaving for Taraweeh, when you were showing us what you were bringing in your bag, I really like the handbag and wanted to know where did you get the handbag!
Waiyakum sister, glad you found it interesting. The bag was from a local boutique in South East London (peckham near Barclays Bank. Unfortunately it is unbranded so I don't know the brand that made it. I'll have a look online for you and I find a similar one, I'll reply back to this comment insha'Allah.
@@NafisasPearlz wallahi جزاك اللهُ خيرًا my dear beloved sister Nafisa. May ALLAH عز و جل bless your heart ♥️
Thank you for this video! I have been going through this for as long as I can remember with my dad. All we can do is pray for them & try and pass this test
thank you for this video, this is specific to us muslims because we definitely cant go no contact because of our religion, right now i am trying to greyrock because going no contact is not an option . ladies and gents can we make a community on discord or reddit so that we discuss our relationships with narcissists.
My mother constantly hurts me. Even in my 50 now. I call her because I feel guilty and fear Allah but she constantly verbally abuses me and blames me. It affects me mentally
I am obtaining more knowledge with deen everyday I’m sorry sister I disagree with you there I cannot and will not for my own sanity keep in contact with my mother after I move out she has not only physically taunted me , also emotionally and allowed for my younger sisters to react in the same manner towards me … they are atheist in the only practicing one even though we were all born into Islam and also has radicalised me because I chose Allah thallah over her … the abuse I have and still am enduring is so much they have even told me to commit suicide … and your saying go stay I contact with evil shaitanic ummah like them … I’m sorry but I’ve already enjoyed torture fir over thirty years I want my own peace of mind and that for me is cutting off my toxic family as Allah thallah is my witness to everything they have done to me I will not carry in living or communicating with such abusive people … they are oppressing and I’ve read somenwhere that Allah thallah punishes the oppressants and a persons mental health is important so can a victim still be in contact with their abuser that doesn’t make sense to me and it’s not the right kind of message for people who are suffering domestic abuse from their mother maybe it’s because you have never experienced it so you will never be in the victims place … all I need is myself and Allah thallah and that’s the message you should be spreading to the abused Allhamdullilah
I agree. Mine is and has always been aware of what she was doing because she didn't treat my siblings like she treated me and she also would turn her behavior off in front of others. She would threaten me that I better not "tell family business". Translation "You better not tell anyone what type of person I really am and how horrible I am to you. I have an image to present."
To everyone living with a narcissistic person , i know it feels like no one understands us but Allah does trust me big on this & he makes such people understand too , he is with the just even tho their non-muslims so we are his people his servants !!! I've witnessed it with my own eyes so hold on to him he will give your reward of tour sabr in hereaftwr & he will teach those people in this world too i promise :)
Okey😔😟
@@peymokzebari3287 stay strong buddie
@@peymokzebari3287 you're welcome love ❤️ Allah saved you alhumdulilah I'm so proud of you for already being strong & good despite all the toxicity & i pray that he is going to grant you a great husband & a beautiful family ❤️ my father has a few signs too & as she mentioned they are our test so let's stay strong & bear them like warriors ! jannah & worldly success both awaits us okay ? ❤️
@@peymokzebari3287 heyyyy love i can totally understand but not wholely only Allah can . comeon if someone calls you kafir are you kafir ? astaghfirulla no & no matter what people say even if the whole world turns against you Allah is all seeing all hearing all knowing . people called Hazrat Muhammad PBUH a magician & Hazrat Maryam & Ayesha A.S what not ? Hazrat Ibrahim A.S father was toxic & abusive to him top & so was that Firaun to Hazrat Musa A.S . so my love do not worry . Allah chose to test us this way because he loves us more over others . He is going to show your father of how greaat a blessing you were as a daughter to him but his eyes are blind maybe but your lord is all seeing so do not worey about anyone but Allah ❤️ Stay true no matter whT okay ? & don't be sorry i have an insta acc as @amuslimbuddie if you wanna ever talk about something do msg me their okay ? more power to you my brave sister ! I'm going to pray tahajud now too because my sister mentioned it & will pray for you loads okay ? smile for me for once ehhhhh ? that's like my pretty sister ❤️
@@peymokzebari3287 Alhumdulilah . we like people like us maybe that's why your father liked him . I'm glad you're intelligent enough to understand Allah's wisdom behind hardships mashallah not everyone is as mature & intelligent as you my sis ❤️ sure I'll be waiting for you on insta
Please make dua for me. My mother treats me very bad. She looks at my so badly. She swears me and curses me. EVERY SINGLE DAY. please pray for me. Please
May Allah make it easy for you dear. Indeed Allah is with the patient.
Thank you for providing an Islamic Perspective. I needed to hear this and it’s brought me ease knowing that making boundaries does not equal going against the will of Allah (SWA) in terms of honouring the mother. I recommend that everyone watch the full video through to the end as it expands upon the comment of not cutting ties.
My mother is narcissist. I hate my mother. She ruin my life. She always threatening me with Jannah. If I don’t do everything she wants me to do, I won’t go to Jannah. For example she asked me to do 100 things and I did 99 things for her, she still can says that I’m not a good daughter. She control my life for 40 over years. I can’t take it anymore. So now I just don’t care anymore. I can’t stand her anymore.
Thank you so much for speaking on this topic, really needed this
You are so welcome!
Thank you for being so brave to talk about this, you are helping so many people
Could you do a video on the topic helping and advising the mothers who are narcissistic
You are dealing with a demon
The Narc mother's need PROFESSIONAL help
All mothers in the world, should protect their children , I do not understand why you can not.
I have 2 boys, and have always protected and loved them.
I pray that I will not be a narcissist mother 🙏🏾 alhamdulliah I do not have a narcissist mother.
I would love to see a video on how to deal with narcissistic fathers. I think that is more prevalent in my community.
Thank you for telling me I am doing okay... All these years I was so confused..
Please make a video about how to deal with a vulnerable narcissistic husband.
No contact is the best.
Ehsan means be urs best..
This is my best that I cant communicate to her as it gives me nightmares..I cant sleep..I cant be in my own self..the little girl in me cries and fights with me that why I am talking to ppl who abused me physically,psychologically,emotional.Allah knows my mental status ..I cant stand my mom and her enabler husband and flying monkeys dancing on her commands..
My sister this is me exactly the same
It's my birthday today and I just had big session of crying over new fight with mother..wish she could understand at least 1% of me.. its so painful. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't live like this anymore.
My mother is definitely worse than whatever you described.
I feel like this video was uploaded for me
☺️☺️
Sister can you do a video on narcisstic mother in laws? Thank you!
I think alot of the issues would be the same but just arise in different situations? But it would be nice to have a video on how to deal with that kind of MIL.
Can you also do a narcissistic sister in laws or the in laws in general I'm living with narcissistic in laws.
My entire life my mom abused me in every way you can possibly think of, when she could've physically abused me when I got married, she continued every other type of abuse, and started to abuse my husband.
Now, I stood up to her, set boundaries. The only thing I will do, is call her and keep it very short. Will not visit her because she accused me of wanting her house, which isn't true.